From Yesterday
by Istani
Summary: She comes from their past, from yesterday. A freelance Auror who was abroad for too long is now changing their future. Saving Sirius is easy but what about Snape? Will he ever be able to see anyone but Lily? An epic tale from OotP until after the war..
1. Owl Post

disclaimer: I'm not J. K. Rowling. I don't own any of her characters. I just borrowed them without permission but I'm not doing it for profit. I only want to play so please don't sue me.

author's note: I can't believe that I'm actually doing this. For so many years I avoided reading Harry Potter, then I read 1-7 in scarcely two weeks, completely hooked.

I never thought I would ever start writing fanfiction based on a book and I honestly respect Mrs Rowling's work, the wizarding world she has created. But then I woke up one morning and while listening to the song 'From Yesterday' by 'Thirty seconds to Mars' I came to the conclusion that I have to send someone to save a life…

Don't expect to see much of Hogwarts, I'm too old to write about school so I would rather mess up the lives of those at Grimmauld Place.

**From Yesterday**

1- owl post

It was late at night and I had just stretched out on my bed, feeling pleasantly tired after a hard day's work. On the ceiling overhead an old fan was rattling with every turn. I tried to ignore it and probably would have managed if not for the hooting sound that now came from outside. There was also a soft pecking as if a bird was clicking its beak against the window pane, begging me to let it in. I looked at the window and saw an owl sitting there, staring at me with big, bight-yellow eyes.

"Shoo!"

Of course it didn't fly away. It merely cocked its head then started clicking at the window again, enthusiastically, as if it had something really important to tell.

"Alright then," I hissed as I sat up, eying the owl reasonably annoyed, "what d'ye want?"

The owl was carrying a small packet, apparently a pile of parchments. It had been quite a while since someone had send me owl post, and I wasn't all too keen opening it. Why can't people just give me a call? I wondered, as I read the message attached to the parchments.

_Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron, tomorrow at midnight. The Order of the Phoenix is recruiting new members. Further information inside._

_Remember, CONSTANT VIGILACE!_

Well, some people don't call because they had never learned to use a telephone (or had never even seen one) I rolled my eyes, pondering what to do. Since the invitation had been so polite I could hardly restrain myself from pulling a pillow over my head to finally get some sleep, but on the other hand I knew quite well what was going on at the other side of the pond, in dear old England. News had spread quickly, so quickly that it had reached me even deep in the jungle of Haiti where I had been spending my time recently doing a job. You're not choosey when you're freelance and any job helps to pay your rent- besides, there are worse dangers than a country at war with itself and marauding gangs roaming the streets at night. However, the allegedly ever so hazardous Voodoo priestess gone wild had not been a real challenge for me… at least not as much as the sudden power outages that happened too often for my liking and always when least needed. I just wanted to pick up the phone on my bedside table when I noticed that the rattling of the fan had stopped. Needless to say the line was dead.

Since I hadn't wanted to spend more time than necessary in this unfriendly part of the world anyway I quickly threw my belongings which had somehow spread all over the room in my bag (which held more space than it actually looked like) stuffed the parchments inside too, and said goodbye to the cheap, shabby hotel that had been my home those past few days. I had already paid the bill so no one would miss me.

A moment later I walked the streets of Santo Domingo, capitol of the Dominican Republic, where I found a bar that was still open. I ordered a glass of rum, gulped in down, and asked if I could use their phone. It didn't take me long to book a seat on the next flight to London- actually I was quite good in getting the what seemed to be the very last seat on an already booked out flight. Might have something to do with my charming voice… or the fact that I was a witch.

Yep, I'm a witch. Not my fault. Never wanted to be one but since there's nothing I can do about it I had learned to cope with the fact and make the most of it. That didn't mean though that you'd ever see me flying across the Atlantic Ocean on a broomstick. I prefer planes. Planes are a wonderful thing. You sit down, have a drink or two, and- if you don't have a pile of parchments delivered by an owl in front of you- you can take a nice nap. Alas, I had to study those papers before reaching London.

It didn't come as a surprise to find out that Lord Voldemort was back. I mean, why would the Order or the Phoenix want to recruit new members if there wasn't any need, if the old villain was still hiding somewhere, licking his wounds? So the only surprise was why they would want me of all people to join? Well, in a few hours I would know.

I flickered through some newspaper clippings that were also included. Apparently the Ministry of Magic did not believe in Voldemort's return which just proved the opinion I had of those stupid bureaucrats. There was a reason I wasn't working for them. They didn't approve to my way of living which was a balancing act between the Muggle and the wizarding world since I believed both worlds had certain advantages. Magic was a good thing but so was rock music, and I refused to see why a witch should not enjoy a rock concert or a good movie?

Anyway, whenever Voldemort was mentioned- or not mentioned, that is, since people preferred to call him You-know-who as if he would pop up behind their shoulder when speaking out his name- the talk would inevitably come to the one who had stopped him all those years ago, the Boy Who Lived. Harry Potter. I saw a picture of him in the _Daily Prophet, _he was a skinny, black-haired teenager wearing glasses and I swear he looked just like his father… James Potter. Along with his best friend Sirius Black they were the terror of my teenage years in Hogwarts, the famous School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

My thoughts drifted off, way back in time, to when my perfectly happy childhood had abruptly ended with a letter from said school…

_"…but Mum, why can't I go to the school Emma's going?" I asked for about the thousandth time though no matter how much I begged and pleaded and cried the answer was always the same. Almost overnight my best friend Emma had become a Muggle and I wasn't even allowed to tell her. Life wasn't fair…_

_King's Cross, platform nine and three-quarters, on a cold and grey September morning. The Hogwarts Express stood waiting, ready for deportation- at least that's what I thought, feeling unloved and unwanted by my parents who were so cruel to send me away into an unknown exile…Father, was delighted to see so many wizards and witches around, and he assured me that I'd find some wonderful friends there. Actually he looked so goddamned excited that I felt tempted to tell him he should go to that stupid school instead of me…_

_My fate was sealed. The train left the station, left London behind, heading northwards. I was fighting with my heavy trunk, looking for a quiet compartment where I could dwell in my misery…_

_I wasn't a pretty child. I was pale, small, a little too fat. It certainly didn't improve my looks that I had cut off my long, black hair in a fit of defiant protest last night so that it was now accentuating my round face in a very unflattering way…._

_"Oooh, little girl's crying, missing mummy and daddy. You can sit with the red head over there, she's crying too," a boy sneered when I opened the door of any compartment just to sit down, tired of dragging my heavy trunk. Blinking away the tears in my eyes I saw a girl, hunched in a corner seat beside the window. She seemed to be crying too. So not everyone was happy about being sent away. I remained at the door though, not knowing whether to enter._

_"Sit down or leave. We don't want you to get stuck in the door," said another boy, and both of them started laughing. I didn't like them. If that was what young wizards were supposed to be I hated the prospect of having to go to this horrible school with them even more, and I backed away from the door, slamming it shut to not hear them laughing at me anymore. I was crying again…_

…_a pallid, sleazy-looking boy with greasy black hair entered the compartment and sat down opposite the girl at the window. I didn't hear what they were talking about; I didn't really care…_

…_a few minutes later the two other boys roared with laughter. The girl at the window sat up, looking at them in dislike. _

_"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."_

_"Oooo…"_

_The boy with the glasses tried to trip the one called Severus, someone called, "See ya, _Snivellus!_", and the compartment door slammed once again…_

_"Come with us," said the red haired girl as she steered me and the pallid boy to the last free compartment where we all sat down. "I'm Lily Evans, and that's my friend Severus Snape."_

_He gave me the impression that I wasn't welcome, that he'd rather be alone with Lily, but his attitude changed when I told them my name…_

My name- it had never caused me any problems in the Muggle world although people thought it strange. But then again I believe that's what it was supposed to be, given that my dad was a magician. In the world of wizards however, it had a nasty ring associating it with Death Eaters (whatever that was- I didn't know it then) and that was probably one of the reasons why the Sorting Hat made such a tragic mistake the night when I arrived at Hogwarts. Though my Mum had tried to tell me about the different houses at Hogwarts I hadn't paid heed, stubbornly refusing to listen to anything about the place I dreaded going to. My mind was filled with aversion and my only thoughts were that I didn't want to end up in the same house as the two arrogant boys I had met on the train. One of them, Sirius Black, was Sorted into Gryffindor and so, unfortunately, was Lily Evans too. Then my name was called and I had to put the Sorting Hat onto my head... I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I repeated over and over in my head, hoping that this incantation would persuade the Sorting Hat to not Sort me into any of the houses but send me home instead. Needless to say that my hopes did not come true although the Sorting Hat took quite a while to come to a conclusion. I heard a soft "Huff…" as if breathing out loud but at long last it shouted, "SLYTHERIN!" I thought that was good since James Potter- the other boy from the train- was Sorted into Gryffindor while Severus Snape was to join me in Slytherin. Of course that was before I knew what it would like to be in Slytherin, the house that had turned out more Dark wizards and witches than any other. It was also before the prefect, Lucius Malfoy, led me as well as the other first-years into a dark dungeon that was going to be our home from now on… I can still remember the dark, windowless dungeon, the heavy silver and green hangings… so different from my home where everything had been bright and friendly, the walls painted in yellow, my Mum buzzing around, humming and singing, decorating the rooms with flowers… An impersonal voice from the speakers above told me that we were soon approaching London Heathrow Airport. I must have fallen asleep sometime during the flight but that didn't mean I was well rested. 

Shaking off my memories of Hogwarts I made it through customs and left the airport building to light a cigarette. Then I noticed that I would most likely be too late for my appointment in the Leaky Cauldron. No way to arrive there at least halfway in time if I took the underground. So I hurried to a quiet parking deck, waited until there was really no one around, and produced the miniature model of a Harley Davidson from my bag. I set it down on the floor pointed my wand at it and said silently, _"Engorgio."_

The miniature motorcycle became a full sized one, a dream of gleaming steel and airbrush design. I ran an affectionate hand over the handlebars and all the way down to the comfortable leather seat, feeling proud and happy that I could call such a beauty my own. There was nothing better than riding a beautifully shining Harley, to hear the deep roaring of its engine…. maybe I was a miserable witch since I had failed to get this feeling from flying on a broomstick. Well, actually my flying lessons had been a complete disaster, ending with many broken bones.

_"Stick your hand over our brooms and say 'Up'!"_

_It wasn't only mine that didn't jump into my hand, there were others who definitely tried it harder than I did. I was in Hogwarts for two months now and still hated every single moment. My own house, Slytherin, loathed me because I lost them points, and the Gryffindors loathed me simply because I was in Slytherin…_

_We were told how to mount our brooms without sliding off, then we had to kick off from the ground. Half-heartedly I kicked the ground but nothing happened. Of course not, I didn't even want to fly on a broomstick._

_"Fat crows can't fly! Fat crows can't fly!" James Potter shouted mockingly as he shot through the air, criss-crossing the training grounds at full speed, the most talented flyer of all of us._

_Suddenly my broomstick shot up and I fell down. Laughter roared. "Fat crows can't fly!" They fell silent though when I was taken to the hospital ward where I had to swallow a dose of Skele-Gro and live through a night of pain while my broken arm healed…_

Just before I was about to end up in an equally unpleasant situation I fortunately remembered that I was back in Britain where you drive on the left. After recalling that I was soon on the motorway heading to London city, enjoying the speed.

I parked in front of the Leaky Cauldron ten minutes past midnight. It was a tiny and so grubby-looking pub that Muggles didn't seem to see it. I don't think they missed anything since it was also dark and shabby inside, and definitely not my favourite place to go and have a date. But then again the man I was about to meet wasn't my favourite choice of date either.

He immediately looked up when I entered revealing a face that was so scarred it looked as if someone with poor ideas of human features had tried to carve it out of wood but failed. A large chunk of his nose was missing and one of his small, dark eyes was replaced by a larger one, round as a coin. Its colour was a vivid, electric blue, and it restlessly kept on rotating, moving constantly without blinking, rolling up and down, from left to right, or it rolled over in the back of his head. They said this magical eye could see through Invisible Cloaks and I often wondered if it could also see through normal clothes. I always felt a bit- um, _exposed_ in his presence.

"You're late," he growled.

"Yeah, it's good to see you too," I said and wanted to bend over to breathe a welcoming kiss on his withered cheek when he suddenly pointed his wand at me. I raised my hands in defence. "Hey, stay cool, Moody. It's me-"

"You look like you but you could also be someone else impersonating you."

"Sure, but how many witches you know would blame the reason for them being late on the pilot of the plane that brought them here from the Caribbean?"

"Plane?"

"Yep, plane- Muggle way of transport, perfect for long distances despite occasional delays."

He rolled his real eye and smiled though that didn't really improve his looks. "Raven. Why can't you use a Portkey or Apparation like any other witch?"

"Because of free drinks and peanuts," I told him seriously before looking around for Tom, the toothless and quite bald landlord of the Leaky Cauldron. Now that I had mentioned drinks I could use one. No doubt that my dear friend Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody would give me a lengthy report of conspiracies and dangers lying in wait for all of us that were fighting the Dark Arts. Of course I was right.

Though he reminded me of _"Constant__Vigilance"_ I couldn't help my eyelids growing heavier as he rambled on. Damn, I hated the jetlag after transatlantic flights. I ordered a coffee but after the first sip I was reminded by its horrible taste that I was back in good old England again where it was more likely to meet a friendly Dementor than to get a decent cup of coffee. I spluttered the horrible brew all over the table but in the end this cruel attack against my delicate taste buds made me wide awake within seconds.

"Moody," I interrupted him, pressing him with the questions that had been burning on my mind ever since his owl had found me, "why did you send for me? Why would the Order of the Phoenix want me to join?"

He stared at me as if **I** had gone mad although it definitely wasn't in **my** name.

"You're a good auror," he said matter-of-factly.

I was flattered to hear such words of praise from him. Well, it certainly was a long way from the pathetic little girl that had tried so hard to pretend she was a squib in hope of getting expelled from Hogwarts to the freelanced auror I was now.

"I had a good teacher," I replied softly, and suddenly I was glad I had come here tonight. Moody had always supported me even though I was famous for picking a quarrel with almost every Ministry of Magic around the world. It's been a long time since we had last met, some years ago in Athens, where we had rounded up and crushed a gang of vampires that had intended to turn the Acropolis into a temple for the Dark Lord.

He got up. "The Order of the Phoenix is meeting tomorrow at seven o'clock. Will you attend?"

I nodded.

Moody reached in his pocket and surreptitiously handed me a small piece of paper. "You'll need this…"

_The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London,_ I read. "Ah, Fidelius Charm."

I used my lighter to set fire to the paper and then lit a cigarette with it, exhaling thoughtfully as I watched the paper crumble to ashes.

"Who else will be there?"

But Mad-Eye Moody had already disappeared.


	2. Batman

**Author's note: **Thanks to all my reviewers and to those who put me on their story alert list. I love feedback.

**  
**

2- Batman

It was too late to find myself a hotel room elsewhere and I was too tired for it anyway so I decided to stay the night in the Leaky Cauldron. Fortunately the guestrooms weren't as shabby-looking as the rest of the pub. The bed was comfortable and, after my visit to Haiti, I was simply glad that I didn't have to share my room with a large family of cockroaches. I guess I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

Another reason for me to stay in the Leaky Cauldron was that Moody had given me the advice to buy an owl; I would probably need one, he had said. Since I had failed to convince him of the advantage of mobile phones- partly because mine had failed me in the Caribbean- I would have to go and buy an owl. And there was no better place in London to get one of those feathery beasties than Eeylops Owl Emporium in Diagon Alley which could only be reached from the backyard of the Leaky Cauldron.

I resisted my longing for a cup of coffee and had a tea for breakfast instead. It didn't give me the caffeine rush I needed but it was better than insulting my taste buds again. One day I would invent a spell that transforms English coffee into something drinkable.

I didn't spend much time with breakfast. I wanted to run my errands here as quickly as possible, and the first place I had to go was Gringotts, the Wizards' bank. You can't go shopping in Diagon Alley and pay with your credit card; the wizarding world had its own money- Galleons, Sickles and Knuts. Though I didn't see any point in carrying around a bag full of coins when there was the wonderful invention of credit cards I couldn't change the fact.

I didn't stop at the window of Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions since I had hated having to wear them at school but I walked into Flourish and Blotts, the bookshop. I also visited the apothecary's to refill my stock of useful ingredients for potions- just in case- before I finally entered Eeylops Owl Emporium, a dark place full of rustling feathers and bright bird eyes.

"I need an owl." I said as if that wasn't obvious. You don't walk into an owl shop and ask for tomatoes.

"Ah, Great Gray, Barn, Snowy…?"

"I don't care. Just any owl."

"You don't like owls very much, do you?"

Well, owls were beautiful to look at- from a safe distance- and yet the idea of fluttering wings, of sharp talons and beaks anywhere close to me was just… um, _intimidating_. Mind, I wasn't easily to scare. I used to have a pet tarantula but I was never to get fond of birds in general.

The shop owner frowned at me when I told him that I merely needed a winged whatever to deliver messages, then suddenly he smiled brightly as if he had just found the perfect solution for my problem. He scurried to a back room and came back with…

"That's a bat!" I gasped, staring at what he proudly presented to me in his hand.

"A Red Bat," he specified thought that was quite clear given that the bat had an unusual brick red coat. "very rare… from the West Indies. Extraordinary powers of flight, if I might say so. This one's actually a male specimen…"

"Oh, hello Batman."

Of course the shop owner didn't get my joke but I couldn't care less. With growing fascination I glanced at the bat's ugly face which was so ugly that it looked almost cute.

"Um… well… the most interesting fact about this specific bat is…" He let it escape his hands and the bat darted off, whooshed though the room on a crazy zigzag course, then picked up some bills from the cash desk, dropped them on my head and finally fled to hide in my long black hair. I was truly impressed. The shop owner shot me a winning smile. "…it pretends to be an owl. Of course, that's just wishful thinking and I have to admit that I doubt it might be of any use- actually there wasn't anybody who'd want to buy a bat pretending to be an owl when they could have a real owl- but since it really seems to like you I'm willing to give you a special offer."

"How much?" I asked and a moment later I walked out of Eeylops Owl Emporium with Batman still dangling in my hair at the nape of my neck.

I left Diagon Alley, walked through the Leaky Cauldron and was back in the hustle and bustle of the Muggle world again, where people used mobile phones for communication instead of mad bats that pretended being an owl. Though I had no idea what Moody might say about Batman I was quite pleased with myself.

I still had plenty of time before attending to the meeting of the Order of the Phoenix so I mounted my Harley and rode to Kensington where I knew a fine hotel that was also close to the shopping paradise of Kensington High Street. It wasn't cheap but I was just in the right mood for a little luxury.

Finally a decent bathroom with all the small things that made life pleasurable. White, fluffy towels and bathrobes, pleasantly smelling soaps and shampoos, and the pure joy of taking a hot shower. It was so good to be in civilisation again.

Dressed in a bathrobe I returned to the big bedroom with the king-sized bed. A rustle of the curtain told me that Batman must have taken refuge in its folds- the poor thing had appeared a little flustered after his first ride on a Harley with me. I really should find him some nice cage, something dark where he could hang around during the day…

I emptied my bag on the bed; a mess of clothes, CDs, make-up, a set of scales, plastic bags, boots, jars with ingredients for potions, high-heels, a portable CD-player, some books, a small cauldron, and finally a bottle of body lotion emerged from it. All the things a modern witch needs. I applied a generous amount of body lotion on my skin and languidly rubbed it in while my glance fell at the big mirror opposite the bed. I flashed my reflection an approving smile, pleased with what I saw. My legs were long and as slender as the rest of my body though I had perfectly shaped curves just in the right places. My hair was of a shiny black with a tint of blue in the sunlight; it hung heavy and still wet, half covering the tattoo inked all over my back and down my left leg. Dark lines showing stylised, entwined twigs with thorns from which the leaves, buds and blossoms of black roses spread, an occasional blot of emerald or crimson here and there just to underline the contrast.

Rummaging through the pile of clothes I soon came to the conclusion that I didn't have anything to wear. The short dress I was just holding in my hands was probably not appropriate to wear at a wizards meeting- after all, I wasn't to impress any rock star with my looks- and besides, the English summer wasn't really what you'd call warm. Since most of the other stuff could use washing I called the reception and asked for laundry service. Still not knowing what to wear I decided to go shopping, so I put on mascara and red lipstick…

Do you think I'm vain? Well, of course I am. I might have given up the habit of putting on make up or painting over my lips each time I was about to go out (whether to buy cigarettes or to kick the ass of evil wizards or witches) but that didn't mean I had become sloppy. Decidedly not. For too long I had to suffer from being the ugly fat crow at school that I simply refused to not take pride in the fact that the ugly crow had grown into a damned good-looking raven. I took pride in the adoring glances of men who stopped to stare at me, my nicely shaped body, my pretty face with its full, soft curved lips, delicate cheekbones, and cornflower blue eyes. Actually I had suffered so much from being the living joke of the oh-so-cool kids like James Potter and consorts that one day I forgot about pretending to be a squib and invented a very effective protection spell instead, almost accidentally…

_LEAVE ME ALONE, I thought vehemently when one day I couldn't stand the teasing and mocking any longer. Something strange happened…I could feel my skin prickle as if some energy was suddenly floating through my veins, and I didn't hear those idiots anymore. Their jests, their hexes and jinxes, just bounced off as if hitting a big pink bubblegum bubble surrounding me…_

_The bubble was my refuge while at school. Unnoticed I grew, and in that process I lost my baby fat, and when I finally realized it, my self-confidence increased. It was about the same time that I discovered another refuge for me- music. The glam rock sound of the 70's. I will never forget that day in the summer of '75 when my dad drove me all the way to Hastings that I could see T-Rex live on stage; it was the happiest event in my teenage years…_

_"Metal _what_?" Severus asked me bewildered, not grasping the 'Metal Guru' was a song and not some sort of Dark Art artefact when I told him about my summer holidays. He was my only friend at Hogwarts, shunned and just as unpopular as I was but for different reasons. While he tried to compensate it by hanging around with strong friends that were deeply involved in the Death Eater scene I could live pretty well without any fake friends. Nevertheless I liked him…_

I wondered what had become of Severus Snape. After I had left Hogwarts I had never heard of him again- actually I had always hoped not to meet him again because I feared we'd only come to realize that we were on completely different sides. Though I had little mercy on anyone involved in the Dark Arts I dreaded the idea of having to fight him.

However, there was no time to ponder about events or people from yesterday if still wanted to spend some money in the shopping paradise of Kensington High Street so I donned my skin-tight leather pants and any halfway clean T-shirt, put on my cowboy boots, and scampered to join the crowd.

Grimmauld Place was situated in a run-down area of London where the paint was peeling on many of the houses and some of the windows were broken; a trash can was knocked over, its contents spilled all over the street. This was definitely not the friendliest part of town but well, I had seen worse.

I parked my Harley in front of number eleven and opened the saddle bag for Batman to crawl out; the poor cutie looked a bit ruffled again.

"I swear, I wasn't riding that fast," I told him but of course that was a lie since I was a tad late again, having spent too much time in Kensington market, a maze of small shops situated in an old, three storey building where you could buy anything ranging from the latest fashion of underground designers to illegal concert recordings.

If ever a bat had looked indignantly it was Batman as he tried to scamper up my arm and down my low cut shirt. I caught him before he could vanish between my breasts.

"Oh no, men are all the same," I sighed, "even if they're just small, fluffy, leathery-winged beasties…"

I had bought him such a nice house, a coffin-shaped box with a winged skull on it that merely needed some slight modifications because it actually was a handbag. Since I hadn't built in a bat-door yet I would have to accept Batman hiding in my hair but not under my shirt- no way.

So, where was house number twelve? I saw number eleven and next to it number thirteen, and there didn't seem to be enough space between them for another house to hide. But that's exactly the secret of the Fidelius Charm. The place could only be found by those who were Secret Keepers and Moody had made me one by handing me the paper that read, _The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London._

There it was. A dirty house with a battered door and grimy windows. Some centuries ago it must have been quite impressive but now it merely looked neglected, which was a shame since I actually liked old-fashioned architecture if carefully renovated.

I walked up the worn stone steps to the front door, painted in black. There was a silver doorknocker in the form of a twisted serpent and- polite as I am- I knocked. From the inside came the sound of a clanging doorbell followed by a shrieking voice and hurrying footsteps, then the door was opened a gap just big enough for Moody's restlessly rotating magical eye to scrutinize me.

"Hello, am I too late?" I said cheerfully.

"_…filthy half-breeds! Scum! How dare you befoul the house of my father_-"

"Great, I always love a warm welcome."

"Don't take it personally. There are some problems we haven't managed to fix yet." Moody said as he opened the door wide enough to let me in.

I entered a gloomy hall that smelled damp and rotten; some gas lamps cast a dim light over peeling wallpapers. A short, round but kindly-faced woman was aiming her wand at portraits, blackened with age, Stunning them, while two men were busy with forcing shut the curtains over another portrait.

"SHUT UP!" One of them roared.

"… _you- shame of my flesh! Begone from this..."_

Silence. As soon as the men had managed to shut the curtains an almost eerie silence fell over the hall and they turned around to glance at me, then eyeing me from head to toe. It was obvious that they took notice of my long legs, the curve of my breasts under the low cut shirt I was wearing, the red lipstick accentuating the form of my lips… to cut it short, I mightily doubted they were admiring the big sunflower hair slide I had bought today.

The plump witch smacked her lips in disapproval of the men's behaviour. Apparently she didn't think it appropriate for wizards to drool over a muggle clad woman who seemed to be so totally out of place here like a punk rocker in parliament. But it wasn't her disapproval that changed their attitude, it was Moody, and all he had to do was to introduce me

It was funny what effect my name had on them.

"Raven Lestrange…"

"Sirius Black…" I gasped as I recognised him. If I sounded astounded or even shocked it certainly wasn't because of what his friend Remus Lupin believed it was when he hurried to assure me that Sirius was innocent of the crimes he had been accused of. I didn't listen. Instead I just stared at the man who used to be such a handsome teenager but failed to see a trace of his former self in his gaunt face now. His eyes had lost their mischievous sparkle; he looked broken, aged before time.

"He's innocent." Lupin repeated, "Sirius did not betray James and"

"'Course not!" I cut him off.

"What?"

I wondered if I was the only one who ever got what was so obvious. Had Lupin actually believed… oh, he had- great friend… but he had been with them, he'd been one of the Marauders, he should have known better… anyone with eyes in their heads should have known, should have used their brains… you **never** saw one without the other, they were inseparable, best friends. Like brothers, some said though I'd secretly called them the _Infernal Siamese Twins_. Not even being in different detentions could keep them apart…

_I heard a whisper falling silent, saw the sparkle of a mirror hastily put aside, when Professor Slughorn ushered me in the room…_

"Come on, no lingering in the hall," Moody interrupted my thoughts as he prodded me in the back before limping ahead to an open door.

I saw serpent-shaped chandeliers and candelabras covered with cobwebs, an umbrella stand made from a severed troll's leg, and on the wall of the staircase leading to upper floors was a gallery of shrunken heads. However, we didn't go up but went down another staircase. I thought of dungeons.

"Moody, whose house is this? It's absolutely horrible."

"Since I'm the last Black it's mine now," Sirius said behind my back, "you just met my dear old mum."

"Charming… your family seemed to have a certain fondness for snakes that strangely reminds one of the serpent of Slytherin."

Before I could hear what he'd reply Moody had opened the door to the basement kitchen, a room with rough stone walls and full of people who all fell silent when Moody introduced me. Wizards and witches stared at me, the muggle clad auror with the infamous Death Eater name, and I thought I'd better put things right from the beginning. That's when I saw another familiar face. It was pallid, with a hooked nose, and framed by greasy black hair.

"Severus Snape!" Though he obviously still hadn't learned to wash his hair I was nevertheless delighted to see him here for that meant we were on the same side now. As I hurried to get to him I passed a young witch with bright pink hair. "Nice colour!" I said, then I reached Severus and kissed his cheek. "So nice to see you."

He was visibly bewildered- perhaps it didn't happen too often to him that the prettiest witch in the room kissed him of all people and I could see his face brighten up as he glanced (most likely) in Sirius' direction. Which reminded me of what I had been up to. Instead of sitting down next to Severus I remained standing and raised my voice.

"Well then, you might have taken notice of my name but let me, once and for all, make it clear- maybe someone wants to write it down, just in case?- that, unlike our charming host and owner of this house, **I** am **not **related to the pure-blooded wizard family Lestrange. My father was a Muggle. To be more precise, a Muggle stage magician who had his own show in Las Vegas, and who only took on the name Christopherus Lestrange because it sounded so much more impressive than Chris Miller. 'Twas a matter of marketing, actually. Oh, and the scariest thing he ever did was making a rabbit disappear. A fluffy, white rabbit." I sat down, and when I noticed that people were still staring at me I quickly added, "No harm done to the rabbit, by the way."

Moody rolled not only his magical eye but confirmed my story. "Yep, very entertaining those Muggles in Las Vegas… um, Raven, could it be that you've got a bat dangling in your hair?"

"Oh, right." I plucked Batman out of my hair and told him what I wanted him to do. "Actually he's a bat pretending to be an owl. Look!"

I opened my hands and Batman took flight, flapping frantically over the heads of the wizards and witches assembled in the kitchen, then whooshed down to pick up a piece of parchment (someone had actually taken down my little speech) shot up again, and finally dropped the parchment on Sirius Black's head.

"Batman really wants so much to be an owl."

At that moment a long-bearded, white-haired wizard stepped out of the fireplace and walked up to the long table where all of us were sitting at. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He probably spared me making a total fool of myself 'cause without doubt everyone present must believe me mad.

Finally the interesting part of the meeting started. I was eager to find out what the Order of the Phoenix intended to do against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It wasn't that much but I opted for listening and keeping my mouth shut. I had already drawn enough attention.

It came as a real surprise to me when after the meeting Dumbledore asked me to stay, he wanted to have a word with me. It was even more of a surprise that he actually offered me of all people the job as teacher for Defence against Dark Arts, at Hogwarts.

I stared at him, lost for words, wondering who of us had just gone mad. Then I croaked, "D'you really think that's a good idea?"

He gave me an annoyingly mild smile. "You are an excellent auror, Moody speaks very highly of you…"

"That's because he's mad." I quickly bit my lips.

"… and if would be reassuring to have one of the Order at Hogwarts."

"Yeah, but… I mean you do remember that I'm the one who ran away from Hogwarts?"

"That was years ago."

Dumbledore was famous for giving second chances but I haven't changed since. I still didn't give a damn about dress codes as he might have noticed... on the other hand, the idea of teaching kids how to defend themselves against dark baddies was, somehow, tempting. In the end I accepted his offer.


	3. Children of the Revolution

author's note: I'll be on holiday for the two weeks so expect my next update when I'm back. Hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review. I love feedback!

3- children of the revolution

What have I done? What the hell has driven me to say yes? I sat down at the table in the now much less crowded kitchen and lit a cigarette, thoughts whirling through my mind. I had run away from Hogwarts and now I was going to teach there? It was absurd.…

_I heard a whisper falling silent, saw the sparkle of a mirror hastily put aside, when Professor Slughorn ushered me into the Potions classroom for detention. I wasn't alone in there, a handsome boy was lounging carelessly in one of the chairs, a battery of various sized glass jars in front of him. _

_"You can't possibly want me to help _him_," I growled at Slughorn although a part of me hoped that it would be so. Call me mental- Sirius Black (along with James Potter) was the terror of many of my years at school, he was an arrogant git, but he also was a very handsome arrogant git and the way a teenager's mind is ticking lacks any logic. I had a crush on him though I'd never admit it._

_"No, I'm certain Mr Black can handle his work on his own. I want you to write lines." Slughorn, still red with anger, pushed me in a chair and put down a long roll of parchment in front of me. I was fuming inwardly when he told me what he wanted me to write. Then he left the classroom, saying, "You're a shame to Slytherin."_

_I raised my hands in the air, making the victory sign at his back. It definitely wasn't my intention to be the pride of Slytherin_

_Sirius shot me a puzzled glance._

_"Is the coast clear?" came the voice of James Potter from the mirror Sirius had been trying to hide from Slughorn._

_"Shhh, were not alone. Lestrange is here."_

_Laughter. "Hex the fat crow."_

_Sirius glanced at me again, apparently thinking about it._

_"You won't tell anyone," he said coolly, as if he was used to give orders. I, however, felt a tad mutinous today and was unlikely to accept orders._

_"What's the magical word, Black?"_

_Now he was at a loss. Probably he was racking his brain for what spell I was referring to while I merely wanted him to say _please_. But well, he really looked cute at that moment._

_"I'm _bored. _Try a few jinxes on her and we can talk about Quidditch again," complained the Potter in the mirror. Apparently he and Black couldn't be without the other even when in different detentions. _

_"Oooo, dear Jamie is bored, now hurry and entertain him but leave me alone." Rolling my eyes I tipped the quill with my wand and sent it dancing over the parchment, the sound of_ 'I love to Boogie'_ in my head. Of course the quill didn't write the lines I was supposed to but it was definitely more fun than writing lines. Oh, I was so sick of it all. I missed my stereo and my record collection, and I was only back to Hogwarts for one week… _

_The quill dropped down when I turned my wand at Black who apparently had been convinced by Potter to do something stupid. His wand flew off his hand before he could say a word or any spell._

_"I told you to leave me alone. Just because I'm not constantly boasting of how many outstanding OWLs I got doesn't mean I didn't get any." Quite the contrary, actually. I have never seen my mum more proud than the day the owl with my results had arrived. I was quite good at non-verbal spells and also in sensing jinxes or spells coming my way. Maybe that's because I used to live in my pink bubblegum world for years, hardly talking to anyone at all._

_He didn't seem to be angry, only surprised and even a little bit impressed. For the first time he really seemed to see me instead of the image of the ugly fat crow implanted in his thick head and he eyed me with curious interest. _

_"Why're you here anyway?"_

_"'Cause I happened to disagree with Slughorn on matters of fashion. Needless to say he doesn't have any clue therefore he wants me to write stupid lines." I shook my head and presented him the thorn in Slughorn's eye- my beloved silver platform boots spangled with glittering blue stars. _

_Sirius flashed me a confused smile that looked absolutely cute. I guess he was just trying to get Slytherin, Lestrange, pure-blooded, and Death Eaters in one line with silver platform boots and failed miserably. Perhaps the only conclusion he could come up with was that I, like him, was also a rebel and the black sheep of the family; he was much nicer to me then. Actually he was so nice that I offered to help him cleaning the jars with potion ingredients. This was clearly the best detention I ever had, and for a few hours I was almost convinced that Hogwarts wasn't that horrible. Of course that feeling didn't last long. I was just chuckling about a joke Sirius had made when the door of the classroom opened and Slughorn rolled in. He wasn't all too pleased to see me wasting my time laughing instead of writing lines._

_"Are you done with your lines, Lestrange?" He turned very red in the face when I handed him the parchment with only a few blots of ink on it._

_From the corners of my eyes I could see Sirius safely hiding his precious two-way mirror and realized that he'd chosen me over Potter tonight since he hadn't used it once we had started polishing glass jars together, chatting. I was in such a high mood that I faced Slughorn with a mutinous expression._

_"I really saw no point in it..."_

_"You will stay here as long as it takes you to complete the task I gave you and if you stay here all night."_

_"Sir, I believe that might conflict with the Protection of Young Persons Act." I saw him gasping for breath, momentarily at a loss. Sirius arched an approving brow at me but I doubted that any of them knew what I was about since I wasn't even sure whether such a law existed in the wizarding world. _

_"Er, well," not admitting his ignorance Slughorn sent me to bed with the prospect of two more nights of detention. I could live with that. I could live with that because of the way Sirius had been smiling at me and I'd simply indulge in this pretty smile while writing stupid lines that made no sense to me, that I wouldn't follow anyway. I scampered out of the classroom in Sirius' wake, still in a high mood. _

_In the great hall we had to part company. He was to go up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower while I had to go to the gloomy Slytherin dungeon I hated so much._

_"You won't tell anyone… about the mirrors, will you?"_

_Though that was not what I had hoped our goodbye would be I silently agreed and recklessly staked it all on one card. "Will you go out with me, next Hogsmead weekend?"_

_Bad mistake. He shot me a glance as if seriously questioning my sanity and probably he was right. I had believed in a dream but his words woke me up like a cold shower, an icy cold shower._

_"Even if you were the last girl on earth I'd never go out with a Slytherin," he snapped coolly and walked away…_

_.. next morning everyone at school knew. Everyone I met seemed to have heard the news that I, one of the most unpopular girls at school (although none of them really knew me), had presumptuously dared to ask one of the most popular boys out…I had enough of it, once and for all…_

…_late at night, after detentions, I entered the Slytherin common room and breathed a sigh of relief when I found it empty except for Severus Snape still sitting in an armchair by the fireplace, apparently sunk deepen in his book. I had hoped to meet him alone._

_"I need your help," I said without further ado._

_He dropped his book and eyed me nearly as coldly as Black had done the night before. "Why? To get a date with that murderous scum?"_

_"Oh will you please forget your animosity for a moment and listen…"_

_"Have you forgotten what he did? He tried to kill me and you ask him out? I thought we were friends!" There was a frustrated undertone in Severus' voice._

_"We are," I assured him, "but...". _

_"You deserve better than that obnoxious, arrogant brat."_

_"Yeah, but…"_

_"A _Gryffindor_."_

_"SHUT IT!"I yelled impatiently. "This isn't about houses and besides if you hadn't called Lily Evans a mudblood you wouldn't mind snogging her now despite the fact that she's a Gryffindor, and you clearly had a fair chance with her which you so stupidly spoiled by choosing these idiots Avery and Mulciber over her."_

_His face went completely blank; he clearly didn't want to hear anything of that. I sighed and said calmly. "I'm sorry. Please, Severus, I need your help. If you could lure Slughorn out of his office just long enough for me to scurry in and use the Floo network... I really want to get away from here."_

_Severus thought me mad for wanting to leave Hogwarts but he also knew that I was dead sure, so he agreed. _

_"Take care of yourself, Severus." I said as I hugged him goodbye, hoping we'd never meet again and had to realize that we were on completely different sides…_

…_my parents took notice of my unexpected return when suddenly in the middle of the night my stereo blasted out at full volume T-Rex' _Children of the Revolution…

"Would you like a butterbeer?"

…_no you won't fool the children of the revolution_

_no way, whoaaah…_

"What?" I yelped when I finally became aware that someone was talking to me, and I looked up to stare straight into Sirius' face, the ghost of a smile flickering over it. Apparently he hadn't asked me only once.

"Butterbeer?" He offered me a bottle but I shuddered inwardly and a gagging sound slipped my lips.

"Nah- I could use a decent shot of Firewhisky though."

A glass was placed in front of me and I drained it in one, then asked for a refill. Lightning another cigarette I looked around, noticing that there were suddenly a lot of red haired people in the kitchen, some of them teenagers.

"The Weasleys," Sirius explained as if I'd be interested. He pointed at the short, round witch I had met in the hall and who shot me another disapproving glance just because I exhaled pretty round rings of smoke in the air. "That's Molly, and Arthur here next to you is her husband. He works at the Ministry, department for Misuse of Muggle Artefacts…"

Yes, that explained why he was studying my lighter with an interest as if he was just about to misuse a muggle artefact.

"These are their children- the twins, Fred and George, are the most notorious troublemakers since James and I left school. Ginny's the youngest, Ron's in the same year with Harry and so is Hermione Granger- they're his best friends- oh, and the one arguing with his mother about the length of his hair is Bill…"

I listened without much interest until my glance fell on Bill Weasley who looked… hm, good. He was tall, wore decent clothes that would not make you feel ashamed if you took him out to a rock concert, and his long hair was tied back in a ponytail. Unfortunately he also looked a tad too young for me… ah, he should definitely not follow his mum's advice because there was nothing wrong with his hair. I liked men with long hair.

Since I already knew Remus Lupin and Mad Eye Moody the only person left to be introduced was the lovely pink-haired witch, but I soon found out that her name was Nymphadora Tonks, and that she preferred to be called Tonks. Little wonder- I would have sued my parents if they had come up with a name like Nymphadora and I'd probably put an everlasting silence spell on them if they'd shortened it to _Nymphy_, which sounded like little nymphomaniac… sometimes I hated the twisted ways of my mind… Anyway, Tonks was a Metamorphmagus, that meant she could change her appearance at will and didn't have to bother about hair dyes.

Of course there were more wizards and witches in the Order but they had already left, and so had Severus, unfortunately. I would have liked to talk to him. Perhaps it was also time for me to take a leave. I still had to get over the fact that I was to go teaching at Hogwarts.

Two days later I was back at Grimmauld Place. For some reason Dumbledore wanted me to stay there- probably he feared I couldn't afford living in a hotel and thought it polite to invite me to Sirius' house. Well, it surely was big enough but that's the only positive thing I could say about it. The whole place was contaminated with magical rubbish and creatures… and teenagers. The Weasley twins were ready for mischief from the moment they woke up 'til late at night when their mother sent them to bed (and since they were of age they didn't listen very closely to her but continued inventing magical nonsense in their bedroom). Also, they seemed to believe they could impress me with their pranks while I was definitely not interested in pubescent teenagers, no matter if they gave me looks that reminded me of drooling puppies. Their dear mother blamed me for their hormonal imbalance simply because I was myself and wouldn't stop wearing the clothes I usually wore. I guess she thought me a bad influence for the kids, and probably she was right. She really should convince Dumbledore of the insanity of his decision to offer me a job at Hogwarts. He, however, had heard of my reputation as freelanced Auror and didn't seem to mind if I kicked Death Eater's asses, wearing high heels.

It also didn't sit well with Molly that her husband, Arthur, was fascinated- not that much with my pretty face but more with my knowledge about muggle artefacts and the way they worked. He would have pestered me with questions for endless hours, unaware of his wife glaring daggers at me, if I hadn't tried to escape him.

I couldn't escape the screaming portrait in the hall though. Every time I tiptoed down the stairs it became alive, shouting obscenities at me, and every time I tried to scurry silently through the hall and up the staircase to my room on the third floor it was the same. The portrait of Sirius' dear ol' mum really didn't seem to like me much. Unfortunately no one was able to simply remove the paining of the old hag due to a Permanent Sticking Charm… but here must be a way, there must be…

The Order of the Phoenix held another meeting a few days after I had left the pleasures of civilisation and moved into Grimmauld Place. There was something concerning Harry Potter that needed to be discussed. Apparently he had performed the Patronus Charm to fight a Dementor in a Muggle-inhabited area and therefore was now inflicted with the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery nonsense… well, what else should he have done but fighting the damned Dementor? I really questioned the sanity of the ones responsible at the Ministry for their attempt to try him when suddenly I sensed… _something_… someone was eavesdropping on the meeting. Surreptitiously I pulled out my wand and summoned all the pots and pans of the kitchen sending them crashing on the floor straight in front of the door, increased the metallic clattering sound to top volume, them jumped to my feet, darted to the door, and opened it to face two well-known troublemakers who were cowering on the steps leading to the basement kitchen, clutching to their ears.

"If your delicate ears are so sensitive you wouldn't want to try that again," I said sweetly, confiscating their Extendable Ears. The twins fled up the stairs and out of sighed, but I could hear one of them muttering admiringly, "Blimey, she's really cool, ain't she?"

_Teenagers, _I thought with a sigh as I returned to the kitchen, handing one set of Extendable Ears to Molly- who immediately set off after her sons- while I hid the other pair in the pockets of my jeans for further examination. The twins were decidedly annoying betimes but on the other hand quite imaginative- apparently they had created the magical equivalent of what Muggles called a bug… it was innovative magic that merely needed some improvement…

The morning after I was sitting in the kitchen, trying to transform ordinary coffee into a double espresso with foamed milk. Molly glared at me as if she wanted to say, 'If you don't like my coffee why don't you just tell me?' Well, because most of the time my experiments failed and Molly did make wonderful tea, no need to offend her. This time, however, I was pleased with the result and let out a sigh of delight.

Sirius looked up from his copy of the _Daily_ _Prophet_, a faint smile flitting across his face. I could tell by the way he couldn't keep his eyes off me that I must have some foamed milk on my nose, and he gave the impression as if he'd like to… ugh, knowing that he was an animagnus who could change into a dog the idea was mightily disturbing…

At that moment an owl came fluttering in, distracting my thoughts. It carried a red envelope. A red envelope for me. A Howler.

There was no way to avoid a Howler, and besides, it certainly wasn't my first one. Actually I had received so many of them throughout my life due to my disregard of authorities that I opened it unimpressed.

This Howler was from Dumbledore, and the owl who had carried it had also dropped a magazine on the table. It flipped open, showing some pictures that apparently were much more interesting to Sirius than his _Daily_ _Prophet_. I Summoned the magazine before he could lay hands on it, rolled it up, and teasingly slapped his fingers.

"Now, now, you couldn't possibly want to drool over pictures of a naked Slytherin on a motorbike, would ya?"

Before he could say anything Dumbledore rushed into the kitchen and he didn't seem to be amused.

"Miss Lestrange, how could you…"

"I was young and needed the money, _Sir._" I cut him off, not feeling ashamed at all.

"I don't question your motive, and I- personally- don't mind what you do with your time or how you chose to earn your money. If you think it's appropriate for a witch to expose herself in a Muggle magazine which only exists to incite the fantasies of male Muggles- very well. That is entirely up to you, my dear. I just hope you will understand that under the circumstances I cannot let you teach at Hogwarts. I'm awfully sorry but I have to withdraw my offer in sake of the school's interest. If the parents of my students find out that I'm employing a Defence of the Dark Arts teacher who likes to pose…"

"Yep, I understand," I interrupted him, thus sparing him going into details or having to hear such a profane word like _naked_ to ever slip Dumbledore's lips. He had always appeared totally asexual to me. Nevertheless I couldn't help but add, "I do wonder though how many parents of Hogwarts students are actually reading the _Playboy_, let alone the many of them who've been keeping such an old copy hidden somewhere in their cupboard, guarded only by a lonely Boggart…"

"That's not the point, Miss Lestrange." Dumbledore said firmly. "The point is that the **Ministry** knows of these… _pictures_. _**They**_ played it into my hands, anonymously- a polite reminder that I already have enough problems with them and possibly don't wish to have any more. After all, there's still Harry Potter to be considered…"

So the Ministry of Magic was reading the _Playboy_- interesting. Even more interesting was the fact that Sirius had gotten hold of the magazine again, and he didn't seem to fret about nude pictures the way Dumbledore did. I blushed just a little.

"I really doubt these pictures will harm Harry more than any inadequate Defence against the Dark Arts teacher." Sirius said. Somewhere in the background Molly was clearing her throat; she considered me bad influence anyway.

"I'd definitely prefer to have a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts who's a member of the Order instead of a marionette of the Ministry- let me assure you that, Sirius- but, alas, my hands are bound. It just wouldn't be wise, at this moment, to annoy the Ministry of Magic when we need to have spies amongst them. It's all for the greater plan…"

Sirius begged to differ. He banged his fist on the table, scowling. "That's not good enough! You let a known, _**allegedly **_former Death Eater teach at Hogwarts but you're scared about the _**scandal**_ it might cause if people find out about Raven's past? That's absurd!"

"Well, I expected you to say that, Sirius, but please keep your animosity against Severus Snape out of this. I have faith in him."

So did I. Actually I was quite glad that I didn't have to go to Hogwarts, especially when the Weasley kids entered the kitchen, making lots of noise. I thought it wise to hide the magazine before Molly could kill me for spoiling her offspring but when I looked at the table it was gone. George (or Fred- I simply couldn't tell them apart) smiled broadly at me. I made a point to search their bedroom later, when they were busy with magical nonsense…

The meeting that evening wasn't much fun. The atmosphere was still tense from our morning's argument- Dumbledore seemed to bear a grudge against Sirius for having taken my side and not supporting him; Severus kept on reminding Sirius that his name was still not cleared and with the Ministry still after him he had to stay at home where he was of not much use, and it really bugged Sirius that all he could do was helping to make this place a little more habitable. It clearly didn't cheer him up when Severus asked him how the cleaning was going but there was very little anyway that could cheer up Sirius these days; his mood changed from grumpy over brooding to depressive and back. The only thing that made him smile was the thought of Harry Potter who'd just arrived before the meeting started and who was now joining his friends in one of the bedrooms on the first floor. I must admit that I was curious to meet him but I was even more curious why no one had **ever** made an attempt to clear Sirius' name. Kingsley Shacklebolt, a member of the Order, was an Auror and in charge of the hunt for Sirius, but although he was sitting in the kitchen with him almost every night all he did was feeding the Ministry information that Sirius was in Tibet. It was a matter of politics I really didn't get- Voldemort would laugh his head off if he knew.

Finally the meeting was over and most people left; I wished I could leave too. It really was about time that I got better things to do than just listening to what Dumbledore was saying but I thought it unwise to ask him for a new task today. Maybe I should keep my head down for a few more days, considering the pictures of me 'n my bike in an old _Playboy_ magazine. Mind, I wasn't ashamed of them, definitely not, but…

That moment the kids entered the kitchen, thus interrupting my thoughts and focussing it anew on a black-haired, skinny boy. It wasn't hard to figure out who Harry Potter was since he was clearly striking out from the Weasley clan from his lack of red hair- damned, I almost fell off my chair with shock because for a moment I believed the terror of my school years was back to haunt me. The boy looked so much like James that I had to fight back an instant dislike in order to give him a chance instead… not that James had ever given me a chance, but I begged to differ, not wanting to be like him… And it was good that I did since Harry's eyes reminded me of his mother, Lily, who had been a very kind, warm-hearted girl who would have never bullied outsiders like me… and Severus.. I sincerely hoped there was more of her in the boy than only her green eyes.

Molly rebuked Mundungus- the filthiest member of the Order, radiating a constant whiff of stale tobacco and booze- when he lit his grimy pipe, clouds of greenish smoke billowing from it.

"For the last time, Mundungus, will you please not smoke that thing in the kitchen, especially not when we're about to eat- same goes for you, Raven. Don't you realize that there are children around?"

Um, did she expect me to answer that question? The noisy children were the reason why I had wanted to light a cigarette but then I decided to be a good witch and put the lighter down.

Molly cooked dinner; we ate, and after we all had enough rhubarb crumble to last for a lifetime, she sat back and yawned, indicating it was time to go to bed now. She really was the perfect mother hen but I was immune to her mollycoddling- and apparently Sirius was too. He remained seated, looking at Harry. Then he wondered aloud why Harry hadn't started to ask questions about Voldemort yet which abruptly changed the atmosphere in the room. It had been relaxed before, the kind of well-sated tranquillity you feel when you're pleasantly stuffed, but now everyone was wide-awake again. Funny to see how some people were still fretting at the mention of Voldemort's name as if speaking it out would make him pop up like a jack-in-the-box. Lupin almost spluttered his wine. He lowered his goblet, looking wary.

Of course Harry wanted to know what was going on but was soon told by Molly that he was too young to be filled in with the Order's doings which caused a loud uproar from the whole Weasley offspring (who also wanted to know what was going on) and ended in a heavy dispute between Mrs Weasley and Sirius.

She wanted to spare Harry the knowledge that the world was cruel (although he'd already dealt with more than most in the Order) justifying her reasoning with his age and that he was still a child, while Sirius begged to differ. The expression on her usually kind face changed as she said sharply, "you haven't forgotten what Dumbledore said, I suppose?"

"Which bit?" Sirius' voice sounded polite though I could sense his readiness to pick a fight and I was silently rooting for him. After all, Dumbledore wasn't a god whose word was not to be questioned… **I **believed it wasn't only an option but a _**necessity**_ for Harry to be filled in with what we've been talking about.

"He's not a child!"

"He's not an adult either! He's not _James_, Sirius!"

Now what a polite reminder! As if Sirius didn't know that Harry wasn't James, indicating he was mistaking the boy for the friend he had lost. It was almost cruel to remind him of that and in fact every speck of colour seemed to drain from his face while Molly's cheeks were red with overprotective anger that caused her to overstep the limit. She had clearly gone too far. I was wondering though why Lupin still remained calm.

"I'm perfectly clear who he is, thanks, Molly."

"I'm not sure you are!"

"Bloody hell!" I had enough; I thumped the table with my fist, shouting, "Do you really think Voldemort gives a damn how old Harry is?"

Unfortunately they didn't listen to me but continued their personal vendetta.

"You have been known to act rashly, Sirius," Molly replied to his question whether she though him to be an irresponsible godfather, "which is why Dumbledore keeps reminding you to stay at home and-"

Sirius told her strictly to leave his instructions from Dumbledore out of this- to which I agreed- so Molly turned to her husband and asked him to back her up. I, however, believed that the only one person in this room who needed backup was Sirius, and I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for him. So I scowled at her, ready to take his side when both her husband and Lupin agreed that it couldn't harm Harry to get at least some facts.

Molly took being overruled a tad too personal for my liking, as if she was the only one who had Harry's best interests at heart and she fiercely ignored that he wasn't her son.

"He's as good as! Who else has he got?"

"He's got me!

She made a big mistake then, when she almost sneered, "You? The thing is, it's been rather difficult for **you** to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?"

Sirius started to rise from his chair but I was faster, and while Lupin tried to calm _him_ down it was **me** who actually exploded.

"How dare you!" I shouted infuriated. "D'you really think Sirius **asked** to be imprisoned in Azkaban despite his innocence, that he **enjoyed** the presence of the Dementors? But you obnoxious old hag know no better than deliberately add insult to injury. Now SHUT IT!"

Silence. It was obvious that I hadn't made any friends tonight but I shrugged it off. There were moments when I simply couldn't hold my tongue even if no one approved of my point of view. Molly looked flustered, the kids shocked. Sirius shot me a surprised glance, clearly not having expected that. Our eyes locked for a moment, then I grabbed for the wine bottle and lit a cigarette.


	4. Flying Pigs

I'm back, here's a new chapter. I'm hoping for a few more reviews. Feedback please!

4- Flying Pigs

For the next day the atmosphere at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, was tense- well, more tense than it usually was in that gloomy old house- since I had dared to insult Mrs Weasley and apparently it was a sacrilege to insult her. However, I didn't apologize because I had meant every word I had said and I still believed her behaviour towards Sirius extremely rude. It was like kicking a man who was already on the ground, like bullying the unpopular kids at school- I knew what I was talking about therefore I usually sided up with outsiders, and Sirius was definitely the outsider here. The Order- or Dumbledore, to be more precisely- had gratefully accepted his offer to use his house as Headquarter only to lock him in again; only the guards had changed. There were no Dementors here but people who pretended to be his friends without ever trying to clear his name for various reasons. I could see it in his face how much he loathed this place, how much he loathed cleaning the house of magical filth when he longed to be more useful, to take on more challenging tasks than having to deal with Doxys in curtains. I understood him quite well. After all, I had not become an Auror to end up chasing Household Pests, but unlike him I was fortunately able to leave the house when I had enough of it. Though Dumbledore had _asked_ me to stay he clearly had no authority over me, and, being a wise man, he knew that trying to stop me from going out would only cause me to turn my back on the Order of the Phoenix, walking away for good. He didn't want to risk that, no matter how low he tried to keep me, so he never said a word about my excursions to Muggle London, to the wonderful world of beauty parlours, coffee shops, and shopping streets.

Molly didn't talk to me all day. Her children were torn between standing by her mother and- in case of the boys- their hormones. Hermione, who had never been overly impressed with me, seemed to despise me now. Harry didn't approve on me calling Mrs Weasley an obnoxious old hag but appreciated that I had taken Sirius' side; the boy loved his godfather. I heard him say a couple of times that if the hearing went wrong and he was expelled from Hogwarts he'd move in here and live with Sirius. I guess anyone who'd voluntarily move in that horrible house must be truly despairing.

Sirius told him not to worry and that everything would be fine but he didn't sound all too convinced given his own experience with the Ministry.

"Ah, don't worry," I said in a more cheerful tone, "even if they're daft enough to expel you, there are other wizarding schools in the world; Hogwarts isn't the only one."

"I know, but Hogwarts is the best," Harry replied gloomily

I begged to differ. "I bet that's what Dumbledore says."

Sirius flashed me a wry smile, then patted Harry's shoulder. "I'm sure you will be cleared…"

"Yeah, and we can still blast the whole bloody Ministry if not."

Apparently Molly had heard that for she smacked her lips in disapproval and I remembered that her husband was working for the Ministry too. I really managed to put my foot in it with her every time I opened my mouth, I just couldn't help it.

"Where did you go after you ran away from Hogwarts?" Sirius asked me to change the topic. He didn't want to annoy Molly even more and though he addressed her politely if he couldn't avoid her presence it was obvious that he hadn't forgotten last night's argument either.

"Buena Vista NEWT Academy…"

"You ran away from Hogwarts?" Harry gasped as if that was the weirdest thing he'd ever heard of. Well, he'd clearly never been to Buena Vista NEWT Academy in San Francisco. "Why did you do that?"

The question made Sirius blush a little and though the speck of colour on his face improved his looks I thought that he was a tad too full of himself to believe it had only been about him.

"Never liked it there," I told Harry but decided to spare him the truth that his father and Sirius had been a pair of arrogant, bullying gits. "I got Sorted in the wrong house to begin with, I missed my music, and then it ended in a heavy dispute about silver platform boots. You know, I really **had** to get away from there."

It was obvious that Harry didn't get what I was about while Sirius breathed a sigh of relief for I hadn't shattered the boy's illusions about him and James. I hadn't done it for Harry though (and even less for Sirius) but for my own conviction that there simply was no point in keeping alive grudges from yesterday.

Molly asked Harry to help her with something before he could ask me what house I had been in. It was obvious that she wanted to keep him away from Sirius and me, considering us troublemakers. She should have kept a sharper eye on her dear twins though because they were really up to no good.

The puberty, hormones and a general tendency for mischievous behaviour were a dangerous combination, especially when they were constantly lurking in front of my room, hoping for a glimpse of naked skin. I had already put a Security spell on the keyhole for privacy. Alas I had forgotten to do the same on my bathroom door.

I appreciated that Sirius had given me my own, private bathroom, close to my bedroom on the third floor. Fortunately it had been by far less filthy than the rest of the house, and after a day of cleaning it was sparkling again. A battery of bottles and jars with perfume, body lotion, shampoo, bubble baths, face cream, hair conditioner and make up filled the shelves now, all the little pleasures I enjoyed so much. Of course I knew that others in this house called me vain but I just loved taking a bath or rubbing a rich body lotion in to my skin, and I loved to do that in private. I took offence when I was disturbed in my rituals, and I hated having to take my wand to the bathroom just because there were some teenage twins lurking outside the door, quarrelling who'd get a better glance through the keyhole. I had enough! It was about time to teach them a lesson.

In all my naked fury I flung open the door, a beam of red light shooting from the tip of my wand. For a moment lasting no longer that the blink of an eye they stared at me, Stunned, then I transformed them into two pink piglets with just a whiff of read hair on their heads. They started squeaking…

Levicorpus 

…next they were dangling upside down in mid-air, the poor sods.

"Never mess with an Auror, no matter how beautiful she looks." I told them and left them hanging there for as long as it took me to get dressed, them I gave them a nice little flying lesson, not caring if their heads incidentally connected with the walls from time to time in the process. "Remember, boys- constant vigilante!"

I chased them though the house, enjoying it, and sometimes even the flying pigs squealed as if they were enjoying it too. Then I'd bumped their heads against the ceiling, slightly.

"Has anyone seen Fred and George?" I heard Molly ask, her voice coming from the drawing room. "Oh, you never know with them, they're such troublemakers. I swear, they can't have gotten it from Arthur or me…" Her voice was coming closer; she was leaving the drawing room and entered the corridor where I quickly hid my wand behind my back. The twin pigs were hovering above their mother's head, flatly pressed against the ceiling, and struck with a Silencio charm. I guess it would have ended quite embarrassing if I'd let them squeak for help from their mum. She noticed me and gave me a frown. "Have you seen Fred or George recently?"

"Um…" I lied without blinking an eye, "they might be down in the kitchen, Molly"

Mrs Weasley turned her back on me and scampered off while I made the pigs soar into the drawing room. I followed them and almost bumped into Sirius. My concentration ceased. The two piglets came tumbling to the floor, bumping it hard. I quickly transformed them back to their usual selves so that hopefully Sirius and Harry, who was also there, would believe they had just apparated.

"There you are," I said as innocently as possible, "your mum's looking for you."

They looked a little ruffled and out of breath but they had clearly gotten my warning and wouldn't give me away. Instead they glanced at me in awe before they stumbled out of the room. One of them actually had the nerve to murmur, "Blimey, I'd say the very moment before she transformed us was worth the trouble."

I rolled my eyes- teenagers… Then I noticed Sirius staring at me and hurried to distract him from what he believed he'd just seen by glancing at the old tapestry on the wall he and Harry had been studying before I had sent flying pigs into the room. It was a family tree, dating back to the Middle Ages. Embroidered in golden thread there stood written

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black 'Toujours pur' 

"Ah, I take it I interrupted a lesson in ancestry?"

"I just told Harry why my name was blasted off that bloody thing."

"He said he ran away from home when he was sixteen. You both seem to have a lot in common; you're both runaways. And…" Harry scanned the bottom of the tree, his eyes wide when he saw that one of Sirius' cousins had married a Lestrange, "apparently you're related…"

"We're not!" Sirius and I exclaimed simultaneously, but I left it to him to explain the circumstances. "Raven's father was a Muggle _magician_ who chose the name Lestrange for marketing reasons; he's got his own show in Las Vegas."

"You mean like David Copperfield?"

"Well, yeah, sort of. Only less famous…" I fell silent for a moment. "You know, considering the pure-blood mania this family tree demonstrates I'm quite glad that I'm half Muggle born. At least that spares me being the result of interrelated marriages bordering to incest which often produces truly demented offspring. Oh, no offence intended, Sirius…"

"None taken. I'm not proud of my family. I'd remove that damned tapestry but unfortunately someone put a Permanent Sticking Charm on it." Sirius grumbled, his voice full of contempt for his family, and once again I realized how much he must loathe the fact that he had to stay here, locked away in this horrible house that held only unpleasant memories for him.

"Well, there are ways. If you know the exact words of the original incantation you can actually remove it- it's almost like a password for a computer or the code of a safe, only a tad more complicated. Of course, as you can see by the burn marks, it is possible to blast off parts of the hexed subject, therefore it is also possible to blast the whole bloody thing… um, alas, that's when structural concerns come into play for it wouldn't be very wise to blast a weight-bearing wall in the process and have the whole building collapse like a house of cards…"

"Dinner," said Mrs Weasley's voice, interrupting our conversation. Harry followed her call immediately while Sirius decided to linger in the drawing room with me for a little longer.

"Did I really see two flying piglets that strongly reminded me of the Weasley twins just a moment before they allegedly apparated out of thin air?"

I shrugged, smiling broadly. "Well, I dunno 'bout your eyes but that might've been what you saw."

He let out a bark-like laugh, and for a second he almost looked like the casually handsome boy I used to know once. It didn't last though. Soon he frowned at me. "Molly won't be pleased if she finds out…"

"Yeah, but that would mean the twins telling her that they'd been watching me through the keyhole of my bathroom, and I mightily doubt they'd ever confess that to Molly."

"No, certainly not," Sirius agreed. A sparkle flickered up in his eyes as if he clandestinely envied the Weasley twins but then again that could have as well been only in my imagination.

When we walked down the staircase to the kitchen later I asked him if he'd mind if I put a bit of colour to my room.

"Do as you like but please make sure that you'll insult the memory of my family with your decorating."

"No problem," I told him, smiling.

The next morning I got up early and rode my Harley to the nearest DIY superstore where I bought some glossy paint that would definitely cover over the old wallpapers in my room even if they were also attached to the wall with a Permanent Sticking Charm. Sometimes it was amazing how the simple effort of physical work could overpower ordinary magic.

I was quite pleased with the result. Of course, the texture of the wallpaper was still visible when I was done but at least there now was one room in an otherwise totally Slytherin house painted in canary yellow. I had also draped some colourful fabric over the four-poster bed to replace the old, dark and heavy hangings.

"AHHHHH!" Came the spiteful scream of someone who was close to suffering a heart attack at the sight of my newly decorated room. I turned around and saw Kreacher standing at the door, the loyal old house-elf of the Black family. Although I, in general, shared Hermione's point of view and didn't appreciate the way they were usually treated, I couldn't help but despise the most obnoxious, insufferable and malicious one of his kind I had ever met, and I knew quite a few house-elves. "Poor Kreacher, that he has to witness such sacrilege to the most Noble House of Black. Oh, my poor mistress, if only she knew- no, Kreacher doesn't want her to know, he hopes she will never find out what the nasty little brat of a blood traitor she had born under so much pain is harbouring in her once so noble and proud house. Such a shame."

"Ah, shut your bloody mouth."

"Filthy scum, Kreacher won't take orders from you," he spat at me.

"Fine, then get lost and stop sniffling around." I shoved him out of my room and wanted to close the door in his face when suddenly he tried to bite me. Infuriated I kicked at him, hard, which sent him tumbling down the staircase where he landed straight in front of Hermione who shot me a scornful glance.

"You tried to kill him!" She cried.

"Don't touch Kreacher with your filthy Mudblood fingers- what would Kreacher's mistress say if he allows that."

"Well, apparently he's fine."

"Unfortunately," said a voice behind me and I turned around to see Sirius who must have come from his mother's room where he kept that hippogriff, Buckbeak, since he carried an empty but bloody bag, "I wouldn't mind if you had succeeded."

"Ungrateful sot of a master, oh how much she cried out her eyes over you, my poor mistress, infiltrating her noble house with Mudbloods and blood traitors." Kreacher howled from downstairs, and Hermione didn't seem too pleased with Sirius' comment either.

He, however, paid no heed to them since he had taken notice of my canary yellow room and probably also of the specks of paint in my face; it made him smile.

"I wished my dear old mum could see that."

Later that evening I entered the kitchen and immediately noticed that the mood was low again, almost frosty.

"Is there anyone I haven't offended yet?" I asked cheerfully.

"Try _Snivellus_," Sirius hissed, the same old loathing in his voice. Some things would never change but I wasn't accepting that it any longer. He winced as if someone had slapped him when I turned from him to Severus Snape who had just gotten up from his chair, wand at the ready, an equally strong dislike on his face. I smiled at him and his features relaxed.

"Hello Severus. I hope you're staying for dinner tonight?"

The temperature seemed to drop several degrees; Harry gaped at me as if I'd just slaughtered his favourite pet or committed another horrible crime while I had only asked a polite question. Why did people take offence that I was being nice to Severus? I hadn't seen him for ages and his previous visits to the Headquarters had been too short to exchange more than just a few words. Usually he merely dropped by to give a report and left soon afterwards.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," he said coolly.

"Care for a glass of wine in my room then?" I remained persistent. He hesitated for a moment, then accepted my invitation. No one understood what I saw in Severus and sometimes I didn't know either. I believed that there was more to him than meets the eye- or maybe I liked him only because no one else did.

"You clearly never belonged in Slytherin," he remarked, almost sounding disappointed, as he glanced around my room.

"I hope you don't find the colour offensive?" I sat down on my bed, opened the bottle I had brought along from the kitchen and poured us two goblets of dark red wine, handing him one. Once again he hesitated, obviously looking for a chair, before he sat down on the bed too. He looked as out of place in my room as I did in the rest of the house.

"No, though it would certainly disturb my students if I'd follow your example and changed the colour of my Potions classroom."

I laughed out loud when I imagined that old dungeon painted in canary yellow. "So, you're Potions teacher now? I bet you're a much better one than Slughorn."

"Ask Potter and his bunch of dunderheads and they will beg to differ. Be glad that you don't have to waste your time with untalented but arrogant students, Raven."

Well, I had already noticed that the kids weren't overly happy to see Severus at Grimmauld Place but apparently the dislike was mutual. It was strange though, Severus was absolutely brilliant with Potions and I had learned so much more from him than from Professor Slughorn… I would have failed my Potions OWL if not for him. I remembered long nights in the Slytherin common room when he had initiated me into the mystery of potion-making and incited me with the beauty of simmering cauldrons, shimmering fumes…

"Where did you go after leaving Hogwarts?"

"Buena Vista NEWT academy…"

"That freak school?"

"Yep," I said happily, "'twas the best time of my life. I really owe you, Severus, for helping me to get away. Hope it didn't get you into trouble?"

"No," he took a sip of wine, then glanced at me, a malevolent little smile flickering across his face, "I managed to blame it on _them_."

I knew exactly who he meant with _them_- the Marauders, or, to be more precisely, James Potter and Sirius Black. Though I smiled (even a little gloatingly, I must admit) I nevertheless told him that I had left all my old grudges behind the night I had ran away from Hogwarts. I had not forgotten anything that had happened- I never would- but I was willing to give anyone a second chance although that didn't preclude me from making sarcastic remarks occasionally. I was no saint; sometimes I even enjoyed being a total bitch.

We talked for a while, mostly about the not so good old times, but he fell silent when I asked about his life as if he wanted to avoid answering my questions.

"I'm certain Black already told you about my Death Eater past," Severus spat and his mood changed. I sensed some regret, perhaps even self-loathing but his guard was up again before I even noticed what had happened.

"Well, he did mention your past, right, but I'd rather hear it from you. I prefer to make up my own mind instead of listening to gossip, you know…" I fell silent when he gestured me to, his black eyes darting to the door. Oh no, not _them_ again! Though I had put a security spell on the keyhole to avoid being secretly watched I had not expected to need a protection against eavesdropping. Would those infants terrible **never** learn? And I thought Molly had confiscated all pairs of Extendable Ears… but probably it was just too tempting for them to find out what I was doing in my room with _Professor_ Snape…. I pondered whether I should fake an orgasm or blast their ears off with some really loud music. Not wanting to spoil his reputation I decided on the latter. Fortunately I had just bought a pair of speakers for my portable CD-player some days ago and since I had already turned on the music when I had entered my room I now send one of the speakers hovering through the air, landing it closely to the door. Severus watched me in amused bewilderment.

_'DO YOU REALLY KNOW, DO YOU REALLY FEEL_

_DO YOU REALLY GIVE A FUCK,_

_WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE…'_

…the stereo roared. Despite the screeching guitars and thundering drums we could still hear the Weasley twins retreating from the door, tumbling down the stairs. I smiled very contently at Severus as I turned the volume to background sound again.

"The Dogs d'Amour- I just love their music though I still like to listen to T-Rex of course."

"Ah, Metal Guru," he remembered, smirking a little, "not a Dark Art artefact."

He made me aware of the fact that my ways didn't really fit into his world though he had always borne my apparent madness with tolerance. Maybe it was only because I had always pestered him with persistent kindness when others had long given up on him… like Lily Evans. But I didn't want to talk about her now so I told him how I had transformed the Weasley twins into two flying piglets the other day.

"Unfortunately we are not allowed to use Transfiguration as a punishment at Hogwarts," he said, heavy regret in his voice.

"'Course not," I agreed, roaring with laughter as I imagined him trying to teach the subtle science of potion-making to a group of flying, squeaking pigs.

"Raven Lestrange, you've really got a wicked sense of humour." Severus told me as if he could read my mind, and of course he could given that he was a skilled Legilimens. But so was I- actually we were both very good at Legilimency as well as Occlumency. I guess that might have something to do with the fact that we weren't very popular kids at school and always had to defend ourselves from becoming the target of bullying. I mean, **I** had lived in a pink bubblegum bubble for almost four years and hardly talked to anyone, so it was only natural that most of the spells I cast were non-verbal, and that I had managed to shield my thoughts from any possible intruders… call it self-protection. Severus, however, had preferred to make friends with the wrong people instead, a group of Slytherins who'd become Death Eaters… and yet I failed to blame him for that, knowing that making mistakes was only human. In the end all that mattered to me was the fact that we were on the same side **now**, even though he had just revealed his Dark Mark to me. I touched it gently and told him I still had faith in him.

The following days everyone at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, was making a fuss about Harry's hearing although none of the Order would have openly admitted their worries. Needless to say that the mood was low until we got the news that he was cleared and permitted to go back to Hogwarts which seemed to cheer up anyone but Sirius who started to spend most of his time in his mother's room, feeding dead rats to that Hippogriff he kept there. I wondered if he just feared being lonely and imprisoned again or if Molly had been right to assume that he saw too much of James in the boy to tell father from son anymore. But then again I knew that he was very well able of distinguishing them for Harry was definitely not like James at all. Sure, they looked alike in an almost startling way but their personalities were totally different; Sirius must have noticed that by now.

Of course Dumbledore had insisted on Sirius staying at home and not accompanying Harry to the station but Sirius had set his own mind on that matter. In midst the chaos of six teenagers, leaving, Moody being overcautious, and Molly fluttering around like the perfect mother hen, Sirius transformed into his dog form, big, black and hairy. He barked cheerfully and was out the door before anyone could stop him.

"Have fun out there, " I said, feeling repelled, "Hope you don't mind me trying some hexes on your charming mum meanwhile, do you?"

There he stood on the doorstep, giving me that good dog look- he actually had the nerve to wag his tail- I slammed shut the door.


	5. An Almost Perfect Day Out

5- An Almost Perfect Day Out

Grimmauld Place was much quieter without a horde of teenagers around. I enjoyed the silence for a few days, then it became depressing and I almost wished the Weasley twins were back. I missed the laughter that had once filled the old corridors that were creepy now that they were empty, desolate. This house was too big, too dark and gloomy; sometimes it felt as if I was all alone in it and the walls were radiating hostility. It helped to turn up the music though.

The only inhabitants left now were Remus, Sirius, and Buckbeak, and for the first days after Harry's departure it seemed that Sirius enjoyed the Hippogriff's company more than that of humans. He stayed up there for endless hours, indulging in his own misery.

Meanwhile I still hadn't managed to silence the portrait of his dear old mum though I had already tried countless jinxes on her. There were days I loved to provoke her, making a lot of noise while strutting down the staircase on my high-heels, and her screaming got louder every time. She called me things I will not repeat here, things that made 'Mudblood' sound like a compliment. But at least that broke the unbearable silence for a while.

At the end of the first week after Harry had left I was close to moving out, no matter what Dumbledore would say. I longed for a civilized place where room service didn't mean having to endure a spitefully muttering house-elf and where you got a neatly folded newspaper with your breakfast. At Grimmauld Place you'd only get the _Daily__Prophet_ which was controlled by the Ministry of Magic, or so it seemed. Freedom of the press was apparently unknown in the wizarding world that was also completely ignorant of things that happened in the real world. Fortunately I had long trained Batman to nick Muggle newspapers from doorsteps before he came back in from his nightly excursions to the London bat scene.

"How's it going, you ugly little beastie? Picked up a nice little bat girl last night?" I asked him affectionately when he came flapping into the kitchen and dropped _The Guardian _in front of me, then landed on it, looking exhausted. I caressed his red fur, noticing that he was quite late today. Almost yawning he fled to the darkness of my hair at the nape of my neck for a little nap. I took a sip of coffee- I was getting better and better with it every day, maybe I should open a magical coffee shop- before studying the newspaper.

"I wonder why you're still doing that," said Remus, looking up from his copy of the _Daily Prophet._

"What? Cuddling Batman, drinking coffee…"

"Reading these Muggle newspapers. Do you think _they_ will write about Voldemort rising to power again?"

"Not exactly." I shot him a quizzical glance. "Did you never had to write an essay about the connection of the global gold prices and the rise of dark wizards at school?"

"There is a connection?"

"Is there a connection between werewolves and the full moon?" I rolled my eyes. When would wizards get it into their thick heads that their world's not the only one and that there are ways to live in co-existence with Muggles, actually even to learn some things from them? And people called the Buena Vista NEWT academy a freak school only because of their lack of pure-blood mania and wizarding superiority there, because they were less ignorant and more innovative. "Now what are the means of payment in the wizarding world, Remus? Galleons are made of gold and that gold has to come from somewhere. So if the community is in a state of fear because of some dark villain they won't leave their houses to go shopping in Diagon Alley, and if there are less Galleons circulating it will definitely affect the price of gold. Of course, since these idiots at the Ministry of Magic are still trying to hush Voldemort's return to power, the quotes on gold haven't changed much. It will drop though, the more we manage to convince the wizarding community that there really **is **danger ahead, that the Ministry is wrong and Harry Potter right. It will actually act like a barometer that'll indicate a change in the wind."

"Fascinating. You're a clever witch, Raven," Remus said with a mixture of approval and surprise in his voice- he was surprised because apparently he had only seen me as a pretty show-off before, someone who was much too vain (true, I must admit) and too busy looking good to rack her brain with anything else but fashion and music. Of course he had been drooling when we first met, I had that affect on men, but he had soon changed his mind about me and eyed me more critically, probably wondering if Moody had gone totally mad when introducing such a rebellious little diva to the respectable Order of the Phoenix… as if I had become an Auror by sleeping with the head of their LA department instead of working hard to pass my exams…

"Oh no," I heard Remus gasp; an article in the _Daily Prophet _had drawn his attention. "_The Ministry of Magic has received a tip-off from a reliable source that Sirius Black, notorious mass murder…is currently hiding in London,_" he read aloud while at the very same moment the afore mentioned, alleged mass murder entered the kitchen, looking pale. "Your cover is blown, Sirius. Now, didn't I tell you to listen to Dumbledore and…"

"Oh, shut it. Which part of Dumbledore's endless litany you're referring to anyway?"

"The part that it's not safe for you to leave this house," Remus said patiently to his friend. "Sirius, Dumbledore only means well. He warned you not to go out but you chose to ignore his good advice and look what it had landed you in."

He pushed the newspaper over the table to where Sirius had taken a seat. Meanwhile I had gotten to brew him a coffee that he could definitely use now- strong, black and sweet, I decided.

"I bet it was Malfoy who saw you at the platform in your dog form, and- knowing you're an Animagnus- told the Ministry about it." Remus continued.

"Well, that just proves he's a Death Eater given that only they know I'm a loveable stray sometimes, and they got it from Wormtail. We should have killed him when we had the chance!" Sirius snapped stubbornly.

"Harry didn't want his father's best friends to become murderers, and according to Dumbledore not killing him might become important one day."

I sensed anger boiling up inside of Sirius, and I understood him quite well. I wasn't certain if I would have been able to let the rat that had landed me in Azkaban slip away alive without taking revenge… However, he seemed to calm down again though he still looked sullen.

"Yeah, probably ye're right, Remus."

They fell silent for a while. Sirius was sipping his coffee, which seemed to cheer him up a bit- I took pride in obviously making it his taste- then Remus managed to spoil it all by reminding him that he won't be able to leave the house again, now that his Animagnus form was known. Actually that article in the _Daily Prophet _described the big, black, hairy dog he used to transform into quite well…

"Well, I suppose we all agree he can't leave the house in his dog form anymore, but…" I was certain that there had to be other ways but I also knew for sure that there was no point in thinking up anything else now because Remus would probably not approve to my ideas. He only wanted to know his friend safe while Sirius himself appeared to me as someone who wouldn't give a damn about safety if he could have some fun instead, no matter how risky.

I kept that in mind as time dragged by and days turned into weeks, into months. There weren't as many meetings of the Order anymore as before the start of term at Hogwarts- probably Dumbledore was too busy with his position as Headmaster. On one of the rare occasions he came to Grimmauld Place he dropped a heavy pile of old books and parchments on the kitchen table, asking Sirius and I to study them in search for something that might be important though he didn't specify what exactly he was looking for. I bet he just wanted to keep us busy but I would have preferred a more exciting task. That was going to be the most boring jobs I had ever taken on since I had become a freelance Auror, and I actually threatened Moody to let me go on night patrol with him or I'd leave the Order. He agreed. Those nights out were always fun because usually Moody did the most dangerous jobs. I only felt sorry for Sirius since it didn't sit well with him to be left alone in a house he loathed, with Kreacher as his only company, constantly muttering that he wasn't welcome here anyway, the black sheep of the family who broke his poor mother's heart. It bugged him that he had to stay behind as if he was useless, and I guess he spent most of the time brooding instead of studying the parchments. Needless to say that it did nothing to improve the situation or his mood that Severus sarcastically reminded him of his uselessness, rubbing it in like salt in an open wound each time he came around to give a report to Moody. I didn't like that; I wished he could leave these old animosities behind just like I had done. But then again I hadn't been the one who had almost become werewolf dinner, therefore I couldn't force myself to reprimand Severus especially not since Sirius wasn't overly reasonable either.

The only thing that seemed to brighten up Sirius mood was when he got news from Harry. A week after he had left for Hogwarts he sent his owl with a letter telling that their new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher was almost as charming as Sirius' mum and that his scar had hurt in her presence. I decided to find out more about that Dolores Umbridge…

It became too dangerous to send letters since it was to be feared that the owls would be intercepted. Within weeks a lot of things changed at Hogwarts and most certainly not for the better. The Ministry of Magic did their best to suppress any opposition and Dolores Umbridge was their marionette who pulled the strings at Hogwarts. I didn't get it why Dumbledore let her, why he didn't object to her taking control in a tyrannical manner- but well, maybe it was just me and my mutinous ways. Soon we had to find out that she also monitored the Floo network as she almost caught Sirius while he was talking to Harry. Fortunately he could retreat just in time but now there weren't any means of communication left.

I didn't want him to spend endless hours with that Hippogriff again so I decided to help him with the parchments but shifted our paperwork from the kitchen to my room. It had been my intention to make his life a little less miserable since my room was definitely a colourful oasis in that gloomy old house, but in the end I had to realize that it wasn't only a pang of compassion that made me stay at home instead of going out on night patrol for I actually enjoyed his company. His interest in my CD collection came as a big surprise to me.

"I must admit that I only started to listen to Muggle music because my family loathed it, but then…" he shrugged and smiled at me, "_Anarchy in the UK _was probably the perfect song to reflect the era of Voldemort's reign of terror..."

"What? Sirius Black was a punk rocker?"

He let out a bitter laugh. "Ah, now that would have truly scandalized my mum… but no, I had no time for that. After all, I joined the Order straight after leaving school and Dumbledore knew how to keep us busy. What little spare time I got left I'd rather spend with James or the local motorcycle crowd…"

I spluttered my wine, totally astonished. I clearly hadn't expected that although I should have known he was a rebel at heart and not only out of stubbornness. Well, and rebels in general looked so much better on motorbikes than on broomsticks, maybe that had something to do with the sound of a roaring engine…

"You're ok?"

"I'm fine," I said, coughing a little, "I just had no idea…"

"Well, not many people knew- though I was famous for my magically modified flying motorbike I doubt Dumbledore would have approved to my connection with the Muggle motorcycle scene, me hanging around in bars with the lot, drinking real beer, having affairs with some hot chicks… therefore I kept that to myself. Of course, James knew; I never kept any secrets from him… and Lily; she probably figured me out because she knew what motor oil smelled like…"

"D'you realize you just told me a secret?" I arched a quizzical brow at him but Sirius wasn't in the mood for teasing.

"So what? Does it make any difference now? I'm trapped in this damnable house, being of no use at all except for having been able to give the Order of the Phoenix a new headquarters- really brave, isn't it? Considering that others are risking their lives every day…" He fell silent and turned up the music; it seemed to sooth him.

I didn't know what to say but it actually did make a significant difference to me. Needless to say that we didn't get half as much work done as Dumbledore would have liked, and if he weren't such an insufferable mystery monger but had told us precisely what he was looking for, I might have even cared. Therefore I concentrated on things that mattered more to me than dusty old parchments… like the ghost of the carelessly handsome boy I had known flickering over Sirius' features when the music was loud, the drums beating hard and fast, reminding him he was still alive. Admittedly, those moments were rare, almost fragile and easy to shatter, but I had stubbornly fixed my mind on making them last. He had to get out of here, had to get a deep breath of fresh air, see the vastness of the horizon- even if it was only for a day. I already knew the perfect place and the idea of how to get there was as simple as it was brilliant in its simplicity that I wondered why I hadn't come up with it earlier. I flashed him a smile, scanning him from head to toe, and the next day I went shopping.

The morning after I entered the kitchen in high mood since it was a truly beautiful day for mid November; the sun was shining from a clear blue sky and the air was fresh.

"We're going out today," I told Sirius who looked up from his coffee as if I'd gone nuts, but I misinterpreted his apparent lack of enthusiasm for some old resentment. "Oh, of course- now I remember that you'd never go out with a Slytherin even if…"

"No!" Sirius cut me off, blushing slightly as he recalled what I was referring to; he even looked ashamed. "No," he repeated with a firm voice, "it's not like that, but…" a thoughtful pause, looking for the right words since he seemed to be at a loss. For a moment the spark of hope lit up on his face but faded just as quickly. Frustrated he shook his head. "Raven, don't you realize that I can't go out? The whole wizarding world knows that I'm an Animagnus and they also know exactly what I look like in my dog form…"

"Sirius," I said seriously, "do I look like a woman who likes to walk her_**dog**_?"

"Um…"

Heaving a sigh I tossed him a large plastic bag. "Get these on. I want you to shave and comb our hair, then meet me in the hall in fifteen minutes."

So he did. I don't know what I had expected but his dear old mum was clearly not amused.

"AAAAH, YOU MANGY SCUM OF A BLOOD TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU TO DISHONOUR THE MOST HONOURABLE HOUSE OF YOUR ANCESTORS IN SUCH A SHAMELESS WAY! YOU ABNORMAL, UNGRATEFUL BY-PRODUCT OF FILTH AND VILENESS! HOW LOW CAN YOU GET…"

"Apparently not low enough to meet your expectations, mum," Sirius muttered as he unceremoniously pulled the curtains back over her portrait. Then he turned to look at me, and I had to withstand the urge to gape.

The man standing in front of me didn't resemble his picture on the 'WANTED' posters at all. His long, unruly dark hair was tied in a loose ponytail at the back of his neck, he had shaved and was dressed in a way that was absolutely unobtrusive- for Muggle motorcyclists. He was wearing blue jeans, a plain, black t-shirt, and a leather jacket. Wasn't it amazing how clothes could change a man? I was quite pleased with the result.

"Yeah, I think that'll do."

"What are you up to?" Sirius asked curiously and at the same time a little abashed, "I mean, you really shouldn't spend your money on clothes for me…"

"Well, I told you we're going out and you can't go out with me wearing old-fashioned rags- it just wouldn't look… right." I opened the door and blinked against the bright sunlight which reminded me of sunglasses. I took out mine from the pocket of my leather jacket and handed a second pair to Sirius, who shot me a grateful glance. I don't know how long it had been since he last had seen the sun but he took a deep breath when he stepped outside the front door. "We're going to take a walk?" He asked casually.

"Nah, much better," I pointed at my motorbike that stood in front of number eleven, Grimmauld Place, because once we had left the house number twelve was not to be seen anymore, "we're going to take a ride."

Sirius proved that there was a reason why I liked him by looking at my Harley with the same admiration I regarded it for it really was a beauty. A Harley Davidson XLH from 1981 with slightly extended front forks and chopper-style handle bars, all glittering chrome in contrast to the black frame and the metallic sparkling stars in rainbow colours airbrushed on the tank. The saddle and buddy seat were of black leather decorated with star-shaped studs as were the saddlebags on both sides; they were also adorned with leather fringes and conchas. An artist in LA had designed the headlight for me- a light-spitting gargoyle head. I actually had had to put a Permanent Sticking Charm on it because of people trying to pinch it.

Before I could say _'get__off'_ Sirius had already mounted my bike, grinning broadly from the saddle, running his hands affectionately over the handlebars.

"No! No way." I slapped his fingers and made him move his ass to the buddy seat where he belonged. He obeyed, reluctantly, but there must have been something in my eyes that made him realise how easily I could spoil his day out if he didn't behave. "Some things are sacred to me and therefore untouchable, meaning that I won't let you or anyone else ride **my** bike."

I took **my** seat in **my** saddle. Was I a bit neurotic and too fixated on my precious Harley? Well, perhaps- but I simply couldn't help it. It was another point in his favour that Sirius seemed to understand. Probably he wouldn't have let others ride his magically modified flying motorbike either, whatever had happened to it… I found out later that he left it to Hagrid the night James and Lily were killed, when he stood at the ruins of their house, his mind set on hunting down the bloody traitor who had betrayed them...

"Take the helmets out of the left saddlebag, please," I told him more softly now, and after we had put the helmets on I turned the key that set the engine roaring with a powerful sound.

We left Grimmauld Place and rode through the London traffic, heading south. Finally on the motorway to Brighton I accelerated, enjoying the speed, and so did Sirius. A few miles before Brighton though I took an exit leading eastwards. There wasn't much traffic on the English country roads at this time the year and especially not on a weekday, at least not the kind of tourist travel that caused endless traffic jams in the summer season. It didn't take us long to reach the coastal village of Eastbourne, a popular holiday resort.

I only stopped to buy some sandwiches and two bottles of beer at a local supermarket, then we rode on to the beautifully wild landscape at Beachy Head, the highest chalk sea cliff in Britain. It was also the most notorious suicide spot in the country but I didn't think about that when I turned my Harley just in time before shooting over the edge, racing along the shore line until we reached the tiny settlement of Birling Gap. I parked at the small hotel there, opting for a long walk along the South Downs and the Seven Sisters, some more prominent chalk cliffs at the English South coast.

"And I thought only guys like to show-off," Sirius commented on my motorcycling skills.

I laughed out loud as I linked my arm with his, dragging him along. For a long time we didn't speak since all of our senses were soon too consumed with taking in the extraordinary landscape around us; the white of the chalk cliffs, the loud rumbling of the sea below us, the wind on our faces… the clouds above us passing by, continuously changing their shapes. The sheer vastness of this wastelands, ranging for miles and miles along the South English coast was probably the best scenery to make Sirius forget about Azkaban, forget about any imprisonments at all. This scenery was too wild and untameable to keep anyone in bounds.

We had picnic in the wind shielded corner behind a boulder, sharing the sandwiches I had bought, drinking beer.

Sirius was lying on his back, watching the sky, when he suddenly said, "I really don't get why you got Sorted in Slytherin."

"Do you believe old, ragged hats never fail? Besides, I didn't give a damn about what house I got Sorted in as long as I was far away from you and James."

"Were we that horrible?"

"Worse." I looked down at him. "You were the most obnoxious, insufferable, arrogant gits I ever met…"

"And yet you're sitting here with me now," he said softly. Our eyes locked for a moment but I quickly jumped to my feet.

"I simply see no point in keeping up the grudges from yesterday."

Sirius got up too. "Raven, it was never my intention to let the whole school know… I only told James and he didn't spread it; I have no idea who did. I'm sorry…"

Though I was moved by his apology I shrugged it off. "Never mind. Maybe that was the last excuse I needed to finally escape Hogwarts, and I'm honestly glad I left. It happened at the same time that my father got an offer for his own show in Vegas- of course, Dumbledore suggested the Salem Witches' Institute but I insisted on going to the Buena Vista NEWT Academy in San Francisco. Dad supported me; I believe he feared that otherwise running away would become a habit of mine."

"What was it like there?"

"Brilliant. It was in the middle of the city and since we were NEWT level students we were allowed to go out on weekends. There were no houses, no pure blood mania, no ignorance of the Muggle world like in Hogwarts with its absurd Muggle Studies. Instead were encouraged to find the right balance for living in both worlds, to see the positive aspects of each. We could listen to music and wear whatever we like. Well, I guess that was no surprise with a headmaster like Mademoiselle Glorianna Primadonna, a drag queen. She was a great wizard but even more impressive was the way she strutted around on his killer high heels, playing seductively with his pink feather boa. Yeah, Mademoiselle Glorianna is probably the reason why people call Buena Vista a freak school- that and the fact that most of the students were outsiders who had problems at other wizarding schools. That might sound now as if the standards were low but quite the contrary. Buena Vista accepted only talented outsiders, giving them a chance to develop their talent in a tolerant atmosphere where no one was shunned because of their sexual preference or whatever. Like, we had three werewolves and everyone knew what they were but no one cared as long as they stayed in their dormitory- which was secured by iron walls, like a panic room- at full moon. I'm sure Lupin would have liked it there… Anyway, except for the werewolves we had no dormitories, everyone had their own room…"

"What's wrong with dormitories? I actually liked our Gryffindor one," Sirius interjected.

"Yeah, but I guess in Buena Vista that would have only resulted in sex parties- I doubt there were many gay students at Hogwarts and if they were they would've kept that to themselves just like Lupin never outed himself being a werewolf."

"True. Parents would have ordered their kids home if they had found out."

"See, and in Buena Vista the parents knew just where they had sent their kids to. I must admit that my mum wasn't overly keen on letting me go there but dad had faith in me. He was proud that I had passed the high standards of their admittance test- like I said before, not any freak was allowed. And though our teachers were a weird bunch of fellows they were nevertheless brilliant in their job. Our Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, for example, Professor Alice Steel. She used to be a highly decorated Auror, looking almost as cute as Moody, but she was also a lesbian who, despite of her gruesome appearance, had a reputation for having countless affairs with the most beautiful young women… oh no, don't look at me like that, Sirius; not with me. She took my side and helped me becoming an Auror when I almost failed my character test since the Ministry of Magic in LA considered me a tad too mutinous…"

"Oh, I really wonder how they got that absurd idea," Sirius said with a mixture of mild mocking and admiration in his voice. Both of us laughed but I just walked on without glancing at him. Somehow it was_scary_ how well we got on with each other and I knew instinctively that he wouldn't turn me down again if I asked him for a date. That might sound daft since I was actually going out with him right now but I nevertheless didn't consider our little escape from Grimmauld Place a romantic date when my only intention had been to let him see the sky and take a breath of fresh air for a change.

"What made you want to become an Auror anyway?"

I took my time before answering his question.. "Christmas '75… we were on our way to visit Aunt Drusilla, my mum's sister, like we did every year… but when we reached her house it looked kinda desolated and we- well, we found out that she and her family had been killed, apparently by Death Eaters… there was no blood, no wounds to be seen… and yet I'll never forget the horrified expression on their faces, the pain in their dead eyes… Yeah, I guess that's what made a formerly lousy student like me getting a grip on herself and work really hard to get as many 'outstanding' OWLs as possible."

Sirius placed a comforting hand on my shoulder but I shook it off.

"Enough talking 'bout me now," I said resolutely. "What about you?"

"Ah, my life is hardly interesting since I spent a great deal of it in Azkaban, and I really don't feel in the right mood to be reminded of that now." Sirius stopped so abruptly that I almost bumped into him, and turned to stare at the sea, the vastness of the horizon beyond the roaring waves that crashed against the white cliffs. A fresh breeze of wind toyed with his hair and the one unruly streak that kept on falling into his face in a casual way…

"Yeah, I know, but I still don't get it. How could anyone who ever saw you and James together believe you would betray him?"

"Do you have any idea what it was like back then? Betrayal and mistrust were on the agenda, no one knew who's working for Voldemort, you couldn't trust anyone. Every week news came of more deaths, more disappearances, more torturing… the Ministry of Magic was clearly overtaxed and gave the Aurors more powers- powers to kill rather than capture. I wasn't the only one handed straight to the Dementors without trial…"

"What?" I yelled in utter disbelief, not trusting my own ears. "What do you mean with 'without trial'?"

"Well, there was no trial," Sirius sounded bitter and he had every reason to be.

"But they can't send a man to a lifetime sentence in Azkaban without even giving him the chance to defend himself!"

"The Wizengamot often displays a lack of interest in evidence and in my case all evidence was against me. Times like that bring out the best in some but the worst in most…"

"Wasn't Dumbledore the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot? Didn't he do anything?"

"He believed I was James' Secret Keeper- he didn't know I made Peter… I thought it was a clever move…"

"A rat!" I cut him off. "You trusted a rat. Even if he got Sorted in Gryffindor he nevertheless always had a rat's character."

"Don't think there was a single day in these past fourteen years that I didn't regret my choice, feeling as guilty as if I had killed James with my own hands."

He looked so shattered, shaken to the core, that I simply had to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. "I'm sorry," I said softly, "I didn't want to spoil the day."

I let go of him then. The moment had lasted long enough for comfort and anything else would probably only complicate things, no need to warm up a teenage infatuation.

We walked on, back to my Harley. The days were short in mid November and when the sun was low the air became quite chilly. It was already dark by the time we reached London.

I didn't ride straight to Grimmauld Place. Kreacher had pestered us for days with the most horrible food one could think of so I decided to stop at the 'Jade Buddha', a filthy little Chinese takeaway with a surprisingly good kitchen. I asked Sirius what he would like.

"To be honest, the cooking at Azkaban was worse than Kreacher's so anything that's better than that will do perfectly fine for me," he said, giving me the impression that he'd probably never tried Chinese food before.

I tried to dispel the image of chopstick feeding him from my mind's eye while I ordered a variety of dishes.

We were both in a really good mood when we entered number twelve, Grimmauld Place, but I could already sense the drastic drop of his mood as soon as he was inside the hall, the old walls radiating hostility. To him it must have been like returning to imprisonment. He turned around to me, looking vaguely haunted.

"Raven, I…"

I thought he wanted to thank me for a nice day out so I smiled encouraging at him but that was not meant as an invitation for him to sweep me hard in his arms. It was also no invitation to be so bold and kiss me, and yet his mouth crushed down on mine, kissing me with need and greed, the hunger of a starved man. And I enjoyed it. A little kiss couldn't harm even if it wouldn't stop at a little kiss.

Sirius' mum started screaming. "_You abnormal, filthy pervert! You blood traitor, you will not turn my house into a brothel! You befoul the memory of the most Noble and Ancient House of Black, doing it with a depraved half-blood whore! Scum!"_

I daresay none of us really gave a damn so we let the old hag rant, lost in our heavy lip lock. We only broke the kiss when we heard a loud gasp.

"Oh no!"

Something fell to the floor with a metallic clatter. Pretending innocence we dove apart, staring at Lupin who stared back at us with a mixture of surprise and shock in his eyes as he took in the scene, the still open door, Sirius in Muggle clothes… I assumed he didn't take half as much offence in seeing us snogging in the hall as in the obvious fact the Sirius had been out.

"Sirius!" Lupin needed a moment to remember what he was about to say as he continued to stare at his friend, clearly puzzled. Maybe he wasn't used to the sight of Sirius in jeans and leather jacket.

In order to overcome the silence between us three (while the portrait of Sirius' mum kept on yelling obscenities at us we paid no heed to) I held up the paper bag from the Chinese takeaway and said, "Chop Soy, fried noodles or roasted duck anyone?"

That moment a ray of moonlight fell in through the open door. Lupin winced. I realized that it was full moon and he'd soon be transforming into a werewolf so it was unlikely he cared about Chinese food when he could have something more tasty like me.

"Em, Remus, you did take your Wolfsbane Potion tonight, didn't you?" Sirius asked cautiously but he must have remembered hearing the metallic clatter too for he glanced at the goblet lying in front of Lupin's feet just like Lupin and I did.

The werewolves at Buena Vista had told us how painful the transfiguration every month at full moon was, and we students had taken that as challenge in trying to brew a potion that would at least ease the pain. Alas, all of our attempts had proven a failure in comparison to the Wolfsbane Potion that Lupin had dropped.

"But you do have some more of it, don't you?"

Lupin shook his head and clenched his teeth as the first wave of transformation pain shook him. "S-Snape p-promised t-to b-b-brew m-more of i-it," he stuttered.

Since I didn't know what else to do I closed my eyes and concentrated on the miniature form of my Patronus, sending it to Severus for help. It didn't take long for him to show up at Grimmauld Place but by then things had gotten completely out of control.

I had merely turned away for a second to close the front door since I certainly didn't want Lupin in his werewolf form to go roaming the streets of London, and when I turned back again a big, black, hairy dog was growling dangerously at the half-transformed werewolf in order to protect me. Probably Sirius thought that brave, and probably I should've felt flattered, but I failed due to the sudden, imaginary taste of fur in my mouth. Damned, how could he dare to change into a dog only moments after kissing me passionately? The idea was absolutely disturbing. Besides, I was very capable of protecting myself...

_'Levicorpus.'_I sent Lupin dangling in the air with his paws stuck to the ceiling, adding the Petrificus Totalus charm in an attempt to stop him from transforming even more. He let out a wolf-like howl that didn't cease while Sirius the dog barked threateningly, and the portrait of his mum kept on screaming profanities. That moment Severus entered the scene.

"Welcome to the zoo," I said, trying hard not to fling my arms around his neck and beg him to take me away from here. "D'ye happen to have some more tame-the-werewolf potion for our good ol' friend Lupin?"

Severus shot me a glance I couldn't fathom but there was definitely a good deal of loathing in it- not for me though, mind that, but certainly for Lupin and even more for Sirius who was growling at him. Damned, I was dying for a drink, anything to wash away the furry feeling in my mouth.

"So what is precisely that you expect me to do now, Raven?" Severus asked pointedly as he 'freed' Lupin and the werewolf hit the floor hard.

The wolf was howling, the dog barking, the portrait in the hall screaming; then the dog started chasing the werewolf through the house, away from Severus and me. But before I could sigh with relief I heard Kreacher muttering, "Oh my poor mistress, what a shame, Kreacher wishes she had never given birth to that blood traitor. He's such a disappointment. Comes from Azkaban, ordering poor Kreacher around, and then he's- bah!- snogging that disgusting, depraved half-blood. Master is an ungrateful sot who knows no sense of decorum."

Severus stared at me and I blushed.

"Dogs d'Amour, eh? I am quite surprised though that you like your men so…_furry_." He said softly.

"He wasn't… ugh," I turned around and darted down the stairs to the kitchen, shouting 'accio firewhisky' before I even entered. When Severus joined me a moment later I had already gulped down half of the bottle. A malicious little smile curled up his lips.

"I had sincerely hoped you had a more sophisticated taste."

"What's wrong with firewhisky? Oh, you mean… stop rubbing it in, please. 'Twas just a little kiss, Sev, a moment's mood, nothing to worry 'bout."

"Was that nothing to worry about the reason why Lupin so carelessly dropped his Wolfsbane Potion as if I had nothing else or better to do with my time than brew it for him? That's so typically selfish, but what else is one to expect of a Marauder? They haven't changed at all. NEVER waste a thought about others because that might only spoil the fun."

"Firewhisky?" I offered.

Severus shot me a disgusted glance and though I was already slightly drunk I nevertheless noticed that he looked paler than usual, pale and weary. I crossed the distance between us and hugged him. First, he tensed up as if I was about to attack him, clearly not used to being hugged, but since I was persistent he relaxed with a sigh. I actually imagined him rolling his eyes because I was such a cute little nag.

"Listen, Severus, why don't you just drop me the instructions and let me brew that tame-the-werewolf potion for…"

"It is called Wolfsbane Potion," he corrected me.

"Yeah, but the effect's the same, ain't it?" I replied cheekily, flashing him my brightest smile. Then I grabbed for my bottle of firewhisky again.

Severus took it out of my hands before I could take another swig. "Don't you think you had enough of it?"

"Nope. I just kissed a dog."

That moment said dog came trotting into the kitchen, looking a tad battered but wagging its tail. Instantly I snatched the bottle back from Severus who greeted the dog with a cold sneer.

"Ah,_Snuffles_, I want you to be a good dog and guard Raven tonight. If you, for whatever reason, fail to protect her from the werewolf living under this roof I will personally see to it that you get another kiss soon- a Dementor's kiss. Do I make myself clear?" His voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm but took on a softer tone when he was addressing me. "A werewolf is only dangerous to people but not to animals, and our dear Snuffles here seems to fit the bill for keeping a werewolf in check. You will be safe in his presence."

"Oh, great," I gasped since there was nothing I'd ever wanted more than staying in the presence of a dog I had kissed. There was no point in reminding myself that I hadn't really kissed the dog but the man that had then transformed into a dog when every time I looked at him the imaginary taste of fur was back in my mouth.

Severus wished me a good night- which had a highly cynical ring to it- and stroked my cheek. The big, black, hairy dog growled at him as if he was jealous and I had to take a quick swig from my bottle, thinking the whole situation totally absurd.

"We will talk about the Wolfsbane Potion tomorrow," Severus told me before he disappeared via the Floo network. Damned, a gentleman would have offered me to let me come along… or perhaps not. Actually I didn't know any gentlemen since good manners were always kind of suspicious to me which was why I avoided them most of the time, but as far as I knew no gentleman would take advantage of a lady in distress… After another sip of firewhisky I came to the conclusion that though my dear friend Severus Snape would probably never take advantage of the situation he nevertheless had left me in the dog's presence deliberately; he had intended to remind me of the fact that Sirius was… a dog. Or was the dog Sirius? I blamed it on the firewhisky that I couldn't tell it apart. Mayhap I didn't even bother to try. Anyway, he kept on following me around like a sheepdog guarding his most precious sheep- should I have felt flattered? I couldn't even change into my bedclothes without that big, black-haired dog watching me so I left on what I was wearing when I went to bed and pulled the blanket over my dizzy head, wishing that horrible day would end. Now.

It was then I noticed a weight on my legs and I opened my eyes again to see that the damned dog was lying at my feet, in my bed, looking at me with the typical good-dog-like affection. I had enough. Though I wouldn't have minded landing in bed with Sirius that was clearly **not** how I had expected it to be. I gave him a frustrated kick.

"OUT!" I yelled as I jumped out of the bed, grabbing good handful of wiry black hair at he back of his neck to underline what I wanted him to do while dragging him to the door; I opened it, and slammed it shut in his face before he even realized that he had just been chucked out.

Needless to say that I didn't sleep much that night. Somewhere in the house a werewolf was howling, and since no one had ever bothered to hang back the curtains over the portrait of Mrs Black in the hall was still screaming obscenities while visiting the portraits of other family members which resulted in a big pure-blood mania party. I turned up my CD player at top volume while hugging the bottle of firewhisky I had taken along from the kitchen.

* * *

Hope you liked this chapter, some reviews would be really nice... 


	6. Potions and Antidotes

Here's another chapter. Hope you like it

6- Potions and Antidotes

It was already afternoon and the house was quiet when I walked into the kitchen the next day. Tonks was sitting at the table, always a pretty sight with her pink hair, but no one else was around- fortunately. My head was aching too much to be confronted with Sirius now; I really didn't want to see him.

"Hi Raven," Tonks greeted me cheerfully, "so good to see you. Where is everybody today?"

I shrugged, not giving a damn, as I shuffled slothfully to the sink. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please. I would have asked Kreacher but I haven't seen him yet either."

"Be glad, he only would've tried to poison you with some undrinkable brew." I thought of a street café in sunny Italy and transformed a cup of ordinary coffee into a glass of Latte Macchiato, since that was Tonks' favourite, then I made a strong double espresso with a bit of foamed milk for me. Of course, it would have been much easier if we had a professional coffee machine like the ones they had in coffee shops but at the moment I was quite pleased with getting a decent coffee at all. I sat down at the table, opposite of Tonks.

"Are you alright?" She asked although she must have noticed that I wasn't but I lied and spared her the details. No need to tell her that the man I had kissed had turned into a big, hairy dog… contrary to the fairy tale where the princess kissed a frog that then turned into a beautiful prince… but well, I wasn't a princess, and why would a freelance Auror and motorcycle chick need a bloody prince anyway?

I looked at Tonks. Her hair was really beautifully pink and though she kept changing the length or the style every day she hadn't changed the colour since… I grinned. Was there any fairy tale about a princess and a werewolf? If not I should probably encourage her to start one.

"I fear poor Lupin had quite a tough night so why don't you go and bring him some nice strong tea to help him cure his werewolf hangover?"

"Is he-? What happened?" She sounded worried and realizing that she blushed a little. "You know? But how…?"

"Ah, come on, Tonks, you're not that hard to figure out. Remember the times we held our chose-Tonks'-hair-colour-for-the-day-elections every morning? It had been a lot of fun until one day Lupin said he liked your pink hair the best. Strangely you haven't changed it since."

She blushed a little more, whispering, 'Oh,' as if just caught in the act. Then she asked, almost embarrassed, "Do you think the others know? I mean, that I… that I like Remus?"

I shook my head given that the _others_ she was referring to were men, and men in general, no matter if wizards or not, rarely took notice of the subtle changes in a woman's appearance or moods. If you wanted to startle them you usually had to do something more drastic than just keeping your hair colour for weeks… I got up and brew some tea so that I could send Tonks upstairs to Lupin- I would have liked to make the perfect coffee for him but he was clearly a tea person as all of my previous attempts had proved.

Tonks left the kitchen, flashing me a conspiratorially smile, and I knew that I had probably made a friend in the Order. It was a good feeling for a change since I usually was known for offending people.

I didn't find out if my attempt of playing cupid had worked out that day. For what seemed to be a long time I sat in the kitchen, all on my own, slowly sobering up while flickering through the newspapers. The _Daily_ _Prophet_ was simply annoying in its Ministry conformed testimony, strictly avoiding the truth. The _Quibbler_, however, a monthly magazine, seemed to be independent but too full of absurdities like the allegedly spotting of non existent creatures- exactly the sort of yellow press journalism that Batman persisted to bring me occasionally as if I couldn't get it into his stupid bat's head to**not **bring me just any Muggle newspaper. Damned, I didn't want to read how the Queen was fairing or that she wasn't amused about Lady Di and her choice of lovers. Anyway, at least none of the papers on the table reported about recent spottings of Sirius Black in public, which was definitely good news…

I had almost forgotten that Severus had promised to drop by and give me the instructions for the Wolfsbane Potion but I remembered it when he suddenly stood in front of me, looking even more pallid and weary than the night before. He also seemed to be quite angry, if not downright infuriated, muttering something about an old hag and how she dared to question him about what he was doing or where he was going as if that was any of her concern.

"What's up?" I asked him gently but he didn't answer to my question.

"I thought about your offer and came to the conclusion that though it is very difficult to brew the Wolfsbane Potion you might be able to do it."

"Well, I had a good teacher."

"In that freak school?" He gave me a sidelong glance, a slight sneer curling up his lips. Then he handed me a small phial with a clear liquid. "That will do you good."

"No, not in Buena Vista- in Hogwarts… and I'm not thinking of Slughorn here; I'm talking about you…" I swallowed the liquid only to get rebuked by him for doing so, for my lack of caution. I must admit that I didn't get his point.

"You said it'll do me good…"

"You must have had poor teachers if you gulp down anything without even knowing what it is. I could have easily given you Veratiserum or…"

"It didn't smell like Veratiserum."

"Veratiserum is odourless," Severus reminded me sharply.

"I know! But I still see no point in why you'd want to give me Veratiserum when we're friends and all you have to do to get honest answers is asking me. My, it seems you're really strained today. Sit down and have some coffee." I placed a small cup of espresso with only the slightest touch of sugar in front of him, and he seemed to like it. Call me Coffee Queen- except for Remus and Moody, who would only drink from his own flask, I always figured out the perfect cup of coffee for anyone.

I wanted Severus to relax so I massaged his stiff shoulders. Apparently Dumbledore put too much pressure on him and hardly gave him a break; I was glad that I could at least help him with the Wolfsbane Potion. The instructions looked just like his old schoolbook. He had scribbled all over the page, things were crossed out and alternative instructions given. Most of it made perfect sense to me except for his annotation to replace liquorice root with two other ingredients.

"Hm, extract of a horned toad's gallbladder and snake root- what the hell's that good for?"

"For the taste." Severus said silkily and I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"Oh, you're a bad boy, Severus Snape." I didn't blame him for making the potion taste worse than the original version. He had suffered so much under the _pranks_of the Marauders that Dumbledore's request to brew a balm for any of them seemed like an unreasonable demand to me even though Lupin had definitely not been his worst tormentor. On the other hand, Lupin had been Prefect, it should have been his damned job to exercise some control over his friends. But no, it had been so much easier for him to bathe in the glory of their popularity; he must have feared that any word of criticism would have dimmed the spotlight. I decided to keep to Severus' instructions. If the Wolfsbane Potion eased Lupin's transformation pain he wasn't to complain about the taste of it.

"Are you feeling better now?" Severus asked after a while, a slightly mocking tone in his voice.

Well, I was actually feeling quite good; my head wasn't aching anymore as if I had mysteriously sobered up… wait a moment- _mysteriously_? No, definitely not. I remembered the phial he had handed me and which contents I had unceremoniously downed without knowing what it was.

A wry smile flickered over his features when he saw in my eyes that realisation had apparently struck me. "I knew you would be immune to any good advice and drown yourself in that bottle of Firewhisky instead…"

"You invented a hangover cure for me? Oh, that's so sweet of you, Sev, thanks." I felt a sudden surge of affection for him so I hugged him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"You need a clear head to brew the Wolfsbane Potion, I simply don't want you make a mess of it."

That moment Sirius entered the kitchen and froze in his tracks at the sight of us, his loathing for Severus clearly written in his face. The feeling was mutual. I hoped they wouldn't start anything stupid that only men could think up when Sirius turned on his heels and left as abruptly as he had come. Only then I realized there had been something else in his eyes, a faint glimpse of hurt feelings and betrayal… Great. So much about my intention to not complicate things, at which I had thoroughly failed. Speaking of messing up things- I was damned good at it.

I ran frustrated fingers through my hair, wishing the last day hadn't happened at all. Although, it hadn't been that bad, at least not before we had returned to Grimmauld Place… if only Lupin hadn't dropped his Wolfsbane Potion… No, I didn't want to think about that now. I faked a smile and glanced at Severus.

"Alright, so where do I get the gallbladders of horned toads from?"

"I'm certain that a student will volunteer to disembowel some for you."

"Kids and their fascination with slimy things," I shook my head, shuddering.

"It's more their lack of manners and talent that qualifies them for detentions. Instead of letting them write lines I prefer for them to do something useful," he told me in a voice that made it unmistakably clear he wasn't jesting, and I hoped that he wouldn't pick any unfortunate student only so that I wouldn't have to dirty my perfectly manicured fingers with toad innards. On the other hand- if his students were really a misbehaving lot why should **I** dirty my fingers? I was damned sure that slimy toad innards wouldn't look good on pink nail polish.

For the next few days I buried myself in a basement room next to the kitchen and enjoyed the beauty of simmering cauldrons, my mind fixed on weighing potion ingredients, cutting them neatly… anything to not think about Sirius. Shimmering fumes would always have a soothing effect on me…

We had kissed- so what? That happens to the best of us and didn't necessarily mean a thing. Probably we had just been carried away by a strange mood, I told myself and blamed it on an overdose of wild sea breeze we had inhaled at Beachy Head. I merely had to get over taking it personally that he had transformed into a big, hairy dog shortly after we'd been snogging and then I'd be able to meet him at a friendly basis again. After all, it wasn't that I didn't like him…

Of course, Severus would have preferred me to meet Sirius with the same aversion he harboured for him but he was wise enough not to mention it. I think he had a soft spot for me, well hidden beyond his usual bitter sarcasm.

I visited him in his office at Hogwarts one day when I needed the horned toad's gallbladders. First he smiled at me stepping out of his fireplace, then he gave me a frown.

"I wonder- are you careless, stupid or simply downright bold to use the Floo network although it is monitored by _Professor _Umbridge?" The emphasis he put on her title made it unmistakably clear what he thought of her.

"Definitely the last- but I also reckoned that Severus Snape would not have his fireplace controlled by an old hag who calls herself High Inquisitor which is just another term for marionette of the Ministry… nice Anti-Spy Charm by the way, Sev. So subtle and yet so efficient, almost undetectable for anyone who doesn't know you."

"And apparently not quite as perfect as I had hoped since you figured it out."

"Ah, don't pretend you're not happy to see me."

He flashed me a desperate smile, obviously not knowing what to do with me. There I stood like a bird of paradise in his gloomy dungeon, dressed in stone-washed blue jeans, a velvet leopard print trench coat with matching high heel boots, my black hair braided in two plaits, each adorned with a big sunflower hair slide. And he, severe, all buttoned up in his black robes. It would probably cause a scandal and ruin his reputation if anyone at Hogwarts saw us two together.

"So will you finally offer me a glass of wine? The road was long and dusty." I brushed off some imaginary dust of my trench coat. "Or will you merely give me some slimy, bloody toad gallbladders and send me away thirsty?"

"Please make yourself comfortable and forgive my thoughtlessness- I just hadn't expected any visitors today."

No, of course not. I daresay he hardly received any visitors at all given that no one seemed to enjoy his company the way I did. I, however, liked his sarcasm and his dry, dark humour which most of the time wasn't even meant to be humorous. Like inviting me to make myself comfortable when his room so clearly lacked any cosy atmosphere; it was tidy but as impersonal as if he still hadn't learned to take more care for himself. As I took in the plain furnishings I couldn't help but wonder if the thin blanket on his bed would keep him warm in cold winter nights.

I didn't linger long; we drank a glass of wine together and talked about my progress in brewing the Wolfsbane Potion which reminded me that I had to complete it before the next full moon, so I kissed Severus goodbye and returned to Grimmauld Place.

Apparently the fact that I was avoiding Sirius didn't go unnoticed because Tonks wondered about that when both of us accompanied Moody on night patrol.

"What's wrong between you and Sirius?" She asked me unexpectedly as she watched me tearing down one of these old WANTED posters in Diagon Alley; it had become a habit of mine.

I felt torn between ignoring her question and telling her to mind her own business but in the end I merely shrugged, pretending not to get what she was about.

"You seemed to be quite close… I mean, he spent a lot of time in your room and I doubt you were only talking about the parchments Dumbledore…"

"Let me assure you that I never endangered his virtue," I cut her off, sharply, making a point that I didn't want to continue our conversation but Tonks was a headstrong witch who wouldn't give up that easily.

"Raven, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Remus told me what happened, that you took Sirius out- and I think that was a wonderful idea of yours given how much he_needed_ to get out. I guess you must like him a lot or else you wouldn't have taken that risk."

"What risk?" There hadn't been any risk nor would there ever be one as long as the wizarding community had their minds so strictly focussed on the belief that their world was the only real one and therefore superior to that of the Muggles, although it was actually one and the same… seen from different perspectives, that is. They would never expect one of their kind to disguise himself as a Muggle motorcyclist, especially not when he was an animagnus, and the newspapers had proven me right. Neither the _Daily_ _Prophet_ nor any of the Muggle papers had reported on recent spottings of Sirius Black. Actually the Muggle press had lost interest in him shortly after his prison break from Azkaban two years ago.

I glanced at Tonks, her pink hair now shining bright in the neon lights of Charing Cross Road. We were following Moody without really paying attention to where he led us. "It's not a matter of like or dislike but a matter of not tolerating injustice when I happen to stumble across it, and Sirius is the best example of what can happen to a man in the clutches of a regime which is so scared of losing power that it reacts in a totalitarian way to defend its influence. I'm a rebel, that's all."

She sighed. "I had hoped you and Sirius…"

"If you ever considered playing matchmaker- forget about it. I don't need anyone messing up my life more that I do."

"Constant Vigilance!" Moody growled, shooting us disapproving glances. He heaved a sigh. "Why is it that two of the best Aurors I ever trained have to behave like a pair of jabbering geese when they come in pairs?"

Though that had been a rhetoric question I answered it nevertheless. "Because we're women, dear Moody, which renders us unfathomable to the male mind."

As if I had to underline my words I stopped at a shopwindow, looking at the offerings. Only ten days until Christmas and I hadn't bought any presents yet... then I thought of Tonks trying to pair me off and came to the conclusion that Christmas was the perfect excuse to flee Grimmauld Place in order to pay my dear old mum a long overdue visit. The next day I booked a flight to Majorca.

-

The Port of Andratx was one of the most famous locations on the island of Majorca and decidedly the unofficial headquarters of international celebrities who owned luxury properties there. But instead of seeking the neighbourhood of famous people or sharing their spectacular sea view my dad had opted for a typically Majorcan rustic stone finca in the outskirts of Andratx town when retiring from his engagement in Las Vegas. Probably it was the madness of a plastic fantastic world and an overdose of neon lights that had made him chose the old but carefully restored country house over a modern villa. And it was a good choice, if only he'd had more time to enjoy it. Alas, my dad had died two years ago, totally unexpectedly. I still missed him terribly. No matter what I had fucked up in my life, I had always been Daddy's little sunshine and he had stood by me as solid as there ever was a rock.

After an approximately thirty minute ride from Palma airport I steered my Harley up the dusty path that led to the finca which was situated in an orchard of olive and orange trees, overlooking the valley. It was a beautiful location, sunny and tranquil although perhaps a bit too quiet, too isolated. I feared my mum would be lonely here but apparently I had worried in vain as the little armada of motor scooters parked in front of the house proved.

I took off my helmet and gave the house a scrutinizing look. A black cat was dozing on the threshold of the green painted door, green like the shutters of the windows. The old, withered trunk of a bougainvillea bush rose up to the roof, knotted and bare until it suddenly branched in a maze of twigs, leaves and pink blossoms framing the upper part of the house like a garland.

The cat didn't stir when I knocked the door; it merely lifted one lazy yellow eye at me and considered me unworthy of its attention so it dozed on. I entered the patio, full of potted palm trees and oleander, the sweet scent of jasmine lingering in the air. I heard voices coming from the kitchen on the left side.

"Mum!" I called. A moment later I was hugged and kissed, critically looked over, hugged and kissed again, by a white-haired witch, one head shorter than me and definitely rounder. Meanwhile a group of six or seven elderly ladies stared at me, curious to meet Nigella Lestrange's only child and freelance Auror. Then I was introduced to Maria, Elisabeth, Gertrud, Eugenia, Dorothea, Carmen and Isobelia- or, as Mum proudly pronounced, the Association of Majorcan Witches, locals as well as immigrants. Had I ever worried she might be lonely?

When I looked at her I realized again that I had clearly inherited the best from both of my parents. Dad had been tall and slender, and so was I, while Mum had given me great female curves and a pretty face; she still was a pretty witch.

A shrill shriek startled me and next something small in red with black polka dots hugged what part of me it could reach.

"Oh, young mistress is back, young mistress is back! Tweety is sooo happy. Look, Miss Raven, what the good mistress has bought Tweety at the market." The house elf posed in her dress, an absurdity of frills and lace. "Now Tweety looks just like a real Spanish Flamenco dancer." And she performed a staggering pirouette, one hand up in the air, a bare foot stomping the floor as she shouted, "Olé!"

"Yeah, you really are an Andalusian princess, Tweety," I said and almost choked with laughter. It was good to be back… well, at least until the charming witches realized that I was quite a pretty sight and not married which led to them trying to pair me off with their sons or grandsons.

"Mein Hans is a guter bayrischer boy, very strong, eats lots of Eisbein and Sauerkraut," Gertrud offered, and I panicked. Nothing against Germans but a good Bavarian boy who likes to eat a lot was definitely not what I had in mind for my perfect match. Fortunately Mum noticed my dilemma and silenced her friends, telling them that I was certainly tired from the long journey and needed a rest. I loved her compassionate understanding.

She handed me the keys of my tower, a small guesthouse with a separate entrance that was one floor higher than the rest of the finca. Downstairs was a living room with a fire place, upstairs was the bathroom and a bedroom which opened to a balcony from where I could overlook the garden and the swimming pool. Since I was on the road for most of the time the tower was probably the only place I could call home, stuffed with lots of memories collected throughout the years. Of course, I still had an apartment in LA but I was hardly there anymore.

Though it was December, only a few days till Christmas, the air was quite warm compared to London and the sun was shining from a cloudless sky. I decided to take a nap on the balcony, hoping that the crowd of witches would be gone when I woke up.

The next few days I enjoyed being pampered by Mum. We usually had breakfast together on the terrace, under the pergola that was overgrown by two more bougainvillea bushes, one with yellow blossoms, the other one in orange. I had to tell her everything that had happened in my life since we last met. And of course she wanted to know if I had finally found myself a nice man; I guess that's a thing that concerns mothers in general and mine in particular given that she had never approved to my fascination with rock stars or the affairs I had with some. I doubted she wanted to know I had kissed a man who had turned into a dog so I didn't tell her.

On one of the evenings we sat by the fire place, talking about Dad or watching old pictures, Mum handed me a small box. "Look what I found, dear."

I opened it curiously and was a bit surprised that it contained old photographs I had taken at Hogwarts- not the wizarding kind though, where everyone was smiling, happily waving… No, I preferred the real thing, to capture a moment and make it last.

"I kept them all the time. I thought you might want to take a look at them one day, and since you're now meeting old schoolmates again… I remember you mentioned Severus Snape the other day." Mum glanced over my shoulder while I looked at a young Severus smiling a real smile. "Oh, he was such a poor boy; I always pitied him when his horrible parents picked him up from King's Cross and wished I could take him home with us instead. No child should have to grow up with the feeling of being unwanted."

"Yeah," I agreed and remembered that we had in fact taken him home with us once, at the end of the fifth term. No one had bothered to pick him up from King's Cross and Lily had simply walked away with her parents, refusing to offer him a lift. A lonely boy on an empty platform with not enough coins in his pocket to afford the Knight Bus- ironically he had spent what little money he had gotten on a birthday present for Lily- needless to say that Dad wouldn't have left him there all on his onesies. So my parents took him home with us for the night, pampered him, overtaxed him with their kindness… shocked him thoroughly when Mum gently stroke his hair the next morning, asking, 'What would you like for breakfast, dear?'

And while flickering through some pictures of Lily and him I suddenly felt guilty for having abandoned him too, wondering if he'd have actually became a Death Eater if I had stayed at Hogwarts. But then another picture caught my eye, that of young Sirius in his carelessly handsome self, casually wiping a whisk of unruly dark hair out of his face. He still did that in the same casual way I realized, remembering our day out… Damned, I hadn't come here to think of him and yet I couldn't avoid it.

What was Sirius doing now? I wondered quite a few times until one evening I couldn't resist the temptation of throwing a bit of Floo powder in the fire place just to take a quick glance. I wished I hadn't. It's depressing to see someone you like sitting all alone in a gloomy kitchen, drinking wine in solitude. And from the kitchen of the finca came the chatter and laughter of mum's Association of Majorcan Witches. She would not be lonely if I didn't spend Christmas with her whereas Sirius… I couldn't stand the idea of him having no one's company except for a malicious house-elf who loathed him. Even Severus wouldn't be that alone for Christmas.

I walked into the kitchen where five witches baked cookies in three different languages; it was a mess. Tweety sat in a corner, apparently on strike, stains of flour on the lime green dress she was wearing today. The colour didn't suit her at all.

Most house-elves reacted offended rather than happy when their master or mistress provided them with clothes, therefore setting them free. Most house-elves don't even wish for clothes since they liked the slave-like bounds that kept them to a family- well, Tweety was definitely **not** like most house-elves. Though ugly as sin she believed she was Miss House-Elf and the kitchen was her catwalk where she could present the Haute Couture of her bad taste. Mind, I'm not saying she was lazy. Compared to Kreacher she was a diamond and of a charming character despite of her vanity. But who am I to blame her when she probably had gotten that from me… if only she had adopted my good style too.

"Raven, dear, what's up?" Mum asked in a way as if knowing I was troubled, always sensing my change of moods.

"Hm, I just found out that a friend of mine is all alone over Christmas and he looks very depressed…"

"So you want to keep his company, I understand. Now, darling, don't worry about me and go."

She was just wonderful. Never asking useless questions such as why he didn't go to visit some friends if he was lonely but trusting me that I wouldn't have brought up the topic if not for a good reason.

"You really don't mind?" I hesitated, feeling like a bad daughter who abandoned her poor mother. "Maybe I should stay… I mean, I don't even know if I can get a flight back to London before Christmas…"

"Darling, you know that you'll always get a seat even if the flight is totally booked out, and besides, why don't you travel like witches do? Use the Floo network. It works Europe-wide nowadays."

"You really don't mind?" I asked a second time but she just kissed my cheek and sent me to pack my things.

Half an hour later I had packed and magically reduced my Harley to a miniature model that fit in my bag. Mum provided me with some international cookies- almendranos, Vanillekipferl and ginger-nuts- as well as two bottles of local red wine. I kissed her goodbye and promised to come back soon, then I threw some Floo powder into the fireplace.

Long-distance travel via the Floo network was a nasty thing and I felt kind of _dishevelled_ when I finally stepped out of the fireplace in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, brushing ash off my clothes. Only to realize that Sirius wasn't as lonely as I had believed him to be since the kitchen was now crowded with a bunch of red-haired Weasley offspring and Harry Potter. Not that I minded their presence but for a second I thought about returning to Majorca right away, feeling cheated and my effort rendered superfluous. But too late.

"Raven!" Sirius beamed so brightly at me that it made my damned heart leap. There was no chance to take an unobtrusive leave now so I sat down and looked around, looking in worried and frightened teenager faces. Something must have happened, something horrible.

I soon found out that Arthur Weasley had been attacked by a gigantic snake while on duty for the order; Harry had seen it in a nightmarish vision. He had seen it from the snake's point of view. Little surprise that the poor boy was worried, confused and feeling guilty- although if it wasn't for the vision it was unlikely that Arthur would have been found and taken to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries where he was being treated now. No one knew yet how critical his condition was, and his children were desperately concerned, fearing for their father's life.

It was known that Harry had some sort of _connection_ to Voldemort, had had flashes of what he was up to before. His scar would hurt when Voldemort was in extreme moods, angry or happy. It was also known that Voldemort had a giant snake- Nagini- his pet beastie. And now that dangerous, venomous serpent of his was attacking members of the Order, digging its poisonous fangs in people who weren't exactly my friends but fighting for the same course…

Well, I didn't doubt that the healers at St. Mungo's were perfectly capable of creating an antidote. But the Ministry would do its best to hush things since these bureaucratic idiots refused to get it into their thick heads that Voldemort was back and therefore they'd also refuse to believe that he had a giant pet snake spreading its poison because people who are supposed to be dead don't own dangerous pets. However, since Voldemort wasn't dead we **did** have a dangerous, venomous serpent problem and no antidote available for other members of the Order in case of emergency unless I managed to get my delicate little thieving fingers on some of the original poison… I was almost on my way to St. Mungo's…

Sirius saw me leaving and followed me to the dimly lit corridor.

"Where are you going?" He asked in a low voice.

"St. Mungo's. It is my intention to weasel myself into the hospital, help myself to a few drops of Nagini poison so that I can create an antidote in case of further beastie attacks, and I'm meaning to do that with the means of Stealth and Concealment, reckless daring and a good dose of general lawlessness. Satisfied?"

To my surprise he didn't even try to stop me; he merely said, "Take care."

I arched a mocking brow at him. "Why, but I would have at least expected a heartily 'have fun' from a Marauder."

Sirius smirked, and I hastened to get away from him before the situation could get out of control again. He really was a dangerous man…

Security standards at St. Mungo's were lax but that might had something to do with the fact that they didn't expect an Auror to break in and steal some poison of a snake that, according to the Ministry, shouldn't even exist at all due to their hard core ignorance of its master's existence. Rolling my eyes I donned on one of these lime-green robes with the embroidered emblem of a wand and a bone, crossed, wondering if they looked good on anyone. Fortunately I was nicely tanned so the colour didn't offend the complexion of my skin too much.

I have never been a fan of the Polyjuice Potion since I didn't like to take on anybody else's look when mine was pretty enough but I knew quite a few nice charms that made people ignore me, look straight through me or forget they had ever seen me. That way it was no problem for me to get close enough to Arthur Weasley to make sure he was going to be alright. I found out that the poison in the snake's fangs was keeping wounds open so that no healer could close them. Therefore Arthur had to take a Blood Replenishing Potion every hour until they- or I- came up with an antidote. He was sleeping when I looked after him; Molly had just left and Bill was sitting with him. I placed a comforting hand on Bill's shoulder which almost made him jump.

"Yeah, I know, this shade of green doesn't suit me at all…"

"What are you doing here? You're not a healer, are you?"

"Nope, I'm a thief," I said and, cautiously looking around, presented the small phial with the snake's poison I had nicked. "A poison thief, to be more precisely. I doubt St Mungo's will supply the Order with enough antidote, and… well, we might need it."

He nodded, comprehending. Bill was a nice guy; I liked him a lot so I assured him that his dad would be alright.

I arrived at Grimmauld Place only minutes after Molly had spread the good news and that they could all go to see Arthur later, which also meant that they all would be staying over Christmas. Sirius was overjoyed while I- well, I would have returned to my mum in Majorca if not for the antidote. So I retired to my potions room next to the kitchen, not wanting to intrude on the Weasley's happiness and eager to start working. I had just closed the door when Sirius knocked, asking if I'd like some breakfast. I told him that a pot of strong coffee would do and asked him to also bring me pen and paper.

What was wrong with my request for an ordinary pen? Any pencil or biro would have done- but no, he had to bring me a quill and ink, not knowing that it would turn out a mess. Half an hour later I was thoroughly smeared with ink and couldn't read my notes because of all the splashes on the parchment. Slightly irritated I left the room in search for something else to write with, preferably something that wouldn't make me look as if I wasn't completely incapable of writing at all, when I bumped into Sirius who was in such a splendid mood that he had the nerve to think the stains of ink on my nose cute. I felt tempted to dunk his head into a large pot of ink but his good mood was so infectious that I joined in his laughter.

Wasn't that what I had intended in the first place when leaving Majorca, leaving my mum- to see him cheer up, smiling as cheekily as he used to do in old pictures of his? To see more than just fleeting glimpses of the casually handsome teenage I had known flickering over his features, occasionally? Hadn't I wished to make them last, wished to make the spectre of Azkaban still hovering over him like a ghostly shadow disappear? And yet I shied away from him now, eager to return to the privacy of my cauldrons…

He caught my arm, holding me tight. "I'm wondering- why did you come back for Christmas when you're trying so hard to avoid me?"

I was at a momentarily loss. Of course I could have told him to leave me alone but his grip was as daringly as his proximity was, and in the end I gave in with a sigh. "Sirius, you transformed into a dog…"

"You don't like dogs? Hm, Harry and his friends assured me that Snuffles is such a loveable stray."

"That may be, but Harry never**kissed** you. I'm sorry, but I take it personally when the men I kiss change into something big and hairy afterwards and I still have to overcome the traumatic experience of that _furry_ feeling in my mouth…"

"Oh." Obviously that idea had never crossed his mine before. Men can be so… thick, so insensitive. Fortunately he spared me the excuse that only in his Animagnus form he could have kept a werewolf in check, thus making it sound heroically. Instead he said solemnly, "I swear I'll never do it again," and he clearly wasn't referring to not kissing me again because he leant closer to me, whispering, "Will you give me another chance?"

"Mayhap," I replied coolly although I definitely wasn't. His cheerful mood rendered him way too bold and I had to be careful to not get carried away. Damned, I couldn't use any distraction now. I ducked away under his arm, out of the danger zone, mumbling, "Sorry, mate… I'm busy… Nagini antidote…"

I spent the next days in my potions room, trying to figure out what I called the _code_ of the snake's venom and creating an antidote. Christmas came and though I wasn't in the mood for any festivities I was almost forced to join in when I woke up Christmas morning without even having noticed I had fallen asleep, and found a woollen cloth wrapped around my shoulders. A mohair stole, to be more precise, black, with long fringes at the ends, and sunflower print. It was exactly the same stole I had seen in a shopwindow the day before leaving for Majorca; I had actually asked Tonks to go there and reserve one for me but as it seemed she had told Sirius about it instead. Still trying to pair us off. I guess he wouldn't mind at all while I… well I was too busy for that now. At least I left the solitude of my room to thank him and I did him the favour of joining the merry round for lunch. He was so happy to have the house crowded with people, his good mood was really infectious.

After lunch the Weasleys went to pay Arthur another visit and I went back to work. For the next few days I hardly left the solitude of my potions room, brooding over the perfect antidote. If I had set my mind on something I could be quite persistent, not giving up until I succeeded.

Sometime Severus dropped by late at night in order to thank me for the Christmas present I had given him- a warm blanket made of black velvet. Typical for him there was a faint trace of sarcasm in his voice though that was probably only because he didn't know of any other way to express his gratitude. Or maybe he simply wasn't used to getting presents that were not specifically for his intellect but for his personal well-being.

He felt so much more comfortable when I showed him my notes and asked for his opinion; now he was on familiar grounds again. I studied his face while he studied my notes but his expression remained unfathomable. In the end he didn't find anything to criticise which was as good as a praise.

Severus gave me a book entitled_Experimental Potions, A Guide to the Development of Daring Novelties_,carefully wrapped as a present. I doubted the Ministry of Magic would approve to any of the stuff described in it, and probably he had even bought it in Knockturn Alley, but it proved to be very helpful at a point when I was at a total loss because one of my attempts in creating an antidote ended with an exploding rat; it was quite a mess.

Things improved after that incident, and one day I finally succeeded. With a bright smile and the intention to let all of them know that I found the antidote to Nagini's poison I entered the kitchen… but my smile dissolved into nothing the moment I saw Sirius and Severus facing each other with such hatred on their faces, wands at the ready. The only thing that stopped them from starting of a duel was the small figure of Harry Potter standing between them, looking kind of helpless.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" I shouted resolutely and two wands came flying into my hand. Severus and Sirius shot me bewildered glances. "Why is it that men always have to behave like fighting cocks?"

"He called me a coward," Sirius snapped, and Severus sneered. For some strange reason they seemed to expect I would take the side of any of them, but they were wrong. They were **not** going to make me chose the one over the other.

"Ah, and instead of a scathing retort you decided to hex him? You make me sick, both of you." I turned to Harry, saying softly. "Step aside, boy. It's so much easier to bang their thick heads together when there's no one standing between them."

He gaped at me. Oh, I would have loved to do that but I contained myself because Severus was Harry's teacher and I didn't want the boy to gloat over him while pitying Sirius. His loathing for Severus was just as strong as Sirius'.

"Really, I locked myself in for days, trying to come up with an antidote just to keep all of us safe but now it seems to me I've been wasting my time. Go on, fight and kill each other so you spare Voldemort the trouble. There's still the chance he laughs himself to death over you."

Totally pissed off I dropped their wands and left the kitchen, too tired to give a damn about any of them any longer. I wanted a hot bath and sleep… then I bumped into the Weasleys who were just entering, Arthur amongst them.

"Cured" he announced brightly.

"Great news," I said as I squeezed past him, not in the mood to celebrate his recovery.


	7. the Naughty Quill

Sorry, I've been a bit lazy lately but here's another chapter. Hope you like it. Please review! Feedback will help me to overcome my writer's block...

* * *

7- the Naughty Quill

I slept for almost twenty hours, then I took a hot bath and busied myself with much needed beauty care which I had clearly neglected these past few days- ah, the discomforts of intensive research. My hair looked a mess and my lovely tan was gone. I applied a rich crème on my face and relaxed with a glass of Majorcan wine, listening to music before going to bed again.

The next morning I walked into the kitchen and realized that I must have missed Harry and the Weasleys' departure by oversleeping because the house was quiet again. They were gone and Sirius looked sullen, brooding over a cup of coffee Kreacher had brewed him. I quickly transformed it into something more tasteful, knowing he liked his coffee strong, black and sweet. It didn't seem to cheer him up though.

Since I had spent too many days in the solitude of my potions room to bear the presence of bad-tempered people I opted for going out. I could use a haircut and a manicure, and I hadn't been to Kensington High Street for ages or so it seemed to me. There was nothing better to celebrate the successful creation of a new antidote than a shopping trip; it was exactly the distraction I needed now.

The day after Batman came in with a Muggle newspaper, dropped it on the table, and gave me a nasty glance. Shivering. Wrapping his leathery wings around him as if half frozen. As if he wanted to make me feel guilty for the impertinence of sending him out into the cold, grey January skies… we've had an argument some weeks ago when he had refused to come out of his little bat home for days, apparently intending to hibernate. I, however, had threatened to abandon him and leave him to the care of an animal shelter if he wouldn't move his furry ass up in the air and do what a bat who wanted to be an owl was supposed to do. That had decidedly changed his mind although he liked to behave like a badly mistreated creature now. I swear if he could he would have burst out with tears, fishing for sympathy.

"Get a grip on yourself," I told him, "I named you after a fictional superhero so please act like one."

Tonks chuckled while Lupin merely rolled his eyes and Sirius kept on brooding. That moment an owl arrived with the latest issue of the_Daily__Prophet_. We almost forgot to pay it for we all stared at today's headline.

_Mass breakout from Azkaban. Ministry fears Black is 'rallying point' for old Death Eaters._

"What?" I gasped, absolutely taken aback. "Have they gone totally nuts now?"

Lupin read the article to us. Ten high-security prisoners including Bellatrix Lestrange nee Black, Sirius' cousin, had escaped in the early hours of yesterday evening, and since Sirius was the first person ever to break out of Azkaban they believed he was likely to help others follow in his footsteps. The Ministry of Magic had already informed the Muggle Prime Minister… blah, blah, blah. I couldn't believe it. Sirius was innocent, when would they ever get it? But instead of anyone trying to clear his name it was even more discredited now. Did no one give a damn?

I thumped the table with my fist, clearly upset. "We gotta do something about it!"

"What do you want to do, Raven?" Lupin asked matter-of-factly. "There isn't anything we can do."

"We can't tolerate the bloody Ministry spreading lies…"

"This isn't about truth or lies. It's about keeping our heads down and our tempers under control…"

"No!" I cut him off, almost shouting. Then I calmed down again although only temporarily. "That's Dumbledore's wisdom, I suppose? To sit out the storm and wait for better weather? Why not try to master it, defy it? Is it only because Dumbledore fears he could fall in disgrace with Fudge even more? I wonder, did you see the scars on Harry's hand, Lupin? I will not tell lies- blast, he's telling the truth and we all know that otherwise the Order of the Phoenix itself would be kinda superfluous, wouldn't it? Now I'm asking you- is Dumbledore's reputation really worth the fact we're willing to allow kids to be tortured at school for telling the truth?"

"It's not about Dumbledore's reputation. If the Ministry believes he keeps on causing them more trouble than they can afford he could end up in Azkaban, and we don't want to have him locked up. Dumbledore is the only one You-Know-Who ever feared…"

"Well that's exactly the method of tyrannical regimes- they silence their political opponents, lock them up, kill them. We have to fight that! What about the freedom of speech? Hey, we don't live in medieval times when people knew not better than to be moral cowards in the face of their godlike rulers; we live in the twentieth century and we know about democracy now, therefore I will **not** keep my head down."

"And you're obviously not able to keep your temper under control." Sirius interjected but he sounded amused if not admiring.

"Well, to tell the truth I'm not even trying to when confronted with tyranny merely because Fudge is so fucking scared of losing the power he's grown so fond of that he clutches it tightly by any and all means. Not caring that he acts more and more like a dictator… I'm sorry, but I can't sit back and take things easy if that means accepting the violation of human rights."

"And yet there's nothing we can do about it." Lupin told me in an impassionate tone. Maybe he'd never heard of human rights before. "We can't fight the Ministry of Magic **and** Voldemort all at the same time; we'd be clearly outnumbered if we tried to do so. We have to cope…"

"No," I cut him off again, more livid now, "we won't. 'Cause if we do we'll lose. Don't you see what's going on? The wizarding nation is clinging to the lips of Fudge as the only opinion allowed, unaware of the danger ahead, and with every day Voldemort's growing stronger. If we don't start a revolution now and see to it that the people learn the truth he will win for no one fears someone who's supposed to be dead… they will look at him in bewilderment and knuckle under his whims, just that easily. Although- you're right in one point, Lupin. We can't _fight_ on two fronts, at least not if fighting means actual combat. But what I have in mind is something else, like… like…"

"Like that?" The voice came from a pile of rags on a chair near the fireplace, and as the rags stirred a whiff of unwashed clothes, cold tobacco smoke and stale booze filled the air. Mundungus reached into his pocket and held up a crumbled piece of paper.

With the tips of my freshly manicured, cherry-red nails I snatched the paper from him. He was a mightily useful member of the Order since he knew all the crooks (for his was one himself) and therefore heard things the others didn't but that smell of his made me avoid his proximity. I smoothed out the paper on the kitchen table and realized that it was a pamphlet entitled _The Naughty Quill_. Apparently there was someone else out there in the wizarding world who didn't buy every word the Ministry says either, who had voiced all his criticism in a well-written, slightly sarcastic article.

"Where did you get that from?" I inquired, impressed, for the author was asking some very sensible questions like why Dumbledore would make up Voldemort's return only to become Minister of Magic himself if he had never wanted the job before. The author was also of the opinion that Dumbledore was a too powerful wizard to use such a lie, thus coming to the conclusion whether it could be that the Ministry preferred to ignore the warning of Voldemort's return because if they accepted the truth they would have to face trouble they were unable to cope with.

"Leaky Cauldron." Mundungus said. "Some owls dropped a shower of these leaflets."

"And do you have any idea of who's written them?" I really wanted to meet the one responsible for that wonderfully rebellious stuff, thinking that it should be published nationwide. An independent voice that would finally made the wizarding world believe what's really going on, that there was actual danger ahead. If a fifteen-year-old, Harry, had the nerve to put up an unauthorized Defence against the Dark Arts group right under the nose of the Hogwarts High Inquisitor then we adults ought to be able to do something similarly mutinous. Especially since we had nothing to lose, like risking getting expelled.

Unfortunately Mundungus shook his head. "Nope." Then he flashed me a broad smile. "But I can find out if you want…"

"Please."

Lupin gave me a sceptical glance. Though he was positively grateful for me brewing his Wolfsbane Potion he still wasn't certain what to think of me. I was too posh, too vain, and also too mutinous for his liking, and I assumed he often wondered whether I was help or harm to the Order. To him I was a wild card, unpredictable.

"What exactly is it that you are intending to do once you know who is responsible for these flyers?" He asked warily.

"Well, I guess that depends on the impression he gives me." I told him, not knowing it either. Not now. I had to meet that person and find out where his alliances lay, which course he was supporting, before I could come up with any further plans. But I was curious, so curious…

Mundungus didn't let me down. He didn't let me accompany him on night patrol though, claiming that the people he was going to meet weren't likely to trust strangers… _'no__matter_ _how__pretty__they_ _are'_, he told me with a lecherous smile curling up his lips as he glanced me up and down, and I felt the hair at the back of my neck standing up in abhorrence. I wasn't that keen on accompanying him, then. But he proved to be a reliable source of information when he told me what he had found out the morning after, handing me another leaflet.

It had almost the same headline as yesterday's _Daily Prophet _except for three broad question marks, indicating that the _Naughty__Quill_ did**not** believe in the Ministry's theory that Sirius Black was the new leader of escaped Death Eaters. The author rather believed the mass breakout was a proof of Voldemort's return to power and uttered his doubt that Sirius had ever been his man…

"The Naughty Quill seems to know you," I said, glancing at Sirius, "at least he knows that you got Sorted into Gryffindor against your family's tradition."

"That's hardly a secret. Anyone at Hogwarts knew."

"And he believes you're innocent- well, that's what I read between the lines."

"I don't like it." Lupin threw in, thoughtfully. "Whoever writes that has to stop…"

"What?" I gaped at Lupin, thinking he had gone nuts. "Finally there's someone who believes in Sirius' innocence and you want him to stop? What kind of a friend are you?"

"One who does care, and who only has his best interest in mind- don't worry about that- but unlike you I am able to see further, the greater scheme of it all, and I am aware of the trouble this sort of press could afflict on Dumbledore if the Ministry of Magic chooses to believe he his responsible for it."

"But he isn't!" I snapped defiantly. Damned, there was a possible chance to clear Sirius' name, or at least to make public the incredible injustice that had happened to him. I would not let that go by without giving it a try, nor would I even consider silencing the only independent, critical voice of the wizarding world.

"I know, but Fudge might…"

"To hell with Fudge! He's a bloody wanker." I knew that Lupin merely tried to voice his concern, that he was probably the most sensible of us, and yet he made me unreasonably angry. He was clearly Dumbledore's man, unfaltering.

Lupin heaved a frustrated sigh, realizing there was no reasoning with me. He looked at Sirius for support as if he alone was able to take the wind our of my sails. "Please say something."

"Why don't we wait until Raven has found out who is behind these leaflets?" Tonks asked before Sirius could take the word. She flashed me a smile of approval, clearly misinterpreting my rebellious attitude with romantic feelings I secretly harboured for her cousin. Of course she was wrong but she made sense with what she said. "We can still decide if the _Naughty Quill_has to be stopped or not **after** Raven has paid that person a visit; we need to know more about him- or her- before we come up with rash conclusions. And as far as I know the Ministry isn't aware of these pamphlets yet."

"Yeah, Tonks is right." Sirius agreed.

So it came that about an hour later I followed Mundungus down Knockturn Alley, dressed for the occasion. It was a cold, windy January morning; my long, black coat was billowing behind me and the heels of my cowboy boots made clattering noises on the cobble stones. We passed creatures, vaguely human- I supposed- clad in black robes, hiding their pale faces as we walked by. I was dressed all in black, too. Well, except for my cherry-red lipstick which stuck out here so brightly since it seemed to be the only source of colour around.

Mundungus stopped at a shabby looking house, the paint peeling on its walls. It didn't look shabbier than the rest of its surroundings though for we were hardly in an area of London where the flat prices used to explode to astronomic prices.

"It's in the basement," he told me. And let me go down there alone, waiting at the doorway.

I walked down the staircase, darkness closing in on me. My wand at the ready, spreading a diffuse light while curiosity made me go on, cautiously… trying to _sense_ any kind of danger that was possibly lying ahead… I was quite good at that- having been an unpopular kid at Hogwarts had to have some advantage in the end. If you don't want to get bullied constantly you have to sharpen your senses in order to be a step ahead of your tormentors so you can parry their jinxes before they hit you. You also learn non-verbal spells much earlier than other kids; it's a matter of self-defence.

I reached a door. There was no sign on it but I could hear the sound of a printing press in the room behind; it made quite a noise so I didn't even bother to knock the door. Whoever was in there wouldn't hear me anyway. He also didn't see me when I entered for he was standing with his back to me, bent over the old-fashioned printing press. Cursing about its poor technology.

Very interesting. He was clearly Muggle born, I concluded, and definitely not the most cautious wizard since I couldn't detect any protection charms.

With a sigh I walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. He winced, turned around to face me and made quite an ineffective attempt to reach for his wand.

I tsked. "Oh my, if I wanted to harm you, you'd long be dangling upside down in the air without even having noticed I jinxed you. But since it's quite inconvenient to talk to someone who's dangling in the air…"

"Who are you?" he breathed, backing away from me. "What do you want?"

"To answer the first question- my name doesn't matter. All you need to know is that I'm an Auror..."

"Shit, I'm in trouble!"

He should have thought about that before spreading critical pamphlets or at least put some efficient protection charm on his door. I took a closer look at him and realized he was quite a handsome man, only a few years younger than I. It was obviously that he took great care of himself; his shoulder length brown hair was cut in a modern style, with blonde highlights, and his skin was tanned. So he knew that there were hairdressers and solariums which proved his Muggle background. But he was definitely a wizard or he wouldn't have rented this place at Knockturn Alley. He also wouldn't have known what an Auror is.

"Well, that depends on your cooperation…"

"Ah, so the Ministry takes offence in the questions I'm asking and therefore sends one of her bloodhounds to silence me. I might get away with a reproach if I promise to step back in line and behave just like any ordinary wizard who's never heard of the freedom of the press, the freedom of speech, or any other human rights."

"Oh no, I'd never ask that," I assured him, shuddering at the very thought of it. "Besides, I'm not working for the Ministry- I'm a freelance."

A crease appeared between his eyes as he glanced at me, slightly confused. It didn't render his features less attractive. "So what is it that you want?"

I took one of the leaflets from the printing press, studying it. _Why was the wizarding world teeming with Dementors when Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban? Where are they now when ten high security prisoners escaped? _Good questions although I personally didn't mind the absence of Dementors and so did the _Naughty Quill_. He came to the conclusion that the Ministry might have lost control over them but wanted to hush that fact. It made perfect sense to me.

"Are you spreading these pamphlets only in the London area?"

He eyed me warily before he nodded, regretting that he couldn't spread them nationwide due to his lack of money. It was his intention to make the wizarding world aware of what was going on, what he _believed_ was going on, even though he didn't have a clue. He didn't _know_ the truth but the behaviour of the Ministry of Magic was decidedly startling him- he simply wasn't someone who took the violation of human rights easily and he saw that from the point of a Muggle-born. From the point of someone who came from a politically interested family… and he really wasn't good at Occlumency at all since I could read in him like in an open book. He definitely wasn't the greatest of all wizards but he had a clearly defined opinion of what's right or wrong- kind of rebellious for the wizarding world though mightily appreciated by me. I would **not** stop him. If money was the problem that hindered him from spreading his revolutionary pamphlets nationwide I would see to it that his problem was going to be solved; it was just something I **had** to do…

I gave him a surreptitious sidelong glance and realized that I had seen the _Naughty Quill_ before, quite a long time ago. In my last year at Hogwarts. He looked different now but so did all of us who had matured. Nevertheless there was something in his face that reminded me of a scared little boy who got Sorted into Ravenclaw the first night of my short sixth year… if only I could come up with a name… then, suddenly, it struck me.

"Samuel Blair," I whispered.

He stared at me as if someone had drawn a curtain, apparently remembering me too. "And you're the girl who ran away from Hogwarts in my first year… Raven Lestrange?"

"Yep, I fear that's me," I replied casually.

"Hm, you seem to have a rebellious streak..."

"I hate it when people figure me out that easily."

"Well, I still don't know why you're here."

"Out of curiosity. I wanted to find out who's writing these pamphlets before making up my mind whether you have to be stopped or encouraged. I'm opting for the latter- although we're having a tiny little problem here." I remembered what Lupin had said about Dumbledore. The Ministry of Magic was under no circumstances to believe he was responsible for the _Naughty Quill_ and the only way to guarantee that would be to criticise Dumbledore as well, though in a moderate tone. For instance, we could ask why he as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot had let it happen that people had been sent to Azkaban without a trial.

It was good to see that Samuel Blair thought that scandalous and started to rant about the injustice of the wizarding legal system which lacking an interest in evidence, relied on personal prejudice and didn't even grant the defendant the help of a lawyer. I was beginning to like Sam.

"Yeah, their main interest seem to be to get the trial over and done, and they don't even scruple to send an innocent man to a lifetime sentence in Azkaban without a trial. Lawyers would only be an unnecessary nuisance, a waste of precious time"

"Someone had been send to Azkaban although he was innocent?" Sam gasped.

"Well, you were right to assume that Sirius Black was never Voldemort's man and he surely isn't the rallying point for any escaped Death Eaters now." I told him, sounding almost casually but carefully studying his expression. Though Samuel Blair was not a great wizard- I really had to tell him to put some protection charms on his door- he wasn't dumb; he was of a quick wit and understood the whole meaning of my words.

"He's innocent? And you know him? You know where he is hiding?"

"Probably, but even if I knew I wouldn't give anything away."

"That's understandable… although, an exclusive interview would be his chance to tell the wizarding world the truth." His eyes were sparkling as if he already had the Pulitzer Prize in mind- provided that there was a wizarding equivalent which of course there wasn't.

Wasn't it what I had came here for? To see if there was any chance to tell the wizarding world the truth about the injustice that had happened to him? And yet I didn't have the slightest clue how to realise a meeting between Sirius and Sam. It was one thing to ride my bike to a lonely cliff with Sirius disguised as a Muggle motorcyclist on my buddy seat but a completely different one to even think about smuggling him into Knockturn Alley, just around the corner of the heart of wizarding commerce. And I certainly didn't want to take Sam to Grimmauld Place since I preferred to keep anything considering the Order of the Phoenix secret to him.

"Well, I'll think about that," I told Sam before I left with the intention to talk things over with Sirius, and him alone. Lupin would be strictly against it and pester me with the fact that Dumbledore was unlikely to approve to it since Dumbledore wanted Sirius to lie low and play the perfect host to those who risked their lives for the Order, without realizing that some men are not made to be kept in golden cages. Yes, it was definitely meant well but it nevertheless made Sirius only sullen and depressed.

At the threshold I stopped and turned around; the lack of protection spells was plainly irritating. I touched the door with my wand. "Just in case I'll come back, I'd like to find you safe and sound. Not transported to Azkaban by the Ministry nor made the plaything of some Death Eaters who might think it inappropriate for a Muggle born to make such a stir… You really have to be more cautious, Sam."

That evening we had a meeting at Grimmauld Place; almost the whole Order was assembled to discuss the mass breakout from Azkaban and its consequences. We didn't come up with anything really spectacular but I hadn't expected that anyway. Maybe we could have done more if not for Dumbledore, if he had allowed more resistance against the Ministry. But well, I knew the reasons for that so I kept my mouth shut most of the time since it wouldn't sit well with the others if I started my own private rebellion now.

At the end of the meeting I handed out small phials of the antidote to everyone. Most of them approved to my attempt in keeping them safe but Moody eyed the phial suspiciously, his magical eye rotating wildly. He seemed to be reluctant to take anything he hadn't brew himself. It was so typical.

"Listen, mate, I know you don't drink anything that's not from your own flask," I said, facing him stubbornly, "but please do me the favour and make an exception just in case you ever get bitten by a gigantic snake. Before you bleed to death I want you to overcome your paranoia that someone's trying to poison you- because at that time you will be definitely poisoned- and just swallow this."

He grumbled something unintelligible and put the phial away. I thought that was a good sign.

I really wanted to talk to Sirius tonight but the kitchen was still quite crowded and people lingered who usually didn't. Like Severus, who never stayed long. Tonight, however, he asked to have a word with me in private so I led him to my potions room.

Of course he knew more about the breakout than he'd told us. He was Dumbledore's spy and gave his report to Dumbledore alone who then decided which facts he'd share with us, always the perfect secret monger. I was aware that Severus' task was extremely dangerous; he risked his life more than anyone else in the Order. I could see it in his face since he looked pale and strained, and I wished Dumbledore would give him a break.

"You alright?" I asked him gently.

It was one of these questions he deemed too insignificant to answer. Without further ado he asked to have a look at my notes instead. Was he just as paranoid as Moody and didn't trust anyone else to create an effective antidote?

"Are you looking for anything specific?"

"It's stronger than that of St Mungo's," he arched an approving brow at me and I felt flattered.

"I decided to let it mature for two days and the rats appreciated that."

"Rats?"

"White rats, to be more precisely. I tested it on them before…" absent-mindedly I scratched my arm when the meaning of what Severus had just said dawned upon me. "What d'you mean with _it's_ _stronger_?"

"You didn't!" He snarled, ignoring my question as he grabbed my arm to examine it. The wound where I had pierced it had almost faded but was still visible enough for him to know what I had done. All colour seemed to have drained from his face which was suddenly only inches from mine, and he gave the impression as if he wanted to strangle me, give me a good shaking, slap me… whatever- anything that would remind me to never do something so daringly stupid again.

"Stop fretting," I told him though it was nice to see that he did. Nevertheless I shot him a stubborn glance, "seven out of ten rats survived but I had to test it on someone human to figure out the right dose…"

"If you needed a test subject why didn't you try it on Lupin or Black?" Severus asked with a dangerously silky voice.

"As far as it concerns the first, he's a werewolf." I didn't even try to find reasons why I hadn't used Sirius as guinea pig since it had never crossed my mind to test the antidote on anyone but me, which, though it clearly infuriated Severus, nevertheless did not answer my last question. So instead of adding anything that could inflame his loathing of Sirius even more I asked him again, "How do you know that the antidote the healers of St Mungo's created isn't as strong as mine?"

Severus looked me in the eye, his orbs black and cold, apparently lacking any warmth. "Because the Dark Lord wished the antidote to be destroyed and therefore sent his loyal servant to comply with his wish."

If he thought he could shock me or repel me with the truth he was wrong. Every member of the Order of the Phoenix knew he used to be a Death Eater once and spied on them for Dumbledore now but unlike most of them I didn't question his loyalty. I had faith in him for reasons I couldn't fathom, and despite of the fact that I knew he was very skilled in Occlumency. Also, I believed myself capable of reading between the lines. I reached out to touch his face, my hand warm against his cool skin.

"But the loyal servant did not destroyed the antidote before he had identified its ingredients, just in case… and you're fretting 'bout me"

"I am not fretting." Severus pointed out, calmly.

"However, I want you to take care of yourself, Sev. You're risking so much more than any of us."_And yet there's no point in constantly rubbing Sirius' nose in it that he's not risking his life every day_, I thought, wishing they'd stop bitching at each other and come to realize that they're on the same side now. After all, Sirius was definitely **not** happy with having to hide in this horrible house. Which reminded me that I wanted to talk to him about Samuel Blair, the _Naughty Quill_.

"It's a rare pleasure to realise someone is actually willing to appreciate my efforts." Severus said, his voice soft and yet dripping with sarcasm that seemed to be out of place here. I hugged him, tightly, and as usual he stiffened first, so clearly not used to being hugged that he probably saw it as an invasion in his privacy, if not as a downright attack, before he finally relaxed. Even Severus Snape needed affection sometimes, or perhaps he needed it more than anyone else I knew.

I breathed a friendly kiss on his cheek. "Please be careful, Sev."

He glanced at me and bit back whatever snipe remark had been on his tongue. Nodding curtly he left, his travelling cloak billowing behind him like the wings of an overgrown bat. But well, I liked bats.

The kitchen was empty when I returned and a look at the clock told me that it was too late for a private conversation with Sirius now. I would not knock the door of his room. What I had to tell him wasn't that important.

-

Sirius shot me a sceptical glance after I had told him about Samuel Blair two days later. Somehow there hadn't been an opportune moment before since I could do very well without Lupin or anyone else reminding him to lie low until Dumbledore decided otherwise.

"I'm wondering why you care about my reputation if some days ago you wanted to bang my head against greasy Sniv- ouch!" He rubbed his cheek as if someone had just slapped him but I was sitting at a safe distance. That didn't mean I hadn't attached a Slapping Jinx to the disparagement of Severus' name; I had never liked that. It was about time he stopped calling him _Snivellus_. We weren't at school anymore.

"Yes, and next time you behave like idiots I will actually do it, but what is between you and Severus doesn't change the fact that you had to endure terrible injustice which we have to make public. The Ministry of Magic isn't to get away with it. So, are you in for a little revolution?"

He gave the impression as if he wanted to jump up at once but then he slouched again. "No one will believe I'm innocent. The only witnesses who saw the bloody traitor alive were a werewolf and three teenagers." Sirius sounded frustrated.

"That means you've got four witnesses- I guess that's not too bad for a start. And besides, you're not at a trial. This is to accuse to Ministry of having sent you to Azkaban without a trial. We can still sue them later."

He let out a bitter laugh. "You want to sue the Ministry of Magic?"

"Why not?" Though I had merely said that to cheer him up the idea wasn't that absurd. "Why not demand a compensation payment for all the years you've been innocently imprisoned?"

"You're mad. I don't even know how to get to Knockturn Alley and meet Sam without being spotted by loyal followers of the Ministry or some Death Eater…" And yet he was eager to go the sooner the better. Perhaps all those snipe remarks from Severus had made him daring, longing for an adventure to break the monotony of his miserable life at Grimmauld Place.

Well, I already had an idea; all I needed was Moody's cooperation. Unfortunately he didn't show up at the headquarters for another three days before I could finally ask him if he'd loan me his Invisibility Cloak.

He glanced at me warily with his normal eye while his magical one was rotating so wildly it made me dizzy. I concentrated hard on ignoring it.

"Do I want to know what you need my Invisibility Cloak for?" Moody asked in a growling voice- he had never been much of a charmer.

"Nope," I assured him but told him nevertheless; I thought I owed him the truth because the old scar face had always been fair to me. He heard me out. It was impossible to read his face though for all the scars that had rendered it unfathomable- you can't figure out the expression of a gnarled, withered, old olive tree either. Anyway, Moody might not look like a top model but he had a good heart, and although he didn't really approve to my plan he nevertheless knew it was important to me, that I would come up with another one if he chose to decline my request, so he nodded in the end. Of course not without reminding me of _**Constant**__**Vigilante!**_ Well, that was typically Mad Eye Moody.

"I need it back this evening, six o'clock," he said as he handed me his Invisibility Cloak.

Fortunately it was still early in the morning, actually so early that no one but us was in the kitchen. Sirius and I would have enough time to get to Knockturn Alley, have a chat with Sam, and be back in time.

"I wouldn't ask for it if I knew where to buy one."

"Good Invisibility Cloaks are hard to find. Of course, any ordinary traveling cloak can be imbued with a Bedazzling Hex or a Disillusionment Charm in order to make it function as an Invisibility Cloak but the better ones are woven from Demiguise hair. Those you only find on the black market… or at the Ministry of Magic. They confiscated many Invisibility Cloaks," Moody fell silent when Sirius came shuffling into the kitchen, looking unkempt and unshaven, sleep in his eyes.

Though he would be hidden under Moody's Invisibility Cloak most of the time I refused to go out with him like that, so I brew him a strong coffee and told him to get a shave and comb his hair. I had no idea why men always tended to neglect themselves when they're frustrated because I would always try to overcome my fits of frustration with a visit to a beauty parlor, hairdresser, nail designer- or going shopping. But well, since he couldn't leave the house to do any of that I was willing to forgive him. Especially when even Moody arched a surprised brow about the way Sirius looked, _disguised_as a Muggle. He was wearing the clothes I had given him on our first day out and they still looked good on him. There was definitely no resemblance with his old Wanted! posters.

"Very clever idea," Moody assured me in a tone that made it clear he would have never imagined what a shave, a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt could do. Wizards were really strange people, much too complicated in their way of thinking only of hexes, jinxes, charms and spells instead of coming up with the most simple solution.

We apparated straight to the backyard of the Leaky Cauldron from where we entered Diagon Alley. I had told Sirius to stay close to me and not get lost in the crowd but I wondered if that had been such a good idea. He stayed close, close enough for an occasional touch to show me he was still there. A fleeting brush at my arm, a hand on my shoulder, on my hip… he made me nervous. I'd never go out with a man wearing an Invisibility Cloak because you couldn't hiss at him to keep his fingers to himself without getting odd looks from passers-by, which I clearly wanted to avoid.

On the staircase down to Sam's office I finally had enough. "Sirius! Just because no one can see you doesn't mean that **you** can't see and I'm sure you don't need your paws on my backside to find your way down the stairs." I snapped.

"You wanted me to stay close," he whispered in my ear, much too close. I could feel his warm breath on my skin.

"Yep, and now I want you to take off the Invisibility Cloak so that I can see your hands." No more surprises or coincidental touches, I wanted to keep a safe distance from him.

It was bewildering to see two hands dancing in the air in front of my eyes when there were only the two hands without the rest of the body visible. I thought about slapping him if only I was sure that I'd hit him.

"Are you certain we're safe here?" Sirius had the nerve to ask when it was for safety reasons I had told him to take off the Invisibility Cloak in the first place. My safety, my virtue.

"Don't worry. I'm an Auror, remember. I'll protect you in case there's a Death Eater lurking in the dark."

He laughed as he took off the Invisibility Cloak, smiling cheekily, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Oh, it was great to see he was having fun but I'd prefer him less bold, less dangerous… there was a reason why I'd had a serious crush on him as a teenager and I had to tell myself that I wasn't a teenager anymore. I was a woman… well, and he was a man. Not as carelessly handsome as the teenage boy anymore but nevertheless still attractive. And still much too close… where were the Death Eaters when you needed them? One would be enough just to give some vent before the situation could get out of control again…

"Raven? Is that you?" The door of Sam's office opened and he stood at the threshold, looking at us almost kissing. I darted down the last few steps, slightly confused but glad about the distraction.

"Hi Sam, nice to meet you." I shook his hand and then pointed my head at Sirius. "Guess you remember him?"

"Of course I do." Sam glanced at Sirius with the same expression I had often seen at school when students, especially younger ones, found themselves acknowledged by the coolest kids at Hogwarts. Some of them had actually seen it as a privilege to get hexed for the fun of James and Sirius- I hadn't expected Sam to have been one of their admirers though, I had thought him more clever.

We entered his office and while Sirius looked around, chatting with Sam, I worked some more security spells on the door, which didn't go unnoticed. After talking for a while Sirius asked to have a word with me in private and took my arm to lead me to a far corner of the room where Sam couldn't hear us.

"Raven, this is madness. I don't doubt that Sam's a great journalist but he's also a lousy wizard who's not aware of the risk he's taking, and I don't want him to end up in Azkaban or getting killed by Death Eater just for telling the truth on my behalf. We gotta tell him to cancel the story."

"No," I said stubbornly. It was in Sirius' favor that he worried about Sam- but he worried in vain since **I** was very well aware of the dangers Sam had to face if he continued like that. Therefore I had already taken some preparations to get him out of his office in Knockturn Alley although he didn't know yet that he was going to move. "I'm not gonna tell him to stop writing the truth because I treasure the freedom of the press too much to give a damn about the Ministry of Magic even though I know the risks. But that's what revolution is all about, isn't it? You have to take a risk to achieve your aims, and I daresay Lupin's wrong if he believes it's all about keeping our heads down. I don't wanna be one of these faceless non-supporters who never dared to criticize the regime but laments missed chances in the end, whining _if only_…"

"His life is at stake," Sirius hissed, frowning at me.

"Only if he's all on his onesies, and he isn't. He's got an Auror protecting him now." I turned to look at Sam who gave the impression he was feeling locked out. Maybe it was about time I told him what I was up to. "I want you to lay low for a few days, no further releases of the _Naughty Quill_. I also want you to pack your stuff 'cause you're gonna move."

"Move?" Sam gasped surprised.

"Yep. Only a fool would rent an office in Knockturn Alley of all places to start with…"

"It was cheap," he cut me off in his defense.

Well, fortunately money was not a problem of mine; Dad had left me a small fortune when he died.

"Where do you want to hide him?" Sirius asked and it sounded like 'we can't take him home with us', but that wasn't what I had in mind anyway. Since I didn't tell him he was a bit sullen about of my alleged lack of trust but I wouldn't give away my plan, at least not here in Knockturn Alley. I promised to fill him in later.

We left Sam, Sirius once again hidden under the Invisibility Cloak though he was better behaved this time. He only took it off when we were outside the Leaky Cauldron, amongst the crowd of people on Charing Cross Road. No one here would get the idea he was an alleged mass murder on the run since he looked absolutely unobtrusive to the Muggle eye.

We had opted against apparating straight back to Grimmauld Place because we still had some hours to go before Moody needed his Invisibility Cloak back and Sirius had asked if he might take me out for lunch. Since Kreacher's cooking skills hadn't improved I had willingly accepted his invitation. I was a bit curious though where he had gotten the wad of English Pound notes from.

"I sent Tonks to get some money from my vault at Gringotts and change it into Muggle currency," Sirius told me when we were sitting in a quiet corner of small Italian restaurant.

"So the wizarding world does know about the banking confidentiality- I'm sure the FBI would have monitored every transaction of your account. For once it's good the wizarding world is so backward."

He arched a quizzical brow at me from over the rim of his beer glass. I watched him, still wondering why someone would order beer in an Italian restaurant when the Italians had such wonderful wines but he really seemed to enjoy a real beer. Well, probably I'd do the same if the only alternative was butterbeer. Maybe it reminded him of a youth he had lost in Azkaban where he had also missed several technological developments, like computers, but at least he didn't ask what the FBI was. Fortunately he wasn't completely ignorant of the Muggle world which was something I liked about him. I told him how the FBI could track down a person by tracing back the use of his credit card and he listened with interest. Only to point out then that the Aurors searching for him did actually try to monitor his vault without success due to the intervention of Kingsley Shacklebolt, a member of the Order and chief of the Auror Headquarters.

"And don't forget, Bill's working for Gringotts," he said, smilingly.

It was good to know the Order of the Phoenix had friends in high places but I wouldn't need them when it came to Samuel Blair and the _Naughty Quill_. I changed the topic and filled Sirius in with what I had in mind for Sam. Not far away from Grimmauld Place, in Camden Town, I had spotted a shabby looking house that was for rent. With access to the power supply system and the telephone line I could turn the place into the perfect hidey hole for the _Naughty Quill_, the only independent voice of the wizarding world supported by modern technology. A computer and a printer would replace the old fashioned printing press- but of course I would need the best magical protection too.

Sirius wasn't overly enthusiastic. I guess he knew me quite well thus knowing I would spend a good amount of my time there, unable to resist the pleasures of modern civilization. Perhaps he was also a tad jealous. It was obvious that he fancied me and- well, Sam wasn't an ugly guy but quite a handsome fellow. I, however, was not interested in starting an affair with any of them. Men could be so possessive sometimes, as if that little kiss we had shared had been a proposal. Ridiculous. Nevertheless I had no intention of disappearing out of his life to leave him as depressed and devastated as he had been before I had moved into number twelve, Grimmauld Place, although it might be wiser to keep some distance before he could get his hopes up that we'd become more than just friends.

-

The next couple of weeks I was quite busy. Sam had moved into the house in Camden Town which was now fit out as a modern office for the_Naughty Quill_, and I commuted between there and Grimmauld Place on a daily basis, each time trying to not stop at one of the many markets Camden Town was famous for. Needless to say I often failed; I just loved to go shopping. Of course, my shopping bags were also a good excuse to explain my absence to Lupin since the idea of revolutionary pamphlets still didn't sit well with him. Perhaps he had simply grown out of his Marauder boots and wanted to be the good werewolf now. As if the Wolfsbane Potion I brew for him every month wasn't enough… well, unlike Sirius he was no rebel at heart.

Because I wanted the first issue of the _Naughty__Quill_ in its new, modern look to be a success I decided to pay Kingsley Shacklebolt a visit at the Ministry, passing myself off as an American Auror- which wasn't even a lie. I had to leave my wand at the security check and got scanned with a long golden rod for hidden magical artifacts which I didn't carry. Then the security wizard let me pass. I took the elevator to Level Two where the Auror Headquarters was located.

Kingsley played his role well; I had filled him in what I was up to the previous evening when he had dropped by at Grimmauld Place, and he had offered no objection. He had to hide his amusement though as he saw me entering, so clearly fitting the cliché of what people might believe an American Auror would look like. I was wearing my long, black coat, cowboy boots, and- instead of the traditional pointed one- a cowboy hat.

After exchanging courtesies as if we'd never met before and telling lies about where Sirius Black was likely to be hiding, Kingsley Shacklebolt politely offered to show me around so that I could see how efficiently the British Ministry of Magic was working. That was probably the most blatant lie.

His company opened doors to which I would have had no access to without him, and after an hour or so of getting accustomed to being stared at by wizards and witches who had clearly never seen an American Auror before, we finally reached the room I had been so keen to visit. The Archive of the Ministry. Shelves stuffed with old documents that were lining the walls in an almost claustrophobic way. Kingsley showed me where I could find what I was looking for but pointed out that there was probably no magical means to copy the files I was interested in. I just shrugged and produced a small spy camera from the inner pocket of my coat- not a magical artifact but plain Muggle technology.

Though I had known it, to see it in black and white that the justice of the wizarding world was a joke, admittedly a really bad one, was something completely different. I stared at the copies of the files on the computer monitor, hardly believing that the Ministry of Magic had gotten away with their arbitrary whims for so long. Apparently it didn't matter if someone was guilty or not as long as an honorable representative was vouching for the accused therefore the outcome of many trials was based more on personal prejudice than on evidence. Trials were generally short and though the defense was allowed to present witnesses there were no lawyers involved- if there was a trial. I had to learn that though several Death Eaters had accused Severus Snape of having been one of them, and though he had the Dark Mark on his arm, he had never been put to trial because Dumbledore had vouched for him. Sirius, however, had been sent to a lifetime sentence at Azkaban without ever getting a chance to defend himself. No one had ever bothered to hear his part of the story. Well, the _Naughty__Quill_ would give him that chance but for our first issue released nationwide we had chosen on an article about the injustice of the wizarding legal system in general.

We spread it in pubs- the Leaky Cauldron, the Hog's Head and the Three Broomsticks- but what made me really proud was the fact that Sirius and I had worked a very complicated spell that would attach our revolutionary pamphlet to the _Daily__Prophet_ and thus reach all of their subscribers. Of course, it had been a great advance to know a charming Methamorphmagnus, someone who could change her appearance at will, so that she looked just like the witch in charge of _Daily__Prophet's_ subsribtion department. Equipped with my spy camera Tonks had managed to provide us with the whole list.

I'd say the first issue of the_Naughty_ _Quill_ was a success given the mass of letters we received. For security reasons they first landed in a post box of the post office in Hogsmeade from where they got sent to various small wizarding post offices throughout the country before they'd finally end in the Muggle post system and an always altering post box address in London. I must admit though that we received many howlers or letters of wizards and witches who declared us downright mad despite of evidence contrary to their ignorance, but we definitely had caused quite a stir in the wizarding world. And the number of sceptics seemed to lessen with our second issue, in which we described how wickedly the Hogwarts High Inquisitor was treating their children at school.

15


	8. Pictures of Lily

8- Pictures of Lily

Weeks went by, turned into months. The weather got warmer, spring was in the air. I was still busy with the _Naughty_ _Quill_ and spent a lot of time with Sam in the house in Camden Town, working on new stories, while the _Daily__Prophet_ was foaming. They had started a furious campaign, calling us liars. I guessed they were just annoyed that we used their delivery system to spread our pamphlets and there was nothing they could do about it. They were not capable of coming up with a counter spell to break the one Sirius and I had invented, mainly because the_Naughty_ _Quill_ wasn't released on a regular basis. I heard rumours that they had even asked the Aurors for help, which Kingsley Shacklebolt had denied them although the Ministry of Magic was clearly not pleased with our writing. It hit them hard when the March issue of the _Quibbler_ added salt to the wound since it contained an interview with Harry Potter in which he spoke out the truth the Ministry was so afraid of. I admired him for that. The boy didn't have it easy this year and yet he wouldn't let them get him down; he wanted the wizarding world to know the truth. Sirius was so proud of him.

He grew restless, now that winter was over. It's only natural that people want to go out when they see the sun shining, the days getting longer… so I occasionally took him to Camden Town on my bike. With the result that he grew a little too flirtatious for my liking. Oh, he was really cute and he made me feel flattered, but I refused to give in to spring fever. I would not warm up the teenage crush I had had on him. So I decided to avoid him for a while like I had tried many times before. I could stay at the house in Camden Town and enjoy the pleasures of modern civilisation, watch TV… only to end up in Grimmauld Place again because I had to brew Lupin's Wolfsbane Potion- it was the perfect excuse to be around no matter how often I told myself that we were only good friends; I liked him in a friendly way. But his flirting only encouraged me to flirt back, and when I caught myself in the act I wondered what I was doing and why. I blamed it on spring.

One reason to not stay at Grimmauld Place was certainly Kreacher's cooking which would probably never improve. Maybe it was out of pure maliciousness that he pestered us with the most inedible food one could think of, and then he got all in a huff when I dared to bring food from the various take-aways I passed on my way to Camden Town and back. One day, however, I had not been out because I was busy in my potions room, so Kreacher proudly served us what he called onion soup- which amounted to hot water with almost raw onions swimming in it. I glanced at Sirius who gave the impression as if he was about to stuff the house-elf in the pot and put it back on the stove.

"He's too old; he wouldn't improve the taste," I told him softly, which made Sirius laugh.

"Master is an ungrateful sot. Comes back from Azkaban ordering poor Kreacher around, complaining all the time. Oh my poor mistress, if only she knew. She never complained…"

"Years of your cooking must have eroded her taste buds."

"Kreacher is not listening to what the disgustingly depraved half-blood is saying, no, he won't." And to underline his point he pressed his hands to his bat like ears. "If she thinks she is a better cook than poor old Kreacher why doesn't she do the cooking?"

"'Cause I'm an Auror and not a bloody house-elf," I snapped.

Though he had made a point to not listen to me he had picked up my words and started ranting, calling me names I will not repeat here until Sirius had enough. He violently sent him out of the kitchen, slamming the door in his face.

"So," he said, a little breathless, whisking away the unruly streak of hair that kept falling in his face with such a casual elegance it made me highly nervous, "may I take you out for dinner tonight?"

I said yes without thinking only to shout, "No!" only an instant later because it wasn't a wise idea. So far all of his little escapes from Grimmauld Place had turned out lucky since no one had recognised him, but to take that for granted was like relying on good fortune and tempting fate. "No," I repeated, more quiet this time, "let me scamper to get us something to eat, alright?"

He agreed. Mayhap he believed it was more intimate to eat at home instead of going out; mayhap he also believed it was easier to have me for dessert tonight if we stayed in. I shook my head and fled.

Half an hour later I was back. I didn't know what had came over me for not having chosen to get something from a take-away but to buy fresh tomatoes, herbs and chillies, a piece of parmesan cheese, garlic, and a pack of spaghettis. After all, I wasn't the kind of woman who'd put on her apron and did the cooking, decidedly not. I even wouldn't call myself a good cook although I had heard people clearly praising my pasta sauce, so I might not be a complete failure.

We were alone in the kitchen of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. No meeting was announced, Lupin was sleeping sweet werewolf dreams, and Tonks wouldn't pop up when he was in that state. Not that she minded him being a werewolf though, but what use would it be for her to hang around here if he was sort of- um, indisposed. Sirius seemed to be quite aware of that as I interpreted the surreptitious glimpses he shot me while opening a bottle of wine for us. One of the bottles I had bought for special occasions, a Chianti reserve, 1985. I had to be careful since it was obvious that he had set his mind on seducing me… but why did I play so hard to get if that had never been in my character before? Maybe I should just let it happen. After all, we were adults and we had needs, and if we devoured each other with longing glances as we tucked in our pasta why not get completely sated?

"Good evening," Dumbledore said cheerfully as he entered the kitchen, Fawkes, the phoenix, sitting on his shoulder. He interrupted what could have clearly led to a kiss or more- well, certainly more- and he was aware of it, which sent blood rushing to my cheeks although I usually wasn't the one to blush that easily. But I could never look at Dumbledore either without seeing my former headmaster in him. He shot me a warm smile. "I won't stay long. I only came here to drink a cup of hot chocolate after I had to _quit _my position at Hogwarts."

There was something in his voice that made my brain working again, rendering the oversexed tension between Sirius and me meaningless. Apparently Harry's secret Defence against the Dark Arts Club had blown and Dumbledore had taken the blame on him, which meant… "Well, now that you don't have to fear falling in disgrace with the Ministry even more than you've managed already, why don't you give the _Naughty_ _Quill_ an exclusive interview before the _Daily_ _Prophet_ starts spreading lies again?"

Dumbledore gave me a _knowing_ glance as if he had long figured out who was behind those rebellious pamphlets that had caused quite a stir in the wizarding world. "Once a rebel always a rebel- by the way, it was a clever move to criticize me in public so that none of your articles could cause the Order any harm, and you were right in criticizing me. I'm an old man who had failed every so often even though I had meant to do the right thing. Now get your quill out and start writing."

I merely put a small Dictaphone on the table and gestured him to carry on. Sirius looked a bit sullen; he clearly had hoped for a different outcome. I, however, was almost relieved that Dumbledore's appearance had spared me from complicating things.

It was about two weeks later, after Easter, when I entered the kitchen to see Sirius and Lupin kneeling in front of the fireplace. It wasn't my intention to eavesdrop on the conversation they had with Harry's head in the fire, but the boy's urgent voice made me linger. Apparently he had found out what the height of cool- his father and Sirius- had done to Severus Snape the day of our Defence against the Dark Arts OWL, and was now understandably confused. After all, most peopled referred to James Potter as a talented student, popular boy, great Quidditch player, and now he'd had to learn that he'd also been an arrogant bully. It spoke well of Harry that he had the decency to say he felt sorry for Snape. I was less pleased with what Sirius told him even though he admitted that they had been idiots at that time, since his attitude towards Severus hadn't changed at all. And I would have almost let him seduce me on the kitchen table; the same table he and Lupin were sitting at after Harry's head had disappeared again, talking over the necessity that Harry had to learn Occlumency. Sirius was lounging in his chair, tilting it back on two legs like he always did as if that was the way chairs ought to be used.

"None of you will go to tell Severus 'cause you're likely to cause even more harm," I said coldly. They jerked their heads to where I was standing at the kitchen door, not having noticed me entering.

"You listened?" Lupin asked but I thought that a rhetoric question. Of course I knew what had happened then. I had been at school with them, had taken my exams the very same day, and the only reason I hadn't been there to help my friend was that I'd been at the other end of the lake, far away from any other students. Since I hadn't been very popular either I had hardly ever sought company but preferred to be on my onesies. That didn't mean I had been scared of them, decidedly not.

"It made me sick to hear your poor excuses," I said after a while, glaring at Sirius. "So Severus was just _this little oddball,_ eh? And the wonderful James was everything he wanted to be? Don't be absurd, Sirius. Severus knew more spells than many seven-years **before** he came to Hogwarts and it's an insult to judge an intelligent person by how good at Quidditch he is; that's just downright superficial. That stupid game is not the centre of the world. He was above that. He didn't want to be the most popular boy at school; all he wanted was a little more respect."

"I'm certain he was a well respected Death Eater." Sirius interjected, his voice full of contempt.

I shot him a nasty look and longed to magically kick the chair out from under him. Meanwhile Lupin said placidly, "Raven, whatever you thought about us at school, we always hated the Dark Arts and so do you or you wouldn't have become an Auror. I know, I should have told them to lay off Snape, that they were going a step too far…"

"But you hadn't had the guts- yeah, I heard that. Instead you let it happen and your oh-so-cool friends drove Severus even more into the Dark Arts…"

"You blame James and me for **his** fascination with the Dark Arts?" Sirius gasped uncomprehendingly.

"With every stupid prank, every senseless jinx, every humiliation he had to endure for your fun, you pushed him closer to the Dark Arts. Every time you cornered him, made him feel small and helpless, he longed for strong friends, strong protection. No one is born a dark wizard. Sometimes it's just a matter of how society treats one, and Severus had to grow up in an unloving surrounding dominated by an abusive father…"

"Harry doesn't have it easy with the Dursleys either and yet I can't imagine him devoting himself to the Dark Arts."

"The Boy Who Lived," I said dangerously soft, "survived because he was loved so much that his mother sacrificed her life for him and probably it's thanks to the Dursleys that he didn't end up being such an insufferable, haughty, pampered little prince like you and James…"

"Don't forget I had some minor problems with my fam"

"SHUT IT!" Now I was roaring, clearly infuriated. If Sirius hadn't let his chair fall back on to all four legs by now he would have landed on the floor. "**You** have absolutely no idea how it was for Severus if you even think of daring to compare your family situation with his. **You****chose** to become the black sheep, the rebel, and yet your admittedly horrible mother would've never sent you to Hogwarts wearing badly-fitting clothes or second hand robes. **You** always had new books and the best and newest broomstick. **You** have never been neglected or sent to bed hungry because your parents were too busy shouting at each other to bother about you. **You** didn't have to come up with self-protection spells when you're a kid so that your father wouldn't beat you up when he was done with your mum simply because he was so pissed off with his own life, with his own failure, with being a total loser that even having married a witch failed to cure his insufficiency, and he blamed her for that ever fucking day of his life. Did you **ever** wonder why Severus knew so many curses when he came to Hogwarts? It was for self-defence. He was so glad when he could finally escape home and go to Hogwarts but before he even **got** there he was confronted with the same loathing and contempt he had known for years. You made it worse every day- damned, you even had the nerve to use his own jinxes on him! Just because he was in Slytherin, because he was not a cute little boy, not so neatly dressed. Just like Pettigrew he was one of the unfortunate kids- would you've accepted Pettigrew in that illustrious circle of yours if that old rag hadn't Sorted him into Gryffindor? The Sorting Hat**does** make mistakes, and I daresay it made **three** the year we got Sorted. I never belonged into Slytherin and Pettigrew was clearly not a true Gryffindor. It doesn't need much effort to turn from a gloating lickspittle to someone licking Voldemort's boots but it requires enormous inner strengths to turn your back on a tyrant and spy on him for the Order now. Nevertheless you still have the same attitude towards Severus today and that makes me so **SICK**!"

Sirius stared at me, stunned about the intensity of my outburst and so was I. The dishes on the shelves were rattling. Remus had the sense to stop him from saying anything because whatever he could have said would have only enraged me even more. I turned my back on them and left; I couldn't bear their presence any longer.

I was angry, confused and quite frustrated when I mounted my Harley- sometimes a long, fast ride was the only thing to calm me down, and actually I was feeling better with every mile that took me further away from Grimmauld Place. First I didn't give a damn to where I was riding as long as I could put a great distance between me and Sirius but after some hours on the motorway I realized that my way had constantly taken me to the north, towards Hogwarts. I accelerated, clearly ignoring any speed limits.

It was late at night when I stopped at the gates. Severus was already awaiting me; I had sent him a miniature of my Patronus to announce my arrival but he didn't seem too pleased to see me. Then I noticed that his hair was still damp so apparently I had disrupted him from taking a bath.

"I never thought they'd sink so low and send you of all people," he sneered coolly.

"No one _**sent**_ me," I snapped, "I'm here 'cause I want to be- but if you don't want to see me I could as well go… ah, wherever…"

I made an attempt to remount my Harley but he grabbed my arm. "Behaving like an insufferable mulish brat doesn't suit you at all. Come with me."

Severus led me to the castle that I hadn't seen since the day I had left it for good; I had forgotten how imposing it looked, almost threatening. He hurried me down the staircase to his office and quickly closed the door behind us, as if he was ashamed of my presence. Of course it could also be that the new headmaster, Hogwarts High Inquisitor, didn't allow the staff any privacy. No idea. Actually I didn't really care. Instead I scanned his office for something drinkable and sighed with relief when I spotted an open bottle of wine. Severus had to wrestle it out of my hands before I could down it in one.

"Have you snogged that dog again?"

"Bah! It happened only once and will never happen again."

_Liar_.

I looked around in confusion. Did he say that or was my mind playing tricks on me? However, Severus filled two goblets and handed me one with the snide remark that he hoped I'd be able to drink wine like a civilised person. I sat down on his bed, staring at the goblet in my hands (it was one of the few truly beautiful things he owned, made of silver and crystal; two silver serpents, coiled up at the base, rising up entwined to form the stem until they parted and wound themselves around the glass) and the dark red liquid within, sloshing around due to my trembling fingers.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" He asked pointedly as he sat next to me, a bit stiffly.

"Do I have to talk?" Suddenly I felt tears welling in my eyes and I wanted to cry. _ Can't I just stay here, not talking, not thinking…merely drowning in my wine, in my misery?_

Severus wasn't half as insensitive as most people believed him to be since he wasn't only a good observer but also a skilled Leglimens, and my guards were as down as I was feeling. Usually that would have provoked him to utter a sharp comment about fools who wore their hearts on their sleeves, not capable of controlling their emotions, and yet he didn't remind me of my weakness now. Instead he seemed to be more than a little overwhelmed with the flood of mixed emotions whirling in my mind. Knowing no other way to deal with that he awkwardly patted my shoulder, which encouraged me to bury my head in the curve of his neck, silent tears running down my cheeks.

"What's wrong?" He asked, trying to sound matter-of-fact although I heard not only concern but also some affection in his voice, so I raised my head to look him in the eye. His were black and often described as cold, lacking any warmth, though I had never failed to see more in them. Severus Snape was not a heartless person simply because he didn't open his heart to just anyone. His lips brushed mine… then lingered for a kiss. The way he kissed me made him beautiful; it was so sweet and gentle that it sent off a swarm of butterflies fluttering in my stomach. But his kiss was also so innocent that I almost felt like a whore when I let it become more passionate than intended.

"Please… stop," he broke the kiss but not the embrace, his forehead rested against mine, "…it's not right… I don't love you… and you… you don't love me…."

"What's love gotta do with it? We could do it just for fun," I suggested casually, not used to being turned down.

"I'm not a fun person, Raven." His lips brushed mine slightly, almost apologetic. Then he chuckled cynically. "Maybe I'm a fool to not take advantage of the situation, knowing that I could have what _he_ craves so much. But you're too precious to be abused as a tool for my loathing."

_He_- oh I really didn't want to be reminded of Sirius Black now nor hear anything about him craving for me. I wanted to forget him and kissing Severus seemed to be a good idea. Though he enjoyed the moment of warmth and proximity he still refused to be seduced.

"No… it's wrong… I like you, Raven, but… but you're not… _her_…"

"Lily?" I breathed in sudden realisation

He nodded and I felt ashamed, especially when he let down the drawbridge to the heavily guarded fortress of his mind to give me access to a few chosen memories he decided to share with me…

His love was like a torch with invisible beams, securely hidden deep within him for no one to see. Though she had died so many years ago his love for her was still strong, pure, and unwavering. And I just felt… dirty…

"You're right, I'm not worthy of you."

"Oh please, there's no need to become melodramatic now." Severus said, a hint of his typical sarcasm in his voice but still not breaking our embrace. It seemed to me he felt quite comfortable in this position, sharing the proximity of someone who cared about him even though she was an emotional wreck and constantly at the verge of tears.

"I'm not!" I sniffed, crying for him now, for his undying love for Lily…while I hade made my way through many beds. I had tried to turn a comforting kiss into something more passionate; I had **wanted** him to abuse me as tool for his loathing just out of defiance. Because it would hurt Sirius. It clearly spoke for Severus that he had not taken advantage of the situation. "You deserve better than me. I'd only break your heart because that's what I'm good at. I'm damned good at fucking up things. My love isn't as strong as yours, least of all pure. I'm famous for my affairs with rock stars and those who really care instead of regarding me as a trophy I usually offend."

He gave me a really odd look as if doubting what I was saying, then he picked up the goblet I had managed not to drop but safely put aside when we had kissed, and handed it to me.

"Drink." It almost sounded like an order.

I clutched it tightly as I drank, cuddling up closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. For a long time we didn't talk at all but it wasn't an uneasy silence. Sometimes there's no need to talk, which had nothing to do with both of us being skilled Leglimens. Or maybe a little, since we had acknowledged each other tonight in a way no words could have ever achieved. We had kissed and, instead of wrecking it, it had deepened our friendship. Of course that didn't mean he was not thinking me a slightly hysteric lunatic with too many emotions running wild but after a while I had cooled down, and I wasn't certain if I would have managed that without his presence. It had been a good decision to come here. I didn't want to think about Sirius now, about how disappointed or- to be more precisely- downright pissed off I was of his unchanged attitude towards Severus, and yet I couldn't help but remember the day Harry had been talking about in the fire… I hadn't been there for my friend then because I had chosen to walk in the opposite direction, away from the other students, and when I had finally become aware of what was going on I had been too far away to interfere. It wouldn't have been a two on one situation if only I had managed to get there in time…wouldn't have ended half as disgustingly humiliating as it had, and probably Severus wouldn't have called Lily a 'filthy mudblood' out of sheer frustration. She had never forgiven him that… no matter how truly devastated Severus had been about the break of their friendship. Mind, he had made an attempt to apologize and he would have even slept at the door of the Gryffindor tower just to get a chance to talk to her- he had been willing to sleep at the threshold of the lion's den where his tormentors lived, had been willing to be even more humiliated after having been so thoroughly humiliated only hours ago… but **she** hadn't even heard him out. **Not****at all **aware of what it must have taken for **him**, a Slytherin, to come begging at the **Gryffindor** door for redemption. Lily hadn't, but **I** would have forgiven him just for his bravery in swallowing his pride, and if I wasn't worthy of his love I daresay that **she** wasn't either- but well, love was far from being a logical thing, it was foolish and stupid, and I would **not** think about Sirius tonight.

So back to Lily. I slid a hand into the inside pocket of my leather jacket and produced an envelope which I handed to Severus. He arched a quizzical brow at me.

"Just some old pictures my mum had kept all those years. Thought you might like them," I said casually.

Severus opened the envelope carefully but when he noticed it contained pictures of Lily he almost tore it apart with greedy anticipation that soon changed to disappointment. "Muggle pictures…"

"Yeah. But if you give them a closer look you'll see that there's more magic in them than in magical photographs. I mean, what's the point of taking pictures if they only show you people smiling, cheering and waving- but not the real thing, not the moment you wanted to make last? Like this one," I held up one of the pictures. It was taken on a cold, grey January day at Hogwarts, the grounds were covered with snow, and Lily was wearing a scarf that matched the colour of her eyes, looking really beautiful and happy as she kissed his cheek; he had a rapt expression on his face. "Would you prefer her waving at you now instead of being captured in that moment forever? Guess that would rather spoil… Sev? You alright?"

He was blinking hard, trying to hide his emotions like he usually did, only this time he was close to failure.

"Yes. Thank you. I… I forgot, I have to… um, check on the swamp on the fifth floor." His voice sounded slightly strangled as he rose from the bed and made a hasty exit after snatching the pictures from my hands. I doubted he wouldn't need them when checking on a swamp- had he really said a _swamp_? Why was there a swamp inside the castle at all? Anyway, in the dim candlelight his eyes had looked suspiciously moist, an expression of heavy regret on his face, probably wishing he could turn back time and make some different decisions.

While waiting for his return I made myself comfortable on his bed, congratulating myself for having given him such a nice Christmas present that actually made it a lot more comfortable here. Curled up in the velvet blanket I didn't realise that I fell asleep until Severus woke me up some hours later. I chose to ignore the fact that his eyes were slightly reddened; I wouldn't make any comment on that.

He seemed to be a bit grumpy this morning, at least I assumed that it was already morning for you couldn't tell in the darkness of his dungeon.

"You have to leave now. I don't want anyone to find out I harboured an overnight visitor, least of all the old toad. She would merely come up with decree number whatever and I really can't stand any more of her ridiculously pink notes."

"Yeah," I groaned, wiping the sleep out of my eyes. "I wish you a wonderful morning too, Sev."

"I was wondering- could it be you gave me the pictures to _persuade_ me to waste my time again, trying to teach Potter Occlumency?"

"No, I gave you the pictures because I wanted to make you happy." I hated to be woken up like that though I hadn't expected Severus to serve me breakfast in bed either. But expecting ulterior motives instead of accepting kindness was just typical for him; probably there weren't many people who wanted to make him happy. I would forgive him after I had a cup of coffee only that I didn't know when I'd get one. Then I suddenly smelled… coffee.

Of course Severus would not say 'I'm sorry for being such a berk,' but as long as he did the right thing- conjuring a cup of coffee for me- I willingly accepted his silent apology.

"We really have to go," he told me after I had gulped down my coffee, sounding much softer now.

He led me through the castle again. Maybe it was still too early in the morning for me and I wasn't functioning all too well yet, because one of the suits of armour in the hallway fell clattering to the cold stone floor when I passed it. We stopped dead, like thieves caught in the act, and then we heard footsteps approaching us.

Severus quickly cast a Disillusionment Charm upon us as we hid in a corner, observing the hallway, when suddenly Peeves, the Poltergeist, came out of the fallen armour to startle a witch- no, **toad**- that was waddling in our direction, dressed in the worst pink nightmare I had ever seen. Dolores Umbridge. She really looked like a large, pale toad and I felt the sudden, urgent desire to smash the toad against the wall… Severus' tight, almost painful grip on my shoulder reminded me that that was probably not the wisest thing to do so I controlled my anger and let Peeves chase her around. I'm sure he was enjoying himself. Meanwhile we scampered through the Entrance Hall and slipped out the door. The sun was just beginning to rise and the air was still cold, the grass heavy with dew. He walked me to the gates where my Harley was parked. Only then he spoke again.

"It might seem that Hogwarts lacks any hospitality but let me assure you that this is only due to our charming new Headmistress who is still a bit distressed after yesterday's events. The Weasley twins thought it incredibly amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp before leaving for good."

I snickered. At the same time the effects of the Disillusionment Charm was wearing off of me in a flush of warm sensation. "Ah, they really are infants terrible but always good for a laugh."

Severus lips twitched ever so slightly. "They were troublemakers I won't lament being rid of… although," now he smiled maliciously, "I do admit that they are actually good at the useless nonsense they are doing since our prodigious Headmistress is apparently incapable of getting rid off the swamp."

And it wouldn't surprise me if he had added some spells in order to prove her incompetence. Also, I suddenly grasped how Harry had managed to talk to Sirius and Lupin via the Floo network although all the fireplaces in Hogwarts were monitored except for the one in Umbridge's office- the twins must have caused the havoc for distraction. I remembered how urgent he had appeared in the fire, so desperate to get some reassurance that his father wasn't the bullying monster he had seen in the pensieve. Well, Sirius and Lupin had played their part well, had not shattered the boy's illusion that his father had been a good guy in the end although I still couldn't think of anything positive to say about him. Especially when I recalled the very day when they had pushed it too far, had so cruelly humiliated my friend.

I reached out and touched Severus' cheek, letting my hand linger there. His skin felt as cold as he was pale, like a plant that had been kept in the dark for too long. I hadn't been there then, hadn't been there for my friend, and I'd always feel guilty for that.

"Don't," he whispered almost inaudible, a wicked sparkle glittering in his black eyes. "I will always remember the day you stood up and walked straight to the Gryffindor table to punch Potter's nose."

Yeah, I'd never forget that either. Probably not my wisest move but nevertheless so damned satisfying after having spend the whole night unobtrusively comforting a friend who so clearly would have loathed the idea of being comforted at all that I'd simply **had** to give some vent. Needless to say that Professor Slughorn wasn't pleased at having to take points from Slytherin due to my behaviour, which at long last had resulted in losing the House Cup…

"Sev," I moved closer to him, locking eyes with him. Mine the colour of cornflowers and his so black, bottomless. Not completely cold but not showing much warmth either, hiding his emotions somewhere deep in the dark. "It's true, I gave you the pictures without any ulterior motive but come to think of it I really wouldn't mind if, while dwelling in memories, you'd remember Lily's eyes…" Wrong words- _damned, as if he could ever forget __**her**__ eyes! _He looked even paler now, his jaw set so tightly that it seemed to be painful, and the expression of a haunted man flickered over his features. "I'm sorry," I said quickly, "but the point I'm trying to make here is it really so hard to forget who fathered the boy instead of reminding yourself who gave birth to him, and see more of Lily in him? I must admit that my initial reaction was to reach for my wand the first time I met him since he really is the spitting image of his father- and yet he's not James, Sev. He felt horrible about the scene he had witnessed in the pensieve and he desperately needed to talk to someone. Yes, I'm aware that Lupin and Sirius aren't very objective when it comes to James, neither are you. It's just… I mean, all I want you is to give the boy a fair chance; I'm not asking you to overcome your old grudges towards his father."

For a long time Severus didn't utter a word nor did he move, as if frozen. Then, finally, he said softly. "Very well, if Potter asks me politely to teach him Occlumency again I will consider your words even though I honestly think it a waste of time. Now go home, Raven." His lips twitched and he flashed me a malicious little smile. "Go home and walk your dog."

* * *

Thanks for reading. I hope this chapter inspires a few more people to give a review. 


	9. the Fight at the Ministry

**author's note: **thanks for reading and reviewing. I'd like to answer an unsigned review first.

The Green Bird- I hope you're still around. Your review was very insightful but I beg to differ. Lily, though probably in the minority considering her birth, was nevertheless a very popular, pretty and talented witch. Severus was the outsider in every possible way- the neglected, badly-dressed, greasy-haired, socially awkward Slytherin boy Why did he hang out with people she so strongly rejected? He lived with them. In PS, chapter 7, the Sorting Hat, Professor McGonagall said "…your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common room." I may add here that you also eat all your meals at your house table.

In the books there is no hint of inter-houses activities except on Hogsmead weekends, Quidditch games, meeting students in the corridors. There is no common room for people who don't want to hang around with their family.

He called her a Mudblood in a moment of utter humiliation, anger and frustration. She called him Snivellus like his tormentors did and made a joke about his greying underpants although she of all people knew his social background. I think they were square then.

You say you're a religious person, I'm an atheist. Nevertheless I would have forgiven him if he had ever meant something to me. I would have tried to stop my friend going the wrong direction. I believe if someone had really cared for him, really loved him he wouldn't have joined the Death Eaters.

* * *

9- the Fight at the Ministry

_Go home and walk your dog_. Great. Severus really had a strange sense of humour. I gunned my Harley, riding aimlessly through the wild landscape of the north, passing mountains on desolate roads that were winding through dense woods or the wasteland of moors only to get completely lost in the end and I had to ask for the motorway back to London.

Since I wasn't keen on going to Grimmauld Place I turned up at Sam's with a pizza and a bottle of wine, and made myself comfortable in front of the TV. Hey, I paid the rent for this place so I could just as well live there. After all, it was in short walking distance to the markets of Camden Town, some pubs were just round the corner and there were small venues where promising new bands would play. For a couple of days- or nights- I thoroughly enjoyed being back in civilisation again then I started enjoying it too much. I went out, got drunk and kissed a punk but slammed on the brakes before I ended in his bed; next I was flirting with the lead singer of a Brit pop band. He was a handsome fellow though perhaps a tad too young for me and yet Sam had to literally drag me away from him before I could do anything I might regret later, wondering what the hell I was doing when I was supposedly together with Sirius. Blame it on the booze but I didn't get what he was about.

At another night I met an old lover of mine, one of my many rock star affairs, and though I knew he'd never loved me Sam wasn't there to stop me from recalling good old times- which, admittedly, hadn't been that good as I came to realize the next morning. Feeling dirty and guilty I curled up on Sam's sofa, not leaving the house for days in a row, dulling my mind with senseless talk shows or soap operas on TV until Sam had enough. He gave me a good shaking, repeating the same strange words from some days ago that indicated he believed Sirius and I were together- like as in having a relationship.

I scowled at him. "What? What are you talking about?"

"About you and Sirius. Well, I have to admit that it's none of my concern but I had thought better of you than betraying your"

"Who said we're together?" I cut him off, still slightly confused how he could come up with that idea since it was absurd. No, not absurd but far-fetched, unfounded, improbable… and yet not totally impossible...

"Why, Sirius did." Sam glanced at me with a frown. "Are you trying to tell me he was lying to me?"

"No," I sneered, "only that it's wishful thinking."

So that's how he had overcome his initial jealousy of Sam- damned clever move but just as pointless given that Sam wasn't even interested in me as a woman. And even if he were that still didn't give Sirius the right to think up things that weren't true… or not likely… not totally impossible either… I wished Sam would leave me alone so that I could indulge in my own misery again, harbouring feelings for a man who wasn't worth my affection because he hadn't changed at all from the haughty, bullying berk I had once known… admittedly a heartbreakingly handsome berk… but well, since Azkaban had taken most of his once so handsome features and made him look wasted, aged before time- except for these rare occasions when the ghost of his former self flickered over his face- why did I care about him at all? He wasn't a heartbreaker anymore, his attitude towards Severus was insufferable beyond reason… and yet I missed him. For a wizard he was very tolerant of my habit of balancing between the Muggle and the wizarding world, probably understanding me more than anyone else in the Order. But since I had taken a break from the Order I shouldn't give a damn. Maybe I should go out again. There was no point in wishing he'd drop by to tell me he's a fool and I was right with what I had said that very day in the kitchen of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. That wouldn't happen. He was probably too biased when it came to Severus Snape simply because James had taken offence in his mere existence. It also wouldn't happen because he wasn't to leave the house- ah, a very good excuse. Of course someone in the Order would remind him to be a good dog and stay in his basket. Lupin wouldn't want him to take a risk by running after me; Lupin didn't like me much anyway… Lupin! Damned! Wolfsbane Potion!

Sam must have thought me gone totally nuts when I jumped up from the sofa and darted to the window to check on the moon. Still some more nights till full moon, time enough to brew more Wolfsbane Potion for Lupin. Though I wasn't keen on going back to Grimmauld Place I didn't want a werewolf running wild in London either; I had taken that obligation from Severus and I would have to fulfil it. That didn't mean I'd have to talk to Sirius. I could avoid him just the same. He was not to believe **I** would be running after him.

Stealthily I entered number 12, Grimmauld Place, and managed to pass the hall without Sirius' mum noticing me. Maybe even the portraits of loathsome old hags slept sometimes and it was already past midnight. The kitchen was empty except the pile of old rags that was Mundungus snoring by the fireplace. I slipped in my potions room and closed the door.

After having provided Lupin with his monthly dose of drugs I saw no point in lingering so I returned to Camden Town. I was definitely shocked (in a positive way) when one day Sirius Black came knocking the door.

"Bloody hell, what are you doing here?" I snarled at him, not the most charming welcome but it was downright stupid and dangerous for him to walk through London as if he wasn't a wanted fugitive. At least he didn't pretend to be a loveable stray. I grabbed his arm, dragged him inside and slammed shut the door, glaring at him. "D'you think it's a wise idea to take a walk?"

"I Apparated from doorstep to doorstep so it's unlikely anyone saw me. But it's nice to see you worrying about me."

I tsked indignantly to demonstrate I couldn't care less. "What d'you want?"

"Talk to you. I… I thought about what you said…"

"Ah?" I arched a sophisticated brow at him and gestured him to sit down. Sam, who had been busy typing, rose from the desk and pretended he had something very important to do elsewhere. Very discreet of him, but nevertheless superfluous. Sirius and I were **not** a couple therefore we would **not** settle our differences in a wild encounter on the sofa. Yet, it couldn't harm to offer some hospitality so I Summoned two bottles of beer.

"I don't understand what you see in Snape." Sirius said after swallowing a generous gulp of beer.

I took a deep breath and opted for not pouring my bottle over his head (that would be a waste) but explaining it to him. "We're friends…"

"Yes," he interrupted me before I could go into details, "that's what I don't understand."

"Sirius," I said, as I lit a cigarette, trying to remain calm. "If you want to talk to me then you should at least hear me out."

"I'm sorry."

Idiot. But he had the decency to look abashed and I would notcompare his glance with that of a reprimanded dog who wanted to be good. So I started again, at an earlier point.

"You know, I wasn't a pretty girl; I was small and fat and feeling miserable when I boarded the Hogwarts Express. I was crying. The first kids I met on the train were two bullies who thought it funny to laugh about small, fat, crying girls. These two pampered pure-blood brats believed to be the height of cool and took it as personal insult that not everyone wanted to be in Gryffindor with them. I, however, thought that Gryffindor was probably the worst house at Hogwarts if such bullies got Sorted into it so I didn't want to end up there. Of course it was only later I found out what the dreams of many Slytherins were, and since I didn't approve of that either I was soon quite alone. I was the most unpopular kid at school except for Severus Snape who at least was accepted by some fellow Slytherins." I pulled on my cigarette and exhaled. "Maybe that's why we became friends. Because we were both the most popular victims for two arrogant Gryffindor bullies who took offence at our mere existence."

"I admit we were arrogant little berks at school." Sirius said, and it was obvious that he seemed to regret his former attitude towards me although his reasons had nothing to do with actual remorse but more with the fact that I was an attractive woman now; a woman he was clearly interested in.

"Absolutely, and James was even worse than you. Because of him I came up with a spell that wrapped me in… well, sort of a pink bubblegum bubble on which all of on the jinxes and hexes thrown at me for fun just bounced off. I wanted to be left alone and so I became almost invisible for years. Not talking to anyone if I couldn't avoid it. Severus however… unlike me he didn't have a loving family to back him up. He certainly wasn't born with the desire to become a Death Eater but he was emotionally neglected and lacked any social competence… like a plant kept in the dark for too long… you can only heal it with light, warmth, love... Instead, all he got was hatred, fuelled by Potter's jealousy that Lily preferred the greasy haired _oddball_ over him, the oh-so popular, talented Quidditch player… and such a bloody ass of a bullying b"

"Can we please keep James out of it?" Sirius cut me off, looking strained and slightly pale..

Though I believed James had been the catalyst for Severus developing an interest in the Dark Arts I nevertheless understood Sirius since he was merely trying to defend the memory of his best friend while still mourning his loss.

"It's hard," I admitted, "since it was mostly because of him and you that made Severus long for strong friends. Yes, he made the wrong choice in friends, and he made mistakes…"

"You call his fascination with the Dark Arts a _mistake_?"

"No, actually not. The Dark Arts **are** fascinating indeed. Fascinating in their various, ever-changing, eternal ways- fascinating and yet depraved, sickening. But how can you fight without even knowing what you're facing? I learned a lot about the Dark Arts during my Auror training and I daresay it doesn't make me evil."

"Hmpf," he shot me a sceptical glance, definitely not thinking me evil but he was a bit taken aback, "you may be right but for all we know Snape actually **joined** the Death Eaters, and I mightily doubt that it was only because of our pranks."

"_**Pranks**_?" I snorted indignantly. "You tried to kill him once. I wouldn't call attempted murder a prank."

"Well, we really **were** idiots, much too full of ourselves- at least James and I- never considering the outcome of our pranks, never thinking about possible consequences… I'm not proud of it. But… you know, Snape was quite obsessed with getting us expelled, and I was so pissed off of him not keeping his large nose out of things that were none of his concern- he was already suspicious of Remus being a werewolf, so I told him about the Whomping Willow. I didn't expect him to take the bait and actually go after Remus… or maybe I thought it would be fun to scare him shitless at the sight of a fully fledged werewolf. Maybe I was so used of running around with a werewolf every full moon that I had forgotten how dangerous he was…"

"You really have a strange sense of humour. What you think fun is often cruel and humiliating, like that day after our OWL exams. You never attacked Severus if it wasn't at least a two on one situation, and you had the nerve to use his own spells on him. Yes, I like_Levicorpus_ too but I do wonder what you'd say if I'd send you dangling upside down in the air, threatening to take off your pants?"

It was a rhetorical questions; I didn't expected an answer and clearly not the one he gave me.

"That we could certainly come up with a better position if you want to undress me." The words just slipped his mouth before he could bite his tongue. I wished I hadn't taken a sip of beer because I spluttered it all over the table now, coughing, gasping for breath, blushing as slightly as he did when he rushed over to pat my back, not feeling sorry at all for having so thoroughly taken the wind out of my sails. I tried to give him an angry glare but failed. Yet, that was not meant as an invitation for him to take my hands in his and look me straight in the eye.

"Raven, we'll probably never agree about Sni-Snape… but why can't we just settle on forgetting our animosities when it comes to him or James? Grimmauld Place was so much less like a dull, gloomy prison with you strutting along its corridors, the clattering of your high heels driving my dear ol' mum even madder than she was in real life… I miss your shouting matches. I miss… well, actually I miss you."

"Damned," I sighed. It must be the dog phenomenon- they know when they're wrong or badly behaved but before you can start shouting at them they'd give you this look of utter devotion that renders you lenient. Of course I would not pat his head now, and it was easy to block the dog from my mind when his fingers squeezed mine in a silent question. I didn't fail to realize what an effort it must have taken him to come here, to swallow a good amount of his pride and… well, not to ask for _forgiveness_- Sirius was definitely not sorry for being such an irritating, insufferable git when it came to him loathing Severus just out of habit- but to _understand_ me, which was probably even harder. Actually he was just as battered and tormented, emotionally haunted by the past as Severus was ever since the night Voldemort had fucked up both of their lives. Probably both of them needed professional help… unfortunately there were no shrinks in the wizarding world, only Obliviators, and I doubted a Memory Modifying Charm was a constructive method in learning to deal with your past. Apparently it was up to me to handle the wreckage.

I heaved another sigh as I glanced at Sirius. He had made a fair offer and I saw no point in keeping up old grudges from yesterday. I wasn't the small, fat, crying girl anymore; I had gone through a metamorphosis. I had no idea what I would do if I'd ever meet James Potter again but fortunately that wasn't the question.

"If you honestly mean what you said, if you can actually accept my friendship with Severus without making snide remarks all the time, then we can certainly be friends again."

"Friends?" He sounded a tad disappointed, probably he had expected more.

I, however, wasn't willing to offer more at the moment. It felt like years ago, not only a few weeks, that I had almost let him seduce me on the kitchen table and I wasn't in the mood to be seduced now. My life was less a mess when I kept affairs out of it. A thought flashed through my mind that maybe it could be more than just an affair with him but that was most likely absurd because I was too old to believe in a teenage crush come true and all that '_they lived happily ever after blah, blah, blah_'. Although I must admit that I'd missed him too when I moved back into Grimmauld Place.

Once again I was a commuter between the wizarding and the Muggle world, spending my time at Sam's, helping him with the _Naughty__Quill_- a job I had definitely neglected lately- and also with Sirius. I enjoyed his company and he seemed to cheer up in the colourful oasis of my room in that gloomy old Slytherin house. We often sat together, listening to music. He must have missed that too because he always looked so much more alive when the music was loud and red wine soaked vocals told stories of _Billy__Two Rivers, Princess Valium _or the _Bullet Proof Poet._ Actually it didn't surprise me that he had taken an instant liking to the Dogs d'Amour, mayhap it was because of his animagnus form. And all the time I kept telling myself that my feelings for him were merely of a friendly nature, not romantic at all, until I almost believed I was immune to his subtle flirting. Of course he wanted more- after all, I was the prettiest witch at Grimmauld Place- but it was in his favour that he never tried to push things; he was waiting for me to make the first step.

Then, one day, I was riding through Camden on my Harley, something bright and silvery popped up on the road in front of me and took on the shape of a dazzling beautiful doe. I slammed on the brakes- I didn't want to run a doe down, even if it was only a Patronus.

_'The Dark Lord tricked Potter to believe he captured Black at the Ministry but the mutt is alive and_ _well. I immediately alerted the Order. I told Black to stay behind and wait for Dumbledore._ _He's likely to ignore that advice…'_

Like hell he would **not** stay behind when Harry was in danger! Severus knew that, otherwise he wouldn't have told me. He also knew that **I** would not stay behind if I believed Sirius in danger. Damned! Never lock eyes with a skilled Leglimens if you don't want them to find out things you're trying hard to deny but now it hit me like the infamous bolt out of the blue.

_'Your fondness for furry things is quite remarkable…' _The sarcastic tone of Severus' voice didn't go at all with the doe's big, long-lashed eyes.

"You know, Sev, such a pretty thing shouldn't sneer like you do. Now get out of the way, _Bambi_, there are Death Eaters waiting for me to kick their asses."

I let the engine roar to shoo away the doe and it dissolved into thin air with a last whisper. _'Take care…'_

Maybe Severus would rummage the library now, frantically trying to find out what kind of curse or Dark Arts artefact a Bambi was. He'd be traumatized if he ever learned the horrible truth. I smiled grimly- hopefully that would teach him to never again call Sirius a mutt.

I had to get to the Ministry of Magic now, **immediately**, and I didn't care if there might be Muggles watching me Disparate on my Harley. I was eager to fight some Death Eaters; after all, that was my job and I had missed a bit of action lately. And I really had to tell Sirius that I'd give him a chance. So I focussed my mind on the desired destination, breaking through blocking charms that were already rendered ineffective by the Death Eaters who had infiltrated the Ministry. Apparently they had friends in high places, just like the Order.

The engine of my Harley sounded unnaturally loud and completely out of place in the dark halls of the Department of Mysteries when I Apparated just outside the doors of what looked like an amphitheatre. There was all the action, the air filled with flashes of light and almost buzzing with the energy of spells thrown across the room. Sirius was duelling with a Death Eater but he seemed to be quite capable of handling the guy; Kingsley Shacklebolt fought two at once. Moody was lying on the floor down at the centre of the amphitheatre where an ancient looking stone archway stood. It was hung with a tattered veil that fluttered ever so slightly in the windless room.

I rode down the steps- which caused quite a distraction. The Death Eater threatening Moody stared at me in confusion, clearly not having seen a freelance Auror dressed in Muggle black leather and high-heels, riding a chrome-glittering Harley Davidson before. His problem. I slammed on the brakes in front of him and my bike came to a grinding halt, the smell of hot rubber in the air.

"Forget about broomsticks," I told him as I Stunned him with a flick of my wand. In a swift move I dismounted my Harley while almost simultaneously I reduced its size to put it in the pocket of my black leather coat. Yep, I was aware of how impressive that must have looked. I mean, I hadn't practiced that little trick over and over again to no avail if I wasn't keen on making a big entrance.

"You really are a show-off, eh?" Sirius yelled from somewhere above me, grinning broadly. Since he was used to my ways he had taken advantage of the surprise moment to defeat his Death Eater and was now looking for a new challenge. He was really enjoying himself.

I helped Moody up and he immediately went after his magical eye that was spinning away across the floor. Meanwhile a Death Eater by the name of Dolohov had jinxed a round-faced boy into a frenzied tap-dance he didn't seem to enjoy and approached Harry Potter, aiming his wand at him.

"_Protego!_" Harry yelled, proving him capable of defending himself although the force of his own spell knocked him sideways and he stumbled over the legs of the other boy.

Dolohov raised his wand again. I couldn't help Harry because I was attacked by a hooded Death Eater and had to get rid off him so I sent him up in the air with _Levicorpus_. I loved that spell. The mask fell off his face and revealed features warped with hatred. I knew him. I waved at him and said, "Hello cousin!" although I was definitely **not** related to Rastaban Lestrange.

Sirius plunged at Dolohov, ramming him with his shoulder and thus sending him flying out of the way. I would have loved to watch him duelling because he looked so much like the casually handsome boy I had known (and fallen for) when he was having fun. Unfortunately the other Lestrange took offence in the way I had treated his brother, calling me a blood-traitor who befouled the name of his family. Actually I thought he befouled mine because they were both ugly gits- the victims of pure-blooded mania that resulted in inbreeding a little too much. I hung him up next to his brother and cast a body binding spell upon them.

"Nice one!" Sirius shouted after Harry had just saved him with a_Petrificus__Totalus_ that made Dolohov keel over backwards, his arms and legs locked. The Death Eater looked like a helpless beetle now.

"Down!" I yelled when I sensed something very green and nasty being shot in their direction, and they both ducked; Sirius forcing Harry's head down. Nevertheless, the jet of green light missed Sirius only narrowly.

It must have been an ill-wished greeting from his mad cousin Bellatrix, the black-haired witch Tonks had been duelling. But Tonks was now tumbling down the stairs, her body limp.

"Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!" Sirius bellowed as he left him, eager to meet Bellatrix and give her a magical beating. He only stopped to shot me a pleading glance. "Raven, get the boys out of here!"

"Yeah. Um, Sirius, there's something I…" But he was already gone and this was probably not the right time or place to tell him that we should give it a try. So, the boys…

Unfortunately that moment the Lestrange brothers decided that dangling upside down in the air was not the way they deserved to be treated by someone like me, a blood-traitor. Actually I would have even enjoyed duelling with them if only they weren't the by-products of centuries of inbreeding, meaning that though their blood was without doubt very pure they somehow must have lost their brains along the way. They were certainly powerful wizards but not very clever. I played with them for a while until I heard a dominant voice ordering Harry to hand over the prophecy.

"The prophecy, give me the prophecy, Potter!"

Hanging them up in the air again like washing I turned around to see Lucius Malfoy threatening Harry, his wand pressed between the boy's ribs.

"Oh no," I snarled at him as I grabbed a good fistful of his long, white-blond hair in my hands, forcing him back, "you're not a prefect anymore so stop ordering little boys around!"

Malfoy shook me off as if I was a nasty fly but at least I had drawn his attention from the boys. Harry flung the glass ball containing the prophecy at Neville who caught it, clutching it to his chest, therefore Malfoy pointed his wand at the round-faced boy. Before I could do anything Harry was shouting _'Impedimenta!'_and Malfoy crashed into the dais. Though I should be grateful I felt a bit as if someone had stolen my favourite toy. My principle of not keeping up old school day grudges didn't count when it came to many of my former fellow Slytherins and especially Lucius Malfoy; I had always loathed him. Now there was a chance to pay back all his bullying me around when I was a fat little girl in the wrong house, the shame to Slytherin.

"Hey, Luci, wait for me! We gotta talk a few things over!" I ran down the stone steps in his direction. Still out of breath Malfoy staggered to his feet and aimed his wand at the boys again but Lupin jumped between them.

"Harry, round up the others and GO!"

"Leave him to me!" I yelled at Lupin before he could pick a fight with Malfoy. "If you're bored go and see how Tonks is faring; she tumbled down the stairs a few minutes ago."

Lupin blanched and turned on his heels. _Ah, not all is lost_, I thought grinning while I lashed a _Sectumsempra_ at Malfoy, cutting his cheek. Finally I got his undivided attention. If there's one thing positive to say about him then it would be that he's a cunning wizard. Duelling with him was a challenge I enjoyed immensely. He was firing spells at me but I blocked them all, prancing around him, ducking, waiting for the opportune moment to fire back.

Suddenly the Death Eaters were all in a flurry. Dumbledore stood at the top of the stone steps, looking livid, raising his wand. The sight of him seemed to scare the wits out of the Dark wizards; one of my not cousins was scuttling up the steps opposite, reminding me of a demented monkey. Dumbledore pulled him back as if hooked on a fishing rod. Nice trick. I wanted to do the same with dear old Lucius since I wasn't done with him yet when from the corner of my eyes I saw Sirius and Bellatrix still battling. It was fierce duel, as though this was something personal, a family affair.

He laughed as he ducked a jet of red light, taunting her. "Come on, you can do better than that!"

I sensed something really nasty flaring up inside of her, madness in her eyes. She wanted to get rid off him for good.

"Oh no, you bloody bitch, I won't let you kill MY Sirius!" I yelled at Bellatrix, realizing that I had probably never really overcome my teenage crush on him, that there was more between us than mere physical attraction. I still had to tell him so many things that I had denied for too long and she was not going to spoil our chance. I didn't want to lose him now.

"Pathetic," Bellatrix sneered disgusted as she aimed her wand at him.

Then, things happened very fast although I saw them occurring as if in slow motion.

"PROTEGO!"

Too late. My Shield Charm came too late to block the second jet of red light- red, not green, which would have rendered any attempt to counter it futile anyway. And yet I was surprised that Bellatrix had not chosen the most effective way, had not used the Killing Curse to off her dearly hated cousin. Instead she had shot another Stunner at him. I had seen it coming- red, not green. I had sensed it…. but when I saw it hitting his chest and he, still laughing, stumbled backwards I suddenly recognized the perfidy of her plan. Sirius' eyes widened in shock as he grasped it too. I hurried to grab his arm to stop him from falling through the archway. The very same moment Bellatrix hurled back my Shield Charm at me, probably out of reflex. We were doomed. All the powerful energy and emotions I had put in it recoiled on us and sent us falling… down… through the ancient archway… I saw the veil fluttering high above me as if struck by a heavy gust of wind… I heard Bellatrix' triumphant scream… Harry shouting Sirius' name… then nothing anymore… Silence.

The veil had fallen back into place. And we were still falling…

* * *

Hope you all like the little cliffhanger. Reviews are very welcome! 


	10. Beyond the Veil

thanks for all your reviews, sorry I left you with a cliffhanger for a week. Have fun with this chapter.

The Green Bird: please email me if you want to continue our discussion on Lily and Snape

* * *

10- Beyond the Veil

We were falling… I had no idea for how long. Eventually we hit the ground but I wouldn't complain because I had a soft landing. On top of Sirius. I had never let go of him, still clutching to his arm. He looked me in the eye.

"We're dead."

Now that was a very negative statement and besides, I didn't feel dead at all. I begged to differ.

"We're not. We can't be dead because a Stunner doesn't kill, nor did the fall kill us. We're just…" I raised my head and looked up to from where we had come but the tunnel through which we had fallen was gone, replaced by a cloudless sky of metallic grey. Interesting. "Well, we're just somewhere _else_."

"Raven, the room isn't called the Death Chamber for no reason and the stone archway is known to be a passageway…" He broke off when another thought struck him. "Why were you there anyway? You weren't at the Headquarters when Snape informed us, you had gone out…"

"Severus sent his Patronus to fill me in…"

"He can cast a Patronus? Now that must be a particularly ugly thing."

"Oh yeah, a really threatening beastie." I would never ever tell Sirius about Bambi. I frowned at him. "You know, you can't tell me we're dead and the only thing that survived is your loathing of Severus Snape."

"Alright, so why did Snape tell you what's going on after he had already alerted the Order? That doesn't make any sense."

"He knew what I only realized the moment I believed you were in danger because I had been telling myself that you can't warm up an old teenage crush although it actually isn't a teenage crush what I'm feeling for you but I never admitted it to myself acknowledged..."

Sirius sighed. "I had hoped things would be less cryptic when dead."

"Meaning I love you."

"Oh… um, isn't it a bit unfair you're telling me that now when we're dead?"

"We're not, and I tried to tell you at the Ministry but you ran off to fight that mental slut of a cousin."

"Bad timing."

I brushed his lips with mine. "Do you really feel dead now?"

"Not at all but maybe you should repeat that to be dead sure."

I laughed and kissed his lips again.

"Hem, hem…"

"What?" I hadn't made that sound and neither had Sirius, which lead to the conclusion that we weren't alone here. We sat up with a start and looked around.

"Hem, hem… I know it is very rude to interrupt such a sweet scene but what are you doing here?"

We stared in bewilderment at the small, dwarf-like wizard in front of us. He was bald with bushy eyebrows and lots of facial hair, the tip of his snow-white beard ending at his bare feet. His robes of lilac matched perfectly the colour of his eyes that glared at us disapprovingly.

"I'm sorry if you think it offensive that we're kissing…"

"Tsk!" One of his eyebrows shot up. "I couldn't care less and besides, I am well aware what you were doing that very moment, thank you very much, but that still doesn't answer my question. What are you doing here? You don't belong here. You are not dead."

"We're not?" Sirius asked, looking happy. Though I had told him that before he seemed to be quite glad to hear it confirmed by someone else who wasn't emotionally involved.

"Silly boy," the lilac dwarf sneered, "of course not. You were hit by a Stunning Curse and Stunners don't kill. That still leaves the question why you are here."

He plucked at his beard, apparently mulling things over.

"'Cause we fell through the bloody veil of that bloody archway and simply landed here." Sirius snapped, a little livid.

"Well, where is _here_ anyway?" I demanded, gazing at the lilac clad wizard. "And who are you?"

The hairy dwarf muttered something under his breath that vaguely sounded like a tantrum about our obvious ignorance and cursing the whole wizarding world for not adequately praising the arduous efforts of his job, whatever that was.

"**I**am the **Keeper**, young Missy. You must have heard of me. **I** guard all the passageways leading to the Realm of the Dead, **I**welcome all new arrivals, and **I**watch carefully that no uninvited visitors try to sneak into **my** world. Now _**you**_have not received an invitation. _**You**_ were not killed, therefore _**you**_ don't belong here."

"Great, we got that now and let me assure you that it wasn't our intention to come here in the first place and especially not after I just learned that the adorable, stunningly beautiful witch sitting next to me is in love with me." Sirius flashed me a smile. "I know I'm a loveable stray."

"Oh Sirius, please, don't be too full of yourself and don't remind me of fur." I told him though I didn't mind him saying that _stunningly__beautiful_ part; it was flattering. However, since we so clearly didn't belong in the Realm of the Dead and the lilac Keeper took so much offence in us being here I couldn't help but say, "Well, as it seems we're not welcome here and we're not keen on lingering here either, so why don't you just send us back?"

"Because I am the Keeper and not the Sender."

"Ah, and where can we find the Sender?" Sirius enquired

"There is no Sender."

I rolled my eyes in frustration; this was getting more and more irritating. "But there is a way back?"

"Yes."

"Care to tell us?"

"No. I'm the Keeper and it was not listed in my job description to give away such secrets. That you have to find out by yourselves."

"You're just being maddeningly unhelpful." I was tempted to use the Imperio Curse on him and make him tell me but I doubted that my wand would help me here.

He flashed me an annoyingly mild smile that reminded me of Dumbledore. "I doubt that anyone here is going to be helpful even though they know the way out. But since they can't leave like you could if you knew the way they won't tell you. Good luck."

With that he dissolved into thin air and left Sirius and I standing on a meadow where there wasn't one before, looking like ghosts in this strange land. The sun was shining from a cloudless grey sky, not casting any shadows, and the grass under our feet didn't seem to remember our footsteps as we walked on in curiosity. I glanced at him and he was as transparent as I was but his grip on my hand was solid. Probably it was the only thing solid here since the landscape kept changing every few steps. For a minute we walked through a desert, then we passed a forest were some overgrown cockroaches were having a tea party. A spider wearing a green bowler hat idly wove it's net between two palm trees and a confederation of shrinking heads discussed new potions for better shrinking.

"We're not dead, we're merely on a LSD trip."

"Magical Mushrooms are more likely. Look at those." Sirius pointed at a group of huge fungi that were singing and waltzing.

"My, this really is a weird place."

The scenery changed. We were now in a part of Absurdistan that almost looked normal except that there seemed to be something wrong with the river we were approaching. Suddenly Sirius froze in his tracks and stared at the two people standing at the riverbank. One of them was a witch with red hair shining brightly in the sun that was not visible in the silvery cloudless sky. Lily. She was waving at us and came walking in our direction, and next to her, _strutting_in his everlasting Quidditch-Champion way… James Potter. What had I done to deserve this?

"Padfoot!" He cried cheerfully

"Prongs!" Sirius let go of my hand and scampered off to get swept into a brotherly embrace, clinging onto Potter. There was something really bizarre about that scene because usually ghost just sweep through you, giving you the creeps. Well, the ghost in that scene was Sirius who looked as ghostly transparent as I did while the one that had actually died looked more alive and real. Nevertheless hugging seemed to work here. I rolled my eyes, now that was really… touching. I was feeling sarcastic. What did Sirius see in Potter? Then I noticed a suspiciously moist glitter in Sirius' eyes and turned tactfully away to not spoil their moment. He must love that guy for reasons that were unfathomable to me. So be it. Potter was dead and we would return from this place.

"Boys," Lily sighed, "he missed him so much."

I gave her a cold glance. Wasn't it a tad rude for a dead man to miss a living man since that sounded so much like _I want him to be here now_?

"Raven, I always wondered why you stopped talking to me. I thought we were friends."

My perfectly trimmed eyebrows shot up. _Friends?_How pathetic was that? Yes, she had treated me kindly at school but it had been more like the kindness one shows towards a stray. Pat its head and- in case of Severus- made sure you wipe off your hands afterwards. Mayhap I was unfair now.

"Talking about friends… yours would have slept outside the lion's den- which the Gryffindor tower was for him- only to get the chance and say he's truly sorry that the oh-so unforgivable word slipped his lips in a moment of utter humiliation but you wouldn't have it. Well, I actually believe you were long square then given that you insulted him in a much more personal way."

"I know," she said softly. "It took me a while but I really regret that now. If only he hadn't been so fascinated with the Dark Arts… Nevertheless, I wish I could tell him that I'm sorry too, that I have forgiven him…"

He would have died to hear those words from her lips but since I preferred Severus alive and I had no intention on lingering here either I said, "You know, it was merely an unfortunate accident that landed us here, Sirius and I." _Sirius and I_- I still had to get used to that but it had a really nice ring to it. "So if you'd tell us how to leave Absurdistan I could tell Severus you're not mad at him any longer."

"But would he want to hear that at all? Does he even remember me after all those years?"

Argh! How thick was she? I tried to remain calm and longed for a cigarette, rummaged through the pockets of my coat until I found a crumbled and almost empty pack of fags, then gnawed at it because I couldn't find a lighter. Lily, sweet as ever, helped me out with the tiniest snip of fingers. I inhaled deeply and saw the smoke streaming out of my transparent body in clouds of rainbow colours. This really was a weird place.

"Lily, do I look like someone men are likely to say 'no' to?"

She shook her head in confusion. At the same time her glorious, wonderful husband took notice of me. It was probably hard to ignore a pretty witch clad in tight black leather Muggle clothes even if she wasn't radiating clouds of rainbow coloured smoke. He whistled approvingly as he patted Sirius' shoulder.

"My, Padfoot, who's that exceptionally handsome witch? Congrats, mate."

Smiling sheepishly Sirius wrapped an arm around my waist– feeling just as unfamiliar with the situation as I was and yet it felt so very right. But before he could introduce me to his best dead friend I beat him to it.

"You know, Potter, and this may come as a surprise to you, not only ugly little ducklings can go through a metamorphosis and turn into a beautiful swan at the end of the fairy tale. Sometimes it also happens that a fat crow metamorphoses into a pretty Raven."

"Raven Lestrange," he gasped bewildered, eying me up and down. Although he took pleasure in what he saw- his glance remained a little too long on my admittedly very daring décolleté (hey, I had been on my way to a rock concert when Bambi had appeared on the road in front of me)- his attitude towards me hadn't changed at all. "Now where's that greasy-haired sidekick of yours?"

"At Hogwarts, trying to protect your son. Lousy job but someone's gotta do it because you're too dead to care for Harry. You have to admit that Severus is decidedly the cleverer of you two given that he's still alive and I mightily doubt he would've never chosen a **rat** as his Secret Keeper." I flashed Sirius an apologetic smile. "No offence intended."

"Well, as it seems you're dead too."

"Nope. Technically we're not since we weren't killed. We just happened to stumble though the veil and need to find a way back. Any idea?"

Potter looked at Sirius. "You want to leave me again, Padfoot."

I shot him a really nasty look. "Even in death you're an egoistic, arrogant bastard, Potter. D'you really want Sirius to stay in Absurdistan with you? Damned, let him HAVE A LIFE!"

Something really strange happened. James Potter proved that he could be a decent guy even if it was only for Sirius. He swallowed his dislike for me because he understood that I seemed to mean a lot to his friend and wanted to see him happy. A very noble gesture.

Lily placed a gentle hand on her husband's shoulder. "We should tell them how to get back to the living world. Sirius is the only one Harry's got left."

Potter nodded. By the way he glared at me I could tell he wished that Sirius would remain the only one for Harry because he didn't seem to fancy the idea I could become part of his family. Bad Slytherin influence and all that. But he didn't say anything like that for Sirius' sake.

"Alright, you have to walk up that river, just let the flow carry you…"

Finally I got what had been so odd about the river- it was flowing up and not down. When Potter said we'd soon reach a mountain with a waterfall I actually saw that mountain appear in front of me, and the typical spray usually found at the bottom of a waterfall was at its top, forming a glittering cloud above the rocks. The water was really shooting up instead of pouring down. A really, really weird place.

"Time to leave." I squeezed Sirius' hand. He let go of me to once more hug Potter and I turned around to look Lily in the eye. Should I tell her? Severus would probably not want me to spill his secret but I thought that Lily had the right to know. I leant closer to her so that Potter couldn't hear. "Is there anything you want me to tell an old friend of yours?"

"Tell him I'm sorry too. I'm still wondering though… is he… was he… I mean, did he ever join You-Know-Who's ranks and became a…"

"Death Eater? Yep. He still is, actually. But he's also a member of the Order of the Phoenix and I daresay the one who risks the most ever since the day he learned that Voldemort was going after you. He abandoned Voldemort and tried to save your life, and the pain of failing is still eating him up. He doesn't like Harry well- the boy looks too much like James- and yet he's keeping him safe in memory of you. He never stopped loving you, Lily."

"He loved me?" She whispered astounded. "But why did he never…"

I left her pondering why it was possible that an unpopular, unattractive, neglected, and deep in his heart insecure little Slytherin boy had never dared to confess that he loved the popular, very pretty and therefore too high above him Gryffindor girl, especially since there was an attractive Quidditch champion prancing around her all the time, showing off with his rare talent of jinxing anyone that got in his way simply because he could.

"Sirius! We gotta go!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him along, suddenly panicking that we might be doomed to stay here forever if we didn't leave **right****now**. We were already less transparent than we had been when we came here first and I feared that lingering any longer could probably loose us our we're-only-transients badge. I definitely didn't want to remain dead if there was a chance to get away. I was still much too young and far too pretty to be dead. There were so many things I hadn't done yet, like all these naughty things that came to my mind when looking at Sirius… I loved him, I wanted him… there had always been some kind if physical attraction between us… but let's not rush things. That would have to wait until we were back home, in the world of the living. We'd just jump out of that ancient archway as if it hadn't swallowed us, finish the Death Eaters Dumbledore's left to us, and return to Grimmauld Place where we'd lock up in my room for the next couple of days. Yes, that sounded good. Probably too good for things to turn out the way I wanted them to.

We were running up a river that was flowing in reverse of any logical, natural order- well, there wasn't any logic in Absurdistan anyway. We were deep to our knees in the water and yet it felt as if we were walking on its surface, hovering over the water while the current was taking us upstream, towards the oddest of all waterfalls.

_Once you're there make sure that the undertows won't shoot you up, keep your desired destination firmly in mind. There's a cave behind the waterfall, and in that cave there's supposed to be an archway that will sort of catapult you back to where you belong,_ I remembered Potter saying as I sped up the waterfall, Sirius in tow. I focussed my mind on where I wanted to be while shooting a last glance at the Potters. James was weeping in Lily's arms, already missing his best friend, and she still looked slightly confused because of what I had told her about Severus Snape…

I couldn't remember passing though a cave since the first thing I noticed after running up a waterfall was a very familiar situation. Once again I ended up landing on Sirius but this time I heard some bones crashing in the process.

"You alright?" I asked worriedly.

He held up the broken bone of someone who must have died ages ago, tears running down his cheeks. "I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

Still crying silent tears he nodded. "At least I could say goodbye to him this time… "

I kissed him and scrambled to my feet, looking around. We were definitely not in the Department of Mysteries although it was a mystery to me where we were. It seemed to be some sort of a tomb, which would explain the bones, but it was too dark to figure out more. I reached for my wand.

"_Lumos_!"

Nothing happened. I tried it again but no light came from the tip of my wand. Hey, that was a simple spell I shouldn't have problems with it.

"Sirius, dear, could you help me out, please? Something's wrong with my wand."

He gave me a frown but when he tried to cast some light with his wand the result wasn't much better. Wherever we were, we couldn't rely on our magic and that wasn't a very comforting thought.

Sirius shrugged. "Well, let's find out where we are first. Look, there seems to be a way out, I can see some light in the distance."

We walked through a tunnel that had been dug in the ground and for the first time since I had left Grimmauld Place earlier this evening I regretted wearing high-heels. If I had expected to end up lost in the wilderness I would have chosen a different pair of shoes. Although I would have preferred to not end up in the wilderness in the first place but exactly that was what we saw after coming out of the tunnel. Wilderness. The bright, full moon shining over vast expanses of steppe. Small hills like the one we had just left were occasionally disrupting the monotony of the grassland. No, I suddenly realized when the scenery became vaguely familiar to me, those weren't hills- those were burial mounds. _Kurgans_, to be more precise.

"Oh shit!" I gasped, shooting Sirius a frantic glance. "We're in southern Siberia, we're without magic, and you just broke the bones of an ancient Scythian king. The archaeologists won't be pleased."

"What archaeologists?"

"Those in that camp over there." I pointed in the direction of a bonfire burning in the middle of some tents.

"Ah… well, they seem to be asleep and besides, you shouldn't worry about some Muggle archaeologists when the full moon is up."

"You're right. Let's worry about south Siberian werewolves roaming the steppe, that's definitely more entertaining." I looked over to the camp. A guy in uniform, apparently a Cossack, was on patrol but he hadn't taken notice of us yet. My glance wandered to the cars, a pick up and two jeeps. Since we were momentarily without magic we couldn't Disapparate or turn something into a Portkey, we had no broomsticks (fortunately) and I couldn't use the Engorgement Charm on my Harley. I smiled at Sirius. "Ever stolen a car?"

"No… why?"

"Because you can't expect me to walk through the steppe in these shoes." I lifted one foot to show him the heels. "These shoes are not made for walking, therefore we could use a car."

He grinned. "Though I like to see you strutting around on your high-heels you're right. So, we're going to steal a car. I'm in… sounds like fun."

I took off my shoes. It would be easier to sneak up to the cars without them and if anyone noticed us I could still use them as weapons. Or poke out eyes with my wand.

"We have to be careful and move very silently." I instructed Sirius who was staring absent-mindedly at my feet. Yes, I was aware that the turquoise polish on my toenails looked a bit out of place here in the grassland of south Siberia and probably it would also look out of place on someone in New York City who had set his mind on stealing a car. But that didn't matter now. "Did you listen to me, Sirius?"

"Of course. I will move on silent paws…"

"Don't. Remind. Me. Of. Dogs!"

Chuckling quietly he swept me in his arms and kissed me, a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. He looked so much more alive now that we had been dead… not dead… undead in Absurdistan… returned from the Realm of the Dead… whatever. I had no idea how we actually managed to get to the cars but we got there unnoticed- I guessed we were just a great team when it mattered, and luck was on our side. The door of the jeep was unlocked. You couldn't leave a car unlocked in London but since the Siberian population was insignificantly smaller it was unlikely that someone came along to steal your car in the wilderness.

I slipped on the driver's seat and bent down to hotwire the jeep.

"What are you doing there?" Sirius asked.

"Some kind of illegal Muggle magic…"

"Well, although my experiences with Muggle techniques are slightly limited I'm wondering why you don't use the keys to start the engine."

_Because we don't have a bloody key,_ I wanted to snap but he had already reached up to the sun visor and, with a metallically jingling sound, produced a set of keys. My, these archaeologists working in Siberia were really a trusting bunch of fellows! I flashed Sirius a warm smile. "Ta. You're simply the best."

He moved closer, intending to kiss me again and I didn't mind at all. Unfortunately that was the moment when our lucky streak came to an end since the Cossack on patrol wasn't as trusting as the archaeologists still dreaming sweat Scythian dreams were. He came running towards our jeep, a nasty looking gun at the ready, shouting something in Russian. I didn't understand any Russian but I knew a threat when I heard one. It was about time to take our leave! I started the engine and slammed my foot on the accelerator. The jeep sped forward with spinning wheels.

The Cossack gave a warning shot in the air. Probably he wanted us to stop but I didn't feel inclined to do him that favour. Instead I grabbed the steering wheel hard in my hands, jerked it around to not run the Cossack over, and regretted my merciful decision to spare his life a few seconds later when he started to fire his gun at our jeep.

"Keep your head down!" I yelled at Sirius while I tried to do the same and still being able to see where I was driving to, my foot pressed tightly on the gas pedal. Again and again I pulled hard on the wheel to send us on a zigzag course but nevertheless a bullet managed to hit and smash to smithereens our rear window. Sirius was laughing. He definitely had been kept locked up for far too long if he thought this was fun.

I drove on at top speed until we were finally out of shooting range. Only then I allowed myself to cast a glance in the rear view mirror and see if we were being followed, which was apparently not the case. The archaeologists were probably too busy checking on long dead Scythian bones to bother about something as banal as a stolen car. It might have been different if the excavation site had not been plundered by grave robbers centuries ago, if they had found more than just some old bones here.

"It never gets boring with you." Sirius said then, and it sounded like a compliment. Like hell he was right. Actually I wished for a little less action since we hadn't even had the time to talk properly due to all the fighting at the Ministry, falling through the veil, travelling through Absurdistan, escaping a trigger-happy Cossack, driving hell for leather through Siberia… well, I had told him I loved him and we were acting like a couple ever since then, and maybe that was okay, maybe there was no use to talk things over that were so very clear…

"How did you know that the not-water_fall _spat us out in south Siberia, or that we crashed the bones of an ancient Scythian king?"

"Don't underestimate the educational effects Muggle TV can have on you- there was a documentary about Scythian excavations some time ago on BBC."

"You really should tell that to my dear ol' mum… she'd be truly scandalized. Just the idea of having cable TV at Grimmauld Place would drive her out of her frame and straight to hell."

"Why not give it a try when we're back?" We laughed about the idea for a while, then fell silent again. I concentrated on the road that was more like a dirt track actually, and since it was the only way leading away from the archaeologists camp there was no other direction for us to go anyway. Which could become a problem if the archaeologists had called the local police. I needed a map to find out where we were in order to plot our further course.

"Is there a map in the gloves box?" I asked Sirius who didn't know what a gloves box was until I told him. He rummaged through it and handed me a street atlas. I stopped the car to study it since he was too fascinated with the pistol he had found. I gave him a frown. "Be careful with that thing."

"Sure." The next moment there was a loud bang and a bullet shot though the roof of the jeep, leaving a hole. Sirius blushed and put the pistol away again, looking abashed. "Sorry… so where are we?"

"You'll soon be back with James if you keep playing with dangerous things," I growled. Men! I showed him the map on which the location of the excavation site was marked. It was near the village of Arzhan in the republic of Tuva, deep in the southern Siberia and bordering Mongolia. The nearest town I'd ever heard of was Novosibirsk, almost a thousand miles to the northwest. Cool, I had always wanted to go to Novosibirsk- not. With a sigh I drove on, missing my magic.

"I can take over for a while," Sirius offered and though that was thoughtful of him I shot him a sceptical glance.

"Dear, you don't even know what a glove box is. Do you think the fact that you used to own a flying motorbike once qualifies you for driving a car?"

"I didn't always fly my motorbike, you know that I used to hang around with the local motorcycle crowd and they'd have thought it odd if I had taken off into the air."

"True," I admitted.

"It can't be so difficult to drive that car. I watched you," (Oh, I really didn't doubt that), "I just keep my hands on the wheel and my foot on the gas pedal."

"You don't have a driver's licence."

"Actually I do."

"What? Sirius Black took driving lessons?"

"Just one. After that I Confunded the instructor and he signed the piece of paper. I was always a very talented student." He lounged so casually on his seat, smiling at the memory that I had to smirk.

"Talented with anything but modesty…"

"Raven, I'm a Black and no Black was ever raised to be modest. I grew up with the knowledge that we're superior, the elite of the wizarding world, high above the scum of half-bloods… all this pure-blood mania I grew so sick of later. Now let me drive that car."

In the meantime the sun had come up and we were on an empty but well-built road that seemed to go on for miles without end, cutting straight through the vastness of Siberia. It really couldn't be very hard to drive a car on a road like that, so I gave in. And Sirius proved that he really was a talented man. After stalling the engine once and accelerating a tad too much at the next try- we almost ended up in the roadside ditch- he managed to handle the car quite well. I cuddled up on the passenger seat and closed my eyes for a moment.

When I woke up again it was because I suddenly missed the sound of the engine. The car stood in the middle of the road and Sirius was outside, scrutinizing it with a frown on his face. The hood stood open.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"There's something wrong with that car so I looked at the engine but it differs so much from that of my old motorbike that I'm pretty clueless. I wish I could hex it."

"Did you check the petrol gauge?" I looked at it. "Sirius, the tank is bloody empty; we've run out of petrol so close the hood and hope the archaeologists left us a full spare can."

We were lucky. We found not only a full spare can of petrol in the boot but also two full bottles of water. Until then I hadn't even realized how thirsty I was. Now I only needed something to eat and a gas station. The tiny little problem was that we didn't have any money… but well, we had a pistol so we could still add armed robbery to our criminal register. I searched my pockets for that crumpled pack of cigarettes and while searching for the lighter- I knew it must be somewhere- my fingers touched something that was thin, rectangular and made out of plastic. With a cry of triumph I produced my credit card! We were saved from having to continue our criminal career.

When we drove on it was my turn again so that Sirius could take a nap. After a few miles we reached a gas station where I tanked the jeep and refilled the spare can; I also bought some Russian pies which were quite tasty.

Travelling through Siberia was boring given that the landscape hardly changed and the road was straight. There had been some mountains in Tuva but now it was all steppe, low grasslands for miles and miles. Though I'd never been keen on using magical means of transportation before I missed it now. I couldn't even imagine that I had ever wanted to be a squib because I had grown so accustomed to my magical skills that I felt empty, almost vulnerable without them. The sun set and we were still driving along that same old bloody road for hours while the music on the radio was as melancholic as the landscape. It was too frustrating to be true. I wanted to curl up in Sirius' arms and cry.

We stopped at the parking lot of a gas station in the middle of nowhere, deep in the night, so we both could get a rest and when we woke up with the first sunrays of a new day shining on our faces, the world suddenly looked much more friendly. I felt a new but definitely very familiar energy flushing through my veins and I got overly exited realizing that my magic was back. I wanted to hex the world just for the sake of it. Because I could... and yet I contained myself. I certainly didn't want Russian Obligators having to modify the memories of some innocent Muggle bystanders that had witnessed me going mad with joy since the parking lot was anything but empty this morning. Instead it seemed to be the meeting point for truckers to have breakfast in the self-service restaurant. Breakfast was a great idea.

Surreptitiously I turned the thin brew that was supposed to be coffee into a double espresso with a generous mountain of foamed milk and almost purred with delight. It was so good to be alive again. Sirius watched me with a big smile on his face… we had to get back to civilisation again, to a hotel, big bed… Cuddling up in his arms at night was a nice thing but not enough, never enough. I wanted him like he wanted me and yet we didn't want it to happen in the toilet of a gas station somewhere in Siberia.

Since it was almost a wonder that no police patrol had tried to stop us yet we opted not to rely too much on our lucky streak that had gotten us this far but to leave the jeep behind. I had already Engorgioed my Harley so we'd ride the last two hundred or so miles to Novosibirsk. Then we could still decide how to make our comeback into the wizarding world. For some reasons I couldn't fathom I thought it unwise to just pop up in London as if nothing had happened, as if we hadn't fallen through that veil in the Dearth Camber of the Department of Mysteries, not knowing what had been going on there after our… _demise. _

Therefore we headed on to Novosibirsk where we checked in at River Park Ob hotel. A wave with my credit card was enough to convince the guy at the reception that I really wanted to book the most expensive suite on the highest floor of the twelve-storey building, overlooking the river Ob.

Things seemed to be prefect until my glance fell on a newspaper. I couldn't read the headline since it was in Russian but what really caught my eye was the date. 199**7**. If that was a prank then it must be a damned bad one given that I had left Grimmauld Place to go to a rock concert in late June of 199**6**when Severus' Patronus had made me go to the Department of Mystery in the Ministry of Magic instead. I had fallen through that veil with Sirius and we had ended up in the deep south of Siberia following our short stint in Absurdistan. After that we had been on the road for almost two days now- there was simply no way I could have missed a whole year and one week. But it was definitely July 5th 1997 today. The very same date was also written on my credit card receipt.

"Sirius, look."

It took him a moment to get what I was about. Meanwhile I checked my reflection in the mirror of the elevator that took us up to our suite on the twelfth floor, searching my face for wrinkles that hadn't been there two days (one year and a week) ago. Sirius thought me slightly nuts as he said matter-of-factly, "Well, apparently time flies differently in the Realm of the Death but…"

"You might think it's worth losing more than year of your life for a moment with James but for a woman the idea of looking one year and a week older without having lived that year and a week is a nightmare."

"Raven, you look as beautiful as ever and not a single day older, honestly." He gathered me in his arms while I still stared at the mirror.

"You know, I'm really glad you didn't start talking about Quidditch… I would have come back from the Death as an old woman."


	11. Back to Civilisation

Warning- this story is rated M for a reason. Enjoy!

11- Back to Civilisation

The hotel room was furnished in European style and, though not the most modern, it looked nice and clean. There was a mini bar and cable TV. The adjoining bathroom was spacious. I would have preferred a whirlpool but you can't have it all, and for Siberian standards a shower was probably the peek of luxury. At least they were generous with the little bottles of shower gel, body lotion, shampoo and conditioner. The towels were perfectly white and fluffy, the same for the bathrobes.

Sirius was looking out of the window, lost in thoughts, while I inspected the room. But while I was still in some kind of shock that more than a year had passed since we must have been declared dead he was already thinking about how our death must have afflicted those who loved us and were probably still mourning us. I had to admit I hadn't wasted a thought about them yet. So far it had only been a great adventure to me but when he mentioned Harry I suddenly realized that though I didn't call my mum on a regular basis she would have worried about me not even calling for Christmas.

"I was the only one Harry still had… I have to find a way send him an owl, saying I'm alive and well." He sounded deeply concerned.

"Or you could simply give him a call," I said, pointing at the telephone in a quite insensitive way. "Muggle magic, you know? You pick up the receiver, dial a number and somewhere in the distance someone else picks up the receiver and says hello."

"No need to get sarcastic, Raven," Sirius scowled at me, "I actually do know what a telephone is, thank you very much. I'm not completely ignorant of Muggles as you may know. I actually took Muggle Studies in my third year, much to the shame of my family, and my dear mum absolutely freaked out when I got an Outstanding OWL on it."

"So, call him."

"I don't have his number," he ran his fingers through his hair. "We only ever communicated via the Floo or by sending owls… strange, he never used the two-way mirror I gave him after Christmas…"

"Like the mirrors you and Potter used when you couldn't bear to be without each other for different detentions?" I remembered the evening I spent in detention with him, and so did he. A smile flashed across his features, making him look like the teenage boy again. There was a reason why I'd had a crush on him. "If I hadn't been in Slytherin…"

"…would I've gone out with you? Yes. And maybe… if you'd stayed longer… I would have noticed that real Slytherins don't walk the corridors in silver platform boots. I was an idiot, Raven."

"Yes," I agreed wholeheartedly and kissed him. "But a cute idiot."

From the corners of his eyes he glanced to the bed, then he seemed to remember that he had to tell Harry he wasn't dead and let go of me again. "Is there a way to find out his number?"

I didn't like cold showers although I understood him… on the other hand, the boy believed that Sirius was dead since over a year so what would it matter to keep him waiting for a few more hours? With a sigh I shoed all those naughty thoughts from my mind and picked up the receiver. I called the international directory enquiries, asking for a number in England; the Dursleys at number four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging. A minute later I had the number and Sirius looked happy. He almost snatched the receiver out of my hands to call Harry immediately but maybe that wasn't a very wise idea. If the boy himself answered the phone he'd probably faint the moment he heard Sirius' voice. If- what was more likely given how Harry was treated at Privet Drive- one of the Dursleys answered the phone they'd hang up at once. I didn't know whether they knew his godfather was dead but I knew from Sirius that the boy had told them his godfather was a convicted murderer on the run. It was probably far less a shock for anyone if they heard the charming voice of a woman at the other end of the line. So I dialled the number.

"Dursley." I remembered the unpleasant voice at once. Petunia Dursley née Evans, Lily's elder sister. She had always pulled a surly face when the Evans' had picked up Lily from the Hogwarts Express; the parents so enthusiastic about having a talented young witch in the family while Petunia had had the nasty habit of calling the whole wizarding folk freaks.

"Hello, Mrs Dursley, I'm an old schoolmate of your sister and I'd like to speak to Harry Potter, please."

Beep… beep… beep… I glared at the receiver. She'd hung up. I had been polite and she had dared to hang up. Alright, if threatening was what she wanted she'd get it. I pushed the redial button.

"Durs"

"Petunia!" I barked. "I'll curse your ear to the bloody receiver so you'll have to get it surgically removed if you **dare** to hang up again, and the ghost of Lily will come to haunt you every hour for the rest of your life. NOW GET HARRY TO THE PHONE!"

"Y-yes… one m-m-moment p-please."

I heard her shuffling away to call Harry. Rolling my eyes I sighed. "Why is it so fucking hard for some people to respond adequately to politeness?"

Sirius, looking impressed, chuckled. "Because you're so very convincing when in rage… and very beautiful to behold."

Aw, I wanted to drop the receiver and have him on the bed. Right now.

"Hello?" Came Harry's voice from the other end of the line, sounding a bit insecure as if he didn't receive phone calls very often.

"Harry," I said gently, "you may want to sit down. This is Raven, Raven Lestrange."

"No." Silence. I heard him drawing near a chair, sitting down. "That's not possible. You're dead. I saw you falling through the veil. With… with Sirius…"

"We're not dead, Harry."

It took him a moment to grasp what I had indicated. "_We_… you mean he… Sirius…" Suddenly he got angry. "I don't believe you! Who are you that you're taking pleasure in my grief? He's dead! Everyone's said that! There's no way back from beyond the veil!"

"Well, apparently there is or I wouldn't be able to talk to you now, would I?"

"I don't believe you!" And yet he wished so much I was telling the truth. "I want you to prove me that you really are who you pretend to be." He was thinking hard to come up with a good question. "What did Mrs Weasley rebuke you for the day I first met you? Which school did you go to after leaving Hogwarts and why did you leave? What…"

"Smoking cigarettes, Buena Vista NEWT academy in San Francisco, silver platform boots," I replied quickly before he could come up with more questions. I heard him sob then, apparently believing me. That moment Sirius finally managed to wrestle the receiver out of my hands; he'd been trying that for quite a while already, pressing his ear next to mine so he could hear every word of the boy.

"Harry! You alright?"

This was going to be a long phone call. I felt a bit superfluous hearing him soothing Harry, listening to what the boy told him- it was like intruding on a very private moment. Since I didn't want to spoil that for either of them I decided to retreat to the bathroom and take a shower.

After I had washed my hair, applied a conditioner and rubbed a generous amount of body lotion in my skin- I couldn't help but think that I had neglected myself for a year and a week- I walked back into the room, clad in a fluffy white bathrobe. Sirius was standing at the window again, looking outside. I knew that Azkaban had made him miss the sky, longing to see endless horizons. I placed a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off.

"Things have gotten worse since we fell through the veil. Well, not at first. The Ministry of Magic finally believed that Voldemort's back after Fudge himself saw him fighting Dumbledore in the atrium. Then he escaped and they immediately took on some extensive security measures but apparently to no avail. The second war has begun and Voldemort's growing stronger and stronger. There seems to be little hope now that Dumbledore's dead."

"Dumbledore is dead?" I gasped.

"Yes. I didn't want Harry to go into details because the Dursleys were listening but I told him we'd come as soon as possible to talk to him."

I cast a quick glance at the still unused bed, trying hard not to pout too obviously. All he seemed to care about was Harry, his godson, James Potter's son. Then he surprised me by saying, "Of course you would want to inform your family of your well-being, so let's postpone any plotting of plans to after you called your mum."

Yeah, I really had to tell her I was still alive though I dreaded calling her. Sirius discreetly vanished to the bathroom so I had no choice but to dial her number. Strangely, it wasn't as bad as I had expected. Yes, she seemed to cry a little when she heard my voice and accused me of not having called her at Christmas to which I replied that there weren't public telephones in Absurdistan where time had flown by too quickly to realize it was Christmas anyway. She then yelled at me that death was no excuse to not call her, and besides, she had never believed Dumbledore when he had visited her in Majorca and told her I had died for the greater good.

"Stupid old man," she sniffed, "telling me, a loving and devoted mother, that her only child has died as if I wouldn't be able to sense it if my only child had truly died. I knew you'd come back somehow, dear. My Raven doesn't die by simply falling through a _veil_– no way. You wouldn't do that to me. If you'd ever dare to leave me for good before your time has come I prefer to envision that as something with a bigger bang. So when will you come here that I can hug and slap you?"

"Soon, Mum, and that's a promise." I fell silent when Sirius walked out of the bathroom door, a white towel wrapped casually around his waist.

"It better be soon because that mad bat of yours is driving me…"

"Mum, I'll talk to you later." I hung up. You can't expect me to keep on listening to my mother when a handsome, half-naked man entered the room. I'm not a good girl, never have been. I let the bathrobe slide off my shoulders and it dropped to a pool around my feet. Maybe I was acting like a whore now but I wanted him. I wanted him to forget about Harry for a while and look at me instead. My attempt to catch his attention didn't fail its purpose.

He stared at me with undisguised hunger in his eyes, clearly not minding that I was wanton because he swept me in his arms and his mouth crushed down on mine. It wasn't a kiss… he was devouring me with greedy passion. His hands, rough and calloused, trailed down my spine, making me shiver with anticipation. He grabbed my buttocks and pressed me hard against his body; I could feel his erection. Oh yes, please… Next I was flat on my back, spread on the bed beneath him. Wild lust in his eyes. How long since he had been with a woman? There was so much greed in him, so much need. His hands were roaming my body, feeling so wonderfully rough as if he wanted to imprint his touch on my skin while his mouth was still ravaging mine. I wanted more. I moaned and writhed, all groping hands, trying to touch as much of him as I could. His lips moved down to my neck, sucking and licking; he cupped my breasts not too gently but that was good. It was just right. This was not the time for sweet tenderness. I loved the way his stubbles grazed the soft skin of my breasts when his mouth closed on my nipples; they were so hard it almost hurt. I closed my eyes, my fingers knotted in his hair, enjoying the moment. We couldn't wait much longer. One hand wandered very determined down my flat belly, further south. His knees were between my legs as if he would need to force me to spread them for him when I did it all too willingly. I wanted to feel him inside me and didn't have to beg. With a forceful thrust he entered me, making me cry out wantonly. He was… so well equipped. I raised my hips to meet him, to have him as deep inside me as possible, digging my nails in his back. He moved within me, thrusting hard and fast. This was not lovemaking- this was pure, wild sex. And so damned good. Desire, bottled up for too long and never really realized, exploded. It wasn't to be any other way. Sweet kisses and gentleness wouldn't have done now. It was rough and I needed it rough, and he- well, he just needed it. He had starved for too long. All the fancy romantic things could come later. For now it was perfect the way it was. Ravaging kisses, groping hands on sweaty skin, coarse moans and stifled cries. We could still talk about love later but at the moment all that mattered, apart from satisfying our desire, was to feel alive.

When it was over he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling, as breathless as I was. We didn't speak a word. I was used to it (some men are like that) only this time the silence wasn't awkward. Probably we both had to mentally digest what had just happened, how sensationally overwhelming it had been. Maybe it was the time for the famous cigarette after.

I exhaled rings of smoke, trying to calm down while my body was still in turmoil, remembering the delicious spasms flashing though it. After a while Sirius stirred, moving closer to me. His touch was so much gentler now that his greedy hunger for love and life was sated, at least for the time being.

"I'm sorry if I was too rough…"

I put a finger on his lips before he could say more; there was no need to apologize. "Sirius, sometimes it just has to be rough."

He smirked, knowing exactly what I was about. "I thought you liked it but…" A frown flickered over his face, "well, I guess I had always imagined it would be more romantic, with candles burning and all that. Actually I had thought about ordering a bottle of champagne like people whose minds are set on seduction do in Muggle movies. Hm, of course I could still do that."

"You want to seduce me _after_ we just had wild and wonderful sex?"

"Better late than never, eh?"

I laughed out loud and cuddled up closer to him, longing for the warmth of his body. Although his first hunger was sated it was promising that there was still a lot of appetite in his eyes. I felt the urge to touch him so I let my fingers trail along the line of his cheekbone, acknowledging the really handsome shape of his features. Yes, there were more lines on his face than in his teenage years (of course, he was older now) but the gaunt and haunted look Azkaban had imprinted on him seemed to fade more and more with every moment of happiness.

"Personally I believe the idea of champagne and caviar as means of seduction is highly overrated and stereotyped, but if you want to order a bottle I wouldn't object drinking it with you."

"I take it you're thirsty and will immediately summon a house-elf." Sirius said as he picked up the telephone to call the room service.

I must admit I was impressed because I knew very few wizards that were witty enough to adapt the Muggle lifestyle that easily. On the other hand he'd always been a rebel when it came to the pure-blood mania of his parents and the thing he could for sure use to drive them up the wall and through the ceiling with was showing an interest in Muggles that went beyond wishing them all dead or enslaved, quite the contrary. What he didn't know was that, unlike house-elves, the guy of the room service who brought us a bottle of icy chilled champagne expected a tip for his service. Fortunately I had drawn some cash from an ATM at first opportunity after leaving Absurdistan and driving through Siberia.

I must also admit that I had underestimated either him or the cliché of a man slurping champagne from a female naval, but the prickle was really erotic and left me writhing and begging for more. He looked at me with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes and poured some more champagne over me. I giggled as a rivulet of prickling liquid ran down my stomach but held my breath when his mouth followed its course, his tongue hot on my skin. Oh, he really knew what he was doing, how to render a woman helpless with arousal.

This time we weren't driven by the urgent need to touch and feel and devour each other as frantically as before- nothing would ever match the wild greed of our first encounter. When we kissed it wasn't a fierce duel of tongues anymore but rather a passionate dance; the intimacy between us had increased although there was still so much to explore and discover. Needless to say we didn't sleep much… everything was so new, so exciting. It's always like that at the beginning of a love affair. You just can't keep your hands to yourself; you want to touch and kiss your lover all the time. I was so keen on making up for all the lost chances, all those wasted months that I had lived in denial, refusing to give in to my feelings because I had believed them to be the late after effects of an old teenage crush. I had been so wrong. I loved Sirius and being in bed with him felt just perfectly right; there wasn't a single awkward moment. We talked and kissed, we made love and we laughed a lot- it was good to laugh in bed.

Eventually we fell asleep for a few hours. The rattling sound of a trolley being pushed into the room woke me, and I smelled coffee. Sleepily I opened my eyes. Apparently Sirius had taken a liking to the idea of room service thus he had ordered breakfast. I waited until the waiter was gone before I sat up, running lazy fingers through my hair which was a mess. I didn't mind the way it had become so messy but I'd really have to go to the hairdressers later.

"Good morning," Sirius said gently as he handed me a cup of coffee that he had transfigured into a double espresso with a generous heap of foamed milk, just the way I liked it. He was really good in transfiguration. Mayhap that was merely because he loved to see me up to the nose in foamed milk, purring contentedly.

We had some fun with the foamed milk, then I hungrily scanned the trolley which contained a little buffet of almost everything you could possibly have for breakfast. Toast, scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, orange juice, croissants, fresh fruits, ham and cheese, Russian blinis with caviar…

"Oh, that's so sweet of you," I beamed at him, nibbling at a strawberry. I liked it when men were still paying me attention the morning after.

"Is it? It's not a big deal to call the room service and then tell them to charge the cost to your credit card." He sounded a tad embittered and displeased with himself.

"Well, I don't mind. That's what credit cards are for. It's the idea that matters."

"Raven, I'm so sick and tired of being useless, of having others supporting me all the time. First it was the Order and now it's you. I gave them Grimmauld Place as headquarters and they locked me in that damnable house, allegedly to keep me safe. I… I don't want to feel like… like you're paying for everything and I can only pay back in bed… I don't want to feel like the Knutless plaything of a rich witch; I want to have something to offer my girl…"

I launched myself at him and kissed him fervently to stop him from talking nonsense, only that it wasn't nonsense to him; it was a matter of pride. And it was understandable if you considered his past, the years he'd spent in Azkaban, imprisoned despite innocent…

"Sirius, I love you. I don't know why but the question whether you're rich or poor is definitely not of any concern to me. Welcome to the nineties where it's no shame for a man to be invited by a woman."

His resistance crumbled when I kissed him again and we forgot about having breakfast for a while, lost in a wordless conversation of our bodies. Later I told him that we might not have made it back from the Realm of the Death if it wasn't for the love we shared.

"Hm," Sirius mulled it over while holding me in his arms, feeding strawberries and grapes to me, "you may be right. After all, Dumbledore always considered love as a power not to be underestimated… unfortunately he isn't around anymore to elaborate on that but I like the idea."

So did I. Until then I hadn't even really thought about why we had been able to leave Absurdistan and had blamed it on James Potter behaving less like an arrogant git for once. But mayhap there was more to it- like all the powerful energy and emotions I had put in my Shield Charm that Bellatrix had countered so it had recoiled on us when falling through the veil…

"We have to go back to England. I'm Harry's godfather and he's all alone now that Dumbledore's dead."

He was right. We couldn't stay here forever (who would want to stay in Siberia anyway?) when somewhere out there in the world an evil, dark wizard was raising to power again and the only one he feared was dead. It made me wonder how Dumbledore had died.

We decided to leave after nightfall when no one would see us using magic which gained me enough time to visit the in-house beauty parlour and hairdresser in the afternoon. I just needed that little bit of luxury. Sirius called me vain and rolled his eyes, laughing when I couldn't decide if I wanted my fingernails polished in red or in pink. On the other hand he definitely appreciated having a pretty witch at his side. I remembered how many girls at Hogwarts had given him hopeful glances, craving his attention- I had been one of them- for sure he hadn't let an opportunity go past him before Azkaban.

Since no one in Absurdistan had issued visas for us to travel Russia we couldn't take a plane from Novosibirsk to London unless we wanted to Confund the whole airport, which we didn't. Besides, I had to go and see my mum first because Dumbledore had been so kind to send all of my stuff to her. I had no idea who had given him the permission to enter my room at Grimmauld Place and pack my belongings but perhaps that was for the greater good. It didn't make sense that he was dead and we, who he believed to be dead, had to make a detour via Majorca because we were alive and I had nothing to wear. Alright, I always had a few t-shirts in my saddlebags, and probably all my clothes were out of fashion now that we had been dead for a year and a week but decidedly not as old fashioned as they would look had Sirius started talking about Quidditch with Potter. Although, to be fair, Sirius had never been as obsessed with that stupid game as James was.

So we'd travel to Majorca first. Sirius, who never cared much about rules, transformed a bottle of shampoo into an unauthorized Portkey and we set off. Strange, now that we could use magic again I would have preferred any form of Muggle transport over the feeling of an invisible hook in my navel jerking me forward in a whirl of wind and colours.

We landed in an orchard of olive and orange-trees where I stumbled to my knees and retched. There was a reason why I liked planes. At least I could get out of them not looking green in the face but fortunately it was dark so Sirius didn't see the unfavourable shade of my complexion. He seemed to be a bit worried though.

"You alright, love?" He asked, gently rubbing my back.

I already felt better by the way he'd called me _love_, it sounded so… damned good. I was a lucky girl! Straightening up again I flashed him a warm smile. "I'm fine."

And I really was. A waning moon was shining from a starry sky, the air was warm and filled with an orchestra of chirping cicadas, and I was with the man I loved. The finca of my parents was just a little down the hill where we had landed, an inviting light shining from its windows. As we walked closer I smelled the sweet scent of jasmine. Life was beautiful when you're alive.

I knocked the door and was almost immediately swept into the embrace of my dear old mum. The pleasure of seeing her again was only slightly disturbed by a bat landing in my face, its leathery wings covering my eyes, while a house elf clutched my leg, jumping up and down, shrieking overjoyed.

"Help," I coughed and snorted- it was hard to breathe with a bat in your face. Fortunately Batman took off into the air to somersault ridiculously with happiness, whooshing through my hair, launching himself at me again to crawl up my arm, down my décolleté, then came out of my shirt to shoot up and circle above our heads, my mum still sobbing silently against my shoulder and Tweety still clutching my leg. Little Miss House Elf wore a baby blue, frilly satin dress today. Meanwhile Sirius stayed discreetly in the background, not wanting to disrupt the family reunion of mother, daughter, house elf and mad bat. It was hard for him to suppress a grin though. I didn't blame him for that because I was well aware of the fact that this scene held a certain comical aspect. Actually it was downright hilarious.

Finally Batman calmed down, dangling from a streak of my hair from where he could stare at me with a strange kind of puppy-like affection, occasionally bringing his ugly cute face in my view while I told Mum what had happened. I hadn't died; I had merely fallen through a odd veil in an odd room of the Ministry of Magic to end up in an even odder land and had come out in southern Siberia. I told her that in an almost casual tone and she actually slapped me, demanding with the fierceness of maternal love I'd never do anything like that again. Well, it hadn't been my choice to fall through that veil. It certainly hadn't been my choice to end up in Siberia either. I would have preferred to not having had to wait one year and a week to finally land in bed with Sirius- but that was hardly a thing to tell your mum. She didn't pay much attention to him anyway, too glad to have me back to care about anyone else. I bet things would have been different if her friends of the Association of Majorcan Witches had been around; they had been so keen on pairing me of that they would've recognized him as a potential son-in-law. The idea was probably even more scary than facing a gang of Death Eaters. After all, I was an Auror and I had not chosen my profession because deep in my heart I wanted a safe job and a family life, decidedly not. Which at long last led to the fact that I had to tell Mum we couldn't linger; we had to go back to England.

Sirius, who had remained quiet so far, asked politely if we could use the Floo network for travelling to Grimmauld Place. For the first time Mum seemed to acknowledge the man I had brought along and arched a delicate brow at me but fortunately she had the sense to not ask me any questions about him or our relationship. So I merely introduced them. I had no idea what I would have answered since things were still too new and too fresh between Sirius and me, and I had fallen in and out of love too often in my life to be sure if this time it was for real. On the other hand- would we have been able to return from the land beyond the veil, the Realm of the Death, if our love was only a fleeting feeling? I didn't want to think about that now.

Nigella Lestrange was still a very clever witch because she came up with a question neither Sirius nor I had considered before. "Are you sure that house is still yours, Mr Black? You have been… um, _away_ for more than a year and Dumbledore strongly believed you were dead…"

"You mean someone of his lousy family could have inherited Grimmauld Place?" I blurted out, suddenly silently thanking Dumbledore for having saved my belongings. The idea of Bellatrix laying her filthy hands on my precious CD collection was unbearable.

"Actually I left everything I owed to Harry…" Sirius mumbled absent-mindedly, glancing at the fireplace. "May I take I look, Mrs Lestrange?"

When she nodded her approval he took some Floo powder from a terracotta pot and knelt down in front of the fireplace, sticking his head into the grate. Then he dropped the Floo powder on the stack of logs; it exploded into emerald green flames.

"Number twelve, Grimmauld Place!"

Immediately he was whirled backwards as if he'd run against something solid, landing flat on his back. I was at his side only a second later. "What's wrong?"

"Apparently someone put up some really strong protection spells," he gasped, sounding more than just a little annoyed that he couldn't even take a glimpse into his own house only that it wasn't his house anymore. The expression on his face gave me a vague idea of what he must feel like now.

I tried to cheer him up by saying, "Well, we can still take a plane back to England..."

"Why don't you get some sleep first?" Mum interjected, not wanting to see me leave again so soon. "We'll have a nice breakfast in the morning, and then you can make further plans."

"Sounds great." I was really tired and definitely not keen on using magical transport again today. Fortunately Sirius agreed- maybe he thought it impolite to decline her hospitality. Or he'd just came to realize that there was no point in rushing things given that Harry would still be at number four, Privet Drive, tomorrow and the day after. I also told myself that despite of all his fussing about the boy there must be a place in his heart for me too.

Mum smiled at me when she dismissed us to my tower; it was a knowingly, almost teasing smile. I kissed her goodnight and trotted off, Sirius following in my wake. Since it didn't happen too often that I returned from the deaths to have an emotional family reunion I felt a bit exhausted, longing for nothing more than proximity as I curled up in my bed, in Sirius' arms, and fell asleep.

Later that night I woke up, shivering slightly because I suddenly missed the warmth of his body. I didn't feel cold though- after all, the night was warm- but something was amiss. Opening my eyes I sat up and saw Sirius standing on the balcony, staring at the sky. He looked so very handsome the way his body was bathed in silvery moonlight… but also a bit lonely, and worried. Silently I slit out of the bed to join him. I wrapped my arms around his hips and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he said as he turned around to glance at me, trying to hide the haunted expression on his face with a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "I… I just needed a breathe of fresh air."

A breathe of fresh air in a room where all the windows stood open? I hadn't had to be a skilled Legilimens to figure out that some nightmarish memories of Azkaban had troubled his sleep; I saw the ghost of them in his eyes and even that was hardly bearable.

"If you want to talk about it…" I offered but he cut me off.

"No. I'm fine. Let's go back to bed, okay?"

-

Sirius' face took on an unhealthy shade of green when the plane took off. He clearly would have preferred flying to London on a broomstick or travelling by Portkey but I had set my mind on Muggle means of transportation and he had given in. So the only magical thing we had done today was to Confund the guy at the passport control into believing that the flyer of a club in Palma was Sirius' passport, and we probably wouldn't have even needed to do that since he wasn't paying attention anyway. All Spanish macho he'd been far too interested in flirting with me to acknowledge Sirius, who fortunately didn't act jealous when other men gave me admiring glances. He didn't show off with his pretty catch either, like some of my previous affairs had done. Maybe he remembered his casually handsome teenage self always used to have the prettiest witches and hottest chicks at his side- after all, he was a Black.

I patted his hand and busied myself with flickering through some fashion magazines I had bought at the airport. As it seemed they hadn't changed that much during those past year and one week, and besides, I wasn't a complete fashion victim. Though I was definitely vain I didn't follow each and every trend just for the sake of it; I had my own style.

By the time that drinks were being served Sirius was already feeling much better. I daresay his attitude towards planes had changed considerably since he stared out of the window with his nose pressed to the pane, looking at the snow covered mountains of the Alps. Of course he could have had the same spectacular view from a broomstick but not without freezing his balls off. There was a reason why I'd always preferred aeroplanes over broomsticks.

We arrived at London Heathrow and quickly Apparated to a desolate place in the countryside of Little Whinging, from where we rode to Privet Drive on my Harley. I had believed it would be more appropriate to visit the Dursleys by not approaching their house in a magical way since I knew how much Petunia loathed the Wizarding World. Alas, in their middle-class neighbourhood of neat houses with neat front gardens a chrome glittering Harley Davidson XLH was as much an eye-catcher as a pink cat would be, and the powerful roaring of the engine sounded almost offensive. Though Sirius and I were dressed like Muggles we were definitely not the kind of Muggles that were approved of here. The people who lived in this part of the town weren't fond of anything or anyone contradicting their narrow-minded society, and they were proud of being just perfectly normal.

I didn't mind causing a little scandal when I rang the door of number four, Privet Drive. Petunia Dursley née Evans looked exactly like I remembered her when she opened the door, eying us up and down in disapproval. She was still thin and blonde with a harsh face and a long neck from spending too much time craning over garden fences to spy on her neighbours. If she were an animagnus she'd be a giraffe.

Although she wasn't pleased to see us she almost dragged us inside in an attempt to avoid people talking about the Dursleys strange teatime visitors. Like wizards, motorcyclists were regarded as freaks and good-for-nothing.

Her husband Vernon was a large, beefy man, and while her neck was too long he hardly had any. He looked and moved like a walrus… a purple faced, angry walrus. I bet he would have threatened us if I hadn't been casually toying with my wand, twisting it between my fingers.

"Oi! You!" Vernon Dursley bellowed up the staircase. "Boy! Your freak friends are here!"

"His name's Harry," Sirius growled at him, "and you will treat my godson decently."

I saw a fat, blonde boy lurking around a corner of the living room but Petunia made him go back inside, not wanting her precious little Dudley exposed to the presence of a mass murderer who not only had escaped Azkaban but also death. That moment Harry came stomping down the stairs.

"Sirius!" He stopped a few steps before reaching the hall, staring at his godfather. Although he obviously wanted to fling himself into Sirius' arms he seemed to hesitate, cautiously. "What was the first present you ever gave me?"

"A rattle that almost drove your parents mad." Harry frowned. That clearly wasn't the answer he had expected and when Sirius realized that he quickly added, "Ah, you mean the Firebolt I gave you for Christmas in your third year?"

Harry came down the last few steps, tears in his eyes. "It's really you."

Though Sirius had pressed so hard to get here as soon as possible he now stood there as motionless as if rooted to the spot. I had to elbow him to get him in gear and hug his godson, but when he finally did so I almost felt like an intruder watching a very private moment.

"How touching. Are you taking him with you now?" Vernon Dursley grumbled, probably wishing nothing more than to get rid off Harry for good. He really was a very unpleasant man and I actually pitied the boy for having grown up in such an unloving environment. I knew that Sirius would love to give Harry a better home but alas, there was still the protection charm to be considered that kept him safe here.

"We're just here to pay Harry a visit so why don't you behave like the decent people you pretend to be and offer us some hospitality? It really doesn't hurt."

Surprisingly, Petunia scampered to the kitchen to brew some tea. Was it because her reputation as perfect hostess was questioned or did she actually see reason in my polite request? Maybe she merely feared I'd perform some magic in her perfectly normal and very clean Muggle house- thus tainting it- if she didn't comply with my wishes. I followed her to the kitchen while Harry showed Sirius to his room for a private talk. Uncle Vernon looked as if it would bug him tremendously that he had no longer control over what was going on in his very own house but on the other hand he seemed to be clever enough to not challenge a fully grown wizard and allegedly mass murderer like Sirius Black.

The kitchen of number four, Privet Drive, was so perfectly clean that it almost looked as sterile as an operating room. Petunia Dursley refused to talk to me as she nervously brew some tea but she nevertheless had the nerve to use an old tea-set stored deep down in the back of a cupboard to serve tea to us freaks. I didn't mind; I just took the tray and left the kitchen, walked up the staircase and entered Harry's bedroom first door on the left. Fortunately it wasn't as tidy as the rest of the house, the furniture a collection of old, used things grudgingly left to him, but it had a certain, cosy atmosphere. Sirius and Harry were sitting on the boy's bed when I walked in, lost in conversation. A copy of the _Daily__Prophet_ was lying around the floor, opened at a page that read _ALBUS DUMBLEDORE REMEMBERED by Elphias Doge._

It was only a moment later I had to learn from Harry that allegedly my friend Severus Snape had killed Dumbledore in cold blood. I didn't believe him. No way- it didn't make any sense to me.

"No," I gasped when Harry told us about the incident he had witnessed at the astrology tower at Hogwarts. Severus would not have used the worst of all Unforgivable Curses on his mentor, someone he had actually cared for. It simply wasn't in his character to Avada Kedavra a man who had treated him decently, almost kindly… although I daresay not without having ulterior motives in his mind. There was something wrong with Dumbledore's sudden demise… I looked at Harry, wondering… I saw a hand looking withered as if burned, lifeless…

"I knew he had been wrong about Snape the entire time," Sirius said with long harboured, profound loathing in his voice, "he'd been up to his eyeballs into the Dark Arts while we were still at school, he joined the Death Eaters shortly afterwards- what the hell made Dumbledore believe he'd ever changed his ways?"

"Well, he trusted Severus because"

Sirius didn't even hear me out- not that I would have revealed Severus' secret to him anyway-but bluntly cut me off. "Yeah, he was too damned trusting and see what it got him! He's dead!"

"True, he's dead," I admitted though I haven't forgotten what I'd seen in Harry's mind a moment ago while we had held eye contact long enough for me to figure out the inconsistencies regarding his story, and there were still some questions that hadn't been answered yet. I glanced at the boy. "What had happened to his hand?"

"I don't know." Harry shrugged, then he shot me a bewildered glance. "How comes you know about his hand anyway? I don't remember mentioning it."

What did he want to hear now? That he was really lousy at Occlumency and that I could read his memories of this event like a book that lay open in front of me? I shook my head, lost in thoughts as I mumbled, "Actually it doesn't matter why I know about his hand when the only thing that matters is that Dumbledore would've never begged for his life…"

"Enough!" Sirius shouted indignantly, apparently realizing what was going on here as he gave me a really nasty glance. "You will not use Legilimency on my godson ever again!"

"He should've learned at least the basics of Occlumency in all the weeks Severus tried to teach him."

"It's not Harry's fault that Snape's a lousy teacher!"

"Ah, why don't you two just choke on all your prejudices and lifetime animosities?" I turned on my heels and left the room. They were incapable of seeing the inevitable truth- Dumbledore would've **never** begged for his life. The Dursleys were standing at the foot of the stairs looking up in curiosity. "Boo!" I shouted and they fled, slamming the door of the safety of their living room. They wouldn't want to mess with an angry witch.

"Oi! Where're you going?"

I froze in my tracks by the sudden panic in Sirius' voice when he saw me walking away from him. Did he actually care about me? All he seemed to care about was Harry, his point of view of the events. And if Harry told him Severus had killed Dumbledore then that was the truth.

"Dammed! Raven, wait!" He grabbed my arm. "Where are you going?"

"I want to hear Severus' point of view…"

"Don't… he's dangerous. You heard what Harry said."

"Yep, and that's why I want to hear what Severus says." It was touching that Sirius seemed so worried about me when a moment ago he'd only cared about Harry but he really must think I'd endanger my life by visiting a friend of mine. "I still have faith in him."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Of course he didn't know what I knew about Severus and I wouldn't tell him. I had to go; I had to find out what really happened the day Dumbledore died. He wouldn't have begged for his life. What had been the deal with his hand? How was Severus faring now that the only one who had trusted him was gone? Well, not the only one since I was still there- I had sent him my miniature Patronus to tell him I was alive and well before we had left Siberia.

"Raven," Sirius tried to reason, "Dumbledore had faith in Snape and he's dead. Snape is an excellent Occlumens- he has fooled us all the time. I don't want you to make the same mistake Dumbledore made, putting your trust in the wrong person. I don't want to lose you."

I kissed him hard on the mouth. "You won't. Trust me."

I left him standing on the staircase as I left the house and mounted my Harley; the roaring of its engine sounded like an outcry of revolution in this neighbourhood.

* * *

If you liked it please review! 


	12. Faith

Merry Christmas to all my dear readers. I hope you like this chapter; it's a bit gloomy but one of my favorites so far.

* * *

12- Faith

_I would have left the world all bleeding_

_could I only help you love_

_the fleeting shapes_

_so many years ago_

_so young and beautiful and brave_

_  
everything was true_

_it couldn't be a story..._

_I wish it was all true_

_I wish it couldn't be a story_

_  
the word all left me_

_lifeless  
hoping  
breathing like the drowning man_

(_The Cure- the Drowning Man_)

I rode a few miles out of Little Whining before I Apparated to the outskirts of an industrial town further up north. I knew Severus would be at his old home in Spinner's End over the summer holidays. I passed a dirty river with overgrown banks and rode along rows of dilapidated brick houses, some of them had boarded or broken windows, and the street lamps were also in a poor state of repair. It was a desolate, working class neighborhood but somehow I liked it better than the hypocrite charm of Privet Drive.

The road was cobbled, which forced me to concentrate on my bike; I hated riding on cobblestones. Slowly I turned into Spinner's End where even more houses were deserted. But knowing Severus he was probably quite glad not to have any nosy neighbors.

I parked in front of the last house in the row; a dim light was shining through the curtains in the downstairs room. Taking off my helmet I shook out my hair, combing it with my fingers… I knew he wouldn't care how I looked but I couldn't help it. Then I knocked on the door. It was opened a crack to reveal a pale face with black eyes, cold and slightly bloodshot, framed by long, black hair. An almost smile curled up his lips when he saw me.

"Raven! What a pleasant surprise." There was no hint in his voice that it really was a pleasant surprise but something lit up in his eyes, a tiny sparkle making them less cold, less weary.

I was cautious. I didn't believe Sirius (or Harry) that Severus was dangerous- well, he certainly was a dangerous man to mess with though not to me. Nevertheless I hesitated a moment, and he seemed to be a little more reserved than usual too. It didn't happen every day that someone came back from the dead, and I guess he wanted to be sure that I was really me and not someone impersonating me, but he didn't ask me any personal questions like Harry had done with Sirius. Maybe that separated the good guys from the Death Eaters and would sound suspicious if I was a loyal Death Eater in disguise while he was supposed to have nothing to hide?

"What is definitely not a Dark Arts artifact?" I asked him instead.

"Metal Guru," he sneered as he opened the door wide to let me in. "So, you made it back. How's your mutt?"

I didn't answer but glanced around the small living room, the walls were completely covered in books. A candle-filled lamp hung from the ceiling and in the pool of light it cast stood a threadbare sofa, an old armchair and a rickety table grouped together. At the other side of the room a hidden door stood open; behind it was a narrow staircase leading to the upper floor. The place had an air of neglect as if it weren't usually inhabited, and it clearly didn't hold any happy childhood memories. I sensed the faded, fleeting vision of a jet of green light… I turned to Severus.

"You killed your father?"

He nodded ever so slightly, not proud of it but not denying it either. "He told me I was a good-for-nothing like my mother and in the same breathe he told me she had decided to slit her wrists and bleed to death three months earlier. I made it look like an accident… he was drunk as usual when he walked up the stairs…"

I had seen too many memories of his father to be shocked now, the death of Tobias Snape was definitely no loss to the world. I crossed the distance between us, wanting to hug him, but he pushed me away.

"You smell of dog. Why don't you go back to him? What do you want here?"

"I thought you'd like to see me back from the dead. And don't complain about me being with Sirius- you didn't want me."

"A very clever move, Lestrange, to make me believe I had been your first choice. I almost feel flattered. I thought you were decent though, not falling for someone like him.

"Well, if it disgusts you so that I love Sirius why did you make me aware of it? Why did you send me to the Ministry?"

"I didn't!" He yelled angrily. He always got angry when he was in emotional distress as if anger was the only emotion he allowed himself to show. But there was so much more boiling under the surface, so much more bottled up and ready to explode. "I did not send you to fall through a stupid veil."

"I know, Sev." I made another attempt to hug him but again he pushed me away.

"Stop that. Leave me alone. You can't walk in here on your own ray of sunshine and hug me as if nothing has happened. I don't deserve your affection. I sent you to death. Each and every one I ever cared for is dead because of me. Go away. I… I…"

I'd say he was having a breakdown. He stumbled to the armchair and sat down, slouching, burying his head in his hands. His breath came as heavy as if he had been running a long distance and he was shaking all over. Until then I had never thought he'd feel guilty for my death, no matter how pretty alive I actually was. And yet the guilt must have eaten him up, otherwise I couldn't explain his reaction.

I took seat on the armrest and wrapped an arm around his shoulder; he didn't shake it off.

"I never wanted you to die… not you. But- I killed you like… like I killed her… I kill everyone I care for, I'm a failure…"

"Nah, you're no failure, Sev. It really wasn't your fault that we fell through that veil. It was my very own decision to join the fight at the Ministry because I'm simply not a person who sits back and waits when her friends are in danger. I'm a freelance Auror- it's my bloody job to seek dangerous situations. But, hey, we're back…"

"You were gone… GONE. Just like her…"

Tears were streaming down his face now and he had difficulty mastering his own breathing. Probably because he always was so buttoned up. I knew why I preferred low cut shirts. I unbuttoned his robe a little while holding him tightly in my arm. It was a bit of a shock to feel how thin he was, almost fragile, although he'd never been a strong man (at least not physically). And I remember how weary he had appeared when he'd opened the door, so worn out. I wondered when he had slept or eaten last. Apparently it was about time for me to come here and take care of Severus. He might not care about himself- as self-loathing and self-destructive as he was- but I did. Despite his harsh behaviour and all his bravery I knew that deep in his heart he still was an insecure, sensitive and very lonely boy, who seemed to have lived through a hundred or more years of misery during that one year and a week plus a few days since we had met the last time. He definitely needed some compassion and comfort now…

That moment the front door opened and in walked a small, unpleasant man. Though he entered the house as if he would live here too he nevertheless seemed to be creeping hunchbacked, keeping his head low like a beaten… _rat_.

Wormtail! I couldn't think of any other name.

A triumphant sparkle lit up in his watery eyes when he saw us cuddling in the armchair, caught in the act, as if he had only waited for a chance to denounce Severus, whom he seemed to loathe and fear all the same. His lips curled up to a malevolent sneer…

"Crucio!"

… next he winced and cringed on the floor with pain; vermin like him deserved that. I had aimed my wand at him in a blind rage the second I had recognized him. His cowardly manner of always licking the boots of the biggest bully around had almost destroyed the lives of the two people I liked most and I suddenly felt a hatred rushing through my veins like I had never felt never before.

"Don't… don't kill him," Severus rasped, still trying hard to breathe, "the Dark Lord wants him to… to assist me."

Though I saw no point in keeping this damnable rat of a traitor alive I nevertheless listened to my friend. Had Voldemort sent Wormtail to assist Severus or to keep an eye on him? Probably he took a perverse pleasure in constantly reminding him who had betrayed the Potters and caused Lily's death but then again Voldemort knew nothing about love so he might have long forgotten Severus' plea to keep Lily alive. Anyway, I despised the company of rats therefore I Apparated us to the privacy of his old bedroom but not without shooting another Crucio at Wormtail to keep him suffering. After Summoning a Calming Draught for Severus (I knew a Potion Master would have a battery of potions at home) and wrapping a blanket around his thin shoulders I sped downstairs again to deal with Wormtail.

The next time I went upstairs I used the staircase, carrying a pizza box and a bowl of salad from the delivery service in my hands. Mobile phones were a wonderful thing in case of emergency and Sev being so frail was definitely a case of emergency. I had also called Sirius at the Dursleys and told him not to worry about me although I wouldn't come home tonight- wherever home was, but I liked to believe it was wherever he was. Needless to say he had sounded a tad pissed off. I didn't give a damn. He was with his beloved godson while Severus had no one but me.

"What about Wormtail?"

"I… well, at the moment he believes he's an house-elf thus he's cleaning downstairs. I Confunded and modified his memories from the time he entered so you won't get into any trouble once you release him of the Imperio Curse I put on him," I said, smiling strictly at him. "Now eat your pizza."

"I'm not hungry."

I scowled at him, threateningly, until he gave in with a sigh. For a man who wasn't hungry he ate almost greedily after realizing that Muggle food was quite tasty. "Have some salad too, you look like you could use some vitamins."

Severus gave me an odd glance, clearly not used to someone caring about him. He didn't feel all too comfortable about that but was still too shaken to protest. And I guess a small part of him even liked being fussed over by me.

When he had finished eating he leaned back against the wall, looking a tad more healthy. I thought a bottle of wine would be in order now so I called down the staircase.

"Oi! Vermin! Bring us a bottle of wine!"

Wormtail came, bowing deep and obsequious. "Yes, good Mistress. Please, good Mistress. Vermin lives to serve." Then he turned to Severus, crouching on the floor to kiss the hem of his robes. Severus looked utterly disgusted.

"GET OFF! Don't you ever dare to touch me again!"

"Vermin obeys, dear Master," Wormtail banged his head against the bedpost, "always a pleasure to serve you, Master."

"Now piss off and continue banging your head elsewhere," I snarled, "but don't forget to clean the house."

"I am surprised," Severus said after Wormtail had left.

"Yeah, he responds remarkable well to the name Vermin."

He almost laughed. "Actually I was referring to the fact that such a caring little sunshine has a nasty side."

"Well, everyone gets what he deserves."

His face darkened again. "But I don't deserve your kindness. Don't you know what I've done? I'm certain Potter couldn't wait to tell Black that they were right about me from the start, that I am not to be trusted and that Dumbledore was wrong to ever trust me. See what it got him, he's dead. I killed him. I killed the man who had always believed in me."

"Right, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Why did you kill him?"

"Because I am a Death Eater, isn't that obvious?"

"Well, actually- no. I know you better than that, Sev. What was going on between you and Dumbledore atop the tower? What was wrong with his hand? It looked blackened, lifeless…"

"How come you know about his hand?"

"Harry's wearing his heart on his sleeve and the memory was still very vivid in his mind."

Severus sneered. "Arrogant as his father, impertinent, and a mediocre wizard who will probably never learn to close his mind. I wasted hours of my precious time attempting to teach him Occlumency but apparently to no avail…"

"Tell me about Dumbledore's hand," I cut him off. "What had happened to him? He would've never begged you to spare his life so what was he begging for?"

He struggled at the verge of speech but didn't answer me. Severus rubbed his face with his hands, then drank a sip of wine before he turned his head in my direction. "Look at me."

So I did. I didn't know what I had expected but certainly not that he would let his guards down completely. It was a shock. His mind was a dark and lonely place filled with moments of genuine misery. I saw a small boy crying in a corner while a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, raising his hand; I saw Lily slam shut the door in his face before he could tell her he loved her, and I felt his heart break; I saw the horror edged in his face when he realized what being a Death Eater really meant- it wasn't about learning new spells but torture, torment, death… I saw him begging for Lily's life and being hit with the Crucio Curse for even suggesting sparing a Mudblood; I felt his pain and heard Voldemort laughing with some kind of depraved joy before he agreed to have mercy on her… next I saw Severus on his knees, frightened, wringing his hands in front of Dumbledore who spoke to him with contempt in his voice. The scene changed and if I had thought I'd already experienced what a broken heart felt like the pain Lily's death caused him was overwhelming. 'I wish… I wish _I_ were dead…' He was dying inside, numb, lifeless, breathing like a drowning man… I struggled for breath.

"Stop… please… " It was too much for me to handle. Though I appreciated the trust he had in me, giving me full access to his mind, I felt a little lost like in a dark labyrinth. "Sev, please… guide me."

He took my hand. "Come here," he said without mouthing the words and next we were in Dumbledore's office and Severus stood bent over the older wizard, muttering incantations, pointing his wand at the wrist of the black, burned, dead hand while he tipped a goblet full of golden potion down Dumbledore's throat. He was angry and worried.

_'Why did you put on that ring? It carries a curse, surely you realized that. Why even touch it?'_

'I… was a fool. Sorely tempted…' 

_'Tempted by what?'_

But Dumbledore didn't answer. He examined his blackened, dead, useless hand with curiosity after Severus had just told him that the ring he'd put on carried a curse he wasn't able to undo.

'You have done very well, Severus. How long do you think I have?' 

_'I cannot tell. Maybe a year. There is no halting such a spell forever. It will spread, eventually, it is the sort of curse that strengthens over time.'_ Severus sounded utterly frustrated, wishing Dumbledore had summoned him a little earlier so that he could've done more even if it was merely buying him more time. After all, Dumbledore was the only one who had faith in him and that meant a great deal to Severus. But then the old villain had shown his true, manipulative face. Knowing he would die and knowing that Voldemort had ordered Draco Malfoy to kill him he had arranged his own demise with Severus, not caring about his soul.

'And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?' 

_'You alone know whether it will harm your soul to held an old man avoid pain and humiliation. I ask this one, great favor of you, Severus, because death is coming to me…'_

I didn't want to hear him out- the curt nod of agreement Severus gave him was enough to make me feel sick. In a sarcastic tone he asked whether Dumbledore would prefer him to do it now or give him a few moments to compose an epitaph….

"He made you promise to kill him?" I gasped, taken aback. When Severus nodded I asked him who else knew about Dumbledore's splendid plan, and I really grew infuriated when he told me that no one knew. "He had the nerve to arrange his death with you and let the whole wizarding world believe you're a cold blooded murderer? How sick is that? What if you had got caught and sent to Azkaban?"

"I guess he considered my reputation irrelevant for the greater good."

"Bloody bastard. He has used you without giving a damn about your conscience, willingly accepting your isolation. You're on your own now, alone." I didn't want to say lonely though he definitely was. No one would ever trust him again. Well, at least not any of the good guys- Voldemort was probably quite pleased with Severus for killing the only one he ever feared.

"That was the plan. The Dark Lord doesn't need a spy at Hogwarts anymore so I had to sever my ties with the Order."

"But the Order might still need a spy amongst the Death Eaters. How can we get rid of Voldemort if…"

"That is not the task of the Order." Severus cut me off, then he sighed wearily. "Dumbledore believes Potter's got to do it. You know, I'm not the only one he was using."

I arched a brow at him. "Meaning?"

"This has to stay between us, Raven. Don't tell anyone least of all Black."

Though I didn't like to keep secrets from the man I loved I nevertheless promised Severus I wouldn't tell simply because he was almost bursting to share his knowledge with someone before it would suffocate him, and apparently I was the only one he trusted.

"Dumbledore believes that on the night the Dark Lord tried to kill the boy the Killing Curse rebounded upon him because of… because of Lily's… sacrifice, and a fragment of the Dark Lord's soul was blasted off to latch itself on to the only living soul left. Harry Potter. Therefore they share a connection, and protected by Potter the Dark Lord cannot die."

There was something about the fragment of soul blasted off theory that reminded me of… of… I couldn't put my fingers on it but I had heard something similar before. Unfortunately I couldn't remember when or where.

Severus took my hand in a silent request to look him in the eyes again; he seemed to feel more comfortable to show me his memories than to talk about them. A moment later I saw him strolling the castle grounds with Dumbledore, suddenly asking what he was doing with Potter, all these evenings they spent together. Finally the Headmaster told him that it was essential to give the boy enough information for him to do what he needs to do.

'And why may I not have the same information?' 

'I prefer not to put all of my secrets in one basket, particularly not a basket that spends so much time dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort.'

It felt like a punch right in the stomach; I didn't understand why Severus managed to remain calm.

'Which I do on your orders!' 

After a while Dumbledore agreed to fill him in; ironically Severus had to threaten to not kill him to make him change his mind.

'Come to my office tonight, Severus, at eleven, and you shall not complain that I have no confidence in you…'

Later in his office Dumbledore told him what Severus had just told me. I noticed that he kept his eyes shut most of the time so most likely he wasn't telling him the whole truth; you needed eye contact to use Legilimency..

_'So the boy…the boy must die?' _Severus concluded quite correctly.

'And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential.'

Silence. He was as shocked as I was about the indifferent tone in Dumbledore's voice. Nothing else mattered but the greater good.

'I thought… all these years… that we were protecting him for her. For Lily…'

I supposed that Dumbledore had long forgotten about Lily; he just tried to reason and his reason was that Harry's death would mean the end of Voldemort. Severus looked horrified.

_'You kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?'_

_'Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?'_

Bloody hell, that was unnecessary and cruel. Did he really believe Sev would enjoy watching people die only because he'd been a mislead teenager who made the huge mistake of joining Voldemort's ranks? He had merely sought some respect that the so-called good guys had denied him all his life; instead they had bullied him.

_'Lately only those whom I could not save. You have used me.'_

_'Meaning?'_

_'I have spied for you, and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter-'_

_'But this is touching, Severus. Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"_

I felt the urgent desire to throttle Dumbledore. He, who had always held so high the power of love, considering that as a force Voldemort would never understand, didn't understand it either. Manipulative berk. Severus' Patronus burst from the tip of his wand and soared out of the window in a gleam of silvery light. It was for Lily, always Lily. The sudden tears in Dumbledore's eyes failed to impress me. I didn't feel any grief when the Avada Kedavra Curse hit him but I pitied Severus for having to do it… I tumbled into a whirlwind of darkness, pain and misery… Harry running after Severus, hatred in his face… Lily's eyes…

_'Cruc-'_

_'No Unforgivable Curses from you, Potter!' _So much pain… Lily's eyes, Crucio… blocking curse after curse, not fighting back. Never fighting the boy with Lily's eyes… sneering, taunting, blocking again, and again, and again…

_'Kill me, then,' _Harry panted in the end, rage and contempt in Lily's eyes, _'Kill me like you killed him, you coward-'_

_'DON'T-' _ A sharp pang of pain, worse than the effects of a Cruciatus Curse. _I never wanted to kill you, Lily... _ Severus' face was suddenly demented and inhuman with more pain than he could bear, _'- CALL ME COWARD!'_

A series of events flickered rapidly through in my mind's eye, memories of Severus putting himself in danger for Harry, for Dumbledore- always for Lily but also because he had chosen his way, back from the dark and into the light; only that there still was no light in his life. Bellatrix, hatred edged in her face, jealous that she wasn't Voldemort's favorite anymore. Lucius, his _friend_, envying him for something he wasn't proud of, something he despised. He could live with Harry's hatred and rejection, with Dumbledore using and manipulating him, but what really bugged him, ate him up from deep inside, was the idea that all of his efforts of keeping the boy safe for Lily would be rendered meaningless if Dumbledore's plan for the greater good succeeded in the end, and until then he would have to waste his time as a '_basket dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort_' since he was supposed to stay in his good books for as long as possible…

I loudly cursed Dumbledore- to me he was just a glory hound leaving broken souls in his wake. _'And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?' _But why should the allegedly greatest wizard of our time care about the soul of a Slytherin now when he hadn't given a damn about the little Slytherin boy being tormented and bullied on a daily basis by some of his prodigious Gryffindors years ago?

I struggled to get away from the depths of darkness in Severus' mind and shot him a mutinous glance. "You know, it doesn't have to end like this just because Dumbledore planned it so. He's dead, Sev, but we're alive. We could see to it that Lily's sacrifice wasn't in vain. Stop being Dumbledore's marionette, stop letting him pull the strings… We're better than that! Let's work together and find out what he had in mind for Harry, what they've planned- let's find a way to keep the boy alive for Lily's sake."

"You seem to be forgetting a serious, _furry_ problem… Black won't be pleased with you spending so much time in the presence of a greasy Death Eater…"

"Don't say that, Sev." I squeezed his hand. "You're not a greasy Death Eater- you're my friend and I have faith in you. Of course it won't be easy to convince Sirius but I can handle that, believe me."

But how was he to believe in me if he didn't even believe in himself, slowly drowning in all his misery? "Look at me."

_Come with me, there's something I want to show you…_and we drifted to my memories of meeting Lily in Absurdistan. Severus had to know that she'd forgiven him at last… he stifled a sob when he saw her. He almost laughed about some of the things I'd said to Potter and he would probably spend a lifetime analyzing Lily's face after she had learned from me that he loved her.

_He loved me?'_She whispered astounded. '_But why did he never…'_

Still being connected with him on a mental basis I felt a maelstrom of emotions nearly cracking him up so I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight, while in the background the whining voice of Robert Smith was singing…

_catch me if I fall_

_I'm losing hold_

_I can't just carry on this way_

_and every time_

_I turn away_

_lose another blind game_

_the idea of perfection holds me..._

What? It took me a moment to realize that there was actually the faint sound of music coming from an old radio cassette player; it had been playing in the background ever since we entered this room, the perfect soundtrack of misery.

"The Cure, Severus?" I arched a surprised brow at him but he just shrugged, tears streaming down his face.

"Leave me alone."

"Decidedly not. You're not in the mood to be left alone and I won't leave you brooding in the darkness, listening to beautifully gloomy Goth music while indulging in your misery. Give yourself a break, Sev, you need a rest."

"You… you can't stay here all night, watching over me to make certain I get enough sleep," he snapped but his voice missed its typical bite, instead of mutinous he merely sounded weary.

"Don't think I can't or won't if necessary."

The slightest shadow of a smile flickered through all the tears and faded just as quickly. "I…I'm sorry. Don't think I'm not grateful for… for the memory you shared… for letting me see her face again… but please leave me alone now. I want to sleep and dream of Lily… and you… you'd rather be with Black."

I could deny that and it would sound like a lie. I longed for Sirius to hold me in his arms, making me forget the dark wasteland of Severus' mind, all the pain and misery. Then I felt selfish for having this thought because he couldn't escape his own mind… maybe we should smoke a joint?

"D'you want me to Summon a Sleeping Potion for you?"

He heaved a sigh when he realized that there simply was no way to stop me from fussing over him, so he nodded. A minute later I watched him drink a purple potion before he lay down on his bed. I noticed he still had the black velvet blanket I had given him for Christmas and pulled it over him, tucking him in.

"Raven!" Severus protested weakly, the Sleeping Potion already taking it's effects. I was sitting next to him on the bed, holding his hand in mine; I wouldn't leave until he had fallen asleep. But then he opened his eyes again and his black orbs bore into my cornflower blue ones with a strange intensity as he whispered silently. "…in another life I could love you but in this life I was born for loving Lily… and yet, if Black ever fails to treat you with the devotion you deserve I'll hex him into oblivion…"

I kissed his lips and caressed his cheek but he was already fast asleep. Wiping some silent tears off my face I left the room.

_I went away alone_

_with nothing left_

_but faith_


	13. Gothic Girls

13- Gothic Girls

My mobile phone rang the moment I left the house; it sounded strange in the darkness of Spinner's End. I was surprised that Sirius called me but overjoyed to hear his voice. He spoke fast as if he feared I'd hang up.

"I know, you told me you'd probably not come home but I wanted to let you know I'm not at the Dursleys anymore; I'm at Sam's place now and he's just recovering from the shock of seeing a dead man walking in his living room- anyway, I'm going to stay here so if you change your mind…"

"I'm coming there." I cut him off.

"Raven, are you alright?"

"I see you in a few minutes." I hung up, mounted my Harley, and Disapparated. A little later I was riding through Camden Town where despite of the late hour a lot of people were still roaming the streets. Maybe tomorrow I would like to go out and enjoy myself, celebrating life, but tonight I only longed for Sirius, to find some peace in his arms. I parked in front of Sam's house. The door was opened and I saw Sirius standing on the threshold in a pool of light, making my heart leap. It was so good to see him.

He swept me in his arms the moment I had dismounted my bike, as if he'd feared I'd never come back. I should tell him that I wouldn't leave him for Severus Snape, that Sev didn't want me when I realized that this thought had probably never crossed his mind. He didn't see Snape as a rival, only as a danger, and when he noticed the tears in my eyes his first reaction was to ask, "What has he done to you, Raven?"

I started crying then. Sirius led my inside, his arm wrapped protectively around my shoulder. Sam looked at me as if seeing a ghost although he should know that ghosts were transparent and not crying. He gulped down a glass of whiskey- Jack Daniels, not Firewhisky- while Sirius filled another glass for me.

"What has he done to you, Raven?" He asked again, sounding worried.

I had no idea how emotionally distressed I looked; I didn't even try to imagine it. I just shook my head and said, "No, the question should rather be… what has the world done to Severus?"

"Well, the world has clearly failed to mention the proper use of shampoo to him…"

If that was supposed to be a joke it was a really bad one and not funny at all. I jumped to my feet and slapped him; I would have also poured the whiskey in his face if I hadn't long downed it. How could I have believed it a good decision to come here and find comfort in his arms? He would never understand my friendship with Severus; he didn't even try. And I thought he loved me.

"I'm sorry." Sirius grabbed my arm before I could storm out of the house again, pulling me close to his chest, holding me tight. "I'm sorry," he whispered in my hair and he sounded as if he really meant it. Then he Apparated us to the upper floor for some more privacy, postponing our reunion with Sam to the next day or so.

"Ok, I finally got it that you really care for Snape. I… I will accept that for now but please don't expect me to understand it. I'll try though. I promise that I'll try. So what has the world done to him that has left you so wound tight? What has he told you that you alone don't seem to blame him for killing Dumbledore?"

"Dumbledore," I spat, contempt in my voice, "is not a saint!"

"I never said that." Sirius sat down on the bed- how convenient of him, having Apparated us to a bedroom- but he would not get me to solve our argument in bed, definitely not. He patted the free space on his right as an invitation for me to sit next to him. I, however, shot him a mutinous glance and preferred standing… only to give in an instant later because I was too exhausted, most of all mentally, to remain rebellious when all I longed for was comfort. "You know, Raven, I disagreed with Dumbledore on many points and one of them was his attempt to lock me up in Grimmauld Place, apparently to keep me safe. If it hadn't been for you- for our little escapes- he might have even been right because the only time he never could've made me stay put was when Harry's life was in danger, and that almost got me killed. Dumbledore was a nuisance sometimes but on the other hand he was the head of the Order of the Phoenix and I really don't think that anyone can replace him. What is the Order without him? It's merely a poor excuse of opposition against Voldemort who is continuously gaining power, and I daresay Snape knew that when he killed him."

"If Dumbledore had considered himself as indispensable as you do he probably would've used his brains first before feeling sorely tempted to put on a ring that contained a curse no one could undo…"

"Is that why you asked Harry what had happened to his hand?" Sirius wondered aloud.

"Precisely. Dumbledore knew he only had as much time as Severus could buy him, and he also knew that Voldemort had ordered little Draco Malfoy to kill him to make up for his father's failure in the fiasco at the Ministry. But Dumbledore didn't want to burden young Malfoy with his death so he looked for a better scapegoat and came up with Severus…"

"Wait! Are you trying to tell me that Dumbledore arranged his own death with Snape?"

"Yep."

"I don't believe that." Sirius shot me a sceptical glance and actually had the nerve to mutter an Anti-Confundus Charm to make sure I was in my right mind. Only when he realized that I hadn't been Confunded- I withstood the urgent desire to slap him again- he started thinking. "Ok, given that it's true- why wouldn't Dumbledore have told anyone of his plan?"

"Why?" I sneered. "Because he's such a _caring_ man? How often did he visit you in Azkaban to hear your version of the story? Eh? So why should he care about Severus' reputation, his conscience, his isolation, if that isn't essential for the greater good?"

"Isolation? I never saw Snape as an overly social person."

Irritated I turned away from Sirius. What was I doing here? Why the hell had I expected him to understand? I lit a cigarette and gave it a very last try.

"Remember Azkaban. Do you still remember it, Sirius?"

"I prefer not to but I don't understand"

I held up a hand to stop him from talking. "Severus is in his very own Azkaban- it's the place in his soul were his memories torment him, and Voldemort and the Death Eaters are his Dementors. Do you actually believe these people are his friends? One wrong move, one wrong word- ah, what am I saying- one wrong **thought** and they'll happily torture him to death or worse. Dumbledore was his friend- or so Severus thought- but Dumbledore made him kill the only one who ever treated him halfway decently and now he's got to pay the price for it. Because Dumbledore didn't consider it relevant for the Order to have a spy amongst the Death Eaters any longer. Used, abused and torn apart like an old toy- or abandoned like an old mutt that isn't loved anymore, if you prefer that allegory."

Sirius Summoned the bottle of Jack from downstairs and took a generous sip, apparently thinking hard. He had to overcome years and years of unreasonable loathing to give Severus at least the benefit of a doubt, and in the end he still didn't believe Severus but the faith **I** had in him. He trusted me because he loved me, and because he loved me he tried to understand. I guess that was quite good for the start. I snatched the bottle from his hands and drank, finally relaxing. I was so damned tired. Fortunately Sirius was only an insensitive git when it came to Severus.

"It was a long day. Why not go to bed and talk tomorrow?"

That was a wonderful idea. We undressed and crawled under the blanket, cuddling up close to each other. Our goodnight kiss was sweet, loving; it drove away the cold and the darkness.

-

I slept long the next day, and when I woke up early in the afternoon the first thing I saw was a tray with a mug of coffee, a croissant, and a red rose. _Oh Sirius_… he was really cute. The coffee was still hot and just the way I liked it; I must remember to ask him what charm he'd used to keep it warm.

I had breakfast, took a shower and then went downstairs to say hello to Sam who had finally gotten used to the fact that Sirius and I were alive again. We talked about the Naughty Quill which had been quite successful for a while after the fight at the Ministry when Fudge had to witness that Voldemort was really back. It hadn't taken long and Fudge had been replaced by Rufus Scrimgeour, but in Sam's opinion he wasn't any better. The Ministry was still doing a miserable job and was only good at hushing things. Not much had changed except for the fact that Sirius' name had finally been cleared, and that was mostly thanks to Sam. He had written a long article about him and the injustice of wizarding judicature. Apparently it had stirred the wizarding world to an extent that the Ministry of Magic simply had to clear Sirius' name officially. At least we hadn't come back from the dead to go back into hiding.

Talking about Sirius, I already wondered where he was and was about to ask Sam when he walked in through the door, carrying an old, shabby suitcase. I arched a quizzical brow at him.

"My belongings," he said with a nod of his head in direction to the suitcase before he hurried to kiss me. "That's all I own, all that's left. Do you still want a homeless but fortunately not totally Knutless wizard like me?"

I laughed and kissed him back. Sam seemed quite pleased that finally we had gotten together since he had always believed we belonged together- not only since Sirius had bent the truth a little about it.

"Homeless, Sirius?" I asked then. "What happened to Grimmauld Place?"

"Harry inherited it- you know, when I made my will I left everything I owned to Harry, and since we died… to cut it short, of course he doesn't want anything now that I'm back but we talked about it yesterday and I told him he could keep the house and all that's inside, including Kreacher, if he let me keep my personal stuff and my vault at Gringotts. Of course, he agreed. I guess he didn't want his dear old godfather to end up looking like a pile of Mundungus style rags or being left at the mercy of a rich witch."

"Ah, I already told you that I don't see you as my plaything. I love you and I'd love you even if you wouldn't have a single Knut- as long as you don't smell like Mundungus, that is."

"And as long as I don't talk ill about Snape, I assume?"

"Right!" Sam interjected as if he'd just had the idea of his life. "Raven, I recall you know Severus Snape quite well so why don't we write an article about him? Did he really kill Albus Dumbledore? Is there anything to redeem his deed? Maybe he had a horrible childhood that would explain his reason for becoming a Death Eater and…"

"Shut it, Sam. No word about Severus Snape in the Naughty Quill."

He shot me a puzzled glance. "_**You**_ want to hide the truth?"

"If hiding the truth means to keep a friend alive and safe then the answer is yes." I told him.

"So there really is some secret about Snape and why he killed Dumbledore?"

_Journalists and their instinct for a good story_, I sighed.

Sirius turned to Sam and barked sharply, "You heard what Raven said- no word about Snape. She's got her reasons."

Later in our bedroom I rested my head on his chest and told Sirius that I really appreciated what he had said to Sam. He heaved a sigh.

"Well, to be honest I still don't give much of a damn about Snape but I thought of what you said yesterday, and if only half of it is true, if he's really putting himself constantly in mortal danger when he's around Voldemort… " he shrugged, not finishing the sentence.

"He is." My hand trailed languidly up his arm, my fingers enjoying the warmth of his skin.

"I wished we wouldn't talk about _him_ in bed- but since we're talking about him anyway, did he by chance let slip anything about what Harry and Dumbledore were plotting? Because Harry seemed to be quite reserved towards me considering his future plans and merely told me that he's got to do what Dumbledore asked him to, and that he couldn't tell me more about it." Sirius sounded a bit frustrated and also worried.

"He doesn't know either. Sev tried to get the same information from Dumbledore that Dumbledore gave Harry but failed."

"_Sev_? How sweet. You know, love, if he weren't such a greasy little oddball I'd be jealous."

I smirked. I would not tell him about the kiss or that he didn't have to fear I'd run off with Severus because he still loved Lily. That was a secret I wouldn't spill.

"Sirius, you do realize that everything I told you about Severus has to stay between us, don't you?"

"You don't want the Order to know?"

"It's too dangerous and would only raise suspicion. I… I will keep contact with him so that the Order still has some sort of a spy amongst the Death Eaters, and I'm also going to find out what Dumbledore wanted Harry to do. The old secret-monger took too many secrets to the grave with him, and he set up rules for a game I don't want to play that way…"

"Raven! Though I love your rebellious streak I won't let you do that. You won't put yourself in mortal danger."

"Sirius, I've been putting myself in danger for most of my life because it's my job; I'm a trained Auror. You're not going to tell me what I'm allowed to do."

He heaved a sigh. "Ok, then we'll do it together. I'm feeling a tad rebellious too."

"You would want to work together with Severus?" Well, to be honest I had no idea if Severus had actually agreed on us working together to spoil Dumbledore's plan for Harry since he had been in a real state of misery but I liked to assume that once he had recovered from his breakdown he was in for it.

I found out a couple of days later when he sent me his Patronus, asking me to meet him on neutral grounds. Though I was glad to finally hear from him again I would have preferred the silver doe had not appeared out of thin air in the narrowness of a changing cubicle in a lingerie shop. Damned, apparently Bambi knew no decency.

I must admit that I spent a lot of time shopping after my return from the dead and being back in London. Sometimes Sirius accompanied me, clearly preferring Muggle clothes over old-fashioned wizarding robes. He enjoyed strolling along the streets of Camden Town without having to fear someone would recognize him; he was a free man now and he enjoyed his freedom. Finally we could go out for dinner or have a beer in a pub, do all the things that any other couple in the world would do. Of course, he also contacted some of his old friends in the Order of the Phoenix to tell them he was back. Some of them were surprised, others downright shocked, but the thing that got him most was to learn that his fellow Marauder, Remus Lupin, had just married Tonks without ever filling him in about his feelings for her. I, however, knew that she had a crush on him for as long as I could remember so I was happy for her.

"Severus wants to meet me later," I told Sirius casually after I had left the changing cubicle, hiding what I wanted to buy from his eyes. He arched a brow at me.

"Snape had the nerve to send his Patronus _here_?"

"Don't worry, darling, I did not discuss what sweet nothing would look best on me with his Patronus. It merely batted its eyes chastely, delivered the message, and dissolved again."

He looked a bit sullen. "Alright then, but you're not going to meet him alone; I'm coming along."

I grinned. Although he considered Severus as a greasy little oddball he nevertheless acted as if he was jealous of the greasy little oddball; it was kind of cute. On the other hand- if Sirius insisted upon accompanying me to my meeting with Severus that meant I had to find a place where we could meet without having to fear any of them would feel sorely tempted to draw his wand and hex the other one. So it had to be a Muggle place. But where in the Muggle world could Severus go without having Muggles gaping at him? Then I came up with the perfect place.

We met in a pub called the Devonshire Arms in Kentish Town Road, Camden. I had chosen it because it had a dress code- you could wear anything as long as it was black- and its niche clientele of gothics. Nevertheless people were gaping at Severus when he entered, striding to our table with his long, black travelling cloak billowing behind him, but most of the gapers were female, dressed in low cut, black velvet dresses of medieval bride-in-black style. Khol rimmed eyes staring out of white powdered faces, giving him adoring glances. To them he must look like the perfect Prince of Darkness. They didn't see his greasy hair or the sallowness of his skin (perhaps they considered it admirable) but the aura of gloom he radiated. The sad and the lonely were the only ones with style here.

I had to stifle a chuckle as he sat down at our table, totally unawares of being a heartbreaker in this goth haven. He'd probably be scandalized if he knew that some strange Muggle girls thought him attractive for his air of misery.

Severus shot me an almost smile and acknowledged Sirius' presence with a curt nod in his direction.

"I see you couldn't leave your mutt at home?"

Sirius scowled at him. "Watch out, Snape, my bite is much worse than my bark."

"Is it so? I'd like to try you and show you your limits… but unfortunately these Muggles won't take it kindly to seeing a dog getting its long overdue beating."

"Yep, you're damned right with that," I interjected, "though I'd prefer you to forget the animal rights movement and remind yourself- both of you- that you're adult wizards who should feel superior to hexing each other in public just because of an old animosity."

"Animosity?" Severus' eyes narrowed; they were utterly cold now. "Your prodigious lover tried to kill me!"

"I didn't mean to," Sirius offered surprisingly. "True, I was sick and tired of you sticking your big nose in things that weren't of your concern, and I have to admit I wanted to scare you shitless at the sight of a werewolf, but I wasn't thinking of the consequences…"

"Not thinking seems to be one of your most special abilities, Black. I'd always choose brainy over brawny…"

"Enough of the bitching now. Let's have a drink and talk about why we're meeting here, ok?" I said as I called the waitress to take our orders. Severus and I were drinking red wine (they offered a fairly decent but overprized Rioja here) while Sirius ordered an ale. By the time our drinks were served the heated mood between the two guys had cooled down so that we could start talking about more significant things than their mutual loathing of each other.

Severus seemed to have overcome it first. Though his face was pretty much inscrutable there was a worried flicker in his eyes when he looked at me, struggling for the right word to say.

"I… I received orders from Dumbledore…"

"Dumbledore's dead, thanks to you, Snape!" Sirius snapped.

"Oh, will you please shut it and hear him out?" I scowled at him.

Meanwhile Severus had reached into his pocket and produced a small shallow stone bowl.

"You didn't have to bring your own ashtray…"

"How thick are you, Black? If your head wasn't so full of yourself you might be able to identify this as a pocket Pensieve. I brought it along to spare me lengthy explanations, which in your case would be fruitless anyway."

"Good idea but we can't use that in a Muggle pub." I interjected.

"I believe there are restrooms in a Muggle pub? I will go there to extract the memory I'm inclined to share." He rose from his chair.

"Don't forget to wash your hands before coming back, Snivelly."

"I don't remember having patted your head." Severus replied silkily.

"Oh please, stop that! You guys drive me mad. Is it really so hard to behave decently?" I shot Sirius an angry glance.

"I didn't start it. I even almost apologized for that prank I played on him- what more do you expect?"

I let my head sink until my forehead banged softly on the table. Men! He could be so sweet sometimes and the next moment he was such an arrogant berk. I lit a cigarette and ignored him, letting my eyes roam over the black clad people in the room, listening to the gloomy music.

Some gothic chicks approached Severus when he came back from the restroom. Unfortunately I couldn't hear what they were saying but he looked cornered and his eyebrows shot up in utter bewilderment before he hastily returned to our table.

"What did they want from you?" Sirius asked, sounding astounded that no group of pretty chicks was gathering around him.

"I don't have a clue what to do with these." Severus dropped some notes with telephone numbers on the table, frowning.

"I guess you're supposed to call them." I offered.

"I really don't…"

"Ah, don't worry, mate, these chicks were probably on some kind of hallucinogenic drug that clouded their vision. Once they get off their trip they'll have forgotten about you; horror trips don't last long."

"Whenever I have to endure your presence, Black, my life appears to be an endless horror trip." Severus handed me the pocket Pensieve, a faint silvery light now coming from it. "Take a look at what Dumbledore told me."

"Good idea." I grabbed Sirius' arm and dragged him away from the table before he could verbally fire back. They really behaved like two insufferable idiots but maybe I shout be glad that they were only bitching at each other and not hexing each other

Sirius and I went to the restroom where a pallid guy was snorting coke; he didn't pay any heed when we vanished into one of the stalls. I placed the Pensieve onto the toilet lid and we dove into the memory Severus had given us…

…_we were standing in the headmaster's office at Hogwarts, watching Severus in front of Dumbledore's portrait. He looked at it with an inscrutable expression on his face._

_"I am pleased with you, Severus. You kept your promise and so far everything is proceeding according to my plan. But I have been told that Sirius Black is back- I'm certain you merely failed to mention that?"_

_"I considered it irrelevant." Severus said- was it only me or was there really a slightly mutinous ring in his voice? "Who told you anyway?"_

_"Phineas was so kind to fill me in when he saw him rummaging through Grimmauld Place, and his return is not a matter to be taken lightly. Black is known to act rashly; I cannot have him thwarting my plans with his reckless behaviour. But I trust in you, Severus. You __will have to give Voldemort the correct date of Harry's departure from his aunt and uncle's. Not to do so will raise suspicion, when Voldemort believes you so well-informed. However, you must plant the idea of decoys- that, I think, ought to ensure Harry's safety. Try Confunding Mundungus Fletcher. And Severus, if you are forced to take part in the chase, be sure to act your part __**convincingly**__… I am counting on you to remain in Lord Voldemort's good books as long as possible, or Hogwarts will be left to the mercy of the Carrows…"_

_"Of course, Dumbledore." Severus turned away from the portrait and for an instant I saw revulsion mingled with disgust flickering over his features…_

Then we were back in the toilet stall, glancing at each other, too shocked to speak for a moment. So Dumbledore would stop at nothing for what he considered the greater good and he relied on Severus being his means to achieve his aim by trusting in his hatred of Sirius. Or how would you interpret the line _be sure to act your part __**convincingly**_ other than a licence to kill, to get rid of the trouble? But contrary to Dumbledore's belief that Severus would be eager to get a chance to off his former tormentor it had rather lit the first spark of disobedience in him; he wasn't taking orders from a portrait if there might be another way, and I had told him that there was one.

"What is he up to?" Sirius gasped. "Is that supposed to be a warning, a threat?"

He didn't wait for an answer but hurried to leave the stall, striding back to our table with fast steps. I followed him, fearing he might have misinterpreted the scene. Didn't he see that Severus wasn't pleased at all with Dumbledore's order, that he would not obey? Suddenly he froze in his tracks and I bumped into him.

"I don't believe it! They must be mental- what do they see in that greasy oddball?"

A group of gothic girls were sitting at our table, drooling over Severus who looked a tad overtaxed with the situation. Probably he longed for his wand to hex away the pests. I bit my lips to not burst out with hilarious laughter but then I hastened to his rescue. Though the velvet brides-in-black seemed to content themselves with adoring him discretely that didn't go for the latex lass who was about to crawl onto his lap, her pinkish tongue licking her lips. Severus eyed her with the same interest as if disembowelling a Flobberworm.

"Alright, ladies, the party's over." Sirius interjected as he jerked Severus to his feet. "You gotta explain…"

"Why are you so fucking uncool? We were just starting to have some fun." The latex lass hissed at Sirius.

"Leave him alone, don't you see how _special_ he is? So beautifully severe in a way that makes your heart yearn to wander through the dark sadness of the world in his shadow," a velvet bride-in-black whispered dreamingly, batting her long lashes admiringly at Severus who stared at her as if she was totally nuts. I guess given the choice of having her following in his shadow or Sirius grabbing him at his collar, ready to give him a good shaking, he'd prefer the more predictable.

I shooed away the chicks before I saw to it that Sirius wouldn't strangle Severus. "Come on, guys, cool down. Let's talk about it like civilized people. Sirius, I think you might be misinterpreting that scene in the Pensieve…"

"Am I? Dumbledore wants me out of the way- damned, I thought I knew him; I thought he was alright… mixture of old fool and cunning fox… but apparently he was dancing on my grave at my funeral…"

"There was no funeral," Severus informed him coolly.

Sirius glared at him. "Fine. No funeral. That doesn't change the fact that he trusts in you to get me out of his plans for good, and please forgive me for wondering why you showed me that Pensieve scene. Am I to be grateful you gave me a warning that you intend to kill me?"

"You are an ungrateful sot, Black. If you for once would use your brains before acting out of impulse you may realize that I do not need Dumbledore's permission as an excuse to kill you if that were my intention." He arched a brow at the waitress when she served him a glass of wine he hadn't ordered.

"It's from her," the waitress told him with a nod of her head in the direction of the latex lass who was sitting at the bar now, raising her glass in as toast.

Sirius rolled his eyes. It was unfathomable to him that the gothic girls seemed to fancy Severus but the latex lass made a definitely lewd gesture with her tongue. Someone should tell her that he was not a fun person and I daresay she wouldn't change that. Suddenly something about her caught my attention- the white of her teeth… I could've sworn I had seen a fang…

"Don't!" I yelled as I launched myself over the table at Severus and smashed the glass out of his hands before he could drink the wine. It tumbled to the floor and the wine didn't look like wine anymore but more like blood.

"What the hell…"

"It's Bloodwine! Your charming admirer is a vampire!"

While some vampires managed to integrate into the wizarding world quite well, living on blood they bought in special blood banks, others believed in their right to hunt and feed on Muggles. The latter were those who had joined Voldemort's ranks in the first war so they were likely to have rallied around him again. If the latex lass carried information about Severus meeting us in a Muggle pub to Voldemort…

"We've gotta catch her! She's not to escape!"

But she was already out the door when we headed for her, and then she seemed to have disappeared into the streets of Camden. Severus and I were standing at the doorstep, looking around, cursing, uncertain where she had gone. Something furry pressed past our legs and darted into the night with a growl. Probably a dog was able to smell a vampire because a moment later it barked and we heard a scream coming from a dark alleyway nearby. When Severus and I got there, Sirius had already changed back into his human form and was threatening the cornered vampire; he had used the Impedimenta Charm on her.

"Well done, Snuffles." It would have sounded like a compliment if not for the sneer in Severus' voice.

"Ah, just don't pat my head," Sirius retorted.

"Decidedly not." Severus turned to me, his face was pale. "How did you know it was Bloodwine?"

"It was quite a plague in LA some years ago. A group of vampires dressed like goths went to the appropriate subculture clubs and seduced Muggles with Bloodwine, which contained a poison that made their victims yearn with desire for their bite…"

"How comes the great Potion Master failed to notice what it was? Are you becoming careless, Snape?"

"Careless, Black? I don't think so. May I remind you that you were the one who almost got himself killed the first time you left your hidey-hole and recklessly hastened to Potter's rescue although you were told to stay put. It's a miracle you escaped death."

"A fact you sorely lament, I take it?"

"Wrong again, Black. I must admit I'm not overjoyed about it but as we are supposed to work together I will tolerate your presence for Raven's sake. If she likes her favourite mutt alive and well, I will not grudge you a brief moment of fame for hunting down a fleeting vampire."

"Oh- alright then. So what are we gonna do with her now? Hand her over to the Ministry so that they can send her to Azkaban?"

"She will be able to escape from there soon after since the Ministry is no longer in control of the Dementors." Severus sighed a bit wearily. "The Ministry is also no longer in control of its minister… I fear Scrimgeour is soon to be overthrown by some puppet acting in the name of the Dark Lord…"

"…and if he ever finds out your meeting recently deceased but still alive members of the Order, or former members of the Order…" A shiver ran down my spine. I didn't even want to think about it what Voldemort would do to Severus, and apparently he didn't either. I saw him shudder as a faint hint of fear flickered over his sallow face, barely visible. What had I done? "I… I'm sorry, Sev. I shouldn't have asked you to continue spying for… well, not for the Order but for me, and to disobey Dumbledore's orders because he may be right and his way is the only one that will work out in the end…"

"Do you think I'm a coward, Raven?"

I shook my head. "No, but…"

"You're a greasy little oddball, Snape, but if anything that Raven has told me about you is true then you're definitely not a coward and I can't avoid acknowledging your bravery."

Severus' eyebrows shot up in utter disbelief. "Do you expect me to feel grateful now that you finally came to realize I'm a human being and not the unworthy speck of dust on the sole of your feet you always treated me like? No, I'm not."

The body binding charm Sirius had used on the latex vampire lass was slowly wearing off and she struggled to get free, to run away and probably tell Voldemort what she had found out about the treachery of his allegedly most precious and loyal follower. I couldn't let her get away alive. She hissed obscenities at me as I approached her with my wand at the ready- I had to know if she really was a Death Eater.

"Hey, I just tried to be nice," Sirius said, taken aback. Had he really expected Severus to be grateful for that?

The vampire was trying to bite me when I grabbed her left arm and pulled down the long gloves she was wearing; her skin was moist with sweat underneath them. There was a reason why I disliked latex clothes… I Stunned her to stop her from getting a good bite at me.

"You tried? _**You tried? **_All of my life I lived like that, shunned and scorned by the apparently oh-so-good Gryffindors whose pranks, no matter how humiliating they were, had always been considered fun while I… I had been reprimanded and told to hush the fact that a werewolf was roaming the Hogwards grounds every full moon… and later you turned up your fine nose at me because of the guilt I carried on my shoulders, and though I had long seen the error of my way you still made me feel like I could never be redeemed…"

The Dark Mark was etched clearly visible into the skin of her left arm like a tattoo albeit I would have sued my tattoo artist if he had done such a poor job on me. But well, Lord Voldemort was not a tattoo artist and I had to stop the vampire from betraying Severus to her boss.

"… I had to live my whole damned life under threat, and when someone finally- _finally_- has faith in me you **try** to be decent only because you want to stay in **her** good books? No, I decidedly do not think I have to be grateful for that, Black."

A jet of green light flashed from the tip of my wand, aimed at the vampire. The end justified the means, and there was a war going on. So I watched her lifeless body turn into a heap of ashes that soon was blown away in the warm summer breeze. Severus had finally stopped ranting and stared at me just like Sirius did.

"Oh, I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation. Go on, please, and leave all the dirty work to me."

"You killed her," Sirius commented quite correctly.

"Yep. Isn't it convenient that vampires always dissolve into ashes when they're dead? It spares you all the tiresome cleaning up afterwards." I said pointedly.

Sirius shook his head slightly. "It's just… well, um… I just hadn't expected you to use an Unforgivable Curse…"

"I didn't have a silver dagger handy and besides, I'm an Auror. I've got a licence to use Unforgivable Curses in case of emergency, and you may agree that having to face a vampire is a case of emergency. Even if she hadn't tried to poison Severus she was definitely not visiting the Devonshire Arms only to listen to the music or to have a drink or two- although, considering things from a vampire's point of view she actually **was** there for a drink or two in the sense of slurping innocent blood." I glanced at Severus who had calmed down from his fit of anger. "You alright?"

He nodded. "I believe thanks are in order. Though I must admit that I, for once, agree with Black since I'm always equally surprised to see you using Unforgivable Curses…"

"Always?" Sirius snapped astonished.

"Ah," I smiled with glee in memory of Wormtail- yeah, I truly am a nasty bitch sometimes- so I asked Severus, "How's Vermin faring these days?"

"Vermin?"

"My house-elf," Severus seemed to take pleasure in the confused look on Sirius' face while at the same time he recalled a memory only the two of us shared; his thin lips curled up in a lopsided sneer, "the scum formerly known as Wormtail…"

"You know where that damnable rat is?" Sirius cut him off.

"Since the Dark Lord sent him to… um, _assist_ me, I believe the answer is supposed to be yes, I do know where he is. I also know what he's doing at the moment, thanks to Raven, who, in order to assure his discreetness, hexed him so thoroughly that even after I released him of the Imperio Curse he still believes he's a house-elf. I fear any attempt to re-modify his memories will lead to irreparable brain damage considering the minute size of his brain."

Although Sirius hated Wormtail more than anyone else in the world for his betrayal of the Potters, he nevertheless was a humorous man who just couldn't avoid smirking at the idea of that little rat having been forced into believing he was a house-elf. He laughed out loud, probably envisioning him clad in an apron, holding a feather duster in his hands, eagerly obeying whatever orders were given to him. That's what I loved him for, his readiness to laugh. Alas, his good mood didn't last long and soon he once more scowled at Severus.

"You knew where he was hiding all the time? And yet you never bothered to tell anyone? Instead you had then nerve to mock me for being useless to the Order because I had been told to lay low, and all the time I only had to lay low because there was no way to prove my innocence since there was no bloody trace of Wormtail's whereabouts- no way to clear my name…"

"Well, it never was Dumbledore's utmost priority to clear your name, Black." Severus replied with an indifferent shrug.

"There he is!"

We all turned around to see the velvet clad gothic girls approaching us like a funeral procession. Severus eyed them warily while they were batting their lashes at him in adoring admiration.

"Would you like to join us in discussing the misery of life and the beauty of death?" The dreamy-voiced whispered hopefully.

Sirius made a sound as if he was choking with suppressed laughter and I had problems to remain serious, too.

"No, I don't think so." Severus answered silkily, probably wondering what a chick like her knew about the misery of life. I guess he could tell her stories that would make her cringe.

"But we will meet again, won't we? Oh, if only I'd know your name…"

"Please don't come up with the clever idea of asking me to find out."

Sarcasm was apparently not her thing because she didn't get the clue. Probably he wouldn't have told her anyway.

"My name's Mystery, by the way. I gave you my card. So will we meet again?" The girl who was most likely not christened with the name _Mystery_ asked again.

"Er… um," He was a bit at a loss before he opted for a blatant lie, "I'll call you."

Mystery and her bride-in-black friends started giggling enthusiastically when they took their leave. I was wondering how long it would take them to realize Severus would not call them but until then they'd watch their mobile phones in eager anticipation.

"Here's to hoping they won't wet themselves with excitement," Sirius commented dryly, shaking his head as watched them walk away and then glanced at Severus. "Here's also to hoping you won't become a trendsetter with that greasy style of yours."


	14. Moments of Disgrace

14- Moments of Disgrace

It could have been worse. They could have tried to hex each other like in old school days, they could have shown an open hostility too profound to ever be overcome. Of course, there was still a great deal of loathing between them which had led to snide remarks and general taunting, but they had also given reasons for their long bottled up anger and animosities, and maybe that was a good start. Maybe they would start to understand the other one and come to realize some parallels in their lives. Like the way Voldemort had fucked up both of their lives the night he'd killed the Potters. Sirius had lost his best mate, his brother in heart, and had spent years in Azkaban, innocent, without a trial. Severus had lost the only girl he'd ever loved, living through a lifetime of misery without end. They had been genuinely forlorn the moment I had re-entered the scene, and I liked to believe I had brightened up both of their lives at least a little. Well, in Sirius' case most definitely.

He was unusually quiet when we walked home from the Devonshire Arms, lost in thoughts; I wasn't in the mood to talk either. We had walked away together, his arm around my shoulder, and later we were lying in bed together, cuddled up closely, enjoying our proximity. I almost felt guilty for that since Severus had walked away alone, a solitary figure in an empty street, and my heart had ached for him. I wanted the people I liked to be happy.

But something had changed tonight. Although Sirius and Severus would most likely never become friends I could feel the impregnable wall of unreasonable hatred between them beginning to crumble. And although Sirius was far from believing Severus was loyal to the Order, he didn't believe him to be a loyal follower of Voldemort either. Instead he came up with the conclusion that the only reason to trust Severus was that he was unquestionably on **my** side and would never betray the faith I had in him- I thought that was quite a concession.

Some days later we visited the Lupins, Remus and his newly wed wife. Tonks had definitely added a spark of colour to his life, standing beside him with her flashy pink hair and that bright smile on her face she made him look less grey. Also, his former functionally furnished bachelor place had been given a female touch- a blanket on the threadbare sofa, some nice pillows on the old armchairs, a vase with flowers on the table (which Tonks almost knocked off when she enthusiastically welcomed Sirius and me), pictures of the wedding on the mantelpiece. She looked truly beautiful in her wedding dress and he smiled happily, waving at us. There were more lines in his face though, as if wondering whether he'd made the right decision. Tonks, however, couldn't stop beaming when she showed me her ring. It was plain but then again it was the meaning that mattered.

"It was a very quiet wedding," Lupin told Sirius who still seemed to be a tad offended that he hadn't been invited.

"You should have told me," he sulked.

"Darling, remember that it doesn't make much sense sending invitations to people who're supposed to be dead."

"Yeah, right, but…"

"Why don't we let them sort out things between them alone?" Tonks grabbed my arm and dragged me to the small kitchen where she started to boil tea for us. She almost dropped the pot and spilled some tea leaves all over the floor while cheerfully flashing me a knowing smile. "You and Sirius, eh? I _knew_ it. So when did you finally realize that you're meant for each other?"

_When Sev made me realize it,_ I thought but I said. "Well, falling through that veil together and returning to the living world was certainly a helpful experience… but tell me, when did you finally manage to charm dear old Lupin?"

She let out a sigh, recalling the last year. "After you… fell through that veil… we were mourning for you and maybe it was the grief that brought us together in the first place. Remus- well, he wasn't happy about it. He said he was too old, too poor, and too dangerous for me… then Dumbledore needed a spy amongst the werewolf community and since Remus was predestined for that job he broke up with me to go underground. It was… not a good year for me. I didn't see him or hear of him until Dumbledore was killed by Snape. Snape! I never thought he would betray us because of all the trust Dumbledore had in him."

Yeah, Dumbledore had trusted in Severus to kill him when asked to without caring what that would mean to him. And though I knew the truth I couldn't tell Tonks because she was a member of the Order, and the Order wasn't supposed to know the truth. I didn't want to endanger Severus by sharing my knowledge with too many people; the whole situation sucked. All for the greater good.

"So when you met again to mourn another demise Lupin got his act together and realized that love isn't about age or wealth, and that you're a trained Auror who could deal with dangerous?"

"It took him a while," Tonks admitted, "he believed I deserved somebody young and whole but after what had happened to Bill, and yet Fleur still wanted to marry him… like Molly said quite correctly, young and whole could change quickly…"

"What happened to Bill?" I asked as I elegantly caught a cup that came falling out of the cupboard Tonks had just opened while remembering handsome Bill Weasley with his hair always too long for Molly's liking.

"Greyback." When Tonks noticed that the name didn't have a familiar ring to me she cared to fill me in more precisely. "Fenrir Greyback, the same werewolf who bit Remus when he was little, maimed Bill's face the day we fought some Death Eaters at Hogwarts, the day Albus Dumbledore died. Fleur said she doesn't care if he has a few scars now as they give proof of his bravery, and that she is beautiful enough for both of them. They're going to marry soon."

I had met Fleur only once, and she truly was a damned beautiful witch, half Veela. But she also seemed to have her heart at the right spot, unwavering in her love. "Congratulations to them. And yet you and Remus beat them in who's getting married first, or why the hurry?"

Tonks glanced at her ring. "Because I love him and didn't want him to change his mind again after he'd finally agreed to marry me." She placed four cups and the teapot on a tray before looking at me. "I… I just can't stand the thought of losing him again, Raven. Maybe I sound pathetic now but I even lacked the verve for Metamorphosis when he broke up with me… I couldn't think of any bright colour but grey so I was as grey as a mouse for almost a year."

"That sounds like a serious case of lovesickness," I commented sympathetically since that feeling wasn't unfamiliar to me; I had lived through various cases of lovesickness before only to realize that none of the guys had actually been worthy of my affection. Compared to my previous, disastrous love affairs it was almost unbelievable how easy things were going with Sirius- well, apart from the fact that he loathed Severus…

"Yeah, but you know, Raven, Dumbledore would've been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world. I'm sure he'd be happy to know about you and Sirius."

I doubted that… _be sure you act your part convincingly…_ Dumbledore might have been good at talking about love in his own idealized, theoretical way of thinking but in the end he knew nothing about it and what little he got right he was willing to sacrifice for the greater good.

When we returned to the living room our men didn't seem to be in the mood for drinking a nice cup of tea together since disagreement was lingering heavily in the air. Sirius looked seriously pissed off.

"Are you trying to tell me I have to ask the Order when I want to see my godson?" He hissed at Lupin, a frown on his face. "I don't think so, Remus. My name is cleared, I'm not going back into hiding."

"I didn't ask you to go into hiding, I was merely asking you not to act too rashly if you don't know the plans of the Order…"

"Ah, and what are the Order's plans for Harry?"

"I cannot tell you, but let me assure you that the Order is doing its best to keep Harry safe," Remus replied calmly but his tone failed to calm down Sirius, who looked mutinous.

"Am I not a member of the Order anymore?"

"Of course you are!" Lupin hurried to say a little too quickly for my liking before he thoughtfully added, "You have to understand though that things are complicated now that Dumbledore is dead- he was our leader, our mastermind… without him counselling us wisely we have to ask ourselves how **he** would have handled the situation of you being back before we act out of impulse. Of course we're glad that you're back, but we have to talk things over first…"

"Do you fear that the experience of us having _almost_ died might have also changed our allegiances?" I asked provocatively.

"No, no… but with every day Lord Voldemort is growing stronger, and the Ministry is all helpless, contaminated by his vassals, while the Order is working hard to keep up law and order… and then you came back, totally unexpectedly, after we believed you to be dead! Please forgive me these circumstances make me wonder… you know, I just want to do the right thing."

"You always want to do the right thing but there are always too many things to consider that stops you from doing anything in the end. You're hesitant, Lupin. You're hesitant whether to trust your friend because he came back from the death with me in tow, you're hesitant whether you could love Tonks because of your furry problem, and you were hesitant as a prefect when you should have reigned in your friends from bullying innocents…"

Wrong, totally wrong. I should have known it. Lupin shot me a glance as if I had just declared I had joined the Death Eaters because we both knew whom I had meant, and this was not the right time to mention innocent and Severus Snape in one sentence.

-

His fingers were trailing along the outlines of my tattoo, gently, exploring as if he hadn't explored every inch of my skin before, imprinting his touch on it. This time it felt different though, mainly because I felt I didn't deserve his gentleness. I caught his hand in mine and turned around to face him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to end up on the wrong side with your best friend only because I couldn't keep my mouth shut…"

"It's alright, love." Sirius smiled at me- he shouldn't smile at me like that. I had managed to ruin the day so thoroughly that even Tonks with her cheerful mood hadn't been able to save it. We had drunk our tea like strangers meeting for the first time, trying to make polite conversation, and all the time Lupin had glanced at me as if he was right to be hesitant when it came to me. It was no secret that he'd always considered me too rebellious, too unpredictable for his liking, not knowing whether I was help or harm to the Order. And though he'd never taken offence in my friendship with Severus as long as Dumbledore lived-because he had trusted in Dumbledore's judgment about him- he seemed to take offence in me not openly condemning my friend now that Dumbledore was dead. I didn't know what Lupin had told Sirius when he had taken him aside for a moment before we had left but I was certain it had been a warning. _Don't trust a Slytherin no matter how pretty she looks, _or something like that. Of course, I could have asked Sirius but I feared that by doing so I would probably drive an even deeper wedge between the old friends, and I didn't want to risk that.

Sirius, still smiling, kissed me. He kissed my mouth and then he tried to kiss away the frown on my face. "Hey, I could never blame you for what had been the reason I fell in love with you in the first place."

I arched a quizzical brow at him. "There was a reason other than that you were drooling over me from the beginning and wanted to get me into your bed?"

"In which I was quite successful," he admitted with a grin, his fingers on expedition again. I shivered with pleasure under his touch although I would have preferred him to be more serious. We kissed once more, then he heaved a sigh and looked me in the eye. "Of course there's more than that, Raven. I adore that rebellious streak of yours, the way you speak up your mind, not bothering if anybody wants to hear it, not weighing your words, never caring if what you believe to be the truth might be unpleasant to others. When everybody had to be convinced that it wasn't me who'd betrayed the Potters you seemed to know it already… it was one of the first things you said to me, if I remember correctly…"

"Well, anyone who'd ever seen you and Potter together should've known you'd never betray him."

A very sentimental smile flickered over his handsome features. Suddenly I became aware of how different he looked compared to the day I'd met him for the first time after years. The gaunt, haunted expression had vanished from his face and he resembled more the casually handsome boy I had once known, though definitely aged. But not so aged before time anymore. The sparkle was back in his eyes and that was enough to bring the smile back on my face.

"Yeah, and yet Remus though me capable of betraying them… he wasn't my friend for twelve years; he didn't believe in me until there was evidence of my innocence. He calls me rash but he's too hesitant, and he bloody never listens to his heart. You however… you figured me out and took my side although you had reasons to hate me, you stood by me and defended me with fierceness… with the same fierceness you're always defending Snape… Raven, I'm willing to trust your judgement even when it comes to him. You know him better than Remus therefore your word is the one I'll believe. After all, he'd been wrong about me for twelve years… and you make me happier than I've ever been…"

I kissed him fervently. Maybe Lupin believed I was merely an infatuation that would go by just like all of Sirius' former infatuations had gone by but I knew better. He really loved me.

But he also loved Harry, his godson. And though he didn't mind severing ties with the Order if that was necessary for us to go our own way he feared he might lose the boy.

"Damned, James made me his godfather for a reason, meaning that I'd care for him. But what if the Order takes him from Privet Drive and hides him at a safe place I don't know? I don't even know when they're going to take him away from the Dursleys..."

"Why don't you simply call him and ask for the date of his departure? I'm sure Harry won't want the Order to exclude you from his life; he loves you. You're the only family he's got left."

"And yet he was very reserved towards me considering his future plans…"

"Thanks to Dumbledore," I reminded him, caressing his cheek. I just loved to touch him and couldn't keep my fingers to myself when he was around, when we were lying in bed, cuddled up together, enjoying our proximity. It was simply the right thing to do. "Harry is Dumbledore's man through and through, but we're not. We're not following the call of a puppeteer still pulling the strings even when he's dead. We're no marionettes, we're not playing his game. We will find out whatever mission he's sent Harry on…"

"_We_ sounds wonderful if only _we_ wouldn't include Sniv- um, Snape. I know, I said I'd trust you about him- and I do- and yet I can't help wondering what's in for him."

"Redemption?" I offered as an explanation but when Sirius merely gave me a frown I heaved a sigh and decided to fill him in a tad more precisely without giving Severus' secret away. "Severus… well, he definitely made some horrible mistakes in his life- I'm not denying it. He did join the Death Eaters when he was young but he turned his back on them and worked as a spy for the Order because… I can't tell you, Sirius. It's solely up to him to tell you the reason for his change of allegiance, but let me assure you that his remorse is genuine."

The next day he called Harry to find out when he was supposed to leave the Dursleys for good; it was the same date Severus had given me. Of course we would join in the departure party.

-

It wasn't what I had expected it to be.

We arrived at number four, Privet Drive, the moment when Mad-Eye Moody snarled at Harry that he needed some of his hair and our entrance into the kitchen didn't stop him from getting what he wanted.

"Sirius!" Harry beamed enthusiastically at his godfather. "So good to see you."

"Raven!" Moody acknowledged my presence with a nod and an expression too inscrutable to read on his withered face though I believed it to be some kind of joy in seeing me again. Nevertheless, his whole attention was directed on Harry Potter as he barked, "Now!"

Everybody looked at Harry- Ron, Hermione, Fred and George, Tonks (flashing me a smile despite of the wary glance her husband was giving me), Lupin, Mr Weasley, Kingsley, Mundungus, Fleur (simply beautiful), Bill (shockingly not beautiful anymore but still wearing his hair long), Moody himself and finally Hagrid, towering above them all- as he reached up to the top of his head, grabbed a hank of hair and pulled.

"Good," said Moody, limping forwards to collect the hair and putting it into a flask of Potion. Polyjuice Potion. The moment the hair made contact with its surface the Potion began to froth and I sensed doom. What had I landed myself in?

"Right then, fake Potters line up over here please."

Ron, Hermione, Fred, George and Fleur queued to drink the Potion; Hagrid saw to it that Mundungus joined them by lifting him up at his collar and dropping him beside Fleur. Sirius gave me an encouraging shove. Have I mentioned that I hated Polyjuice Potion? Probably there wasn't enough left because the Order hadn't expected us. Lupin was clearly not happy that I had shown up here but when he tried to reason with Moody the old Auror didn't hear him out.

"Come here, Raven," he growled. "I'm glad there's one more Auror joining us today."

His trust meant a lot to me so I wouldn't let him down. I decided to make no fuss about the Polyjuice Potion but to gulp it down without further ado.

I was shrinking to the size of a sixteen year old boy and my hair seemed to shoot backwards into my skull; I hadn't worn it that short since my first year at Hogwarts when I had cut it off in a fit of defiant protest. Fortunately there were no mirrors in the Dursley's kitchen- and even if there had been one I wasn't sure if I could have seen my reflection because of my bad eyesight.

Fleur put it quite right when she addressed her future husband, saying, "Bill, don't look at me-I'm 'ideaous."

I felt the same. My clothes didn't fit anymore; I definitely looked ridiculous. But Sirius just grinned at me, happy that he could be with Harry tonight. And since I knew how much it meant to him, to be around and ready to protect his godson, I smiled back at him.

Moody proceeded a sack with clothes and glasses for all the doppelganger Harrys but since he hadn't expected me there were only six sets of clothing.

"No problem." Sirius said as he pointed his wand at me. I wished he weren't that good at Transfiguration because he had managed to change my clothes into exactly the same ones Harry was wearing. They were badly fitting. Then I remembered that fat Dursley boy and came to the conclusion that Harry was probably wearing his old clothes.

"Sirius, remind me that- when this is over- we have to go shopping with the boy…"

"Oh, that's really not necessary," Harry cut me off quickly, apparently feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Well, I guess your parents wouldn't want you to wear your cousin's old clothes… of course they weren't as vain as Raven but…"

Moody ended our conversation by snarling orders who was going with whom. Mundungus-Harry didn't seem too pleased that he would be with the old Auror and therefore under constant observation; the Weasley twins made their typical jokes that even when they were Harry their father couldn't tell them apart. One of them was to go with their father and the other one with Remus.

I was just wondering how we would get away from here anyway when Bill said, "I'm taking Fleur on a Thestral. She's not that fond of brooms."

Ah, I could understand her so very well. Therefore I shot her a sympathetic smile and hoped there were more Thestrals. Thestrals were nice, ugly creatures that not many people could see except one had witnessed death. Unfortunately, the only other Thestral left was appointed to Kingsley and Hermione-Harry. All the other pairings had to go by broom. A feeling of nausea began to spread in my stomach.

We followed Harry into the hall where he picked up his rucksack, Firebolt and Hedwig's cage before we joined the others in the dark back garden. Broomsticks were leaping into hands… then I saw a motorbike. Hagrid was standing beside it, goggles on.

"Is this…"

"Bloody hell, that's _**mine**_!" Sirius barked as he hurried to his bike, running affectionate fingers over the frame while Hagrid proudly told Harry the sentimental story that the last time he was on it he fitted into the half-giant's hand.

"It's my old motorbike!" Sirius built himself up in front of Hagrid, looking livid but definitely small in comparison to the huge man. "I'm wondering- did you have it all the time? Have you kept it all the time without ever bothering to tell me that you have it? Have you ever considered giving it back to me?"

"Well, hm, Dumbledore never said so…"

"It doesn't look very well cared of. Have you at least given it an oil change?"

Hagrid shook his head. He clearly didn't know what Sirius was about and was probably pondering why someone was making such a fuss about a Muggle artefact. If the motorbike had been a dangerous beastie he would have understood; he would have cared.

"Arthur's done a bit o' tinkerin," he said, which made Sirius glare at Mr Weasley.

"What do you know about motorbikes?"

I understood his fury so well. If someone who lacked competence had messed around with my Harley I would probably have considered using an Unforgivable Curse. Sirius started arguing with Hagrid that he was going to ride his bike but Hagrid protested because no broom or Thestral would carry his weight. It made sense, unfortunately.

"All right then," said Moody. "Everyone ready, please; I want us all to leave at exactly the same time or the whole point of the diversion's lost."

Everybody mounted their brooms but Sirius and I were still without any means of transport.

"If I'd known ye're comin' I'd have brought Buck- um, Witherwings…."

"Is there anything else I liked that landed in your care?" Sirius snapped.

Hagrid looked hurt and we were still short of anything that could fly. Harry noticed our dilemma so he offered Sirius his Firebolt, which finally made him less sullen.

"Ah, I always wanted to ask you how it flies… I missed so much on broomstick development. Come on, Raven; this is going to be fun!"

I mightily doubted it. Did I mention that I hated broomsticks? I had never grown accustomed to them after my first attempt to ride a broom, which had landed me in the hospital ward with a broken arm and the totally new experience of living through a night of Skele-Gro.

"Good luck, everyone," shouted Moody. "See you all in about an hour at The Burrow. On the count of three. One… two… THREE."

I desperately clutched onto Sirius when we took off like a comet from hell, shooting up into the sky. He laughed cheerfully and I felt sick. Boys and their way of showing off with fast things. I would have punched him if I hadn't feared to let go of him. I wasn't scared of heights- I just preferred there were more than a mere stick between me and the ground… somewhere far below me. Then we were surrounded by at least thirty hooded Death Eaters who had formed a circle in mid-air in which the members of the Order had risen. Jets of green light illuminated the scenario.

Sirius escaped them by soaring up even higher in a mad zigzag course. Some of the Death Eaters followed us, assuming I was the real Harry because it was likely that the boy would be with his godfather. Actually we had planned to distract them. I was an Auror, I could deal with Death Eaters better than one of the kids. At least I knew more curses. But all the curses I knew didn't help me much when I was without a wand. Of course I had a wand; I just didn't have a third hand to grab it and even if I had a third hand I probably would have used it, too, to hold on tight to Sirius. I had to close my eyes when he reached for his wand and shot a Stunner at the nearest Death Eater who lost control over his broomstick, dropping out of sight. Then Sirius performed an U-turn in the air- still with only one hand on the broomstick- firing hexes in all directions.

It took me quite a while to trust in his flying skills although he was really good; a tad too daring perhaps. Eventually I realized that he wouldn't let me fall off the broomstick even if I wasn't digging my nails in his flesh for safety, and only then I finally had the guts to reach for my wand and help him a little in casting spells.

I heard a mad cackle to my right and identified it as Bellatrix'. I aimed my wand at her. Before she could send Sirius a rude _'pleased to meet you, cousin'_ greeting in green a double flash of red hit her in the chest. Sirius and I had fired simultaneously. She was tumbling down on her broomstick and I maliciously hoped she'd crash to the ground, breaking every single bone in her body.

"Well done, love. Good to see you're finally warming up!" Sirius yelled over his shoulder, a big smile on his face. Blimey, he was really having fun! He kept his broomstick still in the air for a moment to see how the others were faring. Hagrid was already far in the distance with his motorbike and Harry in the sidecar; they were followed by four Death Eaters. It was obvious that we couldn't catch up with them. We could only hope they'd shake off their pursuers as we joined in the lines of the Order, helping them to fight the remaining Death Eaters so that they wouldn't be able to follow Hagrid and Harry.

Suddenly Sirius gasped, "Remus!"

One of the Death Eaters had aimed his wand at his back when something strange happened. Another Death Eater raised his wand apparently to stop his fellow from hexing Lupin into oblivion… but his _Sectumsempra _missed and hit the Weasley twin who was with Lupin instead. It was a damned tricky thing to shoot a spell precisely when you're riding a broomstick and not really good at it, and I knew only one great wizard who shared my dislike of broomsticks. Severus Snape. Actually our friendship had started in the hospital ward after our first flying lesson…

He glanced in my direction; his face paler than usual. Or maybe it was just because the night was so dark. I noticed that he must have lost his hood during the chase.

…_be sure you act your part convincingly_, I remembered Dumbledore saying. It would be very convincingly to go after us, I thought, and so he did. Out of a sudden I heard his silent voice in my head.

_'Left!'_

"Turn left!" I shouted at Sirius, immediately understanding what Severus was up to. Fortunately Sirius did what I told him because the fraction of a second later a jet of green light hit the spot where we would have been if not for Severus' warning. I didn't understand though why I could hear him in my mind if we didn't even had eye contact, which was usually necessary for Legilimency. But I didn't have time to ponder over that because he kept attacking us with a timely warnings.

We continued our little game until Death Eaters and members of the Order alike believed we were actually entwined in a fierce combat, the air around us illuminated with sparks of red, green and white as if it was a Muggle firework. It was fun. For a little while I forgot that I was on a broomstick some hundred yards above the ground… then Bellatrix spoiled the fun. All of a sudden that damnable witch soared up from below us.

"Leave him to me!" She howled at Severus, madness in her voice. "It's a family thing!"

We scarcely escaped her curse by flying a difficult manoeuvre that Sirius performed in perfection. The only problem was that Severus got in the way and he wasn't as skilled on a broomstick as Sirius was, which led to a collision and resulted in all of us tumbling down. Fortunately, someone had had the nerve to cast a spell that prevented us from crashing hard on the ground; it definitely hadn't been me.

I came to my feet, staggering, and immediately I emptied my stomach on the forest ground.

"Raven?" Severus approached me, anger and worries mingled in his voice. "You alright?"

Now that was a good question. I still felt sick but I had already puked out what had been inside me. At least the effects of the Polyjuice Potion were wearing off and I was in my usual form again. I looked at my own hands, my own fingers, my nails polished in pink…

"I broke one fingernail," I complained and wondered why Severus suddenly stared at me as if he was going to throttle me. It would have been understandable if I were still looking like Harry- or, even worse, his father- but I was my pretty self again therefore he shouldn't give me such an angry glare.

"You do realize that I informed you of Dumbledore's instructions considering my participation in this chase…"

"Yeah, he told you to act your part convincingly."

"Then why, in Merlin's name, are you here?" He asked waspishly, a dangerous undertone in his voice.

"To help you acting you part convincingly?" I offered helpfully. "Hey, it worked…"

That moment Sirius joined us, scrutinising me with worrying eyes. "Love, are you…"

"No, she's not alright." Severus cut him off, sounding very snappish now. "She broke a fingernail."

Sirius let out a sigh of relief although he rolled his eyes heavenwards. Was he looking out for Death Eaters? Then I noticed the blood on his arm and that his jacket was torn.

"You're wounded."

"Ah, it's just a scratch," he said casually.

"It's not." Severus gave him a frown as he stepped closer to examine the wound, his wand at the ready. Instinctively, Sirius took a step backwards and drew his own wand. "Don't fret, Black. If I wanted to kill you I wouldn't have let the many opportunities go by tonight. Now stretch out your arm."

When Sirius hesitated, Severus simply grabbed his arm not too gently and aimed his wand at the gash, mumbling an incantation. The wound began to close almost immediately. Sirius' eyes went wide. Apparently he had not expected the greasy little oddball, up to his eyes in the Dark Arts, to be a skilled healer when it came to wounds caused by some Dark curse, which seemed to be the case here.

"Hm… um, I believe thanks are in order." Sirius mumbled, a wry smile curling up the corners of his lips. It sounded honest, and that probably shocked Severus more than anything Sirius could have said.

That very moment I heard the sharp sound of twigs cracking. Someone was approaching us and since I doubted that anyone of the Order was looking for us it could only mean there must be some Death Eaters around. I also doubted they were coming to see whether Severus was safe and sound because he blanched. Hastily he stuffed the handle of the broken Firebolt into my hands and gestured Sirius to grab it too.

"We'll talk later," I heard him say, and it sounded like a threat. Then the familiar feeling as if an invisible hook in my navel was jerking me forward told me that the piece of Firebolt debris he had handed me was a Portkey.

It took us straight to The Burrow.

We arrived shortly after Kingsley and Hermione and were welcomed by Harry and Lupin, who pointed his wand at Sirius.

"How did you find out that Peter Pettigrew is still alive?"

"A picture in the Daily Prophet showing the Weasleys in Egypt." Sirius replied calmly, and Lupin lowered his wand only to point it in my direction a second later. "You don't have to check her, Remus; she's definitely Raven. No Death Eater would complain about a broken fingernails after falling out of the sky. Sorry, Harry, I fear that's all that's left of your Firebolt." He handed Harry the handle, a remorseful smile on his face. "I'll buy you a new one."

"Never mind. It's only a broomstick. I'm just glad you made it back and didn't crash like my Firebolt."

"Raven cast a strong protection spell that saved us."

Oh, now that was news to me. I had definitely not been that quick-witted and since Sirius obviously hadn't been either, it must have been Severus who had cast the spell that saved us all. In retrospect it made perfect sense. Who else but the one who wasn't a skilled flier would come up with a spell that protects you when your misbehaving broom throws you off?

Sirius promised Harry that he wouldn't let himself get killed again any time soon because, "…someone has to show you the proper use of a motorbike."

"Well, there is something I have to tell you about your motorbike…"

But Sirius didn't hear what his godson had to say because Hermione asked in a high voice. "Lost an-?"

"Snape's work," Lupin said.

"_Snape_?" shouted Harry with undisguised hatred in his voice. "You didn't say-"

"He lost his hood during the chase. _Sectumsempra_was always a speciality of Snape's. I wish I could say I'd paid him back in kind, but it was all I could do to keep George on the broom after he was injured, he was losing so much blood." He glared at me and spat, "Do you still call him your friend?"

I shot Lupin a defiant glance; there was no point in denying it. "I do."

"And you wondered who betrayed us, Kingsley? She's standing right in front of us."

"You're going too far now, Remus." Sirius said as he demonstratively wrapped an arm around my shoulder, taking my side. Harry looked slightly disgusted. "I swear that Raven did **not** betray the Order."

"Apparently your blind with love- or she has Confunded you."

"Oi! Take that back, Lupin! Nobody needs to be Confunded to fall in love with me."

Kingsley couldn't hide the little smirk that curled up his lips. "No, I don't believe that Raven betrayed the Order either. She's an Auror- admittedly a freelance Auror- but nevertheless, no Auror has ever chosen to switch sides. And I saw her fighting today, Remus."

I had to stifled a slightly hysteric chuckle… _be sure to act your part convincingly… _Damned, I wished I could throttle Dumbledore for this mess he had made. Bloody secret monger!

Lupin gave me a suspicious look but remained silent. Kingsley had an air of authority he didn't want to question. Sirius led me away from them. Though I could have used a drink now we didn't enter the house because Hagrid blocked the door; he was stuck in the frame. Harry hurried to help him after shooting a last glance at his godfather. I knew the boy loved him but at the moment he felt torn. Although he wanted to see Sirius happy he definitely wished he had not fallen for a former Slytherin who was friends with an alleged Death Eater. It was hard to keep Severus' secret and not shout out loud that they were all wrong about him, but for his safety I had to no matter if that would mean me falling in disgrace with the Order of the Phoenix. I was used to working alone anyway. I only felt bad because of Sirius, because he deserved better than to be getting these glances from Lupin. He had been shunned for too long, accused of a crime he hadn't committed…

I rummaged through my pockets for a cigarette. Strangely enough I was wearing my own clothes again, without having noticed that Sirius had transfigured them back- or had they changed back into mine when the effects of the Polyjuice Potion had worn off? However, I found a pack of cigarettes and lit one, inhaling deeply.

"Don't take it to heart what Remus is saying," Sirius said gently as he gathered me in his arms. I couldn't help but lean my head against his shoulder, enjoying the warmth he radiated, the proximity we shared- and suddenly I lacked the guts to do what I had decided a moment earlier. I should have left, Disapparated. I didn't want him to lose his friends, the trust of his godson, because of me.

"You don't have to do that, you know?"

"Hm, what precisely are you about now, love?"

"Standing by me when Lupin- and probably Harry, too- believe me capable of betraying the-" His mouth crushed down on mine before I could finish my sentence, silencing me. He kissed me with so much love that all my resistance crumbled into pieces and the idea of leaving him became totally absurd. And yet, he had to become aware of the consequences. "Sirius, you can still change your mind. Choose your way carefully. Taking my side means inevitably taking Severus' side as well, and you hate him. Don't give up your friends, the love and trust of Harry, for a man you loathe only because of me."

He opened his mouth to give a rash answer, then closed it again and thought things over more thoroughly, probably recalling everything I ever said about Severus, before he came to a conclusion. "Let's not rush things- maybe you're seeing it all too pessimistically. I doubt Harry will like me less only because I love you and you're friends with Snape… after all, it didn't stop me from falling in love with you. Maybe you're underestimating the boy. However, there is no reason for me to give up anyone, least of all you. If it really comes hard on hard one day then I'll be on your side and I'll trust the faith you have in Snape. I hope he proves worthy of all the trouble…"

That moment there was a sound in the air that differed from the breath of wind in the trees. The impatiently waiting crowd- Kingsley, pacing the yard; Hagrid, Hermione and Lupin, standing side by side, gazing upwards; Harry and Ginny Weasley, side by side- let out sighs of relief when Tonks and Ron appeared on broomstick. No one had to ask if Tonks was really Tonks since I doubted that any Death Eater would have managed a clumsy landing that sent earth and pebbles everywhere before she staggered into Lupin's arms. Meanwhile, Hermione was hugging Ron tightly.

"So what kept you? What happened?" Lupin, not really good at showing affection, sounded almost angry at Tonks.

"Bellatrix. She wants me quite as much as she wants Harry or Sirius, Remus, she tried very hard to kill me. I just wish I'd got her, I owe Bellatrix."

"I wish you'd leave her to me, I owe her more." Sirius grumbled.

Tonks turned to face her cousin, smiling at him and me. "Nice pair of Stunners you two shot at her, by the way. But we definitely injured Rodolphus… then we got to Ron's Aunt Muriel's and we'd missed our Portkey and she was fussing over us-"

Lupin didn't say anything. He merely nodded, but a muscle was jumping in his jaw, giving proof that he wasn't as emotionally untouched as he seemed to be. It was unfathomable to me how a pretty, cheerful, young woman could fall for someone like him, but then again still waters ran deep. I guessed that a lot of people here didn't know what Sirius saw in me either given that I was friends with a Death Eater. Well, at least he seemed to have changed his attitude towards Severus even if it was only for my sake. I recalled what we've been talking about before Tonks and Ron had landed; Sirius had sounded as if he really meant what he had said, and that made me smile at him. We would not break up.

While everyone worried about the continued absence of Bill, Fleur, Mundungus and Moody, Kingsley declared he had to leave; he had an appointment at Downing Street and was already late. I watched him Disapparate, knowing it would be harder for me now that he was gone. I really appreciated that he wasn't as quickly prejudiced as Lupin was, and I appreciated that he hadn't condemned me. Sirius was patting me reassuringly on my back.

"Don't worry, love, you did nothing wrong. The Order has no reason to mistrust you."

Apparently Molly begged to differ given the glance of disdain she shot me when she and Arthur hurried to hug Ron, as if I, personally, was to blame for Severus having missed his aim. Did she have any idea how bloody difficult it was to aim at a moving target from a flying broomstick, especially when you're not very good at riding such a blasted thing?

The Weasleys thanked Tonks and Lupin for bringing their sons back, which inevitably brought their conversation to George's condition. But before Molly could tell Ron what had happened to his brother, a Thestral soared into sight and landed in the yard. Bill and Fleur slid from its back, looking a tad dishevelled but nonetheless pretty much alive.

"Bill! Thank God, thank God…" Molly hurried to gather Bill in her motherly embrace but he relinquished her hold on him as he addressed his father.

"Mad-Eye's dead."

"No." I whispered almost inaudible. This couldn't be- not Moody! Bill's words felt as if somebody had drawn away the planks from under my feet and left me dangling in mid-air. Damned, not Moody! What about_Constant__Vigilance_? He was the best Auror I knew, my mentor, the one who'd always believed in me… he couldn't be gone. I recalled all the times we'd worked together, unable to believe he wasn't there anymore.

Sirius wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulder, knowing how much the old Auror had meant to me. Tears were streaming down my face; they felt hot on my skin. Then I noticed that Tonks was crying, too. She had been his protégé just like I had been, only at a different time, therefore I felt obliged to give her a consoling hug.

Now that there was no point in waiting in the yard anymore, everyone had walked into the house, standing motionless in the kitchen, frozen in shock. Hagrid was dabbling his eyes with a tablecloth-sized handkerchief. Bill, however, had the sense to do the right thing as he walked over to the sideboard where the bottle of firewhisky was standing, and with a wave of his wand he filled enough glassed for all of us. They came flying into our hands.

He raised his own in a silent toast before he said, "Mad-Eye."

"Mad-Eye." We all said, and drank. I immediately begged for a refill after I had drained my own glass in one since a single glass of Firewhisky wouldn't be enough to steady me for what was most obviously about to come.

Of course they were taking about what had gone wrong. Who had betrayed the Order? And every so often they fell silent when glancing at me while discussing Mundungus Fletcher's disappearance. They came to the conclusion that he was definitely a coward who'd wet his pants in fear of having to face Voldemort….

"… somebody let slip ze date to an outsider. Eet is ze only explanation for zem knowing ze date but not ze 'ole plan." Fleur snapped as she glared around, tear tracks still etched on her beautiful face.

Hagrid hiccupped behind his handkerchief and blew his nose with a horrible sound, but apart from him almost everybody was staring at me. I faked a smile. Wasn't it ironic that actually Dumbledore- their dearly missed _hero_- had betrayed the Order by instructing Severus to Confund Mundungus, thus setting in gear the chain reaction that had, at long last, led to George losing an ear (finally one could tell the _infants__terrible_ apart!) and Moody's death? I would have laughed out loud if the situation wasn't so damned unfair. Once again the blame was on Severus as well as on me because I had dared to say he was still my friend…

Then, suddenly, Harry surprised me.

"No," he said aloud, and everyone paid attention to him. So did I. Although he looked just like a spitting image of his father, I realized that he wasn't like James at all when he continued, "… we've got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don't think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort."

Lupin gave Harry a frown that was close to pitying him.

"You think I'm a fool?"

"No, I think you're like James," he said and I almost spluttered my Firewhisky all over the room. Hadn't I just thought that the boy wasn't like his father? Lupin shot me a glance of disdain as he continued, "who would have regarded it the height of dishonour to mistrust his friends."

And one of Potter's friends had betrayed him- nice to remind the boy. Of course that was also a shot in my direction; he thought it wasn't wise to trust me. Harry seemed to want to argue but Lupin turned away from him.

"If we begin to mistrust our friends then we don't have friends anymore." Sirius interjected, anger boiling up in him.

"I didn't say we should mistrust our friends- only that we should pick them more carefully." Lupin ended this conversation and turned to Bill, "There's work to be done…"

The two of them left shortly afterwards to recover Mad-Eye Moody's body before the Death Eaters could take it. Sirius followed them outside, probably to have a word with his old friend. I didn't stop him. I didn't want him to argue with Lupin over me but I lacked the verve to hold him back when he needed to give vent; he was an impulsive man and I actually liked that.

Nobody spoke; it was an uneasy silence and the surreptitious glances I got didn't make me feel much welcome either. Tonks' eyes were filled with tears again although I wasn't sure if that was because of Moody's death or Lupin's inability to comfort her, to show affection instead of behaving all business as usual like.

Harry, who was still standing while all the others had dropped into chairs, declared, "I've got to go too," which clearly gained him everybody's attention at once. Ten people were staring at him, startled. He said he couldn't stay, rubbing his forehead- apparently his scar was aching again. "You're all in danger while I'm here. I don't want-"

"Don't be so silly!" Molly said for the second time, and a discussion started in which course the Weasleys assured him that he was safe here, whereas Harry argued they'd be safer without him. Their friendship and protectiveness made him feel cornered as if they wanted to blackmail him into something he couldn't promise because at long last he had to go on that quest Dumbledore had sent him on.

I rose from my chair and walked up to him, and when I stood next to him I whispered almost inaudibly, _Muffliato_, before talking to him. "I know you can't stay here, and I know you can't talk about what Dumbledore wants you to do- that's alright with me. I won't stop you, and Sirius won't stop you either, but I beg you to not act too rashly. Stay at least for a few days, plan your next steps carefully and, please, have a chat with Sirius before you leave… I know, he's also been known to act too rashly, out of impulse, but he might have some good advice for you. Ok?"

"Ok," he agreed with a nod and I lifted the spell from us, ruffling his hair. "Good boy."

Harry looked embarrassed- damned, I really didn't know how to deal with teenagers although I certainly didn't feel as old as I was. Then Sirius re-entered the kitchen and Potter used to opportunity to have a word with him. In private. Meaning, they walked out into the yard and I was once more left in the suspicious company of people who didn't trust me completely because of my friendship with Severus Snape but who, on the other hand, were too polite to shun me. I had to get away from here; I couldn't stand it any longer.

* * *

Please review, I need feedback! It's not going all too well at the moment... 


	15. Plotting Plans

15- Plotting Plans

I woke up with a serious hangover, and for a moment I didn't even know where I was because the room was spinning too much for me to take a closer look at my surroundings. All I noticed was that an annoyingly blinding light was falling in through the windows. I covered my eyes as I rolled on my back, lying still to calm down the waves of nausea in my stomach while my head was about to explode. What had happened?

I tried to recall the previous day, vaguely remembering that I had been Harry Potter and that there had been a wild chase in the skies… there had been Polyjuice Potion and broomsticks involved… I shuddered. I also remembered that I had been to The Burrow… suddenly all the missing pieces came together. Ah yeah, the formidable Order of the Phoenix had taken offence at my friendship with Severus, and Lupin especially hadn't failed to point out at every opportunity that I wasn't to be trusted. Their attitude had pissed me off so much that I'd left. I'd told Sirius that I'd go home… I had Disapparated, but I hadn't gone straight home … there was that club along the way, and they had been paying real cool music, and I had been in need of… of comfort, distraction… to drown my sorrow- Moody was dead, my lover's best friend didn't trust him anymore because he was with me, and I wouldn't give up my friendship with Severus because he needed me more… and I had definitely needed a drink. The music had lured me into the club… it was loud and fast, thundering drums and screeching guitars, and dancing the night away had suddenly appeared so _tempting_… such a brilliant way to shake off all thoughts of the whole damned wizarding world. No Order members, no Death Eaters… only long-haired, headbanging Heavy Metal folks… sweet, tough guys who couldn't resist to pay the lonely, pretty lass a drink or two… It was Saturday night, time to party. This wasn't out of respect for Moody- he wouldn't have wanted me to wallow in grief- but my very own way to deal with the loss. I had danced until I was soaked with sweat, and I had accepted every drink I got offered… That explained my hangover.

It didn't explain though, how I had gotten home for I was definitely in Sam's house in Camden; I realized that on my way to the bathroom. After clutching the toilet bowl for a while, retching, I felt well enough to take a shower. What I hadn't planned was that it would become a cold shower in the end. I shrieked when suddenly the water turned icy cold and jumped out of the shower cubicle with a start…

"Sobered up, _darling_?"

Sirius was leaning casually against the bathroom door, wand in his hand. Although he had sounded a tad annoyed he nevertheless couldn't hide his amusement. I, however, wasn't amused.

"What was that for?" I snapped indignantly as I reached for a towel to cover myself. Mind, I wasn't prudish- I was merely feeling cold, and I hated wizards messing with the warm water only because they could.

"I wanted to help you sober up because we have to talk. You weren't in the state to reason when I carried you home this morning but there's something I want to make unmistakably clear."

"Ah?" I said pointedly and pranced past him, out of the bathroom and into our bedroom where I slid under the blanket again. It wasn't meant as in invitation to follow me.

"Raven, will you please listen to me."

"Since I don't have my wand at the ready to cast a _Muffliato_ I have no choice anyway." I knew what would be coming. I expected a fit of jealousy because I had gone out alone, had accepted drinks from strangers, had been flirting with them in return. Men were like that; they always tended to become possessive when they're in a relationship, considering their pretty catch as their property that no other male was allowed to give admiring glances.

"You will always tell me **where** you're going…"

"I'm not your possession, Sirius."

"I know that. Damned, Raven, this is not about control." He sounded impatient now and his voice took on a more frustrated, angry tone. "I merely want to know you're **safe**! When you said you'd go home but weren't at home I was _**worried**_. I thought that you've been attacked by some Death Eaters, or that something equally horrible might have happened to you… I almost contacted Snape…"

"Oh," I said abashed, feeling really bad now. If Sirius had actually considered contacting Severus he must have been seriously worried. I risked a peek at him from under my blanket. "What kept you?"

"Well, I fortunately remembered to call your mobile telephone first," he replied with shrug, looking strained though, "thus I found out you were partying in that club…"

He had called me? That must have slipped my memory. "So you went there in order to carry me home?"

"I watched you dancing… Raven, I understand that you needed distraction, a refuge from the wizarding world; I understand that you needed a drink; I even understand if you wanted to be on your own. But these are dangerous times. I don't have to tell you that Voldemort is gaining more power each day- we're at the edge of a second war. I want you to tell me where you are, always. I don't want you to walk home alone when you're drunk and vulnerable…"

"I'm an Auror." I protested feebly although I knew that was a stupid thing to say because no Death Eater would be impressed by the fact I was an Auror when I was totally drunk, slurring and staggering.

"Mad-Eye was the best Auror I knew and he's bloody dead now!" Sirius reminded me in a sharp tone, scowling at me.

"I know." I fell silent for a moment, missing him. "There will be a funeral, I assume?"

He shook his head. "Remus and Bill did not succeed in recovering his body because no one knew where exactly he had fallen… too dark, too much confusion during the battle…"

I took his hand and we both held a minute's silence for Moody, mourning for him. His death was a terrible loss to the Order but on a more personal basis for Tonks and I, his protégés.

"Do you understand now why I always want to know where you are, what you're doing?" Sirius asked me with a hoarse voice full of emotions. He, the reckless one, who was known to act too rashly, actually begged me to be less thoughtless.

"I'm sorry," I said. I had finally grasped that he merely wanted to know I was safe. "Next time I feel the urge to get wasted I'll let you know… though it might be difficult to cast a Patronus in some Muggle places…"

"Yeah, I'm aware of that. But you know, I think the Muggle means of communication have become more innovative, even superior to ours- especially in times when owls are being intercepted and the Floo network is monitored- therefore I bought this one." Sirius produced a mobile phone from the pocket of his jeans and proudly presented it to me.

"You bought yourself a mobile phone?"

"Actually I'm thinking about giving Harry one, too, for his birthday. He told me yesterday that he's not going back to Hogwarts because of _stuff_ Dumbledore left him to do- he didn't specify what that might be and I stopped myself from pestering him about it. You said we're going to find out… Nevertheless I want him to be able to contact me if he feels like," he heaved a sigh, frowning, glancing at me for reassurance. "What say you?"

_As long as Molly doesn't find out_, I thought, since Mrs Weasley had the nasty habit of fussing over the boy as if he had no one but her, mollycoddling him, clearly not taking Sirius' role as his godfather seriously. Probably she merely saw him as a nuisance in her perfect little world because he'd been locked away for most part of Harry's life- whether innocent or not didn't seem to matter to her or was just proof of his incompetence in taking proper care of the boy, and the fact that he'd been gone for a year, supposed to be dead, hadn't changed her point of view about him but rather underlined it when he'd miraculously came back from the death. Therefore I doubted that Molly would appreciate to any gift Sirius could ever give to Harry, although I begged to differ. "Good idea," I said.

"I already found a way to magically recharge it; it's quite a simple spell actually."

"Don't tell Arthur- he's head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office."

"I'm improving it, not_ misusing _it, and besides, Arthur's head of the Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects now." Sirius nudged me, smilingly. "I think it's about time to get up, don't you agree?"

Actually I thought it was about time for him to crawl under the blanket and make me forget the cold shower, therefore I shook my head.

"Come on, we have to be at The Burrow in an hour…"

"What?" I snapped as I sat up and shot him an annoyed glance. "You had the nerve to give me a cold shower only to rebuke me for having fun and then you want to drag me to The Burrow for another dreadful evening with people who despise me?"

"Nobody despises you, love. Molly invited us to dinner…"

I tsked and turned away from him, pulling the blanket over my head.

"… and Bill invited us to his wedding."

I didn't want to hear any of that; I didn't want to leave the bed and go out only to have no fun. Sirius tried to persuade me but without success. In the end he left me sulking and Disapparated alone while I spent a quiet evening with a bag of crisps in front of the TV. Sam was out, too, apparently dating someone.

-

The next morning Sirius woke me with a gentle kiss and the prospect of a romantic breakfast in bed since he had placed a tray on the bedside table. It contained coffee, croissants, fresh fruits and a sunflower. I guess it was the sunflower that made my heart melt and I gave in to his charms without resistance… he could be so sweet…

Later- after he'd kissed foamed milk off my nose and fed me with strawberries which had led to more intimate games- we were lying in each others arms, looking into each others eyes, enjoying our proximity. He ran his fingers through my hair, along my cheek, down the curve of my neck, then his hand trailed further all along my side until it came to a rest on my hips.

He kissed me softly before he cleared his throat and said, "Please try to understand, love… I want to spend as much time as possible with Harry. In a few days he's of age, the Trace will be lifted of him, and he's officially allowed to perform magic- I doubt that anyone can keep him at The Burrows then, given that he's got _stuff _Dumbledore left for him to do… he made it unmistakably clear he's got to do that on his own, meaning he won't accept my help…"

"I know, and I'm certainly not keeping you even though I'm not as keen on spending my time at The Burrow as you are. I really wasn't in the mood to go there yesterday but I might feel inclined to join you today- if I'm still invited for dinner, that is- and I will definitely show up for the boy's birthday party."

"And the wedding?" Sirius asked. "Or have you forgotten that Bill's invited us to attend to his wedding?"

"Wedding!" I yelped and sat up with a start, leaving Sirius looking at me dumfounded from the pillows. Well, I recalled he'd mentioned it yesterday but I had dispelled the thought from my mind because I had been sulking. Now I started to panic. "Bill really wants us to attend to his wedding?" I hardly gave him time to nod since I was already planning a visit to the hairdresser, the nail designer, and… and… "I don't have anything to wear!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and knocked his head in the pillows; at least they were soft.

I spent the day making appointments with my beauty parlour, hairdresser, nail designer (after all, I had broken one in the chase) and I definitely needed something to wear.

I had to give credit to Sirius for accompanying me on my shopping trip and not losing patience with me although he was close to it many times. Of course I wanted to look as pretty as possible in comparison to the bride, and since Fleur had Veela blood in her veins the standards were high…

Later that day I accompanied him to The Burrow for dinner. It wasn't as bad as I had expected and yet I noticed that the conversation often stopped for a second and surreptitious glances were being cast in my direction before they continued talking, obviously weighing their words about the Order's doings. They clearly didn't trust me- as if I'd run straight to Voldemort himself to tell him what the Order was not planning… they seemed to be a bit at a loss now that Dumbledore and Moody were dead. Actually most of the planning that was going on were preparations for the forthcoming wedding.

Apparently Molly was keeping the kids quite busy- at least that's what Harry complained about to Sirius when she wasn't watching him, which was rarely the occasion. Although she had invited Sirius she nevertheless didn't seem to approve to him spending too much time with Harry given that she had always considered him a bad influence for the boy and even more since he was with me. Fortunately she couldn't watch over him all the time.

"I'll help Mr Weasley with the chickens," Harry offered when dinner was over.

Arthur seemed to be surprised but then he cast a glance at Sirius and nodded, understanding. Harry gestured us to follow them, and so we slipped out of the kitchen when Molly wasn't watching. She was giving orders to her children and Hermione what still needed to be done before Fleur's parents would arrive tomorrow.

Harry led us to the chicken coop. "Mr Weasley was so kind to show me what Tonks' father sent him… I thought you should know, Sirius."

"Don't mention it to Molly." Arthur said anxiously as he opened the door. "I was thinking of hiding- that's to say, er, keeping- it in here. Fantastic opportunity to find out how brakes work… but Harry reminded me that it's not mine, and that I have to tell you."

He stepped aside and gave access to a heap of metal that, with a lot of imagination, one could identify as the remains of a motorbike. Sirius gasped with shock.

"I'm sure we can put it all back together again when Molly's not- I mean, when I've got time."

I knelt down next to the mess that had once been Sirius' motorbike, examining the damage that had been done. It almost hurt physically to see a bike broken like that, and yet I came to the conclusion that it was not impossible to put it back together- if we replaced some of the hopelessly broken parts, cleaned the terribly neglected engine…

"I'd sue Hagrid if I were you."

"Hagrid is not to blame," Harry said, "he tried to protect me."

"I didn't question his loyalty only his treatment of anything that's not a dangerous beastie. Motorbikes need care, too. He doesn't know…" I fell silent when I noticed that Sirius and Arthur had raised their wands, apparently having come up with the stupid idea that using some magic couldn't harm.

"Rep-"

"NO!" I yelled, blocking their _Reparo_ Charm. "No, no, no- that's a sacrilege! You can't repair a motorbike just with some foolish wand-waving and muttering silly charms. You have to do it properly, not by magic. You have to give care and devotion to it, feel the sweat on your face, the blisters on your hand; you have to be smeared with oil…"

"That sounds great!" Arthur cried enthusiastically. "When do we start?"

I tried to make a list in my mind of what spare parts we needed to buy before answering, "Anytime after the wedding when Molly's not watching- um, when you've got time, I mean."

"Wonderful!" Arthur was so excited that he was actually beginning to warm up to me. I guess I had finally won him over with my knowledge of the Muggle world and the prospect of me explaining to him how brakes worked seemed to matter more to him than the fact that I was still friends with Severus Snape.

Although the last evening at The Burrow hadn't turned out as badly as expected I nevertheless felt no urge to go there again the next day, when Sirius once more asked me to join him. I, however, thought that it would be enough if I'd accompany him to celebrate Harry's birthday the following day and to attend to Bill and Fleur's wedding the day after. Wasn't that enough? Was it too much to ask for that I yearned for a romantic evening, only Sirius and I? But apparently Harry came first. Of course I understood that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his godson before the boy would leave for a mysterious, probably even dangerous quest Dumbledore had sent him on. I also understood that he was trying to seize every opportunity in order to find out more about it as long as the boy was still available, although Sirius' efforts had been fruitless so far.

I watched him leave, knowing that Harry would never fill him in. I had tried to avoid arguing with Sirius about it because it would have led to naught anyway.

The house was empty. Sam was once again meeting his lover he hadn't introduced to me yet, and since I had bought food I decided to invite Severus to dinner. Too bad for Sirius that he missed my legendary pasta but if Harry came first he'd have to deal with Molly's cooking instead of mine.

Severus was admittedly a bit astounded when I welcomed him with a hug and a cheerful smile. "What's wrong? You sounded urgent." He sniffed, and undoubtedly smelled garlic in the air. "Do you fear another vampire attack?"

"No, dinner's ready."

"Dinner?"

Alright, I had feared he wouldn't come if I'd simply invite him to dinner therefore I might have made it sound like something more important. But now he was here, his dark eyes taking in the surroundings, then glancing at me while I explained that friends invited each other to dinner, had a glass of wine together… he arched a brow, sneering, when he noticed that the table was set for two.

"The mutt is out, straying? Do I sense trouble in the happy doghouse?"

"My sex life is perfect, thank you very much," I replied with the same pointed tone he had used, and yet I had to smirk a little. "Now sit down before the pasta gets cold. I swear it's better than anything Vermin could serve you."

As usual it took Severus a while to relax, clearly not used to people enjoying his company like I did. Of course he made some snide remarks about Sirius- I hadn't expected him to make no comments about his absence and, well, there was a fair hint of frustration in my voice when I told him that Sirius wanted to spend as much time as possible with Harry.

"He's a greater idiot than I thought," Severus mumbled, which I took as a compliment. Not because I was apparently dating an idiot but because he was indicating that he'd choose me over the boy. "But, of course, like father like son, and he'd always been fond of arrogant Potter gits."

"And yet you're trying to keep the little Potter git safe for Lily… you should really try to see more of her in him. Give him a chance, Sev, like he gave me a chance when he said that he believed no one in the Order would sell him to Voldemort, which included me."

"You? But why should anyone…" He looked at me and his eyes grew wide when he suddenly became aware that some of the Order mistrusted me because I was still friends with him; he hadn't expected me to openly admit it. I sensed a fit of anger boiling up inside him, angry at me, at the Order, but most at all at himself since he considered himself unworthy of the trouble I had because of him. I begged to differ.

"Sev, it's not your fault. If you want to blame someone then put the blame on Dumbledore because he's the one who landed us in this mess. All for the 'greater good', huzzah. But what exactly is the greater good? If it's just getting rid off Voldemort I'm sure we can find a way to kill him **and** keep Harry safe; we merely have to find out what the old Machiavellian geezer had plotted and come up with a better plan."

Severus stared at me as if I'd gone nuts. There were many sarcastic things in his mind, many snide remarks on his tongue, but in the end he didn't utter any of them. I knew it was hard for him to sever his ties with the only one who had treated him decently all those years I hadn't been around. Of course he was aware that Dumbledore had used him, but he'd grown used to it for he had thought that was all he ever deserved- the trust of a manipulative puppeteer. I, however, had set alight a spark of rebellion by the unwavering faith I had in him. When he'd given me free access to his mind, I had taken a glimpse at his heart. There was a light in all the darkness, a torch that burned brightly but with invisible beams. I had lit another one and although he had no idea how to deal with it yet, he concealed his insecurity with sharp-witted brilliance as he listed what we needed to find out about the _stuff_ Dumbledore had left Harry to do.

I would have suggested using Legilimency on the boy but I doubted that Sirius would approve to it- after all, he had sharply criticized me for having taken a sneak peak at Harry's unguarded mind- therefore we could also forget the use of Veratiserum… actually we had to dismiss most of the ideas we came up since they were… well, probably not appropriate.

We talked for a long time, and the conversation we held was in many points more encouraging, more productive than any meeting of the Order I had ever attended to. We were on the right track. I flashed him a bright smile, freelance Auror and allegedly loyal Death Eater in perfect agreement… Severus smiled back, looking almost excited. There was something in his eyes, a new tone in his voice. It was probably a totally new experience to him that he was involved in plotting his own plans instead of following orders, to talk things over and not being tutored by an old know-it-all. We were equals who both profited from each others knowledge.

But his good mood didn't last long; it ended the moment when Sirius came home. The two men stared at each other with- well, with less loathing than before though there was still a strong dislike. I guess they'd get used to each other one day.

Sirius' eyes roamed over the table, taking in the plates, the wine glasses, the candles. It didn't happen too often that I cooked and it nagged him that apparently I had cooked for Severus. Maybe he didn't approve to the cosy atmosphere either although it had been his choice to go to The Burrow. He could have had a romantic evening with me but he had chosen Harry's company over mine so he had no right to blame me for inviting Severus over.

"Hi, love," I greeted him cheerfully, ignoring the slightly sullen expression on his face, "did you have a nice evening? Did you find out anything?"

Sirius shook his head, then he swept me in a possessive embrace and kissed me, thus making it quite clear who was the alpha dog- um, master of the house, that I was his and that Snape was to keep his greasy fingers off me. Men! Nevertheless I enjoyed the kiss because I knew that Molly never used garlic for cooking.

Severus merely arched a sophisticated brow, sneering, clearly not impressed by Sirius showing off. Maybe he thought I deserved better but I hadn't found anyone better yet, and I'd been with many men. Though he was an idiot betimes he was nevertheless **my** idiot and I loved him. I loved Sev, too, only differently. Actually I was glad he'd turned me down because it wouldn't have worked between us. He wasn't a fun person but I needed some fun in my life, some madness… and yet I'd always remember his kiss…

I cleared my throat and focussed my mind on the things we had been talking about earlier, before Sirius had come home. In order to find out what Dumbledore had planned for Harry it would be quite helpful to know the whole prophecy; the part Severus had overheard and reported to Voldemort hadn't been all of it…

_'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have trice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...'_

It seemed to be essential to know the rest, and we knew there was more because Dumbledore had once mentioned to Severus that he hadn't overheard the whole prophecy otherwise Voldemort might have chosen to not attack Harry… I really didn't even want to try and imagine what effect these words must have had on Severus or for how long the thought had tormented him that if only he'd been more careful when eavesdropping, if only he'd not got himself caught and thrown from the building, if only he'd heard the whole prophecy (and if only he hadn't reported it, of course) then maybe Lily wouldn't have died…

"We really have to find out more about the prophecy," I concluded.

"You mean the one Sybill Trelawney made about Harry?" Sirius asked casually as he helped himself to a glass of wine.

"Dumbledore and Potter seem to be the only ones who know the precise wording." Severus said.

"And Trelawney," I reminded him. "After all, she made the prophecy so maybe we could make her remembering it…"

"You don't have to," Sirius cut me off, shooting a sharp glance at Severus. "Snape was right when he said Dumbledore and Potter knew the precise wording but he was wrong to assume that only Harry knows- once again mistaking father and son, eh, _Snivelly_? What he doesn't know is that James knew about the prophecy, too. James wouldn't have gone into hiding for no reason at all; he wasn't a coward…"

Severus', "Tsk!", indicated that he begged to differ. "Potter never attacked me unless it was at least two on one- have you forgotten, Black? What would you call that, I wonder, if not cowardly behaviour."

"Oh please, boys, can't you lay aside your old school day grudges for a moment? This is important! Carry on, Sirius."

"Alright, Dumbledore told James about the prophecy and since we shared almost everything he filled me in, of course. Now, if only I could recall the wording…"

You should have seen us! Severus and I almost launched ourselves at Sirius like birds of prey sensing the big haul, eager to use Legilimency on him if he didn't spill the words we wanted to hear right now.

Sirius, feeling cornered thus acting out of impulse, drew his wand immediately and blasted Severus off the sofa. "I won't let **you** go sniffling in my mind!"

"I'm not _sniffling_!"

I rolled my eyes. Would that never stop? "Sirius, that was really not necessary."

"Right… right… I'm sorry for blasting you off the sofa, Snape, but if you ever try to use Legilimency on me I'll do it again."

"It would be more effective to block your mind with the help of Occlumency but apparently you are not very skilled in it. Always acting too rashly, eh, Black? You clearly lack subtlety."

"Could we please agree on discussing the prophecy? What did Potter tell you about it, Sirius?"

"Something like that the one with the power to defeat Voldemort would come, born to parents who had defied him three times, born at the end of July." He recalled, looking quite smugly. Probably he was proud of himself now but Severus and I were watching him, waiting for more to come.

"And?" I asked impatiently.

"That's it. That's what Dumbledore told James."

Severus and I exchanged disappointed glances.

"That is common knowledge and decidedly no reason to make such a fuss about it. The Dark Lord would not have sent ten of his loyal followers to the Department of Mysteries in order to obtain the prophecy, and the Order would not have watched that place for months, risking their lives, if there wasn't a part of the prophecy that is unknown to the Dark Lord- and unfortunately to us."

"And I'd almost thought that Dumbledore would've been decent enough to tell Harry's parents- but no, the old secret monger never considered sharing a bit of information that might be essential." Why should he care about the feelings of people involved if it was all for the greater good? Maybe it even suited him well that the Potters had died because if Harry's parents were still around it wouldn't be so easy to convince them that they had only raised their son to become a pig for slaughter… I mightily doubted that any parents would approve to that, all for the greater good. But since Sirius wasn't to know about that yet I had to bite my lips. We still had to collect all the missing parts of the puzzle for it to make any sense, and only then we could start coming up with ideas how to thwart Dumbledore's plans for Harry so that the boy would survive the old wizard's whims.

"Harry… he trusts me," Sirius said, weighing his words, "I'm his godfather, the only family he's got… I don't like the idea that he'll be leaving to go on an obscure mission Dumbledore had sent him on but I assured him that I won't stop him if he believes that's the right thing to do. Of course, he does. He's never questioned Dumbledore since he's his man through and through… and yet I believe he'd tell me the missing part of the prophecy if I asked him. Mind, I don't like doing that, it feels like betraying his trust…"

"You're not betraying his trust by giving us information we need to keep the boy safe- unless, of course, you share Harry's blind trust in Dumbledore."

"I must admit I find it hard to believe that Dumbledore would put Harry in mortal danger… but then again he fooled us all with his arranged death and," he fell silent, probably remembering the Pensieve scene. Sirius had taken a glimpse at Dumbledore's manipulative side, and he had witnessed Severus disobeying his orders. He raised his glass in a toast. "To the Order of the Raven."

I was rendered speechless with surprise when Severus actually clinked glasses with him while I, for once, didn't feel happy with being the centre of attention, especially not in the way they had agreed on a name for us. Damned, we weren't even a proper Order but merely three totally different people who were standing between the forces of good and bad in an upcoming war. This was madness. I raised my glass to it.

Severus got to his feet soon after that, taking his leave. I walked him to the door.

"Take care," he said, "don't believe that The Burrow is a safe place because the Ministry protects it since the Ministry could fall."

"I never believed in Ministries. When?"

A faint smile flickered over his pallid face as he approved to my quick understanding. Though I was vain and would fret over a broken nail that didn't mean I had no brains or couldn't take a hint.

"Any time soon. I'll let you know."

"Take care, too." I said, knowing he played a much more dangerous game than Sirius and I did. Just one single wrong thought in Voldemort's presence could put him in mortal peril, and it wasn't only his death I feared but worse…

-

The sun was shining brightly on the last day of July, Harry's seventeenth birthday and his coming of age. Sirius wanted to Apparate to The Burrow as early as possible so he grew a little impatient with me when I couldn't decide what to wear. But, in my own defence, it wasn't easy having to rummage through magically extended bags in order to find something- one day I'd live in an apartment with a big walk-in wardrobe. Admittedly, that wouldn't make the decision easier but it would definitely improve the situation.

I doubted that Molly would approve from the top I was wearing to my black jeans though Sirius shot me an admiring glance. It was perfect for a hot summer day- sunny yellow, short, with spaghetti straps and the back cut in a way that revealed parts of my tattoo… actually it revealed quite a lot of skin. I bound my long hair to a ponytail swinging high from the back of my head and, knowing it would be a garden party, opted against high heels in favour of flip flops with plastic sunflowers. Then I started searching for the mohair stole Sirius had given me for Christmas because it would look good when it got cold in the evening.

"You look beautiful," Sirius assured me, sounding as if the result would compensate for the long time he'd been waiting for me to get ready. I smiled at him, thinking he looked very handsome too, dressed in blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt, and the one unruly strand of hair that always kept falling in his face.

We arrived at The Burrow the moment when Molly gave Harry a watch; it was traditional to give wizards or witches a watch the day they come of age, but usually it was a gift given by their parents. And though Harry's parents were dead, he still had a godfather- a fact that Molly always seemed to ignore, therefore it was only natural for Sirius to frown.

"…I'm afraid that one isn't new like Ron's, it was actually my brother Fabian's and he wasn't terribly careful with his possessions, it's a bit dented on the back, but-"

Harry hugged her. Although Molly constantly failed to see that the boy wasn't hers it was nevertheless good to know he had found himself a family that loved him, especially after having witnessed how the Dursleys had treated him.

"Happy birthday, Harry."

"Sirius!" Harry beamed at him while Molly smacked her lips in disapproval about the way I looked. Well, I was already used to it.

We put our presents on the table. I noticed that Sirius not only held back the mobile phone but also the watch he had bought for Harry; perhaps he didn't want to render Molly's gift meaningless by making it obvious that he had enough money to purchase a new one.

I had bought him some clothes. Nothing spectacular but the usual stuff teenagers were wearing today. Jeans and shirts that only differed from his old ones because they were better fitting- I knew his size since I had been Harry for about an hour, thanks to the effects of Polyjuice Potion. At least that horrible brew had been good for one thing.

Later, when Molly was busy preparing food for the party and Harry had unwrapped all of his presents (including a new Sneakascope from Hermione, an enchanted razor that'd give him _'ze smoothest shave ever'_ from Fleur and Bill, and a big box of the latest Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes nonsense) Sirius seized the opportunity to have a word with the boy. They walked out into the garden and I couldn't resist following them; I certainly wouldn't dare to light a cigarette in Molly's kitchen.

Surreptitiously, Sirius shoved the box with the mobile phone in Harry's hands. "Don't let Molly see it; she probably won't approve of it. But unlike the two-side mirror I gave you, the one you never used…"

"I didn't want to endanger you!" Harry protested.

"Yeah, I know that. Instead you'd rather put yourself in danger like when you used the Floo network in Umbridge's office… Anyway, you won't endanger me if, whenever you feel the need to talk, you simply give me a call. I bought one of these, too. Since Voldemort and his consorts feel superior to Muggles they won't make efforts to trace back or monitor any Muggle means of communication, so it is safe."

"Thanks," said Harry, sceptically scrutinizing the mobile phone. "I'd never thought you'd give me a Muggle thing…"

"Oh, I really like some of their inventions, like motorbikes…" Sirius wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulder and led him away from the house, telling him the story of how he had once Confunded his driving instructor. I heard the boy laughing out loud but soon they were too far away for me to overhear their conversation anymore.

"Harry," came Molly's urgent voice from the kitchen, "I need your help, please."

I extinguished my cigarette and walked back into the kitchen. "Harry's taking a stroll with his godfather but I'm sure I could be just as helpful. What do you need to be done, Molly?"

Of course her asking for help had merely been an excuse to keep a sharp eye on Harry, therefore she looked a bit sullen when I offered to give her a hand. And yet she managed to keep me busy for an hour or two. I didn't complain but did what she told me, knowing that every minute Sirius could spend with Harry was precious time to him, hoping that maybe he'd also find out the full wording of the prophecy.

Nevertheless, Charlie's arrival came as a relief to me because Molly let me off her hook to force her son into a chair, fussing over his overgrown hair. She raised her wand threateningly and announced that he was about to get a proper haircut. I doubted that because I strongly believed in specialists- of course it was possible to magically cut hair but what about style?

Shortly after Charlie, Lupin, Tonks and Hagrid arrived, and we all gathered at the tables that were placed in the garden. The Weasley twins- which I finally could tell apart now- had bewitched a number of purple lanterns, emblazoned with the number '17', to hang in mid-air over the tables, while Hermione made purple and gold streamers erupt from the tip of her wand and drape themselves over the trees and bushes. It looked all very Gryffindor and I realized that I was the only one here who had not been in Gryffindor. Oh, and Tonks of course; she'd been in Hufflepuff.

She looked simply radiant while her dear husband radiated some sort of uncertain discomfort, even unhappiness. I felt the urge to give him a good shaking and shout at him why he just couldn't be happy when a wonderful person like Tonks loved him. I didn't get the chance tough because that moment Arthur Weasley's Patronus, a weasel, appeared out of thin air and declared that the Minister for Magic was coming with him.

"We shouldn't be here," Lupin said as he seized Tonks wrist and pulled her away, "Harry- I'm sorry- I'll explain another time-"

Sirius gave the impression as if he wanted to follow them over the fence and out of sight because of the way he was fidgeting on his chair, feeling nervous in the near presence of the Minister for Magic even though his name was cleared. I clasped his arm and made him calm down; we had nothing to fear. We would not buckle down to any Minister.

A moment later Arthur Weasley popped up, accompanied by the recent Minister for Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour- a limping man with a lion-like mane of grizzled hair.

"Sorry to intrude," he said though he didn't seem to be sorry when he required a private word with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and there would be no need for Arthur to accompany them. Mr and Mrs Weasley exchanged worried glances; Sirius had difficulties staying stay put. I guessed he would have loved to jump to his feet and watch over Harry but he restrained himself. I, however, was quite good in seeking and finding trouble. Therefore I waited until it would be inconspicuous to leave the table in order to eavesdrop on whatever Scrimgeour had to tell the kids.

Fortunately it was summer which meant most of the windows stood open. Unfortunately I had waited too long and missed most of the conversation but I heard Harry say, "…People are dying, I was nearly one of them. Voldemort chased me across three countries, he killed Mad-Eye Moody, but there's been no word about any of that from the Ministry, has there? And yet you still expect us to cooperate with you?"

"You go too far!" shouted Scrimgeour though I thought Harry was absolutely right. This man was not the reformer the Ministry needed. "…you may wear that scar like a crown, Potter, but it is not up to a seventeen-year-old boy to tell me how to do my job! It's time you learned some respect!"

"It's time you earned it," said Harry.

"Damned right!" I was sitting on the window sill, smiling smugly at Scrimgeour. "It seems to me that even a seventeen-year-old boy has a better idea of how to do your job, _Minister_, because your plan to hush things won't work in the dawn of a new war. I wonder- how will you try to hush it when Voldemort has taken over the Ministry? Of course, that won't be your problem to worry about then."

"He Who Must Not Be Named will not take over the Ministry of Magic!" Scrimgeour bellowed as if the volume of his voice alone could keep that from happening, obviously living in perfect denial. And since there was nothing he could do against Voldemort he tried to impress me with his authority. "Who are you and what do you want? Don't you realize you are interrupting a private conversation?"

"I believed the conversation ended because Harry made quite a correct point. As to your first question, I'm Raven Lestrange, freelance Auror, and I actually wanted to remind you that the Ministry still owes Sirius Black an adequate compensation payment for the time he spent in Azkaban while innocent."

The door to the sitting room burst open and Mr and Mrs Weasley ran in, worried.

"We- we thought we heard- raised voices."

Arthur almost breathed a sigh of relief when he saw me casually sitting on the window sill, knowing I would have protected the kids.

"It was nothing," Scrimgeour growled, before addressing me. "It is regrettable what happened to Mr Black but all evidence was against him…"

"There was no trial!" I cut him off.

"There was no need for a trial." He turned to look Harry full in the face. "I… regret your attitude. You seem to think that the Ministry does not desire what you- what Dumbledore- desired. We ought to be working together."

"I don't like your methods, Minister. Remember?" Harry raised his fist to show the scars that were etched into his skin. _I must not tell lies_. Scrimgeour's expression hardened. He didn't reply but simply walked away. Mrs Weasley hurried after him.

"Don't worry," I told Harry quietly, "he won't be Minister for Magic for much longer- not that that will improve things, I fear. Here's only to hoping that there will be some decent guys in charge once Voldemort's marionette-regime has fallen. Until then- grit your teeth and get to it."

"He's gone!" Molly called.

"What did he want?" Sirius asked, having just entered the scene.

"To give us what Dumbledore left us. They've only just released the contents of his will." Harry said before he glanced at me. "How do you know the Ministry will fall?"

"Global gold prices." I replied mysteriously because I didn't want to tell him that I'd gotten my information from Severus. Sirius, however, knew exactly what I meant.

"Or you check the oil prices." He grimaced when I elbowed him for that but fortunately Harry failed to draw a connection. "So what did Dumbledore leave you?"

Later in the garden the three objects Scrimgeour had given the kids were passed from hand to hand. None of it made much sense to me, especially not the book Dumbledore had left to Hermione. _The Tales Of Beetle the Bard_, an old children's book. I had hoped to find out more about the quest Dumbledore had sent Harry on, but the only thing I actually learned today was that Harry had obviously filled in Ron and Hermione, and that with Dumbledore's knowledge and approval. It made me angry. Until then I had still hoped that the old puppeteer had not chosen to tell anyone about his arranged death because he might have feared his plans thwarted if Voldemort got hold of and interrogated the person who knew the truth. Apparently he believed that some teenagers would be more reliable in keeping his secrets than any adult member of the Order. Interesting. I'd prove him wrong. Though Sirius had made it quite clear that he didn't want me to use Legilimency on his godson ever again, he had never mentioned that I wasn't to use it on Harry's friends. I smiled at Ron, who blushed. Teenage hormones were a wonderful thing- even though the boy had a crush on Hermione (oh, and apparently she on him, too, given the nasty glance she shot me) he wasn't blind to the beauty of other women…

Tomorrow, I decided, at the wedding, when the mood was easy-going I would have a nice chat with Ronald Weasley.


	16. The Wedding

16- The Wedding

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have trice defied him, born as the seventh months dies…and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have powers the Dark Lord knows not… and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…_" Sirius recited the prophecy at our hastily convened meeting with Severus Snape, shortly after the birthday party had broken up and we were back in Camden. He shot a sceptical glance at Severus, apparently wondering if it had been right to fill him in with the full wording of the prophecy or if he was betraying Harry's trust now. "So, is Harry really the 'Chosen One' as it is common belief? Is he really the one destined to destroy Voldemort? Is that the mission Dumbledore had sent him on- with the help of two_teenagers_?"

"It's not that simple, Black. Dumbledore would certainly not send out three teenagers with mediocre magical skills and hope they somehow manage to vanquish the Dark Lord, may that be by luck or sheer impertinence. Alas, what they are supposed to do I do not know. Dumbledore did not give me the same information he gave Potter while I might have some information Potter knows not. He preferred not to put all of his secrets in one basket…"

"Which says a lot about the trust he had in you," Sirius remarked.

"Don't you listen?" Severus asked waspishly. "I said Dumbledore preferred not to put all of his secrets in one basket, meaning he also withheld information from Potter…"

"… knowing you wouldn't meet one evening for a nice glass of wine and sort out all the bits and pieces he left you two. Very clever. He relied pretty much on the loathing you have for each other. Anyway, to see the bright side of it- _either must die at the hand of each other_ indicates that Voldemort must kill Harry himself…"

"Sorry, but I fail to see the bright side!" Sirius snapped, sounding alarmed.

"Well, Voldemort can't send out an army of head-hunters to do the dirty job for him, which I consider a positive thing." I didn't want to think of what Dumbledore had told Severus, that the boy must die because his death was the only way to stop Voldemort… _neither can live while the other survives…_yeah, but prophecies were a fishy thing, and there was always room left for interpretation. Also, I didn't believe in God-given fate; we were our own masters so we'd take our fate in our own hands. Besides, no prophecy would have ever foreseen the alliance of Sirius Black and Severus Snape, and yet they managed to behave at least halfway decent in each others company now… admittedly, it was a very weak alliance, only kept out of good will for my sake- but had you told either of them two years ago that one day they'd voluntarily work together on much closer terms than in the Order of the Phoenix they would have thought you absurd.

To stop my friends from worrying about Potter possibly dying in the end I changed the topic and asked if they had any idea why Dumbledore had left so seemingly meaningless things to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"A Deluminator, an old Snitch, a children's book," Sirius listed, shaking his head, "Actually the only thing that made sense to me was to give Harry the Sword of Gryffindor, even though I doubt he could simply run Voldemort through with it. Nevertheless, it's a mighty weapon and I wished Scrimgeour had not refused to give it to Harry."

"He'll get it… when the opportune moment approaches," Severus whispered toneless, an expression as if he was in great pain suddenly on his face.

"Sev? You alright?" I asked worriedly, but he just clutched his left arm where the Dark Mark had been burned into his skin and said that he had to go, immediately. He Disapparated with a silent '_pop_', leaving Sirius and I alone.

Lost in thoughts we went to bed, lying awake for a long time. I silently quarrelled with myself whether I had the right to put Severus into unnecessary danger by continuing to meet him, sharing all my ideas and plans with him, or if he would be safer in Voldemort's presence without the burden of that knowledge. Then I remembered the sparkle in his eyes when we'd been plotting our course and came to the conclusion that rebellion wasn't born out of comfort but the urge to change things. We had chosen our way in full awareness of the consequences.

Sirius was staring at the ceiling, brooding. Finally he heaved a sigh and whispered, "Snape… he didn't seem to be overjoyed that his master called him, did he?"

Ah, so he'd been thinking about Severus' hasty departure. "Would you like to be summoned like a house-elf?"

"No… it's just- I can't believe I'm actually saying that- but tonight I almost felt sorry for him. Voldemort pulls the strings and he has to obey or he's risking his life. Mind, I'm not saying I'm growing fond of him or that I wanted him to stay…" Sirius fell silent again.

"You_**worry **_about him?"

"No, decidedly not. You know I can't stand him."

"Yeah, sure." Strange, there was far less loathing in his voice than usual as if Sirius was beginning to reconsider why he loathed Severus but failed to come up with a satisfying answer. How could he accuse him of having murdered Dumbledore when Dumbledore had actually begged Severus to kill him? How could he blame him for joining the Death Eaters when he had long seen the error of his way and spent years working as a spy for the Order? Of course, there was still the old rivalry between Gryffindors and Slytherins to hold against him but he couldn't really use that argument when he was lying in bed with a former Slytherin. In the end the only thing that still made him abhor Severus was habit; he had gotten so accustomed to disliking him that it was hard for him to break that habit… especially since this antipathy had also been the common basis of his friendship with Potter… Maybe he feared he'd betray that friendship if he admitted that Severus wasn't as bad a guy as he'd always believed, if he tried to see him more objectively and not through the tainted looking glass of his memories with Potter. However, it was up to Sirius to make the first step now and actually break his habit because Severus had already taken a large one in the right direction by accepting- admittedly with some reluctance (_if he ever fails to treat you with the devotion you deserve I'll hex him into oblivion_)- my relationship with him. I presumed he simply wanted me to be happy even if my happiness depended on Sirius Black.

-

I took a glance at my reflection in the mirror and came to the vain realisation that I looked very pretty although I couldn't match a half-Veela, but that had never been my intention anyway. I merely wanted to outmatch all the other witches attending to Bill and Fleur's wedding. Therefore I had gotten up early to meet my hairdresser who had skilfully piled up my hair to what looked like a crossover of traditional Asian style and modern mess, held together by chopsticks- and my wand. It was very convenient to have an ebony wand that didn't look like one at first glance…

I was wearing an ankle-length, sleeveless Cheongsam dress made of the finest Chinese brocade silk, silvery grey with blue embroideries in a chrysanthemum pattern. It was tight-fitting and accentuating my slender, perfectly curved figure. Of course I had also bought new shoes; they were from a famous designer and had cost a fortune. Probably because they looked so fragile. Delicate straps of silvern leather adorned with tiny, sparkling rhinestones were stretched over the arches of my feet and wound around my ankles. Their heels were just high enough to give my feet and legs a nice shape but all the same they were comfortably for a long night on the dance floor… at least that's what I hoped for, to spend some carefree time at the wedding- dancing, drinking, laughing- without having to worry about any animosities or a possible Death Eaters attack. I knew that was unlikely…

"Wow," said Sirius, definitely appreciating what he saw. "You look… great, truly beautiful." He breathed a kiss on my neck, nibbling at my earlobe while inhaling the sweet scent of my perfume, "Hmm, and you smell so good…" His arms came circling around my waist, one naughty hand trailing down my hips. "You also feel so very good- tell me, what are you wearing underneath that tight dress, love?"

I managed to escape his embrace and slapped his fingers to remind him that I didn't want him-or rather, us**- **to ruin the work of my hairdresser by giving in to his bedroom voice.

"Stop that! You'll find out soon enough but now I want you to get ready!" I told him resolutely. Bill and Fleur wouldn't delay their wedding just because Sirius couldn't bring himself to put on his dress robes. That, of course, had been Molly's idea. She had insisted on a dress code particularly for wizards (probably not relying in their good taste) and had therefore set up the rule that they all ought to wear traditional garbs.

So Sirius had reluctantly bought himself a new dress robe although he clearly would have preferred to wear his usual Muggle clothes. Wearing jeans, t-shirt and a leather jacket was like a statement of rebellion to him, a way to underline his disagreement with the conservative standards of the wizarding society. A society that didn't seem to mind if one was sent to a lifetime sentence at Azkaban without a trial, and although his name had been cleared he couldn't forget the years after escaping prison when he'd been on the run; a fugitive, forced to go into hiding despite of his innocence. No one in the wizarding world had stood up for him, defended him, gave him at least the benefit of a doubt… it was really no surprise that he still considered himself maybe not as an outlaw but definitely as an outsider of this society. And yet he'd never let down his friends, the ones he loved- simply because loyalty was in his nature- therefore he'd always fight dark wizards like Voldemort. But apart from that he could do very well without the whole wizarding community even though he used magic at every opportunity and was a master at Transfiguration.

Sirius picked up his dress robe with pointed fingers and complained that it was much too warm to wear it. He already had on grey designer trousers and a black short-sleeved shirt, looking casually elegant. While still grumbling about the heavy fabric of his dress robe he transformed the velvet into silk before finally putting it on. Admittedly, you'd never see dress robes in any modern fashion magazine but he'd made the best of it; Molly would be pleased. She'd probably even forgive him for not wearing a cravat if she didn't look at his feet.

"The robe is long enough to sweep the floor with it so why would she bother to get a glance at my feet?" He said and insisted on wearing flip flops.

Well, I didn't mind. What surprised me though was that he'd chosen a robe that matched my dress in colour for it was also silvery grey. I had actually expected him to wear something that looked more Gryffindor and less Slytherin because that was the association the others would get. But when I mentioned that to him he merely shrugged it off.

"We're not at school anymore and the world isn't divided into four houses. Can we go now? I really want to show off with my beautifully vain Slytherin princess."

"I know your family believed that to be a Black made you practically royal but I had no idea that bedding a Black had the same effect," the little princess in me teased him as I kissed him, "anyway, better a princess than a bitch…"

He let out a bark like laugh and hugged me. "You still don't like the loveable stray in me?"

"Nope. And I'll hex you into oblivion if you consider straying today."

-

We arrived at the boundary of The Burrow's yard in time to line into a procession of brightly coloured wedding guests and we soon realized that we looked kind of plain in comparison to all the extravagantly dressed wizards and witches. Many of the witches wore hats with big feathers, exotic flowers or even bewitched birds; precious gemstones glittered from the wizard's cravats. At least my shoes were glittering too.

The procession headed to a great, white marquee in the orchard. At the entrance Ron, Fred, George and an unknown red-haired boy awaited the guests with seating plans in their hands.

"Hello Sirius," said the red-haired boy, smiling brightly, "I'm Cousin Barny."

"Pleased to meet you, _Barny_," Sirius replied with a conspiratorially smirk, knowing that Barny was in fact Harry under the influence of Polyjuice Potion. I wondered who's hair they had stolen to disguise him but he would definitely pass as one of the many Weasley relatives.

"Wotcher," came a familiar voice from behind me and I turned around to see a blonde-haired Tonks; I liked her better in pink. She honestly admired my looks before whispering to Harry, "Sorry about last night. The Ministry's being very anti-werewolf at the moment and we thought our presence might not do you any favours."

"It's fine, I understand." Harry said more to Lupin, who gave him a brief smile before his face switched back into lines of misery.

"Don't worry, the Ministry will fall soon and after Voldemort's hopefully short regime things can only get better." I tried to cheer up Lupin but apparently he didn't want to be cheered up. He walked away with slumped shoulders.

"I don't know how often I told him that I don't care, that he isn't responsible for our social situation." Tonks said with a frustrated tone in her voice. "I thought that's what love is all about, to stand by the one you love no matter what's happening, what all the others say…"

"And you're damned right with that!"

"… just like you and Sirius. You always defended him even when the world still believed him to be a mass murderer on the run, and now he takes your side whenever some of the Order question our integrity because you refuse to give up your friendship with Snape. He told Remus that he admires your loyalty... "

That moment Hagrid crashed five seats when he sat down and Tonks, turning around to look who had made the noise, knocked over a chair that tumbled into another. I managed to stop it in mid-air in order to prevent the famous domino effect and forgot to be astounded by what Tonks had said.

A famous Quidditch player entered the marquee and everyone craned their necks to get a good look at him while I was still fidgeting with the chairs. Sirius came to help me and told me that the guy was Viktor Krum, which didn't ring a bell. Harry and friends, however, seemed to know him quite well. Then it was about time to sit down because Mr and Mrs Weasley came strolling up the aisle. The general muttering ceased and anticipation, only broken by occasional spurts of excited laughter, filled the warm tent.

Bill and Charly stood up at the front of the marquee, under a bunch of golden balloons, and the crowd fell silent as music began to swell from out of nowhere. A sigh issued from the mouths of all the assembled wizards and witches announced the appearance of the bride. Fleur Delacour came gliding up the aisle on the arm of her bouncing and beaming father, looking radiantly beautiful in her simple white dress. In her presence, in the way she was smiling at him, Bill didn't look as if he'd ever made the acquaintance of Fenir Greyback.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to celebrate the union of two faithful souls…" said a small, tufty-haired wizard in his slightly sing-sang voice.

Weddings- I liked the parties but could do without the ceremonies. I didn't believe in the romantic drivel about everlasting love and the words_bonded for life _scared me; it sounded like a lifetime sentence. Mind, I loved Sirius and I definitely had no intention to break up with him any time soon. For this chapter in my life he was the perfect partner and yet I preferred to live this love from day to day without making any promises that concerned the future. I guessed he wouldn't want that either.

Finally the ceremony was over and the party began. A band of golden-jacketed musicians were playing so Bill and Fleur took the dance floor first, followed by their parents.

"You like to dance?" Sirius whispered in my ear.

Well, it wasn't exactly my kind of music the wizarding band was playing but I agreed anyway since I wouldn't let the opportunity go pass to snuggle up to him for a slow dance, feeling his body move to the rhythm. I just couldn't keep my fingers off him- we were still in that phase of our relationship, a state of longing that made it almost impossible not to crave for physical contact, a touch, a kiss… as if we'd never get enough of each other.

Sirius was clearly enjoying himself today. After all those years he'd been imprisoned, this was the first time he could really move freely among the wizarding community without having to fear that someone who wasn't in the Order might spot and betray him to the Ministry because his name was officially cleared. Finally he had his life back so I didn't mind that he was strutting around with his head held high, not really showing off with me but definitely aware of the admiring glances I got and handling it with the almost royal nonchalance of a Black.

I had just snatched a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter when I suddenly overheard a conversation Harry was holding with Krum about a symbol Xenophilius Lovegood- editor of the_Quibbler_- was wearing on a chain around his neck.

"… that is Grindelvald's sign."

"Grindelwald… the Dark wizard Dumbledore defeated?"

"Exactly."

"Grindelvald killed many people, my grandfather for instance. Of course he vos never powerful in this country, they say he feared Dumbledore- and rightly, seeing how he vos finished. But this…" Krum pointed at Lovegood, a scowl on his face. "This is his symbol, I recognize it at vunce: Grindelvald carved it into a wall at Durmstrang ven he vos a pupil there…"

Of course I knew who Grindelwald was. It wasn't possible to go to a school like Hogwards and not stumble across Chocolate Frogs and the cards of famous wizards inside them. Even in my schooldays Albus Dumbledore had already been a legend for heroically defeating the Dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945.

I mightily doubted that Xenophilius Lovegood, one of the most eccentric-looking wizards and editor of a magazine with even more eccentric stories, would be a follower of a Dark wizard. After all, he firmly believed in the existence of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Anyway, I tried to memorize the sign he was wearing in order to do some research later. If it was really a sign connected to the Dark Arts then I was certain Severus would know it.

Sirius interrupted my thoughts with a kiss and more champagne. When I glanced around again Harry had left and was wandering through the crowd, apparently looking for Ron who was still on the dance floor Hermione, quite a pretty sight in her lilac-coloured dress with matching high heels.

"Ah, eavesdropping on teenagers, love?" Sirius teased me, circling an arm around my waist.

"Yeah, somehow we **have** to find out what Dumbledore left Harry to do and since I can't get close to Ron, because Hermione would probably kill me, I thought I'd keep a sharp eye on Harry."

"Well, did you find out anything?"

I sighed. "Lovegood is wearing the sign of Grindelwald, Harry seems to be interested in a wandmaker called Gregorovitch, and he's in love with Ginny Weasley."

"Oh," Sirius followed my eyes to where Harry was leaning against a golden pillar, watching Ginny dancing. "Do you think it belongs to my duties as godfather to tell him how to ask a girl for a dance?"

"Don't," I said with a laugh. "Your advice isn't really necessary here. Harry's found himself a girl but it's not the wooing that's the problem… no, it's more like that he doesn't want get involved with her because he fears she'll be in grave danger if Voldemort finds out how close they actually are…"

"Did Harry tell you that?"

"Nope. That, my dear, is female intuition."

He chuckled. "Yeah, and it sounds typically for Harry. He always tends to fuss too much over those he cares for- like not using the two-way mirror I gave him because he didn't want to _endanger_ me." Sirius pulled a face as if he took the prospect of sparing him risks personally; for him no risk meant no fun. "Sometimes I'm wondering who's the adult and who's the teenager…"  
"Oh, I know exactly what you mean." I mocked him but I actually liked that reckless streak of his even though he behaved annoyingly immature betimes. Harry however- well, it seemed the whole weight of the wizarding world was resting on his slender shoulders and he had to carry a burden much to heavy for a boy of his age. I looked around for him. The sun had set and the marquee was now lit with floating golden lanterns.

Finally I spotted him sitting at a table with an old, white-haired wizard who was wearing a moth-eaten fez; he looked vaguely familiar to me. "Who's he?" I asked Sirius since he seemed to know almost everyone assembled here today given that the large Weasley clan was an old, pure-blooded family like the Blacks and he was therefore distantly related to most of them.

"Elphias Doge- you know him; he's a member of the Order."

"Probably he never had anything interesting to say at the meetings or I would remember him."

"He wrote that obituary about Dumbledore for the _Daily Prophet_," Sirius reminded me with a smirk, knowing how much his biased worshipping of Dumbledore had pissed me off.

"Ah, he considered himself _privileged_ to be his friend and thought Dumbledore _could find something of value in anyone_, not getting that the only value he saw in people was how easily he could manipulate them." I sneered, recalling the article. "_He died as he lived: working always for the greater good_… meaning the end will always justify the means and all the wreckage, the broken souls he left in his wake are merely collateral damage, so let's raise our glasses to the greater good."

I downed the champagne, threw the empty glass over my shoulder and whistled for a waiter to bring me a new one. My mood had just dropped several degrees as I thought of Severus whose loyalty had rendered him the scapegoat of Dumbledore's whims, who was now being mistrusted and despised by those who had previously given him at least the benefit of a doubt for Dumbledore's sake. _And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?_ Collateral damage…

I opened my handbag and fumbled for a cigarette. "Let's go and hear what Doge has to tell Harry. I guess I'd feel better if he won't take off to an unknown quest believing Dumbledore's a saint who's only got his best in mind."

"He's not a ruthless villain either," said Sirius, lighting my cigarette with a flick of his wand.

"Well, but I'm really curious about Rita Skeeter's remark that Dumbledore himself was dabbling with the Dark Arts when he was young…"

"Rita Skeeter! That woman is known for bending the truth just to get a good story."

"I know. That's why I asked Sam to do some research about Dumbledore's past… there must be at least a speck of truth in all these rumours." I fell silent when we reached the table where Doge and Harry were sitting, now joined by Auntie Muriel, an old, sharp-tongued witch of the large Weasley clan. She didn't seem to share Doge's adoration of Dumbledore but unfortunately I had missed what she had just said. Doge appeared to be scandalized though

"_Muriel_!"

She swigged her champagne and hiccupped. "I think Bathilda has spilled the beans to Rita Skeeter. All those hints in Skeeter's interview about an important source close to the Dumbledores- goodness knows she was there all through the Ariana business and it would fit."

"Bathilda would never talk to Rita Skeeter," whispered Doge; it sounded defensively.

"Bathilda Bagshot? The author of _A History of Magic_?" asked Harry.

"Yes," Doge seemed to be grateful for the change of subject, "a most gifted magical historian and an old friend of Albus's."

"Quite gaga these days, I've heard," Auntie Muriel interjected cheerfully; I was beginning to like her. Of course she was a bad-tempered old bat and known to be offending but she spoke her mind and didn't mince matters. Doge was appalled when she suggested Skeeter could have taken advantage of Bathilda Bagshot, "… there are ways of bringing back memories, and I'm sure Rita Skeeter knows them all. But even if Bathilda's completely cuckoo these days, I'm she'd still have old photographs, maybe even letters. She knew the Dumbledores for years… well worth a trip to Godric's Hollow, I'd have thought."

Harry almost choked on his Butterbeer and coughed, "Bathilda Bagshot lives in Godric's Hollow?"

It was an even bigger shock to him when he had to learn that the Dumbledores had lived there too; apparently the old wizard had never told him they had both lost loved ones in Godric's Hollow. I could see the colour drain from his face.

"You've never been there?" asked Sirius as casually as possible because Harry was still under the influence of Polyjuice Potion and therefore not Harry but Barny- otherwise his question would have rather been, _has no one ever taken you to James and Lily's grave?_

Before Harry could answer, Hermione drew up a chair beside him, panting, "I simply can't dance anymore… Ron's gone looking to find more Butterbeers. It's a bit odd, I've just seen Viktor storming away from Luna's father, it looked like they had been arguing- Harry, are you OK?"

I rose from my chair. Maybe this was the opportunity to help Ron finding more Butterbeers… alas, I didn't get far because that moment a gleam of silvery light appeared in mid-air over the dance floor and a lynx landed lightly in the middle of dancing wizards and witches.

"_The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming."_ The Patronus spoke with the voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Silence. Heads turned towards where the silver lynx had landed but it was already gone. Then someone screamed and panic broke lose. Guest were running in all directions, many were Disapparating. With the fall of the Ministry the protective enchantments around The Burrow had broken.

The party was over, formal dress code was no longer required. Sirius took off his dress robe and drew his wand. Harry and Hermione jumped to their feet, wands at the ready. She cried for Ron. "Ron! Ron, where are you?"

I had climbed onto the table the instant I recognized Kingsley's voice, knowing that it had merely been a matter of days for the Ministry to fall. I thought I was prepared but when I looked at the madness of the scene around me I quickly changed my mind. Tonks and Lupin had raised their wands and shouted _'Protego'_, just like everybody else did; it was a cry that was echoed on all sides as people tried to protect themselves from whatever was about to come. The result was mayhem, an unorganised mess of screaming, running, panicking wedding guest and the members of the Order were reacting just as ineffectively headless as a common middle-aged witch.

"ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! FORM A CIRCLE 'ROUND HARRY!" I shouted at the top of my lungs over the noisy crowd as I drew my wand in hope I would not ruin my hairstyle. No bloody Death Eater would bring me to give up my vanity; I wanted to look pretty when I was fighting.

"Harry? Harry Potter? Here?" Auntie Muriel gasped. All through the initial outbreak of chaos she had remained seated, slurping champagne, the calmness in person. Of course, she was a hundred and seven years old… which didn't stop her from jumping to her feet now, looking vivid. She rearranged her feathery pink hat, drained her glass and belched. Considering her looks it sounded like the battle cry of an ill-tempered flamingo. "RONALD! Where is Harry Potter!"

"NO! You go and bring Ginny here!" I barked at her while still trying to direct the Order members to act together, which was kind of fruitless. They simply weren't _**listening**_ to me! Instead they insisted on doing their own thing, each for themselves and still maddeningly ineffective. All around us cloaked and masked figures popped up out of thin air.

"Missy- whoever you are- I am a hundred and seven years old and I'm not taking orders from any jumped-up busybody…" Muriel protested but she fell silent when my wildly determined glance met her eyes and she scampered off- quite agile for a one hundred and seven year old witch, I might add- to go looking for her niece.

Meanwhile Sirius had managed to round up at least Lupin, Tonks, Bill and Charly to form a protective circle around Harry and his friends, urging the boy to Disapparate. Immediately.

"What about you?" Harry asked with undisguised worry in his voice.

Sirius grabbed his shoulder to give him a well-meant shaking. "Listen, it may come as a surprise to you but I'm quite good at magic too." To underline his words he pointed his wand over his shoulder and, without even looking, blasted an approaching Death Eater off his feet. "I want you to leave. NOW! Take your friends and find yourself a safe hiding place. Don't worry about me but call me when you're safe. OK?"

Harry nodded while at the same time he was looking for Ron, who was still missing. Then, suddenly, Ron was there. He took Hermione's free hand and a second later the teenagers were gone. Now we could concentrate on fighting the Death Eaters.

Sirius proved his excellent fighting skills. He had joined the Order right after school, during the first war against Voldemort, so that was actually the only thing he'd ever learned. Sparks of light flew from the tip of his wand like rapid machine gun fire. I was impressed. Guarding his back I wanted to teach manners to the Death Eaters for spoiling the wedding party but then I, the trained Auror, suddenly panicked and lost my nerves. Damned… they were all masked! What if Severus was amongst them and I'd accidentally harm him because I didn't recognize him? My mind went blank; I couldn't think of a single spell anymore. Was Severus here? He was supposed to stay in Voldemort's good books for as long as possible thus his participation in this attack was likely. I looked around for him. Some Death Eaters had been injured and were fleeing- was he one of them? I noticed that Molly was acting like a rabid fighting hen when it came to protecting her family and hoped that Severus hadn't crossed her path… if he was here at all…

"Raven!" Sirius yelled at me, probably surprised by my inactivity. "What's wrong with you? You alright?"

I shook my head, feeling slightly hysteric. "I can't fight! What if Sev…"

He grabbed me hard, so hard that it hurt. "Did he tell you not go to the wedding? Did he warn you-?"

"NO!" I shouted; I knew what he was about. Severus would have sent me a warning if Voldemort had ordered him to participate in the attack just to avoid a situation like this. He wouldn't have wanted to face me while standing on different sides and having to act convincingly so that his cover won't blow… I knew all that and yet I stood there frozen.

It was then that I heard a mad cackle I identified as Bellatrix' so I turned around to where she was threatening Tonks; she was unmasked as if to demonstrate that this was family thing. Obviously she had so little fondness for her niece that she- once again- tried to off her. Where was Lupin? Why wasn't he at his wife's side? She clearly couldn't defy Bellatrix all on her own so I raised my wand to vent my bottled up anger and frustration on her… alas, in my current state of mind I couldn't defy her either. You needed to have a cool head and sharp wits to get the upper hand on a dangerously mad witch like Bellatrix, being slightly hysteric and kind of emotionally unhinged wasn't very helpful. I managed to defend myself, and I knew I could vanquish her… one day. Today, however, our encounter ended when she clutched her left arm, an expression of orgasmic devotion flickering over her once beautiful features. The Dark Lord was calling her and she Disapparated at once.

"Don't wet yourself with excitement!" I shouted after her, finally having found back my fighting spirit. But now all Death Eaters had left.

The party was spoiled though fortunately none of the wedding guests had been seriously injured or killed. That, of course, wasn't to my credit and I suddenly became aware of how miserably I had failed. Damned, I was a trained Auror! I should have handled the situation with professionalism instead of losing nerve; I shouldn't have let this sudden panic rule my action…

Sirius offered the Weasleys his help in cleaning up the garden but he was as glad as I was when they declined. Maybe the family wanted to be by themselves now just like I wanted to be on my own… and most of all I wanted to get away from here. I felt so… wasted, worn out, a failure. I didn't hear what they said about me fighting Bellatrix; I was immune to their praises because I knew I had not given my best today. I had allowed myself to being rendered ineffective, almost helpless with panic, and the only thing I wanted right now was to know whether Severus was alright. Alas, there was no way to find out since I couldn't even send the tiniest form of my Patronus to him for he might be with Voldemort at the moment, and any Patronus popping up at Evil's Headquarters would be considered as highly suspicious…

So I ended up nervously pacing our bedroom once Sirius and I had returned to Camden Town, hoping for news. Late at night his mobile phone rang.

* * *

Please... I need feedback! It's not going all too well at the moment so please review before I get struck with a massive writer's block... 


	17. Of Brothers and Dementors

17- Of Brothers and Dementors

"Harry's safe, he's at Grimmauld Place." Sirius told me after talking to the boy on his mobile phone. He shot it an approving glance. "Muggle technology's really cool. It'll take ages for pure-blood maniacs like the Death Eaters to even consider giving it a second thought, let alone to come up with ways to monitor all telephone calls… I guess the extent of useless information would drive them mad long before they'd ever manage to track down a special number."

"Great," I said and lit another cigarette; I had lost count on how many I had already smoked since we had returned from The Burrow. Lupin had sent his Patronus to inform us that some Death Eaters in company of Ministry people- now Voldemort's puppets- had come back to search The Burrow after we had left. Apparently they had interrogated those who had remained there for hours, trying to get information on Harry. Also, they had forced their way into almost every house connected to the Order without much resistance being offered to them while they hadn't scrupled to use the Cruciatus Curse on Tonks' family. Lupin's Patronus had shot me an accusing glance then, as if it was all my fault. Because I was still friends with Severus Snape. Because this little house in Camden Town was the only one vaguely connected to the Order that wasn't under the observation of Death Eaters- yet. I didn't doubt that that would change soon. Of course Voldemort knew that Harry's godfather had miraculously returned from the dead therefore he would surely try to keep an eye on him. I'd worry about that when I'd stopped worrying about Severus for I still hadn't heard of him. Call me paranoid. There were a dozen good reasons not to fret and Sirius had already listed most of them, sounding matter-of-fact. Well, it was definitely easy for him not to fret about someone he wasn't particularly fond of…

I walked to the window and cast a glance outside. The backyard was empty. In the moonlight I only saw a neglected little garden with dry grass and a few bushes. For years no one had bothered to do some gardening and no one was hiding behind the withered bushes, observing the house. I paced back the length of the bedroom, which appeared really tiny to me tonight, and stepped into the hallway. There was another window, just at the top of the staircase leading to the ground floor, looking at the street in front of the house. I couldn't spot any Death Eaters out there either although the street wasn't empty. Some drunks were stumbling home from a night of debauchery, bawling drinking songs- they were definitely Muggles.

I returned to our bedroom were Sirius was casually lounging on the bed. Any other night I would have taken it as an invitation to join him but tonight I was too nervous, too strained to even think of seeking distraction in a little tumble between the sheets. Too much had happened today, too many things occupied my mind… and yet it was the most sensible thing he could do when he got hold of me and gathered me in his arms, embracing me with all my worries even if they were about a man he had grown used to hating.

Eventually I fell asleep for a few hours and when I woke up it was only because I couldn't breathe. My mouth was covered with something… furry. Opening my eyes wide in panic I looked straight into the ugly little face of Batman. His leathery wings were stretched over my cheeks as if he wanted to hug me, his head rested on the tip of my nose, his eyes blinking at me with batty affection. I had to sneeze because his red-haired fur was tickling my nose. As a result he was catapulted in the air (I gasped for breath) before he landed in almost the same position.

Sirius laughed out loud. Great, so he was awake to witness me being suffocated by my overly affectionate bat. Then I remembered that I had sent a message to Severus last night- given that there weren't many bats pretending to be owls I had thought it safe enough to send him without being intercepted- so I plucked him off my face now in hope he might carry an answer. And indeed my little beastie handed me a note… did he really _smile_ at me, pleased with himself?

"Good boy!" I told him which caused him to swoosh up in the air and somersault with joy. My, bats were mad creatures especially those who pretended to be owls… although I had never seen an owl acting like him. Shaking my head I unfolded the paper and recognized Severus' small, cramped handwriting at once.

"Good news?" Sirius asked as he glanced over my shoulder, nibbling at my neck. His warm breath on my skin made me nervous so I moved away from him a little to read Severus' letter first.

He gave me a short summary of last nights events but didn't indicate he was involved in any of the action that took place all over the county. If he had worried about me being harmed in the course there was no hint of it in his letter- Severus was a cautious man who rarely ever gave away his feelings but preferred to keep them to himself… well, except when he was angry, of course- and yet I knew him well enough to read between the lines. His statement that he was with the Dark Lord when the Ministry fell sounded like an apology for not sending me a timely warning, and his conclusion _I'm certain you got away _(from the Burrow), as aloof as it might read, merely masked his worries; I knew he cared about me. He asked me to meet him tomorrow afternoon in a forest close to his home at Spinner's End, far north of London.

"I told you he'd be alright," Sirius said and it sounded like it would take more than a beginning war to finish a plague. Nevertheless I allowed him to kiss me and snuggled up in his arms, still too tired to get up although I couldn't fall asleep again either. It was nice to just lie in bed, to kiss and cuddle; sometimes I didn't need more than to be close to the one I loved and Sirius seemed to be quite content with the situation, too, for he didn't try to push things.

Later that day we went to meet Harry at Grimmauld Place but when I opened the door I noticed at once that our house was now being observed by Death Eaters- the two guys standing on the other side of the road were so badly disguised as Muggles that I almost felt tempted to walk over to them and give them some fashion advice.

The guys followed us but we managed to lose them in the crowded Camden Market, from where we Disapparated. Shortly after that we landed on the top step outside the front door of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, and quickly scampered inside.

I tried to walk silently in high heels because I was not in the mood for a shouting match with Sirius' dear old mum- I hadn't slept long enough for that- when suddenly a voice whispered out of the darkness,_'Severus Snape?'_

"Do I look like-" I couldn't finish my sentence because a shiver of cold air ran over me and my tongue curled up in a very strange way.

"T- Tongue-Tying Curse," Sirius explained, having experienced the same unpleasant sensation although it hadn't been totally unexpected to him. "One of the jinxes Mad-Eye had set up against Snape…"

"What?" I gasped when my tongue felt normal again. In the meantime I had drawn my wand in order to fight off the curse non-verbally. "Moody's set up Anti-Snape jinxes?"

"Yep, after Dumbledore was killed..." That moment a figure rose out of the shadows at the end of the hall and moved towards us, looking like a nightmarish ghost form of Albus Dumbledore. It was grey, dust-coloured and terrible; its face was sunken, the skin was stretched so tightly over the skull as if it was fleshless, and its eye sockets were empty. The figure raised its wands but Sirius said quietly, "I didn't kill you, Dumbledore."

"And don't you bloody dare to blame Severus for it!" I snarled at the figure as I blasted it off with an irritated flick of my wand. It dissolved into thin air… and formed again at the far end of the hall, approaching us again.

"Just say that you didn't kill him and he'll disappear. It's meant as protection…"

"Tsk! What you call protection I call denunciation!" I blasted it off once more and it immediately reformed again. "Severus did not kill you, Dumbledore. All he did was to follow your request..."

"Raven, it was Mad-Eye who set up the jinx and not Dumbledore himself, and since Mad-Eye didn't know about their secret arrangement why don't you just drop it and speak the magical words? I really want to see Harry now."

"Then go," I shot him a defiant glance, determined to break Moody's curse because it bugged my tremendously. I knew it was unlikely that Severus would ever come back to Grimmauld Place and even if I doubted that some stupid little Anti-Snape jinxes could stop him. He was brilliant at non-verbal spells so the Tongue-Tying Curse made no sense to me anyway… perhaps the late Moody had really grown old.

Sirius rolled his eyes, knowing he couldn't change my mind if I had set it stubbornly on something. Therefore he gave me a brief kiss before he trotted towards the door that led downstairs, expecting Harry and friends to be in the kitchen. For a moment I wondered why they hadn't shown up yet but then I concentrated on the dust-coloured figure again. There must be a way to stop it for good.

It wasn't easy to come up with a counter-curse for something a very skilled Auror like Mad-Eye Moody had invented and especially not when your concentration was disturbed by an old hag in a portrait who had just decided to wake up and shout at me.

"Filthy half-blood bitch, taint of shame, dishonouring my house…" 

"Oh, shut it! Don't call me a bitch just because I'm sleeping with your son but if you insist on calling me bitch then it's Miss Bitch to you." For a tiny little moment I must have rendered her speechless but then she ranted on. Meanwhile I had found out how the Tongue-Tying Course worked therefore I decided to try it on her. The result was amazing.

_"Scum! Diglugluglug…"_ Her words died in an unintelligible gurgle which I managed to make permanent. It was cool to learn new curses. Moody should have come up with that a long time ago instead of inventing it for the wrong person because it really worked so nicely on the portrait. Now I only had to stop that ghost-like figure from reforming over and over again. After the umpteenth time of seeing it approaching me with its wand arm raised it didn't look scary anymore but just pathetic.

I had no idea why it was so important to me to stop that bloody thing- call me neurotic but I simply had to do it. For Severus who'd probably never set foot in this house again and yet it didn't seem fair that there was a special protection against him. Why not a protection against anyone who carried the Dark Mark on his or her arm? Maybe I could invent something like that…

That moment Sirius came back from the kitchen, looking rather pale, staring blankly at the portrait of his mother. The colour of her face resembled a ripe tomato that was about to burst with fury any second because she had lost her ability to shout obscenities at innocent by passers.

"Permanent Tongue-Tying Curse," I explained to him, sounding almost apologetic. "Of course I wouldn't use that on real people because they'd probably choke on it but since portraits can't choke on their maliciousness… Sirius, you alright?"

Obviously not; he hadn't even listened to me. Instead he was still staring- not at the portrait, as I noticed now, but at something only he could see… deeply lost in thoughts.

"What's wrong, love?" I gently touched his arm and a crease formed between my eyes as I studied his face. He looked worried, confused. I sincerely hoped it hadn't anything to do with Harry, that nothing had happened to the boy. "Is Harry ok?"

Sirius nodded, finally taking notice of me as if he'd just come to his senses again. "He's fine… it's Regulus, my little idiot brother… I didn't mean to eavesdrop but when I heard Kreacher speak about Master Regulus… well, I just had to listen. Stupid idiot joined the Death Eaters when he was young- undoubtedly he made my parents very proud, soft enough to believe in their pure-blood mania… they thought Voldemort had the right idea about the purification of the wizarding race… He died young."

"I'm sorry. Were you close?"

"The black sheep of the family and my parent's little darling, their pride? Unlikely." Sirius said with a mocking tone in his voice and I realized I had asked a stupid question. I remembered Regulus Black; of course he had followed the family tradition and got sorted into Slytherin while I was at Hogwarts so of course I knew him. I couldn't recall though that he'd ever exchanged a word with his older brother.

"Nevertheless, he was my little brother; he was a stupid idiot but I was fond of him- after all, there had been times when we got on well, when we were still too small to understand our parent's pure-blood mania… Anyway, from what I found out after he died, he got cold feet when he realized what Voldemort was prepared to do on his rise to power, panicked, and tried to back out… of course, you can't just hand in your resignation… He was murdered, not by Voldemort himself but definitely on his orders… or so I thought until today. However, Kreacher just told a completely different tale of the events that caused Reg's death."

"Alright, so spill it," I said curiously.

He heaved a sigh before he filled me in. "Apparently he didn't die because he got cold feet but because he actually _defied_ Voldemort. Kreacher said Voldemort needed an elf to do whatever, so Reg volunteered him in the belief it was an honour. Apparently he ordered him to fulfil the Dark Lord's wishes and then come back. They went to a cave with a basin full of poisoned water that Kreacher had to drink and he would have died there if _Master_ Regulus hadn't ordered him to come back, so he actually returned to Grimmauld Place…"

"His master's bidding is the house-elf's highest law."

"Yeah, and Reg's always been strangely very fond of that old, spiteful creature. Didn't agree with Voldemort's attitude that house-elves are disposable; it even changed his opinion about him completely. He came up with a plan and they went to that cave where '_he took a locket from his pocket like the one the Dark Lord had', _and he told Kreacher to take it and switch it after he had drunken the poison… He ordered him to leave without him and to not tell anyone but to destroy the first locket- a task he has failed to fulfil so far…"

"So Voldemort hid a locket in that cave, in a basin filled with poisoned water, and your brother died because he drank it in order to switch the lockets?"

"Stupid idiot. Why didn't he talk to me?"

"Maybe stupidity runs in the family," I said casually before asking, "Why did Kreacher tell the story anyway?"

"Harry seemed to be interested in the locket. He wanted to know where it is but according to Kreacher Mundungus has stolen it like so many other things. He asked Kreacher to find Mundungus and bring him to Grimmauld Place because they want to finish what Regulus started and ensure he didn't die in vain. Then he handed him something that once belonged to Regulus- a token of gratitude he called it- and Kreacher almost wet himself with excitement. Maybe they're still trying to calm him down but I left… Damned, he was my little brother and I just found out he died trying to play hero instead of him being a coward who shot off his mouth and then got cold feet…"

I wrapped comforting arms around him, gently rubbing his back. It was understandable that having learned the truth about Regulus' death came like a shock to him but the thing that occupied my mind most was Harry's interest in the locket. A magical artefact Voldemort had tried to hide and Kreacher hadn't managed to destroy. Considering that Dumbledore had left Harry a very powerful sword- the sword of Gryffindor- it was probably not too presumptuous to assume there might be a connection. I wished I could talk to Severus right now.

"Sirius!" Harry, who had just entered the hall, cried with joy. "So good to see you!"

Sirius let go of me to give his godson a hug but he failed to hide his emotions and the boy was no fool.

"You alright?"

Although Sirius didn't want to admit he'd been eavesdropping on Kreacher's tale there simply was no way to avoid it in order to give a plausible explanation why he looked slightly shattered. But at long last he didn't want to lie to Harry so he told him that he'd happen to overhear the story of Regulus' death.

I noticed an expression of wariness flickering over the boys face but he relaxed when Sirius didn't ask any questions about the locket, which was probably more telling than any lame excuse he could have given. Very interesting. So the locket was indeed part of the mysterious quest Dumbledore had sent him on.

While we walked into the kitchen to have a nice chat (Ron was very keen to hear what happened at The Burrow after they had left) Harry brought the topic of our conversation to a letter he had found; a letter of his mother written to Sirius.

"I didn't know we had a cat or that you gave me a toy broomstick for my first birthday."

"You were too little to remember," Sirius said affectionately and for a moment it seemed his mind would stray back to the past, to his dear mate James, wallowing in old memories. But then the almost dreamy expression left his face when he suddenly recalled something else. "May I read the letter again?"

"Of course." Harry pulled out and opened the furry Moleskin purse Hagrid had given him for his birthday, taking out the letter; he handed it to Sirius who read it quickly until he reached the end of the page. I glanced over his shoulder.

… _the most amazing stories about Dumbledore, I'm not sure he'd be pleased if he knew! I don't know how much to believe, actually, because it seems incredible that Dumbledore_

Sirius turned it around but there wasn't more to come. "Where's the rest?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. Your room looked as if it had been searched…"

"Could have been Sirius himself when he came to pack his belongings- he always makes quite a mess when he's searching something," I offered helpfully.

He scowled at me in a very cute way. "Says the one who spills the contents of her enormously Extended bags all over the room and still claims she's got nothing to wear." But then he immediately breathed a kiss on my cheek, mumbling something affectionately that sounded like _my vain Slytherin princess_, before he continued with a sigh. "No, Harry's right. My room already looked a mess before I packed my things. I guess Mundungus has searched it in hope to find something valuable… where did you find the letter anyway?"

Apparently it had been crumbled, lying on the floor, and so had also been an old, torn photograph which showed a black-haired baby boy zooming in and out of the picture on his toy broomstick; there were a pair of legs that must have been James'- I rolled my eyes when I came to the conclusion that the part of the picture that had gone missing was probably showing Lily. _Ah, Sev… _I really had to see him.

-

We met the next day, in a forest close to his home at Spinner's End just like he had asked me to in his message. We arrived there early, Sirius and I, due to my restlessness. There were so many things we had to talk about. First, of course, I wanted to know how Severus was fairing. Then I definitely needed his knowledge about the Dark Arts, which was so much more profound than mine, to find out more about that strange locket. And, last but not least, he had to tell me if he'd really nicked the missing page of Lily's letter and what it contained, since the information about Dumbledore could be important. When Harry had mentioned the letter yesterday, Sirius had apparently recalled the conversation about Dumbledore at the wedding, that the great goody-two-shoes himself might have toyed with the Dark Arts when he was young, and that Lily had indicated something similar once.

"We should have brought things for a picnic," said I as I looked at my watch for the umpteenths time in the past two minutes and puffed at my cigarette. I hated waiting.

"Sure, remind me to bring along a bottle of chilled champagne next time we're going to meet _Sniv_- um, **Snape**." There was a slightly sarcastic undertone in Sirius' voice. Though it was ok with him to meet my friend since it served the right purpose it was definitely not a pleasurable event to him, not one he was looking forward to.

I took offence in his words and snapped, "I didn't say I want a drink!", only to feel sorry about the harshness of my words a second later. I extinguished my cigarette and fumbled in my handbag for a chocolate bar. Then I sat down on a tree chunk, dragging at the rim of my dress to pull it over my knees. What the hell had possessed me to wear this ridiculously raspberry-ice-cream-pink dress today? I wished I had just put on my oldest pair of jeans and jumper because I looked fat in that dress… I took another large bite of the chocolate bar before I stowed it in my handbag again.

"You alright, love?" Sirius asked.

"No. I'm fat. You should have told me I look fat in this dress but you probably thought _who cares _because we're only meeting Severus today and the little oddball wouldn't notice anyway."

"Raven, darling, you look beautiful and definitely not fat at all. What's wrong with you?"

That instant Severus Apparated only a few yards away from us, a lone figure clad in black. I hurried to get up and gather him in an almost bone crushing hug, so glad to see him that I forgot my bad mood for a moment. "Sev! I worried about you!"

"Don't," he said, sounding bewildered.

"That's what I kept telling her all the time but she wouldn't listen," Sirius scowled, still not knowing what had gotten into me.

Severus ignored him but stopped in his attempt to pry apart my arms from around his neck and hugged me back, mostly to annoy Sirius, who looked indeed a bit sullen. "You don't have to worry about me. The Dark Lord has a more _academic_ career in mind for me than to waste me in combat."

"And what might that be?"

"You'll find out soon enough, Black."

"Does that mean I can finally kick the asses of any masked Death Eaters I meet, use Unforgivable Curses on him or her, without having to fear I might accidentally torture or kill you?"

Severus' eyebrows shot up and he actually exchanged glances with Sirius before he eyed me from head to toe, smirking mockingly about my raspberry-ice-cream-pink summer dress, the girlish ponytail swinging from the top of my head, my pink lipstick… I looked cute and that didn't seem to fit to the words I had just uttered- nor my quickly changing moods. "One would think no Unforgivable Curse could ever slip these sweet pink lips…"

Sirius let out a bark like laugh. "I know what you mean- overkill, mate."

I pouted. They were teasing me! Ok, perhaps I had really overdone it with all the pink I was wearing- matching lipstick and nail polish included. I looked like a Barbie girl, totally absurd. While I wondered whether I should show my claws or break out in tears I came to realize that Sirius had actually just called Severus _mate_. It must have slipped his lips without thinking but it was definitely a proof that, if he didn't concentrate too hard on his ever-familiar loathing, he could indeed get on with him.

Suddenly a change of wind made me shiver in the warm summer air. Dark clouds were drifting over the sky, swiftly covering the sun, and the temperature seemed to have dropped several degrees. Strange, the weather forecast hadn't predicted any rain for today but, of course, this was England and the English Summer was unpredictable. Fortunately I had brought along a jeans jacket which I wrapped around my shoulders now, casting my eyes heavenwards. The sky looked as if a thunderstorm was about to break lose; there was an uncanny greenish glow and a feeling of unease lingered in the air. I was beginning to feel miserable as if something seemed to suck up all thoughts of happiness… Maybe that was just another side effect of the state I was in- or maybe not, given that Sirius and Severus were glancing around alarmed, their wands at the ready.

Then I saw them approaching… Dementors! Now that explained my feeling of misery so much better than just blaming it on hormones. Three or four of these damnable, hooded creatures were hovering through the mist between the trees, coming closer, and all along the atmosphere of icy cold despair increased… as if the world was bereft of all its joy and only hopelessness remained…

I got a grip on myself and drew my wand, pointing it straight at the Dementors. "Expecto Patronum!"

But the light that usually shot from the tip of my wand to form a mighty strong Patronus now merely flickered in uncertainty before it began to take on an unfamiliar shape that vaguely resembled a dog. I groaned. Just because I was sleeping with an Animagnus who took on the form of a big dog didn't mean that my Patronus had to become a bloody bitch…

"Pathetic, Lestrange! I preferred your old one. The new one looks pitifully weak." Severus sneered.

Thanks for reminding me. The light faded and the Dementors came closer. That would have been the perfect moment for either of my two dearest wizards to take over but they both stared at me instead of conjuring up their own Patronuses. Sirius hesitated because he probably didn't want to reveal it to someone he was used to loathe while Severus was equally hesitant for the same and yet different reasons. 

Great, so we were obviously back to them bitching at each other and leaving the dirty job to me. Or did they believe pink overkill would chase away the Dementors? Damned, they were larger in numbers than I had first thought. There weren't only a few but dozens of them. I panicked slightly.

"Expecto Patronum!" A spark of light flickered at the tip of my wand and died. I looked around for Sirius and Severus, feeling increasingly nervous since my Patronus had never failed me before. "Boys, I might need your help."

They didn't seem to take notice of me. Sirius stood staring at the Dementors as motionless as if he was frozen to the spot. As if his nightmares of Azkaban had come alive.

"Scared, Black? Do you remember how narrowly you escaped their kiss?"

"And you don't conjure up your Patronus because you long for a kiss, knowing that no one else would want to kiss you?"

I didn't hear what Severus retorted because his voice had dropped to a waspish whisper like it usually did when he was irked. Anyway, I couldn't care less since a horde of creepy Dementors was coming closer and closer… I was feeling cold, hopeless… scared. Then suddenly Severus was at my side, his wand raised as if he'd finally realized that this was not the right moment for old school day grudges. But instead of conjuring up his Patronus (of course he didn't want to reveal it to Sirius because it was a materialization of his undying love for Lily) he surprised me with some complex spells that actually could _kill_ Dementors. Probably not Ministry-approved but proof of his skills in the Dark Arts… well, I certainly wouldn't condemn him for using the Dark Arts if that saved our lives- or souls- since Sirius was still maddeningly unhelpful, still rooted to the spot. And yet he wasn't acting coy in the sense of not _wanting_ to expose his Patronus in Severus' presence- almost certainly he'd give a damn about that now if only his worst fear hadn't rendered him temporarily helpless.

Despite Severus' dauntless interference and all his talent with the Dark Arts, his success in killing some of the approaching Dementors, there were still too many of them and they were about to circle us. Once again I raised me wand, this time with all the determination I could muster, concentration on something strong and wonderful… the power of music that had changed my life… _no you won't fool the children of the revolution…_

"EXPECTRO PATRONUM!"

Finally! A beam of blindingly bright, silvery light shot from the tip of my wand to form some kind of reptile, huge and terrifying and yet exceptionally beautiful in all its monstrous grace. My dear old Patronus- admittedly, it was quite an unusual one but when it roared up in the air, an enormously big and hungry beast that easily chased off the Dementors until the last was gone, I felt jubilant.

"Merlin's beard!" Sirius gasped, clearly impressed since he had only ever seen the miniature form of my Patronus- you just don't send something that large to deliver a message without reducing its size if you want to keep it at least a little secret. "A dragon Patronus!"

"Scales alone don't make a dragon, Black," Severus sneered. He nodded at me, a brief gesture of appreciation, then he faced Sirius again without hiding his contempt. "But, of course, you have always been more interested in breaking rules or coming up with stupid_pranks_ than in books..."

"At least I was never up to the eyeballs in the Dark Arts." Sirius snapped back defensively.

"You don't have to study the Dark Arts to tell a dragon from a dinosaur, and Raven's Patronus is indeed a dinosaur, the predecessors of the dragons we're used to. A T-Rex, short for Tyrannosaurus Rex, to be more precise."

"Oh will you please stop lecturing me in that smart know-it-all tone of yours as if we're still at school and attending to a Care of Magical Creatures lesson?"

Severus opened his mouth to give a snide remark but whatever he intended to reply never left his lips because that very same moment I started to cry. I sat down on the forest ground like a heap of melting raspberry ice cream, tears streaming from my eyes, and since heaven had just decided to open up rain was pouring down on me. Instantly Sirius and Severus stopped bickering and hurried to fuss over me. Now that was a surprise. I didn't know why I was crying but the effect was amazing.

"You need some chocolate; it's good for your nerves after a Dementors attack," Severus said, and Sirius roamed through my handbag at once.

Chocolate wasn't only good after an encounter with Dementors but also good for my nerves when I was PMSing. Although, maybe it was more that those around me needed some chocolate then.

* * *

I hope you liked this chapter. PLEASE review!!! 


	18. At Spinner's End

18- At Spinner's End

"I think it convenient to continue our meeting at a more… um, _dry_ place." Severus said after a brief chocolate picnic in the pouring rain. We all agreed that was a brilliant idea so we Apparated to the part of town where he lived but not straight to Spinner's End.

The river smelled dirtier than last time maybe because the air was so fresh and clear after the heavy summer rain. The air was also quite cold and I shivered in my wet clothes. Severus pointed his wand at me- Sirius looked alarmed but then he recognized the complicated wand movement required to cast the Hot Air Charm. My clothes were dry only an instant later. I flashed him a smile- Severus could be so chivalrous when a pretty witch was in distress. Sirius however pulled a face as if, were he in his dog form now, he would go chasing his tail to bite himself in the butt for not having come up with the same idea and beating Severus to it. Men!

We walked along a cobbled street but it was not the same I had used on my last visit to Spinner's End- I still hated cobblestones though. They were hell to ride on and even more in high heels. After getting stuck for the third time I took off my shoes and went barefoot. Strangely that amused Sirius so much that he almost grinned at Severus.

We reached a playground that looked vaguely familiar to me. It was deserted now, due to the rain, but I clearly remembered the swing from one of Severus' memories he had shared with me. Therefore it was absolutely understandable that he didn't want to walk across the playground although it would have been the shorter way but to take a detour. I didn't mind. I had spotted the cold yellow neon lights of a fish-and-chip takeaway and suddenly craved for something fried and fatty.

"I've been here before," Sirius said, sounding surprised. "Lily used to live here before she and James moved to Godric's Hollow, her parent's house was only a few streets away. I remember she invited us over, James and me, and then she took us to this fish-and-chip shop because she couldn't believe that James had never eaten fish and chips. Come on, I buy a round."

"Thank you, I am not hungry." Severus said pointedly. It was really no surprise at all that he had lost appetite since Sirius' happy memories were exactly the opposite to him. Any other time I would have declined, too, but today my greediness outranked my loyalty.

Severus' mood didn't improve. Broodingly he walked though the labyrinth of identically deserted streets with rows of dilapidated houses, blind or barred windows. Many of the streetlamps were broken so that there was hardly a chance to cast a glance at his face and even if, it was totally inscrutable anyway.

Finally we turned into Spinner's End and he slowed his steps, pacing the street with more caution as if on alert. He had to. Not long ago he'd been a fugitive wanted for the murder of Dumbledore and although Voldemort had taken over the Ministry meanwhile- meaning he didn't have to fear Aurors trying to hunt him down- there was still the Order to be considered. Either way, he couldn't risk anybody seeing us together since his fellow Death Eaters would be more than just a little puzzled if they spotted him and Sirius Black together in a situation that was not mortal combat.

A wave of deepest sympathy washed over me as I watched him, so severe, so buttoned-up in his black robes, so lonely… I felt sorry for putting him into more danger than Dumbledore had intended but on the other hand I didn't want him to be without anyone who truly cared for him either.

His house was warded like a fortress; I hadn't noticed that at my first visit but today I could almost see all the wards. With a flick of his wand and a non-verbal incantation he opened the front door and then hesitated briefly, his black eyes flashing in Sirius' direction for the fraction of a second as if wondering whether it had been a wise decision to bring him here. It wasn't his loathing that made him waver but something much more mundane- his background. Severus had been to Grimmauld Place many times and though the old house had radiated an air of neglect it had nevertheless once been the home of a wealthy pure blood family which still showed. His house however gave proof of poverty, of a miserable childhood. The furniture was threadbare because it had always been and not because it was caused by the ravages of time as in Grimmauld Place.

I gently prodded Severus in the back to make him move and go inside, he had no reason to fear. Sirius, although the offspring of a pure blood family that believed themselves royal, and despite of all his flaws, was definitely not a man who'd turn up his nose at those who were not born with a golden spoon in their mouths. After all, His Royal Highness was a rebel- otherwise he wouldn't live with me in that shabbily furnished house in Camden Town….

I gasped with surprise when I entered the sitting room, blinded by its cleanliness. The linoleum on the floor had been polished until it gleamed and the carpets were cleaned so thoroughly that the once faded colours looked bright again; the same went for the sofa which was actually of a very nice, dark green. Ok, I wouldn't have minded if the tapestries and curtains were still unobtrusively paled because I'd probably never understand the liking of the Brits for flowery designs, especially not if it was so mismatched in colour and design. Fortunately the walls were mostly covered in books, thus hiding a large amount of hideousness. I noticed that the books looked as if every single one was dusted page by page.

"Master! Dear Master, so good you back. Vermin sees you bring friends. Very nice friends." The man formally known as Wormtail who now believed himself to be a house elf prostrated himself on the floor in front of Severus and tried to kiss his feet. Severus backed away from him with an expression of utter disgust on his face. Vermin didn't seem to care but kissed the very ground his _Master_ had stepped on.

"Get off, scum!"

Although Sirius knew that Wormtail would be here the shock of seeing that damnable traitor again hit him like the bolt out of the blue. Hatred was etched in his face, a loathing so much stronger than anything he'd ever hold for Severus. Immediately he drew his wand and pointed it between Wormtail's small, watery eyes that widened in recognition.

"Master Sirius!" He beamed and bowed deep, banging his head on the floor. "Long time not seen…"

"You're bloody right- it's been too long since I missed the chance to kill you!"

"Don't!" Severus and I yelled simultaneously before Sirius could act too rashly and do something stupid. If Vermin were really disposable Severus would have long offed him.

"You don't understand! HE BETRAYED JAMES TO VOLDEMORT! HE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS DEATH!"

"Yes, we know that, but…"

"Oh, dear Mistress," Vermin breathed affectionately as he almost leapt towards me like an overgrown frog that had developed an uncanny foot fetishism for he wanted to kiss mine now.

"BUT YOU DON'T CARE, RIGHT? YOU NEVER LIKED JAMES!"

"Vermin, leave us alone and bang your head against the door for a moment."

The house elf obeyed to my biddings, mumbling, "Thank you, good Mistress. Vermin lives to serve, always a pleasure, kind Mistress."

Then he went to bang his head against the door while I wondered why no one else had ever called me kind and good after I had used the Cruciatus or Imperius Curse on them.

"Sirius, this is not about James now. I understand that you want to avenge his death but killing Vermin- um, Wormtail- is not the right way. You'd only blow Severus' cover if you act out of impulse now and besides, Harry's already stopped you from doing that before so Wormtail is in his dept now. It can't harm to have someone who owes him amongst the Death Eaters…"

"I KNOW! BUT I SPENT TWELWE YEARS IN AZKABAN BECAUSE THAT FILTHY LITTLE RAT TRICKED ME! TWELWE YEARS!"

"Well, then kill him." I said slowly. Severus glanced at me, a crease between his eyes. "Kill him now. It won't be hard- just look like pathetic he is; he won't offer any resistance."

Sirius was raging with fury and frustration. He raised his wand- but hesitated to kill him when Vermin suddenly sensed danger, crying, "Master! Master!", as he darted in Severus' direction probably to hide under his long black robes. Severus wouldn't let him though; he kicked out and sent Vermin crashing in one of the big book shelves on the wall. Some books came tumbling on his head which seemed to give an involuntarily nod with each thump.

"Come on, Sirius, do him the favour and kill him. It would be a mercy killing actually, since some fates are worth than death."

Sirius lowered his wand; he couldn't do it. He was not a cold blooded murderer although Severus begged to differ, sneering at him. "What's wrong, Black? You showed you were capable of murder at the age of sixteen- have you gone soft in Azkaban?"

But when Sirius sat down on the sofa and buried his head in his hands, breathing hard, fighting back tears, Severus fell silent. He stared at the floor as if watching his emotional outburst was something indecent. Then Sirius looked up again, glaring daggers at him. "How about you, Snape? Aren't you jubilant to harbour the rat who gave away the Potters to Voldemort so that they were easy prey for him? It must have been the best day of your life when James was murdered."

"You have no idea," Severus hissed through clenched teeth, his face as white as a mask, trying hard to conceal his emotions although I could see that it was seething behind his surface of faked indifference.

They had so much in common and they didn't even know it! If only Severus would reveal the real reason why had had turned against the Dark Lord, if only they'd overcome their mutual loathing! But since there was no point in hoping for miracles- it was more likely for hell to freeze over than expecting Severus to forgive Sirius all those years of bullying he'd had to endure at school- I decided that a glass of wine would do us all good.

"Oi! Vermin! Make yourself useful and bring us a bottle of wine!"

Wormtail dug himself out from the pile of books he'd been buried under and shuffled hunchbacked towards the kitchen. "Good Mistress, kind Mistress… Vermin lives to serve. Mistress wants wine, Vermin brings wine. Such an honour for Vermin, such an honour…" His jabbering faded for the time he needed to fetch the bottle of wine and three glasses from the kitchen, separated from the sitting room by a hidden door in the wall of books, but it increased as he returned. "… Vermin is happy, so very happy, that Vermin has so good Masters. Always kind, always polite to dear old Vermin. So much pleasure to serve them… yes, Vermin is a fortunate rat… thank you, dear Mistress, for ordering Vermin brings you wine…"

I snatched the bottle of wine and the glasses from the tray he was carrying and which he almost dropped in an attempt to prostrate himself on the floor while holding it up. "Thanks. You may return to your quarters now and make yourself invisible until we call you again."

I watched him leave as I poured us all a good glass of wine, knowing that Severus had assigned the old coal shag outside the kitchen in the tiny, overgrown garden to him. Although I wouldn't want my house elf to live like that it was nevertheless suitable for Wormtail.

The atmosphere relaxed a little after he had finally disappeared from out sight and yet we sipped our wine in uncomfortable silence. My boys were wound tight which came as no surprise to me since both of them had been reminded of what they had lost the night that Voldemort had killed the Potters due to Wormtail's betrayal. They both had lived through their own personal hell ever since then, Sirius in Azkaban and Severus burdened with so much guilt that he had allowed himself to become a puppet of Dumbledore's whims in his desperate hope for redemption. It would be helpful, even healing, if they'd talk about it but Severus wouldn't want Sirius of all people to know of his love for Lily. I wanted to gather Sirius in my arms and kiss him, console him, but that seemed to be almost indecent in Severus' presence although I wanted to hug him too, if only Sirius wouldn't take offence in that. So I was sitting between them, feeling more awkward with every minute the silence last.

Finally I had enough of it; I lit a cigarette and simply started spilling what we had found out about Regulus, the locket, and the way he had died. Being reminded of his little idiot brother did certainly not improve Sirius' mood but at least Severus changed from brooding to listening attentively.

"Interesting. I never thought Regulus had the courage to defy the Dark Lord…"

"Are you calling my brother a coward?" Sirius snapped with the anger of a protective elder brother who had found new love for his younger sibling.

Severus sneered at him. "Now that you see some Gryffindor qualities in him you care about your Slytherin brother? How touching. Has he redeemed himself from having become a Death Eater by proving absurd self-sacrificing bravery? Heroic, indeed, but nevertheless downright dim-witted. To die for a house elf and leave a powerful magical artefact in his possession, hoping said house elf would manage to destroy whatever the Dark Lord had sought to hide in that cave, not telling anyone of his ill-advised _plan_ or what exactly the Dark Lord has hidden there."

"For once I agree with you," Sirius sighed. "I wished the little idiot had talked to me or asked the Order for help and protection…"

"You actually expect a Black to admit he was wrong, especially to his arrogant brother? I doubt Regulus would have given up his ideals just to be given a tongue-lashing by you who would have smugly rubbed it in like salt in an open wound, constantly reminding him that you were right; as if being the black sheep of the family is a privilege someone has to earn whereas following the rules will almost certainly lead to tragedy."

I sensed trouble. Severus wasn't referring only to the relationship between the two Black brothers but also to the Marauders and himself, bringing up their old school day grudge again.

Therefore I changed the topic before the bickering could start anew, trying to appeal to Severus' profound knowledge of the Dark Arts. "Have you any idea what locket Vol-"

"DON'T speak his name out loud!"

"Why not? Do you think it's impolite if we don't call him respectfully the_ Dark_ _Lord_ like you do?" Sirius interjected in a mocking tone.

"No, I think you are too thick if you believe the Dark Lord wouldn't know exactly that mainly members of the Order are calling him by his name without fear or respect. Consequently he attached a jinx to it that breaks protective enchantments and makes everybody saying it trackable- a very effective way to hunt down the Order, if you ask me. Of course, you're safe here but I recommend you don't push it too far for I cannot guarantee for your safety…"

"As if you'd give a damn about mine."

I scowled at Sirius. Didn't he notice that Severus had just given us valuable information?

"Hey, but that's cool," I said to distract them, "Why not use that jinx against ol' Ugly-snake-face?"

Sirius chuckled while Severus stared at me as if I'd gone nuts. "Care to elaborate on that?"

"Why," I grinned maliciously, "whenever we're in the mood to kill some Death Eaters we only have to speak out His Ugliness' name and enjoy the fight."

Now that was a sight! Sirius and Severus gaped at me, shaking their heads in perfect unison. Oh, if only they'd always be of the same opinion as they were when they believed me over the top! Then Severus spoiled the moment by sternly rebuking me. "Don't ridicule a well-meant advice, Lestrange. The Dark Lord is decidedly not a humorous man and I'd prefer you never be on the receiving end of his annoyance. Do **not** provoke him."

I reached out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze with the result that he shifted rather uncomfortably in his armchair as if he wished to hex me out of embarrassment.

"We should concentrate on that locket," he said wryly.

"Alright then, any idea what it could be?"

To my disappointment Severus shook his head. "No. We will have to do some research." He stood and walked around the room to select some books from the shelves. "If it is a powerful magical artefact it must be mentioned somewhere…"

Sirius groaned at the sight of the increasing pile of books in Severus' arms. "You want to check your whole library in hope for a clue?"

"Nonsense, Black. Of course I don't have to study my potions books if I want to research for a magical artefact," came the sarcastic reply as Severus dropped a small pile of the selected books on Sirius' lap.

For a while we sat in silence; Sirius was casually lounging around on the sofa while Severus was sitting stiffly in his armchair, flickering through the pages of an old book entitled, _A History of Magical artefacts_. I was sitting cross-legged on the floor with a copy of _The Truth behind Legends: An Essay about legendary relics an their meaning_, some other books spread around me. It reminded me of long nights studying in the Slytherin common room; Severus and I had had the habit of doing our homework when all the other students had long gone to bed. He had sought the silence of the night while I had simply preferred the absence of my fellow Slytherins.

"This is really dark stuff!" Sirius looked slightly nauseated as he tossed the book he'd been reading in on the table. I cast a glance at the pictures and had to agree.

"Yeah, the Boiling Intestines Curse is really ugly, a horrible way to kill someone. Your insides start to seethe as if exposed to great heat and then they rot away in an internal fire. But it's a curse you can block very easily due to its very complex incantation and because of that it's rarely used in duel."

"You know that curse?"

"Sure. Darling, I'm a freelance Auror and I wouldn't have survived my job for so long had I scrupled to learn as much as I could about the Dark Arts. You have to know what you're fighting if you want to succeed."

"You cannot fight the Dark Lord with Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, Black." Severus sneered.

"I know," Sirius snapped, "I also defied _You-know-who_ and his consorts during the first war…"

I recalled how eager I'd been to finish my Auror training and join the fight on the other side of the pond but when I had finally passed my exams Voldemort had apparently been defeated for good. Therefore the Ministry of Magic in LA had seen no use in employing any more Aurors which, at long last, had caused me to embrace the city's nightlife in all its extremes- not that I hadn't enjoyed it back then but perhaps I had enjoyed it a little too much…

Severus was sunken deep in his book again and I would have also liked to focus my mind on the lecture in front of me if only Sirius wouldn't be fidgeting around on the sofa, apparently bursting with something he just had to find out although he was hesitant to ask, struggling at the verge of speech. Not daring to ask Severus a simple question because he feared to get a snide remark on something that was very personal and important to him. Regulus, his _little idiot brother_. Despite all of their differences he had nevertheless been fond of him, and he needed to know how well Regulus had fitted into the ranks of the Death Eaters. Of course, he had shared their parents belief in the supremacy of the wizarding race- but how much of the pure-blood mania had actually been his? How far had he gone to follow their doctrines? Had he killed and tortured?

The problem was- and that seemed to nag him most- there was no one but Severus who could answer these questions.

"Um, my brother… Regulus… you knew him well?" Sirius stuttered.

Severus sighed as he closed his book to shot him an annoyed glance. "You want to converse with me, Black? A nice little chit-chat as if we've got nothing else to do? Are you not able to keep your big mouth shut for a while and concentrate on our studies? Of course I knew your brother- he was almost as arrogant as you are, the pampered offspring of a wealthy family. He used to look down his aristocratic nose at those whose blood was not as perfectly pure as his but he was wise enough to never pick a fight with me since he was a mediocre wizard. His only talent was to parrot the ideology of his parents and to idolize the Dark Lord; he couldn't wait to join his ranks. At least that was something he could boast with- and boast he did in an insufferable way."

"Was he… I mean, I know he supported You-know-who's idea… purification of the wizarding world and all that, but… was he," Oh, Sirius was really sweet when he was nervous, running his fingers through his hair, blushing, as he burst out, "Was he a good Death Eater?"

Severus' lips twitched slightly but didn't form his usual sneer. "A good Death Eater? Black, you're really absurd. But to answer your question," and Severus knew perfectly well what Sirius wanted to hear, "he was- in theory. He believed in the supremacy of pure-bloods; he believed in the purification of the wizarding race… yet, when he realized what that really meant he was appalled. I have no idea how he wanted to achieve the elimination of Muggle-borns without having to dirty his hands so, no, he was **not** a good Death Eater. He was never as eager to use the Cruciatus Curse on someone as your dear cousin Bellatrix is, and I guess his primary adoration for the Dark Lord turned to hatred over the months." In an almost inaudible whisper he added, "He wasn't the only one."

Sirius swallowed hard, so relieved to know that his brother had not enjoyed torturing that he actually said, "Thank you… Severus."

Severus just flipped open his book again, clearly not keen to continue the conversation. If he was stunned about Sirius addressing him by his given name for the first time ever he didn't show.

We spent some more time scrolling through the pages of old books but none of us was really giving full attention to magical lockets, our minds were wandering. Admittedly, it would have been much easier had we known what the locket looked like although we could positively rule out the few ones we found. Voldemort wouldn't make all the fuss about a medallion that could prevent haemorrhoids.

"You said Mundungus stole the locket from Grimmauld Place?" Severus asked thoughtfully, and when I nodded I could almost see a plan beginning to form in his mind.

"You tracked him down before," I concluded, knowing he was thinking about using Legilimency on him.

"No one has seen him since the night Moody died, when the bloody coward Disapparated," Sirius gave to consider, "The Order believes he slipped information and therefore has gone into hiding."

"Well, the Order is right given that Mundungus has indeed been used to slip information- remember that Dumbledore told Severus to Confound him in order to plant the idea of decoys? Of course that doesn't excuse his cowardice."

"Dumbledore was aware that Mundungus Fletcher is the weakest point of the Order," Severus agreed. "He is predictable, and I know his favourite hiding holes. But if I fail to find him-," He briefly glanced at Sirius but avoided to meet his eyes, "is it possible that the_ token of gratitude _Potter gave to Kreacher might be the false locket, the replica Regulus left in the cave?"

"Yeah, that would make sense…"

"Then there is still the chance to get a glimpse of it as soon as term starts."

"You'll be going back to teaching at Hogwarts?" I asked, wondering myself why I sounded so surprised.

"I will go back to Hogwarts but not as a teacher- I already told you that the Dark Lord has a more academic career in mind for me; he doesn't require my fighting skills but wishes me to supervise the education of a new generation of young wizards and witches according to his ideals…"

"You're gonna be Hogwarts new Headmaster?" Sirius gasped bewildered.

"Your quick wit never fails to amaze me, Black," Severus snarled with the same tone he used when addressing a bothersome student. He didn't even look at him but kept his attention directed on me. "Dumbledore knew that the school would be in the Dark Lord's grasp one day so he asked me to do all in my power to protect its students, and since the Dark Lord saw me fit to replace him as Headmaster I can keep to my word." He shrugged indifferently. "Although half of them are ignorant dunderheads and the rest good-for-nothing idiots who refuse to use the potential of their brains I will nevertheless not leave them at the mercy of the Carrows."

Now that would be a hard task. The students disliked him probably as much as he disliked most of them (strange, I had always expected him to be a good teacher because he had helped me so much in school, and I had probably learned more about potions from him than from Slughorn) and trying to protect them without making it obvious was like balancing on a thin grate- only one wrong step and he'd fall very deep. I definitely didn't envy him for his apparently prestigious new position.

"Make sure you take care of yourself as well," I told him gently.

"By the way, the Dark Lord will soon proclaim it mandatory for every young wizard or witch to attend to Hogwarts school except for those who are Muggle-born. He will also have the Ministry of Magic to undertake _research_ on how Muggle-borns came to possess magical powers with the predictable conclusion that they have obtained it by theft or force," Severus carried on as if he hadn't taken notice of my words, as if he considered himself not to be important at all. I would have begged to differ but he continued and I wanted to hear him out, "therefore all Muggle-borns will have to present themselves to the newly appointed Muggle-born Registration Commission where they have to prove that magical ancestry exists in their family, otherwise…" He fell silent for a moment, leaving it up to my imagination what might happen to those who couldn't give the required testimony of wizarding genes. I thought of Sam and a wave of nausea washed over me.

"That friend of yours, the _Naughty__ Quill_- although I personally think his pamphlets quite amusing and well up to the point, the Dark Lord is not amused. I recommend it safer for him to stop writing and go into hiding, as far away from here as possible."

"I'll see to it," I promised him, decidedly wanting to know Sam was safe and sound. "Thanks for the warning."

He merely nodded and was about to dismiss us when suddenly a thought struck me, something I had almost forgotten. Something about Dumbledore and the missing page of a letter.

"Sev, can I have a word with you in private, please?"

He arched a quizzical brow at me but then rose from the armchair and went ahead to the kitchen, apparently expecting me to follow him.

I heaved a sigh when Sirius shot me a glance that said he felt locked out and what did I have to discuss with Snape that wasn't for his ears? Great! I certainly didn't _**want**_ to keep secrets from him but there were things that Severus wouldn't tell me in his presence.

"What do you want?" Severus was leaning against the sink, his arms folded across his chest in a defensive gesture. "If you expect me to give your mutt a biscuit as reward for his halfway decent behaviour today…"

I cut him off with a laugh and flung my arms around his neck to breathe a kiss on his cheek. "No, I'm not going to ask impossible things; I know some wounds run too deep. I don't expect anything of you that you're not willing to give freely… and you already proved great tolerance by accepting my relationship with Sirius."

"I wasn't trying to be nice."

"I know, but it was nevertheless nice to tell Sirius about his brother. It means a lot to him."

"I merely told him he was weak; a little idiot boy who got involved in things too big for him to handle." Severus sighed. He hadn't made an attempt to break my embrace yet and now he even snaked an arm around my waist, "Look at me."

We locked eyes…

…_it was night but the darkness was illuminated by the orange glow of a burning house. I heard people scream in agony… Silence. I walked away, fighting back the nausea before it could wash over me and render me as pathetic as the boy kneeling on the grass, retching, tears streaming down his face. So what about your pride of being a Death Eater now, Black? Like your big-headed brother you're always quick with words but never consider the consequences, presumptuousness really runs in your family. Soon Bellatrix will boast with the cruelty of her deeds in front of the Dark Lord, acting like a whore for his attention…_

_Lucius was approaching me, a smug smile on his face. He was proud; his protégé has not failed to meet his exceptions. I was all cold inside. If he saw Regulus crying his eyes out in horror he would be rewarded with the Cruciatus Curse to give him a real reason to cry. A flicker with my wand, a wordless incantation, casting the boy in shadows._

_"Have you seen Regulus?"_

_I closed my mind and lied. "No. When did I miss I was to babysit him?"_

_Lucius jeered. "See you at Headquarters."_

_He Disapparated. I walked over to the boy, grabbed him at the collar of his robes, and gave him a good shaking._

_"Get a grip on yourself, foolish idiot. I won't save your neck again…"_

"After that he followed me like a puppy for a while, thinking I might want to be his friend," Severus sneered, "I didn't even like him much… don't you want to know if I was a good Death Eater?"

I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. "I know you're a good man now, Sev, that's all I need to know."

"You're an amiable pink nightmare, Lestrange." His lips curled up to a thin smile. "But I assume that's not what you wanted to talk about in first place, so what is it that you want?"

"Well, it's about Dumbledore and the second page of a letter that has gone missing; a letter that Lily wrote to Sirius a long time ago. It ended with the line, '_it seems incredible that Dumbledore' _- what? I overheard at the wedding that he'd possibly toyed with the Dark Arts himself when he was young…"

"Alright, come with me," Severus said bluntly as he went ahead up the staircase to his room. It hadn't changed at all since the last time I was there; it was still a bit impersonal but yet too personal for him to allow Vermin to clean it up. Mind, it wasn't dirty or messy- it just wasn't as perfectly gleaming clean as the rest of the house was.

Severus opened a drawer and produced the missing page of Lily's letter, handing it wordlessly to me. Immediately I scanned the few lines that read _'…could ever have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind's going, personally! Lots of love, Lily.'_

I looked up from the page to meet his eyes. "Dumbledore had been friends with Grindelwald? The same Gellert Grindelwald he'd heroically defeated? Now that's mightily interesting! I guess that's why you took the letter, right? Well, at least that's gonna be the reason we can present Sirius with… oh, and Sev," I flashed him a smile that took the wind out of his sails before he could lash out, "you can keep the picture."

* * *

alright my hit counter tells me there must be people reading my story even though the only review I got for the last chapter was from my friend ellennar. So I'm wondering what's wrong? Is the story good or bad or boring or why don't you let me know what you think about it. I'm not fishing for compliments here since I don't even mind flames, but please give me some feedback. 


	19. A Witless Werewolf

19- A Witless Werewolf

We returned to Camden Town late at night but the lights were still on; which was good because I wanted Sam to leave the country as soon as possible. Fortunately he was at home, fortunately he was still up- well, if _up _was what you'd call his position on the sofa, engaged in an affectionate lip-lock with the lover he hadn't introduced to me yet. In fact, he had carefully avoided to bring his latest flame home…

They dove apart the moment we entered the living room, as if caught in the act.

"Raven! Sirius!" Sam yelped, his face like a ripe tomato not only because of his heated encounter.

Although I wasn't easy to shock my jaw dropped. I was clearly not scandalized that Sam was snogging another guy- after all, I'd been to Buena Vista NEWT academy where a drag queen was headmaster- but because at first glance his lover reminded me of Lucius Malfoy. He had the same pointed, slightly haughty face, blonde hair… alright, his hair was rather more gold than white blonde and cut in a modern fashion that Lucius would have abhorred; and he was also not as pale but tanned, so it had obviously been wise to have withstood my initial reflex to draw my wand, hex him, and then ask questions. Actually that would have been quite embarrassing since Sam's lover didn't even seem to be a wizard so a woman threatening him with a stick of ebony would have only baffled him.

"Um, that's Sebastian," Sam introduced the guy who now only vaguely resembled Lucius Malfoy, and yet there still was a disturbing similarity as if they were related. However, I couldn't imagine a Malfoy being related to a Muggle, and it didn't even matter anyway since I wanted Sam to pack his things and leave the country.

"Nice to meet you, Sebastian, and goodbye." I said in a dismissive tone before turning to Sam. "Sam, we have to talk."

He shot me a defiant glance as he took Sebastian's hand in his. "Well, we can talk now."

"It's about… You-know-who." Damned, if only the Malfoy look-alike would leave so I could speak openly to Sam but apparently he insisted him to stay. "Listen, you might have probably noticed the two _goth_ _rockers_ observing our house lately…" _At least they weren't as badly disguised as Muggles anymore, and people wearing long black robes weren't that unusual in London._

"Why not name things, Raven? Sebastian knows of the wizarding world."

"Ah?" I arched a brow and scrutinized his lover all over again. He looked like the cover boy of a men's fashion magazine, dressed in the latest Muggle fashion, and I could have sworn he dyed his eyebrows.

"I'm a Squib," Sebastian explained. "I have nearly no memory of the first ten years of my life- my family was probably so embarrassed of me being a Squib that they modified it before dumping me at a Muggle orphanage. I was lucky to get adopted by a loving family though. My mother was a Muggle and my father was a wizard…"

"Actually I'm not overly interested in your life story."

"Sebastian studied law at Oxford; he's a successful lawyer with a fascination for the wizarding law and actually plans to write a book comparing them," Sam continued enthusiastically although I had just stated my disinterest.

"Great," I said, sarcasm in my voice, "as far as I know Squibs are not in trouble, but you are, Sam. The new regime will have all Muggle-borns to register and give evidence of wizard ancestors. If you don't come up with suitable family tree- unlikely- and since your magical skills are merely mediocre, you will board the next plane to LA where you can live in my old apartment. Needless to say that the Naughty Quill will be on hiatus…"

"I'm not going to leave," protested Sam. "I love Sebastian."

I rolled my eyes. "Listen, you're in grave danger if you stay. I don't have either the time, the patience or the energy to protect you therefore you will move your ass now and do as you're told. Do I make myself clear?"

"Raven, you sound as if Snape's charming ways are rubbing off on you so why don't you give those two a break and let them digest the new situation first. Maybe there is a way for them to stay together." Sirius interjected thoughtfully. If he felt stupid for ever having been jealous at Sam he didn't show.

"I don't want you to stay for my sake if that means you are endangering your life." Sebastian said to Sam. "I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you but of course I don't want to leave you either. Would you like me to come to LA with you?"

I turned away discreetly when they kissed and dialed the number of the flight information to book two seats on the next plane to Los Angeles.

Some hours later we were on our way to the airport. Of course the Death Eaters guarding our house tried to follow us but since they had never learned to stop themselves a taxi, and give the driver the instruction to follow ours, we lost them very soon.

Sam and Sebastian checked in but before they went through the security control, Sam handed me an envelope.

"Here are copies of the information I collected about Dumbledore. You might find this one interesting," he produced a photograph showing a teenage Dumbledore arm in arm with a merry-faced, smiling lazily, golden-haired boy. "The pretty blonde one is Gellert Grindelwald."

"What?" _It seems incredible that Dumbledore could have ever been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. _So it was true; there was the proof. They really looked quite close in this picture and Bathilda Bagshot was probably not completely gaga.

Sam handed me another photograph of the two, smiling at each other, and said, "They were lovers."

"WHAT?" If someone had told Sirius that Voldemort would resign from terrorizing the wizarding world in order to live happily and in loving harmony with Bellatrix, the result would have caused similar bewilderment. Like me he failed to imagine Dumbledore in any kind of sexual relationship- of course we only knew him as an old, white-haired wizard with a long, white beard, wearing half-moon spectacles; the respected Headmaster of Hogwarts; the unfaltering leader of the Order of the Phoenix. "You can't be sure about that."

"Well, in the wizarding as well as the Muggle society it is not always safe to display your sexual preferences openly; there are still a lot of prejudices and reservations- especially by conservative minds- against homosexuals that we have learned to read the small signs that indicate we're dealing with a kindred spirit," Sam pointed out, smiling fondly at Sebastian who smiled back at him enraptured, "Believe me when I tell you that they were lovers; it's the way they look at each other."

Well, that was definitely something I had to mull over- mind, I didn't care whether he loved men or women or goats (his brother Aberforth had apparently been accused of that) but that he had been in love with a man who had become one of the most feared Dark wizards prior to Voldemort. What did that say about Dumbledore? Had he really been dabbling in the Dark Arts himself when he was young? To be honest, it wouldn't even surprise me, considering what a manipulative glory hound he'd always been.

-

I had turned the kitchen into a potions lab, disemboweling horned toads to get their gallbladder extract for a big cauldron of Wolfsbane Potion I was brewing as a late wedding present for Tonks, when suddenly the door bell rang.

"Moony!" Sirius barked with unconcealed joy in his voice as he welcomed his friend. It was the first time Lupin came to visit him here in Camden and I was curious to what we owed the displeasure of his company.

"I need to talk to you, Padfoot," he blurted straight out, looking distressed.

"Why, come on in first, Moony, and take a seat."

Lupin heaved a sigh as he dropped himself on the sofa, shooting a frown in my direction. It was obvious that he wanted to talk to Sirius alone, and the sight of me with a sharp scalpel in my bloody hands was disturbing him. Perhaps he believed I was occupying myself with some obscure Death Eater hobbies because I was friends with Severus Snape. Shrugging I returned to the kitchen; I wasn't keen to pretend all was fine between us or having to hold polite small talk with him for Sirius' sake. Disemboweling horned toads was decidedly more fun although I wished that, once Severus was back at Hogwarts, he'd find some disobedient students who'd relieve me from soiling my fingers with slimy innards.

I heard Lupin mutter in low tone but couldn't overhear what he was talking about, wishing for Extendable Ears. Not that I was interested in whatever werewolf problems he had. I merely wanted to know if he was speaking ill of me again, and what he accused me of now. As if I was to blame for all failures of the Order.

To my surprise Sirius suddenly shouted, "Congratulations!", before calling for me to bring a bottle of champagne. "We have to drink to that!"

Did he really expect me to act like a good housewife and bring them drinks? Sorry, but I was busy. On the other hand I couldn't resist to play that role so I Summoned the desired bottle and sent it to the sitting room.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, darling?" I peeked around the corner. "Would you like something to eat? How about frog legs?"

"No, thank you," Lupin said with disgust in his voice as he stared at the disemboweled toads I was holding up, although I assured him they might be tasty with garlic. Alright, I doubted that too.

Sirius grinned like an idiot. "Raven, wonderful news- Tonks is pregnant! Remus will be daddy soon!"

"Ah?" If the news was so wonderful why did Lupin look so miserable then? "Well, I assume congratulations are in order."

I went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands- maybe I should clink glasses with them- and missed the part when Lupin told Sirius what had just transpired at Grimmauld Place. By the time I entered the living room the mood had changed completely.

"Harry's right," Sirius said sharply, "James wouldn't have wanted you to leave your pregnant wife and go on an adventure; he was not a man who ran away from his obligations."

"I'm **not** running away. Tonks is better off without me..."

"I beg your pardon, but that is definitely the biggest load of crap I ever heard," I interjected, glaring at Lupin. Although I didn't know the whole context I felt anger boiling up inside me.

"You don't understand," Lupin snapped. "Tonks is fine, she's with her parents; they'll look after her..."

"Yeah," I sneered, "I guess that's exactly what she wants. That's probably what every woman wants- to be dumped by the guy she loves because, oops, he has forgotten that having his fun could lead to obligations he's not willing to accept."

"I admit, I made a grave mistake in marrying her against my better judgment. She deserved better..."

"You're damned right with that but unfortunately that's not the point. I have no idea why a wonderful, pretty and clever witch would fall for a spineless git like you, and yet she loves you. You should thank all the gods and goddesses of heaven or hell instead of whining you're not good enough for her when all she wants is you. No, Lupin, marrying her was not a mistake but that you had the nerve to leave her **after** you got her pregnant..."

"But that's the problem, don't you understand?" Lupin cut me off, sounding frustrated. "The child- what if it is like me? I made her an outcast, even her own family is disgusted by our marriage because what parent would want their daughter to marry a werewolf?"

"Andromeda is not like that," Sirius interjected, "She risked being blasted off the family tree when she married Ted Tonks but she didn't give a damn because she loved him, and all she wants for her daughter is to be happy even if her happiness depends on a werewolf. And, knowing Andie, I'm sure she's pleased that her daughter married a good friend of mine."

"Besides, if you worry about the child why didn't you keep your wand to yourself?" I fumed in cold fury; I absolutely held no tolerance for… for _MEN_, stupid fucking bastards. "And don't tell me Tonks raped you, because that's mightily unlikely. Damned, Lupin, even a werewolf should know that babies aren't found under a gooseberry bush! Why didn't you prevent conception if you fear your offspring might inherit your liking for raw flesh at full moon? Do you believe your werewolf cock is too big for any standard sized condom- which I doubt- or are you too thick to use one? Has all this howling at the moon effected your brain? In any case, it's downright cowardly behaviour to abandon your wife because she could possibly give birth to something furry, and to mask your cowardice with allegedly worrying about her reputation, when it should be your bloody responsibility to support her. After all, you married her; you made a vow. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Are you really still the little coward you were in school? The Prefect who preferred to look away when his friends bullied others because you feared the spotlight of popularity you loved to bathe in would be switched off if you showed some moral backbone?"

"Don't call me coward!" Lupin stood. "And don't you dare to speak about morals when you still fail to see the evil in Snape."

He glowered at me with a dangerous, _wolfish_ expression in his eyes. I glared back at him, holding his gaze until he looked away. Lupin then glanced at Sirius for support but to his surprise his friend shook his head.

"Raven's right, Remus," Sirius insisted.

"You lovesick fool. She has Confunded you. Padfoot, please remember that you always hated Snape, that the feeling was mutual from the beginning- doesn't that matter to you anymore?"

"What's Snape got to do with you and Tonks, I'm wondering? Raven is right, you shouldn't have left her, and that's also what Harry said. I can only agree to it. Go back to your wife."

"Crawl," I said, "with your tail between your legs, and beg her forgiveness."

Lupin stormed off and slammed the door shut.

Sirius rubbed his face with his hands, looking weary.

"I'm sorry; I couldn't keep my mouth shut and maybe I got carried away because it made me so angry," I said although Sirius had told Lupin he shared my opinion- well, at least in regard of Tonks.

He looked up, a sad smile on his face. "At least this time you didn't cause the dishes go rattling…" _Ah, he still remembered my little outburst in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. _"I wished James were here; he was always on better terms with Moony; always found the better words- although, I must confess I doubt that either of us would have had the guts to mention the concept of contraception…" Sirius fell silent, staring at the floor, and when he looked up again he blushed slightly. "By the way, um… do you, er…"

Men! I wasn't sure whether I wanted to hug him because he looked so cute when he was at a loss, or slap him for his thoughtlessness. "You ask me that after how many times we slept together?" I snapped and retreated to the kitchen, calling over my shoulder, "Of course I do."

The rascal had the nerve to follow me and snake an arm around my waist when I had just picked up my scalpel again- Sirius Black was truly a fearless man- purring in my ear, "You surely don't wish to busy yourself with foul-smelling potions and slimy ingredients for the second night in a row, do you?"

I heaved a sigh as I turned around to kiss him; I'm weak, I know. I shouldn't have been so easy to win although I had never played hard to get, and the physical attraction between us was definitely strong. On the other hand, the Wolfsbane Potion didn't brew itself on its own.

"I have to get it done," I said, heaving another sigh when I broke our kiss. Damned, it was so tempting to simply go upstairs and let him have his ways with me but there were rules to the brewing of complicated potions that, unfortunately, didn't provide an intermezzo in the bedroom in-between.

"Hm," Sirius rested his head on my shoulder and watched me disemboweling another horned toad- the last! Then I extracted the secretion from the gallbladders in exactly the same way Severus had described in his annotation to the original instruction; I didn't even need to look at the instructions because I had done it so many times already now. "I really appreciate you're still doing that for Moony although it's obvious you don't like him much."

"I'm not doing it for him but for Tonks. If he decides to go back to her he will be in a position that he won't have to endure the pains of transformation; he can roll up at her feet like a cute pet wolf at full moon. If he really is a spineless git and leaves her and his unborn child then I couldn't care less to see him suffer really badly because he deserves it."

"I'm certain he'll come to his senses," Sirius assured me although there was a hint in his voice that betrayed his words. They were friends- best friends, now that James was dead- but the fact that Lupin had believed him capable of selling the Potters to Voldemort, that he hadn't been the loyal friend he had desperately needed during his twelve year stint in Azkaban, would always leave a stale taste in his mouth. Lupin had no faith in him which showed in his attitude towards me. "He'll come to the conclusion that he can't leave Tonks all on her own with a child that might have inherited his furry problem- do you think it's possible she could actually give birth to a- you know what?"

"A werewolf pup?" I offered helpfully and shook my head only an instant later. "No, I don't think so. If it would be so easy to breed a new werewolf the ones like Greyback would go shagging the country on a daily basis instead of having to wait for the full moon to go swarming out and biting innocent kids. Of course, I could be wrong here since I'm not a werewolf expert. But we can ask Severus next time we meet."

"Is he a werewolf expert?"

"Well, after he almost became werewolf dinner he read a lot about them."

"Oh," Sirius had the decency to look abashed because I was referring to the 'prank', "maybe I should not bring up that topic…"

"It depends on how you feel about it today."

"I already told you I'm not proud of it; I really didn't consider the consequences."

"Don't tell me- tell him. Show some remorse and say you're sorry."

His eyes narrowed. "You don't actually mean that, do you?"

I stirred the cauldron, six times clockwise and every seventh stir counter-clockwise. The potion took on a venomous green shade. I had to add the powdered _Shingfeiya_ roots now, and I had to concentrate on that so I didn't answer. This was a critical moment which was decisive for the result. The green liquid began to bubble, emitted a cloud of yellowish smoke, and turned to an unappetizing muddy brown. Very good. I let it boil for exactly two minutes.

"It certainly wouldn't harm you to show some remorse because Severus still believes you tried to kill him then, and even when you admitted that you only wanted to scare him shitless, not considering the consequences, you merely gave testimony to the simple fact that you didn't care about his life. Like James, who took offence in his mere existence. Damned, Sirius, he could have been maimed or infected…" I fell silent, remembering the night of the 'prank', when Severus had returned to an almost empty Slytherin common room, trembling with anger, terrified. He had cursed the Marauders, Dumbledore, every single Gryffindor and all the staff at Hogwarts; he'd been furious that Dumbledore had made his swear to keep Lupin's secret to himself while spilling it to me; he'd been enraged that once again the Marauders would get away with breaking the rules. I shook my head and glanced at Sirius. "However, I'm not telling you what to do, that's entirely up to you. Just don't go and say you're sorry if you don't really mean it; it has to come from here," I placed a hand on his chest, over his heart. "Anything else won't suffice- and Severus will know if you're being honest or only trying to please me."

I turned back to the seething cauldron and started stirring again. Next I had to add the gallbladder extract of the horned toads.

Sirius leaned closer to be. "I'd like to please you, love… but I guess I'm not ready to really have a heart for Snape yet. I'm willing to admit that he might be more than a greasy oddball with a fascination for the Dark Arts, and I'm even grateful for what he told me about Reg, but… well, you know I always loathed him, and he isn't exactly trying to become my friend either."

"You cannot expect that when for too many years he'd been at the receiving end of your stupid pranks."

"Yeah, right, but James always hated the Dark Arts, and Snape…"

"Sirius, did Severus ever use a particularly nasty and Dark curse on you or James?"

He racked his brain for a minute or two, and I assumed he could go on like that for hours without coming up with a satisfying answer because- as far as I knew- Severus had never gone too far while at school; his interest in the Dark Arts had mostly been of an academic nature.

"Avery used a spell of Snape's creation on a muggle-born Hufflepuff girl which very nearly got her killed," Sirius answered at long last.

"You very nearly got him killed when you sent him to face a fully fledged werewolf. James almost made him choke a couple of times by using _Scourgify_ on him- where do you draw the line, Sirius? Is a spell that makes one choke on pink bubbles less malicious because the bubbles are pink? I find it hard to draw a line between the Light and the Dark Arts; I don't understand why some spells are Ministry-approved and others not while all the same Unforgivable Curses aren't that unforgivable if you have a license to use them. What's worse to inflict upon someone, the Dementor's Kiss or a quick and clean Avada Kedavra? Who's the villain, the one bathing in his saint-like glory while using people like marionettes, pulling their strings and breaking their souls all for the greater good- or the one who uses his knowledge of the Dark Arts to help fighting a Dark wizard?"

With a flick of my wand I reduced the flame under the cauldron- the Wolfsbane Potion was to simmer for an hour before I had to stir it again- and glanced at Sirius who gave the impression as if he was actually mulling things over; I had to give him credit for that.

"I never thought about that," he admitted.

No, of course not. At a time when most boys grew into men he had been locked away in Azkaban with little chance given to mature. Sometimes he was still a thoughtless teenager while at others he appeared to have aged before time. Actually it was a miracle how he had managed to keep up a halfway sane emotional balance.

-

I woke up late the next day after having spent almost the entire night in the kitchen, consumed with brewing Wolfsbane Potion. I had made a big cauldronful that would provide Lupin for at least half a year- if the stupid werewolf came to his senses and returned to Tonks, that is- and I had filled it in empty wine bottles that now lay neatly corked and sealed in a basket, waiting to be delivered. We were to meet the Tonks family today.

Andromeda had been blasted off the family tree for marrying the Muggle-born wizard Ted Tonks but if that was the reason why Sirius called her his favorite cousin I didn't know.

When she opened the door I had to withstand my initial urge to reach for my wand because she resembled Bellatrix if only at first glance. Her hair was of a lighter color, a soft brown, and her eyes were kinder although there was a slight haughty expression on her face; the trademark of the Blacks. She had also inherited their good looks but apparently not her attitude for she beamed brightly at Sirius and swept him in a tight embrace the moment she caught sight of him.

"Sirius! So good to see you!"

"Andie!"

Andromeda held him at arm-length then to study his face. "It's been so long. But come on in, quick. Our house is being observed…"

"I know," I said, "as is ours. They gave up following us around though- I guess even the most loyal Death Eaters think my shopping trips exhausting."

She glanced at me as she closed the door, still a smile on her face. "You must be Raven- Dora speaks a lot of you; she likes you. I'm glad you came, maybe you can cheer her up a little. Oh, and please excuse the mess. We had uninvited guests who probably believed we'd hide Harry Potter in a drawer…"

I knew what she was about when she led us in the sitting room which was still a little messy although they had apparently tried to clean up most of it, but with Tonks- I simply couldn't call her _Dora_- coming back home, pregnant and abandoned by her husband, they had shifted their priorities.

Ted Tonks greeted us; he was a big-bellied man with fair hair and it was obvious from whom Tonks had inherited her good looks. However, Ted was a friendly man with a sparkle in his eyes that told of his humor and I took an instant liking of him.

Andromeda started buzzing around, offering us a seat while she hurried to the kitchen to boil some tea. She also walked up the staircase to the upper floor and knocked at a door, and when she finally came back down to the living room there was a sad, worried expression on her face.

"Dora is not in the mood to come downstairs," she said, heaving a sigh. "She's like that ever since… of course I wasn't overjoyed when she said she wanted to marry a werewolf but I knew Remus is your friend, Sirius, and I thought him decent."

"He'll come to his senses," Sirius assured her, and this time he sounded more definite than last night in the kitchen.

"I hope so. It can't be good for the baby if Dora hardly eats and stays in her room all the time."

"I could see to her," I offered, thinking that Lupin wasn't worthy of Tonks crying her eyes out over him.

"Oh, would you? That would be so kind."

It wasn't my intention to be kind and pamper her but I believed Tonks could use a good shaking. I hadn't expected it to be that bad though when I opened the door to her room and froze in my tracks when I heard Whitney Houston howling 'I will always love youuuhuuuuuu'. I was appreciative of people indulging in their misery while listening to the Cure but I held no tolerance for that teeth-rotting sweet whining so I silenced Whitney with a flick of my wand and opened the curtains. It was a bright and sunny August day, Tonks shouldn't lie in bed, in the darkness of her room, and most of all she shouldn't look so… grey.

Her hair had the color of a mouse, her eyes were red and puffy from crying, blinking at the sunlight that suddenly fell in her room. She wanted to pull the blanket over her head but I sent it hovering in mid-air above her bed so that she would have to get up if she wanted to have it back. I grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at me.

"You're pathetic. Stop that useless whining over a spineless git who isn't worthy of your love and get up."

"Remus is not…"

"Don't tell me how heroic it was of him to get you pregnant and then ditch you because I won't hear that."

"It was all my mistake. I wanted a family…

"Ever considered that it might not be the best time now?" I fell silent for a moment when I realized what she had just indicated. "Wait, you planned all this to bind him closer to you? You feared that being married alone would not suffice to keep him? Damned, Tonks, when did you lose your mind? When I met you, you were a pretty and talented young Auror- look at you now. You gave yourself up. You won't win him back that way- although you shouldn't even **want** him back…"

"But I love him," Tonks sniffed stubbornly, "and I carry his child."

"Yeah, right… but you do know that there are things you can do about it? I could concoct a potion for you that…"

"You're disgusting!" She snapped but I couldn't care less. At least there was an angry sparkle in her eyes now, replacing the desperate hopelessness that had filled them only seconds ago. "Of course I want to carry out our child- how can you even suggest…"

"Because of your behavior, Tonks," I cut her off. "Your mother says you hardly eat; you bury yourself in this room like it's a vault, and to top it all you torture that little something in your belly with _**Whitney Houston**_! Now get up and join us in the living room; Sirius is there, warming up old family ties with your mum."

"Sirius?" She asked hopefully. "Could he probably have a word with Remus?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I guess dear Remus already received enough werewolf bashing to last for a lifetime so it won't surprise me if he actually comes crawling back to you- especially since there's a generous supply of Wolfsbane Potion waiting for him."

Tonks made an attempt to fling grateful arms around my neck but I backed away and told her to take a shower, but that wasn't the only reason for my reservation. I hated the idea that Lupin might only return to her because that's what we all expect him to do, and if he behaved well he would be rewarded with Wolfsbane Potion. It felt like blackmailing him into doing the right thing which wasn't necessarily what he himself considered to be the right thing. Maybe it was true and the wedding had been a grave mistake because he simply didn't love her.


	20. Horcruxes

20- Horcruxes

A couple of days later Andie (only Sirius called her that, her husband, Ted, preferred to call her Dromeda. I had laughed when I first heard that, thinking of camels) sent an owl that Tonks and Lupin had reconciled and were living together again. I wondered whether their reunion was out of love or out of guilt from Lupin's side, given that we had almost forced him to face his responsibilities and not run away from them. Sirius went to visit the allegedly happy couple but I had preferred to stay at home. I didn't want to succumb to the temptation of using Legilimency on him in order to find out what I hoped not to see in him, that he didn't love Tonks but had only returned to her to please the people whose opinion he cared for, like Sirius and Harry. 

Days turned into weeks in which I heard no word from Severus. He had made it clear that he'd contact me when he saw it as appropriate and I had agreed to that, knowing the risks. But every now and then I wondered if he was maybe avoiding me for whatever reason because I doubted he was in Voldemort's presence all the time. He must have some time to send a message, if only to let me know he was alright. On the other hand, if all was fine he probably saw no reason to tell me since he'd consider his well-being as too irrelevant to waste parchment on. So it was more likely that he didn't write because he had nothing significant to tell, had not found out about the locket, had not revealed Voldemort's secret… Damned, but I missed him. Ever since I had returned to my roots, to the wizarding world of Britain, he had been a constant in my slightly chaotic life that I didn't want to miss. Not again. I had lost him once, when I had run away from Hogwarts and out of his life; I didn't want that to ever happen again. I was pretty sure we looked absolutely ridiculous together, the severe, sarcastic Potions Master and the vain, little sunshine of a pink nightmare that I was, but I felt better when he was around- more grounded, more like me and less like what others saw in me… Alright, I loved Sirius, he made me happy. He also drove me up the walls sometimes, when he behaved like an immature teenager although I couldn't blame him for that; the horrors of Azkaban were still hanging over him like a dark cloud, giving him nightmares. I knew I was good for him, that he loved me too. He actually loved me enough to accept my friendship to a man he used to loathe, and more, he was even trying to overcome his loathing for my sake. Because he believed in my knowledge of the human soul, believed that I couldn't be so wrong in my judgement when I had never seen him capable of betraying his best friend like everybody else had done. So he was willing to give Severus at least the benefit of a doubt to make me happy, without ever coming anywhere near to understanding just how much my happiness also depended on Severus' friendship, how much I needed him. I must admit that I myself was only slowly beginning to understand that in those lonely evenings when I impatiently paced the house, worrying about Sev, while Sirius was out meeting Lupin or Harry.

Finally one day, at the end of August, there was a knock at our backdoor and Severus came bursting into the kitchen, looking kind of disheveled. His robes were torn; his hair was dirty; blood was smeared on his pallid face. His black eyes glittered nervously as he cast a quick glance over his shoulder and told me to close the door.

"Bloody hell, Sev, what happened to you?" I asked worriedly as I took notice of the bruise above his eyebrow, blood dripping from it.

"Molly," he rasped.

"Molly? Molly Weasley?"

"Never underestimate the fury of a mother hen gone mad when confronted with the one who had harmed one of her many precious brats… I ran across her in Diagon Alley…"

"What were you doing there?"

He scowled at me. "It would be helpful if you'd hear me out. I told you I know Mundungus Fletcher's favorite hiding holes and would try to find him, and indeed I had almost cornered him in Knockturn Alley when he left the _Wicked__Cauldron_ but then he turned into Diagon Alley where I unfortunately happened to meet Molly Weasley- my guess is that she had been visiting her terrible twins. Needless to say she wasn't pleased to see me because she immediately drew her wand and started dueling me. Of course I managed to block and counter all the curses she shot at me," he sneered slightly as if even the idea that _Molly_ Weasley could best him was amusing- especially if he hadn't been giving as good as he could because hurting her had not been his intention. Molly had treated him decently at Order meetings… but then again she was someone who could mask her dislike with impeccable politeness. "In the course of events one of her curses hit a flowerpot that came crashing down on me… I admit I had no counter-curse handy for attacking flowerpots."

Had he just tried to make a joke? If so there was no hint of it written in his face, which was almost inscrutable until I looked in his eyes. He let down his guards a little, just enough to give me a fleeting notion of what he'd been through since we'd met last. I realized at once that he had indeed been trying to avoid me the last few weeks but not because he'd been mad at me. Quite the contrary. The Dark Lord had occupied a great deal of his time while plotting his course on his rise to eternal fame, and most of his political ideas had sickened Severus although he wasn't to show it. It would kill him (or even worse) to show any kind of compassion, and he had believed that he needed to grow cold, callous, to keep his cover. He had believed that our friendship, everything I offered- hope, trust, warmth; a light in the darkness- would merely distract him from complying to his dangerous task. Therefore he had tried to sever the ties to me and all that I stood for because it had seemed to be more of a handicap to him. He had believed that insensitivity would make him stronger but had apparently come to the conclusion that he'd been wrong about that; that numbness alone wouldn't help him to defy Voldemort on a daily basis, betraying him while all the same making the ol' ugly snake-face believe he was still his most loyal servant. 

"… some Aurors and members of the Order Apparated to her rescue and I thought it more convenient to take my leave..." I heard him finish his tale of the events that had at long last landed him in my kitchen but I didn't really listen when I dabbed the blood from his face.

"Raven," he rebuked me softly, rolling his eyes. Of course the cut above his eyebrow had long closed and was healing; he was good at healing spells too. You learn a lot when you happen to find yourself regularly at the receiving end of some impertinent bullies.

"I missed you," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him, and for once he didn't even try to back away from me but succumbed to my embrace; probably still rolling his eyes because I could be such a sweet, obnoxious nag. There was no way to fight my persistence if I had set my mind on caring about someone, and Severus wasn't immune to compassion. He heaved a defeated sigh and circled his arms around my waist. We stood like that for a while until Sirius spoiled the moment.

"OI! What you're doing there? Get your greasy hands off my girl!" He barked, an unreasonable ring of jealousy in his voice. I could have kicked him for that.

"Ah, go and mark a tree, Black." Severus retorted silkily.

I shouldn't laugh. It was hard to suppress a grin though. But before I could tell Sirius that his jealousy was uncalled for the doorbell rang. Severus instinctively reached for his wand, casting a suspicious glance at the door. He'd be in a serious dilemma if any member of the Order would show up here now, and he was aware of the fact that I'd be too.

"Are you expecting anyone tonight?"

"Yeah, the Chinese delivery service. I hope you'll stay for dinner?" I didn't wait for a reply but shoved him gently in direction of the sofa, and he sat down with a sigh. "We ordered too much anyway."

He looked as if he could use some food; he always forgot to eat when he was consumed with whatever. At school I sometimes had to drag him away from his books and into the great hall for meals. And now- well, considering that he spent a great amount of time in the presence of a psycho with disturbing political ideas I would have lost my appetite too.

Sirius answered the door and paid the Chinaman, clearly displeased with the situation. He had been looking forward to a romantic evening with me and having to share me with Severus Snape was decidedly not his perfect idea of a romantic evening. But being jealous at him was downright absurd. Sev didn't want me; he had made that unmistakable clear. I was not Lily.

"He fancies you," Sirius hissed to me after having followed me into the kitchen where I uncorked a bottle of dark red wine, "and the mere idea makes me sick."

"Darling, we're friends. That's all. It's not unusual to give your friend a hug. I saw you hugging Lupin once and didn't jump to conclusions."

"Because it's mighty unlikely that Remus would fancy me. And, in addition, he's not a greasy git."

"No, he's a _spineless_ git and I dunno what's worse. But don't worry, Sirius, there is absolutely no reason for you to be jealous because Severus only sees a good friend in me, and I daresay he does need a good friend in these times."

"Yeah, you're right…" He didn't sound convinced. Probably because I was not strictly abhorred to the idea that Severus could see more in me than just a friend. "However, the notion of him possibly fantasizing about you is revolting and if he'd ever care to look in the mirror he'd understand why I…"

"I'm hungry," I cut him off, grabbed the wine bottle and headed back to the living room, smiling at my friend sitting on the sofa, glad he was there. 

While we shared several dishes of Chinese food I sat sandwiched between Sirius and Severus like a barrier they'd have to overcome first if they wanted to bicker at or hex each other. Sirius thought it a good idea to turn on the TV in order to avoid small talk but I disagreed and snatched the remote control from his hands to switch it off again. Instead I started prattling cheerfully until both of my boys wished for a remote control to switch me off although that, surprisingly, seemed to ease the strained atmosphere a little and the mood became less tense. Sirius' animosity against Severus ebbed a bit when he realized that the other man was also just a man like he was; a man who also rolled his eyes at a woman's constant nattering.

Great. I smiled brightly, not giving a damn that they might think me a pretty little prattler; I could live with that as long as they wouldn't start bitching at each other.

Of course the conversation soon turned to the only reason why two people who loathed each other mutually would even bother to sit in the same room with me It was about the locket and its meaning. Severus reported what he'd done to find out more about it in the little spare time he'd had which made me feel guilty for not having worked harder on that. Instead of poring over piles of books I had busied myself with shopping trips, visits to the beauty parlor and other meaningless things. 

"What if the locket itself isn't really that important," Sirius suddenly suggested, carefully weighing his words, "what if it's not a special magical artifact but rather something… well, just any ordinary locket that You-Know-Who turned into something significant enough to hide it…"

He fell silent, shrugging. Maybe he thought it was a stupid idea but Severus actually arched a surprised brow at him.

"When did you develop the ability to think, Black?"

"'Twas just an idea, forget it. It doesn't help us since we don't have the slightest clue what a manic like Lord V would have wanted to hide."

I noticed that Severus was seriously mulling things over instead of dismissing the thought like Sirius had already done, not grasping that Severus had indeed deemed his train of thought worthy of further consideration. Then he stared at me, a strange glitter in his black eyes, and whispered one word, "Horcruxes."

The proverbial scales fell from my eyes; I remembered a memory of Dumbledore that Severus had shared with me. The old man had been talking about a fragment of a soul that had been blasted off… it had reminded me of something I couldn't put my finger on then but it made perfect sense to me now.

"You're right," I breathed.

"What are you talking about," Sirius asked, obviously clueless.

"Horcruxes, Black. Didn't you listen or are you simply ignorant? But, of course, the subject of Horcruxes is really Dark stuff and was banned from Hogwarts a long time ago."

"Which apparently didn't stop you with your sick fascination for the Dark Arts from knowing about it. So go ahead, Snape, and lecture me…"

"Oh, shut it." I rebuked him. "For your information, a Horcrux is an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul. You literally have to rip your soul apart- which can be done by committing cold-blooded murder- and hide one part in an object outside your body so that even if your body is destroyed you cannot die because part of the soul remains earthbound. Of course, splitting your soul is an act of violation against the human nature, and few would want it, but for a psychotic freak it's kind of life insurance; a way to gain immortality."

"You summed it up well," Severus agreed, the ghost of a smile curling up the corners of his lips.

"How comes you know about Horcruxes so well?" Sirius gave me a frown.

"Well, it wasn't a banned subject at Buena Vista so Professor Steel told us all we needed to know about it while all the same she pointed out that the soul is supposed to remain intact and that immortality is clearly overrated."

"Professor Steel? Alice Steel, the famous Auror?" It couldn't be that much a freak school if the teachers had a reputation even Severus had heard of.

"Yeah, she was my Defense against the Dark Arts teacher and she really had profound knowledge of the Dark Arts. You know," I glanced at Sirius, "there's nothing wrong with knowing the Dark Arts, or having a fascination with it, as long as you don't use it to harm others. And we could use a great deal more knowledge about Horcruxes than just the basic theory right now. For example, how to destroy them."

"I believe it's safe to assume that this is the reason why Dumbledore wanted Potter to receive the Sword of Gryffindor." Severus concluded. He stood abruptly and started pacing the room. I sensed anger boiling up inside him. "I should have known. There were so many hints but Dumbledore preferred to keep things secret. Why put trust in the basket dangling on the Dark Lord's arm- on his order. I did anything he asked me to; I KILLED him. And yet he left it to a mediocre wizard, a teenager, to find and destroy the Horcruxes…"

"Wait," I interrupted him before he could go on ranting, angry at himself because he, the Dark Arts expert, had failed to read the signs; he had not figured it out earlier what Dumbledore had been about, what mission he'd left Harry. Now he racked his brain why he hadn't seen what seemed to be so obvious… as if he hadn't been occupied enough with being a member of the Order of the Phoenix, an allegedly loyal Death Eater, a cunning spy, keeping a sharp eye on Harry, bracing himself for the moment he'd have to kill Dumbledore, and last but not least he was also a teacher at Hogwarts- head of Slytherin house- who had to deal with impertinent students on a daily basis. _Give yourself a break, Sev, you're only human. _ But that wasn't the reason why I had cut him off. "Horcrux_**es**_? You're talking of the plural form here? Do you believe he made more than one?"

"Indeed. I am actually quite certain the Dark Lord created at least three Horcruxes."

"But if the creation of only one Horcrux is already ripping the soul apart, what effect would making more than one have on his soul?" 

"That, Black, is a question only one who cares for his soul, his conscience, would ask. The Dark Lord, however, does not think the pureness of his soul relevant, as very few tyrants do. Of course his soul is maimed beyond repair…" Severus heaved a sigh. _And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine? _Collateral damage for the Greater Good. He glanced at me. "I should have known a long time ago. The Dark Lord had been boasting about having gone further than anybody along the path that leads to immortality, that his goal was to conquer death, long before he disappeared, believed to be dead, the night… that night..." he sat down again and drained a glass of wine. "He proved he was right when he returned and yet I failed to understand until now. But now I remember an incident that happened at Malfoy Manor once. The Dark Lord had left two objects in the care his most humble servants, a diary and a golden cup. Bellatrix was taunting Narcissa because the Dark Lord had given her high-esteemed husband an old book while she had received a precious golden cup; she believed the Dark Lord treasured her more."

"I can imagine my dear cousins having a cat fight about it," Sirius interjected, smiling grimly.

"It was about the same time Regulus mysteriously disappeared. Your little idiot brother, Black, had figured him out." And Severus tortured himself with _if__only_ now. If only he had befriended Regulus then the boy might have shared his secret with him; they could have made a plan to destroy the Horcruxes and bring down the Dark Lord. He could have saved Lily...

He looked away from me, knowing that I knew what he was thinking. "I have to leave."

"Not so fast, Snape. What makes you so sure the cup and the diary are Horcruxes?" Sirius stopped him. "We need to know… for Harry."

"The diary- no mere memory would start to think for itself even if it is enchanted. But it acted as if something _lived_ inside it; Dumbledore told me. We talked about it and yet I failed to see the truth," he said evenly, not giving away his inner turmoil. He blamed himself for not having been wiser, for not having drawn the right conclusions, for his ignorance and simple imperfection. 

Severus walked to the kitchen, apparently intending to leave though the backdoor just like he had come. I jumped to my feet and followed him.

"When will we meet again?"

"I don't know. Actually I believe it was a mistake… I shouldn't have let you get involved in all of this…"

"Let me? Oh please, Severus, don't be absurd. I have absolutely no idea how you could have stopped me."

His eyes narrowed threateningly; he was getting angry again but I held his gaze with determined defiance, not flinching. He might scare his students with that glare of his but not me. "You… you already know too much and that knowledge is dangerous. I should have listened to Dumbledore. He advised me not to tell anyone of our arrangement and he was right; I have to carry out my task on my own."

"No, he was wrong."

"Raven, he was a wise man and probably the greatest wizard of our time…"

"He's a manipulative puppeteer who still pulls the strings from his grave, and he put a burden on your shoulders much too heavy for you to carry alone."

"I'm not weak," he protested.

"I'm not saying that but you're not Superman either. You're human, and you have a soul; a good soul. I won't let you go through this alone. I left you once but I won't leave you again."

Severus arched a surprised brow at me; his anger faded, turning to a mocking curiosity. "You left me?"

"When I ran away from Hogwarts. I left you at a time when you were vulnerable, sorely tempted by the powers the Dark Lord promised. You were a stupid, naïve boy just like Regulus, too bloody young to consider the consequences of your actions when you joined the Death Eaters. I should have stayed and stopped you from following that path…"

"And how, dear Raven, do you imagine you would have managed to achieve that?" His tone was sarcastic now. "Would you have chained yourself to my leg in order to stop me?"

I shrugged casually. "Nah, I would have accompanied you to the meetings."

He blanched visibly. "You wouldn't have…"

"Wouldn't I? Don't be so sure about that, Severus. So when will we meet again?"

"I still don't believe that a good idea," he said but his resistance was beginning to crumble. He realized how much more enjoyable his miserable life was if he let me be part of it, that the things I had to offer- what he had wrongly considered as weakening him- had in fact given him more strength. And yet he hesitated to admit that. "It's too dangerous…"

"Danger is my job. If I had preferred a safe life I wouldn't have gone through three years of Auror training and I definitely wouldn't be working as a freelance Auror now, traveling from one trouble spot to the next, worldwide. I've faced many hazardous situations and I'm not scared of a snake-faced, red-reptile-eyed guy with the unhealthy tendency to rip his soul in many pieces…"

"YOU SHOULD BE!" Severus roared at me before he confessed in an almost inaudible whisper. "I am. I fear him. You don't know what he's capable of…"

"You alright, Raven?" Sirius stuck his head into the kitchen, shooting Severus a nasty glance. "I thought I heard raised voices."

"We were merely discussing means of communication, darling- no need to worry. Term starts in two days and I still have to find a safe way to contact Severus. We just ruled out the use of mobile phones in a school like Hogwarts and in the company of pure-blood maniacs who'd consider the use or abuse of Muggle artifacts offending." I had no clue why I lied so bluntly at him but I did. Sirius didn't need to know how much I panicked at the idea of Severus excluding me from his life, that I could lose him again. After my head over heels departure from Hogwarts some twenty years ago I had of course written to him, telling him about my new life at Buena Vista. I had sent Christmas and birthday cards without ever getting a reply. I had thought he had decidedly severed ties with me because I had left him, had given up on him like Lily had done; but when he had asked me that evening, about two years ago in my room at Grimmauld Place, where I had gone after leaving Hogwarts, real interest in his voice, I had realized that he might have never received any of my letters. 

"Alright, yeah, means of communication. Well, wait a minute." Sirius left. I heard his footsteps on the staircase and wondered what he was up to.

Severus scowled at me. "Lestrange, you seem reluctant to understand. I don't question your bravery which is without doubt worthy of a Gryffindor but I would wish you to use your brains instead of letting your heart rule. There is too much at stake, the freedom of the wizarding world might depend on how long I manage to stay in the Dark Lord's good books…"

"I know, Sev. I am aware of the risks and I'd rather die than betray you to the Death Eaters. Actually, I'm already in too deep to not continue what we started. You can't Obliviate my memories and wipe out my knowledge."

He shot me a glance as if I had just given him a wonderful idea, wishing he could do exactly that. I smiled at him, unafraid.

"Trust me."

"I trust you," he said, "but what about Black. He loathes me…"

"True, but he loves Harry and wants the boy to survive. Sirius would never betray our course; he doesn't want you to die. He's loyal, he loves me."

"The good dog, huh? Anyway, his skills in Occlumency are practically non-existent."

"I could teach him," I offered. 

Severus opened his mouth to give a reply but opted against it when Sirius came back downstairs, holding something wrapped in a newspaper in his hands. He handed it to me.

"Here you are. I was aware we could use some means of communication that isn't monitored so I remembered what James and I used when we were in different detentions…"

I knew what I held in my hands even before I unwrapped it. The pair of mirrors looked cheap, like any ordinary pocket mirrors you could buy at a Muggle warehouse, but they were undoubtedly two-way mirrors.

"I decided to make a new pair," Sirius explained.

"You were sticking together like Siamese twins all the time and yet you couldn't even bear to be apart from Potter during different detentions? How very touching." Severus' voice was dripping with sarcasm, nevertheless he examined the one mirror I had given him as soon as I had realized what they were with curious interest. Two-way mirrors were rare because they weren't Ministry approved, therefore you couldn't simply go and buy them in Diagon Alley. But to buy ordinary mirrors and come up with a complicated, complex spell that would turn them into two-way mirrors was a truly remarkable masterpiece of Transfiguration that even Severus couldn't help but acknowledge. He arched an approving brow at Sirius. "You wasted your talent for the sake of all those stupid pranks you came up with."

"And you could try and keep your overlarge nose out of books for a change, and take an occasional look at your reflection in the mirror instead- you might notice then that the moment to wash your hair was probably overdue approximately a week ago."

"Funny, Black. I wished I had your problems and not mine. But thanks anyway." Severus sneered. He walked out through the backdoor and Disapparated.


	21. Occlumency with Snuffles

21- Occlumency with Snuffles

The first day of September brought a change of weather; for the first time in weeks it was raining. It seemed to be the harbinger of a rough autumn as the political situation was also becoming increasingly unpleasant each day, and yet the wizarding community didn't oppose to the new regime. Of course, the change had been a smooth and silent one. Scrimgeour had retired and been replaced by Pius Thicknesse as Minister for Magic- with a puppet so perfectly behaving under the Imperius Charm people might whisper but never speak out loud that Voldemort was behind all that. I guessed the Dark Lord thought it more convenient to reside in Malfoy Mansion instead of sitting behind his desk at the Ministry, bothering himself with politics. If he had declared himself it might have caused rebellion but by remaining masked he has created an atmosphere of confusion, uncertainty and fear. 

New laws were on every day's agenda now, ploughing the course for the supremacy of pure-blood wizards and witches. Severus had been right about the Muggle Registration Committee and I was glad that Sam was safely on the other side of the world because all Muggle-borns had to register and give proof of their wizarding background. His name appeared on a list in the _Daily__Prophet_- which I read regularly now although it was naturally biased as Voldemort's cronies had taken it over, too- of people who had failed to register yet, along with Hermione Granger and Ted Tonks. They were wanted for interrogation. Harry Potter was also a wanted man. It was a clever move of Voldemort to put a prize upon his head and claim he was wanted for questioning about the death of Albus Dumbledore because he could sow doubt in those who believed Potter was the Golden Boy, the hero of the Wizarding World. It was a hard fall from a celebrity to Undesirable No. 1. Perhaps Voldemort thought he could catch him by making it mandatory for every young wizard or witch to attend to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which had never been obligatory before. Needless to say that this decree wouldn't stop Harry from following the quest that Dumbledore had send him on. He was to find and destroy the Horcruxes.

On the first of September the _Daily__Prophet_ greeted me with a headline that read, SEVERUS SNAPE CONFIRMED AS HOGWARTS HEADMASTER, just in time for the new term. I wondered why they had announced that so late when he had already known of his new position weeks ago, but I came to the conclusion it was because of his reputation. Only two months ago he had been the most wanted man of the wizarding world for murdering Dumbledore, and there had been doubt to sow about that by questioning Harry's word, thus making him the scapegoat.

I looked at his picture and smiled. Knowing Severus he would have loved to have made it to the headlines although I doubted he was celebrating this event in particular. To him the return to Hogwarts would mean having to face his old colleagues- McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick, Sprout- who hated him because he had allegedly betrayed Dumbledore's trust in him, while all the same having to deal with the new members of the stuff, Alecto and Amycus Carrow, two of his _fellow_ Death Eaters. It was going to be a damned hard year for him unless we'd find out more about the Horcruxes and how to destroy them in order to end Voldemort's regime of terror as soon as possible. But that was unlikely since he had made no use of the two-way mirrors yet and I feared he would stand to his stubborn decision to accomplish his task all on his own. It would break him; that was for sure.

Sirius worried more about his relatives; ever since he had met his favourite cousin, Andromeda Tonks, again he visited her regularly. She was scared these days because her husband refused to register at the Muggle Registration Committee on principle and had chosen to go into hiding instead. He had sent her a note once, saying he was roaming the countryside.

As days turned into weeks of his absence, she was found more often at Lupin's shabby, little cottage, busying herself with knitting rompers for her first grandchild and making the place more cosy than either Remus or Tonks had ever managed.

On the second day of September Sirius went to visit Harry at Grimmauld Place but found the house deserted; it even looked as if Death Eaters had been there, searching the place. He immediately called the boy on his mobile phone and though he was glad to hear his voice, to hear he was still safe and sound, the phone call wasn't as satisfying as he had hoped. So we both ended up frustrated, trying to make it up in bed. That worked perfectly fine.

During the following weeks things improved although Harry didn't call to fill in Sirius on what he was doing or where he was (which could lead to an occasional drop of mood betimes). We spent many days at The Burrow, trying to fix the mess his old motorcycle had become, with the doubtful _help_ of Arthur Weasley. The patriarch of the Weasley clan definitely had a curious weakness for Muggle technology but no clue about it at all. He actually thought he could repair the beautiful complexity of a V-motor with a simple twist of his wand! 

I shook my head and rolled my eyes heavenwards- despite what the new regime said or taught about Muggles, you had to give them credit for their imaginative technology which I often preferred to simply casting a spell. I loved their music; I loved their fashion, and I definitely loved the roaring sound of a V-motor under my ass while riding along the highway; no broom could match that.

I also loved the excited expectation on Sirius' face when the mess of broken pieces began to resemble more and more his beloved motorbike although we were still merely reconstructing the frame; the hard work was yet to come. Arthur was absolutely thrilled about my skills but hesitated to mention that to his wife. We were working in secrecy, whenever he had time to spare, and we all knew that Molly wouldn't approve to it. She was very sceptical about Muggle means of transport in general and especially when I was involved, not trusting me at all. 

When we weren't at The Burrow, working on the motorbike, I gave Sirius Occlumency lessons like I had suggested. He actually thought it a good idea and was quite eager about it at first, until he realized what a merciless teacher I could be. 

"You could at least warn me before attacking me!" He snapped affronted after I had launched a mental attack at him, catching him totally unawares. I saw glimpses of his childhood, his mother yelling at him because he had slipped out of the house and played with some Muggle kids, him not understanding what was wrong about that. I saw his fear when the Sorting Hat was placed on his head, _not Slytherin, please, not Slytherin… _he didn't want to lose the friend he had just found on the train, his first friend. I felt his grief, overwhelming, as he stood at the wreckage of a cottage in Godric's Hollow, something dying deep inside him.

"Sirius, you're supposed to clear your mind," I told him, "the Dark Lord won't warn you either before using Legilimency on you."

"Right… right, but you're not the Dark Lord- you're the woman I love and I don't want to keep secrets from you. It doesn't feel right."

"Darling, that's sweet but maddeningly unhelpful at the moment. Lives may depend on your ability to use Occlumency so clear your mind and let's try it again."

He sighed. I understood his problem. I didn't _want_ to invade his mind; I didn't want to find out any secrets or hidden fears and most of all I didn't find out anything about his feelings towards me that way. There should never be a reason to use the mental arts in a relationship and I would have preferred if anyone else could have taught him Occlumency but unfortunately I knew no one with acceptable skills. No one but Severus and he was busy enough.

I remembered how I had learned Occlumency and how easy it had actually been to me to- well, not really to clear my mind of emotions but to close it, to shut it from anyone penetrating my innermost thoughts and go snooping in my memories. It had sent Severus crashing in a pair of chairs in the Slytherin common room when he had first tried to use Legilimency on me. Yeah, we had a lot of fun at school. We had practiced it ever since, and every time I had managed to keep one part of my soul completely locked to him. Mind, I'm not saying I was as good at Occlumency as he was because that would sound too presumptuous, and besides, it wasn't true. I didn't have his rare talent to think up what looked like valuable information while withholding the essential- it was always all or nothing to me, so I'd preferred to not give away anything at all and that with fierce force.

"Alright," I opted for another try, "so on the count of three… clear your mind and repel me with your brain… one- two- three-"

_Legilimens._No one would shout that at the person who's mind one is going to break into so of course I used the non-verbal spell on him. He had braced himself quite well but not good enough… I saw an image of us in bed flickering through his mind and had the decency to blush at the scene.

"Oh… um, you seem to like that…"

He grinned at me. "We could repeat that."

"I told you to concentrate!" I snapped, suddenly infuriated. If he didn't learn Occlumency, if anybody used Legilimency on him and he wasn't able to hide his feeling, his memories, he would be an incalculable risk not only to Dumbledore's plans. Harry's life and Severus' were at stake too. Of course he'd never give them away willingly, and he'd rather die than betray Harry, but Voldemort was a damned good Legilimens. Sirius had to learn to keep up his guard. "Clear your mind. I'm not doing this for fun."

He tried to behave then and concentrated again; he was improving. I told him how I guarded my mind by envisioning an endless high tower around it but what helped me didn't help him. The next time I made an attempt to invade his mind the high tower he concentrated on became Azkaban and a flock of Dementors were approaching him, growing taller and taller. I sensed his panic and was about to break the contact… then I heard a yelp. A vision was flooding my mind, teeth gnawing happily on a bone…

"Uh, you're disgusting… _Snuffles_."

Sirius had transformed into a large, black dog sitting in front of me, wagging his tail. Certainly, that might be a way to hide his feeling from a skilled Legilimens; it had worked in Azkaban when the less complex dog mind had kept the Dementors at bay, when he had not given them happy human emotions to suck out of him.

He transformed back into his usual form, flashing me a cocksure smile. "How was that?"

"Great," I said. "The lesson ends here and you will sleep on the sofa tonight."

Sirius looked hurt. "What have I done to offend you?"

Well, I still had problems with his animagnus form. Mind, I liked dogs; they're cute. Mayhap he really was a loveable stray and yet I'd never enter a sexual relationship with a dog. I simply couldn't block that vision from my mind whenever he transformed. So I went up the staircase on my own.

That night, at the end of the second week of September, I lay alone in bed when I heard a familiar voice whisper my name. Severus! Immediately I felt an unreasonable wave of relief wash over me because apparently he had changed his mind and given up his self-imposed isolation. I reached for the two-way mirror, which I always kept close to me, and saw his reflection, realizing at once how weary he looked as his dark orbs bore into mine, a sneer on his face when I asked him how he was faring.

"One might think that teaching ungrateful dunderheads is the worst that could happen to someone, but supervising a whole school of ignorant brats while at the same time trying to protect them from their follies, is decidedly the most dreadful task to ever bestow upon someone." 

"Is it that bad?" I asked sympathetically but he chose to ignore my question.

Instead, he said, "However, after considering it thoroughly I came to the conclusion that the Dark Lord must have split his soul in seven parts…"

"Because seven is a magical number?"

"Correct."

"Ah- so that would mean that in addition to the diary, the locket and the cup he made three more Horcruxes?"

"Indeed. You might be interested to hear what I found out about the origin of the locket, I believe?"

"You found out?" I propped myself up on an elbow and glanced at Severus in the mirror. "How?"

"I guess you still remember a certain house-elf by the name of Pinkie?"

"The same cute, little ugliness who was always so kind to bring us sandwiches when we were studying late at night?" Of course I remembered her. Although there was an army of house-elves working at Hogwarts, doing the laundry, the cooking- anything to make life at the castle as comfortable as possible- I would never forget Pinkie. She had been sort of _our_ house-elf due to her chosen devotion to Severus.

"The same one. She was ever so happy when I returned to Hogwarts as Potions Master and has often since proved to be a reliable and discreet soul, so I asked her to find out something for me."

"You asked her to spy on Kreacher?"

"I asked her to be friendly with Kreacher," he corrected me with a mocking smile, "so that perhaps he would show her the '_token of gratitude_' he has received from his master, and she was eager to comply with my request. The way she described the locket in question could only lead to the assumption that it is indeed the locket of Salazar Slytherin."

"Bummer." Salazar Slytherin had been one of the founders of Hogwarts and given what I knew about the man who had become Lord Voldemort it was likely that he might have also used something precious of the other three founders to turn it into a Horcrux. I remembered the golden cup he had- according to Severus- given into Bellatrix' care years ago. "If the locket is Slytherin's then it's probably safe to assume that the cup is Helga Hufflepuff's, which almost inevitably leads to the conclusion that ugly ol' snake-face also managed to get his snaky fingers on something of magical interest from Ravenclaw and made it a Horcrux."

It made all perfect sense to me. Voldemort would not chose just anything as an item to place a piece of his precious, wicked, and thoroughly depraved soul into- no, it had to be something special. A very special magical artefact.

"That's what I believe." Severus confirmed my thoughts.

"Any idea where the real locket or the cup might be?"

"It was hushed, of course, but there had been an incident at the Ministry on the second of September…"

"That's the same day Harry disappeared from Grimmauld Place. Sirius has no clue where the boy is right now and that makes him edgy. Do you think there is a connection?"

"I do. Actually, I know for sure that Potter has been spotted at the Ministry and then disappeared. Raven, it is essential to find out where he went…"

"Because you have to give him the sword," I concluded. Though Voldemort had probably used artefacts that represented the founders of Hogwarts to create his Horcruxes, I doubted that the Sword of Gryffindor was one of them- no, it was more likely that it was the ideal weapon to destroy them. That's why Severus wanted to give the sword to Harry; it had long been arranged with Dumbledore and for once I had no objection to the old man's plan.

"If you manage to overhear anything about his whereabouts…"

"I will tell you immediately, Sev, that goes without saying. But where could Bellatrix have hidden the cup? I suppose that after she escaped from Azkaban she didn't have a proper home where she could have gone."

"She probably left it safely in the Lestranges' vault at Gringotts."

"_Lestrange…_" My name. I let it roll over my tongue until it melted in my mouth. We shared a name although we were definitely not related- but did the folks at Gringotts know? I was toying with a very daring idea.

"No!" Severus said vehemently as if he could read my mind. Well, perhaps he could or he just knew me quite well. "I won't let you… you won't do that. Forget it."

"But…"

"NO!" He sounded downright angry now. "I won't have that. I thought better of you than to come up with such absurd ideas. Black!" His eyes darted from one side of the mirror to the other, apparently frustrated that he couldn't see beyond the frame of it, further into the room. "Black! Where's that idiot mutt when I need him to talk you out of this?"

"Sleeping on the sofa," I said quietly.

"Oh," Severus stared at me with an intensity that almost made me shiver, "do I sense trouble? What happened?"

"Ah, 'twas nothing. Just a little incident during our Occlumency lesson… you know, he transformed into his animagnus form..."

He arched a brow at me, sneering, "And of course you won't let a flea-ridden mongrel in your bed, I understand."

"I'd prefer to not discuss my relationship."

"Very well, but promise me not to do anything stupid. I believe Dumbledore left it to Potter to find the Horcruxes for a reason; the boy might have information we know not."

"Hmpf," I grumbled. Yeah, I would promise him not to pretend I was one of the pureblood Lestrange clan in order to break into their vault at Gringotts, I knew my friend worried about me, but I couldn't bring myself to believe in Dumbledore's good intentions. I had seen it in Severus' memories; I had heard it. He had openly admitted that Harry would have to die at Voldemort's hands, that he had raised him like pig for slaughter. For the greater good. Which reminded me of the book I haven't started reading yet. "Have you read Rita Skeeter's '_The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore'_?"

"You should know me better than to expect I would waste my time reading rubbish."

"Oh, but even in the biggest pile of rubbish you often find a grain of truth. I only flickered through the pages and looked at the pictures- it's true he had been friends with Grindelwald…"

"Raven, read Skeeter's book if you have to and if you happen to stumble across some more grains of truth feel free to report that to me. I really don't want to bother myself with gossip and sensation-seeking journalism if I can avoid it."

I realized how tired he sounded and glanced at my watch; it was nearly 2 AM. "You're right, Sev. I kept you awake long enough now, time to get some sleep. We'll talk again?"

"Good night," he said and then he was gone.

I put the two-way mirror on the bedside table, lit a cigarette, and reached for _'The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore'_. Although it was late I knew I couldn't sleep anyway. It was strange to lie in this bed all alone when I was used to sharing it with Sirius, but the notion of the large, black dog wagging his tail was appalling; I couldn't help it. Maybe I had an overly imaginative mind when I envisioned him transforming while we made love, or hearing the panting of a dog in my ear when cuddled up close together. I knew that would go away in a day or two and until then Sirius would have to sleep on the sofa. Sorry for that.

I gave up Occlumency lessons with Sirius when it became apparent that all he could muster to block me from invading his mind was the dog-gnawing-happily-on-a-bone vision. If that would be enough to stop Voldemort from penetrating his thoughts I didn't know; I hoped I'd never have to find out. I prayed neither of us would ever find ourselves in a situation face to face with the Dark Lord and at the receiving end of his Legilimency skills. I was a fairly good Occlumens but I couldn't match Severus... I had given my best to teach Sirius at least enough to keep Severus' double agent role from his mind but then again it was probably not very hard for him to avoid thinking about Severus in any other way than disliking him. Mayhap that would do. Our relationship wouldn't survive any more Occlumency lessons. I still wanted to be able to see my lover in him, the man I loved- not the loveable stray I'd give a bone, patting his head.

* * *

Happy Easter, dear readers, and please don't forget to leave an Easter egg in form of a review. Thanks a lot! 

* * *


	22. The AntiMarauder's Map

22- The Anti-Marauder's Map

In the following weeks my relationship with Sirius improved again after I had given up the Occlumency lessons. I was a happy witch because I had them both, my lover and my friend. Severus used his two-way mirror almost daily to keep in touch with me; sometimes we only talked for a few minutes while at other times we discussed the current political situation of the wizarding world very thoroughly. But whenever we talked it was always late at night, the only time when his daily routine would grant him a few moments of privacy. I cherished these moments although I was very well aware of the fact that I often deprived him of his much needed sleep; I felt liable for that. On the other hand it seemed to give him the required strength to carry on with his life under constant stress. He had to act according to what was expected of a truly loyal Death Eater headmaster of Hogwarts. He had to live with the hidden loathing of his former colleagues while all the same having to deal with the whims of his alleged allies, the Carrows. The way he managed to channel their negative influence on the students and help them to live through these hard times was remarkable but ever so subtle that no one really grasped what he was actually doing for them. I decidedly didn't envy him his job.

The last day of summer was an exceptionally cold one which seemed to prepare us for a hard winter to come. The heating didn't work and I was in a bad mood when I heard Severus whisper my name, much earlier than usual. He was annoyed; he had promised Dumbledore to do all in his power to protect the students of Hogwarts but apparently the students made it almost impossible for him to protect them as he had to face a constant, subliminal form of mutiny- especially from the Gryffindors. Even patrolling the corridors all night wasn't helpful to keep them from getting into trouble because he couldn't be everywhere at the same time, and the Carrows didn't hesitate to use the Cruciatus Curse on wrong-doers. Actually, they also encouraged the students to Crucio those who had earned detentions, and there was always a good reason for the Slytherins to curse a Gryffindor.

"Mate, what you really need is a Marauder's Map," Sirius interjected, glancing over my shoulder at Severus in the mirror after having overheard his rant.

"Ah, Black, always ready to add your two Knuts even if you're interrupting a private conversation. When will you finally learn manners?"

"I was just offering my help, you greasy git. But, alright- I'll keep my mouth shut."

I recalled some of the stories Sirius had told me about his school days, his friendship to James and the other Marauders. He had mentioned a map then- a map that had helped them to avoid more trouble than necessary. I cleared my throat. "Methinks you should hear him out, Sev."

"Well then, Black, what is it that you have to offer other than insults and stupid pranks?"

But it seemed as if Sirius had decided to get in a huff because it took him quite a while before he finally responded. "Ever wondered why we were always a step ahead of that big nose of yours, Snape? Why you wasted so much time in following us around but never caught us in the act, never managed to get us expelled?"

Severus scowled. His eyes darted in Sirius' direction but he couldn't see him, couldn't look him in the face. He was getting angry and thought Sirius was only taunting him- it wouldn't be the first time.

"Anyway, we had a map… the Marauder's map. It showed us all the secret passages to Hogsmeade, every room at Hogwarts, even every single person inside or outside the walls of the castle. That's why you never caught us. We always knew where you'd be lurking… and, of course, we also had James' Invisibility cloak to walk past you unseen…"

"Get to the point, Black."

"I image it would be helpful if you had such a map. It would spare you patrolling the corridors all night; you could sit in your office and would still be able to see where everyone is. If you really want to protect the students from the Carrows, that is."

"I know what map you are talking about but as far as I know it is still in Potter's possession… unless you, as a responsible godfather- unlikely- have confiscated it."

"Are you questioning my responsibility as godfather?" Sirius barked.

Oh dear, it bugged him enough that he didn't know where Harry was so it wouldn't improve his mood if Severus rubbed it in with a sneer now.

"Sirius, why don't you simply tell us what you have to offer?" I asked softly.

Sirius glared at me for a second before he gave in with a sigh. "We made that map, James and I… well, and I still happen to remember a few of the spells we used. I'm not certain, but I might be able to create a new one…"

"Meet me in my office at precisely 1 AM. Use the Floo network- although my fireplace is also being monitored, I managed to find a way to grant you free access without anyone noticing. Raven will know how to get through," Severus said and disappeared from view.

Sirius looked sullen. "I hate to take orders from him. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to tell him in the first place..."

"It was a wonderful idea, love," I assured him, "it will help Severus…"

"Yes, I knew you would say that. _He_ always comes first, right? You never take my side when it comes to him…"

"Oh, please, don't be absurd!" I cut him off. "Your jealousy is inappropriate and unreasonable."

"Is it? Alright, it decidedly should be because I think better of you than falling for such a greasy oddball, and yet I can't help but wonder why you always seem to tolerate his animosity towards me while rebuking me for mine."

"Because your thick head needs to be deflated more often. Your reason for loathing Severus is irrational whereas he does have more than one reason to hate you. Or do I really have to remind you of all the humiliating _pranks _you and Potter played on him at school?"

"No. No, of course not… mayhap I even deserve his loathing and all the snide remarks… but is it so much to ask for that the woman I love- and who claims to love me, too- to stand by me, Raven?"

I felt guilty so I kissed him to dispel these thoughts from him mind, but when he deepened his kiss and dragged me in an embrace that would make us forget time, I had to remind him that we were supposed to travel to Hogwarts via the Floo network soon. Sirius let go of me with a sigh although he didn't protest; after all, it had been he who had suggested the creation of a new Marauder's map.

Smiling brightly I stepped out of the fireplace in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts, brushing ash off my clothes; it was so good to see Severus again after almost a month. Although we had talked almost daily in the two-way mirrors it was nevertheless a totally different thing to meet him in person. And yet I withstood my initial urge to fling my arms around his neck and hug him because my little argument with Sirius was still too fresh. I didn't want to give him another reason to question my love.

"Severus, do you really think it's wise to bring them here?" A mistrusting voice made me freeze in my tracks. With narrowed eyes I glanced up at the portrait of Dumbledore on the wall, having recognized his voice.

"Don't you know what _rest in peace_ means, now that you're dead? It means shut up, old man."

All the people in the other portraits began to stir now, tsking, gasping with shock about my insolence, my lack of respect… I even thought I heard some old witch complaining about the rude youth of today. However, when I looked around, fury in my eyes, they pretended to be sound asleep. Snoring in their portraits, drool dripping from their lips. Pathetic- all but one. A clever-looking wizard sporting Slytherin colours eyed me with curious interest, a wry smile curling up his thin lips.

"Ooooo, a lioness with the bravado of a Gryffindor and yet she's not; she's not dumb… there is definitely something Slytherin in her character… interesting."

"I'm neither a Gryffindor nor a Slytherin- I'm just Raven." I told Phineas Nigellus Black, the least liked headmaster of Hogwarts.

"Severus, I must insist. She is not to be trusted. You have to break contact with her before it's too late; you risk everything we worked for so hard. You cannot want it all to be in vain…"

I was annoyed. Fortunately I knew very well how do deal with portraits, living at Grimmauld Place for almost a year had taught me. So I snatched Severus' travelling cloak from the hook next to the door and unceremoniously covered Dumbledore's portrait.

"Now will you please grant us some privacy?" To make certain the other portraits wouldn't eavesdrop I cast a _Muffliato_ in their direction. I wondered who had come up with the stupid idea of giving dead wizards or witches painted on canvas their own life; it was really irritating. I just hoped that Severus wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of my actions, having to endure a bickering Dumbledore when we were gone. After all, he had to live with the gallery of former headmasters on the walls of his office.

"It's all for the greater good," I said, sarcasm in my voice. "Interesting though, how Dumbledore used to interpret that in his youth. It is true, he and Grindelwald were friends; they had shared the same idea of wizard dominance over Muggles for their own good. They wanted to seize control _for the Greater Good_. And when Grindelwald later established his reign of terror in Europe how long did it take Dumbledore to challenge him? How many people had to die because he hesitated to interfere, to stop his lover?"

Love was a strong power, a magic of its own. Love heals, love forgives even the greatest crime, but with love also comes compassion and responsibility, the need to care for the one you love, to stop him from making mistakes, choosing the wrong path, damaging his soul. Love can lead you back to the light if it's strong enough. Severus' love for Lily had made him turn his back on Voldemort when he learned she was in grave danger; he had run to Dumbledore, begging him on his knees to keep her safe, and in exchange he had promised to do anything the old puppeteer asked him to. He had taken a great personal risk and still didn't consider himself redeemed, whereas Dumbledore… well, I didn't know what he felt for the unknown people who had died because it had taken him so bloody long to act against his lover, if he had ever tried to make him see the errors of his ways. In her book Skeeter wrote that Dumbledore had not seen Grindelwald again after his sister's mysterious death and until they finally met for that legendary duel.

To my surprise Severus didn't look shocked or bewildered when I let slip that Dumbledore and Grindelwald had been lovers; he merely nodded. Then he noticed the surprise on my face and cared to explain.

"Yes, I know. I was looking for a place to hide…" he cast a sidelong glance at Sirius and bit his tongue, "to hide _something_ when I found a mechanism that opened a secret compartment in one of the posts of the bed. There were letters written by Dumbledore but apparently never sent, and there were letters he had received from Grindelwald. Some of them were very, um," he blushed a little, "intimate. I believe we should respect his privacy and not read them unless it is absolutely necessary for our course… But come now, we don't have time to waste."

Severus led us into his private chambers adjoining the headmaster's office. They were guarded with wards as heavily as a fortress. No one was able to enter without his explicit invitation, and he shot Sirius a suspicious glance as if it was a momentous decision to grant him permission.

I quickly looked around. Apparently Severus hadn't changed much after he had taken over the room from Dumbledore. The big four-poster bed was decidedly more Dumbledore's style than his own though I assumed the draperies had probably been in Gryffindor colours before, and he still had the black velvet blanket I had given him for Christmas two years ago. He had also kept the two plush armchairs simply because he couldn't care less that they were standing under the windows that were overlooking the grounds. But the shutters were closed anyway; even at the top of the highest tower he preferred the atmosphere of the dungeon he had used to live in for so many years.

I also noticed that there was very little of him in this room; it was just as impersonal as it had been in his old room in the dungeon, as if a few personal things would give him away.

The fire in the hearth lit up the moment we entered, sending flickering shades of orange across the walls. Grateful for the warmth I sat down on the bed while Severus offered Sirius to take a seat in one of the armchairs.

"So, what do you need, Black, to create a map like the Marauder's map?"

"A piece of parchment would be helpful."

Severus nodded and walked back to his office to get one. Sirius looked at me, a frown on his face, then his eyes wandered across the room.

"Compared to Spinner's End he really must feel like a little prince in here, eh? Admittedly, it's a bit too plush for my liking but at least Dumbledore's liking for plush was expensive, if not exquisite. Oh, I'd better shut up… he's coming back."

Yeah, shutting up was a good idea. Sometimes the things Sirius said made me want to slap him although he generally was a wonderful man- until it came to Severus. Then he became almost absurd in his way of thinking caused by an irrational loathing he could hardly overcome because he was so used to it.

I thought it a good idea to let the two men deal with finding the right spells to create a new Marauder's map; maybe it would help them to come to terms with each other on a totally new basis if they had to work together without my interference. Therefore I picked up a copy of a Potions magazine that was lying on the bedside table, made myself comfortable, and waited for hell to break lose.

It never happened. Sirius raised his voice a couple of times while Severus' became more quiet, waspishly, by contrast. But apparently they had decided to not let their animosity of each other rule them so I could concentrate on the magazine I was holding in my hands. As it seemed Severus had not outgrown his habit to make annotations to a text, and it was actually much more interesting to read them instead of the printed words. If only he hadn't joined the Death Eaters! There had always been so much academic potential in him that should have predestined him for a career in research but he had wasted his talent the day he had received the Dark Mark… and I felt guilty again for having left him to go my own way… at least Sirius seemed to acknowledge his extraordinary skills now since I actually heard him praise Severus for the clever idea of a spell he came up with. A smile curled up my lips. That was good; that was better than expected. There was a fair chance they would perhaps get along one day…

My lids felt heavy- it was so cosily warm in the room that I could barely keep my eyes open much longer. It was late. It couldn't possibly harm anyone if I closed my eyes for a moment.

I woke up when a tiny ray of sunshine fell in through a gap in the shutters, touching my face, caressing it with warmth. I shouldn't feel so comfortable here, so much at peace in a bed that wasn't my own…. I shouldn't… My head jerked up at the sound of Sirius' voice.

"… and then you say, _I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good…_"

"Black, I do not intend to play pranks," Severus reminded him silkily. "I merely want to rescue blatant dunderheads from suffering the Cruciatus Curse just because they're too thick to follow some simple rules. I most certainly don't want them to step into your footsteps."

"Ah, don't fret, Severus. That was only a password _**we**_ came up with- feel free to chose your own."

Interesting. So Sirius had decided to call my friend by his given name instead of calling him names, and although Severus seemed to be reluctant to address Sirius in any other way than by his family name, the tension between the two men had apparently- well, not ceased but was slightly diminishing. I cleared my throat to make them notice I was awake, combing fingers through my hair.

For the fraction of a second Severus flashed me one of his rare smiles; a smile that wasn't mocking or sarcastic but a smile that actually reached his eyes. It was gone almost as soon as it had appeared on his face.

"So, how are things?" I asked cheerfully.

"We're almost done. I remember it took much longer when James and I created the first map but Severus is… well, it's interesting to work with him."

Did I hear appreciation or perhaps even a touch of admiration in his voice? Of course, one couldn't avoid acknowledging Severus' skills; he was a great wizard, had always been.

"Black proved to not be as thick as I thought he would be. The basic idea behind the creation of such a map is fascinating though not the original intent."

"Come on, mate, we only wanted to have some fun at school…"

Severus arched a sophisticated brow at Sirius but didn't reply. Instead he glanced at the map where a dot was approaching the headmaster's office. Alecto Carrow, it was labelled.

"Blast, that damnable woman is coming to report on last night's events. Is it already that late?" He stood and checked his watch, then he hurried to the door. Before he left the room to enter his office he turned around. "Stay quiet."

The door closed and we were alone in his room, but he wouldn't have needed to warn us. I had no intention of endangering our lives by drawing attention to us visiting an allegedly loyal Death Eater in his private chamber. However, I was curious so I moved a bit closer to the door.

"Alecto, how charming," Severus greeted the woman. "Can I help you?"

"No attempts to break the curfew last night; it was unusually quiet." She sounded disappointed, but the tone of her voice changed soon. "I'm quite certain though that the Gryffindor brats are up to something so perhaps we should punish them in advance to teach them manners."

"Thank you, Alecto. Your eagerness to serve the Dark Lord is remarkable but unfortunately your readiness to use the Cruciatus Curse on students isn't always helpful to his course- maybe that is why he established me as headmaster and you as my subordinate. You may leave now."

I heard her shuffle to the door but she didn't leave yet. "Will you come down for breakfast, Severus…" I almost saw him scowling at her because she quickly added, "Headmaster Snape?"

"No, I'm not hungry. And don't disturb me again because I'm quite busy. The Dark Lord doesn't pay me for my ineffectiveness."

"I could call a house-elf to bring you…"

"Alecto, do you believe me not being able to summon a house-elf on my own if I needed its service?"

She left without giving an answer and I wondered if he was that charming to all of the teachers or only to his fellow Death Eaters. But then again they were probably used to rude manners since Voldemort most certainly didn't support the peace and love lifestyle, nor did he support friendship among Death Eaters. His reign was one of terror, and his followers were supposed to be unfeeling and cruel; they should fear each other as well as they feared him because that fear guaranteed that nobody would step out of line. And although Severus played his role perfectly I was glad that I was there to balance a bleak atmosphere of constant callousness and mistrust. Why Dumbledore apparently thought me a negative aspect, even a risk for his plans, I couldn't fathom. Well, it seemed that he simply didn't care about Severus' soul on his way to achieving the Greater Good, not caring about the casualties he left in his wake. But I believed he was wrong there, that it was light that kept the darkness at bay and not some sort of shady twilight. If we wanted to win this war we couldn't only rely on a seventeen-year boy and his courage, his willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

I was about to open the door and step into the headmaster's office when I suddenly heard another voice in the adjoining room. Immediately I shot a glance at Sirius who was studying the Anti-Marauder's map on the table in front of him but he merely shrugged. There weren't any dots indicating that someone was in Severus' office with him… at least not anyone human.

I pressed my ear against the wood of the door and soon recognized the voice.

"…Master needs to eat breakfast, let Pinkie brings him some toast and tea. And dear Master needs to sleep but Master never seems to sleep. Pinkie not likes. Pinkie sees…"

"Hi, Pinkie," I said as I opened the door.

Two large, violet eyes- almost too large for the small head between the big, bat shaped ears- stared at me for a moment before the house-elf let out a squeal of delight.

"OOOO… Mistress Raven! So good Pinkie sees you. Now you tells Master that Master needs eat breakfast and rest because Master always forgets to get some nice sleep. He…"

"Pinkie," Severus rebuked her softly but the house-elf was right. He really looked tired, worn out, and I felt guilty for that. He had worked all night while I had fallen asleep in his bed.

"Perhaps you should listen to her, Sev. Eat your breakfast, get some sleep… we've already kept you too long, we better leave now."

"It's not safe to stay here anyway." He watched Sirius and I walking to the fireplace, and once again I had to repress the urge to turn around and hug him.

I took some Floo powder in my hand.

"Bye, Sev."

Severus merely nodded. Then, we had almost stepped into the green flames that would take us home, he managed to surprise me by saying, "Thank you for the map, Black."

We stumbled out of our fireplace in Camden Town and Sirius stared at me in bewilderment.

"Did he really just say 'thank you' as if he were a decent person."

I laughed. "Sirius, he **is** a decent person."

He frowned at me but didn't protest.

I hoped the map would prove to be a help for Severus in his daily routine, that maybe he wouldn't have to patrol the corridors all night but get some sleep for a chance. I was surprised though how effective it actually was when I learned he had caught three students in the act of trying to steal the sword of Gryffindor from his office. They had nerve! One of them was Ginny Weasley.

Sirius drew in a sharp breath, knowing that the girl was Harry's sweetheart. "What happened to her?"

Severus in the mirror smirked uncanny. "I punished them hard. I sent the Weasley girl, Lovegood and Longbottom to serve their detention with the oaf in the Forbidden Forest…"

"You sent them to _**Hagrid**_?" Sirius almost laughed. Detention with Hagrid was probably something the students looked forward to and he clearly had expected Severus to take more drastic means. "They will have a fun time."

* * *

please review, I like feedback!


	23. Halloween

I'd like to thank all those who put me on their favorites/ story alert list but I'm bitterly disappointed about the lack of feedback. I'm not going to sink to my knees and beg for reviews but without them I see no point in continuing. Feedback is essential for a writer.

* * *

23- Halloween

Detention with Hagrid was Severus' way of keeping Potter supporters out of the line of fire; he knew that the more time they spent with the half-giant the less likely it was they'd run into the Carrows. It was hard to control the Carrows betimes, they simply loved using the Cruciatus Curse on students and it was a little surprising they hadn't had casualties at school yet. Of course he was also aware that the students didn't really work much in the Forbidden Forest, that it was more like a casual tea party they were holding there with the intention to support Potter and rebel against him. If only they'd know that he was fighting for the same course. He had to rebuke Hagrid a couple of times, thinking the man was too daft to understand what he was risking if he tolerated conspiracy.

The autumn was cold and rainy, as dull as the English weather could possibly be. There wasn't much to do; we couldn't even work on Sirius' motorbike because we needed a spare part that didn't seem to be available anywhere in Britain so I had to import in from the States; magic didn't help either.

I read a lot. I had borrowed a few books from Severus, all about Dark Magic and Horcruxes. Sirius always frowned at me. I also read everything I could get my hands on about Voldemort- I actually went to Grimmauld Place one more time to get the old newspaper clipping from Regulus' room- because I wanted to find out how that man ticked. Tom Riddle. I saw old pictures from his schooldays and thought he'd been a handsome young man before he got involved too much in the Dark Arts, before he had split his soul. The way he looked now, snakelike, was one of the reasons why I thought immortality was mightily overrated. I wouldn't want to swap my good looks for power.

I also read about Dumbledore and Grindelwald. Books or essays on Dumbledore were easy to find, some old stuff had been re-issued after his death, following in the wake of Rita Skeeter's mega-seller. There was probably no wizarding household in Britain who didn't own _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore._

Finding a biography on Gellert Grindelwald was decidedly harder. They didn't promote the lives of Dark wizards at Flourish and Blotts but I was finally successful in a small bookshop in Knockturn Alley. Sirius didn't like it at all that I went shopping there of all places, especially not in times of war where Death Eaters didn't have to hide themselves. Actually I could have used a little action. Studying was alright but I got quickly bored with the quiet life we were leading.

Sirius went to Order meetings a couple of times. I accompanied him to the first but then never again. Lupin's mistrust of me had infected some of the others and I sensed they were keeping back information when I was around. On the other hand, maybe they were really as ineffective as it seemed to me. Most of them had given up their jobs by now and were only trying to keep their families safe. It was understandable but I had expected more. Now that Dumbledore and Moody were gone the Order had become pretty headless, unable to put up much resistance. They all had set their hopes on a seventeen-year-old boy because Dumbledore had advised them so.

When Sirius was out I usually took the opportunity to have a chat with Severus in the two-way mirror. I noticed he looked a bit healthier nowadays, not so deadly pale. I assumed he got a little more sleep now that he didn't have to waste his nights with patrolling the corridors after curfew, and he actually was very grateful that Sirius had given him the Anti-Marauder's map. His remarks about my lover became less sharp, less scornful. I had always hoped that once they got over their irrational, mutual loathing and got to see each other more objectively, they would realize that the other one wasn't really such a bad guy as they had initially believed. It seemed to me that a lot of hate had been incited by James anyway, and Sirius, the loyal dog, had only parroted his best friend's beliefs until they had become his own. Not that Sirius was that easy to influence but their friendship had meant the world to him.

Therefore it was only natural that Sirius wanted to go to Godric's Hollow and visit James' grave on Halloween, his death day. I agreed when he asked me to accompany him, knowing that it would be a hard day for him and that he might need my emotional support.

He had never visited the Potter's grave before. At the time of their funeral he had already been in Azkaban and after that he'd been on the run or locked up at Grimmauld Place. This year was actually the first opportunity for him to go.

It was a cold, uncomfortable day. Dark clouds covered the sky and the air smelled of snow. I wore a black, waisted coat made out of fake Persian lamb fur and had wrapped my sunflower mohair stole tightly abound my neck and shoulders.

We had apparated from our garden straight to the outskirts of Godric's Hollow; a village were many wizarding families lived alongside Muggles. Due to the weather there weren't many people on the streets but the light shining out of the windows of the small cottages looked cosy and inviting. I heard laughter and music coming from a pub we passed and remembered to go there later to have a hot drink. Oh, I wished I was back in sunny California.

In the heart of the village there was a square with a war memorial in the middle but it changed when we approached. Instead of an obelisk covered in names it turned to the statue of three people, the Potter family, the heroes of the wizarding world.

"Oh," Sirius said as he glanced up at the statue, "now that is really… grandiose… almost disturbing. James looked much better in real life, don't you think so?"

I decided to not comment on that because my opinion of James Potter hadn't changed since school and Sirius wasn't to hear that now, not today. I agreed though that the statue of Lily didn't suit her character at all; she was portrayed as a kind and caring mother and had lost that very special sparkle of hers. Was it the cold stone or had her marriage changed her?

Adjoining the square there was a church, and behind the church was the graveyard of Godric's Hollow. We entered it through a gate and saw rows of tombstones. It started snowing now, white snowflakes dancing in the air until they came to rest on old headstones, some of them from centuries ago. It was a really old graveyard. I would have loved to take a stroll and read the names on the stones, thinking what happy lives or tragedies the people who lay here might have lived through, but the weather made me feel reluctant.

Sirius had no idea where exactly the grave of the Potter's was so we had to walk through row after row. Some of the names sounded familiar to me, reminding me of kids at school I had known and I wondered if their ancestors were buried here. It came as a shock to realize- looking at the death dates- that I had indeed known a few of the people who had found their rest here, having died much too young in the first war against Voldemort.

"I saw him die," Sirius said as he pointed his head at a headstone but I couldn't read the name because of the increasing snowfall. My sight was slightly blurred from dancing, glittering snow crystals and the ground was slowly beginning to sport a white carpet on which we left our footsteps.

"He was a member of the Order," Sirius continued, "died fighting, he did. I think it was one of the bloody Lestranges who finally offed him- sorry, love, I always forget you carry the same name although you're not related…"

"'Tis alright." I cast a glance over my shoulder- had I just seen a movement between the gravestones some rows ahead? It wasn't possible to tell because the falling snow seemed to form surreal shapes in the air. Shaking my head we walked on.

"Look, here lays Dumbledore's family- his mother Kendra and his sister Ariana."

_Ariana_- Dumbledore's frail, allegedly squib sister who had died a mysterious death. No one had ever found out who had cast the curse that had killed her in a struggle between Albus Dumbledore, his brother Aberforth, and Gellert Grindelwald. All that was known was that Grindelwald had left Godric's Hollow the day after. Apparently he had not met Dumbledore again until their legendary duel but given what Severus had told me about the letters it might not be true. However, Dumbledore's love life was none of my concern.

We passed a gravestone that was extremely old and withered. I wouldn't have stopped if not for the sign engraved in the stone.

"Sirius, look! That's the sign Xenophilius Lovegood was wearing around his neck at the wedding, the one that Viktor Krum believed to be Grindelwald's sign… although, the headstone is much older…"

"That's the sign of the Deathly Hallows."

"The what?"

"Darling, don't you know the Tale of the Three Brothers?"

"No."

"It's a children's story that can be found in… wait- _The Tales of Beetle the Bard_- but I'm sure that's just a strange coincidence…" he glanced at me, a little confused, then he shook his head. "Did your parents never read wizarding fairy-tales to you?"

"My father did sometimes; he liked them more than the common Muggle stuff like _Snow_ _White_ or _Sleeping_ _Beauty_ while Mum preferred them. But since he wasn't at home most of the evenings I got spoiled with Grimm's fairy-tales."

"Oh, you poor half-blood," he said in a gently mocking tone as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to breath a kiss on my forehead, "you don't know what you missed if you never heard of _Babbitty_ _Rabbitty_…"

I didn't listen. I freed myself from his embrace to look around once more, and although I still couldn't see anything I was quite sure now that we weren't alone in the graveyard; I felt like we were being watched. Of course, I could be wrong, that I was fretting in vain and it was only an innocent Muggle visiting the grave of his family. _In the snow? _Unlikely- although there was still the possibility of some goths roaming the graveyard to find a nice place to party… No! My gut feeling told me there was something else going on…

We walked on. Sirius was apparently unaware of any possible danger so perhaps I merely had a very vivid imagination if I saw the shades of people in the falling snow. Mayhap it was just the eerie atmosphere of an old graveyard…

He let out a gasp when he finally found the grave he had been looking for, only two rows behind that of the Dumbledores. The headstone was made of white marble that stood out bright despite of the glimmering snowflakes in the air.

James Potter, born 27 March 1960, died 31 October 1981 Lily Potter, born 30 January 1960, died 31 October 1981

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death._

Sirius knelt down at the grave and buried his face in his hands; I knew he was weeping for the friend lost, for his brother in heart. I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze as I took a closer look at the grave.

Strange, I had expected there would be more flowers, more floral wreaths of people who remembered the Potters, held them in dear memory. The statue at the village square had indicated that they were recognised as heroes for defying Voldemort but their grave looked almost neglected except for a bouquet of white lilies that were lying there untouched by the falling snow. One for each year that Lily was gone. Severus!

I looked around. Perhaps it was his presence I had sensed some minutes ago and he didn't want to show himself, didn't want to reveal his undying love for Lily to Sirius. The fact that they didn't seem to loath each other with the same old irrational passion as before didn't necessarily mean they had become friends by now or that Severus would trust Sirius with his well-kept secret.

Suddenly a jet of red light illuminated the scenery, turning perfectly white and pure snow crystals into something that looked like drops of blood dripping from the sky. I shouted a warning as I flung myself at Sirius, pressing his face into the white carpet on the ground with my body. A Stunner shot over our heads and hit a gravestone nearby… the statue of a winged angel unharmed in the process.

I jumped to my feet and drew my wand. So I hadn't been wrong; I hadn't fantasized that we're not alone. It made perfect sense to me now. Of course the Dark Lord wasn't a brainless git, he would know it was likely for Potter to show up here today so he had placed some of his servants to observing the graveyard- and if Harry himself wouldn't come then surely the one or other member of the Order.

"Protego!" I shouted as another flash of red light came shooting in our direction. In the falling snow I made up two hooded figures approaching us. Death Eaters. My Protection charm blocked their Stunner; it went crashing into a headstone that happened to be in the way.

Meanwhile Sirius was back on his feet, wand at the ready. Snowflakes were sparkling in his dark hair. We stood side by side as we duelled the two Death Eaters, and I felt very much alive now that I was in the middle of action again.

"Oi! Don't ye know how to behave on a graveyard, you impious oafs? I'll teach you manners!" I shouted threateningly while casting curses at them.

Suddenly Sirius stood as if frozen, not moving the slightest bit, not even blinking an eye. He almost looked like one of the statues on the graveyard, his face pale and beautiful as if carved out of marble. I realized at once that he must have been hit with a full body-binding spell. So apparently the two Death Eaters believed I was the easier prey because I was a woman? They came closer, dark shadows in the whirling snow.

One of them pointed his wand at me. "Cru-"

I blocked his curse easily. "Poor. Is that all you have to offer?"

"Surrender, witch. You can't best the Dark Lord's servants."

I recognised the voice and laughed out loud; it belonged to one of my demented not-cousins. "Oh, is that so?"

Making a quick movement with my wand, a blinding light erupted from it. I handled it like the light sword of a Jedi-knight as I slashed at the approaching Death Eaters. One of them fell, blood gushing from a wound, red blood staining the innocent white of the snow. The other one hesitated for a moment, just long enough for me to sense his fury, to know where it would lead to. It wasn't that he cared for his comrade through- there was no honour amongst Death Eaters- it was plain wrath that I dared to be stronger than I looked. And it surprised him even more that a pretty witch with a sunflower stole wrapped around her shoulders wouldn't scruple to act accordingly to the situation- but we were at war. Sirius was helpless. A jet of green light flashed from the tip of my wand and hit the Death Eater straight in the chest, sending him tumbling to the ground.

"You killed him," Sirius gasped when the effect of the body-binding charm was wearing off; he sounded shocked.

"We're at war. All's fair in love and war." My voice was cool and constrained when I headed towards where the Death Eaters had fallen. For a moment I didn't pay attention because I looked over my shoulder at Sirius. "You alright?"

He took a deep breath and nodded, then suddenly his eyes grew wide. "Raven! Watch out!"

The Death Eater I had almost gutted with _Sectumsempra_ had stumbled to his feet, clutching his stomach as he managed to Disapparate. Well, perhaps it was opportune if one of them survived long enough to tell Voldemort that there was still some resistance in the wizarding world, that not everyone had surrendered to his whims but was fighting back with all means.

I walked up to the Death Eater I had killed and knelt down beside him to take the mask off his face. It was the younger one of the Lestrange brothers, Rastaban.

"That wasn't wise, Raven," Sirius said from behind me. "He was one of His most loyal-Bellatrix will take it personally even if she isn't overly fond of her dear husband and his family… let's pray you won't have to experience the full range of her mad fury…"

His voice trailed off and I saw sincere worry in his grey eyes; he feared for me. I reached out to touch his cheek.

"I'm not scared, I know I can beat her. We should better not stay here though, in case the other guy had enough life left in him to tell Voldy and his cronies who tried to off him."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Alright, I always said 'no risk no fun' but I wished your reckless streak was a little less distinctive…"

"Reckless, you call me?" I snapped as I stomped off through the snow. "Would you've preferred me to having wasted my time with a Jelly-Legs Jinx or Furunculus while you were just standing there, frozen to the spot, too inept to fight off the body-binding charm? Rastaban was about to Avada Kedavra you if I hadn't beaten him to it."

"Oh," he sounded abashed now, hurrying to catch up with me, "I didn't know."

"No, 'course not. You never were at the receiving end of prankish jinxes while at Hogwarts, you were more of the distributing kind. But I won't complain because that actually taught me to _sense_ a spell forming before it's been cast- call it a matter of self-protection."

"Raven…"

"Come on, I'm dying for a hot drink now." I headed towards the pub we had passed by on our way to the graveyard earlier on. Meanwhile night had fallen and all the street lamps were on, illuminating the snow covered streets of Godric's Hollow.

The pub was mainly visited by Muggles; the music was loud and quite good- some old rock songs from the seventies- and they served a decent mulled wine. I hadn't realized how cold I was until I took the first sip and felt a warm sensation in my stomach, soon spreading all over me. I leaned back in my chair and lit a cigarette.

Sirius reached for the pack of fags I had left lying on the table and helped himself to one. Usually he didn't smoke although I knew there had been a time when he'd loved to underline his rebellious streak by adopting such a typical Muggle vice. He had given up this habit in Azkaban but there were still times when he longed for a fag, especially at times he was in emotional unrest.

He inhaled, and exhaled the smoke in perfect round rings hovering in the air above our table. In London people would have stared at him (although they were definitely used to certain oddities) but in a mixed community like Godric's Hollow things like that drew less attention than a punk with a green Mohawk.

"Who do you think put the flowers on their grave?" He asked all of a sudden, and I almost choked on my wine. Feigning ignorance I shrugged. "It's funny because Lily actually liked lilies- it took James almost a year to realize that he couldn't impress her much with red roses…"

"Well, it's not that unusual to put white lilies on a grave, it could have been anyone." It sounded lame and I knew it. Fortunately Sirius didn't push the topic any further; he shot me a strange glance and talked about the cottage where the happy Potter family lived. He wanted to visit it but I didn't think that a wise idea, at least not today.

"If the Death Eaters are out for revenge they will expect us there or in Camden. Perhaps it's best we stay in a hotel for a couple of nights- at least until some grass has grown over today's event."

An ambiguous smile curled up his lips. "The last time we stayed in a hotel…"

Oh, I would never forget that hotel in Novosibirsk, the first time we had made love… it seemed to be such a long time ago and yet only a little more than four months had passed since then. I still longed for him.

He reached out to take my hands in his. "Raven, I want you. I can't tell you how much I need you."

The yearning in his eyes was almost unbearable… fortunately the pub offered some guest rooms to rent so we stumbled up the narrow staircase, kissing passionately, until we finally tumbled into our room and onto our bed for the night. His hands were all over my body, almost desperate to get me laid, to lose himself inside me. He wanted to forget. He wanted to forget the pain he still suffered from the loss of his best friend, his brother in heart; he wanted to forget the guilt he still felt for the tragically wrong decision they had come up with… if only they hadn't thought themselves more clever than Dumbledore, if only they hadn't rejected his offer to stand in as secret keeper…

He slowed down when he was inside me; his groping, his desperate, almost rough need to touch every bit of skin he exposed of me became less urgent. He kissed me more gently now, taking his time to explore my mouth thoroughly. I raised my hips to meet his thrusts, digging my nails into his back, waiting for the relief to wash over me.

Finally he breathed my name as he spilled himself inside me; his body relaxed but he still held me tight, kissing me softly, whispering incoherent things in my ear. I shut my eyes and enjoyed the moment of proximity. We were so close when we made love that all the arguments we sometimes had seemed to diminish, fading into insignificance. When we were together nothing else seemed to matter.

We fell asleep then but I woke up what seemed to be only a moment later, feeling a loneliness that wasn't my own. I was at the graveyard, kneeling on the ground just like all these years before, year after year, staring at the headstone, the white lilies… their number increasing with all the years she was gone, lost forever… and I would always come back, keeping vigil in the longest night, trying to make amends…

It was a dream. My eyelids fluttered and snapped open, _now_ I was awake. I stared at the ceiling of the guestroom, I heard Sirius breathing evenly next to me. It was warm in here, in the little cocoon the blanket around our naked bodies formed, but the air in the room was chilly. I'd be stupid to get up and yet I had to; the dream hadn't been a dream.

I dressed quickly, trying to not make a sound for I didn't want Sirius to wake up. How was I to explain what I myself didn't understand? All I knew was that I had to go to the graveyard. For a moment I lingered at the door, looking back at Sirius who was fortunately still sound asleep, a relaxed expression on his features.

I left the pub through the backdoor and stepped out into the empty streets of Godric's Hollow. It had stopped snowing but the world was covered with a thick blanket of snow on which my footsteps made a crunching sound. The night was cold and dark, and yet it wasn't completely black because of the special brightness of a winter's night. The atmosphere was almost serene, peaceful, as if no evil could loiter in the shadows on such a night. I was no fool though and wrapped an Disillusionment Charm around myself so I wouldn't be seen- not by Muggles and with some hope not by any Death Eaters either.

My breath came in little white steams from my lips, like smoke it lingered for an instant before it dissolved into thin air. I hurried to the graveyard as if drawn to it but it seemed to be empty. There was no one around, and I felt stupid for having left my warm bed because of a dream. Probably I was the only one out on a night like this.

Then I reached the Potters' grave and unlike in my dream no one was kneeling in front of the headstone. That moment I stumbled over something solid and fell headlong into the snow. My Disillusionment Charm was wearing off. I heard a low chuckle when I staggered to my feet, my face reddened with cold and snow. Someone grabbed my arm and I bumped into Severus Snape. Only now that we stood so close I could finally see him; his skills in casting a perfect Disillusionment Charm were decidedly better than mine. His black eyes lit up with slight mockery as he wiped some snow off my cheek; it would have melted soon anyway.

"Idiot woman- what in Merlin's name are you doing here? Have you not caused enough trouble for one night?"

"I…" I fell silent, not knowing what to say. He felt cold, much too cold- perhaps I had feared he'd freeze to death if he kept his vigil on a night this cold. Was that why I had come here?

"I'm listening," he said silkily but there was an impatient undertone in his voice.

I took off my mohair stole and wrapped it around his thin shoulders, keeping the ends in my hands so that I could drag him closer. Strangely he didn't protest. All he did was to cast another Disillusionment Charm over us- I guessed more than being spotted by Death Eaters he feared being spotted with a sunflower stole around his shoulders. I grinned at the thought but his frown reminded me of what he wanted to hear so I told him of the dream. A deep crease appeared between his eyes, black orbs bore into mine.

"No need to worry, Lestrange, I'm not suicidal. Believe me, I know how much cold I can withstand."

"You came here all these years? Ever since she…"

His glare silenced me; it was obvious he did not wish to talk about it. Keeping my mouth shut I simply flung my arms around him and held him close. Anyone else he would have probably cursed into next week but he reluctantly accepted my comfort with a sigh.

After a few moments he broke the embrace, the expression on his face absolutely inscrutable. "What happened today? The Dark Lord is very irritated to have lost two of his loyal servants…"

"So the other guy didn't make it either?" I couldn't help but sound cheerfully.

Severus scowled at me. "I told you to **not** provoke him. Go into hiding for a while, lie low."

"Yeah, alright. But first I want to show you something." I took his hand in mine and led him to the ancient gravestone in which the sign of the Deathly Hallows was engraved; he didn't hesitate to leave Lily's grave in order to follow me, which was a little surprising.

Meanwhile a new day was dawning, and the temperature seemed to have increased enough to melt the snow that had covered the world in innocent white. Chunks of soaking wet snow slid from trees, headstones or statues to land on the ground with a splashing sound, mingling with that of water dripping from everywhere. Winter's icy claw was losing its grip for now.

I told Severus what Sirius had told me and asked him, "Have you ever heard the Tale of the Three Brothers?"

"Lestrange, this is hardly he right time for fairy-tales."

"But…"

He raised his hand and gestured me to listen. Then I heard it too- the sound of footsteps in the squashy snow, approaching us. Instinctively I drew my wand but when I noticed it was Sirius so I turned around to Severus… he was gone, had Disapparated …

"Love, what are you doing out here? I was worried when I woke up and you were gone. You should have told me… "

"I'm fine," I said brusquely, wondering why Severus had left without a word.

"Was that Snape I saw you with? What did he want? Why was he there?"

"Um…" Once again I was at a loss but it was much easier to lie to Sirius than to Severus- although, it wasn't really a lie. "Yeah, it was him and he wanted to warn me that the Dark Lord isn't amused that I killed two of his servants so he recommended we go into hiding for a while."

"Very wise," Sirius agreed. There was a sceptical undertone in his voice; he knew I hadn't bluntly lied to him but he knew as well that I was holding back something from him. He wasn't stupid; Sirius Black was a clever man and I assumed it wouldn't take him long to draw a connection between the lilies on the grave and Severus' presence at the graveyard. After all, it wasn't a secret that Severus and Lily had been friends at school until that 'Mudblood' incident. Suddenly Sirius smiled at me. "So, we're going to stay in a hotel for a while?"

"Yeah," I remembered an advertisement of a luxury country-house hotel with Spa that I had found in a newspaper some days ago, and I decided that we could use some pampering. Fortunately my credit card was in the back pocket of my jeans so we could Apparate straight to New Milton. "How about starting the day in a whirlpool?"

The weather was perfect for spending a few days in a Spa. We went to the sauna while outside it was cold and grey; sleet came from a heavy sky but we lazed in the whirlpool. The snow had melted almost completely except for a few patches of greyish ugliness, and the ground was soaked, muddy. I was glad I didn't have to go out. I enjoyed a massage or the care of a skilled beautician, and we had exquisite haute cuisine for meals. I loved luxury- at least to a certain extent. I loved being pampered but I didn't feel comfortable in the company of those who could afford this lifestyle on a daily basis; I didn't get along with rich business women, wives of important industrialists or aristocrats. I didn't enjoy polo, golf, hunting or the opera; I didn't wear designer fashion only.

So I soon got bored with the posh lifestyle we enjoyed for three days, and when we finally checked out my credit card heaved a grateful sigh. I really wanted to go back home and order a pizza for a change… and well, I missed my two-way mirror.


	24. Casa Nigella

24- Casa Nigella

It was presumptuous to assume I could escape the Dark Lord's wrath, or that he would simply forget I killed two of his servants, by staying three nights at a luxury country side hotel. I should have known better but perhaps the sauna had melted my brain, and the pleasures of a carefree life had lured me into a false sense of security. But there was still a war going on in the wizarding world, and just because its effects hadn't hit the Muggle world with all its extremes yet that didn't mean we had reached a state of truce. Definitely not. I had merely ignored the truth for three days in an escape from reality; I had played the vain little princess while somewhere else in the wizarding world people were dying. And, of course, the Dark Lord still wanted revenge.

The house in Camden Town looked quiet and peaceful when Sirius and I Apparated into our backyard, the few bushes just as withered as they had been in the summer only that they appeared even more so on a grey November day. Avoiding some puddles of mud on the way I opened the kitchen door and entered the house; we were back home.

As it seemed, news spread quickly. It was Sirius who first noticed that more than our usual two Death Eaters patrolled the street outside, and they were joined by a couple of uniformed wizards.

"We're in trouble," he gasped through clenched teeth, "those are Hit Wizards from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad."

"Well, then they should do their job and arrest the Death Eaters…"

"Raven, Vol- the Dark Lord- has taken over the Ministry so I doubt the job of a Hit Wizard is to arrest his servants…"

"I know," I snapped, "don't tread me like I'm dumb just because I'm wearing pink nail polish! After all, I'm not blonde!"

And I darted up the staircase to pack my belongings since it was obvious we couldn't stay here. We had to go into hiding as long as there was still time.

There was a knock at the door. Sirius didn't reply so the door was opened by force and four uniformed wizards stepped into our house as if they had every right to do so. I hurried to the top of the staircase, looking into the living room.

Sirius stood in front of them, his arms folded across his chest, denying them access. He had made the acquaintance of Hit Wizards before, when they had arrested him after Peter Pettigrew alias Wormtail alias Vermin had blasted a crater in the street and killed twelve Muggles in the process. Needless to say he wasn't very fond of them.

"What do you want?" He snarled.

"We have a warrant for Miss Raven Lestrange; she is suspected of having murdered two honourable members of the wizarding community, Rastaban Lestrange and Mortimer …

"Oh," I chirped as I walked down the stairs, my wand at the ready, "are we talking about the same _honourable_ Rastaban Lestrange who already broke out of Azkaban twice?"

Instead of answering my question, the head of the Hit Wizards shot a Stunning Spell in my direction while his co-workers conjured ropes out of thin air in order to bind me. But I had seen an attack coming. I blocked the Stunner, burned the ropes, and jumped over the railing of the staircase. The last was apparently the least what the Hit Wizards had expected because they were running up the stairs the same time I landed in the living room. Physical effort wasn't typical in a wizarding duel but I liked it; a kick in the groin, an elbow in the stomach or a fist in the face was always effective even if most wizards thought it profane to fight like a Muggle. Needless to say that none of them had ever bested me.

A new set of ropes were chasing me while the Hit Wizards stood in a row on the staircase, aiming their wands in my direction. They seemed to have forgotten about Sirius who mightily opposed to the idea of them arresting me so he hurled the ropes back at them.

"Petrificus Totalus!" I shouted and at least one of the Hit Wizards stood frozen to the spot. He was also the one who got securely tied up by the ropes. Another one I sent dangling upside down in midair with _Levicorpus _while Sirius Stunned the third one.

That moment the two Death Eaters entered the house and they made it clear that they were not here to arrest me but to kill. How that coincided with the intentions of the Hit Squat I didn't know; the question seemed to be irrelevant anyway. The flashing light of spells and curses filled the living room like fireworks. A vase shattered into many pieces, I had never liked it anyway. Water dripped from the table onto the floor, wilted rose petals swimming in it. A curse hit the last Hit Wizard still standing straight in the chest and he fell down the staircase; Sirius sent one of the Death Eaters crashing into the wall. An especially distasteful painting of a stag came tumbling down on him. I rolled over the floor to escape the curse of the second Death Eater which hit the TV instead.

"I love you," said the soap opera actress on the screen, giving her soap opera lover a puppy like stare of adoration. "I love you too," he said as he turned away from her, pain etched in his handsome features, "but I can't be with you. My family…" Fortunately the TV started to fume then, the sound was cut before the Death Eaters could learn that there was a true reason to loathe Muggles- or at least the producers of soap operas, although I doubted they would be able to see the difference.

The Hit Wizard Sirius had Stunned had fought off the spell and joined in the fight now; he snarled at Sirius that he was going to arrest him for helping me, and for disobedience against the Ministry. The Death Eater who had been sent crashing into the wall stumbled to his feet again, moving rather awkwardly because the frame of the painting had slipped over his head and shoulders so that his arms were framed to his body now. He couldn't even perform a simple wand movement if he hadn't lost his wand in the first place anyway. The way he looked for it with his body stuck in the frame was one of the most absurd things I'd ever seen.

The doorbell rang. I didn't pay any heed to it since the door had been broken anyway. The postman must have noticed too because he chose to see it as an invitation to enter.

"I have a letter for…"

He fell silent when he witnessed the chaos in our living room. One man was dangling upside down in midair, another was standing at the staircase tied in ropes, yet another was searching the floor with a frame around his shoulders. The TV was emitting steams of smoke while like hiccuping switching channels, for some unfathomable reason the sofa was in flames, and there were people threatening each other with sticks in their hands from which sparks seemed to fly. The poor postman would definitely be a case for the Obliviators.

I Stunned the Death Eater I had been fighting with before he could decide to kill an unwanted witness and launched myself at the postman to snatch the letter he was holding up from his hand. That was my mail!

The little distraction his appearance had caused could also be our chance to take a leave- Sirius grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the fireplace…

NO! I froze in my tracks, thus making him stop. We could not escape via the Floo! The fireplace looked unused, it was not connected to the official network… if we used it now there would likely be investigations and in that case the Ministry- and therefore also Voldemort- might find out where we had travelled to before. I was not going to risk Severus' position, his secret mission, just for an easy way out; I'd rather continue fighting.

"Door!" I shouted at Sirius. It didn't matter if any Muggles saw us running head over heels from the house and Disapparating since that was something the Ministry had to deal with, not us. He seemed to understand.

Of course the Death Eaters and Hit Wizards wouldn't let us leave without a fight, so we were back to fighting. I extinguished the flames of the burning sofa with _Aquamenti _when the effects of my _Levicorpus_ spell was wearing off the guy I had sent up to hang around in the air; came falling to the floor with a loud bang. Sirius used a curse on one of the Death Eater that made him run around the room blinded, stumbling into the furniture until he bumped, head first, into the misbehaving TV; it exploded and literally grilled the guy.

The Hit Wizard who had fallen down the staircase came to his feet and claimed he had been ordered to arrest me, but when he noticed what was going on here he lost consciousness again. Meanwhile, the _framed_ Death Eater had finally found his wand. I didn't want him to make use of it so I rammed my knee into his stomach which made him convulse and he sank to my feet, retching just like any Muggle would have. The only one who could have stopped us now was a Hit Wizard, and Hit Wizards don't have to undergo the same training as an Auror, meaning he was no real threat to me.

"Grimmauld Place," I told Sirius as soon as we were out the door. He nodded and we Disapparated.

A moment later we arrived precisely on the doorstep of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, and entered the hallway. No portrait screaming obscenities greeted us today- apparently the Tongue-Tying Curse on Sirius' dear old mum was still working but there was no time to waste a thought about that now as I hurried down the staircase that led into the kitchen. His idea of using the Floo network hadn't been a bad one provided that we didn't travel anywhere in Britain.

I took some Floo powder into my hand.

"Casa Nigella, Majorca," I said clearly, looking at Sirius to make sure he'd gotten it, before I tossed the powder into the fireplace, and though it hadn't been used for quite a while, green flames lit up instantly. I stepped into them… and next I was catapulted through time and space until another fireplace literally spit me out again.

I landed on cool terracotta tiles, feeling nauseated but nevertheless withstanding the urge to throw up while my eyes took in what seemed to be an armada of various old fashioned shoes heading in my direction.

"Raven, dear!" I heard my mum cry out as she dragged me into a bone-crushing, motherly embrace. "Oh, it's so good to see you, darling, I missed you so much!"

I let her have her way with me until I noticed that she wasn't alone, that she was in the company of her Association of Majorcan Witches who almost wolf whistled at the sight of Sirius at my side.

"So she found herself a man…"

"And quite a tasty one, I might add…"

"Pretty…"

"Ein wahrhaft knackiger Bursche," admitted Gertrud in German, her eyes fixed on Sirius. Whatever she said about him, it sounded that she was forgetting about matching me of with her son, Hans, which was decidedly a good sign considering what I knew about him.

"Mum, ladies, may I introduce Sirius Black to you?"

"Ooh, a Black! How very charming," one of the old ladies said- Elisabeth? Dorothea?.

"At least he's not a rock star," my mum said, surprised that her rebellious daughter was dating a pure-blood, and she welcomed Sirius with a warm smile. And he, quite the womanizer, seemed to be proud to have charmed all the ladies in this room with his mere presence. I rolled my eyes.

"No, he's not a rock star. He's just the first person who ever escaped Azkaban…" Some of the old ladies gasped, which made me grin. "Of course he was innocent of the crimes they had accused him of and his name's cleared now. I guess I'm not mad enough to date a real mass murderer."

Sirius elbowed me; he wanted to leave a good impression and I was just about to ruin it. I thought it better to not mention that he was an Animagnus. Of course, it required great magical skills to become an Animagnus but to me the idea of exposing your animalistic side would always leave a stale taste in my mouth.

Mum shoved us gently to the sofa where we were to sit down while she complimented her friends out of the house. It didn't happen all too often that her daughter paid her a surprise visit and she wanted to spend some time with me without the nattering of the Majorcan witches in the background. Also, Nigella Lestrange was a clever woman who had not failed to notice the rather dishevelled look of us, so when she joined us in the living room again she didn't even try to beat around the bush.

"What kind of trouble have you managed to land yourself in now, Raven?"

"We… um, sort of demolished our living room so I thought it a good idea to come here for a while…"

"Raven!"

I told her the whole story. She wasn't happy about what she had to hear although she knew that my job as Auror meant personal risk- no mother would want her only daughter to endanger her life on a daily basis but she had accepted my choice; she just told me to be careful. Now she frowned, worry in her eyes.

"Oh darling, I know that someone has to stop Tom Riddle but why does it have to be you?"

"Mum," I wanted to tell her about the inefficiency of the Order and that the whole wizarding world seemed to put their hopes on the shoulders of a seventeen year old boy, when I realized it had been a rhetorical question. She didn't really want to hear reasons; she wanted to know I was safe and sound, and on the other hand she was proud that I didn't accept tyranny, that I would fight it. She stood and breathed a kiss on my cheek.

"You must be tired. Why don't you take a little rest and I'll see you later for an early dinner?"

With that we were dismissed to go to my tower but I was still too full of adrenalin to even think of taking a rest. I stepped on the balcony and let my eyes roam over the Mediterranean colours of the valley, the silver-grey leaves of the olive trees, the red soil, the golden-brown stones of the little walls separating fields and orchards, and in the distance I could see the blue of the sea. It was a balm for the eyes after the grey reality that England was at this time of year. In the sunlight it was still warm here.

A part of me longed to stay here until enough grass was grown over the latest incidents. I should stay here until the nasty English winter was over, enjoying the mild Mediterranean climate with all the oleander and bougainvillea bushes still blossoming. I should stay and enjoy my time with Sirius, show him the island, my favourite Tapa bars, take long walks on the now empty beaches… it was tempting but not tempting enough to close my eyes to what was going on in England; I couldn't ignore that. I wanted to take out my two-way mirror and hear what Severus had to say about the mess we left behind… unfortunately it was still too early for that, I couldn't contact him before midnight.

I walked back into my bedroom and emptied the contents of my pockets, and the little bag I had packed before hell had broken loose, on the bed. Some clothes, underwear, make-up, a pair of boots, a couple of CDs, two books, the miniature form of my Harley… I had reduced its size and put it on my bedside table when the weather had become really ugly for I couldn't bear it to leave my precious standing in the pouring rain. At least I could go and take a ride now whenever I felt like.

Sirius, who had been lounging on the bed, watching me, made an attempt to pull me into his embrace but I wasn't in the mood now. Telling him I needed to buy some cigarettes I left the room, taking my miniature Harley with me.

After I had given vent on the streets, riding to Andratx (where I bought cigarettes) and along some narrow, winded roads up the foothills of the Sierra Tramuntana, I returned to my mum's finca, feeling decidedly more balanced again.

We took a walk in the orchard then, waiting until it was time for the early dinner Mum had promised. Of course I had also said hello to Tweety, who was wearing a pink dress today and who had been overjoyed to see me. Sweet little Miss House-Elf, so vain and yet so adorably ugly.

"She doesn't like me much, does she?" Sirius asked after we had walked a while in silence.

"Tweety?"

"No, your mother..."

"Of course she likes you," I assured him although it was a lie. It wasn't that she truly disliked him but she always acted a little reserved towards my boyfriends simply because she didn't want to get used to any of them since usually my relationships had never lasted long. Actually I had long given up introducing my lovers to my parents if I could avoid it but in Sirius' case it had been inescapable. I was certain our love was meant to last even though there were also times when I secretly doubted that for reasons I couldn't fathom.

Now, as we walked along under orange trees still heavy with fruit, I felt pretty much at ease with myself and my relationship to him. I loved him and I was looking forward to the moment when we would be in my room again, after dinner, drinking wine and making love to the sound of cicadas.

"I'm still wondering what Snape was doing at the graveyard," Sirius said all of a sudden, and he didn't wait for my response that he had tried to warn me but continued with the conclusions he had drawn. "You know, the flowers on the grave… lilies… only someone who knew her quite well could have placed them there. And yet it doesn't make sense to me. Alright, they used to be friends- she always tried to make excuses for that until it was no longer tolerable, until he called her that word, making it obvious what he really thought of her…"

"You have absolutely no idea at all." I turned narrowed eyes on him, feeling anger boiling up inside of me. Sometimes I wondered why I loved him at all if he could be such an insensitive git, always thinking the worst of Severus. "You dare to judge him upon a word that slipped his tongue at a moment of utmost humiliation from your side? That's really pathetic, Sirius."

"But he called everyone else of her birth…"

"Mudblood, yes. As it was the usual Slytherin common room slang of those times. So what? She called him _Snivellus_, what I believe to be a more personal insult because some arrogant bullies invented it." I walked away from him, back to the finca. Nightfall came early that time of the year but the cosy lights shining from under the pergola guided my way. Sirius followed in my wake.

"Are you trying to tell me he loved her?"

I didn't answer to that and maybe that was answer enough for him; Sirius Black was not a stupid man. He remained silent for a while, apparently mulling things over. Then he wrapped an arm around my waist and breathed a kiss on my cheek as if his occasional jealousy of Severus had just dissolved into thin air by the realisation that Snape had loved Lily and was still mourning her death.

Suddenly he stopped. "You know what I believe, Raven?"

I glanced at him, definite that he would tell me.

"Dumbledore told us about a spy amongst the Death Eaters, someone who had warned him that James and Lily were in danger… I think Snape was that spy." He started nibbling at his lips, looking like a boy who had been caught doing wrong and regretting it. "You said once that he… that he only became a Death Eater because of us… the pranks we used to play on him. You said we pushed him too far…"

His eyes searched my face for contradiction which I didn't offer, and finally he seemed to understand the true extent of what had happened a long time ago. "But if… you know, James always wanted Lily for himself and if he knew… if not all of his loathing for Snape was borne out of the fact that Snape was up to his eyebrows in the Dark Arts… if it was also out of rivalry…"

…then Sirius had helped his charming friend, James Potter, to break the back of a young man not because he might have become a Death Eater but because he might have become Lily Evan's boyfriend. Although he still would have wanted his friend to get the girl he loved I had to give him credit for feeling slightly ashamed now, realising they had probably gone too far. And although I approved of his ability to see things in a different light now I nevertheless wanted to end this topic. If he truly felt ashamed or even sorry for his deeds he should tell Severus, not me. I didn't want to hear any of that, neither did I want to discuss Severus' feelings with him.

My dear old mum saved me. She waited for us on the terrace, the table set for three, candles burning under the pergola, a heating charm keeping the place comfortably warm. While we had roasted fish, vegetables and salad, she tried her best to keep up a pleasant conversation which never turned political, and all the same she proved Sirius' worries wrong that she might not like him. Actually, she seemed to be quite taken in by his charms. I smiled happily as I leaned back in my chair, taking a sip of the excellent red wine she had opened. Above me I saw the entwined branches of the bougainvillea, their petals specks of colour in the flickering candlelight, and even further above, myriads of stars were sparkling from the velvety Mediterranean sky. Life was beautiful.

And yet life wasn't perfect. I couldn't sit here and pretend everything was alright. Inevitably my thoughts were circling back to Horcruxes and a sign I had seen on a gravestone in Godric's Hollow. The sign of the Deathly Hallows, allegedly based on a fairytale, and a book of fairytales had been among the things Dumbledore had left to Hermione. That couldn't be a coincidence.

Sirius rolled his eyes when I confronted him with my theory again but Mum begged to differ.

"There's often some truth hidden in a fairytale and even if it's just the moral of the story that is interesting. As for the Tales of the Three Brothers- well, there had always been people who connected it with the legend of the Deathly Hallows."

"I can't remember you ever told it to me," I said.

"No, I must admit that I found Muggle fairytales most fascinating since they were new to me, so I took the opportunity of reading them to you when I put you to bed."

"I'm sure Raven was a charming little girl," Sirius threw in, flashing me a sweet smile.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, son, but she was a little devil who never wanted to fall asleep." She gave me a glance full of motherly affection that compensated me for having just been called a little devil. "Mayhap I should have told you the fairytales of the wizarding world…"

"It's never too late to start it," I said.

Nigella Lestrange chuckled softly. "Oh, darling, do you really want to hear a goodnight-story now?"

"Well, I want to hear the tale but not now. Severus has to hear it too."

A shadow flickered over my mum's face and I knew she probably thought that no one had ever read him a goodnight-story.

-

We met the next day, after midnight. He had been infuriated when I contacted him via the two-way mirror, claiming he had tried to get in touch with me a couple of times since we had met last, at the graveyard. His reaction told me he had worried about me although he'd never confess that, and maybe I was wrong anyway. However, he had agreed to meet me if he saw a chance to escape his duties for a while.

I had told my mum to not make a fuss about his visit, and she had assured me to only serve some titbits, although when I looked at the table now, it was almost bursting with Tapas, ranging from pieces of Spanish cheese over Serrano ham and Chorizo to fishballs, olives, fried gambas, marinated mussels and sardines. Served with fresh bread and an exquisite red wine. Anything to underline the hospitality of Casa Nigella.

Severus stepped out of the fireplace in a much more elegant way than I would ever manage, and my mum gave him a warm-hearted welcome.

"So good to see you!" She took his hands in hers, scrutinized him all over, and thought him too thin. Fortunately she didn't mention it.

"Mrs Lestrange…"

"Oh, please, call me Nigella, my dear boy." She ushered him to the sofa where Sirius and I were sitting. I had to bite my tongue to not laugh about Severus' apparent embarrassment; he was clearly not used to being mollycoddled. But that was typical Mum. Sirius, however, looked a bit sullen because she hadn't offered to let him call her by her given name yet.

"Alright, time for a fairytale," he said, trying to rush things. "I'm certain Severus is busy as usual and doesn't have much time to waste."

My mother shot him a disapproving glance. In her opinion there was always time to have a little snack or a good glass of wine, and she had just poured a glass for Severus.

Sirius cleared his throat and started telling the Tale of the Three Brothers. "Alright then, there were three brothers and they were travelling along until they came to a river they couldn't cross so they magically built a bridge. They were halfway across when Death blocked their path. He was angry because usually people drowned in the river, and he felt cheated out of three new victims. I can't remember why but he said each had earned a prize for having been clever enough to evade him…"

"Death is cunning, Sirius," my mum interjected. "He knew of the arrogance of people, that they would always try to outwit him, but he also knew that they were likely to fail. The first brother was a combative man so he asked for a powerful wand that must always win the duels for its owner. Death took a branch of an elder tree that stood on the river bank and made it a wand.

The second brother was an arrogant man who wanted to humiliate Death by asking for the power to recall others from Death, so Death picked a stone from the riverbank and gave it to him.

The youngest brother was probably the wisest because when Death approached him he asked for something that would enable him to leave without being followed. Death handed over his own Cloak of Invisibility…"

"Yeah, I remember that part. When I was a kid I often wondered why Death had an Invisibility Cloak," Sirius said.

"Are you any wiser now, Black?" Severus sneered.

"Well, I still don't get why we're wasting our time with fairytales and what that's got to do with defeating Volde- You-Know-Who."

Although Severus was also sceptical about that he asked my mother to continue.

"You really have to try the gambas, Severus, they're fresh from the market." She helped herself to one as the offered the plate to my friend, who blushed ever so slightly due to the attention she paid him. He looked to the floor, his black hair hiding his face like curtains. I was glad his students couldn't see him like that. At first glance he always appeared so strict, so absolutely inaccessible but deep inside he was vulnerable.

"You have to be careful with what you ask for, and if you receive a gift from Death you have to use it with consideration. But the first brother boasted with his wand, how it made him invincible. He drank too much and that night another wizard crept upon the oldest brother while he was sleeping it off, and he stole the wand from the drunkard. The thief also slit his throat and so Death took the first brother for his own.

"Meanwhile the second brother had returned to his home, where he lived alone. He took out the stone that had the power to bring back people from the dead, and the figure of the girl he had once hoped to marry appeared before him…"

Severus was listening very attentive now, his black eyes glistened. I assumed he was thinking of Lily now, imagining how he could bring her back if only he had such a stone. But as Mum had said before you have to be careful with what you wish for.

"The girl, however, was sad and cold, no longer truly belonging to the mortal world. She was separated from him as if by a veil; he couldn't touch her. Driven mad with hopeless longing the second brother killed himself to truly join her."

Severus swallowed hard and drained his wine. My mother refilled his glass, smiling warmly at him. I didn't know whether she had a clue what was going on inside him but she had always been good at reading people.

"And so Death took the second brother for his own," Sirius concluded. He was watching Severus, the expression on his face friendlier than ever. Then he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, glad I was his and that his jealousy had been in vain because Severus didn't fancy me; he still loved Lily. For a little moment that made me sad.

"And so Death took the second brother for his own," Mum agreed, "but for many years Death searched for the third brother without ever being able to find him. It was only when he had reached a great age that he took off the Cloak of Invisibility and gave it to his son, and then he welcomed Death like an old friend, an equal."

"So the moral is- don't be so arrogant to believe you could cheat Death." I finally said. Though I had liked the story I doubted it had been of any help. "But where's the connection to the Deathly Hallows?"

"The gifts Death had given to the three brothers **are** the Deathly Hallows, darling. The Elder Wand, the Resurrection Stone, and the Cloak of Invisibility. Some people believe that the one who unites the Hallows will become the master of death. Of course, there had never been any evidence that the Hallows really exist. It's a legend, but there's a grain of truth in any legend."

"Well, at least we know that there really are Invisibility Cloaks," Sirius said, laughing, not believing in what he had just heard. Severus looked unconvinced, too. As it seemed the Tale of the Three Brothers hadn't been very helpful in figuring out why Dumbledore had left an old book of fairytales to Hermione.

"Yes, there are Invisibility Cloaks- bewitched with a Disillusionment Charm or woven from Demiguise hair- but the Third Hallow is supposed to be a true Cloak of Invisibility. One that doesn't fade with the years but gives the wearer constant concealment and renders him completely invisible. I am certain none of you have ever seen that."

I felt the blood rushing to my head as my thoughts were somersaulting, running in circles. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, not trusting my own mind. I gulped down some wine before looking at Sirius.

"Where did Harry get his Invisibility Cloak from?"

"Why, he inherited it from James. We had a lot of fun with it while at school and-" he glanced quickly at Severus, "well, sorry for all the pranks we played on you, Severus. We were idiots, and perhaps we pushed it a tad too far…"

"Say that again, Black." Severus stared at Sirius in disbelief.

"I'm sorry…"

"Not that!" He made a pejorative gesture, not caring about Sirius' late remorse because the same idea I was mulling over had suddenly caught his attention. "The Invisibility Cloak. Potter inherited it from his father?"

"Yeah, that's what I just said. And James inherited it from his father…"

…_also, Dumbledore's still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions…_ I remembered a line in Lily's letter to Sirius. Dumbledore had examined James Potter's Invisibility Cloak.

"That's not possible," Severus gasped, "the charm would have long worn off and even a cloak woven from the finest Demiguise hair doesn't last that long…"

Not long enough for two generations of Potters to go roaming the castle after curfew, breaking rules. So that was how Harry had always managed to slip from under his nose while he was patrolling the corridors; he had almost suspected that. We locked eyes. If the Cloak of Invisibility was real then probably the other two Hallows were also real in that they existed. There was definitely a grain of truth to the legend.

So well, if the Deathly Hallows did exist- and I didn't doubt that anymore- what did that mean considering Dumbledore's vision of the Greater Good, for which he was willing to sacrifice Harry like a pig for slaughter?

That moment a loud _crack_ interrupted my thoughts and Pinkie, the house-elf, Apparated into our midst, looking frantically for Severus.

"Master! Dear Master tells Pinkie she is to look on the map all the time and when someone comes to visit Master in his office Pinkie is to tell Master immediately, and now someone comes to visit Master so Pinkie comes to tell Master." She blinked her large, violet eyes at him, eyes full of affection and devotion.

Severus stood at once to take Pinkie's hand in his.

"Please excuse me," he said, and then he was gone. The very own magic of house-elves would take him back to Hogwarts within seconds, probably just in time to bark an invitation to enter his office at whoever dared to bother him late at night. I didn't envy him his job. I would have wanted him to stay.

My mother gave me one of her very special glances, a _knowing_ glance that got straight under my skin, as she rose from her armchair. I had no clue what that was all about.

"Good night, my dears. I am old and I need my beauty sleep now."

* * *

Please review!


	25. Merry Christmas

25- Merry Christmas

"Alecto Carrow," Severus spat the next time we talked in the two-way mirror; I had just asked him about his sudden departure a few days prior. "That damnable woman caught a Hufflepuff girl out of bed after curfew and wanted to set an example; she had the nerve to come to my office at three o'clock in the morning to ask for an Approval for Whipping. She should marry Filch instead of dancing attendance on me…"

"Alecto Carrow fancies you?" I gasped surprised.

"That woman fancies my reputation, my position as the Dark Lord's most loyal servant. She would spread her legs for anyone just to get his attention."

I chuckled. The way Severus spoke about her made it obvious she would get nowhere with him. "So what happened to the poor Hufflepuff girl?"

"I told Carrow that I knew crueller ways of punishing the girl and sent her away. Little Hufflepuff girls are easily scared by my mere presence so I made her stay in my office all night, dusting my books."

"You really are a cruel devil, Severus Snape. All your books?"

He nodded. "Without the help of magic."

"By the way, did you know that my mum used to be one of those little Hufflepuff girls?"

"Well, I hope she knew better than to roam the corridors after curfew." He stared at me, his black eyes softening a tad. "Please thank your mother for me. I really appreciated her kind welcome…"

"She likes you," I said, "and I doubt she was very adventurous in her schooldays. After all, she was in third grade when the Chamber of Secrets was opened for the first time…"

"She attended to Hogwarts the same time he… the Dark Lord… "

"Tom Riddle." Now that I had spoken it out I realized for the first time that my mum was one of the very few who still knew Lord Voldemort when he was a boy. Maybe she could give me valuable information to figure him out, understand how he ticked. What objects he would have chosen to make a Horcrux of.

But as days turned into weeks and we were still staying in Majorca, England and all the problems we had left behind began to seem very far away. For a while I forgot about Horcruxes, Hallows, Voldemort, the war. I didn't even talk to Severus that much anymore because I was enjoying my time with Sirius.

The Association of Majorcan Witches thought him to be the perfect son-in-law. He was handsome and charming; he could wind the old ladies around his little finger. None of them ever came up with the idea of matching me with their sons anymore, since I had found my perfect match. I must admit though that the way they pestered me with questions about marriage was irritating me, and fortunately my mum thought, too, that it was much too early for that.

She was glad to have me around for more than just a few days because usually she didn't have the chance to fuss over me. She also grew accustomed to Sirius and accepted him as my lover, the man at my side. They got on well although he never managed to take her in with his charm as much as the other old ladies. From time to time she would look at me and ask me if I was happy, and I was. Probably she would never believe anyone good enough for me, her precious daughter. I often wondered what Dad would have said about Sirius but I guessed he would have liked him.

The weather was decidedly better than in England, most trees were evergreen, and even at that time of the year flowers were blossoming everywhere. I adored the colours and the light of the island during the motorbike trips we made as I showed Sirius my favourite places. One morning, after we had made love, we rode across the whole island, along winded roads to the steep cliffs of Cap Formentor, and there we watched the sun rise over the Mediterranean Sea. It was stunning. Another day we took a long walk at Platja Es Trenc, one of the most beautiful beaches. In summer it was crowded with nudist but at this time of year we almost had the whole beach to ourselves.

Of course we also visited the island's capital, Palma de Majorca. We went there on different occasions, enjoying the morbid beauty of a maze of alleyways with shabby little houses; but as shabby as they were, they were almost always decorated with flowerpots. And just when you didn't expect it at all you spotted a beautiful patio which told you of former grandeur.

We went to my favourite Tapa bars and- needless to say- I also took some time to go shopping. The little shops in the old town weren't as trendy as in Camden but you could buy leather clothes of high quality for a reasonable price here.

I enjoyed life with my lover but as November ended and turned into December it became inevitable that we couldn't go on like that forever. We had to return to England. Sirius was getting more and more nervous with each day he couldn't reach Harry on his mobile phone, and when he finally succeeded, the boy sounded so distressed that Sirius wished to be at his side with help and advice if only Harry would have told him where he was. But he never told Sirius which was also something Severus complained about the few times we spoke. He had to give the sword of Gryffindor to him and yet he couldn't do that without knowing where Potter was.

The behaviour of my two favourite wizards had definitely improved lately. Sirius finally treated Severus with respect and even friendliness although that didn't seem to impress Severus much. It was a good start though that they didn't openly loathe each other just for the sake of good old times anymore, and probably Sirius would have to make more amends before Severus would really believe in his change of attitude towards him, but it was nevertheless a good start.

-

One day in mid December we returned to England, using the Floo network to take us to Grimmauld Place from where we walked along rainy streets to our house in Camden. No Death Eaters were to be seen. I hoped enough grass had grown over the latest events as I checked the post-box which was almost welling over with invoices. Fortunately most of them were already paid due to the direct debit authorization with my credit card account so I didn't have to worry about that. I smiled though when I found a little box in the mail, containing the spare part I needed to get Sirius' motorbike back running. Now that would probably be a nice Christmas surprise.

We didn't stay in the house that night for the place looked a mess. The sofa was charred, the TV out of order, and it soon became obvious that someone- Death Eaters? The Magical Law Enforcement Squad?- had searched the house thoroughly. Drawers had been opened, their contents spilled on the floor. If I'd ever meet the person responsible for roaming through my underwear he'd long for the Killing Curse, I swore as I magically packed my CD collection. At least no intruder had dared to touch any of them which proved that Death Eaters simply had no style.

Sirius thought it a good idea to go to The Burrow and stay with the Weasleys for a while, and I agreed to that because I wanted to finish working on his motorbike. The perfect Christmas present- finally he wouldn't have to sit on the buddy seat of _my_ Harley, drooling in my neck because he so much wanted to ride the bike instead of merely being a passenger. No matter how much I loved him, I had never granted him that pleasure. Some things were absolutely sacred to me and therefore untouchable.

Staying there was an unpleasant event since Molly Weasley believed that unmarried people had to sleep in different rooms, so for the first time in months I had to spend the night separated from Sirius, and I didn't like it at all.

The next few nights we spent at a hotel where nobody asked us if we were married or not as long as my credit card would pay the rent for the room. I appreciated that attitude much more than Molly Weasley's forced chastity upon us, and yet there was apparently no way to avoid spending Christmas with her family and friends. Sirius wanted it so; he actually insisted on it and was looking forward to see Lupin again. What was going to be a merry Christmas to him sounded like a nightmare to me, but well, he was my man and I would survive it because I wanted to see him happy.

Tonks looked definitely pregnant now. I almost pitied her for having to carry the get of a spineless git although she kept on beaming, and Molly behaved as if she would be grandmother soon, constantly fussing over her. She made no secret of liking her just as much as she disliked me. At least she wasn't battening me the way she made Tonks eat as if she was expecting a whole pack of werewolves.

Due to the lovely English weather we couldn't go for a ride on our motorbikes- Sirius was overjoyed that his bike was finally running again; he claimed that was his best Christmas present ever. It was snowing and the streets were slippery, covered with grey slush, so we had to stay inside The Burrow and endure the charming company.

"Have a sip of tea, Raven," Lupin offered as he handed me a cup, "it will do you good."

I took the cup in my hands, enjoying the warmth. Wait! Why was Lupin suddenly pretending he cared about my well-being? I eyed him with curious interest. Was that a peace-offering? Was he growing soft because he soon would be a father? But why was he exchanging surreptitious glances with Molly then? I sniffed at the tea, recalling that Veratiserum was odourless, a clear liquid. What the hell was going on here? The Weasley twins were, for once, not to blame.

"It's a good tea," Molly said, sounding offended as if I had just criticised the quality of her brew, as if I was a posh little princess who would only drink the most expensive tea. Well, actually I preferred coffee.

They watched me, waiting for me to drink the tea. Sirius was chatting with Tonks, the two of them were clueless of what was going on. Arthur had the decency to avoid my eyes, blushing slightly, apparently feeling ashamed. He obviously didn't approve to whatever Molly and Lupin were up to but he lacked the courage to protest.

I glanced at Lupin, who smiled at me. That alone was suspicious. Alright, if he wanted to play I would play along, so I smiled back.

_'Legilimens.'_

I didn't need a wand to invade someone else's mind, and though I could have done it in a soft and subtle way I wasn't in the mood for subtlety. So there **was** Veratiserum in the tea! I poured the cup into his face, cold fury boiling up inside me. He tried to back away from me, to break eye contact- his Occlumency skills were miserable- and crashed into the table. I launched myself at him. Molly screamed. The twins hurried to their mother's aid but when they saw she wasn't in danger they opted for waiting to see what was going to happen. Sirius had jumped to his feet. Tonks cried her husband's name. Arthur stood as if frozen.

I grabbed Lupin at his collar and forced him to reveal what they believed they'd find out by administering Veratiserum to me. It was about the Order. The danger I was to the Order because of my friendship with Severus Snape. Snape had killed Dumbledore. What are we planning next?

Totally disgusted I considered using the Cruciatus Curse on him but that wouldn't do to satisfy my raging anger so I rammed my knee into his groin, hard. It felt good to give vent. I shoved him away. Lupin howled with pain as he stumbled backwards and had another collision with the table; this time it gave in with a loud crack. In a heap of broken wood he fell to the floor, clutching his private parts.

"YOU BITCH!" Molly yelled as she raised her wand, her children followed suit. Arthur would have tried to reason if he wasn't at a total loss. Tonks hurried to help her husband up, shootin me an accusing glance.

"Raven! What the hell is going on here?" Sirius barked in disbelief. He knew I could be quite a spitfire but never before had he seen me attacking someone without a reason.

I was infuriated. Shocked about how far their mistrust had gone, appalled that they had the nerve to invite me for Christmas only to abuse their hospitality by trying to give Veratiserum to me. If Molly dared to shoot a curse, any curse, at me now I swore her husband would have become a widower on Christmas day. But she was wise enough to not do anything stupid. Instead she watched me, her wand still at the ready.

"We need to know… for the Order…"

"Fuck the Order! Fuck all of you!" I turned on my heels, grabbed my coat, and was almost already out the door when I stopped to snap at Sirius. "Go and ask your fucking friend about the Veratiserum in my tea!"

"Remus?" Sirius gasped bewildered, then he shouted, "Remus! Tell me that's not true!"

From the corner of my eye I saw him heading towards Lupin in the ruins of the table. Maybe he thought I would only go outside to cool down again; I had no idea if he would come looking for me later. I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from these hypocrites. All for the Order! Bah! I spat out. I was so thoroughly fed up with all of them. I was angry at myself that I hadn't seen the betrayal coming, borne out of mistrust, hidden behind their smiles. Oh, merry Christmas- the idea of peace and love was a lie.

I stamped through the falling snow, storming away from The Burrow without a concrete aim, merely wanting to get away. Disappointment came along with the fury still raging in me, weighing me down. I was angry and frustrated. I wanted to kick at something, anything. I didn't want to feel the tears burning in my eyes, I didn't want to cry. Annoyed I wiped them away when they were streaming down my face. They felt hot against my cold skin, and only then I realized that it was indeed fucking cold in the falling snow. I remembered that I had snatched my coat before leaving the house, it could be helpful to put it on. But I was already so cold inside that nothing would dispel the chill.

Burying my hands deep in the pockets, my fingers soon found a pack of cigarettes- and my two-way mirror. As I lit a fag I gave in to the temptation, so desperately longing for a friend now although part of me was pissed off with people in general and particularly if they were wizarding folks. The only one whose presence I could bear now was Severus. I called his name but he didn't reply.

Damned! I broke down to my knees and started to cry seriously. As it seemed the whole world had decided to conspire against me today, letting me down. It was getting dark, which perfectly fitted to my mood, and with nightfall the cold increased. But I would **not** go back to The Burrow because it was so pleasantly warm there; I would not let them lure me into the false belief that they were sorry, or that I had to understand that all's fair in love and war, and we were at war, and the Order was concerned. Fuck the Order! Fuck the Greater Good!

From a very far distance I could hear Sirius calling my name but I didn't want to see him now. I didn't want to hear the excuses he would make for his oh-so-wonderful friend Lupin, probably blaming his intolerable behaviour on the moon. Bloody werewolf teaming up with the perfect mother hen and allying against me because they believed me to be a threat to the Order, but what was the bloody Order doing anyway? What did they fear I could give away other than their inefficiency and the knowledge that some kids, friends of the Weasley twins, were trying out revolution with a wireless show called 'Potterwatch'.

Suddenly a silvery light erupted in front of me, gleaming brightly in the snow as it formed the shape of a doe.

_'Meet me behind Hagrid's hut,"_ it said before it dissolved into thin air again.

The ghost of a smile curled up the corners of my lips and I breathed a sigh of relief. I Apparated to Hogsmead and from there I walked the short distance to Hagrid's hut. No lights were shining through the windows, it was totally dark. A shadow against the pure whiteness of the snow. Probably Hagrid was visiting his giant half-brother, and his absence was the reason why Severus had suggested meeting him there.

Wearily I leaned my back against the wooden wall of the cabin, waiting for my friend to show up. I lit a cigarette. My mobile phone was ringing. On the display I saw that Sirius was calling but I rejected his call; I couldn't talk to him now. I lit another cigarette. After what seemed to be an eternity a silent _pop _finally announced Severus' arrival.

"What happened? I came as soon as possible." His voice sounded rough, strained.

I flung my arms around his neck and rested my head against his shoulder, finding a moment of peace while a new flood of tears was burning in my eyes. Then I realized that he had to live with mistrust for years, that the Order had only trusted him because Dumbledore had done so and not because they believed in him… damned, and I made such a fuss about the recent incident, I felt so hurt… Suddenly I smelled the whiff of a very expensive perfume lingering on his clothes and I drew away from him with a frown.

"As soon as possible, eh? Who kept you? With whom have you been?"

"I've been with the Malfoys, like every year for Christmas. It became a habit of Lucius to invite me…"

"Lucius? I think you rather smell of Narcissa." I said pointedly.

Severus scowled at me. "I don't believe I am accountable to tell you with whom I spend my time but let me explain anyway. Maybe it is the spirit of Christmas that you don't happen to be the only one sobbing against my shoulder tonight; Narcissa was distressed and sought comfort, and for some reason I can't fathom she thought I was the one who could give her. Of course I told her to keep countenance and that her behaviour wasn't appropriate for the wife of a Death Eater."

There had been a certain softness in his voice the way he spoke Narcissa's name and I felt an unreasonable pang of jealousy I shouldn't feel at all. He was my friend, nothing more and nothing less, and yet I couldn't stand the thought of another woman holding him in her arms.

"So what bugged the spoiled pure-blood princess?" I asked with a harsher tone than intended.

"It _bugged_ her that she isn't mistress of her own house anymore, that she is virtually grounded there with a guest who is overstraining and abusing her hospitality by constantly threatening her family ever since her husband fell out of his good grace. I feel sorry for Narcissa but she has to learn to cope with the situation, and crying her eyes out doesn't improve anything because if the Dark Lord finds out about it he will only humiliate her even more."

I was silent for a while; I hadn't expected any of the Death Eaters to not approve to Lord Voldemort's whims but apparently I had been wrong. I didn't want to imagine how he treated those who had failed him, had disappointed him. I had never liked Lucius Malfoy but I definitely didn't want to be in his shoes, and I would have pitied Narcissa if not for that tone in Severus' voice telling me he was fond of her.

"Needless to say that this Christmas was not the best of my life. I thought I had seen a lot but the way the Dark Lord derided the festivities by giving Nagini a tasty present…" Severus shuddered at the memory and I could sense his guilt for not having been able to prevent it from happening when he turned his dark eyes on me. For the fraction of a second I saw two young Muggle boys cowering on the floor in fear as a giant snake approached them, and I heard a high voice hiss softly, _'merry Christmas, Nagini.' _

"Now, what bothers you, Raven? You look distressed…"

That was a nice way to put it when all the tears I had cried had probably smeared my mascara, the snow had ruined my hair-do, but there was true concern in his voice. I fumbled for my cigarettes when my mobile phone rang again, and again I rejected to answer the call.

"Black?" He asked.

I nodded.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk to him now though he's got nothing to do with what happened today only that his best friend was involved," I said before I told him the whole story.

"Veratiserum?" Severus gasped surprised; apparently he hadn't expected them to go that far either.

"Yep. Veratiserum. In the tea. I didn't drink it though- I mean, Lupin politely offering me a cup of tea was suspicious in itself, don't you agree? Anyway, he won't be able to get it up and father more pups any time soon, I suppose."

"You didn't… oh, of course you did!"

"It was far more satisfying than cursing him into oblivion. Sometimes you have to do things the Muggle way because it simply feels better."

"And what said Black about it?"

I shrugged. I had no idea how Sirius judged this incident because I was still refusing to talk to him on the phone; I just wasn't in the mood now.

"If he loves you he would like to know you're safe." Severus suggested, unusually caring. Was it possible that Sirius' changed attitude towards him had influenced him as well? Any other time that would have made me cheer but today it left me strangely unaffected. Nevertheless I typed a short message, my fingers almost numb with cold, and sent it to him before I switched off my mobile phone for good. Severus watched me shiver.

"You look frozen. We'd better go to my office and I hope you don't mind if I'll offer you some tea."

I glanced over the grounds to the castle. I would have loved to get out of the cold and into his office but I had no idea how to get there without being spotted by people who ought not to see us together. You can't Apparate inside of Hogwarts and there wasn't a fireplace I could use either.

But Severus would never fail to surprise me. From the pocket of his robes he produced something that, at first glance, looked just like any piece of cloth. Then he wrapped it around my shoulders, a cloak woven of the finest wool and of indefinite colour. It was of almost no weight, and when I glanced down on me, wishing for a mirror to watch me, I noticed that it didn't matter how the cloak looked on me because I was invisible.

"Demiguise hair," Severus said.

"Oh, Sev, it must have cost a fortune." That was probably the best Invisibility Cloak money could buy, and I couldn't accept such an expensive present.

He made a gesture as if shooing away an irritating fly. "The shopkeeper in Knockturn Alley was very obliging after I told him that the Dark Lord would not be pleased if he tried to cheat his most loyal servant so we agreed on a very reasonable price."

"Thank you… but…"

"Lestrange, since there is apparently no chance of getting rid of you, let me at least make is easier for us if you keep intending to see me. Now I want you to get out of the cold." He turned away from me and headed towards the castes with long strides.

I hurried to catch up with him. Since he couldn't see me sneaking up on him he was a bit startled when I hugged him, breathing a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Well, merry Christmas."

We walked in silence then. I turned around once and cast a spell that made my footsteps in the snow disappear so that no hint of my presence on Hogwarts grounds was left. As we entered the hall I had to come up with another spell to silence the sound of my high heels on the stone floor, and I had just succeeded when I heard loud, drunken voices approaching us. The Carrows.

"Severus! There you are!" Amycus shouted. "You left Malfoy Manor much too early!"

"We wanted to… hic… celebrate with you!" Alecto joined in.

Disgust was clearly etched in Severus' face as he sneered at them. "Is there anything to celebrate, Alecto?"

"It's… hic… Christmas," she raised her bottle of firewhisky in a toast. "The Dark Lord!"

"The Dark Lord!" Her brother parroted, bringing his own bottle of firewhisky to his lips before offering it to Severus, who rejected.

"The Dark Lord knows of my loyalty without me having to bawl about it. Please excuse me now."

"Ah, come on, Severus, don't be such a spoilsport. It's Christmas. Let's have some fun!"

"Yeah, let's… hic… 'ave some fun, Sevverrus."

It was ridiculous to hear Alecto Carrow slurring while she batted her eyes at my friend, drool dripping from her lips. Severus looked truly appalled now.

"You seem to be forgetting your place," he snarled. "I am not a fun person, and I doubt that is what the Dark Lord expects from me. He prefers brainy rather than drunken. That might also be the reason why my rank is higher than yours, why he puts his trust in me. He won't be pleased to hear how low you have sunk, reeking of firewhisky…"

_Why don't you just let them get hopelessly pissed and enjoy a quiet day tomorrow while they'll go through hangover hell?_, I thought and as if he could hear what I had been thinking he glanced at the two Carrows, a nasty smile curling up his lips.

"Forget what I just said." _Obliviate. _"Go and celebrate, drink to the Dark Lord. Drink a lot to the Dark Lord, to his immense powers that will change the world." He Summoned two more bottles of firewhisky out of thin air and handed them the Alecto and Amycus. "Merry Christmas."

They seemed to feel honoured. Although that was probably not what Alecto had hoped for, Amycus bowed humbly to Headmaster Snape and dragged his lewd sister along with him as they retreated to their private chambers where they would drown themselves in firewhisky. I didn't envy them for the hangover they were going to have the next day.

"Raven?" Severus whispered when they were definitely out of earshot, looking around for me. It irritated him a little that he couldn't see me, that he wasn't in total control of the situation.

"I'm here." I gently brushed his arms with my fingers.

"I have to lock the Potions cabinet. Why don't you just go ahead and wait for me in my office; it won't take long and you know the way, don't you?"

I nodded. Then I realized that he couldn't see me nodding and said, "Alright."

It was a strange feeling to walk the same old corridors again, and I almost felt catapulted back in time when I had been a little girl, strolling these corridors protected with a charm that kept others away from me. I had never been happy at Hogwarts but recalling those times now it hadn't been all that bad either. At least I had found a good friend who was still dear to me now.

I withstood the urge to look around, to see what had changed of if the library was still the same, as I headed straight to the Headmaster's office. The stone gargoyles at the entrance accepted my password and slid aside to reveal the spiral staircase behind. Ignoring the portraits on the walls I passed his office and opened the door the his private chambers, where I sat down in one of the plush armchairs. Only then I took off my Invisibility Cloak and ran the fine wool through my fingers to examine it more closely. It seemed to be of a greyish colour but whenever I tilted my head, or the light fell at it from a different angle, it looked bluish, or silvery, and when all of a sudden the fire in the hearth lit up, it took on a deep green shade. However, it was truly beautiful. Skilfully woven, tailored, and turned into a masterpiece of concealing magic.

Only a minute after the fire in the hearth had sprung to life, Pinkie appeared out of nowhere, carrying a tray with a teapot.

"Good evening, dear mistress Raven, Pinkie is here to serve like Master orders… Master needs not order what is pleasure for Pinkie." The house-elf poured me a mug of tea that she pressed into my hands and, enjoying the warmth that spread from it all through my frozen bones, I tentatively took a sip. The tea was strong and good, reviving my spirits and driving away the cold. I took another sip, not fearing at all that it could be poisoned with Veratiserum. Not here, not Severus. If I couldn't trust him I'd never be able to trust anyone at all.

Pinkie turned large, violet eyes on me as she placed plates and bowl containing various food on the table. "Master always forgets eating, especially when he comes home late. When he was with," she leaned in closer to my and whispered conspiratorially, "You-Know-Who… Master says him is not hungry but Pinkie worries."

"I will see to it that he does eat something," I promised her although I could understand that the meetings with Voldemort would make him lose his appetite.

"Good mistress," Pinkie's bat-shaped ears twitched happily, and she reached out to pat my arm, "mistress is so good to master, him almost smiles when you visited, you know? Master likes you."

"And I like him. We're friends."

"Pinkie has friend too, him calls Dobby. Dobby is a free house-elf." Once again she reduced her voice to a whisper. "Dobby wears socks."

"Oh, really?" I tried hard not to burst out laughing. She was really so cute. I told her about Tweety and the fancy dresses she liked to wear before asking her if she'd like to be a free house-elf, too.

"Oh no, dear Mistress Raven, Pinkie is soooo happy she serves Master Severus. Him is so kind to Pinkie she wants it no other way."

"But he is not your real master. You belong to Hogwarts, not to him..."

"Pinkie not belongs to Master Severus?" Suddenly her eyes were full as if she had only now realized the truth. A stubborn expression appeared on her face. "Then Pinkie wants to be a free house-elf because then she can choose to only serve Master Severus for all her life."

I reached out to gently stroke her cheek, feeling very fond of her. Deep in her heart she already was a free elf because she had chosen to serve Severus, and she didn't have the self-destructive attitude that made other house-elves hurt themselves when they didn't behave accordingly to their master's whims. So either the house-elves of Hogwarts were different or Pinkie had truly a little rebellious streak.

That moment Severus entered the room and let himself sink into the second plush armchair, heaving a long suppressed sigh as accepted a cup of tea Pinkie had poured him.

"Master please eats something?"

"I probably will, thank you, Pinkie. Now would you please be so kind and bring us a bottle of wine?"

Pinkie disappeared immediately to fulfil his wishes. A little late the requested bottle stood on the table between us and we held his beautiful serpent goblets in our hands, dark red wine sloshing around languidly in them. I had finally calmed down, feeling warm and safe in Severus' presence. It didn't matter that I was probably the most unpopular witch in Britain, being disliked by the Death Eaters **and** the Order of the Phoenix. Wasn't that impressive? I was fighting the same war as the Order did and yet they thought me untrustworthy; it was so absurd. I just hoped Sirius would understand the delicacy of the situation and keep his mouth shut because the last thing I needed now was him spilling our plans to Lupin for the sake of my reputation. There was so much at stake, actually the fate of the whole wizarding world might depend on his secrecy… maybe it had been a mistake to fill him in. I had thought I could have them both, my lover and my friend… now I feared that that had not only been an egoistic but also a dangerous idea. What if they tried to use Veratiserum on him too? What had transpired after I had fled from The Burrow?

I didn't want to mull these things over now so I started a trivial conversation with Severus who had the decency to play along, knowing I wouldn't want to discuss Lupin's behaviour towards me now. I also didn't want to leave so I asked him if I could stay here tonight, relying on his chivalry. He couldn't possibly send me out in the cold again.

"Of course," he said and he offered me his bed while he seemed to intend to sleep in one of the armchairs, or not sleep at all. Needless to say I wouldn't have any of that.

"Sev," I patted the free space next to me after I had lain down, "the bed is big enough for both of us, and we're both old enough to share it without any ulterior motives, so come here now."

Stifling a yawn he nodded. I could sense he was tired and glad to get some sleep when he walked over to join me but prudently kept distance.

"Well, good night, Raven."

"Good night, Sev."

We smiled wryly at each other before we turned around and fell asleep back to back.


	26. Not good enough

26- Not good enough

We had fallen asleep back to back but sometime during the night- probably when the fire had gone out in the early hours of the morning and the room had gotten cold- I must have cuddled up to him, seeking the warmth of his body. I still felt warm and cosy when I woke up hours later, lingering in the pleasant state between dreams and reality for a while before realisation hit me. I was lying in bed with a man who wasn't my lover and yet it didn't feel wrong to me. After all, I hadn't betrayed Sirius; I had merely snuggled up to my best friend without any ulterior motives. No harm done. It couldn't be wrong to enjoy warmth and comfort after a day like yesterday.

Severus was still sound asleep. From the way the light fell in through the shutters of the windows I guessed it must be around lunch time already and therefore unusually late for him to still be asleep. But that was good; he was never getting enough sleep anyway and I certainly didn't want to wake him. I even took pride in the fact that apparently he felt comfortable enough in my presence to sleep in as I propped myself up on one elbow to gaze at his face. His features were relaxed and he looked so much younger, as if finally all the burdens that were weighing him down had been taken off his shoulders, even if only for a while. I couldn't help but to brush his lips with mine.

His lips twitched to form the ghost of a smile, flickering over his face. My heart ached for him in a way that was probably not appropriate in a friendship, but whatever little flame had been lit was dying almost instantly a mere second later.

"Lily…"

It was like a kick in the face, a cold shower pouring down on me. What had I expected? I was such a fool. I was a fool because I allowed the hurt I felt. Hastily I drew back from him and sat up with mixed emotions, embarrassed, angry at myself… and, all of a sudden, strangely embittered.

His eyes fluttered open, black orbs searching for me, still heavy with sleep. Totally lacking the coldness some people saw in them. He rubbed his face with his hands, then sat up, looking at me. Sensing at once that I was irritated.

"What's wrong?"

"I… I don't know," I lied before I gave vent to what had been bottled up within me for so long without me ever realising it. "I… I'm just so sick of you being so fixated on Lily as if she had been a better friend to you than I was. Because she wasn't. She had to make excuses for even talking to you, knowing her prodigious Gryffindor friends would never approve to her being friends with you, a Slytherin. She never accepted you the way you are, she never even tried to understand what it was like to be in Slytherin. She blamed you for hanging around with those of your house because- admittedly- most of them became Death Eaters. But what did she expect you do you? She said, I don't like your friends, not getting that you had to get along with the people you had to live, sleep, eat, go to classes with…"

"What on earth are you babbling about?" Severus asked harshly, a crease forming between his eyes as he glared at me; they looked cold now. "If that's a fit of jealousy I consider it pretty uncalled for."

"So what if I'm jealous indeed? You seem to cling to the idea that she was perfect, that everything was always your fault, never hers. Yes, you made mistakes, horrible mistakes, and the guilt is still eating you up after all those years. You believe you can't be redeemed because you don't allow redemption. But you don't throw away a friendship as easily as she did, not because of one word that slipped your tongue in a moment of utter humiliation. She never forgave you, she never even really listened to you. When you tried to tell her of your theories about Lupin she didn't want to hear any of it. Because Lupin was a Gryffindor and a Gryffindor couldn't possible be a werewolf. It's the damned house system all over again. The slightest mentioning of the Dark Arts made her flinch but nothing was wrong with the pranks of the Marauders. And yet you put her on a pedestal too high for anyone to ever match her, and you almost refused to see that you had a true friend in me. My friendship was undemanding because I believed in you whereas she wanted to change you so that you'd fit better with her Gryffindor ideals. But I always came second. I was always standing in her shadow, never good enough. You tried to consider your moves and deserve the reward like a dog begging for a bone, and then she'd pat your head and say, of course we're best friends. Do you have any idea what it was like to stand in her shadow all the time? You never even noticed me when she was around, as if her blinding aura had cast a Disillusionment Charm over me. When I asked you to go Hogsmead together you always waited to see if perhaps Lily would ask you to, and only when she chose to go with her Gryffindor girls instead you remembered me again. Same with studying. When Lily was in the library you forgot you had promised to help me with an essay because you only had eyes for her. Do you have any idea how frustrating that was? I was only good enough whenever she had no time for you, but I was always there for you. You just didn't realize it. You never realized that there was someone who loved you for what you are, with all your flaws, even with the darkness in you, and not for what you should be- what she wanted you to be. I waited so long for you to become aware of me, to notice that Lily wasn't the only option for love in your life. You never did though. And yet I treasured every moment we spent together, the long nights in our common room when only the two of us were around. You were the only one who made life at Hogwarts bearable to me, you made me forget the pranks, the insults… because you were strong. I felt safe when I was with you, untouchable, indestructible… almost happy.

"You know, the reason I fell for Sirius was because he was the crass opposite of you. He was popular, charming, funny- always good for a laugh. I loved his casualness, the way he ran his fingers through his hair because of that one unruly streak that kept falling in his face. He was a handsome devil, but what I liked most about him was that he seemed to be the only boy at Hogwarts who wasn't infatuated with Lily Evans. Of course, that's a poor excuse for falling in love with someone who had treated you so badly, who had made your life such a hell ever since your first meeting on the Hogwarts express but… but maybe I wanted to hurt you, to annoy you… to stir any feeling in you as long as it was about me… because loving you was such a hopeless case…"

Merlin's beard, I was really talking myself into trouble. Severus stood and walked over to one of the windows that would be overlooking the grounds if not for the shutters. He leaned one hand against them and pushed them open. Sunshine fell into the room now, almost blinding me because it came so unexpected. He stood there in silence for what seemed to be an eternity, not speaking to me, his silhouette a dark shadow against the light. I watched him for a while, trying to figure him out. Was he angry at me?

I had messed it up, pushed it too far. I had said things I had never wanted to say, least to let him know. I had never wanted to reveal what I had so successfully managed to hide all the years but it was out now. No more secrets. And yet I felt miserable, as if I had just wrecked our friendship with my confession. Tears were burning hot in my eyes… I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

A loud thud made me raise my head. He had banged the shutters with his fist in a fit of whatever emotion was sizzling deep within him.

Finally he spoke, his voice a barely audible whisper.

"Do you have any idea what it was like… to hear you fell through that veil… to know that you were gone, gone like her… and then Dumbledore," I saw him shaking his head, biting his lips, then straightening his back and looking out of the window, "Dumbledore had imposed the task of killing him upon me, Narcissa made me swear an Unbreakable Vow to protect her son, and Potter thought it his duty to make the worst year of my life even more memorable. I… once again one of the Marauder had taken away someone dear to me, as if it's their life-task to make my life as miserable as possible, and I hate Black for that. I don't think I can forgive him, ever. He's responsible for her death just like I am- he pushed her away from me with all his arrogance, with all his stupid pranks, and then he had the nerve to entrust a life so precious into the hands of… of a _rat_! And now he expects me to be grateful because he finally treats me with decency? No, I don't think so. He can't just wag his tail and give paw and all the humiliation will be forgiven and forgotten." He fell silent again before he slowly turned around to face me, but I couldn't see his expression due to the counter-light. "I might not have been the friend you deserved, but don't… don't ever think your friendship means nothing to me."

"Sev…" I made an attempt to get up and approach him when he turned his back on me again.

"You said you'd write. You never did."

"But I did. I sent a letter as soon as I was at Buena Vista, I sent Christmas and birthday cards. You never replied. I thought you wanted to end our friendship, that it never meant that much to you anyway. That I wasn't good enough for you because I wasn't Lily. I also thought the influence of Slytherin house might have finally won over and you joined the Death Eaters. A lot of things were going through my mind then and yet I only stopped writing in the summer you graduated and left Hogwarts because I didn't know where you went then… Today, I believe you never got any of my letters…"

"That's right."

I shook my head. What had happened to all my letters? Of course, one could go missing but not all of them. Suddenly I had an idea. "Were the owls being intercepted at that time?"

"No. At least not officially- although there were rumours that the correspondence of Slytherin was censored to avoid parents from infecting their children with their pureblood-mania while at school. The Black boy once complained a letter from his mother must have gone missing… I doubt though you could have possibly written anything that sounded like Death Eaters propaganda."

"Decidedly not. But who would have had an interest in withholding my letters to you?"

"Without thinking I have four names in mind."

"Yeah, the usual suspects." If Sirius had his hands in that I'd throttle him. "But to what point and purpose?"

"Imagine a boy who wasn't known for getting any mail suddenly waiting for the owls to arrive and then imagine the haughty sneer on Potter's face when once again the boy had waited in vain." His voice was cold and strangely distant as if he hadn't been the boy he was talking about.

I preferred to not imagine the scenery he had conjured up in my mind's eye because it only made me sad and angry. Shivering I pulled up my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. It was really cold in the room and I wished to be as comfortably warm as I had been when I woke up. Although the sun was shining from a bright blue sky there was a wintry chill in the air.

Severus seemed to notice I was freezing because the fire in the hearth sprang to life with a warm orange glow. He closed the window and only a moment later he set down a mug of tea on the table in front of me.

"I would have called Pinkie to serve us breakfast but…"

"Thanks, I'm not hungry anyway." I was still too full of inner turmoil to even think of eating.

"Me neither."

"I'm sorry. I shout have kept that big mouth of mine shut. Maybe I said too much, was too…"

"You were refreshingly honest," Severus cut me off, sounding slightly sarcastic.

I lowered my head to avoid his eyes when he sat down at the armchair opposite of mine. I didn't want him to read something in my mind that I had buried deep down there a long time ago. Only fools wore their hearts at their sleeves and I was no fool although I had acted like one.

"Just forget what I said," I mumbled.

"I must admit your little rant surprised me. I thought you liked her, and if you believe I treated you unfairly you should be angry at me, not at her." His voice was harsh.

"Well, she treated me kindly, that much is true. But I stand to my word that she wasn't quite the friend you saw in her, she never really understood you. She accused you of having already chosen your path in fifth year which wasn't true. As far as I recall you had not been toying with the idea of joining the Dark Lord while I was still at Hogwards; if I remember correctly your fascination with the Dark Arts was a thirst for knowledge. Of course you wanted power, you wanted strength, you wanted to be able to defend yourself properly. Probably you wanted to hurt them badly but I can't remember you ever using Dark Magic on them, even if they had cornered you and it was four on one once again. Lily always chided you for having let them provoke you and then she left it to me to wipe the blood from your face. What I'm trying to say here, Sev, is that she had absolutely no idea what's it like being bullied."

"I'd rather not talk about Lily, not in such a way," he said sharply and I sensed anger boiling up inside him, mingled with something else I couldn't fathom. Anyone else would have carefully retreated from him now, fearing his wrath, but I added some more fuel to the fire.

"Fine," I snapped, "and I don't want to be called Lily when I kiss you."

Silence.

He stared at me, his black eyes blank, cold. The expression on his face absolutely inscrutable. Any second now he was going to explode, to verbally lash out at me with an uncharted measure of cruelty that would definitely break me, or he'd opt for hexing me straight into oblivion instead. But to my utmost surprise he let out a short, snorting laugh..

"You're the most annoying person I ever met, Lestrange, and I want you to leave now."

I rose from the armchair at once, knowing it was wiser to not oppose to his request. I was straining our friendship if I stayed and I didn't want to lose him. There was a time for argument and there was a time for retreat. Now it was definitely the latter.

If only the thought of having to face the consequences of yesterday's events wouldn't make me feel so miserable, so reluctant to leave the safe shelter of in his presence… the world outside this room was cold, the Ministry was after me, Death Eaters wanted to kill me, the Order mistrusted me. Somewhere in all this mess there was Sirius waiting for me. Loyal, probably trying to mediate between Lupin and me. Just like me he wanted both, his lover and his friend. It didn't seem to work though.

Severus left his private chamber and walked to the big desk in his office to take a look at his map. Apparently the coast was clear. The Carrows were still sleeping it off and the handful of students who had stayed over the holidays were in their common rooms.

"Well then, bye Sev."

He turned around, staring at me with a strange intensity; his black eyes glittering. For a moment I wished he'd sweep me in his arms and kiss me. I was glad he didn't, wondering about myself.

"Goodbye, Raven. I'm certain Black will be very pleased to have you back."

I wrapped my Invisibility Cloak around my shoulders and brushed past him towards the door. Of course Sirius would be glad to have me back and I felt guilty for not being as overzealous as I should be to return to him, scolding myself for my mixed emotions. Of course I loved him and I wanted him to hold me in his arms... but things would have been much easier if I could have stopped myself from messing them up.

I walked along empty corridors- the castle almost seemed to be deserted- then I crossed the entrance hall and left the building. The Hogwarts grounds looked very peaceful and pretty today, all covered with snow as if someone had dusted the scenery with icing sugar to make it a winter wonderland, snow crystals sparkling in the pale light of the wintry sun. The marks my high heel boots left in the impeccable whiteness disappeared magically as I walked on, leaving no trace behind.

When I reached the borders of Hogwarts I turned around to cast a last glance at the castle and in particular at the tower that housed the Headmaster's office. For reasons I couldn't fathom I knew that Severus Snape was standing at one of the windows, watching me although he couldn't see me.

-

Finally I was back in London, having Apparated to a small alley near the hotel where Sirius and I had spent the nights prior to the awful Christmas party at The Burrow. I took off my Invisibility Cloak and produced my mobile phone from the pocket of my coat, switching it on to see whether Sirius had left a message. It was like leaving one world and returning to the other as if by switching on my mobile phone I had switched from the Wizarding to the Muggle world.

The display told me I had received three messages. The first one was expressing his worries and had apparently been sent before I had let him know where I was; the second sounded of relief that I was with Severus, knowing I was safe in his company, and the last one was of longing, saying he loved me and missed me and would be waiting for me. So I hurried to meet Sirius in our hotel room.

He was standing at the window looking outside when I entered.

"Raven!" Whirling around he gathered me in his arms and his mouth crashed down on mine, taking my breath away in a greedy kiss. Since I had longed to be kissed I enjoyed the moment but when his hands started to trail all over my body I broke our embrace and took a step backwards. Though I usually didn't mind ending an argument in bed it seemed to be inappropriate now given that we hadn't even had an argument. Not yet.

"I thought you'd be a little more enthusiastic…"

"What? To get screwed so that I'd forget what happened? Sorry, but it won't work like this," I snapped.

"Listen, I had no idea what Remus and Molly had been up to because otherwise I would have talked them out of it, and I definitely don't approve to their methods, but… why did you run away from me?"

"I didn't run away from you, I simply was totally pissed off of these fucking hypocrites and wanted to get as far away from them as possible. You should be able to understand that."

"I do! I wanted to leave with you after telling Remus how disappointed I was with him…"

"_**Disappointed**_? Now that sounds pretty lame for something I consider disgusting:" My voice was getting louder and so was his.

"Call it what you want but you should have waited for me. You should have wanted to talk things over with me instead of running to Snape! Mind, I'm glad you ran to him because I almost envisioned you being ambushed by Death Eaters when you were suddenly gone and didn't answer your phone…"

"At least the Death Eaters are more predictable than your dear friends," I snarled before I said more placatory, "But that's not the point here, Sirius. I had to get away, I couldn't have waited for you. I needed a friend who's not friends with that werewolf bastard and I didn't want to hear you making excuses for him… like blaming it on the moon as if he was in a serious state of PMS."

Sirius had difficulties stifling a chuckle at my words. He stared at the floor, nibbling at his lip. Nevertheless I had been right to assume that he would have tried to defend Lupin to some extent.

"He's the only friend left. James… James is dead and Peter… well, you know what he became. I really don't know what's gotten into Moony, why he failed to trust my judgement in you and wanted to figure you out the hard way… he must have been truly concerned. The Order of the Phoenix has always been his home, the place where he was not only accepted but valued- despite of his furry problem- and believing it threatened… I can't explain his behaviour any other way than that it's not easy for him to be what he is, but I will talk to him tomorrow, and I'll make him see that he's wrong about you…"

"Just make sure he doesn't offer you anything in case he might try his luck on you." I said sardonically.

"Raven!" He sounded shocked. "Remus would never do that."

"Are you certain, Sirius? You said it yourself that he doesn't seem to trust your judgement when it comes to me therefore it is not safe to trust him. You know too much, and you can't share that knowledge with Lupin to convince him I'm not a Death Eater. It's not my reputation that's at stake here- I don't give a damn 'bout that- but the Order must not find out about Severus' true allegiance or his life is in grave danger."

"Oh, it's about Snape again…"

"Damned, it's about defeating Voldemort! It's about helping Severus to keep Lily's boy alive- he's the Order's best hope and hope is all they've got since Dumbledore left them pretty clueless."

"Of course I want to help Harry; I'd give my life for him but so would Remus. No matter what you think about him I won't give up my friend because of a mistake he made."

"I'm not asking you to end your friendship with Lupin, nor to make a choice between him and me. All I'm asking you is to be careful and not spill any secrets." I sighed. "Well, as it seems we're very much alike because both of us won't give up our friends and sometimes I think the only thing that stands between us is our relationship. "

He shot me a mildly confused glance. "What precisely do you mean with that?"

I shrugged.

"You know, Raven," Sirius continued, a frown on his handsome features, "sometimes I do wonder whom you would chose if you had to, Snape or me?"

Fortunately that question was not up for discussion at the moment because I really didn't want to be faced with that choice, and yet the current situation seemed to have gotten so damned stuck. I needed time to mull things over, to find a moment of peace after all the turmoil I've already been through today. So I grabbed a bottle of champagne from the mini bar and locked myself in the bathroom for a while.

I heaved a sigh of relief when I sat down in the bath tub filled with pleasantly hot water, stretching out my legs, sinking deeper into it until my body was covered up to the chin with scented foam bubbles. For the first time since waking up today I felt cosily warm. I took a sip of chilled champagne and blew at the mountains of foam in front of me, watching languidly how white bubbles became translucent, sparkling in rainbow colours as they whirled up in the air. Not really mulling anything over I nevertheless came to the conclusion that men were idiots.

And yet I let him seduce me to end our conflict, to never have to answer his last question, when I left the bathroom later. Mayhap it was because I felt quite sensual, slick with a rich body lotion I had rubbed into my skin- or it was just because I was an idiot myself.

Our clothes were spread all over the room, the sheets were untidily churned up due to the passion of our encounter; our legs were entwined as I rested my head against his chest and listened to his breathing. He had fallen asleep but I was still lying awake…

…recalling the day I had succeeded Auror training second best of my class… always second best, never good enough… I should have been happy with the result because it was actually damned good, but then again not good enough to grant me a job. After Voldemort's defeat the Ministry in LA saw no use in employing any more Aurors, which had rendered me vulnerable to the temptations the city's nightlife had to offer… and so I had jumped head over heels into the false glamour of the partying scene, longing for recognition. Oh, what a fool I had been to believe that bedding someone famous would change anything! It had taken me some time to come to my senses again…

With Sirius I never felt not good enough. I should be happy.

* * *

a/n: I know there must be people reading this story, I know it's on the favorite/ story alert list of some people... and yet I don't get much feedback. So once again I'm begging for reviews.


	27. Chocolate Cake

27- Chocolate Cake

Finally I gave up on getting some sleep; it actually bugged me a little that he had simple dozed off while my head was too full of things I needed to have answered. Tentatively I nudged his shoulder.

His eyes flickered open, a wanton smile spreading over his handsome features as he whispered, "Hmmm… love, you want more?"

I propped myself up on one elbow and gazed down at him with a frown. "Nah, I'm wondering… do you have any idea what might have happened to the letters I sent to Severus?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and stifled a yawn, clearly not pleased with the course of events. "Why d'you think I'd know that?"

"Because I just heard a rumour that the mail of Slytherin house had been monitored… though probably not officially…"

"What's that gotta do with me?" He asked sleepily. "Why don't you let rumours be what they are?"

"First, there's always a grain of truth in every rumour, no matter how much the truth has been bent. Second, when thinking about whoever could have had an interest in withholding my letters from Severus it sounds like a Marauder's prank to me…"

"It wasn't meant to be a prank," Sirius admitted. He knew more about it and, heaving a sigh, he decided to fill me in. "Well, it was James' idea actually- you have to know how much he hated the Dark Arts, and that he truly despised Slytherin for bringing up more Dark wizards and witches than any other house. Therefore he thought it a good idea to separate kids that had been Sorted into Slytherin from their families by confiscating their mail so that these kids won't be influenced by their parents' political ideals and pure blood mania anymore. He introduced his idea to Dumbledore but when Dumbledore didn't want to hear any of that, James never mentioned it again."

"And yet all of my letters had gone _missing_? I don't believe in such a strange coincidence, especially not when Potter was involved."

"You seem to have a problem with all of my friends," Sirius sounded angry, "while I try my best to get on with Snape- for you. I don't want to hear any more of that now. Good night!"

He turned his back on me and actually had the nerve to fall asleep again. I wrapped myself in my blanket and rolled to my side of the bed, away from him. I was dead sure now that Potter had intercepted my letters to Severus because he would have stopped at nothing to hurt, humiliate and even shatter my friend… anything to prove him right, to prove that Severus Snape had been predestined to become a Death Eater ever since the day he had been Sorted into Slytherin. The idea made me cringe, nauseated, and I silently wept myself to sleep, crying for the boy I had loved.

It must have been early morning when a silvery doe appeared in my dreams and told me that Harry Potter was finally in the possession of the sword of Gryffindor.

That was decidedly good news. Sirius almost cheered when I told him at breakfast and we forgot our last night's argument although we didn't talk about our friends for a while.

Our relationship improved again in the weeks that followed Christmas. We moved from the hotel to a furnished flat in Kensington, where we celebrated the birth of a new year all on our own. While watching the fireworks over London we kept our hopes up that things would turn out well for us, Harry, and the whole Wizarding World that was still in the clutches of Lord Voldemort. And there was hope indeed now that Harry had finally received the sword of Gryffindor.

The first week of 1998 went by in peaceful insignificance. Nothing in particular happened- as if the Death Eaters were all on holiday. Of course I avoided the Wizarding World after all the turbulent events of last year… it was like going into hiding in the Muggle World although I wasn't actually hiding at all. I went shopping, I went to some pubs with Sirius when we were in the mood to go out; I lived my life like I had done before killing two Death Eaters on Halloween which had attracted Voldemort's wrath. The only difference was that my playground was Kensington now instead of Camden, and leaving my familiar paths had apparently sidetracked his villains.

Although there had been silence between us since I had talked myself into trouble on Boxing Day- well, except for him informing about Harry and the sword- I wasn't going to ignore Severus' birthday. Sirius was visiting his cousin Andromeda that day so there was enough time for me to busy myself in the kitchen with quite an unusual activity... but well, I was good at Potions, I was able to read and follow instructions, therefore the task I had made it my business to master would surely not end in a complete failure. At least I hoped so, and the result did actually look fairly promising…

Wrapped in my Invisibility Cloak I Apparated to the borders of Hogwarts and stole my way into the castle, up to the Headmaster's office. I opted against knocking but simply snuck in.

Severus was sitting at his desk, his head buried in his hands as if he wanted to stop the portraits on the wall- and especially Dumbledore's portrait- from pestering him. He looked strained, enervated. His face was gaunt and pale, dark rings under his weary eyes.

I withstood the urge to gather him in my arms and give him a hug but proceeded to his private chambers instead. I would set down my little present on the table and then leave again since he hadn't invited me to come here today… there hadn't even been the slightest clue indicating he wanted to see me at all.

"Lestrange, what are you doing in my bedroom?"

Oh shit, I had forgotten the map. Although I was invisible, a dot with my name would nevertheless show up on his Anti-Marauder's Map and give me away. So I could as well end this little charade and reveal myself.

"Hi, Sev…"

That very moment the magically enchanted candles on his birthday cake erupted into a little firework of sparkling stars that shot up into the air and became a swarm of golden birds that turned to green dragons singing, _'Happy birthday to you'_, before they exploded in jets of silvery light.

"I… um, I baked a cake for you…" Nervously I shifted from one foot to the other, hoping that the ground would open up and swallow me. The situation was just too awkward. I wished he'd yell at me instead of staring wordlessly at the cake, then at me. Finally he shook his head and his lips twitched a little, forming the slightest hint of a smile.

"Yes, now that the dragons are gone I see it's a cake," he said, mild mockery in his voice.

_He wasn't mad at me_, I cheered inwardly and a wave of relief washed over be because I'd actually feared he'd still hold a grudge against me for having spoken my mind too freely on Boxing Day. Of course he still didn't approve to me shaking at the foundation of the pedestal he had raised Lily on but he had been mulling over some of the things I had said. He hadn't changed his mind about her though; he had only changed his mind about me and not for the worse as he appreciated my honesty. Given that he had lived years as a spy his whole life was so full of lies and secrets, even Dumbledore hadn't trusted him completely, had left him in the dark, hiding relevant fact from him. Maybe having spilled my feelings had been like a fresh breeze because when he glanced at me now I realized he didn't look as strained and unhappy as when I had first seen him in his office. Something in his eyes even encouraged me to hug him.

"Happy birthday, Sev," I whispered in his ear.

He broke the embrace and turned his back on me. "Is there anything _happy_ about the fact that another year of misery has passed?"

"Well, yeah, because things can only get better."

"I guess you really believe in that." Obviously he didn't share my optimism. "Anyway, what are you waiting for. Why don't you sit down so that we can try your delicious cake?"

Because I'm not certain I share your faith in my baking skills, I thought but I said, "I was worried about whether I would be welcome here…

"Please don't be absurd. I'm certain the other party guests won't mind."

I shot him a perplexed glance before I chuckled, loving his sense of humour. Then the chuckle died on my lips as I became aware of his loneliness. I was likely the only one who had not forgotten his birthday- or chosen to ignore it.

"Besides, since when do you care whether you're invading my privacy? You are the most annoying person I have ever met so stop fidgeting and take a seat." He was wearing a sneer on his face and yet his black eyes were soft when he looked at me, forgiving me for being such a charming nuisance. Despite his harsh words he seemed almost glad I had come.

"I can't stay long," I said apologetic as I slumped into an armchair, "Sirius doesn't know I'm here and…" I fell silent when Severus arched a quizzical brow at me and since I didn't want to discuss my relationship with him I quickly changed the topic. "There's something you should know. I'm not the greatest housewife and I never used to spend much time in the kitchen either… what I'm trying to say is that I have no idea if the cake's edible at all."

"Then the more I must insist on you trying to find out," he said with a sly smile, entirely the cruel Potions Master who'd threaten his students with drinking the potion they had failed to brew properly.

I watched him cutting the cake and putting two identical big pieces on plates he had just Summoned out of thin air. To my surprise my first attempt in baking hadn't turned into a heap of crumbles yet, which was kind of promising. It also tasted good, which was even more of a surprise. Apparently I wasn't a complete failure in the kitchen.

We tucked in until we had finished almost the whole cake, feeling pleasantly stuffed. I would have to diet tomorrow while all the calories couldn't harm Severus at all; he was much too thin anyway. At least he looked more relaxed now.

Unfortunately I had to leave soon. I didn't want Sirius coming home and not knowing where I was. Of course I could have left him a note but I had opted against because I feared it would only lead to another argument and I couldn't handle that now; life was complicated enough.

Reluctantly I rose from my armchair. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave now."

Severus stood, too. Not showing any emotions but I knew he would have wanted me to stay although we hadn't talked much. Sometimes there was simply no need for words to feel comfortable, and the silence between us was rarely awkward.

He walked me to the door. As we entered his office my glance drifted to one of the windows where an owl was pecking against the glass with its beak… but that wasn't what had caught my attention. I suddenly seemed to recall a memory that wasn't mine and then it slipped my mind again when Severus let the owl in; it carried a letter. Even from the distance the paper looked expensive and I almost seemed to smell that perfume again.

"Narcissa?" I asked, trying to keep the sudden pang of jealousy from my voice. Damned, I should be happy for my friend that I wasn't the only one who hadn't forgotten his birthday.

"Yes, she sends her congratulations and best regards." Severus folded the letter and put it on his desk, then he turned around to face me.

Our eyes locked and next I was holding him in my arms as if some strange sort of magic had drawn us together. I hugged him goodbye just like I had done so many times before and yet it felt different. The grip of his arm around my waist was tighter. My lips brushed his- not for the first time either- but lingering for a moment longer than what seemed appropriate for a friendly peck. He didn't object though, his lips soft and sweet, tasting of chocolate cake… I felt temped to overstep the boundaries of friendship and taste more of him when the sound of wolf-whistling made me come to my senses again. I scowled at the portrait of Phineas Nigellus, wondering at the same time what had gotten into me. Severus was my friend, my best friend… and I had almost kissed him like I'd kiss a lover.

Fortunately I had an Invisibility Cloak that I could wrap around my shoulders and disappear from sight before making a total fool out of myself- although I was quite an expert in that by now- so I literally fled. I fled from his office, from the castle… from him… my mind in a state of utmost turmoil. Had I really wanted to _kiss_ him? First the sudden pang of jealousy when it came to Narcissa and now that.

I left Hogwarts and Apparated straight to our flat in Kensington. I wouldn't let this madness happen. I was happy with Sirius. He was the man I loved; he was everything that Severus wasn't- handsome, charming, cheerful… perfectly fitting to my lifestyle, my balance act between the two worlds I was living in. It would never work between Severus and I, and besides, he still loved Lily. He would always love Lily. I had to get used to that and settle with what I had instead of risking it for a moment of madness.

The flat was as empty as it had been when I left it and that also meant that unfortunately the kitchen would still look the same battleground. Though my first attempt in baking had been a success I hadn't managed to accomplish that without leaving a mess behind. Of course I could clean up the kitchen by using a household spell but I decided to give some vent and do it without magic; I wasn't good at household spells anyway. If I ever moved in a place where I knew I would stay for good I would get myself a house-elf, a cute little creature like Tweety or Pinkie… thinking of Pinkie it only needed a whiff of the dough left in the bowl to remind me of Severus, the taste of chocolate cake on his lips…

I quickly finished my work in the kitchen and hurried to the bathroom to take a cold shower that would rid me off these thoughts. Why wasn't Sirius here now when I needed him to make me forget them? After all, Severus was my friend, I wasn't in love with him- so why couldn't I be content with the love I had? Perhaps I wasn't used to being happy with a man who loved me like I loved him because I simply hadn't experienced a relationships that actually lasted for more than just a few months yet, and that caused my momentary unrest. Or it was just an overdose of chocolate cake.

Turning on the TV- anything to distract me- I lounged on the sofa and waited for Sirius to return from his visit with Andromeda. Finally he walked through the door, a few minutes to midnight, and I was eager for him to sweep me in his arms.

"Sorry for being so late but I couldn't leave Andie… her husband is dead and she's all alone," he muttered between two kisses, and I felt guilty. Andromeda had lost her husband only days ago after he had been on the run for months, hiding from the Muggle-born Registration Commission. Of course she needed Sirius, her favourite cousin, now.

"She's pretending she's alright but the only thing that keeps her going is the anticipation of holding her grandchild in her arms…"

Tonks hadn't spoken with me since that incident at The Burrow when I had kicked her husband so hard in his balls it would probably hurt for weeks. Although she had not approved of what he and Molly had been up to she nevertheless wasn't forgiving me for my harsh reaction. I blamed it on her pregnancy and all the hormones involved.

Sirius kissed me again, this time more demanding.

"Hmm, you taste of chocolate…"

For the fraction of a second I felt as exposed as if he had just caught me in the act and I stiffened in his arms. Instinctively I sought to break our embrace for I didn't want him to steal that taste from my lips, which only made me feel more guilty. So I yielded to him. We made love then, and I realized how stupid I was to risk losing what I had.

-

A few days later I was riding my Harley from Kensington to Camden for a shopping trip, when suddenly I slammed on the brakes. A house had caught my attention. Although it was situated in a district where mainly Muggles lived it looked like a perfect wizarding house, covered with ivy, almost completely hidden from view by a weeping willow. In the overgrown front garden stood a sign that read 'For Sale'. I thought about calling the broker because I had instantly fallen in love with the house but then I changed my mind. This was decidedly not the right time to buy a house and settle down, especially not when I was merely trying to rush things out of guilt. Of course I wanted to live with Sirius and have a place to call our home, but there was a war going on in the Wizarding World the outcome of which was uncertain. And so I didn't even mention the house after I returned to our flat in Kensington some hours later.

January went by quite uneventfully; February started with skies so monotonously grey that the heavy clouds seemed to weigh me down, leaving me depressed for days. I tried to compensate that with shopping trips but alas, even my favourite shops didn't offer anything to make me feel better. I hated winter.

Sirius did his best to cheer me up; he bought me flowers, he took me out for dinner or we went to the movies, to a gig… we did all the things that any other couple would do. He was so sweet, so charming- and yet I sometimes felt he was following me around like a lost puppy, suffocating me with his love. Then there were moments when our conversations turned into heated arguments because he wanted to meet Remus whom I still haven't forgiven although I usually wasn't an unforgiving person. Maybe I was so wound tight because I knew of all the things that were happening in the Wizarding World but never really reached us. We had gone into hiding without ever considering that option for us and I was so sick of it; I wasn't used to sitting back and take things easy. I was a trained Auror, I had spent many years of my life travelling from one trouble spot to the next, all over the world. I had worked alone most of the time- I had no experience in living with one and the same person for months. There were moments I enjoyed the proximity and next I wanted nothing more than flee from it. I could use a break, an adventure, a fight...

Severus scowled at me when I mentioned that one day in the two-way mirror. "Don't wish for things that will possibly come true sooner or later. The Dark Lord is in a foul mood these days."

"Fouler than mine?" I asked.

We talked almost every day, exchanging news, but we had never talked about what had happened on his birthday. I was certain he knew I had been about to kiss him and, maybe it was just my imagination, that he would have let it happen. He must have felt it too, that little spark… but what was I wondering about anyway? I could never match Lily and I didn't even want to because I was perfectly happy with Sirius.

_'Keep telling yourself that,' _the little demon in the back of my head nagged me occasionally, reminding me that my happiness wasn't nearly as perfect as I made myself believe in. It was only natural that you argue in a relationship, that you're not always of the same opinion especially when friends are concerned. Of course Sirius would not throw away years of friendship with Lupin just because **I** thought him a deceitful bastard- _what else to expect of a Marauder?_- and I wouldn't even ask him to. But that wasn't the point.

"Are you listening to me at all?" Severus' voice sounded waspish.

_Um, apparently not._ I hadn't paid much attention to what he had told me, ignoring my question, beside himself about Hagrid because the oaf was hosting 'Support Harry Potter' in his hut with the students he had sent him for detentions, and he couldn't be lenient any longer.

I snapped out of my reverie and said, "Yeah, sure… problems with Hagrid. 'Twas obvious he'd to rally against you. He's Harry's biggest fan."

"Literally."

I chuckled. Severus could crack a joke without even realizing it and I loved the sparkle that lit up his black eyes for a brief moment. Then I avoid looking into his eyes again because I still hadn't managed to completely extinguish that little spark… blame it on an overdose of chocolate cake.

"You do realize my dilemma, I hope? If I am to act my part convincingly I have to expel him for his mutinous behaviour since keeping him would only raise suspicion. But when he's gone how am I supposed to keep the notorious wrong-doers safe? I already failed to protect the Lovegood girl… she's been held captive in Malfoy Manor ever since Christmas."

"I could try to spring her…" I offered but he cut me off immediately.

"No. I don't want to hear any of that. If you need a change why don't you go and visit your mother for a few days?"

He sounded truly worried I might do something stupid when all of a sudden I recalled the evening when my Mum had told us the Tale of the Three Brothers and with that came the realisation why I had stared at his office the last time I had visited him... it reminded me of a memory that wasn't my own and I had to see it again because it could possibly be essential.

"Sev, I need to meet you as soon as possible."

"Well, you know the way, don't you?"

A few minutes later I walked into his office, took off my Invisibility Cloak, and came straight to the point. "That memory of yours, the scene when Dumbledore first told you to kill him- could I please see it again?"

If he was bewildered about my urgent request he didn't show it but merely extracted the required memory from his mind and poured it into the pensieve that was standing on the desk, gesturing me to go ahead. I almost breathed a sigh of relief that he was using the pensieve instead of letting me snoop around in his mind because I wasn't sure whether I could cope with that. I didn't want to be that close to him again; I feared… well, I didn't know what exactly I feared.

Severus didn't want to relive the memory when Dumbledore's folly had forced him to take on an almost impossible task that would isolate him completely from all that was good and sane; he stayed behind while I dove into the pensive…

…_a moment later I was standing in Dumbledore's office, watching the Headmaster sagged sideways in the throne-like chair behind his desk, apparently semi-conscious; his right hand dangling over the side, blackened and burned. Severus was with him, muttering incantations while pointing his wand at the wrist of the blackened hand, decidedly frustrated, while his left hand tipped a goblet full of thick golden potion down Dumbledore's throat. Finally Dumbledore's eyelids fluttered and opened._

_"Why," said Severus without preamble, "_why _did you put on that ring? It carries a curse, surely you realized that. Why even touch it?"_

_"I… was a fool. Sorely tempted..."_

_"Tempted by what?" _

Well, now that was the million dollar question. What would tempt a man like Dumbledore to put on a ring that so obviously carried a curse?_ I stepped closer to take a better look at it. It was large, apparently made of gold and set with a black stone engraved with a coat of arms, but the stone had been cracked in the middle. The sword of Gryffindor was lying next to it._

I crawled back into reality, a sudden rush of adrenaline in my veins.

"The ring," I cried excited, "I'm positive the ring was a Horcrux and he destroyed it."

"Yes, I thought so," Severus replied annoyingly calm. "That still doesn't explain why the old fool put it on knowing it carried a curse."

"What would tempt him so much that he'd choose to ignore the dangers?"

He shrugged, realizing that he practically knew nothing personally of Dumbledore. I glanced at his portrait.

"Why don't you tell me, old man?"

Of course he didn't reply, Dumbledore had not spoken to me since my first visit in the headmaster's office… perhaps he was still offended by the way I had silenced him. Now he always pretended to be sound asleep although I knew he was listening.

"Well, Rita Skeeter is a sensation-seeking writer but we know there's a grain of truth in her stories," I mused.

Severus arched a brow at me. "So you have an idea what that ring is- in addition to being cursed and a Horcrux?"

"Yep. But I will have to talk to someone who could possibly tell me more about it and confirm my guess."

He didn't like it. I hadn't said anything concrete yet but he raked a hand through his hair in frustration, scowling at me.

"What are you up to, Lestrange?"


	28. The Forlorn

author's note: thank you, **prfm**, for your review. Since it's anonymous I couldn't reply and I like to reply to all reviews. I totally agree with you about Sirius. I started this story because I felt he was treated unfair and I wanted to give him a better life- and then things got out of control. I promise not to hurt him too much ;) I used to like Lupin until he got Tonks pregnant and then left her, that's just shabby.

I hope you all enjoy my new chapter and please don't forget to review.

* * *

chapter 28- The Forlorn

_Muffliato_- I hated portraits that feigned sleep but were eavesdropping on everything I said. If I was to tell Severus of my plan then it should be for his ears alone and not to fill in a whole gallery of former headmasters, especially not Dumbledore.

I explained what I was up to. He listened to me attentively and thought about it, weighing the risks. Finally he nodded. He knew my strength and he knew I could handle the situation. It was a damned good feeling that he also had some faith in me.

He took me completely by surprise when he didn't let me leave without giving me a brief hug.

"Be careful. He might still be dangerous."

I promised to take care and left his office, hidden under my Invisibility Cloak.

It would be much harder to convince Sirius to let me go for a few days because he would try to stop me or insist on accompanying me. But I wasn't a sheep and he was not my sheepdog. I had to go alone; it was the perfect opportunity to have some much needed time on my own, to think things over and find out what I really wanted. My feelings had been so mixed up and confused lately that I had to get them sorted again and I couldn't do that with him breathing down my neck… and then I felt guilty for having these thoughts at all. I shouldn't feel like that. Perhaps I'd merely have to get away from our daily routine for a while to come to my senses again and realize how much I loved him.

I couldn't tell him where I was going though. You just don't announce that you're going to visit someone who's name is second on the list of Most Dangerous Dark Wizards of All Time and expect your lover to say, _'have fun, darling.' _It wouldn't work that way. So I fed him a white lie and told him I had been called to a meeting at the Ministry of Magic in Berlin, responsible for the German speaking part of the European Wizarding World. After all, I was still a freelance Auror and having joined the Order of the Phoenix hadn't changed that. Besides, it wasn't even a total lie since indeed I had to go there first and ask for permission to interrogate their most famous prisoner, held captive in a grim fortress somewhere in the Alps. I was positive though that they'd grant me permission because I had helped them getting rid off a really nasty plague of Grindylows in the river Rhine a couple of years ago (and without having to Obliviate the memories of all the Muggles living in the area)

Sirius sulked a little when I wouldn't let him come to Berlin with me but he seemed to understand that I was just trying to keep up old connections because it was my job, and I made amends for not being all that honest to him in bed later.

The Berlin Ministry was located deep in the basement of airport Tempelhof, hidden securely from the sight of Muggles. To enter it you could either use the telephone box at Platz der Luftbrücke (you have to dial _Magie_ instead of Magic) or you walked in through the door at gate two and a half, which of course no Muggle could see. At gate two and a half was also an Invisibility Field for Apparation and International Portkey Travel since most wizards and witches arrived that way.

The German Minister for Magic, a funny little man with an enormous moustache, called Helmut Zinderlein, remembered me fondly. He expressed his concern about what was going on in Wizarding Britain, hoping it wouldn't spill over to Europe, and finally stamped a letter of approval that would open any door to me. I thanked him but declined his offer to arrange a Portkey for me, and he seemed to recall that I didn't like to travel by magical means that much.

I spent one night in Berlin and called Sirius from the hotel. It was good to hear his voice although I was glad to be away for a few days. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, it says. The next morning I took a plane to Zurich and from there a train to Vaduz, a town in the Alps that in the Muggle world was the capital of a small principality called Liechtenstein. Of course it would have been faster to go by Portkey but I was in no hurry and enjoyed the train ride. Looking out of the window I saw mountains covered with snow rising up high; it was a beautiful sight when you're sitting in a warm compartment. I also had some reading material to prepare myself with whom I was about to meet.

Since it was already afternoon when I arrived in Vaduz, I checked into a hotel there. Soon it would be dark and my final destination was still miles away, but the last stage of my journey I would have to Apparate. There were no roads leading to where I was heading, an unwelcoming place deep in the wasteland of barren mountains, and it would be forbidding enough to get there in the bright light of day when nightfall was still hours ahead.

On the morrow I gulped down a cup of coffee for breakfast before I set off. Minutes later I stared in awe mingled with terror at the gigantic, jet black and threatening fortress towering in front of me, feeling small. Its towers seemed to be probing the skies above in mockery and it was hard to imagine that something so enormous could not be detected by the Muggle eye. Although it was unlikely that any Muggle would ever come to this unfriendly place where nothing seemed to grow. The few trees that were standing here were withered, dead and bare like skeletons.

As I stepped closer to the ebony entrance gate I could read the words caved into the stones. For the Greater Good. A shiver ran down my spine. It had been his mantra and wasn't it ironic that he was now the only prisoner in this grim fortress he had built to imprison his enemies? I looked up to Nurmengards highest tower, to the topmost window where Gellert Grindelwald had been held captive for more than fifty years now. I thought of all the horrible crimes he had committed for the Greater Good and that Dumbledore had used the same phrase to justify his means… raising Harry like a pig for slaughter, all for the Greater Good. Was he really any better than Grindelwald?

I wouldn't find out if I merely stood there and stared, brooding. So I took heart and walked towards the gate. Apparently I had already been expected because it swung open with a screeching sound before I could rise my hand and knock.

I was greeted with a whiff of cold, stale and damp air as if a vault had been opened, and the darkness ahead seemed impenetrable… until the light of a flickering torch lit up, sending bizarre shadows dancing over nearby walls. The guards appeared.

Their chief was a round, bald man who looked incredibly bored and his subordinates didn't seem to be exceedingly motivated either. I guessed it must be no fun to serve their duties in the middle of nowhere.

"Miss Lestrange?"

Although it was obvious that Minister Zinderlein must have already announced my visit, he eyed me suspiciously. Maybe he had expected a freelance Auror to look more like… well, more like an Auror, dressed in old fashioned robes, and less like a modern Muggle woman. I became aware of how much my appearance was out of place here. So I handed him the letter of approval Zinderlein had stamped for me.

He scanned it briefly and the suspicion in his eyes faded as he said politely. "Guten Tag, Miss Lestrange. I am Siegfried Obermeier. I already expected you. Please follow me."

The huge door closed behind me with a sound that gave me a feeling of being locked up in this grim, black fortress and when the guards escorted me through the entrance hall, the footsteps of heavy boots echoed from the high, bare walls. This place gave me the creeps.

We soon reached a spiral staircase leading up to the highest tower, and fortunately it worked like an escalator so we didn't have to walk up all the way without magic. The chief guard panted nevertheless when we reached the top landing, dabbing sweat of his reddened face as he fumbled for his bunch of keys.

Ahead of us was a heavily warded iron door with seven keyholes. Each of the guards that had escorted me took out a key now, each looking different, and then finally their chief unlocked the last keyhole, his wand at the ready.

I swallowed hard, expecting to meet a wild, dangerous and terrible monster on the other side of the door.

"We will wait here, in case you need help," Obermeier said with a voice that neither hid his fear of the prisoner nor his profound loathing of the man. Some of his subordinates, however, frowned at his words.

I thought that very interesting when I cautiously stepped into the cell. The window was a mere slit in the black rock of the wall, letting in some light and fresh air… very cold fresh air. I shivered and wrapped my stole tighter around my shoulders as my eyes roamed the room, then widened in shock.

What had I expected to find here? A Dark wizard still radiating evil with every breath he took?

I was wrong, totally wrong. What I saw instead was a frail old man, a skeletal figure curled beneath a blanket on his makeshift bed, in his cell-like room. Was he dead or sleeping? I couldn't tell until he opened great sunken eyes in a skull of a face, staring at me for what seemed an eternity.

Finally he stirred and rose to sit. When he moved the stench filling my nostrils almost overwhelmed me for he reeked of piss and unwashed clothes- if you could call the rags that covered him clothes at all. As it seemed the hygienic standards at Nurmengard weren't very high.

Still staring at me he suddenly smiled. Nothing could have been more disturbing than this almost toothless smile. I was shocked. He bore absolutely no resemblance with the merry-faced, smiling, golden-haired boy I had seen on a photograph with Dumbledore. The sparkle had left his eyes and he just looked old, totally broken and shattered. I tried to recall all the horrible things he had done in the dubious name of the Greater Good but failed because I felt pity for the emaciated figure in front of me.

"Herr Grindelwald," I addressed him softly, "my name's Raven Lestrange. I came here because I have a few question I hope you could possibly answer."

"Schönes Fräulein," he rasped, his voice sounding hoarse as if he hadn't used it for a very long time while his once so merry but now bleak eyes scrutinized me from head to toe with no fathomable expression. "Your name is old and pure but you look like a Muggle."

I was dressed all in black today, skin tight jeans ending in knee-high boots, a warm jumper underneath my long waisted coat; the only splashes of colour were the sunflowers on my beloved mohair stole.

"Is that a problem?"

He hesitated for a moment before he wearily shook his head. "Probably not. It shouldn't be…"

"Well, I actually consider myself privileged having grown up in both worlds, since both have a lot to offer."

"What does the Muggle world have to offer?"

"As you can obviously see a better sense of fashion." I said smugly.

"Is that all?"

"No, there's also music of course, and movies. Motorbikes, computers, internet, espresso machines… you missed a lot, old man. Muggles are very innovative and although you could argue now that they have to because they don't have magic there's more to it. It's a matter of lifestyle I wouldn't want to miss. Electricity is a wonderful thing if you wake up at night and just have to switch on the lamp instead of fumbling for your wand and muttering an incantation." I fell silent for a moment and glanced around the cell, the thought still sickening me that he was imprisoned in that hole for almost fifty-three years, locked away to die in solitary confinement. It was a tough fate and the years had taken their toll on him. Probably he deserved it for all the crimes he had committed, and somehow he still seemed to believe in the propaganda he'd spread, that wizards should be the superior race, superior to Muggles. Nevertheless I felt strangely torn between seeing justice done and questioning the way it was done. How could you expect a person to show remorse if there was no one around to recognize it, to care about it? Had anyone ever come to visit him? The way his eyes clung greedily on my lips, so thrilled to hear a human voice, made me doubt that.

"And," I continued, "Muggles don't keep their prisoners under such inhumane conditions. At least not those living in modern, democratic societies. But I'm not here to discuss the pros and cons of the Muggle world in comparison with the wizarding world."

"What a pity… a discussion with such an interesting witch would without doubt be very insightful, and you are an interesting witch indeed, Raven Lestrange."

"Are you trying to flatter me?"

That moment Obermeier poked his head through the half opened door, carefully avoiding to even look at Grindelwald as he barked, "Visiting time is over, Miss!"

I felt slightly irritated so I retorted, "No, it isn't. This is not a courtesy visit and I'm not an ordinary visitor but an Auror which makes this an interrogation. And that will last as long as it takes. Got it?"

Obermeier's face looked even rounder when he pouted, feeling offended. But he obeyed because Minister Zinderlein had actually granted me permission for an interrogation and not only for a visit. That said I turned my attention on Grindelwald again, who arched a brow at me.

"You didn't mention that you are an Auror."

"Does that make any difference to you?"

"Perhaps… depending on who sent you…"

"No one sent me. I came here on my own initiative."

"To find out what?"

Alright, so the cat-and-mouse game was over and it was time to play with my cards on the table. I took a deep breath.

"I am here to find out what on earth might have tempted Dumbledore to put on a ring that obviously carried a curse, and I thought that maybe you would have a clue. You knew him quite well, I believe?"

If possible, the already deadly pale man sitting in front of me blanched even more, and no matter how much he tried to hide his feeling, I could nevertheless see him stiffening immediately at the notion of Dumbledore's name; pain flickered up in his eyes.

"Albus… yes, I thought I knew him but apparently not well enough. I thought… I hoped…"

I understood. His sunken eyes were full when he looked at me before he quickly turned his glance away, stifling a sob that almost sounded like the oppressed cry of a mortally wounded animal.

Moving closer to him, ignoring his stench, I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You still love him."

It was more an observation than a question, nevertheless he tried to play it down. "Nonsense. We used to be friends and then the friendship ended, that's all," he said defensively.

"There's nothing wrong with one man loving another, at least not in our time. You've clearly never heard of Christopher Street Day, have you?

Gellert Grindelwald blinked at me in utter confusion. "Wie bitte?"

I sighed, not in the mood to explain that to him when there was something I desperately wanted to find out.

"Back to Dumbledore. He was already very ill at the time when he was allegedly murdered and all that due to a cursed ring he put on because he was sorely tempted," I reminded him in an attempt to focus his mind on the question I had asked him.

"_Allegedly_?" Grindelwald gasped surprised and I knew I had probably given away to much. "So he wasn't murdered in cold-blood?"

Despite all the years of imprisonment in solitary confinement he had nevertheless managed to keep his sharp wit- something that Dumbledore had likely admired, even adored, about him. I recalled what Rita Skeeter had written about them in her book, and although the things she wrote were to be taken with a grain of salt, I came to the conclusion that all the things Grindelwald had done, all the horrible crimes he'd committed, had been done in the belief that Dumbledore would come back to him if only he proved to being strong enough, cunning enough… if only _he_ still believed in the dream they had once shared. I would never be able to justify his means but I understood… and I saw parallels to Severus' poor choices while trying to impress Lily. Of course both of their attempts had gone utterly, miserably wrong.

"I'm not here to discuss how Dumbledore died, I want to find out about the ring."

"Have you seen it?"

"Yes."

He asked me to describe it and when I mentioned that the stone was engraved with a coat of arms he became really interested and wanted to hear every detail.

"Peverell." Something lit up in his bleak, sunken eyes as he whispered the name. "Ah Albus… so close… you never gave up looking for them and you actually found two, you possessed two… and you gave it all away for a foolish sentimentality, for Ariana…"

"Two?" I had grasped that he was talking about the Deadly Hallows, and that he had just confirmed my assumption that the golden ring held the Resurrection Stone. But why two? "Dumbledore never possessed the Invisibility Cloak. True, he examined it, and he kept it for a while, but he gave it back to…"

Clever glittering eyes glanced at me, amused as if silently mocking me. "I wasn't talking about the Invisibility Cloak."

And then it dawned upon me, and the realization left me with my mouth wide open. Bummer! "The Elder Wand! Dumbledore was the owner of the Elder Wand!"

"Kluges Kind," Grindelwald teased me before he explained, "he got it from me, when he defeated me all those years ago. I stole it from a wandmaker called Gregorovitch…"

The name had a familiar ring to me and I mused about where I had heard it before while Grindelwald told me that Dumbledore would have never managed to defeat him if he hadn't had a soft spot for him, if he had fought to kill.

"The one who murdered Dumbledore must be a very mighty wizard though, and he has gained even more power now that he owns the Elder Wand."

I was snapped out of my reverie. Had Dumbledore meant Severus to end up with the Elder Wand? No, I didn't believe that… although my friend had been pretty much under the old man's thumb before my comeback and had been likely to act according to his whims. On the other hand, he didn't own the Elder Wand; he still used his old familiar wand and besides…

"What would happen with the power of the Elder Wand if Dumbledore's death had been arranged?"

"Ah! Interesting question, and even more interesting because you just confirmed that Albus was not murdered in cold blood."

"I didn't say that; it was a rhetorical question," I said quickly. Damned, I would not reveal Severus' true allegiance to him. Although it was mightily unlikely for him to spread gossip from his cell he was nevertheless a dark wizard even though he seemed to show some remorse. And yet I couldn't trust him. I hadn't come here to seek friendship anyway- it had been my intention to find out more about the ring, to find my assumption confirmed that it was indeed the Resurrection Stone. That done I had no reason to stay here any longer so I could just take my leave. It didn't matter what happened with the power of the Elder Wand, if Severus was its true master now, as long as I didn't give his secret away. I headed towards the door.

"To answer your rhetorical question- provided that Albus had arranged his death with someone because the curse the ring contained would have killed him anyway, then the one who committed the mercy killing is probably not the Elder Wand's true master because he didn't _defeat_ its former master." Grindelwald speculated just loudly enough to stop me from leaving.

I turned around to face him when suddenly I remembered where I had heard the name Gregorovitch before. The wedding! Harry had asked Viktor Krum about him. Harry, who- according to Sirius (and Severus had mentioned it too)- had some sort of mental connection to Voldemort, meaning he could feel his anger, his joy. His scar would be hurting then and he was seeing things from Voldemort's mind, sometimes clearly and sometimes blurred with pain. So, if Harry was showing a sudden interest in a foreign wandmaker it was probably because Voldemort was interested in him, and given his problems with his wand when it came to Harry, then that could only lead to the assumption he was looking for a more powerful wand, the Elder Wand.

"You're in danger." I told the old man. "Voldemort is looking for the Elder Wand and it won't take long until he finds you. I could try and arrange…"

To my surprise he cut me off with a roar of bitter laughter. "Do you really believe I fear death? Let him come here and kill me for I won't tell him the truth. There's nothing worth living for anyway now that Albus is dead and with him died the hope he would ever come to visit me, to give me the chance of making amends, to show remorse. But he never came… as if he just didn't care that the shame and the horror of what I had done, what I had **lost**, was eating me up. I had done it all for **him**, for the dream we used to share that summer in Godric's Hollow… he never told me his dream had changed. As if all of the secret moments we stole to be together, our forbidden love, had never meant anything to him. He never loved me like I loved him… he had forgotten our hot summer nights."

"No," I crossed the distance between us and placed a gentle hand on his frail shoulders, feeling the urge to comfort him, "he had not forgotten." I remembered what Severus had told me about the letters he had found while looking for a safe place to hide his pictures of Lily. "Dumbledore kept every letter you wrote and he wrote back, many times… he just never sent them…"

I could have gone on now how Dumbledore had always been great at proclaiming that love is a power of its own, a strong kind of magic, although apparently he had never really believed in that power while he had arbitrarily used people like pawns; always the puppeteer pulling the strings. But I didn't tell him because the old man in front of me had started weeping, crying silent tears for a love long lost, and I wrapped him in my arms, the second most dangerous dark wizard of our times, and cradled him like a child.


	29. In the Snake's Pit

29- In the Snake's Pit

Back in Vaduz I took a long, hot shower, trying to wash away the memory of Nurmengard, the cold and the stench. My visit hadn't gone quite as planned. Although I had gotten all the information I needed I hadn't expected to feel sorry for the old man. I hadn't expected him to show gratitude for hearing a human voice, a few friendly words. Again I questioned the justice of the wizarding world if locking away criminals under inhumane conditions was the only way they knew to deal with them. People should be given a chance to regret, to show remorse, and Grindelwald had been full of remorse. He had spoken about his crimes, and it had made my stomach churn, but the guilt had been eating him up so I had listened to his confession and given him absolution in the end. If I was right and Voldemort was after the Elder Wand then Grindelwald wouldn't live long anyway, and the least I could do was to let him spend his last weeks with the feeling he had earned redemption. Well, that wasn't the only thing I had done to make his life a little less miserable. I had also arranged with Obermeier that the old man would get clean clothes, a warmer blanket and a bath once a week. Of course that hadn't sit well with Obermeier who seemed to shrink from the extra work, but one of his subordinates, an engaging young wizards called Fritz Blumtritt, had been eager to comply to my wishes. Whether is was because he pitied the old man or because he thought me pretty I didn't know and it wasn't relevant either.

When my hands looked wrinkled and before I could grow webs between my fingers I finally turned off the shower and wrapped myself in a bath robe. I called the room service to order a bottle of wine, still desperately in the need to calm myself down after the visit to Nurmengard. Perhaps I shouldn't take to heart the fate of others too much but then again I couldn't help it either. I guessed what haunted me most was the vision of Severus locked away for good in Azkaban because he had risked exactly that when he had run to Dumbledore all those years ago, telling him that Voldemort was after Lily. He was a Death Eater, he had received the Dark Mark- I couldn't whitewash that part of his past, I wasn't in complete denial. I wished to believe that Dumbledore had had a heart for the young, desperate man kneeling in front of him on a windy hilltop, and that his reason for not turning him over to the Aurors had also been out of sympathy instead of a just cool, calculating mind planning his next step, pondering how he could take advantage of the situation and manipulate him, turn him into a pawn. I had merely taken a glimpse at the agony Severus was in then and even that glimpse had been almost too hard to bear.

I picked up my Two-way mirror, longing to see him, to hear his voice. I needed to talk to someone now but I was not in the mood to call Sirius although that would have probably been the more encouraging option. On the other hand I would have to explain why I was so down that I needed cheering up, and since he didn't even know where I was or whom I had just visited, I decided to spare myself the trouble that would come along with the truth. Some things were better to be discussed in private than on the phone.

"Severus?"

Immediately his head popped up in my mirror, sallow as ever; the pale colour of his skin standing out in stark contrast with the blackness of his eyes, curtains of black hair framing his face.

"Raven! How are things proceeding?"

I told him about the meeting with Grindelwald and started crying. He shoot me a slightly perplexed glance, his black eyes unusually soft- or maybe my vision was blurred due to the tears dangling in my lashes.

"Oh please stop behaving like an overly sentimental fool," he chided me and strangely that made me feel better. I wiped the tears off my face.

"Sorry, won't happen again," I sniffed.

"Liar."

"I beg your pardon?"

"A leopard can't change its spots and you," he was a bit at a loss now, which rarely happens, "well, you're a leopard. You can't change your spots either. You will always be insufferable with your quest for a spark of light in the darkest blackness of one's soul; it's terribly annoying."

"Ta, I love you too."

He scowled at me. "You're only one of many. So when will you return? I expect your favourite mutt will bark like mad and wag his tail in excitement to have you back."

I poured myself a glass of wine and gulped it down. Did he always have to remind me of Sirius' Animagnus form?

"The day after tomorrow," I said gloomily.

"You may contact me again when you're back and maybe then we can discuss the more relevant part of your meeting without you bursting out in tears over a Dark Wizard," and with that he was gone.

-

I returned to England the day after having made another stopover in Berlin to talk over the terms of Grindelwald's imprisonment with Minister Zinderlein. He seemed to be delighted to hear that the second dangerous dark wizard of our times was actually showing remorse and agreed to the arrangements I had already made. Zinderlein was definitely one of the most pleasant Ministers for Magic to deal with, and I had met a lot of them during my career as freelance Auror.

It was so good to see Sirius again. He had insisted on picking me up from the airport, proudly riding his beloved motorbike. I fondly remembered the many hours we had spent on turning a heap of broken pieces into a roaring Fat Boy again when I snuggled up close to him on the buddy seat, my arms circled around his waist, letting him bother with the London traffic. His welcoming kiss had tasted so much sweeter then I seemed to recall and for a moment I considered myself a damned happy witch.

We didn't head straight to our flat but stopped at the little Italian restaurant to where he had taken me out for lunch the very first time, after we had met Sam in his old office in Knockturn Alley. I wondered aloud how Sam and Sebastian were faring in LA.

"They're doing fine," Sirius assured me and when I arched a quizzical brow at him he explained, "Sam called two days ago. Actually he tried to call you but apparently you had switched off your phone so he called me instead, saying he was alright. He sounded very happy and kept on talking about how wonderful Sebastian is, that he had finished his book comparing Muggle and wizarding law, and is now toying with the idea of becoming the first lawyer of the Wizarding World."

"That would be great." I took a bite of my pizza, mulling it over. When Voldemort's regime of terror was finally overthrown one day there would definitely be the necessity for some reformations in the Ministry- provided that the future Minister for Magic wasn't as much an incompetent idiot as his predecessors. Nevertheless I doubted the Ministry would hire a Squib who had studied law in Oxford to help them solve their jurisdiction problems. But maybe I could employ him. I could also employ Sam and spring the _Naughty_ _Quill_ back into life to oppose the _Daily_ _Prophet_ on a more regularly basis.

Sirius liked me ideas, proving to be a rebel at heart. When we talked about such things I knew why I loved him because then we were in perfect harmony.

Of course the harmony lasted not long; it ended the moment he asked me about my trip to wizarding Germany and I spilled the truth to him. Fortunately we were already at home by then because I'd rather not have him make such a scene in public.

"ARE YOU TOTALLY NUTS?" He yelled at me, agitated. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours, Raven, to not tell me you were going to meet the Second Most Dark Wizard of our …"

"Oh would you please calm down, Sirius," I cut him off, "he's just a broken old man, you should have seen him."

"But I didn't because you never told me what you're up to!"

"Only because I knew you would go off the deep end."

"It might come as a surprise to you but I worry about you for heaven's sake!" He was still as infuriated as if the thought of remorse and atonement could never cross his mind, as if he didn't believe in redemption. Once a dark wizard, always a dark wizard. That was exactly the same attitude he had shared with Potter, dividing the world in purest white and deepest black, no chance left for all the multiple shades of grey. Never grasping that the Marauder's ways weren't as pure as they always kept telling themselves.

"And I do not care, Sirius? Would you have preferred to accompany me to that dark prison, where each and every stone radiates misery and despair, because you liked it so much in Azkaban. I wanted to spare you facing your nightmares again."

His eyes softened and he looked stricken. "You should have told me nevertheless."

"Well, I told you now. I visited an old…"

"A DANGEROUS old man! Do I really have to remind you of all the crimes he committed? And you went there to pay him a… a _courtesy_ visit!"

"What's so fucking wrong with that? Damned, he hasn't held a wand in his hands for more than fifty years, he's seeing the errors of his ways now and his remorse is genuine. Stop painting the world in black and white when there are so many other colours."

Somehow that took the wind out of his sails as he stared at me, regret written on his face now- not so much because he actually believed me right but more that we were arguing heavily when we should be happy to be together again.

"Why don't you have the same faith in me that Severus has?" I asked him quietly after a few awkward moments of silence had passed.

He stared at me open-mouthed before he literally lit up again. "You told HIM? You told HIM what you're up to but you didn't tell me?"

I didn't answer him.

"You know, Raven, sometimes I really do wonder what kind of relationship we're having."

To be honest, there were times when I wondered about that too. I couldn't look him in the eye but I took him hand firmly in mine, whispering, "I love you."

Maybe it sounded lame because I was feeling so tired, so tired of fighting. He was a gorgeous man and I knew he loved me- why couldn't I be happy with that?

He kissed me and the touch of his lips on mine felt almost perfect. I deepened the kiss and we proceeded to our bedroom then, trying to make amends for all the harsh words we had uttered in frustration by making love. It was deeply satisfying and almost perfect just like my whole life had always been almost perfect.

February passed, turned into March and one day spring was in the air. Things went better between us then. The days grew longer and with every hour of sunshine I cheered up more. We took a walk in Hyde Park where we illegally, hidden under my Invisibility Cloak, picked an armful of bright yellow daffodils.

"Mischief managed," he said with sparking eyes as he conjured up a vase big enough to hold the mass of flowers. I beamed at him brightly- he was so cute when he could break some rules and be the troublemaker he was once, always ready for mischief. Occasionally he would even go to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes to see what new things the infants terrible had created.

At Hogwarts, however, things had gotten worse. Potter's fan club became more rebellious and smeared graffiti on the walls like _Dumbledore's_ _Army_, _Still_ _Recruiting_. The Carrows used stricter means of punishment; Hagrid had fled the grounds. Severus was beside himself, constantly trying to protect the students who made that task almost impossible. He even asked Sirius to persuade the Weasleys to keep Ginny at home after the Easter holidays because he couldn't guarantee for her safety if it ever came out she was Harry's sweetheart.

We hadn't met yet but had talked about my visit to Nurmengard in the two-way mirror with Sirius overhearing our conversation; he needed to know what I had found out, too. We mulled things over and over but the knowledge seemed to be pointless since it gave us no fresh approach to help Harry completing his mission. We didn't know what happened to Dumbledore's wand, the Elder Wand, and even if we had been able to find it, it wouldn't have worked for us anyway since none of us had defied Dumbledore; Severus had merely killed him in agreement.

I didn't talk to him often in the weeks that followed my return from Wizarding Germany. One reason was that I always seemed to argue most with Sirius after having talked to Severus (and I wanted to avoid that) but the more important reason was that Severus was so overloaded with work I didn't want to disturb him. I really didn't envy him his job and if he hadn't killed Dumbledore already I would have done so now for putting my friend under so much pressure.

Once or twice though, when the burden loaded upon his shoulders became too unbearable to carry alone, he would contact me and we'd have some trivial talk about nothing that really mattered. I hoped my faith in him was encouraging enough to go through another round of misery, that it gave him the required strength to just hold on a little longer… for I knew that the end was coming closer. The countdown to the final confrontation was ticking…

"Love, I don't even dare to ask this of you after the Veratiserum incident but Remus ran out of Wolfsbane Potion…"

"I hope you don't expect me to brew another batch for him!" I cut Sirius off before he could finish his sentence.

"No. No, of course not. I completely understand your animosity towards him, and he probably wouldn't accept any potion from you either… My, the situation is a total muddle. But Tonks is so very pregnant I fear she will burst any moment, and seeing her husband the day after he'd gone through a painful transformation will certainly not do her any good."

"Are you trying to make me feel sorry for Tonks now?" I snapped, remembering the look on her face after I had almost rendered Lupin impotent in my fury. She had not felt sorry for me when her prodigious husband had almost managed to trick me into drinking Veratiserum. I had no idea what the potion would have revealed since it was said to not be a dead sure method of extracting the truth out of someone; it was possible to fight its effects.

"No, darling. I can't deny that either although I wished you'd do it for Tonks and the child she carries under her heart but I understand, I truly do… if you understand it too that I can't leave Remus alone during his painful transformation. It had always been so much easier for him when one of us was around, stopping him from harming himself, soothing him in our Animagni form. Needless to say James and I were best at it…"

"Alright, so you want to stay the night at Lupin's, wag your tail and slobber his nose- um, snout- to make him feel better?"

"It usually helps," Sirius agreed, not noticing my disgust as the image of wolf and dog cuddled together popped up in my mind's eye. How could such a handsome man transform into something furry, drooling and whimpering at free will?

_Because he's loyal,_ my inner voice told me as I accepted his leaving. Mayhap it wouldn't harm to brew another cauldron full of Wolfsbane Potion just in case Lupin came to his senses again and didn't consider me evil once his pup was born… oh, I really shouldn't be thinking like that of an innocent child since Severus had already ruled out the possibility of Lupin fathering a baby werewolf. He said it was sort of a blood disease and couldn't be inherited.

So Sirius- Snuffles- would spend the night with Lupin. If things had been better with Tonks and I, I could have invited her over for a ladies night but since she was still angry with me and I wouldn't apologize for what I've done, I prepared myself for a lonely night. I really hadn't made many friends in the wizarding world, Sirius was decidedly the more social one of us.

He left late in the afternoon and since I didn't know what else to do I decided to Apparate to Diagon Alley to restock some of my potion ingredients. When I left the apothecary again I heard someone calling my name.

"Raven Lestrange!"

I whirled around, my wand at the ready, and saw Kingsley Shacklebolt approaching me.

"Long time not seen," he said friendly but frowned when he noticed my wand pointed at him. "Is it anything personal or are you always such a spitfire?"

I lowered my wand. Kingsley was one of the few- or perhaps the only one- in the Order who didn't believe me a Death Eater in disguise just because I was still friends with Severus Snape. "You can't be careful enough these days."

"True," he smiled before asking politely how Sirius was fairing.

"Well, he's werewolf-sitting today."

Kingsley looked up to the sky; the moon would be up in approximately an hour. "Poor Remus. It's a shame that none of us is as potent in potions as you are but I understand your reservation in brewing Wolfsbane Potion for him after what happened at Christmas. Let me assure you that I had no idea of what Molly and Remus were plotting or I would have stopped them."

I arched a surprised brow at him. "You still trust me?"

"You haven't done anything that ever threatened or endangered the Order although I must admit I don't understand the faith you have in Severus Snape. Dumbledore trusted him completely and see what it got him- he's dead."

"And yet you never questioned Dumbledore's trust in him."

"No."

"Do you believe Dumbledore was an old, sentimental fool?"

"No, decidedly not. He was the greatest wizard of our times."

I sighed. "Sometimes, Kingsley, things are not always what they seem and yet people persist on seeing only the obvious without asking any further questions."

"What are you trying to tell me, Raven?"

"Nothing. I can't tell you anything. I can only advise you to use your brain." Then I quickly changed the topic. "So how's the Muggle Prime Minister fairing these days?"

"He scarcely escaped an attack some days ago when two Death Eaters showed up in Downing Street but fortunately I managed to handle the situation. The assault was poorly planned by youngsters seeking fame, and the biggest problem I had to face afterwards was to Obliviate a whole camera team that had filmed the scene. They probably sought to rise up into Voldemort's-"

"Don't speak his name!"

Too late! Immediately I heard the _pops _that went along with figures Apparating around us, wearing black, hooded cloaks.

"Expelliarmus!" I yelled and heard the clatter of at least one wand falling on the cobbled street while jets of red light shot from Kingsley's wand. I counted four Death Eaters, one of them disarmed, two Stunned, the fourth about to attack again. I sensed his curse coming my way but managed to block it.

"Petrificus Totalus."

He was standing there like frozen in movement, looking like a caricature. I spun around and knocked him to the floor with a kick at his knees… if he'd been made of glass he would have shattered into a thousand pieces now…

"Disapparate!" Kingsley barked at me and a moment later he was gone, probably believing I would do the same.

I hesitated for a moment, feeling torn between following a well meant advice and having fun, for I was in the mood to duel. These four poor excuses of Death Eaters weren't a real challenge to me and I longed for a kick of adrenaline to rush through my veins, the thrill a good fight could give me. I should have been more careful with what I was wishing for though.

The Death Eater I had disarmed earlier on had picked up his wand again and was insulting me with a curse that could have been a schoolboy's. I blocked it just as easily, sending him crashing into the wall of the nearest building, while I recalled what Kinsley had said about those youngsters who had attacked the Muggle Prime Minister. The boys here seemed to be just as eager to do something prominent but also just as impotent… I should leave, let them grow up and develop their skills…

That moment a curse hit me in the back and I keeled over in surprise.

"Ennervate," I heard a soft voice hissing, and the two Stunned guys were able to move again, approaching me with their wands at the ready. The voice sounded familiar to me.

Heavy footsteps on cobbled stones… I tried to move my head to see who had attacked me from behind… a long mane of silvery blond hair flashed up in the light of the streetlamps as he approached me, a haughty expression on his face, a sneer curling up his lips. "Look whom we've got here. Now if that isn't Sirius Black's favourite bitch!"

"Fuck yourself, Luci," I groaned, cursing the fact that my wand had fallen to the ground when his devious attack had caught me off guard and was laying some good five feet away from me now. With tremendous effort I Summoned it back into my hand and hid it in the sleeve of my coat… way back at school, after the _Mudblood_ incident, Severus and I had started practicing wandless magic, the wandless Summoning Charm, which came quite handy in situations like this. It had taken me years of practice though, before I finally mastered it…

"The Dark Lord will be very pleased," Malfoy proclaimed, believing me helpless.

What curse had he used on me? I felt strangely exhausted and could hardly move.

I must have passed out for a moment then because when I came to my senses again I was lying on an expensive looking Persian carpet in a posh and elegantly furnished room. Malfoy Manor, I assumed.

"… nothing but trouble… You never know what mood he is in today, and I…"

"Shut up, Narcissa. You will see, my reputation is about to be restored.

I sat up, not wanting to become witness of a marital row. "Lucius. Narcissa. How nice you invited me over to that pretty house of yours although I must object to the means… you should have sent an owl."

I got to my feet and looked around while complimenting the Malfoys for their exquisite taste. Well, I didn't like it at all but it was the most unobtrusive way to take in my surroundings and looking for a way out. Big windows reached from the floor to the ceiling, opening to a vast garden.

The charming Malfoy couple glanced at me as if I had gone nuts.

"You are my prisoner," Lucius reminded me. "I will present you to the Dark Lord as a leverage against the Order, in particular Sirius Black. The Dark Lord will torture you until Black tells him where Harry Potter is."

"Lucius…"

"Not now, Narcissa. The Dark Lord will be here any moment."

This was really interesting. Although Narcissa fell silent immediately I could sense she wasn't pleased at all with the situation. It wasn't that she pitied me- she simply would have preferred to not attract Voldemort's attention more than necessary because she had been humiliated in his presence too often already. She hated having to host him while he behaved as if her home was his, thus making her feel this house wasn't her home anymore, and the constant threat against her family was wearing her thin. Lucius, however, tried his best to get back in Voldemort's good books, to make him approve of him again. I almost felt sorry for Narcissa, who probably had never imagined that all the pureblood mania her family had fed her with would lead to such misery one day.

A door crashed open. Narcissa winced, fear and panic in her eyes. And then he was there. Lord Voldemort. The Dark Lord. _Tom Riddle_…

I had expected him to be taller. He was a thin man with a face whiter than a skull, and like a skull his head was bald. Actually he looked more like a snake than a human being with his flat nose and very small ears. If not for his livid scarlet eyes, radiating cold cruelty, I would have laughed about that absurd creature.

"What is so urgent that dared you to interrupt a private conversation, Lucius?" He said in a high, clear voice, and the air in the room seemed to freeze. "I hope it is worth the trouble."

"Yes, my Lord." Lucius explained why I could be useful while I stared in shock at the man who had entered the room behind Voldemort. Severus Snape.

Damned! I could have done without complicating the situation even more. Fortunately he was in perfect control of his features though for the fraction of a second the same shock I felt had lit up in his black eyes. Now his face was absolutely inscrutable again while the expression on mine was probably mistaken for fear of the Dark Lord.

Voldemort listened to what Lucius told him but cut him off with an impatient gesture when Malfoy got too excited about his catch. He glanced at me, a bored expression on his face, and with the same bored voice he asked, "What's her blood status?"

The way he not addressed me as if I wasn't able to communicate made me mutinous and daring. I straightened my back and faced him. He was sitting on a throne-like chair now, Nagini, his monstrous pet snake, curled up at his feet with her head in his lap, his spidery fingers caressing it absent-mindedly.

"I'm of the purest blood," I told him defiantly. "My blood is so pure you could call it double pure since my mother was a pure-blood witch and my father a pure-blood Muggle."

"Don't listen to her, my Lord. She's naught but a filthy half-blood!" Malfoy yelled infuriated, raising his wand at me. I sensed a Cruciatus Curse coming my way but before it could hit me Voldemort stopped it. He seemed… _interested_… and I didn't know whether that was a good or a bad sign.

With the slightest wave of his long, bony index finger he beckoned me to come closer, and so I stepped closer to him as if his finger had pulled me in his direction. Severus, who stood next to the Dark Lord, looked straight through me, feigning indifference. I _prayed_ he would remain indifferent. And all the time Malfoy's Cruciatus Curse was hanging over me like a Damocles sword, ready to lash out at me.

Nevertheless I stood proud in front of Riddle- to think of him as Tom Riddle instead of Voldemort made not fearing him much easier. I _tried_ not to fear him because the way his cold reptile eyes bore into mine was unsettling.

"I see annoying Gryffindor attributes in your behaviour. You are braver than it is wise for you."

"My Lord, she used to be in Slytherin house but the Sorting Hat must have made a mistake." Lucius' eagerness to show off with his knowledge was getting on my nerves. He was trying too hard to distinguish himself. I rolled my eyes.

Voldemort noticed that from the corners of his eyes as he turned to face Severus.

"I assume you know her too?"

"Indeed, my Lord. We were in the same year at Hogwarts and I met her again when she joined the Order of the Phoenix. It was inevitable to restore old bonds she might have mistaken as friendship to accomplish my Lord's order and gathering the information my Lord required." Severus' voice was impassive and I was relieved he didn't give anything away.

A terrible sound escaped Riddle's lips; I identified it as a chuckle. "I'm certain the fact that she is quite attractive helped you to endure her presence, Severus. If you desire her I might feel inclined to spare her."

"My Lord…" Severus began but Voldemort cut him off.

"No, no, you don't have to thank me. You serve me well, you deserve a token of gratitude."

It was about time to act my part convincingly. "What makes you believe I would want to fuck that greasy git?"

Pain. It knocked me to the floor but the instant the wave had washed over me I stumbled back to my feet. I would not be kneeling in front of Tom Riddle.

"My Lord, let me punish her severely." Lucius offered overzealously. "Please don't forget she killed two of your most loyal servants, Rabastan Lestrange and…"

"Unfortunately loyal doesn't always mean competent," I snapped.

"Indeed," Riddle scratched his chin with one long, white finger- his nails looked like talons, long and pointed… he could definitely use a manicure…

I mustered all my defiance as Voldemort tried to probe my mind. Immediately my guards were up. It was like a door slammed shut in his face with him intending to force it open since he had already managed to put had a foot on the threshold, and he was strong, so fucking strong… We were fighting a mental duel I could only loose… a few memories flashed up in my mind's eye and he seemed to absorb them greedily although I hadn't given anything significant away yet. I saw a vision of my father pulling a rabbit out of his hat… next I gave the snake what all snakes liked… fluffy white bunnies… lolloping over a meadow of the greenest green, the skies above so impeccably azure it almost hurts the eyes, a bright yellow sun shining in competition with a field of sunflowers. The bunnies twitched their long, sensitive ears in the gentle summer breeze…

He was truly appalled and his disgust felt like a slap in the face. But I didn't break eye-contact because for a very short moment I had broken through _his_ guards. I withdrew just as quickly, shocked, terrified by what I had seen. There were hardly any human emotions, only cold, darkness… evil. Unlike Grindelwald he would **never** show remorse; unlike Grindelwald he had never loved, would never love, didn't give a damn about love at all. Mayhap that was because he had been fathered under the influence of a strong love potion since his wizarding mother hadn't known any other way to win over his Muggle father…

"Enough," he whispered and he vented all his anger on me.

Never before had I felt such excruciating pain. I keeled over and bent wincing on the floor as if my insides were on fire and all of the bones in my body broken.

Then it ended as soon as it had begun; it had merely been a warning. Riddle wasn't interested in killing me… probably it was his wicked interest in me that had saved my life so far. True, I was much too defiant for his liking but he had acknowledged my powers, my strength in the mental arts, and he thought about using that for his very own purpose.

_Imperio._

"Tell me where Potter is," he asked silkily.

"I'm not his babysitter."

He was infuriated that his Imperius Curse seemed to have no effect on me, that I could fight it. Oh, but he had no idea how hard it was. Once again I was writhing on the floor. I heard someone scream with pain and realized it was I.

And once more I got to my feet when it was over. He would not see me surrender. I shot him a defiant glance as I wiped my mouth, there was blood on my hands. For a short moment my eyes flickered to Severus who stood rigid as a board at Riddle's side, his face almost as white as his master's… as if this was a competition for who was paler. But I also noticed he was about to crack under the pressure, that he couldn't keep the charade much longer. It hurt him almost physically having to see the Dark Lord torturing me. Fortunately he could hide his feelings so well.

Why did I know how he was feeling? I had no idea… I just knew.

Lucius Malfoy sneered maliciously, clearly enjoying the show. He still held a grudge against me for I had cut his cheek with_ Sectumsempra _during the fight at the Ministry although his stint in Azkaban hadn't improved his looks either.

Narcissa, however, had averted her eyes in horror. She only wanted all of this to end so that she could live her old life again. She wanted this room to be filled with dining guests engaged in polite conversation, she wanted to dance again… all these banal things she had loved so much. For the first time in her life she seemed to grasp what it really meant to be the wife of a Death Eater.

Riddle eyed me with curious interest, not knowing that to do with me. Although I was only a half-blood and therefore not much worthier than the speck of dust on the sole of his feet (except he's a half blood himself), he didn't seem inclined to waste my talent and kill me.

"You are rebellious and daring, you have powers some of my servants lack. Join my forces and you will live."

"My Lord," Lucius protested, "you can't possibly consider…"

With a nonchalant flick of his wand Riddle showed him how much he liked opposition and this time it was Malfoy writhing on the floor. Narcissa let out a sob but stifled it quickly, one hand pressed to her mouth.

"Is there anything you want to tell me, Narcissa?" Riddle asked dangerously calm.

She merely shook her head. She didn't even dare to help her husband up from the floor in fear of further humiliation.

"You are pathetic, Lucius. Now what say you, Severus? Should I let this half-blood join my ranks?"

"My Lord, I believe any decision you will take is well-considered, as usual."

"And you're dripping with grease, Snivellus, as usual." _Riddle must not know we're friends, he must not push him too far or he might give a less satisfying answer. _"As to answer your offer, Tom Riddle, I will join- the day hell freezes over! I prefer to be on the winning side, and you won't win!"

Finally I had his undivided attention again, and I regretted it soon after. He could make me feel pain like I never felt before and my body was already sore from being on his receiving ends. I couldn't take it any longer. He would kill me, slowly and painfully. He watched me stagger to my feet again, this time far less energetic than before. And again he pointed his wand at me.

It was time to stop playing and start fighting, it was about time for a hasty retreat. I had waited long enough for the right moment to take them by surprise. Drawing my wand I shouted,

"PROTEGO!"

and my Shield Charm blocked most of the rage Voldemort had put in his Cruciatus Curse. The recoil of our colliding spells made me crash into the wall and almost knocked the breath out of me. I gathered all my strength now- it's amazing how many reserves you could mobilize when you're really desperate…

From the corner of my eyes I saw Severus stirring when, once more, Voldemort pointed his wand at me. _Oh no, please don't!_

I sent a _Petrificus_ _Totalus_ in his direction which he blocked out of reflex. Lucius made an attempt to launch himself at me with all his fury and I hit him with the Cruciatus Curse. Narcissa screamed. Everything went really quick and then, as if in slow motion, Severus raised his wand…

No! I couldn't let it happen. He was not to reveal his true allegiance, not now, and not because of me.

"Crucio!"

Severus dropped to his knees and I felt more pain than the Dark Lord could ever inflict upon me but there had been no other way. It hurt to cause pain to someone you love, but out of love I had done it. I had had to do it or The Dark Lord would kill both of us. His eyes were slits, glowing uncannily red… Lucius was back on his feet, his wand at the ready. Narcissa had drawn hers, too, knowing what was expected of her… I could sense his rage coming at me, and I knew he would kill me… Severus was still at his knees, not moving… I had to act now!

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

The Dark Lord sneered- as if a Patronus could stop him- but the sneer faded on his lips when a flash of blinding white light soared from the tip of my wand to form a huge, terrifying reptile. Baring its razor-sharp fangs it tossed its head, looking hungry and greedy.

Narcissa sat cowering on the floor, covering her head with her arms. Lucius just stared in awe. I didn't wait for Lord Voldemort's reaction because I doubted he would be impressed for long. And indeed, he waved his wand to clear this mess… but by then I had already thrown a chair to shatter one of the windows and jumped after. Broken pieces of glass cut my arms when I landed amidst them in the garden. No time to worry about a few gashes- my life was at stake. Leaping to my feet I started running, and while I was sprinting through the garden, zigzagging to avoid a variety of curses shot in my direction like fireworks illuminating the night, I produced my Invisibility Cloak from the pocket of my coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. I was gone, had disappeared from their sight.

"Find her! Bring her back! Make yourselves useful, you impotent scum!" Riddle cried, his voice sounding shrill.

I tried to Disapparate, which seemed to be impossible as long as I was still within the borders of the estate. So I had to run on until I finally reached a wall that marked its boundaries. There was no magical way to get over it though, I had to climb over it. From the distance I heard the cry of a peacock.

When I was on top of the wall I looked back and saw the lights of many wandtips dancing through the dark garden like fireflies. A great number of Death Eaters were searching for me. Far away on the grounds Malfoy Manor stood brightly against the darkness of the night.

I jumped off the wall and landed on the other side, wincing in pain. I assumed this time I had really broken a rib although each and every bone in my body felt as if they had already been broken under the influence of the Cruciatus Curse. For a moment I lay still, concentrating on my breathing while fighting off the waves of pain that shook me so hard I almost had to vomit.

I couldn't stay- I had to get away from here or they'd find me. Once more I gathered all my remaining strength to Apparate to somewhere, _anywhere_, as long as it was far away from Malfoy Manor. But the Forbidden Forest was not a place to linger although I spotted an unicorn glancing at me with big, innocent eyes… they were the purest creatures in the world and I couldn't endure their presence since I had used an Unforgivable Curse against someone I loved, no matter if I had used it against him just because I loved him so…

I had merely come here to cover my tracks, not to find solace in this magical place, so I left and Apparated to a place that was less magically, less consoling… It was a Muggle dunghill of dilapidated houses and broken streetlamps, reeking of the smell the wind carried from a dirty river. And yet it was the only place I knew where I would feel safe now.

There were many wards securing that very specific house my stumbling feet and shaking legs had carried me to, but all these wards didn't hinder me from entering it… as if they had never been meant to stop me… Arduously I climbed up the stairs leading to the first floor, pushed open the door, and sank onto the bed. Exhaustion washed over me like a tidal wave.

* * *

I really believe this chapter deserves some feedback. Come on, dear readers, help me reach the magical mark of 100 reviews! Please...


	30. Fear of Loss

a/n: when I started writing this story I only wanted to save Sirius but things don't always go as they're planned and sometimes the plot takes a different turn. That said, this chapter is slightly AU towards the end.

Please review!

* * *

30- Fear of Loss

He came to me in the early hours of the morning, knowing where to find me just like I knew he would come. With gentle hands he took care of the many small gashes on my arms where the shattered windowpane had cut my skin. His fingers were cool and soothing. He applied some Essence of Dittany; I liked the smell of it and the funny greenish smoke that billowed upwards.

"Drink that," he said as he helped me to sit upright, holding a goblet with a purple liquid to my lips, "it will remedy the aftereffect of the Cruciatus curse and ease the pain."

At the notion of the Cruciatus Curse my eyes filled and I started to weep. I flung my arms around his neck, sobbing, "I'm sorry… so sorry. Please forgive me… I never wanted to use Crucio on you… not on you… and I never meant to call you a greasy git and _Snivellus_… but the situation… I didn't want to hurt you, Sev… I was so mean to you…"

"Drink your potion, Raven." His voice sounded harsh and I cried harder.

"Sev, I'm really sorry… please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean what I said but… but I had to act my part convincingly. He wasn't to know about us… We're still friends, are we? You're not a greasy git… and of course you're not dripping with grease..."

"Raven, stop prattling and drink your bloody potion." Merciless he poured the potion down my throat and, after finally having managed to silence me, he said, "I'm not stupid, Raven. I understand perfectly well why you said those things, and I even understand why you used that curse…"

"I'm so sorry, Sev, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yes, I know that now. Stop repeating yourself."

"But I'm so sorry- it was the worst thing I ever had to do. It hurt me more…"

"Look at me. No harm done, alright. And now please stop soaking my robes with all these silly tears of yours. The role as whining damsel in distress doesn't suit you at all."

I sniffed defiantly when he pried my arms from his neck.

"So, how on earth did you manage to land yourself in a situation that brought you face to face with the Dark Lord? If I remember correctly I told you **several** times to not provoke him, to lie low and not do anything stupid."

"I didn't do anything stupid," I snapped, wiping the tears from my eyes. The potion was wonderful, I already felt so much better as if a new energy was flowing through my veins.

"Ah, and how do you explain your _audience_ with the Dark Lord if you allegedly didn't do anything stupid? Please tell me."

"I… I went to restock my potion ingredients at the apothecary in Diagon Alley," I recalled. Then I looked at the empty goblet Severus had put on the bedside table. "That stuff is really good. What is it?"

He sighed, slightly irritated. "As I told you before it is a potion to remedy the aftereffect of the Cruciatus Curse…"

"I haven't heard of such a potion before."

"It's a relatively new invention. Knowing the Dark Lord's whims I thought it wise to always have some bottles in stock.

I stared at him. "You invented it."

"That is correct- but would you please stop straying from the topic of our conversation?" There was an edge of anger in his voice now. "You were about to tell me why you ended up in Malfoy Manor."

"Because Lucius invited me kinda roughly."

His eyes narrowed. "Stop straining my patience. I could as well use Legilimency on you if you prefer to be uncooperative but I'd rather not."

"Riddle thought he could break into my mind, too, and yet he failed. I gave the ugly old snake some cute little, fluffy-white bunnies."

Severus sneered. "I must admit that I admire your stubborn strength when it comes to the mental arts but you still owe me an answer."

I heaved a sigh. It was better to not infuriate him even more because he already seemed to be angry enough and putting out fire with gasoline never worked well. It was like dancing on the edge of a volcano that was about to erupt. I knew he worried about me but all he ever showed was that anger raging in him, and I didn't want to push him too far.

"Well, after leaving the apothecary I sort of bumped into Kingsley Shacklebolt and we had a little chat. Unfortunately he let slip You-know-who's name and next we had to fight some Death Eaters that popped up from out of nowhere- you told me there was a jinx on his name and although we passed on the information to the Order it seems old habits don't die that easily…"

"No, Raven, it seems to me that you take things much too easy; don't blame it on Shacklebolt. He was not at Malfoy Manor but you were. Why were you there?"

"Because Kingsley Disapparated, and I… I," I fell silent, nibbling at my lips.

"You thought you could handle four Death Eaters all on your own. You were recklessly seeking a little adventure and ruthlessly not caring about the consequences," his voice was dangerously quiet, a waspish whisper.

"But it wasn't I who almost spoiled it all! I was perfectly in control of the situation until you had a fit of chivalry and were about to attack Riddle on my behalf. You lost control, Severus, not I. You almost risked him finding out your true allegiance, that your loyalty was faked and that you're trying to keep Lily's boy safe…"

"ENOUGH!" He roared, a mad rage distorting his features. "Do you have ANY idea what it was like to see you being tortured, getting struck with the Cruciatus Curse over and over again?"

"Do you have any idea how it felt having to use the Cruciatus Curse on you?" Forget about fire and gasoline or what was wise- I just had to yell back. "It hurt me more than any curse he could ever hit me with…"

But Severus seemed to be immune to the desperation in my voice; perhaps he hadn't even listened to me. He stared at me with cold, black eyes that let not show any emotion. "I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, Lestrange. My life is miserable enough without you complicating it even more, and I WON'T let a situation like today's happen again. Your inability to hold your tongue is inexcusable. You will leave the country and go into hiding."

"What?" I yelped- he couldn't possibly mean that!

"I said, you will leave the country and go into hiding," he replied in a tone as if he was speaking to a hearing impaired.

"I heard what you said but you can't just send me away…"

"I CAN AND I WILL! Actually, I have already arranged with Black to pick you up as soon as he's done with packing your personal effects. A Portkey will take you to your mother's house- I took the liberty of informing her about your impending arrival- where you will stay. YOU WILL DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!"

My mind was reeling- he was sending me away like a disobedient child that needed guidance and protection. Then I remembered what he'd said considering Sirius and let out a brief, triumphant laugh. "Ha! You can't have arranged things with Sirius because it's full moon and he's werewolf-sitting Lupin."

"I know, and it was very touching to see the two canines curled up together." His voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm.

I blanched. "You actually went to Lupin's house and… and…"

"Faced a fully fledged werewolf? It wasn't for the first time. Only this time I was better prepared." He smiled maliciously and I decided to ask no more questions to which I probably wouldn't want to know the answers to anyway.

"But you didn't really speak with my mother, did you?" I whispered almost inaudibly.

"Nigella was very obliging and I can assure you that she's looking forward to offering you hospitality."

I felt as if the whole world had conspired against me. That moment there was a knock on the front door.

"IT'S OPEN!" Severus yelled impatiently.

I heard footsteps hurrying up the staircase, then Sirius entered the room and swept me in his arms.

"Raven! Darling, I worried so when I heard what happened! You alright, love?"

"She is," Severus assured him before I had the chance to say a word.

Sirius ignored him as he held me at arm-length to study my face. I faked a smile that was probably not very convincing. He shot a furious glance at Severus.

"She's all drenched in tears and you tell my she's alright, you callous git?" Sirius wrapped a protective arm around my shoulder, a gesture that made Severus sneer.

"Is the mutt marking his territory now? I do wonder though- where were you when she was in trouble? You were cuddling with your werewolf friend. Your loyalty is really outstanding."

"SHUT IT, SNAPE!" Sirius barked, and I was crying again. "You're only causing her more sorrow."

I really hated it that they were talking about me as if I wasn't there. MEN!

Severus merely arched a brow and shot him his best sneer. Then he checked his watch and produced the Portkey he had arranged. He seemed to be glad to be rid of us soon whereas my heart seemed to break at the idea of leaving him. Of course he would want me to be safe but I felt discarded, thrown away… no, to be honest I didn't even feel that much; I was strangely numb.

"It's time."

Reluctantly I took the Portkey in my hand, Sirius grabbed it too, before I cast a last pleading glance in Severus' direction. Damned, I was a freelance Auror, he couldn't ferry me away like that. When would I see him again? Would I ever see him again? I felt a sudden panic rising up within me and almost let go of the Portkey… but too late. The familiar feeling of a hook in my navel pulling me away jerked me out of Severus' room at Spinner's End, out of his life. _'I'm through with you, Lestrange'_, he had said- but hadn't his black eyes softened a little at our silent goodbye?

Next I was in Majorca, puking on the tiles of my mother's living room.

"Oh no, Raven, that's really typical. You're always good at picking a fight with the big bad guys but when it comes to magical means of transport you act like a prissy little princess." Mum said and called for Tweety to clean up the mess.

I decided to postpone the urge to pick a bone with her when she ushered me to the sofa and poured me a glass of _Hierbas_, the venomous green herb liquor of the Balearic Islands. Then she welcomed Sirius.

-

I didn't want to talk about what had happened at Malfoy Manor, and I would have preferred if Sirius had adapted my mum's way of not fussing too much over me. Mind, he was very sweet but I wasn't gravely wounded or anything like that, and I hated being treated like a raw egg.

As the days passed I spent most of my time sitting under the pergola or in the garden, feeling indifferent, numb. On the other hand my relationship with Sirius improved just like the last time we had been on the island- it always worked so much better between us when Severus wasn't around. Now, that he had severed his ties with me, it felt almost as if a cancerous ulcer poisoning my love for Sirius had been cut away. I should be happy. I _was_ happy… until the dull phantom pain would remind me that I wasn't, that I was living in perfect denial. But in retrospect it's always easy to say what a fool I have been.

Sirius was overjoyed when he finally heard word from Harry. Apparently the boy had been captured by Death Eaters just a few days prior to my visit at Malfoy Manor, and just like me he had managed a spectacularly escape. Vermin had died in the course of events, and so had the free house-elf Dobby who had come to help Harry Potter. Poor Pinkie would be devastated. Unlike me, though, the boy hadn't had the dubious pleasure of meeting the Dark Lord himself.

When Sirius asked whether I'd mind if he'd go to meet Harry at his secret hiding place, I let him go without asking where that was. I didn't care. He wouldn't be in danger because he could rely on the security system of the Order, and they were at least good in keeping their members safe.

I let him go and enjoyed being on my own, not thinking, not feeling, just sitting in the garden and staring into space. It was a pleasantly warm April in Majorca, with the sun shining bright from a clear blue sky almost every day, and I tanned quite nicely. Sirius always told me how beautiful I looked, almost like a Spanish girl except for my cornflower blue eyes. He said they reminded him of summer skies, and that he had fallen in love with them when he was 'imprisoned' at Grimmauld Place, longing to get out.

A couple of times we cruised the island on our motorbikes- being a motorcyclist at heart he had of course shrank and packed them- but to be honest I preferred if I could just sit in the garden. Sirius blamed my apathy on the aftereffect of the Cruciatus Curses I'd had to suffer and was very patient with me.

If he noticed that there was something wrong with me, I couldn't tell, but I was aware of my mother casting suspicious glances at me. Once she had offered me the chance to talk to her whenever I felt like, but I hadn't been in the mood yet and besides, I didn't even know what she wanted to hear. Fortunately she never pressed me into a serious discussion about feelings I hadn't even begun to fathom.

Then, one day, Lupin sent his Patronus; a silvery wolf howling overjoyed that it was a boy, and that Teddy was not at all like him but came more like his mother, changing his hair colour almost every hour. Sirius insisted on opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate this lucky event, breathing a sigh of relief that his best friend had not fathered a werewolf.

I, however, rolled my eyes. "Lycantrophy is a blood disease; it cannot be inherited."

"What? Care to elaborate on that?"

"Well, when a werewolf bites you it will infect your blood but not your genetic make-up, meaning it's not in your DNA and therefore you cannot inherit it either."

"You knew that? And yet you never told him?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh, I surely would have under the influence of Veratiserum," I replied silkily.

Sirius bit his lip and looked to the floor, feeling abashed. He didn't want to argue with me when things had gone so well between us lately. "I'm sorry, love. I guess I wouldn't have told him either if I were you. I still don't know what's gotten into him."

I merely shrugged, decidedly not in the mood to talk about werewolves now. "Go and congratulate him."

"You don't mind if I pay him a visit?"

I shook my head and made myself comfortable in my favourite deckchair, putting my sunglasses back on. He kissed my cheek and told me what a wonderful, understanding woman I was.

-

The news spread quickly, even in Majorca. Harry Potter and his friends had broken into Gringotts and escaped on a dragon. Eugenia had heard it from Dorothea who had heard it from her sister in England. The ministry tried to hush things, of course, but it was hard to hush a dragon flying over London.

In the afternoon the Association of Majorcan Witches was meeting in my mum's kitchen, gossiping about the events of the day and the Boy Who Lived. I could hear their voices from the garden where I was dozing, brooding. So the boy had managed to break into Gringotts, steal the cup of Hufflepuff from the Lestranges' vault, and escape on a dragon… well done, but why had it taken so long? He was on the quest for the Horcruxes since September and it was May now. I sighed.

We had dinner together. The old ladies would never miss an opportunity to chat with Sirius. He was charming and they adored him, especially when they found out he was Harry Potter's godfather.

"You're such a lucky witch," Eugenia squealed with delight.

"Yep," I merely said, wishing they would leave soon since I wasn't much in the mood for company. I didn't want to be constantly reminded of what a wonderful man Sirius is. I knew that… and I felt guilty for not showing more enthusiasm.

My mother's gaze was lingering on me but she didn't say a word.

It was already late, past eleven PM or so, when all of the sudden Lupin's Patronus appeared again, telling us that the battle at Hogwarts was due to begin; the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore's Army, Potter supporters and friends were rallying in the castle. To get in we were supposed to Apparate into the Hogshead bar where Aberforth Dumbledore would show us a secret passageway leading into the castle.

There was a moment of silence.

"My late husband- Merlin bless his soul- was in the Order of the Phoenix during the first war." Elisabeth said.

The Association of Majorcan Witches exchanged silent glances. Mum poured them all a glass of Firewhisky and raised hers in a toast, "Harry Potter!" They clinked glasses and drained the Firewhisky.

Slowly it dawned upon me what they were up to.

"Mum?"

"Don't tell me I'm too old to fight. The freedom of the wizarding world is at stake."

"Mum!" I yelped, scandalized. I couldn't imagine my dear old mum fighting but there was definitely a determined sparkle in her usually so kind eyes, and suddenly the idea of her kicking asses wasn't that absurd anymore.

They would Floo to Dorothea's sister and Apparate from there to the Hogshead.

"Take care, darling." She kissed my cheek and was gone, leaving me with my mouth wide open.

I glanced at Sirius who couldn't believe it either. "Is it only me or do these sweet old ladies really intend to join in the fight?"

"They do- and I have the vague feeling they will be like hyenas."

"I should follow them. I can't let some old ladies fighting while I'm staying behind, I'm still a member of the Order but most of all I'm Harry's godfather; he might need me."

"Yeah, of course." I stared at the fireplace when suddenly a thought struck me and I blanched visibly. "Severus!"

Damned, Hogwarts would be teeming with Aurors and members of the Order members, disobedient teenagers, rebellious teachers, Dumbledore's Army- and apart from supporting Harry Potter they also had another thing in common: Their loathing of Severus Snape.

Alright, he had told me he was through with me but I refused to believe that. He couldn't have meant me to stay in hiding when his life was probably in danger. I turned on my heels and raced to my tower.

"Oi! What are you up to now, Raven?"

I roamed through my belongings until I finally found the two-way mirror I hadn't used since I was in Majorca. Frantically I called his name but the mirror remained blank.

"Raven!" Sirius had followed me and watched me changing my summer dress for black leather while I tried a few more times to contact Severus. At long last I merely used the mirror to apply blood red lipstick on my lips. My hands were trembling.

"I have to find Severus."

"Don't worry about him; he always had the knack for weasel himself out of precarious situations…"

"You must know it since you were often enough the reason," I cut him off as I grabbed my emergency bag, which I always kept packed for dire situations, and flung it over my shoulders. Then I headed back to the main house, Sirius hard on my heels.

In the front yard I reduced my Harley and pocketed it.

"Do you really think you'll need it in the castle?"

"Who knows… but since you cannot Apparate within the grounds of Hogwards, and I might need a fast means of transport, I'd rather have it with me."

Sirius nodded in agreement before he also used _Reducio_ on his motorbike. He grinned at me. "Admit it, love, you merely want to show off with another spectacular entrance like you had way back then at the fight at the Ministry."

I recalled that moment with some melancholy because everything had been so much easier then. I had known whose side I was fighting on whereas today I wasn't that sure. It wasn't that I'd ever consider joining the Dark forces but I wasn't certain whether the so-called good side was aware that- or if people like Molly and Lupin would jinx me into oblivion for precaution's sake.

Throwing the glittering Floo powder in the fireplace I stated my destination and a moment later I stood in Severus' empty office. Sirius stepped out of the fireplace only an instant later.

"Alright, love, do you have any plan?"

"I have to find Severus. The good guys will kill him because they don't know of his true allegiance and the bad guys will kill him if they find out where his true allegiance lies. I have to keep both sides from killing him."

"Please try to avoid getting yourself killed along the way."

I kissed him briefly and produced my Invisibility Cloak from my bag. "Don't worry."

Having disappeared from his sight I immediately started roaming the castle, looking for Severus. Thinking of what could have happened to him. Had he been overpowered by the other teachers, his former colleagues, in a fit of mutiny when Potter had arrived to give them a reason for fighting? If so, where would they have locked him up? Or had he managed to escape and was now forced to fake alliance with the Death Eaters? Was there any chance at all that he'd survive this fatally risky game he was playing… had been pressed into playing it for moral reason by Dumbledore in hope for redemption and atonement for the wrong choices he had made in his life. Or had Dumbledore expected him to embrace death just as willingly as he expected Harry to, having raised both of them like pigs for slaughter and all for the greater good.

There were fights going on almost everywhere in the castle. I didn't bother to interfere; I had to find Severus.

Suddenly I stopped; a thought had just come to my mind. I turned on my heels and started to race back to the headmaster's office. The Anti-Marauders Map… it would show me where Severus was.

I didn't make it to the office though. Like a bolt out of the blue a throbbing pain hit me and I saw… no, I was staring through eyes that weren't mine, staring at Voldemort.

"Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and loyal servant, and I regret what must happen."

_"My Lord-"_

_"The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder wand cannot be truly mine."_

_"My Lord!" Severus protested, raising his wand._

_"It cannot be any other way," said Voldemort, " I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand and I master Potter at last."_

I panicked. Severus was in grave danger, mortal fear behind black eyes, and considering what I had seen of his surroundings he was in the Shrieking Shack. I ran down the stairs to the Great Hall where most of the fighting took place. There I enlarged my Harley…

…Voldemort swiped the air with the Elder Wand…

I cried out in horror which made Sirius take notice of me although I was still hidden under my Invisibility Cloak. But who else would mount a Harley in the middle of a battle; it's engine roaring like infernal thunder in the time-honoured halls of Hogwarts.

"Raven? What's going on?"

… it did nothing to Severus. I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking against better judgement that he might have been reprieved. But then Tom Riddle's devious intention became clear.

Nagini approached me in a secure cage, encasing my head and shoulders. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything but let it happen. Voldemort spoke a word in a language I wasn't familiar with, Parseltongue, and yet I knew its meaning.

"**Kill**!"

There was a terrible scream…

I was screaming. "**NO**!"

Severus lost what little colour his face had left, it whitened as his black eyes widened in shock when the snake's fangs pierced his neck and his knees gave way… he sank to the floor, bleeding…

My heart seemed to stop. With screeching tyres I rode through the crowd, not caring if I knocked down friend or foe. There were curses being cast in my direction but they weren't fast enough to match a Harley Davidson XLH. The air around me was filled with jets of red and green light, and sizzling with energy. Something big was towering up in front of me, like trunks of enormous trees; I changed course, accelerated and shot through the legs of the giant. The grounds were ahead of me now.

At top speed I raced to Hogsmeade, which I reached minutes later and crashed through the door of the Shrieking Shack. It was empty except for the motionless body lying on the floor in a puddle of blood.

"Severus!" _Please don't let it be too late_. I slid off my bike, dropping it carelessly as I hurried at his side. He was deadly pale, his eyes were closed, blood still pouring from the wound at his neck. I tried to staunch the bleeding while my frantic fingers felt for his pulse. It wasn't too late yet, there was still a feeble throbbing in his veins.

Holding his slack form in my arms I rummaged through my bag, searching for the Nagini antidote. I knew it was there, somewhere. I knew it but I couldn't find the phial. My fingers were trembling nervously, clumsily. Bitter tears filled my eyes.

That moment I heard the sound of a motorbike approaching. Unlike me, Sirius parked it outside before he entered the shack with swift strides. Being emotionally less involved than I was he understood at once what needed to be done. He reached in the pocket of his jeans jacket and produced a small phial. Then he knelt down beside Severus and I, and poured the clear liquid down his throat. The bleeding stopped immediately.

But Severus didn't move, didn't open his eyes. I stared into his face, tears streaming down my cheeks. I was desperate.

"Sev, please, tell me it's not too late."

"He lost a lot of blood," Sirius stated matter-of-factly.

Yes, I knew that as well. It was bloody obvious, actually. He needed a good dose of Blood Replenishing potion. Suddenly his eyes fluttered open, black orbs gazing into mine, and the ghost of a smile curled up his lips.

"Crying again… Raven?" He rasped; it sounded horrible. He looked horrible, so worn out beyond exhaustion. But he lived, and weak fingers entwined with mine. "I'm sorry…"

"Shh, don't speak." I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smoothed some streaks of hair out of his face. It felt good to touch him but his skin was so cold. "Everything's gonna be alright."

"No… I failed… the boy…"

"What's with Harry?" Sirius asked in a fit of panic.

"The boy… will die... failed to protect Lily's boy…"

"No, you're wrong there, Sev," I said with a sudden clarity as piece by piece it all came together and made sense. Draco at the Astronomy Tower, wand in his hands, Dumbledore disarmed… the malicious joy on Sirius' face when he told me Harry defeated Draco at Malfoy Manor, not knowing what that really meant… '_a fragment of the Dark Lord's soul was blasted off to latch itself on to the only living soul left'_… "Alright, the boy will die. Voldemort will kill him just like it was Dumbledore's intention. But he will only kill the Horcrux in him so literally he's almost committing suicide when he kills the boy… and Harry, I think _**he**_'s the true master of the Elder Wand…"

Sirius gazed at me as if I had gone nuts, clearly not comprehending. Severus closed his eyes; the purpose of his existence seemed to have gone. He had no energy to carry on.

"Severus Snape, don't **dare** to die on me. I spent days brewing Nagini antidote back then on Grimmauld Place and I won't have it have been to no avail." I cried under tears as I noticed the little life left in him slipping through my fingers. His hand had gone slack in mine.

"So tired…" he mumbled almost inaudible.

"Yes, and you can sleep soon but just hold on a little longer. I'll take you to St. Mungo's… everything's gonna be alright. Just don't leave me."

He gave no response. He was so cold now it sent a shiver done my spine, and I couldn't hear him breathing anymore. If he died I would die with him; I couldn't stand the thought of living without him. He was my only friend and I needed him. I felt for him pulse- there was none.

A strange noise escaped my lips, raw, awful, not like my voice at all.

"Damned, will you get a grip on yourself now, you greasy git! Raven told you explicitly to not die on her so don't you dare to." Sirius yelled at the lifeless form I held in my arms, and he yanked Severus away from me to give him a good shaking.

I cried really hard now, tears burning hot on my face. This scene was so grotesque and Sirius was acting like a madman.

"You coward! Stop living your life only for the dead but have the guts to live for the living. You owe Raven!" He thumped Severus' chest with his fist.

The most wonderful thing happened. I heard Severus drew in a sharp breath and his eyes flapped open, flashing a weak sneer at Sirius. "Don't… call… me… coward. You- wait… Black."

"Now that's the Snivelly I love to loathe, staying alive out of pure spite."

I stopped sobbing for a moment to stare at Sirius. Although Severus had closed his eyes again his pulse was steady now, but frighteningly low.

"Sirius…"

"Go, love, take him to St. Mungo's. We can still talk later."

He helped me up, Severus' body in my arms. He seemed to weigh almost nothing or the fear I had for his life gave me additional strength.

"Harry," I said, recalling a vision I'd had on my ride here. _'Take… it…' Something silvery blue was leaking from him, neither gas nor liquid. Harry lifted it in a flask with his wand. 'Look…at…me…', and his grip on the boy's robes slackened. _"If you want to find him, go and try the headmaster's office for he will have the desire to use a pensieve."

Then I left him and Apparated straight to the emergency department of St. Mungo's. It was quite crowded at the reception but I had no time for formalities anyway so I proceeded directly to the door leading to the treatment rooms.

"Miss!" A matron called after me. "You cannot…"

_Silencio_! I can and I will, and no one would stop me. This was an emergency!

There were stretchers floating in mid-air; I placed Severus on one of them and looked around for a healer. When one came my way I grabbed him at his collar and urged him to administer Blood Replenishing potion to Severus. Immediately.

He looked down his nose at me. "I prefer to examine the patient first and come up with a diagnosis before I administer any potions. Have you already registered at the reception?"

My patience was wearing very thin. I didn't want to argue with him, there was no time to lose…

Imperio!

"You will give him the bloody Blood Replenishing potion NOW!" I didn't like using the Imperius Curse on someone but in the end I only made him do his bloody job.

After the first dose of Blood Replenishing potion Severus looked slightly better, still unhealthy pale but at least not so deathly pale anymore, and his skin felt a little warmer. But he was still asleep, or unconscious, not responding to me holding his hand, caressing his face.

I saw to it that he was given a comfortable single room for the time of his recovery and erected some wards around it so that only Healer Flewellyn and I could enter. I wanted Severus to be safe and well cared for. Whatever might happen tonight or whatever side would be winning the battle, I wanted to know he was safe.

"His vital signs are improving," Healer Flewellyn assured me with a slightly mechanically sounding voice, "I am certain Mister… um…"

I should have filled in the admission papers.

"Smith," I lied smoothly, "Robert Smith."

"Mr Smith will wake up soon. He is sleeping a very deep magical sleep."

"Thank you." I gave Flewellyn some more orders he would memorize before I freed him of the Imperius Curse. He blinked at me in confusion as though wondering what he was doing here until he realized that he was only doing his job.

After the healer had left the room I sat down on Severus' bed for a while, taking his hand in mine. It felt warm, and I could feel the steady throbbing of his pulse beneath the tender skin at his wrist. He was alive, and safe, for no one knew that Severus Snape was at St. Mungo's.

I wished I could stay but there was a battle going on which outcome would decide upon the fate of the wizarding world. I caressed his cheek and breathed a kiss on his mouth.

"Get well, Sev. I'll be back soon but now I have to go and make sure that ugly ol' Snakeface won't get away with what he's done to you."

For the fraction of a second I thought I saw him furrowing his brows but when I looked again his face was just as unfathomable as before, unresponsive.

* * *


	31. The Last Marauder

31- The Last Marauder

If you want to find him, go and try the headmaster's office for he will have the desire to use a pensieve…

Sirius picked up the Invisibility Cloak from the floor where Raven had dropped it. It felt light in his hands, almost as perfect as James' had been. A Cloak like this was rare and priceless, and he wondered how Snape had been able to afford it. But that was none of his concern now; he wanted to find Harry and the Invisibility Cloak would come in handy because it wouldn't be easy to get to the headmaster's office when there was a battle going on in the castle.

He used the tunnel leading from the Shrieking Shack to the Whomping Willow, just like he had done so many times, way back then with Prongs, Moony and Wormtail. Sentimentality took hold of him at the thought that this would probably be the last time he was walking through this tunnel, filled with so many memories; those had been great times.

The fighting had ceased. Voldemort had actually offered a temporary truce lasting for one hour, claiming himself merciful because he gave Harry the chance to surrender and meet him in the Forbidden Forest. And Harry, Sirius was quite sure, would go; the boy would sacrifice himself. But he had to know that he wouldn't necessarily have to die, because… Horcruxes, the Elder Wand… well, Sirius hadn't really understood what Raven had been talking about and he had to admit that he rarely did. It had rather been the way Snape had closed his eyes, as if his mission of keeping Lily' boy alive had been completed so he could rest in peace now, that had made him grasp at least the significance of her words though not the true meaning.

The castle was unusually quiet compared to the mayhem that had taken place here only a little while ago. There was blood on the floor, and emeralds from the broken Slytherin hourglass were scattered all over it. With a wry smile he thought that Slytherin had lost a lot of house points tonight. None of the scurvy knaves had stayed to fight and defend Hogwarts, they had either joined Voldemort's ranks or ran away. Typically Slytherin.

The survivors had gathered in the Great Hall, mourning those who had died. Sirius looked out for Remus and couldn't spot him in the crowd, but then again he didn't really try. He was in a hurry; he had to find Harry and tell him all that Raven had said about the boy being a Horcrux, hoping it would make sense to him.

The door of the headmaster's office was slightly ajar. He darted up the stairs and looked around but apparently the room was empty; he had missed Harry. That moment someone brushed his arm… like a ghost though the touch felt more solid. Then he heard footsteps clattering down the staircase.

"Harry?"

The footsteps came to a sudden halt.

"Harry, wait!"

Too late. The boy was already gone and he wouldn't be able to detect him while both of them were wearing Invisibility Cloaks. Heaving a sigh his glance fell upon the pensieve standing on the desk, glowing with a silvery light. He walked closer as if being hypnotized by the shimmering light, dancing and whirling like sunshine on water.

Sirius couldn't resist the temptation nor fight his curiosity. He wanted to know what sort of memories Snape had left Harry. What had he considered worth sharing? He took a deep breath and dove into the pensieve.

He was at a playground, watching young Lily and her sister Petunia. Then he noticed the skinny, black-haired boy lurking behind some bushes, watching them too with a greedy, excited expression on his face. Severus Snape. His clothes were mismatched and shabby, his overlong hair poorly cut, and his whole attitude showing social awkwardness when he talked to Lily. He seemed to be not used to talk to other kids as if he'd already been a loner at the age of nine or ten.

"You're that Snape boy! They live down Spinner's End by the river," Petunia told Lily with disgust in her voice as if the address alone was a poor recommendation.

The differences of the Muggle class system was becoming evident by the tone of her voice and Sirius remembered what Raven had told him about Snape's family background… You have never been neglected or sent to bed hungry because your parents were too busy shouting at each other to bother about you…

The scene changed and scene by scene unfolded the tale of Snape's friendship with Lily Evans like chapters in a book. Sirius' heart leapt when he saw his younger self sitting in the Hogwarts Express next to a dark-haired boy with glasses. James! Could one describe the beginning of a wonderful friendship with love at first sight? He had known the very instant he'd bumped into him that they were designed to become partners in crime as they set out for the greatest adventure of their young lives- attending to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...

"You'd better be in Slytherin."

It had started then, their mutual loathing, when James had expressed his disgust for Slytherin and he had joined in, scared of loosing his future best friend, mutinously turning against the ideals of his own family.

The Sorting Hat had decided upon their future. He saw Snape walking over to the Slytherin table where Malfoy patted his back…

And the scene dissolved… Snape and Lily were now walking across the courtyard, arguing. They looked older now as if a few years had passed since the Sorting.

There was something oddly familiar about that scene- and it didn't matter what they were talking about- but it took Sirius a while to figure out what it was… then he got it. It reminded him of Raven and himself, and the way they always managed to be talking at cross purpose. Not understanding the other one as if they were speaking a different language. Same here with Lily and Snape. They were accusing each other for their poor choice of friends, and that also sounded very familiar to Sirius.

While he mulled over whether he had ever seen Snape and Raven arguing like that, he felt the well known pang of hurt again, remembering the way their eyes would meet in silent agreement, saying so much more in these little glances than he could put in a whole speech…

But the scene had changed again and he had to hurry to catch up. It was the day of their Defence against the Dark Arts OWLs, he noticed. His eyes roamed over the rows of students taking their exams- it was a shock to realize how many of them were already dead, having died in the first war…

Suddenly he spotted Raven, smeared all over with black ink, blotches on her nose, her cheeks, her fingers… up to her elbows… it reminded him of the day at Grimmauld Place she had asked him for an ordinary pen so her notes wouldn't look as if she wasn't capable of writing at all… stains of ink on her nose… Oh how much he'd wanted to kiss her then…

"Quills down, please!" squeaked Professor Flitwick, interrupting his thoughts. Quickly he followed James, Remus, Peter and his younger self out of the castle, a smile on his lips as he watched James playing with the Snitch he had nicked a few days ago. Oh, he still remembered those times very clearly, it had been the best time of his life

"I'm bored," his younger self said. Sometimes it only needed a few words to set off an avalanche.

It had been a prank to him then, just like they had always hexed other students for the fun of it and because they could. But watching the scene from a distance of more than twenty years, he looked at his younger self and felt ashamed. He even felt sorry for Snape. They had pushed it too far. They had bullied and humiliated him until he, like a cornered and wounded animal, had lashed out at Lily.

"I don't need help from a filthy little Mudblood like her!"

Lily blinked.

"Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

Sirius stared in shock at the familiar scene as he recalled all the things Raven had said about Snape, and he had to admit that- provided if he'd been in Snape's shoes- he wouldn't have wanted to be saved by a girl either. He wouldn't have called her a filthy little Mudblood but he would surely have come up with something equally charming…

'Even if you were the last girl on earth I'd never go out with a Slytherin,' he had once said to Raven and her only offence had been asking him out.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

He turned away. Who had been worse? James and he, for cornering Snape and attacking him without ever giving him a chance? Remus, for not interfering although he thought them out of order betimes? Or Peter, for laughing and giggling, enjoying seeing someone else being tormented, always licking the feet of the biggest bully. And all the time Snape, who's biggest affront to them had been his interest in the Dark Arts, had never used the Dark Arts against them.

"I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine." Lily said coolly. They were standing at the entrance of the Gryffindor Tower.

"No- listen, I didn't mean-"

But it was too late. Lily had already severed her ties with Snape long before she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…

The next scene took a little longer to form… it must be years after Hogwarts because Snape looked like an adult now, panting, turning on the spot, his wand gripped tightly in his hands as he waited for something or someone on the windy hilltop; a forlorn figure, scared…

Sirius saw Dumbledore approaching and Snape begged him to protect Lily. He was well aware of the fact that Snape didn't seem to give a damn about James and Harry, but he had risked his life, his soul, just to make sure that Lily would be safe. And the pain in the next scene, when Snape had to learn that everything had been in vain- Sirius knew this pain all too well. He looked at him, slumped forward in a chair, and when he finally raised his head there were lines etched in his face as if he had lived through a hundred years of misery.

"I wish… I wish I were dead…"

He understood him. He had laughed like a madman when Fudge's Hit Squat had cornered him as if it didn't matter that they'd ferry him off to Azkaban… Ah, they clearly had something in common and might it only be the feeling of being totally unhinged…

Please, I really hope Snape survives because I never want Raven having to live through the same misery we've suffered…

The scene changed, again they were in Dumbledore's office. And with every scene that followed Sirius could see the old man pulling the strings, weaving a web in which Snape as well as Harry became completely entangled in. Spiderman's having you for dinner tonight… They had trusted him and he had used them, as piece by piece he revealed his plan. Manipulatively he had fed each of them with information without filling in any of them with the whole truth, like a jigsaw puzzle that would only been solved if both of them shared their knowledge… and probably even then there would be pieces missing.

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?" Snape looked horrified.

Strange, if he had been asked a year ago who he thought the morally superior of them he would have answered without hesitation, Dumbledore. Now he felt sick, disgusted. Sirius left the pensieve and returned to the office where he stood staring at Dumbledore's portrait on the wall.

"So are you happy now, old man? Is your plan working out fine?" he asked with a mutinous undertone in his voice.

"Almost fine, thank you," Dumbledore-in-the-portrait said cheerfully. "I wished though that Harry could have conjured you, too, on his way to his death. I had hoped you would assure him that dying doesn't hurt at all…"

"The Resurrection Stone," Sirius breathed.

"So you know… I'm certain it was Raven Lestrange with her rebellious streak trying to find out in order to undermine my plan. You have to understand that it is all for the Greater Good."

"But what about love, Dumbledore? You used to preach that love is a strong magical force and yet you don't seem to care about all the broken souls you left in your wake. Harry and Snape trusted you, they loved you, and yet you sent them both to their deaths. You didn't even tell Snape about the Elder Wand…"

"I feared he would be tempted- poor Severus. But this is touching, Sirius. Have you actually grown fond of Severus Snape?"

"No, but I love Raven and it would break her heart if the greasy git dies."

"He isn't dead yet?" Dumbledore seemed surprised but portraits couldn't know everything. He walked through the frame to gather information from other portraits- they were worse that gossiping hags.

There was one last thing to do before he could leave the office. Sirius pointed his wand at the pensieve and extracted Snape's memories to bottle them in the little flask standing next to the stone basin. If Snape survived he would want to have them back, if not… He didn't want to think about it. He'd rather lose Raven to him than having to see that sparkle die in her eyes; they had already looked much too dull, too apathetic for his liking during those past weeks when she hadn't been in contact with Snape.

Another reason for pocketing the flask with the memories was that he didn't want anyone to see what arrogant little berks the Marauders had been; he really wasn't proud of that. Actually he was downright ashamed.

He had to find Lupin and talk to him, ask him why he had never stopped their bullying madness, because Remus had always been the most sensible of them.

"Where's Remus?" He asked Molly when he reached the Great Hall, and Molly turned around to face him with an expression that spoke of great sorrow. Immediately he knew that something was very, very wrong.

She took his hand and let him to the middle of the hall where the dead lay in a row. Tears welled up in her eyes when they passed Fred's body, and she started weeping again as if she hadn't shed enough tears over him. Next to Fred was Remus, and at his side Tonks.

Sirius sank to his knees.

"Oh no… what's she doing here?" was the first thing that came to his mind.

"You know her, Sirius. She couldn't stay at home while Remus was in danger, so she left little Teddy with her mother and came here," Arthur said as he put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Sirius nodded. He briefly glanced up to Arthur. "I'd like to be alone for a moment, if you don't mind."

So that was it then. They were all dead, his friends, and he was the last Marauder. They had died too young. He recalled what had become of them… James, the lucky guy, happily married to the woman he loved, father of a wonderful baby boy until death had knocked on their door on Halloween… because they had put their trust in the wrong person. Peter, the little traitor who had betrayed his friend because he would always bow to the biggest bully, never having shown much backbone. Remus, shunned for his furry problem almost all his life, never been able to get a proper job. And finally he himself, the first one who'd ever managed to break out of Azkaban but what had landed him there in the first place? Arrogance, and the belief that he was so much smarter than Dumbledore and Voldemort together…. A number of broken and failed existences, and they probably hadn't deserved anything better. They had had their heads too high up in the sky, they had believed themselves indestructible… and when you've reached the top of the ladder the only way left is down. They had fallen, and they had landed hard. Mayhap that was their punishment for all the stupid pranks they had played.

But he had suffered enough. He had paid for all his pranks, his mischievous deeds; he'd also paid for what Snape considered attempted murder. Twelve years in Azkaban should have sufficed for atonement.

He rose to his feet again and wiped the tears from his eyes. He was the last Marauder. One day he would tell Teddy what a wonderful friend his dad had been.

Suddenly a magically magnified voice broke the silence of the night. Voldemort.

"Harry Potter is dead. He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself while you lay down your lives for him. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone…"

"No, oh no," a collective groan of despair echoed through the Great Hall.

"Don't believe a word of what he says." Sirius said aloud as he stepped upon the raised platform where the wounded were being treated, so that everybody could see him. Praying that Raven had been right with her theory that Harry was a Horcrux, or that there was a Horcrux in Harry. "Harry wouldn't run away- he went to Voldemort on his own account to sacrifice himself for you. But he will come back. Don't listen to Voldemort's lies. We must fight or live the rest of our lives in tyranny."

"Whoohoo!" A group of old ladies cheered and wolf-whistled.

Sirius grinned. The Association of Majorcan Witches had rallied around the imposing figure of Augusta Longbottom, not to be overlooked with her tall, stuffed-vulture-topped hat. Hyenas indeed.

"Come out of the castle, now, kneel before me, and you shall be spared. Your parents and children, your brothers and sisters will live, and be forgiven, and you will join me in the new world we built together." Voldemort's voice rang again.

Sirius led the defenders of Hogwarts out of the castle and on to the grounds where the army of Death Eaters had gathered at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Voldemort stood there, a ridiculously pale creature dressed in long black robes, wearing his giant pet snake around his shoulders, absent-mindedly caressing Nagini's head with his long, white fingers. Next to him stood Hagrid, decidedly not of his own free will, holding a lifeless figure in his arms.

He had to bite his lips to not cry out. No matter how much he tried to reason with himself that Harry wasn't dead, couldn't be dead, the shock about the scenery in front of him was written on his face.

"NO!"

It surprised him tremendously that the scream came from Professor McGonagall of all people because she always seemed to be so stern and in complete control of herself.

Bellatrix laughed. Several more people screamed, "No!" in denial at the sight of Harry's slack form in Hagrid's arms. Ron, Hermione and Ginny shouted Harry's name as if their voices could wake him from the dead.

"SILENCE!" bellowed Voldemort, and with a bang, and a flash of bright light, silence was forced upon them all. He ordered Hagrid to set Harry down at his feet.

"You see? Harry Potter is dead. Do you understand now, deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!"

"He beat you!" yelled Ron, breaking the Silencing Spell at least long enough for the defenders of Hogwarts to shout and scream in a loud uproar until their voices were extinguished once more.

"He was killed while trying to sneak out of the castle grounds…"

"Bloody liar!" Sirius barked when suddenly someone broke free of the crowed and charged at Voldemort. Neville Longbottom. The hyenas cheered.

But the boy was no match for Voldemort and soon he hit the ground, Disarmed. The Dark Lord turned to Bellatrix for information about his foolish challenger before he offered to spare his life- not wanting to shed blood as pure as the Longbottoms- if the boy would decide to switch sides.

"I'll join you when hell freezes over," Neville said defiantly.

And as if 'hell' had been the keyword, a thunderous sound was to be heard, coming closer just like the roaring of hellfire… A huge beast made of bright silvery light emerged out of the darkness, chasing Dementors, and following the T.Rex Patronus was a chrome-glittering Harley Davidson with howling engine. Sirius smirked- he simply adored Raven's knack for grand entrances.


	32. Drifting Apart

32- Drifting Apart

I left St. Mungo's and Apparated back to the Shrieking Shack, feeling torn between the wish to stay at Severus' side and my burning desire to make Voldemort pay for what he'd done to my friend. When I saw the blood stained floor of the shack I knew I had made the right decision. I'd had to come back and fight- for the freedom of the wizarding world and for Sev.

My Harley was still lying on the ground where I had dropped it so carelessly way back then- it felt like an eternity ago. I mumbled an apology for having treated it so badly…

"… you have to understand, Sev's life was at stake," and lifted it up. Fortunately there was no one around who could see me talking to my motorbike, running caressing fingers over the tank. Then I mounted it and started the engine, letting it roar like a battle cry. I was back and Voldemort won't win!

On screeching tyres I rode out of the Shrinking Shack and raced through Hogsmead. I could feel their presence long before I saw them- Dementors. They were hovering like fog on the outskirts of the village. I drew my wand, pointed it at the great, grey wall ahead of me and conjured my Patronus. A bright light soared from the tip of my wand, flickered, and died without forming the big and beautiful familiar shape. The Dementors were getting closer. I slammed on the brakes and came to a grinding halt. Damned! It wasn't easy to come up with happy memories when Severus had almost died on me and it was uncertain whether he'd survive or not. Wrong thoughts. I tried again, this time with more concentration. _Of course he'll survive and we'll dance to the sound of Metal Guru… that's it. Hello beastie, you look beautiful tonight._

Chasing Dementors I followed my Patronus at top speed as we approached the battlefield. I saw fire ahead. I heard uproar and loud war cries. The ground was trembling with hooves as centaurs came bursting out of the Forbidden Forest, shooting arrows at the Death Eaters, who broke ranks in surprise.

The Dark Lord turned his red, reptile eyes on me.

"You!" he yelled as if I had personally affronted him and perhaps that was true. I must have been the most stubborn person he'd ever tortured

Neville Longbottom drew from the depths of the burning Sorting Hat a shining sword with a glittering, rubied handle.

I sent two jets of green light in Voldemort's direction, not really expecting to kill him but rather to distract him as Neville lashed out, and with a single stoke he sliced off Nagini's head. I cheered and raised my hand in the air, my fingers forming the victory sign. The murderous snake was dead, all Horcruxes destroyed. Voldemort screamed with fury. He couldn't decide whom of us he wanted to kill first, Neville or me.

I reached the boy before he could, slowed down, and dragged him behind me on my Harley. Then I accelerated again, the engine howling. I rode a sharp arc and headed towards the group of Hogwarts defenders.

Green light flashed up all around me but didn't hit me. It was hard to aim at a moving target and especially if you had no clue how fast the target was moving- Tom Riddle had clearly no idea of motorbikes. One of his curses hit my back tyre but the Killing Curse wasn't designed to kill a Muggle artefact and so no harm was done.

I could see him trembling with barely controllable rage when I delivered Neville safely to his grandmother's side. My mum stood by Augusta Longbottom's and beamed proudly.

"Now that's my daughter!"

"Now that's my grandson!" Augusta stated equally proud, the stuffed vulture on top of her hat nodding its head in excitement. "There is definitely something of Frank in the boy."

"HARRY! HARRY- WHERE'S HARRY?"

Hagrid's outcry distracted Voldemort from pursuing either Neville or me. A sly smile curled up my lips as I glanced at Tom Riddle in triumph. He clearly hadn't expected a dead boy walking away from him, proving all his words blatant lies.

"Raven!" Sirius came running at me. "You alright, love?"

"Of course she is," Mum told him bluntly. "She's brilliant!"

That moment chaos broke lose and reigned. The centaurs were scattering the ranks of the Death Eaters, everyone was fleeing, and I felt myself being carried away in the flood of people heading towards the castle. Heavy footsteps shook the ground as giants approached, each step of their enormous feet making the earth quake.

Fighting ensued as soon as we were inside the castle. Some centaurs burst into the Hall with a great clatter of hooves, and the house-elves swarmed out of the kitchen, waving knives, under the lead of Kreacher.

"Fight the Dark Lord, in the name of brave Regulus, defender of house-elves! Fight!"

But the question was, where was Harry Potter?

Sirius filled me in with what little information he had as we fought one of the Death Eaters but mayhem separated us soon after. I saw Pinkie attacking the ankle of my dear not-cousin Rodolphus with a knife that looked like a sword on her, and I quickly picked her up before he could crush her like an annoying insect.

"You will **not** harm Pinkie!" I spat and make short work of him. This was not the time for the fine art of duelling, it wasn't even the time for fighting fair. I made a slashing movement with my wand, using Sectumsempra as I severed his head from his torso. A fountain of blood gushed from him, tainting me, but I couldn't care less. I was already bloodied. Severus' blood was on my hands, all over me. I was dressed in black leather and blood, blood-red lipstick on my lips.

I put Pinkie down again and looked around. McGonagall, Slughorn and Kingsley were fighting Voldemort, sparks flashing from the tips of their wands like fireworks. I forced my way through the crowd to join in.

Apparently effortless he blocked the curses of his three able-bodied opponents as he glanced at me, cold hatred in his face.

"You!" he snarled and lashed out at me.

I sensed it coming my way. _Cru_-

"NO!" I yelled, casting a Shield Charm while at the same time shooting my own Cruciatus Curse at him, dying to see him suffer for what he had done to Severus.

It hit him straight in the chest. He stumbled backwards a step, but instead of writhing on the floor in pain, it was rather as if realisation had hit him.

"Interesting," he said, and with a flick of his wand he sent McGonagall, Slughorn and Kingsley crashing into the walls in three different directions as he approached me, his cold red orbs bearing into mine with burning intensity. "So you are the traitor's whore."

I sneered at him. "You really have no idea, Tom."

His eyes narrowed until their already slit-like shape became even more prominent. "Ah, how _touching_. Are you going to tell me about love now? Because _love_ did not prevent him from being slain…"

"But you didn't kill him. You merely got him bitten by that late pet snake of yours." I pointed out.

"It doesn't matter how I killed him since there is no antidote for Nagini's venom," he retorted arrogantly.

I shrugged nonchalantly, faking more confidence than I actually felt. "If you say so."

Meanwhile his other opponents had stumbled to their feet again and Slughorn launched himself at Voldemort with the grace of walrus, looking absolutely ludicrous in his emerald green pyjama. Kingsley flashed a glance at me, a silent question.

I nodded briefly. Yep, I was alright… and the other part of the question I simply ignored when all of the sudden Molly Weasley shouted at top of her lungs.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"

Bellatrix roared with laughter at the sight of her new challenger. She had been duelling Hermione, Ginny and Luna Lovegood, all battling at their hardest though all three of them had been no match for her, Lord Voldemort's most loyal servant. And now she was confronted with Molly Weasley of all people!

"NO!" Molly barked as a few students ran forward, trying to come to her aid. "Get back! She is _mine_!"

"What will happen to your children when I've killed you?" Bellatrix taunted her. Jets of light flew from her wand but Molly stood her ground, fighting back. Both women were fighting to kill.

Then Sirius pushed Molly out of the line of fire, saying, "I'm sorry, Molly, but this is a family thing," as he took her place.

Bellatrix cackled like mad. "You cannot beat me, cousin, you don't have the nerve to…"

Her face went blank and her eyes bulged, the laughter died on her lips when his curse hit her straight in the chest. I must admit that I hadn't expected Sirius using the Killing Curse on her but then again she clearly had deserved it…

_…I saw him stumbling backwards, towards the veil… I saw the veil fluttering high above us as if struck by a heavy gust of wind… I saw us falling… I heard Bellatrix' triumphant scream…_

Someone else was screaming now, cold fury in his voice as he had to witness the fall of his last, most loyal servant and best lieutenant. Although he had never cared much about her feelings for him since he never cared about the feelings of anyone, he was really infuriated. Ready to kill more than ever. Voldemort raised his wand...

"PROTEGO!"

Harry Potter pulled off his Invisibility Cloak and there he stood, right in the middle of the Great Hall like a knight in shining armour.

"Harry Potter! He's alive!"

The jubilant outcry of many throats echoed though the hall. I thought they were mad to put all their trust in a teenage boy and wanted to launch myself at Voldemort. I could beat him. I wanted to kill him- for Sev. But before I could get anywhere strong arms encircled my waist and Sirius pulled me back.

"Don't," he hissed.

"I don't want anyone else to try to help," Harry said loudly. "It's got to be like this. It's got to be me."

I watched them moving sideways in a circle, Harry and Riddle, maintaining the same distance from each other, all eyes directed at them. They were having a nice little chat and everyone listened. I should have thanked Harry for revealing Severus' true allegiance to the wizarding world, thus clearing his name, but I wished he'd stop prattling and kill the ugly Snakeface. Or torture him for a while. And of course I could have done without Harry mentioning that Severus loved his mother for nearly all of his life, rubbing it in. I would have loved to believe Riddle, who claimed that he merely desired her, but I knew what it felt like standing in Lily's shadow, always second best.

For a man who wanted to rule the whole wizarding world Tom Riddle was extremely thick, not getting at all what Harry was telling him about Dumbledore, Severus, the Elder Wand. A little less arrogance would certainly improve his wits.

"…I killed Severus Snape three hours ago, and the Elder Wand, the Deathstick, the Wand of Destiny is truly mine…"

No matter how many names he'd come up with for that blasted piece of wood he still didn't seem to get it. It didn't matter if he put his greasy, greedy fingers on the stick as Harry tried to explain patiently. Why bother with the complexity of the truth anyway?

Mum stared at me in shock. "Is it true… Severus…"

I shook my head. "Another misconception of his that just shows how totally deluded he is. He's a megalomaniac freak who wouldn't even dream of someone coming up with an antidote against his venomous pet snake."

"Good girl," my mum patted my hand. "It would be horrible if the poor boy had died."

Professor Snape would probably wish to drop dead and beg for the ground to open up and swallow him if he'd heard Mum calling him the _poor boy_. I grimaced.

Back to Tom and Harry, who were still verbally battling over issues _Lord Voldemort _would never understand.

"You still don't get it, Riddle, do you? Possessing the wand isn't enough! Holding it, using it, doesn't make it really yours. Didn't you listen to Ollivander? _The wand **chooses** the wizard_…"

_Stop prattling and kill him_! I thought as Harry explained it to him why he was the true master of the Elder Wand- Draco had Disarmed Dumbledore, Harry had overpowered Draco. Stealing the wand from a dead man's grave was against the rules of the game.

Harry twitched Draco's wand in his hand. Everyone was staring at him.

"So it all comes down to this, doesn't it? Does the wand in your hand know its last master was Disarmed? Because if it does… I am the true master of the Elder Wand."

That moment a red-golden glow illuminated the enchanted sky above us and the first rays of a new sun rising fell in through the nearest window. Riddle's ridiculously pale face was shining like flames as if his skin was translucent. All of a sudden he shrieked in his high voice,

"Avada Kedavra!"

"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted simultaneously.

The jet of green light soaring from Voldemort's wand was a spectacular contrast to the reddish glow of the Great Hall but it erupted in golden flames when it met Harry's spell in a loud bang. The Elder Wand flew high and Harry, with the unerring skill of a Quidditch Seeker- that stupid game was good for something at last- caught it in his free hand.

Riddle fell backwards and hit the floor, the last fragment of his multiply splintered soul destroyed, his red, reptile eyes rolled upwards, his face blank. He was dead, killed by his own rebounding curse, an empty shell.

Silence. It took a moment for all those present to grasp what had just happened and then the tumult broke in cheers and screams and the cackling of hyenas. Everyone stormed towards Harry, each of them wanting to be the first to congratulate him, to praise him. Everyone but me. I just stood there frozen, feeling unreal, surreal, cold. It was over. I should be happy. But I felt cold, so cold as if I'd never be warm again. I should be standing here side by side with Severus, celebrating the end of a nightmare instead of still fearing for his life. I feared he might never come back to me… _he's sleeping a very deep magical sleep_, Healer Flewellyn had said but I knew better; I knew he'd crossed the borders to Absurdistan and feared he'd like it there… with Lily.

More cheers erupted and I snapped out of my reverie to see Harry riding through the jubilant crowd on Sirius shoulders. The scene looked familiar to me and I remembered the many times Sirius had carried James on his shoulders after a Quidditch match won by Gryffindor, so that everyone could see the hero.

I turned away and bumped into Kingsley Shacklebolt- once again.

"So you were right all the time with your faith in Severus Snape," he said without preamble and I felt tears burning hot in my eyes.

"Well, I told you that things aren't always what they seem…"

"Yes. But why… I mean… how…"

"How did I find out there was something fishy about Dumbledore's death?"

He nodded, showing real interest and not only because Severus' name had just been cleared by Harry Potter but because he had always wanted to believe me, thinking me a clever witch who couldn't possible be that horribly mislead. And for that I owed him an explanation.

"I… um, had access to Harry's mind when he told his side of the story, and I saw Dumbledore's scorched, withered hand, and I saw him on top of the Astronomy Tower, begging, but Dumbledore wouldn't beg for his life so I went to Sev-Severus to hear his side of the story, and he let his guards down to fill me in. Of course that was not according to Dumbledore's plan," I shrugged, "but who fucking cares."

Kingsley glanced at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry for what happened to him. I know he was very dear to you."

"He is," I said.

He noticed the small difference and realisation dawned upon him. Kingsley arched a surprised brow at me. "He isn't dead?"

I told him with a few words what happened.

"I believe you want to be somewhere else right now," he said softly, "and in case you need anything- well, you might have heard I've just been named temporary Minister for Magic…"

"Oh… congratulations," I managed, smiling through tear-filled eyes, thoughts whirling through my mind, slowly forming into concrete ideas. "Absolution for Severus Snape and compensation payment for all the years Sirius had been locked away in Azkaban despite him being innocent?"

Kingsley laughed. "I already regret I agreed to take on that job. Meet me in my office at the Ministry tomorrow…", he paused to look at the light seeping in through the windows of the castle and corrected himself, "…er, later today. I can only give you a positive answer to your first request right now and that goes without saying. As for your second request, I'll probably have to consult the Muggle Prime Minister for his opinion since there's no case like that known in the wizarding world."

"Alright," I said with a sly grin, thinking of Sam and Sebastian, and that I had to let them know they were safe to come back and start working for me. "I'll sue the Ministry if you don't come up with a satisfying solution."

I left Kingsley and made my way through the cheering crowd until I passed a table where only three people were sitting, huddled together as though unsure whether they had the right to be here, safe in their family reunion. The Malfoys. I had already heard that Narcissa had kind of helped Harry for the sake of her son, not betraying the fact that he was alive to Voldemort, but that didn't make her any more likeable to me.

She came my way. "Lestrange! Wait!"

Something in her voice made me stop long enough to sneer at her.

"What do you want, Narcissa?"

"Severus," she breathed, her blue eyes full. "I heard you know where he fell. I… I want to ensure he receives a decent funeral…"

I felt the urgent desire to slap her. The mere notion of funeral made my eyes burn with tears. It was a kind gesture, she really seemed to care about Severus, and I hated her even more for that. Wordlessly I pushed her aside and left the castle. My Harley looked strange and oddly out of place here on the grounds but I was glad I didn't have to walk to a place from where I could Apparate to St. Mungo's.

Severus was still asleep, still unresponsive. I conjured up a chair and sat down next to his bed, mulling whether I should call Healer Flewellyn for more information about Severus' state but then I just had to close my eyes for a moment, feeling worn out.

-

I woke up hours later. There was still no change for the better. I caressed Severus' cheek and, looking at my hands, I decided it was about time to take a shower before I'd meet Kingsley at the Ministry.

The black wizard looked unusually pale, he hadn't had time to rest yet. There was much to do after Voldemort's defeat, many of his 'reforms' had to be repealed, the Muggle-born Registration Commission was disbanded. Trials for the captured Death Eaters had to be prepared, the security standards of Azkaban had to be checked and improved. Some Death Eaters had managed to flee, they had to be caught but the Auror department was understaffed. Why did Kingsley look at me now?

"Kingsley Shacklebolt, are you seriously considering employing me?"

"You are a trained Auror with many years of experience. You'd be my favourite choice as new head of the Auror department."

I felt honoured but I had to reject. "Sorry, Kingsley, I'm a freelance and I like my independence. If you have a specific job for me you can hire me and I'll make a special price for you."

That moment my mobile phone rang. I flashed Kingsley an apologetic glance and answered the call. It was Sam! He had heard the good news of Voldemort's defeat and come back from LA. I was surprised to hear that he and Sebastian had already arrived in London (no plane could be that fast) but he told me that one of their American friends had arranged a Portkey for them. Sebastian was still feeling a bit sick after the unusual sensation of using magical means of transportation (he had my sympathy) but was getting better as we spoke.

"Could you come over to meet me at the Ministry?" I asked him, plotting future plans. "I'm with the new Minister for Magic and we still have a lot to discuss which might also involve you and Sebastian."

Sam was curious but I didn't want to tell him more on the phone, and Kingsley eyed me quizzically.

"What are you up to now, Raven Lestrange?"

"You'll see, Minister Shacklebolt," I replied with a grin. "Now, what about the compensation payment for Sirius?"

Kingsley had actually already met the Muggle Prime Minister- it was common for a new Minister for Magic to pay his Muggle counterpart a visit when he took up office, and more than often that was the only time the two Ministers would meet. But since Kingsley's had befriended the Prime Minister while safeguarding him and, unlike his predecessors, he was interested in Muggle politics, it was obvious that he would seek the counsel of his friend on a more regular basis. I didn't know what the other minister had told Kingsley about compensation payment but he seemed willing to pay.

We negotiated about the price for almost half an hour, until a knock on the door interrupted us and Sam and Sebastian entered the office. Glad about the welcome distraction, Kingsley dabbed the sweat off his face. Then he stared wide-eyed at Sebastian.

"Malfoy?"

We explained Sebastian's background to him, that he was a Squib, but I'd love to find out whether he was truly related with the Malfoys. In the sixties, when he was born, it was the common habit of pureblood families to hush the existence of a magically imperfect offspring and drop the poor child at a Muggle orphanage.

Kingsley looked at me with a sigh. "Well, the sight of your friend just reminds me that Lucius Malfoy will probably try to escape punishment the same way he slipped a life sentence in Azkaban the last time- by saying he was Confunded and donating a great heap of galleons for charity. I accept your latest bid although it is still horrendous, and you know that."

We shook hands. His offer was acceptable even though he had knocked down my demand of one million per year of imprisonment to a mere fraction of the original sum, but then again it was more than I had actually hoped for. And could the biggest mountain of gold ever compensate for the feeling of being locked away in hell (despite being innocent) anyway? I hoped Sirius would appreciate my efforts on his behalf.

Then I changed the topic and introduced Sam as editor of the _Naughty Quill_ that would soon be released daily like the _Daily Prophet_ but would not be a tool of the Ministry. Instead, it would be critical and not only publish what was pleasant to read. Sam smiled broadly, his biggest dream had come true, and Kingsley approved to the notion of a critical press. He wanted to do a better job than his predecessors.

He also agreed when I told him that Sebastian- who had studied law in Oxford and been a successful lawyer before taking a sabbatical to write a book comparing Muggle and wizarding law- would become the first lawyer of the wizarding world. I must admit that Sebastian looked a bit gobsmacked about me planning his future career for him, but when Sam thought it wonderful, he did, too.

Invitingly I clapped my hands. "So, off to work now, boys. The time of lazing at Californian beaches is over and though I admire your tan, Kingsley will agree that we've got no time to waste. Severus' name has to be cleared by someone who knows the whole truth- before Rita Skeeter or the _Daily Prophet_ come up with absurd theories about him."

Unfortunately I couldn't prevent that from happening. Sebastian obtained a restraining order against Rita Skeeter, who was planning to write a book about _Severus Snape, Scoundrel or Saint_, by claiming that the _Naughty Quill_ had an exclusive right to interview Severus. Although I had wanted to hush the fact that he was still alive until his complete recovery, news of his survival had already leaked out. _Witch Weekly_ released a romantic portrayal of the Potions Master, focussing on his heroism in the name of his undying but unrequited love for Lily, and suddenly almost every witch in wizarding Britain wanted to be either Lily or the one who'd made him forget Lily. I was almost glad he was still sleeping his deep magical sleep for he would be clearly scandalized for having become a romantic hero overnight. Though he had always longed for recognition and a little respect, I was certain he'd never wanted to become a celebrity.

The week that followed Harry Potter's triumphant defeat over Voldemort was probably the busiest of my life. I met Kingsley every day, discussing politics- he seemed to like my rebellious streak and thought it inspiring. I helped Sam with the first issue of the _Naughty Quill _after it had been on hiatus for almost nine months, giving interviews to only him. Needless to say that our first issue was a big success. Finally we were able to admit subscription offers and advertisements- George Weasley was the first to make use of it, ordering a full page to promote Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

I also spent every free minute I could spare at Severus' bedside, watching his pale face, holding his hand, telling him how my day had been. It was so fucking frustrating to get no response of my friend who wouldn't stir, wouldn't make a sound. No matter how often I called Healer Flewellyn to check his vital signs and assure me then that he was fine, that he was merely sleeping a deep magical sleep, his unresponsiveness was wearing thin. I was so scared of loosing him, and my fear increased with every day that went by.

"You have to be patient," Healer Flewellyn chided me ever so often when I was close to a mental breakdown, "give him time to heal."

Well, patience had never been my greatest virtue…

I didn't see much of Sirius in that week, but the blame wasn't only on me. He spent most of his time with Harry, who was staying with his friends at The Burrow, as if he could finally make up for all those years he hadn't been able to be there for the boy. He also tried to console Andromeda, who had lost her husband, her daughter, and her son-in-law in the war, and who was now the only one little Teddy had. We were both too busy to miss each other.

At the end of the week I accepted an invitation for dinner at The Burrow but I could hardly get anything down. Molly was so sweet to me now that she didn't have to fear me being a threat to the Order anymore since Severus' true allegiance had been revealed. She never apologized though, and that made me feel uncomfortable in her presence. Besides, I was certain that her dislike for me personally hadn't changed, and she'd always considered me a rebellious nuisance.

Arthur, however, smiled fondly at me, recalling the hours we'd spent in the coop, fixing Sirius' motorbike. He still didn't understand what a battery was good for but Muggle technology would never cease to fascinate him. Molly scowled at him when he got too excited about it, while sweetly offering me more potatoes although my plate was still stuffed and I was merely picking at the food with my fork. I wasn't hungry. I had lost my appetite the day of the battle at Hogwarts, and was living on coffee, wine, and cigarettes. The coffee would help me through the day and the wine through the nights.

After dinner I took a stroll in the garden with Sirius. He had wrapped an arm around my shoulder, which felt good. The nights were still chilly in early May but he kept me warm.

"How's Snape?" he asked after a while of wandering in silence.

"There's still no change…" I bit my lip and lit a cigarette to fight back the tears burning in my eyes. Sirius stopped, glancing at me. Then he opened his arms in an invitation for me to fling myself in his embrace, seeking solace. "I'm so scared he'll never wake up again."

"What does Healer Flewellyn say?"

"He tells be to be patient, that he needs time to heal," I sobbed against his chest.

Sirius lifted my chin with fingers so he could look me in the eye. Gently he wiped the tears off my face. "Well, if a skilled healer believes there's nothing to worry about then you shouldn't either. Try to be a little more patient."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to kiss him. After all, we were still together and I longed for him; I longed to find comfort in his embrace. And he wanted me too, so I accepted when he asked me to stay for the night.

Strangely, this time Molly had no objections against an unmarried couple sleeping in the same room under her prudish roof. Her brows furrowed a little but then she smiled at me, smiling that sugar-sweet, false smile of hers. I thought she was only agreeing because Harry Potter wanted to see his godfather happy, and the Golden Boy's word was law.

If I hadn't been in a state of complete denial since- no idea for how long- I would have realized that our last encounter was merely of a physical nature. I was only seeking comfort in his arms, and no matter how perfectly satisfying it was, but my heart wasn't in it and my mind was somewhere else. Even in retrospect I couldn't tell when it had started or for how long we've already been drifting apart. For how long had I kept telling myself that everything was fine between Sirius and I? It wasn't even that I didn't love him anymore- it was just that my love for him wasn't strong enough.

The next morning I was up early and walked out into the garden with a cup of steaming hot coffee in my hands. Fortunately it hadn't been Molly who'd brewed it- for she was the last person I wanted to meet- but Fleur, and her French way of doing things was decidedly improving to the taste. I sat down at in a secluded corner, sipping my coffee while enjoying the warmth of the sun shining onto my face. The birds were singing joyfully and the world was painted in different shades of fresh green only stained with splashes of white daisies, yellow dandelions, lilac… the colours of England in spring were beautiful…

I cast a Disillusionment spell around me when I heard voices approaching me, not wanting to be disturbed in my privacy so I melted in with my surroundings. It had always been easy to me to make myself go unnoticed; years of having been bullied for the mere fact of my existence had made it a necessity to develop these skills…

"… you know, he promised me that one day I could live with him and I still want that. He's my godfather; he's the only family I ever had…"

Harry Potter walked past me but I wouldn't have needed any spell for him to not notice me because his whole attention was focused on the red-haired girl walking next to him, tentatively reaching out her slender hand to touch his.

"I understand you," Ginny Weasley said with compassion and longing in her voice.

Ah, it could be so sweet to be a teenager and in love… like hell. I was glad I wasn't a teenager anymore although my life was still a turmoil of mixed emotions and shattered relationships.

"… of course we won't move into Grimmauld Place- I'm actually thinking about selling it because that house holds so many bad memories for him; he hates it. It would be so much better to live in the countryside, somewhere close to you, where he can see the sky," Harry continued. "It must have been really horrible for him, all those years being locked away in Azkaban for a crime he hadn't committed. I want him to forget."

"I know you do, Harry, but I think Raven made him forget most of it already. Remember how he was that summer in Grimmauld Place and look at him now."

"Yeah, I know…. "

I felt guilty.

That moment Sirius stepped out of The Burrow, waving at his godson.

"Morning Harry! Fancy a good match of Quidditch to start the day?"

"Uh, you want to lose again?"

Ginny had my deepest sympathy when she let the boys being boys and walked back into the kitchen, shaking her head because they didn't waste any time before mounting some broomsticks leaning against the front wall of The Burrow. I remained seated, watching them play and enjoying Sirius' cheerful casualness when he was with Harry. With him he was just like the casually handsome teenager I used to have a crush on, whereas with me he'd been kind of _uneasy_ lately. He deserved so much better than that.

When the boys had stopped playing, I stood and shook off the Disillusionment Spell. He noticed me then, a broad smile on his face as he approached me to gather me in his arms.

"You look very beautiful today, darling."

I wasn't looking any different than I was yesterday, I thought. In fact, I hadn't even changed my clothes for at least three days. I tried to scowl at him but he made an attempt to kiss it off my face.

"I love you."

Now I as really at a loss because I couldn't return the words and make them sound believable. What was I doing here anyway, idly sitting in the sun as if I had nothing else to do? I hadn't found a suitable office for Sebastian yet- it had to be a place with access to Diagon Alley as well as to the Muggle World for he couldn't Apparate or use the Floo to get to work… The _Naughty Quill_ needed me… Severus…

"Sirius, I…"

He must have noticed it, and yet he asked. "Would you like to marry me and live with me and Harry?"

Gosh, that was probably the dream of many a witch, but instead of feeling flattered, I only felt an irrational rage boiling up deep within me. "What? We don't even know if Severus is going to survive and you have the nerve to ask me if I want to marry you?"

"I take it the answer is no." He flashed me a sad smile but all the same he released a breath he seemed to have been holding for too long. "So that's it then, hm? That's how we end…"

I didn't want to hurt him so I quickly said, "This is not the right moment to discuss any future plans."

"Oh Raven, do you know what you want at all?"

"Of course not."

Sirius chuckled mildly. When I looked back at us from a safe distance I keep thinking he had known it all along, had known me better than I had myself… he had realized what I hadn't allowed myself to admit yet. Mayhap the reason why he had asked me to marry him had been a test, a wake-up call, so I would finally stop fooling myself and come to the realisation that ours was a lost case. He had wanted some clarity and he had found it. Eventually, so had I. At least I knew now what I didn't want. I didn't want to live in the countryside and play happy family with the Golden Boy.

"You should leave now, Raven. Go and find out what you truly want, and don't come back before you know it."

It was the calmness of his voice that made it worse. There was no resignation in it but sympathy for me. He loved me, he didn't want to lose me but he'd rather give me up than carry on like this. He didn't want to look in my eyes and realize he was nothing more than a substitute when my heart was with someone else.

I knew so damn well how he felt because we were pretty much in the same fucked up situation. Stifling a sob I bid him farewell and mounted my Harley to ride back to London. Apparation would have been faster but I needed that long ride to sort all my thoughts and feelings, to clear my mind. What was it that I wanted? The answer was clear but I feared to accept it.

When I reached London I headed straight to St. Mungo's, feeling tears off frustration welling up in my eyes since the state Severus was in hadn't improved yet. He was still sleeping, his face blank and pale. I sat down at his bedside, taking his hand in mine, waiting for him to wake up. I wept silent tears, then I cried noisily, angrily.

"You know, it's not fucking fair, Sev," I told him, sobbing out loud. "I saved your bloody life- you have no right to die on me. It can't be so fucking wonderful in Absurdistan that you want to stay there; Lily isn't worth staying there. I won't have you throw away your life like that, not when I tried with all my might to save it. You owe me, Severus Snape! Only a coward would prefer to die that way, pining himself away for a stupid witch who isn't worthy of his affection, who'd never understood him at all. You can't possibly believe she'd changed her attitude towards you only because she died, and I want you to come back to me. Do you listen, Severus? I want you to come back! I miss my friend! You're killing me and I swear I will kill you if you don't come back. Do I make myself clear?"

Apparently not, because there was still no reaction. I was so exhausted after my little tirade, after- well, let's put things straight- breaking up with Sirius… there was no way back. My eyes were heavy from crying so much, crying over Severus, and also crying over Sirius; and when I thought I had no more tears left, I astonished myself with how much I was still able to shed, until eventually I fell asleep, clinging on to his hand, feeling totally spent, worn out…

I had no idea for how long I had slept, but the room was dark when I woke up, startled by a whispering.

"Raven…"

"Sev!" Instantly I was wide awake and hurried to lighten the room with a flick of my wand so I could get a good glimpse at him, making sure it hadn't been a dream but that I had actually heard his voice whispering my name. I needed to see the evidence that apparently all my silent prayers and louder ramblings hadn't been totally lost on him, that he'd finally come back to me. And again my eyes were full when I glanced at him, his face as pale as usual, standing out in stark contrast with his black orbs looking at me, a little dazed perhaps, but nevertheless his eyes were open, looking at me.

"Oh Sev… finally! I though I… however- how are you?" I stammered, knowing I was probably behaving like an idiot now. Did it matter? No, not really. I was just so glad he had finally woken up and that I could gaze into is face, his eyes, seeing the tiny little sparkle in them as his lips twitched slightly.

"My arm is numb," he rasped hoarsely, flashing me an almost smile.

"What?" I gasped and lifted my head to figure out what might have happened to his arm, when I realized I had fallen asleep on it, clutching his hand. Immediately I let go of it, blushing awkwardly. "Oh… "

On the other hand this was so typically Severus that I wanted to laugh out loud, and happily, because he was alive, awake, back.

His black eyes were still lingering on me, not leaving my face as he made an effort to speak, swallowing hard because his throat was so dried out after a week of magical sleep. I reacted at once and reached for the pincher of water that was standing at the bedside table, pouring a glass for him. Piling up some pillows I helped him to a sitting position and held the glass to his lips for him to drink. He gulped greedily, not at all protesting against being treated as if he was weak, helpless, although I knew how much he usually hated that. He seemed to accept, even approve of my care.

"What happened?" He asked me then, after he'd drunk some more water. His voice sounded much better now and less as if he'd just eaten some barbed wire.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and smoothed an unruly strand of black hair out of his face, longing for proximity, being close to him, before I filled him in with the most important facts; Harry Potter had defeated Tom Riddle; Lord Voldemort wasn't anymore.

Instinctively, Severus raised his left arm and studied the spot where the Dark Mark had been burned into his flesh like a poorly done tattoo. It was gone now, his skin as impeccable pure and unsoiled as a newborn's. I could see him struggling at the verge of tears. "So it's over now? Is it finally over?"

"It is. Voldemort is definitely dead for good," I assured him but to my surprise he didn't seem to take the news with enthusiasm, and for the fraction of a second his eyes stared at me in wild fear before he managed to compose himself again.

"I don't want to end up in Azkaban," he whispered.

"What makes you think of Azkaban now?"

"I killed Dumbledore."

"On his demand, his wish… everyone knows that by now. Harry let it slip while verbally duelling Voldemort," I said, and I told him all the small details. "You're a hero, Sev, a celebrity…"

"Azkaban sounds really tempting," he groaned, sounding truly scandalized.

"You'll be rewarded with the Order of Merlin, First Class, for exceptional bravery," I offered, and a wry smile flittered over his features but it faded all too soon when he noticed the pile of get-well cards of people he didn't even know, interview requests, job offers… I had to elbow him slightly before he could admit himself to Azkaban just to get away from this madness. "Hey, I didn't save your life to let you think like that now. You could as well go on holiday for a while, at least until the first wave of hype has ebbed."

He heaved a sigh. "And I thought Potter thanking me for keeping his brat safe was the weirdest thing that could ever happen to me- I understand now why you called that place Absurdistan but apparently Absurdistan is everywhere…"

I had to fight back another flood of tears threatening to overwhelm me; I didn't want- I didn't have the _**strength**_- to hear about Lily now, or how hard it had been for him to leave her again. I even feared he might bear a grudge against me for having saved his life at all, when he seemed to think that Azkaban had a promising ring. I couldn't bear it any longer.

I kissed him on the mouth.

"I love you," I said, and then I walked away.

* * *

a/n: I could end the story here- after all, Voldemort is dead- or I could carry on. It depends on you now. It's quite easy actually... you only have to hit the little button and leave a review. Any feedback is welcome.


	33. Obsidian

WARNING: contains some mature stuff

33- Obsidian

_3 weeks later, Siem Reap, Cambodia_

I was trudging through the jungle, each step a struggle with the ankle-deep mud that released my boots only with a sucking sound of protest. It was hot, and the air was filled with so much humidity that you wished for a machete to cut through it in order to get a fresh breeze. Even without making a single move you would soon be dripping with sweat, your clothes glued to your skin. It didn't matter though- when you're covered with green demon blood and stinking Inferi slime you just don't give a damn about a bit of sweat. Fortunately the large swarms of mosquitoes that were on the raid for blood didn't seem to like mine or they would have eaten me alive. No, this was decidedly not a paradise, and I was quite immune to the stunning architecture of the ruins I was approaching now as I left the jungle behind. Hidden between trees, undiscovered for decades until recently, were the ancient temples of Angkor Wat. Trees had grown atop some of the ruins, roots reaching over stones to the grounds like molten cheese. It looked picturesque in a bizarre way, but after having spent three days and nights in the jungle I had grown a bit tired of trees in general. I longed for a shower and the luxury of an air-conditioned hotel room.

I had left Wizarding Britain the day I had dumped the man who loved me in favour for the one I loved, but who would probably never return my feelings. I had left broken hearts behind, including my own. I had left a handsome, charming man like Sirius Black, refusing his request to marry him, and I had fled to my mum right after telling Severus Snape that I loved him. I hadn't waited for his reply- it would have been much too painful to hear him say he still loved Lily, that he still pined for her no matter how long ago she died. Maybe I was a coward. Running away was never a solution but merely a delay of the inevitable. I knew that. Yes, and I would return to deal with my issues. I would apologize to Sirius for not loving him enough, and I would apologize to Severus for loving him too much, hoping I hadn't ruined our friendship with my confession.

But for the moment being I just wanted to carry on with my life the way it had been before that fateful night almost three years ago, when Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody- Merlin bless his soul- had sent me an owl, inviting me to join the Order of the Phoenix and fight Lord Voldemort. And although the Dark Lord was gone, defeated, that didn't mean there was no use for freelance Aurors anymore, because as long as there was magic in the world there would always be wizards and witches trying to abuse its powers. As long as there was magic there would always be someone dabbling dangerously with the Dark Arts. As long as there were Muggles and wizarding folk you could be dead-certain that some of my kind would feel superior to those without magic and try to dominate over them, no matter if the wizarding world was slightly antiquated in my eyes. But then again there weren't many wizards or witches who actually managed the balancing act of living in two worlds…

To cut it short, licking my wounds in Majorca, brooding over things that had happened, hadn't done me any good, so I had contacted Kingsley in need of an assignment… anything to stop me from dwelling in my own, self-imposed misery. He had told me of an enquiry the South-East Asian Ministry of Magic in Bangkok had approached him with, concerning a report of a large number of tourists that had gone missing in the jungles of Angkor Wat recently, and that there were rumours a horrible demon might have killed them. That's what I had came here for.

And indeed, it was true. Tourists had been killed and turned into Inferi, animated corpses that followed the bidding of Dark Wizards. They had been guarded by a gruesome Asian demon.

When I left the jungle now and mounted my Harley where I had left it three days ago, I was well aware of the fact that having managed to kill the demon and destroy the little army of Inferi had only been like catching the small fishes while the big bad shark was still somewhere out there. Most likely a Death Eater, one of the few that had had the wits to flee abroad after Voldemort's fall… Someone who was still so presumptuous enough to believe in his ideals, infested with his sick ideas. I'd go hunting him tomorrow since after having spent three days and nights in the jungle, fighting, I believed in a well-deserved break. At least for one night.

I reached the hotel about half an hour later; people were staring at me when I crossed the lobby, dirty, blood-stained and battle-worn. Usually I'd check into a cheap guest house when I was on one of my assignments, not wanting to raise my employers' expense accounting to the extreme by giving in to my standard of luxury. This time, however, I had chosen a little luxury over just a plain bed to sleep in. Therefore I was residing in a comfortable bungalow, set in the tropical garden at the banks of the small river flowing through Siem Reap.

I unlocked the door and was welcomed with the fresh breeze of the air-condition, rattling noisily. Not loud enough though to not hear the soft, waspish voice taunting me.

"Ever so good at running away… are you, Lestrange?"

I stared open mouthed at the man sitting in the darkest corner of the room, dressed all in black, and my heart was beating faster.

Severus Snape.

"Oh," I gasped, knowing that was probably not the most intelligent I could say. Then, to make it even worse, I stammered, "Sev… what… how are you?"

"I'm not here for small talk. I do wonder though, and I keep wondering ever since you left me, what made you tell me you love me and then…"

"No," I said, cutting him off. "I'm sweaty and slimy with grime and demon blood- I won't have this conversation before I have taken a shower."

He scowled at me but a little sparkle in his eyes betrayed him. I turned on my heels and sped to the bathroom. I needed a shower, a really cold shower… anything to clear my mind. As the water was pouring down on me I thought that maybe I was hallucinating… it couldn't possibly be that Severus was here. How had he managed to find me? What had made him travel around half the world and turn up in my bungalow in Siem Reap? I wanted answers although I feared to hear them.

I Summoned clean clothes from the bedroom and quickly got dressed, then I returned to the sitting room where Severus was waiting for me. He shot me an approving glance, probably not complimenting my looks but the fact that I hadn't spent an eternity in the bathroom.

"So, why did you run away without giving me a chance to reply?" He asked promptly and he crossed the distance to stand face to face with me.

"I feared…" The lump in my throat was almost suffocating me. "I didn't want to hear that I'm not Lily…"

"But you _**are not**_ Lily. You're the bane of my existence and if you had given me the chance I would have told you that I love you."

I stared at him, not believing my own ears. "But… but… I'm not Lily and…"

"I believe we already covered that." He reached out and touched my cheek; my skin felt as if it was on fire, and my heart was beating so fast and so loud I thought he must hear it. His lips brushed mine ever so slightly, they were soft and warm, and the sensation they caused turned my knees to jelly. My legs were about to give way but then his arm came circling around my waist, pulling me closer. Our eyes locked and I understood that this time he would not break the kiss if it became passionate, that our friendship had grown into something greater, something I had always longed for. I flung my arms around him as his mouth claimed mine for a kiss. The swarm of butterflies in my stomach fluttered their wings and exploded in fireworks of heat. There were no words to describe the overwhelming feeling of tasting him, the most sensual dance of our tongues; I've never been kissed like that before. He deepened the kiss and I just clung onto him as if I was drowning, so close to him that I could feel every inch of his thin body pressed into mine.

Eventually we broke the kiss to look into each others eyes again. He was smiling at me, probably the first real smile for what seemed to be ages, and it was the most wonderful thing I ever saw. I peppered little kisses all over his smiling lips, feeling breathless and strangely light-hearted.

"I love you," I whispered, and his grip around my waist tightened. With his free hand he cupped my face, caressing my cheek.

"I won't let you run away again."

"There's no reason to run this time."

He kissed me again, with the same devotion and passion as before. Usually, in a situation like this, I would drag the guy straight to the bedroom, but today- maybe for the first time in my life- I didn't want to rush things. It didn't seem… _appropriate_… Although I wanted him, desired to be close to him, I couldn't forget the fact that we were also friends, and it felt wrong to me to reduce the aspect of friendship in our new relationship for the mere sake of physical relief. There were still so many things I wanted to ask him, not able yet to accept all that's happening as true, as if I was living a dream and feared to wake up with a big boom! and the bubble would burst.

"That won't happen," Severus assured me as though he could read my mind. And probably that was true because there was indeed a very special bond between us. I had realized that when brooding over the fact that I had seen the scene in the Shrieking Shack in my mind's eye while all the same watching it from his eyes. Something like that was rarely common in the wizarding world.

"Why don't we go for a walk and talk?" I suggested, and he agreed.

We left the hotel and headed for the river. There was a path that led along the riverbank, lined with trees. I had already forgotten that I've seen enough trees those last three days, and actually I didn't pay much attention to their trunks and branches, twigs and leaves, as I eyed Severus with curious interest. He looked slightly _different_ today, although it took me a while to figure out that it wasn't only the smile that wouldn't leave his face as we walked along in companionable silence, but also the clothes he was wearing. I had never seen him dressed that casually before. Of course he was dressed all in black as usual, but his shirt wasn't buttoned up so tightly and he had left his billowing travelling robes in the hotel.

"So how did you find me?" I asked.

"Your dear mother was very supportive."

"Ah, so once again she's sided with you against me."

"Against you? Pardon me, but I almost get the impression you'd rather not had me travel around the world just to see you…"

"Don't be silly, Sev," Tentatively I reached for his hand. I knew he was a private person who didn't endorse displaying affection in public, but now he let me take his hand in mine to give it a reassuring squeeze. "Of course I'm happy you're here. I missed you."

"Not running away would have been the most logical consequence in favour for not missing me," he said with a mocking smile.

"I told you why I left. Damned, I was worried sick about you for a whole week, I had just broken up with Sirius- I couldn't have endured your rejection. To me the only possible course was to leave… I tend to give a damn about logic when emotions are involved. And," I looked up to meet his gaze, so dark and yet so soft, "you already broke my heart once when you sent me away. The weeks before the final battle had been horrible…"I

"There was no other option. Don't believe it was easy for me but you provoked the Dark Lord and I didn't want to lose you to his vengeful rage. I meant to keep you safe."

I sighed. If I was honest with myself I had known it all along; I should have listened to my heart instead of sulking, feeling rejected and living in denial. "I'm so glad you're here," I said at long last.

"Which leads to the question why you are here. One might think that after months of war you would be tired of fighting and risking your life- but no, you can't seem to wait looking for trouble again."

"Well, there's no better remedy for lovesickness than kicking asses."

He smiled slyly. "Now that sounds like typical Gryffindor attitude. I guess the Sorting Hat must have had it hard with you."

I laughed. We talked about my assignment then as we crossed a bridge to the other side of the river where it was decidedly noisier. Armadas of motor scooters were rumbling through the streets; there was a busy hustle and bustle at the nearby nightmarket. I noticed that Severus wasn't feeling particularly well amongst so many Muggles but in the end his curiosity got the better of him. His eyes darted over the stands and the many odd things that were on sale, dead or alive. He watched in fascination when he saw a huge frog being butchered to end up in the wok.

"These Muggles seem to eat all the things we only use as potion ingredients," he concluded, and bought a small paper-bag full of fried and spiced insects from one of the stalls. We tried them, they were actually tasty- but probably that was just the chilli. Then he spotted a tiny apothecary at the road across the market; its shop window crammed with jars just like the one in Diagon Alley.

"Tarantula eggs! You get then only rarely in Knockturn Alley and if so they are extremely expensive…"

"That might be because their use is banned by the Ministry."

"Fools!" Severus snapped and dragged me into the shop. "Just because they are used in certain Dark and illegal potions doesn't mean you can only use them in Dark and illegal potions, those dunderheads at the Ministry should know that."

It was so good to see him as thrilled as a little boy on Christmas when he roamed through the many rows of shelves, the shop a paradise for potion freaks. Most of the things were used in Chinese medicine while others were definitely magical ingredients. And the withered old shopkeeper surprised us when he told us in broken English that he accepted Dollars, Riel, or Galleons. So apparently the wizarding world blended in quite nicely with the Muggle world here.

Packed with two large bags full of potion ingredients that were either hard to get or too expensive at home, most of them not Ministry approved, we left the apothecary and walked around for a little longer before we finally sat down at one of the makeshift food stalls. I ordered a variety of dishes.

"What made you change your mind about me?" I asked after a while.

He shot me a quizzical glance and took a sip of watermelon juice. "I never changed my mind. I always thought you quite a bit insufferable betimes."

I scowled at him. "You know what I'm talking about."

His lips twitched slightly, then he sighed. "And you are annoyingly persistent. Do you remember what I told you once? I told you that in another life I could love you. Well, you obviously saved my life and it feels like I've been given the chance to have a new life."

"With me?" I breathed almost inaudible.

He just gazed at me with his incredible black eyes; eyes I have always adored, mysterious dark pools. I wanted so much to touch him, to kiss him again. I knew we'd have the rest of our lives for that but I had waited so fucking long for him to finally recognize me… ah well, and he kissed so absolutely breathtakingly wonderful…

"We should go back to the hotel," he said, figuring me out, and the yearning in his voice made me shiver with anticipation. Unfortunately we couldn't Disapparate in a crowd of Muggles.

We left the crowed streets around the nightmarket, walking hand in hand. Then, all of a sudden, a heavy monsoon shower came pouring down and the people that had crowded the streets were running to seek cover. So did we. Severus led me to a small alleyway where a balcony would provide shelter from the torrential downpour. I snuggled up to him when he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, casting a charm that would keep us dry. He smiled at me- I thought he looked very attractive when he smiled; it softened the harsh lines etched into his face, the result of many years of misery, and his eyes twinkled. I desperately longed to kiss him.

Severus craned his neck and glance over his shoulders to see if the coast was clear. Apparently it was because he pulled me closer, his face only inches from mine. I inhaled his scent, it was almost intoxicating, and maybe I shouldn't feel like that about my best friend, but my best friend was also the man I loved.

He kissed me softly, the tip of his tongue sliding over my lips in a silent plea for entrance, which I granted him all to willingly. He tasted sweet, of watermelon juice, and a more distinguished taste that was just his very own. It felt so very right, so very good… we both wanted more. Since the streets were almost deserted now he took advantage of the situation and Apparated us straight to my bungalow…

… and suddenly I was feeling very nervous, like a teenager in eager anticipation and yet fear of her first time. This was ridiculous since between the two of us I was probably the one with the more sexual experience; I'd already made my way through the beds of many rock stars. Maybe it was just because until today he had never indicated that he liked me more than just as a friend, he'd never even flirted with me, and now we were about to end up in bed together.

_What if he only sees you as a substitute for Lily, because he very obviously can't have her?_ a little demonic voice in my head nagged me, while my heart told me he loved me and my body yearned for him.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" I asked and pointed at the bottle that was standing at the table.

"A glass of wine would be agreeable," Severus decided, his black eyes not leaving me as I bustled around the room to fetch a corkscrew, two glasses… busying myself with trivialities I could have done much quicker and easier had I used magic.

Finally I poured us two glasses and, handing him one, sat down next to him on the rattan sofa. The rattling of the air-condition was maddeningly.

"When did I give you the impression my feeling for you are not sincere?"

"What?" I almost spilled my wine, having clearly forgotten how well he could figure me out. I blushed. It hadn't been my intention to give him the impression I wouldn't want him or even considered rejecting him only because I was a bit hesitant. After all, it didn't happen every day that the secret love of your life confronts you with the fact he loves you too- I should be tearing off his clothes now instead of staring like hypnotised into the sloshing contents of my glass.

"If you feel it's going too fast I will apologize for having put pressure on you; I just thought… well, obviously I'm not very good at all these… emotional affairs…"

I dropped my glass, not caring that it crashed and all the wine was spilled on the floor, as I flung my arms around Severus with a stifled sob. "No," I muttered, placing kisses all over his face, "you know I love you, and there's nothing more in the world that I'd rather want than to be with you."

He seemed to sense what it was that was keeping me, making me unusually hesitant. To dispel all my doubts and worries he gently cupped my face in his hands and said, "Look at me."

I glanced into his black orbs and was losing myself in them. He let his guards down- he hadn't been much in control of them today anyway- and a flood of images was reeling in front of my mind's eye, whirling in a blur of colours first, but as this strange bond between us established itself they became more concrete. It wasn't like using Legilimency and it wasn't like seeing things in a pensieve either, for when you stepped into a pensieve you saw memories from an objective point of view and not mingled with emotions.

_'You were gone… GONE. Just like her…'_

_'…in another life I could love you…'_

Next I felt anger, a strong refusal to accept the things I had said about Lily… but all the same wondering if mayhap I was right, a nagging feeling, pushed away.

The images grew more vivid now and so did the emotions…

_My heart's beating faster… her lips lingering on mine for a bit longer than appropriate… I can't sleep, tossing and turning because of that sweet chocolate kiss and the feeling I'm betraying Lily…_

The scene changed and I was standing in Malfoy Manor again, facing the Dark Lord. I remembered the pain of many Cruciatus Curses though it felt different now that it wasn't my own pain.

…_No! I have to stop HIM, no matter the consequences. Never again will I let him destroy someone I love… damn her stubborn defiance but she's wonderful… and so annoyingly Gryffindor… her curse hit me like a bolt out of the blue- I would have never expected… a cunning way to stop me, showing some Slytherin colours at last…_

_The Shrieking Shack… I had almost died here once and I would die here now, that was certain…He simply doesn't understand anything about the Elder Wand. I don't care if I die, if only I could see her one last time… Raven…_

_Miracles do happen. She's here, she's crying… _

_"Severus Snape, don't __**dare**__ to die on me."_

_Green eyes dragging me away from her, I wished I could promise to come back… Green. Sunlight falls through the leaves of the trees, I hear the sound of the river. I know this place! I'm at our favourite place at the riverbanks, looking around awkwardly as finally __**she**__ approaches me, her hair so red, her eyes so green- just like I had memorized it all those lonely years without her. My heart is aching for her…_

_'Please forgive me.' So many times I have begged for her forgiveness in vain and now she finally smiles at me._

_'I have long forgiven you, Sev.'_

_For years I have longed to hear her say my name like only she could, and now it doesn't sound right; it doesn't sound like…_

_'Thank you so much for keeping my son safe.'_

_POTTER! She has dared to bring POTTER to __**OUR**__ place!_ I'm just so sick of you being so fixated on Lily as if she had been a better friend to you than I was. Because she wasn't, _I hear Raven rambling again and probably she's right. I look at Lily and know that my love for her would always be unrequited. Strangely it doesn't hurt as much as I expected._

_'Raven mentioned you loved me. Is that true?'_

_'I loved you once, so much that the pain about your death almost killed me and I wanted to live no longer. For you my life was a self-imposed course of seeking redemption as I tried to keep your boy safe, for you. Always and ever for you. I gave up my life for the protection of your son, and all those years I thought that I deserved no happiness if it wasn't you who gave me happiness. I would have done anything for you if only you had given me a chance. But now that you brought __**him**__ to __**OUR **__place I can finally let go of you. Goodbye, Lily. You'll always be in my heart but I want a life. I want to go back to Raven now.'_

A surge of emotions washed over me when finally I realized that his sudden interest in me wasn't a mere swing of mood, that his feelings for me had been growing stronger for quite a while already, but he hadn't allowed himself to give in to them as long as his life-task wasn't completed. Now that Voldemort was gone, Severus had been given the chance to start anew and he seemed to want me being part of his new life. Let someone else watch over Harry's follies from now on.

"I can't believe it took you a whole bloody week to say these words to Lily," I quipped, smiling through tears that were filling my eyes. Of course I knew that the clocks ticked differently in Absurdistan, he wouldn't have to remind me of that. So, to avoid any lecturing, I took his face in my hands and kissed him.

His lips yielded to mine and he deepened the kiss, pulling me closer to him. This time we wouldn't stop.

Somehow me managed it to the bedroom without breaking our kiss, tumbling towards the bed. With a flick of his wand he lit some candles and closed the thin curtain of the mosquito net around us. I let out a surprised gasp when I noticed the candles. Who would have thought that the severe Potions Master was a romantic at heart?

He carelessly dropped his wand and we continued without any magic. Of course there would have been ways to magically get rid off our clothes but that would have only robbed us of the joy of undressing each other, kissing and caressing newly exposed skin. I thought he wasn't playing fair though, when I was already in my underwear while I had barely managed to unbutton his shirt halfway down. An amused grin curled up his lips as he glanced at the sweet nothing of lacy lingerie not covering but accentuating my body- probably he thought me a flossy little dazzler. However, the sparkle of need in his eyes betrayed him and his hands trailed up my back to open the clasp of my bra.

_Oh no_! it was my turn now. I grabbed his arms and pushed him backwards, landing on top of him. He gasped with surprise and arousal. Then, there suddenly was a moment of shyness on his part when I stripped him and he seemed to wish he hadn't lit all those candles for he was insecure, feeling imperfect. He'd never had a high opinion of himself when it came to his physical appearance, believing it part of the reason why Lily had chosen a brawny Quidditch champion over him. But I wasn't Lily, and he wasn't the lanky teenage boy anymore. Although he was still very lean and slender I noticed flat muscles running under his pale, alabaster skin as my hands grazed admiringly over his chest; he reminded me of marble statues of ancient Greek gods… only he felt so much warmer and the touch made my fingers prickle… I became aware of his erection pressed against my thigh with merely a thin layer of lace between us, and my desire for him grew to new heights.

Meanwhile Severus' sneaky fingers had found the clasp of my bra again and released my breasts of their lacy confinement, then he flipped me over, caressing them gently. But I wasn't in the mood for seduction, and his heavy breathing told me he was controlling himself hard to not rush things. I took one of his hands in mine and moved it determinately down my stomach to the thin straps of my G-string. The gesture was more than obvious.

"Please…" I begged him. I craved so badly to feel him inside me that it was unbearable, almost painful, to wait any longer. "Now…"

With long, skilful fingers he removed to last piece of fabric that was still between us. His black eyes bore into mine, locking glances with me. He slid inside me, finding me more than ready for him as he filled me inch after delicious inch until he was sheathed to the hilt in me. Any other guy would have begun, then, but Severus waited, apparently savouring the feeling of my muscles contradicting around him. I moaned wantonly, whispering his name. He stared at me in what I could only describe as enraptured adoration before he finally started moving inside me, tormentingly slow. Pushing me closer and closer to the edge with each of his slow, deep thrusts… so close, always so close… but not allowing me to cross the line. All the time his eyes were never leaving mine, all of our guards so completely down, our minds, our souls as exposed and stripped bare as our naked bodies. He took pride in what he was doing to me.

"Sev, please…" With a frustrated howl I dug my nails in his back, urging him to end this exquisite torture, but he just smiled slyly at me. The tip of his tongue teased my lips until I parted them, then he let his tongue slide along mine in a silent invitation for sensual dance. He was killing me softly.

I had long given up trying to figure out where I ended and he begun; I was inside him like he was within me, we were one and yet two, and I would die here in his arms if he'd denied me finding relief much longer. I was writhing, quivering, begging him, totally at his mercy until finally he had mercy on me. It wasn't like anything I had ever experienced before. The tension had just reached a new height when a surge of blinding white light washed over me and carried me away. I was falling… no, I was flying, as spasms of utter bliss shook my whole body with an intensity I had no words for…

Severus paused, gazing at me stunned with awe. His eyes were still locked with mine and I knew he had experienced the same overwhelming feeling; his body was trembling just like mine. Then, as if a dam was breaking all his self-control seemed to crumble and he began thrusting into me again, this time with an almost desperate determination. It shook me anew and when he felt the ripples of my pleasure contracting around him he couldn't restrain himself any longer. For the first time in my life I got a notion of what the orgasm of a man was like, the moment he emptied himself into me… in some way it resembled my own but then again it was so different… it reminded me of a phoenix dying and rising from the ashes.

He collapsed upon me but, not wanting to burden me with his weight, rolled off of me and gathered me in his arms. We were lying breathless for a while, our legs entwined… both of us slick with sweat and the passion we'd shared. It was hot in the room; tropical nights always were even without all those candles burning, and yet neither of us would let go of the other one.

Eventually our breathing became more steady and our heartbeats slowed down again, beating in a matching rhythm now.

"I never thought it could be like that," Severus whispered, "so… so…" And then he was at a loss.

"So?" I asked teasingly, glancing at him. His cheeks were still flushed and his hair hung damp in his face like tiny black serpents glued to his skin. I smoothed them out of his face, realizing his eyes were so full of love it made my heart ache for him. Gently I kissed his lips.

"…so magical… in an almost spiritual way…"

"Spiritual?" Of course Severus Snape would never say he'd just had the best screw of his life- I didn't even know if he'd ever had a sex life before- but come to think about it he was right. Because of that strange bond between us it had been more than just a physical encounter, there had been some sort of spiritual energy indeed.

He saw that silent question in my eyes; I wouldn't dare to ask him for it was probably much too private, although I was definitely curious. Severus sighed, his hand trailing down my spine. "I believe it is not possible to keep secrets from you anymore, so what do you want to know?"

I blushed. "You said, you never thought it could be like that…"

"Yes, it is different, so much more intense, when love is involved. Of course I am not completely ignorant of physical interactions. There have been women in my life, meaningless women… I was young and I had needs, and there were always some willing wenches around those days. They thought it a privilege to bed someone who was in the Dark Lords inner circle…"

"Wait!" I cut him off, "Are you trying to tell me there were Death Eater groupies?"

Severus smirked at my choice of words. "If you want to call them that, then the answer is yes. Not all the pureblood families are as rich as the Malfoys or the Blacks, and many a poor family wanted their daughter to marry someone who would be in high power once the Dark Lord had finally taken over..." He fell silent for a moment before he continued. "I'm not proud of having taken advantage of them, but I've been so angry then… Lily got betrothed to Potter and I believed that distracting myself with other women would numb the pain. It didn't really work. It was never- it will never be like it is with you."

I couldn't help it, my eyes were so full that I started crying again. Severus was feeling a bit overtaxed. "Oh please, Lestrange, what have I done to deserve another flood of tears? I never thought you to be a crybaby but recently…"

"I love you so, Sev."

"Yes, I understand. That is decidedly a reason to feel desperate about. There aren't many people who would admit they _like_ me and an even greater number would rather commit suicide than getting too close to me…"

"I'm crying because I'm so happy with you, you idiot. And now snog me, silly."

So he did, rendering me breathless once again. For the fraction of a second I thought his eyes were moist, too.

"Dear Merlin, where did you learn to kiss like that? I'll kill her!"

A slow smirk flickered over his features. "Don't commit suicide, my dear, because it was you who taught me the very first time my clumsy lips claimed yours, and I'm still practicing…"

"Clumsy? No, definitely not… but just don't stop… _practicing_…" I managed to mumble, whispering into his smiling mouth as his lips claimed mine again for yet another lesson in kissing. I gave him an 'O' for outstanding.

What seemed to be an eternity later I raised my head to glance at him, and for the first time since I knew him he looked perfectly happy. It suited him well. There was a sparkle in his eyes the way his black orbs reflected the candlelight as if a hidden fire was burning in him. I reminded me of…

"Obsidian."

"Obsidian?" He asked with a slight frown, not knowing what I was about.

"Your eyes, Sev. I always adored your eyes since I've never seen orbs so perfectly black… but all the time I couldn't think of the most perfect word to describe them…"

"Why not try it with cold, dark pools? I heard people whisper that behind my back, fearing to look me in the eye."

"Fools! Your eyes are absolutely amazing and I could spend a lifetime just staring into them; they're not cold at all. They're like… well, like obsidian, petrified lava… and like obsidian they might look cold as stone at first glance but you could tell of a fire burning beneath the surface…"

"Nonsense- I think you see too much in me. Your view is clouded with a love I clearly don't deserve and you persistently try to ignore all the horrible things I've done in my life."

"I don't," I objected, and I pinned him down on the bed to cover his face with kisses as if I could kiss all his worries away. "I love you for what you are, with all your flaws and rough edges- you really should know that by now."

He stared at me in silence for a while, adoration in his eyes, and all the same his brows furrowed in astonishment as he marvelled over the lucky circumstances that I was actually capable of loving him in spite of his dark past. I snuggled up closer to him, enjoying the warmth of his body in spite of the sultry heat, and eventually we fell asleep.

Although I was exhausted after having spent three days in the jungle, fighting Inferi and a demon, let alone the overwhelming experience of making love with my best friend, the love of my life, I didn't sleep very long. Maybe I only woke up to make sure I hadn't been dreaming, that Severus was really here, lying in the bed with me.

The candles had long burned down and yet it wasn't dark in the room; sunlight fell in through the window, bathing us in a golden light. My head was rested on his chest, my arms sprawled all over his torso, our legs were still entwined. It wasn't a dream. His heartbeat was pounding in my ear, still matching the rhythm of my own. Life was perfect; I fell asleep again.

The next time I awoke I saw him smiling at me.

"Hello…" I rasped, clearing my throat.

"Hello, " he said as he bent his head to kiss my forehead, "did you sleep well?"

I stifled a yawn. "Yeah, I… have I already told you today how much I love you?"

He kissed me, looking just as perfectly happy as the night before. Life would have been perfect if not for the bloody assignment I had accepted- I still had to find the Death Eater responsible for the murder of innocent tourists… but maybe I could postpone that until tomorrow… unless Severus had some urgent obligations to comply to, that is.

"How long can you stay?" I asked him, a hint of seductiveness in my voice, as I let my fingers trail over his chest, enjoying the sensation that just touching him caused me.

"I must honestly admit that I made no further plans concerning my future than finding you. I was busy trying to escape Rita Skeeter and others of her plague…"

"So if you're in no hurry to return we could spend this day in bed, right?"

"That is a decadent idea."

"Is it?" My mouth followed the curve of his neck, kissing and nibbling. A soft moan escaped his lips as he surrendered to my caress.

Then, all of a sudden, there was a loud bang! I jerked up my head just in time to see a jet of red light...

* * *

Yes, I'm evil. Flames please. Of course you can also leave a review...


	34. A Long Day

34- A Long Day

"Protego!"

Severus turned from purring to acting in a flash as he aimed his wand- he must have kept it under his pillow- over my shoulder at the black robed guy that came storming in the bedroom. But even though he reacted quickly I felt the curse hit me in the back and I collapsed onto his chest.

"Filthy half-blood bitch! Do you really believe you can stop me? One dark lord is gone but another will rise-" the black robed guy was shouting while entering the room, then he noticed Severus and his face was suddenly contorted with blind hatred. "_**YOU**_! You bloody traitor, you disgrace of the wizarding race! I will kill you and your filthy little whore."

"I don't think so," Severus said silkily; he pushed me aside and rose to fire a series of spells against the intruder. The first one I didn't know but it blindfolded his opponent, _Expelliarmus_ made the wand soar out of his hands; it fell clattering to the floor. _Incarcerous_ conjured up ropes to bind him and finally _Levicorpus_ sent him dangling upside down in the air like a nicely tied up package that only had to be delivered at the Ministry.

"Wow," I said when the effect of the Stunning Spell was wearing off of me. "That was brilliant."

"You alright?" He asked brusquely although I sensed a soft and worried undertone in his voice. Quickly he put on his trousers.

_No_, I thought for I had wanted to start the day with seducing him and not getting interrupted by a bloody Death Eater storming into the bedroom, firing curses at me; I hated it when someone ruined the mood in such a rude way. Nevertheless I nodded. At least I hadn't suffered any harm.

"Why did you blindfold him first, before disarming him?"

Severus glanced down my naked form and considered it unnecessary to answer such a stupid question. The Death Eater hanging tied up above us was calling us names that could compete with Mum Black's shouting matches.

"You know him?" Another superfluous question since that was quite obvious; he constantly insulted Severus personally as if he held him alone responsible for Lord Voldemort's defeat.

"Yaxley. Yes, indeed. He always envied me my position at the Dark Lord's right side though I hadn't been aware he might be presumptuous enough to declare himself the new dark lord."

The name had a familiar ring to me. Wasn't he the guy George Weasley and the other boy had defeated in the battle at Hogwarts? How came he had escaped imprisonment?

"Obnoxious traitor! HE _honoured_ you! HE always thought you his most loyal servant! And you, you worthless scum of a double-crossing half-blood, you betrayed the trust HE had in you!"

"He trusted me so much he almost managed to kill me with all his _trust_." Severus commented dryly. "Raven, I want you to get dressed now."

Meanwhile I had finally found my own wand that I had carelessly dropped somewhere in the heat of our last night's encounter. I pointed it at Yaxley and thought, _Langlock_, so that his tongue would be glued to the top of his mouth and he couldn't get on my nerves with his infuriated ramblings any longer. Then I looked at Severus.

"Get dressed!" He snapped, buttoning up his shirt. "I cannot concentrate on what we are do to with Yaxley when you are so… naked."

I blushed; it wasn't the chaste way of blushing but rather the opposite, feeling proud that apparently he thought me pretty enough to break his concentration. But I did him the favour and put on a t-shirt before I kissed him briefly.

"Sev, you don't have to come up with any plan now because that's part of my job, and I've done it many times before. We will deliver him at the next responsible Ministry and they will take care of him- but since he's hanging there securely tied up, why don't we have breakfast first?"

Severus scowled as he walked me to the sitting room and therefore out of Yaxley's earshot, shooting me a livid glance.

"Lestrange, haven't you put up any wards around this place?"

"Of course, I have. I'm not an idiot, Sev…"

"I didn't say that."

"No, but…" Ah, now I understood what he was about. He wasn't questioning my skills but rather seemed to believe he might have underestimated Yaxley's skills for he had broken through my wards so easily. And apparently he had managed to vanish from under the eyes of several Aurors and other Ministry officials.

"He tends to take things personally when it comes to me; he envied me my position in the Dark Lord's ranks. I believe him dangerous."

"But he's also acting too rashly- or do you believe it was a wise move, storming into the bedroom of a trained Auror?"

"No, although you must admit that we were both quite vulnerable and he took us by surprise. We should have been more cautious. Please make sure to not drop your wand so carelessly the next time…"

"The next time you undress me?" I said teasingly.

Severus grumbled something unintelligible, his hair falling into his face like curtains.

"What did you say?"

"I want you to be more vigilant, Raven." There was concern in his eyes as he looked at me now, and his arm came snaking around my waist to pull me closer. I leaned my head against his shoulder and hugged him tightly.

"Don't worry, Sev. Moody indoctrinated his principle of _Constant_ _Vigilance _in my head and usually I keep to that. It's just… well, you took me quite by surprise when you showed up yesterday and… hm, I guess Moody never prepared me for anything like that…"

His lips curled up to a slow smile. "I guess so."

"Well then," I raised my head to glance at him, "since Yaxley literally surrendered himself, is blindfolded, neatly tied up, and hanging in the air, I'm opting for having breakfast now. What say you?"

Without waiting for his reply I picked up the receiver to call the room service.

"A cup of coffee will do."

While waiting for the room service we both took a shower, one of us always keeping a sharp eye on Yaxley, although he clearly wasn't in the position to be any threat to us. I had picked up his wand, thinking it was always better to be safe than sorry.

We had breakfast- not the large one in bed that I had longed for- and though Severus had said that a cup of coffee would do, he tucked in with quite a healthy appetite now, sharing scrambled eggs, toast and some fresh fruit with me. Meanwhile I told him about the usual procedure of handing over a delinquent to the Ministry, all the papers I would have to fill in (that was the part of my job I liked least), and that the wizarding prison of Southeast Asia was a particularly nasty one. Yaxley would be in good hands.

He listened to me with interest, especially when I told him of all the places I had already been to, and he seemed to regret that he had spent nearly all his life at Hogwarts. When we were young we had both wanted to travel the wizarding world but even more than that he had wanted to belong, to get recognition and respect for his talents… and, of course, he had wanted Lily Evans…. Which left me wondering how our lives would have been if _someone_ hadn't intercepted my letters to him, if we had managed to stay in touch… all the lost chances…

But I knew as well that there wouldn't have been a chance for us before, that he had had to live through a life of misery, mourning over Lily, being full of remorse and on an eternal quest for redemption, before he could finally recognize me and allow himself to get involved with me. If Voldemort hadn't been defeated, if Severus hadn't almost lost his life in trying to protect Lily's son, he would have never allowed himself the happiness that was shining in his eyes now when he kissed be briefly before we Apparated to Siem Reap's Official Portkey Office.

"Ah, Miss Lestrange," the little bald man working there greeted me with a bright smile that faded when he noticed Severus but lit up a mere instant later as he informed me with an even brighter smile that he would have to charge extra for further passengers using the Portkey to the Southeast Asian Ministry of Magic in Bangkok.

Severus just slammed the requested Galleon on his desk and we took off to Bangkok.

If I had thought we could get rid of Yaxley by simply dropping him at the Auror headquarters of the Southeast Asian Ministry, I was wrong. Probably I shouldn't have mentioned that he was a Death Eater because Mr Taksin, the head of the Auror department, went pale and told me with a polite smile he wasn't in charge of dealing with British criminal (as if Death Eaters were only a problem of wizarding Britain). He'd be much obliged if I could please take Yaxley where he belonged to. Of course he would arrange a free Portkey immediately.

I was slightly put off with his attitude, mainly because travelling by Portkey had always a nauseating effect on my stomach, and having to travel from Bangkok to London with a stopover in Istanbul didn't improve the increasing nausea. When we finally reached our destination and landed in the atrium of the Ministry of Magic in London, I was feeling so sick that my first impulse was to puke on the highly polished, dark wood floor. Severus shot me a worried glance but took a step backward when two members of the Hit Squad approached us. I gave them a short report and they promised they would see to it that Yaxley was going to be ferried to Azkaban right away, where he was supposed to wait for his trial.

Although it was still very early in the morning Kingsley Shacklebolt was already in his office. I wondered if he had ever had a full night of sleep since he had accepted the position of temporary Minister for Magic, because he looked kind of weary behind his façade of professionalism. He flashed me a warm, welcoming smile which took on a knowing impression when he noticed the man at my side.

"Raven! And Severus! Please sit down." Kingsley conjured up two comfortable looking armchairs, glancing over his desk at us. "So good to see you."

"Care to explain how it was possible to find Yaxley in Cambodia when he should be in Azkaban?" I growled at him. I admit I was a bit grumpy but that was no surprise given how this morning had started.

"I really have no idea," Kingsley said apologetic. "I remember George and Lee overthrowing him but he must have managed to escape during the cheering and celebrating that followed Voldemort's final defeat."

"It comes as a surprise to me that the Ministry actually managed to hold at least a few convicts given how laxly the situation was handled. Why not let them all escape since that would make the countless number of trials superfluous." Severus interjected silkily, clearly not approving to the Ministry's way of dealing with the Death Eaters.

While I filled out and signed what seemed to be an endless pile of papers I got to learn that he was expected to participate in all the coming trials against Death Eaters, functioning as main witness for the prosecution. He didn't seem to be very keen on it but apparently he had already given Kingsley his word.

"Don't worry," I told him, taking his hand in mine to give it a reassuring squeeze, " I happen to know a lawyer who…"

"I already met Sebastian- a very eager, intelligent man who looks uncannily like a Malfoy." Severus interrupted me. ""He even offered his assistance in case the Ministry might treat me unjustly."

"Ah, that's good." Until Sebastian made a reputation of his own he was my employee, and I had told him to defend Severus if necessary; I simply didn't trust the Ministry.

Kingsley rolled his eyes, probably cursing the day I had introduced Sebastian to him because my favourite lawyer had already managed to stir quite some trouble since he knew the wizarding law better than many members of the Wizengamot. He had actually worked on some reforms with Kingsley before I had left.

Now he looked from me to Severus and back. "So, how are you, Raven? And how came it you happened to meet Severus in- where have you been to? Cambodia?- although I asked him to not leave the country before the start of the trials?"

"Well, we had urgent personal affairs to discuss that couldn't be postponed any longer. Is that a problem for you, Kingsley?"

"No, no, not at all," he smiled, but a little frown remained.

"Is there anything I should know?"

When Kingsley hesitated, Severus answered my question.

"Nothing to worry about. It is just that some pureblood families are taking offence in the fact that I am not imprisoned while members of their families are. They believe I should prove my innocence in a trial first, refusing to believe the glorious stories Potter or the media are spreading about me. Of course, they would never dare to openly criticise the Golden Boy…" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"You really don't have to worry, Raven. Theirs is the mere opinion of only a very few people while the majority believes Severus is indeed a hero."

The _hero_ flinched slightly. I knew he was truly scandalized about having become a romantic hero overnight although he had always longed for a little respect. But seeing his face on the cover of _Witch_ _Weekly_ was a bit too much for him… let alone all the letters from single witches he had received.

"Oh, just try to be a little more agreeable, Severus. Get used to the fact that you will be awarded with the Order of the Merlin, First Class, once the trials are over."

Severus scowled, indicating that Kingsley could take the Order and shove wherever, clearly not giving a damn about it. "Are you done with the paperwork, Raven? I want to leave."

A great idea. I wanted to leave too- until I realized I had no place to go. Sam and Sebastian had taken over the lease of the Camden house from me and I just couldn't go back to the apartment I had lately shared with Sirius. What if he was there and I popped up with Severus? I really had to talk to him because he deserved an explanation, an apology- I owed him that- but not now, not today. All I wanted was to spend a few days with Sev, savouring the feeling that finally he was able to return the love I had for him. There was so much to talk about and I wondered what else had transpired during the last three weeks if he had already met Sebastian's acquaintance. But probably they had only met because he had been looking for me, and the familiar house in Camden was one of the places he had gone searching.

"We could go to your house," I suggested after leaving Kingsley's office.

"No!" Severus replied sharply, and I understood immediately that he wouldn't want to burden our relationship with all the bad memories Spinner's End held for him.

"Alright, so it's back to hotel life…"

"Listen, Raven; Nigella made me promise to return with you once you accomplished your assignment so I consider it appropriate to comply to her request."

"Ah," I said, stepping closer to him but restraining myself from kissing him in public- it was inconceivable what that would do to his reputation, especially since _Witch_ _Weekly_ had just announced him Wizard of the Month and second in the ranking of most desirable bachelors in wizarding Britain (in first place was, of course, Harry Potter); it would break the heart of many a fair witch if anyone saw us snogging. "As it seems my dear old mum has managed to wind you round her little finger."

He flashed me an indignant glance as if no one could wind him round a little finger, but I knew my dear old mum. In the end we agreed to visit her. Severus seemed to like her and the feeling was mutual... besides, there was still my own private tower where we could retreat to when my mum's motherly affection was getting too much.

-

"Hi Mum," I called as I stepped out of the fireplace, dusting ash off my clothes.

"Raven! Dear!", rang her surprised cry from the kitchen, and she came hurrying into the living room, almost stumbling over Tweety, who wanted to be the first to welcome me, while Batman was flapping excitedly around her head.

Dear Merlin, what had I done to deserve that? Severus would consider my family a bunch of nutters and abandon me at once, disappearing through the fireplace before anyone could pay heed to him. But too late, they had already spotted him.

"Severus, my dear boy, so good to see you back!"

I guessed he must really love me for he endured my mum hugging him and fussing over him without shrinking back; instead he let it happen with stoical calmness.

"Mum?" I cleared my throat; it was good to know that she liked him but she almost seemed to forget that I was there, too. Finally she let go of Severus and swept me in her arms.

"I'm so happy for you, my darling," Mum said as we were sitting under the pergola of yellow and orange bougainvillea blossoms, enjoying a light meal and a glass of refreshingly chilled white wine, "for both of you."

Then, all of a sudden, she rose and, looking at her watch, proclaimed that she was already late for a meeting with Eugenia at the market. I heard her start the engine of her motor scooter and couldn't help but wondering what day it was. Although I had travelled through many time zones today I was pretty sure that it was still Friday and that the market in Andratx was only on Wednesdays. Never mind- I glanced at Severus, smiling opportunistically.

"We're alone…"

"Finally," he breathed as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to give me a kiss. His lips tasted soft and pliable, and I yielded to them. He cupped my face in one hand and deepened the kiss, his eager tongue exploring me thoroughly. My fingers started working on the buttons of his shirt, longing to touch warm, naked skin. I wanted to continue where we had been interrupted earlier today but his hand caught my sneaky fingers and stopped them.

"I believe it would be convenient if you'd show me your private rooms now."

"I thought you'd never ask,"

We walked through the garden to my little tower, stopping ever so often so exchange a kiss. I loved the sparkle in his eyes when he glanced at me with affection and anticipation, smiling happily. It was good to see him so relaxed, that all the worries of the previous months had worn off and he looked more healthy now. I guessed he knew damned well what chance he had been given, that by saving his life I had also given him the opportunity to start a new life, leaving the old one of misery behind. He might believe he hadn't really deserved that as it had shown in his reaction towards Kingsley when the Order of Merlin had been mentioned, but I would prove him wrong. He had already paid enough for his poor choices and mistakes of his past, he had earned redemption. It was time to leave the past behind.

My living room was furnished in the same style as the rest of the finca; the floor was tiled in terracotta and covered with some rugs for cosiness in cold winters, the pieces of furniture were made of dark wood. Severus took a look at the books in the shelf on the wall, arching a disapproving brow at how randomly they were sorted. There was an old Defence against the Dark Arts schoolbook standing next to Grimm's fairytales, followed by _The Tales of Beetle the Bard_ and _The Lord of the Rings_ between _Advanced_ _Potions_ and _Dark Curses- how Dark are they?_

"I never really had the time or the leisure to get things in the right order here," I said, trying to make it sound apologetic since I knew he would never accept such a mess on his bookshelves. But I've been around the world most of the time in the last years, visiting my parents only occasionally and never staying long enough to actually settle here. I should have spent more time with them; I became almost painfully aware of when Severus glanced at the pictures on the mantelpiece. He took one into his hands- it showed my mum and dad, laughing together; he had wrapped an arm around her and was kissing her temple…

"They look so… _happy_… together," Severus mumbled, furrowing his brows as if this statement in itself was a problem he couldn't even begin to fathom.

"They **were** really happy together, and they loved each other very much." I told him, suddenly missing my dad. He would have loved to see me happy in love and he'd never given up hope that one day I would find my perfect match.

"But… I only met him once and he seemed to be a nice man… for a Muggle." He glanced at me and saw me frowning. "Please don't get me wrong now, Raven. I don't want to appear prejudiced or disrespect your memory of him, but why… I don't understand. I mean, most relationships between Muggles and wizards or witches are ill-fated… and yet he didn't seem to hate your mother for being a witch…"

I would have laughed if any other guy had said that, but he had sounded so serious while all the same insecure, and I knew _his_ family background. Unpleasant was a mild world to describe it, abusive was definitely more fitting. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him, understanding him. "Ah Sev, there are good and bad Muggles as well as there are good and bad wizarding folks, and maybe my dad was one of the few exceptions to the rule that mixed relationships always have to end up ill-fated. But he truly loved my mum, and he adored her for her skills, and he thought the whole wizarding world very exciting. The knowledge that there was real magic enriched his world instead of making him scared of it, and all the same he settled well with not being able to perform any real magic as long as he could bring a smile on the face of the audience and see the sparkle in children's eyes with his little tricks, he used to say."

"Apparently your father was a greater man than many I know," Severus whispered in my hair.

"He was," I broke our embrace, took a step backwards and held him at arm-length to look into his eyes. "He also used to say that the things you need in a well-functioning, loving relationship are respect, tolerance and faithfulness, and he actually thought it a privilege for me to grow up in both worlds, because both worlds have their very own advantages… you only have to make the best of it. So why don't we make the best of this afternoon, now?"

Trying hard to stop brooding over things he couldn't change anyway, he glanced at the spiral staircase leading upstairs, so I took his hand in mine and led the way.

To my immense relief I noticed that apparently Sirius must have been there to pick up his stuff because it would have been embarrassing to see his clothes spread all over the room in a way only Sirius Black was capable of. I remembered Tweety actually scowling at him once for his rare talent of being an even more untidy person than I was. But thanks to her everything was tidy and clean now; the little darling had changed the sheets, neatly arranged the pillows, and placed a vase with flowers on the bedside table. I noticed all that in the dim twilight of the room since she had also closed the shutters of the glass doors leading to the balcony in order to keep the heat outside. The room was pleasantly cool.

"This is my bedroom." I said stupidly and I was awarded with a sarcastic sneer for that remarkable comment

"Obviously..."

Before he could say that he would always identify a room with a bed in as bedroom or anything else just as smugly, I pushed him backwards with a heartily shove in the chest, making him stumble towards the bed. He fell on his back and I landed atop of him, smiling victoriously.

"What did you say about respect?" Severus made a feeble attempt to protest but the grin on his face betrayed his words.

"You have to respect my lustfulness." I smirked and kissed him before I continued to unbutton his shirt, my mouth following the trail of my fingers. He shivered with pleasure under my touch, enjoying the devotion I paid to his thin, pale form, probably marvelling why I enjoyed touching him so much. He clearly hadn't experienced much tenderness in his life, and he still had to learn to love himself more. I could only show him how precious he was to me.

"I think… I can tolerate your lustfulness…" he breathed, panting slightly when my mouth closed over one of his nipples, circling it with my tongue.

Ah, so he liked that. The greatest fun in new relationship was what I called the phase of discovery, when the body of your lover was like uncharted territory and you could play sensual discoverer, finding out what the other one liked. It was a game I loved to play, especially as I recalled that Severus used to be a bit ticklish around his navel. I happened to find out that when we were kids and he had refused to let me copy his Transfiguration homework- well, he had let me then but he had also sworn to transfigure me into a cockroach and crush me with his heel should I ever dare to do that again, let alone tell anyone. But probably he had already forgotten about that and it could never harm to have a laugh in bed.

Soon we were rolling giggling over the mattress until he shouted, "Cockroach!"

"You remember?" I gasped surprised, staring down at him. Somehow I had managed during our little tussle to land atop of him again.

"Devious witch- as if I could ever forget the embarrassment. You will have to compensate for that with at least a thousand kisses…"

"Can I pay in installments and give you one to start with?"

He pulled me closer. "Shut up and kiss me, Lestrange."

I couldn't possibly decline such a charming request so I kissed him. His hands came snaking their way under my shirt, trailing down the length of my spine and up again, rolling up the fabric in the process. When we finally broke the kiss he pulled the shirt over my head and threw it carelessly aside. I thought that was only fair since I had long stripped him while he had merely managed to take off my jeans but I had no clue when that had happened. Oh, he really had clever fingers, my dearest Potions Master.

"I love you," I said.

He smiled slyly as his hands tailed over my body, gabbing my buttocks to hold me tightly pressed to him. "There will be no running away this time."

I mumbled something unintelligible in reply because I was suddenly all too aware of his erection and the friction it caused. Apparently he just realized the same since the teasing tone had left his voice when he whispered my name, sounding urgent. And I… well, actually I couldn't wait much longer either; the desire to be united with him was just too strong.

After getting rid of my lingerie he made a futile attempt to flip me over but I pinned him down on the mattress and straddled him. He let me have my way with him, his obsidian eyes glittering with excitement when he realised that I was going to dictate the pace, and I made use of my position, savouring the feeling of being so close to him again. He was my lover, my friend, my everything…

Never… it had never been like that with anyone else before. True, my first sex with Sirius had been a remarkable experience, and he definitely was the more experienced of them, but Sev had been right when mentioning the spiritual aspect of our lovemaking. It was something special, leaving me not only physically but also _mentally_ fulfilled.

Later I was lying curled up in his arms, kissing and cuddling for a while until we decadently overslept most of the afternoon. It didn't matter to me. The idea that had always weighed me down, the thought of never being good enough, of always being second best which had overshadowed my life for too long, had finally been lifted off my shoulders because I was certain he loved me now. He had been the very reason of my misery but he was also the one who had ended it.

"I was such a fool," Severus mumbled in my ear, nibbling at my earlobe.

We'd had dinner with Mum under the pergola but she had discreetly excused herself soon after that to give us time for ourselves, for all the tender kisses a newly infatuated couple needed to share in private.

"Yeah, I know that- but is there any specific reason why you mention it now?" I said teasingly.

He scowled at me for the fraction of a second before he answered fervently. "All of my life I was too blind to realize that I was only chasing an ideal of a love that was never real, while all the time you were there like a constant rock in all the misery that my life was… I could have had this before but I chose to ignore it… I pushed you away because…"

"Sht," I cut him off, kissing his lips with gentle passion, "there's no use in brooding over things we can't change anymore anyway. It wouldn't have worked between us then. We were both too young and too naïve, and we both made some ill-fated decisions that almost ruined our lives. You became a Death Eater and I… well, I nearly ended up as a whore, a groupie. Admittedly, I only fucked up my own life, almost… but what I really want to say is that we're the products of our own mistakes and poor choices, and we learned from them. We couldn't have had before what we have now because the knowledge, the memory of having waded through shit turned us into what we are now- two flawed people. So it's now or never for us, Sev."

"Then I want it to be now," he said solemnly.

I kissed him again. The night was beautiful; the sky above us was of a velvety black with myriads of sparkling stars, the scent of sun-dried soil and jasmine was lingering in the warm air, and in the distance an orchestra of cicadas was chirping. I rested my head against Severus' shoulder and we sat like that in companionable silence for a while, listening to the monotone choir in the background.

Finally I raised my voice and asked him what he wanted to do with his new life.

"You mean, other than just being perfectly happy that I can kiss you?"

I had never thought Severus would ever consider himself happy, last of all _perfectly_ _happy_, so I arched a surprised brow at him, and he gave up mocking me immediately. He shook his head, being at a loss for a brief moment.

"I have no idea. Minerva- she came to visit me while I was still at St Mungo's, recovering- offered me the position as Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Of course, I could also chose to become the Potions Master again since Horace had made it quite clear that he would prefer to return to the joys of retirement should I chose to take over…"

"Sev, you hate children," I interjected, "and if I recall correctly you never liked teaching very much."

"I don't hate children in general. I do agree though that I am slightly fed up with obvious dunderheads- which are ninety-five percent of them- wasting my precious time while I'm trying to give them a better understanding to the subtlety of Potions. If I could only teach those who are able to meet my standards… "

"… then there still wouldn't be much of a change in your life. Is it that what you really want? Returning to Hogwarts in spite of all that happened there?"

"It was my home for most of my life," A sad smile flickered over his features, then he shook his head. "I will miss Hogwarts but I'm not going to return. I told Minerva I would reconsider her offer, and I had a lot of time to think about it, but I came to the conclusion that it would be too frustrating to enter the same unpleasant routine once again. I guess I can do without brawling brats running through the corridors, breaking rules, playing stupid pranks…" He took the bottle of wine Mum had left standing on the table and poured us another glass, raising his in a toast. "To a new life."

We clinked glasses and enjoyed a good sip of the dark red liquid.

"So, no more obnoxious brats," I concluded. "Was there anything interesting among all the various job offers you received?"

He produced a roll of parchment and handed it to me; it bore the logo of St Mungo's, a bone and a wand, crossed. Instead of unfolding it I glanced at Severus, waiting for an explanation.

"It arrived by owl post two days before I found you. I haven't answered yet."

Now I was really curious. I unrolled the parchment and skimmed over the text, then I let out an impressed whistle. "Wow, they offer you a leading position in the Potions Research Department and ask for your support as expert for counter curses and remedies against the Dark Arts. That sounds brilliant. Finally someone seems to recognize and appreciate your true talent."

"Actually I first believed it would be the invoice when I received this letter but apparently it is the result of a long conversation I had with Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty, the head of St Mungo's."

I asked him to continue and he told me that the news of him having regained consciousness had spread quickly and Rita Skeeter had tried to get an interview with him by all means, meaning she had literally camping outside his room for days while he had still been too weak to hex her into oblivion. One day he had wanted to stretch his legs and take a stroll through the corridors but she had spotted him. Severus had managed to escape through the door of the Janus Thickey Ward for Spell Damages where the long-term residents were being kept. It was a very depressing place despite the cheerful colour of the walls, and it had shocked and saddened him to see what hat become of the Longbottoms, Frank and Alice.

They had been Aurors and members of the Order in the first war but after Voldemort's defeat then they had been tortured into insanity by Bellatrix, the Lestrange brothers, and Barty Crouch Junior. Ever since then the Longbottoms were in St Mungo's, helpless shells that didn't even recognize family members.

What had shocked Severus most was the fact that they were put in a room with at least five beds, theirs only separated from the others by some flowery curtains, although they were considered as popular heroes of the wizarding world. He felt guilty that he had been given a comfortable single room while they had to live like that for years. Years, in which their state hadn't improved.

Out of curiosity he had studied their files at the end of their beds and he had realized that very little had been done to improve their condition. He was certain that there were some possibilities that hadn't been tried yet, but all the healers seemed to do was keeping them calm, fed and tidy.

Why Severus had taken such an interest in the Longbottoms I could only guess. It wasn't that he actually cared about Frank and Alice, but having been part of the organisation that had caused the damage, he probably considered himself responsible for their fate. So he had sought out Professor O'Flaherty for a conversation about the Longbottoms, and the head of St Mungo's had listened to him attentively. I was certain that O'Flaherty must have been fascinated by Severus' brilliant mind.

"He wants to meet you again on Monday." I gathered from the parchment I was still holding in my hands.

Severus nodded. His face was inscrutable as his black orbs bore into mine, looking for what? Approval? The offer was probably the best that could ever happen to him; after all, it had been his dream to work in Potions research when we were young, before everything had gone so fucking wrong. And he had already made himself a reputation when it came to his knowledge of the Dark Arts in regards of counter courses and remedies. But he seemed to be insecure now, as if he almost feared his dream would come true or that he was being rewarded with something he didn't deserve. In spite of the fact that he had allowed himself some happiness with me- I guess that feeling was just too strong to suppress any longer- a part of him still believed he belonged to Azkaban.

Gently I touched his face, my tanned fingers standing out in stark contrast to his pale skin. "Go and meet him, Sev. Ask about the details of your working conditions and if they are agreeable, and the salary is acceptable, you'd be a fool to not accept. After all, that's what you always wanted and you can do something good; you can help other people."

He looked at me as if he had never thought of that before and his face lit up a little. We sat in silence for a while, sipping our wine, enjoying our proximity. He had wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we were cuddled up close to each other, thinking about the future, _our_ future. Monday would come far too soon but we still had two days just for us before with the start of a new week we'd had to face the rest of the wizarding world again.

I breathed a soft kiss on his cheek. "It's been a long day, my love. Let's go to bed."

* * *

Thanks for reading, please review!


	35. Come With Me

35- Come with me

Monday morning, ten to nine, we were back in London, standing outside of St. Mungo's. Severus was going to meet Professor O'Flaherty while I- my heart was sinking at the thought-had an appointment with Sirius in our apartment. I had called him yesterday to arrange this meeting in order to clear all the unspoken things between us. Although he had sounded quite cheerful on the phone I was nevertheless feeling nervous, knowing I had hurt him. It had never been my intention for us to end like that. I had loved him, and a part of me still did, but what I felt for Severus was simply stronger than an old teenage crush. I hoped Sirius would be able to forgive me.

"Meet me at twelve o'clock in the Leaky Cauldron," Severus said as he craned his neck to see if it was appropriate to kiss me.

Since we were still under the Disillusionment Charm- you just can't Apparate to a street crowded with Muggles without taking precautions- I leaned close to him, enjoying the warmth of his body. After having spent weeks in Majorca and the Fareast I yet had to get used to the English weather again. Today the air was chilly and heavy with rain; I shuddered.

"Don't worry," Severus cupped my face in his hands to look me in the eye, "he won't bite your head off. Now wish me luck."

I tucked a strand of jet black hair behind his ear and kissed his nose, quickly checking his appearance. He looked good. Dressed all in black as usual though less buttoned up and more casual, more sophisticated. I wouldn't have to wish him luck because Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty should be well-aware of what a brilliant mind my Severus was.

"Good luck," I said nevertheless, knowing that he needed to hear it because deep inside the brilliant mind of his there was still hidden the insecure, socially awkward boy who lacked the necessary self-esteem.

He smiled wryly as he watched me mounting my Harley, (which I had enlarged the moment we had arrived here), shaking his head about my so very Muggle attitude. And yet he mouthed, 'I love you', before he entered the building.

_I love you, too_, I thought as I started the engine, slowly letting the Disillusionment Charm wear off of me so that for the Muggles around it looked as if I had just been riding past them.

Heading to the apartment in Kensington I had shared with Sirius for a couple of months I couldn't help mulling over the things Severus had told me yesterday. It had been quite a surprise to me to hear that Sirius had visited him with a shimmering phial in his hands, and although Severus had growled over the fact that the mutt had gone sniffling in his memories, something strange must have happened. Sirius had appeared unusually subdued and abashed, admitting what an arrogant berk and bully he had been, and he had honestly asked Severus to pardon him for all the rude, stupid pranks the Marauders had played on him, feeling truly felt horrible about that now… I imagined Severus scowling at him like only he could, though at long last the intense bitterness of years of loathing had left his voice when talking about Sirius now. Their attitude towards each other seemed to have changed…

'I asked him whether he knew where you might be…', I recalled Severus telling me yesterday while once again we were sitting under the pergola, talking about my phone call to Sirius and the uneasiness born out of guilt I felt at the very notion of meeting him today. '…and he said he thought you'd be with me." 'I told her I love her and that I want to marry me, but she wouldn't want to hear any of that. She wants to be with you, mate.' Sirius said. 'She told me she loves me, and then she walked away,' it slipped Severus without thinking and when he realized to whom he was speaking he wanted to bite his tongue for being so careless. But Sirius didn't laugh about him.

_'Women! They'll always be a mystery to me… you can't live with them and you can't live without them either.'_

And then Sirius had advised Severus to visit my mum because if anyone knew about my whereabouts it would be her, and he had been right. But why had he chosen to actually help his rival instead of leaving him ignorant? Men were a mystery to me…

Finally I reached the impersonal apartment block and dismounted my Harley to take the lift to the eighth floor from where you had a great view, although I, personally, had never really liked the place. We had chosen it mainly because of the anonymity it granted us during the reign of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Where no one knew his neighbour it was futile to ask questions.

I opened the door. Sirius was already there, waiting for me. He stood with his back to me when I entered the apartment, staring out of the window, but when he noticed me he turned around to face me.

"Raven!" A bright smile spread over his handsome features as he approached me with open arms. "So good to see you. How are you?"

My eyes widened. I hadn't expected such a friendly welcome and I didn't deserve it. Actually I would have felt much better had he given me an accusing glare, anger in his voice.

He stopped before sweeping me in a friendly hug like he had originally intended, sensing my uneasiness around him. If it stung he let not show but simply eyed me up and down.

"You look gorgeous, Raven. Are you happy now?"

Stifling a sob I mumbled something unintelligible as I sat down at the table, fumbling for my cigarettes. "I'm so sorry," I managed between two hectic puffs, "I… I never meant it to end like that. I thought I loved you and it's not that I don't love you but rather that I don't love you enough and I never wanted to cheat on you… well, I didn't _really_ cheat on you, at least not physically though my thoughts weren't always with you like they should have been and I don't even know how to start to explain what went wrong when you're not the one to blame because it's all entirely my fault and…"

"Nah, don't say that," Sirius cut me off with a slight grin; my rant seemed to have been amusing. "Mayhap I'm just too handsome and knowing your liking for all the ugly creatures you consider cute- like that bat of yours, most house-elves- I'm not even surprised you chose Snape over me."

Did I detect his old animosity for Severus Snape flaring up again in his voice? No, actually not, and that astonished me. I must have looked completely at a loss because he sat down next to me and reached out for my hand, not taking it though. For an awkward moment we glanced at each other while all the same trying to avoid eye contact. Then he helped himself to a cigarette and tilted his chair to its rear legs, as if the casualness of this movement would make it easier for him to say what he had to say.

"I'm not blind, Raven," he said, staring at the ceiling, "I saw it coming a long time ago, perhaps even longer than you yourself were aware of it; I'll give you that. But I noticed all the glances you exchanged, silently speaking in a language that only the two of you understood, and at first glance there was nothing wrong with it for I knew that- people always said the same about us, James and I… when you're real close friends with someone things like that tend to happen. Of course, I suspected Snape could fancy you. In my incorrigible arrogance I never feared he could take you away from me, and yet I felt strangely relieved when I finally found out about his unrequited love to Lily. Things went better between us then, we had a great time in Majorca… and then Christmas came and everything changed. _You_ were different. It seemed as if you had finally realized something you had dispelled or ignored for a long time, and though I knew what it was, I didn't pay much heed to it. I desperately clung to the idea that Snape was too fixated on always loving Lily out of guilt and remorse for his part in her death to ever recognize your love for him… but I was wrong."

Lighting another cigarette I shot him a quick glance while he was still rocking his chair on its rear legs, staring at the ceiling.

"I knew it the moment he stormed into Remus' house, totally out of control, not giving a damn about the fully fledged werewolf at Snuffles' side. He was mad with worry, and it pained me almost physically to see you so utterly miserable when he chose to severe ties with you for your own safety. Then, I was so presumptuous to believe we still had a chance if only I tried hard enough." With a bang Sirius let his chair fall back on all four legs. "But I was wrong. You love him. Probably you have always loved him… I realized that the very moment when it was almost too late. Of course, I could have hesitated, not finding the antidote in time- but there was no benefit for me in doing that."

"Raven, I fell in love with you for what you are, a disrespectful, rebellious and independent witch. I love you for that incomparable sparkle in your eyes; eyes, that will always remind me of summer skies. But when I saw that sparkle slowly fading, I had to make up my mind. I could let it die or let it flare up again, and I guess I made the right decision…."

"Sirius… I…"

"I want to see you happy, Raven, and if your happiness depends on him so it may be… my proposal was merely the last attempt of ignoring the inevitable. Your response opened my eyes as well as I guess it opened yours- we've only been fooling ourselves those last past weeks."

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Merlin, never in my life I had felt so miserable. Sirius was way too nice, too understanding, and I clearly didn't deserve that. I wished he'd yell at me. But maybe his calm tone increased my guilt even more.

"It's strange, you know, but I had expected it to hurt more. Whenever I thought about losing you the notion was horrible and yet when it was finally over I almost felt relieved."

At that I looked up in bewilderment. He smiled at me.

"Come on, you have to admit that our last weeks weren't much fun. You look so much happier now and I'm glad Snape survived to bring back that sparkle to your eyes."

"He said you helped him find me. Why?" Sparkle or not, I was still trying to understand his reasons.

Sirius stood and walked to the window, looking outside at the grey London skies. With his back to me he told me that he had watched the memories Severus had given Harry, and how ashamed he had been about his younger self.

"You were right, Raven, when you said we pushed him too far. I'm still not certain whether we shoved him straight into the arms of the Death Eaters but the way we bullied him had definitely led to his break-up with Lily… and maybe that was exactly what had been James' intention only that I didn't get it then. I can't change what happened but I feel remorseful about it and the only way I could make up to him for all our thoughtless pranks was to help him find some happiness now."

"You put his happiness above your own?" I asked a bit surprised because I hadn't expected him to be that selfless.

"Well, let's say I merely shifted my priorities, which doesn't mean I'm not happy now- quite the contrary. Finally I can be the godfather that Harry had always longed for, spend time with him, tell him more about his parents. We're going to sell Grimmauld Place and settle down in Ottery St Catchpole, close to The Burrow; we just found the perfect house…" and he went on talking about Harry and their future, that of course the Golden Boy would become the best Auror in wizarding Britain, how cute it was to see him and Ginny Weasley together, and what a charming baby boy little Teddy Lupin was.

I listened to him and couldn't help but feeling relieved that apparently I hadn't ruined his life by choosing Severus over him- as if there had ever been a real choice. Love goes strange ways, it was as easy as that and just as complicated. I still loved Sirius, and there would always be a place in my heart for him just like there would always be a place in Severus' heart for Lily.

-

At the agreed time I met Severus at the Leaky Cauldron, still quite in a turmoil about my meeting with Sirius. After all, we had settled on trying to be friends despite or just because of what had been between us; maybe we'd even go cruising on our motorbikes one day. But I pushed all thoughts about Sirius to the back of my mind when I saw Severus entering, striding in my direction. I was so curious to hear how his appointment with Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty had turned out.

"I can't believe it," he said, sounding almost breathless as he sat down next to me. His face didn't give him away but his obsidian eyes were sparkling with excitement, "O'Flaherty actually wants to pay me for dabbling with potions all day… He even suggested I should register all the potions I invented, and he was particularly interested in the one that remedies the aftereffect of the Cruciatus Curse."

"Yeah, that really is a brilliant creation," I confirmed him, reaching for his hand; I needed to touch him.

"It was rather a necessary creation given the Dark Lord's whims," Severus said gloomily but then he smiled at me again, not wanting to spoil the day with dark memories of the past when we should be celebrating his new job. "Anyway, I will finally have enough time to improve the Wolfsbane Potion and we even considered starting a program to supply werewolves with their monthly dose."

I hadn't seen him so enthusiastic since we were both young and still had our lives before us, and even then it had been on very few occasions only. I was so happy for him that at long last he had found a job that would fulfil him and get him the recognition he had always longed for. Besides, the Ministry paid well for registered new discoveries.

Tom, the innkeeper, approached our table to take our orders. We both chose the chicken salad and a glass of white wine. Tom grinned. I hadn't noticed it before but people where staring at us, whispering about Severus' first appearance in public since his recovery. The desire for sensation hadn't been satisfied by the media due to the restraining order Sebastian had obtained against Rita Skeeter, and the _Naughty Quill _hadn't published the promised exclusive interview yet because Severus had had other things on his mind than to give interviews. And now he was here with me, a pretty witch always drawing attention. I could almost hear the gossip that was beginning to spread. What would it do to his reputation?

Unenthusiastically I picked at my food. The salad was good but I wasn't very hungry; the meeting with Sirius, as positive as it had actually been, was still getting to me. Then Severus mentioned that he'd been given a room in the staff quarters of St Mungo's and I slammed my fork on the plate and pushed it away.

Severus arched a quizzical brow at me while casting some charms around us to prevent the patrons of the Leaky Cauldron from eavesdropping or observing us. "What's wrong, Raven?"

"It's just…" Damned, was he really that thick? My eyes were watering and I hated myself for being so close to tears but this day had been emotionally stressful so far. "I…I thought _**we**_ would live together…"

"And we will," he assured me solemnly as he threw all his caution overboard and leaned over the table to kiss me softly. "We will live together, Raven, and I'm really looking forward to it, but as long as we don't have a place to call our own I thought it convenient to accept Professor O'Flaherty's generous offer. I cannot live with you at Spinner's End."

Yes, I understood that. It was probably not possible to have a healthy relationship under a roof that had heard so much shouting, had seen so much fighting and abuse. It hadn't mattered to me after my flight from Malfoy Mansion for it had strangely seemed the safest place on earth to me then, his scent on the pillows, and yet I couldn't imagine actually living there. Some demons of the past would always linger there, in the darkest corners, and they weren't going to be banished.

"What about my apartment?" I knew it the very moment I had suggested it that Severus wasn't likely to sleep well in a bed I had used to share with Sirius, and even more, the apartment was much too modern for his liking. It didn't even have a fireplace we could connect to the Floo network. I tried to envision him using the tube to get to work and back, and failed.

We decided to postpone the question until later because he had an appointment with Headmistress McGonagall at Hogwarts, and he asked me if I wanted to accompany him.

I didn't know why we both tried so carefully to keep our relationship secret in public. It wasn't that I was ashamed of it, and neither was he, but mayhap we already had some indication of what it would be like, considering the gossiping that had started at the sight of us having lunch together. So, to avoid the gossip of students spotting us together, I put on my Invisibility Cloak after we had Apparated to the borders of Hogwarts.

Severus looked around for me. When I touched his arm he seized the opportunity to slip under my cloak and hug me, holding me tight for the first time since we returned to wizarding Britain. His lips crushed down on mine for a long kiss that made me slightly dizzy. Merlin, had he any idea how he made me feel when I was with him? I loved him so much that I wanted to crawl under his skin just to be close to him, and the very notion of not being able to fall asleep in his arms was almost unbearable.

"It will only be for a few days," he told me as he opened the gate to the grounds, "I'm certain we will find an agreeable place soon."

I hoped so. Severus scowled in Hagrid's direction when the half-giant waved at him from the distance, then we walked on towards the castle. To take his mind of all the memories, good or bad, connected with it, he encouraged me to talk about my meeting with Sirius, knowing it was still wearing me down for no particular reason at all. And he was an attentive listener who would always understand me without me having to try and explain everything three times over. I felt so much better, then. He would always be the one and only one who could ground me when I needed it.

-

"I wished you could persuade him to return. Severus belongs to Hogwarts; it was his home for so many years," Minerva McGonagall stressed when I was alone with her; Severus had just proceeded to the adjacent room to pack his belongings.

"His home?" I couldn't help but sounding bewildered about her statement for she seemed to live in a state of denial, not realizing the truth. If Hogwarts had ever been his home- where had she been all those years to make him feel at home? She hadn't been there for him when he had almost become werewolf dinner because she had tried to hush that incident just like everyone else on the staff had done, and most of them were still there, teaching exactly the very same attitude. Hail the Marauders, the pride of Gryffindor, and forsake each and every Slytherin because they were ne'er-do-rights, constantly dabbling with the Dark Arts. Your life started and ended with the day of your Sorting, and once you're Sorted there's no way out of it. Nothing had changed.

"No, Professor McGonagall, Severus would only waste his talent if he stayed, and I'm certain you wouldn't want that."

She sighed; she knew I was telling the truth. "It's just that we really need a good Defence against the Dark Arts teacher…" Suddenly she looked at me with a wry smile and I figured her out instantly.

"No."

"You are an Auror, you…"

"Indeed, I'm an Auror- not a teacher. Thanks for the offer, but I'm really not interested." The very idea of returning to Hogwarts gave me the creeps; the feeling of reluctance hadn't been that intense when Dumbledore had asked me way back then.

Severus came back into the office, his trunk was packed. He glanced at the portraits on the wall, clearly not envying Minerva her position of having to deal with the wise advice of those who had died long ago. Dumbledore smiled so benevolently at him that I wanted to vomit.

"Let's go," I said.

Minerva rose from her chair at the desk and approached Severus to shake his hand. "I do hope you will come to visit one day."

"Certainly, Minerva. I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity of seeing Slytherin win the next Quidditch match against Gryffindor."

There was still the same friendly rivalry between the former heads of houses as they bade farewell, teasing the other one about their Quidditch team. I hadn't even known that Severus was so interested in that stupid game.

We walked through the corridors and down the stairs, Severus' trunk levitating behind us, when we ran into Neville Longbottom. The boy smiled at me, remembering fondly how I had dragged him on my Harley and out of the danger zone, but then his smile seemed to freeze as his eyes fell on the man at my side. Oh my, he really was scared of Severus Snape.

"S-Sir," he stammered, then turned on his heels and quickly walked the other direction.

Severus opened his mouth as if he wanted to call after him but opted against it, frowning. "I will have to ask for his permission if I want to run some tests on his parents but I doubt this is the right time, let alone that I don't want to raise hope when there might be none." He glanced in the direction where Neville had disappeared to, "I reckon he won't be very cooperative. Did you notice how he stared at you as if I had Imperiused you? Many will give you the same gaze, not understanding how a pretty witch like you could possibly be with someone like me..."

I kissed him full on the mouth to stop him from talking such rubbish, not caring if the whole bloody school might see us. I had forgotten to put on my Invisibility Cloak when leaving McGonagall's office and I considered leaving it off; I had nothing to hide and I was definitely not ashamed of being with Severus. And if Neville would run to tell everyone he had just seen his old Potions Master with a pretty witch I didn't want his fellow students to question either his sanity or his eyesight.

It amused me to see all the staring eyes and gaping mouths when we crossed the entrance hall, probably Severus didn't feel the same because he breathed a sigh of relief once we were out of the castles. At the gate he stopped to cast a last glance back. Another chapter of his life was closed.

-

When we were back in London, Severus moved into his room in the staff quarters of St Mungo's. The caretaker, Mrs Hyacinth, welcomed him and showed him around while the big, blue parrot sitting on her shoulder screeched, "No overnight visitors allowed! Curfew is at eleven o'clock! All visitors must leave before eleven!"

Great, I thought, if we didn't find a place to live soon I might as well become a nun. Severus elbowed me and whispered suggestively that he wouldn't let me become a nun because we could make love before eleven, which sounded promising but not as good as the notion of spending the whole night with him and falling asleep in his arms.

On the first floor of the building were the rooms for the trainees, small, functionally furnished cells with a bed, a chair and a table. There were also two bathrooms and a common room on that floor.

"Still green behind their ears, freshly out of Hogwarts, and they believe there are no rules for them anymore. I got Abraxas because of them." Mrs Hyacinth affectionately caressed the neck of her parrot as she scowled at a group of trainees. "I often felt like a parrot, repeating the same things over and over again. Now I don't have to shout all the time."

"You have my sympathy, dear Madam," Severus said. I guessed he knew that feeling all too well.

She smiled at him. "Thank you so much, dear Professor Snape. I cannot tell you how honoured I feel to have such a brave man, a true hero of the war, under my roof. Of course the curfew isn't valid for our senior residents, and you will see that your room is much more agreeable."

On the second floor lived young healers in groups of four. While each had their own bedroom they shared a common room, bathroom and kitchen. We walked further up the staircase and Abraxas, the parrot, fell silent. Under the roof there were only a few rooms, and it was remarkably quieter here than on the other floors. We entered a comfortable common room with plush armchairs grouped around a fireplace- it was connected to the Floo network, Mrs Hyacinth explained. From there corridors led to spacious, nicely furnished rooms, each with a private bathroom.

Mrs Hyacinth opened the door for Severus and handed him the key before she gestured in the direction of a small kitchen that he was to share with the potions instructor, a certain Mr Abernathy, who was living next door. "A charming man. Always burning his beard when a cauldron of his trainees explodes. But, of course, dear Professor Snape, you won't have to cook your meals all by yourself; I'm certain Professor Healer O'Flaherty informed you that free meals will be served in the canteen."

"Yes, he was so kind to mention that." Severus put his trunk down in the middle of the room and looked around. There were empty shelves on the walls that longed to be filled with books, a table with two armchairs stood under the window, and at the far end of the door a partition shielded the bed from the rest of the room. It could have been worse.

"No overnight visitors!" Abraxas screeched cheerfully. "All visitors must leave before eleven!"

_Thanks for reminding me, you bloody poultry,_ I thought morosely, not liking the way Mrs Hyacinth glanced down her nose at me. Had she been thirty years younger I would have suspected jealousy in her eyes but maybe she was merely weighing up whether I was good enough for a true war hero like Severus. And he had expected critical glanced on his behalf! Uh-oh, I feared our relationship would trigger off an avalanche of controversies when it became public.

"People, mostly witches, will hate me because I spoiled you. Because of me you won't be the romantic hero anymore, the one who pined away all his life for an unrequited love. And all the lovely witches who believed they could cure you of your fixation on Lily will hate me because I took you away from them…"

This time it was Severus who silenced me with a kiss. Mrs Hyacinth had left and we were finally alone, stumbling towards the bed. It was kind of narrow, hardly big enough for the two of us, a chastity bed. But it would need more than just a small bed to extinguish the passion burning in my veins… until Severus stopped me. He broke the kiss and sat up, cupping my face in his hands.

"Raven," he said soberly, "as much as I want it, too, but I really have to check through some papers of mine. I have to find the notes on potions I created since I prefer to start my new occupation well prepared."

Yes, I realized, that was typically Severus; he'd always worked hard to get some recognition- though most of the time to no avail- and I wouldn't stop him when it was likely that this time got what he deserved. With a sigh I sat up. "D'you want me to leave?"

"No, decidedly not. Please stay if you don't mind that I won't be able to pay you the devotion you deserve."

"What say you if I'd just scamper to get us a pizza and then help you with your papers?" I offered, kissing his nose.

"That would be very much appreciated."

We spent the evening with paperwork, which was more enjoyable than I had first thought. Severus had created quite a few promising potions, it was a shame that he hadn't registered them yet but since most of them were against aftereffects of Dark curses it had been impossible for him. Voldemort wouldn't have approved it, and he had to keep his cover. He hadn't even been able to publish his thoughts, theories or improvements of potions except for an occasional article in a potions magazine. I suggested he ought to write a book to finally get the recognition and reputation as a brilliant Potions Master he so clearly deserved.

Time went by much too fast and soon Abraxas was flying through the corridors, screeching, "No overnight visitors! No overnight visitors! All visitors must leave before eleven!"

Severus walked me to the main entrance and onto the small yard in front of the building. It was almost perfectly dark there so no one could watch us while we said goodbye for the night.

I didn't sleep well all alone in my apartment, and the following days I liked it even less.

Although we met as often as possible I constantly missed Severus and our love life came way too short. Wednesday we decided to spend the weekend in Majorca, but visiting my mum was only an excuse for us to spend more time together. Thursday evening we met with Sam and Sebastian in Camden to discuss the trials against Death Eaters that were about to start the next day. Severus was nervous but Sebastian told him not to worry, and his arguments were as logical as they were soothing, while Sam took the opportunity for an exclusive interview with him. His approach was refreshing for he concentrated on the facts without paining him in colours that weren't his own, thus portraying him just the way he was. Severus approved of it, quite glad that finally someone wrote the truth instead of spinning a yarn for the sake of sensation. The interview would be in the weekend edition of the _Naughty Quill._

Friday morning I was at the Ministry to meet Kingsley when I suddenly heard Harry Potter's voice outside the Minister's office.

"… just imagine Snape _snogging_ someone…"

"Blimey, I still can't believe it." Ron Weasley gasped, sounding truly scandalized.

"But Neville saw them together at Hogwarts, it's true. You know, I was just beginning to like him- well, not really _**like **_him, but at least I don't hate him anymore now that I know he always loved my mum, and that he was always Dumbledore's man because of her. But it was easier to almost like him when he was still pining for an unrequited love instead of having to imagine he…"

"Ugh," Ron made a retching sound, "do you think he actually has- you know what I mean..."

"Poor Sirius. It's just not right. I mean, I knew they had fallen apart but I never thought it would be because of _**Snape**_."

"Yeah, I thought she was really cool and had style- what would she want with that old bat?"

I opened the door on which Harry was just about to knock so the boy staggered inside, almost falling into my arms. The moment he recognized me his face turned as red as a ripe tomato.

"Oh… um… well, hello Raven… I… er, I was looking for Kingsley… um, I have application papers for Auror training…"

"Auror training, eh? Well, you definitely have to learn a lot about Stealth and Concealment," I said softly, not knowing which of the two boys amused me more. Harry, who made another futile attempt to talk himself out of the situation, or Ron, who sported an unfittingly pink face to his carrot hair, mouth wide open.

Kingsley saved them before the ground could open up and swallow them as they most likely wished. He apologized for being so late and instantly the boys stuffed their application papers in his hands, ready for a hasty retreat.

"For your information, lads, and that may come as a surprise to you, but intelligence and knowledge are sexy though very often underestimated by brawny Gryffindors," I told them with my sweetest smile, which probably was scary enough for them to run. Then I turned to face Kingsley, "You accepted them for Auror training although they don't even have their NEWTs?"

"Harry defeated Voldemort, I guess that qualifies him." Kingsley arched a brow at me as he pointed his head in the direction Harry and Ron had disappeared to. "What was that about?"

"Teenage idiocy. A serious fit of puberty- you know how boys of their age are. They believe they know all about love because they have been kissed, and they're constantly thinking of sex but find it ludicrous that their former Potions Master could have a love life. They discussed this right in front of your door without knowing I was waiting in your office. Potter seemed to be offended that Severus is no longer in misery, pining his life away over Lily. I guess the only thing that eased his shock that Severus had loved his mother is the fact that she had always been unreachable for him. Of course it was very convenient that Severus protected him all those years out of guilt and undying love but it doesn't sit well with him that he'd finally moved on."

"He will get used to the new situation, as we all will. Personally, I'm happy for you- but that's not what you came to hear, is it?"

"No," I admitted although I was glad about Kingsley's support. He'd really become a friend of mine I appreciated a lot. We briefly talked about the trial that would take place this afternoon but my thoughts drifted away. "Do you think it wise to accept the boys for Auror training although they haven't finished school? If I remember correctly I learned most of the really important stuff in seventh year."

Kingsley heaved a sigh. "I know. But what am I to do? None of the students at Hogwarts learned what's on the teaching curriculum this past term, and I can't let them all repeat the last year. Now, Harry Potter is a special case anyway. There are voices claiming I should promote him Head of the Auror Department right away just because he defeated Voldemort…"

I snorted indignantly. "Yeah, in the end he defeated Riddle but it wasn't because of his talent or his profound magical skills. Dumbledore set the stage, Severus did all the dirty jobs, and all Potter had to do was destroy the Horcruxes- which he only managed with the help of his friends- and sacrifice himself in the end. He was merely a pawn in Dumbledore's plan, and I think the one who really defeated Riddle was Severus, given that he managed to fool him for years. I do not deny Potter his bravery but it would be downright irresponsible should he become Head of the Auror Department."

"I totally agree with you, Raven. Please consider it as a diplomatic move that I accepted him and Ronald Weasley for Auror training. This way I can silence those who'd like to place a halo over his head while on the other hand I can assure he will undergo a hard training program. By the way, it wouldn't harm if you could tutor one of his lessons…"

"Why does everyone believe I'd love to teach?" I interjected.

"Ah, I know of Minerva's offer but that's not what I'm asking of you. I rather thought you could tell all the would-be future Aurors about the reality of your job, its dangers, so that they will get an idea of how hard they have to work. You don't have to answer now but please reconsider my offer."

I smirked and promised him that I would.

Being friends with the Minister for Magic granted certain privileges, therefore I was allowed into the courtroom when later this afternoon the first of a series of trials against Death Eaters started, although the hearing wasn't open to the public.

I hadn't seen Severus since last night, he had worked throughout his lunch break- when we'd usually met- so that he wouldn't neglect his work because of the trials. He looked much paler than at the beginning of this week, and he was decidedly nervous but managed a wry smile as he saw me. We didn't have much time and, with the members of the Wizengamot around, no opportunity to hug or kiss, but at least we could exchange insightful glances. When our eyes locked it almost felt like a gentle caress.

Then we walked into the courtroom, which looked like a dungeon with its dark stone walls, dimly lit by torches. The temperature seemed to drop. Now I was feeling nervous for no reason at all until Sebastian shot me a reassuring glance.

The trial was quite unspectacular except for the moment when Severus was asked to give evidence of the crimes the convicted was accused of. He had to sit down on the chair in the centre of the room, and I had just seen the chains on the arms of said chair spring into life to bind the Death Eater who had sat there before. I held my breath… and really, the chains clinked threateningly…

"Objection!" Sebastian cried immediately. "Severus Snape has kindly offered to be witness of the prosecution therefore I must strongly protest against the way the Wizengamot is behaving towards him. There will be no chains."

A whisper went through the rows of the Wizengamot. The chains clinked once more, then they were dangling down the arms of the chair as if life had left the metal beasties, and I let out the breath I had been holding. In the end, the Death Eater, which name I had forgotten, was sentenced to twenty years in Azkaban. He had merely been a minor follower of Voldemort therefore he wasn't condemned to a lifetime sentence.

I guessed that was Sebastian's doing, for he had thoroughly shaken up the Wizengamot in the run-up to this first trial by insisting on less medieval and more modern ways of dealing with convicts. Kingsley had approved it although the rest of the Wizengamot had protested at first, not willing to give up their long esteemed principles. They might have changed their mind because Sebastian could be almost stubbornly convincing in his way to lure you with his very eloquent speech, or it was simply because Kingsley had told them how expensive it was to send an innocent person to a lifetime sentence in Azkaban.

After the trial we had dinner with Sam and Sebastian in a small Italian restaurant. Severus still looked a bit strained and at first I thought he was simply feeling uncomfortable in a Muggle place but apparently the trial had worn him thin. It was probably not easy for him to recall all the crimes the Death Eaters committed, bringing up memories he'd rather like to forget. And today had only been the first in a series of trials. He would have to go through this again and again, and it would only get harder when it came to Voldemort's inner circle, the Carrows, Yaxley, Rookwood, Avery, Travers… the list was long, but fortunately we'd be away over the weekend. I would see to it that he wouldn't be brooding all the time.

We left the restaurant early while Sam and Sebastian chose to order another bottle of Pinot Grigio. Severus walked me back to the Ministry where I had parked my Harley, once again shaking his head about my means of transport. Of course _he_ would Apparate to his room in St Mungo's residence hall.

I returned to my impersonal, apartment in the anonymous apartment block, letting my eyes roam over the cool, modern furniture… much too bright, much to functional for my liking. Lots of white and pale beige, the silver gleam of stainless steel reflecting on glassy surfaces. I fetched a bottle of dark red wine from the kitchen and retreated to the bedroom I'd used to share with Sirius, the memories of our physical encounters still lingering in the air. It was understandable why Severus didn't want to sleep in the very bed with me although I longed for him so much. I longed to fall asleep in his arms, feeling him slender form close to mine, our legs entwined. I longed to hear the steady beat of his heart, to trail my tanned fingers over his alabaster skin, the touch of his skin…

I couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes and saw him in my mind's eye, and the longing became almost unbearable. We had to end this torment. I wasn't born to live like a nun. When I finally fell asleep my dreams were of a highly erotic nature. At some point they became so realistic as if they were true. I felt his arm come snaking around my waist, his lips kissing my naked shoulder, then wandering higher, up the curve of my neck. The soft skin beneath my earlobes tingled when he whispered my name.

"Sev," I murmured dreamingly… my eyelids fluttered open and I realized that this wasn't a dream for I stared straight into the most fascinating and beautiful orbs… shimmering black obsidian. My heart was beating faster.

"Come with me," he said urgently, brushing my lips with his.

"Oh,Sev!" I flung my arms around his neck. "What are you doing here?"

"I…" Fractions of nightmares flickered up in his eyes but they were soon overpowered by a much stronger feeling, an almost desperate longing that matched mine in intensity. "I… I couldn't sleep. I missed you. I need you."

I let him wrap me in his embrace, enjoying the warmth of his body. His arms closed around me, enfolding me in his billowing travelling cloak like in a cloud of black fabric.

"Come with me."

He pressed something in my hand and, still slightly sleepy, I took hold of it. The familiar jerk behind my navel told me it was a Portkey…


	36. Home Sweet Home

36- Home Sweet Home

A moment later we were in another bedroom, and he laid me on the bed, kissing me gently. Apparently I wasn't the only one who couldn't wait for our weekend in Majorca to start though I hadn't expected him to abduct me in the middle of the night. But well, all's fair in the name of love and I was more than happy about the turn of events.

Severus' eyes wandered over my body, his fingers raking through my hair. Since we had left quite abruptly I still wasn't wearing more than that sweet nothing of a negligee I had put on before going to bed, white satin and lace on my tanned skin. I loved the friction his hands caused when they trailed over my breasts, barely covered by the delicate lace.

He shrugged off his travelling cloak and I noticed that he must have left his room in quite a haste, too, for he was wearing a grey nightshirt underneath his cloak. It didn't look very erotic but fortunately he pulled it over his head and threw it carelessly aside. In the moonlight that fell in through the windows his pale alabaster skin seemed to glow.

Merlin, how much I wanted him to take me without any further ado! The torment of pining for each other without having had the chance of giving vent to the desire made me almost mad with lust… he'd only have to… ah, his clever hands brushed the hem of my negligee, drawing it up until no hindering fabric was in the way of his searching fingers as they moved between my thighs. His black orbs bore into mine in a silent question.

I spread my legs and pulled him down upon me, longing to be filled with him. I had never thought he could be that passionately but the long bottled up need got the better of us, and he knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted his mouth on mine, our tongued entwined in a fervent dance; I wanted to feel the sensational friction the lace caused to my breasts when his hands caresses them not too softly… please, not too softly… I got what I wanted. I needed it to be a bit rough to live out my desire for him, and he adjusted his pace to my wishes until our simultaneous relief washed over us like a tidal wave.

In the aftermath the kisses tasted sweeter. We were lying in each others arms, feeling perfectly happy that we could fall asleep like that.

-

Fortunately I always had some clothes here in Majorca for it would have been embarrassing to have breakfast with Mum while wearing a sexy negligee. I had packed a bag for the weekend but that must have slipped his attention when abducting me since he had merely brought along his own. _MEN_!

My dear old mother was so happy when we popped up for breakfast under the pergola where the table was already set. She had expected us to arrive through the fireplace though, and was therefore a bit surprised to see us approaching her hand in hand, coming from my tower.

I blushed a bit as I tried to come up with a sensible reason why we had changed our plan but she just smiled at me.

"Ah, darling, I still remember what it is like to be young and in love," she said, lovingly patting my cheek. Then she glanced at Severus, flashing him an affectionate smile which made him blush, too. He tried to hide this behind curtains of black hair falling in his face. "Don't be so shy, my dear boy. I am very happy that the two of you are finally together, and it's only natural that you want to enjoy the physical pleasures of a new relationship as often as possible. I remember when I met Chris…"

Oh no, I didn't want to hear my mum talking of her sexual experiences. Not at breakfast, not… not at all. I knew that babies aren't found under a gooseberry bush but to imagine your own mother in a passionate embrace was like… well, almost as inconceivable as it was for Harry and Ron to imagine their former Potions Master having sex. I quickly changed the topic before it would get too embarrassing, and I thought I heard Severus breathing a sigh of relief. He clearly didn't want to discuss our love life with my mother during breakfast.

He felt so much better when she asked him about his new job and he told her of the projects he was working on at the moment. Of course he forgot to mention that he had already solved a problem with a potion the research department had racked their brains about for months; he was much too modest. But he had always been a natural talent at potions, it was his passion.

We had a wonderful weekend in Majorca. Never in my life had I felt so close to anyone. We could sit in companionable silence without feeling awkward, or we took long walks, talking about whatever came to our minds. When he was with me his guards were completely down and he shared all his thoughts with me, just like I did. When I was with him I felt grounded, so much more myself and less like what others might see in me. Although we were lovers now he was still my best friend and that showed in very insightful conversations we had while all the same we could exchange some sweet talk.

I was truly happy, my love life was wonderful- we often retreated to the privacy of my tower, sometimes only to kiss and cuddle for a while. Though I'd had many men in my life, the intimacy had never been like that before; I had never cherished the feeling of falling asleep in the arms of my lover, and the prospect of seeing his face first thing in the morning, more than I did now with Severus. We really had to solve our accommodation problem soon and find ourselves a place to live together for the notion of being apart again on Monday was the only thought that could dampen our otherwise perfectly wonderful weekend.

-

Monday morning we woke up early and we slowly, almost sleepily, made love for the last time before the dull reality of daily routine could get its clutches on us again. I must have looked sad when we had a quick breakfast under the pergola because Mum took me aside for a moment while Severus was waiting for me at the fireplace; fortunately we'd use the Floo to get back to London. Although, I must admit, I hadn't felt as sick as usually when he had abducted me through a Portkey.

"Raven, dear, I know that house prices in London are horrendous, but let me assure you that financial problems will never matter if you happen to find the perfect place for you and Severus. Your father was a genius when it came to making the best of the money he earned with his shows, always wanting to know we were well provided for- just in case anything might happen to him- and it would definitely be in his interest if I could help you out with a cash injection, so do not hesitate to ask me. I- _**we**_- always wanted you to be happy."

I had to stifle a sob when I hugged Mum goodbye, hurrying to follow Severus as he threw some Floo powder in the fireplace. A moment later we were back to London, stepping out of the fireplace of St Mungo's residence hall. We kissed goodbye, then he headed to the potions lab while I Apparated to my flat in Kensington, hating its anonymity the moment I opened the door. It was much too bright, too modern, too nicely sterile for my liking.

There was a pile of newspapers, Muggle and wizarding weekend editions, waiting for me on the table. I flickered through them, not caring about how well the interview with Severus read or what the _Daily Prophet_ wrote about the first trial against Death Eaters. I was only interested in the property market.

I called a few brokers but to no avail. Either the price put me off or they announced too happily how modern the house was furnished. Thank you, but I wasn't looking for modern. What I wanted was a mixture of modern and old-fashioned, the prefect blend of Muggle and wizarding culture.

Frustrated I left the building and mounted my Harley to go for a ride. I cruised the streets with no concrete destination on my mind when suddenly I saw that house again, covered with ivy, shaded by a weeping willow. And like the first time I immediately slammed on the brakes, surprised to see that it was still for sale. This time I didn't hesitate to call the broker.

About an hour later I held the keys in my hands and was waiting for Severus, feeling absolutely excited. Mr Gallagher, the broker, had agreed to leave the key with me so I could show the house to him during his lunch break. I was so excited because my first impression had been right- this was a perfect wizarding house although it had been inhabited by Muggles lately. Unfortunately they had died in the house, in the library to be more precise, which was the reason that the house was still on the market.

"They say it's haunted," Mr Gallagher had told me in a surreptitious whisper, and he had laughed about it but his laughter had sounded choked. Although he didn't believe in rumours people nevertheless didn't want to live in a house where its former owners were found dead. I didn't believe it rumours either; I knew that the house wasn't haunted. There was merely a Boggart living in an old desk crammed into a dark corner of the library.

A little _pop_ told me that Severus had just arrived, he had Apparated to the shadows of the weeping willow, brushing aside the overhanging branches as he approached me now. At first glance he seemed to approve of the house. I beamed brightly at him.

"It's perfect, you'll see," I cried, flinging my arms around his neck. Then I took his hand to lead him inside. We crossed the entrance hall to the kitchen at the far end of the hall. It was furnished in a modern style but there was also an old hearth that had not been removed by its late owners. Severus merely nodded; he wasn't interested in kitchens so I took him to a room that would probably please him more. And indeed, his face lit up when he saw the huge library, the walls covered with empty bookshelves from floor to ceiling, except for the place where the fireplace was . There was also a small bathroom on the ground floor.

A broad staircase led to the first floor and we entered a light-flooded living room with large windows overlooking the back garden. The room was empty but I could imagine us sitting on a comfortable sofa in front of the fireplace. Actually the house had three fireplaces, one on each floor, so it wouldn't be a problem to connect at least one to the Floo network.

The other rooms on this floor were smaller and looking to the street, they could be used as guestroom, dining room or office. But the best, the very best of this house, was the top floor under the roof. A spiral staircase led upstairs and we stepped into our future bedroom, also with big windows that opened to the garden and a tiny balcony, just big enough to have breakfast on sunny Sunday mornings. To the right was a small room that would be perfect as walk-in wardrobe. Almost squeaking with excitement I dragged Severus to the door on the left and pushed it open to reveal the bathroom, which had clearly been modernised recently. It was probably the most luxurious bathroom I had ever seen outside of a five-star hotel, decorated with oriental looking tiles in white and blue. The bathtub had the size of a small pool and was raised on a pedestal.

I was a bit disappointed that Severus didn't seem to share my enthusiasm but maybe I would have to show him first all the naughty things one could do in a bath like this. Now there was only one room left that he hadn't seen, that I hadn't seen either yet, and that was in the basement. Mr Gallagher had tried all his keys on that door but hadn't managed to open it. Of course not, since it was magically sealed.

I drew my wand and pointed it at the door. "Alomahora!"

The door opened with a creak, behind it was a dungeon similar to Severus' old office at Hogwarts, with shelves of jars containing slimy things in coloured liquids. In the middle of the room stood a table with an old cauldron on it.

"Fantastic!" Severus murmured as he surveyed the rows of jars. Apparently he preferred the dark and slimy things this house had to offer over a luxury bath and sun-flooded rooms. "A private potions lab!"

"So, what do you think?" I asked him later when we were standing in front of the house again.

"Yes, it's nice," he said dryly though he had to smirk at me fidgeting in front of him.

"And?" Oh, sometimes he could drive me mad with keeping his composure at the most inappropriate moments! "Damned, Severus Snape, could you imagine living here with me?"

A mocking little smile curled up the corners of his lips. "Only if you don't paint it pink."

I let out an overjoyed cry and flung my arms around his neck. He hugged me, and we kissed, but then his face took on a more serious expression.

"The question is, Raven, can we afford to buy a house?"

"Well, it's quite cheap for London actually, probably because they say it's haunted…"

"Haunted?"

"Yeah, there's a Boggart living in your library. Of course it won't be a problem to get rid of it."

"No, that won't be a problem. But you're trying to distract me, Raven. I have no idea of house prices in London so what precisely is quite cheap?"

I told him the sum in Pounds and he blanched, which proved that he clearly had no idea of house prices in a metropolis. "Sev, there's nothing to worry about. You know I inherited a small fortune from my dad and we only have to pay ten percent of the price now, the rest in monthly payments. I already arranged that with Mr Gallagher when he gave me the keys."

Severus nibbled at his lip, thinking hard. "I don't think it's right. I want to live with you but I cannot accept you paying for it. If we want to live together we will pay for it together, and the salary at Hogwarts did not make me a rich man. I'm sorry."

"Well, you already own a house. Why don't you sell that so we can buy this one together?"

"Who would want to buy a house in that dunghill? Most of the people who used to live there when I was young have moved away, most of the neighbourhood is dilapidated. Muggles aren't so stupid that they would pay to live there."

"No, Muggles not. But perhaps a wizard or a witch would be thrilled to live in the place where Severus Snape grew up… we could use your momentary fame and popularity, and place an add in the _Naughty Quill_, announcing that the old family house of a war hero is for sale."

"You are a cunning witch, my dear," Severus said and I took that as a compliment.

That moment Mr Gallagher came round the corner, looking slightly confused as if he had forgotten something.

"Ah, Miss Lestrange…" he scratched his head and glanced to where his car was parked. It seemed odd that he just came from lunch while I was standing there with the keys. Of course he would never leave the keys to a property with a woman dressed in black leather and simply go to lunch. Probably the man standing next to me looked even more suspicious to him but he put on a smile as if we were a perfectly normal couple. "Your… um, companion… er, do you find the house agreeable, Mister-?"

"Snape," Severus replied curtly. He glanced at me, a quizzical crease forming between his eyes.

I smiled. _'Twas only a tiny little Confundus Charm…he wouldn't have left me the keys…_

He smirked slightly.

"Well, Miss Lestrange, Mr Snape, do we have a deal?" Mr Gallagher asked, sounding more businesslike now.

I locked eyes with Severus who let out a sigh and nodded briefly. He was still concerned about the financial issues because he had never spent so much money, and he worried that he might not be able to pay his part of the share. But in the end he agreed because he knew how much I wanted this house, and he had to admit to himself that he liked it, too. Well, at least the library and the dungeon…

We signed the contract on the hood of Mr Gallagher's car and then I went with the broker to spend the afternoon Confunding bankers and lawyers. Magic was a wonderful thing to shorten the long ways of bureaucracy, and I wanted to move in our house **soon**.

-

It had been a surprise when Severus had suggested meeting me at my apartment after work, and of course I had agreed. Now he stared at me, looking a bit overtaxed. We've just had dinner from a Chinese delivery service when I had confronted him with the very serious question about how he wanted our house to be furnished.

"I beg your pardon? I am aware that we do need some furniture but isn't it quite clear what we need?"

"Sev, I'm talking about style here," I said as I piled some leaflets and catalogues of various furniture stores on the table. "Of course I know that the first thing we need is a bed, preferably a big one, but the question is what kind of a bed. Do you like a four-poster, a futon or a water-bed? Modern or antique looking? What kind of wood?"

Timidly he began to flicker through the pages of a catalogue but apparently he wasn't a big fan of that famous Swedish furniture store as his expression told me.

"I never had to occupy myself with such things," he admitted, scowling. "Wherever I used to live before there was always furniture and it always suited its purpose…"

"Well, the furniture in here is also suiting its purpose, but do you like it?"

Severus looked decidedly out of place in this bright, modern apartment with all the whites and pale beiges, the glassy surfaces and the gleaming stainless steel. It was really no surprise that he shook his head. Well, I didn't like it either.

"Sev," I reached across the table to take his hands in mine, "I want to live with you and I want our house to be our home, where we both feel at home, cosy and comfortable."

He gave my hands a reassuring squeeze and kissed them one by one. "I completely trust you in all matters concerning style, and I am certain that you will make our house a true home- as long as you don't paint it pink, that is."

"How about yellow?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Not my library or my potions lab!"

Laughingly I agreed to that and moved closer, kissing him. We proceeded to the sofa, then, because it was more cosy there, snuggled up to each other, but if I had thought I could seduce him to spending the night with me I was wrong. This place held too many memories of Sirius or- as only Severus could put it- the place reeked of dog.

In the end, after we had kissed goodnight, I was glad that I at least had found out that he liked the dark wood we had in Majorca. The next days I would spend in furniture stores, shopping.

Since Severus was busy with potions research, it was up to me to make our house a home. The Boggart was rattling in that old desk when I entered the library to cast some cleaning spells, hoping he could tempt me into letting him out and scare me to death. Poor thing, I thought as I ignored him, but it would need more to fool a freelance Auror… although, I had to admit that, this specific Boggart seemed to be one of a truly malicious nature.

The bed I had bought earlier today wouldn't be delivered before tomorrow afternoon; it was the first piece of furniture I had purchased because I couldn't wait to spent my nights with Severus in our own house. However, that didn't mean I had to wait until the bed would be delivered in order to spend a night with him, I realized, and a plan began to form in my head.

I sent him a Patronus with the message to meet me here after work, and busied myself with what I had in mind, feeling quite excited about it.

There were small candles on every step of the staircase he had to walk up to the top floor- I had told him to follow the lights- and a cosy fire was burning in the fireplace of our bedroom. In front of it I had arranged an array of pillows and blankets that looked inviting (and we'd definitely end up there later) but first we'd meet in the bathroom, which was also lit by candles. The tub was filled with scented water, rose petals swimming on its surface although the water didn't smell of roses; I couldn't imagine Severus would like to smell of roses and neither did I. On a small platform atop the pool-like bathtub, and probably designed for exactly that purpose, stood a champagne-cooler with a bottle of chilled champagne in it, next to it two glasses and a bowl with fruits.

"Raven?" I heard Severus calling my name as he made his way up the staircase. I didn't reply but merely waited for him. The expression on his face when he spotted me in the bathroom was almost priceless. He saw the tub filled with water, he saw the candles, and he saw me, dressed in a bath-robe. His obsidian eyes gleamed with longing but apparently he didn't get what I was aiming at when I asked him if he wanted to take a bath, since his first reaction was to wrinkle his nose, surreptitiously sniffing if he might smell dirty.

Uh-oh, I hoped I hadn't unintentionally hit a sore spot because I suddenly remembered how the Marauders had always taunted him about his unwashed hair, his greying underwear…

Hastily I closed the distance between us, cupping his face in my hands. "Meaning, I want **us** to take a bath together… trust me, it will be fun."

And I started to unbutton his shirt.

"That sounds… decadent… but decadent sounds just fine when it comes from your lips," he rasped when I stripped him of his pants and took his hand to lead him to the bathtub. By then he had finally realized that this wasn't about personal hygiene.

"Tell me you like it and that it's great to have such a bathroom." I whispered in his ear. His hair was damp, it smelled of smoke and herbs, the scent of potions brewing. He leaned against me, his head rested between my breasts.

Severus took a sip of champagne and said, "I find it quite agreeable."

"Agreeable, eh?" Teasingly I ran my fingers down his torso over his flat stomach, his skin soft and slippery wet. They followed a thin line of black hair that began underneath his navel and led further south, disappearing between his thighs. My hand closed around him, fondling him. A hoarse gasp escaped his lips and I smirked. "Is that _agreeable_, Sev?"

"Ahhh," he mouthed. My hand started to move with gentle determination. At one point he made a feeble attempt to escape my ministrations and get his hands on me for a change, but in the end he merely dropped his glass of champagne. "Stop this torture, witch!"

"You want me to stop?" With my free hand I fed a strawberry to him.

"Yes!" His breathing became more ragged now. "No… Raven…"

He went slack. I let go of him and shifted my position so I could kiss him; he tasted of strawberries.

"Now is this a great bathroom or not?"

"Oh… you wait, Lestrange!" And he took his revenge, water sloshing over the sides of the tub in the process.

I giggled. But when he pulled me on his lap later, I stopped giggling and looked him in the eye, wrapping my legs around his waist. "You are aware that we couldn't do this in a normal-sized tub, aren't you?"

"Alright, you nag- Merlin bless this tub!" Then he slipped inside me, steadying me with his hand on my hips while his hungry strawberry mouth crashed down on my lips for a passionate kiss.

In the aftermath of us overflowing the bathroom we drank some more champagne while the water was getting colder. We could have used a heating charm but we opted against it and left the tub before our skin would seriously begin to wrinkle. Wading through the puddles on the floor I realized how glad I was to be a witch and that it would only need a charm to clean up the mess. With a flick of my wand the puddles disappeared. Severus wrapped me in a big, fluffy towel and we proceeded to our bedroom that still lacked the bed. But there was the array of pillows and blankets in front of the fireplace, a cosy lover's nest for us to spend the first night in our house in.

We had some more fun with scented body oil I had bought, it smelled slightly of spices and was good for gentle massages. Although, when it was my turn I quickly forgot about gentle because his shoulders were so stiff I had to add a little more pressure to soften the hard knots under his skin. Severus sighed with pleasure.

"You work too much," I scolded him.

"I…" He heaved a sigh and turned around to face me, "I have to. With all the trials I am to attend to coming up, I cannot spend as much time as I want on my projects and I wish to prove myself worthy of Professor O'Flaherty's premature praises."

"But you already improved a potion they've been working on for years!"

"Well, that is the point of research, isn't it? But let's not talk about work tonight." To underline his words he reached to the bowl of fruits standing next to him and stuffed a grape into my mouth to silence me. Then he pointed his head towards the small room adjoining the bedroom. "What was it again you said you want to make of it?"

"A walk-in wardrobe."

"Ah… um- why would anyone need that?"

"You'll see, darling," I told him, not in the mood to elaborate on fashion victims and their fascination with clothes or shoes. Instead, I snuggled up close to him and soon we were making plans concerning our house and our future while feeding the other one with strawberries and grapes. It was a good feeling to know that I was the centre of his life now, not second best anymore.

-

In the morning Severus got up early and breathed a kiss on my temple. Since it was much too early for me I pulled the blanket over my head while all the same wondering whether I should get up and have breakfast with him. On the other hand I wasn't the most charming person early in the morning so I decided to not spoil his day.

A couple of minutes later the smell of coffee filled my nostrils and I raised my head a little, sniffling. Severus was holding a cup of coffee under my nose. I took a sip before I managed to open my eyes wide enough to see that he was already dressed, ready to leave.

"There's another trial called in for today…"

"You want me to come?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I just wanted to let you know that I won't make it home as early as I like, and I also want to pack my belongings at St Mungo's. I take it we will have a bed tonight?"

Right, the bed. They wanted to deliver it this afternoon so I wouldn't have time to accompany him to the trial anyway. And there was still so much else to do, like I had to hand in an application for our fireplace to be officially connected to the Floo network, then I had to deal with Muggle power and telephone providers and _persuade_ them to forget about their usual bureaucratic ways. Also, we needed more furniture than just a bed, a lot more cleaning had to be done… to cut it short, I would be quite busy. With a sigh I got up and kissed Severus goodbye, thanking him for the coffee

When he was gone I walked though all the empty rooms of our house and couldn't decide what to do first. I raked my fingers through my hair, feeling slightly overtaxed for a moment. I couldn't manage it all on my own, I needed help. As much as I had wanted a house I wasn't born the perfect housewife, and all those household spells had never come as easy to me as defensive magic. I realized that we could use a house-elf.

I've been to a house-elf auction only once in my life and that had been such a saddening thing I never wanted to experience again. The poor little creatures were sold to the highest bidders, wealthy, arrogant purebloods who thought it extremely funny how their new slaves would hurt themselves just to please their masters. No, I really couldn't stomach that another time.

But wasn't there a house-elf that was already as good as ours? I quickly got through with fighting Muggle bureaucracy, visited Kingsley at the Ministry- he arced a surprised brow at me when he saw me wearing a business-like looking suit, but hey, it was always easier to Confund Muggles if you looked respectable- and then I Apparated to Hogwarts for an appointment with Headmistress McGonagall I had arranged sometime in between. Fortunately the students were in their classes when I strode along the corridors to her office, my high heels clattering on the old stones, sounding offending. Modern age kicking centuries of tradition with every step. I suddenly realized why Slughorn had considered my star spangled, silver platform boots such an affront.

"Raven!" The headmistress glanced at me over the rims of her spectacles before looking up from whatever papers she had been studying, and flashed me an encouraging smile. "I must admit I was a bit surprised when I received your message asking for an appointment. May I hope you changed your mind about my offer?"

"No, unfortunately not." Help! I was busy enough without having to try and beat knowledge into the heads of teenagers. "I take it you still haven't found a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher?"

McGonagall shook her head. "It is as if the position is still cursed. Some members of the Order are helping out but…"

"Have you asked Sirius yet? He's good at defensive magic and he's good with kids." I suggested.

"Merlin beware! He was decidedly the most charming prankster I ever had the pleasure to teach but I fear he is not the right influence for our students. Besides, could you imagine Sirius Black actually _working_ for his living?"

We both chuckled at the thought. No, she was definitely right, I couldn't imagine that either.

"So, since you are not interested in a teaching position, and I heard that Severus is doing extremely well at St Mungo's, what is giving me the pleasure of your presence, Raven?"

I cleared my throat. "I'm here because of a certain house-elf; her name's Pinkie. She was always very fond of Severus and… um, we just moved in together…" Merlin, I blushed like a student caught in the act by her teacher but McGonagall smiled at me.

She rang a bell that had no sound and a moment later Pinkie appeared in her office. Her enormous violet eyes grew even wider when she spotted me, an expression of joy on her cute ugly face.

"Mistress Raven! How is Master Severus? Pinkie heard… oh poor Pinkie heard so horrible things and is so happy good Mistress saved Master Severus… so horrible if Master Severus has gone. Pinkie has not taken good care of her dear master… bad Pinkie, bad Pinkie…" At that point she began to beat her head against the desk but I unceremoniously grabbed her and lifted her up to my lap.

"Stop that! You know that Master Severus does not approve to such a behaviour so if you want to live with us…"

"With Master Severus and Mistress Raven?" She stared at me with big violet eyes before she squeaked with delight. "Oh, Pinkie wants very much to do that!"

"Provided that Headmistress McGonagall agrees, of course."

"It is so obvious where here loyalty lies that it would be cold-hearted to not let her go."

"Headmistress allows Pinkie to serve her dear Master Severus?" The house-elf asked in awe.

"Yes, you are free to leave Hogwarts."

"Speaking of free, there are some conditions I must insist upon, Pinkie"

"Anything, Mistress Raven, dear Mistress Raven."

"Fine. If you want to work for us you will wear clothes and accept payment, like a free house-elf."

For moment she looked shocked because being free was not the point of a house-elf. But then she asked with wide eyes. "Like Dobby, Mistress Raven?"

"Yes, like Dobby."

She was shrewd; Pinkie cocked her head and said with a smile. "Pinkie is free to accept and Pinkie wants to live with Master Severus and mistress Raven, and Pinkie will serve you well."

"So we have a deal." I glanced at McGonagall and saw her nodding in approval.

"Like I said, it would be cold-hearted to not let her go but that doesn't mean I will give away an efficient house-elf for free."

"I didn't expect that, Professor McGonagall." I couldn't help it, to me she would always be my strict Transfiguration teacher even though she had offered me to call her Minerva like anyone else did when I had joined the Order. "So lets talk about the payment."

"Ah, why don't we see it that way- I'm doing you a favour and all I expect is a favour in return?"

She looked at me like a cat would look at a mouse that it didn't want to kill yet but play with for a while, and I felt rather uncomfortable because I knew what would come next. I shook my head. "No…"

"Why don't you hear me out first? Due to the recent events and the aftermath of the war the NEWT exams have been postponed to mid August. All I'm asking you is to take over the Defence against the Dark Arts NEWT preparation course on two afternoons a week during the summer since the students have learned next to nothing this last year. I'm certain you don't want to see many a promising career ruined because they fail to pass their exams, do you?"

I hated to be persuaded at gun point but at long last I agreed.

* * *

Thanks to all of you who put me on their Story Alert or Favorite list. At least I know that someone is reading this story, but I need feedback. I want to know your opinion so please **review**...


	37. The Prince's Ring

37- The Prince's Ring

We had a house-elf now but I felt I had paid a high price for it. Severus actually laughed out loud when he heard how Minerva had literally tricked- _pressed_- me into service. I tried to see the bright side of my assignment, telling myself that at least I wouldn't have to deal with young kids, that my summer term students were young adults who had chosen to do the NEWTs preparation course because they wanted to learn something in order to do well in their exams; they would be motivated. Of course Severus begged to differ since he knew my future students all too well, most of them had been in his class when he taught Defence against the Dark Arts in their sixth year. He could tell me stories about each of them I didn't want to hear because I preferred to meet them without prejudices, but I was willing to accept his help should there be problems. Fortunately, I still had two weeks to prepare myself for this special summer term, to study the curriculum and find out what was expected in NEWT exams these days, while all the same I was still busy making our house a home.

Pinkie was a great help. I wanted to buy her a fancy dress like the ones Tweety loved so much but apparently house-elves were as different as humans when it came to style. She preferred plain and black, just like Severus. When I looked at her now she reminded me of that little girl in The Adams Family. Alright, the girl had plaited braids where Pinkie had big, bat-like ears but you get the point?

I thought it a good idea to ask Mum if I could borrow Tweety for a few days so that Pinkie wouldn't have to do all the cleaning on her onesies, I also thought it would be nice for her to have a companion. But I was wrong. The minute the two house-elves laid eyes on each other the dislike was mutual and that was only the beginning. They started a bitter competition, rivals in their effort of proving which of them was the better house-elf. When I turned my back on them they were bitching at each other.

"Tweety's dress is much prettier. Pinkie looks like an ugly hag!"

"Tweety is a vain, lazy puppet, not working hard like Pinkie does!"

"But Mistress Raven likes Tweety more. Mistress Raven likes Pinkie only because she feels sorry for her."

"Not! You Tweety is a sob!"

"Pinkie only says that because she is jealous that Tweety is so much prettier. You is a sob!"

"You is a lazy git!"

"Tweety is not lazy, you scum!"

"Filth!"

Whoever started it, but next they were pulling at their opponent's ears, trying to bite each other, and when I jerked them apart, scolding them, they turned to different sides of the corridor and banged their heads against the walls. Stupid house-elves! They were supposed to help me instead of turning against each other in the process, and they weren't of any help if I had to constantly keep an eye on them. With a frustrated sigh I sent Tweety back to Majorca and told Pinkie that I wanted the ground floor impeccable clean by the time I returned home, then I went shopping.

I discovered a small furniture store called Woodworm's Paradise- admittedly, the name reminded of maggoty wood and didn't sound promising to someone who liked intact furniture- but it was much bigger inside than it looked from outside, and the selection was just great. I noticed that it seemed to be mainly frequented by wizarding customers although I also spotted a few Muggle antique collectors there.

In the end I purchased two big, comfortable armchairs for the library; they were made of dark wood and upholstered with dark green velvet. When then employees of Woodworm's Paradise figured out I was a witch in spite of my Muggle attire, they promised prompt delivery, meaning the armchairs dissolved into thin air and would be at home a mere instant later. I could have bought a few more things but since tomorrow was Saturday I decided to visit again with Severus; he should have his say in it too instead of leaving it all up to me.

But he wouldn't have his say in something I had wanted for a long time now. One might debate on whether it made sense to spend so much money on a machine when all you needed was some talent in Transfiguration and wand movement, but I simply had to buy a professional coffee machine that matched those in good coffee shops. Yes, I was still a bit posh and there were certain luxuries in life that I simply needed even if I was willing to make compromises.

As expected, Severus rolled his eyes when he saw my newest acquisition. He was a bit suspicious when it came to all the Muggle things I was bringing back into his life for he had always hated that part of his parentage due to his truly horrible father. Nevertheless he had to admit that the coffee tasted better when it was professionally brewed and not transfigured. Just like me he was willing to make compromises.

Saturday morning we first went to Gringotts to check on his vault. To Severus surprise, quite a nice pile of galleons had gathered throughout the years even if the salary at Hogwarts hadn't made him a rich man. On the other hand he had never spent much money on himself, so it didn't come as a surprise to me since board and lodging had been for free, while all he'd ever bought were books and occasionally a new set of robes. Severus was clearly not a shopping maniac like I was.

When we Apparated to Woodworm's Paradise, I sincerely hoped it wouldn't bore him too much, or be beneath his intellectual mind, to go rummaging for things we could use to make our house a home. He wasn't overly excited about it but he endured it with patience as long as it wouldn't take too long. Fortunately I had already put some items on my short-list yesterday so he only had to make a few choices now, like picking the chairs he liked best. Surprisingly he also agreed on the sofa I favoured although it was of dark red velvet.

I arched a perplexed brow at him. "Oh, and I thought the colour would be too offending for your Slytherin eyes, reminding you of Gryffindor…"

"No, it's fine. Is there anything else we need?"

I could have listed many things- carpets, lamps, all the decoration stuff that made a house a home- but I shook my head because I didn't want to overstrain his patience. It wasn't possible to get it all done in one week; it would take many weeks or even months until everything was just the way I wanted it.

He looked around, apparently feeling ill-at-ease. The shop was crowded and people were staring at us. First I thought it was because we were such an odd couple, he in his black robes and I in jeans and t-shirt, but then I noticed that people were recognizing him. They were staring and gossiping behind our backs.

"Isn't that Severus Snape?"

"Who's that woman at his side?"

"Why is there a woman at his side? I thought he would always love Lily Potter…"

It felt like a stab in the heart to hear them talking like that, maybe it would always sting, and I only wanted to leave. I knew that our relationship would probably be frowned upon but I could do without the reminder that I wasn't Lily. And it was just bloody unfair of them to expect Severus to pine after her forever, not granting him the chance for happiness. It was irrational but in moment like this I felt insecure, wondering if he was truly happy with me or if I was merely a substitute for a happiness he could never have.

"Stop thinking such nonsense," he chided me grumpily as he paid for our furniture and we Disapparated from Woodworm's Paradise. Still muttering under his breath about the impertinence of prattling old hags we returned to our house where Pinkie was already waiting for us with lunch.

I wasn't very hungry and Severus wasn't in his best mood either. Although it was sad to let some gossiping witches ruin our first weekend in our own house, we spent the afternoon separated. Severus retreated to his private potions lab in the basement where he would take inventory of all the jars the previous owners had left him, while I busied myself in the living room, rearranging our new furniture. I had bought shelves for my CD collection that needed to be sorted and I wanted to decorate the mantelpiece with a few pictures.

There was one I would always treasure, it was the last photograph of me and my dad. He would be so happy to see me sitting here, finally settled in a place I shared with the man I loved. The picture of my parents would also find a place on the mantelpiece as well as the one Mum had taken of Severus and me in Majorca. She had managed to take us by surprise, clever witch that she was, a snapshot that showed us cuddled up close together under the pergola. Severus looked really handsome in this one, a smile on his face, his black eyes sparkling… I rummaged through my box of old photographs until I found the one of him and Lily where he had that rapt expression on his face, and compared them.

Oh, I was such a fool for ever having been jealous of a girl that was long dead. Yes, he had adored her, had raised her on a pedestal, and I had always been second best only- but that was over now, the look on his face proved it; I should have never questioned it.

Suddenly I felt arms come snaking around my waist, his lips kissing my neck, nuzzling my hair… I hadn't heard him approaching me because of the music that sounded from the speakers of my new stereo.

Metal Guru could it be

_you're gonna bring my baby to me_

She'll be wild

_you know a rock'n roll child, oh yeah…_

"We really shouldn't bother about all the gossip," he whispered into my ear, then he chuckled. "I remember this song. You insisted on playing it to me the day your parents took me home with you lot, end of fifth year..."

"I had to change that ignorant attitude of yours," I said as I turned around and hugged him. "You know, you were my age, we were friends, and yet you've never listened to T-Rex before!" I heaved a sigh. "Probably I'll never understand the ignorance of the wizarding world when it comes to music- hope you don't mind that I put the stereo in our living room?"

"No, not at all."

Though he was still suspicious of Muggle technology that apparently didn't go for music, I thought, remembering that old cassette player in his room at Spinner's End and the tape it had played. _The Cure, Severus? _One day he would tell me how he had come by that tape but today I only wanted to snuggle up to him and forget about gossiping witches.

I decided that it couldn't harm to have the picture of Lily and him on the mantelpiece, next to the one of us in Majorca.

-

Sunday morning came and Pinkie served breakfast on our little balcony. Though it was much too early for my liking (I really liked to sleep in late on Sundays) I nevertheless got up when Severus did, joining him sleepily. I knew he wanted to go to Spinner's End today in order to pack his belongings before his childhood house would be sold to the highest bidder. The ad in the _Naughty Quill _had been quite successful so far, and the price was constantly rising, but I feared it might drop again when our relationship would make the _Daily Prophet's _ headline; I could almost feel the infamous Rita Skeeter breathing down my neck, lusting for sensation. I shivered slightly.

After breakfast we Apparated to Spinner's End. The street looked as desolated as it had on my previous visits, the neighbouring houses were rundown, the streetlamps broken, and the whiff that came from the nearby river smelled foul.

"I won't miss this place," Severus commented dryly as he opened the door and glanced around the living room. With a flick of his wands the books on the shelves hovered one by one through the air and disappeared in an open trunk standing on the floor. Packing could be fun when it was done by magic.

We then proceeded to the upper floor, his old room. Apparently there wasn't much he considered worth keeping for he burned most of it in a controlled, magical fire, saving only a few things.

Then he hesitantly opened the door to his parent's bedroom, probably not having entered it for years. The atmosphere of the room gave us the creeps, it was still full of Tobias Snape's negative energy. I was merely beginning to fathom how Severus' childhood must have been if the ghosts of his past were still haunting him. I knew he had used the Killing Curse on his father and I failed to blame him for that; in my opinion he had deserved it for all the pain he had caused Severus, physically or mentally. Sometimes the end justifies the means.

Severus opened a cupboard and rummaged through the highest shelf. There, in the most far corner, hidden behind clothes and blankets, was a box. He took it and we left the room again, not wanting to linger.

In the kitchen he drank a glass of water before opening the box; it contained papers, his birth certificate and stuff like that. Also, there was a small jewel case. Of course I was curious.

"What's that?"

"An old family heirloom…" Tentatively he opened the little box. Inside, on a bed of green velvet was a ring, two silver serpents, their heads entwined, eyes sparkling emeralds. Apparently his family had a long tradition with the house of Slytherin

"It's beautiful," I breathed.

He shrugged, faking indifference while all the same he was suddenly very nervous, his hair covering his face as he took my hand and slipped the ring on my finger. "Now it's beautiful."

I was rendered speechless, and it wasn't very helpful either that he avoided meeting my eyes, both of us fidgeting, looking for words.

"Sev… I…"

"You… um, you like it, don't you?"

"Why, of course. But…" While I still wondered if that was meant as proposal, someone knocked loudly on the door and the question was postponed. Severus hurried to answer the door. I stared at the ring on my finger, listening to the voices in the living room.

"Narcissa. What a pleasant surprise." The tone of his voice betrayed his words; he was decidedly not pleased.

"Severus, so good to see you. I've been looking for you for days… oh, so is it true then? You're moving out? I never understood how you could live here in the first place…"

"Narcissa, I trust you have not been looking for me to talk about my place of residence so could you please get to the point. What can I do for you?"

"I really must speak to you," she stifled a sob.

"Well, we are speaking."

"It's about Lucius, Severus. I… I cannot lose him again. The year he spent in Azkaban- I barely recognized him when he came back and it's still haunting him. It will break him if they send him there again. You are the only one who can help him now."

"I don't think so. I'm surprised through- has he not managed to weasel himself out of trouble by donating generously in an attempt to bribe the Ministry?"

"You know Lucius, he was indeed very generous and yet the Ministry insist on putting him to trial. I beg you urgently, Severus. You are the main witness for the prosecution, you could tell them that Lucius did nothing wrong. He was mislead, yes, and he may have made poor choices but it simply wasn't possible to disobey the Dark Lord."

"I'm sorry, Narcissa, but I really can't help you. I will not lie for Lucius. He was responsible for the fiasco at the Ministry, he…"

"But you're his friend! Does that old friendship of yours mean nothing to you anymore?"

"Friend?" Severus spat. "How naïve are you, Narcissa? I kept up a façade for years, spying for the Order while everyone but your dear sister Bellatrix believed I was absolutely loyal to the course. Lucius envied me my position as the Dark Lord's favourite, his most trusted advisor." He laughed bitterly. "And all the time I was fooling him, fooling all of you. Now ask yourself, Narcissa, would Lucius even want to accept the help of a traitor? Provided that I would chose to help him, which I do not."

She sobbed loudly now. "But I have only him and Draco. Please, Severus, do it for me if you feel disinclined to support Lucius. You do still care about me, don't you?"

"I do, Narcissa, but my priorities have shifted and I cannot forgive Lucius for what he did to…"

"Hello, Narcissa!" Sometimes I just had a knack for perfect timing. As if I had only been waiting for my keyword I had left the kitchen, tired of merely listening to their conversation when I could as well join in.

Severus' eyes lit up at the sight of me while all the same they begged desperately for help since Narcissa Malfoy was cowering at his feet, wetting the hem of his robes with her tears. In her fancy pale blue silk dress she looked strangely out of place here at Spinner's End, but maybe so did I in my plain summer dress. We were worlds apart, as completely different as possible.

When she looked up and saw me, realisation seemed to struck her. Hastily wiping the tears of her face she staggered to her feet, trying to regain her composure. It was one thing to break down and cry in the presence of a gallant man but another to show weakness in the face of a rival. Soon her usual haughty expression was back on her features.

"Raven Lestrange," she gasped, glancing from me to Severus and back. She knew that hers was a lost case

"You will understand now, Narcissa, why I can't possibly help Lucius. Though I might feel inclined to ignore many of his faults, I can't and I won't forget what he did to Raven. He didn't hesitate to bring her face to face with the Dark Lord, for his own benefit, because he…"

"He wouldn't have done that if only he had known what she means to you," Narcissa interjected stubbornly. Either she was blind with love for her husband or she was just incredibly stupid to believe that Lucius would have actually spared me because of Severus.

"Narcissa, you are truly naïve. Lucius would have done anything to get back in the Dark Lord's good graces and you know that."

Although she tried hard not to she couldn't help but starting to sob again. "I…I just don't want to lose him… he's my husband, the father of my child… I only have him and Draco. Our old friends are shunning us because they believe we didn't fight hard enough for the cause in that last battle- I betrayed the Dark Lord when I lied to him about Harry Potter- and yet the rest of the wizarding world detests us. If… if Lucius ends up in Azkaban, what am I to do?"

"See where all your pureblood supremacy got you- you come whining for the help of half-bloods." I never met a more pathetic woman and yet- damned be my soft streak- I suddenly felt sorry for her. I helped her up and pushed her not all too gently towards the sofa, where she crumbled down like a heap of misery. "Listen, Narcissa, if you'd climb off your high horse and get your pretty nose out of the stratosphere you might remember that Lucius and Draco aren't the only ones you've got. You still have family- it just got blasted off the family tree. You have a sister and a cousin, a baby nephew..."

"Andromeda won't want to see me," Narcissa insisted, her voice weak.

"Try her." _And most of all, __**leave**__ now_.

She glanced at Severus again but the expression on his face was inscrutable. I knew he felt sorry for Narcissa, and he was fond of her, but it had shocked him so thoroughly having to see me exposed to the Dark Lord's whims, because of Lucius Malfoy. And Severus Snape was not a very forgiving man. He would not try to gloss over Lucius' deeds for the sake of what Narcissa believed friendship.

The scent of her heavy, expensive perfume was still lingering in the air long after she had left. Severus was grumbling, looking irritated. I walked up to him and hugged him, feeling some of his anger leaving him.

"She's asking too much of me," he growled.

"Can't we forget the Malfoys for today? I believe there was something you wanted to ask me."

"Oh, um…" I loved the way his earlobes turned pinkish when he was embarrassed. He cupped my face in his hands, gently caressing my cheekbones with his thumbs while struggling at the verge of speech. At long last he managed to rasp, "Not here."

An instant later we were back in London. I opened a bottle of wine and lit a few candles, then we sat down on our small balcony, under a moonlit sky. Severus looked at our garden.

"We could grow a few useful plants down there…"

I was growling inwardly. Not paying attention to the plants he listed I raised my hand and glanced at the ring I was wearing on my ring finger. "You know, Sev, this is a truly beautiful ring. The ring of a Prince… for his princess?"

"Raven…" His voice sounded hoarse, full of emotions, and yet he couldn't find the right words to say. Sometimes the adept Potions Master was very shy and insecure. Maybe he feared I would run away when confronted with that question although he should know me better. My heart was beating so fast, so loud- he should be able to hear it. "I love you, and…"

He was at a loss again.

"I love you too, Sev." And then I didn't want to wait any longer. He hadn't given me that ring, probably the only heirloom he's got from his mother's side of family, for no reason. If he was too shy I had to be bold. I took his hands in mine. "Severus Snape, do you want to marry me?"

* * *

a/n: This was short but I liked the ending- let me know if you liked it too. Please review, it's really not that hard. Just press the little button and write a few words.


	38. Wedding Plans

38- Wedding Plans

Sometimes it was hard to put your emotions, your feelings in words, and sometimes a simple yes, spoken in a hoarse whisper, said it all. We kissed and held each other close for a while. It still amazed me how much love he had to give. He was so awkward with words when it came to expressing his feelings but his eyes, his hands, his kisses knew a language that needed no words. He made me feel like I was really special, the center of his universe. When we made love it was slowly and very tenderly, taking our time to touch, to enjoy the pleasure of caressing each other with loving devotion.

Some might wonder if it wasn't perhaps a tad early for a proposal or that we already talked about marriage now, but I begged to differ. Hadn't Severus waited long enough to finally find some happiness? Hadn't he had enough misery in his life? And I had waited long enough for him without ever knowing what I had waited for all my life. Besides, we wouldn't have bought this house if there had ever been any other option than spending the rest of our lives together.

Actually, the question in itself had been superfluous since we had known all along that we would marry. Yet asking that question had also been necessary because by speaking it out it became true, real. I was so happy and the sparkle in his obsidian eyes told me he was happy too. I'd give the world never to see that sparkle fade again.

The next morning was somehow sobering since we realized we hardly had any time to organize a wedding in the near future. Severus would be busy with the double load of his job and the trials against Death Eaters for a few more weeks, and I would soon be teaching Defense against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts two afternoons a week. I still had to get familiar with the curriculum and the standards for the NEWT exams; I had to get up to date with the latest development at the _Naughty_ _Quill_, and if that wasn't enough, Kingsley had asked me whether I could please help the Aurors on their search for Fenir Greyback. That damnable werewolf was still on the loose.

"We could just have a small, private ceremony," I suggested at breakfast, knowing that Sev wasn't much the party animal anyway.

"If that's what you want, my dear. I thought every witch wanted to make it a big event, a day to remember all her life, with a fancy white dress and charming little bride maids." There was a slightly sarcastic undertone in his voice. Though he definitely had a romantic streak he didn't like to show it and especially not when it came to such clichés. Probably he had been spoiled by Lily, who in third year had had very precise ideas of how her perfect wedding should be. Severus had often teased her about it although I suspected he wouldn't have minded being the bridegroom. In the end Lily had gotten her perfect fairytale wedding with Potter, may they rest in peace.

"I don't need a big party to always remember the day when I will become your wife, Sev. However, I will of course need a fancy dress. I'm just not sure whether white's the right color; it's so… _innocent_."

His eyebrows shot up in mocking surprise but I had been serious about it. I wasn't a virgin; I wasn't even a young girl anymore. I was a mature woman- witch- and after what my life had been like, miming the pure bride in white didn't seem appropriate. Just like Severus I had blood on my hands only the blood on mine was licensed by the Ministry… maybe I should wed in red…

"Don't you think we should first set a date, Lestrange, before you start wondering what to wear?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. So when are we going to marry?"

"You can't seem to wait to become my wife, can you?" He teased me, but his eyes told my he appreciated my enthusiasm.

"Well, when I'm Mrs Severus Snape you can't call me Lestrange anymore… you know, with that mocking tone of yours that sounds like rolling your eyes heavenwards, hoping for a sign that I'm not a hopeless case."

"You know that I'm not thinking like that about you, Raven. In a world full of dunderheads your wit is always refreshing and… why you're laughing now?"

"Just kidding, Sev." I leaned over to him and kissed him. His lips tasted of the home made raspberry jam my mum had sent us after I had told her our new address. Which reminded me that I should probably tell Mum the wonderful news that we're going to marry. "I always loved your sarcasm- in a dark way it's very refreshing too."

His lips twitched slightly. "You are indeed a very strange woman, _Lestrange_."

"Seems to be in my name"

We both laughed. His laugh was a deep rich baritone that caused butterflies in my stomach because it was such a rare sound; he hadn't had much to laugh in his life yet but I hoped that would change. I would give him reasons.

"I'm afraid I have to leave now. We're close to a breakthrough in the improvement of Wolfsbane and I don't want to give my assistants a chance to ruin the potion before the next full moon."

"Cool. I have to meet Sam anyway; I'll tell him to place an announcement in the _Quill_ that St Mungo's will be issuing free Wolfsbane come full moon."

"I said we're _close_ to a breakthrough," Severus stressed as he got up from the table, "and besides, Kingsley has not given his approval yet that the Ministry will actually pay for supplying the werewolves with Wolfsbane."

"I have faith in you," I said and stood to give him a hug. "Trust me, it's only a matter of persuasion. Kingsley knows that he can't shun the werewolves but has to integrate them if he doesn't want them following Greyback, running wild across the country. It's the same problem as it was with the vampires- they're quite peaceful since they have their official blood banks."

We kissed goodbye and went separate ways for the day. But first I called my mum and told her the news. Needless to say that she was overjoyed. Though she wanted to ask a thousand questions I cut her off and invited her for dinner instead; Severus wouldn't mind. Pinkie didn't either as long as she didn't bring along Tweety.

Then I visited Sam in order to gain an overview of the latest development of the _Naughty_ _Quill_; it was very satisfying. We had more subscribers than ever and were issuing on a daily basis now… I loved the imaginary ring of galleons in my Gringotts vault but even more I loved the fact that the _Quill _had become a real alternative to the sensation-lusting _Daily Prophet. _And Sam was keen to keep up his high principles of serious, honest and yet rebellious journalism, of never hushing things but covering up what needed to be. He had the rare talent of sensing a good story without ever lowering his standards to the gutter just for the sake of it.

Today he addressed me with a delicate matter. Apparently he had heard that people had seen Severus and I at Woodworm's Paradise, and his informant had also told him that the infamous Rita Skeeter was very interested in our relationship. She simply couldn't lay off of Severus.

"Ah, the gossiping will stop when we announce our wedding," I said casually, and almost at the same time Sam's ever so attentive eyes spotted the ring on my finger, the emeralds glittering bright in the sunlight.

"Oh my God, Raven! Is that what I think it is?"

"Yep."

Immediately he swept me in a bone-crushing embrace. "That's wonderful news- I love weddings! I have to call Sebastian…"

"Please, don't spread the news yet. Of course you can tell Sebastian but we haven't even set a date yet nor decided whether we want it big or small."

"I'm hoping for a grandiose party."

I guessed he had never seen Sev partying- well, I hadn't either and that was the point. But there were more important things to discuss so I changed the topic. Sam was really interested in the progress Severus made with the Wolfsbane Potion and thought that would be worth a story. He also addressed me with the request of employing some more people because he was feeling slightly overworked. Of course I agreed to that and left it to him whom he'd choose to hire.

On my way to the Ministry I dropped by at Sebastian's office to see how he was faring. He was preparing the next trial, which was due tomorrow, and he was excited about that one in particular. Finally he would meet the man everyone thought he looked so much like- Lucius Malfoy.

"The name does not have a familiar ring to you?" I inquired.

Sebastian shook his head. "Even if I am actually related to the Malfoys I still have no memory of the first years of my life… it is as if they are clouded in dense fog."

_Oblivio_ was a really nasty charm for it deprived the victim of memories and left them in a state of amnesia that often was incurable. It was one thing to use it on Muggles for the safety of the wizarding world but in my opinion unacceptable when a wizard used it against one of his peers. And once again I didn't know where the lines between Dark Arts and Ministry approved magic were drawn…

I left Sebastian mulling over what it would be like meeting Lucius tomorrow- after he had expressed his best wishes for my upcoming wedding, that is. In this point he was just like Sam, both of them seemed to love weddings.

With a smile on my face I Apparated to the Ministry for a meeting with Kingsley. I didn't find him at his office though; his secretary told me he was at Aurors headquarters. So I went there.

"Ah, Raven! Just the person I was hoping to drop by." He flashed me an encouraging smile when I wanted to back out of the room again since he wasn't alone. The elite of Britain's Aurors was with him, and though they had all paid attention to a map marked with little flags before I had entered, they were staring at me now. I noticed that Harry Potter was amongst them and wondered what the boy was doing here; he hadn't even started his Auror training yet.

"I'd like to hear your opinion. We've been discussing Greyback's moves for hours now and it doesn't seem to make sense," Kingsley carried on, pointing at the map. "Each of the flags is related to a spotting of Greyback, and though we're hard on his tracks we still fail to see any scheme to it. Does it make any sense to you?"

I looked at the map, studying it carefully. Manchester, Bristol, Norwich, Bradford, Plymouth, Carlisle… apparently there was no method to his madness; he seemed to roam the county with no point and purpose. Then I suddenly noticed something that made me wonder.

"He wasn't active until that date?"

"No. Not that we know." Kingsley said, frowning.

I had almost expected that but none of the Aurors got the connection between Fenir Greyback's coming into the open and St Mungo's announcement that Severus was working on an improvement of the Wolfsbane Potion. An improvement that would guarantee easier production and therefore allow every werewolf in Britain to live without transfiguration pain or the lust for blood. And that was not what Greyback wanted.

"Have you checked the list of registered werewolves in comparison with the places where he was spotted?" I asked.

"We'll do that right now." Kingsley assured me, and with a simple gesture he delegated this task to two of the Aurors.

"You think he wants to rally the werewolves?" Harry Potter interfered, gawping at me. "Um… I mean, he regards it as his mission in life to bite and contaminate as many people as possible, and he believes that werewolves deserve blood…"

"I don't think we have to fear a werewolf revolution- if that's what you're hinting at- because the likes that share Greyback's point of view wouldn't have registered with the Ministry. No, what I believe is that he's trying to persuade those who have already registered not to take any further step to respectability, meaning he doesn't want them to participate in Sev- er, Professor Snape's Wolfsbane Potion program."

"If that is the case," Harry looked from me to Kingsley, "we should do something to ensure Professor Snape's safety."

How cute! So the boy had finally started to care for the man who had protected him throughout his school years? I was glad Severus wasn't here to hear that but I could perfectly envision his sneer. "Well, though that's very gallant of you, Harry, caring about Professor Snape's well-being, I'm certain we can handle the situation without your protection," I said with only the slightest trace of mockery tinting my voice. Kingsley turned away to hide a surreptitious chuckle escaping his lips, not having forgotten the little scene in his office about one and a half weeks ago when the boy had what I called a fit of teenage idiocy. Then, he had begrudged Severus for having found happiness with me instead of still pining himself away over Lily, as he was supposed to do. But I guessed that Lily would have wanted him- both of them, actually- to move on, and I had already noticed a long time ago that there was more of her in the boy than it was recognizable at first glance, given that he was the spitting image of his father. "Why don't we talk about that over lunch?" Kingsley suggested, and since he looked as if be could use a break I agreed willingly to join him to the Leaky Cauldron..

We didn't talk until we had eaten and he leaned back in his chair, a smile curling up his lips as he stared at the ring on my finger; it seemed to draw quite a lot of attention today.

"Well, well, the ring of the Princes- I believe congratulations are in order?"

I just beamed.

Early afternoon I was back home and surprised to see that Severus was already there, sitting in the library, reading a book about Dark Curses. I snuck up to him and kissed him, nuzzling his neck.

"Hmm… you smell good. Have you taken a shower without waiting for me? What are you doing here anyway? I mean, of course I'm glad you're here but aren't you supposed to be at work? Oh- before I forget- I invited Mum for dinner, hope you don't mind. I just had to tell her…"

"Lestrange, you're babbling." Severus interrupted me but when he pulled me on his lap I noticed he was smirking. "First, I want a proper kiss and then I might feel inclined to answer your questions one by one."

I took his face in my hands and kissed him thoroughly. "Was that ok?"

"That was quite agreeable. So you invited your mother for dinner?"

"I had to tell her about our engagement."

"Of course, she has every right to know. So who else knows?"

"Only Sam, Sebastian and Kingsley… oh, Sev, I didn't run around and tell everyone how happy I am but I couldn't stop them from noticing the ring…"

He gazed at me as if he still couldn't believe that he was the reason for my happiness because that was not the feeling he usually evoked in others. Then he took my hand and kissed the ring on my finger. "Perfidious snakes for being such telltales. But if it's not too mortifying for you to publicly admit you want to marry me I think can live with you telling everyone."

"Why should it be mortifying? You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Severus was rendered speechless for a moment and I took the opportunity to ask him again why he was home so early. Apparently there had been an explosion at the potions lab caused by a dunderhead called Mortimer.

"I have no idea how such an imbecile could have made it into the research department of St Mungo's if he isn't even able to keep to the simplest rules of potion brewing- your cauldron has to be impeccably clean before you start something new."

"Oh shit, I hope he didn't ruin the Wolfsbane?"

"No," Severus shook his head, "the Wolfsbane wasn't contaminated by the explosion but we lost a whole day of research due to cleaning the lab. I went to look after the Longbottoms instead- they have their private room now although St Mungo's is much too understaffed for treating them properly. I could imagine it supportive of their health if they would see a glimpse of sunlight occasionally."

"Says the one who prefers to linger in dark dungeons," I laughed. I really appreciated that he cared for the Longbottoms but I nevertheless changed the topic and told him what I suspected Greyback of. "He won't be pleased with you trying to turn werewolves into tame wolvies- are you sure the explosion was merely an act of idiocy?"

"Are you suspecting sabotage? It wouldn't surprise me if Greyback would try to stop me but on the other hand I know Mr Mortimer; he is truly sloppy."

"Alright, but be careful, Sev. If my suspicion is right he will try to persuade the registered werewolves to give up their hopes of leading a respectable life by reminding them of their true nature; it is not in his interest that they'll get the chance to get decent jobs if they join in your program when they should be serial killers at full moon instead."

"I am aware of that, Raven. Believe me, I know Greyback and I am also aware of the fact that I'm a traitor in his eyes. I have not become a careless person just because the Dark Lord is gone." He pulled me closer to give me a kiss, then he looked me in the eyes, his expression serious. "Please do me the favor and be careful, too. Promise me that. Greyback is dangerous and… I just can't lose you."

"You won't, ever." I promised him as I flung my arms around his neck to hug him tightly. There were no words to describe how much I loved him.

That moment the Boggart in the old desk in the corner started rattling again. I let out a sigh.

"Remind me we have to get rid of it."

"Do you want to do it now?"

"No, I'm not in the right Boggart-killing-mood so shortly before Mum arrives for dinner. What have you been reading?" I picked up the book he had dropped when he had pulled me on his lap. It looked old and really dark.

"I was trying to figure out what else could have caused the state the Longbottoms are in, other than the Cruciatus Curse. It would make things easier to find a counter curse. Alas, as it seems there was no other curse and they were simply tortured into insanity with Crucio."

"You created a potion that remedies the aftereffect of the Cruciatus Curse but I assume that won't work in their case?"

"Correct. The potion I created has to be taken within approximately twenty-four hours after someone has suffered under the Cruciatus Curse."

"I thought so. I guess you're considering the mental arts now, invading their minds with the help of some gentle form of Legilimency in order to see what is left of them?"

Severus arched a surprised brow at me. "Indeed- you are a clever witch, my dear. Now isn't it strange that although this idea came straight to your mind, no one else had ever thought of it?"

"Mayhap that is because the mental arts such as Occlumency and Legilimency are considered an obscure branch of magic and therefore not part of the usual Healer's training program. And they never heard of psychology or psychiatry. The human mind is much too complex to be cured with a bit of wand movement and an incantation, and the wizarding folk don't seem to like what they can't come by with magical means."

"True, but Muggle healers don't know ways to look into the minds of their patients either…"

"I bet shrinks would love to… anyway, Sev, their problem might run deeper than potions or counter curses can cure, and Muggles have occupied themselves much more with things concerning the brain…"

That moment a flash from the fireplace announced my mother's arrival so we postponed this discussion. Mum stepped into our library, brushing ash off her clothes.

"Raven! Severus!" She cried cheerfully as she swept both of us in an embrace. "I am so happy about your wedding plans! Severus, my dear boy, finally you will be family!"

He blushed a little and cleared his throat. "I, um… perhaps I should have asked…"

"Now don't be absurd, my dear boy. You don't have to ask for my permission if you want to marry my daughter. So when is the wedding?"

Why did she always have to be so blunt? "Hi Mum, good evening, nice to see you visiting. Pinkie will bring us a glass of champagne before I'll show you the house, and after dinner we can talk about the wedding."

With a little _crack _Pinkie appeared, carrying a tray with three glasses. Miraculously she didn't spill a single drop of champagne when she bowed deeply.

I showed her the house then, feeling very proud each time she made a delighted comment.

"Oh, this is really beautiful," Mum said when she looked at our living room, "and it's already so cosy even though you just moved in."

"Yes, my future wife is really great at shopping," Severus muttered but he was smirking at me. He was glad I was making this place a home though he would never understand why someone would need a battery of little flasks and pots, containing various shower gels, beauty crèmes, lotions, shampoo, make-up, filling a whole shelf in the bathroom. It was also unfathomable to him how someone could walk into a room filled with clothes and claim she hasn't got anything to wear. Well, he hadn't seen the worst of me yet.

After an excellent dinner- Pinkie surpassed herself in cooking today- Mum asked again when the wedding would be.

"We haven't made any plans yet," I admitted with a sigh, "you know, we only proposed yesterday and though we do want to marry soon, there are still our jobs to be considered. We hardly have the time to plan anything."

"Darling, what you need is a wedding planner."

The thought of it gave me the creeps; I was thinking of someone unknown, most likely an obnoxiously cheerful person, arranging a pompous wedding for us. I glanced at Severus and noticed he wasn't thrilled either… and he hadn't even been at Bill and Fleur's wedding.

"Sorry, Mum, but we prefer it small and familiar."

"Of course, my dear. I'll see to it. I will take care of everything."

Ah, now I understood- _she_ wanted to be our wedding planner.

"That would be very kind of you, Nigella," Severus said, accepting her offer.

Well, if it was alright with him I had no objections either. And soon my mum had set a date. Our wedding would be on the last weekend of August.

I needed a dress…


	39. The Malfoys

39- The Malfoys

"Will you still bring me coffee to bed once we're married?" I asked the next morning, rising my sleepy head to purr contently into the little mountain of foamed milk in front of me. It were the small gestures that made me love him so much

"Since that is apparently a necessity if I want to talk to you in the morning I see no reason to stop it."

It had become a habit of his, bringing me a cup of coffee in bed before he had to leave for work. He said he wanted to talk to me but I secretly suspected him of being fascinated with the coffee machine. Oh how I had spoiled his perfectly wizarding life with Muggle technology! Maybe he was just trying to make compromises by accepting things like my stereo or even a computer in our house although on the other hand he was also a curious man- in an academic way of course- who was eager to learn, thirsting for knowledge.

However, I definitely enjoyed these few minutes we had in the mornings, talking about our plans for the day, exchanging kisses. Since he always got up too early for my liking I would then fall asleep for another our or two before I finally got up.

Today he was a bit tense, almost nervous in prospect of the trial against Lucius Malfoy that would be held this afternoon. Though the previous trials had left him kind of indifferent, this one was different given that he'd been friends with the Malfoys for years. Well, probably not real friends since I doubted that Lucius could make any real friends without buying them, but at least they had been good acquaintances. It was a fact that Severus had always been invited at Malfoy Manor for Christmas, and even if accepting their invitation every year had been on Dumbledore's order- keeping up his cover as the perfect spy- he might have actually enjoyed not being utterly alone on Christmas Day. Also, I knew he was fond of Narcissa, who seemed to have treated him decently throughout the years and I couldn't think of many people who had done so.

So, naturally, he was in quite a dilemma now. He didn't want to let Narcissa down but he just couldn't forget that Lucius had brought me face to face with the Dark Lord only to restore his reputation; he would never forget what he'd gone through seeing me suffer under the Cruciatus Curse. And I, I felt strangely torn. I had never liked Lucius Malfoy. My first year at Hogwarts had been like hell because of him… and the Marauders. And that was exactly the point. I had sworn to leave my old grudges from yesterday behind when I had come back to the Wizarding World of Britain, and it had worked perfectly fine with Sirius. I had given him a second chance, remembering the teenage crush I'd had on him- it really wasn't his fault that it hadn't worked between us. I simply loved Severus more, had always loved him more without daring to admit it to myself. Now we would marry so shouldn't I be a little more lenient to his friends, the very few he had? Provided that Lucius was really his friend, that is.

I had asked him about that last night, after my mum had left, but he hadn't wanted to talk about Lucius then. He hadn't made love to me either in order to drop that topic for good, like Sirius would have done. Instead, we had just snuggled up to each other and talked about our wedding.

Now I reached out for him, taking his long, pale but very elegant fingers in mine, breathing a kiss on the back of his hand. He shivered involuntarily though it was with pleasure. My heart ached for him because I had long noticed how much he clandestinely craved for every loving touch I had to offer since his life had been loveless for too many years.

"You know, you don't have to tell the Wizengamot about the incident at Malfoy Manor. I'm not seeking revenge… if you care about your good connections with the Malfoys I could forget about that…"

"But I can't," he cut me off as he unceremoniously got to his feet, turning his back on me. Although he tried to hide it, his voice was full of angry emotions.

"Sev-"

He came back to me as if my pleading tone had been an order, and he made sure he kissed me thoroughly goodbye. That, however, was the only concession he was willing to make before he left.

"I'll see you later," I said, my lips still burning from his kiss.

-

The floor in front of the courtroom was crowded with people when I arrived there later that day. Apparently the trial against Lucius Malfoy, a respectable as well as shady member of the wizarding society, drew a lot of media interest. There were reporters and photographers from every wizarding paper in Britain.

Kingsley had gotten me sort of a backstage pass that would grant me permission to go past the barricade holding the media at bay. Immediately I spotted Lucius Malfoy, unmistakable in his posh robes, his long, white-blond hair sleek and shining. Next to him stood Severus, dressed in plain black. They were arguing- or rather, Lucius was, urgently, almost pleading, while Severus stood there solemnly, very calm, never raising his voice. He was decidedly the more superior of them now; finally he seemed to have stepped out from under the wings of his erstwhile mentor, and I must say his newly found self-confidence suited him well. He wasn't the poor half-blood longing for recognition anymore; his body language spoke of that.

Lucius glanced at him in disbelief and reached out for Severus, a placating gesture that Severus unceremoniously shrugged off as he left him standing there. He walked up to me, wearing his best scowl, grumbling about Malfoy's impertinence. I chuckled slightly.

"Severus! Severus! Yoo-hoo, Severus!" Speaking of impertinence, Rita Skeeter came running in our direction, her acid-green Quick-Quotes Quill at the ready, a photographer hard at her heels. His camera clicked as if we were celebrities. "Please, Severus-dear, just a short inter-"

She never managed to finish the word but made strange movements with her mouth as if her tongue was suddenly glued to the back of it. With a subtle gesture Severus pocketed his wand. I smiled at him. That idiot woman should know better than to annoy Severus Snape. Actually she should be glad he hadn't hexed her into oblivion for daring to call him Severus-dear. The piece of parchment, on which her quill scribbled something incredibly silly, ignited.

Severus fled the importunate reporter to have a quick word with Sebastian before the trial, when suddenly someone tapped lightly on my shoulder.

"Miss Lestrange," I turned around to face- Lucius Malfoy of all people. Staring at him with my mouth wide open he continued, politely. "I wish to apologize for, um… " he glanced at Narcissa who merely shot him a cool, sour look in return, urging him to carry on, "… for the inconvenience I caused you. If only I had known… I mean, had I known how precious you are to my dear friend Severus I would never have …"

"What the hell are you babbling about? You never liked me, so please spare us faking friendliness or leaving a slime trail; I'm not interested."

"Why don't we simply forget our old animosities?" Lucius put on his most charming smile. "Please. I would really love to get to know you better now that you're with Severus…"

"My, Luci, I almost hear Hollywood calling!" I couldn't help but laughed out loud, strangely amused. "And the Oscar goes to Lucius Malfoy for his role in 'I was just an innocent bystander, please don't sue me'!"

He shot me a very perplexed look.

"Meaning you are so easy to predict. You would sell your grandmother to the devil if that could keep you out of Azkaban, you already bribed the Ministry, you're trying to fool me now, pretending that you ever cared about Severus. Next you're probably trying to tell me that if you had known of Severus' true allegiances you would have supported him and kept his secret."

Lucius opened his mouth and closed it again- I guessed he really wanted to say that. Since that wouldn't work he tried to appeal to my soft, merciful, feminine side. My what? "Please, dear Raven, what will become of my wife and my son when I'm in Azkaban?"

"Happier people." These words escaped my lips out of reflex but what did he expect of me? Narcissa would get by quite well without him. After all, she seemed to be the driving force behind his apology, knowing exactly that it depended on me if he would end up in Azkaban or not. I could speak of the incident at Malfoy Manor or keep my mouth shut.

"Aw, that stung. I cannot believe you really are such a cruel, cold-hearted person…"

"I'm a filthy half-blood, remember?" I sneered although I was having a lot of fun with Lucius winding and wincing, trying hard to charm me with his smile. He was an attractive man and he knew that; the scar on his cheek didn't mar his good looks.

"Come on, don't be so begrudging. You know I couldn't tell the Dark Lord that the blood status doesn't matter," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "when a witch is as exceptionally beautiful as you are."

"Ha!" I snapped indignantly. Was he trying to flatter me now? Or- even worse- was Lucius Malfoy _flirting_ with me?

"Lucius!" Narcissa suddenly cried out.

Malfoy turned around to his wife to see what it was she wanted now for he was already doing his best to persuade me. But it wasn't her intention to remind him he should try a little harder- and if she knew how hard he was actually trying she wouldn't have liked it. No, she had just spotted Sebastian and stared at him in shock. So did Lucius when he followed her eyes. And Sebastian stared at Lucius with the same expression on his face. The similarity between the two men was even more startling when you saw them together.

Lucius jaw dropped. Rather stupidly he mumbled, "Cousin?"

Well, given that all purebloods were related and inbreeding was common, his dim comment actually made sense. Maybe Sebastian was truly a distant Squib cousin of Lucius Malfoy, blasted off the family tree for his imperfection.

"I beg your pardon, sir, but do we know each other?" Sebastian replied coolly, not showing how much this meeting effected him. He was definitely in better control of the situation but then again he had been prepared to meet him while Malfoy had been completely ignorant about the existence of a possible Squib relative.

"Lucius, who is this man?" Narcissa insisted, her voice sounding shrill. Perhaps she should calm down a tad since it was pretty obvious that Sebastian was too old to be her husband's illegitimate child. She seemed to have experience with him having affairs.

"Who are you?" Lucius managed.

"My name is Sebastian St. John,"

Lucius flashed his wife a glance that seemed to say, 'see, we're not related.'

"… I'm a lawyer."

"I could use a lawyer now!" So apparently Lucius had heard of lawyers before even if he didn't know what the Oscar was. Purebloods!

"I'm sorry, but I'm currently consulting the witness for the prosecution."

The last bit of color seemed to drain from Malfoy's face and he glanced at Severus with a look I wouldn't describe as friendly although they were allegedly so very good friends. Of course a good friend wouldn't flirt with his friend's girl only to save his own skin. Narcissa should be glad to have him locked away in Azkaban and I couldn't avoid feeling sorry for her because she had married that scurvy knave. Well, probably she had had no say in that given that most pureblood marriages were arranged- the blood had to be kept pure- and yet she really seemed to love him. And despite what I was thinking of Lucius, it must have hurt his ego a lot to try and apologize to me- not because it was the right thing to do but for her. I heaved a deep sigh. Damned, I was growing soft and I blamed that on my upcoming wedding; I was in a much too romantic mood.

Looking around for Severus I noticed that he was back at my side, glowering at his _dear friend _Lucius as if he'd love to hex him for daring to talk to me after all he'd done... I didn't even want to imagine how he would react had he been aware of the flirting.

"Is he molesting you?"

"Ah, I can handle scoundrels like Lucius Malfoy, no need to worry." Gingerly I reached for his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I stepped a little closer to him, blaming it on that soft streak of mine when I asked with a sigh, "But, Sev, do you really want to see him in Azkaban and Narcissa all devastated?"

He leaned in close enough that he could whisper in my ear, his breath hot on my neck. "Lestrange, let the Wizengamot decide upon his fate since it is their job, not ours."

I cocked my head to smile at him, longing for a kiss he wouldn't give me in public. But then he ever so slightly brushed my lips with his… only for a very brief, fleeting moment. Long enough though for a frenzy of flashing cameras…

That very moment the doors to the courtroom opened and we all flocked inside, escaping the eyes of the media. I took my seat behind Kingsley while Severus sat with Sebastian; they got on quite well with each other given that usually Severus wouldn't give a damn about gay Squibs. Probably it was Sebastian's intelligence that made him agreeable in my future husband's stern eyes.

"So when's the wedding?" Kingsley whispered, noticing I kept on glancing in Severus direction while the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister read the same old long list of attendance that started every trial.

"Interrogators: Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister for Magic; Reginald Williamson, Head of Auror Department; Hestia Jones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement…"

"Last weekend in August," I whispered back, "don't fret you'll get an invitation."

"… Court Scribe, Percy Ignatius Weasley…"

"I hope so. I already feared you wanted to keep it all secret."

"We're making compromises, leaving it to my mum to make the best of it."

"… Witness of the Prosecution, Severus Snape; Consultant in all questions considering Wizarding and Muggle law, Squib lawyer Sebastian St John.

"Trial of the twenty-third of June against Lucius Malfoy, accused of following crimes: associating with a group of fascists in order to undermine the wizarding world, assaults against Muggles and Muggle-borns…"

The list was long but interestingly Lucius Malfoy wasn't accused of manslaughter and he wasn't known for using Unforgivable Curse either. If kept my mouth shut all they could hold against him was having actively participated in the fight at the Ministry.

Malfoy was clever and artfully at talking himself out of it; he didn't even try to come up with the same poor excuse as last time, after Voldemort's first defeat, that he had been Confunded or Imperiused or whatever. He admitted his participation in the fight at the Ministry but claimed he had had to follow Voldemort's order, and that only fear had made him return to the Dark Lord's side, fear for his family. He actually had the nerve to ask the Wizengamot for understanding of his situation since he had merely wanted to keep his family safe, pointing out that Voldemort wasn't a forgiving man and his punishment for disobedience had always been severe.

There was actually a fair chance for him to get off lightly if the events at Malfoy Manor would be hushed; and although Lucius Malfoy was an arrogant bastard, an opportunistic weasel, it wouldn't give me any satisfaction to see him ferried off to Azkaban. I knew what Azkaban could do to a man; I still remembered Sirius' nightmares… Nevertheless I believed that Malfoy truly deserved punishment. But wasn't there any better way to teach him some modesty other than breaking him?

Severus was called to give evidence against Lucius Malfoy. I noticed he hesitated a couple of times, probably recalling that Lucius had been his mentor, had shown him something akin to friendship at a time when he had desperately longed for recognition. It had been Lucius who had introduced the talented young man, adept in the Dark Arts, to Voldemort. He blamed him for that but he also knew it had been his very own decision to join the Dark Lord's ranks; a poor choice he regretted. Then, on the other hand, he probably also remembered the Christmas parties at Malfoy Manor, the feeling of acceptance that others- the allegedly _good_ guys- had never given him. So Severus was in a dilemma. There was Narcissa he was fond of, the posh pureblood witch who had always treated him decently despite his unfortunate parentage, who even had a little crush on him although she loved her husband, just wishing Lucius would be a bit more like him, a gentler man. But his feelings for her paled in comparison to the love he had for me, the terrible fear he had suffered on my behalf in that elegantly furnished room at Malfoy Manor- all because of Lucius and his ruthless attempts of regaining his reputation. Severus couldn't forget that, least he couldn't forgive.

_'__**Don't**__!' _I thought, trying to stop him from spilling the incident at Malfoy Manor, trying to catch his eyes- but the way he was seated made that nearly impossible. So I made a quick gesture in Sebastian's direction instead while all the same tapping Kingsley's shoulder. As Minister for Magic he was in position to ask for a consulting break. I had an idea I needed to share with him.

As if Severus had heard my mental plea he turned and gazed at me in bewilderment. '_What?'_

Kingsley raised is voice and called for a break. Taking my arm he led me to a small chamber off the courtroom, Sebastian and Severus following in our wake, the latter visibly annoyed.

"Lestrange, may I inquire what this is all about? I thought you in particular would be interested in seeing justice done to Lucius Malfoy," he said waspishly, with an edgy undertone in his voice.

"Well, that's what I do want, Sev." I closed the distance between us and raised my hand to caress his cheek. His eyes narrowed dangerously, scowling at me. Kingsley drew in a sharp breath, probably fearing an angry outburst. But the tension that had gotten hold of Severus seemed to lift its clutches on him and when I softly kissed his lips, I took the wind completely out of his sails. "Think about it- of what use is Malfoy with all of his money and influence when he's in Azkaban?"

"So what are you up to, hm?"

"A lesson in humility. Malfoy's biggest crime is his arrogance and his belief that money can buy everything. He bribes the Ministry and calls it donation, and everybody thinks he's such a generous man."

"You want to let him get away with a fine?"

"No, actually I want to abuse his desire to donate by interpreting it as his will of doing something good and noble, and if he wants that so much, Azkaban isn't the right place for him when St Mungo's is understaffed."

Hestia Jones, Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who had followed us- very clever move of Kingsley, by the way, filling important posts with fellow members of the Orders- looked at me in confusion. Severus however managed a small, sly smile. I knew he just imagined Lucius Malfoy cleaning bedpans without the help of magic.

Kinsley arched a brow at me before he addressed Sebastian in order to hear whether what I had suggested was common practice in the Muggle word.

"We discussed this before, do you remember?" Sebastian said and elaborated on that. "In the Muggle legal system the re-socializing aspect of communal service has proven itself efficient, therefore I believe it will have the same effects on a wizarding criminal, especially on someone like Lucius Malfoy. He seems to me as a person who believes his money and influence allows him to bend the law, and it is about time for him to learn that his belief is wrong. His enormous ego needs to be deflated. I am with Raven- if he hasn't committed any crime more serious than what we heard so far…"

Severus grumbled something unintelligible, which caught Kingsley's interest.

"Is there anything you want to say, Severus? Then, please, tell me."

"There isn't," I said.

Kingsley glanced from Severus to me and back.

"You haven't told him?"

I shook my head. No one knew of the incident of Malfoy Manor except those who had been there, and to some extent Sirius.

"Would someone please be so kind and fill me in?" Kingsley demanded.

"The day you ran into some Death Eaters in Diagon Alley, Raven didn't Disapparate like you did. It happened that Lucius Malfoy…"

"Severus!"

"No, I have to tell him, Raven. I want justice done for what he did to you."

"Good Lord, what happened to you?" Sebastian gasped.

"Nothing," I insisted.

Severus scowled at me. "Malfoy overwhelmed you and took you to the Dark Lord, and you call that nothing?"

"Merlin's beard!" Kingsley cried. "You never mentioned that!"

"Ah, I just don't like to boast with how I escaped Tom. It was an unpleasant experience, especially for Sev who had to watch and couldn't risk blowing his cover. I really don't want to talk about it." I stared at Severus. _'Oh will you please drop it now or do I have to tell them I used the Cruciatus Curse on you? Damned, I'm not proud of it!' _…and the very notion of it still hurt like hell because it was one thing to use Crucio on an enemy but so fucking much harder if you had to use in on the love of your life just to stop him from doing something incredibly stupid, like risking everything he had worked for, for years.

"I'm sorry," he whispered almost inaudibly.

I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him

"Hem, hem," Hestia Jones cleared her throat, glancing at Kingsley, "abduction is a serious crime, Minister. It would justify sending Lucius Malfoy to Azkaban."

"Yes, you are right, Hestia- but nevertheless I like Raven's idea of punishment much better. I'd like to postpone the hearing for an hour and talk to all members of the Wizengamot in order to hear their opinion about it, given that it is indeed a revolutionizing idea for the wizarding world."

With that we were released and we all returned to the courtroom to hear Kingsley announcing his decision. Severus and I took Sebastian by side-along Apparation to the Leaky Cauldron for a shot of Firewhisky we could use now, but none of us was in the mood to talk. Sebastian was brooding about possibly being related to Lucius Malfoy, and since he was keen on finding out more about his background he wouldn't want the only one who could shed some light on it send to Azkaban. On the other hand he was positively shocked about probably being related to someone who had abducted and left me to Voldemort's whims only to restore his reputation. But well, that was true Slytherin nature, and as much as I despised Lucius I had always found him quite amusing, especially today.

While Sebastian was brooding, I locked eyes with Severus, having a silent conversation about the events at Malfoy Manor. He thought me much too easily forgiving and I held that no lasting harm had been done except that he had realized he liked me a bit more than was appropriate among good friends.

He growled inwardly, cursing my ever so casual way of dealing with things that he decidedly took more seriously. After another round of Firewhisky he agreed on resigning himself to whatever the Wizengamot decided, even if they opted for the punishment I had designed for Lucius Malfoy. And again he smirked slightly at the notion of Lucius Malfoy having to clean bedpans.

_'Don't forget pushing a wheelchair through a park crowded with Muggles- didn't you mention it would be supportive of the Longbottoms' health if they saw a glimpse of sunlight occasionally?'_

_'Indeed…' _

-

The members of the Wizengamot, all dressed in plum-colored robes, had just sat down again when we returned. Given the flustered faces of some of them they must have had a heated discussion Though the majority had at long last agreed to Kingsley's attempt at revolutionizing the wizarding world's legal structure, there were still some hardcore traditionalists wondering why things had to change.

In the end Lucius Malfoy was given the choice between five years in Azkaban or yearly donations to St Mungo's in combination with community service. He swallowed hard at the thought of dirtying his pretty pureblood hands with- gasp!- work but after a piercing glance from Narcissa he agreed. I was looking forward in anticipation to hear how Luci was doing as a nurse.

After the trial Severus and I Apparated back to our house, followed by Sam and Sebastian. I called for Pinkie to bring us a bottle of wine- of course I could have fetched it from the kitchen myself but then our darling house-elf would have been offended.

At the sight of Pinkie something strange happened with Sebastian. He blanched and grimaced as if all of a sudden he was having a headache.

"Stian, what's wrong?" Sam placed a caring hand on his friend's shoulder, sounding worried.

"That… that is a house-elf, right?"

"Why, of course Pinkie is a house-elf," Severus said but then he understood what Sebastian had just hinted at. In general only rich pureblood families had house-elves and usually you didn't see much of them. His brows furrowed. "Have you seen a house-elf before?"

"I… I don't know," Sebastian shook his head, deep in thoughts, "for a moment I thought… it reminded me of- I don't remember." He let out a sigh.

Pinkie plucked at Severus' robes to gain his attention. "Master wants Pinkie fetch a potion for Master's guest?"

"No, I don't think that will be necessary."

We talked a while about the mystery of Sebastian's background but then the boys changed the topic, being much more interested in our wedding. Or, to be more precise, in what I would be wearing. And soon three fashion victim's were chatting about famous designers while Severus looked more and more bored with every passing minute.

"You're too much of a drama queen to have a white wedding, Raven, so please surprise us with a real spectacular dress!" Sam cried enthusiastic and Sebastian chimed in, "So what are you going to wear, Severus?"

His eyebrows shot up. "I beg your pardon?"

"I was asking what you are going to wear at the wedding. My, one would believe you were not in the same room with us the last half an hour."

"I will wear clothing," Severus grumbled, probably wishing he wouldn't be in the same room with three mindless fashion victims.

Sebastian laughed, believing Severus had just cracked a joke. I bit my lips. "Ah, you're only sharing that secret with your best man, aren't you? Who is your best man by the way?"

Silence. We hadn't thought about that yet although the expression on Severus' face told me he had indeed pondered over the best man question but without a result. He didn't really have many friends. A spy never had many friends and that was the life he had been living for almost twenty years. To spare him embarrassment I told Sebastian we hadn't decided yet.

"Your wedding is in six weeks darling and yet you are totally unorganized," Sam chided me.

"Any complaints may be directed to my mum, she's our wedding planner."

"Does she also decide who's going to be Severus' best man? If so, I will give her a call and ask her to add me to the list."

Severus stared at Sebastian. "You would want to be my best man?"

"Yeah, it would be an honor actually."

"Why, thank you."

I was just as surprised as Severus was. Knowing Sebastian he really meant that. He had liked Severus from the beginning- maybe it needed a Squib to meet him without the common prejudices of the wizarding world- and of course they had been spending a lot of time lately due to the trials. Nevertheless I hadn't expected they would become sort of friends.

"That's a wonderful idea!" Sam was enthusiastic. "Stian happens to now the best men's outfitters in London and…"

I rolled my eyes. Sam! He was happy when I was although he would have preferred me still being happy with the more handsome, charming and stylish Sirius. It wasn't that he didn't like Severus but personally he got on better with Sirius just like Sebastian got on better with Severus without disliking Sirius. Ah, why did all the men in my life had to have a name starting with S?

"What's wrong with Madam Malkin's in Diagon Alley?" Severus inquired suspiciously. Though he had never cared much about his looks simply because for most of his life no one had cared much about him, that didn't mean he was completely insensitive when it came to his appearance.

"There's nothing wrong with Madam Malkin's," Sebastian said quickly, almost placating. "I'm certain you can buy very fine robes there. What Sam wanted to hint at is that you might want to wear something special on your wedding day. After all, the incorrigible romantics among us believe that you will marry only once in your life."

Severus' mien lightened up a little as he agreed to that but also made it quite clear that he had neither the time nor the patience for extensive shopping trips.

When Sam and Sebastian had left half an hour later, Severus heaved a sigh.

"And I thought all it would need to marry was your agreement to become my wife; I never expected things getting so… complicated. Why do we have to occupy our minds with what to wear or who is going to be my best man?"

"Well, we don't have to. I told we I'd be happy with a small ceremony if you are. I don't need a spectacular dress- I'd wed in jeans as long as I will be your wife in the end."

He chuckled darkly and reached out to caress my cheek. "The problem is, Lestrange, I'd love to see you in a spectacular dress."

"Alright, then I will wear a spectacular dress only for you." I smiled at him. "Nevertheless we don't have to make it a big event."

"We don't have to wed in secrecy either… Rita Skeeter's malicious quill might interpret that as if I'm not good enough for you to be shown in public."

"Unlikely," I sneered, "given that you are the war hero and I am the evil witch who seduced you and spoiled your reputation of being the romantic fool pining his life away over an unrequited love..."

That very moment an owl came flying into the room through the open window; it dropped a letter on the table in front of us. The letter was addressed to Mr Severus Snape and Miss Raven Lestrange. When Severus picked it up I didn't have to recognize the seal to know who had sent it, I would always remember that faint scent of expensive perfume.

"So what does Narcissa want this time, Sev?"

He skimmed through the note and glanced up to meet my eyes, his brows furrowed. "She has the nerve to invite us for dinner at Malfoy Manor come Sunday."

"Oh, how… um, _nice_…" I was surprised and yet not really that much, knowing that Narcissa Malfoy was quite fond of my Severus. She was probably grateful that he had managed to keep Lucius out of Azkaban and wanted to demonstrate her gratefulness by inviting us. Probably she also wanted to show me that Malfoy Manor had more hospitality to offer than I had received last time.

"Of course I will write back and decline her invitation." Severus said.

Considering that Narcissa had probably the only person who had been kind to him throughout many miserable years of his life I didn't want him to break up with her on my behalf. True, I didn't like her much but he had accepted my relationship with Sirius although he loathed him, so maybe I should be a bit more tolerant towards Narcissa now.

"No, you don't have to. We could as well accept her invitation."

He stared at me as if I had gone nuts. "You want to go back into that house again?"

"Well, it's not giving me nightmares- if that's what you mean- and the interior would be worth another visit… maybe we could even nick one of those incredibly old Chinese vases…"

"Lestrange! You are impossible. Fortunately I won't be able to give you the opportunity to satisfy your criminal nature because I am otherwise engaged on Sunday. Professor O'Flaherty asked me to give a lecture on the improvement of the Wolfsbane Potion we made and we will introduce the werewolf project as it is planned. There will also be a press conference for international potions magazines and…"

"That's bloody brilliant, Sev! Why didn't you tell me before?"

"During the trial or while you were mindlessly prattling about famous designers with your fellow fashion victims?" He asked sardonically but his eyes were sparkling with excitement. Finally he could prove himself as the excellent Potions Master that he was, finally he would get the recognition he deserved.

"But this news is more exciting than any designer, you should have told me." I flung my arms around his neck and kissed him. "I'm so proud of you."

He wasn't used to being praised so he opened his mouth to say he was only doing his job, then he changed his mind and beamed silently. It was a good feeling to know someone was proud of you.

We went upstairs soon after. I needed a moment longer in the bathroom and was a bit disappointed that Severus seemed to be asleep already when I went to bed. Well, it had been a hard day, I thought with a sigh as I slipped under the blanket, cuddling up to him. To my surprise my hands touched naked skin. I trailed my fingers over his bare chest which made him purr into my ear, "Seduce me, you evil witch."

His wish was my command. There was nothing better after a hard day than distracting your mind in such a pleasurable way. The Malfoys, the trial, the pestering Rita Skeeter, even all the questions about our wedding were forgotten and we fell asleep untroubled.

* * *

a/n: I had a lot of fun writing the scene with Lucius, hope you had fun reading it. Please review.


	40. Threats

a/n: It's sad, you know, that although you put me on your story alert list so many of you never review. I'd like to know why you like From Yesterday and feedback is always so very important. So please review!

* * *

40- Threats

Apparently my fashion style was worth being mentioned in the next day's _Daily_ _Prophet_. A picture of us was on the front page under the headline,

SEVERUS SNAPE: SNARKY LOVES NAUGHTY.

'_Severus Snape (38) was spotted at court yesterday, showing off with his pretty conquest, Raven Lestrange. Who is the woman in Muggle attire that has won the snappish Potion Master's heart? Read the full story and find out some shocking truth… page 3. _

At least we weren't waving or smiling stupidly in the picture, I thought, looking over Severus' shoulder. It showed us the moment he'd brushed my lips with his.

"So what shocking truth does Rita believe to have found out about me?"

Severus flinched- he hadn't heard me entering the kitchen since getting up before he had brought me coffee to bed wasn't my habit. I didn't even know why I had gotten up that early but I was immediately wide awake when he tried to hide the paper from me, which of course only stirred my interest. With determination I managed to wriggle the _Daily Prophet_ out of his hands.

"You may not want to know," Severus snapped, tearing at the paper.

_Oh yes, I really do. _Or maybe not, but then again I had already flipped to page 3.

_**Scandal! Witch posing naked in Muggle magazine!**__ A reliable source has confirmed the existence of pictures showing Severus Snape's newest conquest, Raven Lestrange, in lewd poses in a Muggle magazine called _Playboy_. It is known that these pictures already caused a minor scandal at the Ministry back in 1995, when Albus Dumbledore, late Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Wizardry and Witchcraft, had to withdraw his offer of Defense against the Dark Arts teacher to Raven Lestrange, a freelance Auror. Then, the Ministry thought it unreasonable to expose the children of respectable wizarding families to the influence of a person as dissolute as Miss Lestrange, given that the purpose of the _Playboy_ magazine is to incite the fantasies of male Muggles._

_As we know now, it apparently also spurred the fantasies of our well-known Potions Master. While it is understandable why he seems to have so easily forgotten the love of is life, Lily Potter, mother of our heroic Golden Boy, the nature of Severus Snape's relationship to Raven Lestrange remains questionable and is likely only the result of years of self-imposed celibacy… _

"Damnable bitch," I gasped, glancing anxiously at Severus. I had totally forgotten about these old _Playboy _pics. How long would it take that insufferable woman to get her greedy hands on them and release them? At the moment it was only a rumor and she wasn't known for accuracy in her stories anyway, but things would be different if I actually became the _Daily_ _Prophet's_ first page 3 girl. What harm would that do to Severus' reputation? "I'm so sorry, Sev. I never wanted this to happen..."

"I know."

"… and they're not really that bad, the pictures. It's just… I'm only a tiny little bit stark naked, and yes, I am posing though the poses aren't lewd; actually the picture do look quite aesthetic- it's not as if I was doing anything pornographic…"

"I know."

"…and I'm gonna threaten the last horrible Weasley twin that he'll join his dear brother in death if he doesn't give back the copy of the _Playboy_ he had nicked from me, before he could decide to let that impertinent Rita Skeeter get her clutches on-" All of a sudden I fell silent, staring at Severus. "Wait! You said, you _know_?"

"Indeed. It's kind that you finally chose to listen; I was beginning to suspect someone had released a prattling hex on you. Now sit down and stop pacing the kitchen."

I did as he told me and Severus placed a cup of coffee in front of me. Although I was already wide awake even without my usual dose of caffeine I flashed him a grateful smile.

"For once you're wrong to blame the Weasley twins," he told me then. "Apparently it wasn't them who nicked the magazine but Black who seized the opportunity. I do not wish to imagine why he hid it under his pillow as the very notion is too sickening. However, I found it the same day I found Lily's letter and I took charge of it. Remember that you were supposed to be dead then and I… well, I didn't want anyone staining your memory just because of some nude pictures."

"That's very sweet of you, Sev." It wasn't very sweet of Sirius, though, that he had left me in the dark about the whereabouts of the _Playboy_, especially since I had often wondered what had happened to it. I heaved a sigh. "Unfortunately that won't stop the horrible Skeeter woman from looking for another copy, and then she will release the pictures."

"No, she won't."

"Ah, and what will stop her? Her conscience?"

"No, that is definitely overpowered by her lust for sensation." Severus said dryly. "But there are copyright issues she would have to face should she release the pictures in the _Prophet_…"

"What do you know about copyright issues?" I asked surprised.

"Next to nothing but fortunately Sebastian does. So when I approached him with my request, knowing Skeeter would most likely start digging in your past, he took care of all the legal issues while I advised her politely that it is unwise to annoy a former Death Eater because he might know some **very** dark curses. I will need to remind her of that again."

"Oh, Sev, you're really great!" I stood and hugged him, holding him close. "I really feared for your reputation should Skeeter release these pictures."

"You feared for my reputation?" He chuckled darkly. "Raven, I am a former Death Eater. I did horrible things, I killed Dumbledore- albeit on request- and you worry what it would do to my reputation if some old nude pictures of my future wife were published? Honestly, I believe my past is much darker than yours."

"Yes, but now you have a respectable job..."

"That's why I saw to it that Skeeter could sit on a large stack of Muggle magazines without being able to make use of it."

"You are a clever man, my love."

"Slytherin," he whispered in my ear.

We stood in silence for a while, holding each other close, enjoying our proximity. We knew very well that only because no one would get to see the _Playboy_ pictures didn't mean that people wouldn't talk about them, and I prepared myself for getting stared at whenever I'd appear in public the next days… well, I was used to it anyway.

"Raven!"

I was not prepared for hearing Sirius' voice in our house and even less for him come storming into our kitchen, followed by Pinkie who looked slightly indignant.

"Black!" Severus raised his head to scowl at the unexpected intruder but didn't let go of me. "To what do we owe the displeasure of your company so early in the morning?"

"Master Severus, Pinkie sees head in fireplace and asks what it wants, and head says it wants to see Mistress Raven, so Pinkie tells head Mistress Raven is in the kitchen with Master Severus. Then man steps out of fireplace and Pinkie could not stop him…"

"It's alright, Pinkie, don't worry," Severus said in a much gentler tone than he had used on Sirius, who looked a bit sobered at the sight of Severus and me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb. It's just that…" His eyes fell on the _Daily_ _Prophet_ lying open on our kitchen table and he crumbled his own copy he had brought along in his hands. "Oh, so you already know?"

"You came here to tell us what rubbish is written in the _Daily_ _Prophet_?" I asked as I slowly let go of Severus, facing Sirius.

"Yeah, you know, Harry woke me to show me the _Prophet_'s headline, and I… um, well I thought you wouldn't subscribe to it given that you own your own newspaper."

"Which makes it a necessity to read what the competitors are writing." We had also subscribed to _The_ _Quibbler_, _Witch Weekly_ (not that I cared about medieval fashion advises for middle-age witches but Skeeter wrote a lot of bullshit for them, too) and of course _The Practical Potioneer_- that, however, was more for Severus' personal interest.

"Anyhow," Sirius continued, "there's something I have to tell you… about that old copy of the _Playboy_…"

Ah, so the rascal had finally found the guts to tell me that it had been him who'd snatched the magazine from the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place way back then? I smiled sweetly at him, encouraging him to carry on.

"Well, er, I took it." At least he had the decency to blush. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I never told you, it's just that… I mean, I merely wanted…"

"Oh will you please spare us your poor excuses, Black." Severus cut in waspishly. "We don't really want to hear why a man, who had spent years in Azkaban, might possibly want to get his paws on a magazine that contains pictures of naked women- and don't tell me now that you only ever looked at her eyes."

I couldn't withhold a snicker, no matter how hard I tried to suppress it because Sirius was really trying to make amends. He glanced from me to Severus and back, feeling affronted by his snappiness while he himself only had our- or rather mine- best intents in heart.

Slightly cranky he retorted, "I'm only trying to help, ass. I already admitted that I took the magazine, alright, but I don't have it anymore. It's gone, vanished. If the infamous Rita Skeeter got hold of it- likely- she'll publish"

"She won't." Severus and I said simultaneously.

"Severus took it…"

"… and I ensured that Skeeter won't publish any compromising pictures of my fiancé."

"Fiancé?" Sirius barked, once again glancing from me to Severus and back. Well, that was not how I had wanted him to find out about my upcoming wedding. I expected him being hurt and was surprised when he managed a smile. "I suppose congratulations are in order."

"Thanks… I mean, I'm sorry," I stammered, still feeling a bit ill-at-ease and guilty in his presence. He had said he wanted me to be happy but it didn't seem right to beam with joy in prospect of becoming Severus' wife when my happiness was founded on having broken Sirius' heart.

"Don't be sorry. I'm long over you."

Though that wasn't usually what a woman wanted to hear I nevertheless breathed a sigh of relief. Severus, who had been aware of my inner conflict, relaxed- and then he did something totally unexpected.

"Why don't you sit down and have a cup of coffee, old mutt?" He said almost friendly as he walked to the coffee machine.

"Black," was all Sirius managed to gasp, sounding perplexed.

"Believe me, I do know your name."

"No… well, you certainly do… but I rather meant the coffee; I… um, I like my coffee black." He let himself sink on a chair- he even forget tilting the chair to its rear legs like he usually did- as he stared open-mouthed at Severus' back while he was operating the coffee machine in a wholly non-magical way. For a moment its sizzling and bubbling was the only sound to be heard in the kitchen.

Severus placed the cup of coffee in front of Sirius without paying much heed to him anymore. Instead, he glanced at me.

"I really have to leave now."

"Of course." I slid the sugar pot over the table in Sirius' direction and walked Severus to the fireplace in the library in order to give him a proper farewell. I couldn't think of anything to say though, least of all considering his attempt of- well, I wouldn't call it being _friendly_ towards Sirius though it had been dangerously close. Given that even that bit of decency must have cost him some effort I decided to keep my mouth shut about that peculiar incidence and hugged instead.

He held me close for a blissful moment before he asked, "Will you meet me for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron?"

I was about to agree when I remembered Rita Skeeter's spiteful article about me, and the notion of the folks that usually frequented the Leaky Cauldron staring and gossiping at the sight of me wasn't what I wanted for Severus having to go through. Probably it would be the best for both of us if I avoided public appearances until some grass had grown over the affair. But apparently that was not how he opted for dealing with things.

Gently he raised my chin to look me in the eyes. "Raven, I lived in secrecy for too long and I do not wish to continue with that lifestyle. We will not go into hiding only because of an unfavorable article of a sensation-seeking gossip like Rita Skeeter; we are above her nefarious rumors. Actually I do believe it is about time to make our relationship public and announce our impending wedding."

It was comprehensible that he was sick of keeping things secret after having lived the lonely life of a spy, isolated, scorned by the _good_ guys while he constantly risked his life for them, and moments of peace were rare, almost nonexistent. So if he now wanted to brave the gossip ensued from Skeeter's article we'd do that because it was his decision and he had followed the wishes of others for too long.

I kissed him until he glanced at his watch and realized he was going to be late for work. Severus threw some Floo Powder into the fireplace and stated his destination. "I'll see you at lunch," he said, and then he was gone.

I wrapped my dressing gown more tightly around me and returned to the kitchen where Sirius sat brooding over his coffee.

"Sorry, I just had to say a quick goodbye to Sev…"

Sirius glanced at the clock on the wall and flashed me a smirk. Ten minutes had passed since I had left the kitchen; it was not what he'd call a quick goodbye. I blushed a little.

"So, when's the wedding?"

"Last weekend in August," I mumbled, fearing a snide remark about us rushing things because _Snivelly_ was scared he'd never get another chance if his Confundus Charm wore off, or something like that. But that remark never came.

"Wonderful. Is it too presumptuous to hope for an invitation?" He asked cheerfully, finally tilting his chair to its rear legs as it was his habit.

"You'd like to come?" Now I was truly surprised. But probably it was exactly as he had said when he had stated being over me.

"Why sure. We're friends after all, aren't we?"

Wasn't it strange that sometimes you got on better with your lover after having split up with him? The same thing seemed to happen between Sirius and I now, for we were having a more relaxed and also more pleasant conversation than I ever had with him while we were still together. And yet I couldn't wait to meet Severus for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron.

After Sirius had left, I chose what to wear today with great care for I didn't want to look like the slut Skeeter was trying to make me but without giving up my individual style. I wouldn't appear at the Leaky Cauldron in wizarding robes though it couldn't harm if my top wasn't as low cut as it usually was.

When I arrived at the Leaky Cauldron the first thing I saw was Lucius Malfoy almost glued to Severus' side, although my man gave the impression he considered him as annoying as a nasty fly he wanted to smash.

"… so have you seen the pictures Rita Skeeter was talking about?" Malfoy asked lewdly, much to Severus disgust.

"Why don't you mind your own business and go back to cleaning bedpans?" Severus replied waspishly.

Unfortunately it was Lucius who noticed me first as I approached them. "Ah, here she comes, radiantly beautiful as ever. It's a pleasure to see you, dear Raven."

"Don't slip on the slime you're spilling, Luci," I said coolly, taking Severus' arm and dragging him away. That moment a spry older wizard entered the Leaky Cauldron. He was in his seventies, his grey hair cut as short as his neatly trimmed beard was long. His bushy eyebrows reminded me of an annoyed eagle owl though his pale green eyes were kind. He smiled brightly when he spotted Severus and headed in our direction.

"Ah, Severus, there you are," the old wizard cried, his voice a pleasant timbre, "I wanted to have a quick word with you about Sunday."

"Of course, Professor. May I introduce my fiancé, Raven Lestrange. Raven, this is Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty, my employer, head of St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and"

"You're engaged?" Malfoy interjected, patting Severus' shoulder in a vain attempt of gaining attention. Sirius had once called Severus Lucius' lapdog but it was decidedly Malfoy who showed more doggish qualities today. "Congratulations, my friend- and of course I will be your best man."

"No, you won't."

Meanwhile I greeted Severus' boss, hoping Severus would hex the brash Malfoy out the door. "I'm pleased to meet you, Professor O'Flaherty. Severus speaks highly of you."

"No, no, it's a pleasure to meet _you_, Miss Lestrange," he smiled kindly and I took an immediate liking to him. "Although I know that Severus is a very private man I may not forgive him for having denied me the pleasure of meeting his charming fiancé before. Consider yourself a lucky witch- you're marrying one of the greatest talents St. Mungo's has ever seen. I'm very proud of Severus… and of me, of course, for employing him."

"I hope you will grant us the pleasure of your company for lunch, Professor?" Severus chimed in after getting rid off Malfoy, and no, thanks a lot, but he would **not** need his services as best man. I almost felt sorry for Lucius because he seemed to try so hard to be good.

-

A day later I entered our library only to see a fully-fledged werewolf attacking Severus. Immediately I reached for my wand but by then the werewolf had already turned into a giant, intimidating snake, towering over Severus. It bent its head, ready to dig its enormous venomous fangs into his neck. And he just stood there as if he was frozen…

"NO!" I screamed, turning the Boggart's attention at me. Before it could shift its form again I aimed my wand at it. "Ridikkulus!"

The snake turned pink and its head began to swell until it looked like a balloon that exploded with a loud, farting sound. After another flick of my wand the Boggart had dissolved into thin air and Severus was still standing there as if he was frozen.

"Sev, you alright?" I asked worriedly.

No, he obviously wasn't. He was paler than usual, a haunted expression in his eyes when he turned and glanced at me, then he walked to the nearest armchair and sat down, wearily, burying his face in his hands.

"Sev! Talk to me? What happened? Why did you chose to confront the Boggart on your own? I thought we agreed we're gonna off him together."

"I forgot." He let out a short, mirthless laugh. "I completely forgot about the bloody Boggart."

"Why even open that old desk?"

"I was looking for parchment to compose the lecture…"

I knew he was quite nervous about Sunday given that it would be the first time he'd give a lecture to experts. Kneeling in front of him now I pried away his hand from his face so that I could cup it in mine. He avoided my eyes.

"But Sev, there's plenty of paper in my study upstairs."

"That's not the point!" Severus sounded angry now. He jumped to his feet and nearly knocked me over. "The point is, I couldn't finish off a Boggart! A BOGGART! A very fine expert of the Dark Arts I am- even third-years know how to deal with a Boggart, but I stood there like a dunderhead and couldn't do anything to stop it for that damnable thing scared me. I was SCARED of a Boggart!"

"Well, that's the nature of Boggarts, they turn into what you fear most…"

"Don't lecture me! You have no idea… you don't know what it was like to open the drawer and out crawled _**HE**_, and he had the Elder Wand, and I thought it would start all over again and that he'd torture me for my betrayal… I was so bloody _scared_ that I didn't even grasp it when he turned into a werewolf and then into that darned snake." Instinctively he touched his neck where the scar of Nagini's bite was barely visible on his pale skin, then he started scratching his left forearm as if the Dark Mark was still there, burning and itching. "I… there were times when I just didn't care whether I lived or died, and there were times when I even wished I were dead; that something, someone would end this misery of a life I called my own simply because I hadn't the guts to end it myself… but then I remembered what dying felt like, and for the first time in my life I really had a reason to live… I don't want to lose what I have with you now, because for the first time in my life I know what happiness feels like and yet I couldn't move… I couldn't…"

I reached for his hand to stop his fingers from scratching his arm until it bled and the next moment I was in his arms and his mouth came crushing down on mine in desperate need. He took my by surprise- I postponed my intention of calling Pinkie to bring a bottle of firewhisky because if he preferred a quickie instead I wasn't averse to it. There were times when a shot of booze was helpful while others required the comfort of physical contact, even if it was a bit rough. Today, it was definitely the latter.

It would never cease to astonish me how passionate he could be, given that Severus Snape was usually a man of sharp wits and analytic intelligence, a bookworm. Although he did have a romantic streak, sometimes also being a bit shy, almost insecure, he was in control of his emotions most of the time. I was used to his occasional outbursts of anger- for a long time that had been his only way of showing emotions at all- but I found his new fashion decidedly more enjoyable. He needed relief and he would get it.

Later we were lying panting on the floor of the library, a mess of disheveled hair and clothes, not having bothered to undress when passion had overwhelmed us. His shirt was torn open up to his abdomen, revealing the pale skin of his chest and the dark, thin trace of hair than led from his navel to his nether parts. And I- well, I probably looked like a total slut with the rim of my dress pulled up to my stomach and one of my tits popping out of my décolleté.

"Remind me that we also need a carpet in here," I said as I sat up and rearranged my dress. It was kind of uncomfortable on the wooden floor.

"Raven, I…"

I kissed him softly. "I know. I love you too."

That wasn't what he wanted to say but I didn't want to hear any excuses. They weren't necessary and besides, anything was better than having him brooding.

Since he really had to work on his lecture I left the library soon after, knowing he'd be in a much more relaxed state of mind now. It was amazing what a good quickie could do to a man.

At the door I turned around. "I'll be upstairs, comparing the curriculum of seven-years NEWT students with the notes you left me. If you're in need of paper or parchment, you know where to find me. If you're in need of another Boggart," I smiled lewdly at him, "you'll find me willing to find one."

Severus chuckled at my words and hurried to catch up with me, kissing me once more. "Lestrange, you really are impossible."

Then we went our own ways for a while. I guessed none of us would have gotten anything done had we stayed in the same room, and we both had some work to do. The summer course at Hogwarts started next week and I wanted to be prepared for that. There was a test I had in mind for my soon-to-be students, checking what they had learned so far.

I didn't notice him approaching until he kissed my neck.

"Honestly, how can you _work_ like that?" Severus gestured at the chaos around me. I was lounging on the sofa, piles of parchment and books all around me in what seemed to be no recognizable order; I, however, called that organized chaos. He should be used to it for it hadn't changed since our school days. While he had preferred to sit properly at a table, all of his books neatly arranged for homework- and he could sit like that for hours- I had preferred to sprawl out on an armchair or on the floor. Actually the only thing that had changed since Hogwarts was that I was able to listen to music now as the stereo was playing a new CD I had bought.

I reached out for him and wrapped my arms around him, dragging him closer. As a result, he stumbled over the backrest of the sofa and landed on top of me. I stared into his dark, obsidian eyes and giggled at his perplexed scowl.

"If you're trying to seduce me again I will give a lecture about how living with a witch can spoil a promising academic career," he growled.

"I beg your pardon- seduce _you_ again? If I remember correctly it was _you_ who started it off earlier in the library."

"Admittedly, you are correct. Although that was decidedly a completely different situation, whereas now I only wanted to ask you for the parchment you offered to give me, should I require it."

"So why did you sneak up to me and startle me with a kiss if it's only parchment you want?" I asked cheekily and kissed the tip of his nose simply because I loved the way he wrinkled it when I did so.

"I did not sneak up to you. I approached you in the most obvious way so don't blame me for you not hearing me when the music is on." He had pinned me down, his face only inches from mine. "So my kiss startled you?"

"In the nicest possible way," I breathed. "Now stop staring and snog me."

So he did. Although I always liked our slightly sarcastic verbal exchanges- outsiders might believe us mad or mad at each other while to us it was purely entertaining- making out on the sofa was even more fun.

"You know," I said a little later, breathlessly, running my fingers through his hair, "you could have simply walked into my study and fetched the needed parchment. I solemnly swear that the computer in there isn't half as dangerous as the late Boggart that used to live in the desk in your library."

"Oh, I do know that computers in general don't bite."

Nevertheless he was still a bit suspicious of Muggle technology although he was getting used to it because I wouldn't give up living in both worlds, and both had their very own advantages. Probably there was even a bit of Slytherin nature showing in me, given that I was taking advantage of all the benefits whatever world had to offer, even though that might crash with their pureblood ideology I didn't share at all

"Severus?" All of a sudden the voice of Tiberius O'Flaherty came from the fireplace, snapping me out of my reverie by its urgent sound. "Severus, please answer me. I know it is late but we're having a serious problem here and I really do need to hear your opinion about it."

Immediately, Severus hurried to the fireplace and knelt down in front of it. "What happened?"

"Well, as it seems the victims in question had been mauled by a werewolf…"

"That is not likely since the next full moon will be on Monday," Severus interjected with cool consideration.

"I know," the head of O'Flaherty in the flames said, "and that's why I want to hear your opinion about these incidents."

"Have you informed the Aurors about your suspicion yet?

"No, I'd like to hear your opinion first before informing the Ministry."

"Never mind," Severus glanced at me and I nodded in silent agreement, "I'll bring my own."

A minute later we were in Professor O'Flaherty's office at St Mungo's. The older wizard looked at us with appreciation though that couldn't mask the worry on his face.

"Ah, Miss Lestrange, what a pleasure to meet you so soon again, if only the circumstances were more pleasurable."

"You spoke of victims and incidents- I assume there was more than one case that appears to be a werewolf attack?" Typical Severus, not to waste time with niceties but coming straight to the point.

"Indeed. The series- if I might call it that- started two days ago, and the last of five victims had been taken to St Mungo's only a moment before I decided to ask for your opinion."

Without further ado we followed O'Flaherty to the Dai Llewellyn Ward for Creature-Induced Injuries, where the victims were being treated. The Healer-In-Charge, a certain Smethwyck, was the same who had cured Arthur Weasley after Nagini had attacked him, only this time he seemed to be utterly at a loss.

"The Muggle died!" He cried when he saw Professor O'Flaherty approaching. "We did not manage to re-grow his liver."

_Re-grow his liver? _I braced myself for a really nasty sight and it was indeed really nasty. The abdomen of the Muggle victim had been torn open by sharp claws, leaving a bleeding mess of internal organs. I didn't want to check whether only his liver was missing because the sight was nauseating enough. All I needed to know was that the Muggle had been attacked in order to kill him- or, even worse, to consume him. There was definitely a beast at work.

The other victims were slightly better off though they all had bite wounds and claw marks on their bodies. The face of a female had been so brutally mauled that it was hardly recognizable as a face anymore but a young wizard had gotten off lightly- merely his arm was marred and he was also the only one conscious. As we learned he was the first victim, claiming that a werewolf had attacked him.

"The wounds won't heal, no matter what we try," Smethwyck complained to Professor O'Flaherty, a weary expression on his face, while Severus had walked over to the bed of an unconscious victim, performing complicated wand movements and incantations. Suddenly the Healer's eyes narrowed. "He's doing something Dark."

"Well, I guess sometimes it requires profound knowledge of the Dark Arts to come up with a counter curse for something that was caused by the Dark Arts." I said.

"Exactly," Professor O'Flaherty agreed, "that's what I hired him for; he is an expert of the Dark Arts."

I saw Severus frowning. "These wounds will not heal because they are cursed wounds, like werewolf wounds..."

"That is not possible!" Smethwyck cried.

"See, I told ya all the time I was attacked by a bloody werewolf!" The first victim yelled as if he was fed up with being told that under no circumstances he could have been attacked by a werewolf when the moon wasn't full.

"When again was the first attack?" I asked, my mind reeling.

"Two days ago. Why?"

"That would be just after it became public that Severus will give a lecture on Wolfsbane on Sunday."

Severus shot me a sharp glance. "What are you implying?"

"Greyback…"

"That is **not** possible!" Smethwyck cried again.

"Actually that very well is possible," I gave to consider, having an idea of how Greyback could possibly transform into a werewolf even when it wasn't full moon. The idea was scary but nevertheless probable.

"Would you please fill us in?" Severus asked, a crease forming between his eyes as if he was trying hard to figure out what I was about.

"Well, please recall how Greyback looks like in his human form and describe his characteristics."

Ah, now he seemed to understand. "He is a rough; his voice is raspy and bark-like, he has long yellowish nails and even in his human form his teeth are pointed. You can literally see the wolf in his features."

"Yes, we all do know that, but even if he looks wolfish that still does not explain how he manages to transform when the moon is not full." Smethwyck interjected impatiently.

"Fenrir Greyback is the perfect werewolf- if such a term is ever appropriate. The werewolf is in his character and given that he has forsaken his humanity long ago…"

"... it is very likely that his Animagnus form is a werewolf." I completed Severus' sentence.

* * *

next chapter- more about werewolves...


	41. The Werewolf Animagnus

41- The Werewolf Animagnus

_"... it is very likely that his Animagnus form is a werewolf." I completed Severus' sentence..._

* * *

"Interesting theory," O'Flaherty agreed thoughtfully, flashing me a warm smile of appreciation. "At least that would explain a lot of things."

"But it requires advanced magical skills to become an Animagnus, and Greyback is not exactly known for being a gifted man."

"Pettigrew was one of the biggest dunderheads ever and yet even he managed to become an Animagnus." I reminded Severus.

"True. If it weren't for the help of his precious friends he wouldn't have succeeded in any of his OWLs."

That moment the sound of heavy footsteps was to be heard in the corridor outside, and only a little later Kingsley Shacklebolt entered the room. He was accompanied by a group of Aurors, including the new head of their department, Williamson. Apparently O'Flaherty had finally chosen to inform the Ministry.

"I heard what happened and came as soon as possible. So what exactly do we know?"

I filled him in. "We know that someone or something with claws, sharp teeth and an appetite for fresh Muggle liver attacked five people, one of them, the Muggle, died. We have an eye witness who claims he was attacked by a werewolf. Since it isn't full moon yet that might appear unlikely, unless- considering all we know about Greyback- he has succeeded in becoming an Animagnus and the werewolf is his Animagnus form."

"Hmpf," grunted Williamson, standing next to Kingsley. He wasn't a man of many words but nevertheless quite a capable Auror; Kingsley could have chosen worse. "Not good."

"I never heard of anything like that either." Smethwyck chimed in, misinterpreting Williamson's grunt as skepticism.

"I told ya 'twas a bloody werewolf that attacked me!" The injured young wizard yelled again, then he suddenly began to realize the consequences. "Wait! Wait! Did he make me a beast like he is?"

"No," Severus said softly. "We do not have precise knowledge of the effects Animagni werewolf bites have on people, but the worst that could happen to you is developing a furry problem once a month."

Great. I had to turn away, suppressing a chuckle of sarcastic nature because of Severus nonexistent sensitivity when it came to dealing with frightened people and their worries. If you had a very dark sense of humor it was funny though most others found it rather offensive.

The injured wizard, who had just grasped the meaning of Severus' words, started to wail.

"You will nonetheless be able to live a relatively normal life if you participate in St Mungo's werewolf program that will administer Wolfsbane-" All of a sudden he fell silent and stared at the door, his dark eyes turning cold. With a sneer on his face he gave a curt nod of acknowledgement. "Potter!"

What the hell was the boy doing here?

"Sn- _Professor_ Snape!" Harry managed, clearly not having expected to meet his once most hated teacher here tonight, and for a moment the same old loathing flickered up in his eyes. But that died soon and was replaced by something I couldn't quite fathom.

It was the first time they had met after the war, after that night in the Shrieking Shack. After Harry had looked at Severus' memories. I sensed very strong emotions radiating from both of them. They weren't yet able to overcome years of mutual hatred even though that was slowly waning.

Meanwhile Healer Smethwyck had shot Severus a nasty glance as he had hurried to comfort the poor fellow who had just been confronted with the fact he might be infected with Lycantrophy. "Now, now, hush my dear boy. There is no proof whatsoever that these assumptions are right. Probably it was merely a big, bad dog that bit you. It is not known that werewolves can become Animagni and take on their werewolf form any time they want."

"It isn't unheard-of either."

All eyes were directed at me now and that spared Severus and Harry from continuing to glare at each other. I cleared my throat and decided to share my knowledge with generations of wizards that all had fallen asleep during Professor Binn's History of Magic class.

"The Indian weretigers, anyone? Well then, sometime in the fourteenth century there was a secret group of warriors in India, and they were famous for their skills in fighting because they could turn into tigers. They were weretigers _**and**_ Animagni, and their service was sought by rivaling wizarding clans as well as Muggle maharajas."

"Right. Heard of that." Williamson said, scratching his head.

"There are similar legends from several African countries. The myths tell about almost invincible warriors that were shape shifters and could turn into hyenas, gaining their full strengths when the moon was full. The legends say that these warriors were fathered by a warrior priest and born by a hyena…"

"Eek, Kingsley, that's gross- who'd want to fuck a hyena?" The words just slipped- when would I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut? Smethwyck glanced at my as if he wanted to say, _what else to expect from a vulgar witch who poses naked in Muggle magazines?_- as if that was a habit of mine, my favorite pastime.

"Well, there are indeed people who have developed a slightly unnatural fondness of our furry friends," O'Flaherty said, cheerfully lecturing, "just think of Aberforth Dumbledore and his goats…"

"Thank you, Professor, but there is no need to go into details since I believe Raven's question was rhetoric." Kingsley cut in, fortunately ending this topic before Severus could remind me that I used to date a mutt. "Now, to get back to the point, I assume we can all agree that Raven's theory is believable. Of course it has yet to be proven- we cannot rely on legends and myths from other parts of the world. If Greyback is really an Animagnus with a werewolf form and therefore responsible for these attacks, I want evidence for that. I want teams of Aurors visiting all the crime scenes where the victims were found and look out for evidence. We cannot- and will not- sit back and wait for Greyback's next move. Harry, you go with Raven."

"Greyback will likely strike again on Sunday, during Severus' lecture about- What!?" I rubbed my ears, staring in disbelief at Kingsley. "Good one! I almost thought I heard you say Potter is going with me."

"That is what I said indeed," Kingsley admitted. "I want Harry to learn from the best Aurors…"

"He hasn't even started Auror training yet!" I snapped. "He has absolutely no experience."

But apparently my reservation fell on deaf ears with the other Aurors and failed to impress any of them.

"Harry Potter defied the Dark Lord," Williamson reminded me as if I hadn't been there, hadn't witnessed that scene.

"He entered a stage set up for him by Dumbledore still pulling the strings from his grave, and he succeeded only by sheer luck and Tom's very own mental disorder due to having split his soul once too often. It simply won't do to shout _Expelliarmus_ in the face of a fully-fledged werewolf and hope for the spell to rebound and turn into something more effective."

Kingsley chuckled and Potter stared at me as if I had just kicked him off the pedestal the wizarding world had put him on. Of course he believed I only disliked him because I was with Snape. Actually, Kingsley seemed to think something like that, too. "My, Merlin's beard, he's really rubbing off on you, is he?"

Severus scowled at him.

"No, Kingsley, you're not being objective here. It's not about liking or disliking the boy but these are facts. He is not a trained Auror and being everybody's darling does not qualify him- or how many werewolves have you killed already, Potter?"

"Raven, I'm not sending you on a combat mission. I merely want you to go to the crime scenes for investigation, looking for evidence. I know from your file that you're good at that, given that in America you have worked several times for a special department of the FBI, concerning national and international wizarding affairs. Harry could learn a lot of you that none of my Aurors could teach him."

"Fine," I snapped, "then I will give a lecture about the methods of investigation the WFBI is using but I'm not going to babysit the boy tonight when there's still a dangerous werewolf Animagnus on the run. –And why the hell do you have a file about me?"

"As a precaution," Kingsley admitted frankly but he'd better give a good explanation for that because a cold rage was about to flare up in Severus. "The Order- alright, mainly Molly and Remus- were seriously worried when after Dumbledore's death you were still sticking to Severus Snape, so they asked me to use my good connections and find out more about you. Alas, the fact that _'some strange Muggle organizations_' like the MI6 or the FBI thought you a rebellious but nevertheless reliable person failed to impress them."

"You worked for the FBI?" Harry, however, sounded mighty impressed. Probably he had watched some incredible stupid movies about heroic agents saving the world but forgetting to mention the mountains of paperwork behind the scenes. And then a probably very Slytherin idea struck me for I smiled sweetly at him before I finally agreed to let him accompany me so that he could learn something.

Kingsley was very pleased with me and immediately instructed the boy to do whatever I told him without arguing about it. A smirk curled up my lips.

"Raven!" Severus hissed exasperated as he beckoned me over to have a word in private with me; he even cast a _Muffliato_ around us, looking anxious. "Potter is a trouble-maker, arrogant as his father, attention-seeking and impertinent. He is an incorrigible rule-breaker because he seems to believe that these rules could not possibly meant to apply to him, the icon of the wizarding world…"

"Don't worry about me, Sev." I took his face in my hands, gently caressing his cheeks. The crease between his eyes softened a bit under my touch. Mayhap I should have chided him for his reluctance to let go of old animosities. Mayhap I should have told him that Harry wasn't James. But I didn't. "I am quite capable of showing him his limits."

The Aurors had already filed out of the room to follow their assignments, O'Flaherty and Healer Smethwyck had left, too- probably discussing some internal matters- so now it was only us standing there on the threshold.

A small smile graced Severus' features when I whispered something in his ear, making him look less intimidating. Out of the corner of his eyes, Harry Potter noticed the change in his former Potion Master, and it was probably for the first time ever he saw him smiling.

Of course he didn't know why Severus was smiling.

I was aware that the boy was watching us, waiting for me. A bit reluctantly I let go of Severus. "Take care."

"No, I want you to be careful." He scowled at Potter as if he feared his recklessness might endanger my safety while I feared more for Severus' safety. In Greyback's eyes he was a traitor given that he had conspired against the Dark Lord and was now affronting Greyback with his werewolf program. He was a very dangerous beast, a psychopath.

I kissed him briefly although he didn't endorse displaying affection in public and especially not in front of Harry Potter. But I couldn't have walked away without giving him at least a little kiss

Harry didn't follow me immediately but hesitated, staring at Severus as if he wanted to say something.

"Is there anything you want, Potter?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but I grabbed his arm and dragged him along with me. I knew the boy had wanted to- well, probably _thank_ Severus and although he really should do that one day, the timing would have been most inopportune.

"Where are we going?" Harry had problems keeping my pace and almost jogged along the corridors. "Why didn't you let me talk with Snape? I only wanted…"

I stopped and he bumped into me. I turned to face him. "I know what you wanted. You thought it a good opportunity to say, thanks, by the way, for trying to protect me and saving my life all these years. I, however, believe he deserves more respect and sincerity than uttering a few trivial words at a chance meeting. "

"You think I'm ungrateful?"

"No, probably not. You merely lack the subtlety to sense when it is appropriate to approach him and when not." I continued my way and again he had to hurry to catch up with me.

"Where are we going?"

"The only Apparation point at St Mungo's."

A few moments later we reached the emergency department

"Look," Harry began, "it really isn't easy for me… having to learn that I was wrong about Snape. I don't know how to act around him. Even if he was always Dumbledore's man he's still intimidating…"

"Stop babbling now and concentrate on your Apparation, Potter. We don't want you to splinch yourself, do we?"

For the time it took to Apparate from St Mungo's to the outskirts of Sheffield, where the savaged Muggle had been found, there was blissful silence. Unfortunately it didn't take long and soon Harry picked up the topic again.

"It's also hard to imagine he loved my Mum… you knew her too, don't you? I wonder if she had feelings-"

"Shut up, Potter!" I snarled at him. "Just how thick are you to Apparate to the scene of a brutal attack and keep prattling on as if we were at a tea party?"

"I…"

"Yes, you obviously weren't thinking." Fortunately I had already scanned the landscape for dangers lurking in the dark, finding that there weren't any. "What do you know of _Revelio_ Spells?"

He thought hard before he came up with an answer. "Hermione used _Homenum revelio _when we first came to Grimmauld Place, after the wedding. She said it's to reveal human presence."

"Clever girl. So whenever you arrive at a crime scene or any place of possible danger, the first thing you do is cast a _Homenum_ _revelio_. Can you do that for me now? Speak the incantation and use your wand like some kind of a radar; it will show you if there are human beings around."

Harry followed my instruction and after he failed at first try, the second time he succeeded. "There are two people in the bushes over there."

"Yeah, and they're too busy with themselves to notice us. You shouldn't pay too much attention to them either." I jerked his wand arm away before he could develop voyeuristic tendencies.

"You haven't answered my question yet. Did she- my mother- have feelings for Snape?"

"No."

"In that scene in the pensieve… she said they're best friends and she defended him-"

"Listen, Potter, I do not wish to discuss Lily Evans with you."

"I only want to understand! It feels so… so _weird_ to imagine my Mum and Snape- I mean, that Snape loved her, and when I had just stomached that I heard that you're with him now. It just doesn't feel _right_."

"It doesn't feel _right_?" I snapped, hot white anger flaring up from deep within me though I kept my voice low, a dangerous, icy cold hiss. "It doesn't feel _right_ that after pining himself away over bloody Saint Lily for almost twenty fucking years of infernal misery he _**dares**_ to have found some happiness now? I wonder, Potter, would you- after all he's done for you- prefer him to continue a lonely life in his personal hell, never to be redeemed of his crimes, forever wallowing in his grief?"

"No, no, I didn't mean…"

I cut him off with an impatient flick of my hand. _**I**_ was talking now and I wasn't finished yet. "You're bloody wrong here, Potter. After all that you oh-so-fucking-noble Gryffindors put him through, after all the humiliation and torture he had to endure from their hands, after years of pressure and constant danger, lying and spying for the allegedly _good_ guys- privileged, because they had been Sorted into Gryffindor- you still have the nerve to turn up your pretty nose at the guilt on his shoulders that's weighing him down? Your father and his miscreants pushed him over the edge and kicked him when he was down, and your mother would pat the head of any abandoned stray dog but made sure to quickly wipe the grease off her hands before turning around and flirting with the ever so popular, good-looking Quidditch champion, the rich pureblood. She surely made a good match, and you know, Potter, I'm glad he's finally over her because he deserves better. He deserves unconditional instead of unrequited love."

Thank Merlin, he needed some time to digest my tirade and therefore kept his mouth shut so that I could again concentrate on why we'd come here. It wasn't here to discuss my relationship with Severus but to investigate a crime scene.

"_Lumos_!" The tip of my wand ignited and spread some light in the dark. Carefully I stepped closer to where trampled down grass and broken twigs of bushes gave proof that an attack had happened here. Next to me, Harry muttered the same spell and yelped when he saw blood on the ground.

"Potter!" I grabbed him at his collar and yanked him back before he could go stomping thoughtlessly over whatever evidence there might be waiting to be found. "Dammit! Stay behind! Don't touch anything! Just take notes and leave the rest to me."

"Notes?"

"Oh, please, I assume I'm right to believe you're capable of writing?"

"Yeah, 'course I am. I'm not a dunderhead just because Snape says so."

"He never called you a dunderhead. He merely mentioned you were a mediocre wizard. And now back to work." I knelt down to examine a footprint in the grass, waving my wand over it. The outlines started to glow in a bluish light.

"Blimey, " Harry gasped, "that looks like a paw."

"The imprint of a paw," I corrected him, then glanced over my shoulder at him. "Are you taking notes like I told you?"

Apparently not because he was only clutching his wand in his hands.

"Um... I don't have…"

"Potter, next time Kingsley decides to sent you on a mission with me, you will be better prepared. I want you to always stay a step behind, busily scribbling in your notebook. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yeah, but…"

I tossed him two pebbles I had picked up. "Take these and transform them into pen and notebook. You know how to do that, don't you? Use your imagination."

Harry did well on that, I had to admit. I had never excelled at Transfiguration simply because I had always scrupled to turn an urchin into a hairbrush or things like that; animals shouldn't be abused for magical experiments.

"There is blood over there… and some hair." He pointed out and was clever enough not to rush forward. Instead, he sent a ray of light from his wand tip in the direction.

So he was learning. Very good. For a moment I wondered whether I was too harsh on him, too prejudiced. Hadn't I wanted to leave behind the old grudges from yesterday? But then all of his questions had irked me so. I knew he wasn't an ungrateful sod, probably he really wanted to thank Severus although he was still far from understanding him. Well, who did actually? Sev would clam up like an oyster when his privacy was concerned and only open up to… I could think of no one else but me- and maybe Dumbledore to some extent. And where had that gotten him? To the lonely life of a spy, constantly under threat. Most likely the old puppeteer hadn't even expected him to survive, least of all he had ever cared about his soul.

_Now, Raven, who isn't attentive here?_ I chided myself as I forced my thoughts back from Severus in order to dedicate them on the crime scene instead.

A quick wand movement in combination with an incantation revealed that the blood was of a human being, probably that of the Muggle who had donated his liver to Greyback. With a concentrated frown I levitated some of the hair Harry had spotted over to the paw print. I muttered another incantation and all of a sudden the bluish light became brighter and began to spread in height, forming an image. It was the image of a large wolf.

Harry backed away with a gasp. At least he could identify a werewolf when he saw one. "What's that?"

"Wrong question. It rather should be- _who's _that?- and then the answer is quite simply. Fenrir Greyback. I'm certain you've seen pictures of him?"

"Yeah. Well, I got that, but," he kept staring at the translucent image in front of him, looking almost like a projection on canvas, "but… what **is** that?"

"Greyback's magical blueprint. It's like the genetic fingerprint or DNA code that Muggle crime scene investigators are using to convict a criminal, only that it takes them much more time since the process is still in its infancy. For once, the wizarding world is more advanced since the spell to reveal the identity of a wizard or witch has already been created some centuries ago. All you need is a hair, a single drop of blood or sperm." How sweet, he had the modesty to blush at the latter. To not mortify him any further I decided to not tell him that the spell was originally created by a dark wizard, and that it still wasn't Ministry approved here in Britain. However, the WFBI was using it and so did I. Once again the line between black and white, good and bad, was a thin one and very blurry.

Since it was now obvious that Greyback was indeed responsible for the attacks, I had to let the other Auror teams know about it. Four tiny, silvery T-Rex burst from my wand and disappeared into the night.

"Remind me to ask Kingsley to use his good connection with the MI6 and get us some modern form of communication, preferably walkie-talkies."

"Why," Harry asked baffled, "what's wrong with using a Patronus?"

"Because," I gestured at the silvery shades of a menagerie that popped up around us, including a gorilla, a terrier, a bee and a rhinoceros, "this is a zoo."

And it wasn't just because it was a zoo- usually, a Patronus could only deliver a recorded message but if you wanted to reply you had to send another Patronus, and so on. The only one I had ever been able to communicate with was Bambi- which reminded me of how unstable our Patronuses were of lately. His doe changed into a bat sometimes and occasionally into a mixture of both, a ridiculous doe with the wings of a bat and the tail of a T-Rex, while the terrifying, monstrous grace of mine got all Bambi-eyed… It was common knowledge that your Patronus could change when strong feeling were involved but this was decidedly bizarre.

Apparently my fellow Aurors had nothing of interest to report so I Apparated back home, leaving it to Harry Potter to do all the arduous paper work that inevitably came along with missions for the Ministry. Since he wanted to become an Auror he'd better get used to it.

-

Severus was still awake when I arrived at home. He was sitting in the bed, a Potions magazine in his hands, a bottle of firewhisky and a glass on the bedside table. I frowned at him. The Severus I knew didn't read in bed.

"You shouldn't have waited for me," I chided him gently as I noticed how tired he looked; it was no surprise given that it was almost 4 AM. "Or did you really fear the Golden Boy could get me in trouble?"

"Of course not," Severus sneered. "It was never my intention to belittle your magical skills in comparison to a mediocre wizard and notorious troublemaker."

"And yet the boy is intelligent- at least he knows when to shut up after having been shown his place."

With a chuckle he put the Potions magazine aside and invitingly lifted the blanket. "Come to bed and tell me more."

"I'd rather not." I stripped; my dress was pooling around my ankles and I left it lying carelessly on the floor as I slipped under the blanket to cuddle up to Severus. To my surprise he was naked underneath the covers. I ran gentle fingers across his chest; I loved touching him and he loved being touched, craving for loving gestures that life had denied him for too long. No, I decidedly didn't want to spoil this moment of intimacy by talking about Harry Potter now.

Although I had already pointed out once, discreetly, that grey nightshirts were quite unattractive- we had silently agreed on black silk pyjamas if there had to be any fabric between us- it still wasn't typical for him to read in bed naked. His kiss tasted of firewhisky.

"What's wrong, my love?" I asked. It was also not typical for him to drink firewhisky when we had a decent stock of wine in the kitchen.

"I'm fine," he insisted but I knew him too well to not detect a lie when I heard one, so I looked him straight in the eye. Of course he was better at Occlumency than I was at Legilimency and if he had made a serious attempt to keep me out of his mind, I had never been able to see fractions of nightmares.

He scowled at me; it was a scowl that would scare others away but I merely nested my head against his shoulder and continued caressing him, indicating that it was alright with me. There was no need to talk about it; he didn't have to confess that his past was still haunting him. It didn't even surprise me for he must have witnessed horrible things in the service of a psycho like Voldemort… and he must have suffered a lot… he hadn't invented a potion that cured the aftereffects of the Cruciatus Curse just because he had too much spare time…

"Shall I get you a Dreamless Sleep Potion?" I inquired softly.

Severus let out a mirthless laugh as he wrapped his arms tighter around me, kissing my temple. "Lestrange, I told you I'm fine."

For a while we remained silent. I listened to his breathing, his steady heartbeat as I slowly drifted off to sleep, feeling content to be in his arms, close to him.

"You know," he whispered almost inaudible, "the truth about the Dreamless Sleep Potion is that it gets ineffective when taken too often and I'm immune to it now… but don't worry," he added quickly when I was about to lift my head in order to give him a worried frown, "you're better than any Potion."

Morning came much too soon, but more sobering than the sunlight falling in through the windows, a single ray tickling my nose, was the fact that Severus was stirring, apparently in order to get up. I let out a frustrated moan, refusing to let go of him. Damned, it was Saturday and much too early in the morning to even think about getting up.

He kissed me gently and I flung my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. Now, that was a reason to wake up.

"Can we please stay in bed and snog senselessly all day?"

He still wasn't used to being wanted, desired. Why a pretty witch, her body naked and warm, drunken with sleep, would long for his mouth to claim her sensual lips was still a mystery to him. But every mystery was also a challenge, so he gave in to my request.

For a while we just kissed and cuddled. It would never cease to amaze me how soft his lips were when they kissed me- the same lips that were infamous for uttering devastating, often cruel snide remarks, dripping with sarcasm. The same lips he would rather curl up to his trademark sneer than to a real smile, and yet when we were alone he did actually know how to smile. I loved the way he smiled at me.

Now he was chuckling at the very idea of wasting a whole day with something as pleasurable as snogging; alas, it also reminded him of his responsibilities and that he couldn't spent the whole day in bed. There were still the victims of the werewolf attack to be considered. He had to check on them so I let him go. He said he'd be back soon and that he'd just came up with an idea that might work..

Unfortunately things didn't go as planned all Saturday. Before Severus returned from St Mungo's I received an urgent Floo call from Kingsley, who asked me to meet him at the Ministry in order to talk over security measures for Sunday. Apparently Potter had told him I wanted more modern means of communication for our next assignment, so he had already organized some walkie-talkies from his sources within the MI6. Now he wanted me to train the Aurors on how to use them.

When I finally returned home, Severus was sitting in the library, totally absorbed in composing his lecture. I breathed a kiss on his head and walked upstairs to busy myself with the studies I needed for teaching Defense against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts.

We met again at dinner and talked about the day. One of the victims, the brutally maimed female, had died but the other three were recovering; a progress that was initiated by administering small, hourly doses of Wolfsbane Potion to them. On a lighter note, I could cheer up Severus by telling him how Aurors and walkie-talkies coincided, which in Dawlish's case had been ridiculous.

Later he showed me his lecture. It was brilliant- provided he was only giving it to Potions geeks. Mind, I did understand what he was talking about, I could follow his train of thoughts, but that was not the point. The point was that the Ministry had decided to make his lecture a public, a _social_ event, and that meant he would also have to entertain the potential sponsors of his werewolf project. He had to convince them that it was worth donating to and thus help those who had been infected with Lycantrophy, so that they, despite their furry problem, might become respectable members of the wizarding society, instead of excluding them as it had been the general habit for centuries. Not all werewolves were beasts like Greyback.

He scowled at the notion of having to _entertain_ his audience, complaining about ignorant dunderheads until I took his notes and went to my study to rewrite his lecture. I filled in some phrases that gave it some more social instead of merely academic competence, the first a skill he still seemed to lack but he appreciated my efforts.

Severus was nervous and quite edgy all Sunday though he tried to hide it. Finally, when it was time to get ready for the event, I took him by surprise and he arched a quizzical brow at me.

"What?" I asked as I laced up my 14 eyelet steel toe Doc Martens. "Do you think it's fun to fight or duel in high heels? I'm not doing it deliberately, you know, like chasing away hordes of Dementors, wearing a ridiculously pink dress…"

"At least we agree on that."

Now I gave him a quizzical glance.

"You look ridiculous in pink," he explained.

"Ta! But, you know, the point is that when I go on an assignment I prefer to be prepared." I stepped into the walk-in wardrobe and came back with a box in my hands. "I also want you to be prepared. We both know that there is a dangerous maniac likely to attack tonight and since we have no clue on how a werewolf with the Animagnus form of a werewolf is affected by common curses, I want you to take this."

I opened the box. Inside, on a bed of crimson velvet, were two pistols of which I handed him one while I stored the other in the pocket of my leather jacket.

"A Muggle firearm..." Severus observed it with some disdain, a crease forming between his eyes.

"…loaded with silver bullets, yes. Believe me, it is fatally effective against werewolves."

"I remember I read about that but…" He gave the pistol another very skeptical glance, almost sneering at it. "… I deem it inappropriate for a wizard to…"

"Sev," I cut him off, "if it keeps you alive and unbitten I don't give a damn if it's _appropriate_ for a wizard to fire silver bullets at a werewolf. Times are changing- when I came back to Britain three years ago the Ministry would have tarred and feathered me for even suggesting the use of walkie-talkies and now the Aurors will be using them tonight."

And that wasn't the only thing that had changed after the war, I realized later as I observed the crowd gathered at St Mungo's auditorium to hear Severus' lecture. Of course there were the Potion geeks and the journalists of Potion magazines. There were also some members of the Ministry, including Kingsley Shacklebolt- but those people who used to make a social event, the high society of the wizarding world had changed. Not many of the old pureblood families were left. They had been a dying breed anyway and Riddle's idea of blood supremacy had ironically only pushed it further; the Lestranges, Averys and Mulcibers were no more, the Malfoys were still in disgrace and hadn't even been invited. Instead a new generation of rich, intelligent half-bloods and Muggleborns filled the ranks now, people like the St Johns, Sebastian's parents. A new wizarding elite that stood for tolerance and progress.

Severus entered the platform with the lectern and started speaking. Although his voice was soft, everyone fell silent and listened attentively to him. He had the rare gift of riveting people with his voice.

When I looked at him now, dressed in his finest robes, I suddenly thought about the awkward, lanky boy with his thick northern working class accent and the long way he had come to give such an eloquent speech now. I was so proud of my man.

I had to literally tear my eyes off him to glance around the auditorium. I was standing at one of the doors, Perkins, one of the Aurors, was guarding the second. There were more Aurors outside the building, keeping their eyes open.

Williamson had said since it was my idea with the walkie-talkies I should coordinate the whole operation. It was clearly in his favor that he was willing to delegate things he wasn't good at to someone with more experience, instead of pretending he was brilliant just because he was head of Auror Department. Kingsley had definitely made a good choice. Although- I really didn't understand what Potter was doing here. From what I heard from Severus he was clearly no Potions geek.

Half-way through Severus' lecture I checked on the Aurors outside the building, apparently the night was still peaceful. There was no reason for Dawlish to shout in his walkie-talkie as if he still didn't trust the little black box to deliver his answers without shouting from the backyard to the Auditorium.

"Keep your bloody voice down," I hissed at him and quickly changed the channel, nodding apologetically to those of the audience who sat nearest to me. The security should always stay unobtrusively in the background and not disturb an event.

Severus continued his lecture as if nothing had happened. He was totally focused on his text and one had to know him very well to notice he was not all cool but quite nervous, especially when he tried to be amiable. I guessed he would have preferred to just deliver the facts without having to be entertaining. But he did extremely well and clearly deserved all the applause he received in the end. I clapped my hands, too, enthusiastically. Finally he was where I had always seen him, a man of great skills and knowledge who at last got the recognition of the wizarding world.

Refreshments were being served now; little trays with glasses of champagne or pumpkin juice were hovering in the air, elegantly gliding around the guests. Professor O'Flaherty was at the far end of the auditorium, talking amiably with potential sponsors, while in front of the podium journalists with quills in their hands were waiting for Severus to answer their questions. He was feeling more at ease now that it was all about Potions, ingredients and their preparation, and he seemed to liven up talking with kindred souls. I watched him with a smile on my face.

Then an obnoxious blonde with curly hair pushed her way up to the front, smiling sweetly at Severus.

"Dear Professor Snape- although this is without doubt _very_ interesting- but don't you think the wizarding world has a right to know about your private life?" Rita Skeeter had the nerve to bat her lashes at him.

Severus shot her a loathsome glance and said, "No!", before answering the more intelligent question of a Japanese journalist.

"Is it true that you live with a witch who had posed naked in a Muggle magazine?" Lady Impertinent continued to pester him, much to the dismay of her more serious colleagues from around the world.

I held my breath, expecting him to hex her into oblivion. Which didn't happen. And then I got distracted because my walkie-talkie buzzed. Williamson.

"Lestrange, Dawlish isn't answering."

Now that was not really a surprise. For a wizard who had passed all his NEWTs with Outstanding he was totally ignorant of Muggle devises and their use, even though he had taken NEWT Muggle Studies. But apparently his best days as Auror had long ended- I mean, it did say something about his skills if a granny like Augusta Longbottom could send him to recovery at St Mungo's.

"Who's closest to Dawlish?"

"Proudfoot."

Immediately I called Proudfoot- at least he was an Auror who didn't object to innovations and had quickly learned how to use a walkie-talkie.

"Coast is clear, chief."

"Check on Dawlish! Either he's too thick or in trouble."

"Aye!" Proudfoot barked and then the line was dead. From across the hall I saw Harry shooting me a quizzical glance but I ignored the boy and concentrated at Severus again.

He was totally absorbed in a conversation about the usage of dragon blood in remedial potions with a South-east Asian journalist- thank Merlin for the invention of translation spells- but Rita Skeeter had not given up yet. Her infamous Quick-Quotes Quill was scribbling down tirelessly all the things he didn't say, making up stories for Witch Weekly.

"Why do you want to marry Miss Lestrange?" She suddenly chirped, faking innocence, a sweet smile on her lips.

I gasped- how the hell had she found out about our proposal? It wasn't official yet! Then I glanced at Severus who sneered at her as coolly as if he wanted to freeze her with his sneer. He was not a patient man when it came to dunderheads and stupid questions, and the way he looked at her now made it obvious he considered her imbecile.

"Skeeter, I believe you saw the pictures you are not allowed to print and that should answer your question," he said casually before he turned his attention to more intelligent people.

"Chief, we've got a problem here!" Proudfoot's voice sounded worried so I snapped out of my reverie about what Rita Skeeter could make of Severus' words, almost seeing a scandalous headline in my mind's eyes._** Potion Master sexually dependant on Playboy bunny- **_or something like that.

"What's it?" I snapped at the walkie-talkie, hoping it was really serious because otherwise I'd prefer to pick a bone with Skeeter for her sheer impertinence.

"Dawlish is dead."

Alright, that was definitely an emergency.

"What happened?"

"Claws," Proudfoot said. "He looks like he's been mauled with sharp claws. His chest is torn open-"

"Enough! Stay where you are and keep your eyes open; I'll be with you in a minute." Drawing my wand I raced down the stairs and into the backyard of St Mungo's. Opposite of me was the building with the staff quarters.

"Lumos!"

I almost stumbled over the dead body of John Dawlish; he wasn't a pretty sight with his chest torn open and his intestines spread all over the concrete. Proudfoot had said he looked like he had been mauled with sharp claws and I could only agree with that. By the way, where was Proudfoot? He was supposed to wait here for me.

I cast a _Homenum_ _revelio_ and scanned the backyard. Proudfoot was hugging a knocked over dustbin in the far corner of the yard; whether he was alive I couldn't tell. I would have checked on him if I hadn't heard a dangerous growl from behind. Fenrir Greyback! Slowly I turned around and saw the big, bad wolf. He was definitely bigger than an ordinary wolf and considering the small distinguishing characteristics he was truly a werewolf. The beast barred his fangs at me; his snout was all bloody. Perhaps Greyback just had a snack of liver.

Carefully I reached for my pistol. That moment the beast jumped at me. Out of reflex I stepped backwards- and stumbled. Damned, I had forgotten Dawlish! At least I had something to soften the fall although it was a sickening sensation to land in a heap of bloody intestines. I felt the urge to vomit and tasted the bitterness of bile rising up in my throat; I had to swallow it down. Greyback was approaching. I could have sworn his flews were curled up in a malicious smirk as salvia was dripping from his jaws on my legs. He had a really bad breath- maybe that was because of his taste for raw liver.

I was in quite a dilemma, I noticed. If I pulled my wand arm out of the still warm intestines, Greyback would dig his teeth into me before I could even come up with a curse. If I tried to draw my pistol he would bite me, too. Actually he wouldn't hesitate to maul me anyways.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

The unexpected curse, although directly aimed at Greyback, didn't have the desired affect on him. The werewolf merely turned his head at Harry Potter and growled darkly.

I used the moment of distraction and rammed my steel toe Docs into his snout the moment he moved his head back to me. The collision made him whimper like a pathetic dog and I thought I even heard some teeth clattering on the concrete. I jumped to my feet and hurried to increase the distance between me and the beast.

"Potter! Call the Aurors!" I yelled when Greyback growled at me again, revealing two perfect rows of teeth. He was about to jump at me. Fumbling for my pistol I fired several _Sectumsempras_ at him, wielding my wand like a sword. Although the curses cut his fur, leaving angry red welts, they didn't seem strong enough to injure him gravely. The beast seemed to be almost immune to most curses. I cast the Killing Curse at him but missed.

Then a shot rang through the backyard. Greyback howled a last time and dropped to the ground. The moment he died he transformed back to his human shape.

I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat off my face, smearing it with blood and grime in the process.

"For someone who had only used a pistol to kill our chandelier before, that was a damned good shot." I told Severus who stood in the backyard with the pistol in one hand, wand in the other.

"I magically directed the bullet," he said dryly.

"Always good at inventing new spells, eh?"

And then we ran towards each other, and he hugged me as tightly as if he wanted to crush my ribs; he was quite strong for someone so thin.

"You alright?" He sounded worried as he glanced me all over.

I nodded. "Yeah, the blood and slime and whatever else I'm covered with aren't mine. I guess I could use a bath."

Severus chuckled and kissed me, not minding at all that I was dirty and bloody. It was then he suddenly remembered that we weren't alone in the backyard. Potter was still there, staring at us. I was certain he'd never seen his former Potions Master like that before.

Severus scowled at him. "Are you alright, Potter? What are you doing here anyway?"

The boy had the nerve to produce his notebook. "I'm taking notes."

I laughed out loud. "Don't forget to recall that next time you face a fully fledged werewolf you come up with a more effective spell than _Petrificus_ _Totalus_. Although, it was very sweet and noble of you to try and save me."

"Fifty points to Gryffindor," Severus grumbled.

Meanwhile the Aurors were finally arriving at the backyard but I didn't see much of them because Severus had just Apparated us to our bathroom.

* * *

a/n: It's my birthday so please give me feedback...


	42. The Joys of Teaching

42-The Joys of Teaching

The next day we stayed in bed until lunch. Of course he wouldn't openly admit how scared he had been that Greyback could have actually bitten me, infected me, killed me, but he showed me his devotion, mingled with his fear of loss, in the way he kissed me. He could be quite obsessive but I didn't mind since I felt the same about him. And if I asked him today to snog senselessly all day he wouldn't object; never again would he let such an opportunity go by.

My strict Potions Master had been so cute when he brought me home yesterday, checking me up from head to toe in the bath tub just to make sure I really wasn't harmed. Alright, most of his examination had been of a very sensual nature- after all, he could have used a diagnostic spell instead of kissing me all over, tasting every inch of my skin. Needless to say I didn't protest to his ministrations but enjoyed it quite a lot.

Later, in the afternoon, he had to go to work because today was the day St Mungo's would be administering his improved version of the Wolfsbane Potion to every werewolf willing to participate in his project. Given that many of them had been intimidated by Fenrir Greyback I hoped that at least a few would show up, now that the ultimate werewolf was dead. I sincerely hoped for Severus that- unlike Greyback- most of those infected with Lycantrophy did hate the beast within them and wanted to tame it, even if that meant giving up their well-secluded life of anonymity in order to register at the Ministry.

I was surprised to see that seven werewolves had the guts to come to St Mungo's, five males and two females. They looked just as poverty-stricken in their shabby clothes as Lupin had, and maybe it was just the prospect of getting a job if they played along, but they had come, and they would spend the night under observation at the hospital.

Deep in the dungeons of St Mungo's were some cell-like chambers that in earlier times had been used to keep the hopeless cases, the ones who had been cursed by Dark magic and were considered just as dangerous as they were incurable. Fortunately there had been a lot of research and progress in the treatment of maladies caused by the Dark Arts since then so the basement walls of St Mungo's didn't radiate as much hopelessness and despair nowadays. Nevertheless it was a sad place. Following Severus down the dimly lit corridors I cast an encouraging smile at the small group of people trotting in his wake. Merlin, some of them had only come because they had been promised a warm meal.

The small group had been joined by the three latest victims of Greyback's attacks, the three surviving victims. All of them were conscious now though whether or not he had infected them this night would tell, and locking them in was only for precaution. No one wanted to risk an unexpectedly hungry werewolf running loose in the hospital.

We spent the night at St Mungo's, occasionally checking the cells to see how the werewolves were faring. Though there was no need for me to be there, any time spent with Severus was precious and I wouldn't want to sleep alone in our big bed anyway.

Although we had half expected Greyback's latest victims to transform it didn't happen. We talked about whether that was due to the fact that the moon hadn't been full or because of the hourly doses of Wolfsbane Potion but as the night went by we weren't any wiser. He would have to run some more tests to find an answer.

All of his other 'patients' were going through a generally painless transformation. As easily as Sirius could change into his dog form they turned into wolves- tame, tail-wagging wolves. Resting their weary heads on their paws they didn't even seem to be effected by the tempting call of the full moon that should be raging in their blood; instead, most of them they slept peacefully throughout the night.

Severus' werewolf program was a full success. He allowed himself a small smile when the morning dawned and the werewolves transformed back to their human form. One by one they left their cells and expressed their gratitude for not having turned into monsters that deep in their heart they weren't, thankful for keeping them sane. For the very first time they had woken up from the nightmare their lives had become without feeling ashamed or guilty for what they might have done under the influence of the full moon.

But Severus had reached so much more for the werewolves of Britain than just easing their transformation pain and keeping them sane. Along with the donations for his project had come offers that would grant the formerly shunned ones a paid job. The Bobbin family, who ran a large chain of apothecaries, had agreed to employ some people infected with Lycantrophy- provided they'd take their monthly Wolfsbane Potion under supervision- and the St Johns were offering a few jobs as well, as was a famous broomstick factory.

-

Wednesday came, there was no way to stop it. It was the first of July and the beginning of my teaching career. This afternoon I was to start teaching the seventh year summer course all they needed to know about defensive magic so that they'd successfully pass their NEWTs in mid August. To say I was slightly _tense_ about it was probably the understatement of the week.

Severus gave me a sympathetic look when he kissed me goodbye that morning; the coffee he had brought me in bed probably had an even higher mountain of foamed milk on it than usual. I sipped it with delight and got up to mentally prepare myself for the task to come, wishing I'd have to face either demons, Dementors or Death Eaters- or all of them- instead of adolescents still in late puberty.

I met Headmistress Minerva McGonagall in her office for lunch. She frowned slightly at my appearance and remarked that I wasn't wearing robes which was a very clever observation since I was wearing jeans and t-shirt, as usual.

"You know, Raven, the students are used to teachers wearing robes…" she began carefully but I cut her off immediately.

"Professor- _Headmistress- _McGonagall, if I remember correctly you, for a change, wanted an able-bodied person to teach Defence against the Dark Arts. As far as I know you already let loose a teacher possessed by Voldemort, a pretty phoney, a werewolf, a Death Eater impersonating Moody, and a sadistically, toady Ministry whore on the kids you're supposed to care for. Now, please, tell me how it could possibly harm them any further if I don't stick to the dress code. If you preferred a decent model for the latest wizarding fashion instead of a competent freelance Auror you should have told me since that would have spared us a waste of time."

McGonagall shot me a stern glance over the rims of her spectacles and for a moment I felt like a student again, reprimanded for improper behaviour. Then I remembered who I was and glanced back at her with stubborn determination. In the end she released a sigh.

"Well, I should probably be glad that, at least, you haven chosen to wear something, considering the rumours the _Daily Prophet _ has spread recently."

I smiled sweetly. "Well, that wasn't just a rumour. I was young and needed the money."

I left Headmistress McGonagall with a scandalized expression on her face and strutted through the time-honoured corridors of Hogwarts towards my classroom, my high heels clattering on old stones.

My students were already waiting for me, prattling and gossiping. Of course they had heard all the rumours about me and some thought it was cool to have me as teacher, given that I was young and looked hot- Boys!- while others wondered aloud why an attractive witch couldn't find a better match than Snape, the greasy old git.

I silenced them with a charm that granted me their undivided attention. "I couldn't help but notice that my name already has a familiar ring to those of you who read the _Daily_ _Prophet_ but let me introduce myself anyway. I'm Raven Lestrange, not related to the pure-blood family of the same name, and I'm going to be your Defence against the Dark Arts teacher for the next six weeks. If all the gossip you heard about me left you questioning my qualification, your sensation-lusting minds must have missed the fact that I am a freelance Auror."

The upcoming murmur died on their lips when I unceremoniously started class by taking the register. There were three Hufflepuffs, six Gryffindors, four Ravenclaws, and five Slytherins. The proud members of Dumbledore's army were sitting in the front of the classroom while the Slytherins, scorned and isolated as always, were sitting in the back, forever the outsiders at Hogwarts. Although I felt no particular loyalty for my old house, the seating plan was the first thing I wanted to change since I would never understand why an old rag of a hat was allowed to decide about the future of eleven year old kids… especially not when under Dumbledore's rule Gryffindor was the favoured house while Slytherins in general were frowned upon and left alone. I wondered how many wizards and witches had actually turned dark just because of this lack of support.

So I was about to whirl up a system as old and deadlocked as Hogwarts itself was. The Patil twins stopped whispering when I seated Draco Malfoy between them, right in front of my desk where I could keep a sharp eye on him. He reminded me so much of his father, the way his lips twitched to a cold sneer, showing the same arrogance. A great deal of it, however, was faked. It became quite obvious that he wasn't the undisputed leader of his pack of cronies anymore when he shuffled to his place, and I detected a weariness in his steps that no young man should have. Apparently Gregory Goyle and Pansy Parkinson had let him down due to the fact that his father was doing community service at St Mungo's now, instead of rotting in Azkaban for the sacred cause of pure-blood supremacy. These two would probably never learn, as Goyle proved formidably. But then again _his_ father had not fallen out of Riddle's good graces and left him as a scapegoat for his father's failure.

"I won't sit next to a blood-traitor Hufflepuff," Gregory Goyle protested and eyed Hannah Abbot with unconcealed disgust, looking as stubborn and sullen as a mule.

"You may complain to the Headmistress about my harsh treatment later, Mr Goyle, but as long as you are in my class you will do as you're told. If you happen to disagree with my methods you're free to leave- remember, this is a voluntary course- and there is no use to strain either your or my patience. Same goes for everyone in this class." I waited for a moment in which no one made an attempt to leave the classroom before I smiled sweetly at Goyle. "Now, if you'd _please_ be so kind and move. your. ass."

He sat down, glaring at me.

"Wonderful, now that that is settled, we can finally focus on the primary topic of this course: the Dark Arts and how to fight them. Since you have not had many competent teachers so far, I would like to get an overview of your knowledge. Stow your books. I have prepared a little test."

"But… but… we're not prepared to take a test," Hermione gasped, panic in her voice. Probably she feared failure since she'd been away from Hogwarts for most of the term.

"The reason for this test is gaining insight of your general standard of knowledge; I won't give marks on it."

Maybe that shocked her even more. "No marks? But…"

"I won't repeat myself, Miss Granger, and I won't discuss my teaching methods with you either." I said and started handing out a stack of papers. Many of my class stared at the computer printouts in bewilderment.

"She's really… _weird_," someone whispered.

"Silence, please, or I'll make you all use ballpoints instead of quills. You have one hour and thirty minutes."

For one and a half hours teaching was quite agreeable for all I had to do was watching my students taking the test and occasionally casting Anti-Cheating spells in combination with a little Stinging hex. I even had time to flicker through the pages of a wedding fashion magazine I had brought along.

Meanwhile my students were moaning and groaning, cursing me, sighing in frustration, wringing their hands in despair about a simple test that really wasn't that hard, compared to the standards of Buena Vista NEWT Academy.

When the time was up I collected the tests with a flick of my wand and at once they all started prattling again. They compared answers and complained about some especially tricky questions. Hermione was slightly nervous because she couldn't answer two questions and pestered everyone for the right answer.

"Professor Carrow never made us take such a stupid test." Pansy Parkinson said to Gregory Goyle, who whole-heartedly agreed. "Yeah, with him we learned real magic and not only this idiotic defence stuff."

"They must be mad to let a filthy half-blood slut who's posed naked in Muggle magazines teach us."

"Shut it, Parkinson." Blaise Zabini, a haughty but quite attractive looking dark boy told her. He clearly had inherited his mother's good looks. Mrs Zabini was a beautiful witch, famous for her waste of husbands who had all died mysterious deaths, leaving her lots of gold. I had seen her briefly at Severus' lecture where she had proudly presented husband number eight. "You're just jealous that no one would want to see you naked."

"No one is seeing anyone naked in this course." I interrupted which granted me a few disappointed sighs from my male students. Interestingly they were from all the different houses. "Now, stop wasting my time with senseless babbling. I want to see your practical skills in that_ idiotic defence stuff_ or what _real_ magic you've learned."

Goyle stood to give me an example but his wand was in my hand before he could even think of any nasty curse. I sneered at him.

"Very impressive, Mr Goyle. If the rest of this class shares your poor standards there is little hope any of you will pass your NEWT exam in Defence against the Dark Arts."

"I don't need to defend myself against the Dark Arts," Goyle mumbled stubbornly under his breath.

I laughed out loud. "Pray, boy, do you already see yourself as the new Dark Lord rising because you manage to rattle off the tiresome litany of pure-blood supremacy? Actually you're just giving the best example of how constant inbreeding effects the brain."

Some students, mainly Gryffindors, snickered. But if they believed this was my way of favouring any other house over Slytherin they were wrong. I didn't give a damn which house an idiot came from; I just had very little tolerance for brainless gits in general.

"You may all get up now. We're going outside for a little training bout."

"Outside?" A boy asked bewildered.

"Well, it's beautiful weather, isn't it?"

I kept a sharp eye on my students as we left the classroom and went outside on the grounds, ready to interfere if they started hexing each other in the corridors which fortunately didn't happen. This, however, didn't mean I trusted that they would keep on being well behaved.

"It's really hard to believe she's with Snape, isn't it?" One of the Patil twins whispered to Lavender Brown, who giggled. "I mean, he always closed all shutters when he entered a classroom and she goes outside the castle with us, into the sunlight."

"I wonder what their home is like," the other Patil twin chimed in and shuddered at the thought of a living room decorated with jars containing body parts of dead creatures in coloured liquids.

I thought about telling them that garlands of shrunken heads were curtaining our bed but opted against giving the giggling girls the creeps just for fun; it would only decry Severus' reputation.

Finally we were out on the grounds and I chose a place close to the lake for the practical training. I sat down under a tree, lit a cigarette and watch the students duelling. The members of Dumbledore's Army were clearly in advance since they had much more exercise in practical defence, thanks to Harry Potter who had started this forbidden organisation during Umbridge's reign of incompetence. And though Harry had clearly taught them more than Umbridge, he was nevertheless just a boy and not an experienced Dark Arts expert.

Of course none of the Slytherins had joined Dumbledore's Army but some of them proved themselves quite capable in duelling. I watched Theodore Nott for a while. He was an interesting young man. According to Severus, who had given me some information on my students in the run-up to this course, he had been raised by an elderly wizard and Death Eater. Despite his background he had never joined Voldemort's ranks as well as he had never felt the need to join any gang, including Malfoy's. Severus described him as a loner, just as pure-blooded as Draco but cleverer. And indeed, he had managed to stay out of trouble throughout the war.

Goyle, however, was a mean bully I had to keep an eye on if I didn't want him torturing his classmates with the Cruciatus Curse, for that was apparently the only thing he'd ever learned. He annoyed me more and more as time went by, and he actually had to nerve to try and attack me while I was showing one of the Patil twins how to improve her wand movement.

I sensed him sneaking up on me even before the girl's dark eyes grew wide in shock and surprise. Whirling around on one foot I swung my leg right into his abdomen, knocking him over. To cool him down, or to increase the blood pressure in his featherbrain so that maybe he'd start to use it before doing anything that stupid again, I hung him up in the air by his ankles before I turned to my impressed class.

"That was a classic wizard mistake, to believe that a spell would intensify if only you're close enough to your opponent. Of course it is correct that any spell is more likely to hit your desired target when there isn't a great distance to overcome but you should nevertheless never enter the operating range of your opponent. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of a well-aimed kick or punch just because you are wizards and witches." Not all too gently I let Goyle down again and sneered at him. "Your readiness to use the Cruciatus Curse is amazing. I hope you are aware that you almost used an Unforgivable on a teacher, and although I will always be able to fend you off it would be too kind if you won't make it a habit."

"Bloody blood-traitor whore," he cursed under his breath, and I was slowly getting really fed up with that obnoxious brat. Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to hex students into next week and docking points from Slytherin wasn't what I'd call effective either. Instead I decided to threaten him with a real challenge and see if he'd also try to use _Crucio_ on Dementors.

With a flick of my wand I conjured a flock of them out of thin air.

Some of my students screamed and nearly everyone thought me completely nuts for letting Dementors loose on them. Dumbledore's Army braved them by casting the Patronus Charm, so a zoo of corporeal Patronuses were flickering through the air now. The Slytherins had obviously not learned to cast the Patronus Charm and I made a mental note of having to teach them that, while watching Goyle actually firing a Cruciatus Curse at one of my Dementors. Of course that was kind of fruitless. The Dementor drew nearer, hovering in mid-air above Goyle who almost dropped his wand.

"Professor! You can't stand by and let the Dementor kiss Goyle!" Hermione cried in all her Gryffindor bravery.

"Miss Granger, believe me, even a Dementor wouldn't want to kiss Mr Goyle," I replied silkily, but before any of my students could do something stupid I made my Dementors dissolve.

"Dumbledore would have never allowed you bringing Dementors on Hogwarts grounds and endangering the students," Hermione continued flustered, "that was very irresponsible."

"As this is a Defence against the Dark Arts course I wanted to see how you are able to defend yourselves in case of danger..."

"But you can't threaten students unexpectedly with Dementors!"

"Miss Granger, do you actually expect any Dark Creature to write an announcement, stating the precise date and time of attack, so that you will then be prepared for it? Besides, if you hadn't wasted so much energy in getting your knickers in a twist you might have noticed that the oh-so-dangerous Dementors were merely animations- and apparently quite good ones if they managed to scare the shit out of you."

"Animations?" Some students gawped at me, feeling cheated when they should be glad that it hadn't been real Dementors. Gregory Goyle shot me a look of utmost loathing as if it was my fault he almost wetted himself.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, class is over. You have gotten on my nerves enough for one day."

-

"How did you manage to put up with these obnoxious brats for _years_?" I asked Severus when I got back home. Groggily I sank onto the sofa, running frustrated fingers through my hair. Fighting dark wizards and witches was fun compared to the joys of teaching.

"I didn't." Severus said as he handed me a glass of wine.

I flashed him a grateful smile; he was simply the best. "Merlin, I'm already pissed off after one day."

"At least you have the advantage of being twenty years their senior…"

"Oh thanks," I snapped, "every woman loves to be reminded of her age!"

"Don't be absurd since that doesn't suit you at all. I just recalled my first lesson, which was an absolute disaster given that I was only a few years older than my NEWT students and some remembered me from the time when I myself was merely a student at Hogwarts. The situation improved as time went by…"

"You mean, after the kids learned to fear your scowl?"

He didn't respond to it but gave me his infamous scowl though his mien softened soon after. "Would you like me to run you a bath?"

"No, I want you to sit down and hug me and kiss me." I didn't have to ask twice but when I was in his arms I almost felt guilty and very selfish for making such a fuss about my oh-so-hard day because there hadn't been anyone holding him close in his long teaching career; he hadn't have the loving support he was giving me now.

We talked about my day, my experience with the students, but when I told him what Goyle had called me I sensed anger flaring up deep inside him. Especially when I admitted that I hadn't given him a detention.

"Lestrange, you're much too soft," he said sharply, reprimanding me. "Do not take cheek from any of your students. You have to be more rigorous; put them in detention if they are misbehaving or they will never respect you."

"I doubt having to disembowel horned toads or whatever is apt to change a little wannabe dark wizard's attitude towards me, but don't worry, Sev, I do know how to deal with troublemakers. It would be easier though if I were allowed to hex them into next Tuesday." I heaved a sigh and sipped at my wine.

Severus, being quite an understanding man, ran his slender fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head. "Both Albus and Minerva were always strict on not using magical punishment against students although I must admit I often found their attitude maddening."

Chuckling I snuggled up closer to him, suddenly recalling a conversation we had years ago in my room at Grimmauld Place- it had been our first real conversation after years of separation. He had looked so out of place in my canary yellow room, but he had smirked at least a little at the notion of the Weasley twins transformed into flying pigs. _Unfortunately we are not allowed to use Transfiguration as a punishment at Hogwarts__…_

"Hm, I could still report Goyle to McGonagall and let her deal with him."

"You could do that indeed, especially if it proves his skills are too abysmal to tolerate him in your NEWT class. Fortunately there isn't a Dark Lord holding a protective hand over his charges anymore."

I raised my head to shot him a quizzical glance. Of course I had already wondered how an obvious dunderhead like Gregory Goyle had managed to make it into the NEWT Defence course, but what had that to do with Riddle? The answer was quite simple, as Severus told me. The Dark Lord had wanted his next generation of Death Eaters at Hogwarts when he took over, and he had had friends in the right places to ensure that. Lucius Malfoy had been on the Governing Board of Hogwarts for many years, plus he had good connections within the Ministry, and Severus had been Head of the House of many potential Death Eaters. The rest had been a matter of politics and bribery.

We changed subject then. To cheer me up, Severus told me of his day which was highlighted by a thoroughly mortified Lucius Malfoy in Muggle garb, pushing a wheelchair with the happily smiling Alice Longbottom though a park in Muggle London, crowded with Muggles due to the beautiful weather. A sly smile was curling up his lips and I snickered so hard at the very notion that I actually begged him to show me that scene in the Pensieve.

A little later we sat hunkered over a shallow stone basin the size of an ashtray and dove into it to visit his memories.

_"You want me to do __**what**__?" Lucius gasped, gawping at Severus who seemed to have little patience with his dear old friend. Lazily he flicked his wand and Malfoy__'__s posh wizarding robes transformed into plain Muggle clothes._

_He looked thin and pale now, not at all the intimidating wizard anymore that could make Ministry workers sweat with one cold glance. It was obvious that Azkaban had taken its tolls on him, even if he usually managed to hide it._

_Severus took Lucius__'__ serpent-headed cane and by doing that- such a simple gesture- he took away even more of his dignity. His shoulders slumped as he was told he wouldn't need a cane when pushing a wheelchair._

_The woman in the wheelchair beamed brightly, first at Severus- who flashed her sympathetic glance- then at Lucius. It was apparent that she wasn't really getting what was going on but she clearly appreciated being cared for, that someone was paying attention to her._

_Lucius gave the wheelchair an irritated push and shuffled off, knowing there was no use in arguing with Severus. Somehow, he realized, his pitiful half-blood friend had managed to best him and become his superior. He didn't like that for it was a totally new experience to him, and he growled inwardly about the injustice of fate._

_I walked a few steps at Lucius' side as he moved away from Severus, keeping a sharp eye on him. But before he could disappear in the distance of his memories, I suddenly saw him change__…__ when he thought that nobody was watching him, Lucius Malfoy bent over to the woman in the wheelchair, whispering things in her ear that made her smile__…_

"So, did Alice enjoy her day out?" Although I still felt tempted to snigger about the sight of Lucius in Muggle clothes, my initial stance towards him seemed to be shifting slightly because of what I had just witnessed. Was it possible that Lucius Malfoy did have a conscience, even a compassionate streak in his haughty, pure-blood mind?

"Indeed. It is amazing how much her condition seems to improve now that she is being cared for more intensely. And I must admit that Lucius proves himself useful- he treats Alice very kindly when no one is watching."

"Lucius Malfoy the good Samaritan- I never thought I'd live to see that happen."

"Azkaban definitely has a deflating influence on the egos of arrogant berks."

"I bet he begs to differ."

"I really don't care. I cannot forgive him." His anger was flaring up again. "Every time I look at Alice I see you in her position, tortured so badly with the Cruciatus Curse…"

"Don't, Sev." I cut him off, reaching out to gently caress his face. A simple gesture that nevertheless seemed to take the wind out of his sails as he leaned it to my touch, and the harsh lines of misgivings etched into on his features softened. I knew it was hard for him to keep a stern expression when I pestered him with tenderness, and then I thought of how attractive he looked when a even the slightest ghost of a smile graced his face. Of course he would never look just as casually handsome a charmer as Sirius was, and that his nose would always be a bit too large and too hooked to declare him a truly attractive specimen of mankind. But, after all, he was my Sev and I loved him the way he was. I couldn't help but adore the perfect form of his cheekbones, the arch of his brows when they shot up in mockery, his soft lips, and most of all his obsidian eyes; I could lose myself in them.

For a long time we didn't speak but remained sitting together in comfortable silence, simply enjoying the proximity we shared. When I was with him I could easily forget about the obnoxious brats I had to teach for the next six weeks to come…

* * *

Thanks for reading, reviews are always welcome...

.


	43. The Ferret

43- The Ferret

Severus picked up one of the tests that were scattered all over the table; his gaze scanned over the pages, a slight crease forming between his eyes.

"Is there anything wrong with it?" I inquired, sounding a tad irritated because unfortunately the joys of teaching also included wasting precious time on such tedious work as grading the papers.

"Quite the contrary, my dear. Your standards are high."

"I just kept to the curriculum with this test. That's what the students are supposed to know after seven years at Hogwarts though with their record of morons that have been let loose on them… sorry, Sev, present company excepted, of course."

"You will notice that I managed to cover most of the gasps in their education when I finally was allowed to take over the Defence against the Dark Arts position."

"Must have been hard work, after Umbridge…"

"Let's just say the students weren't grateful about the extra amount of homework and essays."

"Which you all had to grade, my poor darling." I gave the papers a disgusted shove- paperwork was definitely not my most favourite pastime- and reached out for him. Severus sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I wonder how you managed to keep up with the impossible heap of paperwork while at the same time spying, working for the Order and__Voldemort, _**and**_ trying to keep the Potter boy safe."

"I just didn't spend quite as much time in bed as I'm doing lately," he said with a mocking grin, hinting at the lovely morning we've had. Professor O'Flaherty had given him a day off since he had spent most of last weekend at St Mungo's but instead of enjoying the time together I was stuck with grading papers. But if he continued to look at my with these obsidian eyes of his I'd have to postpone the paperwork a little… Smirking I climbed on his lap and started to unbutton his shirt.

"You're not complaining about spending so much time in bed, are you?"

"Not at all- as long as you don't start complaining about me distracting you…"

"Distraction is very welcome," I whispered in his ear as my admiring fingers trailed over his alabaster skin. Thanks to Pinkie's good cooking, less stress and regular meals his rips and hipbones weren't as prominent as they used to be, which made cuddling a lot more comfortable.

The tests could wait. Fortunately most of the questions were multiple choice and therefore easy to check.

-

The students fell silent when they heard my high-heels clattering along the corridor, and when I entered the classroom they were all sitting in their seats, glancing at me expectantly. I slammed a briefcase containing the tests on my desk.

"Your knowledge of defensive magic exhibits great deficits. Only a few of you passed the test with Acceptable, provided I had given marks on it. So, let's not waste precious time with niceties when there's a huge heap of work waiting for you." I started class. "Open your books on page fifty-three. Today we will refresh your memories on Dementors, why you dunderheads couldn't tell the difference between a real and an animated Dementor, and we will talk about ways to kill them…"

Hermione's hand shot into the air.

"Yes, Miss Granger."

"You can only ward Dementors off with the Patronus Charm; you cannot kill them."

"Wrong, Miss Granger. There are ways to kill a Dementor even though you won't find them described in a schoolbook given that the curses involved are highly advanced magic."

"Dark magic?" Someone whispered.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but Dementors are some of the foulest creatures on earth. They glory in despair, they drain hope and happiness out of the air around them, they feed on happy memories and suck them out of their victims until only an empty shell is left; the Dementor's Kiss is worse than death- and you're asking me whether killing on of those beasts is dark magic? Well, of course it is. While the Dementors were still guarding Azkaban on Ministry orders, any curse aimed to kill such a soul-sucking fiend was considered dark, but naturally the Ministry approved to the usage of these curses later, when the Dementors abandoned them and switched sides, joining Voldemort's ranks."

It was amazing that even after Riddle's defeat the name he had given himself was still feared since some of my students shuddered involuntarily.

"The Dark Arts are as dark as the mind, the intention, of the wizard or witch that uses them. They are inventive and ever-changing. But not all that is dark needs to remain dark, which makes the Dark Arts so fascinating to study. It's a shame that any excurse in the Dark Arts is restricted here at Hogwarts because you need to know them if you want to fight them. You have to understand the basic principle of a dark curse and learn to be flexible in your defence, for the curse is likely to mutate, changing its form and meaning. And yet, some curses that used to be considered dark in the past are now Ministry approved, and trained Aurors even have a licence to use Unforgivables if fighting dark wizards and witches."

I gave them a moment to digest my little speech, knowing that not all of them would approved of my words. The Gryffindors were shifting uncomfortably in their seats as if it was indecent for them to even consider dabbing with the Dark Arts though history proved it had happened before. And I saw appreciation in some Slytherin eyes for not drawing a sharp line between black and white- simply because there wasn't any. The world was not divided into good Gryffindors and bad Slytherins, there were always exceptions that proved the rule.

Before the class could start chattering, I silenced them with a scowl and continued the lesson where I had left it. "Now, back to Dementors again. What is it that none of you considered in your scared shitless, imbecile state of mind when I conjured up the animations? Anyone?"

The students buried their heads in their books. Whether they were just pretending to read so I wouldn't pick on them or actually doing some attentive reading, I couldn't tell. Finally Theodore Nott raised his hand.

"The presence of a Dementor makes the atmosphere grow cold and dark, and… well, the sun was shining when your animations attacked us."

"A clever observation, Mr Nott, though everyone in this class should have realized that, especially Miss Granger who was so frank to remind me of my responsibility- or the lack thereof- fretting about Mr Goyle wetting himself. Anyhow, I believe Dementors and Inferi were on the curriculum for the sixth year and I honestly doubt Professor Snape was so sloppy a teacher to not tell you of the cumulative effects the number of Dementors present have on the weather."

Surreptitious whispering started at my words and the students weren't talking about the weather now. Goyle hissed maliciously, 'bloody traitor,' to which Pansy Parkinson replied in the same low tone that He shouldn't have allowed a filthy half-blood in His ranks anyway, while the Patil twins and Lavender Brown were giggling again, probably gossiping about my relationship with their former Professor and longtime Potions Master. That again encouraged many of my male students to notice once more I was the hottest looking Professor they ever had; a compliment that paled in comparison with the motley crew of teachers that had been let loose on them in the past. Of course I was better looking than a fake Moody, a shabby werewolf, or a guy with a turban. I was definitely _hotter _than the toad-like Umbridge or the prim, straight-laced McGonagall, and I didn't even want to think of all the other staff members that crowded Hogwarts.

With a sharp whistle on two fingers I called them back to order because my person wasn't topic of this class and therefore not to be discussed by babbling teenagers.

"You may think it a lot of fun, speculating about my private life, but let me assure you that my private life won't help you pass your NEWT exam in Defence against the Dark Arts. If anyone of you believes that gossiping about my relationship with Professor Snape is more relevant to his or her education than paying attention to the topic of this class- well, you may go on gossiping outside this classroom. Just make sure your infantile behaviour doesn't affect those who actually want to learn something. That said, I require an essay on Dementors by Wednesday and another one about the Dark Arts in comparison to what is Ministry approved magic by Friday next week. Now we will concentrate on the question of how to detect a Dark Arts attack since you little morons all failed so very miserably in that when I released some animated Dementors on you."

By the end of my second lesson in Defence against the Dark Arts there were more students hating me for my ways of teaching than not. I heaved a sigh and thought that I wasn't here to make friends but to teach them defensive magic- well, and if there was someone waiting for you to come home, ready to ease your mind and massage your temples, then life wasn't really that bad.

-

The problem with essays was that grading them wasn't much fun. There were a few exceptions that were well written and insightful but others simply insulted my eyes with a barely readable handwriting. It didn't take long and I had enough of trying to decipher a parchment so I unceremoniously marked it T for Troll.

Severus, who had been watching me, arched a brow.

"I'm an Auror. I'm teaching Defence against the Dark Arts and _not_ Experimental Runes. It's _not_ my job to deal with a horrendous scrawl that speaks of a profound incapability in writing. Maybe even pure-blood parents should send their kids to a primary school to learn some elementary skills, especially when the parents are incapable of imparting knowledge- probably it's all the inbreeding that renders the blood so immaculate pure but unfortunately liquidates the brain."

"You really don't mince your words, my dear, do you?"

"Why?" I shrugged. "If McGonagall had wanted someone to pamper these morons she shouldn't have insisted on me teaching them. This is a NEWT course and not a kindergarten, even though some of my students behave like that."

He chuckled darkly, most likely knowing who I was referring to. Lavender Brown and the Patil twins, the giggling girls. Always so much more interested in chatting about boys and fashion than in defensive magic, although at least Padma Patil proved in her essays that she was worthy of having been sorted into Ravenclaw. She was definitely one of the best of my class, along with Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini and Hermione Granger (as much as I hated to admit that for I thought her an insufferable know-it-all who memorized every word she ever read in a book, the typical swot)

"How's young Malfoy faring these days?"

I knew he liked the boy therefore it was hard to answer this question. Draco Malfoy was a bit of a problem child and not because he acted liked the pure-blood bully I had once heard Harry Potter complain about to Sirius, but rather because he was so pale, so quiet… almost as if he had retreated into his shell, occasionally poking out his sensors only to realise that the world was still refusing to favour him like in the good old days. He had taken the mark at a very young age and it hadn't given him what he had hoped for, instead he had landed himself in a nightmare that had taken its tolls on the young man. Instead of being awarded with glory and fame he had learned fear, fearing for his parents, and when he had been too scared to join the final battle for a cause that wasn't his own any longer, he had lost his friends. Pansy Parkinson had broken up with him- well, he should be glad for that because though of very pure blood she wasn't really a looker, and breaking up with him due to his change of mind about a lost cause said enough about her character.

Now she would be marrying her pure-blood cousin and produce many a pure-blood, inbred and demented offspring. Needless to say she wouldn't need a NEWT in Defence against the Dark Arts for that, therefore Pansy Parkinson was the first to leave my summer course. Followed by Gregory Goyle, who took the gentle hint of me regularly marking his essays T for Troll amazingly seriously and quit after two weeks. Apparently he had found a job in a shop in Knockturn Alley.

The rest of my course, however, managed to see the benefit of my harsh teaching methods and stayed.

-

I had ended class earlier that day but not because I finally wanted to go shopping again. The date of the wedding was inevitably coming closer and I still hadn't found a dress. My dear old mum kept on pestering me with questions, expecting decisions I just couldn't make right now. Everyone seemed to want something from me; Sam needed my support with the Naughty Quill, Kinsgley asked for advice, Sebastian had a question about Magical Law Enforcement, Williamson wanted me to go looking for a Death Eater on the run that had been spotted in southern Chile. I politely disinclined his request. It wasn't only a time problem but just the thought of being thousands of miles away from Severus made me cringe. Oh, and last but not least Professor O'Flaherty and his wife Ophelie had invited us for dinner next Sunday. I didn't even know what to wear then, let alone at my own wedding.

And yet I had agreed to give the three Slytherins in my class an extra lesson since they had never learned how to conjure a Patronus. Given that they were Slytherins they hadn't been asked to join Dumbledore's Army when Potter had started it and maybe they wouldn't have joined anyway. But they wanted to learn it now. Mr Zabini had approached me with their request and I had agreed- I was much too good-hearted.

It had become a habit of mine to hold all practical lessons outside the castle if the weather allowed, and so far the English summer had been a surprisingly pleasant one. We were standing by the lake when I told the three boys the theoretic part .

"The Patronus Charm can be used as a guardian or as a messenger, depending on what you want to achieve. It is a force based on hope and happiness, positive energy- usually the very things a Dementor feeds upon but since a corporeal Patronus cannot feel despair, it doesn't appear tasty to a Dementor and that really freaks the beast.

"So, to conjure up a Patronus you have to concentrate on a happy memory and speak the incantation, _Expecto Patronum_. I am certain you've heard that before."

The students nodded.

"Alright, there you go." I conjured three Dementors out of thin air so that each of my students would have a sparring partner.

Their first attempts were a bit awkward since merely a diffuse wisp of silvery light emerged from the tips of their wands or nothing at all. I had to restrain my Dementors from getting too close to them so that they could still concentrate, because- animations or not- they behaved like real Dementors and sucked all positive energy out of the atmosphere. The threatening aspect was desired to make the situation more realistic.

Blaise Zabini was the first who managed to conjure a corporeal Patronus; his looked like an elegant feline, probably a puma. Theodore Nott did well, too, though he needed a few more tries until a boar soared from the tip of his wand. In the end only Draco Malfoy remained unsuccessful, and I must admit I worried about him a bit. He definitely wasn't an idiot but he seemed to have problems I hadn't figured out yet.

I handed some Muggle chocolate bars and two chocolate frogs to both of the other boys and dismissed them to have a moment with Malfoy junior. Nott shot him a glance loaded with contempt but knew better than to taunt him for his failure; there were things that none of the kids dared to do when I was around or they'd have to fear my wrath. I had already made it unmistakably clear that I didn't tolerate any bullying in my class.

A stifled yelp focussed my attention back on Malfoy, who was now cowering on the ground, his hands over his ears, surrounded by three animated Dementors. I quickly made them disappear and helped the boy up.

"You alright?" I asked worriedly as I handed him some chocolate.

Angrily he shook off my hands on his shoulders as if my touch was indecent, but he greedily accepted the chocolate. Staring at me with all the arrogance he could muster, reminding himself that I was only an unworthy half-blood, he sneered at me. "Leave me alone."

"You're pathetic," I told him. His guards were all down and though he knew a fair bit of Occlumency, he didn't even realize when I invaded his mind.

Then he noticed what I was doing and dropped his glance to the ground with a stubborn scowl, but I had already seen enough to feel sorry for the boy. He had been punished for his failure to kill Dumbledore and later he constantly had to prove his skills in the proper handling of the Cruciatus Curse under Riddle's stern, red reptile eyes. All the time fearing that if he was too soft this would again be seen as failure and his family would be punished. The Dark Lord had taken a malicious joy in the humiliation of the Malfoys. It didn't surprise me the boy had problems coming up with happy memories.

I cleared my throat. "You know, if you can't think of anything purely happy, any strong emotion will do. What about hexing Potter, for instance?"

He almost grinned but soon he sported the cool sneer of a spoiled pure-blood brat again, looking like a defiant child as he turned his back on me.

"Draco, Draco," I sighed, "I haven't given you permission to leave yet."

"Why don't you just leave me alone. It's all your fault that my father has to do stupid community service at St Mungo's and my family is shunned by the wizarding society."

"You're wrong. Actually, you ought to thank me that your father wasn't sent to Azkaban because then you would hardly be able to see him at all. Boy, you almost fainted in the presence of an _animated_ Dementor…"

"I did **not** faint!"

"Draco," I said softly, ignoring the boy's stubborn, bitter tone, "who do you want to fool? Yourself? Because you can't fool me, so cool down. You imbibed all that nonsense of pure-blood supremacy from your infancy…"

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Well, apparently everything. You are a confused, angry young man. Secretly you're blaming your father for mess you've been through but you would never admit that, so you try to vent all your bottled up frustration on someone else. You're torn between a childish loathing and admiration of Severus Snape because he had the courage your father lacked- he opposed the Dark Lord and lived to tell. You envy him his new reputation because you think it's not fair that a half-blood's prestige is higher than that of a Malfoy, and you're jealous that he's got a beautiful fiancé while your girlfriend has just dropped you. The world really isn't fair, all is upside down now and that leaves you utterly confused. Despite all your anger, envy and jealousy you clandestinely wish that things were alright between you and Severus, that you wouldn't feel so betrayed, that he could be the close friend of the family again. So why don't you get over your arrogance and come over for tea on Saturday?"

Draco bit his lips and scowled at me. "That's a stupid idea."

"Ah," I concluded, "is the naughty little voice in your head nagging you again? Telling you that the perfect spy who acted his part so convincingly throughout the years has also feigned the affection he displayed towards you. And that's worst of all, isn't it? Because you actually like him you're insecure now, not knowing whether he ever liked you. Thinking if given the chance he would have always chosen the Potter brat over you. But once again you're wrong, Draco. Severus will be glad to see you; he already asked for you."

"Hm… I will think about the invitation," the boy mumbled, looking sullen though that was probably merely a façade to hide his true feeling.

I patted his shoulder in approval. "Very good. Now would you like to try the Patronus Charm again?"

Draco nodded and gripped his wand tightly, determined to master the charm since everyone else in his class but him had succeeded. He would not be the only one who could not conjure up a Patronus.

"It won't work like that, Draco." I told him before he could speak the incantation, and he shot me an annoyed glance for I had disrupted his grim concentration. He wanted so badly to succeed but, alas, there simply was no way to force a Patronus springing from the tip of your wand. "You need to relax. Come here."

I walked over to some boulders at the bank of the lake and sat down, gesturing him to join me. Hesitantly, Draco sat down on another rock, close to mine but not too close, watching me expectantly. He might have thought I'd give him another lecture because he became a bit fidgety when I remained silent and lit a cigarette. With a frown he glanced at my Muggle lighter. I took a drag, and as I exhaled slowly, I let my eyes wander over the landscape.

The grounds were quiet; the sun was low in the sky, shedding a warm, golden glow that made the water glimmer like a cauldron of molten gold. The trees nearby still looked green but in the distance, where the mountains rose, their grey shadows had turned almost purple in the waning light. At the edge of the Forbidden Forest, smoke spiralled to the sky from the chimney of Hagrid's hut; it smelled slightly of roasted potatoes. It was dinner time at Hogwarts and at moments like these, Hogwarts was a truly beautiful place full of magic and wonders. Too bad I hadn't seen many a peaceful moment when I had been student here… but anyhow, I wanted Draco to take in the beauty of the scenery and relax. He had been given a hard time lately- probably much harder than any other kid of his age- and he had to leave that behind, piece by piece, if he wanted to find his way back into normality again.

Meditation would have been helpful for him to recharge his energy, mentally as well as magically, but I guessed he'd only sneer at me for even recommending that, thinking it a stupid Muggle thing. So I lit another cigarette and let the magical serenity of this place take its effect on him before I deemed it appropriate to encourage him on giving the Patronus Charm another try.

Whatever memory or strong emotion he used now- whether it was the sound of Harry Potter's nose breaking or newly found self-esteem- but a bright ray of silvery light shot from the top of his wand, taking on the form of… a ferret.

"Well done, Draco!" I tried hard to restrain a snicker for I remembered a story I had heard about fake Moody having transfigured Draco into a ferret, bouncing him up and down the Entrance Hall. Whether is was a good or a bad sign that Malfoy's Patronus had taken on that shape of all things I didn't know, but there wasn't much you could do about the form of your Patronus anyway; I could tell you a thing or two about that…

Now that the last of my class had finally managed to conjure up a corporeal Patronus, I dismissed Draco and Apparated home straight away. I was already late for dinner and Severus would be waiting for me since I had insisted on making it a habit to at least have dinner together, no matter how busy we were. I simply _needed_ some quality time with my soon-to-be husband on a daily basis.

Hugging and kissing Severus as if I hadn't seen him for ages, I told him what had kept me, which he accepted indulgently given that he seemed to have a soft spot for Draco Malfoy. He was pleased to hear that the boy had accomplished conjuring a corporeal Patronus and he thought me quite a capable teacher. I didn't tell him about the little chat we've had because that could wait. First I wanted to see whether Draco would accept the invitation for tea. After all, it could very well be that I had read more into his hidden emotions than there was- but I didn't think so.

Nevertheless I was surprised when Saturday afternoon the door bell rang and I saw Draco standing in front of our house, feeling slightly uncomfortable due to our Muggle neighbourhood. I let him in and he unceremoniously pressed a bouquet of flowers in my hands; it was quite a poor attempt of demonstrating politeness. Probably it had been Narcissa who had insisted on him bringing me flowers since she hadn't given up trying to get us over for dinner at Malfoy Manor. Alas, all the times she had invited us we really were already occupied otherwise, no offence intended.

Draco glanced around inquisitively when I led him to the library, his grey eyes flickering here and there as he was taking in his surroundings. Expecting to find something- anything- to underline his resentment of Muggles and their lifestyle. But since I didn't show him the kitchen he wouldn't find anything offensive on the ground floor and he was probably loath to admit that at least the library looked like that of any decent wizarding home.

Severus was astounded when I announced his visitor; he put his book down and stood to give Draco a nondescript glance. "Mr Malfoy, what a pleasant surprise."

"I sincerely hope my visit is not an inconvenience for you, Professor Snape?" Draco said in his usual drawl although he sounded much more polite now than he had ever done when addressing me.

"Not at all, Mr Malfoy. Please, take a seat and enlighten me to what I owe the unexpected pleasure of your company?"

Draco sat down but apparently he had lost his voice in the process since he just stared at Severus while fidgeting uneasily in his armchair, not knowing what to say. I thought it a good idea to play housewife since Draco was clearly uncomfortable in my presence and scampered to the kitchen to brew some tea, leaving them to figure out what the past eventful years had done to their relationship.


	44. The Crisis

author's note: Sorry it took so long to update but this chapter was difficult to write, and I had to rewrite and edit it again and again. So please review!

Sunny greetings from the island of Majorca where I am on vacation. I love wireless!!

* * *

44- The Crisis

I never thought there'd come a day when I wouldn't enjoy going shopping but apparently that day had come. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and groaned frustrated.

"Mum, I look like freshly thrown up cream cheese."

My mother flashed me a glance of disapproval. "Darling, you insisted on not wearing a white dress…"

"I didn't insist on wearing a dress the colour of bile!" I snapped. This was the fourth shop for bridal fashion we had visited today and I had already tried on at least fifty dresses, each one worse than the other. The problem with not wanting a white wedding was not that there weren't dresses in other colours but that all these other colours were as pale as something eaten and puked up again. I wanted something flashy and spectacular.

"How about that one?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's like 'catch me I'm a little princess'. I don't want to look ridiculous."

She held up another one.

"Nightmare in Disneyland." I commented dryly. "I prefer to not get suffocated by ruffles or compete with the cake for layers."

Mum sighed; she really had a hard time with me. I knew that and I felt sorry for her but that didn't make disastrous crimes of wanna-be designers more appealing. I had to get out of here.

She had stepped out of our fireplace this morning and insisted on a shopping trip with me, fearing that without her persistent pestering I would never get my arse in gear and find myself a wedding dress. And as much as I usually enjoyed shopping, this was definitely no fun; I almost yearned for grading some essays instead.

The weekend had been filled with Draco's visit and O'Flaherty's dinner invitation, and though both events had gone well I hadn't been able to spend enough quality time with Severus, just the two of us. Maybe that's why I was so cranky today. Also, I didn't like to be reminded that the date of the wedding was inevitably drawing closer and not much had been arranged yet. At least we had finally agreed upon a place for the ceremony. Severus and I would get married in the old olive grove in the vast garden of Casa Nigella in Majorca- provided I could find something to wear, that is.

Sulkily I said, "Maybe I should just wed in jeans and t-shirt. Or in motorcycle clothes- here comes the bride in black leather."

"Raven!" Mum chided me. "I thought you would want to look pretty for your Severus."

"Well, as you've undoubtedly noticed by now, Sev likes black. And besides, it's our vows that matters, not all the fuss we're making about the wedding." I sighed. "Maybe we should just fly to Vegas to get it done…"

"Tsk, I doubt Severus would like a ceremony held by an awfully bad Elvis imitator."

At that I laughed out loud and hugged my dear old mum, envisioning that scene in my mind's eye. Tears were rolling down my cheeks at the vision of Severus scowling at Elvis and hexing him into next week for singing out-of-tune a trashy version of _Love me tender_ .

We then went to have lunch at the Leaky Cauldron and postponed the search for the perfect wedding dress to another day when my mood was hopefully better. When Sam and Sebastian would have time to accompany us, two fashion victims who always knew the newest addresses of hip designers. Unfortunately they were too busy to join us today, given that the last of a series of trials against Death Eaters was in a few days. I was quite nervous about that, too, because I was expected to appear at the Wizengamot and give evidence against Yaxley, the Death Eater I had followed to Cambodia and who had attacked me and Severus on our first morning waking up as a couple. Although I had often attended a trial as witness for the prosecution during my Auror career, I was feeling strangely edgy about this special occasion. It must have been something about Yaxley, his brutal face contorted with blind hatred when he had screamed, _Do you really believe you can stop me? One dark lord is gone but another will rise_-

And it hadn't been an empty threat, not from Yaxley's lips. Unlike the imbecile little moron that Gregory Goyle was, Yaxley was a clever and cunning wizard- one of the very few examples that being a pure-blood didn't necessarily mean suffering from a lack of brains, which made him dangerous. I definitely didn't underestimate him and couldn't wait to see him ferried off to Azkaban for good.

"Raven, dear, you do worry too much about things that shouldn't be your concern right now, " Mum interrupted my thoughts as she took my hands in hers after having chatted with Tom, the barkeeper, and greeting some old acquaintances. "Darling, you're going to marry soon. Isn't that wonderful? I want to see a happy smile on your face."

I feigned a smile. Of course I was more than happy that I was going to marry the love of my life soon but I wished the trials were over and done, as well as my teaching job at Hogwarts.

"I still have a few questions considering the guest list, my dear," Mum continued cheerfully. "Wouldn't it be nice to invite some of your American friends?"

I almost choked on my drink. Yes, that would be _nice_ indeed… the mere thought of confronting the Malfoys (not that they were invited) with someone like George _Marie-Antoinette _ was actually hilarious. Then I felt a sudden pang of guilt because I hadn't heard anything of my friends on the other side of the pond for ages, and I was to blame for that.

Merlin, ever since Moody's owl post had reached me in Haiti more than three years ago my life was a mess… alright, it had never been really straight before either. I had called my friends occasionally; they weren't used to regular contact anyway due to my job. Then I had lost one year of my life in Absurdistan and after that I had been engaged in bringing Riddle down. Fighting a really evil Dark Lord was certainly a good excuse for keeping phone calls limited and it wasn't as if I had forgotten about them; I still held them dear. Sam and Sebastian had explained the situation to George when they had met in LA, and since George lived next door I had been certain they'd meet. But they were back for almost four months now, Lord Voldemort was defeated for the same amount of time, and yet I hadn't called anyone these last few months. I had been too preoccupied with Severus… and of course, I had been quite busy lately.

I told Mum that I would call them all later with the best intention of spending half the evening on the phone. Fortunately my friends on the West Coast were modern witches and wizards who owned cell phones because the Floo network didn't work long distance and much less transatlantic. It had been quite an innovation when they had made the Floo operate Europe-wide in the early 90ies, shortly after the Berlin wall had fallen. Strange, how events in the Muggle world would always influence the wizarding world although the later tended to keep itself separated.

Of course I talked to Severus about my American friends. I thought I'd have to give him some… um, kind of a warning. He hadn't called the Buena Vista NEWT Academy a freak school for no reason at all because we really were a bunch of freaks there. No surprise with a drag queen headmaster- er, head_mistress_- like Mademoiselle Glorianna Primadonna. So one of my friends was a guy who dressed like a lady and had a knack for Breast Enlargement Charms. If Severus was shocked about that he didn't show but asked me to invite all my friends. And since he was so tolerant towards me I simply couldn't object when he wanted to invite some of his former colleagues at Hogwarts, particularly Minerva McGonagall and Poppy Pomfrey. The guest list was getting longer and longer and that meant I really needed a spectacular dress.

While I still wondered why I couldn't reach one of my friends- George told me he hadn't heard from her for quite a while either- the day of the trial against Yaxley was drawing closer, and soon we were once more back in the familiar courtroom again.

The trial started just like all the other ones before, with the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister reading the same old long list of attendance that started every trial.

"Interrogators: Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister for Magic; Reginald Williamson, Head of Auror Department; Hestia Jones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement; Percy Ignatius Weasley, Court Scribe. Consultant in all questions considering Wizarding and Muggle law, Squib lawyer Sebastian St John. Witnesses of the Prosecution, Severus Snape and Raven Lestrange."

For once I would have preferred to not being the centre of attention. I felt ill-at-ease, sitting on the lowest bench of a courtroom that looked like an old Roman amphitheater, bench after bench towering above me, filled with the members of the Wizengamot in their plum-colored robes. The way they stared down their noses at me made me feel like I was the convicted and not the witness. I glanced at Severus but his mien was unfathomable.

"Trial of the eighth of August 1998 against Xavier Yaxley, accused of following crimes…"

There were some interesting parallels between Yaxley and Lucius Malfoy. Both came from influential pure-blood families, both had joined Lord Voldemort's ranks but had masked their true allegiance and managed to weasel their way out instead of having to face the consequences of their actions after the first war. There had never been any proof of their crimes although there had been suspicious facts. And while Malfoy had increased his influence within the Ministry by bribing officials, Yaxley had influenced them by working next to them. He had positioned himself within the Ministry, carefully planning Voldemort's take over from the inside.

Severus told the Wizengamot that Yaxley had boasted about his success in placing an Imperius Curse upon Pius Thicknesse and that he had also infiltrated the Department of Magical Transport with people loyal to the Dark Lord. Although those were facts, many members of the Wizengamot shook their heads in disbelief, not wanting to hear that they had been so easy to fool. After all, Xavier Yaxley came from a respectable pure-blood family therefore it was mighty unlikely that such a fine gentleman of wizarding society could possibly have committed any of the crimes he was accused of.

After Severus had given evidence, Yaxley was allowed to defend himself. Unlike some of his fellow Death Eaters who had sat at the chair in the centre of the room before him, he didn't claim he was innocent. He neither cursed the Wizengamot nor called Severus a liar. Instead he said with a soft, slightly drawling voice that he still believed in the Dark Lord's cause. He still believed in pure-blood supremacy and in wizard dominance over Muggles because wizards had been given powers Muggles didn't possess. The Wizengamot was warming up to him since quite a few thought him right even though they disagreed on the means to achieve this aim.

I didn't like the way this was going and was glad when Kingsley Shacklebolt interjected, reminding them of the recent losses which exactly that attitude had caused. Some bowed their head in shame while others wished for a less liberal man ruling the wizarding world.

Yaxley smirked smugly; he had planted a seed of discord and enjoyed it. And then he lashed out at Severus. "I do wonder why everybody in this time-honoured hall of the Wizengamot believes the word of a half-blood wizard who has already confessed his association to the Dark Lord. Who has been tempted by the same ideals that many of you find tempting too- a world in which wizards rule over Muggles.

"I watched Severus Snape's development from a pathetic youngster to one of Lord Voldemort's most trusted servants. Do you really believe he got so far by pleasing the Dark Lord with his good looks?"

Stifled laughter came from the benches.

Sebastian stood and cried, "Objection! This is irrelevant and not a matter of the trial."

"Objection sustained." Kingsley said. "Mr. Yaxley, would you please be so kind and not divert from the crimes you are accused of?"

"That was never my intention, Minister Shacklebolt," Yaxley replied politely, "I merely wanted to point out that Mr. Snape is not the victim of poor choices- he knew exactly what he was doing when he joined the Dark Lord's ranks and he lusted for recognition. The Dark Lord, however, was not a man who accepted adulation if those words were not followed by swift action …"

"Objection! We're not here to discuss possible misdoings of Professor Severus Snape."

"Objection sustained. It is commonly known that Professor Snape used to be a Death Eater. It is also known he regretted his decision and switched sides to work as spy for Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix from then on. There is no reason to question his allegiance."

Yaxley begged to differ. His lips curled up to a acerbically grin. "Ah, yes, I do know the pathetic story of his undying though unrequited love for the Mudblood who gave birth to the Chosen One. How _cute_. But that's a lie- there were other women and of purer blood than his precious Mudblood that he took comfort in. The Dark Lord cared well for his servants."

"Mr. Yaxley, are you actually accusing Professor Snape of having sexual intercourse?" Sebastian cut in, sharp-tongued and witty. "As far as I'm informed that is not illegal."

That clearly wasn't a topic to be discussed at the Wizengamot as the clearing of many throats from the benches showed, and Severus wasn't amused either. He scowled at Sebastian, hissing, "Would you please be so kind and keep my love life out of it. That's none of their concern."

"I'm afraid it is, Severus, since Yaxley chose to make it topic of this trial," Sebastian whispered back.

Of course his answer didn't sit well with my man, who was a very private person. He had never liked to talk about personal things, least of all to strangers, and years of spying had definitely not changed his attitude.

"Then object to it," he demanded. "Isn't that what you're getting paid for?"

"I'm here to consult you in your role as witness for the prosecution and to defend you against all possible accusations on the part of the Death Eaters. That also includes me trying to figure out what Yaxley is aiming at with his hints. Please be patient, I know what I'm doing."

Severus shot him a glance as if he mightily doubted that.

"Silence, please!" Kingsley Shacklebolt interjected, stopping the murmuring from the benches. For the fraction of a second I thought I saw him hiding a smirk- he liked Sebastian; to him the Squib lawyer was like a fresh wind in these mouldy halls that radiated the conservative attitude of traditionalists he wanted to overcome. Nevertheless, he was still Minister for Magic and therefore also the chief interrogator of this trial. "We will now continue the trial against Xavier Yaxley. Do you, Mr. Yaxley, intend to take a stand to the question you were asked? Is there anything relevant you feel obliged to accuse Professor Severus Snape of- I mean, other than just the same old animosities of Death Eaters feeling betrayed by him. If that is the case I must inform you that you are wasting your time since we've heard it all before; there is no use in repeating it."

"Minister Shacklebolt, I certainly do not wish to waste your time," Yaxley rose to speak when he had the undivided attention of the Wizengamot again. He looked around, studying the faces of the witches and wizards crowding the benches in their plum-coloured robes, a sly smile on his features that gave me the creeps. He was inevitably up to something that I wouldn't like, and I was right about that. "Nonetheless, I cannot help but accuse _Professor_ Snape of lying in at least one significant point given that he led you all to believe he tried so hard to keep Boy Who Lived safe for Lily Potter, that he joined the Order of the Phoenix for Lily, spied on the Dark Lord for Lily- even that he was all Dumbledore's man for the sacred memory of Lily Potter. This is touching, isn't it? And though I hate to startle you with the sobering fact that this was all a lie, I have to tell you now that is wasn't about Lily when I saw him in the arms of a woman of questionable reputation."

Whispering from the benches indicated they knew who the woman of questionable reputation was. After all, they read the _Daily Prophet__…_but I couldn't care less what they were thinking about me when it just became obvious what Yaxley actually wanted to achieve. Since he couldn't save his neck anyway, he aimed for discrediting Severus so they would go down together. If he could manage to cast enough doubt about his reputation, the Wizengamot might send Severus to Azkaban, too, where he wouldn't survive long given that that place was now teeming with captured Death Eaters all of whom saw him a traitor to the Dark Lord's cause. To say I was nervous about the outcome of this trial was perhaps the understatement of the year, and I didn't even want to imagine what this must mean to Severus. He looked deadly pale but otherwise his expression was inscrutable, a stony mask. Gingerly I took his hand in mine.

"Would you please care to elaborate on that, Mr. Yaxley?" Sebastian asked politely. "What precisely do you mean by _questionable reputation_?"

"You know what I mean, Mr. St John. I'm talking about a witch who posed naked in a Muggle magazine _**and **_I saw her in a compromising situation with Snape."

Severus let go of my hand; he clearly didn't like the way this trial was going and he shot Sebastian a warning glance that he had better change the topic soon.

Sebastian ignored Severus as he stood and left his place at the witness bench next to us, pursuing his own strategy. "Would you please be so kind and fill us in about the particular circumstances, Mr. Yaxley, so that the Wizengamot will understand the gravity of the situation? When was it that you witnessed the aforementioned situation and where was it?"

"It was a couple of weeks after the Dark Lord's downfall, in Cambodia."

"Ah," thoughtfully pacing the room, Sebastian shot a calculating glance at Yaxley, then looked up to the benches where the members of the Wizengamot were sitting, "so the situation you are referring to happened weeks after Lord Voldemort's death- do I understand that correctly, Mr. Yaxley?"

"Yes…"

"So, what you are actually saying here, Mr. Yaxley, is that you witnessed my client being in an intimate situation with Miss Raven Lestrange, weeks _**after**_ he had cleared off his dept and succeeded in keeping Mrs. Lily Potter's son safe. To summarize it, you saw two adults enjoying physical pleasures, two adults who are engaged now and planning to get married. Please forgive me, but I really do not see any crime in that. By the way, Mr. Yaxley, what were you doing in Cambodia again?"

He chose to not answer that question.

"Am I right to assume, Mr. Yaxley, that you left the country in fear of prosecution? Furthermore, I have been given access to files that reveal you spent your time abroad killing Muggle tourists at the ancient temples of Angkor Wat in a presumptuous attempt to raise an army of Inferi to finish what Lord Voldemort had started."

"There is no evidence for that," Yaxley said calmly as he pointed his head in my direction, "except, of course, if you choose to believe Miss Lestrange. It's my word against hers…"

"He is right!" An old wizard cried from the benches. "Mr. Yaxley descends from one of the finest and purest wizarding families, whereas we know next to nothing about Miss Lestrange except that she posed naked in a Muggle magazine."

I rolled my eyes. "I really do wonder what posing naked has to do with this trial or my reliability."

Kingsley smirked slightly before he addressed the old wizard. "Mr. MacDonald, let me assure you that I studied Miss Lestrange's file thoroughly. She is a capable and reliable freelance Auror that many Ministries around the world enjoyed working with due to her efficiency. The wizarding departments of the FBI and MI6 both described her as a professional though slightly rebellious person. Williamson also thinks highly of her, so I won't let you discredit her."

MacDonald- hmm, the name had a familiar ring to me. Was he possibly related to a certain Mary MacDonald who had been in our year at Hogwarts? I remembered her vaguely; she was a Gryffindor and had been friends with Lily Evans.

"She would say anything to save Snape's neck," Yaxley sneered, a malicious impression on his face. "I admit, I wanted to escape justice. But it was never my intention to become a new Dark Lord- that is Snape's aim."

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. That was the most absurd idea I've ever heard.

"You deny it?" The Death Eater had the nerve to ask me, then he addressed the Wizengamot. "Of course, you believe these two charming lovebirds were involved in sexual activities but what I interrupted was without doubt a dark ritual, ancient blood magic. Or why do you think Snape's first reaction was to blindfold me?"

"For someone as pure-blooded as you are I am surprised you are completely ignorant of any sense of decorum or chivalry," Severus said waspishly.

"Chivalry? Ah, Severus, who do you want to fool here? You called yourself the Half-blood Prince at school- always aiming high, isn't it so, Severus? Weren't you proud to sit at the Dark Lord's right side like a little prince?"

"You're pathetic Yaxley. Please overcome your inferiority complex from Riddle never patting your head, no matter how hard you tried to please him."

MacDonald was nevertheless warming up to Yaxley's ridiculous theory. The old wizard stood, looking around to get the attention of the Wizengamot. "My dear friends, fellow members of this honourable council- Mr. Yaxley made an interesting point here. It is common knowledge that Snape was already dabbling with the Dark Arts while he was a student at Hogwarts, and he was friends with Avery and Mulciber, two gentlemen who were condemned to life time sentences in Azkaban just recently. Don't you find it strange that his name was cleared years ago although he was known to be a Death Eater?"

"Mr. MacDonald, may I remind you that Dumbledore vouched for him?" Kingsley interjected.

"Dumbledore is dead! Snape killed him."

"Yes, on Dumbledore's order- we all know that." .

"Snape is not the innocent lamb you obviously see him as, Minister Shacklebolt. Even as a child he was already up to the eyeballs in the Dark Arts and I am positive he was also in on that horrible prank his fellow Slytherins, Avery and Mulciber, played on my poor grandniece…"

Ah, so Mary was his grandniece. That explained his resentment against Severus although he'd had nothing to do with what Avery and Mulciber tried to do to her as I recalled the incident MacDonald was referring to. Actually, it hadn't been worse than what the Marauders considered to be fun but that was a completely different topic and I certainly didn't want to defend them.

"…therefore I find it absolutely plausible what Mr. Yaxley hinted at, that Snape and his whore…"

"Objection!"

"Objection sustained. Mr. MacDonald, I will not tolerate profanity at court." Kingsley sounded angry now.

"Very well," the old wizard growled, "that Snape and his _lovely fiancé _were indeed performing a Dark Arts ritual when Mr. Yaxley interrupted them. And even if she is a highly decorated Auror, it is still possible that she is blinded by love- or, even more likely, Snape has Confunded her."

"Objection!" Sebastian actually sounded a tad annoyed now. "Mr. MacDonald is wildly speculating. There is no evidence to support his accusations."

"Objection sustained. Please keep to the facts. We're not getting anywhere…"

"Minister Shacklebolt!" MacDonald cut in, his voice sounding demanding when he raised it above the background noises of the whispering Wizengamot. "If we want to know the facts I strongly suggest the use of Veratiserum on Snape."

For a moment it was so quiet in the courtroom that one could hear a pin drop. Then Kingsley said in a strict tone, "There will be no need to use Veratiserum or any other drug in this courtroom."

While MacDonald looked sour, Yaxley breathed a sigh of relief. He knew quite well that his would be a lost case had Shacklebolt allowed the use of Veratiserum. After all, he was the liar aiming to question Severus' integrity, which had worked quite well so far. A few members of the Wizengamot seemed to be rather willing to send his hated rival to Azkaban. Severus clenched his fists so hard I could see his knuckles turning white; he must feel as if the sword of Damocles was hanging over his head. I reached out for him to give his hand a comforting squeeze but he brushed my fingers away in a gruff gesture.

Kingsley got to his feet. He was an imposing figure, dark and tall, and he clearly radiated the air of authority.

"I am deeply disappointed in the way this trial is going, and I do not understand the sudden scepticism against the witness for the prosecution although his word has been trusted until today. Severus Snape has displayed extraordinary bravery in the war against the Dark Lord, he helped this court to convict many a Death Eater to a lifetime sentence at Azkaban- he should be awarded with the Order of the Merlin, first degree. But if you question his integrity today you not only risk the reversal of all previous trials, you also allow your minds to get clouded with untenable accusations and deep-rooted prejudices. Do you really want that? Do you want this trial to become a farce? Is that the way we honour those who agreed to cooperate with us and testify against Death Eaters? You ought to be ashamed if you allow misinterpreted house animosities rule this court."

Silence. Then Hestia Jones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and member of the Order of the Phoenix, started clapping her hands. Most of the Wizengamot joined in to her applauding to Kingsley's speech- most, but not all of them. I tried to keep in mind who didn't, just in case it might be relevant one day. After all, I was a trained Auror although some people preferred to see me only as the which who had stripped and posed naked in the Playboy. Apparently they all needed it really badly…

Kingsley called for a break then so that everybody could calm down again and reconsider their priorities. I released a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding, before I noticed the smug grin Yaxley's face when he was allowed to leave the witness stand. I didn't like it at all. The chains of the sole chair in the middle of the courtroom sprang loose and released their hold on his arms. Rubbing them slightly he glanced at my man, a hint of triumph curling up the corners of his lips. Did he really believe he had won only because he had manage to plant the seed of mistrust in the brains of a few die-hard Gryffindors, like MacDonald, who'd never give a Slytherin the benefit of a doubt, simply out of habit?

But his smile faded quickly when he realized that the atmosphere of discord he had so carefully nurtured might wear off as time went by. The mood wouldn't be as heated as it was now after everybody had been given time to cool down again, and the cards would be reshuffled. Maybe then the Wizengamot would come to the conclusion that any of the hideous and untenable accusations against Severus were just absurd.

The chains of the now empty chair glowed gold, snapping threateningly as if they were alive and eager to fasten upon another one's wrists. I hoped I'd never have to see Severus taking seat there… again I reached for his hand and again he brushed mine away; he was really wound tight today. It didn't surprise me though.

Shortly after that, I entered a chamber in which we had discussed Lucius Malfoy's fate. Since Severus was in a state to lash out at everyone I thought it wiser to send Sebastian away before he could become a victim of the frustration and anger that were boiling within my man. He seemed to be a bit miffed when I slammed the door in his face but I didn't give a damn. Turning around I saw Severus propping himself up on the table, curtains of black hair covering his face. I placed a tentative hand on his shoulder but he shook it off.

"Leave me alone," he snapped, his tone harsh.

"Sev," I began hesitantly, "don't take what they say to heart…"

"_Don't take what they say to heart_," he mocked my words, snorting sarcastically before he spat, "You should hear yourself blabbering, Lestrange. For your information, this is not fairy-tale country where the prince wins the princess in the end and everyone lives happily ever after. In this reality there will be no Order of the Merlin awarded to me for my _bravery_. Kingsley merely said that because he fears he might have to overturn all the previous trials if my integrity was questioned. Wake up. I will always be frowned upon because of my past. There will always be some oh-so-perfect Gryffindor berks turning up their noses at the one fateful choice I made when I joined the Dark Lord's ranks. Yes, I **was** a Death Eater and only the fact that I was useful to Dumbledore kept me out of Azkaban. I was his pawn- my guilt let me become his pawn- and I lived every single day of my life under threat, risking my life for **them. **But in the end all the credit goes to **them** and they still turn up their sophisticated noses at me, taking my efforts for granted. I never even heard a word of gratitude from any of them... but _'don't take what the say to heart'_- oh, that's just rich! Why should I care? Shouldn't I be used to their scorn by now? Darn! I wasn't even supposed to survive!"

It felt like a slap in the face although I knew he could be unfair when he was angry. I couldn't pretend his words didn't hurt. "Speaking of ungrateful- I think you're an ungrateful sot right now. I'm so glad you survived and you make it sound like you _wished_ to die, not caring about me at all..."

"You'd be better off without me," he cut me off, sounding cool, controlled.

Things were going wrong, very wrong. "Don't say that, Sev," I managed, a slight hint of panic in my voice. He couldn't possibly mean what he was saying.

"It's a fact. I'm trying to reason with you..."

"No, you're not! There's no reason for you to talk such bullshit- or are you getting cold feet because of the wedding?"

"Do you deliberately refuse to understand or are you really so thick? Is your mind too fixated on stupid wedding preparations that you live in perfect denial of everything else happening around you? The wedding doesn't matter. It is not relevant question whether I want to marry you... it was all a mistake..."

"A MISTAKE?" Now I was yelling at him. Quickly I cast a Muffliato Charm over the room so that we could continue shouting at each other without anyone eavesdropping on us. "So it was a MISTAKE when you said you loved me? Every time we made love was a MISTAKE?"

"I didn't say that." Suddenly he sounded weary underneath the obvious bitterness in his voice.

I, however, missed this undertone because all I understood was that he wanted to ditch me. Running frustrated fingers through my hair I tried hard to fight back the tears that were burning in my eyes. Only a couple of days ago I had been looking for a wedding dress and now... now I wasn't even sure if there would be a wedding at all. What went wrong?

"I can understand that you're pissed off about what just transpired in the courtroom, but why do you vent your anger on me? I'm not the one to blame? I'm at your side, Severus. I will stand by my man whatever is happening."

"That, exactly, is the problem." Noticing my lack of comprehension he heaved a sigh. "I must have misjudged your intelligence if you still fail to realize what is going on here, despite all the malicious tittle-tattle about nude pictures, the way your integrity is questioned or wondering whether I Confunded you. Actually, I'm surprised they haven't accused me of poisoning you with Amortentia yet."

"I don't give a damn about what they say," I interjected stubbornly. "I love you, Severus Snape. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"That is what you say now but you obviously don't have a clue what to expect in a relationship with a scorned man. Though I am used to a life of mistrust, constantly being frowned upon and ostracized, I do not wish my life of any one, least of all to you. You deserve better than what I have to offer."

"Don't be so fucking _noble_!" I yelled at him as I finally grasped what his problem was, and I let out a short, mirthless laugh. "If I were aiming for social status, fortune and fame, I would have stayed with Black and become bloody wizarding royalty... but I chose love, Sev. I chose you."

"You're irrational. There are times I actually like that character trait of yours but... damned, I was wrong when I thought I could have a new life. My past will always catch up with me- Yaxley just proved that today. My word will never be trusted when a Gryffindor questions it. I should have known that from the start but I... I ignored the obvious because I wanted to know what happiness feels like. But I can't pretend life is all sunshine when they are digging in your past, trying to come up with dirty secrets, ever since the beginning of our relationship. I won't let you get entangled in this net of denunciation, lies and defamations that my life is... I couldn't bear the notion of you being sent to Azkaban only because you're too stubborn to let go..."

"Neither of us will be sent to Azkaban, Sev. We've done nothing wrong." I tried to reason though the situation was so... so _surreal_... that it was hard to think clearly at all.

"You haven't, I have. Remember, it was my **free choice **to join the Death Eaters, and once you're in the Dark Lord's ranks there's no way to ever get out. People like MacDonald still refuse to believe I changed... to him I'll be branded forever."

"No, you're not!" Resolutely I took Severus' left arm in a tight grip to prove him wrong. It wasn't too late, we still had a chance. I rolled up his sleeve to reveal soft, pale skin. Unmarred skin. "There, look! What do you see? Your mark is gone. Gone- do you get it?"

He arched a quizzical brow at me, his anger slowly waning.

"You know," I continued, "the others still have their mark. I saw it on Draco Malfoy the other day; it's faded but it is still visible. Of course he tries to hide it..."

Slowly it dawned upon him what I was talking about but instead of relief it seemed that only another wave of frustration washed over him, and he gave the impression as if he'd fucked it up once again, just like he always did. His shoulders slumped in a gesture of resignation as he took a sudden interest in his shoes, watching them intensely while absent-minded scratching his left arm. "I always wondered why it's gone..."

"Well, if you miss it and feel naked without it you can still get ink done. I'm hoping though that you'd chose a more aesthetic design than a skull with a snake," I said more casually than I actually felt.

For the first time since this calamitous day at court had started, his mien softened to an almost smile. It looked gorgeous on him. "I think I can do perfectly well without a tattoo."

That moment Sebastian knocked at the door. "Raven? Severus? We really should-"

"Not now!" I yelled, cutting him off. I knew he wanted to talk about the trial, his strategy, but we still needed a moment alone to get things settled.

"Sev..." I grabbed him by his shoulders, forcing him to face me. Stubborn as he was, he kept his face hidden behind curtains of black hair. Gently I reached out to tuck some strands behind his ear, caressing his cheek in the process. I noticed him melting slightly under my touch, which was a promising sign. After all, he'd never said he didn't love me. "Damned, Sev, we're better than all that gossiping, all the lies and slanders... if only you could love yourself a little bit more, and you are worthy of being loved. Though I do understand your worries I want you to have faith in us... or what do you believe a good relationship is all about, hmm? It's not only about having fun in bed- although that is definitely an important aspect- but it's also about being involved in each others life, sticking together in love and lust, happiness and sorrow… it's about compassion and responsibility, trust and confidence... the fact that you can always rely on the other one, no matter what's happening."

At that he had to swallow hard but it escaped my notice because I had turned away from him, feeling embarrassed about the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I wished I were stronger, that I wouldn't be crying like a little girl. Agitated I wiped the tears off my face and sat down on the table, lighting a cigarette.

"Raven…" Ah, he sounded ashamed now, he better be. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. MEN! First he behaved like an absolute berk and then suddenly he was all meek. I hoped it was because of what I said and not because of the tears I cried.

"You… you… you're such a big DUNDERHEAD, Severus Snape."

"I'm sorry..." he said quietly, all the bitterness forgotten. I thought I even detected a sudden fit of panic in his voice, as if he was scared of losing me although he had tried to get rid of me only moments ago. "Don't you understand that I merely meant to protect you?"

"Yeah, but..." I felt the urge to **personally** feed Yaxley to the Dementors for what he was doing to us. This was well-calculated madness but I wouldn't let him get away with that. I wouldn't let him ruin our lives with wild speculations and absurd accusations. He was a bloody liar. Everybody should be able to realize that. "I don't want your protection, Sev, I want to share my life with you- and if any bloody wanker in wizarding Britain won't let us we can still move somewhere else."

His hand was shaking a little when he reached out to gently dab a teardrop off my lashes. Merlin, he was killing me softly. Probably I loved him too much, yielding for his touch even though I should be furious at him for what he put me through. _Kiss me, please..._

There was another, this time more urgent knock at the door.

"Raven! Severus! What are you doing in there? We still have to talk through our strategy before the break is over!"

Severus scowled at the door, clearly not pleased about the interruption. I noticed a certain disapproval in regard of Sebastian in his eyes, still blaming him for the way the trial had taken. If Sebastian hadn't pestered Yaxley with useless questions... but, of course, that was a very narrow-minded way of thinking, one that sometimes rendered him petty when he was feeling cornered. And then my brilliant Severus, with all his cleverness, cunning and sharp wit would become a troll without cause, lashing out at whoever was there, hurting. You had to realize that and develop a thick skin if you wanted to get along with him. Unfortunately, my skin wasn't as thick as I wished, today. Again I wiped my eyes before opening the door.

"Finally!" Sebastian said as he rushed into the room, immediately getting to the point. "Severus, is there anything I need to know before we go back to the courtroom? I don't like unexpected surprises complicating my job. I'm your lawyer; I can talk you out of nearly everything but you have to be honest to me and we don't have much time left."

"Severus has already given evidence on several occasions so he won't repeat himself only because MacDonald deems himself qualified to ask for answers already given." I decided spontaneously. "You can tell the old fart to clean out his ears and get over the grudge he bears against all Slytherins."

"Um… you are aware that this is a rather, er… _condescending_ attitude you are displaying here, aren't you?" Sebastian asked sceptically, frowning at me. Severus didn't look all too pleased either.

"Yep. But we won't let them cow us with absurd accusations any longer, nor let them treat us like criminals. We haven't done anything wrong and the Wizengamot has to accept that instead of looking for ways to discredit my fiancé out of pure spite. Severus isn't even marked a Death Eater anymore. Of course, you could also call Potter to the stand and let the Golden Boy bathe us in the golden light he's radiating..." I had actually considered to send a Patronus to Harry, with the invitation to immediately move his ass to the courtroom, at the beginning of the break but had forgotten about it due to the shock Severus had given me... and I still wasn't reassured if things were actually alright between us again.

"I would prefer to keep Potter out of this," Severus said acerbically. "It was embarrassing enough to imagine him trumpeting the memories I gave him to Voldemort and everyone else who was present at the battle at Hogwarts, but I won't have him expatiate on them in front of the Wizengamot."

"That won't be necessary," a deep, dark voice said, and we all turned to look at Kingsley Shacklebolt approaching, a content smile on his face that only faded a little when he noticed the telltale trail of shed tears on my face. He flashed me a quizzical glance but I merely shook my head, _no need to worry_. So he shrugged and continued with what he had to say. "The Wizengamot just decided there won't be any need for further evidence in order to send Yaxley to Azkaban, meaning you are dismissed and free to return home now."

Severus furrowed his brows. "What about the questions considering my integrity?"

"The Wizengamot wishes to apologize for all inconvenience some of its members caused, and expresses its gratitude for the help you offered in many trials, giving evidence against Death Eaters." Kingsley answered solemnly, but there was a tone in his voice that made it pretty obvious that he had made them come to their senses again by using his position as Minister for Magic. Mind, I wasn't saying he was corrupt like many of his predecessors- he just had a mind of his own and if he thought we had been treated unfairly he had used the break to bring the Wizengamot back in line. Kingsley Shacklebolt was definitely not a man who would tolerate untenable accusations born out of prejudices.

Severus, however, was clearly baffled because he hadn't expected that. To be honest, I hadn't either. So all the fuss had been in vain?

That moment my phone rang- a tedious beep that sounded completely out of place in the dungeon of the Ministry of Magic. I flashed Kingsley an apologetic smile and answered the call.

I recognize her voice at once. We had been best friends at Buena Vista and later, during my Auror training in LA. She had enjoyed the party scene almost as much as I had, although she had managed to enjoy it without bedding every fucking rock star. Then I had started a career as freelance Auror and my job had caused us to drift apart, not emotionally but concerning the time we spent together. Of course we had talked on the phone occasionally- and definitely more regularly before Mad Eye Moody had sent that fateful owl, making me join the Order of the Phoenix. With an ocean between us and obligations as well as emotional disorder on my side, it had become harder and harder to stay in touch, until the contact had finally been severed totally after my stint in Absurdistan. I had tried to call her a couple of times when I was back from the deaths but either her number had changed or she refused to talk to me. From what I have heard lately, she must have probably gone underground since George hadn't talked to her for a long time either.

And now she was on the line, suddenly and absolutely unexpectedly, especially on a day like this. But my initial joy of hearing her voice again faded soon when she indicated what had befallen her during an attack at the beach. I was shocked. Never had I expected that to happen to any of my friends...

"Kingsley, I need a Portkey to LA." It was an instinctive decision; I simply had to see her and I felt guilty for not having been there for her when the calamity had transpired... damned veil! I cursed Absurdistan for stealing a year of my life.

He agreed that it would be arranged. Meanwhile Severus stared at me, his expression unfathomable. I thought that maybe it wasn't even a bad idea to keep some distance after the rollercoaster of emotions he'd put me through today; perhaps he needed some time to figure out what he really wanted.

I stepped closer, searching eye contact which he avoided.

"My friend needs me..." I began, but he cut me off before I could explain what had happened.

"Certainly. If your friend needs you, you have to go."

I waited- for what I didn't know. A gesture of understanding, a hug, a kiss... anything. But he was too damned frigid to show any emotion. So I turned on my heels and walked to the Portkey office, feeling cold.

.

13


	45. Home and Harmony

Sorry it took so long again. The words just don't flow as easily. Feedback is very much appreciated.

* * *

45- Home and Harmony

"I'm a monster," she claimed.

"No, you're not," I glanced at my friend, thinking she hadn't changed at all since I last met her. Still pretty, still healthy looking. It must have been her dark Caribbean skin that made the difference in comparison to Lupin who had always looked pale and sickly. "You merely developed a furry problem."

Wasn't it possible to be gone for a year without friends getting themselves into trouble? Damned veil, damned Absurdistan... I wished I had been there for her when she needed me. I should have brewed Wolfsbane potion for her, given that it was still hard to get in this part of the world and horrendously expensive. But well, money had never been a problem for Angela Pilar Corazon de la Cruz, the descendant of a very old, very pure-blooded and very rich wizarding family based in the Caribbean. At least she hadn't have to endure transfiguration pain.

"You know, the fur isn't the only problem. Do you have any idea how horrible it is to see your neatly manicured nails transform into rough claws?"

That was typical Angel. I cast a glance at her fingernails polished in Barbie-girl pink and laughed out loud. Merlin, I was glad that Sev couldn't hear us talking now. Oh, he would sneer so at our girls talk about the effects of lycantrophy, as if a werewolf had no other problems than worrying about fingernails.

"I hope you haven't taken on a liking for raw meat?" I asked suddenly, remembering that Bill Weasley had started to prefer his steaks bloody after a confrontation with Greyback.

She grinned at me and scrambled from the sofa to disappear into the kitchen. When she came back she carried a mega bowl of chocolate ice cream and two spoons. Like in the good old days we huddled together under a blanket and tucked in, sharing the bowl of ice cream while talking about men.

Angela had always been the more sensible one, had never had that many affairs. Which made it all the more incomprehensible to me that she had been tempted to have sex on the beach with a handsome stranger, who had turned out to be a werewolf. She scratched her leg where the bite had left a barely visible scar- a voodoo priestess had worked wonders on the wound. I had already arranged to purchase some of the Caribbean herbs and ingredients used in the balm, and bring them Severus. He would be exited...

There were moments like these when my thoughts would drift away from Angela's problems and focus on my own. We had parted without a proper goodbye, without a hug, without a kiss. I didn't even know what the current state of our relationship was. Were we still together and about to get married? Had my words been convincing enough to get through to his thick head? Or was he still entertaining the mistaken belief that it would be better for me to forget about him? Heck, how could someone so intelligent be so damned moronic when it came to emotional matters? I hadn't waited half of my life for him to finally get over his obsession with Lily and recognize that there was a witch loving him for who he was- even if he could be such an insensitive git betimes.

"You've never been like that about a guy before," Angel stated bewildered. She had been downright stunned to hear that I, Raven Lestrange, was going to get _married_- first she had even thought it was only a bad joke to lure her out of her hiding place at her family's estate in Puerto Rico, where she had holed up after the tragic incident on the beach. "He must be really special."

Oh, that he was indeed, even though not in the common sense. He was definitely not the kind of man I usually fell for, but then again all the others had never meant that much to me.

I had never told her of my love for him- it would have been so _uncool_ to admit my complex of always being second best when I was new at Buena Vista, trying to make friends, and later... well, later I had delved into countless affairs with rock stars to compensate for not being the one he had raised on a pedestal. It was hard to confess surrender and I had definitely not wanted to talk about bloody Lily Evans with my new friends. Or maybe I would have, had he ever written to me. Then, I had thought he had forgotten about me and our friendship very quickly- out of sight, out of mind- but now I knew that none of my letters had ever reached him.

And while I pondered what to tell my friend about Severus, Angel suggested a shopping trip. After all, she was invited to a wedding and even though she deemed herself a monster because of her lycantrophy, she nevertheless wanted to be a posh werewolf- or were_bitch_, as she called herself, flexing her perfectly manicured fingers as if they were claws. Betimes my dear Angel had a sick sense of humour.

She needed distraction and that's why I had came here for, so of course I accompanied her although I wasn't in the mood to go shopping. But sometimes, when you're not really looking for something, is when you are the most successful. We were walking down a small road just off Sunset Strip when I suddenly stopped dead and turned to stare at the most perfect dress, displayed in the shop window of a tiny boutique.

"That's it," I said and entered the shop.

Angela frowned a little. She loved weddings- she'd get along very well with Sam and Sebastian (what a pity they were in love with each other)- and she had actually been a bit miffed when I had told her there wouldn't be all the falderal with bridesmaids, or cute little flower girls at mine. Now I almost shocked her because it became obvious to her that I didn't even intend to wed in white.

"That's a daring colour for a bride," she commented but the shop owner, a promising young designer, hastened to explain.

"It may seem an incredible fashion rebellion to those expecting the ubiquitous white dress, but red bridal gowns are nothing new at weddings; it is traditional in many Asian countries where red symbolizes luck, prosperity, and happiness. So forget virgin white when you are a sensual woman. Red is the colour of love and passion."

Yes, I thought when I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. The dress looked as if it was made for me. Angela squealed excited; her reservation against an untraditional wedding dress forgotten.

And so I bought the dress, thinking that Severus couldn't be so daft as to not want me- of course, he had never said he didn't want me or didn't love me... Damned, I missed him so. I couldn't fathom how I had survived so many wasted years without him when I was already edgy after two days without him. I needed to talk to him, to hear his voice- I just didn't know how. The Floo network didn't work transatlantic, an owl would take too long to get to London and back, the Two-way mirrors... I hadn't used them for a long time but I was quite certain they weren't made for long-distance calls either. And besides, it would be helpful if I had brought mine along...

Of course, we had a telephone at our house in London, but would he answer it? It wasn't that he was suspicious of Muggle means of communication, he just preferred to not use them and I remembered him scowling at it when the ring had disturbed our dinner once, wondering why a decent witch like my Mum would chose that annoying thing over the Floo network.

"Young man," she had scolded him, "I am way too old to kneel in front of the fireplace when I want to talk to my only daughter."

Although he could have told her that she wasn't _that_ old for a witch, he had agreed at last. Nevertheless I wasn't certain if he would simply ignore the irritating ringing instead of picking up the receiver...

"You'll never find out if you don't try at least." Angela told me, back at her apartment where I was staring at my mobile phone as if I wanted to hypnotize it. Unceremoniously she pressed it in the palm of my hand, giving me an urging glare. She always knew how to convince me.

So I called our house in London, and I must admit I was surprised that after the seventh ring someone actually answered the phone in a grumpy voice, almost sounding intimidating.

"Hi Sev," I said tentatively.

"Raven." It was a simple statement and yet there was so much more in his voice, an undertone of longing...

"I miss you."

Silence. Then he asked, "What about fussing over your friend?"

Well, I hadn't expected him to whisper vows of endless love on the phone but there was definitely some longing in that latently accusing tone of his, as if he wanted to say I should stop fussing over my friend and move my arse back to London because he missed me too. He just wouldn't say that.

"Well, if you accept mail order for your Wolfsbane Potion I'm done here."

Was it possible to _hear_ someone scowling? Or did I just know him well enough to imagine him scowling at the notion of werewolves? Of course he wasn't enthusiastic about me having a friend that was a werewolf and I couldn't blame him for that. After all, he hadn't become an expert on them because they were so cute but because he had almost been bitten or killed by one. Now, there was no way to compare Angel's fate to that of an adolescent Lupin in the circle of his Marauder friends and their madness, and yet I understood his reservation. He would change his mind when he met her.

"I love you," I told him, and I thought I could see him crack a wry smile at the other end of the line before he hung up. I smiled, too.

"Wait, did I get that just right?" Angela asked flabbergasted as the Knut finally seemed to drop with her. "_Your Sev_ is the famous Potions Master Professor Snape who recently improved the Wolfsbane Potion?"

I really hadn't told her much about the man I was going to marry. Sure, I had told her how he made me feel but I guessed until now she had still envisioned him being someone akin to the epitome of a wizarding rock star... someone like Sirius Black. She definitely hadn't expected me to marry a Potions geek who spent most of his time over a simmering cauldron.

"Yep." I would have to tell _my Sev_ that his reputation as Potions Master had already reached the ears of a fashion victim and easy-going person like Angela, who lived in sunny California or, alternatively, in the Caribbean. Maybe that would made him forget that some diehard Gryffindors still frowned upon him because of the wrong choices he'd made as a young man.

-

Our goodbye was teary and very emotional but I would see my friend soon again, at my wedding. There wasn't much I could do for her now, and I had to go back. I had to see Severus and clear the things that were probably still between us, although the phone call had already indicated that he had forgotten about the stupid ideas he had come up with at court. The longing in his voice had been evident despite his grumbly tone and the scowls I could almost hear.

We spent one more day together, packing my stuff at my LA apartment and giving it up for good, before I took a Portkey back to wizarding Britain. I landed amidst all my trunks in the entrance hall of the Ministry of Magic and puked unceremoniously on the time honoured floor, then used the Floo to get home.

"Sev?" I called as I stepped out of the fireplace in the library, hoping he would be there, burying his nose in a book. Alas, no one answered my call and the library remained empty until Pinkie entered the room, having heard my voice. She looked kind of devastated.

"Mistress!" Affectionately, the cute, little ugliness jumped to hug my knees. "Oh dear ,Mistress Raven, so good you're back. Pinkie worries about Master Severus. Him eats not, sleeps not- always the same with Master Severus, but different."

"Don't worry," I told her as I encouragingly patted her head. "So where is Master Severus, dear?"

She glanced at me with huge, violet eyes.

"Master is in the dungeon, always working. Him is working too much. But Master not listens to poor old Pinkie... ooooh, Pinkie is such a failure," she wailed but fortunately I could stop her from hurting herself, banging her head against the wall or anything else as daft and self destructive.

Only when I was certain she wouldn't harm herself out of misunderstood house elf pride, I left the library and headed towards the dungeon of our house where Severus had holed himself in. The door creaked a little when I opened it.

"Go away, Pinkie. I am really not hungry."

My heart leapt at the sight of him, totally absorbed in the shimmering fumes of his cauldron, his lank, black hair falling in his face like heavy curtains. Silently I approached him from behind and circled my arms around his slender hips, breathing into his ear, "Not a teeny-weeny bit of appetite, Sev?"

He stopped stirring and turned around to face me.

"Raven." There was so much restrained emotion in his voice that I thought he'd choke on it. He cleared his throat. "I... I reflected on the things you said that day, considering the nature of a satisfying relationship..."

"Severus Snape, would you please save your breath and kiss me."

The slightest hint of a smile flickered over his features as he reached out to caress my cheek, giving me one of his intense stares. A pleasant shiver ran down my spine. Then his lips brushed mine ever so softly and lingered for a gentle kiss. Well, though that was nice, it was much too chaste for my liking. So I grabbed him tighter, raking a hand through his hair as I pulled his head closer, kissing him passionately. He didn't object, quite the contrary. He breathed a sigh of relief as if he had actually feared I wouldn't come back, as if he'd fucked it up again- but, damned, I wasn't Lily, I was forgiving- and then he kissed me fervently.

I moaned with pleasure, trying to get closer to him while one of my hands had found its way to the buttons of his robe, eager to expose skin, eager to touch and feel... we bumped against the table, our lips locked, our tongues entwined in a sensual dance, exploring, tasting...

That moment we heard a sizzling sound that made us break the kiss. We turned our heads to look for the cause and saw the neglected cauldron emitting a shower of silvery sparks- which looked quite pretty but not the way any potion should react. Then the sparks rained back down on the viscous liquid that took on a sickly yellowish colour in the process, forming big, fat bubbles. They exploded with farting tones that released a foul smell.

Severus acted quickly. With a flick of his wand he extinguished the flames under the cauldron before it could boil over. The potion, however, was ruined.

He glanced at the mess, shaking his head. "This has never happened to me before..."

One last bubble popped a fart. I couldn't help, I started laughing. Severus scowled at me and I thought he looked extremely funny, his hair tousled, his robes unbuttoned to his navel.

"Stop being so silly." It must be hard to scowl properly when your lips are twitching, betraying you. He seemed to realize the absurdity of the situation and chuckled, then he laughed, too. Merlin, it was so good to hear him laugh. We fell into each others arms.

"You're impossible. On the other hand, I've never been so pleasantly sidetracked in my potions lab before," he whispered in my ear. His warm breath tickled my neck and sent a shudder of anticipation down my stomach. "Hm, maybe we should proceed to a more... um, _romantic_ place."

Now that sounded promising. Nevertheless I cocked my head to flash him an amused glance. "Why, Sev, don't you think it's cosy down here, with all the slimy things and jars of obscure contents in coloured liquids?"

"You wait, Lestrange..."

He grabbed me and Apparated us straight to our bedroom, where he proved what a passionate man my dear Potions Master could be; it would never cease to amaze me.

And yet, probably it was good that the incident in the dungeon had happened. Had we carried on, it would have merely been a quick satisfaction of primitive needs but not as deeply fulfilling as it was when we took our time to make love. Well, it was a bit rough since we were both eager to touch and feel as much as possible of the other, our kisses were greedy, our hands groping. We devoured each other in a frenzy of entwined limbs and hungry mouths, but when he was within me we both slowed down to enjoy the moment. I stared into his black orbs and knew I was home, that everything would be alright. We were together again as if we had never been apart.

Later, when I was lying breathlessly in his arms, both of us slick with sweat, I thanked Merlin for nearly exploding cauldrons and the effect they could have on ones love life. I chuckled slightly.

He propped himself up on one elbow to give me a quizzical glance, wondering what was so funny. I reached out for him to kiss him again; I could never get enough of his kisses.

In the aftermath of lovemaking the lines in his face had softened; naked in my arms it seemed that with his clothes he had also stripped off his usual inscrutable expression, his cold sneer, for he didn't have to act any part when he was with me- he looked younger, so much more alive now.

Of course I noticed the dark rings under his eyes, the result of too much brooding and too little sleep during my absence- well, he called it _studying_, claiming he'd been working hard on a new project... but I knew him and his sometimes unhealthy tendency to mull things over and over again.

He trailed slender, elegant fingers along my cheekbone as if adoring the structure of my face, a wry smile gracing his features. I wondered if he had any idea how attractive he looked when he smiled and snuggled up closer to him. Then he heaved a sigh. "I don't deserve you..."

_Oh no, not that same old story again! _I thought with a moan, poking his ribs_. _"You can't get rid of me anymore, Sev, I already bought a dress and not just any dress."

"Don't worry. You're a much too headstrong person for me to try and get rid of you if you refuse to let go of me, and I... hm, probably I'm just selfish..."

"Selfish? You, Sev?" I raised my head to shot him a bewildered glance for I knew no one who was less selfish than he, who had spent most of his adult life protecting others, never wasting even a single thought about himself. He would have died the perfect spy that night in May, manipulated by the one he had trusted, the one who had known his secret and used it against him, not giving a damn about his soul. All for the Greater Good. His feeling of guilt, his aspiration for redemption had made him a vulnerable pawn in the hands of the devious puppet master who knew to pull his strings well. He would have died that night in May if I hadn't intervened- may Dumbledore turn over in his grave because of my audacity...

"Yes, I am. I'm so tired of being lonely, the lone oddball, the one without any ties. I know I shouldn't burden you with the stains of my past and all the darkness within me- probably it's not right but I really want this... us... to come true. I missed you."

I grabbed him and kissed him hard before he could say anything else. The Severus is bed with me would always be a totally different man than the Severus the public knew.

"I love you, Sev, and I love you being selfish if that includes me being in your life," I murmured into his ear, making him shudder when my lips trailed down the line of his neck, nibbling and sucking.

He ran slender fingers through my hair, smiling at me. "Tell me how you do it."

"Do what?"

"Make me feel so senselessly dizzy, so light-hearted... so happy."

I breathed a kiss on his chest and raised my head again to look him in the eye. "Is that how I make you feel?"

"Sometimes..." He corrected himself when he saw a creak forming between my eyes. "You're the bane of my existence, witch, and yet you're also the best thing that ever happened to me... I never expected that I could love you so much."

It felt like I had just knocked St Lily off her pedestal. But instead of triumph I only felt love for my man. Gently I brushed some strands of lanky black hair out of his face, my fingers lingering on his cheek for a moment, then tracing his lips. I didn't know what to say so I kissed him tenderly, hoping that this would say enough.

Severus wrapped me in his arms. His hand trailed down my spine as he deepened the kiss and grabbed my buttock to draw me even closer to his body.

"Hmmm," I purred, feeling his erection pressed against my stomach, "it seems your appetite is returning."

"Indeed," he chuckled, nuzzling my neck until I flipped him over and straddled him, holding his hands down to the mattress. Now he glanced up at me, his obsidian eyes bearing into mine. I moved slightly, causing just a little friction but not too much. A low moan escaped his lips and I bent over to catch it in my mouth. I took his bottom lips between mine, biting it gently, sucking at it.

"Raven..." he breathed, sounding urgent.

"Oh no, you will let me have my way with you." I said as I let my lips wander from his mouth to his chin, and from there in a curve to his ear.

Severus shuddered somewhat when my breath, my words ticked his ear. He tried to rise in order to claim my mouth with his but since I was still holding him down he let out a frustrated groan.

I took pleasure in the softness of his skin, the way he tasted- a little salty, sweaty from our previous encounter. He smelled of herbs and smoke mingled with something musky and something that was just Sev, the very personal scent of a person; it was unchangeable, unidentifiable and yet characteristic. I was intoxicated by his scent. I wanted more, always more. I wanted to devour him; I wanted to crawl under his skin and I couldn't wait any longer to feel him within me, to be as close to him as we could possibly get.

-

The next morning I was surprised that Severus made no attempt to get up at his usual time, instead he hexed the alarm clock against the wall and snuggled up closer to me as if he intended to stay in bed with me.

"Don't you have to go to work?" I asked sleepily.

He kissed me. "Do you want me to go to work?"

"No, silly. I want you to make love to me all day."

"Insatiable witch," he smirked. His hands cupped my breasts, giving them a gently squeeze, and we started the day having a nice, slow, almost drowsily shag before we fell asleep again.

The next time I woke up was because the heavenly scent of coffee filled my nostrils. I inhaled deeply, sniffling my way to the cup until my nose was buried in a mountain of foamed milk and I sighed with delight. I heard someone chuckling and opened my eyes to see that Severus thought me mightily amusing.

"You really are a junkie for that brew," he chuckled again, running gentle fingers through my hair. A rapt expression on his face. That wasn't exactly typical for him but even less was the fact that he had apparently decided to stay at home today since he wasn't dressed yet. He was still adoringly naked and in bed with me. But I realized that only after the first gush of caffeine was flowing through my veins, making me feel alive, awake and agreeable.

Then I also noticed the tray that sat on the bed next to him and arched a surprised brow at him. Breakfast in bed? He leaned closer and kissed me as if that would be answer enough.

"Don't you have to go to work?" I asked as if I hadn't already asked the same question some hours ago, but I always was a bit slow in the morning... um, even if the morning was actually almost noon.

"One might almost believe you want to get rid of me." Severus said before he decided to fill me in. "I worked overtime lately, so Professor O'Flaherty won't mind if I take a day off- I Flooed him to inform him I will stay home today."

Well, that was a side of him I was unaccustomed to- I had never thought he'd skip work just to laze in bed with me. Of course I didn't mind, quite the contrary. I brushed his lips with mine to let him know how much I appreciated it. On the other hand I didn't fail to notice either what working overtime actually meant as Pinkie had already complained about him neither eating nor sleeping properly during my absence. I doubted he had busied himself only with research.

So I raised my hand to point an accusing finger at him that came to rest on the tip of his nose, nudging it slightly. "You have been brooding."

He wrinkled his nose and then rubbed the offending appendix, scowling at me. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about, Lestrange."

"I'm talking about Pinkie telling me totally distressed that Master eats not and sleeps not because Master is always working.- but I say that you've been brooding."

He mumbled something about the downfall of wizarding society if all house-elves stopped being obedient and obsequious, and started sticking their noses in things that were none of their concern. It would have sounded snotty in Hermione's ears, given that she was sort of an elf rights activist, but I knew he didn't really mean it; he loved Pinkie.

"I was busy working on a new potion..."

"Ah, the impressive exploding farts potion."

"That was an accident caused by distraction-" he fell silent when he saw me grinning, and I hugged him before he could scowl at me. Severus tumbled backwards on the mattress with me landing on top, looking down at him.

"What have you been brooding over, my love? Was it about us? You didn't doubt I'd come back, did you?"

"You're babbling nonsense."

And he was lying, I saw it in his eyes. He might be the greatest Occlumens, he had deceived and fooled Riddle for many years, but I knew when he was lying.

"You worried I might not come back? Oh, you're such an idiot, Severus Snape. You're the love of my life and I certainly won't give you up now that you got finally over-" _Lily_._ Open mouth, insert foot. Great! _Did it matter that I managed to bite my tongue before I could say her name? Probably not because he knew who I was referring to anyway. After all, there hadn't been many girls in his life he had to get over.

Severus arched a brow at me and I quickly scrambled off him to bury my nose in my coffee mug in an attempt to hide my ashamed face. For a moment the silence between us was deafening. Then I heard the rustling of sheets as he moved, and I was sure he'd get up. Instead, I suddenly felt his lips on my shoulder, breathing gentle kisses on my skin. Bashfully, which wasn't typical for me, I turned around to meet his lips. He circled his arms around me and kissed me, and I heaved a sigh of relief that he wasn't angry at me for my slip of tongue.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"For reminding me of Lily? Don't be."

"But I'm still- Merlin, I really don't want to appear like a jealous hag... and yet I am."

"You are irrational now and you know it." His voice sounded surprisingly soft so I cuddled up closer to him.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. We really needed to talk in order to resolve the problems between us of once and for all. It wouldn't work between us if I couldn't get over my unreasonable jealousy of a woman who was long dead, and he- well, although he wouldn't admit it he had doubted I'd come back. Probably because I had abandoned him before, the day I had left Hogwarts. At least that was my interpretation of his doubts, his insecurity.

And so we talked. Maybe it was helpful that we were still naked because with nothing to cover it was easier to bare the soul. We talked about us, about Lily, about that day at court. After all's said and done it became obvious that we were both looking forward to our wedding; we really wanted to spend our life together. Kissing and cuddling we also remembered some of the dreams we had when we were young. Of course, most of his dreams had included Lily, not me, but he had also wanted to see more of the world, learn forgotten spells from ancient cultures, discover new ingredients for powerful potions. We hadn't planned our honeymoon yet and Severus was too busy at St Mungo's to go on vacation now, but we decided to travel to some exciting, exotic place in winter.

In the afternoon we took a walk around our Muggle neighbourhood. It had been raining all morning but the sky had cleared and the sun was shining, glittering in the puddles on damp asphalt. The air was a bit hazy with a strange golden light.

Severus attracted a few glances, clad in his black robes. But this was London, used to eccentric people and various subcultures, so no one thought him that odd. After all, we were just a couple taking a walk like many lovers did, Muggle or magical.

We discovered a small Italian grocery shop only a few streets from where we lived, and I decided that it would be nice if I cooked for my man today. Severus mocked me, saying he hadn't expected to marry a good little housewife although he seemed to approve of my idea. Maybe he still remembered my legendary pasta… I didn't cook often but when I did so people remembered it.

So we bought pasta, Parmesan cheese, tomatoes and fresh vegetables for a salad. There was also a counter with homemade antipasti, delicious little titbits in olive oil and garlic. The shop owners, an elderly Italian couple- he wiry and wrinkled, she a round faced matron- served us with great friendliness and offered us several bits to try, which made the decision even harder. In the end we probably bought more than originally intended and returned home with two bags full of goodies, including a wonderful Chianti.

Pinkie was scandalized that _Mistress wants to cook all by self? _The shock was written visibly on her ugly little face and it got even worse when I offered her the evening off so she could visit her house-elf friends at Hogwarts.

She started wailing, "Ooooh, poor Pinkie, she is such a failure. Mistress not likes Pinkie's cooking..." and then I had to jump to stop her from banging her head on the kitchen floor. It took me quite a while to convince her that it had nothing to do with her cooking. I told her conspiratorially- just between us two girls- that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, and she glanced at her beloved master, suddenly nodding understandingly. Our cute little ugliness would do anything to see Master Severus happy and well fed, even it that meant throwing her natural house-elf pride overboard and accept she was a free house-elf now. Free house-elves- like Dobby- would accept payment as well as an occasional day off.

With a loud _crack_ she Disapparated, leaving the kitchen to me.

I had expected Severus to retreat to the library and read until dinner was ready, and was surprised when he offered to help me. I was even more surprised when he cut peppers and onions the Muggle way, without any magic. But then again he was used to cutting Potion ingredients this way, only with a sharp knife, because you could ruin or alter their effects by using a spell. And though a little spell would certainly not harm the taste of a pepper, I believed that cooking required more devotion than idle wand movements. Kissed his neck I nicked a piece of green pepper I before I stirred my tomato sauce again, adding a pinch of salt.

Somehow, Potions brewing and cooking were very much alike. Perhaps the tomato sauce didn't need a counter-clockwise stir every now and then but there were definitely similarities. If you could brew a Potion you most likely could also cook if you had a good recipe to follow. Maybe one day I would try something other than just pasta with tomato sauce- although, if I remembered the chocolate cake I baked for Sev's last birthday... grinning I thought of chocolate kisses and that he would get more than a chaste one next year.

We had a wonderful candlelight dinner with various antipasti, a mixed salad, pasta a la Raven and a very good drop of red wine. Pleasantly stuffed we proceeded to the sofa where we sat and talked, enjoying another glass of wine, some music playing in the background. The evening was perfect in all its normality, just two people in love spending quality time together, kissing and cuddling.

It were the simple things in life that made it worthwhile, sunshine on damp streets, the smile of an Italian matron, the smell of fresh herbs and garlic… It's significant to stop and breathe, and treasure these moments of beautiful banality. Life was a zoo more often than not.


	46. Mission Alice

46- Mission Alice

My former life in LA was still packed in some trunks I had casually dropped in the library. I had cleared my apartment out, had ended another chapter of my life. I had packed my belongings, my memorabilia, and moved on. A new chapter was lying before me now like blank pages waiting to be filled; it was exciting. Soon I would marry.

The idea that I would settle down felt a bit odd betimes. Actually, it was a notion that had downright scared me in my partying years because then I had associated it with being trapped, imprisoned- a pretty bird in a golden cage. Now I didn't feel that way. Severus balanced me, grounded me, and I was certain that the best was yet to come.

I wouldn't miss LA- well, except for the weather. Too bad you couldn't bottle sunshine and release it on a cold and grey autumn day. At least no wizard had ever tried. Muggles, however, had invented the solarium, which was as close to bottled sunshine you could get.

And while I mused about this and that, Severus frowned at the mess I had made of our library, his refuge, until he discovered the books I had brought along. Then he shot me an approving glance, black eyes glittering. Some of the tomes were rare, old, and on the index for restricted books in wizarding Britain, only sold under the counters in Knockturn Alley.

Yes, I had studied the Dark Arts intensely. I thought it was important for my job to know exactly what I was fighting; I liked to be prepared. And, unlike Hogwarts, the Buena Vista NEWTS Academy had even encouraged our academic interest of the Dark Arts, but taught us a sensible and careful way of handling it so we won't get tempted by darkness. To be honest, most of the _freaks_ in my year had been far more interested in breast-enlargement charms or spells that made you walk elegantly on even the highest heels. What else could you expect with a Headmaster like Mademoiselle Glorianna Primadonna?

Carefully I unpacked my record collection, treasured old vinyls from the late 70's and early 80's. Although I had most of the music also on CD, I would never part with them as too many memories were attached to the slightly rustling sound of a vinyl.

"Where did you get this from?"

I looked up. Of course he wasn't referring to the record I was holding in my hands, remembering I had played it to him in the summer after our fifth year, when no one had picked him up from King's Cross and he had stayed with us overnight. It was a happy memory.

Meanwhile Severus had used a spell to sort most of my books into the shelves that lined the walls of our library, but I also noticed that the small stack of unread books on his table was had grown. He ran adoring fingers over the cover of an old potions tome of mine, _Simmering Cauldrons Worldwide: the Secrets of Ancient Potions._

"It's extremely rare and long out of print."

"Mexico." I told him the story of an old witch in a tiny little Mexican village, who had sold it to me for a few pesos after I had helped them get rid of a gang of vampires wreaking havoc in the area. Had she known that it was a true jewel of potions literature? He knew. I had to snatch the book out of his hands or else he would have sat down in his favourite armchair, unresponsive for hours or even days. That was typical Sev.

Not at all typical was his suddenly nosy streak as he glanced around and was about to stick his nose in a bag that was lying randomly between the now half-empty trunks. It was a bag from a designer store in LA and most definitely none of his concern since he was anything but a fashion victim.

"NO!" I yelled.

Immediately he dropped the bag, looking totally flabbergasted.

I picked it up from the floor and clutched it to my chest, chiding him, "Curiosity killed the cat. Sev, don't you know that it's bad luck to see the wedding dress before the ceremony?"

"Oh, the wedding dress," his eyes lit up. I had sparked his curiosity, no matter how well he tried to hide it. "I merely caught a glimpse of red..."

"Yeah. In Asia, red symbolizes luck and prosperity- but of course it's also the colour of love and passion."

"That sounds agreeable," he said in a low whisper as he snaked an arm around my waist and drew me closer to him, close enough to kiss me.

Later I hid the bag in our walk-in wardrobe, secured with an Undetectable Charm so that he wouldn't find it by chance; I wanted to surprise him at our wedding.

-

For almost a week after Yaxley's trial the media interest in Severus was high, especially the _Daily Prophet_ was trying to dig up dirty secrets from his past, his Death Eater days. Although it was common knowledge that he had joined Voldemort's ranks at a young age, it seemed that after having celebrated him as a war hero and the perfect spy they simply had to decry him now, because otherwise it would be boring, and boring didn't sell well. They even came up with the absurdity that I had left him for good, couldn't stand the shame any longer- and of course they had known it all the time that it wouldn't last long between us. Apparently someone had seen me taking a Portkey to LA, thus jumping to untenable conclusions.

What bullshit! When I read that I immediately grabbed my mobile phone and called Sebastian to ask whether we could sue the _Daily Profanities_ for libel. Although he liked the idea- after all, his lover was the editor of the competing newspaper- in the end we agreed that publicly proving the opposite would be even more efficient to underline the lack of truth in the libel they published.

So I Flooed to St Mungo's. It was my intention to surprise Severus with an invitation for lunch in the Leaky Cauldron, where a lot of wizarding folk would see us happy together. Unfortunately, he hadn't expected my visit and was therefore not in his lab. One of his co-workers told me I would find him in the Janus Thickey ward, the ward for spell damage. When I turned to leave the whispering started.

I walked up the fourth floor and opened the double door to a corridor. A man with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes approached me, smiling broadly, showing perfectly white teeth as if he was a model for toothpaste.

"Hello, charming witch. I expect you came to ask for my autograph?"

"Um, no..." Who was that guy anyway? He wore a lilac dressing gown that identified him as an inmate of this ward rather than a celebrity, and even if he were famous I had long outgrown the habit of asking for autographs. He, however, seemed unperturbed by my lack of interest in his person and pulled a peacock-feather quill from his pocket.

"Now, how many autographs would you like?"

I tried to brush past him but he stepped in my way.

"Don't be so shy, lovely maiden. I know it must be my good looks..."

"Lockhart! You useless git, stop molesting the visitors," a voice drawled and a rattling trolley loaded with clean sheets came to a halt before it could make contact with the heels of the golden haired beau. It took me a moment to recognize Lucius Malfoy because he didn't look quite like himself in his plain, lime-green hospital garb. He took the quill out of Lockhart's hands- which earned him a frustrated groan- and shoved him away from me with a gesture that spoke of disgust.

"We were doing autographs," the guy called Lockhart protested.

"No one is interested in your autograph anymore, fool," Malfoy sneered before smiling apologetically at me. "I beg your pardon, dear Raven. He should be locked away for constant impertinence but unfortunately the healers here are showing far too much lenience towards him, probably because he used to be famous. I'm certain you recognized him, Gilderoy Lockhart, the dream of many a middle-aged witch until a malfunctioning wand happened to damage his memory some years ago. Not that I would claim it a loss..."

"Charming as ever, eh, Luci?" Of course I've heard of Gilderoy Lockhart, the dazzler, the most incompetent Defence against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts next to Dolores Umbridge. "Your compassion is simply amazing..."

But then again Malfoy's sneer paled in comparison to that of Severus when he had told me stories about him, unable to hide his aversion. He could never cope with blatant dimwits, no matter how pretty they looked. Talking about looks- Lucius looked sickly pale, almost deathlike in his lime-green uniform, a colour that didn't suit him at all. But you could hardly tell a proud Slytherin that green was simply not his colour.

A motherly-looking healer interrupted our meeting. Resolutely she shooed Lucius away, reminding him of his duties- I loved her for that display of authority over him- before she cooed to Lockhart, "Gilderoy, you naughty boy, have you been wandering off again? Come now, poor lamb, and take your medicine. I have a very fine potion waiting for you..." Suddenly she became aware of my presence and shot me a quizzical glance. "Can I help you, madam? Are you here to visit a patient?"

"She asked for my autograph," Lockhart insisted, another quill in his hand. This one was made of phoenix feathers, just as battered as his other one was. Probably he had been nibbling at them during his stint here, all the time waiting to finally sign autographs again.

Still, I wasn't interested.

"I'm looking for my fiancé, Professor Severus Snape," I told the healer.

"Ah," she said, suddenly smiling at me, "so you are the future Mrs. Snape? Very well, you will find him with the Longbottoms... a waste of time, if you ask me. They were damaged more severely than poor Gilderoy and yet he spends more time with the really hopeless cases."

I noticed disapproval in her voice and remembered what Lucius had said about Gilderoy Lockhart having been the dream of many a middle-aged witch, which certainly was applicable for the healer in charge. Rolling my eyes I proceeded to the room she showed me.

"Sev?" I asked, opening the door.

What had I expected? I vaguely remembered Frank and Alice from school, they had been a few years ahead of us. I had never spoken to him, the popular Gryffindor, but Alice had been a pretty, kind girl. She had helped me to the infirmary once after Potter had used his sense of humour on me… it was a shock to see her now, aged almost beyond recognition. Her formerly round, friendly face was caved in and worn out, dominated by overlarge eyes that gave her a haunted expression, and her hair had turned wispy and white. She looked older than my mum.

I had to swallow hard, suddenly feeling strangely guilty. By the time of Voldemort's first rise to power I had been at the other end of the word, far away from the dangers of that war. I had partied while across the ocean people had died… or suffered worse.

Alice smiled at me, the mindless smile of a child. Frank just stared into space. If a Dementor had kissed him there wouldn't be any difference, he seemed to be like an empty shell.

I wasn't hungry anymore; all I could think of was what if that had happened to Severus, given the dangerous life of a spy he had lived. I shivered slightly. It only stopped when we were outside the Longbottom's room and Severus wrapped me in his arms, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Do you understand now why I sent you away?" He asked, his voice husky.

"I'm sorry," I wiped my eyes so I wouldn't drench his robes with my tears, feeling stupid that I was crying at all. "I... you must think I'm pathetic, a wretched witch. I don't know what's wrong, I mean, it shouldn't affect me like that... Merlin, I'm a trained Auror; I know what the Cruciatus Curse can do. I've seen it. Actually I've seen victims much worse off than the Longbottoms, brutally maimed. I've seen it all and it never affected me. I'm tough... well, usually I am, but sometimes you make me feel so... so vulnerable, and here I am now, all whiny..."

"Are you done rambling?" Severus cut me off in a tone of mild mockery, running slender, gentle fingers through my hair and along my cheek, where his hand came to a rest. He looked me in the eyes, a wry smile curling up his lips. "You're not pathetic, Lestrange. A bit too emotional perhaps but..."

"Hello, there. I expect you would like my autograph, wouldn't you?"

Lockhart again! How had he managed to escape the healer in charge and sneak up on us? Wasn't he suppose to take his medicine and have a nice, long nap?

Severus turned around, snarling, "Gilderoy," with obvious disdain.

Lockhart froze in his tracks and stared at him. "I know you," he said cheerfully, "you're one of my greatest fans. You come here every day, envying my good looks."

My man gave the impression that he wanted to hex the nuisance into next week, believing it an act of courtesy to the whole wizarding world, if only that would be worth the trouble likely to ensue.

"Gilderoy, oh really, you _are_ a naughty boy." Panting, as if she had been running after him, the healer in charge joined us and took Lockhart's arm in an attempt to steer him away from Severus- apparently well aware that he wasn't a man to meddle with, accustomed to his testiness when it came to her favourite patient. "Have we not agreed to stay in bed for a while, hm, sweetie?"

Lockhart didn't respond to the healer but continued staring at Severus. "I remember I taught you some tricks..."

"Oh, isn't that wonderful," the healer chimed in, "his memory is returning."

"No, that is just wishful thinking on his part." Severus growled in return, giving her a stern glance. "Now would you please stop fussing over _dear_ Gilderoy. If I remember correctly you are a trained healer and not the nanny of a dim-witted pretty boy. Tell Malfoy to make himself useful and play with the fool."

He turned on his heels and strode towards the door, his robes billowing behind him. I followed him.

It had been my intention to pick him up for lunch but after the shock of seeing Alice I had lost my appetite and was even less in the mood to visit a crowded tavern like the Leaky Cauldron. Probably it had been a stupid idea anyway, the idea to publicly display our happy relationship for the sake of the media, to prove them liars. Therefore it was convenient that Severus decided to go home for lunch. He took my hand and Apparated us to our doorstep. I liked the way he quickly decided and acted.

Pinkie served us sandwiches and a salad, and we sat down on the sofa, talking about the Longbottoms.

"Is there anything you can do for them?" I wondered, "I mean, it's too late to use your Crucio remedy on them."

"Correct. But even if it had been available then and administered to them right after the attack, it would have been inefficient. The damage they have suffered was more severe than inflicting mere physical pain. It is said they have been tortured into insanity but the healers cannot give me a satisfying definition of insanity. What precisely is insane?"

"Most wizards believe insanity is like a spell that cannot be lifted- I always found it distressing how little the wizarding world knows or cares about the human mind, the human soul. They seem to lose interest if there's no way to solve a problem with a wand movement and the correct counter-spell."

"Unfortunately." Severus nodded. "All that was ever done for the Longbottoms was to keep them calm, fed and tidy."

"Yeah, the wizarding word is clearly in need of well-trained psychotherapists. Maybe you really should read some Muggle literature on that topic since their knowledge is much more advanced."

He frowned a little, then he just shrugged, indecisive.

"Sev," I snuggled up closer to him and ran caressing fingers through his hair as I kissed his nose, "I know you're not happy about your Muggle parentage, and with a father like yours that's definitely understandable. But I think you should really embrace the advantage we half-bloods have because we know both worlds, the Muggle and the wizarding. Maybe it's that combination that will help the Longbottoms in the end."

"Hm," he didn't sound convinced, nevertheless he was considering my suggestion, mulling it over. "You may be right. Maybe the Muggles know an explanation for what I saw in Alice' mind..."

"So you have already used Legilimency on her?" I really thought it a good idea. The human mind was a complex thing and probably many a shrink would just love to take a glimpse at the mind of their patients.

For a moment Severus avoided meeting my eyes as if he was uncertain what he would read in them, although we had talked about that before. But the Mental Arts were still an obscure branch of magic that some people frowned upon. Of course Legilimency wasn't part of Hogwarts curriculum and probably it wasn't even Ministry approved but only tolerated, and yet I didn't believe it a violation of a helpless person if in the end it proved to be a possible way of improving her condition.

"You know that Alice responds fairly well to the change of accommodation, the privacy of their new room, and the fact that she is being paid attention to. She loves going out to the park and feel the sunlight on her face- she definitely doesn't react like a soulless Dementor's victim. There is still some... spirit left in her..."

"What did you see?" I inquired curiously, my interest clearly sparked.

"I... it was..." He was struggling to find the right words to explain it in an intellectual, scientific way but failed. "You know, usually, when you try to invade someone's mind you will reach barriers; some of them are easy to overcome while others are more concrete, like high stone walls- of course that is a very poor description for something as profound as the human mind but"

"I know what you mean." I cut him off, gently stroking his cheek as I remembered, "the first time you let me take a glimpse at your mind, it reminded me of a heavily guarded fortress with walls too high to ever be invaded by force, but you had let a drawbridge down for me."

"A fortress with a drawbridge?"

"Well, that's what I see when I enter another mind; I see walls. Some are made of tarpaulin, some of wood, while others are made of stone... there are also different types of stone. I associate these walls with buildings, from a tent to a high tower and then I also see landscapes. The landscape of a mind. They range from arctic ice to sunny Caribbean islands, from a meagre desert to a fertile plain, depending on the emotional state that person is in..." I saw him frown in mild amusement and nudged him. "Don't think me absurd, Sev! What is it that you see?"

Severus smirked at my very figurative description but when he tried to come up with a more qualified one he failed and decided that my approach to put the complexity of the issue in plain words was probably not the worst. It may lack subtlety but at least I hadn't spoken of 'mind-reading', as if a mind was like an open book only waiting to be perused by an invader.

"If you want to talk about landscapes, then I would compare the feeling of penetrating Alice's mind to walking through a sticky, swamp-like darkness without any walls or barriers. Only miles and miles of darkness filled with horrible chimeras carrying the memories of even more horrible things on their backs. And yet, deep inside this swampland, behind many circles of hell, I saw a pale light... like the candle in the window of a hut somewhere in no man's land... a tiny, secured place. I couldn't get any closer but I'm certain this place holds the core of her soul, some happy memories she has rescued..."

"You mean, like memories of her son?" I asked, assuming that every mother would hold that dear.

"Well, yes, something like that." Severus scowled; he still thought Neville Longbottom a dunderhead par excellence. "Now, if I could find a way to get through to her, to that very core of her..." He fell silent for a moment, mulling things over before he continued. "If I could create an atmosphere for her to relax and focus on these memories, making them more prominent in order to overcome the darkness- I already consulted various books on potions, looking for something that might work- but I haven't come up with anything suitable yet."

"Let me get that right- you're looking for something like a... um, _controlled_ acid trip without even considering the use of psychoactive hallucinogenic drugs like mescaline or LSD that are already available?"

He blinked at me. "You'd consider sending Alice on a drug trip?"

"The idea isn't that unusual. Psychedelics have a long history in traditional medicine due to their ability to promote physical and mental healing. The native American shamans used mescaline in their ceremonies- and you know that shamans were in fact wizards. Muggle psychotherapists have also experienced with psychedelic drugs when the patient was otherwise unable to unblock the filters of the unconscious mind and give beneficial access to the psyche. By creating a state of introspection, it is possible to overcome the barriers caused by traumatic experience, and with the help of Legilimency..."

"I consider it extremely unlikely that Neville Longbottom will consent to it." Severus cut me off. "Do you have to tell him?"

"Professor O'Flaherty will insist on his consent if I intend to drug his helpless mother and then invade her mind."

"The way you voice it sounds pretty negative, almost indecent."

"Try to see it from Longbottom's point of view and remember that I was probably not his favourite teacher."

I could imagine that fairly well, recalling the day we had run into Neville Longbottom at Hogwarts; he had seemed scared of Severus. On the other hand I had seen the boy wielding the sword of Gryffindor and slicing off Nagini's head. He definitely didn't lack bravery.

"Gryffindor bravado," Severus sneered when I told him.

I chuckled. "Well, let me deal with him. He seems to like me in spite of me being your fiancé, and I saved him from Voldemort's wrath after decapitating his favourite pet. He owes me a favour. Also, I guess he would like to see his mum's condition improving even if that includes you being responsible for the improvement."

"Don't be too rash, Raven. There is no guarantee that our theory might be successful in the end."

"I know, but there is still hope. And Neville has never been given that hope before, therefore I believe he will give his permission to try anything that's possible. Just imagine, for as long as he could think he had only ever seen his mother in this poor state she's in, he will clutch at any straw."

Severus frowned. "However, at the moment it is merely an idea, a theory that certainly is worthy further consideration. Please do me the favour and try not to trick the boy into believing I could actually heal his mother just to get his consent to drug her. "

"So you do care about Neville Longbottom, after all?" I grinned at him, knowing that he was a caring man although he rarely showed. During Voldemort's reign he had secretly protected the students of Hogwarts from the whims of the Carrows, had risked blowing his cover with ever detention that wasn't the severe punishment of their liking. He must have known that Neville had been hiding in the Room of Requirement for weeks...

"Don't be absurd, Lestrange," he chided me, wearing a stern face that soon changed when I poked his ribs and brushed his lips with mine.

"Don't you lie to me."

His lips twitched and formed a wry smile, indicating I had figured him out. Then he heaved a sigh. "Raven, I want you to bear in mind that our idea might not work at all, and even if, we have to be very cautious with what we are doing. It would be extremely presumptuous to assume that Alice will ever be her old self again; I really don't think so. Also, it could even be hazardous to her instable sanity if- provided our theory does indeed show some success- we would rush things just to prove the boy we were right, that he was right to trust us."

"Given that my assumption is correct, she has been tortured so badly that her mind has chosen to block out the traumatic experience and drift into what is so vaguely called _insanity- _a synonym for the ignorant if they are at a loss- when in fact she has merely locked up her mind, hiding herself in a state of infantilism, only allowing her most primitive needs to survive. Therefor it would be fatal to try and bring her back to a reality she has left years ago and is now unaccustomed to. Longbottom has to be aware of that. He is not to expect me snapping my fingers and everything will be fine."

"I doubt he'd expect that from you," I chuckled. "I'll tell Neville all he needs to know but I'm certain that even the smallest spark of hope will encourage him to give his permission. Trust me."

Severus breathed a kiss on top of my head. "I do."

I snuggled up closer to him and started nibbling at his earlobe. "Now that we've talked about that- when do you have to be back at work?"

"Hm, I think I could stay for a few more minutes..."

Admittedly, it wasn't the most romantic situation, and the discussion we've just had had definitely not been the type to spark sexual interest. Nevertheless the desire to hold on to each other, to touch and feel in order to confirm we're alive and well had been subliminal in us ever since the moment we had left the Longbottoms' room at St Mungo's. Looking at Alice we had been a reminder of how precious life was and how easily it could be destroyed, and we had both feared for the other. I had thought of Severus' dangerous life as a spy and the risk he had taken upon himself while he had had the reoccurring vision of me being tortured by Voldemort. So when we made love now it was for comfort and reassurance.

Later, I kissed him goodbye, rearranging my clothes. He smiled at me like only my Severus could smile, and because it was rare it was even more beautiful.

"You're the bane of any promising academic career, my love." He said as he swept me into his arms once more and kissed me one last time before heading to the fireplace. He took some Floo powder and threw it on the embers which immediately burst up in glowing green flames. "But I wouldn't want it any other way."

Then he stated his destination and was gone in a whirl of billowing black robes and dusting ashes. I sat down on the sofa with a sigh, already missing him.

There were still some essays I had to grade before my next class on Friday but I wasn't in the mood to bother myself with that now, so I postponed this tedious task. Instead, I mounted my Harley and went on a shopping trip, only that this time I visited some book stores.

-

Finally the last day of my teaching career had come, and I was glad that soon it would be all over. Although, to be honest, it hadn't been as bad as expected. Sometimes I had even taken pride in seeing how my students had improved their skills and learned complicated new spells. I was quite sure that everybody would pass their Defence against the Dark Arts NEWT exams with 'Exceeds Expectations'.

The Headmistress would be satisfied. Fortunately she had not tried to persuade me to stay and continue. I guessed it was because she feared I would only cause too much trouble. I still had my very own opinion about the house politics at Hogwarts, an opinion the traditionalists wouldn't want to hear. And with a portrait of Dumbledore hanging in McGonagall's office, things would probably never change at Hogwarts.

I certainly wouldn't miss the long evenings grading essays; I had never enjoyed paperwork much. On the other hand I was almost glad that I had some work to do since Severus was totally absorbed in the stack of books I had bought him. Muggle literature. First he had frowned slightly, then he had buried himself in his library with Freud and Jung and _Shamanic guidelines for Psychedelic Medicine. _If he had ever questioned the intelligence of Muggles he had definitely changed his mind and my idea became even more realistic to him. There were moments when he was rather indignant over the ignorance of the wizarding world when it came to the human psyche, and he claimed that the wizarding world could learn a lot from Muggles. Well, I already knew that. Now I only had to convince Neville Longbottom.

I thought it a good idea to talk to him after my last lesson and asked to have a word with him, when I noticed that some of my students were still lingering in the classroom.

"Is there anything I can do for you, gentlemen?" I inquired, surprised to see the group of young men from all four houses. Blaise Zabini was the most forward of them.

"Yes, Ma'am. We were wondering if you'd grant us the pleasure to invite you for a drink in the _Three_ _Broomsticks_."

I tried not to burst out with laughter. "Well, that it very... um, _sweet_ of you, guys." _Were they trying to _flirt_ with me? _"I hope you do know, though, that I'm engaged to Professor Snape. I assume you know him well enough to recognize that he will unleash his wrath on you if you only even dream of overstepping the boundaries of politeness. I also hope you are aware of the fact that being flirtatious now won't have any effects on our marks."

"Miss Lestrange, I beg your pardon," Zabini said silkily, giving the impression I had offended him for he pouted slightly, "have I ever given you a reason to question my sincerity?"

Oh, he was clearly a charmer like his mother, the infamous Mrs Zabini who had managed to wind seven representable and rich members of the wizarding high society around her little finger, made them marry her and then disposed of them while increasing the fortune in her vault at Gringotts.

"Of course we do not intend to influence you- we merely want to express our gratitude for you bearing with us and preparing us so adeptly for our exams." He blinked long, thick lashes at me. "Come on, Miss Lestrange, only one butterbeer to bid a proper farewell to you."

I didn't like butterbeer. Even the combination of the two words, 'butter' and 'beer' joined in one word, made me cringe with disgust . But I didn't have to drink butterbeer, did I? I could accept their invitation and have a glass of elf-made wine instead. At least that would be better than rejecting their invitation, which came as quite a surprise and was decidedly flattering. I hadn't expected them to appreciate my efforts in drilling some knowledge into them.

I glanced at Neville who seemed to be rooted to the spot, still a bit flustered and insecure, wondering what I wanted. I would fill him in on the way from Hogwarts to the _Three_ _Broomsticks_ in Hogsmeade. While the other boys walked ahead with the typical spring of adolescents in their steps, I slowed down and lit a cigarette. Neville eyed me with curiosity.

"You wanted to talk to me, Miss Lestrange?"

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about your mother."

"Is there anything wrong with my mother?" He sounded so truly concerned that I refrained myself from reminding him that there hardly was anything right with his mother. But perhaps he didn't remember her any other way and considered her state normal.

"You may have noticed your parents' change of accommodation?"

"Yes. Gran told me they even started taking Mum out to the park and she likes it. They never paid that much attention to them before- wonder why they're doing that now."

"Well, Sev- Professor Snape had a hand in that."

Neville stopped, frowning at me. "Why would he do that?"

"Because, contrary to the common belief, Professor Snape is a caring man."

I noticed he strongly doubted that, even thought me absurd. He tried to come up with anything that sounded at least vaguely caring in all the snide remarks he'd had to endure in Potions but failed.

"He... he threatened to poison Trevor, my toad…"

"Ah, think it over again, Neville. I am certain Professor Snape didn't mean to poison your toad- he probably only wanted you to be more attentive. Admittedly, his methods may seem a tad unfair betimes but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Would you've ever had the guts to wield the sword of Gryffindor and kill Voldemort's favourite beastie had he treated you leniently? Sometimes you have to learn it the hard way- he did..." I fell silent for a moment, recalling our school days. Clenching my fist I puffed greedily at my cigarette before I threw it away and looked at Neville again. "Now, before you judge Professor Snape too harshly- do you know that, during his months as Headmaster, he had something akin to Harry's Marauder's Map? All the time he knew where you little Gryffindor troublemakers were and all the time he tried to get to you before the Carrows could. Perhaps you realized your _detentions_ with Hagrid were a laugh?"

Realisation dawned on Neville's face and he blushed- apparently he hadn't considered that before.

"Anyway," I continued, slowly walking on, "I'm not here to discuss Professor Snape with you but your parents. You asked why he cares? Because he believes that they have not been treated properly- the healers had looked at them and dismissed their mental state as insanity without ever specifying what insanity is; it was simply something they could not remedy with a counter-curse or a wand-movement. No one has ever considered… um, _alternative_ methods."

"Alternative methods?" Neville gasped surprised. "Are there any? Can Snape-"

"Professor Snape, please, Mr. Longbottom. Politeness never hurts."

"...can he heal my parents?"

"No," I said. Sev had asked me not to raise his hopes too high and I didn't want to see the boy's hopes come crashing down in case our theory might not have the desired effect in the end. Also, Severus had definitely been right when he had said it would take time, that it would be hazardous for Alice's frail sanity to try and rush things. Nevertheless, I wanted to give Neville a little hope. "I don't think he could actually heal them in the sense of a full recovery, bringing them back the way they used to be. That is illusionary. But it is very likely that he can improve their condition."

"What's keeping him, then?" He sounded impatient, almost angry, though there was also excitement and hope in his voice.

"Your accordance." It was as simple as that and yet so much more complicated. How do you convince a boy who was scared and suspicious of his former teacher to give his consent for administering psychedelic drugs to his mentally instable mother and allow him to invade her mind? Meanwhile we had reached the _Three_ _Broomsticks_. I left the door open for him. "Listen, Neville, I don't expect any answer today. Our idea might be at best considered unusual and is not a topic I wish to discuss in passing. You have the right to know of the possible risks before you reach a decision. Why don't you come to visit us so we can talk things over in a more private atmosphere?"

It was loud inside the Three Broomsticks. There weren't many guests beside my students, but a group of six adolescent males from all Hogwarts houses could make quite a lot of noise. And they weren't even hexing each other.

Neville stared at me as if I just had asked him to march straight into the lion's den. Or rather a snake's pit, given his Gryffindor affinity with lions and he would always prefer them over Slytherin's serpents.

"I... I will think it over and... er, send you an owl," he stammered.

"Good boy." I patted his shoulder and joined my students at their table. Blaise Zabini jumped to his feet, offering me a chair.

Madam Rosmerta watched our table with a puzzled expression on her face.

-

Severus hadn't been pleased at the notion of Neville Longbottom coming to visit us; he would have preferred to meet him at St Mungo's but I had insisted on a more private place. In the end he had grumblingly agreed.

Now he scowled at the round-faced boy on our doorstep, who flinched visibly.

"So good to see you, Mr Longbottom. We're glad you accepted our invitation. Please come in," I chirped charmingly as I flashed the boy one of my sweetest smiles, holding the door wide open for him. Then I shot Severus a dirty look- it wouldn't be overly supportive to our case if he scared the shit out of him.

Cautiously, Neville entered our house. I had no idea what he had expected- probably a cold, dimly-lit dungeon like Professor Snape's office at Hogwarts, with Boggarts lurking in every corner, ready to jump at him. He cringed slightly when Pinkie stepped out of the kitchen, her voice sounding shill in the hallway.

"Where wants Master have Pinkie serve tea?"

Although Severus would have favoured the library, I told Pinkie that we were going to have tea in the living room. She bowed obediently and scurried up the staircase to the first floor.

Whatever Neville Longbottom had expected our house to be, he definitely wasn't prepared to enter a sunlit room with high windows and comfortable furniture. His eyes grew bigger as they took in the stereo, a shelf filled with CDs and a TV set. He stared at the latter with undisguised fasciation.

"Is that a real vision-telly?"

Apparently he had no experience with Muggle technology.

"Television, Mr Longbottom, it is called television," Severus corrected him and continued with a sneer, "Your knowledge of the Muggle world is just as abysmal as that of any pureblood. Centuries of elitist behaviour and indoctrination resulting in the belief that wizards are superior to Muggles, superior to a culture they are totally ignorant of."

Neville opened his mouth to say something but closed it again when he couldn't think of anything halfway intelligent that might please Professor Snape; he resembled a stranded fish gulping for air. I almost felt sorry for him and wanted to easy the strained atmosphere a little by pouring out three cups of tea.

"Tea, anyone?" I offered cheerfully, playing perfect housewife.

Severus glanced at me with a frown, his lips twitching slightly, thinking me absurd. He carried on lecturing Neville. "Ignorance, however, will almost inevitably lead to idea of supremacy made us presumptuous, underestimating the cleverness of Muggles and their innovative minds while we were too blind to see beyond our horizon. We thought it vast but it is indeed limited by antiquary traditions- if we are superior, why do most of us fail so miserably at trying to blend into their world, looking ridiculous among Muggles?"

I couldn't help but start to snicker at that, given that Severus wasn't the best example for blending perfectly fine into the Muggle world either. He would never pass for an ordinary Muggle, clad in his trademark black robes- but in a town like London, with all its different subcultures, he could at least pass off as a Goth.

"I don't understand," Neville said.

"That is nothing new."

"What has that got to do with my parents?"

"Neville," Before Severus could lose his patience with the boy I decided to fill him in, "I guess what Professor Snape is trying to tell you is that not all hope is lost only because the healers at St Mungo's have not been able to improve your parents' condition. Muggle doctors or psychotherapists have advanced knowledge of the human psyche and much more experience with psychological problems... "

"You want to send my parents to Muggle healers who will cut them open?"

"No." This wasn't going well. Muggle Studies should be mandatory at Hogwarts to give young wizards and witches a thorough understanding of the non-magical world, which was so much bigger than their own. I tried to explain Neville the difference between surgery and psychotherapy but he looked already puzzled before I could even mention psychedelic medicine- admittedly, that was a rather special field.

Meanwhile Severus leaned back on the sofa and sipped his tea, watching my attempt in briefing the dim-witted (his thought) about the complexity of psychology with growing amusement. Was he being deliberately unhelpful or would he have merely complicated things? After all, he had studied almost everything from Freud to shamans in the past two weeks.. well, maybe shamans was a good keyword, something that Neville would understand easier. Probably he had even heard of their old rituals so we could proceed to the drugs… ah, wouldn't it sound nicer to simply call them potions?

Severus would have made a more scientific approach, brief and precise, in order to reach the boy's consent, and most likely he would have failed. Not only because Longbottom would have found it hard to follow but also because he felt mightily uncomfortable in the presence of my man. He didn't to like him and trusted him even less, no matter how sincere Severus' ambition to help Alice might be. Now I had mediate between them and feed Neville just the right bits of information he needed to know- it was a delicate affair.

In the end the boy seemed to grasp what we were about, even in detail. Where I had minced my words, Severus had informed him of all possible dangers, relentlessly telling the truth. Neville searched my face for the ultimate answer. What did he expect me to say?

I loved Severus, I had absolute faith in him. If anyone was able to improve Alice's poor state it would be him, no doubt about that.

But it was Neville's decision, not mine. Perhaps he should take his time to think it over and even consult his grandmother before giving an answer. That would have been the wisest thing to do.

It didn't came as a big surprise though, that he acted on impulse in the end. After all, he was a Gryffindor and Gryffindors were known for their rashness.

"I don't like it," he said as he glanced nervously at Severus, indicating what it was he didn't like about our idea, and that was my man being involved in it, "and I don't want you to be alone in a room with my mother when you do it. I will only give my consent on condition that you," Neville looked at me, "will be around all the time."

Now that was rich. He didn't trust Severus but trusted me although I would have withheld information from him just to reach his consent. Life was weird, you could always trust in that.

* * *

_Sorry it took so long again. Please review. Feedback is always very much appreciated._


	47. Under the Olive Trees

47- Under the Olive Trees

Severus sank down on the sofa with a heavy sigh, looking as exhausted as if he'd been fighting a many-headed monster and barely survived. I dared not ask how his day had been but I couldn't ignore him either.

"Poor darling, would you like a good, strong cup of tea?"

One of his brows shot up as he scowled at me. "Don't mock me, Lestrange. You have no idea."

"That bad?" I asked sympathetically.

He let out a growl.

"But you did get along with Sebastian, didn't you?"

"I did not hex him into next week, if that is what you are concerned about. I was well behaved and restrained myself from breaking the Statute of Secrecy although I was fairy tempted to Petrify him."

I had to bite my lips hard to not laugh out loud. Only Severus would consider using _Petrificus_ _Totalus_ to stop Sebastian from dragging him into yet another shop. Sebastian was a fashion victim who loved to go shopping but Severus definitely not. Nevertheless he had gotten in Sebastian's posh car without complaining this morning, a look on his face as though he was doomed. Perhaps spying on the Dark Lord had been a more pleasurable task than buying a wedding outfit.

The wedding preparations had gone quite well so far, except that Mum called several times a day now, asking for my opinion on last minute changes of the menu. When I didn't show as much interest as she liked, she accused me of being deliberately uncooperative. She, however, avoided my questions about the music, which I considered more important. We needed a band and preferably not one who only played old Celestina Warbeck classics, like "A Cauldron Full Of Hot, Strong Love". That would be just as awful as having Celine Dion howling at my wedding. But Mum had assured me that she had _arranged something_. With a sigh I thought about the many rock stars I had bedded, some of them still owed me a favour, and I almost regretted that I had chosen a wizarding wedding, a shower of silver stars and all that included... on the other hand I knew some Muggle musician who wouldn't even arch a brow at silver stars raining from a stick of wood but call it pyrotechnics- or they were usually too stoned to wonder about anything. Nevertheless, Mum had _arranged_ _something _and Severus was apparently in on it since I had caught him whispering to her on the phone, falling silent when I entered the room.

I glanced at my sneaky fiancé. If he was keeping secrets from me he deserved the horrors of a shopping trip in Muggle London. Maybe I should rather pity his best man for having to put up with his mood all day. At least they had apparently been successful as I noticed the bags Severus had carelessly dropped on the floor. Surreptitiously I reached out my hand to sneak a peek inside...

Severus was quicker and slapped my fingers. "Hands off! It's bad luck to see the groom's suit before the wedding."

"Nah, it's only considered bad luck to see the bride..."

"Equality, Lestrange," he teased me, "it's all a matter of equality."

I pouted. Oh, I would so love to know what he'd be wearing at the wedding. Of course I trusted Sebastian's sense for fashion enough to be certain that Severus would look terrific but, ah- the curiosity. Then I suddenly noticed that he looked slightly different today although it took me a moment to figure out what it was.

His hair was still long but instead of framing his face like heavy curtains, it was now trimmed and slightly graduated that it caressed his features in a very flattering way.

"Your hair looks really nice, Sev."

"Mhmph," he grunted as he raked his fingers through his hair to distract from the fact that he had been to a Muggle hairdresser. An expensive Muggle hairdresser. Maybe he considered it a waste of money but there were certain things you simply couldn't do with a flick of the wand. Of course it was possible to shorten your hair with magic but that still didn't give you the experience nor the eye of an expert. Well, probably Muggle hairdressers wished they could do magic when dealing with difficult customers. "It was Sebastian's idea, he insisted on it."

_Oh, and poor Sev had been all helpless, _I grinned as I smoothed his hair, tracing gentle finger along his cheekbone. Although Severus had never cared much about his appearance in the past, I knew that- even if my vanity hadn't rubbed off on him yet- he nevertheless liked to appeal to me. Wasn't it funny that all their petty comments, like calling him a greasy git, had sort of rolled off of him, while I only had to mention once how nice his hair looked, and how good it smelled when it was freshly washed, and I had hardly ever seen his hair greasy since- never underestimate the power of compliments.

I snaked my arms around his neck and cuddled up closer to him. Severus heaved a sigh that almost sounded like a purr.

"Ah, it's so good to come home to a loving witch and her comforting embrace after a long, hard day."

"Silly," I nudged him slightly, "don't tell me you've had a hard day when all you did was going shopping with your best man. Usually people do it for fun."

"Your conception of fun is a strange one indeed. It will never cease to amaze me how such a smart witch like you has surrendered to the whims of fashion so thoroughly. If I wouldn't know you better I might think you shallow." Placably, Severus kissed the top of my head. "But, of course, you are not."

"Now that was a close shave! I almost wanted to throttle you."

His lips wandered from my forehead to my temple, peppering little kisses along their way. He kissed my eyelids, then the tip of my nose, before his mouth crushed down on mine and we snogged senselessly for the next couple of minutes. Almost cheekily he asked me afterwards if I still felt like throttling him. Needless to say that I didn't. Instead I pulled him closer again to continue the snogging. Merlin, he really kissed divinely- I could honestly say that since I clearly didn't lack comparison due to my vast experience with too many men. Meaningless men. I had long forgotten about them the first time Severus had kissed me, and I only wanted to be kissed by him since that very moment and for the rest of my life.

-

Our 'big day' was inevitably drawing closer and closer. Fortunately I had already finished my assignment at Hogwarts and was proud to announce that all of my students had passed their NEWT Defence against the Dark Art exams at least with 'Exceeds Expectations'.

Sebastian had tried to warm Severus to the idea of a bachelor party but to no avail; Severus wasn't a party person. The idea of senseless drinking that usually went along with a stag night appalled him as he hated being around drunks, which was no surprise considering his family background.

He had agreed though to meet Sam and Sebastian for dinner in a Camden restaurant. The evening had started agreeably but ended in a mess. From what I have been told afterwards they had just finished their main course when a Muggle police officer had entered the restaurant, making a bee-line towards their table. She had approached Severus and accused him of being a bad boy who needed to be arrested. At that part Sam and Sebastian had already known what would be coming but my poor Sev had apparently been utterly clueless. I would have loved to see his face when the pretty police officer had put a portable stereo on the table, Joe Cocker croaking that he could leave his hat on. The police officer, however, had seemed to have no intention of leaving anything on as she had begun her performance, much to Severus' embarrassment, while all the other guests in the restaurant had cheered in anticipation

He had wanted to Disapparate then, immediately, but that would have caused even more attention, and the Ministry wouldn't have been pleased if they had to Obliviate the memories of a few dozen Muggles only because he was embarrassed by a stripper.

It was hard not to laugh at his description of the scene he'd had to endure, especially when imagining his deadpan face. Sebastian had assured him several times that it most definitely hadn't been his idea to hire a stripper, and Severus believed him because he knew the Squib wasn't lying to him.

We never found out who had hired the stripper but my guess was with the usual suspects when it came to stupid pranks. I just couldn't prove it was Sirius.

In the end it didn't matter anyway. Severus hadn't sustained any damage from watching a striptease and his awkwardness only proved that he wasn't likely to give into temptation just because someone stripped to the buff.

Friday came, the final day before our wedding. This evening my friends from California would arrive in Majorca via Portkey. Some of them I hadn't seen for ages so I was really excited about meeting them again.

At noon we left London and Flood to Majorca, where Mum was already expecting us. We had lunch under the pergola, the sun shining brightly from a perfectly blue sky. It was a beautiful day, not too hot since there was a mild breeze from the sea, but I guessed we were all a tad too nervous to really notice.

Mind, I wasn't nervous about marrying Severus since that was like a dream come true. It was what I really wanted, something I was dead sure of. I did understand my Mum's subliminal anxiety though- after all, I was her only daughter, her only child, and I would be marrying tomorrow. Perhaps that was a dramatic event for any mother, let alone that she was hosting said event. She thought it was all up to her whether it would be a success or at failure, and it was hard to convince her not to worry, simply because there was no failure possible if only I would be married to Severus in the end. Nodding absent-minded to my words as if I were still a three year old babbling nonsense, she rose to settle a dispute between Pinkie and Tweety, cat-fighting over the issue of who was the better house-elf.

In the afternoon Sam and Sebastian arrived by car, having rented that at the airport. Of course they had taken the plane, given that Sebastian was a Squib who couldn't travel the wizarding ways. Interestingly, Sirius had chosen to accompany them instead of using the Floo, but then again he'd always had a weird fascination with anything Muggle. Maybe he'd even imagined his dear parents turning in their graves with abhorrence at the thought of him boarding an aeroplane- well that was typical Sirius. Once a rebel, always a rebel.

He spent the afternoon trying to flatter my Mum, who appeared to be immune to his flattery but continued to fuss over Severus instead. And Severus, though having never been a fan of too much fussing about him, seemed to enjoy that tremendously even if he merely wanted to annoy Black.

I would have enjoyed their little bickering but as time went by I started to nervously pace the yard in front of the finca, anticipating the arrival of the California delegation.

Suddenly a change in the air, like the scintillation of heat radiating from the earth on a hot summer's day, announced the arrival of a Portkey. I held my breath.

A dark haired man, tall and handsome, and a petite blond were the first who stepped out. Michael and Sara Goodleaf. Michael was probably the nicest man I had ever met, my first boyfriend, but _nice_ wasn't really an attribute that made a relationship last, at least not for me. I had ditched him after a while, leaving him to Sara who'd always had a crush on him and who loved him dearly, just like he deserved it. They had married shortly after graduating, after he had accepted his first job at the Ministry in LA, and they were meanwhile blessed with four lovely children.

Before Michael and Sara could reach me for a proper welcome they were being pushed aside and a piercing cry was to be heard.

"DARLING!"

A staccato of clattering high heels, flashes of electric blue and peroxide blonde, pink feathers and sunshine sparkling in paste gems followed, and I found myself in the bear-hug of Marie-Antoinette.

"Ravie-baby, you look absolutely terrific! So who's the lucky one? Aw, there's the pretty boy!"

George's alter ego strutted off, swaying on the most dangerously looking high heels I'd ever seen, to kiss Sirius' cheeks. I wanted to correct that mistake immediately but then decided to wait until George had finished shoving his false tits into Sirius' face, chatting about the wonders of breast-enlargement charms because Sirius looked so wonderfully mortified. Served him right after the incident with the stripper. I glanced at Severus who could hardly hide his amusement.

Funnily, George was usually a shy, down-to-earth wizard with quite a brilliant mind- when he wasn't Marie-Antoinette, that is. Then he'd change from short, mouse-brown hair to a long, flowing mane of peroxide blonde, put his spectacles away and slipped into the most daring dresses. I had already wondered which side of him he was going to show today.

"Oi, Georgie-Marie, if you're done smothering Sirius I'd like to introduce my fiancé to you."

George even blushed differently when he was Marie-Antoinette, making it look adorable. He turned on his heels to steer in Severus' direction, then hesitated a second. It was as though Severus had signalled him that if he/she tried to shoved his/her tits into his face he would make them shrink back into the back of his/her head. George nodded approvingly and offered Severus his hand while Marie-Antoinette couldn't restrain herself from curtsying.

After Marie-Antoinette had come upon us like a tsunami I could finally welcome Michael and Sara who didn't cause that much of a stir. And then there was still Angel, having stayed in the background because she knew that everyone paled in comparison to Marie-Antoinette, and she preferred to have my full attention.

Well, she got full attention.

"Please meet Angela Pilar Corazon de la Cruz," I introduced her.

You could literally hear Sirius' jaw drop as he gawped at her. Maybe it was her natural grace, the way she laughed or swung her dark chocolate brown hair, highlighted in soft shades of amber. Or it was the fact that she was quite a curvaceous witch who liked to accentuate her female forms. Her light pink t-shirt didn't really hide much and her buttocks looked great in her bleached jeans; she had an arse many women would kill for.

"Black, you're drooling!" Severus hissed.

"Shut it, Snape. I'm in love." Sirius growled but then his voice changed to flirtatious as he addressed Angel. "I'm truly delighted to meet you. You've got the most amazing... _eyes _I've ever seen. I'm Sirius."

"Oh, but if you are so serious about my eyes why are you staring at my boobs instead?"

"No, no, my name is Sirius- like the star. Canis Majoris, the Dog Star, the brightest... let me be your star, you gorgeous angel."

"Pathetic," Severus sneered, "why don't you just give her a paw?"

But Sirius ignored him. He offered Angela his arm and insisted on showing her around as if he owned this place. My friend didn't seem to mind; she smiled sweetly, already taken in by the charming rascal. I really didn't want to think about the possible consequences now but at least I knew he wouldn't care about her lycantrophy.

The rest of us went to have a glass of champagne under the pergola, drinking to the happy event that had brought us all together today, while Sirius showed Angela the garden and the adjoining olive grove. I guessed it never crossed his mind that she had come to visit me, or that I might have wanted to chat with my friend the night before my wedding.

"Black is slobbering over- snogging your werewolf friend behind the oleander bushes in the back of the garden," Severus informed me later, sounding slightly sarcastic. "Apparently the mutt has found himself a-"

"Don't say bitch!" I warned him before heaving a sigh. I hadn't expected things to have proceeded that far already although it didn't come as a big surprise either. From the moment Sirius had first laid eyes on Angel he had been drooling over her, lavishing compliments on her that had made her blush and the rest of us chuckle; not only Severus had rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said conciliatory, "but the association is almost obtruding itself. Forgive me if I sound prejudiced against your friend for she seems to have fallen for this rapscallion all too quickly."

"I know, and believe me; I'm not enthusiastic about it either." And most of all I could do perfectly fine without any unnecessary complications before the wedding. He was a notorious womanizer and I would kill him if he only played with her and broke her heart. But I couldn't put a leash on him either. After all, they were both adults who knew of the risks when playing with fire. Also, it was so good to see Angel all smiling and happy again given that the last year had been very hard for her.

I was still mulling over them when I was lying in bed. Angel and Sirius- she had clearly been encouraged by his tireless wooing and he had appeared quite smitten. But maybe that was just his scam. I hadn't seen him on prowl yet.

Tossing and turning I knew I was unlikely to fall asleep tonight, my mind still being too preoccupied. And while I was lying awake I realized what a stupid idea it had been to insist on not sharing my bed with Severus the night before the wedding. It hadn't seemed _right_. It didn't feel right without him either.

I wondered if he couldn't sleep either. Well, there was no way to find out unless I got up and went downstairs.

"Sev, are you sleeping?"

He was lying on his back, staring holes into the darkness of the tower's living room. I could see the whites in his eyes move as he looked in my direction.

"You alright?" He asked softly. "Having second thoughts about the wedding?"

"No... definitely not. It's just- I'm having second thoughts about our stupid arrangement. Can we please forget about it? I can't sleep without you." I sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, sighing with pleasure when he pulled me closer in his embrace. It was so good to feel the warmth of his body. "I know-" I said quickly before he could point out that it had been my idea, "I thought it would benefit our wedding night and make it more special if we slept in separate beds the night before, but don't you think it stupid?"

"Absolutely."

I poked his ribs. "You agreed to it in the first place."

"Correct. Your suggestion sounded quite convincing, and of course I want our wedding night to be special, too. But now I think it would be so much more agreeable if I could hold you in my arms now and still enjoy the notion that tomorrow night I will be holding my newly-wed wife in my arms. It will be special nevertheless."

"Glad you agree," I mumbled, suddenly feeling very sleepy. I cuddled up to him and nestled my head in the curve of his shoulder, my eyes heavy.

We fell asleep on the sofa in the living room but we only slept a few hours. Then anticipation woke us and we had an early cup of coffee on the balcony of my tower, watching our wedding day dawn. Somewhere in the distance a rooster crowed, another answered. The island was slowly wakening as the sun rose in the east, painting fields, olive trees and the typical dry stone walls in a soft orange glow. It was going to be a beautiful day.

I kissed Severus one last time before I shooed him out of the tower to get ready for the ceremony when Angel arrived to help me getting dressed.

Merlin, I was so excited! Merlin, I felt so sick!

I had never been so overjoyed and at the same time so frightened before. I loved Severus with all of my heart, he was the love of my life, and there was nothing I wanted more than to be his wife, to grow old with him, and yet the ceremony would probably be the most dramatic experience in my life. Facing the Dark Lord hadn't scared me quite as much... well, it hadn't exactly been what you'd call fun either.

With trembling fingers I lit a cigarette and tried to find my breathing again. Angela was cheerfully babbling but I was hardly listening, and being the great friend she was she didn't even expect me to as she charmed my hair to fall into soft waves curling down to my back. I was glad she was there to give me a hand even if I was inattentive to what she was saying, probably talking about Sirius. I should have warned her that he was a womanizer but I was too preoccupied, trying to remember my vows.

We had decided to write our own, personal vows instead of just repeating traditional phrases, much to the dismay of the old, tufty-haired wizard who acted as the Ministry official for everything from baptisms over weddings to funerals. He would have preferred the traditional ways and appeared uncooperative until Kingsley had consulted a very old, very large tome of Ministry guidelines, smelling as if the dust of centuries radiated form every single page, and then he had resolved upon our right to do as we pleased... if only I could remember the words now...

"You look absolutely stunning," Angel chimed when she was done fastening the straps.

I risked a glance at the mirror. The gown was amazing. It was made of deep, dark red iridescent satin organza, the colour of rubies. The strapless bodice, fastened to perfection by Angel, accentuated my breasts; it was encrusted with tiny sparkling crystals and sequins to the dropped waist. The full, pleated skirt swept into a standard length train. I hoped Severus would appreciate the sight.

Angel left me alone to take her place at the ceremony site. I smoked one more cigarette before I slowly made my most important walk.

My father would have loved to take my arm and lead me the way; he would have been proud if he could have given his daughter away. But my father was dead and I wouldn't want to be given away anyway. I had also opted against flower girls throwing petals. No, I would walk through the crowd with my head held high like an independent witch. I would proudly walk up to Severus, glad to become his wife… what would he be wearing?

As I approached the ceremony site in the olive grove, the first thing I heard was the music. A traditional wizarding tune that announced the bride. I took a deep breath and walked on, suddenly wishing for someone leading me. Merlin's beard, was I nervous!

Then I saw rows of chairs under the alcove that the silver green leaves of gnarled, knobbed old olive trees formed. It looked beautiful in all its natural simplicity as we had abstained from any pompous decoration.

Aahs and ohs emitted from what sounded like a thousand throats when the guests spotted me, and as I solemnly strode down the aisle it felt like twice as much eyes were staring at me. Who had invited that many people? Merlin, even the Golden Boy was there, the hero of the wizarding world. Harry Potter.

However, my mind went totally blank when my glance fell on Severus, standing next to the tufty-haired Ministry official. Inevitably I slowed down for a second which some might interpret as hesitation, but I had to take in his appearance. He looked gorgeous in his black tuxedo.

I had expected him to go traditional but instead of wearing a white shirt he was dressed all in black, the dark green cravat being the only blur of colour. No billowing robes were hiding his lean body, and the straight trousers favoured his long, slender legs. Of course Sebastian had seen to it that the tuxedo fit him perfectly and the material would be the best, but he had also minded that Severus would still be himself instead of making him an involuntary fashion victim, so the final result was unostentatious elegance.

Our eyes locked, his dark gaze drawing me closer. Was I still breathing? My heart was hammering so loudly in my chest that I thought everyone must hear it.

Finally I was at his side, beaming at him. Without breaking eye contact he took my hands in his and I squeezed them gently. No, this wasn't a dream although we weren't quite in touch with reality either for all the faces, all the voices around us seemed to blur and we were standing there totally lost in each other, lost to our surroundings.

"Raven..." His voice sounded hoarse as if he hadn't used it for a long time, and he had to swallow and clear his throat before he could continue. "...you are so... so beautiful."

He stared at me with a mixture of awe and rapture as if wondering why any beautiful witch would even consider talking to him, let alone marry him. His eyes were moist but so were mine.

"You look quite gorgeous yourself," I returned his compliment in a whisper, my voice just as hoarse as his.

"Hem, hem," the Ministry official coughed slightly to gain our attention. "I would like to start with the ceremony now, if you don't mind."

_No, not at all._

We turned around to face him, still holding hands. Was that even appropriate?

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls..." the tufty-haired wizard said in his somewhat sing-sang voice that almost made me laugh. For the first time I realized how small he was- probably he had dwarf-blood in his veins- when he looked up to us while trying to appear dignified as he went through the traditional text of the ceremony...

"Do you, Severus Snape, take Raven Lestrange to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do," Severus stated firmly, resolution in his voice.

In the front row, my dear old Mum and her Association of Majorcan Witches started sobbing with emotion, some of them blowing quite noisily into their handkerchiefs.

"Do you, Raven Lestrange, take Severus Snape to be your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do," I breathed, and then, louder this time, "Yes, I do!"

Severus beamed with undisguised joy, looking so handsome that I wanted to kiss him right now but unfortunately we hadn't reached the kissing yet.

_Ah well, a quick peck on the cheek couldn't harm..._

"You may exchange your rings and vows now."

Sebastian stepped forward and handed Severus the rings, bedded on a cushion of midnight blue velvet.

I could have had a diamond ring with a stone as big as my love for him, but I had opted for something less spectacular; a plain platinum ring. They said platinum was as pure as the love of two people, as rare as their personality and as eternal as their relationship. I thought it a better symbol than trying to measure my love in carat.

His fingers trembled a little when he took the smaller one of the rings, still holding my hand in his.

_Had we ever let go of each other during the ceremony?_

"With this ring..." for a moment he, the usually eloquent potions master seemed to be at a loss, struggling for words. "Raven, I must admit it wasn't love at first sight, unfortunately not. For so many years I was blinded with the foolish belief that love is an obsession, that I deserved to pine myself away in grief for the one I lost. I thought I deserved dying unloved because of the guilt I carried on my shoulders, weighing me down… I wasn't even asking for redemption... but then you came along, on your own ray of sunshine, making me feel alive again, and I realized that love at its best is not obsessive. Please forgive that it took me so long to allow what you offered. Thank you for the unconditional and unwavering faith you have in me.

"With this ring I promise that I will always strive to give you the best of myself for you inspire me to be the best person I can be. I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you in to my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams. I promise to grow along with you, to be willing to face change as we both change. And finally, I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and all that I am, in the only way I know, and as completely as possible. I want to grow old by your side as your love and best friend."

He slipped the ring on my finger to seal his promises. Now it was my turn. My eyes were full and my fingers were shaking just like his; surreptitiously I wiped a tear off my cheek.

"Severus, I give you all that I am and ever hope to be. I promise I will always be honest with you, your equal partner in a loving relationship. Together we will face all of life's experiences and share one another's dreams and goals. I promise to love you, to be your best friend, to respect and support you, to be patient with you regardless of all the obstacles we may face together. I promise to laugh with you and cry with you, never lose my faith in you."

"Wonderful," the Ministry official chimed in, performing a complicated wand movement. A shower of silver stars was raining down on us. "I declare you bonded for life."

Finally I could kiss my husband.


	48. The Megamorph Maniacs

a/n- I'm sorry it took so long again. Although I tried to write every night my brain seems to be frozen- I hate winter! Can I please hibernate? Anyway, read, enjoy and don't forget to review.

Lyrics at the end by the Cure, I don't own anything.

* * *

48- The Megamorph Maniacs

Silver stars were raining down on us as we kissed, our first kiss as a married couple. From somewhere far in the distance I could hear a crowd applauding. Only when we finally broke the kiss I realized that the crowd were our guests and not quite so far away. Resting my forehead against Severus' I grinned; it was so easy to forget everything around us when I was with him.

"You alright, Mrs Snape?" He asked in an unusually playful tone, still holding me in a loving embrace.

_Mrs Snape_... I liked the ring of it. "How about you, Mr Snape?"

Apparently he had forgotten his dislike for publicly displaying affection because he kissed me again until my dear old Mum interfered, reminding us that we were not alone in this world. Unfortunately not.

She cupped Severus' face in her hands and soundly kissed his cheeks. "My dear boy, finally you're family. I'm so happy!"

"Er, thank you, Nigella." He blushed slightly; you could always trust my mum to embarrass you.

With tears of joy in her eyes she hugged both of us, then Sebastian congratulated us. Kingsley offered his best wishes, and Angel was literally bouncing. She was really happy for me and Severus, telling me again how terrific I looked today. Her eyes were full when she threw her arms around me, but Angel always cried at weddings. For a moment I feared I would join in, then she let go of me to hug Severus instead. He went stiff at the thought of a werewolf dressed in pink hugging him though for my sake he bore it with good grace.

After that it was time to leave the olive grove. The other guests would want to congratulate us, too, and the reception was to take place in the garden of Casa Nigella, only a short walk away.

"Are you ready to face the mob- I mean, our dear guests, of course?"

"Let's party," he said dryly, which made me snicker. It was hard to imagine Severus as a party animal.

Arm in arm we strode along the aisle between the rows of chairs, accompanied by more applause of the crowd- and the wolf-whistling of some young men, the boys from my Defence against the Dark Arts class. I remembered that I had casually invited them that evening in the Three Broomsticks but I hadn't really expected them to show up. Now they were throwing rose petals and rice at us, Slytherins, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors peacefully united. If house politics wasn't encouraged it was amazing how well they could get on.

"Your bride looks really hot, Professor Snape!" Blaise Zabini cried with the daringness that would have suited a Gryffindor, and he didn't even flinch when Severus scowled at him.

"Very observant, Mr Zabini, thank you." His mien softened again.

I elbowed him before he could award house point to Slytherin and we continued our way. Soon we entered the garden, which was left in its natural beauty instead of decorating it with frippery like it was often done for weddings. In the shadows of palm trees stood some tables and benches, and the buffet was set on the terrace under the pergola. House-elves were scurrying around, busy with last minute preparations. Tweety and Pinkie stood out from the rest since they were the only ones wearing clothes, the others were dressed in clean, white tea-towels.

Tweety, all Flamenco princess today, and Pinkie, Gothic girl as usual, spotted us and started to squeal, then they almost fell over themselves in their rat-race of who could reach us faster, bow deeper, was the more polite, more humble house-elf.

"Master, please allow Pinkie..."

"Dear Mistress Raven, Tweety asks politely..."

They stopped to glare at each other.

I knelt down to be on eye-level with them. "If you want to congratulate us to our wedding, you are welcome to do so- but please no bitching today, alright?"

"Pinkie never..."

"No, Tweety never..."

But they forgot their animosities when I hugged both of them and soon they were swooning over how pretty Mistress Raven and Master Severus looked, and how lucky they were to serve us. They were so cute!

As I looked around the garden I noticed that the swimming pool was covered with a platform hovering over it, and the stage was set for a band. It must have slipped my attention when I had walked past earlier, given that I had been much too nervous, too excited to notice anything at all. Now I saw musical instruments glittering in the sunlight, reflecting on the metal of a drum kit that looked quite promising. I hoped the band would be, too.

A hungry growl of my stomach reminded me that I had also been much too nervous to even think about eating anything, which I regretted now. I cast a longing glance at the buffet, the large plates filled with various tapas... My mouth was watering but first things first, and first we had to receive our guests, approaching in single file from the olive grove.

A flick of a wand later I was holding a small scampi skewer in my hands and, gnawing at it in a greedy, very unladylike fashion, I flashed Severus a grateful look. He was simply the best for he had realized my dilemma and Summoned the delicacy for me. Witches in gorgeous gowns were often so very helpless since it was so much easier for a wizards to hide their wands in their clothing- of course I wasn't wandless either, but I would have had to pull up my skirt, revealing my naked leg and the garter that strapped my wand to it...

Our guests arrived and the next minutes were filled with shaking hands, receiving hugs, kisses and well-meant wishes.

"DARLING!" George, alias Marie-Antoinette shrieked as s/he hugged me effusively, a flurry of pure white feathers and silver sequins sparkling in the sun. "Ravie-baby, you look so abso-fucking-lutely GORGEOUS today! Your dress is ADORABLE! I'm green with envy but so HAPPY for you!" S/he then turned to Severus and playfully patted his shoulder with her folded fan, dramatically readjusting her feather boa in the process. "Sweetie, you must be the luckiest wizard- no, the luckiest MAN- in the world for calling such a dazzling, ravishing beauty and tough bitch your wife. My sincere congratulations to you."

"Thank you," Severus croaked, feeling slightly overtaxed and at an unusual loss for snarky remarks. But then again you usually didn't get confronted with such an overwhelming appearance as Marie-Antoinette on a daily basis and, admittedly, Marie-Antoinette was a force of her own you needed to get accustomed to.

My dear husband breathed a sigh of relief when Marie-Antoinette pranced away on her silver high heels matching her dress, and he was glad to accept the solid handshake of Minerva McGonagall. She was accompanied by Poppy Pomfrey, the only two members of the Hogwarts staff we had invited. I guessed Slughorn would have loved to come, too, now that Severus was famous for his improvement of the Wolfsbane Potion, so he could have bathed in the glory of his success by reminding everyone not fast enough to run that it had been he who had taught the promising young boy the basics of Potions. Had he ever acknowledged Severus' potential at school I might have changed my mind about my last favoured teacher, but since Sev had never been invited to join his Slug Club I had strongly objected against inviting a walrus to my wedding party.

Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty and his wife Cassiopeia said very kind words, wishing us the best as they enthusiastically shook our hands.

The Association of Majorcan Witches was there because Mum couldn't have not invited them. I was a bit baffled to see Augusta Longbottom amongst them. Apparently she had become friends with my Mum after the battle at Hogwarts. Well, maybe that would come in handy one day if Severus wanted to run more tests on Frank and Alice, and Neville refused to give his consent. At least his grandmother wasn't the person who seemed to fret- quite the contrary, actually. Her vulture-topped hat was a bit... um, _unsettling... _ I really hoped she took it off when visiting her son and daughter-in-law for I doubted it would be supportive of their sanity to see a vulture hovering over them. When I mentioned that to Severus he didn't laugh but promised to have a word with her about it.

There was a slightly awkward moment when Harry Potter, accompanied by his girlfriend Ginny Weasley, offered his congratulations to Severus but to everyone's surprise my husband accepted it with an almost smile on his face. Probably he had decided for himself to not let his good mood being spoiled by a spitting image of James.

Finally we were done with all the congratulations, hugs, kisses and handshakes. Now we only had to pose for the photographer- a promising young wizard working for the _Naughty_ _Quill_- who took the obligatory wedding picture. It ended in a flurry of flashbulbs and I almost felt like a bloody celebrity but, of course, our dear guests wanted to have a reminder of this memorable day.

Then, at long last, Mum declared the buffet officially open. Immediately I hastened to grab a plate, filling it with delicious titbits. We sat down in a quiet corner of the garden and I wished I could retreat to even more privacy with Severus, but unfortunately we weren't done with our duties yet.

The obligatory wedding cake had to be cut, and after that came what I had dreaded most. The band began to play. Of course it was expected of us to take to the dance floor first.

"Mrs Snape," Severus said politely, even sketching a bow, as he took my hand.

We should have talked about it, but I had successfully pushed it to the back of my mind. Until now, when it was no longer avoidable.

Maybe we should have even taken dancing lessons so we wouldn't make a fool of ourselves now... but as Severus whirled me around and caught me in his arms again I began to realize that_** I**_ should have taken dancing lessons. **He** was more than just fairly adept in standard dances while I had only been to headbanger's balls.

"Where did you learn to dance?" I whispered astounded as he elegantly guided me across the dance floor, and I tried hard not to step on his feet but failed. "Oops, I'm sorry..."

He was decent enough not to wince too visibly, although his pretty bride was quite obviously a klutz.

"Call it a social obligation and consider the certain pureblood society I became... _involved_ with."

"You mean, you had to learn to _dance_ to become a Death Eater? Never thought that that skill would have been required..."

"Alas, that wasn't the only skill required," he said, his voice darkening for a moment and so was his mood. "Lucius insisted on it for he wanted to brag about his little protégé, the half-blood with a vast knowledge of the Dark Arts but an unfortunate deficit in appropriate social behaviour. So Narcissa taught me."

I hated the idea that posh Narcissa Malfoy had had the pleasure of dancing with him, being close to him, while I had been light years away on the other side of the big pond. I wished I had never left Hogwarts...

"Of course, festivities at Malfoy Manor were also a great source of information later, when I was spying for Dumbledore."

The tune ended and people were politely clapping their hands. I grabbed Severus' arm and escaped the dance floor before anyone could ask for the next dance; I didn't want to maim more innocent feet than necessary.

"Can we leave now?" I asked him.

"Not yet."

"What are we waiting for?"

"Just wait and see."

I saw Mum dancing with Sebastian, Severus' best man, and I saw Angel happily in Sirius' arms as they swept across the dance floor. The band played several more traditional songs before all of a sudden I thought I couldn't believe my own ears. What I heard now was the opening riff of 'Children of the Revolution'! Flabbergasted I stared at the stage, questioning my eyesight, even wondering if I might be hallucinating because what I saw was so unreal. That couldn't be. Marc Bolan, the singer of T-Rex was dead, he died in a car crash in '77- he couldn't possible be standing on a stage set in a Majorcan garden in the year 1998, looking just like I remembered him from the happiest event of my teenage years, the one concert in Hastings I visited in the summer of '75.

"That's not possible," I gasped.

Severus grinned smugly. "_**That**_ is the Megamorph Maniacs."

Now that made sense. "They're Metamorphmagni?"

"Obviously." His grin broadened as he stared at my face- I must have looked pretty dumbfounded.

"But... but," I remembered to close my mouth again and try a more sophisticated approach. "Ah, so that's what you've been whispering about with my Mum on the phone? You sneakily arranged that while I believed you had to work late?"

"No, I worked late to spare some time while you were teaching at Hog-"

I flung my arms around his neck and kissed him hard.

"-warts," he finished when he was able to breathe again, arching an amused brow at me. "So am I right to assume you consider the choice of band agreeable? The last thing I want is you nagging about the music at our wedding party."

"I'm not nagging." Well, to be honest I hadn't been happy with the previous choice of music either. Tapping my feet to the rhythm I beamed at Severus. "That's so cool, so very sweet of you, Sev. They don't only look like, they also act like the real thing. This is magic!"

"Only to a certain degree. Actually, Muggle technic was quite beneficial when visual aids were required but while watching your videos they used a quick-memorizing charm."

"My videos?" I gawped at him like an imbecile, incapable of comprehending when in fact he had merely rendered me speechless. The very idea of him playing videos to some Metamorphmagni was incredible. Unlike me, Severus had never been proud of his parentage (which was understandable with a father like his) and for a long time he had denied, even avoided all things Muggle. Until I had burst into his life again with the grace of a tornado, knocking him off his feet. I had introduced him to a lifestyle that included the best of both worlds- whatever you might think about Muggles, you just had to adore professional coffee machines and music, especially music. Although there were many exceptions, I was nevertheless adamant that Muggles made the better music.

He chuckled mildly at my enthusiasm while I realized that not everybody seemed to share it. Some of our guests, mainly the elderly wizards and witches had hastily left the dance floor when the first riffs of screeching guitars had chimed in, looking bemused. They rallied around my dear old Mum who, always a great host, led them inside her living room for a nice cup of tea.

Augusta Longbottom muttered something derogative about the savages on stage, lamenting the moral decline of the wizarding world, and what was so wrong about a nice Celestina Warbeck song? Well, it simply sucked. I could have asked her in return what was so wrong about some catchy glam rock tunes if I hadn't considered that futile anyway. Call it the everlasting conflict of the generations for our younger guests seemed to enjoy themselves.

Smirking I glanced at my husband.

"No," Severus said resolutely, having figured me out before I could have uttered a word.

I heaved a sigh. This was one of the moments when the differences between us became obvious. He tolerated my quirks, especially when it came to my musical preferences, but he wouldn't make a fool of himself by joining me on the dance floor. I understood that, somehow, for I couldn't imagine him pretending to be a glam rocker either... With a kiss he shoved me towards the dance floor, watching me not stepping on anyone's feet as I danced on my own, to the music I loved. I wasn't such a klutz, then.

The Megamorph Maniacs were really great. They couldn't only impersonate T-Rex but also some other bands I liked; apparently Severus had gone through my all time favourites playlist with them.

-

Later, while the band was having a well deserved break, I had a glass of champagne with Severus and Angel. Smilingly she clinked glasses with him, all enthusiastic about this great surprise he had given me, thinking it very sweet of him. She wanted to get to know him better, the man I had just married, although it was obvious that he hadn't warmed up to her yet. What else did you expect? Angel was a werewolf who had taken an instant liking to Sirius Black. Welcome to the Marauders fan club, he must have thought, so of course he was sceptical. But his initial reservation seemed to fade when she greeted his scowls with friendliness, and her unprejudiced attitude was slowly winning him over.

That was another wonderful wedding present, for I would have been distraught if they hadn't got along with each other, my two dearest friends. I beamed happily at them as their conversation was becoming less inhibited, mainly due to Angela's easygoing way that made Severus open up to her if only a tad- she definitely had a knack for making people feel comfortable in her presence, and I remembered the first time I had met her, my first day at Buena Vista.

I was lost in reverie until I got distracted by Sirius approaching us in his usual careless way, spoiling the formerly easy mood. Severus tensed up slightly. Although a lot of water had flown under the bridge and decades had passed since our Hogwarts days, the old animosity was still there and I couldn't even blame him for that.

Sirius snaked an arm around Angela's waist, proclaiming, "Ah, there she is, the future mother of my yet unborn children."

She stared at him as if in a state of shock. Then- to his big surprise- she stifled a sob, jerked herself free of his arm, and ran away, leaving Sirius kind of stunned.

"Did I say anything wrong?" He wondered aloud, glancing from me to Severus and back without having a clue what might have possibly offended his latest love interest.

"Perhaps you should consider that you lack subtlety, Black," Severus scoffed. "Although I do not wish to sound disillusioning now, you should nevertheless bear in mind that not every woman will necessarily be overjoyed at facing the disadvantage of giving birth to your _pups_."

"Ah, and what do you know about women, Snape?"

"Contrary to you I am married to one," Severus retorted silkily.

Sirius growled and made an attempt to follow Angela, but I stopped him before he could cause even more trouble. I would go and look for her.

"You stay here," I told Sirius as if I was talking to a naughty dog. Then I glanced at Severus. "You may put a leash on him but try not to hex him."

Severus had never been a dog person and he wasn't very pleased he had to keep an eye on the scoundrel now. But I wanted to speak to Angela alone, already guessing what her problem was.

I found her in the olive grove, just where we had married some hours ago; she was sobbing silently. I sat down next to her and offered her a cigarette.

"What's wrong, dear?"

"Sirius…" She sniffed.

"Yeah, I know he can be quite annoying sometimes."

"No, it's not that. He's cute… sweet… almost perfect. I could fall in love with him, but I- Raven, you know what I am! I'm a monster! Who would want to date a monster? If I tell him I'm a werewolf he will…"

"…wag his tail in excitement," I cut in but she hardly listened to me

"…hate me. He... he had no idea what he was kissing, the beast within me... You know, Raven, I'm so happy for you and Severus, you are so perfect together and you never looked happier or more beautiful than today, with him… and I could cry because I realized I will never have that, a husband, a wedding, a family. I'm stigmatized …"

"Shht, hold your breath for a second and let me tell you a story, will you?"

Angela nodded, looking at me with these big brown eyes of hers and I hated to see them so full of tears. My Angel should be all smiling and happy instead of being drenched in tears. I heaved a sigh. I didn't believe in love at first sight since my experience had shown that although an instant infatuation could end in bed, it was hardly ever designed to last longer than one night. But I might be wrong about that. After all, this infatuation seemed to be mutual. So I told her the story of a werewolf entering Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft, finding friends who became Animagni for the sole purpose of standing by him during his transformation pain before the Wolfsbane Potion was developed. I told her of the werewolf's wedding to a pretty witch who loved him in spite of his lycantrophy, and the little boy they had. I didn't tell her how Sirius had tried to feed Severus to said werewolf, not because I had forgiven him his _prank_ but because that was not the topic right now. What I wanted to underline here was Sirius' affinity to werewolves in general so that she wouldn't have to worry about that.

"Now, I'm not telling you all this because I'm a firm believer in happy endings. Sirius won't have any problems with your lycantrophy- actually I think he'll be thrilled at the idea of Snuffles strolling around with a wolf once again, and maybe he'll slobber all over you..."

"Snuffles?" Angela asked; she had dried her tears and a tiny smile played at the corners of her lips.

"Sirius' alter ego. In his Animagnus form he's a big black dog called Snuffles."

"How cute."

Dear Merlin, she really meant that. Perhaps it was a side effect of lycantrophy...

"So that's where all the allusions to dogs come from? Because Severus always sounds like he's chiding a bad dog when talking to Sirius."

"I cannot deny that there's no love lost between Severus and Sirius due to some... er, _issues_ they had in the past." I opted to not go into details in case that Angel might chose loyalty towards me (and that would also include my husband) over her own happiness- or at least over the chance of having some unspoiled fun. "Listen, love, you know I'm usually not the one who's lecturing with a wagging finger, and even less I'm a spoil sport. Relax, take things easy, have some fun- and you can have a lot of fun with Sirius if you don't put up your hopes too high. He's fun, he's charming, he's a womanizer. He's probably not the best candidate if you're looking for someone to marry..."

I fell silent for a moment, recalling the day he had proposed to me. '_We don't even know if Severus is going to survive and you have the nerve to ask me if I want to marry you?' _I had responded, and that had been the official end of our relationship; a relationship that had constantly went downhill from the moment it had started. Looking back at it now I felt guilty since even at our best times I had always loved Severus more; I merely had been loath to admit it.

"... but, of course, I could be totally wrong about that," I finally finished my sentence as if I owed it to Sirius. After all, he had loved me and people could change.

Meanwhile, Angela had calmed down enough to consider going back to the party after smoking a last cigarette.

"So what am I to tell him now?" She wondered aloud as she plucked olive tree leaves and little twigs from the train of my gown, which was so typically Angela- she wasn't called _Angel_ for no reason.

"Sweetie, tell him you have a little furry problem that caused you to overreact and he will understand."

We went back to the garden where the Megamorph Maniacs were playing again. Although Severus always claimed he liked my music he looked mightily displeased but probably that was due to his company. Unfortunately it would be considered an affront to hex the guest of your wedding party into next week. It was about time to leave the merry festivities but first I had to have a serious word with Sirius.

There was no point in beating around the bush. "I know that what Angel is about to tell you won't shock you. Let me just tell you one thing. If you dare to break her heart- no, if you actually dare to even scratch it- I will curse your testicles to shrivel to pea-sized lumps and force you to eat your own cock." I smiled sweetly at him. "Do I make myself clear?"

Sirius swallowed hard; he knew it wasn't an empty thread. "Unmistakably."

"Good," I patted his shoulder as if patting the head of a good dog that had learned his lesson. Nevertheless he made a beeline for Angela as soon as I turned my back on him.

Now, that was probably the perfect moment for us to retreat for we had better things to do on our wedding night than dog-sitting, so we stole away from the crowd.

The night couldn't have been more beautiful. Stars sparkled from a velvety black Mediterranean sky and the air was still warm after a sunny day; it was filled with the sweet scent of jasmine from a nearby bush, but it also smelled of sun-kissed soil mingled with a salty breeze from the sea. An orchestra of cicadas chimed in every time the band on stage paused between two songs, morphing into another interpreter. Then their monotone symphony was soon again replaced by melodic guitars.

I would have noticed had Severus cast a Disillusionment Charm over us, but even without one we managed to reach my tower unnoticed. We could do very well without the raunchy jests usually made when the newlyweds retreated for the night. I opened the door and we slipped inside. Finally alone.

Although I had longed for that I suddenly started to feel as awkward as if I were a virgin bride on her wedding night, not knowing what to expect. And though we had made love many times before, it would be our first time as a married couple. Would it be any different? I wanted this night to be special. But, as it often is when you want something too much, you keep thinking about it too much, and all that thinking often spoiled the mood in the end. I was so anxious to do everything right- with the result that our noses collided when Severus tried to kiss me.

Frowning he rubbed his offending appendage as if its size alone was to blame and not my clumsiness. I reached out to cup his face in my hands, breathing a gentle kiss on his nose, and our next attempt to lock lips was fortunately more successful. Our lips met in a sweet kiss and that very moment all the stupid thoughts I'd had before dissolved into nothing and only bliss remained. Had I ever felt awkward? I was kissing my lover, my best friend and that wouldn't change only because he was my husband now.

For a long time I stopped thinking as my feelings took the upper hand. It wasn't a surprise, really. In the end my emotions would always get the better of me; I shouldn't have worried.

Lost in our kiss we tumbled down onto the bed- and jumped up again, wincing. Ouch! Had we landed in barbed wire?

No, it was something more romantic than barbed wire though it pricked just as much. Roses. Our bed was generously covered with roses. Not rose petals but the whole thing, including twigs and thorns. Many thorns. Apparently someone had had to prove a strange sense of romanticism- or rather, a strange sense of humour. Probably the usual suspects.

I lifted my skirt in order to produce my wand and clean up the mess, but Severus was quicker. With an unceremonious flick of his wand he got rid of the offending stingers on the bed, using a cleaning charm. Now the only rose left was the one that had become tangled with his hair. I briefly wondered what his former students would have given to see their severe Potions Master like that, crowned with a rose, before I plucked it out off his hair.

He paid no heed to what I was doing, my still exposed leg seemed to be more interesting. I could almost feel his dark eyes on my tanned skin. A wry smile curled up his lips... probably he thought me inveterately vain but women- witches- had to think up not only practical solutions if they preferred to not go unarmed- wandless; of course the garter that secured my wand to my thigh had to be made of delicate lace.

Severus ran a hand along my calf to my knee, kissing it. I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch as his fingers trailed up higher and his mouth followed. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped. Clearing his throat he Summoned a bottle of wine and poured us two glasses.

Was he getting nervous now? Oh, it really was so ridiculous, this fuss about the wedding night. We were two adults who had enjoyed the pleasures of making love several times before and yet we acted like teenagers now, uncertain what to do. Perhaps a glass of wine would help us relax a little.

I clinked glasses with him and took a sip of the excellent wine before I set the glass down on the bedside table, moving closer to him. "Have I already mentioned that you look gorgeous today? Your tuxedo suits you so well."

Now where had we stopped before the roses incident? I had never believed they could be such lust killers since they had definitely not been helpful in a romantic sense. I wanted to tie in to the blissful mood when we had been snogging senselessly, not wasting any thoughts on the fact that this was our wedding night which only seemed to complicate things.

He glanced at my hands fumbling to undo his cravat. "If it suits me so why are you trying to strip me, then?"

His voice was dark and seductive; it sent a pleasant shiver of anticipation down my spine.

"Because you look even better without clothes... and you also feel so much better..."

Severus snaked his arms around my waist, frowning slightly at my compliment but that couldn't dim the passion burning in his eyes. Merlin, we wanted each other; we have waited for this moment of privacy ever since exchanging our vows. His fingers started twiddling with the straps at the back of my bodice.

"Not so fast." I pried his fingers apart and brought them to my lips so I could kiss them. I wasn't even halfway done with undressing him, my hands yearning to touch his warm skin, whereas he could have stripped me easily by unfastening the bodice. "It's not fair, you know. Men always wear so much more... if were playing strip poker you'd clearly have the advantage."

"Strip poker?" One of his eyebrows shot up questioningly.

"A Muggle game of cards. Whenever you lose you have to take off a piece of clothing- hey!"

In a rustle of silk my gown was pooling around my ankles, a sea of dark red iridescent organza, and Severus grinned at me. I could swear he had used magic to strip me.

"Winner!" He claimed smugly, black eyes glittering as he took in the sight in front of him, the sweet nothing of silky lace I was wearing underneath my gown, a perfectly matching in colour g-string.

"You wait..." I took him by surprise when I pushed him backwards so that he landed flat on his back on the bed with me atop of him, pinning him down. "This is not the way the game is supposed to be played."

I bent my head to teasingly pepper kisses along his jaw line while he tried to capture my mouth with his.

"Isn't it?" Severus wrapped his long legs around me, pressing me into him.

I could feel his erection growing, and as much as I appreciated it, I nevertheless thought a sweet little... _torture_... would be in order. It might also be helpful to diffuse some of the awkwardness of our wedding night and ease the mood.

Glancing at him with a diabolically sweet smile twitching my lips I asked, "Who's the more ticklish of us?", before giving him a taste of it.

Soon he writhed under my touch. We ended up in kind of a frenzy, rolling all over the bed, kissing and teasing each other. Garments were being tossed aside and even the sweetest nothing of silk had to fall when passion took over. Finally, stripped of everything that had been between us, we looked at each other, locking eyes, and our fit of silliness stopped as abruptly as it had begun.

"Raven..."

My heart leapt with joy at the longing in his voice. He sat up, reaching out for me. His cheeks were flushed, his hair tousled; he looked almost boyish. I raked my fingers through his hair and whispered, "I love you," when he pulled me closer so that I sat in his lap, straddling him. With a smooth thrust he filled me and I clung onto him.

We made love, then, deliberately slowly and very tenderly to enjoy the proximity, the blissful feeling of our union. We took our time, both savouring the moment, sharing loving kisses. He touched me as if I were something precious, and when I saw my reflection in the obsidian mirror of his eyes I almost believed so myself. It would never cease to amaze me how much love this man- often described as harsh and cold by others- had to give and I wanted to give him just as much in return. Caressing his face I realized I would never love anyone more than him. I forgot where I ended and he began; we were one and yet totally aware of each other. There was magic in that.

I didn't want it to end and all the same I sensed that tension seething within me, a tension growing stronger, sweet and torturous, until I couldn't hold back any longer. The feeling was so strong it washed over me like a tidal wave. I moaned his name but he absorbed it as his mouth claimed mine for a hungry kiss.

For a moment I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by the intensity of my relief. I was shaking all over as spasm after delicious spasm shook my body, and then I felt his muscles contracting as he thrust into me one last time to join me in utter bliss. Just in time I opened my eyes again- for nothing in the world I would have wanted to miss that expression on his face. In spite of all the things that still haunted him occasionally he looked perfectly at peace now, the lines in his face had softened and his black eyes were filled with so much warmth and love I could only stare at him in awe.

"Oh Sev..."

With a smile a gently brushed some unruly strands of hair out of my face before resting his forehead against mine. We held each other tight until our breathing became more even again while our heartbeats synchronised. Never in my life had I felt so... _complete_. Our lovemaking had always been deeply satisfying but now that we're married it seemed to have become even better. The idea of being bonded for life had never sounded more promising.

Severus let himself fall backwards onto the mattress, bringing me down with him. I cuddled up close to him and nestled my head to his shoulder, trailing languid fingers over his skin. Even if my desire for him was sated for the moment I nevertheless couldn't restrain myself from touching him.

"If this is a dream, please don't wake me," I murmured sleepily, enjoying the warmth of his body.

"It's not a dream, Raven," Severus kissed my temple with great tenderness and ran caressing fingers through my hair, "it's so much better than a dream... Merlin, there were times I hadn't even dared to dream I would ever find some happiness in my life, and now I'm looking forward to finding out how much more happiness I can endure."

"I hope a lot because I will never let go of you again."

"Never?"

I didn't have to look at him to know that he had arched a brow.

"Never!" I answered determined.

"That sounds pretty agreeable." Our lips met for a gentle kiss and lingered to deepen it, exploring each other thoroughly.

"You know," I said after a while, "had anyone predicted it three years ago, when I came back to your world, that one day we might end up happily married, I would have laughed straight into their face, thinking it absurd. Well, not the idea itself but... but the realisation, since you..."

I bit my lips, stopping myself from mentioning his almost obsessive fixation on Lily, bloody St Lily. Even if I had finally stepped out of her spotlight and wasn't just second best anymore, I thought it wiser to not speak her name on a night like this.

"I admit I've been a fool," Severus said frankly, and I got the feeling he knew exactly what I was thinking. He kissed me again, lovingly and fervently, in an attempt to shoo away the Boggarts lurking in my mind.

Needless to say he succeeded. We made love again and I forgot everything else around me because all that mattered was the love we shared. Although we were different in many ways, he was my perfect match. He grounded me, he balanced me like no one else could. Maybe just because we were so different... and yet so much alike when it came to our hearts.

Later on we emptied the bottle of wine, talking about our wedding day, the vows we had exchanged. We also talked about the party and the Megamorph Maniacs in particular because they had been the absolute highlight to me, proving how well we could live with out differences if we acknowledged, accepted and tolerated them.

Eventually we fell asleep, listening to the cacophony of cicadas before the tireless band performed their very last song. It seemed to be perfect to complete this truly wonderful day.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am home again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am whole again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am young again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am fun again_

_However far away I will always love you_

_However long I stay I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am free again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am clean again_

_However far away I will always love you_

_However long I stay I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say I will always love you_

_I will always love you _


	49. Angel and Snuffles

49- Angel and Snuffles

Sunshine woke us the next morning. I grunted dozily when Severus kissed my naked shoulder and sighed when he got up because I wouldn't have minded to stay in bed with him all day to... um, fulfil our matrimonial duties. But unfortunately we had already planned to have breakfast with our American guests before they would take a Portkey back to LA later on, and of course I wanted to see them off properly.

Sleepily I tried to get accustomed to the fact that I would have to get up. The bed was so warm and cosy though it would have been even better with Severus next to me. I longed to be in his arms again. Heaving a sigh I sat up- I really wasn't much fun in the mornings, at least not before I had my first dose of caffeine. Then I heard the shower in the adjacent bathroom and thought that taking a shower was a great idea although it wasn't necessarily cleanliness I had in mind.

I entered the bathroom and saw the silhouette of his slender form in the shower cubicle; his back turned to me. Sliding open the door I stepped into it and slightly smacked his bottom before I snaked my arms around his waist. Obviously he hadn't heard me coming for he dropped the shower gel in surprise. Slowly he turned around in my arms, all warm, wet and slippery. He felt so good... it also became obvious to me, then, that he seemed to consider it a nice surprise and my body responded to his with yearning. A lascivious smirked played the corners of his lips as he looked at me like I was something he badly wanted to devour; it was adorable. Pinning me to the glass wall of the cubicle he kissed me in the spray of water gushing down on us, which made the experience even more stimulating.

Although I usually wasn't a morning person, I was wide awake now and ready for mischief as his hands trailed from my hips further south, between my legs. Wantonly I moaned his name. My legs felt like jelly and I was glad for the support of the wall in my back. I wanted to feel his hot length not only pressed against me but inside of me. His breath was hot and ragged against my skin as his lips moved along the curve of my neck, nibbling and sucking. Soon the air in the cubicle was steamy and foggy, and we were two shadows melting into one in the mist. Everything blurred to the sensation of feeling him within me, plunging deeper and deeper until I felt it building again... then he sent me over the edge and followed only seconds later. I threw my weight against the wall behind me, no longer able to stand. Weakly I slid down its glassy surface, bringing him with me in the still continuously spray of water raining on us from the overhead nozzle.

My body was still humming and throbbing with pleasure as I looked at him now, his face flushed, his obsidian eyes glittering with deeply satisfied passion. I would never grow tired of seeing him like that.

"Good morning, my love," I said teasingly, kissing his nose, "would you like some help in soaping you?"

I shifted a little to grab the bottle of shower gel I was sitting on so that I could hold it up, indicating my desire to be a caring wife who would selflessly soap her husband's back... and not only his back, if required.

Severus chuckled amused and raised his arms to pull me in a loving embrace. He would have loved to continue our encounter in the shower by allowing me to soap him but he also knew that any game involving soap would inevitably lead to more... and, with a regretful sigh he seemed to remember we had already agreed on having breakfast with our American guests.

"Let's continue this at home later," he whispered in my ear, evoking fantasies of many delicious bathroom pleasures in my mind. Of course I also remembered our first night in our house... and so did he. Severus kissed me softly before he finally turned off the shower. The spray of water stopped.

We used a Quick-Dry charm and got dressed to join the LA delegation at the terrace of the finca, under the pergola. Bushes of bougainvillea, blooming richly in yellow and orange, cast comfortable patches of shadows, filtering the sunlight.

"Where's Angel?" I asked when I only saw Michael, Sara and George sitting at the breakfast table. Apparently George had silenced Marie-Antoinette for today since he was wearing plain, grey robes, rimless spectacles, and his mouse brown hair was short. Severus shot him a surprised look but probably considered him more likeable now.

"I have no idea," Michael huffed, glancing at his watch like he had possibly done many times before. He wanted to leave early because he had to be back at work tomorrow morning and feared the jetlag might affect his job at the Ministry- he always took his job far too serious.

Sara patted his hand and poured him another cup of tea as she assured him that Angela would certainly appear in time. She was also eager to leave because she missed her children but at least she was a little more relaxed, chattering amiably about our charming wedding- 'thank you so much for the invitation'- and how pretty I had looked. She didn't understand though why I had not married in white before she indulged herself in memories of her own white wedding and their honeymoon in Hawaii. It was incomprehensible to her that we had postponed our honeymoon for the winter instead of being on our way already.

Well, Professor O'Flaherty had offered Severus some extra days off but we had nevertheless opted for a longer journey in winter. We would travel to some remote region in Africa in order to go on a hunt for long forgotten potions and rare ingredients since I couldn't imagine Severus lazing at Waikiki Beach- or any other beach for that matter- anyway. I was saved from trying to explain because that moment my dear old Mum came shuffling to the veranda, looking rather unwell.

"Mum, what's wrong with you?" I asked worriedly as I jumped to my feet and guided her safely to the table, helping her to sit down.

"I'm fine," she dismissed my worries although she definitely didn't look _fine_. "I had a very pleasant conversation with Minerva last night- unfortunately I cannot seem to remember much of it. We had a nice glass of that Scottish whisky she prefers... or maybe two, or three..."

"Nigella, would you like me to get you an Anti-Hangover potion?" Severus cut in, which earned him an indignant glance from my side for I very nearly bristled at the idea that my mother could be suffering from a hangover. She, however, rewarded him with her warmest smile.

"My dear son, that would be so very kind of you."

My dear old Mum was suffering from a hangover because Minerva McGonagall had gotten her drunk on my wedding party? Now that was... that was... I was speechless.

Severus managed to score when he summoned the aforementioned Anti-Hangover potion he had concocted in the wise prediction that it might be needed the day after our wedding. I just hadn't expected it to be my Mum of all people who'd need it. She took a sip and her mien softened almost immediately. Probably she would have praised him to the skies but that moment a soft pop made us all turn our heads to where Sirius and Angela had just materialized from out of the blue, holding hands. They both looked kind of smitten... I noticed they were still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, at our wedding. I also noticed that they looked a bit dishevelled as if they had either slept in their clothes or dressed in great haste.

"We... um, we've been to a lovely beach..." Angela explained and I sighed exasperated, remembering what had ensued her last encounter on a beach.

"You're very nearly late." Michael said. "Hadn't we agreed on an early departure?"

Even Sara rolled her eyes. Michael was a nice guy but he could be such a spoilsport sometimes. I didn't understand his haste since the Portkey would take him to LA in an instant and with the time difference he would still have a day to mentally prepare himself for his oh-so-important job. Once again he glanced at his watch.

"I could use a coffee now," Sirius flung himself on a chair and tilted it to its rear legs. Angel flashed him an adoring smile while I wondered if he'd ever learn the proper use of chairs. After all these blasted things were designed with four legs for a reason.

"I think I'm going to stay in Europe a little longer," Angela told Michael to everybody's surprise, even Sirius was a bit puzzled. Then she looked at me with those big brown eyes of hers, "I'd like to visit London, Raven. You told me of your husband's werewolf project- maybe I could participate in that... the next full moon is about a week, you know..."

Severus' eyes lit up and he stared at her with sudden academic interest as if she had just turned from a witch into a lab rat- um, wolf. I knew what he wanted to achieve was not only an improvement of the Wolfsbane Potion but to find a cure for lycantrophy.

Of course I was happy that I didn't have to part with Angel so soon although I didn't pull the wool over my eyes either- the reason why she wanted to stay had nothing to do with me but with Sirius; she didn't want to leave him, infatuated as she was.

He beamed brightly at her and Merlin, I was glad he had found himself a new girl. If things worked well between the two of them I wouldn't have to feel guilty for having ditched him anymore.

Michael, Sara and George left soon after breakfast. We exchanged hugs and kisses as well as promises to stay in touch. Sara invited Severus and I to visit them in LA, and of course we agreed although we both knew that that wouldn't happen any time soon.

The last guests except Sirius and Angela had left, and the garden looked as if there had never been a party. The poor house-elves must have worked all night, cleaning up. Maybe that was also why Pinkie and Tweety were a tad grumpy today although they would never be too tired to not continue their endless bitching at each other. Everything was back to business as usual like nothing had happened. But when I looked at the platinum ring on my finger I knew that the previous day had changed my whole life- for the better- because I was now married to the man I loved.

Severus perceived the way my eyes had travelled to my hand; he took it in his and gently kissed the ring on my finger. There were no words. The gesture said enough. I cuddled up closer to him as we sat together under the pergola long after the elves had cleared away the breakfast.

It was a peaceful moment. Sirius and Angela were sitting by the pool, enjoying their proximity just like we were enjoying ours, while Mum was dozing in a sunlounger under a nearby palm tree, sleeping it off. From time to time you could hear her snoring. I smirked. No matter how old you got, deep in your heart you would always be the little girl who could never imagine your parents snogging, having sex or getting drunk, although you knew, of course, that your parents were human beings with the same desires and vices as everyone else... and yet you would always catch yourself being totally astounded at their behaviour when they did something totally unexpected but perfectly normal. Like running in your parents' bedroom only to find them naked, making funny noises. You knew that babies weren't found under gooseberry bushes but you would have never imagined your parents doing _that_... and I clearly had never imagined seeing my dear old Mum suffering from a hangover. Even less when she had been in the company of one of my former teachers. But, according to Severus, McGonagall was infamous for her whisky among the staff at Hogwarts, who had called it Hell's Brew for a good reason since she alone seemed to be able to stomach it without consequences.

For a while we just sat in silence but I noticed that Severus wasn't relaxed. So I raised my head from the comfortable crook in his neck where I had nestled it. "Do you want to go home, Sev?"

"That would be agreeable," he sighed, craning his neck to cast a sidelong glance in Angela's direction, silently asking _What about her_? and I realized that I had no clue what her plans were- well, except for devouring Sirius as it seemed. Severus scowled with disgust. "Do you want me to drown the mutt before he shags her by the pool and wakes your mother?"

"Nah, he's too old- you only drown the young pups."

His sneer indicated that that indeed should have been done a long time ago; it would have saved him a lot of trouble. So that was galling him, keeping him from relaxing. I breathed a kiss on his cheek and rose to face the problem.

Angela was my friend and she would always be welcome in _my_ house, but I was married now. I wasn't certain if a werewolf would be welcome in _our_ house though I knew for sure that Severus could do very well without Sirius coming to visit her or even staying for the night. I would never expect him to tolerate Sirius' presence under his roof; some old wounds just ran too deep.

So what to do with Angela? I couldn't tell her why she was welcome at our house but not her lover since I preferred to not spoil her new-found happiness with an old story of an ill-conceived prank that could as well be interpreted as attempted murder. No matter how often Sirius would apologize for his thoughtless behaviour, his words would remain empty as long as Severus didn't believe in his change of hearts, and I failed to see that happening any time soon... if ever. From his point of view it was perfectly understandable.

Fortunately my Angel was an empathetic person with a radar for sensing conflict, and I had already told her that there was no love lost between Sirius and Severus.

"Don't worry about me, Raven. I do not intend to be a burden to you..."

"Angel, you're definitely not a burden," I cut her off. She had managed to disentangle herself from Sirius and we had walked a few steps away from the pool where he was lounging in a lascivious way, his shirt open to his navel.

"Yeah, but you're newly-wed; I'm certain you want to spend some quality time with your husband, alone, especially since you're not even going on honeymoon. And I... well, I must admit that I would like to spend some time with Siri, getting to know him better."

"Siri?" Oh my, never in my life would I have called him that; it sounded so daft. Probably that's what happened when hormones mingled with lycantrophy... on the other hand, love could do the strangest things with you.

"He's so cute." Angela looked completely smitten. To be honest, it was comprehensible. After all, Sirius was quite a handsome scoundrel, he was a charmer, and he had no problems with the fact that his latest crush was a werewolf. I wanted her to be happy.

That moment, there was a loud SPLASH! I turned my head and saw Sirius climbing out of the pool, looking kind of drenched. He shook himself like a dog shaking its fur.

"You alright, sweetie?" Angela asked worriedly but Sirius immediately assured her that he must have slipped when trying to get up.

Of course he had. Tiles were usually very slippery when they were dry. There was absolutely no reason to believe his tragic little accident could have possibly been caused by a tiny little hex. Severus' mien was stoic. It was so damned hard to restrain a smirk.

Boys would always be boys.

When we returned to London a little later, Severus' mood had improved and we spent the evening doing what every newly-wed couple would be doing.

-

In the week following our wedding, London showed its worst side. It was September now and autumn was already in the air; the temperature had dropped several degrees; thick, grey clouds covered the sky; rain was washing away the last remnants of summer feeling. Usually that would have catapulted my mood straight in the basement, bringing out the worst in me, but for once I didn't seem to care since that was the perfect weather for cuddling with my husband in front of the fireplace. And cuddling we did a lot because Severus preferred to come home from work early these days, eager to enjoy the pleasures of wedlock. Of course that didn't mean we were always all over each other and only relished the carnal aspects of being happily married- we also grew together more profoundly in long conversations or hours of compatible silence, reading a book we would discuss later. Severus inspired me intellectually as well as physically, something I had missed in all the men before him.

But before I could make a complete turn from shopping queen to bookworm, Angel called me. After five days of thoroughly drooling over Sirius, she was finally ready to discover London with me. So we went shopping- I guessed she hadn't needed any clothes while she had been locked up in a room with Sirius, therefore the little bag she had brought for the wedding had been sufficient until now, but with her newly found verve to socialize again she was also in the need for something new to wear.

I took her to Diagon Alley, showing her how to enter the commercial heart of wizarding Britain, and I also showed her the best shops, stores and markets of Muggle London... all the while she kept on enthusing about Sirius. He was the most charming guy she had ever met, the most handsome, the most loving. Merlin, she even praised his potency although I hadn't asked her to go into details. After all, I knew him quite well myself and despite his obvious qualities I would always leave him again and again for Severus. Potency alone wasn't what fulfilled me and besides, I couldn't complain about any lack of that anyway. I simply preferred to not gush out intimacies considering my love life- much to her dismay- because my Sev was a private person who wouldn't want to have the beans spilled.

I was a bit surprised, though, when Angela told me about Sirius' wonderful friends and family. Apparently they hadn't stayed in bed all time these past five days as she had already been introduced to Andromeda Tonks, Harry Potter, and even the Weasleys. However, it didn't surprise me that she- unlike me- was deemed to be an appropriate match for Sirius, according to Molly Mother-Hen Weasley. Angel was definitely the more agreeable person of us; she was amiable whereas I was scathing and rebellious. Nevertheless, I wouldn't call me anti-social just because I spoke my mind more frankly than she did, and I clearly wasn't going to change my attitude for gaining a few more points with people I couldn't care less about anyway. I would never forget the way Sirius' prodigious friends had treated me for refusing to jump to the common assumption that Severus Snape was evil and had killed Dumbledore in cold blood. Stupid morons, all of them...

The next day Angela was a bit nervous when she entered the basement floor of St Mungo's; the moon was closing its circle tonight. She didn't know what to expect of the werewolf program and was glad to see that I had accompanied Severus. Of course I wanted to be there for my friend.

I was surprised how much the place had changed since my last visit. The air of desperation it used to radiate was replaced with a fresh breath of optimism as the corridors were brighter lit now and the walls painted in sunny colours; chairs and tables stood invitingly the waiting area. This was not a dungeon to lock away the hopeless cases anymore.

The attitude of the werewolves had also changed. The small group of the first participants had increased to almost twenty, all of them looking slightly better dressed and less poverty-stricken, but most of all their self-esteem seemed to have improved. Where heads had hung low and feet had shuffled depressingly slow over the concrete there was a new spring in their steps now. Instead of keeping their heads down, too ashamed of their own condition to even look at the ones who suffered the same fate, they were chatting amiable with each other now. Sharing their experiences, even cracking jokes about it. And they all glanced with admiration at the man who swept through the corridors with his robes billowing bat-like behind him. I was so proud of my husband.

Angela's nervousness seemed to wane when she was greeted by the other werewolves, who immediately called her _sister_. They asked her the usual questions people did when they were getting to know each other, like who had bitten her and for how long had she suffered from lycantrophy. It was a totally new experience to her since it was the first time she was having to face her problem in public, but her face lit up upon hearing that she wasn't the only one that had become involved with the wrong lover.

Severus handed out goblets of Wolfsbane Potion when with the setting of the sun outside the mood of the pack became slightly edgy. Most of the werewolves knew already what to do now so they headed for their cells, which had also been redecorated. The old, worn cots had been replaced by big, comfortable cushions lying on the floor, looking like the perfect dog's paradise. I was almost surprised that there weren't bones for them to gnaw at, but then again it would have disturbed me tremendously to see my dear friend Angela gnawing at a bone.

She emptied her goblet in a long swig, pulling a face because of the taste although I was certain Severus had improved that, too. However, the taste was probably the last thing that mattered to him when he created a potion; the result and that alone was what mattered.

"What do I have to do now?" Angela asked after having swallowed the Wolfsbane Potion, looking expectantly at Severus.

"I believe you are familiar with the effect the transfiguration has on you, so I recommend you to lie down and relax. I will lock the door now but as you have probably noticed there is a window in that door which will enable me to keep an eye on you. Previous experiences have proved, though, that no problems are to be expected. Most likely you will sleep through the night, dreaming sweet..." Severus' voice trailed off when someone was approaching us and the calm, intellectual expression on his face turned into a sneer as he acknowledged Sirius' presence. "Black!"

Sirius paid no heed to Severus, his full attention was focussed on the woman who was about to transform into a wolf. "Angel, baby, you don't have to go through that alone."

She glanced at him, a silent plea to leave her alone since she feared that although he knew she was a werewolf, seeing her actually turn into one might keep him from loving her. She was a monster, or so she thought as her nails grew longer and she felt hair breaking through her skin; soon a thick coat of fur was covering her erstwhile tanned complexion. Ashamed she turned her back to the window in the door that Severus had closed the instant her transformation began, letting out a frustrated howl.

Sirius, however, wasn't put off by her change at the slightest. Instead, he watched her with an almost dreamy expression on his face.

"Isn't she beautiful? I just knew her coat would have the same colour as her hair."

Severus and I exchanged glances, rolling our eyes. Meanwhile Sirius had transfigured into his Animagnus form and was sitting on his rear legs, wagging his tail as he looked up to Severus with a yearning whimper.

"You are disgusting, Black, I hope you realize that."

The big black dog barked and raised a leg to scratch his ear, then he nudged my husband's leg with his nose. Severus took a step backwards to avoid any further contact with the mongrel.

"I'll buy you some flea powder for your birthday," he said silkily before he reluctantly opened the cell door to let him slip in.

What followed was one of the reasons why I had ditched Sirius Black- or should I say _Snuffles_? After all, he was a dog now and he behaved just like a dog, making all these pathetic little noises that only dogs did. Whining he approached the wolf in the cell, slobbering her snout in the process... Merlin, maybe I should be glad that I didn't have to witness him getting acquainted with her by shoving his nose in her ass, sniffing.

I had to turn away, slightly put off by the sight off them although it was kind of cute to see dog and wolf in perfect harmony, caring about each other, cuddled close together while resting on the comfortable cushions. A true dog's paradise indeed.

* * *

_a/n: next chapter more about Alice and a psychedelic Legilimency trip... Until then, thanks for reading. Did I ever mention that I love reviews? (Hint, hint)_


	50. Alice in Wonderland

Disclaimer: Still not mine so don't sue me; I'm not making any money of it. I merely borrowed the characters, created by JKR, to play with them for a while. I also borrowed some quotes and characters from Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland for this chapter. The lyrics used are from Smokie (Living next Door to Alice) and David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust)

Read, enjoy, and don't forget to review.

* * *

50- Alice in Wonderland

Three weeks after participating in the werewolf project, Angela had moved from LA to England and was living with Sirius in Ottery St Catchpole, the Muggle village close to The Burrow. Harry was happy for his godfather and had welcomed Angela with open arms to their patchwork family that also included Andromeda Tonks and her grandson Teddy Lupin. Everybody seemed to love her and none of them had any problems with her lycantrophy, quite the contrary. Apparently having a new werewolf around reminded them of the late Remus Lupin, whom they all still held dear in their hearts.

As I had predicted it hadn't shocked Sirius at all, finding out that his latest love interest was a werewolf; probably that only made him love her more. But when he first learned of Angela Pilar Corazon de la Cruz' family background he had to swallow hard as if the fact that she came from a very old and very pure-blooded wizarding family was a scandalizing one. Just like the Blacks, the de la Cruzes were considered wizarding royalty though in different parts of the words, and that was also where the similarities ended.

The purebloods from the New World had turned their backs on Europe during the age of Inquisition, when many a wizard or witch had burned at the stakes of religious fanatic Muggles. They had found a new home as well as unknown magical powers among the natives of the Caribbean and America, and they had intermarried willingly, creating a totally new wizarding community that embraced the knowledge of both cultures. They were more tolerant and less fixated on the purity of their blood status than many of their relatives in the Old World, so even if Angela was a pureblood there was still plenty of reason for Sirius' dear old mum to turn around in her grave.

Knowing he was still besmirching the House of Black made him smile again. Ah, we could almost hear the wedding bells ring. Of course I was happy for Angel although I wished she had made other friends than the Weasleys of all people. I got on fairly well with Arthur, whom I occasionally met at the Ministry when I had an appointment with Kingsley, but I sought to avoid Molly like the plague she was. Probably it still galled her that she had been wrong about me; I couldn't care less. I even preferred an invitation at Malfoy Manor over one at The Burrow. At least Narcissa's open opportunism was so much more predictable than the ways of that apparently harmless, mollycoddling... snake in the grass.

Angel would have loved to mediate if I had let her- she was a bit of a harmony geek but some things just weren't so easily to overcome with the thought of peace and love. She hadn't lived through a war, she hadn't grown up in a world divided into four houses. I wasn't an unforgiving person either but I simply felt better when Molly Weasley wasn't around. So, no happy get-together in the kitchen of The Burrow, not even for Angel's sake. And, to be honest, I couldn't even imagine Severus in midst the raucous hustle and bustle of Weasleys. Why feel uncomfortable if we could avoid it?

Angela accepted it with a sigh. If she was disappointed, she didn't show but insisted on a regularly _girl's day_ instead. Only the two of us doing all the things we used to do back in LA, like going shopping, visiting clubs, or sharing a big bowl of ice-cream while sitting on the sofa, chatting for hours. I willingly agreed to that, and actually that was also the only distraction from my marital life I succumbed to in those first blissful weeks of my marriage.

More than once I turned down a lucrative offer from the Ministry that would only send me to a remote part of the world, hunting down evil wizards. Although I loved my job, I loved my husband even more and I considered myself on honeymoon break even if we couldn't have a proper honeymoon right now.

I was, however, not lazing around all day, waiting for Severus to come home from work. Kingsley had once asked me to help with Auror training so I found myself teaching again, giving a course on wizarding crime scene investigations and methods the WFBI used. It was decidedly more fun than teaching at Hogwarts and I didn't have to waste my evenings grading essays.

I also helped out Sam at the _Naughty Quill _and sometimes Sebastian in his law office, which attracted more and more clients; many of them seemed to have missed some juridical advice or guidance when dealing with their problems in the wizarding world.

Then again I spent a good amount of time with research, reading all the books on psychology and psychedelic medicine I had given Severus. My hopes were high that we could actually help Alice Longbottom if we took a careful approach in using the combination of mind-expanding drugs and Legilimency on her. I wasn't certain, though, if the same would work on Frank Longbottom since he seemed to be in a worse condition... almost like the victim of a Dementor's kiss. The thought made me shudder. I remembered my visit to the Janus Thickey ward and wished I could have slain the Lestrange brothers all over again- oh, and Bellatrix, of course. Too bad that I hadn't been the one who had rid the world of her atrocities; Sirius took all the credits for that.

I started to visit Alice and Frank at St Mungo's. Neville had made it explicitly clear that he didn't want Severus to be alone in the room with his mother when she was drugged but that I had to be around. And since I didn't want Severus having to face the chimeras of her mind all on his own anyway, I thought it a good idea that she get used to me.

It took me a while to get used to them. I tried to ignore the shock that always seemed to wash over me at the sight of the poor condition the Longbottoms were in- they were only a few years ahead of Severus and I, and yet they looked so much older. Worn out, broken. Empty shells of people, their minds miles away in a world that wasn't my own. _Mad,_ the healers called them, but there was so much more to it then simple madness. Was madness simple at all?

To Frank it didn't seem to make any difference whether I was in the room with them or not. He would lie on his back, staring holes into space, no matter what time I came to visit. I could have table-danced on his bed, wearing an E.T. mask and sporting pink hair, and still he wouldn't stir (I never tried that, though. Should I've tried?)

Alice, however, took an instant liking to me when I started to read stories to her. There was a slight but nevertheless visible change of expression in her sunken eyes, almost the ghost of a sparkle.

-

"...'_Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar_.

_This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I- I hardly know, sir, just at present- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning but I guess I must have changed several times since then.'_

_'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain yourself !'..."_

"What are you doing here?"

I looked up from the book. Severus was standing at the door, looking bemused. Had my clever husband really asked such a stupid question when the answer was so obvious?

"I'm reading to Alice; she likes it."

Alice beamed at Severus and made a clumsy gesture for me to continue. She was like a child, a speechless child. Yet she seemed to understand. At least she understood she was safe and someone cared for her.

"A speaking caterpillar, Raven? May I ask you what is it that you are reading to her?"

"Why, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, of course."

He smirked at the title though the Knut refused to drop. It didn't surprise me. Lewis Carroll was a Muggle writer and I already knew that Severus' parents hadn't read stories to him anyway.

"_'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir,' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself, you see?'_

_'I don't see', said the Caterpillar._

_'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely, 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with'..." _I stopped reading again and looked at Severus. "I think there is some truth in that, hm? Alice is lost in a strange world and can't find her way back home. That's what we're trying to do, isn't it, Sev? We're going to help Alice."

"We?" He arched a brow at me.

"Well, you compared Alice's mind to a swamp with horrible chimeras lurking in the dark. Do you really believe I would let you go through that all on your own?"

"Raven, we're talking about imaginary chimeras here. Chances are little that I have to face any real ones when I'm invading her mind."

"But they're carrying the memories of even more horrible things- or so you told me- and... and you'll be in a dark swampland..."

"Again, it's imaginary. It's not like I'm going on a journey with an unknown destination- it's all in her mind, and in her mind alone."

"It's not that easy. If it were merely a figment of her imagination you could tell her to get over it and done. You wouldn't have to _travel_ to the depth of her mind, which makes it indeed a journey. I don't want you to get lost in a strange place."

Severus looked at me as if wondering who was the maddest in this room. Maybe that had something to do with the speaking caterpillar I had been reading about. Alice took the chance to slip a gum wrapper into his hand, smiling at him. It could be interpreted as encouragement, assumed she would actually understand what we're talking about. Although she responded to voices I had no idea if the words she heard made any sense to her or whether she only liked the sound of someone talking to her, caring for her.

That moment a mediwitch entered the room, carrying a tray with lunch for Frank and Alice. We decided to continue our conversation at home but I promised Alice to be back later to read some more to her. She smiled- whatever later meant; it could be minutes or days or even months for she had long lost track of time and space.

We took the Floo to our house where Pinkie served chicken salad for lunch. It seemed to be a good opportunity to drop the topic but I could be quite persistent it I had set my mind on something.

"Besides, Neville doesn't want you to be alone with his mum when she's drugged so I'm gonna be there anyway." I continued trying to convince my husband after we had eaten. "And haven't I promised you that we'll face all of life's experiences together?"

"Raven," he heaved a sigh, probably thinking me charmingly annoying, a real nag, "you don't have to remind me of our vows since I will always cherish that moment. What are you worrying about? I consider myself a reasonably skilled Legilimens and I..."."

I put a fingertip on his lips to hush him. "I'm not questioning your skills, Sev. You're the bravest man I ever met and I... hell, I just don't want to lose you in a dark swampland where the demons of ghastly memories are lurking under the surface of deep, black ponds, trying to devour you. Of course, much of that is only imaginary but... but look at the hell where Alice's mind is trapped, lost in an all consuming darkness that's called madness. It's sticky, this dark swampland... it might stick on you and taint you and remind you of all the darkness you've been though... it will lull you and lure you like a lullaby- you don't have any experience with drug trips, do you?"

Severus shook his head vehemently, which didn't surprise me at all. Perhaps that had been an indecent question anyway.

"Well, I have," I admitted. "See, I'm not proud of it but I was young and crazy, and there were times when Angel and I tried out everything that's supposed to be fun."

"I must admit that the idea of a werewolf running wild on a drug trip is extremely disturbing."

"True, but Angel wasn't born a werewolf..."

"Unlikely, since lycantrophy isn't heritable."

"I know, smart-ass." I nudged him and kissed his cheek, then, inspired by the scent of his skin, I peppered a line of pecks from his cheek to his mouth where my lips lingered for a while.

"If you're trying to seduce me to get your way, you will find me a helpless victim," Severus muttered breathlessly after we finally broke our kiss, "nevertheless, I am not adverse to you coming up with a sensible argument on how this is supposed to work for as far as I am concerned the phenomena of mass Legilimency has never been reported, drugs involved or not."

I was aware of the fact that usually eye contact was essential for performing Legilimency and therefore there was no common way to expand it on a third person... but we shared a special bond; it would work.

-

The experiment was scheduled for the first weekend in October. I had decorated the Longbottoms' room with pillows and candles to make it look more comfortable and less like a hospital room; I believed a cosy atmosphere might be helpful. Severus, however, had merely rolled his eyes at my efforts, probably thinking that the room didn't necessarily have to look like an oriental opium den even if we'd be administering drugs to Alice. Neville watched our preparations with critical eyes. I hoped he would also notice that Severus was a gentle and caring man when not dealing with dunderheads.

"Don't worry Mum, I'm here." He sounded protective and more self confident than usual. Was he really wearing snake skin boots?

Alice smiled happily at no one in particular. She wasn't worrying at all. Actually, none of this would be possible if she didn't feel comfortable around Severus and I as a relaxed mood was essential. She handed out a round of gum wrappers- peace and love, we're all friends here.

Neville eyed the goblet in my hands suspiciously. "What's that you're giving her?"

"Mescaline- it occurs naturally in the Peyote cactus." I had chosen that over LSD because of his interest in Herbology; he might have read about the shamans of old using it and therefore it might be less suspicious to him than a Muggle drug. Also, Severus' favourite dealer in Knockturn Alley sold it and he was a more reliable source than the shady contacts I had made in order to procure LSD. I raised the goblet to Alice's lips.

"Are you sure it won't harm her?"

Could her condition become any worse? Well, alright, looking at Frank who was lying on his back, staring holes into space, it was possible but not very likely.

"Relax, Neville. Mayhap you should take a sip, too."

He shook his head. I watched Alice drink the potion and then we took our positions. Neville would be sitting next to his mother as moral, mental or whatever support. Severus sat opposite of her because he needed to keep eye-contact with her all of the time, while I had taken my place at Alice's other side so that I could look at Severus. A happy get-together on a hospital bed covered with colourful, Indian style pillows.

When the effects of the drug became evident- Alice looked truly delighted all of a sudden, her eyes wide and sparkling, her gaunt face delicately flushed- Severus used Legilimency on her and invaded her mind. Now it was my turn to try and establish that special bond I shared with my husband.

I took his hand in mine and stared at him. Nothing happened. I concentrated harder, emptying my mind of all other thoughts until the pulsation of his heartbeat beneath my fingertips was humming in my ears...

_It was dark, very dark, and though there was no light at all I could see the landscape in front of me clearly. There were skeletons of trees, their bare branches shimmering silver as if bathed in moonlight, although I had just observed that there was no light at all. It was dark. A foul smell was lingering in the air, the smell of rotting swampland. Vast expanses of rotting swampland. Puddles of a viscous black liquid were bubbling, bubbles exploding with fart like noises... this was an unfriendly place... a place like a potion turning foul_

_I looked around, searching for my man. Where was Severus and where was I anyway? From the corners of my eyes I noticed a scurrying movement but when I turned around there was nothing to see except that the skeletons of the trees had changed into that of... of... they weren't exactly human, more like the skeletons of monsters... monsters in disguise- was Alice's mind a spooky place or was mine? There was something pulling at the edges of my consciousness..._

_"Sev?" I called out. I would definitely feel better with him at my side._

_A chimera appeared in front of me... a beast with a lion's head, big-mouthed and sharp teethed, hissed at me while its snake tail whipped the air just as threateningly. I remembered what Severus had told me..._

_"You're a figment of my imagination. Go away."_

_The beast exploded into a flock of birds, a fluttering of million wings... I stumbled backwards, trying to escape these monsters, when I sort of stumbled into Severus who was cowering at the feet of a giant snake towering over him... except that snakes had no feet though this one had as many as a centipede. It bared its fangs and Severus instinctively clutched his neck. I grabbed his hand._

_"Tell it to go away, it's not real," I said, watching the snake vanish like a Boggart that had been threatened with '_Ridiculus_!'- was it time to laugh now?_

_"I'm not scared of snakes," he said indignantly since no Slytherin would ever be afraid of serpents... not many of them have been bitten by a giant one either, at least less than there were Parseltongues..._

_I gave him a peck on the cheek; I was so glad I had found him. When we looked ahead there was still a vast expanse of swampland with dark, deep puddles emitting farts, and nowhere was the light of the small hut to be seen that Severus had told me about. Alice was still hidden behind these sticky walls of her mind. Knee-deep mud glued to our feet as we tried to walk on, hand in hand. _

_I heaved an enervated sigh. It simply wouldn't work like that. We had to change this damnable swampland into a more pleasant place- after all, it was only a matter of imagination. I caught a strand of yarn from a vision in my mind and started to weave the idea of an idyll... a meadow with summer flowers, poppies and daisies, dandelions radiating translucently white parachutes into the air... oh, turquoise ants were dangling on the parachutes, having the time of their life..._

_Fluffy white bunnies- why were there always fluffy white bunnies? Dad had produced them from his stovepipe hat- were lolloping over the meadow, twitching their sensitive ears in the gentle summer breeze... they had so grossed out Voldemort. So cute..._

_A white rabbit wearing a waistcoat took a watch out of it, while muttering to himself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!"_

_...or are rabbits evil?This one had lured Alice into following him down his rabbit-hole and into a strange land- was there a connection between book-Alice and Alice Longbottom? Was there a connection between Death Eaters and rabbits?_

_"Don't be absurd," Severus chided me, "there is no logic in this place since we're visiting a drugged mind."_

_"You'll get used to it in time," said the Caterpillar; it was purple, wore a lime-green bowler hat, and looked rather stoned. It put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. _

_"Getting used to what?" I asked the caterpillar- hey folks, I was talking to a caterpillar with a hookah._

_"One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter."_

_Ah, now that really made sense. "One side of what?"_

_"Of the mushroom," the caterpillar said before it began its metamorphosis but not turning into a butterfly. No, that caterpillar turned into a caterpillar girl with lacy garters on all of its legs as she was doing the cancan. A group of mushrooms started singing, 'there's no business like show business'... _

_"Come on now!" Impatiently, Severus dragged me along and I snapped out of my trance._

_The Caterpillar had disappeared. Behind the meadow I could see a small hut now; it was encircled with a wooden fence that seemed to grow higher with every step we took closer. The flowers were wilting as we moved on and it was getting darker again. The swamp released our feet with sucking sounds..._

_Perhaps Alice didn't recognise us, and therefore her defences grew stronger again. She was guarding the very core of her soul that lived in the hut behind the wooden fence. Would she recognise us if we looked younger, like in our school days?_

_A bright flash shot across the grey sky, cascading into colourfully sparking stardust._

_"Whoa, was that my imagination or yours?" I asked._

_Severus looked down the length of his body, scowling and growling, "Most obviously yours- at least I cannot imagine I __**ever **__would have chosen __**voluntarily**__ to look that ridiculous."_

_I glanced at him. Apparently I had catapulted us back into the seventies although we were far from looking like Hogwarts students... Instead, we could have jumped straight from the cover of a glam rock album... He was wearing black velvet bell bottoms and a jacket with glittering sequins; the psychedelic patterned shirt underneath was unbuttoned to his navel, revealing creamy white, delicious skin. I was sporting my dear old silver, star spangled platform boots and a glimpse in the obsidian mirror of his eyes told me that my long, black hair had changed to pillar box red, styled in Ziggy Stardust fashion..._

_"You look really groovy, Sev..."_

_His scowl deepened. His slender fingers were so intriguing- I had always loved to watch them dancing as he was cutting his potions ingredients, now how lovely would they look strumming a guitar?_

_'_Ohh yeah, Ziggy played guitar... and the Spiders from Mars, he played it left hand..._' _

_"Raven!"_

_I noticed with amusement that he didn't call me 'Lestrange' anymore, with that slightly irritated ring in his voice- of course he couldn't call me that anymore anyway now that I was Mrs Snape... His expression seemed to say, 'now, who has gone mad?', and I almost felt tempted to raise my hand. Instead I opted for flinging my arms around his neck and kissing him. But was my kiss merely an imaginary kiss? _

_No," he answered my unasked question, "I can feel it... and I can hear the music in your mind. That's so typically Raven."_

_In the blink of an eye he switched back to his usual style, which was regrettable. But we were here to find Alice and unfortunately her hut had vanished from sight again while I had been in my glam rock mood. We stood at a crossing._

_"Which way shall we go now?"_

_"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the cat, looking kind of smug._

_I stared at it- it was a big, fat, smiling cat with an orange coat. _

_"G-Garfield?" I asked flabbergasted_

_But this wasn't about lasagne and how fast one could devour it- this was about finding Alice and soon the formerly orange cat changed its coat into pink with purple stripes. That, however didn't change the fact that I was indeed talking to a cat._

_"Do you know where to find Alice?"_

_"Oh I don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go," The cat stared to sing, swinging its fleshy hips to the tune, "I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know, 'cause for twenty-four years I've been living next door to Alice..." _

_"Twenty-four years?"_

_"Well, that's what the lyrics say and I have no influence on that," the Cat said, scratching it's ears very seriously. "Anyway, in that direction,"' the Cat waved its paw to the right, "lives the Hatter; and in that direction," it was waving its other paw, `"lives a March Hare. Visit either you like. They're both mad... we're all mad here. You must be, too, or you wouldn't have come here."' _

_"I am __**not**__ mad," Severus insisted. "You are nor real, pussycat, you are just an imagination." _

_He glanced at me as if it was all my fault that we were meeting the Caterpillar or the Cheshire Cat here because I had read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland to Alice. Well, I thought meeting weird imaginary animals was better than having to face horrible chimeras._

_I flashed him an affectionate smile. "Never mind, let's go. Since you're the only one who's not mad in this mad world you lead the way."_

_And we were back in midst vast expanses of swampland. In the distance was a light, a candle burning in the window of a small hut. The fence was gone, Alice's defences were down. Did that mean we were welcome?_

_The swamp ended. The ground became more solid and the mud covering our feet and legs disappeared... I noticed I was still wearing my silver platform boots._

_"How does my hair look like?"_

_Severus gave me a 'you're much too vain for your own good' look while I had only wanted to know if I was still sporting the Ziggy Stardust hairdo. Then he said, surprisingly softly, "You look pretty, love."_

_We were standing right in front of the hut now as if his sweet compliment had brought us there. Perhaps it was essential that we came here as lovers, wanting to help instead of being overly analytical about Alice. She opened the door with a smile._

_When we stepped over the threshold, Alice was sitting in a rocking chair in front of the fireplace- although she had just opened the door for us. Well, nothing could surprise me anymore, not in this strange wonderland._

_She didn't speak a word but kept rocking her chair in an almost hypotonic way._

_"Hello Alice," I said, "how are you today? You do remember Severus and I?"_

_" Twinkle, twinkle, little bat- why is a raven like a writing desk?"_

_"Um..." I considered that a rhetorical question and blamed it on the mescaline._

_"Have a glass of wine," Alice offered._

_I looked around the table which was suddenly covered with various teapots, mismatched cups and saucers, milk jugs and sugar bowls. "I don't see any wine."_

_"There isn't any," Alice said with a polite smile. In this strange world she looked younger, less worn out, and her shiny dark hair was in girlish pigtails. _

_"Well... er, thanks anyway." I had no idea what else to say and hoped Severus would come up with something more intelligent. He was also the one who first noticed the little chest Alice was clutching in her hands in her lap._

_"What's in that chest?" Severus asked with academic interest. _

_That very moment the milk jugs and sugar bowls tumbled all over, milk and sugar mingling to form a white puddle getting bigger and bigger until it was overflowing the whole table and pouring over the edges; as a result it began to snow in the hut._

_"Maybe that was the wrong question," I gave to consider since the temperature in the hut had dropped noticeably; it was freezing cold now..._

_... I was in a cold and dark desert of ice and snow, the frost was biting my face and all I could see was the dense whirling of snowflakes in a blizzard. There were also some bizarre sculptures made of ice, shimmering in the palest of all colours. I longed for Severus' arms around me, to feel the warmth of his body... one of the ice statues moved to abide to my longing, and at the same time I realized that I was an ice statue myself... until his arms came around me and his kiss seemed to make me melt again.... Oh, this was so surreal! After all, Alice was not the Ice Queen._

_The snow had stopped and the table was clean again to the extent that there wasn't anything on it anymore. Alice was still rocking in her chair, the chest clutched tightly in her hands. I figured that a good deal of her condition in the real world had to do with the contents of that chest but I was wise enough not to mention it again. _

_Severus seemed to be at a loss. Finally we had managed to get through to Alice, to the core of her soul she was hiding from the world, locked away in her own reclusive wonderland, and he didn't know what to say. Fortunately I was better at small talk. _

_I told her of our wedding and she replied with a colourful vision of her own wedding; she had been a pretty bride. But then the vision became clouded and you couldn't see the face of the groom._

_"He's dead," she whispered, "I don't want to go back."_

_That didn't make much sense since Frank wasn't dead. However, I chose to not recess this topic. Instead, I asked, "And what about Neville, Alice?" _

_She stifled a sudden sob and made us mentally take part in the happiest day of her life, when her beloved baby boy had been born. There was such a genuine expression on her face as she held him in her arms for the first time, looking into his reddened, chubby baby face... Severus frowned. It was no secret that he didn't particularly like kids and bore even less tolerance for obvious dunderheads like Neville Longbottom. But before he could spoil the mood and cause another blizzard, I reached deep into my mind and extracted a memory for her to share that he hadn't seen yet either..._

_... Riddle turned his red, reptile eyes on me, looking pissed off as if I had personally affronted him, while __Neville Longbottom drew from the depths of the burning Sorting Hat a shining sword with a glittering, rubied handle... I sent two jets of green light in Voldemort's direction, not really expecting to kill him but rather to distract him as Neville gathered all his courage and lashed out, and with a single stoke he sliced off Nagini's head. I cheered and raised my hand in the air, my fingers forming the victory sign..._

_"You know, he's really brave, your son." I told Alice, and even Severus looked impressed. _

_Tears were streaming freely down Alice's cheeks now. She was weeping for her baby boy who had turned into a brave young man without her motherly care, though never without the love she felt for him. _

_"Don't you want to see him again? Come back with us..."_

_"I can't," she cried._

_"What's keeping you?" _

_Sadly she looked at the chest still clutched in her hands as if that held something very precious, then she slowly opened the lid._

_Inside was something foul and rotten, charred beyond recognition... it couldn't possibly be alive and yet it was. It uttered the most horrible whimper I've ever heard and I stood as if I were frozen to the spot, staring at the pulsating, revolting something..._

_"Dear Merlin, what is that?" I breathed, shocked._

_"It's her magical core," Severus said, and only then I noticed that the charred thing in the chest was still connected to Alice through something like a blackened red umbilical cord._

_"I can't," Alice said again_

_The room turned dark and cold. I saw four hooded and masked figures towering over the two crouching forms on the ground, tormenting their helpless victims with one _Crucio_ after the other. I heard Bellatrix' infamous cackle as she spoke an unknown curse that reeked of the darkest of magic._

_Severus gasped. He became sort of blurry as if he was slowly fading away and I panicked. What was happening here? Frightened I clutched his hand, calling his name..._

"Sev!"

He was sitting on the hospital bed, shaking all over, beads of sweat on his forehead, and he looked very exhausted.

"You alright?"

He nodded.

"What have you done to my Mum?" Neville shouted at Severus, all his fear of the Potion Master forgotten when Alice collapsed on the bed. She was covered in sweat and apparently she must have screamed when she had relived the torture, the curses, because some of the healers came running into the room, looking startled..

Of course Neville blamed all that on Severus. But before the boy could fling himself in cold fury at my husband he felt a gentle touch at his hand. Alice had reached for him.

"Baby..." she murmured, "... so tall..."

"Mum?" He stared at her, not believing his own eyes. This was probably the first time he had heard his mother actually talking to him even if she was fast asleep a second later, the tiniest of a smile curling up her lips.

Severus struggled to get up from the bed, breathing heavily as if he'd run a long way through hell and back. I was feeling slightly dizzy, too, nevertheless I managed to give him support. Legilimency required a great amount of concentration and he was simply drained.

Without paying heed to all the questions the healers or Neville had, I guided Severus to the Floo network that would take us home. We still needed to talk about our experiences in the weird wonderland of Alice's soul but that could wait until we were feeling better. First of all, we needed some rest.

_The lid opened slowly... a fledgeling raised it's ugly head... its feathers were black- no, it was all charred, horribly burned... actually it didn't even look like a fledgeling at all but a black, charred mass of flesh and it raised its tentacles, many of them, thousands... reaching out for me, trying to connect, to devour me, burn me with its touch like the poison of a spider, its victim all wrapped up in sticky..._

"NO!" I woke with a scream and for a while I had no clue where I was. I was still in the swampland, in Alice's hut, in the desert of ice and snow... then I felt Severus' arms coming around me and he whispered soothingly in my ear.

"Shhh, it's alright, love, it was just a dream."

I remembered now that we had gone to bed straight after returning home as we had both been quite groggy from our Legilimency trip into Alice's mind. I was still shocked from the sight of that horrible thing that had become of her magic core.

Severus smoothed the hair out of my face, his cool, slender fingers were a balm on my flushed cheeks. I hadn't noticed I was crying but my eyes were burning with tears.

"Do you want me to get you a Dreamless Sleep Potion?" He asked gently.

"No," I shook my head and clung onto him as if my life depended on it. "Sev...?"

"Yes, my love."

"Make love to me, please."

We made love, then, gently and tenderly. I longed for the solace only his arms could give me and I needed to feel him close to me, to feel his heartbeat pounding within me, to know we were alive and well...

Later, in the early hours of the morning, we talked about what had transpired and he confirmed to me what I had already guessed. The Longbottoms hadn't only been tortured with the Cruciatus Curse, no, Bellatrix had also used an especially evil and dark curse on Alice that had maimed her magical core though it was still interlinked to her. If she found no way to severe this tie she was bound to remain stuck in the dark swampland of her mind but that also meant that she would never be able to return to life without giving up her magic.

At first it sounded like no big thing- why not give up your magic if you're not able to use it anyway? Would I give it up voluntarily? I was used to both worlds so it wouldn't be any problem for me to live like a Muggle, although I remembered how much it had galled me to not be capable of using magic the first day after I had fallen through the veil with Sirius, after we had returned from Absurdistan... Perhaps it was too much to ask of a pureblood like Alice, who had only ever lived in the wizarding world. I wondered if there might be a counter curse to the one Bellatrix had used on her and looked expectantly at Severus, who sadly shook his head. Of course he couldn't tell for sure since there was still a lot of research to be done on that particular topic, but he made it quite clear that I shouldn't put my hopes up too high. I was glad for his honesty.

Nevertheless, we had reached at least a little success today since we now knew how to get through to Alice and what her problem was. I had already been aware of the fact that one Legilimency trip into a drug clouded mind would probably not be enough to spring her back to life, but a first step had definitely been made.

* * *

_I wish all of my readers a merry Christmas!_


	51. Closure

_Sorry it took so long, this chapter was a bit difficult to write. I hope you like it, please read and review!_

* * *

51- Closure

October wasn't golden in London. There were a few sunny days but they were swiftly outnumbered by those with high fog, dull grey sky and rain. It was the time to turn our home into a nest of pillows and candlelight, cuddling on the sofa. We didn't need much else. Maybe we were a bit obsessive about each other but we had only been married for a few weeks and therefore happy for every moment we could spend together. Severus had been unloved for too long to not enjoy the pleasures of proximity, a gentle touch, a tender kiss, and he had to made up for years of being unkissed.

Although I've never been a decent housewife and wouldn't ever be- that just wasn't me; fortunately it wasn't expected of me either- I nevertheless liked cooking. My pasta was legendary but I also wanted to try out other dishes, so I bought some cookbooks to expand my knowledge as well as my skills with surprising success. Actually it wasn't even that hard if you followed the instructions and added a personal note... I had noticed before and I noticed again that cooking wasn't so different from brewing potions except that there were no counter stirs required.

Severus had laughed out loud the first time he had seen me in the kitchen, prancing around on my high heels, wearing an apron. We had kissed and then made even more mess on the kitchen table when his gentle teasing had led to an outburst of passion- ah, cooking was a very sensual thing...

Of course it wasn't necessary that I do the cooking since we had a house elf, but it filled me with pleasure to see how my husband enjoyed the meals I served, and eating was also a very sensual thing...

Pinkie, however, wasn't pleased at all with my new hobby. Perhaps she feared I was going to dispute her position as the good soul of our household, slowly taking over the regime until she would end in a home for abandoned house elves or worse. I tried to soothe her by reminding her again that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, and although our cute little ugliness agreed on that- always the best intentions for Master Severus on her mind- she winced theatrically the next time she saw me cutting onions, using an ordinary knife.

"Oh, Mistress," she cried, "dear Mistress does it the Muggle way! No good, no good. Let Pinkie does it, Pinkie does it much faster and Mistress needs not weep."

Wiping the tears off my face I smiled at her. "I know you can do it much faster, sweetie, and I'm also aware of how to do it magically, but... but some things you have to do with love and devotion."

Her big, bat-like ears twitched adorably as she thought about it, wondering in a tiny voice. "Pinkie its magic is not with love and devotion?"

"Of course it is," I assured her but she didn't seem to listen as she started to brawl.

"Mistress needs Pinkie no more!"

"Oh no, don't you worry, dear," I knelt down to kiss her forehead, which made her sniff only louder, crying for the poor, neglected house elf she was because I was allegedly taking away the sole reason of her existence, "we will always need you. Look, someone's got to clean up the mess I made."

Pinkie risked a glance through tear-filled eyes. The kitchen looked indeed a mess, as if a cauldron had exploded and wrecked havoc but that only made her smile at me.

"Pinkie cleans it all away. Mistress needs not bother with that."

With a new spring in her steps she hurried to clean up the chaos I had left behind while cooking an Indian dish for my husband, who just returned home from his daily work at St Mungo's. I wished Pinkie would tell Mum how happy I was making her since for as long as I could remember my dear old Mum had always complained about her sloppy daughter, the living disaster when it came to household spells. Well, that's why I had become an Auror and not a bloody housewife.

-

Approximately one week after our Legilimency trip into Alice's drug-induced wonderland, we had an appointment at the Ministry. Knowing him, Kingsley had opted for a very small and private ceremony to reward Severus with the Order of Merlin, First Class. Only a few representatives of the Ministry were present and the media had explicitly been excluded.

A few years ago, the idea of receiving the Order of the Merlin, First Class, would have been like a synonym for Severus' striving to belong somewhere, somewhere important... a compensation for the respect and recognition he had always longed, even a substitute for love in a loveless life. Now he glanced at it and it was just a pretty piece of metal to him, pinned to his robes. Wasn't it strange how priorities could change when you've finally found love?

Sometimes I caught him blinking at me as if he still couldn't believe it was actually true. Well, sometimes I felt just the same.

After the ceremony I accompanied Severus to St Mungo's, where we wanted to check on Alice; she always seemed to enjoy our visits. But when we stepped out of the fireplace in the Janus Thickey ward, we were met by Augusta Longbottom, the vulture atop of her hat trembling, bobbing its head as the old lady stabbed an accusing finger at Severus' chest.

"What about my son, Snape? Is Frank not worthy of your attention? Why don't you try and help him?"

Now that was quite blunt. Augusta Longbottom was decidedly not a witch who minced her words. She was straightforward and I almost felt sorry for Neville, who had had to grow up in the overly domineering shadow of her presence... and yet I couldn't help but stare at her hat. The vulture reminded me of the nodding dogs Muggles used to have sitting on the back shelves of their cars...

Severus was clearly taken by surprise. "I'm afraid, Mrs Longbottom, I fear there is not much I can do for your son..."

"You cannot?" Augusta cut in, "Isn't it rather that you don't want to? Are you afraid that Frank could remember some of the atrocities you committed in our Death Eater days, things that aren't known yet?"

"Don't be absurd, Augusta. It is understandable that you wish Frank to make a full recovery but you cannot ignore the medical and magical facts."

She merely tutted, making it quite clear how much of a damn she gave about facts. Perhaps she had raised her hopes too high over the little progress her daughter-in-law had made- after all, Alice had some odd moments of clarity since our experiment although she was still far from making a recovery. Nevertheless, Augusta wanted the same for Frank. A glimpse of hope. No loving mother could possibly stand to watch the empty shell of her son staring holes into space, year after year, without hoping beyond hope that his condition might improve one day. Alas, there wasn't much hope. Frank just didn't respond to anything at all.

Of course, it was easy to blame it all on Severus and had Augusta been a tad more reasonable she would have realized that. But at the very moment there was no reasoning with her.

"Your lame excuses only prove that you are loath to treat my family with the dignity they deserve. I know how you always picked on Neville during your Potions classes..."

"With all respect, Mrs Longbottom, you are not entitled to criticise my teaching methods or tell me how to deal with blatant dunderheads." Severus' lips curled into a small sneer as he continued silkily. "If I remember correctly there had been a time, not so long ago, when Neville couldn't measure up to your standards either. You considered him a failure."

"You have no idea, Snape. At long last Neville proved he inherited his father's bravery!"

"Ah, are you talking about the always overrated, typically Gryffindor brazenness now?"

"You!" Again she stabbed a bony finger at Severus and from the look on his face I could tell he was thinking about hexing the old hag into next week- which probably wasn't a wise idea given that Augusta Longbottom was already a living legend for landing Auror Dawlish into hospital when he had tried to arrest her on Voldemort's order. I didn't want to find out whether she was on a par with Severus when it came to duelling, and most definitely I didn't want to see him ending up in a hospital bed either.

"Augusta," I said placatory, "I do understand your heart break but let me assure you that my husband left nothing untried to improve Frank's condition. Alas, it has been futile so far..."

Augusta turned narrowing eyes at me. "What do you know about it? You are not a healer."

"True, but what have the healers ever done for your son and daughter-in-law? What have **you** done for them? You gave up hope a long time ago and now you blame Severus for not making a miracle happen."

The vulture on top of her hat let its head down; Augusta looked crestfallen. "But... but the curses these damnable bastards used on them- Why does Alice respond to whatever you're doing? Why not my boy? Why not Frank?"

"Because..." I heaved a sigh. She was a tough old witch who could deal with the facts. "Because there are curses to which no counter curse exists and probably never will. I don't even know what hope there is for Alice since Bellatrix maimed her magical core."

"Can you mend it?" Augusta asked Severus.

He thought that a horribly stupid question; it was like asking if he could made a missing limp reappear. Had that been possible, Mad-Eye Moody wouldn't have looked like a used parts stock. Severus chose to not answer so I did.

"That's not likely. As it seems the only chance for Alice to come back to life is by giving up her magic."

It sounded so easy but my words provoked a shocked expression on Augusta's face; her eyebrows shot up as if I had just suggested something mightily scandalising.

_Purebloods_, I thought, rolling my eyes. No matter how tolerant many of them were towards Muggles or Squibs, the very idea of losing their magic and being one of them, a non-magical person, scared them shitless. I guessed most of them would rather give up their life, considering it not worthwhile without magic. Well, given how little they actually knew about Muggles and even made a total fool out of themselves when trying to dress like them, this wasn't surprising.

"Gran!" Neville called out as he came up the staircase to the fourth floor, perfectly oblivious of the things we had been talking about and apparently not having expected to meet his grandmother here. "I didn't know you were visiting Mum and Dad today."

"I happened to be near by so I decided to drop in and pay them a visit," Augusta said, clearly lying to Neville. Perhaps she was already embarrassed about her emotional outbreak a little earlier since she usually was a more impassive person. Or maybe the loss of her son had made her touchy.

I glanced at Severus and we wordlessly agreed on not disturbing the family get-together; we could still visit Alice later. I took his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. He looked distressed, the result of Augusta's accusations. As untenable as they were, he nevertheless took them to heart and if I didn't watch over him carefully he would soon be brooding about the things she had said.

"Did you ever have a confrontation with Auror Longbottom?"

Severus shook his head. In his eyes I saw a series of scenes from his Death Eater days unwinding as he replayed all the horrors to me, the crimes he had committed. He had participated in raids against Muggles but he had never actively fought the Order of the Phoenix or any Aurors. Riddle had been aware of his potential and had mainly used him as a spy on Dumbledore just as Dumbledore had used him later.

I reached out and brushed a strand of black hair out of his face, letting my hand linger on his cheek. The Severus I knew wasn't the Severus I had seen in his memories- in his heart of hearts he wasn't like that at all. He had just been uncharacteristically idiotic, having been taken in by and following a madman like Tom Riddle. I rose up on my tiptoes and kissed him.

"See? If you never fought Frank, he never found out any dark secrets of yours because there aren't any you have to fear he could reveal now, therefore you naturally did your best to help him- alas, to no avail since there simply isn't anything you can do for him."

Severus stared at me, looking kind of puzzled. "You ability to dwarf a seemingly complicated matter and render it miniscule will never cease to amaze me." He snaked an arm around my waist, holding me gently, still wearing a slightly mystified expression on his face. "Raven, I just showed you the worst part of me and yet you kissed me. How do you manage to love me still after all you know about me?"

"Well, _because_ I know you." My hand had never left his cheek, caressing fingers on his pale skin. I let them trail in a tender line from his cheekbone to his mouth, then following the shape of his lips. They were so soft, especially when they involuntarily curled up into a tiny, sweet smile under my touch... I longed to kiss him again, to feel his lips on mine...

"Oh, how touching. You really are two lovebirds," said a drawling voice, and we turned around to see Lucius Malfoy approaching us, pushing a trolly with cleaning materials and freshly washed sheets. No one sentenced to serve community duties at St Mungo's should be allowed to prance around these corridors the way he did, making a show of it and still being his usual self, as boastful as ever. He offered his most smashing smile at me. "You look truly stunning today, dear Raven."

I rolled my eyes. Lucius had developed the bothersome habit of flirting with me although or just because I was totally immune to his dubious charm. I reckoned his mindless flattery served only one purpose and that was to curry favour with the one who was on very good terms with the current Minister for Magic, a position Lucius used to have once. It must gall him tremendously that he was no longer able to tamper with politics... actually that was a benefit for the wizarding society.

"Lucius, don't you have any bedpans to clean?" Severus snarled.

Lucius shot him a glance as though he was hurt by such a harsh tone, which left my husband pretty indifferent. Sometimes I wondered if Malfoy was just daft. Did he really believe he was still friends with Severus- or, to be more precisely, that he had ever been friends with him? Did he even know the proper definition of friendship?

And yet, for reasons I couldn't quite fathom, we had developed some sort of... well, I wouldn't call it _friendship_ with the Malfoys when there simply seemed to be no way to exclude them from our life. They were like a couple of strays you just couldn't get rid of- ah, I could almost sense their pure blood boiling at the notion of being compared to strays by a filthy half-blood. Still nursing the idea of pureblood supremacy without shouting that in our faces as they sought our company. Our relationship with the Malfoys was indeed a strange one.

I blamed it on Narcissa and her persistence in inviting us to Malfoy Manor for dinner until we had finally agreed a few weeks ago. It was hard to ignore someone who sent you flowers, her best wishes to our wedding, and who had presented us with a precious, antique set of silver cutlery. Of course, I would never forget what Lucius had done to me that day he had abducted me to Malfoy Manor for an audience with the Dark Lord, and Severus was even less forgiving, so there was still a lot of animosity from our side competing with Narcissa's efforts to make amends. She really seemed to try hard and keep Severus' friendship in spite of all that had happened. I suspected her of having a secret crush on my husband but even if that was actually the case she hid her feelings well, always acting impeccable to the decorum of her pureblood upbringing. Nevertheless, Voldemort's regime of terror had left its marks on her. She had learned the hard way to live under constant threat, to deal with humiliation on a daily basis, fearing for her family, and her family was her weakness, her soft spot. Deep in her heart, no matter how high she screwed up her pretty nose in order to escape the stench of those beneath her, the posh, elitist pureblood Narcissa Malfoy was a mother hen who only wanted the best for her family. Before Voldemort's second rise to power she had equated 'the best' with the amount of galleons in the Malfoy's Gringotts vault, with fortune and fame, but the latest events had made her change her priorities. She had even taken a few tentative steps towards her long lost- due to having been blasted off the family tree- sister, Andromeda. Perhaps it was easier to embrace a blood traitor back into the loving arms of family now that Bellatrix was dead, for she would have never tolerated such a betrayal to the cause.

Narcissa was probably a good example to underline my belief that people could change- although that didn't mean I was particularly fond of her but I got on with her. I also believed that doing community service was a good way to deflate even the most enormous ego by and by, whereas Severus merely saw a slippery bootlicker in Lucius, someone who would turn his coat to wherever the most opportune wind was blowing. If it weren't for Narcissa and Draco, he would have long hexed Lucius straight into the hell of rotting in Azkaban for ever and a day. Because of me.

"Look on the bright side, Sev," I told him later, when we were home again. We had chosen to ignore Lucius' mindless babble and had taken the Floo back to our library. "If it weren't for Lucius giving me an audience with Riddle, you would have never realized you might possibly have feelings for me that could match those you had for Lily.""

Mind, I wasn't trying to defend Lucius or belittle his atrocities, but that day at Malfoy Manor had definitely been a turning point in my relationship with Severus. Of course, I would have preferred he had realized what I meant to him without having to suffer several Cruciatus Curses...

Severus was staring out of the window, lost in thoughts, silently brooding. Perhaps he was still contemplating the things Augusta had said to him. I wrapped my arms around his hips and snuggled up to him, nuzzling his neck.

"I was a fool, Raven."

"I know."

He turned around in my arms, a crease forming between his eyes. I raised on my tiptoes in order to kiss it away. Damned, yeah, he was a fool for not have gotten that I had always loved him more than Lily had ever liked him, and he was a total idiot for having joined the Death Eaters, but I blamed that on the natural idiocy of youth. Who made no mistakes in their life? Admittedly, some mistakes were more severe than others but he had atoned for it and I wanted to make him forget. There was a time for atonement and there was also a time for getting over it, a time to live again. The thing about mistakes was that you couldn't make them undone by brooding over them for a lifetime to the sound of if only, and if I let him it would only end up with me joining in, lamenting I had ever left him.

"So, my dearest fool, do you have any plans for the rest of the day?" I asked him teasingly, pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind as I kissed him again, my fingers unbuttoning his shirt.

Severus arched a quizzical brow at me, slightly amused by that turn of events. "As it seems you have already planned my day..."

Grinning at him I pushed him towards an armchair, and soon my lips were following the trace my fingers left on the flesh I exposed with every button I unbuttoned; gentle kisses on pale skin tasting as deliciously as only Severus could taste. I wanted to devour him, to show him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. This was the time of salvation, of letting go of the past and proceeding to a new chapter in the book of our life we had already begun to sketch out some months prior in a hotel room in Siam Reap, Cambodia.

-

I woke up to the sound of pouring rain that last day of October. In the distance I heard the rumbling of thunder and a minute later a flash lightened up our bedroom, casting flickering shadows on the walls. Sleepily I reached out for Severus but my searching fingers only touched the empty space on his side of the bed, still radiating slightly the warmth of his body. He probably hadn't been gone for very long...

I opened my eyes, drowsily scanning the room for him. He was standing at the window, a dark shadow overlooking our garden as if lost in thoughts about all the work required next spring to make it a paradise of blossoming herbs and magical plants... only that I knew he wasn't thinking about that at all. Not today, I realized as I remembered what date it was today- the last day of October, Halloween.... All of a sudden it felt like someone was clutching my heart in an icy-old grip, wringing every notion of happiness out of it and leaving me raw and vulnerable, defenceless. Within seconds I had turned from skilled Auror into a pathetic heap of nerves laying bare, fearing my heart would break and shatter into a thousand pieces because I had lived an illusion that was about to end now, for today was the umpteenth anniversary of _her_ death.

Another flash of lightning bathed him in an eerie light, illuminating his pale skin that it looked like white marble, a stark contrast to his black hair. Slightly tousled it hung in curtains around his face, shielding it from view. My heart ached for him. I wanted to get up and hug him but found myself strangely motionless, as if this was a bad dream where you wanted to run but couldn't move. It was getting colder. My bubble would burst...

"Raven," his voice sounded hoarse when he turned to glance at me, having noticed I was awake, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"The thunder..." I muttered rather stupidly as if I had been caught in the act of doing something indecent, like waking up and finding him staring out into the early morning, thinking of Lily. The thunder was easy to blame for it just gave an infernal crack followed by a loud rumbling.

With an uneasy smile he came to sit down next to me. "Why don't you go back to sleep, love?"

I must have worn a panicked expression on my face- _if I fell asleep now he would be gone as if all the previous months had been a dream_- because his brows furrowed. "What's wrong, Raven?"

"You have been thinking of Lily." There, it was out. I was quite proud of myself that I didn't sound like a jealousy-ridden hag; it was more a statement and less an accusation. Nevertheless I felt my own blood pounding loudly in my ears, almost deafeningly, that I hardly heard his next words.

"Well, yes, indeed. And then I marvelled over the fact why it had taken me so long to realize how happy you could make me."

I had been a fool to believe I could ever replace Lily; she was too high above me on a pedestal he had raised for her and everything he had ever done during those past years had been for her- _**wait**_! "What did you say?"

He shot me an exasperated glance and sighed. "I guess you need a coffee before there's any point in talking to you."

No, what I needed were his arms around me and his lips on mine, but apparently he believed my state was the result of early morning grumpiness in combination with a lack of caffeine. I reached out for him but he had already gotten up to fetch me a cup of coffee from the kitchen.

Outside, the thunderstorm grumbled again but then it became quieter as it decreased and only the sound of rain was to be heard. I reclined my weary head on the pillows, contemplating my very own imbecility. He had said I made him happy. No- he had been thinking of Lily when he had realized that **I** was the one who made him happy. Why had I ever questioned his love for me? Why had I panicked and feared he would burst my bubble? After all, we were married. We had exchanged vows of love- and yet I had forgotten all about that in... in a fit of unreasonable panic because today was the anniversary of Lily's death and I still had not gotten over the inferiority complex of standing in her shadow, of always being only second best... I was such an idiot. Turning into a bundle of raw nerves at the memory of a girl who died seventeen years ago. Pathetic.

Severus returned with a mug of coffee perfectly the way I loved it; a double espresso crowned with a generous mountain of foamed milk, big enough to bury my guilty face in. Sipping it silently I thought about what to say if I wanted to sound less crackbrained than I was. Alas, I couldn't think of anything. I heaved a sigh, blowing small flakes of foamed milk in the air.

He could hardly restrain a chuckle. Yeah, I knew I was- involuntarily- a very funny person in the mornings.

"I... um, I assume you want to visit Godric's Hollow today?" I asked, trying to sound as aloof as possible.

"Only if you don't mind."

"Of course not."

"Raven." Of course he had long figured me out; after all, I was behaving like the greatest idiot on earth today and that had hardly escaped his attention. He knew how I felt about Lily.

"I really don't mind." I suddenly noticed that that was actually true. Although he had been thinking of Lily, his attitude towards me hadn't changed. He wasn't brooding or excluding me from his life in order to wish himself to a better place where Lily was still alive.

Severus breathed a gentle kiss on my forehead and I snuggled up to him. We sat in silence for a while, listening to the rain drops pounding on the window pane. It truly was an unpleasant day.

"Would you grant me the privilege of your company if I asked you to join me?"

His question took me by surprise. He wanted me around when he visited Lily's grave? Despite the horrible weather I agreed, which brought a smile on his face.

When we were finally ready to leave the house, the weather had improved to the point that it wasn't raining anymore. Thick, grey clouds were moving fast across the sky and a cold wind was blowing, occasionally an odd ray of sunshine would try to break through but they were too weak. At least it wasn't snowing, like last year.

Hand in hand we entered the graveyard. Severus led the way to the Potters' grave, having walked it many times before, year after year since Lily's death. This time however he hadn't brought a white lily for every year that she was gone, each flower standing for another year of misery. There was a time to mourn and a time to carry on with your life, and he had long decided to let go and move on. No more keeping vigil throughout the night, the guilt eating him up. Oh, it was still there, the guilt of being responsible for her death, but he had not killed her. He had tried to save her at great personal risk when it became obvious to him what he had so stupidly initiated, and it wasn't his fault she had died nevertheless. If Potter and Black hadn't so foolhardy and presumptuously believed they were cleverer than to trust in Dumbledore's offered protection, she could still be alive. It wasn't all Severus fault. I didn't want him to burden himself with that any longer, not when the times he had succeeded in keeping people alive outnumbered those he had failed. In the end it was all quite plain- if not for his spy work it wouldn't have been possible to bring down Lord Voldemort and we would live in a truly horrible world now.

Maybe it was the stubborn faith I had in him that had finally made him chose me over the memory of Lily. He had not only gotten over his unrequited love for her but, as we approached her grave, we were also able to talk about her without feeling awkward; the memories were no longer painful. She wasn't my rival anymore, I had stepped out of her shadow and recalled that there had actually been a time when we were friends.

Severus stepped forward and placed a single white lily on her grave. I put a sunflower next to it. For a moment we stood in comfortable silence, his arm around my shoulders, mine snaked around his waist. It had been a wise decision to accompany him today and share this moment with him for it seemed to give our relationship a new depth. Lily was no longer standing between us but had become a part of our past we now managed to look back at with a smile, remembering the times we had spent together at Hogwarts. We even managed to chuckle about some of the things she had said or done, things that were so typically Lily. Like dancing in the falling snow while we had watched, sullen and freezing, shaking out heads about so much Gryffindor foolishness.

"Do you still remember," began many of our reminiscences, and we smiled at each other as we recounted moments of our school days, bringing them back to life. Perhaps it wasn't the usual graveyard talk, given that others came here to mourn the loss of a loved one, though I liked to believe that the souls of those lying buried here wouldn't mind to hear that their memory brought not only grief to the ones they had had to leave behind but also some joyful recollections.

"OI! What're you doing here, Snape? Came to gloat over James' grave?"

Sirius really had the knack for spoiling the moment. Although he had long came to the conclusion that he had been wrong about Severus, even feeling guilty for how he had treated him back at school and having taken a few tentative steps towards his old enemy, some old habits never seemed to die. Twelve years of incarceration in Azkaban had taken its toll on him, especially in personal growth as he had never been able to consciously deal with the grief of having lost his best friend, and seeing Severus at James's grave today was enough to trigger off the old, familiar loathing. He clearly took offence at his presence just like he had always taken offence at his mere existence.

Severus whirled around, his hand reaching for his wand. It was sort of a déjà vu as I had witnessed similar scenes repeatedly while at Hogwarts... but fortunately, Sirius hadn't come here all on his own.

"Sirius!" Harry cried in a reprimanding tone, proving that between godfather and godson he was the more mature person. He had come here to visit his parents' grave, for the first time on the anniversary of their death, and the very last thing he needed today was Sirius acting like a berk.

Gingerly I took Severus' hand. "Come on, let's go. The company isn't what I'd call desirable and I fear it won't improve."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said.

I couldn't recall how many times I had already heard that and yet his attitude hadn't changed. Why had I ever fallen for him? True, he was a handsome devil and you could have lots of fun with him but the only thing we shared was our love for motorbikes.

It was probably hard for Severus to not snap back and counter with a snide remark, for he wasn't one to take the assault of a Marauder lying down. But we would not sink on the same abysmal level as Sirius. We would leave and not let him spoil our day.

"Hey, Raven! I said I'm sorry." Sirius shouted as we turned to walk away.

Merlin, he had nerves. He had insulted me only indirectly by being rude to my husband so he had better apologized to him.

"She is not interested," Severus said silkily, sneering at Sirius.

I rolled my eyes.

Harry whispered something to his godfather, who immediately looked crestfallen. Apparently the boy was really golden for he seemed to have made his peace with his formerly most hated teacher and didn't want Sirius to goad him.

"I guess Lily would be proud if we simply walked away," I told Severus

He grumbled something unintelligible before he agreed, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. Sirius wasn't worth the trouble.

We didn't get very far. Walking slowly between the rows of graves, trying to cool down and recall the relaxed mood we had been in before Sirius had interfered, we hadn't even reached the gates of the graveyards when Harry's call made us stop.

"Professor!" He came running after us.

Severus heaved a sigh. "What is it, Potter?"

I elbowed him. Harry had changed his mind about my husband since he had seen his memories in the Pensieve. He now saw in him the man who had risked a great deal in keeping him safe all those years, keeping him safe because of his love for his mother. I believed it was about time to talk things out, especially because I had blocked an earlier attempt due to inopportune timing. But the boy shouldn't be discouraged to express his gratitude any longer

Naturally, the courage of a true Gryffindor wasn't easy to dampen although Harry's cheeks looked slightly flushed when he caught up with us, and that wasn't only the result of the cold or his little jogging.

"I... Sir, I..."

"Have you lost your miniscule ability to be articulate completely now?"

Defiance flashed up in the green eyes behind his glasses, eyes that reminded me of Lily although the rest of Harry looked like a spitting image of James. The resemblance was so striking it was almost scary. I knew what Severus saw when he glanced at the boy since I saw the same. But Harry wasn't James, we always had to keep that in mind.

"No, I... well, Sirius told me so many things about my dad..."

"I bet. A glorious record of rule-breaking and bullying other students which- beyond doubt- your prodigious godfather characterizes as pranks."

Harry looked slightly guilty. "I do not share his point of view... and I know my mother didn't approve of it either. Please, sir, Sirius couldn't tell me much about my Mum other than that she loved my father and me, and... um, you were friends with her..."

"Indeed."

"Sev," I chimed in before this could get too awkward, "Harry here wants to hear some stories about Lily, so why don't you two have a little chat while I smoke a cigarette?"

My dear husband glanced at me as if I had just suggested something mightily indecent, but then he agreed. With an inscrutable expression on his face he turned to the boy. "So, Potter, what do you want to know?"

I smiled as I stepped aside to let them have a moment of privacy that was probably needed. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply when I saw Sirius approaching, heading for his godson. I grabbed his arm.

"Leave them! Don't you get it that they need a moment without you breathing down Harry's neck in order to sort out things between them instead of making them worse?"

"Worse? He constantly picked at Harry during Potion classes, that scathingly sarcastic git assaulting him verbally, and you expect me to shrug it off?"

"You bitching at him doesn't make things any better either. When will you finally grow up, Sirius?"

He looked hurt, giving me that lost puppy look he always put on when he thought a fair maiden was treating him unjust- only that I wasn't a fair maiden and had grown immune to that look of his. I decided to change the topic before he caused more ill-feeling between us.

"How's Angel?"

I had talked to her only yesterday so I knew she was doing well, nevertheless I let him prattle, only listening with half an ear as I glanced in the direction of Severus and Harry. Given that the boy had wanted to learn about his mother he was doing quite a lot of talking. Severus looked at him with furrowed brows.

"Enough of that eulogy, Potter," he cut him off. "Idle flattery will get you nowhere. You want to know about your mother? Come with me."

"I don't like your tone, Snape! Where do mean to take him?" Sirius barked

"To the playground, Black. Go and mark a tree meanwhile." Severus replied waspishly as he prepared to take Harry on a Side-Along Apparition trip. He gestured me to follow them since I knew where they were going while Sirius was pretty clueless. It was probably a good opportunity to get rid of him because he was really annoying today.

With a _pop_ Severus and Harry Disapparated. Sirius looked murderous.

"Who does that greasy git think he is? He can't just take my godson and disappear!"

Now I was really upset. I whirled around with my wand at the ready and stabbed the tip at his throat.

"Shut it, Sirius. Stop bothering us. Don't call my husband names EVER again..."

"You're not going to hex me," he said cocksure, flashing me his most dashing smile. It didn't have the desired effect.

"I wouldn't wager on that if I were you. I know some extremely painful curses concerning the most precious parts of a wizard's anatomy..." I noticed Sirius had the decency to swallow hard at that notion. "...but I don't want to deprive Angel of the small pleasures that dating a moron like you brings her. So go home and have a good shag, apparently your testosterone level is distressingly high today. And don't worry about Harry. He's old enough to make his own decisions, and guess what- he's the one who offed Voldemort. He will, no doubt, be able to face the dangers lurking at him at a playground... like the slippery slide or the swinging swing, let alone the merry merry-go-round."

I didn't wait for his response. He would only come up with lame excuses I was tired of hearing, therefore I Disapparated, too. An instant later I re-materialized in a run-down playground that had decidedly seen better days. A huge chimney dominated the skyline, the last reminder of an industry that had long gone down...

"It's here that you met my Mum for the first time, isn't it?" Harry piped up.

I saw them standing next to the swing; the paint was peeling off the rusty poles and the chain of one swing was broken so that it hung down in an awkward angle. Apparently a long time had elapsed since children had played here. Thinking about how derelict the entire neighbourhood of Spinner's End looked it was likely that no young family with children lived here anymore anyway. Those who were clever- and who could afford it- had moved away until only the old millhands remained, too disillusioned to move on and wrestle their way out of the vicious circle of unemployment and finding comfort at the bottom of a bottle.

"A very astute observation, Potter. I see you remember this place from my memories." Severus replied silkily, his arms crossed over his chest. He gave the impression as though he had changed his mind about telling some stories about Lily. Wasn't it enough that he had extracted his memories for the boy to watch in order to understand what was requested from him? And Harry didn't look very happy either. No matter how much he praised Severus' loyalty and bravery, he still didn't feel comfortable in the Potion Master's presence.

Both men glanced at me with some sort of relief, probably expecting me to prevent things from going totally askew.

"So, what do you want to know, Potter?"

Harry started to stutter. "I... um... er, I..."

"Why don't you start at the beginning, Sev?" I suggested.

"He already knows how I met Lily. I see no point in repeating what he already observed in the Pensieve, especially since the memories stored in a Pensieve reflect reality instead of sentimentalities."

"Oh Sev," I sighed, gently taking his arm. "The boy doesn't know much about his mother so I believe a few sentimental thoughts won't do any harm."

Severus glared at me and I smiled at him. Perhaps he didn't want to remember the pathetic little boy he had been, lurking in the bushes, planning carefully to make the acquaintance of the pretty red-haired girl he had watched for quite a while, waiting for his chance... and then it had gone all wrong. I imagined him, scrawny, small, pale, wearing these ridiculous clothes, acting awkward since he rarely talked to other kids. Probably they had shunned him, thinking him odd, a freak- just like Petunia. He hated his younger self, I saw it in his eyes. I saw the reflection of a poor, neglected kid and I saw behind the odd clothes, the badly cut hair. Instead I saw a cute boy with eager black eyes and I wished I had known him back then. I would have wanted to be his friend. He wasn't a freak. He was unique.

"Well, alright, so we do know now how your first meeting with Lily went but how did you become friends? When did you meet again?" I encouraged him to tell more than just the memories he had given Harry since they had been only for the one purpose- to make the boy understand which side Severus was on and why, and what Harry needed to do. Moments of a friendships in the different stages of its downward spiral.

"A few days after," Severus grumbled as he walked away from the swing and to the far end of the playground, "Apparently some of what I said to Lily had stirred her interest enough to take the trouble of leaving her shadow, Petunia, behind and come looking for me here in the park."

We followed him. There was a thicket of bare bushes Severus brushed through and then we saw the beginning of what seemed to be an old path, almost overgrown by years of disuse. In summer it wouldn't have been visible at all, covered by dense green grass.

"Needless to say Petunia wasn't pleased with her sister befriending me and she followed us around wherever we went to protect Lily from the bad influence that I ostensibly was."

Harry heaved an understanding sigh."Well, Aunt Petunia isn't an easy person to please anyway... unless you're Ickle Dudleykins, that is..."

"I bet." Severus turned around to sneer at Harry. "Did she really made you live in a cupboard under the stairs?"

Harry flushed; angry red blots appeared on his cheeks as he recalled his Occlumency lessons and the many times Severus had managed to break through his defences, feeble as they were.

"Ah," was all Severus said as he walked on.

I wondered if they realized the parallels of their upbringings while all the same contemplating the differences. At least Harry had been loved by his parents before they had been killed and he had had to grow up with the Dursleys, whereas Severus... well, I doubted he had experienced much love in his childhood as I couldn't imagine Eileen Snape as a doting mother. She had been much too busy with her own problems to truly care about him, probably fearing the wrath of her abusive husband. I would never understand women like her... especially not since she was a witch and could have easily hexed him into oblivion for raising a hand at her. But abused women ticked differently; I read some Muggle studies about that without really comprehending their motives, what made them endure the violence as if it was all their own fault. Perhaps they didn't know better, which- admittedly- shed a rather unfortunate light on the Princes, and I was quite glad that Severus had never tried to find out more about that side of his family.

Meanwhile, I could hear the soft murmur of flowing water. Apparently the path was leading towards the river. Only a little later we reached a small landing that I immediately recognized as the spot where Severus and Lily had often sat during their summer holidays. I almost could imagine the sunlight filtered though the leaves of the trees above, casting different shades of green in the cool shadows underneath.

"I remember this place," Harry cried, "Here, you told my Mum stories about Dementors and Azkaban..."

"Once again I am impressed by your astute power of observation, Potter. Indeed, your mother was quite a curious person who liked to hear stories about a world that was new, exciting and yet strange to her."

And Severus had been to one who had filled her in with all she needed to know, for once feeling important despite being scrawny and small, wearing odd clothes, and maybe for the first time he had been confidant. Confidant in his destiny, in knowing that one day they would go to Hogwarts and the wizarding world would embrace them with open arms... until his hopes had been shattered, starting at the Hogwarts Express.

Since Severus was definitely not the greatest storyteller, I told Harry some stories about Lily. After all, the first few years at Hogwarts we had been friends.

Harry turned to Severus.

"Sir, what I don't understand... my Mum, she complained about the friends you were hanging around with, Mulciber and Avery. She said they were evil..."

I tutted indignantly. "_Evil_- yeah, and what were her precious Gryffindor house mates doing each and every day? Oh, I forgot, the Marauder's mischief was called _pranks_ because they were Gryffindors, and Gryffindors can not possible do anything evil. Mind, I'm not trying to defend Mulciber and Avery since they really were two creepy bastards, but your dear mother, Harry, was pretty naïve.

"You are wondering now why Severus never gave up their friendships for Lily's sake? It's quite easy, actually. First of all, Lily never asked him to make a choice. Her friendship was quite a demanding one though she never specified what _precisely_ she wanted..."

"Raven, if you are trying to point out that you were the better friend I consider this an inopportune moment," Severus interjected before I could start rambling about Lily and that being friends with him had become inconvenient long before the Mudblood incident; she had had to make excuses for him, none of her other friends understood why she was even talking to him and that didn't necessarily had to do with the fact that he'd done anything _evil_. It was just that the most popular girl at school and the little oddball very rarely made a dream team, and she had never really listened to him, nor had she ever asked for his reasons why he was fascinated with the Dark Arts.

But Severus was right, this was probably not the right moment to get carried away. I was about to flash him a smile when I heard the crack of twigs and noticed he had chosen to march on. This topic made him quite edgy and he hated to show that in front of Harry.

"You didn't like my Mum much, did you?" Harry asked as we followed Severus.

I heaved a sigh. "Oh, she was a wonderful person, no doubt about that." _And I __**was**__ the better friend... "_Alright, now about Mulciber and Avery- Harry, you know what Hogwarts is like. You arrive there at the age of eleven and then an old rag of a hat is placed on your head to decide upon your future in a system of houses that are supposed to be your family from then on. You have to get on with them, and suddenly having a family that is so preoccupied with blood status isn't an easy thing to deal with when you're a half-blood in a pureblood house. You can try to become invisible, of course, or you try to make some friends. The great _friendship _Severus had with the likes of Mulciber, an imbecilic moron who could hardly spell his own name right, was merely the result of letting them copy his homework. It granted him protection and, to be honest, I also benefited from that."

There was no recognizable path where Severus was going, it looked like he was breaking aimlessly through the undergrowth but after a while we saw a line of houses between the bare branches of the trees, and a little later we reached a street. Severus crossed it, walked three houses to the left, and stopped abruptly.

"That's the house were Lily grew up. It looks different now, of course, but I presume you might want to see it anyway."

Harry stared at the house as if he expected that any minute the door would open and Lily and his grandparents would step out to welcome him although he knew they were all dead.

"Thank you, sir," he mumbled, then glanced at Severus. "Have you known my grandparents?"

"Indeed, Potter. They were decent people, Mr and Mrs Evans."

"Aunt Petunia spoke rarely of them and when she did... it always felt like she was speaking of complete strangers that had nothing to do with me... as if they weren't my family, too. They... they preferred Petunia over Lily..."

"Quite the contrary, although I believe they loved both of their daughters the same, as different as they were, and they never thought Lily a freak because she was a witch. Your grandmother, Daisy Evans, was actually quite thrilled when she found out, and your grandfather, John Evans, asked me a multitude of questions about Hogwarts in particular and the wizarding world in general."

"Ah, I remember them, too," I chimed in. "Mr Evans was the tall blonde guy who always looked a bit out of place at platform nine and three-quarters, slightly overtaxed with all the hustle and bustle of wizards and witches coming and going whereas Mrs Evans- and Lily clearly inherited her good looks from her- was all enthusiastic about it. She always had a chat with my Dad, who was equally excited about the whole wizarding world."

Harry Potter just beamed at us, eager to hear more. Well, I couldn't tell him much more since I had only met the Evanses twice a year at platform nine and three-quarters, at the beginning and the end of each term until our fifth year. Severus knew them much better since he had often been invited to their house but I doubted he wanted to tell Harry about Daisy Evans' attempts to get some food into him for she had thought him much too thin. And then it had all ended because of a slip of tongue, a desperate outcry in a moment of utter humiliation...

"What happened to them? How did they die?" Harry wondered aloud since Aunt Petunia had apparently never bothered to tell him. He thought up some wild theories about Death Eaters having murdered then, almost seeing the Dark Mark hovering over the house- I could tell from watching his face. He would never become an Occlumens.

Severus noticed that, too. Potter's expression would always give him away, no matter how hard he tried. He walked on, slowly, realizing that it might look suspicious if we all stood there, staring at that house although the neighbourhood wasn't nearly as conservative and gossipy as in Privet Drive. Here, people preferred to mind their own business

"John Evans died in a car crash the winter after our graduation. Daisy Evans was already suffering from an incurable disease then and only lived long enough to see Lily marrying... your father." He managed very bravely to not speak out the scathing remark about James Potter that was on the tip of his tongue, and I was very proud of my husband since I wasn't certain if I would have managed if I were in his shoes.

"So they never met me," Harry said sadly.

It must be frustrating to know that your only living relatives were the Dursleys, especially if you so longed for a family. Alas, the closest to a family he had was his godfather, Sirius, and he had just proven to be as immature as he'd been as a student. Although- and I gave him credit for that- he tried to get over his grudges even if he failed every so often and especially on a day like this when the grief over James' death brought him back into Marauders mode.

"No," Severus said uncommitted.

"Anyway, thank you, sir, for sharing your memories with me."

Severus' lips curled up in a slight sneer. "You're welcome, Potter."

The boy blinked at my husband. Had the Potion Master just said something almost civil to him? He decided to not push his luck too much and bid his farewell. We watched him walk down the road, lost in thoughts. There were a lot of things he had to mull over.

"So, that didn't work out too bad, hm?" I said as I snaked my arms around his waist and snuggled up closer to him. Severus mumbled something unintelligible. I breathed a kiss on his cheek. "Ah well," I sighed, "I know you will never become the president of the Harry Potter fan club, but the boy isn't an insufferable berk like his father."

"True, nevertheless I feel better when he is not around." He kissed me gently

In the end we had come to some sort of closure.

"Let's go home, Sev."


	52. Returning from a journey

52- Returning from a Journey

_six years later_

I was sitting at the airport (if you could even call that shabby building an airport) waiting for the plane that would take me back to London, to my husband. What I had once loved about my job as freelance Auror I dreaded now; the assignments that took me to some far-off places, chasing dark wizards. I had loved to travel, I still did. But with Severus and not without him.

We had just celebrated our sixth wedding in Venice (Severus could be so romantic) when Kingsley Shacklebolt had sent me to Southern Patagonia where a former Death Eater was supposed to be hiding. I had only found penguins, lots of penguins. Of course, said Death Eater could have been a penguin Animagnus but there was no proof for that. I had cast several _Revelio _spells over various groups of penguins and not a single one had transformed into a human being, instead the penguins had given me indignant glances. Merlin, I really wanted to be back home.

Six years after Lord Voldemort's defeat the wizarding world was still at peace- relatively, since there would never be magic without someone dabbling with the Dark Arts. Life was wonderful and when I wasn't called away for an assignment, I really enjoyed the bliss of marital life. It seemed we had grown even closer throughout the years. We complemented one another, Severus and I; and while I was like a fresh wind shooing all the dark clouds away that had darkened his pervious life, he grounded me.

I missed him so. Two weeks with penguins was really no fun especially when the phone connection was almost non existent in this part of the world. Owls weren't available either and penguins couldn't fly. I had only managed to call him just a few minutes ago (yes, Severus answered the phone when it rang; he was actually quite good in dealing with Muggle devices) and I had told him the time of my estimated arrival; it had been so good to hear his voice, full of love and longing.

Another voice told me that my flight was being delayed for thirty minutes, and I cursed. Of course there was no straight flight from this shabby airport in the middle of nowhere to London, I had to make a stopover in Buenos Aires and if I missed my flight connection there... I didn't want to think about it now. Instead I let my thoughts stray...

...to our honeymoon... After his birthday in January, celebrated with homemade chocolate cake- that had become a habit since both of us would never forget our first chocolate kiss- we had travelled to some remote African country... now, don't you even dare to think I had spent my entire honeymoon crawling through the jungle, looking out for rare plants or the roots of rare plants, let alone the various parts of magical beasts. I had granted him his fun, had slept in a tent without complaining about the lack of luxury or even the slightest comfort, because making love to him and falling asleep in his embrace was the only comfort I really needed... well, except for staying at least one week in an exclusive first class beach resort at the end of our honeymoon, that is. I had enjoyed lazying in the sun while he had sat in the shadows, reading.

We had also enjoyed the pleasures of flying carpets, wondering why they were banned in wizarding Britain. Well, as Kingsley had told me later they were on the Registry of Proscribed Charmable Objects exactly because their... um, _abuse_ had mightily conflicted with the International Statute of Secrecy, keeping the Oblivators busy. I understood his point but that hadn't stopped us from abusing the one we had managed to smuggle into our house...

In the years that followed the satisfying experience of our honeymoon trip (he had brought home and sort of rediscovered various old and long forgotten potion ingredients from the jungles of Africa) we had hit the road quite regularly, mostly in winter, always to places of magical interest. I encouraged his thirst for knowledge about magic in other parts of the world since he hadn't had the chance to travel much in his life as a spy. Actually, there hadn't been much positive at all in his previous life... it had been a reoccurring nightmare of fear and threat, or guilt weighing him down, that even as the years went by I sometimes caught him staring at his new life in awe, still stunned at the idea of being loved for what he was and not in spite of it. I made a point to snog him senseless whenever I caught him wondering, and it helped.

Nevertheless, there were nights when he still had nightmares and they became more frequent around the first of May. Mayhap Fate reminded him that he had been supposed to die, then... if I hadn't challenged Fate and told her he was mine...

Finally my flight was called up and I boarded the plane. Making myself comfortable in my seat I recalled the past peaceful years that had seen a multitude of weddings. Nearly all the Weasley kids married except for Charlie, who seemed to be more interested in breeding dragons than producing even more Weasleys- thank Merlin for the dragons since I still considered the Weasleys a plague I could live well without. Although, I liked Bill and the kids he had with Fleur.

Percy had married his long time girlfriend Penelope Clearwater, George got attached to Angelina Johnson, the former Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. Needless to say they had named their first son Fred in memory of his deceased twin brother. Ron had married Hermione Granger. But the biggest event, of course, had been the wedding of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. The Golden Boy and the Quidditch star, Seeker of the Holyhead Harpies.

We had received an invitation and actually attended to the wedding although Severus was still not overly fond of the boy. They managed to behave civil, though, whenever they happened to meet and I secretly suspected Severus of still wanting to keep an eye on Harry, even if he wasn't in the need of protection anymore. Nevertheless, he had sworn to keep Lily's boy safe and it seemed to have become a habit of his to, at least, stay informed on what he was doing.

Sirius Black had married Angela Pilar Corazon de la Cruz on the 9th of September 1999, on her family's estate in Puerto Rico; she thought with a date as easy to remember as that he would never forget their anniversary. It was also quite a big event with flower girls and bridesmaids, and me being the maid of honour in a soft pink dress a tad too frilly for my liking but hey, she was my friend so I caved in to let her have the wedding of her dreams. Although, there had been a moment in midst of all the preparations taking place on both sides of the world, she had almost cancelled the wedding.

I still remembered that episode quite clearly...

_Angela came storming into our house drowned in tears and, with a heartbreaking sob, she flung her arms around my husband._

_"I... I'm so sorry," she cried, "You must think me the... the most __**insensitive**__ person for even considering to marry such a nasty, cruel, bullying- oh, I don't even know what to call him!"_

_Severus had tensed up, feeling very uncomfortable with a crying witch attached to his neck. Imploringly he glanced at me and I pried her arms from him, allowing her to continue sobbing in my arms. What the hell had happened?_

_"What has the villain done to you?" Severus asked, sounding murderous even though he hadn't considered Angela a friend before- I didn't blame him; he simply wasn't overly fond of werewolves in general._

_She raised big, teary eyes at him. "To me?" She asked incredulous. "No... no, that's not the point... it's about what he's done to __**you**__." Angel shot me an almost accusing glance. "You should have told me, Raven."_

_We found out, then, that Harry must have made the mistake of letting something about Sirius' school days slip, assuming she knew about his past. But she had been blissfully unaware of the bullying so she had pressed the Golden Boy into telling her some details, and she wouldn't be my Angel if that hadn't shocked her. It hadn't helped either that Sirius had tried to diminish the bullying by calling it harmless teenage pranks._

_"I cannot possibly marry such a person, even if he's the only man on earth who would willingly marry a werewolf. I'd rather take the veil and die an old virgin..."_

_"Angel!" I shouted as she was clearly overreacting now. First of all she would certainly not die an old virgin if she'd been living in the same house with Sirius Black for months. Secondly, her furry problem was caused while having sex on the beach with a stranger... and, bloody hell, I couldn't imagine any convent accepting a werewolf witch. But this was so typically Angel. Her understanding of outsiders in general and the sympathy she had for Severus conflicted strongly with the love she had for Sirius. It was in her nature that she would expand her loyalty and friendship from me over to Severus as if we were one and the same person simply because if any man could get under my skin the way he did he must be worth it. _

_"You are decidedly not insensitive," Severus told her, a slightly sarcastic undertone in his voice since he considered her exactly the opposite, fussing a tad too much for his liking._

_He could destroy it now and ruin her relationship with the bloody Marauder just like the bloody Marauders had ruined his relationship with Lily. Angel wouldn't take Black back just like Lily hadn't taken him back, no matter how often he had tried to apologize. It was all in his hands now, and I gave him credit for not even trying to badmouth the mutt, for that would have been all it needed for Angela to believe she had made a big mistake in accepting his proposal. _

_"It's time to let go of old school day grudges," he said instead though not sounding overly convinced of his own words. He still wasn't able to forget and forgive. The Marauders had made his life a hell and the scars of some memories just ran too deep to simply get over them; he was like an elephant when it came to that. Nevertheless, he didn't begrudge Angela her happiness with the mangy mutt so he glanced at me, asking me silently to settle this mess before he left the room in order to give us time for some much needed girl's talk..._

Had I told her that day how often I myself had been the victim of the Marauders' strange sense of humour, she would have never married Sirius. She despised bullies, she had made that quite clear when he came, begging and pleading, giving her his most irresistible puppy eyes. He promised sincerely he would be a good dog... um, he didn't say that but it was definitely the meaning of his words and he also pointed out that he had apologized- many times- for his behaviour. True as that might be- he actually showed some remorse- actions spoke louder than words and still he failed when old habits got the better of him. Nevertheless, his sincerity convinced Angel and they married as they had planned to.

We saw to it that a little surprise would await them in their wedding night, remembering a bed of roses and all its thorns as we carefully plotted our sweet revenge by transfiguring their wedding bed into an overlarge dog basket. Angela took it with humour while Sirius took offence to the flea shampoo we gave him as a wedding gift.

But as years went by, Sirius had changed his attitude towards Severus so thoroughly that he had even asked him to be the godfather of his firstborn son, which Severus had rather grudgingly accepted. However, my dear husband liked to point out that he had only done it for Angela, and given how much he had actually done for my friend it was understandable.

_"I'm not a real woman," Angela sobbed after her second miscarriage, "what am I worth if I can't carry out a child?"_

_Severus bit back what he had intended to say, that there was no shame in not producing another Black, because he didn't fail to notice how very devastated she was. Despite being a werewolf he had grown to like her for the kind woman she was, and without losing much words (he still wasn't very good at dealing with crying women) he had retreated to his private lab._

_"My kind doesn't usually breed," Lupin had once said._

_Apparently her problem was- and not only hers but that of all female werewolves- that although they could conceive they were not able to carry out a child. I couldn't even fathom how it affected the embryo in the womb if its mother went through her transformation into a wolf once a month, even if with the help of Wolfsbane said wolf was a tame one that liked to curl up by the fireplace and be slobbered over by a big, black dog._

_So Severus started working on a new, improved version of the Wolfsbane Potion for the sake of a woman who had cried her eyes out over him, shocked about how badly her former fiancé and now husband had treated him, her best friend's husband and therefore also her friend, at school. Although he had pretended indifference when she had drowned in tears flung her arms around him, sobbing, sincerely shaken, it hadn't left him cold or untouched..._

After a good year or more of intensive research he had actually came up with a potion based on some long forgotten African and Tibetan ingredients that was quite a revolution...

_Aw, how I had loved our stay in Tibet! The sensational landscape, the gentle serenity of the Buddhist monks there... the secrets of the Kamasutra..._

His new, sensationally improved Wolfsbane Potion made possible what no werewolf had ever dared to dream of since it not only turned them from dangerous beast into tame wolves but stopped them from changing at all. For the first time ever they could remain in their human form despite the call of the moon.

Angela got pregnant again and this time she delivered a healthy boy. Sirius wanted to call him James in memory of his dear friend but in the end Angela had the last word (as usual- she really had a knack for giving him a glance that would make every dog roll on its back and whimper for affection) She decided to stick to the old Black family tradition and name her kids after stars, so her first little star was called Regulus. The next was Cassiopeia, and she had recently told me she was pregnant again. I only hoped she didn't try to top Molly Weasley...

My plane landed at Buenos Aires domestic airport at about the same time when my connecting flight to London was due... from the international airport some distance away. Even if I Apparated I still wouldn't make it in time. Let alone that trying to get a flight was not an appropriate reason for breaking the International Statute of Secrecy and Muggles tended to freak out when someone materialized out of thin air.

Blast, I hated to travel by Portkey but I didn't want to wait another day. I missed Severus. So I rummaged through my bag looking for something I could use as a Portkey when my searching fingers got hold of a little vial. It was labelled _Travel-Sickness Potion _and contained a pale green liquid. Apparently Severus must have slipped it into my bag... oh, he was simply the best. I gulped down the potion, it tasted of peppermint and ginger, and then I went to a quiet place where I could use my wand. I cast a Disillusionment Charm on me before I transform the now empty vial into a Portkey by the _Portus_ spell.

A little later I was standing in front of our house in London and for the first time I didn't feel the urge to empty my stomach on the pavement. It was wonderful to be the wife of the greatest Potion Master alive; I couldn't wait to thank him.

Quietly I entered the house, wanting to surprise him since he wouldn't expect be back for a few hours. I hoped he was home at all. Then I saw him sitting in the library and my heart leaped at his sight. On tiptoes I snuck closer until I was right behind him, ready to throw my arms around him...

"You know, Raven, you should never approach a wizard in such a sneaky way because he might hex you first and then ask questions," he said in that silky drawl of his as he turned around, his black eyes glittering. A second later I was in his arms and he kissed me passionately.

"You know, Sev, you should never grab a witch sneaking up to you and kiss her because she might be someone impersonating me," I said when I could breathe again. Oh, it was so good to be home again.

"Dear, an impersonator wouldn't have managed to get through the wards set on this house, and besides, no one else kisses like you do."

"So even if someone else had managed to break through the wards you would have noticed it wasn't me by the way she kissed you?"

"Decidedly, although I doubt that anyone else would even want to kiss me."

I kissed him again, this time more gently and not like someone who was almost starving.

"I'm surprised," he admitted then, "weren't you supposed to arrive at London Heathrow in a few hours?"

"Oh, and you wanted to pick me up from the airport?"

"Indeed." He sounded as serious as if he had really considered that while I had problems imagining him in midst the hectic hustle and bustle of Muggles at the airport. But yeah, he would have done so, feeling mightily unwell and scowling all the time.

"Pray, tell me my love, would you have taken the Tube to get there?" I teased him.

"Insufferable woman to ask such indecent questions," he grumbled but his eyes looked at me affectionately as he ran hand through my long black hair, "Of course not. I certainly do not share your preference for Muggle ways of transportation. Now will you please tell me what happened? What gives me the pleasure of holding you in my arms sooner than expected?"

We sat down in his armchair together, snuggled up, before I answered his question. "I missed the plane because the other one was delayed and then I decided to make a Portkey instead of waiting for another day to see you again. By the way, that potion you smuggled in my bag was wonderful. I didn't have to empty my stomach when I arrived."

"I am glad to hear that."

Most of all he was glad that I was with him again; he had missed me too, I noticed sitting on his lap and he couldn't quite seem to keep his hands off me. It was so good to still feel wanted and desired although we had been married for six years now, that his passion for me hadn't ebbed. Mind, I really wasn't an expert on long-term relationships so I was still slightly at awe how wonderful it actually was to be with only one man, to kiss only one man, to make love to only this one special person- and we had a very fulfilling love life. Getting to know each other was exciting but it wasn't less exciting to really know each other and find deep pleasure in that.

His hands were under my shirt now, trailing up my back where his clever fingers undid the hooks of my bra. My breasts ached to be touched and a feeling of sweet sensation ran down my spine. I took off my shirt. My breathing increased as I fumbled with the buttons of his shirt- fortunately he wasn't that buttoned up today. Merlin, two weeks apart from him had really been too much. I madly, desperately longed for him, and apparently he felt the same. We got really heated up, then, eager to get rid of all the fabric between us until we were skin to skin. During the past years he had gained some weight and wasn't that bony anymore although he was still slim and willowy, with long, slender limbs. I admired his body, sinewy and perfectly shaped.

Later we proceeded to our bedroom and celebrated our reunion more thoroughly, more gentle than our first passionate encounter in the library. Later, we were lying breathlessly and satisfyingly spent in each others arms, so very happy and completely sated. Our kisses tasted different then, in the aftermaths... so much sweeter. He was toying with my hair, running loving fingers through strands of black while I caressed his dear face, taking in the features I had grown to love so much.

"I've been thinking..."

His lips curled up in a lazy sneer and I elbowed him teasingly.

"Yes, I am perfectly capable of that, thank you very much."

"I am aware of that. Do you believe I married you only for your body? Now what have you been thinking about, dear?"

"Well, actually it has to do with my body- sort of. I consider to give up my job before... you know, I like my body with all my limbs still attached to it..."

"Hmm," he purred in agreement, trailing his hand down my back to underline that.

"...and I don't want to end up like Moody. I don't want to travel to remote parts of the world anymore. I'm not the only one who can chase Death Eaters or count penguins. I don't want to be separated from you anymore."

"Though I like to hear that I never complained about your job. I understood it was something you liked to do, that even fulfilled you."

"Yeah, you're right. I used to love my job but lately... it's getting tedious." I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. "I mean, I still like being an Auror and it is still satisfying to bring down an evil wizard but honestly, most off the assignments are only offered to me due to the incompetence of many Aurors to blend in decently with the Muggle world."

I heaved a sigh. Severus propped himself up on one elbow to watch my face.

"You could teach other Aurors the advanced art of Muggle Studies. If I remember correctly your courses in wizarding crime scene investigations are quite popular."

"Yeah, but I don't know if I'd be happy with even more teaching."

"What would make you happy, then?"

I snaked an arm around his neck and pulled him closer so I could kiss him. "You make me happy, Sev."

He smiled at me, caressing my cheek. "And you make me happy, Raven. I never thought I would ever be rewarded with so much happiness; I still fail to comprehend what I have done to deserve that."

"Shhh," I gently placed a finger on his lips, not wanting to hear any of that now. He was brave, he was so very talented, one of the greatest Potion Masters alive... he was the most wonderful husband I could ever dream of so of course I wanted to make him happy. He had gone through so man dark and lonely years in his life that he clearly deserved whatever happiness I could give him.

"Hm, I could also write all the books you're too busy to write," I mused. "Or I could write a book about penguins..."

"Those penguins seem to have been a haunting experience from your latest excursion."

"Indeed... I have no idea why Kingsley thought there might be a Death Eater hiding in Southern Patagonia because all there is are penguins. Millions of them. At least along the coast. If you travelled further inland you saw less penguins and more wasteland. Miles and miles of boredom that has never been bothered to be spoiled with the Dark Arts, and the only people I saw where some whale-watchers or penguin-counters."

"I wonder what gave Kingsley the idea that there was still a Death Eater on the loose anyway. Those who survived the war are incarcerated in Azkaban and no one has been reported missing. I racked my brain on who possible could have escaped justice so far but failed to come up with any name."

"Me neither."

"Anyhow, I do have a problem to envision you busying yourself with all my notes in order to make them presentable in book form."

"Ah, you're right, love. I should rather bathe in your glory and do what the wife of a rich and famous Potions Master is best at, like spending your money going shopping or inviting the wizarding high society to dinner parties and charity balls."

Severus scowled at me and I giggled, which caused him to say in a dark voice. "Would you excuse me please? I have to call Sebastian and ask how much it will cost me to get divorced."

I flung myself at him and rolled him over, pinning him down on the mattress. "Oh, you wouldn't do that, would you?" My hair fell like a curtain around his face, locking out the world around us as I bent my head to kiss him. He yielded to the touch of my lips on his and parted them willingly, so soft and pliable, to allow the sweet dance of our tongues. His hands were all over me again, raking through my hair, caressing my face, wandering along my side, barely touching my breast... just so it made me shiver with longing and anticipation. He knew how he could undo me.

We made love again. I would never get enough of him, of the way he made me feel when he was within me, making me complete as if he was a part of me that had gone missing, and I... I wanted to crawl inside him and give myself to him so that he, too, would feel complete.

It was the most inopportune moment for the doorbell to ring so we ignored it, cuddled up close together. Whatever the world wanted from us would have to wait. Our anniversary trip to Venice had been much too short as we had planned to leave behind the daily grind of our working lives that often left not much room for cosy togetherness. Actually it had been Severus' idea, his surprise. He had even booked the hotel, a small, romantic one near the Canale Grande with view to the famous Rialto bridge; it was run by a Squib that was distantly related to the Zabinis...

-

_We had just made ourself comfortable on the big four-poster bed when an owl pecked at the windowpane. Severus got up, a crease forming between his eyes since he recognized the Longbottom's barn owl._

_"Oh no, how did __**he**__ manage to track us down here?" He growled as he opened the window, seized the parchment tied to the owl's leg and dismissed the poor bird without giving it a treat. Frowning he read the message and tossed it aside before he joined me in bed again._

._"Where did we stop?"_

_"Aw, has Neville sent you another happy whatever note?" I asked amused, toying with a strand of black hair that had fallen into his face. I curled it around my finger before I smoothed it back to where it belonged._

_Severus sighed, grumbling something about overly thankful dunderheads. Neville sent cards for Christmas and Easter, for Sev's birthday and mine, for whatever anniversary he could think of and even when he read something about my husband in the papers._

_"Will you please bear with poor Neville, dear. Of course he is overjoyed he got his Mum back."_

_"She's a Squib now," Severus gave pause to consider as if it was his fault alone that Alice had been deprived of her magical core when in fact __**she**__ had decided to give up her magic for her son._

_"But she adopted the Muggle lifestyle fairly well- after all, she hasn't missed a single episode of Coronation Street or EastEnders since she discovered the joys of TV."_

_Severus rolled his eyes, reminiscent of all the other joys I had introduced her to, like beauty parlours and shopping malls..._

_-_

The doorbell rang again, this time more insistently. A moment later a bright, bluish light lit up above our bed and took on the form of a lynx.

"Open the door. It's urgent. Need to talk..."

"Kings! Get your bloody Patronus out of our bedroom!" I yelled as I jumped out of the bed and wrapped my naked form in a crimson satin dressing gown. With bare feet I ran down the staircase to the front door. Taking a deep breath I smoothed my hair and grabbed my wand, before I opened the door, ready to hex the Minister of Magic into oblivion for once again interrupting a moment of privacy with my husband- I still hadn't forgiven him for sending an owl to Venice, informing me about a Death Eater on the run in Southern Patagonia.

"What's it now?" I snapped, fidgeting with my wand in front of Kingsley Shacklebolt's face."Death Eater sighting at the North Pole?"

"No, it's more serious this time. May I come in, please?"

The look on his face made me lower my wand and I let him in; I hadn't really intended to hex him anyway. He was accompanied by Williamson and Harry Potter, two more Aurors were waiting outside. All of this indicated that it wasn't about sending me to some remote corner of the world.

"Ah, our humble house is blessed with the golden grace of a real celebrity," Severus drawled as he joined me, glaring at Harry Potter. The night couldn't get worse, his eyes seemed to say.

"Yeah, I'm happy to see you too... um, _Sir_."

The boy stared at him; clearly he had never seen his former professor clad so casually before, let alone with tousled hair. Did I also look as pleasantly flushed and dishevelled as if I had been loved thoroughly?

Before Severus could retort, Kingsley spoke. "Now, this is not the time for mindless banter, Severus."

"Whatever it is, Kingsley, it had better be important."

"There was a mass breakout. Several Death Eaters escaped Azkaban today, including Xavier Yaxley."


	53. Azkaban

a/n: there are some scenes that might be a bit... um, _disturbing_... Read and enjoy, and don't forget to review.

* * *

53- Azkaban

_"There was a mass breakout. Several Death Eaters escaped Azkaban today, including Xavier Yaxley."_

* * *

"What?" I yelped, staring at Kingsley Shacklebolt in disbelief. He must be kidding...

"I said," Kingsley began in an attempt to repeat himself, but Severus cut him off immediately.

"I do not believe it was an acoustic problem that caused my wife to give you an expression of disbelief; it is rather the incredibility of your words that makes her wonder- and me too, actually- if the Ministry of Magic, and especially the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, is staffed with incompetent dunderheads."

"Most certainly not."

"Ah, so if they are not too sloppy to do a decent job you probably consider it perfectly acceptable for the inmates of Azkaban to take a stroll whenever they please?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm now.

"Severus, let me assure you that this is not the case. The security standards in Azkaban are high, especially for former Death Eaters. They were kept in solitary confinement, in windowless cells deep in the dungeons... no one was allowed to talk to them so it is nigh impossible they could have _planned_ this breakout..."

"And yet you have the nerve to show up at my doorstep, with _Auror_ Potter of all people in tow, telling me that despite all your apparently so high security standards Yaxley managed to break out. Your audacity in undo my wife's efforts to get every last Death Eater incarcerated is truly remarkable."

"Severus, I am not here to diminish Raven's efforts, quite the contrary."

Kingsley glanced at me and offered me a warm smile, nevertheless I felt strangely cold. A shiver ran down my spine, not only caused by the door still standing ajar, letting in the crisp autumn air.

_Yaxley... damned, he was dangerous... at court he discredited Severus in a- fortunately futile- attempt to take him down with him, and though he never specified it, his whole attitude showed his desire to take revenge on Severus, the spy. Severus, the traitor, the double-crossing scum, responsible for Voldemort's defeat... while all the same making it obvious that he, Yaxley, saw himself quite fit in the role of a new dark lord..._

Surreptitiously I reached for Severus' hand. Though times had changed, there were still those who believed in the superiority of their blood and I couldn't think of any Death Eater imprisoned in Azkaban who might _**not**_ bear a grudge against Severus. After all, his testimony had landed them there in the first place and the insider knowledge he had revealed had increased the sentences of many. Was it all to start again? The fear, the imminent and ever-present peril threatening his life after years of unclouded happiness? Would it ever end? The sight of the two Aurors on patrol outside told me that things were serious indeed, even without Kingsley warning us that we might be in danger.

That moment Pinkie emerged from the kitchen, delighted to see that her Master and Mistress were receiving guests although she should have noticed that the mood was definitely not encouraging to chirp if anyone wanted a cup of tea.

Harry stared at her as if he had never seen a house-elf before- perhaps he hadn't expected to find a free house-elf here... and clearly he had never watched _The Addams Family_.

"A shot of Firewhisky would be very much appreciated, dear," I told her, trying to recall my duties as a hostess as I should have long since invited our dear guests to come in and take a seat in the library instead of letting them stand in the hallway.

Kingsley then filled us in with what little he knew, and he was still pretty clueless about what had really transpired. The guards of Azkaban had informed him during a meeting with the Muggle Prime Minister that a group of Death Eaters, who could not possibly have communicated with each other since they had been kept in solitary confinement, had nevertheless managed to escaped Azkaban in a mass breakout at approximately 9 PM. Apart from Yaxley, the other delinquents on the loose were Rowle, Selwyn, Avery, Carrow, Mulciber, Rookwood, and Travers.

How the hell had they arranged that?

Kingsley shrugged, he had no idea. All he knew was what the guards had told him, there had been no investigation yet. No one went to Azkaban at night and he had deemed it more important to inform us first due to the warning found in one of the cells, a warning directed at Severus, speaking of revenge. He pointed out that nearly all of the escaped Death Eaters had a personal reason to take revenge on him.

Severus downed his glass of Firewhisky and scowled at the Minister. Of course he had already realized that, thanks a lot. At school he had been friends with Avery and Mulciber, the others had seen him a rival to their own ambitions, and all of them thought him a traitor.

Absent-mindedly he scratched his left arm where once the Dark Mark had been inked to his skin like an evil tattoo. He glared at Harry.

"Has your scar hurt recently, Potter?"

"No, but thanks for caring about my well-being..."

"Idiot boy," Severus growled, breathing a sigh of relief. At least Riddle hadn't found a way to accidentally create another Horcrux; he was definitely gone for good.

"The wards on your house are remarkably strong," Kingsley said. "We tried to come by Floo network but couldn't get through..."

"We like to keep our privacy, Minister. I prefer to not receive visitors when I'm in my bedroom and my wife is equally adverse to unwelcome guests."

"Oh will you please be agreeable, Severus! It was merely trying to compliment you for the security measures you have already taken. Get it into that thick head of yours that there are people who care about your well-being. I immediately alerted not only the Magical Law Enforcement Squad and Auror Headquarters but also the MI6 when I learned of the breakout. I want to know you were safe, you and Raven."

"And I will personally see to your safety, sir," Harry interjected, sounding sightly smug.

"I'd rather you didn't!" Severus snapped. "Although I am perfectly aware of your... um, _profound_ knowledge of the Expelliarmus Spell," he sneered at the boy, "I am nevertheless disinclined to depend my life on your comparatively mediocre skills as an Auror."

"I'm only trying to help you..."

"How touching, but I would rather prefer to hide behind my wife should there be the necessity of seeking the protection of an _experienced_ Auror."

The idea was so absurd that I chuckled and even Williamson, who hadn't uttered a word yet, couldn't hide a smirk.

"So," I said, "we learned today that some Death Eaters escaped Azkaban, which seems to have become sort of a habit of them given that for Rookwood it was already the third time. One might almost believe he knows that place like the back of his hand..."

Kingsley rubbed his face. He was tired and the latest turn of events didn't sit well with him either. It annoyed him tremendously that he still had no clue how this could have happened given that the first team of investigators was to take the ferry to Azkaban at the break of dawn. He asked me if I would accompany them, relying on my talents in magical crime scene investigations, and I agreed.

Williamson seemed relieved. Although Harry had become quite a decent Auror, he was often so very Gryffindor in his behaviour- too rash, too impatient. He was undoubtedly a very brave young man but he lacked subtlety, and the devil was often in the details. We had to find out how the Death Eaters were able to communicate in order to plan the breakout, or if they had help from outside. I liked to believe Kingsley that the security standards were indeed high so the whole affair was quite a mystery that I wanted to solve.

A little later I walked our guests to the door, biding them farewell until the next morning. Kingsley had insisted that the two Aurors on patrol outside would remain there, hidden under the Disillusionment Charm so that our neighbours wouldn't start gossiping. Well, as long as Potter wasn't sneaking around our house all night I guessed it was alright with Severus.

Then I retreated to our living room and turned up the speakers of the stereo, playing some real loud punk rock music while Severus was brooding downstairs in the library. We both had our own, different ways of dealing with problems, just as we were completely different. Occasionally we needed a time-out to sort our thoughts (or, rather, to blast them out of the mind with screeching guitars in my case) before we would fall into each others arms again and talk things over.

Tonight, however, we didn't want to talk. As long as we had no reliable information on the events we could only speculate wildly about how Yaxley and his miscreants had escaped, and that seemed to be a waste of time. So we only held each other close, cherishing a proximity that needed no words.

Of course I was worried. Yaxley wasn't to be underestimated, and he had amply proved what a cunning bastard he was at court, when he had almost managed to bring up the Wizengamot against Severus. He wanted revenge and he wanted power; he was a dangerous man.

Nevertheless I felt safe that night in our house. Kingsley had been correct about the wards- they were strong, nigh impossible to break through. Severus had seen to it when we had moved in here, knowing he was a wanted man by some of his former _friends_. There had actually been one funny incident involving Lucius Malfoy, who had spent at least ten minutes trying to step over the threshold but had always ended up as though he was bumping against an invisible wall, before Severus had shown mercy and let him in. I still didn't understand half of the complicated wards my husband had erected but I knew our house was like a mightily guarded fortress; it was a good feeling in times like this.

Although I felt safe, I hadn't expected to find sleep this night either. My mind was so full, so overloud... and yet I must have drifted off to the land of dreams eventually because I woke up to the heavenly smell of coffee. My eyes fluttered open sleepily.

It was still dark outside. I groaned grumpily, always a charming person in the mornings, and wanted to pull the blanket over my head again. But the coffee smelled too tempting...

Severus ruffled my hair and reminded me that I had agreed to meet Kingsley at the break at dawn. I grunted sullenly, cursing Kingsley and with him the whole wizarding world; I clearly wasn't a morning person.

Severus managed to lure me out from under the blanket with the mug of coffee I needed as desperately as a junky his next shot. Oh, he knew my weakness and had fun seeing me transform from zombie to vaguely human with every sip of coffee I took, my nose buried deep in the foamed milk. I smiled drowsily at him.

"Love ya, Sev."

He gently kissed some foamed milk off my nose and sent me to the bathroom. His patience with me in the mornings would never cease to surprise me- I mean, I knew myself how insufferable I was so he must really love me a lot to bear with me, always amused about my antics.

After taking a shower I was a bit more agreeable and quickly got dressed. A faint light falling in through the windows pronounced the dawn of a new day. I tied my Docs and donned my long, black leather coat, then I put on my sunglasses. I knew the sun wasn't shining brightly, nor was it even likely to shine at all today, but the sunglasses looked just cool with the leather coat... and they would perfectly hide the shadows under my eyes, resulting from a lack of sleep. Yeah, I was still vain. I was the one who applied red lipstick even if she was going to Azkaban for magical crime scene investigations. Severus rolled his eyes as he kissed me goodbye.

"Take care."

"You too." I reached out to caress his face. "Perhaps you should stay at home today... at least until we found out how they managed to escape."

He furrowed his brow. "You are as much in danger of their wrath as I am, given that you are the traitor's wife, so don't tell me what to do when I am not keeping you from doing your job."

I glanced at him and our eyes locked in silent understanding before I kissed him again, holding him close to me for one delicious moment, inhaling the scent of his skin. Then I Apparated to the spot where I was supposed to meet Kingsley.

They were already there, waiting for me. Three silhouettes against the pale golden glow of an autumn morning rising over North Scotland. Kingsley, who deep in his heart was still more Auror than Minister; Williamson, the very capable but unfortunately not much esteemed head of Auror Department (people wanted to see Harry Potter, the Golden Boy, Defender of Lord Voldemort in his position) and finally Harry Potter himself.

I glanced around. For miles and miles there was hardly any trace of civilisation to be seen, only the wilds of the Highlands and a derelict building at the coast. As we walked closer we saw the landing place for a rather unique boat. Muggle Repelling Charms let it appear like an ordinary fishing boat that many a Scottish fisherman would use, but indeed it was more of a raft with a mast and a sail that was charmed to always catch the right wind.

The ferryman was a hulk of a man with wild black hair and a fierce expression on his face; he almost looked like a pirate. The man bowed to the Minister of Magic before offering his big paw of a hand to Harry, visibly impressed to meet the Golden Boy. The rest of us he ignored.

"Me name's Charon," he growled in that dark voice of his.

"How very fitting," I chuckled which made Harry glance at me questioningly. Casting my eyes heavenwards I wondered why anyone would see this boy fit to take over Auror Department when he was so obviously lacking general knowledge. "Greek mythology, Potter," I reminded him but still the Knut didn't seem to drop- I blamed it on Professor Binns and his ability to put students to sleep during his classes; a ghost should not be allowed to teach. "In Greek mythology, Charon was the one who ferried the deceased over the Acheron, the passage to the underworld."

"Ah," said Harry, not overly interested in my lecture. Apparently he considered the magic that made the one masted raft speed over the waves of the North Sea far more interesting since he started to pester Charon with questions about his boat.

Meanwhile I wrapped my leather coat closer around me, shivering in the cold breeze of the sea but not only because of that. Something else seemed to be creeping up me spine... a vague feeling of hopelessness and despair, and it grew stronger with every mile until finally a tiny island appeared in midst the dullness of grey waters. A fortress, even more intimidating than Nurmengard...

The raft made berth at its established mooring where the chief of the guard already awaited us. He was flustered, his cheeks red with agitation as he mumbled excuse after lame excuse of why there had been a mass breakout that he hadn't seen coming.

Although the Dementors had left Azkaban, their evil magic was still lingering on like a foul breath sucking up all thoughts of happiness. The chief of the guard handed out charms that were supposed to lighten the mood. You needed that at a place like this or you couldn't possibly work here. I wondered what kind of people were working here anyway, they must be indifferent and callous at facing so much misery here, so much despair. It seemed to radiate from every stone, hovering in the damp, dark corridors.

We passed cells with inmates raging wild with insanity, jumping at the iron bars like apes gone mad. Some howled like banshees only we didn't hear a sound. Spells kept the screams from bothering the guards, they were merely audible to those who screamed. Others cowed down in the corner, babbling nonsense to themselves; skeletal-like arms, just bones and sallow, thin skin, reached out desperately through iron bars, begging for mercy.

"Merlin, don't you feed them?" I asked, my own voice sounding hollow in the face of so much hopelessness.

The chief of the guards aimed his wand at the pleading hands and cast painful hexes at them. Then he shrugged as if he thought my question absurd. "Some eat, some don't," he said finally. "If they want to starve themselves to death why bother?"

I bit back a sharp comment as we walked down a narrow staircase to the dungeon where the top security prisoners where kept in windowless holes that never saw the light of day. At the far end of the corridor the walls of some adjourning cells had been blasted off, it looked as if a Muggle bomb had exploded but I still sensed a trace of magic. Actually, the whole place was filled with so much magic, the magic of centuries. Spell after spell created and cast to break the spirit of the inmates, to keep them silent or to ward each and every stone of the walls. You could almost _feel_ the magic. I could imagine that someone with a knack for wandless magic might even be able to use this magical energy and weave it into something of his own bidding.

I thought I had already seen the worst but I had been wrong. Nothing prepared me for the horrifying sight I had to witness when the chief of the guard showed Kingsley the message, the warning that had been mentioned.

Harry's face took on a sickly green hue; he turned around and emptied his stomach. It was understandable.

Chained to the wall was a naked torso, legless, armless, two empty sockets where the eyes had been. Blood was pooling from the horrible gap that had been the mouth, probably the tongue had been cut off.

Across the abdomen of the woman were words painted in blood.

_SNAPE!_

_WE'LL GET YOU!_

It was indeed considered to be a warning, a horrible threat. But worse, so much worse was the moan that came from the mouth of the terribly mutilated _thing_, indicating it was still alive.

The chief of the guard didn't look surprised.

"You knew it?" I snapped at him, infuriated. "You knew she is still alive and yet you didn't do anything to ease her pain."

"I was told to leave things untouched," he defended himself, pointing at Kingsley. "Minister's order. Besides, it's only Alecto Carrow."

I slapped him hard across the face, some people didn't even merit using a wand on them. Then I aimed mine at the mutilated form of Alecto Carrow and a jet of green light shot from it. Harry looked scandalized that I used the Killing Curse but the peaceful expression on what was left of her face told me it was a mercy killing. Kingsley placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze of agreement.

"I assume there was no way Carrow could have... um, let us know about the breakout." Williamson said dryly.

"It's fucking hard to speak without a tongue and usually it is essential for Legilimency to have eye contact," I retorted harshly before shaking my head. "No, even if there was a possibility to get into her mind and extract memories you still wouldn't find any coherent thought but pain. Why do you think they did this? They wanted to prove their power, their willingness to stop at nothing, and they felt like laughing in our faces when they deprived the only witness of any ability to communicate. Of course, they also needed some sort of... um, _canvas _to paint their bloody warning on since chances were slight it would look as sickly impressive on a dark stone wall."

"True," Kingsley agreed, "I also believe they needed the blood to perform a Dark Ritual."

"But," Harry gasped, still not able to look at the mutilated torso, "but her brother... I mean, he was with them..."

"Yeah, and it wouldn't surprise me if he'd had an active part in that in order to prove his loyalty to his new Master. Family ties matter not in these circles and besides, Alecto Carrow was probably considered the weakest link of the chain given that she fancied Severus- well, _lusted_ for him would be more precise."

Meanwhile Williamson showed once more that he was a man of action since he had already started casting several _Revelio_ spells. "Now that's interesting," he muttered under his breath when he picked up something that looked like a piece of parchment soaked in blood. At second glance the parchment emerged as human skin. The Dark Mark was burned into it like a tattoo. Apparently they must have cut it out of Alecto Carrow's arm before they had cut off the arm itself. I wondered where the missing body parts were- no, I didn't want to know. Especially not when recalling Kingsley's words about blood and Dark Rituals...

"_Augeo Fortitudo,_" I whispered as I remembered what I had read about the Strengthening Ritual.

"Dear Merlin!" Kingsley gasped, visibly shocked since that was indeed a **very** Dark Ritual.

"Well, that's what happens when the guards of Azkaban refuse to feed the inmates properly- they start to eat themselves. But why bother? They're merely Death Eaters, ain't they? It only becomes revolting when the cannibalism isn't done for the sole purpose of saving Azkaban some Galleons for food but when it is part of a Dark Arts ritual."

"Ew... you mean they... they _ate_ her." Harry piped up, then he quickly left the cell to spill the remains of his stomach on the floor outside.

The idea was revolting indeed since the ritual was one of the darkest, most evil things I had ever read about. It was done to gather strength, almost inhuman strength, and the Death Eaters on the run had been in need of that in order to not only break out but also to get to the shore. A generous bite of arm and leg and they could probably swim for days. The eyes were for the leader to always see the right way, and so was the tongue for he was always to say the right word. Of course all of that had to go along with the required incantations because otherwise the whole ritual would only be a bloody feast.

The chief of the guard shot me a glance as if he wanted to lock me in one of his cells for knowing so much about the Dark Arts in general, but he was a bootlicking creep who could have stripped naked to his malice and done a headstand without ever getting the Minister's attention he so longed for. To Kingsley Shacklebolt that man was one of the reasons why he had become Minister of Magic, namely because he wanted to clear the Ministry of lick spits and their corruptive ways. The first ever election of the wizarding world two years ago had proven that his efforts hadn't been in vain since he had won by a clear margin over his competitors, Thaddeus MacDonald and Lucius Malfoy.

Williamson was still studying the piece of skin with the Dark Mark, waving his wand over it. For am instant the mark glowed in a pale blue light.

"Ha!" He barked, "I just figured out how they managed to communicate with each other!"

"Their marks?" I asked flabbergasted although it made perfect sense to me. Riddle had used his mark on the arms of his most loyal followers to summon them, so there was a magical connection between them that Yaxley had made use of. Mayhap it wouldn't have worked if Azkaban wasn't so full of magic.

Our trip to Azkaban was successful in so far that we had found out how the Death Eaters on the run had been able to communicate in order to plan their breakout, and although we couldn't exactly reconstruct what had transpired considering the act itself, it was fair to assume that a very dark and evil ritual had gone along with it. We couldn't possibly achieve more here, and I was glad to leave this horrible prison. A heavy burden seemed to be lifted off my shoulders with each step I walked away from the fortress and towards the raft that would take us back to the mainland. I lit a cigarette and inhaled greedily.

"One day those will kill you," Kingsley lectured me, pointing at the fag I was holding in my slightly trembling fingers.

"Well, here's to hoping they do before Yaxley gets me to create another example of how much he loathes Severus. I sincerely doubt my husband will be overjoyed to receive a torso as brutally maimed and mutilated as Alecto Carrow's. Only yesterday he agreed that he prefers me with all my limbs still attached, thank you very much."

Kingsley fell very silent then and he gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I know you're envisioning the worst now but let me assure you that that will never happen. I will personally see to your safety, Raven, and I will alert every Auror and every Hit Wizard to keep their eyes open for Yaxley and his cronies. We will catch them before they can do any harm to either you or Severus, you have my word on that. Perhaps we should also consider you going into hiding even though the wards on your house are truly a masterpiece."

Charon used his long stake and the raft set sail, leaving Azkaban behind. I lit another cigarette. Kingsley could be as flattering as he wanted but I doubted he could flatter my husband's pride and have him go into hiding. Severus didn't run away, he was a brave man.

I shivered involuntarily and it wasn't only because of the cold breeze from the sea. Actually I appreciated that for its freshness after the chilly and damp atmosphere of Azkaban, the hell on earth. In my mind's eye I could see desperate hands reaching out through the iron bars, soulless eyes in sunken, hopeless faces, condemned to the horrors of solitary confinement where the only voice they would ever hear again was their own.

There had to be other ways to keep the wizarding society safe from those who wanted to harm it. Despite the horrendous crimes the inmates of Azkaban had committed, or not- Merlin, how had Sirius managed to survive twelve years in that hell without losing his sanity?- they were still human beings. And Kingsley worried about the outcry this latest breakout might cause, about a flood of letters to the Ministry asking for the return of the Dementors. But that was not the most expedient solution to the problem.

"Why don't you use the _Evincio Constutio _Spellto keep convicted criminals in Azkaban," I wondered aloud.

Kingsley frowned at me. "Because, as you may well know, that spell is Dark Arts."

"It's not."

"It's on the index of spells banned by the Ministry."

"That's not the same and you bloody know it."

"The _ Evincio Constutio _Spell can be used to cause great harm..."

"_Scourgify_ can be used to make people choke on pink bubbles!"

Harry Potter had the decency to look ashamed when he heard that, remembering that his father had tormented Severus with it.

"Raven, many a witch has been literally enslaved by _Evincio Constutio_ when her husband has drawn a drop of her blood and put her under house arrest.".

"Ah," I snapped, pointing at the decreasing silhouette of the tiny island with the horrible prison as the raft gained speed, taking us away from there, "and that's all sunshine and roses embedded in Dementor induced happiness?"

"Certainly not, but you have to understand its benefits for the society..."

"Whatever benefits there are, or might be, that's just not good enough! What light does it shed on the wizarding society- or any society at all, in this case- if they treat their felons like that? A well-functioning society should define itself not only by the power it has but also by its mercy, shown particularly to those who have fallen from grace."

"You ask for redemption for the likes of Yaxley?" Kingsley asked, slightly taken aback since in his minds eye he still saw the horribly mutilated body of what had once been Alecto Carrow.

"No!" I interjected, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "No... Merlin, yeah, I truly despise the likes of Yaxley and his cohorts. I despise the ideals they stand for, fight for- their bloody blood superiority way of thinking... and yet, in spite of all that, they are nevertheless still human beings, and every human being should be treated with at least a little bit of respect, of compassion. I know _**they**_ don't give a damn about compassion, but here we stand, and here we can show that we differ from their ways. We are different. We are the allegedly good ones so why not prove it by allowing some sympathy? Why not channel our benevolence and spice it with the Dark Arts, especially if the spell in question wasn't considered quite as dark some centuries ago but had since fallen into the category of spells not approved by the Ministry?"

"She definitely has a point here, Kingsley," Williamson said, nodding in my direction. The Minister of Magic didn't look all to comfortable.

"She sounds just like Hermione," Harry sighed.

Hermione Weasley nee Granger had been on a crusade to improve the quality of life for house-elves while working for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and was currently revolutionizing the wizarding law with the help of Sebastian St John. They seemed to share the same sense of justice.

"Well, I'd like to hear what she thinks about it," I mused and Kingsley rolled his eyes. "Azkaban brings out the worst in people," I continued. "The conditions of detention are inhuman. Instead of trying the break someone's soul they should be given the chance to show some remorse but that is unlikely to happen when they are treated like scum. Take Malfoy for example- had he been sent to Azkaban he'd be barking mad by now, or he'd be on the run with the rest of the gang. Alright, he's still an arrogant wanker and not the best role model, but doing community service has taken him down a peg or two. He has learned some modesty even if he's not _actively_ remorseful..."

"I still believe Yaxley and his cohorts had help from outside," Kingsley interjected. "Can we positively rule out Malfoy's involvement?"

"I think so- unless, of course, he wants to spend the rest of his life with his testicles shoved down his throat. You had better not underestimate Narcissa's influence; she really has him by the balls."

Dear Cissa wanted nothing more than to have her old life back. She wanted to give dinner parties and charity balls that people would talk about for months; she wanted to wear fancy dresses and mix in the best society even if that nowadays included the company of half-bloods and Muggle-borns. She had long given up wrinkling her pretty nose at them- well, sometimes I still had to remind her that she looked better if she didn't hold it too high. Times had changed indeed. The wizarding society was on its way to overcoming blood prejudice and catching up with the mood of the 21st century.

I stared out at the sea. Kingsley seemed to mull over my words and perhaps he was even contemplating how to sell my ideas to the Wizengamot or the rest of the wizarding world. Meanwhile, Harry Potter was chatting about his wife's pregnancy, how excited he was to become a father, and wasn't it just great that Angela was pregnant, too? Sirius' and his child would be in the same year at Hogwarts- without doubt they'd be the best friends. I, however, shuddered at the idea of a possible rebirth of the Marauders. Merlin, beware...

Finally the raft reached the mainland again and we said goodbye to Charon. I glanced at my watch. There was still pretty much time before Severus would be home from work so I decided to pay the Malfoys a visit. Although I truly believed Lucius had abandoned his old ways he might nevertheless have some information.

Harry and Kingsley had already Disapparated but Williamson was still standing there, waiting for me. I arched a quizzical brow at him.

"Minister's order. I am to see to your safety."

"So you're my bodyguard now?"

"Hmpf," he grunted; Williamson wasn't a man of many words but that actually made his company quite agreeable. Besides, he was a really capable Auror.

"Care to accompany me to Malfoy Manor?"

He arched a brow at me.

"No, I don't believe Lucius is involved in the breakout; he's got too much to lose..." At that point Williamson grinned compassionately. We had Apparated to Malfoy Manor and walked through the wrought-iron gates, along a drive framed with yew hedges, towards the handsome mansion. Gravel crackled beneath our feet. Some pure white peacocks were strutting majestically across the lawn in front of the house and once again I couldn't refrain myself from pointing my wand at them. The peacocks were still strutting majestically across the lawn in front of the house but now they were shrieking pink. Lucius hated it when I did that but that was part of the fun.

An ancient looking house-elf with a deeply wrinkled face, dressed in a white tea-towel, opened the door and told us to wait while he would announce our arrival but I brushed past him.

"Thanks, Gyrrki, I know the way."

I entered the elegantly furnished drawing room where Narcissa was sitting, doing some needlework.

"Raven, what a nice sur-"

"Where's Lucius?" I cut her off. This was not a private visit; I was here on duty and in company of the Head of Auror Department. Narcissa blanched visibly when she recognized Williamson. She quickly pointed to a door on her left which led to Lucius' study.

He must have heard our voices for he appeared at the door, smiling smugly.

"Oh, what glamour you bring to my humble home, dearest Raven," he drawled. "May I enquire to what I do owe the pleasure of your charming company?"

"Show me your left arm, Lucius!" I commanded, and when he reacted too slowly for my liking I simply grabbed it and pulled up his sleeve.

"Not so hasty... if you want to undress me you will find me quite supportive..."

"LUCIUS!" Narcissa shrieked, and immediately her husband winced under the influence of a real strong Stinging Hex.

"Good one!" I smirked.

"Bad, bad Gyrrki..." There was a sob followed by a bang! "Gyrrki is such a failure..." Another sob, another bang. "Gyrrki should have... should have not let the filthy half-blood..." Bang! Bang! "No, Gyrrki is not allowed to call she filthy half-blood but she is, she is..." The old house-elf let out a howling, almost heart-wrenching sob as he proceeded his way to the drawing room, banging his head against the floor every few steps. "Oooh, if only dear old Master Abraxas knows, if only he knows... shame and dishonour... poor Gyrrki, bad Gyrrki..."

"Stop that!" Narcissa snapped impatiently when the elf was about to bang his head again but it wasn't sympathy she felt for the pathetic creature. "Stop brawling and prepare the Master's bedroom instead. He will sleep in his own chambers for the rest of the week!"

"Cissy-flower you can't do that! I was merely joking, I did nothing wrong!"

She shot him a cool, pitiless glance. My, she really had him by the balls because I had never thought I'd ever hear Luci whine for affection... not that their little marital row bothered me. I was here for answers.

"Has your mark burned recently?"

Lucius glanced at me with the blank expression of someone who was apparently at a loss, not comprehending what I was about. I rolled my eyes heavenwards before I poked his left forearm with my wand.

"Your Dark Mark, Luci?" Before he could answer I had already cast a wordless _Revelio_ spell over the pale, greyish outline of the skull and snake tattoo on his arm. It looked faded, unlike that on the piece of skin Williamson had found in Azkaban, and it only radiated a very faint bluish glow.

He blinked at me. "Ah, that... why, well it... um, kind of stung slightly for about a fortnight- but not anymore. Why are you asking?"

Merlin, he was really utterly clueless. So I was right about him. But was it coincidence that his mark had stung slightly for about a fortnight, when during that time I had been to Southern Patagonia where allegedly a Death Eater was on the run? Who had given Kingsley this information anyway? There was something fishy about it.

Narcissa stopped dead at the door through which she was about to walk away, disappointed and disgusted with her husband's antics. She turned around in a sudden fit of panic.

"Raven, what are you hinting at? Is he...", she swallowed hard, trying to hide her fear but her face was like an open book to me. Narcissa Malfoy was scared. "Is _**he**_ back?"

"No." Williamson said.

"Enough of that," Lucius protested, angrily, as he walked up to his wife and wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder. "I have tolerated your abysmal behaviour until now but I won't tolerate it any longer. You cannot invade **my** house, **my** privacy, and frighten **my** wife like that..."

"Frankly speaking," I interrupted him, "we can. We're here on Auror duties. You, however, can only choose if you prefer to answer our questions here or if you'd rather have us taking you to the Ministry for further interrogations."

Lucius flushed from red to deadly pale. "What the hell is going on?"

Since he seemed to be totally ignorant I decided to fill him in. "Some of your Death Eater friends escaped Azkaban last night."

If possible, he blanched even more. It wasn't feigned; his surprise, his shock was genuine.

"They're not my friends," he whispered, remembering the humiliation he had suffered from his so called friends when he had fallen from Voldemort's graces. He had been like a prisoner in his own house, helpless and wandless.

I realized that Yaxley was probably not only threatening Severus' life but that his warning could be as well extended to any traitor. Lucius' former buddies might not endorse his slippery way of always weaselling himself out of punishment instead of joining them in Azkaban.

"I wished you had never joined them," Narcissa sobbed, trying to push him away from her. And yet, she only seemed to regret the misery his misdemeanour had brought to her family, to the two people she cared about most, while it was likely she still saw no fault in pure-blood superiority or his sport of terrorizing Muggle-borns.

"Is Draco still in Paris?" I asked, sounding more amicable now.

Narcissa nodded.

Draco Malfoy had left wizarding Britain a few months after the Battle at Hogwarts and Voldemort's defeat, and he had made it appear as if he had completely vanished into thin air since there had been weeks without anyone hearing even the slightest peep of him. Then he had sent a postcard from Athens- not to his parents but to Severus, his erstwhile mentor. Draco had stated he needed some time-out and would do a Grand Tour like the wizards of old, given that someone with his past wasn't likely to get an appropriate job anyway, and he had begged him to break the news gently to his parents. Only when Severus had assure him that his parents would not disinherit him, Draco had started to write to them, too. For almost four years we had received postcards from all the strangest places of the world before little Malfoy had settled down in Paris, working as a trainee in the Department of International Magical Cooperation at the French Ministry, where he had met his present wife, Astoria Greengrass- a very pretty, very pure-blooded Slytherin girl with no connections to the Death Eater scene but a good heart instead- who was an exchange student in the same department. We had been to their wedding two years ago.

"Perhaps you should go and visit him for a while, " I suggested. Although I wasn't particularly fond of the Malfoys I would nevertheless feel better knowing they were not on target of some mad Death Eaters on the run. A cold shudder ran down my spine when the horribly mutilated form of Alecto Carrow popped up in my mind's eye again.

Narcissa's voice was shrill. "NO! I will not endanger my only son!" Then she glanced at Lucius as if saying that all this was his fault. He had joined Voldemort's ranks, he had brought the Dark Lord to their house, his failure had put Draco's life in mortal danger once before. It was his fault that Draco had left the country; it was his fault she didn't see her son as often as she wished.

"Nevertheless, you should consider lying low for a while," I suggested.

"We could go the our chalet in Switzerland." Lucius said, almost purring, and that seemed to take the wind out of her sails; Narcissa became all dreamy eyed. They had spent their honeymoon in the Malfoy's chalet in Switzerland but hadn't been there since.

I thought that was a good idea. The chalet was one of many estates the Malfoys had in Europe although that wasn't widely known. Since there wasn't anything relevant to find out about the Malfoys and their true allegiances (other than only caring about themselves, but that with fervour) Williamson and I left them.

We walked out the front door and passed the lawn with the still shocking pink peacocks, me being deeply lost in thoughts. So Malfoy's mark had started to sting slightly while I had been in Southern Patagonia- why had I been to Southern Patagonia anyway? Who had set up the rumour that there was a Death Eater hiding? _Who had wanted to get me out of the way in the fortnight leading to a mass breakout? _The more I thought about it the more questions seemed to arise, making me wonder if the breakout had actually been planned at long hand... and if the Death Eaters on the run had had any help from outside Azkaban...

"I need a list of all the guards serving at Azkaban, their family backgrounds, their habits and vices-even when they reported sick. Is there anyone who quit his job recently? Anyone who behaved strangely? The kids can do that job, Harry and the other youngsters."

Williamson arched a brow at me and I realized that I was just giving orders as if I was head of Auror department and not he.

"I'm sorry. Guess I got carried away..."

He smirked. "No problem. Carry on."

"We also have to find out who ultimately let slip to Kingsley that there's a Death Eater on the lose in Southern Patagonia. I believe it was just a fraud, set up by someone who's secretly supporting Yaxley- do we have any knowledge about his family, lovers, favourite whores?"

"No living family members but we can try to dig up old lovers if there were any. Haven't checked on them before his trial then."

"Please check up on the families and friends of the other Death Eaters, too- especially Rookwood."

"You think there might be a traitor within the ranks of the Ministry?"

"Now, would that surprise you? Rookwood worked in the Department of Mysteries for years without anyone suspecting him to be a die-hard follower of Voldemort so perhaps there are others loyal to his course. There is still blood prejudice in our world although all the pro-pureblood laws have been put to an end..."

"Hmpf," Williamson grunted, before he held an uncharacteristically long speech. "You're right. But don't worry, we'll gather all the required information and eventually we'll find out who helped Yaxley and his bloody miscreants. It'll all turn out well, Raven. These bastards won't get close to you or your husband, I will personally see to that."

His words were encouraging but after I had returned home I had to realize with surprise how quickly I could turn from a professional, sometimes even cold-blooded Auror into a heap of nerves lying bare while waiting for Severus to come home. I glanced at my watch, telling myself not to fret because he was very rarely ever back from work before five o'clock. It was half past four now.

Pinkie entered the library where I was standing, staring at the big grandfather clock, watching minute after minutes tick by.

"Mistress Raven wants some tea?" The house-elf chirped in her much too shrill little voice, startling me.

"No!" I snapped, knowing I was overreacting and yet I shooed her away. She wouldn't understand. Pinkie hadn't seen what I had, and the horrible visions kept popping up in my mind's eye more frequently as the big clock hand approached the full hour. The clock rang five times. Severus should be home any moment and then I could hold him in my arms and everything would be alright.

Minute after minute passed without a flash of light in the fireplace announcing his return. The ticking of the clock began to make me nervous, edgy with fear. Had the clock ever ticked that loud before? _Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock_... the vision of Alecto Carrow's horribly mutilated form began to change in my mind's eye, turning into Severus... his beautiful black eyes poked out, rolling over the floor like dark.... _Raven, get a grip on yourself! He's safe. He doesn't have a nine to five job and you know how absorbed he can get when mulling over the best approach in developing a new potion... _**but what about ME? **Damned, I was _worried_- no, I was scared shitless that something could have happened to him.

It was unlikely, though, that Yaxley would walk into the Potions Research lab at St Mungo's and threaten my husband without the Aurors thwarting his evil plans. _Think realistically, Raven... take a deep breath. Wouldn't it be really clever to make some firecalls first before hyperventilating and jumping on the worst conclusions imaginable? _

Merlin, that very moment I envisioned him being tortured to death...

I knelt in front of the fireplace, calling his laboratory. Instead of Severus' face that of one of his co-workers appeared in the flames, telling me that my husband had already left the lab about an hour ago. I thanked him for the information, feeling slightly panic-stricken. Where was Severus? If he wasn't at work he should be at home...

I firecalled Professor O'Flaherty and asked him whether he knew where my husband was, knowing I sounded a tad too worried for my own liking. Professor O'Flaherty flashed me a benevolent smile as he told me that Severus had already left the building, probably in search of a nice little surprise for me... the very idea of what Yaxley might consider a surprise for me made me almost gag on my own imaginativeness. My glamour had long faded and died, and all that was left was primary fear.

Damned, where the fucking hell was Severus? Was he safe and sound? Or was he in pain, held captive by those who thought him a traitor to their course and wanted to punish him for this betrayal? If only I knew... why didn't he have a mobile phone?

Finally it dawned upon me that I could as well send my Patronus to him. _Yeah, __**clever**__ witch, Raven. You really are the pride of Auror Department. _

I was so nervous I almost failed to cast a Patronus but then light oozed from the tip of my wand and whizzed into the air. There came no reply...


	54. Venice

_Sorry it took so long. The last pages have not been grammar checked and English is not my first language, so please forgive me the mistakes I made... my beta, ellennar, is busy and I don't want to keep you waiting any longer..._

_Reviews are always welcome.  
_

_

* * *

_54- Venice

"Raven," Severus stepped out of the fireplace approximately half an eternity later, brushing soot off his robes, "what's wrong?"

"WHAT'S WRONG?" I yelled. He had let me wait five endlessminutes before graciously popping up, and five minutes were an eternity on a day like today. "WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?"

I wanted to slap him for arching a sophisticated brow at me. I was torn between giving him a good shaking and hugging him as I scanned him quickly to make sure he wasn't injured, maimed or whatever.

"I went to meet Longbottom at the Leaky Cauldron since he had promised me some mature Mandrakes..."

"MANDRAKES?"

"Tufty little plants, purplish green in colour..."

"DON'T dare to lecture me now! I know fucking well what Mandrakes are, thank you very much! DAMNED, I WAS WORRIED SICK!" My voice sounded too shrill. My, that wasn't I... I had turned into a monster, a terribly fretting mother-hen-monster. I knew I should keep my cool now that I knew he was alright but I simply couldn't.

Severus frowned at me. He was used to my oddities and yet he had rarely seen me overreacting like that. Well, he hadn't seen what I had either.

"Raven, your behaviour appears a bit irrational to me. Mayhap you would like me to get you a Calming Draught?"

"HA! HELL NO, it's not like I'm suffering from a PMS fit! Have you forgotten that some _**bloody**_ Death Eaters broke out of _**bloody**_ Azkaban? They're still on the _**bloody**_ run but you have the _**bloody**_ _**nerve**_ to pretend nothing has happened. Instead, you're exchanging some _**bloody**_ flowers with dear dunderhead Longbottom."

"I have certainly not forgotten about the breakout." His voice turned more waspish the more I yelled. "Was that the reason for sending me an almost hyperventilating Patronus, shrieking '_where are you?' _at me?"

"Which you chose to ignore," I snapped while an insane part of me cackled at the notion of a bat-winged, hyperventilating and shrieking miniature T-Rex formed of silvery light.

"I beg your pardon, but I prefer to **not **jump without thinking first when called to task," he reminded me pointedly before he sneered, "that would only be expected of a brawny Gryffindor."

I tsked indignantly.

"Instead, I tracked back your Patronus to see whether you were safe..."

"BLOODY HELL, it's not MY FUCKING safety I'm worried about!""

"Raven, I survived all those years spying on Riddle, do you really think I fear his cronies now?"

"You're an idiot if you don't!"

"Of course I do not underestimate Yaxley either, but I really believe you are overreacting slightly."

"YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BLOODY IDEA!" I cried as I raised my wand to my head and extracted the silvery gossamer strand of a memory which I almost flung into the small pocket Pensieve standing on one of the book-filled shelves. "GO! Take a bloody look at how bloody much I'm overreacting!"

Severus furrowed his brows. He took the Pensieve from the shelf and carried it to the table before he glanced at the memory I had placed inside. Apparently he finally seemed to grasp that I wasn't a heap of nerves for nothing, that something must have transpired to make me so wound tight, so very worried. He looked paler than usual when he returned from watching the memory, his dark eyes searching mine.

"_Augeo Fortitudo,_" he gasped, and it didn't surprise me that he had identified the Dark Arts ritual, too, that the Death Eaters must have performed to gather the required strength for their breakout.

"So, is that nothing to fret about?" I asked bitterly, pointing my wand at the Pensieve again in order to restore the memory in my mind.

"Don't." Severus said as he gently took my hand to stop me. "Leave it where it is, love. Some images are better kept in a Pensieve than in our minds and I don't want this to come haunting you in your sleep."

Something seemed to break within me. This whole bloody fucking day I had been tough, tensed up- at Azkaban I had fairly well managed to keep my cool; at home, while waiting for Severus, I had panicked, fretting, seeing the horribly mutilated form of Alecto Carrow in my mind's eye over and over again, imagining it could as well be Severus... after all, the warning painted in blood across the torso's abdomen was not to be taken lightly. Now, under the gentle touch of his hand I finally succumbed to my emotions, to my fears. Tears were pouring down my cheeks.

Severus gathered me in his arms and I clung onto him as if my dear life depended on it, sobbing. Awkwardly he patted my back, still not knowing how to deal with the tears of a woman.

"I swear that nothing will happen to you," he mumbled into my ears.

"To me?" I raised my head to glance at him with tear-filled eyes, trying hard to blink them away while running frustrated fingers through my hair. "Do you actually believe I worry about _**my**_ safety?Damned, I fear for **you**, Sev!"

"They cannot do anything to me- even if they poked out my eyes or cut off my tongue, it would neither hurt me nor torment me as long as I knew they weren't doing these things to you," he said very seriously as he took me face in his hands and kissed me.

"Well, but that is exactly the idea that's tormenting me. I feared they..." I fell silent and shrugged. Now that I was in his arms and he was safe and sound I almost felt stupid for having made such a fuss about nothing.

"I'm sorry, Raven. Had I known how much you worried I wouldn't have agreed to meet Longbottom today. You can say what you want about him, and I would never let him near a cauldron, but he has a hand for magical plants. The quality of the Mandrakes he grows exceeds those you usually get in Diagon Alley."

Neville Longbottom was professor for Herbology at Hogwarts now and married to Hannah Abbott, the new landlady of the Leaky Cauldron.

"And where are the Mandrakes he gave you?" I wondered aloud since he had stepped out of the fireplace with empty hands.

"Still in the kitchen of the Leaky Cauldron, as it seems." Severus chuckled slightly before he heaved a sigh. "You know how Alice is- once she starts talking she finds no end."

"Well, she had to be silent for many years."

Alice lived with Neville and his wife in a comfortable flat above the pub, and she often helped out in the kitchen if she didn't watch her favourite soap operas on TV. It was amazing how well she had found her way back into life. Unfortunately, her husband hadn't had the same luck. He had died the day Alice had left her wonderland, but before Frank had raised from his bed and kissed his wife. Then he had closed his eyes forever.

Severus stroke my cheek gently and I leaned into his touch. It felt so good to have him around, so soothing to my strained nerves.

"Sorry," I said after a while, "I shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

He silenced me with some sweet little kisses as he kissed my forehead, the lids of my eyes, the tip of my nose, my lips.... he kissed away the tears burning in my eyes "I know you have quite a hot temper..."

"... which you actually find quite adorable."

Severus scowled at me but it was a somewhat feeble attempt. "You are a nag, my dear, and sometimes you tend to exaggerate things. However, it is understandable you were worried- I would have been, too. It's just... well, perhaps I am still not used to someone caring about me like you do. All those years spying on Voldemort I never had anything to lose, except for my life and that wasn't worth much anyway..."

"Don't say that," I interrupted him although I knew he was right, unfortunately. Dumbledore had feigned caring about him but had only used him as a tool for the Greater Good, same as he had used Harry Potter. Mayhap I judged the old, cunning puppeteer wrong... no, I didn't really think so.

We locked eyes. I noticed how agitated he still was after having seen my disturbing memories of Azkaban in the Pensieve, and thoughts of going into hiding whirled through his mind. It was exceptional for such a brave man like Severus Snape. He didn't fear for his own life though; he rarely did. And yet, for the first time in years he had something to lose, and he... sort of felt a certain _responsibility_ to stay alive because of me... Because he of all people knew how it felt to lose a loved one, even if his love for Lily had only been an idea, wishful thinking instead of the real thing. What we had was decidedly more substantial, and he wanted to protect that; he wanted to protect me.

"I don't need protection, Sev," I reminded him softly- all I needed was him, alive and whole, "I'm a big girl, a trained Auror who knows quite well how to kick the bad guys in the arse..."

"I bet you do and yet I was merely kidding when I told Potter I would rather hide behind my Auror wife should there ever be the necessity of seeking protection."

I chuckled. Merlin, was that truly only less than twenty-four hours ago? It seemed so much longer to me. Then I glanced at him with a more sober expression. "So what are we to do? Are you actually thinking of going into hiding?"

The very notion sounded strange to me. Severus Snape was not the person who ran away in face of danger and neither was I... after all, I was the tough bitch, confronted with danger on a regular basis due to my job. But the need to prove myself and explore my limits had worn off remarkably in the last years.

"It is not cowardice if one does not try to best the typical Gryffindor bravado of jumping headfirst into danger just to prove the world how very brave one is. Sometimes it might be wiser to leave the country for a while- at least until the Aurors know more about the breakout."

A part of me objected to his suggestion because I wanted to stay up to date with the investigations. Nevertheless, at the moment there wasn't much I could do either and when I thought about the horribly mutilated torso it was decidedly wiser to leave the country for a while. It wasn't gutless behaviour if you preferred to care for your own safety, so in the end I agreed.

-

A moment later we stepped out of the fireplace in the dimly lit entrance hall of a small hotel in Venice. It had been quite a surprise when Severus had suggested going there of all places but it had definitely been a nice surprise. After all, the trip for our sixth wedding anniversary had ended much too soon and instead of exploring the city with my husband I had found myself counting penguins in Southern Patagonia.

"_Signor_ Snape!" An elderly man greeted Severus before he turned to me with typical Italian charm. "_Signora_ Snape! _Ciao bella_! What an extraordinary pleasure you care to grace my humble home with your presence again. So what brings you to Venice, _maestro_? Have you heard from my dear Raffaella lately? Is she doing well at Hogwarts?"

The man was Enzo Zabini, the owner of the hotel and a Squib related to the pure-blooded Zabini clan. Raffaella was his niece, the daughter of his brother Enrico. She had studied potions under the tutelage of some of the best Potions Masters in Europe and was considered quite a talent. That was, of course, before she had met Severus, going through half a year of training in preparation for the teaching job she had been offered at Hogwarts. I still remembered how annoyed he'd been after the first week of accepting her as his new trainee...

_"That girl is impertinent! She turns usually intelligent potioneers into blithering idiots who practically fall all over themselves with enthusiasm to carry her cauldron and she just blinks her big brown eyes at them and smiles at me to make me forget how very inadequate for this job she really is. Imagine she tried to _cut_ the Sopophorous Bean instead of _crushing_ it with the flat side of a blade..."_

_"How very scandalous," I teased him, kissing him gently. It didn't soothe him at all. I sighed. "Do you want me to run you a bath, darling."_

_"I don't need a bath!" He grumbled as he helped himself to a shot of Firewhisky and unceremoniously gulped it down. "Why have I agreed to train such a nuisance?"_

_Although it was a rhetorical question I answered it nevertheless. "Because McGonagall asked you politely."_

_Severus didn't even listen, instead he ranted on. "Allegedly she was trained by the best Potions Masters of Europe but I am seriously wondering whether they are all complete dunderheads or otherwise were fooled by her good looks. That constant smile of hers is so annoying! She cannot expect to keep a class silent by simply smiling at her students and yet she keeps smiling all the time, even if I reprimand her for her very sloppy work. She is so... so very insufferably sweet-tempered that all criticism runs off her as if I had actually praised her for her incompetence." _

_"So she is of a charming nature and smiling all the time- oh Merlin, how very _disgusting_..."_

_"Don't give me cheek. I would expect more moral support from my wife."_

_I kissed his cheek. "I'll run you a bath."_

_I ignored him reminding me that he didn't want, didn't need a bath. A little later he was nevertheless sitting in the tub, still rigid and all tensed up, sulking like a stubborn child. I undressed and eased down in the tub behind him, my hands reaching out to massage his stiff shoulders. He relaxed, then, allowing me to rub away all the knots in his neck until he was almost purring with pleasure, obviously having forgotten his annoyance about a certain Signorina Raffaella Zabini. But he simply couldn't let go._

_"Just what is Minerva thinking? That girl is much too young to teach."_

_"How old were you again when you started teaching at Hogwarts?"I asked although I knew the answer. Severus had taught students who still knew him from when he was a student himself, which must have been damned hard considering that some of them have probably witnessed him dangling upside down in the air with his underpants exposed. Raffaella, however was already thirty-three._

_"Twen- but that's not the point!"_

_"And what is the point, my dearest?" I brushed his hair aside and started nuzzling his neck. "At least she can't do worse than that buffoon- what was his name again?"_

_"Peterson... are you trying to seduce me?Hmm, I like what you're doing... but anyway, even a garden gnome could do better job than that poor excuse of a Potions Master." He was referring to an explosion that had almost reduced Hogwarts to rubble last year because of Professor Peterson's recklessness; fortunately no one had been killed. _

_It seemed that a new curse was on the position of the Potions professor now as ever since Slughorn's final retirement Minerva McGonagall had had a hard time finding an adequate Potions Master. But we didn't bother with thoughts about Hogwarts anymore. I kissed Severus and he finally realized that taking a bath hadn't been such a bad idea. He became aware he was in the arms of his naked, slippery wet and quite wanton wife, my naughty fingers trailing down the length of his lean body. His skin felt so soft in the water, I simply had to touch him and adore the feeling..._

_Sometimes it was very easy to take his mind off things and being a Slytherin I took advantage of that in the nicest possible way. Merlin, how I loved our comfortably big bath tub._

"She is doing fine," Severus told Enzo Zabini who beamed brightly and produced a bottle of Grappa, filling three glasses.

I hoped I didn't look too flushed in memory of our bathroom fun as I gratefully accepted a glass of Grappa, Enzo's best.

"_Naturalmente_, what else to expect when my dear niece had the privilege of being tutored by a true _maestro_?" The Italian Squib smiled fondly at my husband before he called for his kitchen help to bring us some pasta.

I wasn't hungry. Although I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast I thought I couldn't possibly stomach any food without having to think of Yaxley enjoying a raw, bloody tongue or his cronies gnawing at Alecto Carrow's arms and legs, taking generous bites... I shuddered. But when Enzo served us the pasta and the smell of garlic and tomatoes filled my nose I quickly forgot my vivid imagination and tucked in, washing it down with a glass of excellent red wine from the Veneto.

Life wasn't that bad, after all. I was with my beloved husband who was safe and sound, and we were in Venice, far away from the dangers lurking in wizarding Britain. The weather was definitely more agreeable and so was the food. All we had to worry about was how to let our friends back home know that we were safe so that they wouldn't worry about us.

In the end we decided to cover our tracks by sending an owl carrying a cryptographically secured message written in invisible ink to the German Ministry of Magic and my friend Helmut Zinderlein, prompting him to forward it to Kingsley Shacklebolt. We didn't trust the Italian Ministry with that since many of the wizarding ministers were just as corrupt as their Muggle counterparts. It was unlikely, though, that any of them would be in cahoots with some British Death Eaters, but it was always better to be on the safe side. Many a pure-blood family had relatives in Europe, or had married European pure-bloods, or they simply had estates in Europe- like the Malfoys and their chalet in Switzerland. The Zabinis, Blaise and his mother, stemmed from an old established Italian blood line (although they had never been in league with Voldemort) and there were still people who believed in blood superiority or in the superiority the wizarding race had over Muggles. Even if Tom Riddle hadn't had many followers in Europe, some older wizards and witches still remembered the glorious days of Gellert Grindlewald and his ideals, and they found no fault in that... mayhap they would he scandalized if they learned of his remorse, of him regretting his ways... poor old man, he had died defending the secret of the Elder Wand.

Kingsley would then tell those who cared about our well-being (like Professor O'Flaherty, Angel and a few others) that we were safe, and he would use the same way sending messages back to us in order to keep me up to date with the ongoing investigations; his letters would be addressed to Enzo Zabini.

Now that that was arranged, a great weight seemed to be lifted off my shoulders. Yaxley and his miscreants wouldn't find us here; I could relax now as we checked into the same cosy little room we had already occupied some weeks ago on our sixths wedding anniversary. Then, we hadn't thought that anything that could ever spoil our happiness, let alone endanger our life. All we had cared about was enjoying our matrimonial bliss to the fullest... if someone had told me years ago that one day I would end up not only married but also a faithful wife and still being deeply satisfied with sleeping only with my lawfully wedded husband, I would have laughed out loud and called that person absurd. Now, however, I couldn't even imagine sharing the joys of making love with anyone but Severus and in retrospect the thrill of a new lover tasted stale in comparison to the profound intimacy we had developed over the years. We had learned to know each other, had learned how to please the other one without ever losing the verve to explore each other over and over again.

I could honestly say that my love life had never been better, never been more fulfilling than when I was in Severus' arms.

-

La Serenissima was a beautiful city. True, it was awfully crowded with tourists, especially hordes of Japanese who hastened from one sight to the other on their 'see all of Europe in three days' trip. Lunch in Venice and dinner in Rome, then off to Berlin or Paris or wherever. They also seemed to be the only ones who could afford the horrendous prices for gondola rides and of course they always enjoyed the full program, including the gondolier singing opera or Italian love songs.

We could have afforded a gondola ride, too, if we had been interested. I, however, found it much more entertaining listening to Severus scathing remarks about the price for romance or what people thought was romantic.

Far more fascinating than all the sights, the famous places of interests like the _Piazza San Marco_, were the small alleys with the crooked houses painted in the earthy colours of the Mediterranean. But you never walked far and the alley would open up to a place with a large church or any other impressive building, or you reached one of the many canals the city was famous for. You saw houses where the paint was peeling off the wall, showing signs of the last _Acqua Alta, _and next to them was an old, beautifully restored _palazzo. _It was that mixture what made the city really interesting and gave it a slightly morbid but also very charming atmosphere, reminding of former grandeur; the beauty of decay.

Bridges, big and small, led across the canals but to cross the Canale Grande you could also take a _traghetti_, foot passenger ferries and the only gondolas still in common use by Venetians. Since there were no roads and therefore no cars in Venice, every aspect of everyday's life took place on the water. May it be public transport or the transport of goods, all was done by boat and sometimes you could even see a boat serving as a greengrocer's shop. The post used boats and so did the police or the ambulance, but the weirdest thing I ever saw was a ready-mixed concrete lorry on a barge.

We could spend hours just walking on paths aside the usual routes of tourists, occasionally stopping for a bite to eat or a drink. Some bars served delicious little tidbits that went along wonderfully with a glass of wine or _Spritz_, a very popular drink here; it was prepared with white wine, a dash of Campari and a shot of sparkling mineral water, served over ice. It was one of those drinks you always associated with a certain place and it never tasted quite the same when you drank it at home.

-

One evening, we had just returned from a day trip to the island of Torcello where we had had a superb meal at a seafood restaurant, Enzo waved a rather thick envelope at me.

"Ah, _che_ _bellissima_! Signora Snape, you look truly stunning!"

So he had noticed I was wearing a dress today, how very observant. Well, the good thing about going into hiding was not only to escape some mad, bloodthirsty Death Eaters on the run but also the English weather since here in Italy it was still pretty warm and sunny. Inquiringly I glanced at the envelope in Enzo's hand.

"Is that for me?"

"Si, mail for Signora Snape."

Had Kingsley finally sent me the files to keep me up to date with the investigations? I wanted to tear open the envelope and satisfy my curiosity. It wasn't only my interest as an Auror but also something more personal. After all, I hadn't forgotten Yaxley's threat against my husband just because of the distractions Venice had to offer. I was still very much aware of the danger and hoped Kingsley had good news for us, preferably telling us that the escaped Death Eaters were either back in Azkaban or dead.

But before I got to read the mail we had a glass of Grappa with Enzo, as it had become a habit of ours when we came back from our trips. He wanted to know how our day had been and since he seemed to know half of the population of Venice (he always had some good tips for us- like restaurants or bars where no tourists went) we felt inclined to spend some time with him. Today, however, I was a bit edge because of the envelope in my hand. What had Kingsley found out?

A little later we were in our room and I made myself comfortable on the bed. Quickly I opened the envelope. Atop a pile of copied files was a letter from Kingsley Shacklebolt.

_Dear Raven,_

_I sincerely hope this letter finds you safe and sound, wherever you are. _

_I wished I would have better news for you than having to tell you that we are still clueless about the escapees' whereabouts as they seemed to have vanished without a trace. _

_I copied some files for you to see that we weren't lazy either. We have gathered some surprising evidence and I would like to hear your opinion concerning this matter._

_My best regards to your dear husband,_

_yours sincerely,_

_Kingsley_

Now that had definitely sparked my interest! I started to skim though the files until I found the testimony of a certain Mrs Barnaby Blott who had reported her husband missing; Mr Blott had worked as a guard in Azkaban and he seemed to have disappeared the day of the breakout. But to assume now that he had helped the Death Eaters to escape would have been much too easy.

Severus sat down behind me, looking over my shoulder as he handed me a glass of wine.

"Blott," he read, "probably related to the Blotts of Flourish & Blotts..."

Now that was so very typical of him, always thinking about bookshops. We had rummaged through quite a few here in Venice- but to be fair, he had also been very patient with me when I had dragged him into even more shoe shops.

"Anyway," I drank a sip of wine, "Mrs Blott reported her husband missing the day after the breakout, claiming he hadn't come home from work. Of course the Aurors jumped to the conclusion that he had helped Yaxley and consorts although there seems to be no clue he was ever a supporter of their ideology- quite the contrary, actually, given that he is married to a Muggle-born witch.

"And then it gets really interesting. Mrs Blott asserted that her husband had been feeling unwell around the end of August, on the thirtieth, to be precise. He left home saying he would go to St Mungo's for a check-up, but there are no medical records of his visit, and his colleagues at Azkaban swore he showed up to work like any other day... Sev, what are you doing?"

"Admiring my beautiful wife," he said in a husky voice as he kissed my shoulder again.

Ah, that was what every witch or woman wanted to hear from her husband. It was also quite distracting when you had a pile of files to study. I tried to force any sensual thoughts to the back of my mind.

"Please, continue." Severus shifted a little, giving me room to refocus. "Am I right to assume there is more to Blott than that he merely changed his mind about going to St Mungo's?"

He was right, of course, and I appreciated that he took my occupational curiosity for that case seriously, knowing the inquiring mind of the Auror in me- although I wouldn't have minded had he seduced me instead. But first things first, and my gut feeling told me that there was something significant about the disappearance of Mr Blott. So I picked up the file again and continued reading.

"Indeed..." A cold shiver ran down my spine as it proved that my gut feeling was rarely wrong. "Well, due to the investigations made on his behalf, Barnaby Blott's corpse was found in an alleyway near St Mungo's some days ago. According to the wizarding forensics he was murdered approximately at the the end of August, which seems to go along with what Mrs Blotts said about her husband feeling unwell."

I fell silent, mulling things over as the extent of what must have happened slowly began to unravelled in my mind's eye. The outbreak had been planned at long hand, which was not the usual Death Eater strategy.

"Hm... let's assume- and it's probably fair to do so given the evidence- Barnaby Blott actually went to St Mungo's for a check up but never arrived there. Let us take this even further, still assuming that the simple man Barnaby Blott was never shared the ideology of pure-blood superiority because he was married to a Muggle-born witch..." I mused aloud, then.

Severus indicated with a nod that he agreed to my train of thoughts so far before he added his share. "It is also fair to assume that they- whoever _they_ may be- chose Barnaby Blott because he was an unobtrusive man, and someone took his place with the help of Polyjuice Potion."

"Yeah... likely." I ran frustrated fingers through my hair as I scanned the files for the autopsy report. Barnaby Blott's head had been shaved which seemed to underline the theory.

Severus arched a quizzical brow at me, waiting for me to make my point.

"Well," I offered, "we know for sure that it's definitely possible to fool a whole school including its headmaster, making all of them believe the Death Eater in disguise is the famous Auror Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody- I mean, everyone knew his quirks, that he was only drinking from his own flask, but... but, you know, Moody or the person who so successfully impersonated him, he never had any physical, let alone intimate contact with anyone. Whereas whoever had slipped into the role of Barnaby Blott had to pretend he was Mrs Blott's _**husband**_. And that's what I don't get, Sev. No matter how well the impersonator had studied him, I would _know_ he is not my husband. Polyjuice Potion does only alter the appearance but not the feel of someone."

His brow shot up even higher. "Why am I not surprised that this observation is coming from you?"

"Because you know my lascivious nature?"

"Indeed, I have the pleasure of knowing you," Severus chuckled before he took my hand and kissed it. "Your lasciviousness, however, is only one side of a more complex truth since a greater deal of it is due to your ability of coming up with things no one else considers relevant. I hazard a guess that no Death Eater would ever bother with such subtleties."

"True, 'cause most of them are men and men in general lack female intuition." Realizing he had just paid me a compliment made me feel very warm inside and I flashed him a loving smile. Severus was not a man given to senseless flattery therefore I appreciated it even more.

"If I consider the few witches among Voldemort's minions I would even go as far as to deny them any femininity, let alone female intuition. What characterized Bellatrix was the killer instinct of a bloodthirsty hyena- but forgive me for digressing from our actual topic. We were talking about Mrs Blott."

"Right." I reached for my wineglass to take another sip before glancing at him. "Poor woman. I cannot even begin to fathom what it must be to not only hear your husband is dead, but that he already died some weeks ago, and then you realize you shared your bed with someone who looked like him but wasn't him. It's so scary, so... _depraved_..."

"Well, it is possible you might be erring if you judge others by your own standards given that not all couples enjoy the pleasures of matrimony quite as frequently as we do."

"Ah, and how would you know that?"

He blushed ever so slightly. "Raven, I have ears and my hearing is quite acute. I certainly do not wish to eavesdrop on my fellow potioneers, but since they fail to keep their voices low when talking about their weekends, I cannot avoid involuntarily picking up an occasional remark about migraine. Apparently there is a special form of migraine that only befalls witches and it cannot be cured by any potion. I am grateful you seem to be immune to it."

"Um-hm," I purred as I crawled closer to him, wrapped my arms around him and kissed his lips, "that's because you're irresistible, Sev- especially when you scowl."

"Impossible witch!" He rolled his eyes but his lips twitched and formed to a smirk, kissing me gently. I would have preferred to continue, proving him that he really was irresistible. Unfortunately, I couldn't get my mind off the files. I was hoping to find more answers there. And then I got angry at the escaped Death Eaters for the threat on our life they had issued, spoiling this moment's happiness even though they were probably far away from here. The threat, however, remained the same. It bugged me tremendously that they still seemed to be a step ahead, not having been found yet in spite of all the investigation made by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

"It's back to Mrs Blott, I presume?" Severus concluded when he noticed my thoughts were straying elsewhere and I wasn't kissing him back with the same fervour as only a moment ago.

I heaved a sigh. "Sorry for being so unromantic, but..."

"Unromantic?" One dark brow shot up. "Raven, if you were any more romantic I'd be coated in sugar- I was a spy; I know there are times when you have to be level-headed and there are times for indulging in romantic feelings. I actually appreciate your more rational approach now."

I pulled him in close and kissed him hard before I let go of him, picking up the scattered sheets of paper again. For a moment I was torn between returning to his loving embrace and the need to satisfy my inquiring mind with answers I unfortunately wouldn't find in his arms. With a sigh I refocused my attention on the files.

Apparently the Aurors had interrogated every member of Azkaban's guard, checking their personal background with little to no satisfying result so far. I read the transcripts of all the interrogations that had taken place, wishing I had been around to ask some questions myself- not that my fellow Aurors had done a lousy job but they hadn't found out anything of significance either. There was still the question who was behind the breakout given that the escapees must have had support from outside Azkaban, someone who had singled out Barnaby Blott, killed him, and impersonated him with the help of Polyjuice Potion. Who had the nerve and intellect to think up such a plan? Who would want Death Eaters like Yaxley roaming freely again?

I skimmed through the files once more before I tossed them aside in frustration. Severus put down the book he was reading and shot me a quizzical glance.

"Do I sense annoyance? What is it that bugs you now, my dear?"

"I can't work like that," I declared, sounding just as exasperated as I actually felt. "It sucks. It sucks tremendously that I'm only able to watch how things are unfolding or not from a safe distance. Damned, I ought to be involved in the investigations! But all I am doing is _holidaying_ here, and these last days have indeed been more like a holiday with all the long strolls through Venice we took, enjoying the local food, the nights we shared together in this bed... Not that I'd complain about the nights, though."

"Raven, I only agreed on going into hiding because I thought that was what you wanted most."

"Yeah, I know..." Somewhat irritated I ran my fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face. "Don't get me wrong now, Sev, I've definitely enjoyed the time we spent here, but that's not the point- or, rather, that is _exactly_ the point. We haven't gone into hiding, we have gone on a vacation and I... it doesn't feel right. Of course, I worry about your safety- damned, I prefer you being alive and in one piece- but... but at the moment I feel like I'm neglecting my job and let others do it my stead. Mind, I'm not accusing any fellow Auror of incompetence..."

He sneered a little at that, probably thinking of Harry Potter. I wouldn't call him the most qualified Auror either but the Golden Boy had definitely learned something during the past years. Nevertheless he lacked experience- not in courage... oh no, with courage he could plaster the walls of the Auror Department. And yet, it wasn't courage alone that made an Auror. A knack for research was also preferable, something he lacked.

"There's still no clue on who informed Kingsley of Death Eater activities in Southern Patagonia," I continued, "and don't call it a strange coincidence I was there counting penguins while someone impersonated Blott."

"Barnaby Blott was a guard in Azkaban, you never even met him, so I don't see how your absence would have affected their plan- although I agree that it was probably not a coincidence."

"Hmpf..." Again I skimmed through the files and still failed to find what I was looking for. "There isn't a single transcript of anyone interrogating the families of the Death Eaters on the run although I explicitly told Williamson to cross-examine them."

"It might have slipped your notice but since **he** is head of Auror Department it is likely he feels averse to follow your orders." Severus gave to consider.

"He's not an imbecile either." I pouted. Yeah, Sev was right, I wasn't the one to give orders to Williamson. However, I had expected him to be clever enough to follow a well-meant advice. "So what do you think who helped Yaxley to escape?

"Since Voldemort never encouraged his minions to think, I am quite surprised that someone seems to have grown a brain..."

"Oh, Sev, it must be so damned hard to be a genius, always and forever surrounded by incorrigible dunderheads." I teased him and kissed to tip of his nose, when suddenly an idea struck me. "Wait a second- you said you don't see how my absence would have affected their plan given that I never met Blott, but what if... what if my presence had affected the impersonator?"

Rubbing his nose as if it had been molested by an irksome fly he arched a brow at me. "And what precisely are you indicating now?"

_Good question._ I shrugged, took a sip of wine and lit a cigarette. Exhaling rings of smoke I had to admit that I didn't have a clue but that, of course, wasn't good enough for Severus.

"No, follow your thought through. I actually like your cunning way of thinking."

"Well... ah, it's asinine, really. I mean, I'm not the only Auror... and I'm not half as often at the Ministry as the others are-"

"-but you do suspect the support for the Death Eater escapees comes from within the ranks of the Ministry, don't you?

"I honestly have no idea, Sev. At first thought it made perfect sense, but who would benefit from having me of all people out of the way? There are other Aurors who might draw just the same conclusions if something or someone appeared fishy to them." I sighed. "Anyway, there's no point in racking our brains about it now... we can only speculate and wild guessing is not particularly productive..."

"Raven," Severus interjected, lifting up my chin with one slender finger so he could look me in the eye, "do you want to return to London so you can resume the investigations?"

"Yes... no," I felt torn. Of course I wanted to return and unravel the mystery of the breakout, it was professional curiosity. The Auror in me wanted to shed light on the events that had happened. On the other hand our safety was probably at stake; we had to consider the risks. "What I want most, Sev, is that you're safe, alive and whole."

"Hm, I could settle with a little less safety if the present situation bothers you so much; I understand your desire to bring the investigations forward."

The image of Alecto Carrow's mutilated torso flickered up in my mind's eye again, reminding me of the threat, and as much as I feared for my husband the initial panic had worn off during our stay in Venice. I believed we had to face the dangers and take active measures against Yaxley and his consorts instead of running away from them. The idea of going into hiding had been a mistake.

"I'll owl Kingsley and ask him if he deems it safe for us to return."

Severus agreed to my proposition, Kingsley was one of the few people he trusted and his advice was to be the one we would follow.


	55. Investigations

55- Investigations

"You must be kidding!" I stared at Kingsley in disbelief; it seemed to have become a habit lately. "You told me it was safe for us to come back only to inform me in the next breath you appointed Potter as new head of Aurors? Please tell me that's a bad joke."

"I had no choice. The people are worried about the recent development, they fear the Death Eaters on the run. In order to avoid a riot it was either appointing Harry as Head of Auror Department or allowing the Dementors back in Azkaban..."

"At least the Dementors are qualified for their job whereas Potter is most certainly not. Severus will be thrilled to hear the news. Damned, Kings, he trusted you and your judgment of our personal security situation."

"I will see to the safety of your husband," Harry piped up but I merely glared daggers at him before I addressed Kingsley again.

"In the current situation only a fool would depose Williamson, a very capable Auror, from his post and replace him with Potter who clearly lacks experience. He's not fit to lead an investigation as complex as this one since he so very clearly lacks the knack for the fine arts of research."

"I know," Kingsley rubbed his weary face with his hands and I noticed he looked older than he had for a long time; I almost felt sorry for him because the pressure of his job seemed to weigh him down. "But what was I supposed to do? The people are scared, the wounds of the last war still run too deep in many of them so I had to give them a symbol of hope..."

"But a bloody symbol won't be enough to find Yaxley and his miscreants, a symbol won't capture the escapees. No offence meant, Potter, but your fame alone is insufficient. The golden shine of your greatness will not shoo them out of their hidey-holes and make them crawl back to Azkaban, begging for forgiveness because they've been naughty."

"I... er..."

"And I definitely **won't** take orders from you." I cut Harry off, scowling, before he had the chance to say anything else.

"You don't have to, Raven." Kingsley said. "If only you would hear me out! I was going to explain that his appointment is solely for appearance because- believe me or not- **I am** aware of the fact that it's far too early for him and he's still got a lot to learn."

"I hope he knows that too," I sneered, then I shot the Minister a cunning glance. "So, it's only a sham, huh?"

"To please the public, yes," he assured me while Harry looked a bit flabbergasted as if he hadn't been quite aware of that before. "I do, however, expect you to be working on this case together because I want Yaxley under lock and key again before any serious harm is done."

"Well, as long as Potter is not responsible for our safety and stays away from us, I am certain no serious harm will be done."

"Now I am offended... I only have Sn- _Professor _Snape's best interest in mind," Harry said open-heartedly. "I owe him..."

"Indeed."

"Raven, your sarcasm is uncalled-for. Please try to be a bit more agreeable. We need to work together and not against each other," Kingsley chided me.

"Oh, please forgive me for not being thrilled about the newest development."

"What are you complaining about anyway? I offered you the position as Head of Auror Department more than once and you always declined, reminding me you are a freelance. I accepted that. I appreciate your skills, your experience, and I told you that of course you don't have to follow Harry's orders for his appointment was merely meant to appease the public. I am willing to give you plenty of rope so you can carry on with the investigations as you think best, while Harry will respect your experience and benefit from it."

"Alright," I blinked at Kingsley as his words slowly sunk in and then I summed it up, "so you are actually telling me that I am assigned to lead the investigations, but for the public whatever results I achieve will be blamed on the brilliance of the Golden Boy who so generously bathes us all in the radiant brightness of his glory- am I correct?"

Well, I could live with that. I didn't need any paean of praise, no recognition from the press or the public, as long as Yaxley and his miscreants ended back in Azkaban or- even more preferably- six feet under...

"You are. I want you to lead the investigations because you are personally affected, there is too much at stake for you to blow it."

"What house were you in again? Because that sounds quite Slytherin to me."

"Ravenclaw, as you well know," Kingsley smirked smugly, "although some Slytherin traits are quite useful when you're dabbling in politics."

I raised my hands in a gesture of defeat; I didn't want to hear about politics now. There was a reason why I was a freelance. I knew how things were at the Ministry- at every Ministry in the world as a matter of fact. Due to Kingsley's tireless efforts the corruption had decreased but it still wasn't a homely place.

"I trust in you to bring the results the public wants to see, also for your own good. The sooner Yaxley is arrested again the sooner you can continue a peaceful life with your husband."

A clever move, I had to give him that even if I felt the urge to throttle him for being such a fucking politician. I knew he cared for us but he also cared about his career, and of course he had the best interest for the whole wizarding society in mind; it was his Greater Good.

"Alright," I gave him a calculating glance through narrowed eyes as I voiced my demands. "I want Williamson as my deputy and personal assistant."

"Deal. Raven, everyone in the Auror department is at your command."

"And so am I," Harry chimed in. "I want to participate in the investigations."

Demonstratively Kingsley looked at his watch. "Harry, don't you have an appointment with the media?"

"Oh..." The boy checked his own watch, the battered old thing that had once belonged Fabian Prewett. "Yes, sir. Thank you for reminding me." And with that he left the Minister's office, nodding politely in my direction.

I scowled at him.

"He really wants to help. I like to believe he has grown quite fond of Severus, or at least he recognizes his bravery. Your husband protected him all those years and now he feels obliged to repay his debt by protecting him. The boy has a good heart..."

"How very touching... but your prattle is to no avail, Minister. You are digressing. I wasn't done with my demands. I also want full access to your connections at the MI6 and all of their logistic sources, without any exceptions."

He had to think about that a little longer before he finally agreed to it with a sigh. "Deal."

I left his office feeling sick. So Kingsley had given me all the authority I needed to solve the case but he was only using me and my fear for Severus' life for his own benefit. He knew fucking well what was at stake for me and that my future, my happiness, depended on my success. I wasn't to fail. Messing it up would be fatal and should I succeed, Potter would take all the credit for my efforts. It didn't matter, however, as long as the threat Yaxley had issued would be extinguished for good. I clenched my fists in grim determination as I went looking for Williamson, who had had to clear his office and was now sitting at a desk in one of the cubicles at Auror Headquarters. Although a lot of memos were zooming from one cubicle to the other he looked kind of bored. That changed when he spotted me making a beeline towards him. A spark lit up his eyes but he didn't change his position and remained sitting with his boots up on his desk.

"I just heard the news," I said unceremoniously, "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." He offered me a small smirk. "'Twas never my thing having to deal with the media... sensation-lusting harpies, all of them, if you ask me."

"Well then, perhaps it'll cheer you up that I'm responsible for the investigation on the Yaxley case now."

There was a moment of silence it the office, barely noticeable, before the conversation between the cubicles continued and the memos were zooming again. As it seemed not everyone was happy with Kingsley's decision and to be honest, I wasn't overjoyed either.

Williamson told me in his typical short-spoken way he wouldn't miss the piles of paperwork or being the contact person for the media, which came along with being the head of Auror Department, and I filled him in with what I had arranged with Kingsley. All the while he studied my face, a concerned expression in his eyes. He struggled to say something but there wasn't much to say that I hadn't figured out already. I had only been given authority to solve _my_ problem before it became everybody's. So why waste time talking about the obvious? Instead I discussed with Williamson what I had learned from the files, and we agreed to invite Mrs Blott for another interrogation. We would also invite the wives and families of the escaped Death Eaters for a nice chat as we worked on a catalogue of question for them to answer. Tomorrow. It was already getting late, my head was aching and I still hadn't informed Severus of the latest development... I knew he wouldn't be pleased.

-

"Do you think that's wise, Raven, going on a hunt for Yaxley, stirring up his attention and making yourself a target?" Severus asked quietly after I had ranted about Kingsley's decision of appointing the Golden Boy as head of Auror Department.

"Would you prefer Potter to lead the investigation?" I snapped, feeling angry, frustrated and scared- ever since the breakout a fortnight ago I was so fucking scared... there was so much at stake. I had so much more to lose than just my life.

"No, certainly not..."

Whether you were a fan of the Golden Boy or not, there was no denying that he absolutely sucked at research. That had always been Hermione's area of expertise.

I filled him in with the rest of today's events and his mien seemed to darken with every word, a murderous spark flashing up in his eyes before his expression became inscrutable.

"I honestly have to admit that I don't like this new development; we are losing our grip. It is slipping through our fingers like a handful of sand. I want you to promise me something..."

"Anything, Sev."

He cupped my face in his hands and looked me straight in the eye, his dark ones filled with concerned tenderness.

"Please, do not let Kingsley use you like Dumbledore used me. Do not make the same mistake and become the pawn of someone who only cares about the Greater Good since the Greater Good never cares about you, your sanity, or the intactness of your soul... to the Greater Good you are replaceable but to me you are not."

"Sev..." I flung my arms around him, clinging onto him as if my life depended on being close to him... well, somehow it did. I wanted to tell him not to worry, that Kingsley wasn't like Dumbledore- but it would have been a lie given that I wasn't certain about it anymore. I had trusted him, Severus had trusted him, and yet he was using my fear, my worries against me. He had stated quite clearly that my personal engagement was benefitting him and that he was taking advantage of the situation. True, I had wanted the job. I had wanted the opportunity to bring Yaxley down before he could cause any more harm, and now I was wondering what the hell I had asked for.

Severus brushed my lips with his and for a moment I was feeling soothed by the comfort even this fleeting touch gave me. His hands were gently rubbing up and down my spine, begging me to relax. I unwound a little, eager to melt into his embrace but there was still a certain stiffness in me, a tension that wasn't so easy to release.

Finally he broke the silence. "It's late, let's go to bed."

You didn't always have to be in a romantic mood or madly lusting for your partner when you made love. Sometimes it was just the need to be together as close as possible, to touch and feel and cherish the moment of comfort in each other's arms. Sometimes it was easier to let gestures speak instead of words. We gave each other reassurance and hope, maybe even the illusion that things couldn't get any worse. For the moment that was enough. We were strong when we were cuddled up together, the lines of worry smoothed off our faces.

It wouldn't last; I wasn't so naïve to believe in that.

-

"Good morning," I said in what I believed an amiable tone despite the early hour. I knew I wasn't exactly what you'd call a morning person but that was still no reason for the sudden cease in conversation when I entered Auror Headquarters the next day. At once everybody pretended to be busy, hectically scurrying around.

"Morning!" Williamson greeted me friendly, and a little later chattering voices filled the office again.

I arched a brow at him but he made a gesture as if it wasn't worth worrying about their attitude, let alone waste a word on it. Instead he told me that the owl he had sent to Mrs Blott had not been answered yet, which redirected my mind from the odd behaviour of the other Aurors to more important matters. After all, this wasn't the first time I had walked into an Auror Headquarters and was met with suspicion, or even downright contempt, because I was an outsider. They would get used to me, they always did.

Although Mrs Blott hadn't accepted our invitation to meet us yet, not all of our invitations had been unanswered; the wife of one of the Death Eaters was already waiting in the interrogation room.

Kaelyn Selwyn was a middle-aged, elegantly dressed witch. The cold light of the interrogation room didn't flatter her plain features but her blood was probably one of the purest.

"What do you still want of me?" She snapped at Williamson. "I already told you I have **not** heard from my husband for six and a half years now, and- in case it has slipped your attention- I have filed a petition for divorce."

I briefly skimmed through the transcription of an earlier interrogations and realized she was telling the truth, there was indeed a paper confirming her wish to be divorced from Lyndon Selwyn.

"Do you have any idea where he might be hiding?" I asked.

"No." She sneered at me but all of a sudden her shoulders dropped and she looked weary. "Believe me, if I knew I would tell you. I want the divorce. My marriage was arranged, I... I would have preferred a husband who cared more for me and less for that pure-blood supremacy nonsense. Of course, I was raised to believe in the purity of my blood, too- but the idea of dominance was a wizards' dream. No witch would have wanted to fight for it because what good did that do any of us? We lost our husbands, they were sent to Azkaban or died in a senseless war, along with our children."

"Do you have children, Mrs Selwyn?" A rhetorical question since the answer was in the files.

"No," she sadly shook her head before looking at me. "It always was a much desired dream but quite hard to achieve with a husband who spent most of our marriage in Azkaban, and I am not an adulteress, Mrs Snape."

Her confession sounded sincere and she was obviously not trained in the art of Legilimency, so I crossed Mrs Selwyn off my list of possible suspects, thanking her for taking her time. She surprised me when she took my hands in hers.

"Please find him. There is this lovely wizard I wish to marry and Lyndon has still not signed the divorce papers."

"Er... well, I think you made your point, Mrs Selwyn." I was positive she would immediately contact Auror Headquarters if she heard anything of her husband.

It was late in the morning by then and still Mrs Blott hadn't answered Williamson's owl of the previous evening. We glanced at each other and decided to pay her a visit if she refused to come to the Ministry. Actually, I was even a bit concerned about her given that she had recently learned that the man she had spent the last fortnight with had not been Mr Blott.

We knocked at the door of the Blott's residence and waited. Several minutes passed without anything happening, our call wasn't answered. Williamson aimed his wand at the hinges to blast them off, when I suddenly heard the slow shuffling of feet. The door was opened a crack, revealing a face that looked exhausted, aged beyond time, and utterly hopeless. Mrs Blott must have been pretty once, before her husband was found dead. Now her blonde hair was glued to her skull, showing signs of neglect, and a trail of tears was visible on her gaunt features.

"Ma'am, may we please come in to ask you some questions?" I asked softly and she stared at me for what seemed to be an eternity before she opened the door just wide enough for us to enter.

It was dark inside the house. All the curtains were closed, and it smelled of unwashed body. Mrs Blott had succumbed to her misery.

She slouched on the sofa, clutching her knees tightly to her chest, not looking at us. All the time she hasn't spoken a single word. I knew a deeply traumatized person when I saw one. She didn't only mourn the death of her husband but she also worried about the things she might have done with his impersonator, feeling dirty and abused.

Williamson wanted to say something but I gestured him to remain silent.

"Please, could you go to the kitchen and fetch a glass of water for Mrs Blott?" I asked him as I sat down next to her.

He nodded and walked to where he assumed the kitchen to be although it would have been so much easier to simply Summon a glass of water. But he understood just as well as I that Mrs Blott wasn't likely to discuss the delicate personal and intimate matters of this case with a wizard. And indeed, she seemed to relax a little when he had left.

Silent tears were running down her face, then she started to sob seriously. From her almost incoherent stream of words I gathered that she was deeply ashamed she might have committed adultery with a stranger she thought was her husband, if only she could remember what she had done. I let her rant for a while, her speech interrupted by uncontrollable sobs shaking her frail form.

"Have you been examined?" I asked gently, and she stared at me with puffy eyes, almost surprised, before she shook her head. Oh dear Merlin! Had no one cared to tell her that such an examination wasn't only possible but could have also been essential for solving the case? If the intruder had penetrated her there might have been traces helpful to identify him. Now, however, it was much too late for that. Two weeks had passed since the breakout, a little less than two weeks since Barnaby Blott's body had been found. And I had been _holidaying_ in Venice...

"Is... is there a way to... to find out what... what has happened?" Her voice sounded shaky, insecure, and she cast her eyes downwards, staring at her hands she was clutching in her lap. "I... I mean- have I been... willing... or has he... he forced me..."

She was almost pleading to hear she has been forced and raped, at least that seemed to be preferable to the notion she had willingly made love to a stranger without realizing it. Since she really didn't seemed to know what had transpired during those two weeks in which she had been living with the impersonator, I believed it fair to assume her memories had been tampered with.

"It is probable that none of it happened," I said after a while, reasoning that the intention behind that devious plan was to get into Azkaban and spring Yaxley and consorts from jail; it had decidedly not been the conspirator's most eminent aim to get Mrs Blott laid. Although- if she was pretty before and the events had turned her into this hideous sour-smelling, gaunt, puffy-eyed caricature of her former self, they might have seen it as a further benefit. However, there was only one way to find out.

"Madam, would you allow me to use Legilimency on you?"

She looked scared and that was no surprise. Granting her permission would mean to open up to me and letting me see her most private memories. Nevertheless, at long last she nodded. Apparently her haunting desire to find out the truth, no matter how unpleasant it might be, overpowered her natural sense of propriety.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No," I assured her. Of course Legilimency was a violation of the mind if done by force but there were softer and more subtler methods, especially when consent was given. I looked her in the eye, mentally reaching out for her as I probed her mind. There were no barriers. I could have taken advantage of her by seeking out her darkest secrets but I wasn't interested in stolen kisses she had shared with a Ravenclaw during her fifth year at Hogwarts. I left all of those memories behind and focussed on the more recent events...

..._Barnaby kissed her goodbye, mentioning he would made a stop-over at St Mungo's before Apparating to Azkaban... it was a morning like every else and the day that followed was just like every else until... until Barnaby came home from work. She met him at the door just like all the evenings before when she would welcome him with a gentle kiss... they would then talk about his day while she served him dinner... but today Barnaby brushed past her, denying her the usual kiss._

_"Barny, what's wrong with you, darling? What did they say at St Mungo's?"_

The vision blurred for a moment, as if a dense fog had suddenly filled the room... and then it was gone.

_"I'm fine, darling..."_

_"But..." She cut him off as if she wanted to press the matter, then she said almost mechanically, "Oh, isn't it wonderful that you're so healthy?"_

_"It is, my love, it is."_

For the fraction of a second I thought I heard a malicious cackle but then I was back in the fog filled room again, only that it wasn't foggy anymore. I saw Mrs Blott scurrying to the kitchen and back, placing a tray of food in front of Barnaby, then she rushed to bring him his slippers, still acting like a marionette...

"You served him," I finally concluded as I withdraw from her mind, mulling things over. As it seemed her memory had indeed been tampered with- the sudden _fog_ clouding the room indicated it- and I sensed the faint imprint of the Imperius Curse on her. Fortunately, however, I didn't sense any other traits of abuse on her; she had neither kissed nor slept with the Impersonator.

Mrs Blott cried with relief when I told her.

Williamson returned to the living room, handing her a glass of water she accepted with shaking fingers. It didn't surprise her why it had taken him so long. We exchanged glances and he gave me a nod of approval, apparently he had followed our conversation from the kitchen.

She needed help now, preferably professional help. Unfortunately St Mungo's did not offer that- they were great when it came to magical maladies and injuries but they clearly sucked at dealing with magically inflicted traumas or post traumatic syndromes.

So I called Kingsley's connection at the MI6, knowing that the Special Squad employed some shrinks who were trained in dealing with magically induced problems, especially when the _help_ of Oblivators wasn't quite enough. After giving a short description of the situation, the cool voice of special agent Laura Foster assured me that Mrs Blott would be taken care of.

Now that that was done it was time to return to Headquarters and another round of cross-examining family members of escaped Death Eaters.

"You seem to have the right touch with witches," Williamson almost praised me, a half-smile on his lips. "Both Selwyn and Blott were less supportive when the boys interrogated them."

"Ah, so is their failure in asking the right questions also the reason why Mrs Blott has never been examined properly?"

"That had not been considered significant."

The tone of his voice told me that he begged to differ but apparently a higher institution had decided that this wasn't a case of rape- it was about some dangerous Death Eaters on the run. I rolled my eyes on what little insight or perspicacity the powers that be sometimes had, blaming it on politics. I had always hoped Kingsley would be different... well, he wasn't as badly as his predecessors but when the public pressure increased he played his part and tried to give the public what it wanted to see, pressing for a quick solution.

"We need more female Aurors." Williamson heaved a sigh. "Alas, in times of peace most witches do opt for reproduction instead of joining the forces."

Sad but true, but in the years following Voldemort's defeat there was indeed a noticeable decrease of witches applying for Auror training. Many a clever, skilled witch had left Hogwarts only to marry and start a family as if they were desperate to replace those they had lost in the war by giving birth to new family members. They turned a blind eye on the fact that Voldemort's defeat didn't necessarily mean that no one would ever dabble in the Dark Arts again when it was obvious that as long as there was magic in this world, its darker side lived on, too. There was no light without shadows, no shadows without light... and the Dark Arts were manifold, ever-changing, never to be underestimated...

Williamson's almost praise didn't last long as I had to find out that very same afternoon when we were interrogating more family members of escaped Death Eaters, and not all of them were as cooperative as Mrs Selwyn.

A group of witches awaited us in the interrogation room, all interrelated to each other in the finest pure-blood tradition- Lyndon Selwyn's sister was married to Thorfinn Rowle, and his eldest daughter was married to Elmar Traver's son while Traver's wife was interrelated not only with Rookwood but also very distantly with the Malfoys... but then again all the oh-so-important pure-blood families were interrelated, often even by incest. Everything in favour of blood-purity and in ways that were much too complicated for me to follow, when I tried to envision an enormous family tree that included every pure-blood family of Britain.

However, I didn't have much time to wrack my brain on that since the so very pure-blooded witches started to behave like foul-mouthed hags upon spotting me. They failed to surprise me though, because I had heard it all before, thanks to Mrs Black and her charming portrait at number 12, Grimmauld Place, so I simply ignored their derogatory comments with as much countenance as I could muster. Yeah, I knew I was a filthy half-blood, the most despicable blood traitor scum, and in general the depraved disgrace of the wizarding world... _anything new_?

"Mangy whore of the vilest of all traitors!" Mrs Rowle hissed as she spat straight in my face.

Now it was getting personal and not only because she had just insulted my husband but also because I heard a stifled, slightly malicious giggle that came from my own ranks. Slowly wiping the spittle off my face I looked around for who had found that so amusing, while Edwina Rowle continued ranting.

"Repugnant half-breed befouling the most noble plans of our Dark Lord with its treacherous ways, the deceitful snake bowing its head to an old senile Mudblood lover, sucking up to this lickspittle of abnormality and obscenity; a true ignominy of the wizarding race. No torture will ever be cruel enough to make amends for such a horrendous treason but I want Snape to suffer endlessly for-"

A flick of my wand glued her tongue to the back of her mouth. I didn't want to hear any more of that. The other witches- hags- who had been cheering, fell silent. Perhaps their female intuition had advised them to.

"Mr Kiely," I pointedly addressed the one who had thought it funny that a Death Eater's wife had had the guts to spit in my face, "mayhap you would want to... _expand..._ your understanding of Mrs Rowle by taking over the interrogation?"

Kiely scowled at me, and I knew he probably would have chosen to refuse my polite request if not for the sharp, reprimanding glance Williamson shot him. He obeyed to Williamson's silent order whereas he obviously gave a damn about what I was telling him.

Goodwin Kiely had once been a very capable Auror who was very loyal to the Ministry- so loyal that he had even supported the puppet regime appointed by Voldemort. Always following orders. Of course he had later claimed that he couldn't have possibly known who's orders he had followed, if only indirectly- really, the pride of Auror Headquarters. I had no idea why he was still working here.

Needless to say I didn't get any satisfying answers this afternoon. The hags insisted on not talking to me so I watched them being cross-examined by Proudfoot and Williamson through the mirrored glass of an adjacent room. None of them had seen or heard anything from their husbands. I wondered if there was a chance to make them stay in the Ministry's comfortable arrest cells overnight, scamper home, plunder our private potion stock, and return the next morning to pour some Veratiserum down their pure-blood throats. But since the use of Veratiserum required special permission by the Wizengamot and therefore a heap of paperwork, I decided to scamper home anyway. Before I left I grabbed the journal of registered visitors to Azkaban and took it along. If the wives of the Death Eaters had lied and they had visited their dear husbands I would find proof in there.

-

Severus Summoned me a glass of wine the minute I stepped out of the fireplace and collapsed on the sofa, a grumpy, weary expression on my face.

"I will save us the question how your day was because the answer is written on your face."

"Yeah," I sighed, "it wasn't particularly successful..." I took a sip of wine, enjoying its rich taste on my tongue and the warming feeling in my stomach before I glanced at him with wry smile. I reached out my hand, gently caressing his cheek. "How was yours?"

"Agreeable except for the fact that my _bodyguard_ was hovering all over me like a shadow until I threatened to hex him if he wouldn't keep his bloody nose out of my cauldron..."

"Your _bodyguard_?"

Severus sneered. "Courtesy of Potter- and who am I to question the whims of the Golden Boy if he has set his thick head on protecting me?"

"He means well, Sev."

"Indeed? Does he expect Yaxley to emerge from the depth of a cauldron full of Truth Serum? It is very... touching that he is trying to protect me but just as unnecessary. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Have I not survived several years of spying on Voldemort?"

"Scarcely." I leaned in to brush his lips with mine but then lingered for more thorough kiss, longing to taste him, feel him, as I briefly recalled the panic of having almost lost him that day in the Shrieking Shack. I was loath to even imagine what my life would be without him because the very notion of it was like hell, as if the world would stop spinning and become dull, bereft of all colours... and then the image of Alecto Carrow popped up in my mind's eye again, the threat painted in blood over her mutilated torso... _Snape! We'll get you!... _I hugged him tightly. "Oh Sev, could you please bear with the extra protection, no matter if you consider it necessary or not, knowing it makes me feel better? At least until we have found out who helped Yaxley to escape?"

He ran gentle fingers through the tresses of my hair. "Well, if it makes you feel better..."

"Yeah." I filled him in with the events of my day, the little I had found out so far, before I picked up the journal of registered visitors I had brought along. There was still so much work to do.

Azkaban granted its inmates monthly visits by close relatives- except for those prisoners who served lifelong sentences and were kept in solitary confinement, which actually included all of the escapees. On the other hand they all stemmed from the oldest and most pure-blooded, therefore also very influential families... rich families. Who would not turn a blind eye and bend the rules just a little if generously bribed? The guards weren't well paid enough to not succumb to the tantalizing sound of jingling galleons and I didn't even blame them for that.... if only their weakness would be supportive in the investigations.

I skimmed through the pages of the registry of visitors, knowing that it would magically list every visit to Azkaban, but I also knew that the entries could have been manipulated. So I flicked my wand over the pages and muttered a _Revelio_ spell. Immediately some entries became visible that hadn't been there before. It proved my theory that the guards were corrupt. Unfortunately it did not prove that Yaxley had been plotting plans with someone from outside of Azkaban since he had received no visitors. Mrs Rowle had visited her husband a couple of times over the past six years but not yet this year, and besides, she didn't strike me as intelligent enough to come up with such a crafty plan to spring her husband from jail. And from what I had witnessed today, the wives of the other Death Eaters didn't qualify either. Amycus Carrow had no living relatives anymore since his sister had been eaten, Avery's family had managed to get eliminated completely in the course of two wizarding wars, and Mulciber's family had also ceased to exist. They had never married- or had they? I frowned upon an entry that perplexed me slightly but before I could focus my thoughts on what was amiss, I noticed that Severus was watching me for quite a while already.

I looked up and arched a brow at him. We had sat in comfortable silence for a few hours, he had been reading while I studied the registry, but now his book was set aside while his eyes rested on me.

"I like when you look so... studious," he answered my silent question, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Ah... do you?"

"Um-hm... I also like the way you take your work seriously..." Despite his words he took the journal from my hands and put it on the table.

"But?"

"But you look much too enticing to let you continue working at this late hour, and it is already past midnight. Why don't we proceed to our bedroom, hm?"

I agreed. Of course I agreed since I couldn't even imagine to ever deny him the pleasures of matrimonial bliss for that would mean to deprive myself of the very same pleasures. So we went upstairs. For the fraction of a second a thought crossed my mind, something that had to do with Mulciber and a yet unidentified visitor, but was soon forgotten when Severus kissed me gently. I could still worry about that tomorrow... when my mind not overwhelmed with a sudden longing, my hands not so eager to touch warm skin as I helped him unbutton his shirt.

Sometimes it amazed me that his passion for me was still as strong after six years of marriage as the first time we had made love, although the slight awkwardness of our very first encounter, like his initial shyness of being exposed to my eyes, his feeling of imperfection, had long gone. He had gotten used to me finding his slender body attractive, even if I sometimes still caught him surreptitiously wondering why... until my hands and lips rekindled his acceptance for himself, showing him how wonderful he was.

We enjoyed each other thoroughly, touching, kissing, tasting. Laughing- it was great when you could laugh together in bed... but there came a time when our breathing grew heavier with desire and the laughter died on our lips, was replaced by soft moans of pleasure...

Later I cuddled up to him, trailing lazy fingers across his chest. Even after the heat of the moment had expired I still couldn't detain myself from touching him and I treasured these moments, lying breathlessly in his arms, feeling contented, dizzy, sated. When I glanced at him my heart seemed to leap with joy at the peacefully relaxed look on his face, all lines smoothed with complete satisfaction, his black eyes glittering, his lips smiling unguardedly. I wished I could freeze this moment to make it last forever.

But time never stood still long enough to preserve a moment, reality would always catch up sooner or later. I had to realize that when the alarm clock rang much too soon after I had fallen asleep in his arms. I raised my weary head from his chest and glanced menacingly at the offending item that had woken me. However, perhaps I should be lucky for its monotone beeping since a cheerful magical voice talking in platitudes like '_the early bird catches the worm_' would be much more annoying.

Severus would always get up that early, at a time when I didn't even know my name. Usually, he brought me a nice cup of coffee to bed before he left, and then I would turn around and sleep for a few hours more. Today, however, I decided I should get up as well. Now. There was a lot of work waiting for me at the Ministry and I didn't want to be late. Not everybody at Auror Headquarters was happy that Kingsley had given me lead in one of the most important cases after the war, no matter how dubious my position actually was.

I took a shower and got dressed when Severus appeared with the much needed cup of coffee in his hands, surprised to see me up already. Gulping down my coffee I kissed him goodbye and Flooed to the Ministry. I knew I had to work harder than anyone else if we wanted to catch Yaxley and his cohorts, not only because of my personal involvement but also because of my mutinous co-workers.

-

The next days were filled with work. I left home early in the mornings and often didn't return before late at night, falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows. We checked every possible property the escaped Death Eaters owned and even those that no one would know about who hadn't been a member of Voldemort's inner circle. Severus' inside knowledge of all their safe houses provided us with significant hints and we actually discovered some traces of the escapees in a small cottage by the sea, on the Lleyn Peninsula in Wales. The cottage belonged to the Travers and although Mrs Travers had assured us she hadn't been there in years, the ash in the oven was still warm. Immediately Williamson alerted a team of Aurors and Hit Wizards, searching every inch of the house, while a few MI6 agents would ask in the nearest village, Ty-Hen, whether its inhabitants had noticed anything unusual lately. Alas, we only found evidence that the Death Eaters had indeed been there but now they were gone, and apparently they had not molested the Muggles living nearby. One sheep had gone missing- well, there were many reasons for a missing sheep and merely a few included the Dark Arts. So once again we had reached a dead end. Maybe we had only been minutes too late but we had been too late and there were no traces of where they might have gone from here. It was frustrating.

When we returned to the Ministry later I discovered a note on my desk. Hermione Weasley asked to meet me in her office in order to discuss the security measures at Azkaban. Now that was what I just needed! On the other hand it was a welcome change from studying the same old files over and over again since that would have been the other alternative of spending the rest of my day.

Mrs Weasley nee Granger was working in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, which was on the same level as Auror Headquarters, so the way to her office was only a short walk. I as just about to knock at her door when said door was opened by a blonde witch on her way out. She looked vaguely familiar to me so I greeted her courteously, but all I got from her in return was a glare that spoke of utmost disdain. What had I done to her? Was my mere existence offending everyone at the Ministry now? I still recalled Kiely sneering surreptitiously at the fuss I had made today, causing him to waste his precious time to no avail. Oh, how much it must have sucked to actually get his butt in gear and do what he was paid for. Strangely only the most inept Aurors had problems with me leading the investigation.

"Ah, good day Mrs Snape, I'm so glad you could arrange a meeting," Hermione chirped up, startling me as I still stood at the door, watching the retreating form of the blonde-haired witch. "How is your husband faring these days?"

Good question. I hardly got to see my husband lately and couldn't quite remember when had I last spoken to Severus for more than a few weary grunts before falling asleep. The investigations were wearing me down.

Probably she hadn't even expected an answer as she continued, "I heard- well, actually Harry told me- that you weren't happy with the situation in Azkaban, and he mentioned you came up with a rather unconventional idea of keeping them safely imprisoned which didn't meet the Minister's approval. However, I would like to know more about that. You are, presumably, aware of the fact that I am momentarily facing the horrendous task of modernising wizarding law with the help of..."

"Sorry," I cut her off before she could go into details I didn't care to hear now, "but who was she?" "She?" Hermione looked slightly puzzled before it dawned upon her who I was referring to. Then she offered me a warm smile. "Oh, you mean Mary MacDonald! Well, officially she works in the Department of Mysteries..."

"She's one of the Unspeakables?"

"No, no, she is only a secretary there but she passes notes from them to any other department of the Ministry- do you know her? I noticed you looked at her as if you might have met her before."

"Yeah... well, I recall she was in my year but since I was in Slytherin and she in Gryffindor I don't really know her." She had also been friends with Lily Evans, part of her entourage...

"Anyway, back to the severe security problems Azkaban has to deal with now that the Dementors are gone," Hermione carried on.

"Please make yourself familiar with the history of the _Evincio Constutio _Spell before we continue this conversation." I was suddenly very tired and not in the mood of talking to her any longer. There she sat all neat and tidy in her robes and I felt like a sod in my mud-caked boots. It was autumn in Britain which meant the day had been rainy just like the previous ones. Mayhap I could go home earlier today, if nothing else happens. I longed for a good night of sleep and some quality time with Sev.

Alas, when I returned to Auror Headquarters Williamson showed me a piece of evidence that suggested the Death Eaters had purchased new robes. I didn't quite understand that. The whole wizarding world was on alert, watching out for the escapees, and they had the nerve to go shopping? I took a sip of Wake-Me-Up Potion, knowing it would be a long day again. Williamson frowned at me, not approving on me living on potions, coffee and cigarettes- but his spouse hadn't been personally threatened by Yaxley and consorts, the weight on his shoulders wasn't as heavy as mine. Damned, I had to bring them down.

So we swarmed out again to question the owners of Madam Malkin's in Diagon Alley, Gladrags Wizardwear in Hogsmeade, and _The Darkest Attire_ in Knockturn Alley. None of them remembered having served any of the Death Eaters, but then Madame Malkin checked her book of commissions and found an entry that confirmed the sale. She scratched her head.

"Ah, now I remember. It was a witch, though, who bought the robes... a very unfriendly person if you ask me. Didn't even care about the proper measurements but just ordered me to bag them."

I mulled it over. Certainly the witch hadn't bought seven sets of robes and paid cash? There was a chance she had given permission to withdraw the sum from her Gringotts vault, and then we'd have a name. But no, we weren't that lucky. It was probably too much to ask for that we'd finally make a breakthrough in the investigation, and so we invited Madam Malkin to Auror Headquarters to take a look at the pictures of known Death Eater associates. Again to no avail.

I left the Ministry very frustrated and once more long past midnight.


	56. Light my Fire

56- Light my Fire

I only wanted to sink to bed and sleep; it was already past two in the morning and I had to get up at six for another day of work. I had not expected to suddenly find myself at wand point. My husband was glaring threateningly at me, his lank hair all messy, his eyes glittering wildly.

"Sev!" I shrieked.

"Damned... _Lumos._" A light at the tip of his wand glowed up, blinding me for a moment. He cursed again and rubbed his face with the hand that wasn't still aiming his wand at me. "Raven! Why do you have to sneak up on me like that?"

"I'm not sneaking!" I snapped indignantly. "Why do you have to be so jumpy?"

Finally he had the decency to put his wand aside, heaving a weary sigh.

We had heavy wards protecting the house, no Death Eater could ever get in since Severus had somehow managed to connect the wards with the electricity system; any intruder would be roasted- which would probably lead to a general outage in the whole London area- and yet he behaved as if he was used to being slaughtered in bed.

If I hadn't been so tired I might have realized he had been troubled by disturbing dreams, had noticed the dark rings under his eyes, the shade of stubble on his chin. But I was tired and slightly irritated so I just kicked my boots aside and crawled under the blanket.

"I'm sorry," he said as he tried to kiss me.

I turned around and pulled the blanket over my head. The effect of the Wake-Me-Up Portion was diminishing rapidly now; I felt like I had been run over by a horde of hippogriffs. A moment later I was sound asleep.

-

When I woke it was already bright outside- or as bright as a London day in mid October could be with all the grey clouds hanging deep in the sky, fog hovering in the air, rain pelting against the window pane. English weather at its best. I wanted to turn around and fall asleep again since I was certain I wouldn't miss anything if I stayed in bed on a day like this. Then I suddenly realized that something was amiss... Why was it bright outside? The last few days I had left home before sunrise. Why hadn't the alarm clock awakened me?

I sat up with a start.

"Good morning," Severus greeted me but I had only eyes for the clock that read twenty to twelve .

I had overslept! I would be late for work! And why the hell was Severus sitting next to me in bed, reading the papers, when he should long be at work as well?

"Would you like breakfast now, darling?" He asked very calmly.

"Hell, no!" I tried to get up- I had no time for such trivialities now, I was needed at the Ministry!- but he wouldn't let me go. His arms, lean and slender as they were, pinned me down on the mattress with a strength you wouldn't have expected he possessed. It made me furious for a moment though I stopped struggling him when Pinkie popped up in our bedroom. I didn't want her to see us fighting. She was carrying a tray with scrambled eggs, fruits, croissants and other goodies I usually liked for breakfast. It smelled delicious. When had I last eaten a proper meal? It seemed like ages ago. My mouth was watering and my stomach rumbled loudly. Alright, he had won.

Pinkie put the tray on my bedside table and made herself scarce as quickly as she had appeared, leaving us to ourselves.

"But I have to go to at work," I protested feebly.

"Not today," Severus insisted, and at my quizzical arch of brows he explained, "I already informed Kingsley you won't be in today, and he agreed."

Buttering a croissant I cast a sidelong glance at him, noticing how determinate, almost forbidding he looked. I wouldn't want to be at the receiving end of his wrath and I was certain Kingsley had been correspondingly intimidated by my husband's attitude.

"You had no right to decide that." My stubbornness got the better of me. What was he thinking? I wasn't wasting myself away for fun, I was doing it for us, for a better future, for a happy life unspoiled by the threat Yaxley had issued.

"I beg to differ." He looked at me with dark eyes that hardly gave away his emotions, and his voice was cool, almost matter-of-factly. "Raven, I am your husband therefore I not only have the right but also the obligation to stop you from harming yourself, and I won't allow you to risk your health any longer. You look like death warmed over."

"I thought you didn't marry me for my looks."

"Insufferable witch! I am talking about your health, or rather the adverse effect that the abuse of analeptic potions might have on your health."

"I only took a few Wake-Me-Ups." My fingers were plucking the poor croissant apart. I stared at the flakes of pastry on my plate.

"You were supposed to eat it, not to play with your food." Severus scolded me but his tone was gentler now, deeply concerned. "Raven, don't make the same mistakes I did. Unlike me you have a choice, you are not force to serve two masters and nearly waste yourself away in the process.

"It always starts with a few pep up potions just to get through the day and fulfil your overloaded schedule. Then you need a Calming Draught even if you are tired and exhausted because you still feel restless, unable to sleep... not to mention the nightmares... You lose your appetite since all food tastes like a mouthful of ash- and that is only one of the many side effects depending on a variety of potions has..."

I looked up, suddenly feeling utterly miserable. "You know what you're talking about, don't you?"

"Indeed."

Of course he knew. How often had I looked at him and wished Dumbledore would give him a break? How often had I looked at him and considered him much too skinny, wondering if he ever ate?

His hair shielded his face now like dark curtains. I noticed him clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white, then slowly his hands unfolded again. He stared at them as if he willed them to stay relaxed although he was far from calm. Finally his fingers were reaching out for mine, almost insecure. I let mine entwine with his, given him a reassuring squeeze. Tears were burning in my eyes as I realized how much these bloody investigations were eating me- both of us- up... and we were still so very far from any significant breakthrough... For the sake of getting results in the investigation I had not only neglected myself but also him, our relationship, and when we had the guts to not only glance at each other but actually lock eyes at each other at long last, it almost made me cringe to learn how hard it was for him to spend his days and nights nearly as lonely as he had been most of his life. Of course he knew I loved him, and he was also rational enough to know that I was doing it for us, for a better future free of Death Eaters threatening our happiness... but that happiness seemed to have diminished while the piles of paperwork had grown, and somehow the idea of _us_ had gone missing in the process. When had things started to go so fucking wrong? When had I given up spending some quality time with my husband only for the sake of this thrice damned investigation?

And yet, I wanted to succeed. I wanted to succeed and laugh in the dumbstruck face of imbeciles like Kiely who was so daft to take offence in the dubious privilege Kingsley had so generously granted me, an outsider, a freelance leading probably the most important post war investigation. Anyone with a clear mind would have noticed I was just a tool, a pawn in the game, manipulated by my worst fears and strongest desires...

"Raven," Severus lifted up my chin with one of his long, slender fingers and my skin seemed to tingle from his touch as I involuntarily leaned in closer to savour this feeling. It had been too long... too long since I had cared about how he might feel about the... the _distance_ slowly growing between us. "I never wanted you to get so wound tight under the pressure Shacklebolt inflicts upon you. We could still go into hiding..."

"No." I said firmly.

We had made arrangements in case vanishing from sight- from the wizarding world, to be more precise- should ever become a necessity. Since we were both half-bloods and our birth had been registered by the Muggle authorities it had been no problem to get valid passports. We could travel the Muggle way, hide in the Muggle world, and no Death Eater would ever find us- but that was not an option for me right now.

"I... I know what I'm doing, Sev. I'm certain we'll make a breakthrough soon. Just give me some more time."

He mulled over my words and decided. "Very well- as long as you stop taking these potions. You will have a decent breakfast with me in the mornings and you will be back home at ten a clock at the latest."

I stared at him and couldn't believe I actually agreed on that given how much I hated being told what to do. But my husband had a point. He was concerned, probably he worried more about my well-being than I did, therefore I agreed.

"Now eat your breakfast, Raven."

I let him feed me with some fruit before I grinned at him. "You know, Sev, I was so much more subtle when I tried to get some more flesh on your ribs."

"Yes, I remember you luring me to your place with the flimsy excuse you had something important to talk over and then you cheerfully announced that dinner is ready. Very subtle indeed."

"Would you have come had I told you I simply longed for your company?"

He didn't answer that question which was answer enough. Probably he wouldn't have believed me since at that time he failed to see or couldn't fathom why anyone would long for his company. I leaned closer to him and kissed his cheek. A smile tugged at his lips and soon spread all over his face; it suited him so well. Unfortunately it didn't last very long until a more pensive expression was back on his features.

"It was only in your company that food didn't taste like a mouthful of ash and I almost enjoyed a meal- almost, because Dumbledore would have been overjoyed to see that since he always complained about my lack of appetite. Of course he would have offered me some lemon drops to balance the overdose of garlic but... but Dumbledore wasn't there anymore and that was my fault. Sometimes it didn't seem right to enjoy anything after I killed him-"

"On his explicit request," I reminded him, feeling the same old hatred for that manipulative puppeteer welling up inside me. He didn't deserve the affection Severus still harboured for him because he hadn't given a damn about the effects his _request_ would have on Severus, who all those years later still wondered if he could have prevented the inevitable. And for that I hated Dumbledore even more. Then I recalled last night's events, Severus startling from sleep, holding me at wand point... I knew that dreams often troubled him when I wasn't around but last night I had been too tired and uncaring; I had even denied him a kiss.

"I know, but-"

I didn't let him finish. Feeling guilty for my insensitivity of the previous night I didn't want to hear anything about his liability in whatever so I wrapped my arms around him and brushed his lips with mine to stop him from talking.

Dear Merlin, his lips tasted so sweet I let mine linger for a bit longer to savour the feeling and deepen the kiss as it became more passionate He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, kissing me with the greed of a starving man longing for emotional rescue.

I realized how much I had missed this, had missed him. I had been too consumed with my working life to allow myself the pleasures of proximity or intimacy, only focussed on solving this bloody case that I had forgotten what really mattered in life and how much I needed him.

We hadn't planned to get carried away, and most certainly we hadn't wanted to digress from the problems that were still there, but with his lips on mine and his hands caressing me gently though eagerly it was no surprise my soft sighs turned to moans. The ache, the longing became almost unbearable until we both found comfort in the most satisfying way possible. As I drifted off to sleep afterwards, cuddled up in his arms, I silently vowed to myself to never let anything come between us again and especially not this bloody investigation.

I slept through most of the day and when I woke up late afternoon, Severus surprised me with a delicious dinner. Pinkie had surpassed herself so I tucked in with appetite, heartily enjoying the meal. Although I had wanted to avoid the topic for today I couldn't prevent our conversation coming inevitably to the state of affairs in the investigations. Of course he wanted to be updated since it concerned him as well and probably more than anyone else in the wizarding world, Yaxley had made that quite obvious.

He listened to me closely and didn't interrupt my ranting about everything that had gone wrong or how promising traces had only led to dead ends, when I suddenly recalled an odd thing I had almost forgotten.

"How well do you know Mulciber?" I contemplated aloud since according to the registry of visitors to Azkaban he had received a visitor we hadn't identified yet; the searching of Death Eater safe houses had been our primary lead. Now I wondered if that might have been a mistake.

"Mulciber?" Severus shrugged, sneering slightly. "He's a blatant imbecile who stems from one of the oldest pure-blood families in Britain but he was never graced with much intelligence. I always let him copy my homework- don't you remember? Alas, that led Lily to the mistaken belief he was my friend, which he wasn't..."

He fell silent, glancing at me until our eyes locked. I saw an old pain flickering up in his, knowing he had never managed to make her understand what it was like to be a poor half-blood in a house dominated by stinking rich pure-bloods. But that was of no importance now.

I told him about the unidentified visitor, well aware of the fact that all of Mulciber's family had died supporting Voldemort's cause, and as far as the records claimed he had never married. So who would bribe the guards just to see him? A loyal lover perhaps?

Unfortunately, Severus knew very little about the love life of his former Death Eater fellows because he had never paid much attention to that sort of gossip unless it was really relevant and needed to be reported to Dumbledore. He did promise me though that he would put his memories regarding Mulciber in a Pensieve in order to analyse them more thoroughly, and I appreciated that. Mayhap it was just another dead end- or it could be the breakthrough we had been waiting for.

Then we postponed wracking our brains to the next day and proceeded to the bathroom; my dear husband had insisted I could use a bath and who was I to oppose? The idea of relaxing with him in pleasantly heated, scented water sounded so very promising.

Candles were lit all around the tub, casting flickering shadows on the walls. Severus eased himself behind me and wrapped his lean legs around me, his hands reaching for my shoulders. I purred with pleasure as his clever fingers began to rub away all the strain I was under with astute caress and just the right amount of strength. Eventually that led to more sensual delight we continued in our bedroom.

-

The next morning I remembered it was obligatory now to have breakfast with Severus so I met him in the kitchen instead of just stepping into the fireplace with a mug of coffee in my hands. It was definitely more pleasant to spend a few minutes with him than hurrying to the Ministry right after waking up. I knew I wasn't very efficient early in the mornings but given my position I thought I had to be the first to come and the last to leave. Perhaps I should delegate things more often and not try to do everything on my own just because some idiots were pulling a face when I gave them orders. Thinking of Kiely made me almost wish I could stay home another day. However, that was not an option.

Auror Headquarters was still quiet when I arrived there, the hustle and bustle of flying memos and loud conversations from one cubicle to the next would start in approximately an hour so I had enough time to silently examine the large board that had taken over one wall of the office. Pictures were pinned up showing the escapees and their families, and a complicated looking diagram gave information on how they were all interrelated.

I suddenly realized that the board was overstuffed with information but very few of them were really relevant. What did it matter to the investigation if Selwyn's sister was married to Rowle? I aimed my wand at the board and magically erased everything I considered expendable, then I drew a line from Mulciber to a big red question mark. Someone had visited him in Azkaban. I sincerely hoped that Severus going through his memories today might provide us with a hint.

The next thing I hexed off the board were all the places that were officially known to be residences of the Death Eater families, leaving only those Voldemort had used as safe houses.

"Cleaning up?" Williamson asked as he entered Headquarters along with Harry Potter; both of them joined me at the board which looked much more clearly arranged by now.

"Yep. While collecting more and more evidence and background information we seemed to have forgotten to focus on the essential things like- has anyone of you ever wondered what happened to the properties of inmates serving a lifetime sentence in Azkaban?"

"It goes to their relatives." Williamson answered briefly.

"And if they have no living relatives?"

"Phew," Harry sighed, "I guess that's a good question for Hermione. I mean, she's the one in the law department."

"Well, since you're such great friends you could just scurry over and get us the information, couldn't you?"

Harry agreed. Williamson shot me a sidelong glance, then he looked at the board again, noticing the red circles around Mulciber and Avery's pictures. "Hm, what is that devious mind of yours plotting now?"

"We've searched every bloody house down to the smallest hut the Yaxleys, Rowles, Traverses, Carrows, Rookwoods and Selwyns ever owned but we have no list whatsoever of Mulciber or Avery's properties."

"Indeed." The elder Auror grumbled, rubbing his chin. "Very astute observation. How did we muss that?" He grinned at me. "Where'd that come from?"

"You should have sex more often, Williamson. Apparently you have no idea how effective a good orgasm is for helping you see things more clearly."

"Ahem, I... I will scamper to Hermoine's office now," Harry mumbled as he headed for the door, blushing.

How cute. The boy-who-lived and who had offed you-know-who, the boy who had turned into a married man going to be father soon blushed at the mention of an orgasm. Well, maybe he just couldn't imagine his potions professor causing one. _Dear Merlin, it was good he couldn't imagine that... _

Headquarters was filling now. I sat down with Williamson in his cubicle, talking about what I had missed yesterday- apparently nothing at all- while keeping a sharp eye on who took notice of the changes made to the board and who didn't even bother to give it a closer look. Proudfoot studied it intensely before he came over for a chat whereas Kiely seemed to have more important things to do. Like reading the _Daily Prophet_.

Harry returned with Hermione in tow who gave Auror Headquarters a lecture in wizarding law quoting straight from the books she had read on that topic. To cut it short, the property of an inmate serving a lifetime sentence in Azkaban who had **no** living relatives would go into the possession of the Ministry after a duration of seventeen years. The duration of seventeen years was assessed in case the convict had fathered a child before his trial which would then be of age and could take over the legacy.

Very interesting. Since Mulciber senior, an Imperius specialist, had died in Azkaban two years after the second war and Mulciber junior had been sentenced at the same time as his father, their property must be in Ministry possession by now, same was with the Avery's. Now we only had to find out what the Ministry had done with their properties and maybe, just maybe we'd have a new lead then.

Hermione, quite glad to be of help though in a slightly bossy way, showed us the archive where we were supposed to find further information. The room was large, stuffed with shelves of folders smelling of old dust and mould. It would take ages to find anything in there but she used a spell that easily detected the files we were looking for. A little later two folders containing loads of magical law terminology were on my desk and I quickly skimmed through the pages, trying to make sense of it.

Avery's file was easy to understand. After his mother had died, everything the family had owned had been transferred to the Ministry of Magic. Apparently Cornelius Fudge had bought their mansion for a ridiculous price some years ago and was still living there with his wife so that place was out of question. I could hardly imagine Fudge of all people willingly harbouring escaped Death Eaters in his house but it wouldn't hurt to send someone there to make sure he was alright, not that I liked him. A seaside cottage in Cornwall had been rented as holiday resort to a well-known half-blood family that was in no connection to any Death Eater ideology and yet I sent another Auror there as well just to be on the safe side. Far more interesting, however, was the abandoned hut in a remote corner of Dartmoor...

Williamson, who had been studying Mulciber's file, slammed shut the folder and tossed in on the desk.

I arched a brow at him, noticing his frustration. "What's wrong?"

He grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, then shrugged and filled me in. "There's something... amiss. The file must have been magically tampered with as it claims there is a legal offspring to Mulciber junior, therefore their family property hasn't been released to the Ministry yet."

Now that was strange indeed. Nevertheless, I chose to deal with this later, after Severus had gone through his memories. It made no sense jumping to conclusions at this point though it was definitely a trace worth following. For now, however, I wanted to check on that hut in Dartmoor, the home of many a ghost story about pixies, a headless horseman and a mysterious pack of 'spectral hounds'. Muggle stories. The laughed about it and didn't know the truth behind it all.

I needed a team of Aurors that would accompany me there, unfortunately the most reliable ones were occupied otherwise so I had to take Kiely along as we Apparated to Dartmoor.

We arrived in a safe distance of the suspicious hut, at a hill overlooking the waste moorland surrounding it, rain pouring down on us. I quickly cast a sheltering charm over my head to not get soaked to the bones as we slowly drew closer, encircling the hut from all directions. A whiff of smoke coming from the chimney told me that the cabin was by no means abandoned. We had to be careful now.

Thick layers of peat under my feet cushioned my steps, and probably we would have succeeded in sneaking up to the cabin if not for an idiot eager to prove himself. Kiely sent a Revelio Spell at the hut. A second later we knew that the sought after criminals were indeed hiding in there but they also knew we were here to catch them, and that didn't sit well with them. The cold October air heated up with hexes and spells as a group of dark wizards emerged from the hut, their wands ready for combat.

_Their wands? How did they come by any wands?_

I ducked, a ray of green light shot over my head.

Yaxley screamed, "I want that traitor's whore alive."

Things got out of control then. We were short-handed and could use reinforcement but when I mentioned that Kiely seemed to think he had to get reinforcement personally as he Disapparated with a _pop_! I was rendered speechless for a moment and became inattentive, my protection shield wavering. A Stunner hit me. Yaxley grinned maliciously... then darkness.

-

_No! I tried to fight the darkness with all the strength I could muster; it prevented me from losing consciousness but I couldn't move. I was paralysed. I couldn't see, couldn't speak, couldn't hear anything but my own thoughts and they were screaming loud in my mind. _Get a get a grip of yourself, Raven. FIGHT! _Yaxley must not get me. He had sworn revenge, he would __**love**__ to use me as leverage against Severus. He would torture me and send parts of me to Severus- __**NO**__! I would not let him get away with that._

_Slowly, very slowly my ears registered noises again, the sounds of fighting. Voices shouted spells. Spells went awry, missed their aims, hit rocks. The thunder of impact, the blasting of tiny pieces of stone as they flew up in the air and clattered on the ground. A sizzling hiss as the wooden hut caught fire despite the pouring rain... I could feel the rain on my face... I could see- well, not really see, it was more like sensing the shadow hovering over me. The shadow moved, changed it's shape. Yaxley raised his wand..._

_'MOVE!' I yelled at myself in my head, in my mind. But my body was disobedient no matter how much I willed my legs to jump up. My fingers refused to twitch and fasten around my wand... where was my wand anyway? Definitely it had slipped from my stiff fingers as I had tumbled to the ground. And on the ground I was lying, that for sure. There were things I could feel, after all. I felt a boot kicking my side in a gesture of triumph. Most likely the next I would feel was a curse shaking my undutiful, treacherous body. In my mind's eye I saw Yaxley gloating as his lips mouthed the word._

"Cru-"

_But the pain never came, the single syllable hung in the air without being completed, never forming the word that would send the most excruciating pain burning in my veins._

"EXPELLIARMUS!"

_Oh, Potter... I would have laughed if I could... Apparently the wand flew out of Yaxley's hand because I heard it land with a soft plop in the peat about a yard away. Damned, I wished I could see his face now, outwitted by the boy-who-lived to surprise once more with his trademark spell._

_-_

"Rennervate!"

Immediately the spell rushed through my paralysed form and countered the effects of the Stunner. I reacted promptly now that I had control over my body again. Jumping to my feet I cast a wordless and wandless '_Accio_', and a second later my wand was in my hand again.

"Thanks, Harry." I said with a curt nod, still slightly disorientated. I looking out for Yaxley. He was about to pick up his wand and I shot a Cruciatus Curse straight at his arse.

It must have stung him only a little (you have to really mean someone to suffer badly, lashing out in a fit of anger wasn't enough and I hadn't completely recovered from the Stunner yet) for he turned around and brandished his wand in my direction. I knew he was using _Sectumsempra_ when I felt the slicing pain in my left arm. That bastard had the nerve to use one of Severus' spells on me! Fortunately my usually good reflexes had not failed me since I had managed to dodge the spell so it hadn't hit me with its full impact. It was just a scratch, really. I would not have to eke out my existence as a one-armed bandit; it didn't make sense that Potter was staring at the blood dripping from the wound as if he was about to faint any moment. We had to fight! Yaxley must not escape and threaten my life, Severus' life- our happiness- any longer! We were still short-handed but at least we had to try.

"We have to get out of here," the boy gasped, blocking a curse from Travers. Rushnard and Barkins, the other two on our team, were duelling Rookwood, Avery and Carrow. Selwyn was on the ground, apparently Stunned.

"No," I retorted, "we have to get them and haul them back to Azkaban."

"But you're wounded." Harry cast a Petrificus Totalus at Travers.

"It's just a scratch." _Where was Mulciber?_

I dodged a nasty jet of green light.

"I want the whore alive!" Yaxley yelled at his overzealous cohorts.

I didn't want any of them alive and fired a Killing Curse back. Unfortunately it missed Yaxley. From the corner of my eye I saw Barkins fall and hoped that merely a Stunner had hit him. I would kill Kiely very slowly for having abandoned us, the bloody coward.

That very moment the sound of Apparation filled the air as a SWAT team of Aurors materialized out of thin air, their wands at the ready. Now we outnumbered the Death Eaters who knew exactly when it was time to take to their heels before we could cast any Disapparation charms. I swore violently when I saw one after the other escaping justice, and I lashed out, sending spells and curses at the fleeing Death Eaters, eager to catch at least one of them before they were all gone.

"Raven, your wound has to be treated," Potter insisted.

"Not now!" I shook him off and raised my wand. "Incarcerous!"

Thick, snakelike ropes shot from the tip of my wand and wound themselves around Avery's ankle, jerking him back before he could Disapperate like his fellows. Quickly I hung him up like a piece of washing with the silent help of _Levicorpus..._

"Let me take you to St Mungo's."

I glared daggers at the boy-who-lived-only-to-become-an-impertinent-nuisance. "We've got a job to do."

"Raven, you're wounded!" Williamson appeared at my side, giving me a worried glance. "What happened?"

"Could I please file my report when we're back at the Ministry? It's bloody raining."

Williamson rolled his eyes, then he and Harry insisted to take me back by Side-Along Apparation apparently not trusting me to do it without splinching.

Perhaps not the most imbecile idea I realized when I found myself lying on the floor of Auror Headquarters a little later. I heard an incantation; the tune seemed familiar but the words were different and the voice was Severus'. The wound at my left arm knitted up nicely.

"You alright?" He asked in a low, soft tone as he glanced at me with concern. When I nodded he rose from his kneeling position at my side and towered over Harry. "Potter. My wife was wounded on an assignment with the _official_ head of Auror Department. Although I am grateful you- for once- proved your ability to think when you send me your Patronus, I do nevertheless expect an explanation."

"Erm,"I cleared my throat and got up from the floor, placing a soothing hand on my husband's arm, "Sev, I guess Harry pretty much saved my life today."

"Is that so?" Severus arched a questioning brow at the boy who almost gave the impression as if he were in first year potions class again and had forgotten his homework. My dear husband could be quite menacing.

"I merely Rennervated her after she was hit by a Stunner." Harry replied modestly.

Williamson stared at me and growled. "I want your report."

Remembering the Stunner and what had caused it I quickly scanned the room for Kiely but couldn't spot him anyway. Probably the bloody coward had beat it in fear of my wrath, and hell, he deserved that. As a rule you never left your fellow Aurors in a fight. If reinforcement should be needed you sent a Patronus but you **never** left your fellows to their fate...

"... I believe thanks are in order," I heard Severus say as he offered his hand to Harry, who took it gingerly. I understood now why the boy had made such a fuss about me; Harry Potter was terrified of Severus' reaction had anything gravely had happened to me today. He didn't give a damn about his reputation or if he was everybody's darling but he wanted to prove him he was worthy of having been kept safe all those years.

"By the way, where's dear Kiely?" I asked Williamson.

He shot a dark glance in the direction of the interrogation room, an expression of disgust on his face."I'll ask Minister Shacklebolt to deal with that disgrace of an Auror. Popped up here the moment Proudfoot returned from Cornwall, said you needed reinforcement and then sat down at his desk! 'Course we headed straight to Dartmoor."

Images of the fight flashed up in my mind's eye, the air heated with magical energy, jets of red and green light swooshing around, Barkins on the ground...

"How's Barkins?"

"Was treated at St Mungo's but will be in again tomorrow."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

All of a sudden there was ruckus coming from one of the interrogation rooms and a blaze flamed up. Someone screamed in a way that made your blood run cold; Aurors were shouting. I heard Proudfoot cry, "Aguamenti!"

The sound of sizzling flames ceased but now there was a pungent scent in the air that reminded me of burnt flesh. I rushed to the interrogation room and wished I hadn't because I was met with the very unpleasant sight of a human being almost turned charcoal, except for some raw, scorched skin of what had once been a face. Now it looked like a vision from a nightmare. Dead eyes stared at me from lidless sockets. The nose was completely molten away by an impossible heat, the ghost of it still lingering in the room though it was cold sweat that ran down my spine now. I felt nauseous as I stared down on bare teeth without lips; on one side of the mouth the the jawbone was visible, bone-white against blood-red flesh and blackened skin. The remains of Avery. Fuck!

I had to turn away. Even Proudfoot looked a bit pale; he stared wide-eyed into space as if his mind refused to grasp what had just transpired.

"I- I don't know how that happened. We... we had been asked to- Rushnard and I, that is- to... to cross-examine him and... and-"

"And which of you glorious dunderheads came up with the imbecile idea of administering Veratiserum to Mr Avery?" My husband spoke up, and I felt his arm circling my shoulder as he protectively pressed my head in his chest; he didn't want me to face the horrible sight of the burned man, another vision for nightmares.

"Administering Veratiserum to an uncooperative suspect is a Ministry approved procedure!" Kiely snapped, shooting Severus a haughty glance. "Who are you anyway to interfere in Auror affairs?"

"Enough!" Williamson bellowed. "Kiely, get out of my sight! Proudfoot, explain what happened!"

"The suspect was indeed uncooperative and refused to talk to us, sir. Rushnard insisted on waiting for orders on how to proceed with but Kiely thought it convenient to use Veratiserum on him, and then... then- well, we asked him a standard question to see if the effect of the potion was already setting in. He said his name was Woodrow Avery and that he was born on the sixteenth of November 1959," Proudfoot's eyes grew wide again. Although he was an old and experienced Auror who had fought in both wizarding wars, he was nevertheless shocked about what he had witnessed today. "He said that over and over again... and suddenly he was in flames. I... I don't know how. I mean, he didn't have a wand- he couldn't have possibly used a Self-Inflaming Spell-"

"He did not use that spell," Severus intervened. He had let go of me when Proudfoot had mentioned the standard question and Avery's reaction to it, and was now waving his wand over the burned heap of flesh and bones, performing some difficult diagnostic spells. The results made him frown. "Interesting," he muttered under his breath.

"What?" Williamson demanded.

"I am certain- and the autopsy will definitely prove me right- that the late Mr Avery suffered from the contradicting effects of two potions conflicting in his system. No doubt the magical forensics will discover traces of _Insto Inflammo _ potion in his blood."

We looked at him in blatant ignorance, and he took pride in lecturing an office full of Aurors. Great. My darling had the knack for making almost everyone feel like a dunderhead.

"The _Insto Inflammo _potion was invented by the warlocks of old, who ruled over the central Asian steppe at a time when constant fights between different tribes were on the agenda. It was created as a countermove to the increasing habit of drugging prisoners of war with Veratiserum, the newly created truth potion that had so expeditiously become popular with interrogators.

"_Insto Inflammo _is a harmless potion with no considerable side effects- unless you take Veratiserum, which triggers what we have just witnessed. It was meant as a means to ensure absolute loyalty and preclude betrayal. A captive could not give away his liege's secrets, neither willingly nor unintentionally, because he would inflame at the first question."

"Yaxley seems to have a thing with old magic," I reasoned.

"Indeed. I never suspected him of having enough brains to be more than a devoted follower of the Dark Lord, nor have I ever seen him with his nose down in a book; he was decidedly not a studious man."

Williamson mumbled something unintelligible, furrowing his brows as he mulled things over. "I believe the ingredients are not easy to purchase?"

Severus knew what he was aiming at and sneered slightly. "Not if you know where to forage for Ashwinder brain powder."

The Ashwinder was a grey, red-eyed serpents that came out of magical fires and only lived long enough to lay eggs, which were valued potion ingredients if found and frozen in time; otherwise they would set on fire. It made perfect sense that their brains would be used in a potion like _Insto Inflammo _although obtaining those brains was probably quite a difficult process.

"Ashwinder brains are on the index of illegal potion ingredients according to a Ministry ban of 1949."

"Well quoted, Mr Proudfoot, that is quite correct. Nevertheless you will be able to purchase them provided you do have the right connections. There are shops on Knockturn Alley which specialize in selling almost everything that is on the index you mentioned."

"We could ask all the shopkeepers in Knockturn Alley if someone had bought Ashwinder brains recently." Harry piped up.

"Potter, if you believe the owner of an unauthorized apothecary selling Ministry banned items will be cooperative just because you are the boy-who-lived, you are mistaken."

"Hm, I guess you are right. But you could ask them, I imagine?"

"Do you want me to do your job, Potter?" Severus purred silkily but in a deceptive softness.

"Your help would be very much appreciated, sir. A wizard of your experience is invaluable when information is desperately needed."

"And you are eager to harvest the fruits of my success, I assume."

"Well, my success will also be to your benefit."

The boy had more guts than it was good for him, reminding Severus what was at stake. Did he believe his former Potion's Professor was more inclined to take cheek from him after learning he'd had a good shag last night? I sensed anger flaring up inside my husband but on the outside he remained calm, in perfect control of himself.

He leaned in close to the boy, so close he could softly whisper in his ear, "Between the two of us, Potter, we will always know whose success it is even if once again you are going to be the one reaping all the credit for the hard work others have performed to let you shine in the best light."

Harry shuddered involuntarily, whether it was caused by the sudden proximity or the lightly menacing undertone of Severus silky voice I couldn't fathom.

That moment the wizarding coroners appeared, as usual clad in dark grey robes with the logo of St Mungo; they were to take the remains of Avery to the mortuary for autopsy. Williamson had a word with the chief examiner, probably reminding him that this case was first priority, while the junior coroners levitated a lime green sack with the corpse out of the interrogation room. Then he ordered Kiely to clean up the mess in there, wishing he could make him do that without magic. He resented his lack of backbone, his apparent cowardice or callousness- whatever it was that had caused him to leave his fellow Aurors and come back to Headquarters and put his feet up on his desk. Williamson knew it bugged some people that a freelance, an outsider had taken lead of the investigation but that was no excuse for such an intolerable behaviour.

"I will owl the results tomorrow," the chief examiner promised before he followed the procession of dark grey coroners and a levitating lime green sack. The wizarding world was a weird place.

Meanwhile Potter kept pestering Severus. "Then you will ask the apothecaries in Knockturn Alley for information?"

"Idiot boy," Severus hissed as he turned away from Harry without answering his question which he considered rhetorical anyway. Would he refuse his support when it might lead to a positive result? He was definitely not a dunderhead. He wanted to see Yaxley under lock and key again just as much as I did. Of course he would grill all suppliers of potion ingredients but not because the Golden Boy asked him to- he would do it because it was beneficial to our cause.

"Could we please leave now?"

"I still have to file my report for Williamson." Wasn't it ironic? I realized the sheer madness of the situation. I was leading the investigation but Williamson was still responsible for the smooth progress of all things bureaucratic, yet every mistake would be blamed on me while all the credit for our combined achievement, our possible success, would inevitably go to the _official_ head of Auror Department, Harry Potter. The injustice of politics. I was too disillusioned to complain about it because it wouldn't change a thing anyway, so all I could do now was to get the paperwork done.

With a sigh I sat took a seat in my cubicle, flashing Severus a wry smile. "Will you wait for me?" Fortunately I had been provided with a Quick-Quotes Quill, and unlike Rita Skeeter's legendary acid green device of spilling exaggeration and unfounded libel, those owned by the Ministry would only write down what was actually dictated to them. "It won't take long. Perhaps we could go out for a bite to eat somewhere, then?"

"That would be agreeable," he glanced at me from head to toe with furrowed brows before shaking his head in a slightly disapproving gesture, "but I'm afraid a simple _Scourgify_ won't do to make you presentable in public."

"Oh..." I cast my eyes down the length of my body, taking in my dirty clothes. Not only did I look like I had participated (and lost) in a bout of mud-wrestling, I was also sodden to the bone with rain and the left sleeve of my leather coat was slit from shoulder to wrist, dark stains of dried blood all over it.

Severus was right- in my momentary state I was definitely **not** very presentable.

"We could go home and have a shower first," he purred in my ear, and that sounded very promising although I doubted we would make it out for dinner then.

"Patience, love," I teased him before giving a thorough report of what had happened today. The Quill wrote it all down, word for word...

"Are you nuts?" Williamson bellowed suddenly, and Severus scowled at me, hissing, "How very... Gryffindorish... and incredibly stupid."

Alright, I knew I probably should not have shot a Crucio at Yaxley's butt but it had been so very tempting. The look my husband gave me indicated that the evening would be not as pleasant as I'd hoped. I expected a good tongue-lashing and tried to mentally brace myself for it, but when we got home he left me standing wordlessly in the hallway and strode down the stairs to his private lab in a billow of robes, slammed the door shut and locked himself in for the rest of the evening. The silence in the house was worse than being yelled at.


	57. Diagon Alley

57- Diagon Alley

It was a cold autumn afternoon in London, just before sunset and the sun had indeed managed to break through the clouds today. The sky was of a pale blue but there were already new clouds forming on the horizon, filtering the sunlight in diffuse rays; soon the night would fall.

A man clad all in black Apparated into a quiet corner of Diagon Alley, inconspicuously looking around. No one seemed to pay attention to his arrival. The passer-byes were busy trying to get their shopping done before the shops closed and that sat well with Severus Snape's dark mood. The last thing he needed now was to run into someone who might try to engage him in idle chit-chat. He scowled. Had he wanted that he would have taken the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron where you could always trust Alice to fill you in on the latest gossip.

Severus' eyes narrowed as he glanced across the street at the Apothecary, the sunlight blinding him slightly. He didn't cross the street though since there was no chance that this place would be selling powdered Ashwinder brains; its owner was known to be keeping strictly to Ministry regulations. But Severus knew places where these regulations were interpreted more liberally.

With long, swift strides he walked along Diagon Alley, his black robes billowing behind him. Wizards and witches coming his way stepped quickly aside to let him pass, so forbidding did he appear with the deep scowl on his face, his eyes cold and dark. He could still scare people with one piercing glare as he had already proven today. One of the new trainees had even started crying when he had chided her for her sloppy work. A cruel sneer curled up his lips, remembering the incident. This new generation of young wizards and witches that had graduated from Hogwarts was definitely not used to receiving criticism for inadequate work. He wondered briefly if they were pampered like little princes and princesses nowadays, instead of giving them a decent education that would prepare them for life.

He passed Fortescue's. Despite the autumn chill some people were sitting outside, enjoying their ice cream. Apparently they knew no better way to make them feel cold inside... his jaw tightened and he cursed silently. _Bloody witch! _She was the bane of his existence and all the same his reason for life. If only she wouldn't behave like a foolish, reckless and bolder-than-Gryffindor dunderhead! Irresponsible, rash, with a devil-may-care attitude. In some ways she was still the girl who had entered the Great Hall end of fifth term, made a beeline to the Gryffindor table just to punch James Potter's nose. She frightened him in a way no one had ever frightened him before because he had never feared so fucking much to lose anyone before...

_He slammed shut the door of his potions lab, locking him in and her out. Knowing he couldn't possible face her now or he would lash out insanely, hurting her with his uncontrollable rage. He needed to give vent to all the bottled up emotions though, so he knocked a cauldron off the table and sent it smashing in the wall; it fell to the floor with a clattering sound. _

_A glass on the shelf nearby shattered into a thousand pieces without him even touching it._

_He trembled all over, the tension coming off him in waves that made the air tingle with magic. More and more of the jars and glass containers on the shelves started to rumble now. He thumped the table with his fist, willing the madness to stop. Any outburst of childish accidental magic was inexcusable for a grown-up wizard- and yet it wouldn't be the first time he had involuntarily wrecked havoc in his dungeon..._

Of course, he had been devastated about Lily's death, it had almost cracked him and with her he hadn't even had what he had with Raven now. She had filled a void in his scarred heart he hadn't even known existing and he simply couldn't bear another loss just because she couldn't control her temper.

Taking a deep breath, trying to keep his cool he turned into Knockturn Alley. The hustle and bustle of Diagon Alley, all the annoyingly merry laughter of people shopping and having a good time, faded in maze of obscure shops and shabby looking little houses that was Knockturn Alley. It was a gloomy atmosphere that greeted him there but one he welcomed as it appeased his darker side.

A group of hags giggled seductively as he walked by; one of them grabbed the hem of his robes in an attempt to kiss them, to press her filthy mouth on the fabric. He kicked out to shake her off, not even bothering to drew his wand, disgusted by her gesture. He hadn't sunken so low that he would allow such contact.

Pale faces of piteous creatures watched him making his way, holding out bony hands begging for a few Knuts. He didn't feel charitable today. He was here to make inquiries about powdered Ashwinder brains.

And yet he couldn't prevent the memories of last night from coming rushing back, no matter how hard he tried to push them aside. _Not now!_ he chided himself but his self-control was wavering and the memories just as pestering as she was.

_... a piece of scattered glass cut his cheek, he felt blood dripping from the gash and came to his senses again, clutching the edge off the table in despair. The tremor shaking the shelves ceased but still he couldn't possibly face his wife now, as imbalanced as he was, tears of frustration burning in his eyes._

_He could use a drink now, so he surreptitiously walked up the staircase to the library, trying to not make a sound as he helped himself to a generous swig of Firewhisky. Pouring it down he hoped that he wouldn't become like his father one day, possessed by the demon of the bottle and irrational, devastating fits of anger._

_Wearily he retreated to the bathroom, took a cold shower and donned his oldest nightshirt in order to not get her hopes up when he went to bed. He hadn't forgiven her latest folly and was decidedly not in a cuddly mood. So he turned his back on her and played possum, __ignoring her soft lips nibbling at his neck, the seductive purr of her voice... he couldn't ignore her any longer when her bold hands pulled up the hem of his nightshirt and worked their way up his legs, determination in her fingertips. Then her crafty little finger closed around the hard, pulsating length of his cock, the very obvious evidence that her sweet ministrations had not left him untouched. His resolve shattered like the glass jars in the basement. Damned, he was just a man, after all, and a sucker for affection._

_The way he flung himself at her was not very affectionate. He pinned her down on the mattress, her hands in his tight grip above her head as his greedy mouth crushed down on hers and he plunged deep inside her. A stifled moan escaped her lips, more like encouraging him to carry on instead of telling him off._

_"Oh Sev..."_

_For a moment it occurred to him that he should feel ashamed for ravaging her the way he did but she had asked for it and he would give her what she wanted, wishing he could fuck some sense into her..._

Still angry with himself, his lack of control and the renewed throbbing in his groin, he pushed open the door of a small shop. _Buttercup's Herbs and Spices_ read the door sign but Severus knew that Madam Buttercup was selling more than just herbs and spices in her back room.

_***_

Lucius Malfoy entered Diagon Alley via the archway in the backyard of the Leaky Cauldron and started strolling down the street. The weather was fine and so was his mood, he was in no hurry.

Just the other day he had returned from his chalet in Switzerland where he had spent the last few weeks with Narcissa. It had been their first real vacation and it had done them good- maybe a little bit too good because she had suggested they might try for another child. Lucius had reminded her of the smell of dirty nappies and she had wrinkled her pretty nose in disgust. So much about that topic. He already had an heir, and it had been hard enough when Draco was little; he was certain he couldn't endure a new brawling anklebiter. It was Draco's turn to keep the name Malfoy alive now.

And yet, there would be an addition to his family soon. Lucius smirked smugly as the magnitude of what he was about to do sank in. He would generously welcome a long lost black sheep back in the arms of his loving family. It was the most interesting discovery he had made in the chalet, that day he had discovered a room with an old family tree. His father would probably turn over in his grave with abhorrence had he known of its existence, because that specific family tree showed not a single burn mark; no one had been blasted off it for imperfection. Of course, at first it had been a shock to Lucius, too. Quite a few of his ancestor's had mingled with undesirables, blood-traitors and half-bloods alike. Fortunately not with Muggleborns, though. Alas, his family had also produced some Squibs. Personally, he didn't mind Squibs- after all, it wasn't their fault if their magic was stolen in whatever act if required to produce a Muggleborn wizard or witch- but one of them had caught his attention.

It never occurred to him that the birth of a Squib could possibly be the result of too much inbreeding, because the flawlessness of the blood was all that mattered to pure-bloods.

And probably Lucius couldn't have cared less about being related to a Squib if that Squib hadn't been someone with reputation and influence in this new wizarding society, a society that had changed so much after the last war. The purity of blood had become of less importance than other skills, and the good names of some of the oldest wizarding families had been dragged in the mud because they had been supportive of the Dark Lord's cause. Lucius sighed, wishing for a new Dark Lord (but not such a cruel one, please) to bring back the glorious days when the name Malfoy had made those beneath him shiver with awe.

Nowadays, no one looked up at him in awe anymore. Gone were the times when people gave way for him when he pleased to saunter lazily in Diagon Alley. Wizards had approached him politely, eager to make his acquaintance because knowing Lucius Malfoy would inevitably advance their own careers. Witches had been flirting with him- well, they still admired his handsome features and the elegant way he dressed, but then they would stare at him in shock as if 'Death Eater' was written in capital letters all over his face. Not that he would have taken advantage of them anyway. Despite his reputation of being a womanizer who devoured virgin witches for breakfast, Lucius was a faithful husband. He had never betrayed his wife... except on the explicit order of the Dark Lord, of course, but that didn't count, really.

He raised his chin and gripped his cane for the comfort it offered as he walked on, making his way through Diagon Alley. He passed Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor and the dark exit leading to Knockturn Alley, wishing he could turn in there for some shopping. But he had a more urgent business at hand before he could frolic in the Dark Arts again. He had to find his cousin. His very distantly related cousin, mind you, but nevertheless his cousin. The striking similarity in their features should have told him a long time ago.

Lucius stifled a smile of satisfaction as he glanced at his refection in a shop window, pleased with himself until he realized he had chosen Weasley's Wizard Wheezes of all places to admire his good looks. Quickly he whisked away a wayward stand of white blond hair that had fallen into his face and walked on. He might still carry a stigma but he had not sunken so low that he would let anyone catch him staring at the magical nonsense on display of a shop owned by the most famous blood-traitors.

And yet the whispers followed him everywhere, grating on his nerves. No one said it but everybody thought it. Death Eater. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable in public although he had served his community service at St Mungo's and had donated quite a fortune to charity. There was a reason why he had avoided a stroll down Diagon Alley for a while. Before he had departed for Switzerland he had merely hoped for a lessening of ill will over time but now he was filled with anticipation that things would end much better than expected.

On the right hand he passed Gambol and Japes, another shop selling magical nonsense, then the second hand robes shop he had never given a second glance. It was so obviously no place where a Malfoy would linger.

Ollivander's was now run by the old wandmaker's son who had travelled the world to learn all about wandlore, but it was said that the old git himself hadn't retired yet and was still producing the finest wands. It occurred to Lucius that he should feel ashamed about the way he had treated him while he had been his _guest_ at Malfoy Manor, but then again he had never been an overly sympathetic person so he shrugged it off..

There were even more shops in Diagon Alley not worth giving them a second glance since he was neither in need of Beautifying Potions nor looking for a publisher. WhizzHard Books was located at 129B Diagon Alley, so number 131 shouldn't be far away, and indeed, he soon found the building. A copper plate next to the entrance read,

_Sebastian St John_

_lawyer_

_advisor for all magical and non-magical legal questions_

Lucius allowed himself a small smirk. He would approach the Squib with his generous offer and then- all of a sudden the Dark Mark began to tingle almost maddeningly. It didn't feel like it had in the days when the Dark Lord used to summon him but it didn't bode well either. Something was undoubtedly wrong. He reached for his wand and entered the building...

***

"Ashwinder brains?" Madam Buttercup said in her high pinched voice as if the request was scandalizing and hers was just a herb shop. She always did that, Severus thought annoyed as he scowled at the with who didn't look as flowery as her name promised. She had a ridiculous wart on her left nostril and another on her pointed chin, her hair was grey and scraggy, hanging in untidy strands around her face. Buttercup indeed- she was like Muggles expected a witch to look like. Well, a very anorexic witch. "I'm afraid I can't help you, sir. How about some nice, fresh basil from Italy?"

"If I wanted to cook a pasta sauce I'd send my house-elf to do the shopping," Severus snarled. "Don't think me a fool, Buttercup, we both know very well what you sell in your back room. So, let me ask you one more time," he paused to emphasize that this was the last time he would ask politely, "have you sold powdered Ashwinder brains recently?"

She grinned at him, showing blackened, rotten teeth. "A galleon or a kiss for the information?"

"I prefer to not waste my money." Severus leaned in closer, threateningly, but the witch got him all wrong for she closed her eyes in anticipation, her lips puckered. She remained unkissed, though. Instead he whispered in her ear, his voice smooth like silk, "Do I look like I want to play games, Buttercup? My wife works at Auror department and you know how interested Aurors are in little shops like yours- downright _inquisitive_." He pulled back again to enjoy the expression of terror flittering over her ugly visage; the grin had died on her lips. "Would you like to answer my simple question now?"

"Well, well, charming as usual, Professor, eh? You leave a poor old witch no choice, are willing to drag my good name and reputation in the mud only because the youth of today is always so hasty, too hasty to take time for a little banter before it's all business. I swear, you will ruin me one day..."

"Oh, please, don't be pathetic Buttercup."

Theatrically she threw her hands up. "Try Mezmerina's. I might have heard her talking about a patron buying Ashwinder brains but I haven't told you that."

Severus nodded curtly. He was already at the door when she called out for him.

"Ah, and Professor-"

He turned around, arching a brow at her. His eyes grew wider when from underneath the counter she produced a grey, fleshy lump.

"-I just got a delivery of fresh Thestral testicles, if you need some. They are quite effective in potions enhancing the wizard's..."

Severus didn't wait for her to finish but closed the door of the shop from the outside, feeling flushed and hot. Of course he knew very well for what potions one needed Thestral testicles and he was definitely not in not in need of that; his potency left nothing to be desired, thank you very much. He pushed the memories of last night to the back of his mind and proceeded to a small side street of Knockturn Alley.

Two warlocks with gruesome faces were muttering to each other in an archway and they fell silent when Severus walked past them, cowering in the shadows. They respected him as much as they feared him- he wasn't particularly liked here, but he wasn't liked much anywhere so he couldn't care less. As long as there was one person who loved him the way he was, loved him unconditionally in spite of the way he was, what he was, the rest of the world could drop dead.

_"I love you," she whispered softly in his ear, her fingers tangled in his hair, caressing him ever so gently after he had taken advantage of her with a passion that was borne out of anger and desperation. When she bent her head to kiss his temple it was almost too much to bear. He wanted to tell her the same, that he loved her, too, despite her reckless follies, but he very nearly choked on the words so they never slipped his lips... he could only show her._

They had made love a little later, and once again early in the morning, before sunrise. They hadn't talked though, letting their lips, fingers and eyes do the talking instead. Eyes, that said so much more than words as they sparkled in delight, were full of affection or heavy-lidded with desire.

_I'm growing soft, _Severus contemplated as he entered another shop known for under-the-counter sales of banned potion ingredients. _Mezmerina's Malady Market _was infamous for herbal blends and teas packed in colourful little paper bags, mostly bought by witches looking for help in solving their problems. The contender for a saucy wizard's favour would suddenly sprout warts or boils, or her skin turned on a nasty shade of green; a faithless husband would suffer from a painful itching in his private parts that kept him from sticking his wand in places where it didn't belong, or his balls would shrivel to the size of hazelnuts. Miss Mezmerina was a very creative witch but unlike most potions her special blends weren't irreversible for she didn't wish to cause any lasting damage.

That didn't mean though that she was not selling more dangerous potion ingredients; she just washed her hands of whatever her patrons had in mind with them.

Miss Mezmerina was a stout little witch in her early sixties who spent many Galleons on beautifying potions, swaying her enormous hips as she came to great Severus.

"Ah, the dear Professor!" She said cheerfully, offering him his best smile. Perhaps she would have looked more attractive if not for the manner she over painted her thin lips in a much too red shade to make them appear fuller. Well, she did succeed in that though in a rather grotesque way. "What can I do for you today?"

_For a start stop batting your eyelids as if suffering from nervous tremor for a start, _Severus thought. Why she considered the gesture flirtatious or even encouraging to potential customers was beyond him.

"Do you sell powdered Ashwinder brains?" He asked bluntly.

She squirmed a little. After all, they were talking about something that was on the Ministry's list of non-approved potion ingredients- not that that fact had ever stopped her from selling them, and the Professor had been a discreet customer before. It wouldn't be to her disadvantage if she opted for honesty now. "I do, but unfortunately they're sold out. Please come back again next week."

But Severus wasn't interested in buying Ashwinder brains- he wanted to know to whom she had sold them to. And Miss Mezmerina kept all of her patrons in mind, especially those who left a good fortune in her shop.

"Yes, I do remember her," the witch admitted, "bought five ounces of powdered Ashwinder brains, 17 Galleons and 13 Sickles per ounce-"

You needed one ounce for a cauldron full of _Insto Inflammo _Severus reflected, the amount of potion lasting for about one month. Then it struck him what Miss Mezmerina had just said.

"_Her_?"

"Aye, it was a witch. Thought she would want some of my special blends to keep the cauldron hot and the rod stirring- if you know what I mean- but she insisted on Ashwinder brains. Paid the price without thinking twice, just handed me the sum." Miss Mezmerina smiled fondly; she was always fond of the sound of jingling coins in her pocket.

Of course she had paid cash. You just didn't buy banned potion ingredients in a shop in Knockturn Alley and have the sum withdrawn from your Gringotts vault; you would prefer to remain anonymous although the Goblins were even stricter in keeping the banking confidentiality than their Swiss Muggle counterparts. Severus knew he had to be subtle now if he wanted to find out more since Miss Mezmerina was not a witch who gave away the identity of her patrons carelessly- it was fatal for business should anyone get wind of that. Secretiveness was always top priority in Knockturn Alley, and perhaps she would have long clammed up had he not been one of her favourite customers. He never tried to haggle senselessly over the price of rare potion ingredients but paid what he considered to be fair, which mostly met her expectations as well.

And Severus wouldn't have asked her at all had he not been a long time patron of hers. So he faked a smile now, one that never reached his eyes but was enough for the witch to spill some details- she was so predictable if you knew her weak point and used it to your advantage. It merely took him a few Galleons, the jingling sound they made as he weighed them in his hand, then a deep look into her pale, watery eyes... well, and the tiniest help of Legilimency.

_A hooded, dark clad but unmistakably female figure entered the shop, surreptitiously looking around while Miss Mezmerina sold one of her special blends to a young witch who feared her husband was plunging in other cauldrons than her own. _

_"You will be thrilled with the results," Miss Mezmerina assured the young witch, "after suffering two weeks from..." _

_He didn't want to hear any of that so he walked around the imaginary shop of her thoughts and tried to catch a glimpse at the hooded figure. A strand of blond hair hung into her face but she quickly whisked it away, back behind the hood as she approached Mezmerina with her request..._

Suddenly the elder witch frowned- she never forgot a customer's face but as hard as she recalled that of the younger witch now it remained a blurred vision, as if someone had tampered with her memory. It made her angry, and she, who never gave away a patron was now eager to tell Severus everything she still remembered, "She was... she must have been quite pretty once but now she looks sightly haggard- as if she had wasted away her youth for... for- I don't know..."

Severus thanked her, knowing it would be futile to press matters. He left _Mezmerina's Malady Market_, pondering about her words. In his mind's eye he called forward all the faces of Death Eater wives he had ever met at social events or the obligatory Christmas party at Malfoy Manor, but the fleeting vision of her face was not among them. And he had thought he knew them all, the wives and lovers of his former _friends_, his fellows in that ominous fraternity he once had been so keen to belong to. He shook his head. Oh, what a fool he had been! But now was not the right time to wallow in sad memories, or in all the wrongs he could never ever make right. He could only accept his guilt and yet carry on with his life for the only one who had never wrinkled her nose at him. He wasn't certain if he deserved her- no, he certainly didn't deserve her; the events of last night had proven that. Although he had been angry he shouldn't have taken her with such an angry passion... and yet she had welcomed it.

Severus couldn't prevent a little smile from gracing his features, only for the fraction of a second before it was gone again, replaced by the mask of indifference he wore today. He had to fill her in with what he had just found out. It couldn't be a coincidence that it was both times a witch who had bought robes at Madam Malkin's **and** illegal potion ingredients. Mayhap they were chasing a female phantom but at the moment that was one of the few leads they had.

_If only he could have seen her face! _None of the spouses of his former Death Eater fellows was skillful or cunning enough to have ever thought up such a devious plan. None of them had been in Lord Voldemort's illustrious inner circle- like Narcissa they had always been considered nothing more than pretty attachments, of the purest blood but otherwise meaningless...

A street peddler selling charms at the crossing of Knockturn and Diagon Alley caught his attention when out of the corner of his eyes he spotted a little black heart- just as black as his own. It was made of obsidian, the peddler told him.

Obsidian.

_"your eyes, Sev... t__hey're like… well, like obsidian, petrified lava… and like obsidian they might look cold as stone at first glance but you could tell of a fire burning beneath the surface…"_

Sentimental witch! But actually it was he who became quite sentimental now because after casting a _Revelio_ charm to ascertain the little black heart wasn't spoiled by any dark curse, Severus tossed the peddler a few coins and pocketed the pendant... he wanted to see the look on her face when he gave it to her, hoping she would like to wear it.

Then he Apparated to the staff entrance of the Ministry, situated in a quiet alleyway secluded from the eyes of Muggles.

As expected, the alleyway was deserted. There were a couple of large bins waiting for disposal and he saw a heavy graffitied fire door leading to an empty theatre- suddenly he heard the muffled sound of whispering voices.

It might have been just anyone meeting a Ministry's staff member, maybe a witch picking up her husband from work. It might be totally meaningless- but Severus' senses told him otherwise. Although he preferred to not let his gut feeling rule over logic, as a spy he had to rely on that as well. So he used a Disillusionment Charm on himself and snuck closer. He had learned to move as silently as a ghost- a skill that had also come in handy when patrolling the corridors at night, looking for troublemakers and rulebreakers. How he had always startled the students snogging, clumsily fumbling in some dark corner of the castle! It had filled him with a malicious joy to take points from their houses and give detentions.

But it wasn't about detentions now.

"...you shouldn't have come here, Kenny," he heard a witch say, the voice sounding somehow familiar to him. Alas, he couldn't see her face as her back was turned to him.

The wizard she was talking to wore black robes and was hooded, just like a Death Eater. He leaned in closer to the witch and murmured something in her ear, then he stepped back. The hood had slipped off his head, revealing his face.

Severus gasped.

"We're not alone, Mum," the wizard hissed and whirled around with his wand drawn, whereas the witch scurried to get into the building without being seen. The wizard, his hood hiding his features again, Disapparated.

Only for a brief moment Severus had caught a glimpse at his face, but that had been enough to leave him baffled for the young wizard bore a striking resemblance with Kenneth Mulciber- well, at least with the Mulciber Severus remembered before Azkaban had taken its tolls on him! It must have been his son. Damned, Mulciber had a son who looked just like his spitting image, and Severus had been utterly clueless about that fact. He hadn't even known that Mulciber was dating someone during the first war... who the hell was the mother? Apparently she was working at the Ministry for Magic- and then, finally, the blinders fell from his eyes. He cursed as profanely as only a northern English working class boy could, and although he had long left behind that pathetic little boy, had developed a more eloquent tongue, his roots still showed occasionally.

Though he knew that the staff entrance was off-limited for non-Ministry folks he nevertheless raced down the dark corridor, hoping to catch up with the witch. He _had_ to see her face because the conclusion he had just come up with was so absurd it almost make him snicker. Life really had a weird and very wicked sense of humour.

***.

Lucius entered the building cautiously. There was a staircase leading to upper floors with offices most likely deserted by now but on the ground floor was only one office, that of the Squib. It also had an entrance to a Muggle street, given that the Squib could not Apparate in or use the archway in the backyard of the Leaky Cauldron.

The feeling of magic increased as he approached the office; it made his skin tingle. There was something wrong. The Squib wasn't capable of using magic...

Then he heard a horrible, pained scream that made his blood run cold. The scream was soon silenced to a stifled moan and the air seemed to be filled with a strange unidentifiable buzzing. Lucius knew immediately that a _Muffliato_ had been cast. He didn't like that at all. Whoever there was in the office with the Squib seemed to be keen on not being overheard... and the scream indicated that the visitor had not come with friendly intentions. Was his cousin in mortal peril?

Resolutely, Lucius gripped his wand and burst through the door into the office- if someone had the guts to threaten a Malfoy there was one thing they hadn't reckoned with, and he would not let such a blasphemous deed go unpunished.

What he had to witness upon entering the office shocked even him, and Lucius Malfoy was not a man easily to be shocked.

On the opposite wall a man was magically chained to the wall, his arms spread out in an uncomfortable angle that indicated his shoulder joints were dislocated. His face was a grimace of pain, disfigured with ugly, purulent boils. His lip was split in more than just one place; his eyes so swollen that he couldn't possible see anything anymore. Scorch marks and nasty raw gashes covered his upper body, some of them already crusted with blood while Lucius could also see fresh stains glittering in the dim light. He couldn't tell for how long the poor man had already been tortured but it was obvious that his tormentors had stopped to heal him in between only to continue with renewed verve. This way they could play with their victim for hours, even days. He knew that because he had participated in that kind of sport many times, and it had always left him feeling rather indifferent about the victim's fate. But not now. Squib or not- that man was a Malfoy after all, and he would not tolerate a Malfoy being tortured. It had been devastating enough that he had failed in protecting Draco but he would not make the same mistake again.

"Let go of him!" Lucius snarled dangerously at the three wizards which he identified as Rookwood, Travers and Selwyn.

Selwyn turned around with a sneer. "Why do you even bother, Malfoy?"

"Because-" Lucius noticed that Travers was aiming his wand at him and acted quickly. He shouted "Crucio!" and Travers was writhing on the floor in pain. Now that served him right! He addressed Selwyn again. "Because he is a Malfoy."

"And how does that matters, Lucius?" Rookwood spoke with utter contempt. "The name Malfoy is stained with the foul taste of treachery nowadays, with cowardice. Tell me, Lucius, how did you escape your well-deserved stint in Azkaban?" His face contorted to a malicious smile. "Ah, don't tell me! You, my slippery friend, switched sides once again, claiming you have been mislead. Instead of fighting and suffering for the cause you cleaned bedpans!"

Lucius blocked a curse that Rookwood fired at him and drawled. "Do not dare to drag the name of my fathers in the mud, you filthy piece of scum. At least I was clever enough to stay out of Azkaban as I never believed that by rotting my life away in a stinking cell might prove valuable to the cause. You are a coward, Rookwood, if you believe hiding in a safely guarded prison equals bravery."

"We suffered for the cause!" Travers yelled after having recovered from the Cruciatus Curse, and he scrambled to his feet.

"Yes, what brave martyrs you all are," Malfoy mocked them while carefully watching their every movement, "the pride of pure-blood supremacy indeed. Listen, for old friendship's sake I will turn a blind eye on your atrocities if you let my cousin go free. What has he ever done to you anyway?"

"What has he done to us?" Selwyn asked bewildered, glancing at Lucius as if the smell of full bedpans had addled his brains. "What has he done to us? That slimy piece of stinking shit is the reason we ended up in Azkaban in the first place."

"I mightily doubt that. After all, there _**is**_ blood on your hands.."

"And he rubbed the Wizengamot's nose in it," Rookwood cut him off. "A fine cousin you have, Lucius, siding with the most despicable traitor the wizarding world has ever known."

"Snape!" Travers spat, not hiding his loathing.

"You were responsible for him, Malfoy," Selwyn reminded him, "he was your protégé. You introduced him to the Dark Lord so you are also responsible for his betrayal."

He realized he was in a precarious situation since there was no reasoning with his former partners in crime; he couldn't sway them with his reputation, the glorious sound of his name any longer. It seemed he was in disgrace with the whole wizarding world. There was only one thing he could do to end his most unlucky streak- he had to keep his cousin alive so he could praise him as his saviour later, and then everybody would know what a great wizard Lucius Malfoy really was. He standing his grounds against three dangerous Death Eaters, saving the life of a helpless Squib... it was such stuff as headlines in the Daily Prophet were made on, and he would dominate the headlines for days...

But first he had to stay alive and make it out of here. His cousin chained to the wall moaned in pain, reminding him that there was no time to waste. All of his well-considered future plans would dissolve into thin air if Sebastian St John- no, _Malfoy_- died on him today.

Lucius dodged a curse Travers shot him and sent him to the floor, writhing in agony again; then he fired a _Reducto_ in Rookwood's direction but it only blasted a hole in the wall. The Silencing Charms the trio had put on the room were wearing off now and Sebastian's screams of pain filled the air.

Although it had never affected him much to hear someone scream under torture, it affected him now that he knew they were related. No one was allowed to torture a Malfoy and get away with it.

"Do you honestly believe that saving a Squib will improve the name of your family, Malfoy?" Selwyn sneered. "Because if you do you are even more pathetic than I expected. The likes of you will never match the ones of real old blood. You're merely an upstart, Malfoy, luckily enough to have married into wizarding royalty and..."

Selwyn could never finish his sentence because Lucius blasted him through the hole in the wall and his neck cracked when he bumped into the staircase behind. He couldn't enjoy his triumph, though, as it was a fleeting one; only one wizard was down but two still threatening him- and Rookwood knew his weak point.

The Death Eater didn't attack him but made a slashing movement with his wand at his cousin as if he wanted to gut him.

"_Protego_!" Lucius cried, alas too late; the damage was already done. Blood spilled from a deep gash across his cousin's abdomen and he let out one last bloodcurdling scream before his tortured form went limp.

_Oh no_, Lucius thought, seeing all his hopes dashed, and he lashed out at Rookwood and Travers for daring to put obstacles in a Malfoy's way. In cold blood he shot Killing Curses at the villains that the office was glowing with the jets of bright green light. The Death Eaters Disapparated with a cracking sound, leaving him all alone with the badly injured, barely alive man dangling on magical chains from the wall behind him. He felt slightly overtaxed with the situation.

"Don't worry, cousin, you are a Malfoy. You will survive this," Lucius said, probably more to himself than to Sebastian who was unconscious anyway. Without any further ado he freed him of the magical chains and winced in sympathy when the body hit the floor before he could catch him- on the other hand he hadn't really wanted to sully his robes.

Lucius knelt down next to him, complementing what to do now. He wasn't very good at caring about others, despite him having served community duties at St Mungo's. Admittedly, he was a bit disgusted by all the blood, the repulsive stench his dear cousin emitted, and it took him a moment to gather himself. Fortunately he hadn't only cleaned bedpans at St Mungo's. No, a Malfoy took advantage of every situation, even community service. He cast a diagnostic spell. It told him at least that his cousin was still alive. Well, he could have found out that by checking his pulse as he didn't really know what to make of all the other information.

Lucius knew he couldn't stay here. Rookwood and Travers might come back, bringing reinforcements. Although he didn't fear any of them it would decidedly be more convenient if they didn't find him.

It did not occur to him, though, that St Mungo's would have been the appropriate place to go with his injured cousin. Instead, he took him by Side-Along Apparation to Malfoy Manor where he belonged. After all, he was a Malfoy.

-

Draco Malfoy flinched visibly when his father materialized out of this air, dropping a bloody bundle on the precious 12th century Chinese silk carpet. His wife, Astoria, shrieked and dropped the fragile teacup. It was only then he noticed that the bloodied bundle was indeed a human being. Lucius smiled smugly.

"Father, what the hell..."

"Language, Draco." Lucius reminded his son, trying to appear superior as if his robes weren't sullied with blood. A Malfoy had to keep his dignity. "Please welcome cousin Sebastian."

"The Squib?"

"Nonetheless, he is a Malfoy. I want you to treat him with all the respect a member of our family deserves."

"Respect? Father, if he isn't dead already he is bleeding his life away right in front of you."

"Oh... yes, well, we have to tend to his wounds then. Astoria, please bring me some essence of Dittany."

Draco rolled his eyes. Was his father losing it? Mayhap the discovery that he was related to a Squib had addled his brains. Some essence of Dittany just wouldn't do it- the furious gash across Sebastian's abdomen looked as if it had been caused by _Sectumsempra_, and that couldn't be healed easily. "Father, you should have taken him to St Mungo's..."

But Lucius hardly listened to him; he had called for the house-elves since house-elves were always good at cleaning up the mess. The little creatures, however, stared awkwardly at the tormented human.

Draco sighed exasperated and pulled his wand, casting a Patronus Charm.

"Son, what are you doing there?" Lucius eyes widened at the light erupting from Draco's wand, forming a silvery creature.

"I am sending my Patronus to Professor Snape. He will know what to do."

"Ah, very insightful indeed..." he fell silent for a moment as he realized just what shape the silvery light had formed. "A ferret, Draco? A _ferret_! How very... common for a Malfoy. Couldn't you have tried for something more impressive, like a..."

Not only Draco moaned, a similar sound escaped Sebastian's lips though for different reasons.

"Father, it doesn't matter what shape my Patronus takes on as long as it will bring help from Snape." Draco said pointedly before he added, "For our _dear _cousin's sake."

* * *

**_Thanks for reading. Please review and make me smile._**


	58. Revelations

58- Revelations

"Sir, I must protest! You are not allowed to use the staff entrance! Sir!"

All heads in Auror headquarters turned to gaze in amusement at Severus entering, a small, panting wizard in tow. Quite literally, as the man clung to my husband's robes in a futile attempt to stop him.

"Sir! You must register your wand! You are not allowed to use the staff entrance! Stop immediately or I will call the Aurors!"

He was red in the face with agitation, struggling for breath because he had trouble keeping up with Severus' long strides, and apparently he hadn't yet realized that he was in Auror headquarters or he wouldn't have threatened to call the Aurors.

"You can let go now," Severus sneered as he tugged at his robes to free them from Mr Knight's grip, a scowl on his face as though he considered the security guard nothing more than an irksome insect. He was really good at making an entrance that gained everybody's attention. Then he glanced at me. "Raven, we need to talk. I have new information."

Meanwhile Mr Knight shot an accusing glance at Severus and complained about his rude behaviour to Williamson, who said it was alright that he had let him pass. Well, he rather looked like he had been run over.

Severus mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, probably contemplating why someone as incompetent as Mr Knight was allowed to guard the staff entrance when he was just as efficient as a little terrier yapping at his heels.

To add to his annoyance, Potter started to pester him with questions before Severus even had a chance to fill me in.

"I won't give away my source!" He snapped impatiently, then he grabbed my arm and dragged me away to a more quiet corner of the office. Leaving Potter standing there like an idiot. Severus couldn't have cared less.

I arched a quizzical brow at him but waited until he was ready to speak, sensing the tension that was coming off him in waves. He was excited and all flustered, almost bursting with something that he nevertheless couldn't quite specify.

"I found out that it was a witch who bought the powdered Ashwinder brains. I am also inclined to believe that she is probably the same witch who bought the robes at Madam Malkin's."

"Yes, that makes perfect sense."

"Of course, the places I went to know no names- nevertheless, I have a fair idea who that witch might be."

Now I was really thrilled. I stared at him with expectant eyes but then I saw uncertainty and even self-consciousness clouding his features as if wasn't yet sure what to make of his idea.

"It's- it's almost absurd, you know. I might be totally wrong, jumping to conclusions... but," he heaved a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration when suddenly a thought occurred to him. "I- I need a Pensieve. There is something I want to show you, something concerning Mulciber."

I called out to no one in particular that I needed a Pensieve, and only a moment later Proudfoot brought me one. They were used quite often in Auror investigation as a means to relive a memory and file a thorough report, or to journalize the result of an interrogation.

Severus aimed the tip of him wand to his temple and extracted two silvery strands of memories he then put in the Pensieve.

"Please come with me," he said, taking my hand.

I followed him falling through nothingness until we landed in the alleyway leading to the Ministry's staff entrance. The first memory was a brief one and it still looked kind of fresh. It showed the face of Mulciber, a little older than I knew him from Hogwarts but before Azkaban had taken its tolls on him. He was probably in his mid-twenties...

_Severus gasped- _not the Severus who was holding my hand as we watched the scene unfold, but the one who had witnessed this scene just a few moments earlier.

_"We're not alone Mum," Mulciber (or his younger doppelganger) hissed to a witch which face I couldn't see because her back was turned to me. She hurried away- I recognized the staff entrance of the Ministry- and Mulciber Disapparated only a little later. Severus ran after her but when he entered the building the long corridor ahead of him was empty except for Mr Knight, the security guard. _

_"Sir, this entrance is off-limited for civilians. Please prove your status within the Ministry or..."_

_Unceremoniously, Severus brushed past him.._

"Mulciber has a son?" I asked surprised since that was not recorded in any files.

"So it seems." There was a ring of consternation in his voice that he, the spy, hadn't known that. "Come on."

_The memory changed then, drifting back into the past. There was a moment of darkness before I found myself in a corridor of Hogwarts. A young Severus came round the corner, a bit older than I remembered him. I assumed he was in his seventh year. _

_"Snivellus!" Potter sneered, all of the sudden appearing from out of nowhere, blocking his way. "Sullying the corridor with all the grease dripping from you, I see."_

_Severus drew his wand, and he was fast. _

_"_Expelliarmus_!" Sirius shouted- of course Potter would never attack him when it was only the two of them, he would always have the backup of his fellow Marauders. Lupin joined in reluctantly whereas Pettigrew almost wetted himself with excitement. His shooting a Jelly-Legs Jinx went unnoticed and was easily blocked by Severus- his wand didn't fly out of his hand as his attackers expected. Instead, his Shielding Charm sent Sirius crushing into an suit of armour that hectically tried to scamper away from the scene. _

_Potter's face distorted to a grimace of hatred as he sent another hex at Severus. "Now that will cure your greasy hair problem."_

_Severus scarcely managed to dodge the spell but I saw him wincing, and there appeared a thin line of blood on his temple._

_"Good one, Prongs," Pettigrew cheered._

"Merlin, what did he use on you?"

"Instant Scalping Spell," Severus hissed with contempt. "But I don't want you to pay attention to our little quarrel. Keep your eyes on the the broom closet instead and tell me who's coming out."

I forced myself to turn around although it was hard to not focus on the duelling when they sparks were flying...

_Suddenly the door of the broom closet opened and Mulciber stepped out, cautiously looking around. He gave a wave with his hand, holding the door open for a blond-haired girl who quickly rearranged her robes before walking away. I gaped at her, not trusting my own eyes. Her flushed cheeks, her swollen lips, the sparkle in her eyes- she gave the impression as if she had snogged passionately and was very happy about it..._

Severus tugged at my arm and we returned to Auror headquarters. I stared at him in disbelief. Had he told me who he suspected was Mulciber's girl and mother of his son, I wouldn't have believed him. And then the whole impact of the truth sank in with all its absurdity, making me unreasonably furious.

"Mary MacDonald? Mary MacDonald snogged Mulciber in the broom closet after... after he allegedly was sooo _**evil**_ to her in fifth year." I must have hit _her _tone on the word evil quite well because Severus winced slightly, knowing only too well who I was referring to, and he didn't like it all. But that didn't stop me from ranting about the blatant injustice, all the bias. "Oh that bloody bitch with her holier-than-thou attitude and fucking double standards, reproaches you for your choice of friends 'cause you dared to try and get along with your house mates, the evil, evil Slytherins, while the brave Gryffindor Potter, the bloody wanker, ambushes you at every fucking opportunity and he- hell, he even tried to scalp you!- but apparently that's a good deed for the noble lion for no fucking Gryffindor could possibly do anything wrong since the Sorting gave them unremovable halos, and then the fucking hypocrite rewards him with a sweet little kiss and walks down the aisle with him all in innocent white because he's proven his maturity by not hexing you in front of her any"

"SHUT UP!" Severus roared, taking the wind out of my sails. His cheeks flushed angrily before his face turned deadly pale, a whiter shade than usual, and he glared at me with cold black eyes.

I fell silent. Actually, the silence in Auror headquarters was of a sort you could have heard a pin drop and even that would have sounded deafening. Harry stared at me in shock- Lily's eyes in James Potter's face. It was understandable why Severus would never feel at ease in his presence, and although he had heard many unpleasant things about his father, this was probably the first time someone had bad-mouthed his mother.

"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly although I stood by my words; I simply had better kept them to myself. Mind, I didn't want to commend Mulciber's character either for he definitely was a creepy git, but whatever he had done to Mary MacDonald that day when Lily had accused him of being evil and Severus had thought it a laugh, I honestly believed it hadn't caused Mary any lasting damage. Quite the contrary, actually, or she wouldn't have snogged him two years later in a broom closet. And no, she had definitely **not** appeared to be under the influence of the Imperius Curse- he would have been expelled had he used that on her. Hogwarts was quite sensitive when it came to Unforgivables.

"So, Mary MacDonald and Mulciber, eh?" Williamson's voice cut through the silence, all back to business like.

"Yeah," I managed, avoiding looking anyone in the eye, least of all Severus. I could still sense his anger boiling because I had perhaps gone a tad too far in my Lily-bashing. Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten so het up about her- after all, she was six feet under while I was happily married to him for more than six years now. And we were happy, weren't we?

"No doubt 'bout it?" Williamson asked sceptically, trying to rule out the chance she might had been Imperiused, Confounded, or become the victim of a love potion like Amortentia.

I shook my head, knowing he would have loved to hear something like that. It was easier to deal with a Ministry employee under the Imperius Curse than with a traitor within its ranks. A traitor who was motivated by love. There was no other possibility. Any manipulation of her feelings would have worn off while Mulciber was incarcerated in Azkaban but apparently that hadn't happened. Instead, all the small things that had made no sense before came together nicely now, forming an overall picture as if I had found the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

On Williamson's command the Aurors were swarming out to search the Ministry for Mary MacDonald. Since she had definitely entered the building there might be a chance she was still in, although I doubted that. Even if she had not noticed Severus following her- and he could move almost soundlessly, provided, of course, there was no short, terrier-like wizard clinging to his robes- the ruckus Mr Knight had made couldn't have possible escaped her attention. It was likely she had taken the next Floo network, meaning she could be almost everywhere by now.

Sheepishly I risked a glance at Severus and when nothing in his demeanour indicated he would hex me into next week, I surreptitiously reached for his hand.

"You still mad at me?"

"Hmpf," Severus rolled his eyes and cast them heavenwards as if hoping for divine counsel but nevertheless he allowed his fingers to slowly entwine with mine. "It's not as if there hasn't been a grain of truth hidden behind all the foul language that slipped your lips, and yet I would prefer you kept your mouth shut about Lily- especially when her boy is present."

I arched a quizzical brow at him. Since when did he care about Harry's feelings?

He pulled me in closer and I was suddenly strangely aware of our proximity, of the warmth he radiated, and being so close to him, inhaling his scent, made my skin tickle. The soft mohair wool of my jumper became scratchy, the turtleneck almost suffocating. I had never liked wearing them but our last night's encounter had left its marks on my neck...

"Don't be absurd," he whispered silkily in my ear, interrupting my thoughts. "I don't give a damn about the boy, the ruddy spawn of his father. But I don't want you to discredit his mother. He needn't have to hear she was anything less than perfect. Leave him the illusion for it's all he still has of her."

And he wanted to make me believe he didn't care at all about Harry Potter? But before I could say anything some Aurors returned to headquarters, bringing in old Thaddeus MacDonald for interrogation on his grand-niece's behalf, given that he was her only living relative.

As I had already assumed, she herself was not to be found within the Ministry. I guessed she had developed a sense of forboding because of her affair with Mulciber, and despite her being a Gryffindor.

"It's one of his tricks, isn't it?" Old MacDonald fumed irrationally, glancing daggers at the Aurors. "You're all in cahoots with him, the victims of his whims, aren't you? Shacklebolt's puppets, that's what you are- ha, you don't even deny it, do you? Instead you dare to drag the name of one of the finest wizarding families in the mud just for the sake of politics. Shame on you! My grandniece is innocent. INNOCENT! Mark my words! It is impudent to assume my poor lamb might have gotten involved with that horrible Mulciber boy. She never gave birth to his son because she was never married."

Well, his assumption that an unmarried 21th century witch was automatically a virgin sounded a bit old-fashioned to me since he had clearly missed the sexual revolution some decades ago. Williamson led MacDonald to the interrogation room but I doubted the old man knew anything of importance about his grandniece. After all, she had managed to fool the Ministry for years and he was even easier to fool.

What we needed now was a proof that the younger version of Kenneth Mulciber was indeed her son. Harry came up with the clever idea of asking Hermione- well, mayhap it wasn't _that_ clever since he was used to running to her when he was at his wits' ends- but he definitely had a point. Hermione was working at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement therefore she had access to the birth register. And even if the birth of Mulciber junior had never been officially registered, his name would nevertheless be on the magical list of eleven year old wizards and witches having received their Hogwarts letter, regardless of whether they actually attended Hogwarts School of Wizarding and Witchcraft. Given that Severus had seen Mulciber junior for the first time today I hazarded a guess that Mary had sent her boy to Durmstrang Institute instead.

That very moment a silvery ferret popped up out of thin air, looking for Severus.

_"Emergency! We need you at Malfoy Manor! The Squib is gravely injured!"_ It spoke with Draco Malfoy's voice.

"The Squib?" I wondered aloud, knowing only one Squib but Draco couldn't possibly mean-

"Sebastian!" Severus hissed.

He didn't hesitate and was about to follow Draco's call but I grabbed his arm, trying to hold him back. It still made no sense to me. What was Sebastian doing at Malfoy Manor and why was he injured? It could be a trap! On the other hand, Draco had always been loyal to Severus and he wouldn't have managed to conjure up his Patronus had be been forced to...

Severus wasted no time. Curtly he asked for permission to use the Auror-only emergency Floo at headquarters, which Harry granted him- and it galled him visibly that Potter of all people had to give his okay- then he dragged me along through the fireplace.

A moment later we stepped into a posh and elegantly furnished parlour, staring in shock at the badly bruised, hardly recognisable body bleeding its life away on a silk carpet while Narcissa Malfoy was screaming at her husband.

"... you promised me! You promised me you would never ever risk our lives again and now you possess the brazenness of telling me you killed Selwyn, rendering us the target of their wrath!" Her voice sounded shrill, almost hysteric.

"I had to defend my cousin." Lucius defended himself lamely.

_Cousin? _I wanted to scream. No, that couldn't be. Of course I had noticed the striking similarity between Sebastian and Lucius Malfoy the very first time I had met him, but I refused to believe the disfigured _thing_ in front on me could possibly be our friend, Severus' best man at our wedding, the smiling, happy man...

"Thank Merlin you came," said Draco, addressing Severus from the far side of the room where he was soothing his wife. "Father's a little _off_ today."

Severus hadn't paid any attention to the marital quarrel between Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy; he had knelt down immediately next to the tortured body on the carpet, casting diagnostic spells. Then he muttered an incantation that sounded like a song, and the blood flowing from the nasty gash across Sebastian's abdomen eased. He repeated the song and the edges of the wound began to knit up slowly. As before, the tune sounded familiar to me.

"The Cure, Severus?"

He looked up. "Please contact Professor O'Flaherty and Madam Pomfrey; I need help."

I nodded and went to the fireplace. Although he was an expert when it came to counter curses inflicted by the Dark Arts, he was not a healer.

"... I will lock my bedroom door until you come to your senses again!"

"Cissy-flower, why do you want to punish yourself?" Lucius purred.

"Ha!" Narcissa shrieked. "You're lucky I'm not divorcing you this instant, and I told you I would should you ever..."

"Shut up, you useless imbeciles!" Severus roared. "Narcissa, bring me some Blood-Replenishing Potion. Lucius, explain why Sebastian is here and not at St Mungo."

"He's a Malfoy!" Lucius gushed.

"Try a sensible reason, Malfoy."

Draco snickered. "There is no reasoning with father today. He behaves like he's found a new-"

"As long as you live under my roof you will show respect-"

"You don't deserve respect for your foolishness!" Severus cut in. "Your blatant stupidity endangered Sebastian's life. You should have taken him to St Mungo's."

"Fine, then take him there." Lucius snapped.

"I'm sorry, Severus, we don't have any Blood-Replenishing Potion." Narcissa said after Gyrrki, the house-elf she had sent, returned with empty hands. Of course the poor little creature thought it his fault and started banging his head on the floor.

Fortunately that very moment Professor O'Flaherty stepped out of the fireplace or Severus would have hexed every Malfoy. A little later Madam Pomfrey arrived, carrying a first-aid kit full of potion flasks. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least Sebastian would get the best medical care wizarding Britain had to offer.

"Have you told Sam already?" I asked Lucius.

"Who?"

"Sam. Samuel Blair. Sebastian's lover."

"Ah, the Mudblood-"

I had been patient with Lucius until now but too much was too much. He crashed into the nearest cabinet and the vase atop of it came tumbling down; it shattered on his head.

"Lucius!" Narcissa shrieked. "That was my favourite!"

"Don't yell at me! Yell at- oh, look Draco! That's what I would have expected your Patronus to look like. A dragon."

"Ignorant dunderhead," Severus mumbled under his breath without ever looking up, "it's not a dragon but a bat-winged Tyrannosaurus Rex."

"Do you think it was wise, Raven, calling Sam here?"

"He has the right to know; he will be worried sick if he comes home and Sebastian isn't there, and he doesn't hear a word from him. Besides, I'm sure Lucius is keen to meet the Mudblood lover of his gay Squib cousin. It will be a marvellous family reunion."

Despite the gravity of the situation a wan smile flickered over Severus' features while Narcissa glared daggers at Lucius. Although Sam and Sebastian had never kept their relationship a secret, the true nature of it seemed to dawn on her just now. It was understandable she was furious. Lucius had always been such a supremacist when it came to the purity of blood, it had led to his association with Voldemort and in the end it had caused nothing but grief to her family. And now he seemed to happily throw aside all of his long harboured prejudices for a gay Squib that had been blasted off every Malfoy family tree except the one in a chalet in Switzerland. It would have spared them a lot of trouble had his standards always been so lax.

"_Gay_, Lucius?" She whispered.

"A cheerful, happy person," her husband offered though he soon realized he couldn't fool her. He'd better not fool her or her bedroom door would definitely be locked for the next couple of days. "Ah, come on, Cissy-flower, it isn't really that bad. Actually, it's pretty convenient he cannot produce an heir so Draco won't have to share-"

"You disgust me!" Severus spat, gazing at Lucius as if he were tempted to hex him into oblivion. Perhaps it was only Professor O'Flaherty's sharp hiss that saved him.

They had finally managed to undo the curse that had caused the purulent boils on Sebastian's face but what lay underneath didn't look much better. His left cheek was burned, covered with angry red blisters; a scorch mark that proceeded to the side of his head as if a fiery tongue had lashed over it. The tip of his ear seemed to have melted due to extreme heat and the hair above was charred.

"Fiendfyre," Madam Pomfrey gasped. "There's nothing we can do about it."

It was now, of all times, that the doorbell rang and Gyrrki, who had stopped banging his head on the floor, opened it to let Sam in.

"Sebastian?" Sam yelled desperately.

"Please come in stinking piece of filth besmirching the noble House of Malfoy," the elf muttered but sketched a bow, "follow Gyrrki and not touch with dirty Mudblood fingers. Master and his foul smelling guests, the shame of the wizarding world, half-blood scum and blood traitors, is awaiting you."

I scurried to intercept Sam in order to fill him in with what had happened and prepare him for the shock before he could see it with his own eyes.

"Actually, there possibly is something we can do," I heard Severus say, and although he didn't sound truly optimistic there was a glimpse of hope. From the corner of my eyes I saw him performing a complicated wand movement.

"I have faith in you." I whispered before I hurried to get to Sam, not knowing if Severus had caught my words.

Sam looked horrible. He was pale, his hair dishevelled as if he had torn at it in despair. In the short while between receiving my Patronus and Apparating to Malfoy Manor he seemed to have aged many years, lines of worry edged deeply in his usually handsome features.

"What- what happened?" He panted breathlessly as if he had run through hell and back. "How is he? Is he- will he be alright?"

He tried to get past me but I wouldn't let him.

"Shh... calm down and listen," I said soothingly, grabbing him at his shoulders and forcing him to look at me. Hell, how was I going to do it? If I were in his shoes and anything had happened to Severus I wouldn't want to be soothed but would rush at his side instead. Who was I to stop him? "Sam, I still don't know what happened exactly. Apparently Sebastian was tortured and Lucius Malfoy saved him. At the moment he his being taken care of by the best healers in the wizarding world- Professor O'Flaherty, the head of St Mungo's, and Madam Pomfrey, the exceptionally skilled mediwitch of Hogwarts."

He swallowed hard, digesting the information and making sense of it before he asked, feebly, "And Severus? Is Severus there as well?"

"Of course he is." Merlin, the hope in his voice was touching. When had he changed his opinion about Severus? I had always thought he wished me to return into Sirius' arms but apparently his attitude had changed in the course of the past six years without me even realizing it. Now he sobbed against my shoulder, soaking the wool of my jumper with his tears.

When we finally walked into the parlour where Sebastian had been, the half-dried puddle of blood staining the carpet was the only evidence of what had transpired here today. I ached a quizzical brow at Narcissa who had already given orders to some house-elves to clean up the mess. Of course she wanted her home neat and tidy.

"Where is he?" Sam asked but he didn't get an answer because the lovely Malfoy family was once again too busy with themselves.

Astoria, Draco's wife, shoved Lucius hard in the chest as she brushed past him, clearly infuriated. "I'm not a bloody brood mare!" She snapped and headed up the staircase.

"You're such a git, father!" Draco spat as he followed her upstairs while Lucius glanced at me with a shrug.

"The youth of today knows no respect. I would have never dared to speak to my father like that. Merlin, I merely asked her when she would finally present us with a little Malfoy..."

I rolled my eyes. "Luci, your son is right. You really are a git. Now, where did they take Sebastian?"

Narcissa answered in her husband's stead since he was eying Sam up and down as if he was seeing him for the first time, probably contemplating whether the Muggle-born wizard was an appropriate partner for his newly-found gay Squib cousin. "They levitated him to a guest room I arranged for him on the second floor. Professor O'Flaherty insisted he is much too weak to be taken to St Mungo's."

Sam raced up the staircase but I stayed, looking at Narcissa. For the first time I noticed something about her that reminded me of Andromeda, although visually the two sisters couldn't be more different, one fair and the other one dark. It had always been much easier to see the similarity between Andromeda and Bellatrix, and yet all three of the sisters had inherited the typical good looks of the Blacks. What Bellatrix lacked completely though, while Andromeda showed in abundance, was the trace of compassion I recognized in Narcissa's eyes now, and I came to the conclusion she wasn't such an unsympathetic person she made everyone believe with her haughty attitude and her nose up in the air. If only she didn't love that imbecile moron of her husband- well, it just proved that love was blind. I hazarded a guess that about ninety percent of the wizarding world didn't get what I saw in Severus either, even though he was inevitably a better man than Lucius Malfoy could ever be.

"You might want to stay overnight so I arranged rooms for you, too. Severus looked a bit exhausted after casting that last spell."

"Thanks." Although I wasn't particularly keen on spending the night at Malfoy Manor I thought it a nice gesture. Severus would want to check on Sebastian regularly and having to take the Floo throughout the night was tiring. I walked up the staircase to see how things were.

You could almost get lost in the vast expanses of Malfoy Manor as there were more rooms one could ever need even if you had a large family, which wasn't the case with the Malfoys. You couldn't possibly harbour that many guests either. Nevertheless I found my way to the room provided for Sebastian, merely because I heard the voices of Madam Pomfrey, Professor O'Flaherty and Severus as they were talking outside in the corridor.

"... very proud of you, m' boy." O'Flaherty said with something akin to fatherly pride, a tone he often used when talking to Severus.

"It was nothing, really," my husband mumbled self-consciously, not feeling comfortable with the praise. His voice dropped several degrees. "I learned the spell from _him_... he- he liked to torture his inferiors when he was displeased and... well, sometimes he used Fiendfyre when the Cruciatus Curse bored him. It would have been inconvenient, though, had he burned his followers to ashes..."

"Indeed, indeed," O'Flaherty agreed while the usually good-natured Poppy Pomfrey swore heavily under her breath. I couldn't catch every word of her tirade but it seemed to me she was condemning Dumbledore for having sent Severus back to Voldemort, the night of his rebirth. The Greater Good didn't matter to her since she only cared about the health of her charges, physically as well as mentally, and she clearly considered Severus one of her charges. After all, she knew him since he was a child and probably she still saw the lanky boy in him, the boy that had visited the infirmary on a regular basis while he was a student at Hogwarts. Apparently a very clumsy student, for he had always claimed he had fallen down a staircase or something like that, anything but to admit he had once again become the target of the Marauders' sick sense of humour- I must admit I had done the very same after realizing there was no use in accusing a golden Gryffindor when you are nothing but a slimy snake. The headmaster had looked away as well as all the other teachers had whereas Madam Pomfrey had seen behind our facades of lies. It just hadn't been within her range of influence to change anything other than treating us with some sort of motherly comfort.

"Raven!" Severus eyes lit up when he saw me approaching but soon his face became inscrutable again. I noticed though that he looked really exhausted.

"You alright?" I asked gently and next, "How's Sebastian?"

"He will survive," promised O'Flaherty, smiling benevolently at me.

I released a sigh of relief I hadn't realized I had been holding, but Severus appeared to be less optimistic. "Time will tell."

"Ah, don't hide your light under a bushel, m'boy. You saved his life, do not deny it, Severus. If you hadn't come up with the spell that eased the horrendous effects of Fiendfyre-" He paused for a moment, the silence hanging portentous in the air, leaving it to our imagination what would have happened. Then he continued in a lighter tone, "It was a wise decision you called Mr Blair, dear Raven. Although our patient isn't responsive due to the deep magical sleep I imposed on him, he does _know_, subconsciously, that the man he loves is at his side. As trivial as it might appear but it's the small things that are often so important for convalescence."

Professor O'Flaherty exchanged fleeting glances with Madam Pomfrey, and they started walking along the corridor towards the staircase leading downstairs, engrossed in conversation. For the first time since early in the morning I was alone with Severus.

"I- it wasn't I who saved his life. Lucius did. If he hadn't found him in time, if Draco hadn't sent his Patronus... I was merely able to limit the damage before it was too late and without me- without him ever knowing me- he wouldn't have been in danger in the first place." He looked crestfallen as if he blamed himself for all that had happened.

"It's not your fault, Sev. Please don't do this to you or it will eat you up from inside, all sharp teeth, fangs and claws."

His lips twitched slightly at my choice of words. "You make it sound I swallowed a werewolf for breakfast."

Now my lips twitched, too. Gingerly I took his hand in mine, dragging him a little closer; he almost stumbled into my arms and I wrapped them comfortingly around his slender form as I felt him trembling like a leaf in a storm with frustration and exhaustion. I even suspected him of secretly shedding some silent tears and wanted to cry as well. My eyes were full. I had forced myself to restrain my emotions, had kept my fears locked away deep within me- I had needed to function and act rationally in all this madness, especially in front of the Malfoys, but the point was reached that I knew the pressure was slowly cracking me. So I let my tears run free, burning hot on my cheeks. Reaching up I combed my fingers through his lank hair, urging his head to come to rest on my shoulder, and I inhaled his scent as I buried my face in his hair. On days it never rained but it poured this was the most soothing scent I could think of, no matter what terrors the world outside our embrace had to offer.

"I have to go downstairs," Severus mumbled after a while, still holding on to me, his hand absent-mindedly trailing up and down my spine. "Professor O'Flaherty will want to give me instructions for the night- and I have to stay here for the night."

"And so will I."

"You don't have to."

"I know. But do you honestly believe I could go home and take a nice nap? Do you believe I could close my eyes and simply forget what happened today- or yesterday?" All of a sudden the smell of burned flesh was back in my nose, and in in my mind's eye I saw the ghastly charred remains of what had once been Avery. I clung on to Severus. "I cannot sleep without you."

"I'm sorry..."

Whatever he was sorry about now- "It's not _your_ bloody fault, got it?"

I cupped his face in my hands, looking him straight in the eyes. His were showing the same treacherous signs of tears as, undoubtedly, mine did. He made an almost furious attempt to wipe them away, because tears were the favourite refuge for the weak and Severus Snape wasn't weak. He was just as vulnerable as everybody else in this situation would be. And it was an extreme situation that burdened both of us with enormous emotional stress.

"Sev, it's not your fault Yaxley's a raving lunatic out to seek revenge because you deceived the Dark Lord- and luckily you did, or the wizarding world wouldn't be a place worth living in now. It's not your fault either that Sebastian was tortured today, and that there's simply no way to restore body parts that have been burned by Fiendfyre or severed by _Sectumsempra_- call it an unlucky coincidence that in both cases ears were involved."

I knew he was thinking of the Weasley twin now, feeling guilty for an off the target curse that had maimed George- raising on my tiptoes I kissed him on the mouth to stop him from brooding about it.

His lips were unyielding at first, pressed tightly together in a cold and thin line as though he believed himself unworthy of being kissed. But since I was quite a persistent little nag he caved in to my gentle ministrations, his lips getting softer, more pliable and responsive as he kissed me back. There was a great tenderness in his kiss, but also a good amount of need, hungering to be loved. I felt strangely bereft when he finally withdrew and cleared his throat.

"Professor O'Flaherty," Severus reminded me, "I- I don't want to keep him waiting. It would be rude after all he has done."

I nodded and took his hand in mine as we proceeded towards the staircase, walking down to the parlour where it had all began. Lucius had gone sulking but Narcissa must have ordered the house-elves to clean up in the meantime since the stains of blood on the antique Chinese silk carpet were gone, and with them all the traces of the tragedy. No reminder left that only a short while ago a man had almost bled his life away on that damned rug.

_Typically Narcissa_, I pondered. As long as everything was neat and tidy it was easy to turn a blind eye on the crude facts, and then I wondered if precisely that had also been her attitude while she had been forced to accommodate the Dark Lord. Always sending the house-elves to clean up the mess he and his monstrous pet snake left behind- the remnants of Nagini's feasts, the mutilated bodies of his wrath, and even more blood stains on elegant, expensive carpets. The blood of his followers having fallen in disgrace. Mayhap even her husband's blood? As long as she didn't have to face it she could pretend it hadn't happened and escape to her perfect little world of denial, where it was all about pure-blood supremacy... ironically, I guessed, she had never expected the issue of blood-purity to ever become so- well, actually _bloody_.

Professor O'Flaherty and Madam Pomfrey were sitting on the sofa, sipping tea from thin cups of the finest china. They clearly didn't seem to feel comfortable at all while Narcissa was exerting herself to playing the perfect host, chatting amiable.

"Ah, Severus," O'Flaherty said, pleased to see my husband for it saved him from listening to even more idle talk. He got up from the sofa and handed him a list with instructions, like when the next dose of Blood-Replenishing Potion had to be spelled into Sebastian's system. "And try to get some sleep, Severus. You look exhausted. In the unlikely case of an emergency, don't hesitate to call me or Madam Pomfrey but I believe you will have a quiet night."

Then he sketched a bow at Narcissa, took a handful of Floo Powder, tossed it into the flames and was gone. Madame Pomfrey rose to follow his example.

After all that had transpired today, all the things I hadn't even started to digest yet- such as the unexpected news that Kenneth Mulciber and Mary MacDonald were an item- I felt weary, physically as well as emotionally.

"Would you like something to eat?" Narcissa offered. "How about some lovely fresh oysters from France?"

This was so absurd. Although I was indeed hungry the idea made me sick. Would she offer caviar next? Had she forgotten the sight of the badly tortured man lying on the carpet? The tortured man that happened to be our friend. Or did she think the fact that Sebastian was distantly related to Lucius justified a posh meal, as if there was something to celebrate?

"Definitely not, thank you, Narcissa." Severus said brusque. "We will retire to my room now. Please send a house-elf with something more substantial and less posh."

I was relieved. Retiring sounded just perfect since I lacked to energy to deal with Narcissa (or any other Malfoy) any longer and I craved for some privacy with my husband. I wanted to snuggle up to him, being held by him, to make today's nightmares less haunting.

-

"Filthy half-blood mistresses room is on that side." Gyrrki informed me in his usual charming way, pointing to a door across the corridor while juggling a large tray loaded with food in his other hand. There were piles of sandwiches on it, as well as a bottle of wine and two glasses.

I ignored the miserable little creature. Perhaps it wasn't appropriate for upper class pureblood couples to share a room and a bed even though they were legally married but I did not intend to make this my philosophy. I would sleep in the same bed as my husband and the obnoxious elf wouldn't stop me even if he found a way to lock jaws in my ankle without dropping the tray.

"We will not need the other room." Severus told him sternly.

Gyrrki bowed as deeply as the tray allowed him to. "As master wishes. Gyrrki understands that master is from low birth, mating with the scum of wizarding shame..."

"Enough!" Severus bellowed, snatching the tray from the house-elf's hand. "Go and bang your head outside this door!"

And with that he slammed the door in Gyrrki's face.

"House-elves are a pest!"

"It's actually the first time I hear you complain about them," I said, looking around the room he seemed to be familiar with. It wasn't large, sparsely furnished in dark wood with a four-poster bed dominating the room; all in all it looked quite masculine- no frills, no fluff, no flashy colours. The curtains and the bedspread were of a dark green fabric, but the bed was quite comfortable I noticed when I sat down. Across from it a door led to an adjacent bathroom.

"Well, you won't hear me complain about the Hogwarts elves, or our Pinkie. It's just- these house-elves serving elitist pureblood families believe themselves better although they are treated worse than others but still consider it a privilege, and they- even though Lucius and Narcissa tried to be polite about my birth, my less than pure blood-status, their bloody elves always rubbed my nose in my unworthiness. The Half-Blood Prince who never quite fit in, who even to elf standards was merely a speck of dirt under the feet of their noble masters-"

"Stop that." I had risen from the bed and crossed the room to wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. "You're not unworthy. I won't hear any more of that blood-status nonsense. You should be lucky that your intelligence was never addled with the results of inbreed."

"I know," he sighed, becoming slack in my arms, "it's just so fucking annoying to always being blamed for something you cannot change- I mean, I did not _chose_ my parents."

"No, decidedly not. But it really isn't that bad to be a half-blood, Sev. Imagine all the knowledge we have of both worlds, the wizarding and the Muggle world. I'd call that a damned big privilege compared to someone like Malfoy. Abandon him in Muggle London, take away his wand, and see how he finds his way home. He'd be utterly lost."

Severus actually snickered slightly at that idea, then got all serious again. With a long, slender finger he tilted up my chin to look me in the eye. "Have I already told you today how much I love you?"

"Well, a little while ago you kissed me quite lovely and we could always repeat that."

He bent his head and gently brushed my lips with his. "I- I realized today that I ought to speak these words more often... life is so short and I would not want to find one day I missed the opportunity-"

I silenced him with a loving kiss. Yes, I knew exactly what he was talking about and I felt the same. Life had just shoved it straight in our faces how soon it could end, and all the chances of saying these words might end in a puddle of blood on a Chinese rug.

"And I love you, Sev." I whispered against his lips.

"I'm sorry... about last night."

"What are you sorry about?"

"I was- I never meant to be so... rough..."

"Oh... and what part of me moaning your name, begging you to not stop makes you believe I possibly did not enjoy that encounter?"

"I... um..." Apparently he was lost for any coherent words and his cheeks took on a delicate shade of crimson which I thought absolutely adorable.

"I like it when you're so passionate, Sev."

"You have too much tolerance for my black heart." All of a sudden he started rummaging through the pockets of his robes and came up with something hidden in his hand. "Speaking of my black heart... I got something for you. It's nothing special but- why are you so jittery, Raven?"

"Show me!" Well, every woman liked little presents, a token of love, so of course I was jittery.

"Stop fidgeting, then." His voice was hoarse and I noticed he was a tiny bit nervous when he finally opened his hand and revealed a little black heart that could be worn on a velvet string.

"It's beautiful," I gushed.

"The peddler said it's obsidian..."

"Aw, you're so sweet. Help me put in on."

Severus moved behind me, brushed my hair away and fastened the velvet string in the nape of my neck. I beamed happily at him.

"It's truly beautiful."

"You are beautiful. And so easy to please," there was a hint of mockery in his voice now. "Other women fancy diamonds but you prefer petrified lava."

I snaked my arms around him and kissed him.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please make me smile and review.


	59. Manic Morning

_Only two people made me smile and reviewed- that's kind of sad given that there are at least 57 subscribers to my story._

_**ink**_, _thanks for your insightful review. I will try to not get too carried away in endless monologues (although it's hard). About Snape saying kind words and having changed- well, I believe that love (hugs, kisses and fun in bed) ;^) can do that to a bitter, insecure man who has been unloved for most of his life._

59- Manic Morning

Severus tried not to wake me when it was time for Sebastian's next dose of Blood-Replenishing Potion, but than was nigh impossible since I was sprawled all over him; my head rested on this chest, my arm was stretched out over his stomach, and one leg was entwined with his. Sometimes he mocked me, saying I misused him as an oversized cuddly toy though he didn't consider himself cuddly. Or he wondered, teasingly, why we had a kingsize bed when I would always try to crawl into him as if there was no space- but actually he liked it. Now he smirked as he ran his fingers through my hair and told me to keep on sleeping. Of course I stayed awake, waiting for him to return.

It didn't take long before he slipped under the covers again.

-

In the morning I was a bit disoriented at first, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings until I recalled we were at Malfoy Manor, which didn't improve my usual grumpy early morning mood. The idea of having breakfast with Lucius and Narcissa sucked, sipping tea from ridiculously thin china when I longed for- _needed_- a decent coffee. Unlikely I would get one here. Posh pureblood wizards didn't know how to brew a decent coffee. Fortunately Severus didn't insist on breakfast with the Malfoys either. Probably he feared for his reputation if I made him appear amiable in comparison to me, and he knew precisely how ill-tempered I was without my dose of caffeine and foamed milk. So we only had some leftover sandwiches from last night before we made our way to Sebastian's room.

It was more spacious and far more elegantly furnished than the room we had spent the night in. The floor was made of blueish Italian marble, the curtains of finest damask; on the bed were silk covers and on one wall hung a huge, gold-framed mirror. In a plush, dark blue velvet armchair next to the bed sat Lucius Malfoy in all his glory and posh clothes, fitting nicely into the colour scheme of the room. He was having a conversation with Sam- or rather, he seemed to be interrogating him, asking him the silliest questions while staring at him as though the Muggleborn was sort of an exotic animal in a zoo. Well, Malfoy Manor must indeed feel like a zoo to Sam.

The contrast between the two rooms was noticeable. In was plain to see that Sebastian was being treated with all the gaudiness suitable for a long lost Malfoy prince whereas Severus was still the poor Half-Blood Prince. Not that he needed luxury or cared about it, perhaps he had never even wanted another room than the one he was used to, and yet it bugged me. Lucius was showing-off with his wealth as if that could impress Sebastian, who was still sleeping a magical sleep anyway.

"Raven! Severus! Good morning to you." Lucius drawled upon spotting us and he flashed me his- what he thought- most winning smile. "I was just having a very interesting conversation with Mr Blair..."

"Indeed," said Sam smugly. "I assured Mr Malfoy that Muggleborns live in houses just like purebloods, and not in caves. We don't grunt like Neanderthals but are capable of eloquent speech, and if we want to mate we don't have to knock out our potential partner with a bludgeon. I believe Mr Malfoy found that quite fascinating."

"He's a smart one, isn't he?"

I wished for a bludgeon to knock that smile out of Lucius' face, and if he dared to blink his eye at me again I would hex his balls off. His audacity of flirting with me when my husband was around had never infuriated me more than today. Maybe it was his way of congratulating Severus for his choice of spouse but it showed absolutely no respect, nor was it a tolerable behaviour for someone who so loudly proclaimed they were friends.

"Amazing, you just admitted that Muggleborns have brains. We also have table manners and are sufficiently capable of handling knife and fork- but what may come as the biggest surprise is that when we bleed our blood is just as red as yours, and not of a muddy brown colour." Sam looked at Severus. "Don't you think Stian would be better off at St Mungo's? I mean, you can't stay here all day and-"

"Don't worry," Lucius cut him off with a grand gesture, "I already hired a personal healer who will take care of my cousin."

Sam shot him a nasty glance, hating the way he referred to **his** Stian as _my cousin_, before his eyes turned to Severus again with a silent question.

"I recommend you to accept Lucius' generous offer. A personal healer will have more time on hands than the staff at St Mungo's therefore Sebastian will receive the best care here."

_And it would cost Lucius quite a fortune since personal healers were not cheap. _

Sam wasn't happy. Of course he wanted only the best for Sebastian and he would stay at his side until he was feeling better; he just wished it hadn't to be at Malfoy Manor which was understandable. He was wound tight with all his fears, his worries, that having to deal with Lucius hovering protectively over his new-found cousin was perhaps a tad too much- on the other hand, Lucius obnoxious ways might just take some of the worries away. Bickering with him was certainly better than drowning in despair.

"Can we leave now?" I grouched. It was great to know that Sebastian was being cared for but I needed a coffee. Urgently.

"You want to leave already? I had so hoped we could have a nice breakfast together..."

Well, my idea of a nice breakfast didn't include Lucius Malfoy.

"We _have_ to leave. I am inconsolable, Lucius," Severus said silkily, sarcasm dripping from his words like honey. Although he didn't want to stay either, he probably would have loved to see me turning into a harpy, digging my vicious claws in Lucius' throat just for the lack of caffeine. Of course, there was the possibility of transfiguring tea into coffee, but my taste buds would know the difference as they couldn't be cheated.

Surly I glared at Lucius who- naturally- misinterpreted my facial expression, believing _I_ wanted to stay and Severus was the grinch.

"I would be inconsolable if you deprived me of your charming wife's company so soon only because you want to stick your big nose down in some book again. Stop being such a tedious bookworm, Severus, and allow your lovely wife to have some fun."

It sounded like the invitation to let an infuriated beastie off the leash. I growled, feeling tired and annoyed which was always a bad combination. Severus chuckled though his eyes were cold.

"That is very tempting, Lucius, but I'm afraid Narcissa won't be very pleased. Please give her my best regards." Then he grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room before I could demonstrate some nasty hexes on Lucius. Such a shame.

We used the Floo from the same fireplace where we had arrived from and a moment later we were back home. Finally. Immediately Severus called for Pinkie.

"Master?" Through the gap in the door a bat-like ear unfurled, followed by a pair of big, eager, violet eyes.

"Scamper, Pinkie, and fetch mistress Raven her favourite drug."

"Master?" She sounded a bit whiny as she didn't quite understand his instruction.

"Coffee. Double espresso with mountains of foamed milk."

Soon after, I purred with visible content into a generous amount of foamed milk, feeling satisfied and relaxed. What a wonderful morning. And Severus was apparently in no hurry to go to work. Perfect.

He was watching me with amusement, dark eyes glittering strangely as he smirked to himself.

"What?" I arched a quizzical brow over the rim of my coffee mug. "Is there anything funny about me?"

Out of reflex I licked my lips, noticing I was up to the nose covered with milk foam. I heard him groan, then the mug was snatched out of my hands and his mouth was over mine, lips kissing and tasting, his tongue begging for entrance.

"Oh..." I sighed, pleasantly surprised.

"Witch..." he managed, relishing the taste of coffee on my lips. "...the way you... _savour_... your coffee is too damned sensual," and then he deepened his kiss as if he wanted to devour me in the nicest possible way.

My mind turned to all the wonderful things we could do today, ignoring the fact that I should show up at the Ministry some time; I didn't want to spoil this moment. Alas, someone else spoiled it for me. The doorbell rang, sounding mightily disturbing. But well, we didn't have to answer it, did we? It was so much nicer to ignore it and melt away in his embrace. And later I would have another coffee...

We didn't hear the voices in the hallway, nor Pinkie telling someone that Master and Mistress Snape were in the library. We didn't hear the knock on the door either before it was pushed open and in walked Hermione Weasley all business-like with a briefcase under her arm.

"Good morning, I-" She stopped dead and the sight of her former Potions Master snogging his wife in the middle of the library, and she cleared her throat to mumble an apology that never made it over her lips because she suddenly became aware of her surroundings. "Oh... oh, that's wonderful! So many books!"

She walked along the shelves, greedy eyes scanning the titles, and one could tell she was mightily impressed. Fortunately she was too short to read the titles on the higher shelves, the old tomes about the Dark Arts. Instead she gasped surprised and spun around on her heels, staring at Severus as though she had never seen him before. "Muggle literature! I hadn't expected you to read Shakespeare or Hemingway- even less Tolkien-"

"Mine," I muttered.

"-but well, I hadn't expected you to have a house-elf either, let alone a free house-elf and such a charming little thing- your library is amazing, Professor Snape."

"Granger- um, Weasley- you might have failed to notice that it is not a public one," Severus scowled, his voice waspish. "Care to elaborate on what unfortunate circumstance we owe the displeasure of your company- and please start with an explanation why you burst into my house in all your Gryffindor brazenness but without explicit permission. Perhaps you believe politeness is neither necessary nor expected from one of the Golden Trio?"

"No, sir," she swallowed hard, sounding like a schoolgirl again and one that wanted to please, get good marks, earn a lot of house points... now she looked as if she feared she might get detention. "I didn't mean to appear disrespectful, sir, but Pinkie, your house-elf..."

"I know damned well the name of my house-elf."

I couldn't help but chuckle until I realized that Pinkie must have answered the door to Hermione although we had told her several times to stay away from the door. She was not to answer it. Hell, we lived in a Muggle neighbourhood and we already had to _Obliviate_ the Muggle postman thrice.

"Well, Harry told me that Mrs Snape had not appeared at Auror headquarters yet, although it is already eight-thirty," Hermione continued with the slight hint of censure in her voice because she had started working at a much earlier hour, and she also appeared so much more awake. I hated morning people who jumped out of the bed before the alarm clock rang, all smiles and cheerful chatter... She opened her briefcase and produced a file. "Anyway, I thought you would be eager to know what I found out about Mary MacDonald's son, and though there is no birth record of him, his name did actually appear on the magical list of future Hogwarts aspirants. A letter has been sent to him but he never attended Hogwarts School of-"

"Yes, I know that." Severus cut her short. "I remember all of the dunderheads I had to waste my time on in a futile attempt to make them amenable to the subtle arts of potions."

"I am certain not all of them were dunderheads?" Hermione asked, now clearly fishing for compliments in hope for the recognition he had always denied her.

Severus, however, ignored her question and looked over my shoulder at the file I had snatched out of Hermione's hands.

"Kenneth Mulciber junior, born October thirty-first 1978- that means Mary must have been pregnant when she graduated." I glanced at Severus but he just shrugged. At the time of his graduation he'd had other things in mind than eyeing the bellies of witches for signs of pregnancy, and besides, the first treacherous signs wouldn't have been visible under Hogwarts robes anyway.

I studied the file again and noticed that- unlike other aspirants- Kenneth Mulciber junior's parents weren't listed and neither was his address. Also, there was a remark next to the name of the students who had not attended Hogwarts for whatever reason, may they have been home-schooled or visited another wizarding school like Beauxbatons Academy or Durmstrang Institute.

"Isn't it interesting that he is listed as Kenneth Mulciber though there is no record his parents ever married and Mary is still using her maiden name. If she wanted to keep her relationship to Mulciber a secret, why is dear Kenny not listed as Kenneth MacDonald? I mean, it would be so much easier to explain a child born to an unmarried mother since that happens every day-" It was so maddeningly confusing but I couldn't ponder it because there was a knock at the door and Pinkie pronounced we had received another visitor.

"Good morning- oh, hello Hermione. I didn't expect you here."

"Potter!" Severus growled.

"Harry!" Hermione chirped.

"Pinkie!" I bellowed. "How many times do I have to tell you to NOT open that bloody door?"

Big ears furled like flags at half-mast and she blinked piteous eyes at me. "But doorbell ringing..."

"Don't be so hard on her! I am certain she only wanted to be helpful."

"Yes, explain that to the Muggle postman when he's totally nuts after his mind has been tampered with too many Memory Modifying Charms." I snarled while Severus addressed Harry Potter.

"Since I did not approve a happy Gryffindor reunion in my library you'd better have a very good reason for your presence."

"Indeed, sir," Harry smiled smugly. "Hermione and I discussed the recent events last night, and I came up with the conclusion that such dire circumstances absolutely require the rebirth of the Order of the Phoenix."

It was obvious he thought that a brilliant idea. Severus looked livid and his fingers twitched as if he wanted to throttle the brat for the audacity of giving those who had scorned him half his life a new platform for looking down their noses at him.

Oh bugger, we were in deep and I couldn't wait to meet Molly Weasley again. I coughed slightly.

"Master wants Pinkie brings dear guests some tea?" Pinkie's timing was just great.

"A cup of tea would be-" Hermione began but Severus cut her off immediately by glaring at our cute little ugliness.

"They are not dear and they will be leaving now." He narrowed cold black eyes at Harry. "I see no point in resurrecting the Order."

"But, sir, I already called a meeting for tonight at seven, at the Leaky Cauldron."

"To what point and purpose? There is no need for a secret association, and if you believe your precious Gryffindor friends could do a more effective job than trained and qualified Aurors you are insulting my wife."

"That certainly wasn't my intention, sir, but..."

"I think what Harry wants to say is that the Order members could provide further protection for you and your friends," Hermione offered. "Especially after what happened to poor Mr St John yesterday."

"Mr St John is perfectly safe at Malfoy Manor."

Harry and Hermione appeared shocked finding out that Sebastian was left in the care of Lucius Malfoy of all people but I assumed he was safer there than at St Mungo's. After all, Malfoy Manor was one of the best guarded houses in Britain, and although Lucius was an insufferable, presumptuous git, the git cared for his family which now also included Sebastian. Merlin, this was so weird.

Severus was definitely right with something else, too- there was no need for a secret association like the Order of the Phoenix. It had been founded in times when the Ministry was in complete denial of Voldemort's plans, and it had been resurrected when the Ministry refused to believe that Voldemort had returned. Now, however, things were different. The Ministry had not turned a blind eye on what was happening, every single Auror was working on this case, therefore I mightily doubted that Kingsley Shacklebolt would approve on bringing back the Order- except, of course, the Golden Boy insisted on it.

"Who's left anyway?" I asked though I already knew the answer. Kingsley and Hestia Jones were in high positions at the Ministry now, they wouldn't rejoin the Order. Dumbledore and Moody were dead, as were Emmiline Vance, Tonks and Lupin.

"Well, Molly and Arthur Weasley, of course..."

I locked eyes with Severus, the mental image of mother hen scaring Yaxley to death with a frying pan in my mind. He sneered, but there was a little amused sparkle in his eyes.

"Bill, George, Percy, Ron, Ginny..."

"I have more significant issues at hand than frolicking with a whole flock of cheerful red-heads, thank you very much." Severus said dismissively.

"Neville also joined, and Hagrid will be there."

"A dunderhead who would be better off talking to his plants, and a giant oaf-"

"Dedalus Diggle, Elphias Doge, Sirius..." Harry continued to list stubbornly.

"Useless, ancient, a flee-ridden mongrel," were Severus comments on them. "I'm really thrilled, Potter. Please, don't hesitate to attend to that meeting and have a great time with your brave Gryffindor friends. I, however- as inconsolable as I am- must decline your polite invitation. Kindly leave my house. Now."

"Bastard!" Harry huffed all of a sudden. "I'm only trying to help, you know?"

"Indeed- and I assure you I am appropriately _touched_ by that noble gesture of yours. Good day to you."

"Come on, Harry, we're wasting our time here," Hermione insisted as she grabbed her friend's arm and dragged him towards the door of the library. But before she exited the room she let her eyes roam over the book-filled shelves with a longing sigh. Oh, how she wanted to stay and absorb all the knowledge hidden behind the dusty covers of ancient tomes.

And then we were alone again.

"Obnoxious brat!" Severus fumed. "What is he thinking?"

"I wasn't aware you conceded him that ability at all." I smirked, placing a placating hand on his arm but to no avail. He was still furious.

"He walks in here in all his Gryffindor brazenness and has the audacity to order me to a Gryffindor meeting disguised as the resurrection of the Order of the Phoenix, and although the Order used to be an expedient organisation, it became ineffective after Dumbledore's death-" his voice turned to a whisper, "-after I killed Dumbledore."

"On his explicit orders." I reminded him gently, wishing he wouldn't take it to heart so much. Even after all those years he still felt guilty for having granted an old, dying man his last fatal wish. "Sev-"

"I know, I know. Spare me of whatever you have to say about Dumbledore for it doesn't matter now. He trusted me, and because of him they pretended to trust me- or, more precisely, they trusted Dumbledore's judgement even though they still turned up their bloody noses at the guilt on my shoulders, and Alastor Moody would have let me rot in Azkaban the day he found out I was a Death Eater in spite of me spying and risking my life for the Order. I was their perfect whipping boy, the only Slytherin in their oh-so-sophisticated Gryffindor organisation, and yet- at least he had the skill, the wits that qualified a leader."

I swallowed hard in memory of my former mentor, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by him. "Sev, the last time I saw Moody alive was the day we transferred Harry from Privet Drive to the Burrow. He already knew then that we were still friends, nevertheless he trusted me and _my_ judgement. I... whatever animosities there might have been between you and him, I guess that in the end he changed his mind. Damned!" I blinked back some treacherous tears. "Sometimes I still miss him. His death was a real loss."

"Indeed." He snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me in closely. I rested my head on his shoulder and together we stood like that for a while, holding us tight, mourning those who had died a long time ago, before our thoughts inevitably returned to the latest, tragic event. It dawned on me that although Sebastian was relatively safe at Malfoy Manor- after all, he was still in a magically induced sleep, therefore he didn't have to listen to his haughty cousin's drawl- it might be that others we considered friends were in danger of Yaxley's revenge. And the attack on Sebastian was nothing more but a spiteful, malicious way of getting back at Severus. Who was next?

"Will it ever end?" Taking a seat in one of the armchairs, he raked his hand through his lanky hair, looking extremely strained, almost defeated. "I'm so sick of living under threat, fearing for the ones that are close to me- I thought it could be different but apparently I was wrong, and I was a fool to believe my life could ever be peaceful. I should have known that dreams don't last; they always end, inevitably. Reality always catches up with you, but here I stand like an idealistic dreamer who ought to have known better. My life was never meant to be of untarnished joy or blissful happiness, all fluffy pink Pygmy Puffs and roses-"

"Fluffy pink Pygmy Puffs?" I chuckled as I sat down in his lap and took his hands in mine, kissing the tip of his nose. "Oh Sev, really..."

"Alright, my ideal of happiness does **not** include pink Pygmy Puffs but-"

I silenced him with a kiss before he could continue contemplating his life with scorn or succumb to self-doubts born out of insecurity. "Hey, let's just say life's a real bitch sometimes- especially now with Yaxley running free. There's no reason, though, to paint it all in black and white when there are so many different shades of grey." Looking out of the window I couldn't help but pull a face because it was raining again. Welcome to the _tristesse_ of a typical London day. I forced myself to smile and see the bright sight. "Well, but occasionally the sun does break through the clouds and then we can see all the hues of a rainbows."

"Pathetic." Severus mumbled as he pulled me in close, and I could feel the vibrating sensation of laughter building in his chest; it was wonderful while it lasted- alas not for very long. Nevertheless, the ghost of a smile remained in his eyes when he took my face in his hands, caressing my cheeks. "One day," he said almost reverently, "I will I look back at my life and there will be at least one decision I never regretted- albeit it was made to fit purely selfish reasons."

"You are entitled to some selfishness if that includes me being part of your life."

A low chuckle. "My bravest deed. It required more courage than I ever had to muster, searching the world for you, having the guts to say these three words..."

"Severus, you spied on the Dark Lord for years. You cannot possible suggest that risking your life was less scary than saying I love you."

"Don't underestimate the fear of rejection."

"Don't fear, ever." I kissed him gently. "Without you, my life would be in perfect misery. I'd be unbalanced, unhappy- still mistaking a good shag for intimacy. And I would still jeopardise my life in the daily routine of my job, all reckless and daring, because without you my life would be rather pointless."

Silently he stared at me for what felt like an eternity, then he leaned down to brush my lips with his, kissing me slowly, softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss while our hands seemed to have developed a mind of their own, touching and caressing each other. Finger exploring places they had already been to so many times, and yet it was with the eagerness of a discoverer charting unknown territories. The sensation of a hot mouth leaving trails of admiration on my naked skin in an almost worshipping way. Sighing with pleasure as the initially joyful laughter turned to aroused moans. Forever stunned by the way our bodies responded as if we were meant to be together like that, everything so familiar and yet so exciting. A moment of peace on a manic morning. It wasn't meant to last.

Yaxley and his minions were still out there, trying to make our life miserable. Who would be next on his personal vendetta in dealing with the traitor? I hated these thoughts popping up in my mind after we had just made love, and I knew I shouldn't bother with them right now but couldn't help either.

"What are we to do?" I asked vaguely, sounding frail.

Severus hugged me tightly and breathed a kiss on my temple before clearing his throat. "Mayhap Potter's idea of resurrecting the Order isn't that absurd- at least we shouldn't ignore it completely. I still doubt it makes sense but it certainly won't harm to hear what they have to say."

"So you want us to attend to their meeting later?"

"No. **I** will attend. I'm going to sit in the darkest corner, scowling at all the Gryffindor idiocy just like I did in the past. You, however, will stay away. You are too precious to me to see you rotting your life away in Azkaban as I am definite there is a severe sentence for roasting mother hens. I won't risk losing you because you can't hold your temper around Molly Weasley."

I wasn't generally an unforgiving person but he was right about Molly and I. I had not forgotten the disapproving glances and that fateful Christmas some years ago. It was definitely wiser to stay away from her.

Oh, she had tried to apologize after the war, after Severus had received his Order of the Merlin. It seemed she had needed that ultimate proof to finally believe we hadn't deceived the Order but it had been much too late for an apology then. And she still didn't like me, only wanted to act decently. No, I didn't need that...

"You won't lose me." I promised- but to keep that promise I would have to do more than just lounging in bed with him all day, giving in to our desires. Mind, I didn't feel guilty about spending some leisure time with my husband but it wasn't essentially productive, so eventually we had to part. I had to turn up at Auror headquarters, and Severus- well, I guessed he wouldn't prefer to stay in bed all day either. Wondering how we had ended up in our bedroom anyway, after snogging in the library...


	60. Durmstrang

60- Durmstrang

"Where've you been?" Severus asked in a dangerously calm tone the moment I walked into the bedroom. He had only returned home a few minutes prior.

"Dancing." I gave him a sweet kiss, sat on the bed and kicked off my high heels. They landed on the floor with a clatter.

"Dancing?"

"Yep." Was there a potion for sore feet? If not it had to be invented. "You told me not to wait for you, that it could be late because these meetings always drag on endlessly..."

"So you went _dancing_?"

"Yep." I smiled brightly at him which caused him to furrow his brows. The house had been so empty and quiet without him tonight so I had turned up the stereo, listening to some loud hard rock music. It hadn't helped much. Then I had decided to go out and give vent.

"I sent my Patronus to Auror headquarters when I came home and couldn't find you."

The same dangerously calm tone in his voice, sounding forbidding like the harbinger of anger that was soon about to break lose. His students had feared that tone. I, however, as if immune to danger, kissed his cheek.

"Oh, that's sweet of you, my love, but why didn't you ask Pinkie where I was? I told her I'd be at Gossips in Soho..."

"Did you have fun, darling?"

There was something odd about the way he said darling but I didn't bother and continued to strip, carelessly dropping my clothes to the floor. His clothes were neatly folded on a chair. Merlin bless house elves or my untidiness would have long meant the end of our marriage since he was always so controlled in almost everything he did. Fortunately not in bed...

"Yeah, it was Decadence night and the music was great; I danced all the time."

"Decadence indeed."

"The club night's called Decadence, silly. After all, it's Saturday."

Severus rolled his eyes. If I hadn't been so exhilarated I might have noticed that he was anything but pleased about my antics. Instead, I changed into a midnight blue negligee and gave him a bear hug. "Now tell me, Sev, how was the meeting?"

He scowled at me. "I am astounded that your head isn't too much in the clouds to bother with as tedious trivia as a meeting of the Order in times when escaped Death Eaters roam the country, seeking revenge. Of course it has not crossed your mind that your frivolous little escapade of thoughtlessly heading headfirst into nightlife could have possibly been reckless?"

"Nope."

"I believe that is an aftereffect of too much head banging, assuming it leaves the brain addled. And I thought you to be wiser."

I glanced at him slightly confused, then I realized what he had gotten wrong. "Oh no, I meant nope, it wasn't reckless- not nope, I hadn't considered my safety. Honestly, Sev," I cuddled up closer into his still unyielding arms, "do you believe Yaxley, Mulciber or any other of these cretins would go to a Muggle club where they play glam rock music? Besides, I secretly warded the door so that the fire alarm would be triggered by the Dark Mark."

Again he rolled his eyes but some of the anger searing inside of him seemed to ebb and his arms came around me a little tighter, now actually holding me in his embrace. He heaved a sigh, probably pondering what he had done to deserve me, the bane of his existence. Sometimes being with me must feel like purgatory to him due to my antics. We were so different and yet there was love between us. Quite a lot of love, in fact, or he wouldn't have been able to abide my behaviour for so long. Perhaps, only perhaps, it even amused him. Occasionally, at least.

"Insufferable witch," he whispered in my hair, barely audible. Nevertheless there was something in his voice that spoke of understanding, as though he really seemed to understand why I had gone out dancing. Those past weeks had been hard, exhausting, not only physically because of the stress at work, but even more mentally due to the constant threat we were under. The attack on Sebastian had only proven our vulnerability, rubbing our noses in the fact that no matter how well protected we were, Yaxley could still get back at us by tormenting those that were close to us. And although I felt for Sebastian- as well as for Sam, who was going through his own personal hell of fear- or mayhap because of all that, I had needed to break away from the daily routine and seek distraction, going dancing in the Muggle world.

"So how was the Order meeting?" I asked him again after kissing his temple.

"Annoying," Severus broke our embrace to Summon a bottle of wine and fill two glasses; I was so thirsty I drained mine like water- after all, I had been dancing for hours- before I urged him to continue. He heaved a sigh. "Imagine a pack of Gryffindorks united at a table, besting each other with brainless remarks."

"So I haven't missed much?"

"Well, Alice Longbottom gave quite an impressive performance."

"Really?" Alice was known to be a tad weird- you couldn't blame her for that given that she had spent many year in the closed ward- and she was always good for a surprise. Just like her recovery had been quite a surprise. "I wouldn't have expected her to participate- what did she do"

"I assume they only let her participate out of nostalgia, because she had been a member of the original Order, and actually it was more what she _said_." Severus smirked in reminiscence. "It sort of bursted the meeting..."

I was becoming a tad fidgety now, eager to hear what Alice had said. Sometimes I had to drag every single word out of him and he was even enjoying my impatience. His smirk deepened and he was toying with the delicate strap of my nightie now, as if pondering whether he should pull it down my naked shoulder. I slapped his fingers. "Severus!"

Was that his revenge for me having gone out dancing, leaving me in the dark?

"Look at me."

Our eyes locked and he made me share his memory...

_I had never seen the Leaky Cauldron that empty, only one large table was occupied by the members of the Orders while the rest of the pub was covered in darkness. Severus sat in the shadows looking bored- well, __**I **__knew he was bored because these were his memories even if his face was actually inscrutable, not giving away any emotion. He seemed to listen closely though._

_Then I spotted Alice, looking quite pretty tonight, her face no longer gaunt, her hair dyed in a soft hazel shade, and she seemed to not pay any attention to the conversation at the table. Apparently lost in thoughts and humming a tune I identified as Robbie Williams'. Dear Merlin._

_Suddenly she rose and went to the kitchen, still humming,_

_'And then I go and spoil it all_

_By saying something stupid...'_

_She came back with a tray of drinks she unceremoniously placed on the table, sat down again, and said with a soft, almost dreamy voice, "Mindless chitchat, tattle, idle talk. Fair is foul and foul is fair. Nitwits. Dunderheads. Fools- all of you. Remember the scars of the foolishness of our youth, faded but never healed."_

_Molly reached out to benevolently pat Alice's hand. "Yes, my dear, we all know you've had a hard time."_

_Alice pulled her hand back as though the touch had been electrifying. "Oh, you don't understand," her voice was still soft. "This meeting is a complete waste of time and effort. Balderdash. Hogwash. Leave it to trained and qualified Aurors this time. The phoenix has flown away, there is no more Order of the Phoenix."_

_While everyone stared in shock at Alice, Severus clapped his hands, applauding her. Sneering at the crowd of Gryffindors from the dark corner where he was sitting..._

"That ended the meeting quite soon." His voice in the here and now severed the mental connection between us, and when I looked at him I saw only him instead of a memory of him. Which was good, since you couldn't wrap your arms around a memory.

"She's right, ain't she?" I asked. "It should be Auror business to solve this mess we are in."

"Probably," he mumbled, but it was quite obvious he wasn't in the mood to discuss something as tedious as an Order meeting when my negligee was so much more interesting. The flimsy lace that covered my breasts, the thin straps that held it in place- his fingertips grazed my skin ever so slightly when he finally pulled it down, inch after inch, his lips following the trace his fingers left on my skin, still warm from dancing. And who was I to ever resist temptation?

-

"Do you happen to know the headmaster of Durmstrang?" I asked the next morning at breakfast.

"Yuri Siderov," Severus replied from behind his newspaper, then he put it down, drank a sip of coffee and watched me expectantly. "What devious plan is that wicked mind of yours plotting now?"

"I thought I might try it from a different angle for a change and find out something about dear Kenny. Since he hasn't visited Hogwarts it is fair to assume he attended Durmstrang Institute. Therefore I wondered whether you might know the headmaster there."

He folded the paper and put it away for good, a sly smirk twitching his lips. "An interesting idea, I must say, and even more since it is nine o'clock on a Sunday morning. Are you feeling alright, my dearest wife?"

I chuckled and leaned over the table to breathe a kiss upon his lips. "Don't give me cheek, sweetheart. I hadn't had my second cup of coffee yet and could still turn into a blood-lusting harpy."

"If I may correct you, it would be a coffee-lusting harpy since something as mundane as blood could hardly quench your matutinal desires."

"Speaking of desires, I hope you are well aware of why I am up that early on a Sunday morning?" He had woken me with all his morning glory pressed against me, kissing my neck; his lips nibbling, his clever fingers teasing me. It was a nice way to wake up, feeling loved and desired. And it was so cute to see him blushing now. "Anyway," I smirked, not allowing the fond memory to get the better of me or we would end up in bed again (or on the kitchen table, that is), "I actually came up with the idea last night while dancing-"

Now Severus arched a quizzical brow at me.

"You know, love, dancing to good music can be quite inspiring, especially if you don't expect it and just let your thoughts roam free. So, back to Siderov. What else do you know about him but his name?"

"Not much; I only met him once or twice. It was different with his predecessor, though- Igor Karkaroff- since we were both members of the... um, fraternity... at the same time."

"I take it that Siderov wasn't a Death Eater?" I asked him point-blank. Why mincing my words?

Severus replied in the same outright tone, "No, he never took the Mark. But he he clearly shared the same ideas about pureblood supremacy and was at least ideologically supportive to the cause."

"Hm," I mused about that for a moment and Severus glanced at me as if he had already figured me out.

"I reckon you intend to pay Durmstrang Institute a visit?"

"Yes, but I have to talk to Kingsley first. I need a warrant issued by the Russian Minister of Magic asking Mr Siderov for cooperation in our current investigation. Unfortunately I cannot simply storm into his office at Durmstrang and demand answers- bloody politics." I rose and kissed him briefly before I left the kitchen, heading to the fireplace in the library.

Was it a decent time to firecall the Minister of Magic? Well, he was using me so I guessed it was appropriate to use him for a change. If he wanted to see the Yaxley case solved satisfactorily he'd better help me solving it, even on a Sunday morning.

After a moment Kingsley answered my call, and though he was trying to appear polite, he listened to my request rather impatiently, as if he wanted to get rid of me as soon as possible. Was he hiding something from me?

"I will see to it but it might take a while," he told me brusquely and was about to close the Floo connection when I put my proverbial foot in the door.

"I don't mind waiting for a few minutes. I'll come over, if that's alright to you." Before he could say 'No' I had already stepped into the flames and was drawn by magical source straight into Kingsley Shacklebolt's living room.

"Oh, hello Miss Foster," I chirped cheerfully at the sight of Laura Foster, the blond-haired MI5 special agent. Now that was interesting. What was she doing here, early on a Sunday morning?

"Special agent Foster was so kind to inform me of some odd occurrences in... er, Derbyshire," Kingsley strived to explain Miss Foster's presence in his house, but he couldn't fool me. There were two cups on the coffee table. Of course, a polite man would always offer a woman a cup of tea or coffee when she came to visit on a Sunday morning though that didn't explain the crumbs on the table. Evidence of a cosy breakfast for two, quickly cleaned away upon my arrival with _Evanesco_. And even a less observant person would have noticed that there was something amiss in her usually impeccable appearance. She was dressed in a navy-blue suit and white blouse, but said blouse was inaccurately buttoned today- as though she had been in great haste- and her usually neat bun looked kind of dishevelled; some strands of blonde hair had come loose, framing her face. Now add to that her slightly swollen lips and you read the signs of passion.

Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minster for Magic, was having an affair with MI5 special agent Laura Foster, a Muggle.

I smirked slyly. Knowledge was power, and the Slytherin within me embraced that knowledge for it could mean the end of Kingsley's political career. Although the wizarding after-war society was tolerant towards relationships between wizards and Muggles, that general benevolence could change and even cause a scandal because it was not appropriate for the Minister for Magic to date a Muggle.

"I will keep you informed about the occurrences in, er, Derby," Miss Foster picked up her briefcase and headed for the door.

"Thank you very much, Miss Foster."

Now that really gave Kingsley away. I knew he usually called her by her first name, it was always Laura and never Miss Foster, and the sudden formality was even more telltale than her confusing Derbyshire with Derby. It wasn't quite the same.

"So what happened in Derby?" I asked, trying to keep amusement out of my voice.

"Oh, um... a haunted mine- the Muggles said it was haunted but... um, it shaped up as some Muggle teenagers having a party there..."

That was lame. Fortunately an angry cough from the fireplace spared us more embarrassment as the head of Dmitri Jelzin, the Russian Minister for Magic and indeed related to the former Muggle president (they also seemed to share a certain fondness for vodka), popped up in the flames.

"Good day, _tovarish _Shacklebolt. What can I do for you today?"

Kingsley, visibly relieved that he didn't have to come up with more stories, stated his request and a minute later I held the required warrant in my hand. Then, as if he couldn't wait to get rid of me, Kingsley almost urging me towards the fireplace. Perhaps Miss Foster was still lurking outside his house, waiting until the coast was clear again.

I, however, was wearing a smug smile on my face when I entered our kitchen where Severus was once more reading the papers. He seemed to have grown quite an interest in the _Sunday Times_, I noticed.

"I have him by the balls!" I stated cheerfully.

A dark eyebrow formed a delicate arch over the edge of the newspaper. "I beg your pardon?" In a rustle he put the _Sunday Times_ down. "Who do you have 'by the balls'? The idea in itself is slightly unsettling, actually."

"Only literally, Sev," I snatched the paper out of his hands and sat on his lap, my arms snaking around his neck as I gave him a gentle kiss. Then I told him what I just had found out. The Slytherin side of me was keen to use that knowledge to my advantage while a softer side of me protested against it. After all Kingsley was sort of a friend and the idea he had found his perfect match in Laura Foster would have made me happy- if not... well, I wasn't in denial that he **was** using me, my worries, my fears, my experience in order to get the Yaxley case solved. He had sold our friendship for the sake of his political career, a slave to the public opinion. Cowing to their illusions about the boy wonder.

I wouldn't spread the news, though. At least not now. Severus had the right to know in case- hell, there was no use in beating around the bush- in case something happened to me. We lived under threat, no point in denying that. And yet, I wanted to solve the case for my own satisfaction. Therefore I hoped to find some clues at Durmstrang Institute.

The Portkey- an empty wine bottle- was already set and was waiting to be activated. But when I grabbed for it, Severus slapped my hand. I gave him a frown which he returned, eying me from head to toe.

"Do you honestly consider it wise to appear at Durmstrang sporting Muggle clothes? They don't even accept Muggle-born students there, so I mightily doubt headmaster Siderov will be supportive to a witch clad in Muggle attire."

Sometimes he managed to make me feel like an idiot. Surreptitiously I looked down at me. I was wearing high-heeled boots, faded blue jeans and a black cashmere jumper under a fake leopard fur coat.

"You will have to wear robes." Severus insisted, and with that my stubbornness increased.

"No way! I won't dress up for a pure-blood supremacist." I hated wearing robes. They just didn't look good on me. I had a warrant asking for cooperation, signed by the Russian Minister for Magic- Yuri Siderov would _**have**_ to answer my questions whether he liked it or not, no matter how I was dressed.

"Insufferable witch! You decidedly are the bane of my existence!" Severus huffed as he Summoned his travelling cloak and chose to accompany me, since apparently he didn't deem me capable of coaxing information from Siderov.

I smirked. Every minute spent with my husband was quality time even if that landed us in the wilderness of Northern Europe, in the Russian Republic of Karelia to be more precise. Bordering in the west with Finland, it was a land of myths and fairy-tales, the most prominent the national epic of Finland, the Kalevala, about a shamanistic hero with the magical power of song and music.

It was also a land of many lakes, and the castle ahead of us was situated near the shore of one of the biggest in Europe, the Lake Ladoga. Although the castle itself wasn't as big and impressive as Hogwarts, Durmstrang's grounds were wider, larger- and completely hidden from Muggle eyes. Students on brooms were zooming the skies, unbeknownst to the tourists that visited the main island of the Valaam archipelago in the northern portion of the lake, where monks lived in an old monastery.

Probably it was the feeling as if a hook in my navel was jerking me forwards and my insides out that always make me feel so nauseous when travelling by Portkey-or it was the dizzying swirl of colours. However, I was glad we arrived in the relative shelter of some birch trees and not in view of nosy students.

Severus rolled his eyes while I tried to calm my stomach but his voice was soft. "Are you alright?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm fine."

"Why can you not get used to Portkey travel like every decent witch?"

"Darling, you know I'm not a decent witch."

"Indeed." His eyes took in my appearance with a wry smirk curling up his lips. He never complained about the way I dressed but tolerated my quirks. Now he frowned slightly. "I am still wondering, though, how your lack of decency and proper decorum will help you to convince a haughty pure-blood headmaster to cooperate with you."

"Oh, well first of all he has to cooperate if he doesn't want to piss off Minister Jelzin." I linked arms with Severus and together we left the shelter of the trees, approaching the castle. Frost crunched under our feet. "Second," I continued, "Siderov, regardless of his blood status, is just a man- I hope he isn't like Dumbledore, is he?- and third, just in case everything else fails, we can still persuade him with a nice little Confundus Spell or the subtle help of Legilimency."

"I am not certain I like the idea behind your second point."

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

Severus looked at me as if precisely that was what he doubted but I merely snuggled up closer to him, glad for my cuddly warm Muggle coat. The wind was bitter cold; Karelia was further north than London and it was already winter here.

A few students we met on our way gave me odd glances. Some of them even said rather unkind things about Muggles in general and Muggle clad blood traitors in particular but Severus silenced them quite quickly with his infamous glares. He really had a knack with kids. I smiled fondly at him although I couldn't have cared less about what some pure-blood brats thought of me.

He pushed open the big front door of Durmstrang Institute and, always the gentleman, held it open for me. I entered the cold and dimly lit entrance hall, shuddering. Hogwarts in winter was definitely warmer although these old castles were always slightly chilly. You could cast as many heating spells as possible but Muggle central heating was simply more effective. Well, we didn't have to stay long.

The caretaker of Durmstrang Institute approached us, a hideous hag who looked like she had a good amount of goblin blood in her veins. She held her head lopsided, perhaps because she only had one eye and was wearing a patch on the other. Just like a pirate, but unlike a pirate she had a raven sitting on her shoulder. The bird spread its wings and cawed welcoming at me, which seemed to warm the caretaker. In a voice that resembled her familiar she introduced herself as Miss Fulla Gornuksdóttir. The name sounded slightly goblin, too.

I left it to Severus to introduce us and state our request but apparently Miss Gornuksdóttir was already informed about our arrival.

"The headmaster is awaiting you." She told us, then led the way to the only tower of the castle. As we walked the cold and barren corridors I involuntarily had to think of Gellert Grindelwald. Many years ago he had carved 'his' symbol- that of the Deathly Hallows- into the walls of this castle, and it was still there. Perhaps the only thing left of the dirty old man who had rotted his life away in Nurmengard, who had shown remorse for the atrocious deeds he had committed in his youth and who had died redeemed (at least in my eyes) by defying Voldemort. I couldn't help but still feel a tad sorry for him...

I was torn out of my reverie when we reached a door that was about ten meters above the floor. Gornuksdóttir pressed her long, dark goblin fingers on a stone and mumbled a password. Immediately the floor started to move, lifting us up towards the door which opened automatically for us to step into the headmaster's office.

The room was lit my candles and the orange glow of burning embers in a fireplace. Although we were in a tower high above Durmstrang's grounds, almost no natural light fell in; the only window was heavily curtained. But at least it was pleasantly warm.

A man rose from his desk, tall and athletic, broad-shouldered, blond-haired with pale blue eyes. Clad in the finest robes, rimmed with ermine. Wearing a haughty expression on his face as he stretched out his right hand in a welcoming gesture, but soon froze in his movement and dropped his hand again, staring blankly at the witch dressed in Muggle attire and the Traitor in front of him. I must admit, though, he managed to conceal his initial repugnance quite well.

"Ah, Professorrr Snape and his charrming wife, I assume? What a pleasurrre," Yuri Siderov purred, offering us a seat on a plushy sofa near the fireplace while he sat on an armchair opposite of us. He didn't, however, make another attempt to shake our hands. "Minister Jelzin himself informed me you wished to speak to me? How can I help you, dearrest frriends? May I spoil you with the proverrbial and forrmidable Russian hospitality? A tiny little sip of Vodka perrhaps? Orr some tea?"

He pointed to an old samovar that was rusting in a corner of his office, clearly not used that often while the Vodka bottle seemed to come to his hand quite quickly. I grinned surreptitiously. Some men were so easy to figure out.

"Well, frankly," I opted for being blunt or he would probably butter us up to no ends, each word purred with long, rolling rrs that wouldn't get us anywhere, "I merely would like to know everything about a former student of yours. Kenneth Mulciber junior."

"I am afraid, dearr Madam Snape, that name is not familiar to me." His answer came a little too quickly for my liking; it was obvious he was lying to me.

"Ach," I pouted, blinking my lashes at him. Severus groaned inwardly but let me have my way with Siderov, although his scowl turned even darker. "And if I'd beg you think about it again, dear Yuri?"

Siderov tried to keep his expression carefully guarded, but I could see his mind reeling in his pale blue eyes. He wasn't good at occluding his thoughts, pondering what he should tell us.

"I understand it must be hard to remember every single student when there are so many that have attended this honourable school." I smiled brightly at Severus. "Isn't it exceptionally kind of the good man that he spends his previous time trying to help us?"

"Indeed."

If my dear husband wondered what I was up to he didn't show it. I addressed Siderov again. "Mayhap the name Kenneth MacDonald has a more familiar ring to you?"

He couldn't deny it any longer. "Ah, Kenneth _MacDonald_? Yes, I do recall that name. Good student, verry prromising. Excelled in Potions and the Darrk- ahem, Defence against the Darrrk Arrts."

It was common knowledge that the students learned the Dark Arts at Durmstrang so I really saw no point in him trying to pretend otherwise.

"He also was an extremely talented Quidditch player. Not as superb as Viktor Krum- you do know Viktor Krum, don't you? He is a famous international Quidditch champion."

Although Siderov was trying to digress now he had involuntarily given me some valuable information by mentioning Viktor Krum. I had met him at Bill and Fleur's wedding, he was still a friend of Hermione Granger- and he was about the same age as Mulciber junior. They might have even been in the same year at Durmstrang...

"I am not much of a sport person but I think I heard of Viktor Krum. He played for Romania in the Quidditch World Cup some years ago, didn't he?"

"Bulgarrria." Siderov corrected me as benevolently as if he wasn't even expecting a witch to know all the subtle (cough!) facts about Quidditch. Then he glanced at Severus. "It was a memorrable final, wasn't it?"

He was so much more at ease with us when he could talk about Quidditch- I knew Siderov used to be a professional player in his youth (I didn't come here totally unprepared)- and Severus played along quite nicely. Both of them strictly avoided to mention the Dark Mark that had burned the sky after the final.

Meanwhile I casually shrugged the heavy coat off my shoulders, revealing a black cashmere jumper that accentuated my curves quite nicely. Needless to say that that caught Siderov's attention. His eyes goggled, looking rather ugly, but at least he managed to not drool- probably by reminding himself that the sight presented to him was not what a superior pure-blood should enjoy. After all, I was merely a half-blood clad in Muggle clothes. But men- wizards as well as Muggles- were so very predictable when it came to female attractions that they failed to think clearly, and I was much too manipulative in my own wicked ways to not take advantage of that. Blinking my eyes at him once more I chirped, "Oh, that is truly so very fascinating! I wished I had been in England to watch that final! But in all enthusiasm about it, let's not forget the reason of our visit- dear Yuri, I would so very much like to see Kenny's file."

I had almost managed to catch him off guard, alas he got a grip on himself in time and said hesitantly, "I am inconsolable, dearr Madam, but the regulations on the behalf of students do not allow that..."

"Couldn't you make the tiniest exception to that rule? For me?"

Siderov wasn't immune to the pleading eyes of a woman, but flirting with him was just a means to an end. It wasn't my fault he still believed himself irresistible because he had played Quidditch in his youth- perhaps the Bludger had hit him once too often...

"Well... um, I guess allowing you a little glance can not possible harrrm anyone, can it?"

He waved his wand and Summoned the requested file from wherever it was stored in the castle. A moment later I held it in my hands.

"I am certain you don't mind my wife taking it along for thorough study?" Severus asked suddenly, his voice all silky but with a sharp edge.

Siderov was so focussed on me that he seemed to have almost forgotten that Severus was also present, and he raised his head to glance at my husband- something happened with his eyes then. They looked clouded and there was a strange expression on his face.

"Of courrse. Take it along, dearrr Madam Snape, take it along."

I arched a quizzical brow at Severus who gestured me to take the file and leave, a malicious little smirk tucking at his lips. Apparently he had opted to use the Confundus charm on Siderov and put an end to my flirting. Well, I didn't mind.

_-_

"I cannot believe you actually flirted so shamelessly with that brainless oaf!" Severus accused me when we were back home.

I moved closer to him and cupped his face in my hands, brushing his lips with mine. "No, Sev, not shamelessly- manipulatively. And I wasn't even flirting with him but made him _believe_ I was flirting with him because I wanted that file."

"I sincerely hope it was worth the trouble."

"Well, we'll see." I sat on the sofa and picked up the folder, skimming through the pages of Kenneth Mulciber junior's academic career. He had indeed excelled in the Dark Arts and been in Durmstrang's Quidditch team, along with Viktor Krum. There was a photograph that showed them together with the rest of the team, waving and smiling.

Severus looked over my shoulder, sneering. "Although I am a firm believer of knowledge is power , I fail to see how knowing of his Quidditch talents will help on the investigation."

"Don't be so pessimistic. Every bit of information we can gather is valuable." I reached up to ruffle his hair as I flipped over to the next page which contained more information about Kenny's background. My eyes grew wide. "Oh, did you know Kenny is distantly related to Igor Karkaroff?"

"All pure-blood families are interrelated."

"Yeah, sure- but how many of them have relatives in Russia they visited during summer holidays?"

Now that piqued his interest. We stared at each other as it dawned upon us that Russian relatives would inevitably possess houses in Russia, and if said relatives were supportive to Voldemort's cause that meant their houses could possibly be hide-outs for escapes Death Eaters. And the Russian connection did also explain where Yaxley and consorts had gotten their new wands from.

According to the file, Kenny had not only spent his holidays with Vladimir Karkaroff and his wife Ann (apparently Mary's aunt) in a tiny wizarding village north of St Petersburg, but his Russian relatives were also the ones where all his letters from school had been sent to. He had hardly ever left Russia until the summer of 95 when he had been given special permission to visit a 'family meeting' just before the end of term. It was the year of Voldemort's return. Had Kenny joined his ranks then?

Severus thought that likely. Despite having been a master spy he had never met each and every one of the Death Eaters unmasked, probably because he had spent too much time at Hogwarts, allegedly spying on Dumbledore. And the Dark Lord had not shared his secrets with anyone, not even with his most loyal followers. Therefore it was possible that Kenny had indeed joined his ranks, if not that summer then definitely the following October when he had come of age.

But we had no time to ponder these eventualities now when time was precious, not to be wasted. I had to rally a team of Aurors and pay Vladimir Karkaroff a polite visit, checking on who he was harbouring in his house- before dear Yuri Siderov could come to his senses again and warn him.

* * *

a/n: I have no idea if in 2004 Decadence was still held at Gossips, but have fond memories of that place the last time I was in London, 1999.

Durmstrang is supposed to have extensive grounds with mountains and lakes. Nevertheless I situated it in Karelia, an area divided between Finland and Russia. Many lakes but no mountains. It is of mythological importance, though, being the home of the Kalevala, the national epic of Finland. The main character is Väinämöinen, a shamanistic hero with the magical power of song and music. I thought it was the perfect place for a wizarding school.

Thanks for reading. Reviews will always make me happy so please don't hesitate.


	61. Confessions

61- Confessions

I maliciously enjoyed bothering Kingsley for a second time this Sunday, once again he had to talk to the Russian Minister for Magic because we needed another warrant. Unfortunately I could not lead a team of Aurors into Russia and simply arrest the Karkaroffs, or bring them to Auror headquarters for interrogation. But Kingsley pressed matters, urging us to go even before the warrant was issued since there was danger in delay. I heartily agreed to that. He would deal with Minister Jelzin, knowing that every European Ministry was keen to put an end to Death Eater activities.

Our raid was a success. Although we did not find any of the escaped Death Eaters, we took the Karkaroffs by surprise and they put up no fight. But the best was that we made quite a pretty catch in their modest house since no other but Mary MacDonald was with them. Apparently she had fled straight to Russia the day Severus had seen her and her son outside the Ministry's staff entrance.

Via Portkey we took them all to Auror headquarters. Vladimir Karkaroff- who pretended to not understand English although he was married to an English witch- Ann, his wife, Kristina, their youngest daughter, and Mary MacDonald/Mulciber. I was still to find out which family name she preferred as I was particularly keen to interrogate her.

What made a noble Gryffindor fall in love with an evil Slytherin?

The answer was very simple- jealousy. But I'm jumping ahead now, so first things first.

"Hello, Mary," I decided to address her by her given name in an attempt to make things a bit more familiar between us, not like an interrogation. After all, we went to school together, had been in the same year. There weren't many of us left. I thought she might like a relaxed atmosphere but apparently I was wrong. She refused to accept the truce I was offering her and stubbornly persisted on being uncooperative, giving me spiteful glances.

"My name is Mary Mulciber. I was born on the third of February, 1960."

That was all she said and her answer didn't vary even when I asked her if she'd like a glass of water.

"My name is Mary Mulciber. I was born on the third of February, 1960."

_Just like Avery._

"Yes, I know that now. My hearing is quite acute actually, thanks a lot." I had to be patient with her although patience was not my greatest virtue. Mayhap I should use Legilimency on her? Well, perhaps later. "You are aware that your lack of support doesn't get you anywhere, Mary, aren't you?"

She sneered. "I do not intend to be helpful to someone of your kind."

Oh, so she could say something else. Wonderful. "Of my kind?"

"Wife of a filthy traitor! Disgrace of the wizarding race! Look at yourself- you look like a Muggle."

Indeed, the difference between us couldn't have been greater. She was dressed in traditional wizarding robes and although we were of the same age she looked much older, worn out and haggard.

"Well, I can't help but notice that the years have not been kind to you, Mary, so perhaps you shouldn't condemn everything Muggle. Beauty parlours are a wonderful thing- oh, and having a husband not in Azkaban or on the run is also helpful for not aging before one's time. It must be really stressful for the skin, leading a double life?"

"I sacrificed my life for the cause."

"Ah, apparently not quite yet or we wouldn't have this charming conversation."

Again she sneered as though she obviously did not consider our conversation charming. Dear Mary had no sense of humour but what else to expect from a Death Eater's wife? Strange, I remembered her being quite a cheerful young girl once and I guessed that nurturing on all that pureblood idiocy could only turn you bitter, joyless. She definitely had not been born with a stick up her ass.

"I will not betray the cause. I am not a traitor like your abominable husband."

I chose to ignore the insult.

"If you want answer you will have to use Veratiserum on me," Mary continued haughtily, sounding as resolute as if she feared nothing.

Now that was interesting.

"Mary, Mary, do not tempt me," I chided her teasingly, smiling sweetly. "Come on, between the two of us be both know that you consider yourself immune to it, isn't it so? At least that is what I assume Yaxley told you when he made you drink that potion."

She didn't answer but from the defiant sparkle in her eyes I could tell that that was precisely what he had told her.

"Let me hazard a guess- he said you won't be _able_ to answer questions under the influence of Veratiserum?"

Her eyes betrayed her even though she tried to conceal her emotions behind a mask of cool arrogance. It merely hid her insecurity. I had studied Severus' mien for years and he was a master in faking indifference, so she couldn't fool me. _Did she know what happened to Avery?_

When Mary refused to answer my latest question, I thought that probably she had to learn it the hard way. I Summoned the pictures the wizarding coroners had taken of the charred remains of Woodrow Avery, born on the sixteenth of November, 1959, and tossed them to her so she could view them in all their glory. Although I was quite a tough bitch they made me feel sick; I believed they might have an even stronger effect on her, and indeed, she blanched visibly. Still she tried to keep her mien guarded.

"You do realize that the potion Yaxley gave you made you immune to Veratiserum in very wicked way? It is true, though, that you won't be able to answer any questions under the influence of Veratiserum- simply because you'll be too busy going up in flames. Is that what you want, Mary? To burn alive from the opposing effects of two potions igniting you from the inside?"

"I am not afraid to die for the cause." A stereotyped answer, one you would expect of any loyal Death Eater. And yet, the steel seemed to have left her voice when being confronted with the pictures she tried so hard to not look at.

"Alright, so you are not afraid to die, very well." Provocatively I picked up the most ghastly one and held it in front of her eyes. She blinked hard but couldn't avoid viewing it. "Well, let me phrase it differently- is that what you want your husband to end up like? Or your son? Would you like to be ordered to the Ministry in order to identify a smouldering heap of burned flesh and charred bones as the remains of your beloved husband or son?"

Mary surprised me when she thumped the table with her fist. "DON'T. YOU. DARE!"

Now that was quite an emotional outburst, sounding rather shrill and even a tad desperate.

"You know nothing- absolutely NOTHING!"

"Well," I said casually, knowing she was about to break soon, "care to fill me in, then?"

"Do you have ANY idea what it was like? At Hogwarts? I am from one of the oldest wizarding families in Britain. I was raised in the belief that attending to Hogwarts would be the beginning of a wonderful life. Everyone would admire me because I was pretty and smart and of pure blood- but apparently that wasn't enough. It wasn't enough that my blood was pure, that I was pretty and smart. No matter how hard I tried, _She_ was always more popular. _She_ always got the better marks. _She_ took the place I deserved. **I **should have been prefect and head girl, the Gryffindor princess, the one that all the guys fancied... Not _her_. Not a Muggle-born, a **Mudblood**. But no, everyone- EVERYONE- had a crush on _**her**_ instead. Bloody Lily Evans! Even that oddball you married- greasy, little Snivellus- fancied her!"

"Don't try to assuage your insane jealousy by insulting my husband," I huffed, and while a part of me understood her- hell, I knew jealousy, I knew too damned well the feeling of only being second best- I nevertheless could not tolerate the road she had taken... out of jealousy. That was just so... absurd. As far as I remembered Mary had been close to Lily, sitting together at meals, walking to classes together.

"I thought you were friends," I whispered lamely.

"Friends? I beg your pardon. Evans had no friends. Evans had admirers, and when I refused to admire her any longer she dropped me just like she dropped little Snivellus."

"But what about the oh-so-evil thing Mulciber tried to do to you?"

"It was a laugh, really."

"Was it?" Well, Severus had said the same, then. And I liked to believe him although I still hadn't found out what curse Mulciber had used on Mary. Perhaps it didn't matter. Perhaps Lily had been overreacting, deeming herself the moral compass for all of Hogwarts...

"Boys will always be boys, and Kenneth and I knew each other long before Hogwarts. He- my Ken- was the only one who never fell for her flimflam, the only one in our year who wasn't infatuated with Evans."

"Now that really sounds like the beginning of the greatest love story ever told."

"It was!"

"That's why you kept it hidden, I suppose?"

"Our families bear an old grudge due to insurmountable political issues..."

"Please spare me the tragic Romeo and Juliet tale of the wizarding world."

Mary stared at me enquiringly - clearly she had never heard of Shakespeare- before she continued, ignoring my interjection. "_My_ family would not have approved to a relationship. Of course, they would have liked to see me marrying a pureblood but unlike the Mulcibers, who followed the good old traditional ways, they were Mudblood loving fools. Our Dark Lord, however, sought to see to it that no Mudblood would ever soil the wizarding race-"

"Bullshit!" I cut her off, not willing to believe my own ears. Or refusing to believe it. Whatever. So she had opted to share the ideology of a raving lunatic and cruel master because she- because _her_ dreams of being a little princess had gone up in smoke? Because Lily Evans was more... _popular_? Merlin help me- or her in that case- but that was even more depraved than the ideals of the madman she had joined.

"I was very proud when Ken introduced me to the Dark Lord. His cause was the most noble-"

"He killed and tortured, spread terror even among his own followers- and you call that noble?"

"Casualties are unavoidable in a war, and sometimes people need to be ruled by a hard hand to see the errors of their ways. Lord Voldemort offered the wizarding race a great chance to purify itself and fools like my family failed to take it."

I thought she was mistaking purification with inbreeding which would have only created generations of asinine nitwits, incapable of intelligent speech. Perfect follower, indeed. But I didn't intend to discuss politics with Mary since that would have been quite futile. I was more interested in her personal life.

"So why have you not made a clean break with your foolish family, told them to kiss your arse, and married the love of your life instead?" I enquired.

"Oh, but I did marry him." Mary told me with unconcealed pride. "Lord Voldemort himself wedded us before Kenny was born, and he even granted us the honour of becoming his godfather when he baptized him."

It was probably useless to remind her that good old Tom Snakeface hadn't had the authority to make their marriage a legal one, and I really didn't want to imagine him baptizing a child in... what- blood? Gore? Venom? The very idea was so unsettling that I had to light a cigarette while Mary frowned with disgust at my Muggle vice.

"So you are married to him secretly," I concluded, slightly provocatively,"because you didn't want to give up your family for dear Ken and your fair ideals?"

"Tut!" She huffed indignantly. "I couldn't care less about a bunch of blood-traitors that severed ties with and disinherited my aunt Ann for marrying a Karkaroff, only because they knew of Igor's loyal allegiance to the fraternity. No- my family," Mary made it sound like a profanity, "was too useful to give up. The Dark Lord thought it convenient to keep them as an invaluable source of information about everything that went on at the Ministry; he even insisted that I accepted the position as a secretary in the Department of Mysteries. In hindsight it was a wise decision, of course, although at that time I would have preferred to fight for our cause."

"You would have preferred to kill and torture Muggles and Muggleborns?"

Mary didn't answer that questions but glanced at me as if saying, 'why not?'. I must admit I hadn't expected her to be that cold-blooded.

"So you worked as a spy instead?" Voldemort had had a spy at Hogwarts- of course he would have had one at the Ministry, too. Someone, in addition, who was a loyal supporter to his cause and not as slippery a follower as Lucius was. And apparently it had worked quite well for more than twenty-five years now. No one had ever suspected her, the grandniece of old Thaddeus MacDonald (her parents had died in the first war and I doubted she mourned them) since his reputation was impeccable. A fact she had used ruthlessly by infiltrating the Ministry with kindred spirits, especially in the second war.

Another thought struck me. "Am I right to assume it was you to whom I owe the dubious pleasure of having been sent to Southern Patagonia?"

She smiled smugly and I almost felt flattered thinking she had considered me a respectable risk, while she had arranged the most delicate phase in her devious plan of springing her husband from jail.

Mary MacDonald was a cool, calculative witch, and although she was motivated by love, her love was depraved. It sickened me- mayhap because it was born out of uncalled-for, unreasonable jealousy. I wasn't immune to that either, and I would never mind some good Lily-bashing, but I sincerely believed my reasons for disliking her weren't as profane as hers. I had never yearned to be head girl, or princess, or that everybody fancied me; my animosity was grounded in how she had treated Severus. But under no circumstances **ever** would that have made me hate all Muggleborns- just because of Lily Evans- let alone joining the ranks of a megalomaniac half-blood tyrant who strived to be the Hitler of the wizarding world.

And yet she had longed for Voldemort's return, her hope for a better life that had been thwarted by the turncoat. She still gushed about the Dark Lord and the great plans he had had for her son. How much hatred and blind fanaticism must be in a woman, a mother, to willingly offer her only child to that snake-faced monster?

Severus had dreaded his comeback. I didn't even want to try and fathom what the years between the Dark Lord's rebirth and his final defeat must have been like for him- I had only caught a brief glance at his life as a spy and that had been unsettling enough. Still, she longed for a strong leader who could replace him and his aim to rid the world of all Muggleborns, and she thought she had found that in Yaxley, hoping for a new Dark Lord to rise.

He couldn't be worse than Voldemort, though. Yaxley wasn't indestructible, not immortal. When everything else failed we could still feed him Veratiserum.

Naturally, Mary clammed up when I asked her more concrete questions about Yaxley's plans and his whereabouts. All of a sudden she pretended to be the innocent, unknowing and uninformed wife of Kenneth Mulciber. What a charade. She was a clever witch but easily to predict. Unfortunately I couldn't force her to cooperate, still having Avery's spontaneous combustion in mind. I didn't want to lose another important witness.

Wearily I rubbed my eyes and decided to call it a day. Mary sneered at me, probably feeling slightly victorious. Well, she was wrong. I hadn't given up yet. Tomorrow was just another day. Eventually she would crack under the pressure of interrogations.

"You will now experience the hospitality of the Ministry," I informed her waspishly and called for the Hit Wizards to take her to the arrest cells at level ten, close to the courtrooms. Maybe a night in solitary confinement might change her mind but I doubted it. Like every fanatic she would probably see herself as a martyr, suffering and ready to die for the cause. There was really no difference between Muggles and the wizarding race when it came to bigots.

There was still one thing left I could do, and I didn't like it at all. I hated to act dismissive, humiliating and coolly manipulative but that was exactly what my job required me to be now.

"Would you please be so kind and check her for the Dark Mark?" I asked the two Hit Wizards when they arrived to picked up Mary. Her eyes widened. I knew already that her left arm wasn't marked and that meant she might have a mark hidden somewhere else under her robes where it wasn't so easily seen.

The smaller one of the Hit Wizards, a bulky, sweaty man smirked leeringly- it had probably been a while since he had seen a naked witch.

"You cannot possibly allow them to- to-" Ah, now dear Mary began to stutter. Perverted little bigot but oh-so bashful, so prudish.

Of course I wouldn't let the two wizards strip the witch and search her naked body for Dark Marks or hidden charms. There was usually a female guard who attended to the arrested witches, but apparently Mary didn't know that. I didn't tell her either.

"Please... couldn't you...?"

"I see no profit in it for me."

"What do you want?"

"Information."

"I will not give away where the Fraternity for Purity and Traditions is hiding."

Inwardly I almost gagged on that presumptuous name.

"Your loss." I said coolly as I gestured to the Hit Wizards to take her away, not enjoying the fear of humiliation that flickered up in her eyes. But when niceness failed I had to be a bitch. After all, they wouldn't touch her.

"Wait!" They were almost out the door when she gave me a riddle as a clue. _They reside like princes_- whatever that meant. I must admit that even in precarious situations she showed cunningness worthy of a Slytherin, and so I did her the favour and accompanied her to the arrest cells.

Together with the Hit Wizards we took the lift to level nine, the Department of Mysteries, from where we descended the stairs to level ten. The dungeon-like corridors were dimly lit but the small prison wasn't. The light down there was cold and cruel.

A ward nodded her welcome but I told her to wait outside, along with the Hit Wizards. Noticing with sick satisfaction that Mary realized I had fooled her all the time. I ordered her to strip, then. It was a matter of precaution every prisoner had to go through, according to the rules and regulations. They had to leave all clothes and personal belongings behind, before they were provided with the lose-fitting, grey robes of pre-trial confinement.

Then I searched her for hidden marks, such as the Dark Mark. Of course, I could have done it with a simple flick of the wand and several _Revelio_ spells, but I opted for doing it more thoroughly, the Muggle way, with hand gloved in latex. It wasn't my intention to humiliate her even further but just another matter of precaution. After all, it wasn't usual for people to go up in flames under the influence of Veratiserum- who knew what would happen when I tried to use a _Revelio_ on her?

A wand could have definitely done that check-up more discretely. Nevertheless, my examination proved to be successful as I spotted what looked like a faded tattoo on the inside of her left thigh. Apparently Tommy Snakeface had considered her valuable enough to not mark her where it could be seen easily, but marked her he had indeed. It differed from those of the Death Eaters since it was not the usual skull and snake, but a snake entwined with the thorny twig of a black rose. I had never seen anything like that before.

-

A little later I took the Floo home, feeling sick and somehow dirty. Entering our living room I saw Severus sitting on the sofa, engrossed in a book. Candles were burning. This was home- warmth- love... He looked up from his book, offering me a wry smile that made me stifle a sob. I couldn't possibly face him now, soiled as I was with disturbing ideas. Not mine, though.

Mumbling a lame excuse I headed for the stairs ascending to our bathroom, almost running. Breathing a sigh of relief when the hot water of the shower poured down on me, washing away the dirt of her depraved ideology. I scrubbed my skin to get rid of it.

She adored Voldemort. Probably more than Mulciber- although, she really seemed to love him. Personified contradiction. The perfect spy. Inconspicuously. A devoted pureblood with a Gryffindor background but Slytherin mannerisms. She had willingly spied for him, gave up her family for him, offered her only child to him- to the cause. All of that because she was jealous, feeling rejected, not the Gryffindor princess she had hoped to be...

And as the water continued to pour down on me I wondered if I was any better just because I had chosen the _right_ side of the law- although I had humiliated her, manipulated her into giving away at least a clue even if that had turned our to be a riddle. _They're residing like princes..._

And what about that strange mark of hers? Questions over questions, but no answers. I'd better be more patient and wait for what tomorrow might bring- however, patience wasn't my greatest virtue.

I turned off the shower and stepped out of the cubicle. The bathroom was clouded with steam. I wrapped myself in a bathrobe and towelled my hair before I went downstairs.

My husband was waiting for me. He put down the book he was reading when I descended the staircase- so typical of him, knowing I would want to snuggle up to him and therefore saving his precious book from the drops my still moist hair would inevitably drip on it.

I longed for him. A glass of wine, a comforting embrace.

"So with whom did you have to flirt now to get information?"

Well, that was **not **what I needed. "Oh shut it. Don't be such a git, Sev. I already had my limit of jealousy today... enough for a lifetime, actually." I heaved a sigh and reached for the glass of wine Severus had poured me.

"Who else affronted you with uncalled-for jealousy?"

"Mary MacDonald. Only because she couldn't be the little Gryffindor princess she became the little Death Eater princess- out of jealousy."

He arched a quizzical brow at me, and I filled him in with what I had found out today.

The Karkaroffs, Vladimir and Ann, were the typical pureblood family who supported Voldemort's ideology but not his means to an end, although they were lenient towards Mary's attitude. They had a small collection of Dark Arts artefacts- or what was considered dark here while they were Ministry-approved in Russia; it varied from country to country. That was hardly something we could arrest them for. And their daughter, Kristina, was in love with Kenny junior which was also not explicitly criminal.

Much more interesting was Mary's story; it even perplexed Severus. No, it actually quite bugged him, the master spy, that there was something he hadn't known. After all those years of spying he was oblivious to Mary's involvement in the Death Eater scene since he had never seen her at the meetings. Probably she'd had private audiences with Voldemort.

But, at least he could tell me more about the strange mark I saw on Mary's thigh. It was the sign of the Sisterhood of Doom, an old association of evil witches, founded in the early years of Tom Riddle's rise to terror- and it was believed to be a myth. No one had ever seen the mark with the black rose, or no one had lived to tell. When Severus had joined the Death Eaters his young fellows had gossiped about, but by then it had already become the sign of a witch that would grant you the greatest pleasures. Later, there were also rumours that all the devoted wives of loyal Death Eaters who had given birth to a legitimate pureblood child were marked that way by Lord Voldemort as a sign of his approval.

"Of course, I cannot tell if that is true. I could hardly ask Narcissa, nor was I ever in the position to take a look at her thigh."

"You had better not!" I huffed and elbowed him.

"Who's jealous now?" He teased me in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh Sev, you know that I only made Siderov believe I was flirting with him because I needed information, and useful information he gave us. I want no one else but you- emotionally, intellectually, sexually."

He arched a brow at the latter, his lips curling up to a smirk. "Is that so?" he purred in my ear, his warm breath tingling my skin. "Hm, you smell good, witch." Gently he nibbled at my neck, diverting my thoughts with his caress. A shiver of pleasure was running down my spine and I was about to easily forget the events of the day just to melt in his arms.

"Kiss me," I whispered, and my wish was his command. Blissfully entwined with him I thought that this was the perfect way to end this dreadful day, leaving behind the stress (I had taken the Portkey to Russia and back twice today and I hated Portkey travel), the memories of Mary... but before we could proceed devouring each other, a dark grumble from my stomach reminded me that I hadn't devoured much else today. There simply had been no time to eat. It didn't matter. I didn't want to stop.

Severus, however, begged to differ. He had already made it quite clear that he, as my husband, had not only the right but also the obligation to watch over me and see to it that I wouldn't waste myself away in the course of the investigation.

"I will tell Pinkie to bring us something for dinner."

"Can't I have you for dinner?"

He flashed me his most adorable half-smirk and said. "I am not very nutritious, I fear."

I poked his ribs; he was not as skinny as he used to be at the beginning of our marriage- you couldn't count his ribs and his hipbones didn't bruise me anymore- but he was still very lean. "True, a fattened turkey looks different."

"Insufferable witch," he scowled before he pulled me in for another kiss. I was a very happy witch because my husband liked to kiss and was also very good at it.

Pinkie appeared with a loud _crack_ (was she louder than other house-elves because her masters were all over each other most of the time?) and placed a tray with food on the table in front of us. It smelled delicious- some spicy stew that made my mouth water and me to forget about my carnal desires for a moment.

While eating, I couldn't help but think about Mary's riddle once again, the mysterious clue she had given me. _They reside like princes-_ what a codswallop. Probably born out of her desire to be a princess and the childish dreams she had. So perhaps we had to look for a castle? Royalty lived in castles. I could file a petition for a private audience with the Queen and ask her if she was hiding some Death Eaters on the run in Windsor Castle. Laughable. Mayhap Versailles was more to Yaxley's liking? Or Schloss Neuschwanstein? Oh, it was getting more and more absurd..

But then, all of a sudden, the proverbial scales seemed to fell from my eyes as I glanced at Severus, about to share the joke with him. _Wait a minute! _My mind seemed to go on a roller-coaster ride of possible explanations and the idea that Mary had probably given away more than she actually wanted. After all, I was sitting next to a prince- admittedly, only a Half-Blood Prince but half a Prince he was indeed.

I almost brimmed over with excitement. "Sev, tell me everything you know about your family!"

He frowned, not pleased about the turn of our conversation had taken, given that his childhood was anything but happy. "You know it all already. My mother was a useless witch and my father a useless Muggle, abusive and drunk most of the time..."

It sounded harsh but his childhood had been a harsh one- he still had some scars to prove it. However, that was not what I wanted to talk about and he preferred to not talk about it anyway.

"No," I cut him off, "I know all that but I was actually referring to your mother's side of the family-"

"They severed all ties with her and disinherited her when she married that poor excuse of a Muggle." His voice was cold, dismissive.

"Yeah, I remember you mentioned that once. But you never met them- your grandparents, I mean- did you?"

"No," he growled, and his tone indicated that he **really** didn't want to carry on with this discussion. His grandparents had refused to even take a glimpse at the little half-blood offspring because the shame had been too much too bear, and apparently they had died a short time after due to that shame. Purebloods! He had told me that, slurring slightly, uncharacteristically, one night in Majorca, lulled by the serenade of cicadas and the few bottles of local wine we had shared on our second anniversary.

"Well," I insisted stubbornly, trying to make him see the point I was aiming at, "but if they disinherited Eileen, who was there to inherit what they left? I suppose they did not live in a rented flat?"

"No."

"Sev, I understand your wish to not talk about your family, and under different circumstances I would accept it, but... but it might prove to be crucial. I need all the information I can get, I need unhindered access to their files-" Quite frankly, I needed Hermione Granger- um, Weasley's- help now. After all, she was the one working in Magical Law Enforcement and had the required access to all the files stored in the depths of the Ministry's archive.

Severus groaned when I mentioned her- the insufferable know-it-all, part of the Golden Trio- and even more when I suggested firecalling her. Now. Glancing at his watch he reminded me that he deemed it an improper time to bother anyone with a Floo call, but after all was said and done I got my own way.


	62. Family Affairs

62- Family Affairs

"Mrs Weasley? Hermione? Hermione Weasley?" Merlin, I hated kneeling in front of the fireplace and shouting in to emerald green flames. Why could wizards not come up with more comfortable ways of communication? Preferably ones that did not make you cough with whirling ash filling your lungs? What was so wrong with telephones? "Hello? Mrs Insufferable Know-it-all?"

"Oh will you please stop that!" Severus snarled. "I already told you that it is too late to make a Floo call."

"Well, the lights are still on in their flat, so they're not sleeping yet. And I can hear noises..."

"Raven! Get away from the fireplace now! You don't want to interrupt on anything disgusting-"

'_GOAL! GOAL!_' I heard someone shout in the Weasleys' flat. Severus heard it, too.

"I sincerely hope that Ronald Weasley does not herald his-"

"Silly!" I cut him off, giggling since I had already recognized the bluish flickering light in the background for what it really was. "Apparently they are watching football on TV."

The concept of watching Muggle sports on TV was not unfamiliar to Severus since he had witnessed his father glued to the television many times in his youth. When his team won it had called for a drink or two, when it lost even more. Either way he usually ended up drunk and then it needed merely one wrong word to set him off, and he would vent his frustration on the useless witch that was his wife, who in spite of all her magic refused to make their life any better. Tobias Snape had never understood the five Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration.

Now Severus conceded Ronald Weasley the intellectual depth of a teaspoon for enjoying the mindless entertainment of watching twenty-two Muggles running after one ball in a senseless attempt to kick at it. He could, however, not imagine Hermione, the studious know-it-all, participating in such a waste of time since he considered television in general an affront to the intellect. That didn't mean, though, that I would not catch him occasionally watching a well-made documentary.

"Ron, would you _please _turn down the TV." Hermione's voice rang against the hubbub at her place and it was obvious now why my call had been unanswered so far.

Since it was unlikely I would interrupt anything private I thought about stepping through the open Floo connection and address her in person instead of staying kneeled in front of the bloody fireplace. My jeans were uncomfortably tight today- I had probably eaten too much of that delicious stew. Pinky was such a great little cook.

I rose and stretched out my legs, deciding what to do. Of course, the archive would still be there tomorrow but I couldn't wait until tomorrow, or whenever the timing was more appropriate. I needed information and Hermione was the key to that information. There was no point in waiting. And there was no appropriate timing when it was about escaped Death Eaters on the run, hiding somewhere from where they might depart once they learned we had captured Mary. Or had they already found out about our small victory?

I had to go. Severus read the decision on my face and shrugged, not holding me back but not encouraging me either. His own expression was inscrutable- almost. He, the Half-Blood Prince, pretended to be not interested in his family background because his family hadn't given a damn about him, and yet a strange little glimmer in his eyes betrayed him. He was curious, at least, although he denied it even to himself. But Severus wouldn't be quite himself without a thirst for knowledge.

"Wanna come along?" I asked, taking his hands in mine.

He shook his head no. "I trust you will fill me in with everything I do not crave to know as soon as you are back."

"Well, it might take a while," I leaned in closer and kissed him gently. "Don't stay up and wait for me; it will be a long night."

"Do not worry about me."

I let go of him and stepped into the still green flames. A whirling sensation later I brushed the dust off my clothes, looking around a modern furnished flat in Muggle London.

Everyone seemed to jump to their feet upon my unannounced arrival- well, not totally unannounced because if they had paid a little more attention to their Floo they would have noticed me trying to make a call.

Ron and Arthur Weasley startled from the sofa where they had been sitting watching TV, Hermione from a table at the other end of the room, dropping her book in alarmed surprise.

"Good evening," I said casually, "may I advise you to either ward your Floo better or at least pay some attention to it? I made a rather fruitless attempt in calling you."

"Did you?" Hermione turned to Ron with an annoyed huff. "How often do I have to tell you to keep the TV at a reasonable volume? It is not adequate to simply cast a Silencing Charm on the walls so that the neighbours won't complain. I want you to switch it off, now."

Merlin's balls, she really was a bossy one. Ron obliged, a rather unfavourable pinkish hue creeping up his cheeks and ears, crashing with the colour of his hair. Meanwhile Arthur Weasley beamed brightly at me, seemingly unperturbed by his daughter-in-law's mood.

"Raven Lestr- um, Mrs Snape it is now, isn't it?_- _what a nice surprise! Long time not seen. I just watched visiontelly with Ron.... just don't tell Molly, will you?"

Chances I'd ever talk to Molly Weasley were marginal, more than just merely unlikely.

"She's still a tad suspicious considering all things Muggle, you know, though I actually think they are really inventive, these Muggles."

"Indeed," I sneered, hardly considering football of all things as one of the greatest Muggle inventions. But what else to expect from a man who still confused television with visiontelly?

"'Mione, lass, why don't you get dear Raven a cold beer from the frigenerator?" Arthur asked jovially, and I noticed from the slight slur in his voice that he'd already had enjoyed quite a few beers. Therefore it didn't surprise me that Hermione looked kind of fed up with both her husband and father-in-law. I sensed trouble in Gryffindor heaven.

"That won't be necessary." I said quickly.

"Well then, what can I do for you, Mrs Snape?"

"I need immediate access to the archive of the Ministry." It was always a good option to go for blunt instead of beating around the bush or mincing my words when I wanted something, and it also seemed to work now. Hermione looked at me with curiosity written all over her face.

"Hey, it's Sunday!" Ron complained from the sofa. "I'm sure that whatever you want can wait until Monday morning."

"My job- and you should know that from Potter- knows no business hours because Death Eaters on the run refuse to keep to them."

"Are they attacking the archive now?" He asked stubbornly.

"Leave it, Ron, it's alright. I really don't mind accompanying Mrs Snape to the Ministry." Hermione interjected.

"Of course you don't mind working on weekends because you always like to work. I had hoped for a nice evening ..."

"Well, I had also hoped for a nice evening but unfortunately real life thwarts our hopes sometimes."

He glared at me, wondering how one could have a nice evening with the greasy git anyway and I wanted to hex him for thinking that about my husband. You didn't have to be a Legilimens to see that, his dislike for Severus was obvious. Out of the Golden Trio he was probably the only one who hadn't changed his mind about his former teacher.

Meanwhile Hermione had donned her robes and a pair of sneakers, and was ready to leave. I noticed that she didn't kiss her husband goodbye when we left. She also didn't seem reluctant to leave the homely family get-together. Ron and his father would probably turn on the TV again once we were gone- no, they didn't even wait that long since I heard the voice of the speaker over the _pop_ of our Disapparation- and most likely they would have a few more beers. Men were so predictable.

A little later we were deep in the bowels of the Ministry, at a level even below the courtrooms. Hermione muttered quietly under her breath before she spoke the password that would grant us admission, then she took a deep breath as the stale air smelling of old leather and dusty parchments filled her nostrils. With a flick of her wand the lamps in the dungeon-like room went on, illuminating rows over rows of shelves reaching from floor to ceiling, each of them stuffed with books, leather-bound folders, rolls of parchment. This room contained almost every bit of information on the wizarding world that was available. There were the registers of birth, marriage and death, the list of every student that had ever attended Hogwarts. Hogwarts yearbooks reaching back to the times of the four founders. Ancient tomes about the changes in wizarding law throughout the ages. The life stories of important wizards and witches. Folders and parchments with wills and legacies... the room was so stuffed with knowledge that it almost overwhelmed me while all the same I felt excited- and very glad to have Hermione's company because she knew just the right spells to easily detect the files I was looking for, without me having to spend days or even weeks searching for them.

"So, what precisely are you looking for?" Her voice sounded strangely hollow down here- but there was also something else, something hidden. Like a pain overlaid with- well, not cheerfulness but a certain edge of eagerness, studiousness. She would always feel comfortable when she was surrounded by books, the scent of old parchment. Deeply inhaling the promise of knowledge, the secrets of wizarding lore.

"Everything- anything- about the Prince family."

"Ah, you seek to find information about your husband's maternal side?" Now there was undisguised curiosity in her voice.

"Yep," I confirmed, "his grandparents, to be more precise."

"What are their names?"

I had no idea but I understood that she needed their given names to use a proper spell. "Search for Eileen Prince first. I am certain the names of her parents will be mentioned there."

"Did Professor Snape not tell you?"

I scowled at her and she was clever enough to not pester me with more stupid questions- had Severus known the names of his grandparents I would not spend the night digging through old parchments.

Brandishing her wand Hermione Summoned the requested file, a thin folder that contained information about Eileen. Most of it I knew already. She wasn't much of a looker with her heavy brows and sullen, pallid face, but in her fine bone structure I could see a bit of Severus. The few times I had met her in person, when she had seen Severus off at platform nine and three-quarters or collected him from the Hogwarts Express at the end of term, she had often looked cross.

At Hogwarts she was a decent but not an outstanding student, having only excelled in potions. After school she had worked at an apothecary, and she had married late. Perhaps it was the lack of admirers that had driven her in the arms of a Muggle, but it was noticeable that she had given birth to Severus only seven month after the wedding. Times had been different in the early sixties and a baby born out of wedlock was a little scandal in the wizarding as well as the Muggle world.

However, I found out that her parents were Augustus and Amelia Prince, though there was no reference to her mother's maiden name. Perhaps she was also a Prince since it was common that Purebloods married their cousins in an arranged marriage just to keep the bloodline as pure as possible.

"Please look for Augustus and Amelia Prince now."

Hermione proceeded the next file, and when I glanced at the picture of Augustus I felt a tad dizzy all of the sudden. He looked like a spitting image of Severus or vice versa. The same hair though not quite as lank, the same coal black eyes, the same delicate arch of the eyebrow when he raised it. Admittedly, Augustus was of stronger built but the resemblance was nevertheless striking. Also, Augustus had been a brilliant student- just like Severus. He had travelled the world after school, and he had married late, too. Eileen was his only child.

Her mother, Amelia, was a rather unobtrusive person. Younger than Augustus by twenty years, very frail looking. Probably home-schooled since there were no records of her Hogwarts years. It wasn't uncommon for a young witch born at the dawn of the twentieth century.

She died in 1965, quite young for a witch. It was possible that her husband's refusal to reconcile with her only child had caused her serious health problems given she was such a frail person. Augustus followed her five years later, hardly one-hundred years old. He had never forgiven Eileen for running off with a Muggle- he had disinherited her and never spoken to her again.

A letter fell out of the folder, a still sealed envelope with the date of January, tenth, 1961. It was addressed to Augustus Prince but apparently he had never opened it. Return to sender was written on the envelope, and yet he had not sent it back.

I looked inquiringly at Hermione. Of course I wanted to read the letter.

"Don't you think Professor Snape would want to read it first? After all, it's from his mum to his grandfather."

Severus had made it explicitly clear he didn't have the intention to be bothered with his family background, therefore I believed that as his wife I had the right to break the seal. And as an Auror in an ongoing investigation I even had the duty to follow even the tiniest hint. Mary's little riddle had given me a possible lead.

I cracked the seal.

In the letter Eileen informed her parents that she had given birth to a healthy son; his name was Severus and he was now one year old. She literally begged her father to change his mind and at least allow her to visit him so he could meet his grandson. It almost brought tears to my eyes, especially when I looked at the enclosed photograph showing a smiling and not quite so sullen Eileen with a toddler in her arms.

Staring at the picture I wondered how anyone could be so calloused, so heartless and not melt away at the sight of the tiny boy with his big black eyes, his thick dark lashes, his still chubby face crowned by tufts of soft black hair, grinning toothlessly. He was simply adorable- and I rarely said that about any child.

Both of them looked kind of careless, even happy, so I presumed this photograph had been taken before the sweet little boy had shown the first signs of unintentional magic, which had later put off Tobias Snape immensely... now living with two weirdos under his roof.

Hermione cleared her throat to discreetly remind me of her presence. I quickly pocketed the photograph in spite of her eyebrows shooting up because it was probably not permitted to take things out of the archive, I couldn't care less. Severus had the right to know that he hadn't always been unwanted, unloved, that there had been at least one day in his past when his mother had held him in her arms happy, smiling to the camera. I... I wanted that photograph framed, joining the others on the mantelpiece of out fireplace.

"It's a nice picture," Hermione said, sounding a little awkward now. "It is strange to imagine you knew Professor Snape when he was a child. At Hogwarts... I guess it must have been amazing to have a study partner like him when you both attended Hogwarts... and you were in the same house...."

"It was agreeable to study with him," I admitted vaguely. Merlin, did she sound somewhat dreamy now or how else was I to interpret the longing tone in her voice? Of course it was possible that she merely longed to have had an equally compatible studying partner as she assumed I had had- and I remembered those precious hours after curfew in the Slytherin common room when no Lily Evans could drag him away from me- but could it possibly be she fancied my husband? In a purely academic way? Because imagining her lusting after him sexually was just too disturbing. After all, he was more than twenty years her senior...

"It must be wonderful to have a private library in your house. All these marvellous books, so many of them..."

Yes, and I would neither let her move in with us to read all these books nor tell her of all the not so very academic things we had already done in there. Since I often found him in the library, reading, when I returned from one of my journeys as a freelance Auror, the need had often overwhelmed us....

She was blathering on, a litany of her time at Hogwarts and how much she had missed having an adequate study partner because Harry and Ron had always been so full of Quidditch (and all the occurrences concerning Voldemort, of course)- and could I believe they had never- **never!**- read Hogwarts: A History? Although she had always recommended it to them...

I understood why she felt drawn to a bright, intellectual mind that she so sorely seemed to miss in Ron, and I remembered the goodbye kiss they hadn't shared. Wondering why they had married anyway, if they were so different- but then again obviously opposites attracted. I was aware that people might not consider me the perfect match for Severus either, and yet it worked between us. Love, tolerance and respect made it work. Plus a whole lot of understanding for each others quirks, antics or even follies. There was naught we couldn't kiss away.

Merlin, I was such a lucky witch.

I fumbled for the pack of cigarettes in my pockets, found it and lit one with my wand. Hermione gasped in shock but I reminded her that the archive was fire-proof. _Was there a book called The Ministry of Magic: A History? I'd recommend her to read that- _If a single cigarette could destroy the secrets of the Ministry's archive, Tommy and his death eating friends would have gotten high in here. But the dungeon was fire-proof, water-proof, and whatever else-proof. Not even Fiendfyre could destroy the records stored in the depths of the Ministry, no matter which Dark Lord had risen in order to try and rule the wizarding world.

Inhaling deeply I ignored her question about how Severus had been as a child because that was none of her business. Instead I asked her to please hand me Augustus Prince's will.

The shelves rattled but no folder came flying our way. She tried it again with equal success. By then I had already memorized the incantation and gave it another try, bringing in my status as- well, probably not as head of Auror headquarters (since officially that was Harry Potter) but at least as the main investigator in a very important case.

The shelves rattled again and still no files came flying our way. Nevertheless, in row forty-five a folder jumped forward, dropping on the cold concrete.

_I will not open to unworthy hands,_ was written on the surface.

I frowned at it, cursing all haughty purebloods for their audacity, their arrogance, because the reason why Hermione and also I had failed to Summon that bloody file was that it would only open to other purebloods.

Fortunately my years of experience as a freelance Auror had taught me spells to break those damnable restrictions.

"You have to teach me that spell," Hermione gushed excitedly when the file opened for me. "Is it always non-verbal?"

I shrugged. Was it? I had no idea since I preferred non-verbal magic; it simply sat better with me. "Well, if you want to shout at innocent shelves filled with books and parchments, I guess you could do so."

Then I picked up the folder, finding out it was true that Augustus Snape had indeed disinherited his only daughter (and her offspring), and he had decreed that everything he possessed would go to his only living relative, his cousin Balthazar Prince. And from him to his descendants as long as they married pure in blood.

Now, that Balthazar didn't look at all like the Princes I already knew for he was lighter haired, not having those dark eyes I had come to love. Actually, he didn't resemble Severus at all. He was stouter, blue-eyed... of course, I could have checked the degree of their relationship since a cousin could as well be one thrice removed...

Balthazar had a daughter in wedlock, Emmiline, who married a Crouch, and their sole girl child married a Greengrass, a certain Hector Greengrass- the father of Daphne and Astoria.

Severus was distantly related to Draco Malfoy's wife. That was really interesting.

For the next hour or two we went through the list of properties, what places belonged to the Greengrasses for centuries, what to the Crouch family and what had they inherit from the Princes. One thing was certain- these old, rich pureblood families had way too many estates. They owned town houses, country houses, manor houses, cottages by the sea, safe houses and unplottable houses. Great. It was like looking for the needle in the haystack. But not quite as futile. After all, we could ask Astoria. I presumed she would be cooperative because she was Draco's wife and got on well with Severus; they wouldn't want him being exposed to threats and mortal peril. Perhaps it was even beneficial that they had seen the tortured form of Sebastian almost bleeding his life away on a Chinese rug, 12th century, in the parlour of Malfoy Mansion. They had witnessed what Yaxley and his cronies were capable of, and they would not hesitate to give me the requested information. Alas, not now. Three AM was hardly the proper time to pay anyone a visit, let alone some purebloods. It would have to wait until tomorrow- um, later- when Severus and I were to go to Malfoy Manor anyway, checking on Sebastian.

For a moment I was almost cheerful. We had a lead. We would have support.

But I had set up my hopes too high as Hermione pointed out, bringing me back down to earth.

"According to wizarding law of succession, the firstborn will inherit the major part of all the legal estate, while his or her siblings- and in earlier years it was only the male relatives that inherited anything at all- will merely receive a smaller share, adequate for an appropriate living. Of course, the favouring of wizards in the law of succession ended in 1857, when Dorcas Wellbeloved and her Society of Distressed Witches caused an uproar in the wizarding society, advocating the equality of wizards and witches under public law, which led to the emancipation of witches as it is recorded in the Ministry act of the same year..."

"Hermione, come to the point," I cut her off, not being keen on a history lesson. Perhaps she wanted to impress me with her knowledge but sometimes knowledge was a two-edged sword. Take Professor Binns for example. Without doubt he was an expert in History of Magic, and yet generations of students had fallen asleep in his classes. It was a matter of how you got something across. A ghost with more than one lifetime of studying his books and reciting them in a flat drone was hardly impressive. Not that I would ever accuse Hermione Granger of droning- quite the contrary, actually. No, she always sounded much too excited the way she showed off with her knowledge, reciting it word for word from the books she'd read. That didn't mean, however, that she was not a clever witch.

"Alright," she sighed, "I only wanted to remind you that Astoria is not the main heir to the Greengrasses and therefore also the Princes legal estate; it is her older sister Daphne. Did you know that she married Gregory Goyle three years ago?"

Bummer! I hadn't known that. Gregory Goyle- thickset bully, son of a Death Eater. Stupid, sullen and stubborn as a mule, but a vivid pureblood supremacist.

"Well," I shrugged it off, "it doesn't really matter, does it? Daphne hasn't inherited anything yet and her parents are still alive."

"Anyway, the Greengrasses might not be inclined to cooperate. I mean, both of their daughters married sons of Death Eaters."

"The Greengrasses were never supporters of Voldemort; although they are purebloods, they aren't of the snotty, elitist kind." Admittedly, I had only met them at Draco and Astoria's wedding but they seemed to be decent people, and Astoria- well, she was definitely a sweet girl, totally smitten with Draco, and she did him so good. In retrospect I remembered that Daphne had attended the wedding without her husband although she had already been married to Gregory Goyle then. "Hm, I guess they aren't happy about Daphne's choice, and Astoria isn't either."

"Is she any better then? After all, she married a Malfoy."

"It is definitely not my intention to take up the cudgels for Lucius Malfoy- yes, he is still a narcissistic, presumptuous, arrogant, slippery git- but he is a reformed git who sees the error of his ways... even if he is sorely inapt at showing that in any halfway decent manner." Like shamelessly flirting with the wife of the very man whose friendship he wanted to gain back. Nevertheless, community service had taken Lucius down a peg or two, and the git loved his family, adored Narcissa... and feared her all the same. She had sworn to hex his balls off should he ever again mingle with the wrong people- that was a grave threat even he understood.

Hermione snorted quite unladylike. "I don't trust him."

"Yeah, _trust_ isn't exactly the word that comes to my mind when thinking about Lucius Malfoy either, but I get along with him fairly well... I mean, I know how to take a hard line with him and rein him in." Smirking maliciously I noticed that Hermione seemed to feel somewhat queasy. "What's up?"

She shrugged, then shook her head. "Nothing, really. It's just... Lucius... and Draco... they... they stood and watched.... they didn't stop her. They just stood and watched when... when Bellatrix- probably they even enjoyed the show... and Narcissa... she was there, too. Wrinkling her pretty nose at... at the Mudblood her sister tortured... and sometimes... sometimes I still wake up and feel the pain..."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely, reaching out to touch her hand. Slightly, just a gentle touch of compassion. Perhaps for the first time I perceived her as more than a lexicon on two legs, annoying anyone with her studious, know-it-all nature, and I saw the vulnerable young woman that she was when she wasn't blazing with all her knowledge. I liked her better that way. "Severus invented a potion- it's a mixture of the Calming Draught and his Cruciatus Remedy- specifically created for trauma patients who survived torture at the hands of Death Eaters. It isn't for sale yet but the test results were very promising. I could give you a free sample, if you like. Guess it's time to call it a night anyway."

Hermione agreed gratefully and promised to take notes of possible side-effects, which she would probably record with painstaking precision. In this respect she was the perfect test person.

We took the Floo from the atrium of the Ministry to our library where I told Hermione to wait so that I could fetch the potion for her. Passing the kitchen on my way to our private lab in the basement, the door as opened to reveal a very sleepy-eyed Pinkie, one of her big ears unfurled like the wing of a bat.

"Mistress brings guest? Wants Pinkie serve something?"

I stopped to gently stoke her hairless head. "No, dear. You go back to bed and sleep. My guest won't stay long and even if time calls for a drink, I can handle that on my own."

I proceeded to the lab, found the required phials labelled in Severus spidery, cramped handwriting, took one phial and headed back upstairs. Hermione stood reverently in front of the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, obviously mesmerized. I decided to grant her a moment of awe when I noticed the faint light coming from the living room. Was Severus still up? I had told him not to wait for me...

Silently I ascended the stairs to our living room. The light came from the fireplace where the embers had almost burned down. They crackled slightly, radiating a warm orange glow that illuminated the room just enough to spot Severus, asleep on the sofa. He was still fully dressed and was clutching a potions journal to his chest with his left hand, while his other arm was dangling over the edge of the sofa. He was snoring ever so slightly.

I moved closer. The snoring stopped but he still seemed fast asleep, looking totally relaxed and several years younger; the lines on his face were less harsh, softened in sleep. And my heart ached with all the love it held for him. Should I wake him and tell him how much I loved him? No, he looked so peaceful and untroubled, and that was a good thing in these times. We rarely had any of those moments lately, unsoiled by all the trouble that Azkaban breakout had caused. So I took a blanket and pulled it over his lean form, but as I tucked him in I couldn't restrain myself from gently caressing his cheek. I just couldn't keep my fingers off him.

His skin was warm, a little rough with stubble. His lips twitched a little, then the ghost of a smile flickered over his features. I bent forward to breath a tender kiss on his smiling lips, forever amazed how soft they were, pliable and sweet.

"Hmmmm," he purred contentedly as he kissed me back.

"I didn't mean to wake you, love." I continued to caress his face when he finally opened his eyes, looking at me affectionately. He brought up a hand to languidly comb his fingers through my hair.

"You know I don't sleep well without you."

"Ah, that's why you were snoring-"

"I do not snore."

"Forgive me, my darling. You were, of course, **not** snoring but just making funny noises in your sleep which ignorant people might mistake as snoring."

"Shut up, you insufferable witch, and kiss me."

I peppered chaste little kisses all over his face, kissing his cheeks, his eyelids, his nose- he wrinkled it so I kissed it again and again until he frowned at me, and then I started to kiss away his frown while he growled with growing frustration because he wanted a real kiss. Full on the mouth.

"Raven," he moaned.

"Sev?"

"Missed you."

Apparently he was still a tad drowsy since usually he was more eloquent. His arms came snaking around my waist, pulling me closer to him and he captured my lower lips in his mouth, nibbling and plucking at it. Kissing me very playfully, though very gently, almost lazily.

"Missed ya, too," I mumbled against his lips while enjoying the tender ministrations.

At this point I had already long forgotten that Hermione was waiting in the library. I simply failed to think clearly when my husband kissed me so delicately, showering me with all of his affection. That was until a piercing scream from the library reminded me of her again. Bugger! Hermione!

Severus sat up with a start and immediately his wand was in his hand, at the ready.

"What was that?"

His reaction proved that part of him would always be a spy, always on alert. 'Constant vigilance' as Moody had always said...

"Uh, Hermione," I explained quickly. "I promised her a phial of your latest Cruciatus Remedy and... um, I seem to have forgotten her in the library..." Frowning I ran a hand through my hair. "Sev, could it possibly be you left that book on _Arabian Magic and Alchemy _on the table?"

"Ah, that incredibly nosy Gryffindor!" Rolling his eyes he heaved a sigh. "Incapable of keeping her pretty nose out of any book that comes her way, and so she's just met our equally bothersome _jinni_- serves her right."

Meanwhile I was already half way down the stairs on a rescue mission, my wand drawn. Admittedly, our bothersome _jinni_ was in fact a harmless creature- except that he was, indeed, bothersome. And he wasn't even a real _jinni. _Real _jinn_ lived in bottles, not in books. Everybody should know that.

_Our_ _jinni,_ however, was just a simulacrum that popped out from the pages of _Arabian Magic and Alchemy_, demonstrating efficiently how a real _jinni_ looked like. Therefore it came as no surprise to find Hermione cowering on the floor before him, slightly scared but even more flabbergasted. I guessed she didn't get confronted with a bald, half-naked and fairly muscular man- um, demon (and for a demon actually quite handsome)- on a daily basis. Even if he was just a simulacrum. And a pain in the arse- well, most handsome men were. Because our _jinni_ wasn't acting like a good simulacrum should. He was a mutinous one, apparently not content any more with his sole purpose of existence and merely depicting a _jinni; _he also behaved like one as if he possessed free will. Now, there were good and bad jinn. Some were into harassing humans. Ours was of the sneering and taunting kind, demanding, presumptuous, and mightily annoying. Well aware of his good looks and how it affected women. His speech was sensuous but also sexist.

Since _jinn_ were made- according to legends- of smokeless fire they could easily be vanquished with _Imbrium_ _Nubilus_, a spell that cast a cloud of pouring rain over the jinni's head. Of course, a simple _Aguamenti_ would do as well.

"Obnoxious witch! Camel dung! Not worthy the dust under my feet," our _jinni_ howled, as usual shouting obscenities at me while he half fled, half was drawn by the powers that be to his safe refuge between the pages of the old tome. It had been lying opened on the table but immediately slammed shut now.

Hermione glanced at me, sniffing, fighting back the tears of humiliation burning in her eyes. A grateful and yet somewhat obstinate expression on her face. She sniffed once more and said, "You must think me incredibly weak and foolish..."

"No, I don't," I said conciliatory but she hardly listened.

"I... I should have- no, I certainly would have come up with the right spell to make him disappear, but... I mean, I _knew_ he was just the simulacrum of a genie, and yet... I was so taken aback when he suddenly popped up from the book, growing bigger and broader... definitely very broad-shouldered, and I... er, I was slightly distracted, failing to think clearly..."

"That's pretty understandable." Considering that her husband, though brawny, was nothing in comparison to the _jinni..._

"It is not! After all, I am known for my brilliant intellect," she insisted, sounding somewhat snooty now. That bossy tone was back in her voice. "I am supposed to be the brightest witch of my time and I just flinched at the sight of a simulacrum. A simulacrum!"

"Well," I said relentless, not liking that Hermione at all, "I told you to wait here, not to go snooping in our books."

"I wasn't snooping. Your library is just so amazing and my thirst for knowledge..."

"Are you quite done here?" A silky drawl came from the door and Hermione's mien brightened instantly.

"Professor! What a nice surprise!"

_Merlin, tell me she didn't have an intellectual crush on __**my**__ husband._

"Indeed," a mocking eyebrow shot up, "what a surprise, to meet me in my house."

I had to stifle a chuckle- I so loved his sense of humour- and walked up to him to place a tender kiss on his cheek. "Mrs Granger was just about to leave."

And without further ado I handed her the phial with the Cruciatus Remedy, instructing her how to use it. Two drops in a glass of water each night before she went to bed, five drops in case of an acute panic attack, and a fortnight later she would probably be able to sleep undisturbed by unpleasant dreams.

She looked gratefully- at my husband.

"Thank you so very much, sir. You have no idea what it means to me being involved in your research. I read all of your publications and cannot help but admire the brilliance of your mind. Honestly, sir, your inventions have so improved the wizarding society after the war, like your improvement of the Wolfsbane Potion. You made Britain's werewolves come out of the dark of their shunned existence and helped them lead a respectable life. You saved Alice Longbottom and gave Neville back his mother. I am certain the Cruciatus Remedy will be a tremendous success, and I feel so very honoured that I am allowed to test your newest achievement. You have to tell me everything about it. This is so interesting. Am I right to assume that it contains hellebore and grounded moonstone?"

"An unimaginative mind would indeed believe that those two are the main ingredients of the Cruciatus Remedy, given that hellebore is often used in potions that protect from evil spells and also in the Draught of Peace." Severus lectured her and I got an impression how he must have been as teacher. It differed completely from the way he had given me an understanding (and even love) of the subtle art of potions... back then in our Slytherin common room, in the long hours after curfew...

Hermione looked crestfallen. Had he really called her an unimaginative mind? She opened her mouth to protest but he wasn't quite ready yet.

"However, I will most definitely not discuss the state of my research with a Gryffindor know-it-all at 4 AM in the morning- nor at any other time, for that matter. So please excuse us now, it has been a long day."

I didn't even try to hide my smirk just as she didn't try to hide her confusion. Wondering if Severus would ever see her as anything else than just a former student, brilliant but annoying. And she also wondered what he saw in me, the Muggle clad witch wearing high heels for a search in the Ministry's archive. Perhaps she secretly dreamed of spending nights discussing potions and magical theories with him- something she clearly missed in her relationship with Ron- considering herself to be a much better match for him. Well, on a purely intellectual basis she was probably right; out of the two of us she was indeed the more studious witch. But then again she didn't really know much about Severus if she believed that academic input was all he needed in a relationship.

Meanwhile Hermione had walked to the fireplace, ready to take the Floo back home, when suddenly I remembered what I had wanted to ask her all evening.

"Um... do you still happen to be friends with Viktor Krum?"

She turned around, giving me a surprised glance.

"Well, we do correspond with each other occasionally, so yes, I am. After his retreat from actively playing he is currently working as a coach for the German national Quidditch team- why are you asking?"

"Because I would like to talk to him, and a polite invitation is always so much more preferable." Kenny had played Quidditch at the same time Viktor was on the team, rising to fame. They also were in the same year at Durmstrang so was likely they knew each other fairly well, and every information we could get was important.

"I see," Hermione said, a pinch of Floo Powder already between her fingers as she offered, "I will talk to him and convince him of the urgency of the matter."

"Thanks," I managed before she was gone in a flash of greenish flames. Turning around I glanced at my husband with a slightly wicked smile. "Now, where did we stop?"

He gathered me in a loving embrace and kissed me tenderly, then Apparated me straight to our bedroom where we continued kissing and cuddling. So much about _it has been a long day_. Apparently he wasn't tired at all and neither was I- quite actually busting to tell him what I had found out today, that he was distantly related to the Crouches and Greengrasses.

It didn't impress him at all.

With a slight contempt in his voice he informed me that, "all pureblood families are interrelated."

Of course he was true. But I had hoped for a little more enthusiasm. I placed the picture on his chest, the one of Eileen presenting her one year old toddler to her family, smiling happily.

He picked it up and stared at it for what seemed an eternity, then he thew it away, turned around and extinguished the lights. I snuggled up to his back, an arm around his waist, holding him tight.

_I'd like to thank all of my reviewers but especially to those who left an unsigned review. _

_So to __**the Poet's Muse**__, I'm glad you're back and I hope you remember your password again. Thanks for your review. _

_**Ink**__, thanks to you, too. You are definitely right, Mary could use a shrink. _


	63. The Green Cottage

63- The Green Cottage

"Good morning, love."

"Hmpf." Hidden behind the _Daily Prophet_ Severus didn't even look up when I entered the kitchen. I sensed a certain grumpiness in his attitude. Kissing the top of his head I wrapped my arms around him to throw a quick glance over his shoulder at what was so much more interesting than his loving wife.

Quidditch results. Now that was quite a blow. It was a broad hint that he didn't want to talk, which I accepted. Mind, I wasn't a morning person anyway. Silence was perfectly alright with me if it was a companionable silence...

Instead I had breakfast staring at the front page of the Daily Prophet and some stupidly waving Ministry worker who announced the latest nonsense.

"You know", I said after a while in which the rustle of him turning the page was the only sound in the kitchen, "I understand that you don't want to talk about your family. It was not my intention to dig up any dirty secrets or remind you of your horrible childhood, but any information I can get might further the investigations."

The rustle of paper sounded abrupter but still he didn't put the bloody newspaper down. My, he could be so annoying sometimes! It was my privilege to be grumpy in the mornings! But if he insisted on being difficult- well, I had to get to work anyway. I was late already since I had slept in after the long night in the archive.

Pouring the rest of my coffee in the sink I headed for the door. There was no use spending time with Severus when he chose to ignore me. But before I was out the door he finally lowered the paper, glancing at me.

"Do I not get a kiss before you leave?"

"I wasn't under the impression you wanted one," I snapped. He had nerve!

Severus arched a surprised brow at my reply that came out much sharper than intended. "I'm sorry," he said apologetic, "my behaviour was not... acceptable. You're right, I don't want to talk about my family or what you found out about them- but that doesn't mean a kiss goodbye would not be agreeable-"

"Agreeable?" I hissed indignantly. "_Agreeable_? Tsk! Go to hell, Severus Snape."

He looked hurt. My eyes started to fill and suddenly big, ridiculous tears were rolling down my cheeks. Slightly perplexed Severus gathered me in his arms, visibly overtaxed with my sudden mood swing.

"What's wrong now? I said I'm sorry."

I believed him even though his previous behaviour wasn't the reason for me crying stupidly after having been- well, not really angry at him. I knew he would clam up when he didn't want to talk, and usually I could deal with that. He was a difficult person sometimes and I... I guessed it was probably just that time of month again...

Annoyed at myself I wiped the tears off my cheeks, kissed him briefly and went to the fireplace to take the Floo to work. A moment later I stepped into headquarters just in time to overhear the remark of my most useless colleague about me being late.

"...puts on airs like she's the big shot but comes and goes as she pleases, and meanwhile we have to do all the extra work she leaves on purpose..."

I cleared my throat. "Good morning to you, Mr Kiely."

His jaw dropped as I smiled sickly sweet at him, then I crossed the office to Williamson's cubicle in order to fill him in with what I had found out yesterday. That moment a flying memo arrived, informing me in Hermione's bossy voice that Mr Viktor Krum had agreed to meet me at the Leaky Cauldron, five o'clock in the afternoon. All of a sudden I had a lot of friends at headquarters, Kiely included. It seemed even the toughest Auror turned groupie at the chance of meeting a famous Quidditch champion. I just didn't get why they thought I needed someone to accompany me to my appointment. Politely I declined their offers and was the bitch again.

I shrugged it off. Having to work at the snake pit of Auror headquarters every day was one of the reasons why I wanted to get this case solved as soon as possible.

My mood didn't improve. Kingsley called, sounding urgent, for a meeting since he wanted to be briefed about the results of yesterday's interrogations. Apparently the media had gotten wind of us arresting the Karkaroffs (or someone had sold information to them) and now Harry Potter was to give a press conference on the latest events. Kingsley pressed for results.

"The wizarding society deserves answers, we will not hush things when lives are at stake."

_Very funny, Kings_, I thought given that the only threat Yaxley had issued so far was against Severus and those who were close to him. Naturally, he longed to rule the wizarding world as the new Dark Lord, but first came his personal vendetta against my husband. And damned, Kingsley knew that.

But what irked me even more was the fact that they wanted to portray Mary as a victim- the poor, innocent Gryffindor girl so badly misguided and led astray by the evil Slytherin, because it couldn't possibly be that a Gryffindor would voluntarily turn evil. Ridiculous! As if Peter Pettigrew hadn't proven how easily a noble Gryffindor could switch sides, and he had merely been a spineless follower, the lickspittle of the biggest bully around, whereas Mary... well, I would say she was the driving force behind the prison break. She definitely had enough criminal potential plus a twisted sense of what's right or wrong. She was not the innocent victim.

In the end Kingsley agreed to keep her name and story out of the papers, at least until we had more evidence. I wondered how much more evidence he needed or whether he read our reports at all.

After the tedious meeting at the Minister's office, Williamson and I walked back to headquarters. He harrumphed, "Ya didn't tell them 'bout the Princes."

It was a statement, not a question, and quite an astute one. Yes, it was true; I _was_ withholding information. But since I wasn't certain whether it might be relevant or not, Kingsley didn't need to know. I preferred to not put all my cards on the table when I still had an ace up my sleeve- if it could be considered an ace at all. Last night I had been dead sure about it... I didn't feel the same euphoria today. Perhaps because of Severus' reaction.

"Well, I don't know if it's really a lead or just another dead end," I told him honestly. It had sounded so good last night- Mary had given me a riddle which I thought I had solved only to find that it didn't make much sense. What had Yaxley to do with the heir of the Princes' estates? As far as I knew he was neither related to the Princes, the Crouches or the Greengrasses. My head was spinning.

Williamson mumbled something like it was alright with him to keep quiet about that, which I believed. After all, he was not the kind of guy why talked much anyway. Whatever secret I had, it was safe with him.

Since there was still plenty of time left before my appointment with Viktor Krum, I opted to visit Malfoy Manor for a chat with Astoria, hoping to shed some more light on the issue with the Princes. Also, I wanted to check on Sebastian.

Narcissa welcomed me in the parlour, obviously delighted to see me. Although we were too different to ever become real friends (the snooty pureblood lady and the Muggle-clad freak- no way!) she really cared for Severus and she wanted to see him happy. Even if his happiness depended on a Muggle-clad freak like me. That was the basis of us getting along with each other. And yet, in her very own way she was a kind and generous person who immediately called for a house-elf to set another place for lunch.

"Raven! What a nice surprise. Severus didn't mention that you were coming for lunch," she chirped, shooing around her elves.

_Sev was here? _He hadn't mentioned he was going to visit the Malfoys today. But well, we had barely spoken this morning...

"I wasn't certain I'd make it," I told her a little white lie, blaming it on my job.

"You are working too much, dear Raven. Take a look at yourself, you are so pale. Would you like a strong cup of tea perhaps?"

Now that was rich coming from Narcissa of all people since she looked as if she strictly avoided sunshine- actually both she and Lucius. Perhaps they even considered their pallor elegant, underlining their noble birth, but it appeared slightly anaemic. And she said I was pale- only because I hadn't had the time to visit the solarium.

I declined her offer for tea and asked where Severus was. With a delicate turn of her chin she pointed upstairs, ever so slightly rolling her eyes.

"Severus wanted to check on Sebastian, and in his room you can also find my husband," Narcissa sighed, obviously a tad exasperated that Lucius spent so much time with his newly found cousin although he was still oblivious of the fact that he had a pure-blooded cousin.

"I'd like to check on him, too," I said, walking up the staircase to Sebastian's room. Feeling guilty because I hadn't wasted many thoughts on him since the attack, too busy with work. Fortunately Severus was a better friend than I and visited almost daily.

I noticed that almost nothing had changed. Sebastian was still in a magically induced sleep- giving broken bones and torn tissue time to heal- while Lucius and Sam were fussing over him with the professional help of a hired healer. Healer Leonard Flint, trained at St Mungo's as one of the best of his year. Now, however, he looked more like a frightened first year because he was being interrogated by my dear husband who had the knack for making almost everybody appear like a complete dunderhead. Flint stuttered his answers about diagnostic spells he had ran on Sebastian, the potions he had administered and the results of his efforts. I pitied him- well, only a little. I guessed it was Severus' scowl that intimidated people, or the way he sneered as if his opposite wasn't worth wasting his precious time. But when he spotted me standing in the door, his sneer changed into a wry half-smile, smiling at me gingerly because we hadn't exactly parted on best terms.

"How is Sebastian?" I asked, realizing I sounded stupid. It was plain to see that he wasn't well.

Lucius and Sam greeted me a little absent-mindedly (at least Lucius had the decency to not flirt with me today) while Severus gave me a quick update, his eyebrow arched in a silent question, wondering what I was doing here. Or probably he knew it already.

"Ahem, lunch is ready," I announced then, remembering that Narcissa probably expected me to get them downstairs and join her at the nicely set table. Sam and Lucius grudgingly left their game of chess and headed for the door, but Healer Flint remained seated, apparently not used to taking his meals with the family.

Severus and I exited the room, too. In the empty corridor outside I realized we had a moment for ourselves since Sam and Lucius had already descended the staircase, so I reached for his hand.

"It is an unexpected, though decidedly pleasant surprise to meet you here," Severus said, glancing at me. "I hadn't dared to hope we might have lunch together today. What has happened at work that made you available?"

I heaved a sigh, thinking of the tedious meeting with Kingsley and Potter, and almost inevitably I moved closer to my husband, longing for proximity. He snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me in until my head rested against his chest. For a moment I simply enjoyed the heavenly feeling of being close to him. I wrapped my arms around his lean form, holding him tight. We never bore a grudge for long and the difficulties we had this morning were long forgotten.

"Love ya," I murmured as I tilted my head so that our lips could meet in a tender kiss. His hand came up to caress my face; he smirked in slight mockery.

"Now don't tell me you came here of all places because you missed me."

"I... um," I dithered whether I should tell him since he had made it unmistakably clear he didn't want to talk about his family, and the reason why I was here had to do with exactly that, "well, of course I missed you; I always do when I'm not with you. Alas, it was more of the fact that I had some time between two appointments and I-"

"I understand you want to talk to Astoria," Severus said quietly, having figured me out once again.

"Yeah," I slowly proceeded towards the staircase and he followed me downstairs.

"You know, you don't have to keep your intentions a secret from me simply because I prefer to not be bothered with my _family,_" he almost spat the last word, indicating how he felt about those who had never given a damn about him. In that respect he was decidedly resentful and unforgiving, but I could quite understand that. "If it really furthers the investigations you can- of course- rely on my unlimited support."

Well, that was the all consuming question, wasn't it? All I had was a riddle I might have misinterpreted and the fact that Astoria was related to Severus- that might not have anything to do with the Yaxley case. But I could only be certain if I checked all the houses the Princes once possessed, and that meant I had to talk to Astoria.

She had just come in from a walk in the garden with Draco when we all sat down for lunch in the Blue Saloon, Narcissa's favourite dining room because of its cosy, familiar atmosphere. Lunch was delicious, a pleasant affair although Sam couldn't wait to head back at Sebastian's side. It was a hard time for him, the helplessness, the uncertainty... would Sebastian get well again? It didn't help much that Healer Flint assured him of that; Sam was angst-ridden. I would be too.

"Astoria, may I please have a word with you?" I really saw no point in beating about the bush; I didn't have all day. Severus seemed torn between taking his leave or staying, giving in to his curiosity as he was an almost insatiable curious man, an inquisitive mind.

Astoria cocked a puzzled brow but didn't express her surprise otherwise as she rose from the table, guessing I wouldn't have approached her with my request if I was just out for some small talk.

"Of course, Mrs Snape." She glanced around, then pointed to the door of an adjacent room, opening it. "We might converse in here, if you like?"

I only cast one brief glimpse at the room, the high floor-to-ceiling windows that opened to the garden. Memories came flooding back...

"I'd rather not," I choked. It wasn't her fault, really. She had been politely focussed on me and had not taken notice of her mother-in-law's eyes widening in shock- horror- upon her opening that door. The Silver Parlour. The room I dreaded. Once, it had been the finest room of the mansion, the playground for illustrious pureblood festivities. It had also been Lord Voldemort's throne room during the second war; the very same room in which I had been tortured.

It was easier to forget when that door was closed and remained closed.

"Astoria, dear, we don't use that room anymore," Narcissa said with a controlled calmness that sounded strained, as if she wanted to shout, or yell hysterically.

Severus had jumped to his feet, shooting me a worried glance, while Lucius seemed to remember he had some very important business elsewhere, silently slithering out of Blue Saloon. I stared at his retreating form and sneered, then I fumbled for a cigarette, lighting it in a gesture that signalled my husband I was- more or less- alright. Just a small fit of nerves, an unpleasant, unexpected memory from the past. Nothing to worry about. It wouldn't cause me nightmares.

"I am so sorry," Astoria said flabbergasted, "I had no idea..."

And she still had no idea what had happened here, years ago. Of course she knew about Draco's involvement with the Dark Lord- he still had his Dark Mark to prove the errors of his ways- and she also knew that her father-in-law was a reformed Death Eater. That bit of information had been available in the newspapers after the war. It was part of the reason why her parents were opposed to her marrying Draco Malfoy at first. But though she was a polite, well-mannered girl she was also a stubborn one, and she had wanted Draco and no one else. So they had given in to her wishes and, after they had met their future son-in-law in person, they had even given their blessing.

"Never mind, Astoria," I interjected kindly, flashing her a smile. "I may as well talk to you here. Please sit down, because what I have to say might come as a surprise to you. Or did you know that your mother is the granddaughter of Balthazar Price, who was the cousin of Severus' grandfather?"

Why mincing my words when I could as well let the bomb drop. Everybody stared open-mouthed at me, then from me to Severus, who wore a mask of inscrutability.

"We're related, sir?" Astoria gasped. "Well that's... that's wonderful news..."

"All wizarding pureblood families are somewhat interrelated," Severus lectured her in an indifferent drawl, although I could tell that he was touched by her enthusiasm. No matter how distantly they were related, and no matter how much his closer relatives had scorned him, she- Draco Malfoy's wife- seemed to be happy to consider him family.

"Indeed," the blonde boy remarked with a sly smirk, "my family is even interrelated to some Weasleys by marriage, but that's not something we are proud of."

And he left it open for interpretation what he felt about being related to Severus by marriage, though his sincere affection and respect for my husband was sparkling brightly in his grey eyes.

"Anyhow," I reminded them, "this is not about a happy family reunion so please refrain from swooning now. The reason I brought this up at all is due to a mysterious hint I happened to come across, linked to the ongoing investigation about the Azkaban breakout.

"Of course, I cannot speak about that in detail. All I can tell you- hoping for your support, Astoria- is that there is a lead concerning the estates of the Princes, that by some hereditary title are now in the possession of your family."

"Oh... um... well, quite frankly I have never cared much about... er, matters of inheritance before- I mean, I love my parents; I don't even want to imagine they might be gone one day, and the very last thing that would come to my mind, then, is what I will inherit."

Astoria promised me, though, that she would contact her parents on my behalf and send me an owl with their response.

Very well, I hadn't expected more of her so I left the Malfoys murmuring about the latest news and turned to see how Severus had taken my announcement. Only to find that he was gone. Not knowing at which point he had left.

Nevertheless, there was still another appointment I had to keep today so I took the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron.

-

The meeting with Viktor Krum didn't hold what it had promised. I had hoped for more information on Kenneth Mulciber junior, but I had completely forgotten about his celebrity status that made a decent conversation almost impossible. People recognized him and stared at him, the bolder ones came to ask for an autograph. Hermione arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, chatting amiable with Krum, catching up on the latest news while I ruffled my hair in frustration. Then word spread to the media and soon our table was beleaguered by hordes of journalists asking for an exclusive interview. Finally I thumped the table with my fist, cursing Hermione for having suggested a public meeting. I grabbed Viktor by the collar and Apparated us to Auror headquarters.

The next edition of _Witch Weekly _found meon the front cover, my hand on Krum the minute before we Disapparated, Hermione in the background looking dumbstruck.

_WITCHES FIGHTING OVER VIKTOR KRUM_

read the headline, and further,

_Famous war heroine Hermione Weasley, part of the Golden Trio, was left out in the cold when Auror Raven Snape beat her to Quidditch champion Viktor Krum's affection. The crafty Auror seized her prey and Apparated him to a secret and romantic place... continue on page 4 for the whole scandalizing story by Rita Skeeter..._

It was Skeeter's last slander. She spent a few days at St Mungo's covered in nasty green furuncles after possessing the nerve to pester Severus Snape about his wife's latest escapades, then I took her to the same secret and romantic place I had taken Krum- the cosy interrogation room at headquarters- and when Hermione let slip that Skeeter was an unregistered Animagnus, she was ferried off to a one-year long vacation in Azkaban.

But what annoyed me most was that all the fuss had led to almost no result. The only things I learned about Kenny junior was that he was totally smitten with his cousin Kristina Karkaroff, the girl he wanted to marry- I arranged for some undercover agents with good Transfiguration skills to watch their house- and that he would have loved to join the Triwizard Tournament but had to stay at Durmstrang. A friendly young man- according to Krum- quite talented in the Dark Arts but not per se a violent or even evil guy.

When I went home that day I sincerely hoped that the lead with the Princes' estates would be more promising; I hated spinning in circles without getting anywhere.

I was home early for a change and surprisingly Severus was also there already, sitting on the sofa, reading a book. I took it out of his hands and placed it on the table before nestling up against him; there were better things he could do with his hands than holding a book.

"Kiss," I demanded, and he complied to my antics with a dark chuckle.

"How was your meeting with Mr Krum?"

I told him how I had abducted Krum and what a flop my effort had been in the end. I so wanted results instead of endlessly looking for Yaxley as though he was some needle in a haystack. But I wasn't in the mood to talk about work anymore. It was much too time-consuming already, and the moments we spent together, enjoying the bliss of being together, were much too short. And too precious.

Of course, it was probably too much to ask for had we stayed undisturbed for only one evening. Although we had shut down the Floo connection for incoming calls or visitors, that didn't hinder a bothersome owl to come pecking at our window pane, right after we had proceeded to our bedroom. I was so clearly not in the mood to leave my husband's loving embrace and open the window to let a bloody owl in (and with it the chill of an early November night), but the owl was quite persistent; its beak began to thunder a staccato against the window pane, sounding like machine gunning. With a groan I sat up, wishing for a machine gun to blast the annoying bird into smithereens. It was a large eagle owl and belonged to the Malfoys, as Severus claimed when finally he got up to let the beastie in. It thanked him by viciously pecking at his fingers, and equally viciously he shooed the blasted owl away, back into the night without giving it a treat.

"Ah, now that's a typical Malfoy." I rose from the bed to aid my poor love with his bleeding finger. A simple spell solved that problem but he appeared as though he'd like to have roasted owl as a late night snack.

I gently kissed his healed finger which inevitably led to forgetting about the letter that was attached to the owl's leg until after quite a while later, when we were lying sated and satisfied in each other's arms. Then, I sleepily recalled that there had been a letter.

It was from Astoria which explained the Malfoys' owl delivering it.

_Dear Mrs Snape, _

_considering our conversation earlier today I contacted my parents regarding your request, and I am glad to confirm that they agreed to invite you for lunch at their home- The Green Cottage, in Ewell Minnis, Kent- on the third of November, at one o'clock. _

_Your husband is also cordially welcome._

_With best regards,_

_Astoria Malfoy_

"What does the girl want?" Severus inquired, furrowing his brows after having read the name of the addresser.

"Actually, it's more about what I want. Their parents invited me- well, _**us**_- for lunch. So, do you have any plans for the day after tomorrow?"

He grumbled something unintelligible.

"Oh, come on, Sev," I huffed. "The Greengrasses were quite nice when we met them at Draco's wedding, weren't they?"

"Hmpf."

"And Astoria's mum is the granddaughter of-"

"I really don't care how vaguely related she is to me, I do not wish to socialize with her, and most certainly I will not start calling her auntie-whatever-her-first-name-is."

"Marjory. It's auntie Marjory, Sev."

For that he rewarded me with a really nasty scowl and would have probably hexed me into next week out of sheer annoyance had I not reminded him of our wedding vows. "You promised to love me in good times and in bed- um, bad..."

"Insufferable witch," he growled but a corner of his lips was twitching ever so slightly at my slip of the tongue, "you promised to respect me, not to mock me."

"I was just teasing you... a little." I moved closer, pecking him on the cheek, then on his chin. From there my lips trailed over his skin, nibbling their way to his earlobe. He hissed. A moment later I was on my back and he was pinning me down.

"Circe!" His mouth crashed down on mine, ravaging me in a passionate kiss. Although Severus hated being mocked he was more lenient towards it when it came from a naked witch he had just made love with and who happened to be his wife. Then he was forgiving. Well, if I rewarded him with kisses. We never managed to be cross at each other when we were in bed.

Of course, we had had some heated arguments over the past six years of our marriage, which was only natural since we could both be quite headstrong and stubborn betimes. But in bed we never fought, there we made up.

Snuggled up in each other's arms, our legs entwined- my head resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat- our bed was also the place where we could speak up our mind without fear of resentment. Mayhap we were more amenable when we were naked, with no clothes to hide behind, masking our vulnerability.

"Sev?" I asked after quite a while of companionable silence since there was one question that wouldn't leave me alone, nagging me subliminally. Perhaps it was nothing, really, but I had to know. I lifted my hand. In the light of the candles that were still burning the emerald eyes of the snake glittered. Not for once in all those years since he had slipped that ring on my finger I had taken it off; it meant too much to me. And left me wondering- "I understand that you don't want to be bothered with your mother's side of family since they never bothered to care about you, which is bloody sad because they have no idea what they missed- especially your granddad- and I also understand the bitterness you must feel towards them, but... but if you really despise them so much, why did you give me their ring, the Prince's Ring?"

"Because it looks good on you."

"Oh no, try again."

Severus cleared his throat, and this time it took longer for him to reply. "I have no idea how my mother came by it, given that she was disinherited for marrying a Muggle- nevertheless, she left it to me, and although they cut her out of their will I am still half a Prince. The Half-Blood Prince. You know there were times when I was proud of my wizarding background..."

"Yeah," I smiled at him in sweet reminiscence of our Hogwarts years. He ran gentle fingers through my hair.

"I am still proud, Raven. This old family heirloom belongs to me and therefore it is my right to give it to the woman I love. I might despise the people, the members of my so-called family and their intolerance, but I treasure this ring, and the witch who is wearing it, with all my heart. Nothing will ever change that."

"I guess that answers my question," I whispered, leaning in to kiss him and he moaned softly at my enthusiasm. "I will also treasure this ring, and the wizard who slipped it on my finger, with all of my heart."

-

Wasn't life funny sometimes? Although I had been home from work earlier than any other day since the Azkaban breakout, I nevertheless felt slightly overtired the next morning due to a lack of sleep. Oh, but I was happy, almost chirpy, after a magical night of exquisite and extensive lovemaking. So much in love with my husband that I voluntarily got up early enough to have a homely breakfast with Severus, chatting and sharing sweet little kisses.

Still humming cheerfully I stepped into Auror headquarters some time later, and even Kiely's nasty glances couldn't spoil my mood. Of course it didn't last long and I was back to the grindstone of everyday Auror business, frustrated about the lack of results so far. Feeling locked in a hamster wheels of small steps and no breakthrough in sight. Yaxley couldn't be that clever, could he? Well, as it seemed he was and that annoyed me tremendously. I wished he wouldn't lay low all the time.

I had no idea that I would soon regret my wish.

Kiely and some of the others he was chummy with were gossiping about me again when I left headquarters the next day to visit the Greengrasses- only because I was more elegantly dressed than usual, wearing a skirt. It made him leer at me which I found mightily creepy, considering that though he despised me he wouldn't mind bedding me. I was wondering if there was a spell that shrunk his balls to the same size his brain was... pea-sized. Fortunately most of my fellow Aurors weren't sexist dunderheads but appreciated me for my skills as an investigator. Despite the fact that we hadn't made much progress yet.

At ten to one I Apparated to a neat property on the outskirts of the small Muggle village Ewell Minnis in Kent; a white fence warded with Muggle-repellant charms kept it invisible to non-wizarding eyes although a country road ran past it. I walked up the gravel path leading to a cottage that was covered all over with ivy- which explained the name given that even in the drabness of a grey November day it was still pretty green. In Summer, however, the cottage must look quite charming when all the flowerpots on the windowsills were filled with blossoming plants. It definitely had a homey touch- not what I had expected from the manor of a noble wizarding family.

Hoping I wasn't overdressed I knocked and almost immediately the door was opened by a house-elf dressed in an impeccably clean tea towel.

"Welcome to Green Cottage, Mrs Snape," the elf said. "Its name is Bell. Master and Mistress awaits you. You brings your husband?"

"Um..." I was just about to tell Bell that Severus was unfortunately indisposed when I suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Indeed," a deep voice purred.

"Sev!" I spun around, not even trying to conceal my surprise. He hadn't given the impression that he wanted to accompany me, had remained reserved about that all morning, and I had decided to not pester him. But here he was now and I stared at him a little dumbstruck, saying the first thing that came to my mind. "You... you look very handsome."

Severus sneered ever so slightly, indicating that although he had taken care of his appearance, wearing one of his finest set of robes, he hadn't done that to _impress_ them- even if he was appropriately dressed for a lunch invitation with a pureblood family. No, I realized then, he still didn't give a damn about them or the fact that they were distantly related. He wasn't wearing his robes for appearance, nor to prove his distant pureblood relatives that even a poor, shunned half-blood could make something of himself.

Instead he was doing it for me, because the invitation had been issued to both of us and his absence might cast a damning light on our relationship which wouldn't further the investigations. I couldn't help but feel grateful for my husband's thoughtfulness as I reached for his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze before we entered the cottage.

It was astoundingly modestly furnished compared to the posh luxury in which the Malfoys dwelt. Here, there were no marble floors or the golden glitter of chandeliers. Instead, the floor was made of dark wood and on the walls hung no gilded mirrors, no opulent frames with the portraits of ancestors but hunting trophy. Next to the entrance door stood two pairs of mud-crusted riding boots, reminding me of having seen some smaller buildings behind the cottage, probably the stables. It even smelled slightly of horses which left me wondering once again whether we were possibly overdressed.

Meanwhile Severus stared in rapt gloating, the meanest of a smile gracing his lips, at the skull and antlers of a massive stag.

"Um... yes, we do engage in Muggle sports occasionally, such as going hunting," a cheerful voice spoke, making us turn our heads to the master of this house, Hector Greengrass. He was a stout wizard in his early fifties with a jovial face and many laughter lines around his blue eyes.

"I see," Severus said softly, "there was a time when I would have loved to go stag-hunting."

"Indeed?" Hector Greengrass beamed, leading my husband to the parlour. "You must tell me everything about it. Would you have preferred the Muggle or the wizarding way to bring the stag down? Of course, doing it the Muggle way is a much greater challenge for a skilled hunter..."

"Actually I never gave it a second thought for I only ever wanted the trophy."

His sly smile nearly cracked me up and I snorted very unladylike, knowing just whom his sudden interest in hunting was all about. Dear Merlin! And I thought it funny- well, considering my dark sense of humour it was indeed absolutely hilarious...

Severus had already won Hector over- albeit due to slightly deceptive matters- now Marjory Greengrass greeted us with a bright smile.

"Don't listen to him," she laughed merrily, taking the arm of her husband, "or he will go on endlessly..."

Marjory Greengrass was a mature witch, round-faced and with rosy cheeks that looked very healthy as if the spent a lot of her time outside. Taking care of her garden, going out for a ride, probably even accompanying her husband when he was going hunting. A resolute woman witch a motherly touch. She almost reminded me a bit of Molly Weasley though her posture spoke of more wealth and elegance.

I had done my research about the Greengrasses. Hector was a Hufflepuff like most of his family while Marjory had been Sorted into Slytherin although she was definitely not the typical Slytherin. They were pure-bloods without being blood supremacists, and they had never supported Voldemort.

I knew that Marjory wasn't happy that her eldest daughter, Daphne, had married Gregory Goyle but then again no mother in her right state of mind would be- well, except for Goyle's own mother perhaps. At first, she hadn't been overjoyed about Astoria's choice of husband either, probably wondering what Hector and she had done wrong in raising the girls that both of them had chosen a former Death Eatery. Then they had met Draco and he had quickly won them over with the tender affection he showed towards Astoria, and the emotional growth he had proven as he clearly dissociated himself from the errors of his youth. Now he was a welcome guest to Green House- whereas Goyle was not.

Unfortunately that also meant that Daphne didn't come to visit anymore, which made the Greengrasses feel as though they had failed as parents, that the values they had tried to impart on their daughters hadn't been strong enough to bear up against the negative influence in Slytherin house, with all those little wanna-be Death Eaters around. Daphne had imbibed the ideas of blood supremacy like a sponge, slithering out of their parental guidance more and more with each year. To avoid the same from happening to Astoria, Hector and Marjory had sent her to Beauxbatons at the beginning of Voldemort's second rise to power... and they were still grateful that Astoria's Head of House had encouraged them in their decision.

I arched a quizzical brow at Severus, to which he nonchalantly replied, "Unlike Slughorn I took my duties as Head of Slytherin House seriously."

"And that you did, very well," Hector said, flashing my husband a bright smile.

"I did the best I could, which wasn't quite enough," Severus said with a frown, regret and self-criticism heavy in his voice. "Although I tried to protect them from the follies of their youth, from stepping in my footsteps and following the errors of my own way, I failed many of them since I had to mask my intentions as well as my true allegiance."

"We understand that," Marjory assured him benevolently as she reached across the table to pat his hand. She obviously admired my husband for his bravery in deceiving the Dark Lord on a daily basis. Then she quickly changed the topic, sensing Severus' discomfort of talking about those times, and she asked me what I hoped to achieve with my visit, what I wanted to find out.

I told her as bluntly as she had asked me. That there was a valid reason to believe that Yaxley and his consorts might be hiding in one of the estates she had inherited. _They reside like princes..._

If Marjory was surprised she didn't show it. Instead she merely nodded stoically, got up and left the room, only to return a moment later, carrying a map under her arm. Politely she asked the house-elves to clear the table before she unfolded the map.

It was a magical map of Britain that not only showed the usual Muggle but also the wizarding world. Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, St Mungo's.... and with a flick of her wand even more magical places appeared- Godric's Hollow, the Burrow, Malfoy Manor, Green Cottage- while the Muggle world seemed to darken in contrast to the many spots highlighted in a pale green light, looking like fireflies on a hot summer night.

Marjory spoke an incantation and most of the fireflies died. She pointed at one that was still glowing.

"This is where I grew up, the very same house my grandfather inherited from your grandfather." She glanced at Severus, who wore an expression of indifference, while at the same time the Muggle world of the map became visible again.

I stared at the greenish light near a river- the very same dirty river that ran through Severus' childhood- although a good fifteen miles up north, close to its source, it looked less polluted, less smelly...

Dear Merlin, wasn't life ironic? The promise of prosperity at one end and depressing poverty at the other of one and the same river? Now that must really suck! I cast a sideway glance at Severus, noticing he was grinding his teeth, his jaw set tight. Gingerly I reached out for him under the table and he grabbed my hand in an almost vie-like grip.

Meanwhile, Marjory continued. "Alas, my childhood home doesn't hold many pleasant memories; it was gloomy and slightly morbid with all the Dark Art artefacts my ancestors liked to hoard... Daphne likes it though. She is living there with her husband."

"Goyle is living at the house of the Princes?" _Was that the connection I was looking for? _Gregory Goyle was a dumb, incorrigible blood supremacist, a blind and mindless follower- he would bow to Yaxley or anyone else who claimed to be the new Dark Lord. On the other hand he was married to Daphne and it was hard to believe that a daughter of Hector and Marjory Greengrass would support the rise of a new tyrant- but she had already fallen apart with her family because they didn't approve to her choice of husband, and Marjory herself had admitted that the girl had changed. It wasn't completely implausible she had changed for the worst because until a few days ago no one would have expected Mary MacDonald to be a Death Eater. Nothing was impossible anymore. And yet it felt somewhat farfetched to imagine Daphne housing dangerous criminals on the run in her mother's childhood home... _a gloomy and slightly morbid house with lots of Dark Art artefacts, _a little voice in my head was nagging me until I agreed to consider checking Prince's Hall- how posh that sounded! Definitely more impressive than Spinner's End...

Marjory also told us about a summer residence in the Normandy where she liked spending the holidays with her family, but I immediately ruled that one out. Unfortunately, because a trip to the Normandy would be agreeable, preferably with Severus and mixing business with pleasure. I thought of exquisite little seafood restaurants and a night in an exclusive hotel, the expenses paid by the Ministry of Magic... a girl was allowed to dream, wasn't she? But as tempting as the idea was, it wasn't exactly supportive to the investigation. Yaxley wasn't hiding in France; he was here in Britain, within reach. One couldn't Apparate across the channel and Portkey travel was closely monitored... _of course, there was still the chance he had an ally at the Ministry, so perhaps I shouldn't rule out the Normandy- ah, get a grip on yourself, Raven, you're only lusting for seafood... moules à la normande... _My mouth was watering despite the good lunch I'd just had but I hadn't had mussels and a piece of Cheddar was no Camembert...

I was lost in reverie until Hector reminded Marjory that she had forgotten to mention another house, and both of them started to laugh as if that was a running joke between them.

"Oh yes," Marjory chuckled amused, "I actually inherited a third house, an unplottable house. It is so unplottable that no one ever managed to find it although it was mentioned in my grandfather's will. I have no idea whether he knew where it is."

Now that was mightily interesting and I forgot about Prince's Hall and the summer residence in the Normandy instantly, given that there was no better place to go into hiding than a house that was not to be found. Yes, I did realize the flaw in my train of thoughts. The house was... well, unplottable. So unplottable that even its legal heirs hadn't managed to find it yet, therefore it was more than unlikely that Yaxley knew where it was....

That very moment my mobile phone rang, startling me. With an apologetic glance I rose from the table, knowing it wasn't exactly appropriate to answer a phone call in a pureblood home, but after glimpsing at the display I felt obliged to answer the call nevertheless since it was from Laura Foster, special agent of the MI6. She sounded urgent as she asked me to come to a crime scene in Cambridge, immediately.

With a sigh I excused myself to the Greengrasses, thanking them for the invitation but, alas, I had to leave now. My job was always my first priority, especially in times like these. Giving Severus a brief kiss goodbye I Disapparated...

...and Apparated to the address Laura Foster had given me. A small terraced house on the outskirts of Cambridge. I spotted Laura's blonde head at once and walked up to her as she was shooing around the local police as well as some of her subordinates, MI6 agents.

"Mrs Snape! So glad you came," she called upon seeing me and wasted no time to lead me inside the house.

The living room looked a mess. Chairs were toppled over, drawers pulled out of the cupboards, their contents spilled all over the floor, and in midst all of this mess lay two lifeless bodies, heavily bruised. It appeared as though a fight had taken place here and I imagined the elderly couple coming home from a walk only to be confronted with some burglars trying to steal their treasured belongings.

I couldn't help but to me it looked like an ordinary robbery with murder.

"Why, precisely, am I here for?" I asked Laura Foster. _And why was she here, for that matter?_

"Because it's not about the horrendous crime itself but about the victims."

I arched a brow at her, begging for a better explanation which she provided.

"Those two," she pointed her head at the murdered couple, "are Linda and Paul Blair. I believe you are familiar with their son, Samuel Blair?"

* * *

_yes, it's a cliffhanger, and yes, I know I'm evil. Reviews are welcome._

_**The Poet's Muse**__- thanks for your review and no, he isn't into noses now. '__Incapable of keeping her pretty nose out of any book that comes her way,' was just meant to be sarcastic and by no way an insinuation that he fancies her nose... or anything about her. In this story our favorite wizard will not fall for a girl half his age, although I read some decent HG/SS stories that were quite well written and not too farfetched (well, if you avoided imagining it was actually Hermione) Also, Raven is quite possessive about her Sev and would hex anyone making an advance at her husband into next year._


	64. Parents

64- Parents

_"Those two," she pointed her head at the murdered couple, "are Linda and Paul Blair. I believe you are familiar with their son, Samuel Blair?"_

"Fuck!"

Poor Sam, as if his life wasn't complicated enough at the moment. First Sebastian got attacked and now this. I couldn't tell him.

He had never been close to his parents but nevertheless, they were his parents. They had tolerated him being a wizard and going to 'that weird school' but when he had outed himself being a gay wizard it had been a tad too much for them. Too much extraordinariness for them to handle, and what would the neighbours say?

Now the neighbours were gawping and gossiping, craning their necks to see what was going on, apparently mesmerized by the flashing blue lights of police cars.

I looked around the room, trying to get a picture of what had happened here. It still appeared as though the Blairs had become victims of some thugs. Of course, it was also apparent that a lot of people had already trampled through the room. There was an empty syringe, indicating that the paramedics had tried to reanimate them...

"Were they still alive when you arrived?" I asked Laura Foster.

"No," she answered and explained that the neighbours had alerted the police upon hearing a piercing scream coming from the Blairs' house, then the police officer who had arrived first had called the ambulance.

"Why were _you_ called anyway? Nothing in this room indicated that it wasn't a common robbery and murder."

"Because of the victims' identity. There are a few houses related to your world that are under special surveillance by the MI6, this is one of them. So when we heard the address on the police radio we came here at once." She stepped a little closer to the two bodies but was smart enough to not come too close in fear of stepping on not yet recovered evidence. "You might have noticed that Mr and Mrs Blair here show no signs of any mortal injury, despite the few bruises. I know that some of your spells can do that, killing without a trace."

I nodded. _Avada Kedavra,_ the Killing Curse, one of the three Unforgivables that were forgivable when used by Aurors. Well, the MI6 was allowed to carry guns that were just as deadly and left nasty holes in people.

It didn't make any sense, though. Why the Blairs? Why their senseless murder? They were an unobtrusive, elderly couple living a quiet life; there was nothing uncommon about them except for having a magical son they merely saw once a year on Boxing Day (Sam usually spent Christmas Day with Sebastian at the St John's home). And yet they had been murdered with magic, no doubt about that.

Laura Foster had watched the door so that none of the local policeman would see me brandishing my wand, casting a _Revelio_ spell to reveal the magical signature of four wizards. Then one of her men started to generously dust the front door with fingerprint powder I gave him an incredulous glance.

"What are you hoping to achieve with that? Does the MI6 have fingerprints of criminal wizards in their database nowadays?"

"Well, we do have the ones of those sent to Azkaban since Kings- um, Mr Shacklebolt became your Minister. He likes to work together closely with MI6."

Ah, an almost slip of the tongue- I hadn't forgotten that Kingsley and Laura were more than just working together.

For the next ten minutes of so I checked the room for more traces of magic, discovering that the faintest signature was that of Sam himself. Probably left last Christmas. The other three were fresher, more vibrant... and also more evil.

Feeling a little downhearted I nevertheless managed to send my Patronus to Severus, briefing him of what had happened. It was almost a miracle that I could produce a Patronus at all, given the circumstances.

It made no point. This murder was so senseless- but then again when did a murder make sense?

Finally my team arrived, Williamson and Proudfoot. Thankfully not Kiely. Or the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Annoy

"What have they ever done to them?" I wondered aloud, sounding frustrated. I had just discovered a hair that didn't belong to the victims but to one of their assassins. More precisely, to Yaxley himself. An incantation had revealed his magical blueprint.

Laura Foster gasped- though not green in dealing with magic it would never fail to astound her what we witches and wizards could do. "Wished we'd get our DNA analysis that fast..."

Williamson ignored her as he answered my question even it had been more or less rhetorical. "It's about their son."

"I know that! But they weren't even close."

"Um, I guess what Williamson wants to say," Proudfoot intervened, "is that their son, a Muggleborn wizard, possessed the audacity to found a newspaper criticising the wizarding world and some of its very own, and very old traditions, although he knows very little about the old ways. Naturally that irks the pureblood supremacists tremendously- and even the more moderate purebloods for that matter. They prefer to not get their flaws rubbed in their faces on a daily basis.

Now, since Sam Blair is sort of inaccessible at Malfoy Manor they had to attack elsewhere..."

He fell silent upon the noise of a ruckus outside. A police officer yelled, "Stop!", and then the MI6 agent who had so eagerly powdered the front door shouted, "Sir, you cannot go in there! You need to show your ID! This is an ongoing MI6 investigation!"

But no words of an overly assiduously MI6 agent could stop Severus Snape when he wanted to get to me so he just offered the guy his best sneer and pushed open the door. In a knee-jerk reaction Laura Foster drew her gun and aimed at him.

A mere fraction of a second later it was in my hand, having used a simple _Accio_.

"Please be so kind and refrain from shooting my husband," I said casually, handing the gun back to her with a sardonic smile, "I'd be so very obliged."

"Husband or not, he cannot simply walk in on an ongoing MI6 investigation!" Laura protested.

Simultaneously, Severus and I turned to scowl at her.

"Two of a kind," Williamson chuckled.

"Miss Foster, this is also an Auror investigation, and though my husband is not an Auror he has more experience with Death Eaters than any of us." I said softly but without concealing the subliminal threat. It was none of her business what Severus was doing here (well, I didn't know that either) just as it was none of my business what she was doing with Kingsley in her spare time. It was not in my intention to use my knowledge- or rather, my suspicion- against them. Unless the course of events rendered it necessary that I used it to my advantage...

"You will excuse me for a moment?" Not waiting for any reply I took Severus' arm and led him to the adjacent room, the kitchen, for a brief moment of privacy. There were many thoughts twirling in my mind but the most pressing one was whether the Greengrass had heard of what had happened. When Severus shook his head no, his dark eyes not leaving my face, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good." It might be a tad farfetched but as long as they were blissfully unaware of the situation they couldn't involuntarily tell the wrong things to the wrong people and alert them. Only an hour ago I had found it difficult to believe that a daughter of Marjory and Hector could possibly support a new Dark Lord rising but now I wouldn't rule it out anymore. Not after having seen Paul and Linda Blair lying dead on the floor. If the fiends had became ruthless enough to not shy away from the most senseless of all murder, I had to hold up against them somehow...

"You alright?" Severus asked.

"Yeah," I lied, shrugging, "I'm fine."

But I wasn't, of course not. However, this was not the right time for weakness. There was work to do; I needed to function. I could still cry about the injustice of life later, when Yaxley and his consorts were six feet under. Then I could mourn with Sam, but not now...

"Don't lie to me."

"Then stop asking stupid questions!" It came out much sharper than intended and almost immediately I regretted my harsh tone. There was absolutely no point in lashing out at Severus. "I'm sorry. It's just..."

"I know," he said simply, and he did indeed.

Locking eyes with him I knew he understood what was driving me, the same force that had driven him to return to his dreaded master over and over again, never knowing what would await him. A rare praise perhaps- or torture?

Now, my situation wasn't nearly half as dire as his had been but the pressure was there, nonetheless.

"We have to tell Sam... I just don't know how. And- could you possibly call my mum? Just ask her if she's alright and make it sound like the usual call, will you? I won't have the time..."

Raising his hand he ever so gently caressed my cheek. "I will."

I swallowed hard. Although he furrowed his brows, he fortunately- fortunately- didn't insist on going into hiding due to the increasing gravity of the situation. Just like I he understood that their next victim could be anyone related to us, my dear old Mum included. There was no use talking about that now for it was so obvious it filled me with dread.

And yet, I had the the feeling we were so close to solving this case. We still hadn't searched the crime scene for evidence as thoroughly as I would have liked- we couldn't afford to miss even the slightest clue, anything that might give us a lead to where Yaxley and his cohorts were hiding-

_I needed a search warrant for Prince's Hall..._

"Don't expect me to be home early tonight."

Severus gave me a brief peck on the cheek and left the kitchen, walking through the house with his black robes billowing behind him. He really looked like an overgrown bat sometimes...

-

A little later- after having thoroughly searched the Blairs' residence for evidence- I felt the wind sweeping through my hair as I watched the grandiose mansion in front of me from the soft swelling of a small hill to which I had just Apparated. Behind me were the trees of a forest belonging to the property, ahead of me the vast garden, and next to me were the two most capable Aurors, Williamson and Proudfoot.

"It's quite big, ain't it? I mean, compared to where Snape grew up..."

I cast an irritated glance at the nuisance at my left side- Harry Potter- and growled, "Indeed."

Prince's Hall was a large country house, more like a palace actually, with a pair of Tuscan columns framing the entrance door. So yes, it was slightly bigger than Spinner's End. Potter was such an observant young man.

I couldn't help but wonder what would have become of Severus had he grown up here instead of in that dunghill of his youth...

Night had fallen already so the manor was generously illuminated. The wards, however, weren't that impressive. They dated back to the first half of last century and- though skillfully cast- were a bit old fashioned. There would be no problem for us to break through them.

It was too easy. The first doubt whether Yaxley was actually hiding there kept nagging me but I refused to listen to that little voice in my head. _They reside like princes... _where else could he be if not in Prince's Hall?

Bill Weasley walked up to me, shaking his head before he made the sign, thumb up. The coast was clear.

We hired him occasionally because he was truly gifted when it came to curse-breaking, and we even had a second curse-breaker checking the manor for hidden magical traps. Apparently there were none, which I found odd.

Of course, there were Muggle-repellent charms that made Prince's Hall appear like a desolated, ramshackle hut surrounded by thorny blackberry thicket and scrub. But there were no wards keeping a wizard from entering the property.

Thumb up from Auror Rushnard as well. He and a team of handpicked, very skilled Hit Wizards which had joined our ranks today, had cast Anti-Apparation spells all over the place so that those inside Prince's Manor could not Disapparate.

So far everything was going nicely, according to the plan. Nothing was left to chance- I wanted this raid to be a success, the final breakthrough...

Now everybody was waiting for my sign. I sensed the unrest in my fellow Aurors, excitement and determination mingled with the distant feeling of unease, even fear... and they were right to fear the unknown that awaited us in Prince's Hall. Only a fool was never afraid... well, or a Gryffindor.

Harry Potter's eyes were glistening with the thirst for adventure.

"Potter!" I hissed, "You will wait for my command and do exactly what you're told- do I make myself clear?"

"Unmistakably, ma'am."

"Good, since this is not the right time for any heroic escapade. We're all in the same boat as a team, and as a team we will act. I will not tolerate you going it alone just because you're the Golden Boy that cannot possibly fail."

Swallowing hard he gave me his best puppy eyes- living with Sirius was rubbing off on him, apparently- but I merely scowled before turning to Williamson.

"Let's go!"

-

In some regards, Prince's Hall reminded me of Malfoy Manor because of all the marble, the golden chandeliers and candelabras, the long gallery of golden-framed ancestors in the entrance hall. While my men swarmed out to take all the inhabitants and their guests- and guests they had for sure, considering the noise coming form an upstairs room- by surprise, I lingered in the entrance hall for a moment longer to take in the atmosphere of the building.

No, not like Malfoy Manor, I finally decided. Prince's Hall was more elegantly furnished, not quite as ostentatious as the Malfoys but definitely reeking of wealth. To imagine that the grandson- the heir to this fortune if he hadn't been cut out of the will- had often gone to bed hungry, made me sick with disgust.

And all of a sudden the mansion didn't look that elegant anymore. The walls seemed to radiate a gloomy atmosphere now, one that could suffocate a cheerful laughter. Tears had been cried in these halls, the Dark Arts had been performed... leaving a distant echo lingering in the air like negative energy.

From the corner of my eye I noticed a house-elf scurrying through the entrance hall, then whispering excitedly to another one that was standing at the foot of the staircase, listening to the sounds coming from above. A witch screamed.

I hurried up the stairs and entered a large room, obviously the former banqueting hall. Oh, it was still a banqueting hall but I assumed Augustus Prince would have never approved to the banquet the Goyles were entertaining their guests with. They had sushi- served on two naked witches. One of them stood on the table now, wearing only high heels and some nigiri that hadn't come off yet, thanks to the sticky rice.

"You!" Goyle shouted, pointing with his finger at me. I guessed he still remembered me fondly from my summer Defense against the Dark Arts course. "I demand to know what you're doing in **my** house! How dare you interrupt my privacy in such a shameless way?"

"Shameless?" I sneered, "Oh, that's so rich coming from someone who entertains his guests with naked fish platters." I turned to the two witches. "You may get dressed now."

They blushed and scurried to get to the alcove where they had left their robes. I sent one of the Hit Wizards- who was in fact a witch- to go and keep an eye on them. I didn't suspect the two of being involved in any criminal activity but I wanted their testimony nevertheless.

"No Death Eaters here," Williamson informed me.

Alas, I had noticed that, too, although I recognized a familiar face among the guests. Pansy Parkinson (or whatever her name was now) glared at me, mumbling, "...filthy half-blood slut..."

It didn't bother me. What bothered me was that there was no sight of Yaxley and his cohorts. I told Williamson to search the whole house for them even though I feared it would be to no avail. Frustrated, I combed my fingers through my hair, then ordered that all the party guests were to be taken to headquarters for interrogation.

Gregory Goyle fumed. "You cannot do that!"

"I can and I will. Mr. Potter, would you please be so kind to show Mr. Goyle the search warrant in order to assure him of the legitimacy of our actions? I'd be so very obliged."

"With pleasure, Mrs Snape," Harry chirped cheerfully.

Proudfoot and Rushnard exchanged disbelieving glances; it was the first time ever they had witnessed us being so amiable to each other. Well, I must admit that it was definitely unusual for me whereas Potter was a politer person in general.

The Hit Wizards took the party guests to the Ministry while the team of Aurors and I scoured Prince's Hall for evidence of Yaxley's presence, recently or in the past. They might have hidden here for a while and had only moved on in fear that Mary MacDonald might give them away.

Or she had deliberately set me on a wrong trail. But no, she had been scared when she had given my that riddle. Merlin, I so wanted to scream. This investigation was so fucking annoying. There couldn't possibly be that many dead ends.

We searched the house until it was almost brimming with _Revelio_ spells but found no trace of Yaxley. House-elves were following us everywhere, eyeing us with suspicion.

"Scum... unworthy half-bloods and blood-traitors violating the most noble House of Prince..."

If only we could get them to cooperate with us. Those little creatures saw everything and heard everything that happened at their household, they knew hidden rooms and secret passageways... but when Harry Potter tried to get on eye-level with one of them, addressing the elf in a friendly tone, the little beastie almost bit him in the nose. Instinctively, Harry jerked back his head and landed on his butt.

"Nice try, Potter," I scoffed when I noticed something tugging at my skirt. I looked down and saw the same house-elf I had already spotted in the entrance hall earlier, scurrying off to an adjacent room. Apparently he meant me to follow him but to what point and purpose I didn't know. Resolutely grasping my wand I entered the room. The door slammed shut behind me and the house-elf turned to face me. He looked ancient.

Rearranging the stained tea-towel he wore, he offered me a toothless smile, his big, turquoise eyes glittering.

"Good mistress," he said and surprised me even more when he took my hand and briefly pressed his wrinkled lips on it. _What the heck was going on now_? This was weird. "Such a shame, such a shame... master never wants this happen. Good days when banqueting hall was filled with decent guests and minstrels came to sing, no wireless and no scarlet women. Pha! Days gone- _gone_. Poor Quintin, poor master. Master never knows. Filthy, filthy people dishonoring the house of Prince, besmirching the name of Prince with dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Um, so your name's Quintin?" I interrupted him with the first thing that came to my mind before he could continue his rant.

"Aye, its name is Quintin." And almost proudly he added, "Quintin the second."

I refrained from asking him what had happened to Quintin the first as the image of elf heads lining the staircase at Grimmauld Place popped up in my mind's eye. Fortunately I hadn't seen anything like that in Prince's Hall yet.

"Please to meet you, Quintin," I offered, "my name is..."

"Oh, Quintin knows... Quintin knows many things, good mistress."

"Do you?" I decided to stake it all on one card and asked him bluntly whether he knew any hidden rooms at Prince's Hall.

The house-elf smiled at me and took my hand. "This way, mistress."

Despite Quintin's unexpected support, our little trip though the mansion's hidden room- there were three of them, all interconnected through secret passageways- was ineffective in the end and I had to get used to the fact that Yaxley had never been to Prince's Hall. Well, at least not in the past forty years. There was a very faint hint that he had visited the mansion sometime in the past, when Augustus Prince was still alive. Given that Severus grandfather died in 1970 it certainly wasn't a trace worth following since it wouldn't further the investigation.

I thanked Quintin for his effort and returned to headquarters with my team of Aurors to grill Gregory Goyle and his party guest. Most of them were pretty clueless, friends from abroad who had attended Durmstrang Institute and were in Britain to visit some old pureblood families. Perhaps they idolized the rise of a new Dark Lord but mostly they were here for fun, and Goyle had clearly surpassed other families in the fun aspect with his very unique banquet.

By the time we were done with cross-examining the party guests it became apparent that today's operation was a total failure. We were still not any closer to capturing Yaxley, we still had no clue where he was hiding. And to top it all, Kiely was constantly complaining about doing overtime, glancing at me with unconcealed accusation in his eyes.

Finally, even Harry Potter had enough of him and snapped, "If you want a nine to five job you are wrong for Auror headquarters. I will talk to Minister Shacklebolt tomorrow and see to it that he finds you a more agreeable job."

The Golden Boy looked into the round of Aurors. "I understand you all want to go home to your families- so do I. My wife is eight months pregnant and of course I'd rather spend my time with her. But this is important. Right now we are facing a threat that is bigger than any since Voldemort's downfall, and if we are given the chance to stop a new Dark Lord from rising to power, we should take it with gratefulness; thankful, that we realized the dawning danger before it could overwhelm us. Let us not make the same mistake as our fathers by underestimating that danger. Let us fight it and make the wizarding world a better place for our children!"

While the other Aurors applauded him almost frenetically, I rolled my eyes at so much Gryffindor pathos. Nevertheless, it seemed to work. Kiely kept his bloody mouth shut and everyone else continued to work with a new spring in their step. The Boy-who-lived-to-annoy smiled brightly at me but I turned my back on him and returned to the interrogation room to grill Goyle about his possible allegiance with Yaxley.

He confessed that he sympathized with Yaxley's cause, cursing all Mudbloods, blood-traitors and above all my husband for deceiving the Dark Lord when _HE_ had put so much trust in him. I felt so tempted to use an Unforgivable on him but managed to rein myself in, knowing it wouldn't further my cause. So I listened stoically to his little tirade and called it a waste of time.

Meanwhile, in interrogation room two, Daphne Goyle nee Greengrass was crying her eyes out about the injustice that was done to her when she hadn't done anything wrong, stating that it wasn't a crime to entertain guests with naked witches serving as fish platters if they were paid decently. Then she bawled for her mum to get her out of this inconvenient situation, threatening poor Proudfoot with the wrath of the Greengrasses' lawyer.

I almost feared meeting Marjory Greengrass here at Auror headquarters after she had so generously treated Severus and me with a delicious lunch only a few hours ago, but when she finally arrived a little later to pick up her wayward daughter, she gave me a curt nod of approval before she literally dragged Daphne to the Floo by the ear. I was quite certain that dear Daphne wouldn't live to hear the end of it and I secretly rooted for Marjory Greengrass, feeling ashamed I had questioned her integrity.

Since no one came to bail-out Gregory Goyle we kept him in one of the arrest cells at level ten for the rest of the night, which was getting shorter by the minute, and there was still a pile of papers and pictures collected at Prince's Hall as possible evidence for- whatever- waiting to be looked through. Maybe, only maybe, it would give us a clue, a new lead worth following...

Since Kiely wasn't doing anything but looking bored I ordered him to bring me some strong coffee before I sat down at my cubicle, sorting through papers. Still wondering about Quintin's strange reaction to me, calling me 'good mistress' and being notably cooperative although he was supposed to be bad-mouthing me because I was merely a half-blood, not worthy the speck of dust under the sole of his beloved master, the late Augustus Prince.

Graciously accepting the pot of black coffee Kiely slammed on my desk, surreptitiously checking it for venomous potions, I settled in my chair, lit a cigarette, and skimmed through the papers.

"Now, that might be interesting," Barkins said all of the sudden, approaching me with a picture he placed in front of me.

It showed Augustus Prince with a man that looked like the spitting image of Xavier Yaxley, only that said picture must have been taken at the dawn of the last century. Realization seemed to struck me.

"Well done, Barkins," I said before addressing the whole team, "Guys, I guess we have to find out whether Augustus Prince and Yaxley's grandfather went to Hogwarts at the same time, and if that's the case, were they in the same house? Were they possible even friends?"

Williamson groaned, "We'll need Mrs Weasley for that research. No one knows the archive better than her."

"Well, then get her here." I dismissed him, still staring at the picture of two young, smiling wizards standing at a beach, arms around the other one's shoulder. _'Oh yes,' _I heard Marjory chuckle again, '_I actually inherited a third house, an unplottable house. It is so unplottable that no one ever managed to find it although it was mentioned in my grandfather's will...'_

My thoughts went wild. So what if Severus' and Yaxley's grandfathers were friends? What if Augustus Prince had taken his friend to the unplottable house? What if that picture was taken there, at the coast? What if Yaxley's grandfather had passed the information about the unplottable house from his son to his grandchild?

That moment, a very dishevelled looking Hermione, her hair bushier than ever, stepped out of the fireplace; in spite of the early hour she nevertheless wore a business-like expression on her face.

"What do you want me to look for?" She asked slightly breathless, and I couldn't help but arch an approving brow at her professionalism and dedication.

About an hour later it was officially confirmed that Augustus Prince and Cuthbert Yaxley were in the same year at Hogwarts, both being Slytherins. Apparently they had also been close friends who had spent a lot of time together- a newspaper clipping showed them in Greece, summer of 1895, during their tour through wizarding Europe and Egypt. Then, Cuthbert had settled down and married a pureblood witch his parents had chosen for him. That was followed by a time-span of no record about either of the two friends, until an advertisement in the _Daily Prophet_ caught my eye, announcing the birth of Augustus Yaxley. Some years later Eileen Prince was born.

I thought of purebloods and their sick weakness for arranged marriages to keep the blood pure, and given that Cuthbert had named his son after his best friend, I wondered if grandfather Prince had promised his girl to his best friend's son. At least that might explain his wrath about Eileen running off with a Muggle. But no, even before Eileen had married Tobias Snape, Augustus Yaxley had wed a certain Horatia Umbridge- ugh, Yaxley was related to the toad- so the question was whether Eileen had only ran off with a Muggle because her dearly betrothed had dropped her for Miss Umbridge? So many questions and no answers.

My hair was a mess from raking frustrated fingers through it; I was tired and in need of a shower- maybe then I'd be able to think clearly again. At the moment everything was just a horrible mess and my head was spinning with vague theories that made no sense.

Glancing at my watch I realized that it was past six o'clock already, so I called it a night and sent my team home for a well-deserved nap before we'd meet again at noon.

-

The house was quiet when I stepped out of the fireplace but I saw a light coming from the kitchen. And the delicious smell of crispy bacon. I forgot about taking a shower and made a beeline for the kitchen where Severus was having breakfast. Ruffling his hair I breathed a kiss on his cheek.

"Morning, darling, up already?"

"It is almost half past six," he grumbled as he put away the newspaper, reminding me that he always got up that early. Then he pulled me down on his lap and gave me his best scowl. "You look like death warmed over."

"My, you really are quite flirtatious today!"

"I'm only stating the obvious, Raven. Did you really have to work that long?"

"Um-hm," I took a bite of his toast and picked up his fork to greedily devour the rest of the fried eggs and bacon left on his plate, longing for more; I had only just realized how hungry I was. "I told you I won't be home early, and besides, all of us worked that long, even the Golden Boy- I must have some more of that bacon." I called for Pinkie, too tired to move. My husband held me in a loving embrace although he was still scowling at me slightly.

"Were you at least successful?"

"Well, yeah, sort of- you know, Sev, I'd love to have some fresh strawberries now-"

"In November?" Frowning he glanced at my- formerly his- plate that Pinkie had filled with more bacon, eggs and toast, watching me tuck in with gusto.

"Does Sam know what happened?" I changed the subject, reaching for the coffee our dear little ugliness had placed before me on the table, purring contentedly into the foamed milk.

"Yes, I told him."

"And?" Although I was relieved that I hadn't had to inform him of his parents' murder, I couldn't help wondering whether Severus was the right person to deliver such a tragic message.

"Well, he knows now. I administered him a Calming Draught and a Dreamless Sleep to get over his loss."

"Always so caring..." Never mind. I reached for his hand while still chewing on my third piece of toast, not resenting his lack of empathy towards Sam since they weren't close. Sam had never kept it a secret that he would have preferred me to marry Sirius, and Severus knew that.

"Anyway," he sounded somewhat impatient now, "did you come up with a new lead?"

"Yep- but if I told you now what we found out you'd only clam up again because you don't want to hear about your family."

Severus arched a brow and entwined his fingers with mine. "So there really is a connection?"

"Did you ever doubt my Auror instincts?"

"No, but I though you might have gotten a tad too obsessed with the Princes."

"Apparently not." I opened the folder I had brought along, took out a copy of the picture we had found at Prince's Hall, and put it next to my plate for him to see.

"Is that..." He glanced at it, then looked up to me with a frown,

"Yaxley's grandfather. He was best friends with yours."

Severus studied the picture for a little longer, his face inscrutable. It was possibly the first time he had ever seen a picture of his grandfather and though there was definitely a similarity in appearance I could tell that the stranger meant nothing to him. Blood alone didn't make a family; it wasn't thicker than love, and love he hadn't received from his family. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close as I rested my head in the nook of his shoulder.

A warm feeling of drowsy contentment engulfed me and my eyelids grew heavier every moment. I closed them for merely the fraction of a second and could hardly open them again when Severus shook me gently. Without further ado he Apparated us from the kitchen to our bedroom. I was grateful I didn't have to walk up the staircase.

"You need to get some sleep," he insisted and I didn't object.

"Hmm," I mumbled sleepily as I reached for his hand, unwilling to be left alone, "d'ya have to go to work already?"

He kissed me gently and settled down on the bed next to me. "Since I will work in my lab today, I could as well stay for a while."

-

When I awoke a few hours later I was alone. Of course Severus wouldn't stay in bed with me all day but it had been good to fall asleep in his arms. Yawning and sprawling I glanced at the alarm clock which told me it was ten past eleven. So I still had plenty of time before I had to be back at headquarters. I took a shower and trotted downstairs, picking up a cup of coffee from the kitchen and then proceeding to our private lab to see how Severus was faring.

Apparently he was in quite a difficult stage of brewing since he didn't even look up when I entered but kept on stirring the cauldron in concentration. I sat down opposite of him and, sipping my coffee, felt contented to simply watch him. It always was kind of soothing to watch him work, the swift way his fingers flew, the precision with which he cut his ingredients... it had already fascinated me at school. Even as a young student he had shown so much more dedication to the subject than Slughorn could ever muster since our dear professor had been too preoccupied with his Slug Club, mentoring students who would 'make it' one day, become famous Quidditch stars or climb up the ladder within the ranks of the Ministry.

Severus, however, had always loved potions and was probably happiest when he could brew and research for hours without anyone disturbing him. He had made me love the beauty of simmering cauldrons, too, mesmerized by shimmering fumes, liquid powers- and his hands, long-limbed and slender, creating all those wonders...

That very moment the cauldron emitted a wheezing sound together with a thick cloud of purplish-brown smoke and the potion turned too viscous to be stirred anymore. Severus extinguished the flame, _scourgified_ the cauldron and levitated it to the sink. Apparently something that had gone wrong.

Furrowing his brows in concentration he scribbled some notes on a parchment, then glanced up to look at me.

"I hope I didn't distract you with my presence?" I asked, offering him a gingerly smile.

He shook his head no. "Not at all. I am still at the first stage of research, therefore I am well aware that things tend to go awry that early in the process."

"May I ask what you're working on?"

"I do intend to come up with an antidote to the _Insto Inflammo _potion."

I was impressed. Practical as he was he tried to help me in his very own way, knowing it would further the investigation if we could administer Veratiserum to the suspects without having to fear they would go up in flames.

"I guess it won't do to simply shove a bezoar down their throats, right?"

He laughed darkly. "Indeed. Although a bezoar protects you from most poisons it isn't a cure-it-all and certainly not a remedy for any Dark potion of old."

I nodded my approval before I asked whether I could take a glimpse at his notes, which he permitted. Though I wasn't nearly half as experienced at potions as he was I understood nevertheless that the main problem was to counter the viciously inflammable effect of the Ashwinder brains. He had used the extract of lichen roots from permafrost soil- which made perfect sense to me only that the permafrost aspect had rendered the potion too viscous... well, almost frozen.

"Hm," I thought aloud, "and if you used something that is even more inflammable or causes more heat than the Ashwinder? Like Chinese Fireball Eggs?"

"You want to put out a fire with gasoline?"

"Well, more like igniting a counter-fire?"

Severus pondered that for a moment. "An interesting idea. Alas, all dragon eggs are Class A Non-Tradeable Goods..."

"And yet you can get them on the black market. Just like Ashwinder brains."

"That is true indeed, although the heat emitted by a cracked Chinese Fireball Egg would set our house ablaze within seconds."

"Oh!" I hadn't considered that. "Quite an undesirable side effect, I guess? Maybe you should try that at St Mungo's instead."

He stared at my hands and I noticed that I was rubbing my chest. I stopped my fingers, grinned sheepishly and shrugged. No, I wasn't toying with my breasts. My bra was just a tad uncomfortable today...

I would have loved to talk with him about possible potion ingredients for a little longer but a glance at my watch told me that I had to be at headquarters in five minutes. Giving him a brief kiss goodbye that lasted longer than intended and was definitely more passionate, I hurried to the fireplace.

-

Kingsley wanted to be briefed on the latest results, eager to let the press know we were making progress. Fortunately I managed to stop him from doing just that. Although the wizarding society might have the right to know that we Aurors weren't lazing around, reporting every single step we took, every lead we followed, was simply counter-productive since I assumed that even Death Eaters on the run were capable of reading. And they didn't need to be informed if we were close to capturing them or not. At this point in the investigation, secrecy was not only necessary but imperative.

The rest of the day, however, went by quite unspectacularly. We made a point to cross-examine both Mary MacDonalds and Gregory Goyle again but without any success. Goyle didn't seem to know anything at all- he did admire Yaxley for breaking out of Azkaban and striving to be the new Dark Lord, but at the end of the day we had to let him go due to lack of evidence against him. We couldn't keep him arrested just because he was a supporter of pureblood supremacy and entertained other purebloods with naked witches serving as sushi platters.

Mary MacDonald was a different case. Although she clammed up and refused to answer any questions, she had already made it clear that she had actively supported the breakout. Therefore she would remain to enjoy the hospitality of the Ministry for a little longer.

Secretly we hoped that Mulciber might feel tempted to act rashly, imprudently, and hasten to spring his beloved wife from the cell. That was very unlikely, though. Yaxley wouldn't let that happen as he was a strong leader- anyone who managed to make a brother take a bite of his sister for the cause was, decidedly, quite a persuasive character. No matter how sick his ideals were.

After an uneventful, even tedious day at headquarters I decided to go home early. Despite the raid of Prince's Hall we only had one promising lead- a picture showing Augustus Prince and Cuthbert Yaxley standing arm in arm at a beach. Probably close to the location of the unplottable house Marjory Greengrass had joked about. It could be anywhere, at any coast or island in Britain.

But instead of wracking my brains about that I went home for a nice, intimate evening with my husband. We went out to eat in a little Italian restaurant just around the corner and had just returned home, cuddling and kissing like a newly enamoured couple, when all of a sudden Pinkie spoiled the moment by clearing her throat

"Dear master, mistress..."

We startled, driving apart to stare at our house-elf who looked slightly flustered and about to bang her head for bothering us.

"Pinkie is forever sorry, but..."

I launched at her in order to stop her from harming herself.

"What's up, dear?"

She started to wail. "Bad, bad Pinkie for it disrupts good master and mistress but," now she sniffed, "mistress its mother is in the Floo and wishes to speak to mistress, says it is urgent and looks like she is..."

"Mum!" I stiffened, feeling incredibly guilty because although I had asked Severus to call her and see if she was alright, I hadn't thought about her at all after that. I had been too busy with other things, other families than my own. So I hurried to the library now to answer her call.

"Mum! You alright?" I yelled upon seeing her since she looked slightly dishevelled. Her usually tidy white hair was in a mess, and immediately I feared the worst.

"Hello, my darling," she smiled at me from the flames, smiling the unsettling smile of a mother who didn't want to bother her daughter with the little discomforts of life. "I really don't want to be a nuisance but I was wondering if you could possibly consider coming over for a moment, and also wouldn't mind if you brought some of your colleagues along- oh, hello Severus, my dear boy! How are you today?"

Merlin, what had happened? Apparently she wasn't in immediate danger but something had happened, definitely. Nervously running my hands through my hair I glanced at Severus, who had followed me downstairs, and decided, "Call Williamson and Proudfoot, then follow me."

That said, without waiting for a response, I threw some Floo powder in the fireplace, stated my destination, and stepped into the greenish flames. A whirling sensation later I was in the living room of Casa Nigella in Majorca and had to blink twice at the sight that greeted me there.

"MUM!" I yelped, pointing at the man that hung upside down in midair, in the middle of the room, Stunned and tied by magical ropes, looking as if he'd been run over by a herd of hippogriffs. My eyes widened even more when I identified him as Amycus Carrow. One of Yaxley's cronies. "CARE TO EXPLAIN _THAT?"_

_

* * *

_a/n: I had to make a correction to chapter 62 because, apparently, I can't count. I said Augustus Prince died in 1970, hardly 90 years old. However, in my notes I dated his birth in 1872 so when he died he was hardly 100 years old. It's not that relevant for the story but I didn't want Augustus attending Hogwarts at the same time as Dumbledore, and according to the HP lexicon Dumbledore was born in 1881.

Thanks to all my reviewers, especially **ink**, and everybody who subscribed.

Special thanks to Rose of the West for inspiration on a rather delicate issue (You know what I mean, don't you?)

Feedback is always very much appreciated.


	65. Plotting the Unplottable

A/N- Sorry for the late update. Real life (new kitchen at home, new apprentice girl at work) got in the way- plus a massive writer's block. Anyway, enjoy. And please review!

Thanks to ink- I think you got more upset about the 'Mary Sue' comment than I. I just laughed and thanked her for making me feel young again. 14! *snickers*

* * *

-65- Plotting the Unplottable

_"CARE TO EXPLAIN _THAT_?"_

"Ah, don't get your knickers in a twist, honey..."

I whirled around to see the Association of Majorcan Witches standing there, charming old ladies with smiling faces and rosy cheeks from duelling. They were drinking prosecco.

"Don't 'honey' me!" I snarled at Dorothea.

"Raven!" Mum chided me but it was too late to teach me manners.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?" A fight had taken place here, that was obvious and that was all that mattered to me now. Death Eaters had dared to attack my mother. My stomach churned in sudden uproar as I remembered the dead bodies of Sam's parents. Was it only yesterday?

Green flames lit up from the fireplace to announce more visitors; Severus stepped out of the Floo, Williamson- and Harry Potter of all people. The old ladies cheered, swooning over the Golden Boy.

"Aw, Harry Potter... isn't he sweet... such a charming young man..."

And they clinked their glasses, thrilled that he graced them with his presence.

My husband gave the impression as though he wanted to vomit.

Williamson looked around stoically.

Finally Mum showed some mercy and told us what had happened. Carrow and another Death Eater, (presumably Rookwood) had entered her house at sunset, probably considering an elderly, widowed witch, living on her own, easy prey. Well, they had been wrong. Instead of being all alone and scared to death at the sight of two Death Eaters, said elderly widow had immediately brandished her wand and covered Rookwood in boils. Carrow had laughed, but only he who laughs last, laughs loudest, and the evil wizards had to learn that the hard way. It had started with a cackling sound, then they must have felt as if the wrath of a horde of hyenas had come upon them. So much for dear old ladies... the battle at Hogwarts should have taught them to never underestimate the Association of Majorcan Witches. Rookwood had scarcely managed to escape, now bald-headed but sporting bright orange hair on the rest of his body, and with the hair came the crab lice.

I laughed almost hysterically.

That moment, Williamson let Carrow down not all too gently as he landed on the floor with a thumping sound.

"You are under arrest," Williamson informed him.

Amycus Carrow didn't seem to mind. Clutching his groin rather protectively he cast an almost frightened glance at the prosecco-drinking harpies otherwise known as the Association of Majorcan Witches. Their triumphant laughter sent a shiver down his spine.

He hadn't counted on my wrath though.

It flared up all of a sudden. I had listened to my mother's report with relative calmness but now my temper got the better of me. As if the 'thump' of him falling down was the catalyst, like the red rag to a bull. Raging hot anger washed over me- he, Carrow, acting in place of Yaxley, had dared to attack MY mother! That cowardly Death Eater scum was hiding somewhere in an unplottable house and didn't have the balls to confront me or Severus personally, and I was taking this very personally.

I spun around and aimed my wand at Carrow.

"Crucio!"

It filled me with immense pleasure, seeing him wincing and writhing on the floor, shrieking with pain. If you cast an Unforgivable, you needed to _mean_ it. You needed to really _want_ to cause pain, and I... I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it tremendously, making someone pay for those last weeks of ineffective work, chasing shadows, living under threat... Alecto Carrow's horribly mutilated form..., Sebastian- battered and bruised, still in a magical induced sleep... Avery's charred remains... Mary and her blind dedication to the cause... Sam's parents, dead on the floor...

Someone gasped in shock at my ruthlessness, my apparent lack of compassion, but I couldn't care less. Did they care? _DID THEY CARE?_

"Stop it! Stop it now!"

In one ear, out the other.

An arm came snaking around my waist, pulling me in to a dark clad chest and my concentration- motivation- wavered as I inhaled a very familiar scent that reminded me of warmth and love, and a feeling of warmth did indeed engulfed me, cuddled up in my husband's arms. Being close to him seemed to snap me out of the cold-blooded, trance-like state I was in, making me stare in horror at what I was capable of, what I had enjoyed... but hell, I wasn't like Bellatrix. I didn't usually take pleasure in torturing others. That wasn't me! And yet, a diminutive, slightly perverted feeling of utter satisfaction remained.

I shook it off, shuddering. Severus glanced at me with furrowed brows, apparently worrying about me. With a tightly controlled voice I demanded Auror protection for my mother and wouldn't hear any lame excuse from Williamson reminding me of staff shortage or shit like that. Yes, I knew that every bloody single Auror in Britain was already working on the Yaxley case but I wanted the utmost protection for Mum. I was not willing to see her lying lifelessly on the floor, murdered by a fucking Death Eater! So I turned to the Golden Boy, glaring at the saviour of the wizarding world,

"You, Potter! You will see to it that the Spanish authorities keep her safe."

A Floo call later that was arranged and I could ponder over how the Death Eaters had made it to Majorca in the first place when I had already ruled out that they could travel abroad via the Floo or a Portkey- unless they had a sympathizer working in Floo regulation or Portkey monitoring.

I had to check that. Also, I wanted to take Amycus Carrow to the interrogation room and grill him about the unplottable house where Yaxley and his cronies were hiding. Alas, Severus objected to that. He didn't have to speak a word but his body language told me he disapproved of me going back to work. There was something in his eyes that made me comply with his wish, a strange sparkle of anger mixed with... fear? I arched a brow at him.

Still, he didn't talk to me. Instead he addressed my mother. "We will stay overnight if you don't mind, Nigella?"

"Not at all, my dear boy. I hoped you would."

Harry Potter's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he heard Mum calling Severus 'my dear boy' and getting away with it. He was about to chuckle but my husband's deadly glare slaughtered it on his lips and out came only a strangled snort.

Severus took my arm a little tighter than necessary, facing my mother again. "We will retire now. I wish you all a pleasant night. Ladies," he sketched a bow at the old girls, "Williamson," a curt nod in the Auror's direction, "I trust you can do your job without my wife's aid," and finally a sneer, "Potter."

"Good night, sir," Harry said rather cheerfully which earned him a dark scowl as if he had said something indecent.

Then Severus led me across the yard to my tower where we always stayed when visiting my mother, and we came here quite regularly. Not in the last two months though. I had been too busy with the Yaxley case. Just like today. I realized with shame that I had hardly talked to my mother; I had yelled at her, scared and infuriated, but I hadn't asked how she was or given her a kiss. I was such a terrible daughter...

Severus led me all the way to our little bedroom where we had spent many a warm summer night making love, looking at the Mediterranean stars... well, stargazing was not what he had in mind when he ordered me to sit on the bed while he remained standing.

"You will quit your job as soon as this case is solved," he said with his back turned to me.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me quite correctly. You will stop working as an Auror or I will divorce you."

The enormity of his words seemed to sink slowly in my befuddled brain but still I couldn't believe my own ears. _Divorce_? He couldn't possibly mean that. His words caused a dull ache that soon became unbearable, feeling as if someone had stabbed a hot, glowing dagger in my heart.

"Sev," I breathed almost inaudibly. I wanted to tell him that I loved him more than anything in the world but no words came out.

He whirled around, his face contorted as if he were in great pain. "Where is the witch I married? Today she turned into Bellatrix's twin sister, taking pleasure in torture. But I will not stand by and watch you become heartless, merciless, losing piece after piece of your beautiful soul and become just like her, a cold-hearted monster."

"I..."

"No, you will hear me out. I do understand why you lost control today. You were upset because Carrow had actually tried to kill your mother. But that doesn't vindicate your excessive and relentless use of an Unforgivable like the Cruciatus Curse- just because you have the licence to use them. I, however, will not stand by and see you taking advantage of that to a point when nothing personal has happened to justify your actions.

"I fear for you, Raven. I fear there might come a day you take a step too far and all these silly antics of yours, all the adorable things that make you will fade into darkness, slowly but inexorably...

"I have seen it happen too many times already... all the young fools Voldemort wooed to join his cause... And all those young fools, tempted by promises of power and recognition, were startled upon realizing that defending the supremacy of their blood would mean the actual torture of Muggles and Muggle-borns in horrible raids. First, they had a hard time casting an Unforgivable Curse. Then they became used to it. But with each Unforgiveable a piece of their soul died until they had hardened from the inside, ruthless warriors in the Dark Lord's war.

"I do not want that to happen to you. Although it is not a Dark Lord you serve but the Ministry, you are nevertheless part of an institution that endorses the use of Unforgivable Curses to further its cause, and no matter how much I love you, I would rather divorce you than watch that bright spirit of yours fade into oblivion."

I just sat there, wordlessly, tears streaming down my face. Then I started to cry seriously, turning away from him and hiding my face in a pillow, soaking it with tears and dark stains of mascara.

Only vaguely I noticed that Severus was slightly overtaxed with the situation; crying witches were his ruin since he never knew how to deal with them. He stared at me indecisively before he sat down next to me and awkwardly patted my back. It made me cry even harder.

Heaving a weary sigh he said, "Please excuse me. This place needs more efficient wards if you want to ensure your mother's safety."

And then he left me alone. Alone in all my misery and guilt.

Of course he was right about the wards. It was something that needed to be done, I told myself and yet I wished he hadn't left me. I didn't want to mull over his words because I knew he was right about that, too.

So he had offered me a choice, and naturally I would choose him. No more Auror business after Yaxley was either back in Azkaban or- preferably- six feet under. I could live with that but I couldn't live without Severus. Damned, I was even looking forward to telling Kingsley he had to find himself another idiot he could send around the world chasing Death Eaters and counting penguins. Hadn't I thought about cutting down anyway, even before the Azkaban breakout?

I didn't need to be an active Auror. I could teach more courses in wizarding crime scene investigations... and if that failed- well, I still owned thirty-two percent of the _Naughty Quill_, which was more than enough to maintain my lifestyle. But those thoughts came second while I cried myself to sleep, fearing that Severus had left me already without waiting for me to make my choice.

Needless to say that I didn't sleep well. I was agitated, tossing and turning in the bed, dreaming disturbing things like looking in the mirror and watching my face morph into Bellatrix's features... hearing her cackling laughter mocking me as she cast the Cruciatus Curse on me... then it was me holding her wand, aiming it at Severus...

"NOOOO!" I screamed and sat up with a start. "I'm not like her... I'm not- that's not me... not like her..."

"Shhh," a soft voice whispered in my ear as a pair of arms encircled my waist, pulling me in my husband's loving embrace. The feeling of warmth and sanity was divine. "I know, my love, I know. You're the most annoying, most marvellous little Miss Sunshine I wouldn't want to miss."

"Sev..." Savouring his scent I cuddled up closer to him, peppering feather-light kisses all over his face; it tasted slightly salty as if he had secretly shed some silent tears, too. Fearing the same fears I had. But I wasn't like her- I was still a millions miles apart from ever becoming like Bellatrix Lestrange. I didn't enjoy torture in general. I knew compassion, and I knew love- indeed, I was capable of a hell lot of love. Also, I could be very sweet and gentle... and I was out to prove that when I kissed him tenderly.

His lips were soft and pliable, still tasting a little salty. _Were they my tears or his?_ I wondered upon noticing that I was weeping again. Silly me! Hadn't I shed enough tears already? Nevertheless, it felt like yet another dam had broken.

"Hold me... please, just hold me tight."

And he did. We were clinging to each other almost desperately, so full of need. A moment of sanity after the enormity of tonight's events. Seeking solace and finding it, finally, blissfully, the reassurance that everything was still alright between us. My port in a storm.

He grounded me and in his arms I fell asleep, peacefully this time, as though his presence alone was keeping any disturbing dreams at bay.

-

Alas, all too soon I was thrown back into the tedious treadmill of Auror business again. After an extensive breakfast with Mum at Casa Nigella we couldn't stall our return to wizarding Britain any longer, although I dreaded what would wait for me at Auror headquarters.

Strangely, no one said a word about me having lost control the previous night. Williamson smiled as he placed the interrogation file in front of me so that I could see they hadn't made any progress. It didn't surprise me that Carrow was as mute as a maggot since I hadn't expected otherwise.

On the bright side, they had found the leak in the Ministry. A witch working in Portkey regulation at the Department of Magical Transportation had obviously been daydreaming when Rookwood and Carrow had taken an unauthorized Portkey to Majorca.

Amycus Carrow admitted at least- after almost jumping out of his skin at the mere sight of me (my little exhibition of brute force must have startled him more than he liked to allow)- that said witch was a friend of Dolores Umbridge and a former lover of his sister.

I really, really wanted to bang my head on my desk in frustration. Hadn't I requested a thorough research on not only all family members but also the lovers of the escaped Death Eaters? Well, you could say now that Alecto Carrow hadn't _really_ escaped Azkaban- but that wasn't the point. The point was sloppy research and its result. Damned! They would have murdered my mother if not for her friends, the Association of Majorcan Witches. Gertrud and Elisabeth, Maria, Dorothea, Carmen, Isobelia and Eugenia. Sweet old ladies with rosy cheeks from duelling. Drinking prosecco...

Shaking my head, I left Auror headquarters and headed for Vauxhall Cross, where the MI6 headquarters was situated. Although I doubted that they would be capable of plotting a magically Unplottable house, this lead was nevertheless the only one worth following. After all, I still had that picture showing Augustus Prince and Cuthbert Yaxley at a beach- somewhere- so maybe, just maybe, the guys at MI6 could come up with a hint.

Wizarding crime scene investigation was a great thing but Muggles weren't stupid either. They had great technology. Once the picture was digitised, it was quite easy to zoom to different parts of it and then, suddenly, one of the MI6 scientists with a degree in botany came up with an astonishing discovery.

Apparently some of the plants in the background could only be found in the north of England or in southern Scotland, at the sea.

Though that did limit our search, there were still some hundred miles of shoreline to be searched for a house that was Unplottable, but Laura Foster didn't want to hear any of that. Modern infrared cameras would reveal the place- or, to be more precise, the people inside- she insisted as she invited me on a helicopter flight along the coast. It was fun. Unfortunately it was also a waste of time. The Unplottable house remained invisible even if occasionally the infrared camera spotted something... which then turned out to be seals lazing at a beach. I figured that Augustus Prince must have set up some highly effective Muggle-Repelling Charms to prevent any sort of discovery.

At the end of the day I still wasn't any wiser. We were still utterly clueless, and the next couple of days went by rather uneventfully

I met Severus for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron- whether he missed me or wanted to keep an eye on me I couldn't tell but I didn't mind either.

Alice approached our table, smiling and humming as she took our orders.

"What's new pussycat?" She sang, addressing Severus.

So typically Alice- she often communicated with a song or referring to a movie she had just watched (she really was a TV junkie)- people thought her crazy, mentally deranged, just because of her... um, different approach of things. I called it unique.

Though Severus rolled his eyes at her antics, he was lenient towards her and tried not to scowl. He even tolerated her vague flirting with him, knowing she didn't really mean it. Well, she did have a little crush on him. After all, he was her saviour. He was the one who had brought her back to life, back to her beloved son, and she would be forever grateful for that. And since I had been involved in the progress as well, she never flirted too serious with him. Only a little, playfully. Just like reminding him of a time when witches had swooned over the dark, solitary man and his unrequited love- fortunately those times were long over!

But she wasn't the only one who could make movie references as I answered her question by slightly altering a quote from a Hollywood blockbuster I had seen last year.

"We're sort of trying to find a house that cannot be found except for those who already know where it is."

Alice beamed at me, knowing exactly what I was talking about while Severus was absolutely clueless. We did go to the cinema occasionally (mostly he considered it a waste of time) but when we went he preferred dark, intellectual European films with taciturn anti-heroes. In the original version, of course

"Hmmm..." Alice sighed broodingly as she sat down at our table; forgotten were our orders. With a seriousness only she could muster, she finally said, "but cursed pirates won't help. It seems you need the magical equivalent of a compass that doesn't point north."

"Alice, dear," Hannah, the landlady of the Leaky Cauldron, chided her mildly, "we don't want to neglect our customers, do we?"

"We? I don't know about you, dear Hannah, but I certainly don't. I'm chatting with Severus and Raven. They came to seek my help, you know."

Hannah shot an apologetic glance at Severus that seemed to say, 'tell me if she bothers you', but my husband whisked it away as if Hannah was the irksome fly, not Alice.

She had lost her magic. It was gone, inevitably, irretrievably. But with that loss had come a certain knack, an..._intuition_... for sensing things- almost like a seer. Mind, she didn't make prophecies though she often talked in riddles, and often these riddles referred to pop culture.

She started humming again. I recognized the song as REM's 'Man on the Moon'.

"Moonlight," she said suddenly as the humming ended, "the moonlight shows us what we really are. Blood... blood to be repaid... blood status, blood wards. But when the medallion calls it doesn't care about the purity of blood. Noblesse doesn't oblige... family does. It's all about the heir."

I exchanged glances with Severus. What was that supposed to mean? While we were at Hogwarts, Divination had not been part of the curriculum. Actually we both considered the way it was taught nowadays, reading tea leaves and stuff like that, a lot of humbug. Especially after Severus had amused me tremendously with tales about Sybill Trelawney, his least favourite colleague.

Of course, she had made one or two true prophecies, and one of them had been fatal in regards of Severus' life- he would always remember that- but most of her fortunetelling was just so ridiculously absurd that it made me laugh. A dark spot at the bottom of my tea cup could be interpreted as whatever or a Grim, depending on whether you 'allowed your eyes to see past the mundane.'

Alice didn't predict the future. She gave hints that allowed you to see another aspect of reality, masked in a song or in the reference to a movie; an interpretation from the strange, warped angles her life had become. Raised as a pureblood she was now practically a Squib- and couldn't have cared less. Alice was smiling.

"In the ballrooms of Mars he thinks he's the prettiest star with his quicksilver eyes and moonshine hair," she continued after a moment of revery, her voice a soft whisper. "He knows... he cares about the old ways, pureblood issues."

"Um... wait- are you talking about Lucius Malfoy now?" I asked, slightly bewildered.

"Of course, silly." Alice patted my hand as if I was a daft little girl that finally got something right when it was so obvious about whom she was talking. Lucius Malfoy, slippery git, ex-Death Eater- but her knight in shining armour ever since the day he had pushed her wheelchair through a park in Muggle London. Sometimes it was the small things that made the big difference.

I watched her taking Severus' hand and placing in on my own.

"Go home and make love. You look distressed."

And hell, I was distressed. Yaxley was still roaming free, threatening us, and we still weren't any wiser about his whereabouts... Why did Alice have to be so bloody cryptic? It wasn't helpful either that she rose from the table and shuffled towards the staircase that led to her room above the tavern, probably heading to watch one of her early afternoon soap-operas. Leaving us perplexed, our fingers still entwined from the bond she had woven.

"What does Lucius know?"

"Ah, don't listen to her," Hannah said as she brought the chicken sandwiches we had ordered, "Alice is a dear but you know she's quite gaga..."

"Simpleminded Hufflepuff girl," Severus grunted and he referred to Hannah, apparently not one of his brightest ex-students... well, there was a reason why she was the landlady of the Leaky Cauldron instead of following an academic career. Nevertheless, she was a wonderful wife to Neville; she really loved him and usually she put up and got on with his crazy mother quite well. If Alice didn't harass the patrons, that is. Then Hannah was less the caring daughter-in-law and more the cool business witch because, after all, the cash had to keep coming.

We ate our sandwiches in silence, both of us pondering about Alice's words. Severus was still kind of clueless about the movie reference and even I (who had actually seen the flick last year on a girls' night out with Angel and Alice) wasn't any wiser.

This investigation was wearing me down, slowly but inevitably. I was so tired of all that shit and wished I could crawl up in my bed with the blanket pulled all over me. Mulling over her words, nibbling at my sandwich, I came to no reasonable interpretation so I ran frustrated fingers through my hair. Merlin, how I hated feeling so... so fucking clueless, helpless- incompetent. It was like tilting at windmills. I heaved a weary sigh.

All of a sudden I craved for an ice-cream at Fortescue's- yes, it was a freezing cold November day, it was raining and a stiff breeze was blowing. And yet there were times when a witch's troubled mind could only be soothed by some delicious, tongue-caressing, melt-in-the-mouth chocolate ice-cream...

Severus frowned and rolled his eyes at my craving but agreed to accompany me nevertheless. Once outside the Leaky Cauldron, in the small backyard that was the gateway to Diagon Alley, I stole a kiss from him. He still didn't like being snogged in public but there was no one around to witness his display of affection.

Before we could enter Diagon Alley though, my mobile phone rang. It was Sam and he sounded quite enthusiastic.

"Raven! Sebastian woke up!"

Now that was great news, wasn't it? I spared us all the questions that popped up in my mind and promised him to come to Malfoy Manor immediately. _No ice-cream today..._

Instead we Apparated to Malfoy Manor and walked up the drive towards the house. There were no peacocks out on the lawn today, perhaps they were hiding from the rain.

Gyrrki opened the door for us, muttering under his breath. Something about filthy half-bloods befouling the noble house of the Malfoys. Then he bowed politely and informed us that Master and Missus were upstairs with the Mudblood (Sam) in the room of the master's cousin. So Sebastian had already become family to the spiteful little creature and his pureblood ideology, indoctrinated by years and years of serving blood-supremacy believers...

There was something weird about it, and I wondered briefly how Severus and Lucius had ever become friends- well, it was Lucius who claimed to be Severus' friend whereas my husband would always deny that. He was fond of Narcissa and he certainly cared about Draco but he couldn't have cared less about Lucius Malfoy... My trail of thought was interrupted when we reached Sebastian's room, crowded with people that were fussing over him.

He looked scared. It was obvious he had no idea of where he was, what had happened or why Lucius Malfoy grinned at him like a madman, calling him cousin. His eyes roamed the room for a familiar face, looking for his parents, for Sam... even for me and Severus perhaps...

That moment the resolute voice of a middle-aged matron shooed everyone out of the room, insisting that her patient needed peace and quiet. Poppy Pomfrey. Apparently Severus had alerted her and Professor O'Flaherty because he didn't trust the healer Lucius had hired, thinking him not competent enough to deal with the situation.

"But he's my cousin- he's a Malfoy," Lucius protested, not liking it at all that he was being ordered around in his own house. However, under the stern glance of Madam Pomfrey even a Malfoy would flinch, diminished to the state of a school boy again.

"He is my patient," Poppy said strictly, "and as my patient I have his best interest in mind; he should not be distressed."

A moment later we stood in the corridor outside Sebastian's room, waiting for news. Draco looked slightly bored, not getting his father's fascination with their newest family member, and Narcissa didn't seem all too happy about her husband's latest obsession either. She wanted to be his number one. Not some random dude who happened to be distantly related to him.

"So, Raven, how is the investigation going?"

Her voice sounded a tad too high-pitched for me to believe she really cared about it, and yet I told her everything that had transpired lately. Nervously waiting for whatever Madam Pomfrey or Professor O'Flaherty would tell us about Sebastian's state of health. Quite aware of the fact that waking up from a magically induced sleep wasn't equal to having made a full recovery... remembering his panic-stricken glance, disoriented at best though it could have meant so much more.

"But he's a homosexual Squib in love with a Muggleborn wizard!" Draco protested suddenly, following an argument he was having with his father and probably not for the first time. "You hate Muggleborns! You would have disowned me had I fallen in love with one-"

"You are the sole heir to the Malfoys' legal estates, Draco. Of course I expect you to meet up with the high expectations according to your status in wizarding society. Nevertheless, the same blood runs in Sebastian's veins. He's a Malfoy, too, and you will treat him with respect. We will forgive him his... um, slightly depraved lifestyle because he is a poor orphan who did not have the fortune to enjoy a proper upbringing as you did..."

"We raised him with love when your kind disposed of him like an unwanted dog!" Mr St John, who had arrived just in time to hear Lucius' words, snarled.

Malfoy sneered at him. There was no love lost between Sebastian's old family and his new one, but probably Lucius was too thick to get that Sebastian would always chose his adoptive parents over his newly found cousin.

"How is our Stian?" Mrs St John asked anxiously, addressing Sam.

That very moment a horrible, bloodcurdling scream came from Sebastian's room. I guessed he now remembered what had happened to him.

Poppy opened the door to let Severus in, and only him. Trusting him more than anyone else to heal injuries sustained by Dark magic and then, what came along with them. The ever haunting feeling of fear, the uncontrollable tremors after having suffered an extensive bout of the Cruciatus Curse.

Mrs St John went very pale; she looked like she was about to faint. Narcissa led her to an adjacent room where she could sit down, ordering a house elf to bring a pitcher of cool water. Lucius gave the impression as though he could use a sip, too. He was extremely nervous, pacing the corridor like a caged tiger. As strange as it was but he really seemed to care about his cousin.

Meanwhile Sam filled Mr St John in with what had transpired today. Unlike his own parents, the St Johns had always supported the couple, happy that their adoptive son had found his true love. And now they were waiting together for news.

The screaming had subsided, but the silence that followed was even more eerie. No one knew what was going on behind that closed door. A couple of times Lucius was about to fling it open but managed to restrain himself at the last minute. We were united in worries about Sebastian and yet all on our own. I didn't know the St Johns well enough to offer comfort whereas Lucius simply didn't deserve it, but I gave Sam a reassuring hug. Sebastian would be alright, I just knew it. After all, my husband was there to take care of him, and I had faith in Severus. Always.

An eternity seemed to pass before the door was opened again and Poppy's face appeared in the gap. "He asked to see Sam."

"Is he alright?" Sebastian's parents inquired, breathing a sigh of relief when the mediwitch nodded yes. Mr St John caught Sam's arm before the Muggleborn wizard could slip inside the room. "Son, tell him we love him and will always be there for him."

Sam merely smiled weakly.

"What about me?" Lucius insisted. "I demand to see my cousin, now that he's finally awake. I have to spring the good news to him that he's a Malfoy."

"I'm sorry, Lucius, but Sebastian needs peace and quiet, and he didn't request you. I won't allow too many people in his room for that will only distress him." Poppy said calmly.

I didn't pay attention to them anymore when I spotted Severus dropping out of the room, leaning against the wall, beads of perspiration on his face. I joined him, gently wiping his brow.

"You alright?"

He managed a wry smile before he proceeded to telling me what had happened. Apparently a curse had been put on Sebastian so that he would remember his torment over and over again until it drove him insane, but Severus had found a way to counter that curse, rendering it ineffective. Furthermore, he had wiped Sebastian's memory of the torture he had had to endure, feeding him with potions that would ease his mind and let him rest peacefully. It was sleep he needed now, sleep and the gentle care of the people he loved. I guessed Severus could use some rest, too.

In the course of events, none of us had noticed that Draco had disappeared. To be honest, none of us had paid attention to him at all... now Astoria came running up the staircase, looking slightly hysteric.

"HE'S GONE!" She screamed, before breaking down in the middle of the corridor, sobbing uncontrollably.

It took us a while to figure out what had happened since Astoria was too distraught to form a coherent sentence. She stuttered, hiccuped and cried, and preferably all at the same time.

What we did find out then was that Draco had been distressed and pissed off tremendously about all the fuss made about Sebastian. He had wanted to prove himself... and had come up with a hideously dangerous idea...

Remembering the talk he had heard about the Death Eaters on the run having used their Marks as a means of communication in Azkaban, he had thought it a wise idea to activate his own mark... and it had taken him away. Just like Disapparating to an unknown destination. To an Unplottable house...

And we still weren't any wiser about where it was.

"That stupid, stupid idiot boy!" Severus cursed.

"He... he only wanted to help," Astoria cried, "he... he thinks so highly of you... how you helped him and protected him... and he..."

"If he thinks so highly of me why does he have to insult me by acting like a total dunderhead?"

"My son is not a dunderhead!" Lucius protested while Narcissa clutched Severus' arm, all teary-eyed.

"Please, Severus, you have to find him and bring him back."

"I will not hasten to save your little spoiled brat's arse this time. He got himself in that mess..."

"Severus, please. You're as good as a godfather to Draco."

"I am not, so why should I bother?"

"But he will kill him! Yaxley is dangerous, he will not take lightly that we changed our priorities."

Now that was a nice way to paraphrase their slipperiness since their main priority would always be their very own advantage.

"Even if we wanted, we cannot help Draco since we don't know where he went," I interjected, offering Narcissa a sympathetic smile. "Yaxley is hiding in an unplottable house that we still haven't managed to locate."

"Half-bloods," Lucius sneered which earned him a vicious glance from Severus.

"We're done here," my husband said as he took my arm to steer me away from the Malfoys, disgust and anger on his face. "Lucius can activate his own mark to find his wayward offspring."

"But I can't!" Lucius shouted. "Do you believe I would not have tried to find them?"

Well, quite frankly we had expected that. I turned around and stared at him, waiting for an explanation. He flashed me a flirtatious smile- the man had nerve!

"I told you the truth when I said it stung for about a fortnight before the breakout," he graciously confessed then," and after that it sort of tingled a little- like it was calling me. Of course I ignored that since my darling Narcissa wouldn't have approved. Then came the day when I set out to inform my cousin that he is a Malfoy, and upon approaching his office the tingling got stronger. But after things became personal the tingling stopped. I tried to activate my mark and hunt down those who hurt my cousin, but there was no connection."

To prove his point he rolled up his sleeve and pressed his wand to his mark. Nothing happened.

Astoria started to sob again. Narcissa looked as if she wanted to join in but her stiff and proper pureblood upbringing kept her from losing countenance- after all, the St Johns were still there although they were not paying attention to the Malfoy tragedy.

I actually believed Lucius that he wanted to take revenge for what had happened to Sebastian, given that he was quite possessive about him. I even believed that a part of him wanted to- well, not really do the right thing in the meaning of furthering an Auror investigation but to please Severus. For reason I couldn't fathom he was seeking his friendship. Mayhap he thought it would gain him more political influence again, being friends with a war hero... on the other hand, we kept away from politics, and mostly also from the so-called high society (unless we couldn't avoid it), living a quiet life.

Since there was nothing we could do for the Malfoys right now, I turned away from Lucius and proceeded to follow Severus down the stairs.

"Ignorant half-bloods!" Lucius called. "Too dumb to see the obvious!"

Severus took my arm when he noticed I was hesitant to leave, mulling over Lucius' words. _What was obvious?_

"You're looking for an unplottable house that belongs to the Princes, aren't you?"

Even with my back to him I could _see_ his haughty sneer taunting us.

"Snape! You are half a Prince!"

"My ruddy father was a Muggle. Eileen's unfortunate choice of husband got her disowned, so don't tell my anything about me being half a Prince. It doesn't matter."

Lucius threw his arms up in exasperation. "But it does! Never heard of blood wards?"

"Of course," Severus snarled, glaring at Malfoy.

"Then you should know that the purity of blood doesn't matter."

I couldn't help, I laughed out loud. "Never thought I'd hear that from you, Luci."

He turned pretty crimson, trying to wriggle himself out of it. Lucius Malfoy had just admitted that the purity of blood doesn't matter to ancient magic like blood wards, which proved all the blood supremacists' ideology wrong. Two wars fought for naught but the whims of a megalomaniac...

"I daresay that you've got more of the Princes' blood floating through your veins than our dear Astoria here." Lucius told Severus in a flattering voice.

_...blood status, blood wards. But when the medallion calls it doesn't care about the purity of blood,_ I heard Alice say again which seemed to mirror Lucius' words, only more cryptically. I wanted to hear more. Inevitably, I also thought about Quintin, the ancient house-elf at Prince's Hall, and his reaction towards me. He had called me _good mistress_ while addressing the rest of my team with less pleasant names...

"But I'm not a Prince," I mused aloud, "if Severus had been there and the elf had reacted to him..."

Lucius crossed the distance between us, taking hold of my hand and breathing a kiss upon it. Holding it a moment longer than appropriate.

"What a pretty ring you're wearing on that delicate finger of yours- could it possibly be an old family heirloom?"

And then the scales fell from my eyes, finally. _The ring_! Of course Quintin would have identified the ring!

"Ah, so the Knut has finally dropped, hm? Elf magic is ancient magic, just like blood magic."

I leaped forwards and grabbed Lucius by the collar of his fine tailored robes, giving him a thorough shake. "Damned! If you know a way for us to get to that bloody unplottable house, you'd better spill it now before I strangle you!"

Severus smirked, Narcissa shrieked.

"Have mercy on me," Lucius drawled, but when I let go of him he took his time rearranging his clothes first. Merlin, that berk was so unbelievably vain! "It's quite simple actually. We only need a drop of blood..."

Before we could react, Lucius had grabbed Severus' hand and cut his finger. A drop of blood welled from the wound. It fell on my ring. Lucius muttered an incantation-

-the world seemed to dissolve in twirling shades, as if a Portkey was activated. Taking us away.

A moment later we re-materialized in unfamiliar surroundings. A dimly lit room. Cheering wizards. Draco Malfoy kneeling in the middle of the room, in a puddle of blood. Apparently under the Imperius Curse. Why else would he try to skin himself otherwise? Fiercely trying to cut the Dark Mark from his left forearm.

"Unworthy," he mumbled, and it sounded like a mantra. "I'm unworthy... unworthy... unworthy..."

Yaxley laughed.

We drew our wands.


	66. Selkie's Point

A/N: And again I'm sorry it took so long. But I was on holiday in lovely Majorca, and the sun and sand and sea weren't much inspiring for what I had to write, so please forgive me. Read and enjoy and don't forget to review. Feedback is always very much appreciated.

The last part isn't beta read so there might be some mistakes (after all, English is not my first language) but I don't want to keep you waiting any longer.

* * *

66- Selkie's Point

Now wasn't that wonderful? Apparently we had found the unplottable house!

"Remind me to thank Luci after I killed him," I muttered for only Severus to hear as I glanced around, silently cursing Lucius Malfoy for having landed us in this mess.

Yes, we had wanted to detect the unplottable house. No, that didn't mean we wanted to be sent there without a warning or backup, thank you very much. Now we stood in a ring of Death Eaters- pardon, the Fraternity for Purity and Traditions as they preferred to call themselves now, according to Mary MacDonald Mulciber.

The room was bare except for a hideous throne made of black marble on which Yaxley sat, laughing.

"Snape, Snape, I never thought you would become so predictable. Your protective streak is pathetic. Do you actually believe someone would thank you?"

Contrary to his fellow miscreants, Yaxley wore robes of black velvet lined with ermine. Ermine! Voldemort had never looked so... so ostentatious. Well, perhaps that was because of his general appearance. A man with the face of a snake and red gleaming eyes just didn't look posh, ever.

"Kill him." Yaxley said lazily, pointing at my husband. Who, in the meantime had tried to get through to Draco but to no avail.

I could hear his thoughts in my mind.

'_Fight the Imperius Curse, you idiot boy! You can do it!'_

Draco seemed to be immune to whatever Severus was trying to do to infiltrate his mind with. He glanced up, bleary-eyed, an empty look on his face. Obviously lacking the spirit to fight the Imperius Curse. Instead he continued to flay himself even more eagerly, increasing the pool of blood he was sitting in.

The air was filled with the smell of blood, and then hell broke loose. Hexes, spells and curses were being cast at us from all directions. Our protection shield was solid, though. They had failed to take us by surprise. Yaxley had missed his chance when he had chosen to insult Severus, laughing at him... and my husband didn't like being laughed at.

Back to back we stood, blocking the magical hellfire. The room was illuminated by colourful flashes, green and red and white. Like fireworks. Pretty but deadly.

Travers and Rowle were fools to believe they could overpower us. They were cruel and malicious but like everyone inspired by hatred alone very unimaginative in their ways.

_'Watch out for Rookwood,' _Severus warned me mentally while looking for a way out- not only for us but also for Draco.

And yes, Yaxley was right about that- he did have a protective streak. Lucius knew that too. That's why he had sent us here. He trusted Severus to save his precious son, the sole heir to the Malfoy's legal estates. Without ever wasting a thought about us, of course. Because caring about others was not a very Slytherin trait.

Meanwhile, Draco had stopped mutilating himself. The dagger still in his hand he sat there like a dimwit, staring into space. Wandless as he was he couldn't defend himself, nor did he seem to intend to. The Imperius Curse was still too strong.

I ducked a curse from Rookwood. As a former Unspeakable he was a savvy wizard and therefore a serious opponent. Despite my strong shielding charm his curse made my skin tingle with virulent boils for a moment. Then it ended abruptly and I felt engulfed in a source of powerful magic.

_'I told you to be careful,' _Severus snarled at me in my head before he fired a dark curse at Rookwood. He was angry.

Most of the spells and curses used in this battle were dark, darkest magic. You couldn't fight Death Eaters effectively with Jelly-Legs Jinxes or Bat-Bogey Hexes. You could, however, take them by surprise when such a relatively 'harmless' spell came totally unexpectedly. My _Tarantallegra _sent Travers and Rowle dancing the Jive as if they were on speed...

That spectacle gave me a moment to ponder how to get out of here.

_'There are Anti-Apparation wards all over the place,' _Severus informed me as if I hadn't already expected that. Therefore I was rather looking for an exit...

The room had two doors leading to uncertainty, a start into the dark. Since we still had no clue about where the hell we were (expect that it was an unplottable house) it made no sense either to send a Patronus to the Ministry, asking for reinforcement. All in all, we were pretty fucked up.

But we had to get away from here, if only for Draco's sake. Of course, we could hold a little longer, fighting the Death Eaters. After all, it was only four on two. We were used to that. Severus was used to it. It had always been four on one with the Marauders and today, in this room, he was probably the most powerful wizard.

Still, there was Draco to worry about. The boy would bleed his life away here if we didn't help him, didn't dress his wound and stop the bleeding-

_DAMNED! _He continued skinning himself again, repeating his mantra all over again.

"I'm unworthy... unworthy... unworthy..."

Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! I wanted to reach out for him, mentally, and tell him that it was bollocks what he was mumbling, that he wasn't quite himself because it was Yaxley who made him feel this way; bloody Yaxley perverting his mind.

_'Accio dagger!' _Severus shouted non-verbally and caught the blasted thing quite elegantly. Draco looked lost, then he crawled towards my husband like a drooling toddler, bawling for his favourite toy.

One of the doors leading out of the room was flung open to let even more Death Eaters in. I barked a mental warning at Severus as I whirled around to face the intruders. Or were we the intruders here?

Yaxley laughed brazenly, so very confident of victory. But he hadn't won yet. Especially not when the two latecomers were hesitant to join the party. Mulciber junior stared in shock at Draco, a boy almost his age, and I noticed him scruple. Mayhap it wasn't too late for him; mayhap he wasn't totally rotten inside; mayhap he still had a heart. On the other hand he wanted to please his father.

Mulciber senior was hesitant, too, upon seeing Severus but he got over his scruples very quickly. There was no friendship amongst Death Eaters and whatever had been between the two at Hogwarts wasn't worth remembering now, when obedience was required. And Kenneth Mulciber was an obedient man. He had always served the Dark Lord and he would always serve the Dark Lord- whatever his name was. In his own way he was a very loyal man. Hesitating no longer he brandished his wand and unleashed a Cruciatus Curse in Severus' direction. The turncoat was to suffer.

Severus blocked the curse easily, a sneer on his lips. "You always lacked subtlety, Mulciber."

It was the waspishness of his silky voice that could drive others up the wall, made them rage with anger and lose control. And furious people were easy to predict because they would lash out without thinking, their emotions visible on their faces. You didn't have to be an Occlumens to figure them out, knowing their next step even before they took it. He was a master in leading fools to make mistakes.

Foreseeing every move, every spell cast in his direction he blocked them again and again. There was beauty in watching him duelling, all precision and elegance.

But I couldn't dwell on that. We were still in a dangerous situation even if none of the Death Eaters could match Severus Snape in magical skills. Nevertheless, they were six and we were just the two of us, with Draco being the proverbial millstone around out neck. How long would it take until a wayward hex hit the helpless boy? Or how long would it take until they deliberately started cursing the boy, making him suffer for our fierce resistance? If only we could snap Draco out of Yaxley's influence, break the spell. But no- even if he wasn't under the Imperius Curse anymore he would hardly be of help. I could see that in his sweaty face. The boy was too much in pain to pick up a wand and fight. He needed help.

The one door out of this room was blocked by father and son Mulciber, but there was still a second door. I came up with a plan that- hopefully- would at least buy us time.

Sending a couple of well-aimed Reductor Curses right above Yaxley's head- he laughed, thinking I had missed him- I informed Severus of my plan. Wordlessly, of course... it would never cease to amaze me how well that worked between us.

Then everything went quite fast. A simple _Alohomora_ opened the door. Unceremoniously, Severus levitated Draco through it while at the same time a lump of mortar came lose from the wall above Yaxley and hit him on the head. He swore very _un_pureblood-like which broke his concentration and the Imperius Curse on Draco was lifted. In the meantime we dodged all the spells the remaining Death Eaters fired at us as we darted to that door. I slammed it shut behind me. Severus warded it. More rough-and-ready than with his usual perfection but for the time being it was enough.

I breathed a sigh of relief. At the moment we were relatively safe. Well, at least we were in a room without Death Eaters. I looked around.

The door we had come in to was the only one. That was good since they couldn't get in any other way. On the other hand that also meant that there was no other way for us to get out.

_How long would the wards last?_

I glanced at Severus. "You alright?"

"I am." He replied, his dark eyes giving me a quick check. "And you?"

"Me too."

A curt not of recognition, then he focussed on Draco. Huffing, calling him a dunderhead, the most idiotic boy he'd ever met. And, probably worst of all, attesting him to possess some mightily Gryffindorish traits. Accusing him of rashness, of jumping headfirst into danger. Alas, the boy was far form being attentive nor did he appear to be listening. Instead, he was shaking all over, chattering his teeth while his face seemed to glow with heat. It was obvious the he was running a fever.

Nevertheless I had to ask, "how's Draco?"

Severus ran another diagnostic spell over the boy before answering. "The dagger that the foolish dimwit used to flay himself was contaminated with a venomous potion. He will either die from that or from the loss of blood."

I swallowed hard. Yes, I did worry about Draco. Even though he was a Malfoy. But he had proven already that he was not like his arrogant father. And even if he had acted absolutely foolishly, his intention had been noble. Not very Slytherin but definitely noble. After all, he had meant well, trying to pay back what he thought he owed Severus for protecting his life over and over again during the war. _Just how do you repay an Unbreakable Vow if not with your own life?_ Yet, I didn't want Draco to die.

"Isn't there anything you can do? An antidote, perhaps?"

"Take a look around, witch. Is there anything in this room that even slightly resembles a fully equipped potions laboratory?"

He sounded strained, lashing out waspishly, apparently careless of whom he might hurt with that sharp tongue of his. I, however, interpreted that as anxiety, knowing he really cared about Draco. Though he wasn't his godfather- Merlin forbid, no lowly half-blood could ever be the godfather of a pure-blooded Malfoy heir and that's where even the best friendship ended- he had done more for the boy than his actual godfather. Rabastan Lestrange. A cold-blooded supremacist.

Alright, so we weren't in a potions lab. That one was plain to see. The room resembled more a library with book shelves lining the walls from floor to ceiling. Most of them were empty though. So what was left was an almost claustrophobic room with only one door leading to Death Eater's paradise and the prospect of suffering torture at their wands, and one window too high up in the wall for me to get a glimpse of what would await us outside. Even standing on tiptoes didn't help.

All of a sudden I felt a familiar surge of power running through me, caressing me gently as it lifted me up; up until I was floating in the air, weightlessly, rising higher and higher. Finally I was at the same height as the window, enabled to take a look outside.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much to see but darkness since night had already fallen. I could, however, hear the rolling of the sea as waves breached at a nearby shore.

That didn't come as a big surprise, though. We had already come up with the conclusion that the unplottable house must be located close to the coast given to what the MI6 expert had told us about the vegetation on the picture. So there was nothing new I could discover as I was floating in midair, looking out of the window. How many miles of shoreline did Britain have? Entirely too many, even if we could rule out the most southern or northern shores.

Perhaps it was my frustration weighing me down that landed me on the ground again, shrugging non-committally at my husband. I hated being in a situation like this, knowing no way out...

No way? No... wait- there was actually an idea. Granted, it was very vague but it wouldn't hurt trying.

"Severus, call Quintin."

He arched an inquiring brow at me. "That house-elf at Prince's Hall? Why would he answer my call?"

"Because..." I tried to put my gut feeling into words that would convince Severus. Something that Lucius had said made me believe Quintin would answer his call, "well, technically he's yours."

"He belongs to the Greengrasses."

"No. He belongs to the Princes and you are half a Prince- ah, don't look at me like that, Sev. I suppose you still remember Kreacher? Well, let's call it the Kreacher principle. He's the house-elf of the Blacks and although Sirius was disowned and blasted from the family tree, Kreacher had to serve and obey him. He would have preferred serving Mistress Cissy or Mistress Bella instead but he had no say in that. Some weird house-elf magic or logic bound him to Sirius, forced him to serve the blood-traitor. He never liked it- and I'm not saying that Quintin won't call you a filthy half-blood, not worthy the speck of dust under the feet of your grandfather, his beloved master, or whatever cuss he might come up with- and isn't it amazing how eloquent they are when it comes to swearwords while they suck at even the simplest grammar..."

"My dearest wife, you are babbling."

"Ah, um... yeah, right. Anyway, just give it a try."

If only I wasn't quite so ignorant of the old magic of house-elves. At Hogwarts we had found out that knowing a house-elf's name would always get us a late night snack even if said elf was not within earshot. Apparently that didn't matter.

Severus sighed, then he called softly, "Quintin!"

Only seconds later a loud _crack_ announced the arrival of the ancient house-elf.

"Master!" He cried out, eyes wide with excitement. "Dear master is back!"

He prostrated before Severus, kissing the hem of him robes when suddenly his big ears twitched and furled like a flag in a calm. Looking up my husband's lean form he exclaimed, "you is not Master Augustus."

"No, I am not. I am Master Augustus' filthy half-blood grandchild," Severus said with a hint of self-mockery in his voice. But the elf didn't want to hear any of that.

"You is not filthy. You is nice. You looks like master Augustus. Is you Miss Eileen its baby boy?"

"Indeed, I am Eileen Sna... um, Prince's son."

"Good master," Quintin sighed contentedly, snuggling up to Severus' leg.

I chuckled at the look on my husband's face, a mixture of amusement mingled with the urge to remain composed while feeling slightly overtaxed. "Apparently you found yourself a new house-elf."

A loud bang from outside the door told me that he Death Eaters were growing impatient. They tried to break through the wards by sheer force, and they probably weren't even averse to blowing the whole wall into smithereens just to get back at us. Probably now was not the right time for cuddling. We had to think of Draco who was slowly dying

Quintin glanced at me, beaming with joy. "What can Quintin do for dear master and mistress?"

"We would like to ask a great favour of you," Severus began as the frame of the door was shaking under the impact of another blasting curse; mortar came crumbling off the wall.

"Quintin will do what master wants," the house-elf spoke solemnly.

"Fine... fine..." Severus cast a worried glance at the door, then at Draco lying on the floor in feverish delirium, babbling something unintelligible, sobbing with pain. As long as he was still able to sob he was still alive, and that was good. "Quintin, that boy is terribly sick and needs help, urgently. Could you take him to Malfoy Manor, please?"

"Yes, master. It's a pleasure, master. Quintin takes boy to Malfoy Manor."

We could only hope that Professor O'Flaherty and Madam Pomfrey were still there but it wouldn't make much sense to sent Quintin and Draco to St Mungo's instead. Besides, I wasn't certain whether they would let house-elves fill in the admission papers

"Oh, and Quintin," Severus continued, a malicious little smile on his lips, "when you're at the Manor, please be so kind to take Lucius Malfoy and bring him here, will you?"

"Quintin lives to serve, dear master," the elf responded devotedly before he grabbed Draco's good arm and disappeared with a loud _crack_.

That very moment the door burst in a crash of splintering wood- then all went pitch black.

It was so dark I couldn't even see my own hand in front of my face. I raised my wand in order to cast a Lumos spell...

_'Don't,'_ Severus hissed in my mind. _'common light spells will not penetrate the darkness caused by Instant Darkness Powder. Move closer to me... quietly...'_

I sensed Severus' magic only a few feet to my left.

The good thing was that the Death Eaters couldn't see in the dark either. Perhaps they had hoped to take us by surprise and that we might give our positions away by shouting _Lumos_, but fortunately Severus wasn't that easily to fool. He had identified the source of the sudden darkness quite correctly.

Unfortunately, I tripped over something on the floor and let out a short gasp at the sound of a bottle rolling away.

Immediately the air was buzzing with the magical energy of spells and curses that came flying my direction. I saw the red light of a Stunner and dodged it.

_'RAVEN!' _Severus' voice rang loud in my head.

_'I'm okay,' _I assured him, wondering what kind of Instant Darkness Powder they were using if it didn't swallow the sparks and flashes their wands emitted. Perhaps they weren't that clever. I supposed they didn't care whether they gave their positions away as long as they could locate us in the dark- after all, they outnumbered us. It was still six on two.

I tried not to move, not to breathe. Wishing I could reach out for their minds with the same ease as my connection with Severus worked, but I failed. Mayhap it was even for the better since I wasn't actually keen to gazing into the deep, dark abyss of depravity that Yaxley's mind was.

Silently I cast an advanced _Revelio_ Spell that would show their magical blueprints, and although I still couldn't see any of the Death Eaters in person, their imprints were now visible in a bluish glow.

_'That comes in quite handy.'_

Those words coming from Severus were a high praise. Ah, the sweet benefits of my job and working closely with the WFBI.

He sent a staccato of spells at the Death Eaters. I noticed a flicker in the bluish glow of Mulciber junior when he couldn't block his _Petrificus_ _Totalus_. Meanwhile I lashed out at Yaxley with _Sectumsempra_, wielding my wand like a sword. The dark wizard countered the curse and we were duelling with beams of light as if we were reenacting a scene from Star Wars.

Severus knocked out two more Death Eaters but then Rookwood sent a Blasting Curse at the bookshelves behind us. That devious bastard! Of course our Shielding Charm did not include the area around us. Boards came crashing down on us. One hit my head and I kissed the dust. My wand slipped from my hands- although I lunged out for it immediately, I was still a tad dizzy and my defences were low; I couldn't block the '_Expelliarmus!'_ someone shouted. The wand flew out of my fumbling fingers and sailed through the air, Summoned by Yaxley. He laughed maliciously.

I couldn't block the jet of red light coming my way either. Frantically I rolled around, still on the floor, but it hit me nevertheless. Darkness engulfed me...

I had no idea for how long I had blacked out, but the room was brightly lit when I came to my senses again. A wave of pain hit me, making me cringe... it wasn't my own pain though...

Severus!

"Crucio!" I heard Yaxley cry.

Dear Merlin, they were six on one and apparently they had managed to disarm him- somehow- and now they made him pay for his betrayal to the cause, for his spying on them, for having turned his back on them. The turncoat was to suffer the Cruciatus Curse.

"NO!" Someone screamed, a raw and panicked voice, slightly hysterical. It took me a moment to realize it was mine. I had to stop them, that was my only thought, my sole motivation. Without hesitation I staggered to my feet and although I was wandless I wasn't utterly helpless. I could still fight threw myself at the next best Death Eater with all the force I could muster. The effect was remarkable.

Not having expected a Muggle-like attack, the guy tumbled into one of his fellows- which caused quite a funny chain reaction. I would have laughed if not for Rookwood, who reacted with spiteful efficiency, his lips curled into a sneer as he- magically- sent me to the floor again. He aimed his wand at me and I knew for certain that he was going to torture me now...

Is there a way to prepare oneself for a bout of Cruciatus Curses? Instinctively I reached out for Severus, yearning to feel his touch. Mayhap for the very last time. Inching closer to him until his fingers entwined with mine- and he, who had never been an overly optimistic person, gave my trembling hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Pathetic!" Yaxley scoffed, a haughty expression on his face as he stared down at us crouching on the floor. He raised his wand, mouthing the incantation that would give us excruciating pain in abundance. "Cru-"

A loud _crack _interrupted him and he gawped in disbelief at Lucius Malfoy appearing out of thin air despite the Anti-Apparation wards. Admittedly, Lucius looked a bit disorientated at first but then he strutted the room as though he owned this place. Swinging his cane, clicking his tongue.

"Yaxley, old friend, what a nice surprise! Dear Merlin, is that really ermine you are wearing? Très chic. The quality is amazing. Custom-made, I believe? Honestly, you just _have_ to tell me the name of your tailor- my dearest Cissy would die for a new fur coat and ermine suits her fair complexion so well."

"Pretty boy Malfoy," Yaxley sneered, "still the same old posh sod, I see."

Everyone was staring at Lucius. I crawled closer to Severus until I could touch his face. Trailing gentle fingers along his cheekbones I checked him for injuries. There was blood dripping from a cut above his right eyebrow and some more on his cracked lips. But instead of cherishing my caress he brusquely slapped my hand away.

'_Stop that, witch. I'm fine!'_

His black eyes, however, rested on my face for a moment of gentle concern. I merely gave a curt not.

"Lord Yaxley, please allow me to kill that slippery turncoat." Rookwood interjected, a look of disgust on his face as he spat at Lucius' feet. "How much did you pay to stay out of Azkaban? Instead of suffering for our cause you sucked up to blood-traitors and Mudbloods."

"It is not a very Slytherin trait to suffer for your ideals whereas a certain cunningness is required if you want to avoid rotting in prison," Lucius drawled.

"Kill him." Yaxley agreed. He wanted to get rid of Malfoy so that he could glory in torturing us again. But Lucius was quicker than Rookwood.

"No, I don't think so- Petrificus Totalus!"

Rookwood keeled over and landed flat on his back.

_'We have to get our wands back!' _Severus said urgently and quickly I looked around. There, Mulciber junior was holding them in his hands. He stood next to the door, a little aside from the others, not appearing to feel comfortable with the situation at all. So mayhap I was right with my assumption that he wasn't completely corrupted by the Dark Arts yet. Of course, that didn't mean that Kenny-boy would voluntary hand over our wands if only we asked nicely. We had to _persuade_ him.

Fortunately he was the weakest of the Death Eaters.

Severus cast a wandless Confundus Charm at him. I focussed on our wands. _'Accio...'_

It occurred to me later that- probably- Severus didn't really _need_ to have his wand back. His magical energy told me he could handle things wandless just as well.

"OI!" Travers shouted as he saw two wands hovering through the air. "They're using wandless magic!"

"Finite Incantatem!" Yaxley yelled and our wands dropped to the floor. "Incen-"

He couldn't finish the spell since Lucius hit him in the back with a Stunner. Little flames flickered from his wand and licked lazily over the floor without causing any harm. Mulciber senior shot a hex at Lucius while Travers Rennervated Yaxley. Together with Rookwood- who had been released from the Full Body Bind by Rowle- he whirled around, looking murderous. Even more so upon noticing that our wands were back in our hands.

He had missed his chance. Nevertheless he still thought he could overpower Severus with brute force. Dark magical energy was swirling around him like clouds; I sensed it coming...

...and then all happened really fast though in retrospect it appeared like slow motion to me.

"NOT MY MASTER- YOU FILTHY, ROTTEN BASTARD!"

It sounded like a battle cry.

Quintin.

Of course, Lucius couldn't have Apparated to an Unplottable house that was heavily warded with Anti-Apparation wards if not for some house-elf magic. How could we have forgotten about him?

The magic of house-elves differed from that of human beings. Although they were able to get past Anti-Apparation wards, they couldn't straightforwardly hex a wizard or a witch. Wizards or witches never took it too well when house-elves interfered since humans were superior to other magical beings. After all, they were born to serve. They were considered inferior to the great magic that was taught at Hogwarts. Their magic was older, rawer, not channelled by the help of a wand. And it was restrained. Because they were servants.

Nevertheless, that didn't stop Quintin from picking up a dagger that lay abandoned on the floor. The very same dagger Draco had used to skin himself; the poisonous dagger. Stabbing at Death Eater feet, calves, knees...

He could still punish himself for disobedience later.

He wouldn't have to. _Brave, foolish elf..._

The Death Eaters kicked out at him in annoyance, not even considering such a lowly creature worth a curse. I heard the disgusting sound of crashing bones. I felt an angry outburst of magic coming from Severus but was too busy myself with Rowle's fierce attack.

Meanwhile Rookwood sent a Killing Curse at Malfoy who managed to dodge it before he turned Mulciber senior to stone. Junior joined in the fight now and released a rather desperate Reductor Curse that went awfully astray; on a wild zigzagging course it shot through the room, wrecking havoc. Mortar came off the walls, off the ceiling. The marble of the floor cracked.

Travers was hit by a shower of stones he couldn't escape because he was kind of _indisposed_, wrapped from head to toe in strips of white cloth. Like a mummy. He groaned but couldn't move.

And that was only the beginning, the foreplay. The curses became more vicious, more evil, then. No more games. The rules of engagement were long forgotten and besides, this wasn't the Duelling Club.

Mulciber senior screamed in agony, dropping his wands when his fingers started to rot away. One, two, falling to the floor.

"She loves you- she loves you not." Lucius taunted him. A third finger fell before Rookwood ended the curse. "At least she loves you..."

The fingers, however, were gone for good. More often than not there was no way to reverse the harm done by the Dark Arts, and some wounds never healed. There were curses worse, much worse than the Unforgivables.

No need to gloss over the fact that Lucius Malfoy was capable of very evil magic- he was a Death Eater, after all. Actually I was the only one in this room who had never joined Voldemort's dark forces.

The air was buzzing with magical energy, dark and negative despite all the jets of light flashing around. We took the fight back to the 'throne room', and just in time. A loud rumble, the thunder of collapsing walls. The horrible scream when Travers was buried alive. The even more horrible moment of silence that ensued.

Yaxley was furious. He simply couldn't best Severus no matter how hard he tried. I dodged a ray of purple light, not knowing what that curse was. Then I stumbled over Quintin who howled in pain because my legs had connected with his broken ribs. But when I fell to the floor the house-elf hit his head against the wall.

"Stupid, stupid Quintin!" He wailed. "Quintin makes good mistress fall."

"Stop that!" I shouted, picking up the elf as I scrambled to my feet. Silently I promised to join Hermione Weasley's S.P.E.W. organisation later- if we'd get out of here alive.

Lucius was duelling both Mulcibers now. Somehow the older had managed to pick up his wand again, seeking revenge for the loss of three fingers. Kenny junior was fighting fiercely to support his father.

Rowle aimed a curse at Severus who easily blocked it. Next Rowle was hanging upside down in the air, neatly tied up in magical ropes..

Rookwood blew me a kiss... he opened his mouth and exhaled a cloud of grey smoke that he gathered in his hand before throwing it at me-

Immediately I felt cold. A feeling of despair crept up from deep within me, slowly killing all thoughts of hope and happiness. Just like a Dementor's kiss...

But there were no Dementors. Only a cloud of grey smoke, whirling, mesmerizing... sickening-

"Mistress!" Quintin cried as he fidgeted in my arms, then jumped to the floor. I guessed that saved me, snapped me out of my daze.

It was hard, so fucking hard, to think of something- anything- happy. A strong, positive emotion to conjure up my Patronus.

'_**Raven**_!' Severus' voice was in my mind, a touch of steel and silk.

He was distracted, if only for a moment. Yaxley wore a mean smile on his face as he brandished his wand. I knew the jet of light coming from it would be green.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

It simply broke out of me- these damnable Death Eaters were wrong, just as bloody wrong as Voldemort was, underestimating the power of love! I didn't want to die here. I didn't want Severus to die here. I wanted to grow old with him and no bloody Death Eater was to mess up our future!

Of course, a Patronus could not fend off a Killing Curse. Nothing could. It was unblockable. But a monstrously big bat-winged T-Rex made of radiant light looming in front of Yaxley wasn't something he experienced every day. Though he couldn't focus properly on Severus he nevertheless released the deadly curse.

I leapt and threw my husband to the floor, shielding him.

The jet of green light flashed over our heads, crashed into that hideous black marble throne, backfired, and hit Mulciber senior.

Yaxley howled with rage. Kenny cried out loud and stumbled to the place where his father had fallen. Killed by the man who was supposed to be their leader, their ruler- their new Lord holding promises of a better future.

Severus and I disentangled our limbs. He was back on his feet quicker than I, casting a Shielding Charm on us.

Lucius sent something really nasty at Rookwood while Kenny attacked Yaxley for killing his father. He wasn't thinking clearly- that was obvious- for he stood no chance against the elder Death Eater and wanna-be next Dark Lord. Yaxley treated the boy like an irritating fly and levitated him across the room at high speed until he crashed into a wall. Then he unleashed the Cruciatus Curse on him.

Kenny writhed on the floor, spitting blood. His cries of pain were horrible.

That made Lucius turn around, breaking the spell he had on Rookwood who didn't take long to recover- as a former Unspeakable he _was_ a very skilled; a very powerful wizard. Yaxley's second in command. Immediately he used the opportunity to hex Lucius in the back. Black maggots were starting to break through his skin, thousands of them...

Yaxley had lost interest in torturing the young Mulciber and was focussing on Severus again. Oh, how he wished to torture him endlessly... but he couldn't. And since there was no way he could best him, he relied on the crude art of Unforgivables. So once again I sensed the deadly energy of the Killing Curse building up within him.

_'Don't even think of throwing me on the floor again,'_ my husband warned me, a snarky tone in my head.

Elegantly he dodged the first curse and countered with a spell on his own, but Rookwood managed to block that- all the loyal servant. Another glint of green was forming at Yaxley's wandtip-

_How very unimaginative!_ I guessed he thought that by offing Severus his way to rule the wizarding world would be free. He was wrong. I wouldn't let that happen.

What is more humiliating than having the arse of one of your servants shoved in your face? I Summoned the still securely tied up form of an upside down in the air dangling Rowle and- brandishing my wand- did just that.

It didn't improve Yaxley's mood. But it gave Severus and Lucius (free of maggots by now, however he'd done that) the opportunity to finish off Rookwood. My husband had caught him in a Full Body Bind though that, apparently, wasn't good enough for Malfoy yet. Flawed and tainted by the Dark Arts that he was, and out to seek revenge for what happened to his son, Lucius Malfoy took immense pleasure in seeing someone suffer. It could have been anyone but it happened to be Rookwood.

The former Unspeakable was slowly dying from a curse that made his entrails boil.

It wasn't a pleasant sight.

It could have been over, then. Yaxley should have realized that his was a lost case when he stood on his own, facing three opponents. Four, actually, since Kenny Mulciber had turned against him. The boy, however, didn't count much because he was still suffering from the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse.

Yaxley's rise to power had been short and it was over now; his supporters were no more. He just refused to see that. Instead he laughed; the laughter of a madman. He stood in the middle of the room, his wand emitting tiny flames that soon grew bigger and brighter and hotter until they took on the forms of fiery serpents.

Fiendfyre!

Laughing even louder he warded the door. If he was going to die he had every intention of taking all of us to hell with him. He would not- never ever- end up in Azkaban again.

Fiendfyre was cursed fire that couldn't be extinguished with _Aguamenti_ or any other water charm. A powerful wizard could control it- usually. Not this one, though. Yaxley must have created an aberration of the original curse.

Although Severus was the most powerful wizard I knew he couldn't smother the flames either but at least he could control them a bit; at least he could force them to turn away from us. Over and over again he quenched their desire to consume anything human and sent them away to lick the walls instead.

They did find prey, nonetheless. There was still Mulciber's dead body; Rowle, floating helplessly in midair- easy victims to the hungry flames. Rookwood, curled up on the floor, clutching his belly in agony as his molten bowels leaked out of him while eager flames ate away his face.

_Dear Merlin!_

It didn't take long for them to be reduced to heaps of smoldering ashes.

Kenny screamed in panic when slithering serpents of liquid fire approached him. There was no loyalty anymore, no more false ideals, no reason to die for a cause that wasn't really his. He wanted to live.

So did we.

Apparently we shared the same interests. And as different as we were, as different our motivations were, in the end we were all motivated by love. And much too young to die.

But the air in the room was so hot it hurt to breathe, and the wards on the door held. There was no time to try and break them. Yaxley laughed. It sounded maniacally.

He still laughed when the flames consumed him, wrapped him in a dress of a thousand fiery serpents.

His laughter echoed in my ears as I panic-stricken looked for a way out of this inferno. Lucius and Severus were at my side, trying to ward off the angry flames. It seemed pointless.

I took on to blasting the walls of the room we were trapped in, not knowing which would grant us passage outside. There were no windows, only walls and two doors.

_Merlin, please grant me just one successful Reductor Curse and we're free..._

Severus tore at the wards, trying to unravel them with force. If we'd had a little more time he would have succeeded. Alas, there was no time for his subtlety, his skillful elegance. Not with all the flames around us.

And again we had forgotten about Quintin. Blame that on the rapid course of events.

"Master! Masters and missus! Quick!" Quintin pulled at Severus' robes, begging for attention. "Quintin can help. Yous just holds on to Quintin. Quick, masters and mistress, quick!"

We didn't need to be told twice. _Merlin, thanks for House-elves!_ Only an instant later cool, fresh air filled our lungs. Coughing and panting I spun around to look out for Severus, and immediately breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing he was right next to me, apparently unharmed, unburned.

I stifled a sob, a thunderstorm of emotions in my mind.

Lucius said something- whatever- and I whirled around, clenched my fist, and punched him unceremoniously in his face. Damned, it just felt so fucking good the way my fist collided with his jaw.

I could do it over and over again.

"Ouch!" He yelped. "What was that for?"

I didn't bother to answer. Instead I threw my arms around Severus' neck, nestling my head in the crook of his shoulder, clinging on to his lean form. His warmth- gods, he felt so warm, so good to my quivering fingers. Inhaling his scent the very notion of what might have happened today seemed to suffocate me with unknown heights of fear- the fear of losing him above all. My eyes burned with tears, and it felt like relief to spill them, to feel them running hot and yet cold down my cheeks, soaking the dark fabric of his robes.

He held me tightly in his arms, almost possessively. Protectively. His face buried in my hair, breathing a soothing kiss upon my head. Words were murmured softly but they held no meaning, only comfort.

I hated this sudden weakness of mine although at the same time I indulged in not having to be strong if even for a moment. I felt so drained.

Severus said something to Lucius; I didn't understand the words but I sensed he was vivid and about to hex the obnoxious Malfoy. Lucius was getting louder while Severus' voice had dropped to a waspish, dangerous whisper. Soft as silk and hard as steel. So beautiful.

Then Lucius fell silent. I only found out later that my husband had silently and wandlessly used a jinx that glued the tongue to the tongue to the roof of the mouth; it was one of his own inventions. Despite my tears I chuckled.

Damned, he deserved it. He should be lucky I hadn't hexed him yet because that result would have been even more unpleasant than the black maggots. Bloody Malfoy for landing us in this mess in the first place. Yes, he had helped us later though not out of fear for us, for our lives. Lucius Malfoy was a selfish man with selfish motives, and most likely he merely helped us because he needed Severus to heal Draco. A part of me figured that that was his first priority while a smaller voice told me that even a Malfoy did care- sometimes. I didn't want to hear the latter. Not now.

When my mind finally stilled all my worries and notions of a much more horrible outcome, and I began to see things clearer again- I knew I had to call the Aurors to the scene. They would want to see that the latest threat to the wizarding world was dead.

There would be investigations and lots of paperwork. I shuddered at that thought. Severus wrapped his arms even tighter around me, encircling me in folds of black fabric. His robes smelled so nice, a hearty scent of herbs and smoke and something that was entirely, inevitably just Severus. I wished I could have stayed like this, enfolded in his robes and in his love.

But here we were, the survivors of a magical battle- and where was _here_ anyway?

Reluctantly I let go of my husband and looked around. I saw a burning house illuminating the nightly sky with an orange glow. In its light I observed that we were standing on a hilltop- more like a swelling- of what looked like a tiny island not far from the mainland. Over the blaze of the fire I could hear the rumble of the sea, waves crashing against rocks. I also heard something else- quite funny noises like a hiccupping trumpet.

"Here Selkie's Point, dear mistress," Quintin told me as he noticed me looking around in confusion. "There- selkies!"

My eyes followed the way his outstretched arm pointed. On a nearby beach a group of heavy, silvery-grey bodies moved inelegantly towards the sea, uttering noises of protest for they had been deprived of their rest.

"Seals," I muttered.

"No, dear mistress- selkies. Legend says the first Prince married a selkie princess."

Severus cocked a dark eyebrow in amusement.

"Ah, and my dear husband is the descendant of such an ill-starred love affair?" The bite was back, I sounded sarcastic even though I knew that in the magical world a legend wasn't just a legend. Only a Muggle would dismiss that notion and place it in the realm of fairy-tales.

Selkies are seals with the special gift to transform into humans by shedding their seal skin. Since they are very beautiful to behold in their human form, humans fall madly in love with them- and that's where the tragedy kicks in. Because after a certain amount of time the selkie must put on its seal skin again and return to the sea, not able to come back to its human lover for seven long years. Unless, of course, a magically skilled human steals and hides or burns the selkie's skin. But still, there was never a happy ending since forced to living ashore will slowly suffocate the selkie as it longs for the freedom and the endless depths of the ocean.

"Aye, mistress. This happens many, many, many years ago in the days of Merlin himself."

"Bah, the Princes aren't possibly that old a family!" Lucius snapped. "Could we please focus on the most urgent matter now? I have to get back to my son and you, Severus, will accompany me. We have no time to waste on the senseless babble of a house-elf."

"Actually, I happen to find Quintin's anecdotes quite interesting," Severus said smoothly and the ancient house-elf beamed with unadulterated joy.

"If master wishes Quintin can tells him more stories about the Princes."

"I certainly wish so- but first we will have to tend to your broken ribs."

"Snape!" Lucius fumed, clearly irritated that Severus seemed to care more about a lowly house-elf than about his precious son.

Of course that wasn't true. Severus would have rushed to aid Draco immediately if he hadn't sent him (with Quintin's help, mind) into the care of wizarding Britain's most accomplished healers. Professor O'Flaherty and Madame Pomfrey, who were both still available at Malfoy Manor.

"Oh master, too much honour for old Quintin. No, no. Quintin is fine, thank you good master. You go care for spoiled brat of blond-haired prat- oh no, oh no... Quintin bad mouth, bad, bad..."

I stopped him before he could crack open his skull on a rock- it would have made Severus' attempt to heal his ribs quite futile.

The elf went from wailing to beaming to wailing again. Lucius still fumed. I did my duty and finally called the Aurors hither. Conjuring my Patronus was so much easier now when my mind was filled with thoughts of how much I wanted to kiss Severus, to taste him and make sure everything was alright.

A smaller, miniature version of my Patronus emitted from my wand and hovered in midair before me to record the message meant for Williamson. Then it disappeared into thin air and all we could do was wait. Needless to say that Lucius was restless- and I understood that. I wouldn't have minded though if he'd pissed off and hurried to his precious heir. Why was he still here anyway?

It was then I suddenly noticed a movements from the corners of my eyes. Something was crawling up the little hill, approaching us. I hears a faint whisper.

"_Help_..."

Kenny! Mulciber junior. Somehow the boy must have made it out of the burning house but oh- dear Merlin- for what a price. He reached out for me with a blackened, charred... _thing..._ that only barely resembled a hand. The left side of his face was so horribly burnt that it almost looked grotesque- a landscape of raw, bright red flesh, black shreds of skin, the eerie white of a protruding cheekbone... the empty socket where an eye had been. His ear a molten lump. Scorched hair. An almost bald skull...

And I couldn't help but think, _'Oh Mary, what have you done? What has your stupid, stupid jealousy sparked off?'_

Her husband was dead. Her son was ghastly disfigured for the rest of his life- given he survived the night, that is. And all this because _**she**_ was jealous of Lily Evans. Because _**she**_ had not become the all-admired, all-adored little Gryffindor princess she had dreamed to be.

I wanted to vomit. The bitter taste of bile rose up in my throat but I forced it down again. Strength was required now. Kenny had begged for help and help we would provide. I wanted him to survive. I wanted him to survive so he could be locked away in Azkaban, sharing a cell with his dear mother as a constant reminder of how much she had fucked up not only her own life.

The _pop_ of Apparation announced the arrival of the Aurors.

"Raven! You alright?" Williamson called out with honest concern in his voice.

Potter followed him, asking too many questions, babbling...

Severus cut him off, snarling gruffly. One hand one my shoulder. Grounding me.

Merlin, I felt so drained. Too many faces, too many voices. So much noise where once had only been the blaze of flames, the rumbling of the sea... the funny hiccupping trumpet sound the seals made. Silvery-grey, plump bodies at the beach but moving, swimming, diving in the sea with so much more grace.

_It was not right to steal the seal skin and keep a selkie at shore..._

It wasn't right either that a young man, scarcely older than Harry or Draco, had to end up so horribly disfigured that I could hardly stand to look at him. But I would not break down now, not with all the Aurors around. I was one of them. I had to be strong. Severus' grip on my shoulder tightened.

_Bloody Mary... thrice damned Mary! _

More and more people arrived on that small island known by Muggles as Hestan Island, situated off the Dumfries and Galloway coast in Southwest Scotland. More Aurors, a squad of Hit Wizards, some Magical Law Enforcement guys- even the Minister of Magic himself.

I was tired, so fucking tired. And yet, I felt an immense surge of relief when I told Kingsley that I was going to quit. I had done my job. Yaxley and his cohorts were dead. It was over. _Kiss my ass goodbye, Minister..._

My words got drowned by the sound of helicopters as Laura Foster and her team of MI6 crime scene investigators arrived. Everybody was so keen on hearing my story but I only gave Williamson a brief report of the events that had transpired here today- let others do the tedious paperwork. Let Harry Potter reap all the praises of wizarding society for having done such a splendid job. I didn't give a damn about it. All I wanted was to go home with Severus and fall asleep in his arms.


	67. A Surprising Shock

A/N: This is the edited version, now betaed by the wonderful

67- A Surprising Shock

It took long, too long, before we were finally granted a moment of privacy. There was simply no way to avoid the endless questions coming from wizarding officials or the MI6. Lucius had already Disapparated. Back home to his son, his family. Proudfoot had taken Kenneth Mulciber junior to St Mungo's for treatment.

And we- after we were finally released from the clutches of authority- we nevertheless didn't go home straight. Tired and wasted, we went to Malfoy Manor first to check on Draco (who would survive, thanks to Professor O'Flaherty and Madam Pomfrey being at the right place, at the right time- and of course you couldn't off a Malfoy that easily). The boy was asleep, looking quite healthy. It seemed, though, that he sort of sensed Severus' presence because his fingers twitched in an attempt to grab his hand and a wan smile lit up his features. Mumbling something unintelligible that vaguely sounded like _thank you..._

We endured Narcissa's and Astoria's gratitude for an appropriate amount of time before we headed for St Mungo's to hear that Kenny would survive, too.

It pleased me. I couldn't wait to tell Mary.

But in a dim-lighted side corridor of St Mungo's I forgot about that jubilant voice ringing in my head, singing with malicious glee, when my husband circled his arms around my waist and pulled me closer until I was once again enfolded in black robes, inhaling his scent. He bent his head slightly so he could brush my lips with his- so soft and warm and dry. And I yielded to his kiss.

My arms came snaking around his neck, pulling him even closer, and my body fitted so well into his lean form.

"Let's go home, love," he whispered gently in my ear and an instant later- clinging onto him through the silent sensation of Side-Along Apparation- we were finally, FINALLY back home. In our house.

But before we could go to bed, arrangements had to be made since Quintin insisted that Severus was his master now although- officially- he still belonged to Daphne and Gregory Goyles' household. How to handle that? For today we settled on giving him a place to sleep and postponed any further decisions until tomorrow.

As tired as I was I nevertheless longed for a hot shower to wash away the grime, the soot and all the unpleasant memories of the evening. As the water poured down on me I tried to ostracise the image of Kenny's burned face from my mind's eye. I had almost managed, when the sound of something crashing down startled me.

Immediately I stepped out of the shower cubicle to see- Severus writhing on the floor, clutching a vial of purple liquid in his shaking hands. The Cruciatus Curse remedy.

I cursed loudly. Damn, DAMN, **DAMN**! I was such a fool, such an idiot to have forgotten how they had tortured him six on one. And I thought all was well now that we were finally back home? Ridiculous!

In an instant I was at his side, kneeling down next to him. Severus just groaned irritably and batted my hand away. He hated showing weakness but I didn't give a damn about that. I snatched the vial from him.

"Oh you foolish, stupid... stupid...." I trembled inwardly as I poured the potion down his throat, still searching for the best cuss word to call him- but all I could come up with was, "Man!"

Not even wizard but man. Perhaps because stupidity and stubbornness didn't draw a distinction whether the idiot was of magical or Muggle birth as long as the reason of it was masculinity. I felt torn between the urge to slap him- hard- and sobbing with relief when his spasms ceased. For a moment he lay still, half on the bathroom floor and half in my arms.

"You should have told me," I accused him, an angry edge in my voice. "Why the fuck do you care so little about yourself? But no, instead of admitting that you're not feeling well you have to play the martyr and see to it that everyone else is alright, always and forever pretending you're stronger than you are. But you're not indestructible, Sev! And contrary to the previous experiences in the past when no one gave a damn whether you lived or died, or what happened to your soul, you should realize that now there's someone who does care about all that. A lot. So don't you dare to ever do that again. Understood?"

He shifted to a more upright position and had the nerve to glower at me. Well, I glowered back. And in the end I won our glowering contest.

The corners of his lips twitched ever so slightly- as if my little tirade had amused him. He sounded utterly solemn though when he said, "Understood."

He didn't protest when I helped him to bed. I removed his bathrobe and bristled at the sight of the bruised that covered his body. He hadn't deigned to inform me of that either. But well- what else to expect after shelves came crashing down at us? Not to mention that a whole room collapsed around us.

"Do you want me to get you some Murtlap Essence?"

"No..." His eyes were closed, his tone sleepy, almost content. Cherishing my touch as my fingers trailed gently over his chest. Even after six years of marriage he still craved for my touch like parched desert soil for rain. "Dreamless Sleep."

Of course I understood his request. Damned, I could use a good dose of that, too. But it was an addictive potion and he had been addicted to it before.

I smoothed the crease between his brows and kissed his temple, then my mouth moved over to his eyelids, breathing feather-light kisses onto them. I felt his lashes flutter against my lips in silent pleasure and couldn't help thinking how beautiful he was to me. That thought gave me the notion of what would be just as effective as Dreamless Sleep or even better.

He wrinkled his nose as I kissed its tip- he always hated that. So many times he had been mocked because of his nose, but I liked its proud form. Crooked, yes, but nevertheless proud. I couldn't imagine Severus with a small, neatly shaped nose, or I would have long ago told him about Muggle methods of plastic surgery.

My lips lingered on his for a slow, deep, languish kiss, our tongues entwined in a sensual swirl. He sighed into my mouth and I moved on, peppering kisses along his jawbone to his ear. Nibbling at his earlobe, burying my nose in the soft flesh of his neck, inhaling his scent. And I wanted to taste more of him. I couldn't stop touching him. My hands drifted over his arms, across his chest, to his stomach. I wanted to follow all those invisible lines with my mouth- but he stopped me.

A dark eyebrow flickered upwards, expressing amusement and... _regret_. His fingers entangled in my hair.

"I'm sorry," he said wearily, "but I think I'm much too... exhausted... for sex..."

Well, come to think of it, so was I. The idea of having him within me, filling me, was... tempting, though.

"Ah, mighty wizard, but your wand is still active."

He blushed ever so slightly and the little colour that tinted his pale complexion suited him quite well. "That may be indeed so- although I am not certain whether I can still wield it satisfactorily."

"Shhh- don't worry," I cooed soothingly. Yes, the idea was tempting but not what I had in mind in the first place. Just like him I was much too exhausted for sex. The very notion of sweating, moving bodies clinging to each other in the waves of passion was something I'd like to save for tomorrow when I was- hopefully- feeling less drained. For today I'd settle with the simple pleasure of touching and tasting him. So I moved on, enjoying his lean body.

Long, slender limbs. Alabaster skin, smooth and surprisingly soft to the touch. A couple of bruises, the weals of some old scars. The thin dark line of wiry black hair leading from his navel downwards. So beautiful.

Severus closed his eyes again, a peaceful expression on his face as if he seemed to sponge up every little caress I offered with my hands, my fingertips, my mouth, my lips, my tongue. Like drops of rain on hot, dry desert soil- a plant kept in the dark for too long. Even the years of our marriage hadn't quite stilled his excruciating need for affection, and I was full of affection for my husband.

A gasp of delight when my tongue swirled around his nipples, my nibbling lips teasing him. A throaty chuckle when my fingertips tickled his sides- and then his breathing hitched.

"Raven... I..."

"Shhh... relax," I whispered and grinned at him; I knew what I was doing and I knew that what I was doing was so much better than any dose of Dreamless Sleep could be.

Exhaling a sigh, he gave in to my ministrations for a while. Suddenly his fingers knotted in my hair tightened. "Raven... if you continue.... I cannot promise..."

"Shhh... don't promise, then. Relax. Enjoy. Just let me give you pleasure. Stubborn man!"

Not many men were reluctant to accept what I offered but he just wasn't good at simply taking without giving anything in return, and usually I appreciated that. Not now, though. I wanted to give because it was my pleasure, too.

In the end he gave in, yielding to my touch, my lips. Not so stubborn anymore. His muscles contracted as a deep shudder ran through his whole body and I smirked, then his limps went all slack. I looked up.

He was fast asleep, sated and satisfied. How much younger he looked now, in the aftermath of orgasm. The crease between his brows was gone, the harsh lines on his face had softened, a smile graced his thin lips. Yeah, definitely much better than Dreamless Sleep.

Feeling deeply satisfied just by the peaceful expression on his face, I moulded my body into his and nestled my head in the crook of his shoulder. Sleep engulfed me, warm and comforting, untroubled by any unpleasant dreams.

*

He woke me with kisses and undisguised desire, eager to make up for last night. I enjoyed the friction of his hands on my breasts, they were feeling a little taut lately but perhaps it was just that time of the month.

I wanted him. Usually I wasn't that randy in the mornings, at least not before I had my first cup of coffee, but today I was in the mood to just flip him over and straddle him. The need was almost an ache... and all of a sudden it was gone, replaced by a dizzying wave of nausea. My stomach churned.

The next moment I was embracing the toilet bowl instead of my husband, retching and puking. I had just made it to the bathroom in time.

Since I couldn't even remember when and what I had eaten yesterday it didn't surprise me that all I vomited was bitter bile.

"Raven, you alright?"

I wanted to give a snarky reply what he thought it looked like, but his worried voice and another wave of nausea kept me from answering. And then he was at my side, holding back my hair, and I felt guilty for even having considered snapping at him.

Poor Severus. It must be very confusing to him- one moment his wife was all randy and about to give him a hard ride, and the next she was puking her guts out. I wished I could tell him that he wasn't the reason for my nausea. Definitely not. But the mood was spoiled, nonetheless.

A little later I rinsed my mouth, feeling shaky and exhausted. And hungry. Severus insisted that I went back to bed, still a worried expression on his face. He cast some diagnostic spells on me, fearing my condition was due to a dark curse. He couldn't find anything though- no traces of dark magic.

"We have to go to St Mungo's for a more thorough examination," he concluded, "After all, I am not a professional healer."

"I'm fine, Sev, really." I assured him and in fact I was already feeling much better. The nausea was gone and I was hungry. _Some croissants with honey would be nice, actually..._ "There's no reason to go to St Mungo's. I guess it was just the aftereffect of all the stress yesterday that made me sick. And I haven't eaten much all day."

"That sounds plausible indeed. Nevertheless, we will go to St Mungo's. I want to hear Professor O'Flaherty's opinion- and don't even try to argue with me. I insist on that."

I rolled my eyes. I hated being patronised but on the other hand I understood his concern since I would have insisted on a thorough checkup, too, if any strange nausea had befallen Severus the day after battling evil Death Eaters.

"Are you definite that none of their curses hit you? That you weren't hit with the Cruciatus Curse?"

"Well, they tried to- Yaxley tried- but then Luci appeared out of thin air and he was distracted," I recalled, suddenly chucking mirthlessly because the notion that Lucius Malfoy of all people had saved us was too absurd, too bizarre.

"Remind me to thank him for that," Severus said gloomily as he was loath to having to express his gratitude to a man who hadn't deliberately chose to save us; a man who could change his colours more quickly than a chameleon if it suited his own purpose. He wasn't a caring man but the one who hadn't hesitated to expose me the Dark Lord's whims. Severus had not forgotten that- he never would. Nevertheless, his voice took on a gentler tone, then, taking my hands in his, "are you well enough to get dressed and take the Floo to St Mungo's?"

"Sure."

It wasn't that easy though. Although I felt much better- quite good actually- I had problems to zip up my favourite jeans and wondered when I had eaten so much to grow fat. Something was wrong with me.

We took the Floo straight to Professor O'Flaherty's office where Severus wasted no time and immediately described my symptoms. I must admit I felt a tad exposed when the head of St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries observed me with scrutinising eyes.

"I'm feeling much better already," I said as my gaze fell on a plate of cookies that sat on his desk. My mouth watered and my fingers twitched; I was hungry.

Strange, but somehow one of the cookies found its way into my hand and I munched it blissfully. Severus scowled at me. Professor O'Flaherty flashed me a curious glance. I felt like some sort of rare species- an alien, even- under the microscope. All I could do was offer the head of St Mungo's a sheepish smile.

"Please help yourself. My wife baked them and she will be pleased to know that they have been to your taste; she tried out a new recipe."

I ate a few more cookies while Professor O'Flaherty ran several diagnostic spells on me, his brows furrowed. Severus was growing impatient.

"What is it?" He huffed. "What is wrong with my wife?"

"Well," O'Flaherty smirked, eyes twinkling almost as maddeningly as Dumbledore's, "as far as I can tell there isn't anything _wrong_ with your charming wife, but I would like to hear a second opinion- just to verify my diagnosis. I must admit that I am not an expert in _that_ special field."

He called for another healer and a few minutes (and even more cookies) later, a middle-aged matron entered the office. I had never seen her before and neither had Severus. He scowled at her.

"Please don't insult me, Tiberius. I came here for the analytic expertise and superior medical skills of a gifted healer- and you called for a medi-witch?"

"Tut, tut... no, my boy- not a medi-witch. Let me assure you that in her area of expertise Agnes Littleton is just the best- aren't you, Agnes, dear?" The head of St Mungo's seemed to ignore Severus' irate outburst and beamed brightly at the witch, reminding me even more of Dumbledore and his way of belittling problems with a smile and that annoyingly twinkle of his eyes. "Now, would you please be so kind to check on Mrs Snape here?"

"Of course, professor."

And again I felt the magical sensation of yet another diagnostic spell being cast on me. What the hell was going on here? What was wrong with me? Who was that healer I had never seen before? This was so irritating that I needed another cookie- the last on the plate. Had _I_ eaten them all?

"You were right with your assumption, Professor O'Flaherty," the witch concluded at long last, flashing me a cheerful smile.

"Wonderful!" O'Flaherty cried out just as cheerful and then- "Congratulations, Mrs Snape, you are pregnant! And despite yesterday's events mother and child are doing well."

I heard his words but I didn't really grasp them. "I beg your pardon?"

"You are pregnant. With child!"

Why was he shouting so enthusiastically? There was no reason, none at all... a Dark Curse had hit me- the purple beam of light perhaps?- and now something weird was growing inside me...

"No, no, no," the professor laughed as if he'd been reading my thoughts- or perhaps I had voiced them aloud, at least some of them, "your encounter with the Death Eaters left no impact on either you or your child."

He must be joking. It wasn't true. Pinch me and it would go away- I pinched myself but it didn't help.

"But..." I was at a loss. I grasped his words though they didn't make any sense to me. "_Pregnant_?" No, that wasn't possible. "We didn't..." My cheeks flushed at the memory of last night, of gentle fingers caressing my husband, my mouth tasting him, my lips... pleasing him. Of doing naughty, wonderful things to him... and, _dear Merlin_, thatexpression on his face after he had fallen asleep. So vulnerable, so beautiful. I stuttered, "But we didn't... I mean, we didn't actually... er... um... _consummate_ the act yesterday..."

"Oh," Agnes Littleton laughed the annoying laugh of a meddling midwife because that's what she was, apparently, "but I'm not talking about _yesterday_, dear Mrs Snape. As far as I can tell you are already in your sixth week."

I was rendered speechless for a moment. Then I gasped, aghast."What? I mean... how?"

"Mrs Snape, you are a married witch, therefore I believe I don't have to tell you _how_ it happened. Now, let me see a cheerful smile. After all- you are pregnant, lass!"

"Oh bugger!"

It dawned upon me, slowly, and then it felt as if she had just issued something akin to a death sentence upon me. _Pregnant..._ the word kept on ringing in my ears, again and again.

Pregnant!

Could someone _Crucio_ me please?

I stole a glance at Severus but his mien was absolutely inscrutable.


	68. Pregnancy

68- Pregnancy

I had to sit down. Pregnant. That word kept thundering in my head like the drums of hell. No one spoke. I didn't have to look at their faces to know that Agnes, the midwife, was beaming with joy- as if she has just told me something wonderful that should be celebrated. I, however, begged to differ. I was doomed.

Could the earth open up and swallow me, please?

O'Flaherty cleared his throat; I guessed that annoying sparkle was still in his eyes. "Um, Agnes, dear, we should grant the Snapes a moment of privacy."

They left the office and I was alone with my husband.

We have never talked about it before. It was clear from the beginning that we didn't want kids. He hated them- little impertinent dunderheads that used to torture him with their ignorance and disinterest.

What had gone wrong? We used contraceptive charms and Muggle methods of contraception. At least most of the time... um... well, I might have been a tad neglectful recently due to the Yaxley case and all those tedious investigations...

I looked up and glanced at him. He still wore a mask that didn't betray any emotion.

"Is there- I'm certain there is a potion..."

All of a sudden, anger flared up in his eyes. He sounded waspish when he spoke. "Of course there is a potion. If you know how to bottle fame, brew glory or put a stopper to death, there is hardly any problem you cannot solve with the little help of a potion. If that is what you want."

I breathed a sigh of relief, but it got stuck in my throat because of something in his voice. I swallowed hard. "I don't know what I want- well, I know that I don't want to grow fat-"

"Heavy with child," he corrected me softly.

"And I don't want to become a mother hen like Molly Weasley-"

"Unlikely."

"And... and I am much too old to become a mother anyway. I am forty-four!"

"That is still quite young for a witch, considering that the wizarding race has a much longer life expectancy than..."

"I _KNOW_!" I cut him off, impatiently. "But that's not the point, really."

"So, pray tell, what is the point you are trying to make? Because, so far, you only came up with pretty lame excuses for willing to kill my child."

"Your child? YOUR CHILD? Ah, now that's rich coming from you! You never wanted kids! Do I have to remind you that you _hate_ them?"

"Hate is a strong word... although I have to admit that I abhor being surrounded by imbecilic brats and little dunderheads..."

"Ha! I was right!"

"I never said that _our_ child would possibly fit into that category."

His words reached not only my ears but also registered with my brain. I blinked at him in confusion. It dawned upon me that he wasn't as adverse to the idea of having a child as I thought, and that left me a little befuddled. No, that was a lie. I was utterly at a loss.

Tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my face. "But how?" I wailed, still feeling downright miserable. "I mean, how did it happen? And-" I hiccuped defiantly, "-and don't you dare tell me about the birds and the bees, or that babies aren't found under the gooseberry bush, because I know all that!"

Severus possessed the nerve to smirk, and I blushed, thinking about last night. No, I definitely needed no lesson on practical experience- it was just that I wanted to know how I had gotten into this miserable dilemma.

He cleared his throat. "If I am allowed to hazard a guess, I daresay that your condition is the result of a failing contraceptive charm under the influence of the Wake-Me-Up Potion you were addicted to, some weeks ago. Of course, it might also be that your Muggle methods contradicted with the Calming Draught you took..."

"Ah, so all of this is my fault now?" I snapped. "The stupid witch messed it up, eh?"

In retrospect, I couldn't but admire my husband for his patience. I knew I wasn't fair. I knew I lashed out at him with a venom that was unnecessary, even uncalled-for, because he was not the one to blame. Although he rolled his eyes, he nevertheless managed to say evenly,

"I wouldn't call it a _fault,_ per se- not mine and certainly not yours either- unless, of course, you fear I will be a terrible father. Like... like my father. Abusive, violent..."

"No," I stared at Severus and shook my head, wondering how he could come up with something as absurd as that. He might be a stubborn git sometimes, but he wasn't a cruel man. There was no way he would ever be like his own father.

And then I remembered that he really didn't dislike kids in general. Little Regulus Black, Angel and Sirius' son- his godchild- adored him. Much to Sirius' dismay, I must add.

"So what is it that you fear?" Severus asked softly, stepping closer until we were only inches apart. With gentle fingers he tilted my chin upwards so he could gaze at my face. "I must admit that it wasn't planned but I am certain we will manage this unexpected challenge."

Unexpected indeed. _Our child_, he had said, and to be honest, it had quite a nice ring. I thought of the picture of Eileen and her little baby boy- the adorable tyke with big black eyes and tufts of soft black hair- and suddenly I could almost imagine holding a little Severus in my arms myself.

Instinctively, my hand wandered to my belly, clutching it protectively. He noticed that and smirked.

"But," I made a last, feeble protest, "but I... you know, _I _might be a terrible mother... and I don't know if I'm willing to share you yet."

A dark eyebrow shot up in amused mockery, then his face took on a more serious expression again, dark eyes glittering. "Raven, you are an annoying little Miss Sunshine, but you are also the most warm-hearted person I ever met. Do not doubt that you will be a good- well, um, an _unconventional_ but nevertheless good mother.

"For most of my life I was surrounded by darkness. I served two masters of which one was a megalomaniac lunatic who sowed hatred and reaped death; the other one I had considered a friend until he made me kill him. There is blood on my hands, even though it's mostly the blood of those I couldn't save. I know death and I know torture- but never have I kindled the spark of life before.

"I know it won't be easy, and- to be honest- I can't imagine us being parents. But we will handle it, somehow. There is this new life growing within you, and that very notion is amazing. For once I created instead of destroying... and I... finally I feel there is something good inside of me, in spite of all the darkness. Please forgo the idea of taking a potion to get rid of it."

"Oh Sev," I sobbed, clinging onto him as if for dear life. The way he said it made me feel like a cruel, cold-hearted monster. One that ate little children for breakfast. That hadn't been my intention. It was just- it came as such a surprise and I was still in a state of shock; I had overreacted when asking for a potion to solve the problem. Of course I didn't want to kill our child.

"You have to stop that if you want to make it work." I punched him slightly in the ribs, cracking a smile through all the tears still streaming down my face, tears of joy, tears of fear.

He arched a quizzical brow at me. "I beg your pardon?"

"Stop belittling the goodness in you, your bravery and all that. Without you, Voldemort would have been ruling the wizarding world now." I took a deep breath. "And don't you dare to disagree with me. You are a wonderful man, Severus Snape- I couldn't wish for a better husband- and you will be a wonderful father, too. Although the very notion of becoming a mother still scares me."

With trembling fingers I searched my pockets for a pack of cigarettes, but before I could light one, Severus had already snatched it out of my hands.

"I don't think that is good for our child."

*

And that's how my suffering began. I quickly learned that pregnancy wasn't fun. During the first weeks I simply felt miserable; nausea was my constant companion. Along with that came the mood swings. I was either shouting at my dear husband or crying my eyes out. And to make things worse, Severus pestered me with all the good advise he found in pregnancy guidebooks- Muggle and magical alike. He meant well, but it was so bloody annoying. At one point I yelled at him that he should carry our child to term if he knew everything better.

I wished I could get drunk. Alas, alcohol was on the list of things I wasn't allowed, along with cigarettes. I also had to cut back on caffeine although that wasn't much of a problem since the smell made me sick, and I was too busy with puking my guts out in the mornings to even think of enjoying a cup of coffee. On the other hand, my lack of caffeine wasn't good for the expectant father, who really had to suffer hard.

"Have a nice cup of herbal tea, my dear," Agnes would advise me. She liked to pat my hand and tell me that all the stress would be forgotten once the little one was there. Of course, I knew that was a lie and wanted to scratch out her eyes or hex her into oblivion. These days I was very often in the mood to hex someone into oblivion.

*

After returning from St Mungo's I only wanted to crawl to bed and sleep. But it soon became obvious that there were still some issues we had to deal with. Pinkie was not pleased at all about Quintin's presence in _her_ house and had a fit of jealousy. Although Quintin was the older one of the house-elves, she showed no respect, and he accused Pinkie of being a lousy house-elf because she was wearing clothes. That resulted in an elf fight.

"Stop that! Immediately!" Severus bellowed.

Quintin let go of Pinkie's throat and Pinkie- very reluctantly- released Quintin's ear from her bite. They glared at each other, turned around and went to opposite walls to bang their heads.

"**Stop that!**" I yelled. "You little beasts drive me nuts!"

Two house-elves stared at me with big, big eyes. I rolled my eyes and left it to Severus to deal with them. He had brought Quintin home with us, now he was to solve the problem. I was tired and strained and only wanted to sleep. Hell, I was pregnant!

I slept for approximately 20 hours and during that time Kingsley called just as many times. He wanted a report of yesterday's events. I wondered what he needed to know when the evidence at Hestan Island was so obvious. The Aurors must have found remains of the Death Eaters among the ashes of the Unplottable house.

I waited for another day before I gave Kingsley my report. It was kind of brief and contained only a few sentences. _We fought the Death Eaters. Yaxley wanted a wizarding barbecue. He became one. By the way, I quit._

Kingsley looked up from the report- a printed sheet of paper- and shot me an incredulous glance. I shrugged and said, "Well, I'm pregnant."

It was a good excuse. I didn't wait for his congratulation or any mindless drivel but rushed to the toilet and threw up whatever little I had managed to eat. Then I headed home.

*

If Kingsley needed more information, he never asked for it. And the papers were quite capable of coming up with stories without any information at all. I laughed out loud when I read all the wild speculations, lies and half-truths the Daily Prophet wrote about how Harry Potter saved the Wizarding World once again. It was alright with me since I wasn't particularly keen on reading my name in the headlines. I was even less keen on giving interviews since I was sick most of the time.

Pregnancy was a tedious thing. I wondered if knowing it as a fact had influenced my well-being because I had felt so much better when I hadn't known about it. My own body was suddenly very strange to me.

Of course, my dear old mother was thrilled to hear the news. Then she chided Severus for making her a granny although she wasn't really that old, was she? Next she wept silent tears because she missed my father, and oh, how much she wished he was there to share the joy. I hurried to the toilet again.

In the following weeks, Mum came to visit quite often, mollycoddling me until it grated on my nerves and I very nearly hexed her. I blamed it on the hormones.

They worried about me. Instead of gaining weight, I lost some because I couldn't keep any food down thanks to the bloody nausea. Why did they call it morning sickness when I was feeling sick all the time?

Agnes told me to drink a nice herbal tea and everything would be well. This time, I did hex her.

I was frustrated, depressive and had the feeling of being alone with my problems. My marriage was in danger because all I did was yell at my husband, giving vent. Fortunately our fights never lasted long due to another fit of nausea. It was hard to argue when you were hugging the toilet bowl, puking out your guts.

Finally, the nausea ceased around Christmas. I was in my eleventh week, then. The faintness wasn't so overwhelming anymore and I felt a little more alive again. My appetite returned and soon turned into greediness. Even when I wasn't hungry I could eat everything in sight. I developed rather strange cravings. Mostly, they ended as abruptly as they began. One day I could have died for green olives and chocolate and the next day, when Severus brought me some, I looked at him with disgust. Alienated, he would retreat to the library and seek consultation in his guidebooks.

I was so entangled in a net of restrictions and cravings that I even hated that little demon growing within me. I knew I would be a horrible mother; I just knew it.

It was then when I met Doctor Bellamy, a Muggle gynaecologist. He owned a very modern doctor's surgery in Kensington, and I wouldn't have gotten an appointment before Christmas without the little help of a Confundus Charm.

The doc was a tall, grey-haired Muggle with kind blue eyes and many laughter lines on his face. I liked him instantly.

He ran a couple of Muggle tests which all proved the little demon within me was doing just fine. Well, I hadn't doubted that. And then- oh, the wonders of Muggle inventions- he let me watch the little demon on the ultrasound screen. I couldn't but stare in awe at this miracle that Severus and I had created. Perhaps for the first time since learning I was pregnant, I developed something akin to motherly feelings. Anticipation. Love.

We talked for quite a while, and he told me to take things easy. And to throw away all the books my husband had bought because what worked for half of pregnant women might be the exact opposite for others.

"Enjoy your pregnancy," he said, "cut back on things that are dangerous for the baby, but don't stress yourself too much by avoiding them completely, since that's not good for your child either."

I wished he could tell that to Severus and thought about bringing him along the next time. Nevertheless, his words soothed and encouraged me. I went home with a good feeling, an ultrasound image of our little Snape in my pocket that I couldn't wait to show Severus as an early Christmas present, and the looming question of how to enthuse him for participating in the birth preparation course. The very idea of him in a room full of pregnant Muggles and their partners made me chuckle. And then the exercises...

It didn't happen often that Severus Snape, Potions Master, master spy, greasy git and bat of the dungeons was rendered speechless. I, however, managed just that when I showed him the ultrasound image of our child. His eyes were moist as he wrapped me in his arms and held me tight.

"Thank you," he murmured in my ear.

That night, we made love for the first time in weeks- actually, for the first time since we had found out I was pregnant. I hadn't realized how much I missed him!

He was gentle- almost too gentle- and very deliberate to not hurt me, while I was just... well, um... randy.

I laughed out loud when he was worried that the first thing his daughter got to see of her daddy was his cock, but I assured him that it was beautiful, and besides, I doubted that the tiny little something within me could see already. So I wrapped my legs around him and persuaded him to continue.

Strangely, when talking about our child, Severus always referred to it as _she,_ while in my mind's eye there was the image of a little boy. As adorable as little Severus in that early picture of him and his mother, Eileen.

*

Christmas came and went by. We spent the holidays with my mother in Majorca, enjoying a few rays of sunshine. Severus had even come up with a spell to de-alcoholise the wine, so Christmas dinner was a pleasant affair without getting drunk.

New Year's Eve came and went by. As usual, we didn't attend to any parties although we received quite a few invitations. But we preferred to spend that night alone, only the two of us. Sitting under a Christmas tree that wasn't decorated with living things- no fairies, no wood nymphs- just the plain odd Muggle Christmas baubles. Sipping de-alcoholised wine until we thought we were drunk, then celebrating the new years in a wild frenzy between the sheets. Gods, I was so happy.

*

My randiness remained and accompanied me throughout the second trimester of my pregnancy. Severus didn't mind. He enjoyed my body and especially my slightly heavier tits. I would have enjoyed it, too, if I weren't a bit _touchy_ when it came to the changes of my body.

I had been a fat child and was taunted for that by Potter and his miscreants. After I had outgrown the baby fat, I used to be quite proud of my body because it was slender, with perfectly shaped curves in the right places.

Now I felt like an alien in my body while an alien was growing within me. My belly started to shown signs of pregnancy and seemed to grow bigger each day. My jeans didn't fit anymore and I wore loose shirts instead of tight ones in order to hide my form.

"Look on the bright side," he said and kissed me, "finally you have a reason to go shopping again."

I laughed and straddled him.

*

Usually, Severus' birthday would be the time of year we packed our suitcases and travelled abroad, to some distant destination of the Wizarding World, studying the magic there, looking for rare and long forgotten potion ingredients. This year, however, I wasn't allowed to long distance Portkey travel. That was high on the list of magical things I was to avoid in the second trimester. I would also have to stop Apparation soon. But the idea of staying in Britain all winter long was depressing.

In the end, Severus gave in. Stuffed with home made chocolate cake (as it had become a tradition) and sated in more than just that way, he agreed to a vacation in the Bahamas. By plane. And only after Doc Bellamy had assured him it was safe for me and the baby.

So, at the age of forty-five, Severus Snape boarded an aeroplane for the first time in his life. He even jested he wished the Dark Lord could see that and hoped he would turn in his grave. But when the plane took off, every little bit of colour drained from his already pale face.

Nevertheless, he was very brave. No muscle in his face twitched and he kept his countenance. No one would have guessed it was his first flight.

We spent three very pleasant weeks in the Bahamas. I was lazing at the beach all day while he Apparated to various Caribbean Islands in order to explore the local flora, visited Wizarding communities and searched for rare potion ingredients. In the evenings we dined together at our luxury resort, and at night we made love under the velvet, star-spangled Caribbean sky. I daresay it was the perfect vacation for both of us.

Then, one night, an owl arrived. Severus untied the scroll that was tied to its leg and fed it a piece of pineapple, which the blasted bird rewarded him by picking at his fingers. Irritated, he shooed it away.

"What's up?" I asked sleepily, cuddling up to my husband.

"Mr Harry Potter and Mrs Ginerva Potter are proud to announce the birth of James Sirius Potter, born on February, the second, 2005," he read to me. "Do you want to know the weight and the size?"

"Nah..." I shook my head- I wasn't really that interested in Potter's offspring but trailed lazy fingertips across Severus' chest instead. My tanned hands were dark against his pale skin. I bent my head and kissed him, purring, "Hmmm, you taste so good... now, where did we stop?"

"Insatiable witch! We stopped at- oh, Merlin... ahh, don't stop, don't stop..."

That wasn't my intention. I feasted on his body like a cat licking milk, and it wasn't until much later that all of a sudden a thought crossed my mind.

"Oh bugger, Sev! Do you realize that out son-"

"Daughter," he insisted.

"Anyway- he or she will be in the same year at Hogwarts as Potter's son!"

Severus sighed. "You know, love, Potters shouldn't be allowed to procreate."

"Yeah..." I hoped that history wouldn't repeat itself when a James Potter and a little Snape attended Hogwarts the same year, together with a little Black- since Angel was due in two month.

* * *

_Thanks to my wonderful beta, hypnotic ink, and to my expert on pregnancy, Rose of the West for information. _

_Reviews are always welcome.  
_

.


	69. Expectant Parents

69- Expectant Parents

We returned from the Bahamas about a week later and were greeted with the dull weather of London in February. It was raining, and it was cold. I was tempted to board another plane and flee this misery. But the birth preparation course was about to start next week.

I hadn't expected Severus would like to accompany me- but he insisted on it. Somehow it was typical, though. He was a studious man, a sponge when it came to knowledge. Also, he took his role as soon-to-be dad very serious, and he wanted to do better than his own father (now that wasn't hard). I just wished he wouldn't chide me like an inattentive pupil when I didn't take my breathing exercises all too serious. Well, I guessed that was the teacher in him. Almost twenty years of teaching dunderheads had taken its toll on him.

*

Winter turned into spring, and I was gaining weight as the little demon within me continued to fill out. I was now very obviously pregnant for everyone to see. A reporter of _Witch Weekly_ spotted me at the Leaky Cauldron and decided I was worth a headline.

_RAVEN SNAPE AND HER SWEET SECRET_

_-Has the Greasy Bat Of The Dungeon fathered a little Bat?-_

What had become of their romanticized portrayal of him, I wondered. There had been a time when they called him the Wizarding World's most eligible bachelor, and though he wasn't a bachelor anymore, that was still no reason for calling him those names. Perhaps they were just affronted because neither of us had ever granted them an interview. I thought about suing them, then sighed. Who in their right minds cared about what _Witch Weekly_ wrote anyway?

My little demon was quite active nowadays. The very first movements had been faint, like the flitter of a butterfly, then there had been little thumps. Now he kicked and jabbed, made flips and flops. Severus was still convinced that _he_ was a _she,_ and he loved touching my abdomen to feel her move. He also talked to her when he thought I was sleeping. He'd rest his ear on my navel and speak to my belly, which was kind of cute. I knew he would be a wonderful father.

But would I be a good mother? Although I did feel love and affection for my little demon, I doubted it nevertheless.

Angel gave birth to her third child, a boy called Corvus, on the twenty-eighth of February and when we went to visit her, I was reluctant to take the wrinkled little maggot in my arms. It was so... fragile. And I felt... nothing. I didn't make goo-goo eyes at Corvus, gushing how cute he was. He wasn't. I wasn't fond of babies.

What if I wouldn't want to hold my own baby in my arms?

I pushed that question to the back of my mind. I could still worry about it when the time would come. Meanwhile I tried to endure- _enjoy_ was simply not the right word- my pregnancy as well as possible. Most of the time I felt alright, but the changes of my body were slowly getting to me. My back hurt, my feet and ankles were swollen when I was up for too long, and I was often exhausted. Fortunately I didn't have a job anymore, so I could focus on building a nest and getting homely. Only that that wasn't my thing at all. I needed something to do.

Much to our house-elves' dismay I took over the kitchen for a while, cooking exotic dishes for Severus. It was almost as nice as brewing potions, which unfortunately I wasn't allowed to do anymore; the beauty of simmering flames could be harmful for my little demon.

Speaking of house-elves in the plural- Quintin was living with us now. Although he hadn't asked for this favour, it was obvious that he was devoted to Severus- he recognized him as the true Princes' heir by blood and he had sworn to serve the Princes. It was as easy as that and just as complicated, because officially, Quintin belonged to the Greengrasses. To Daphne Goyle nee Greengrass, to be precise. Her mother, Marjory, would have released him from service immediately, but it required quite a bit of haggling with her daughter before she agreed to it. In the end she gave in- mainly due to Severus' scowl that hadn't lost its touch on his former student.

Of course, Pinky wasn't pleased with the situation. She got used to it, though. We told her how Quintin had saved us at Hestan Island and that we owed him- she didn't understand the concept but agreed to it nevertheless after we assured her that there was no reason for jealousy. He was naught but an ancient house-elf who had only a few more years to live, and we wanted him to live with us. He would not dispute her position in our household. He was merely there to tell Master Severus stories about his family.

And it was true, he was ancient. He had been there when Severus' great-great-grandfather was born. Saving us that night at Hestan Island had cost him a lot of energy and he withered visibly in the following months. Sometimes it seemed he only stayed alive to see a new Prince born. Then again, there were moments when he was almost busting with ardour. Like when we prepared the nursery.

We had quite a heated debate about the colour we wanted to paint the room, since Severus still believed I carried a girl while I thought it would be a boy. It was funny to hear my dear husband suggesting pink walls.

"Sev, you hate pink," I reminded him.

"But little girls like pink."

"Yeah, little _girls_- and Dolores Umbridge. Your _son_, however, will get sick in a baby pink wonderland."

"Baby blue isn't the most pleasant colour either. Raven, why don't we visit Doctor Bellamy and let him tell us the gender of our child?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to know- yet. Why, I couldn't tell. I simply preferred to wait a little longer. Or maybe I just didn't want to think of a name for the little demon when we couldn't even decide on the wall paint of the nursery.

I tried to distract him with a kiss. Snogging was always good to keep arguments at bay. We ended in bed and made love, and when we spooned later, sated and sleepy, I mumbled, "Sunflower yellow."

Gently he stroked my protruding belly and breathed a kiss on my temple, but didn't speak a word. The next morning he woke me with decaffeinated coffee and a big sunflower to signalise his agreement. I smiled brightly at him- my husband was simply the best. Attentive, caring, sweet- well, if no one but me was watching him.

There were also some other decisions we had to make and the most important was where I wanted to give birth to our child. St Mungo's was out of question because I didn't like their attitude. They didn't even have an obstetric ward. The wizarding society held tightly onto the belief that centuries of witches giving birth to healthy babies required no more fussing about than the assistance of a midwife. I begged to differ.

I wanted more safety, more security. The reassurance of modern Muggle medicine. Doc Bellamy had all that. He had the rooms, the technics, and a team of capable assistants. But he was a Muggle. A very skilled in his area of expertise Muggle, but a Muggle nevertheless. So, in case anything went amiss, I wanted a medi-witch at my side. Just in case. And I wanted Madam Pomfrey because I trusted her more than Agnes- have a nice cup of herbal tea- Littleton. The combination of modern Muggle and traditional wizarding medicine appeared fitting for a witch like me, who lived in both worlds. Severus could still Obliviate the Muggles later, if necessary.

Thinking about childbirth and labour pains gave me the creeps, I couldn't deny that. Although I considered myself a tough bitch, I imagined it to be like suffering from the Cruciatus Curse, and when I remembered the long time Angel had been in labour when she had delivered Regulus, recalling her pained cries, I wished I had taken the Abortion Potion on time. But then my little demon would kick and flip in my belly, and I was holding it protectively, gently stroking my abdomen. There was love and there was fear- most of all, though, there was anticipation.

*

Weeks went by and I still had nothing else to do than growing bigger; it was a bit boring except that the weather improved. April brought a couple of lovely sunny days, and usually that would have been the time for my annual start-of-the-season motorbike tour with Sirius. Leaving the winter behind and going out for a ride. Usually, Severus didn't mind. This year, he did. And he was probably right when he forbade me to go with Sirius, knowing that Black- the wizarding world's almost royal mongrel- gave a damn about Muggle regulations like speed limits.

I heaved a frustrated sigh, glancing longingly at my Harley. It gleamed so temptingly in the early spring sunshine, all polished chrome and shining black frame with metallic sparkling stars in rainbow colours. And it pained me almost physically that I would have to give up this beauty for the dubious joy of pushing a pram- the very notion brought tears to my eyes. I simply couldn't imagine myself as a full-time mum who gladly changed her beloved motorbike for a family-friendly estate car.

Severus wrapped me in his arms as we watched Sirius ride away on his bike.

"Next year," he whispered in my ear, his hands on my belly, his nose nuzzled in my hair. Inhaling my scent. Then he breathed a gentle kiss on top of my head. "Next year you can go with him again. This year, you don't fit in your leather attire anyway."

What a nice way of reminding me that I had grown fat. I turned around in his arms to face him with a scowl.

"Not fat- heavy with child." Severus corrected me, reading me like an open book.

I chuckled at that, keeping in mind the promise he just made. "So you don't want me to swap my Harley for a nice big family car?"

I had given it some thought- we had already agreed that our child was to grow up in both worlds, the wizarding** and** the Muggle world. And just like us, he (or she) would be going to a Muggle primary school because the wizarding world knew no general education before the little wizard or witch entered Hogwarts at the age of eleven. There was some benefit in being a half-blood.

"Ah, witch, there would be no living with you if you had to give up your infernal motorbike, so- please- do us both a favour and keep it, for Merlin's sake," Severus grumbled.

I beamed brightly at him, then at my Harley. Oh, how I wished to go for a ride! To feel the wind in my face and the freedom of the road... well, not here, in the heart of London traffic jams, but on the highways leading north...

My dear husband shook his head at the dreamy expression on my face. He would never get accustomed to my favourite means of transportation when there were easier methods to go from one place to another, like Apparation or Portkey travel. And, of course, he was right- it was easier. Faster. But sometimes the journey was the reward.

On the other hand, we couldn't possibly take our child to school by Side-Along Apparation, once he or she was old enough to attend primary school. It would look weird to the other kids (and their parents) if one of their classmates appeared out of thin air with a _pop_...

"We will need a car, though." I gave to consider, glancing at my husband as I envisioned myself in a crowded tube, heavily packed with towering packs of nappies, crammed shopping bags, and not being able to use a simple Levitation Charm because of the Muggles all around.

"Well, we could still move to a wizarding community," Severus said with no real conviction in his voice since he liked living here, in London, in this very house I had made our home. His first real home.

"Yeah, great," I quipped, "let's move to the countryside and become neighbours of the Weasleys, the Potters and the Blacks."

"Please spare me that fate. I'd rather make my driving license."

I couldn't- not for the life of me- imagine Severus driving an automobile! But his motivation was so touching that I had to kiss him. One kiss lead to another, and as usual we ended up in bed together.

Our nights were pure bliss. Our mornings, waking up in each other's arms, were a pleasure- in spite of the decaffeinated coffee. Our evenings we spent on the sofa, comfortably cuddled up, reading a book or talking about the near future when we wouldn't be only a twosome anymore but a threesome, a family.

It was time in between that bothered me, when Severus was at work in his laboratory at St Mungo's and I was alone at home. Then, I felt like being caught in a sticky web of utter boredom. The nursery was done, the walls were painted in sunny sunflower yellow. We had bought all the basic equipment we needed. A crib, a changing table, a very modern pram. Nappies, that would last for at least a month. Wet wipes, all sort of lotions and potions. A variety of rompers, including a black one with smiling little pink skulls from an underground fashion store. The expectant father had rolled his eyes and called me a freak, but in the nicest possible way.

I was now in my third trimester and pregnancy became quite tedious, even shopping wasn't that much fun there days- I never thought I'd ever say that. But my feet hurt and my ankles were swollen when I was up too long.

It was then that I remembered the unfinished manuscripts of all the potion books that Severus had never written, so I bought a laptop and started sorting through piles of notes and parchments.

He caught me at that one day when he came home from work earlier than usual. I was at the balcony, sunbathing, while the table next to me was loaded with parchments.

"Would you mind telling me just what precisely you are doing here?"

I almost spilled my diet coke over the laptop- damned spy, always so sneaky!

"Why- sunbathing, of course," I managed after a little coughing fit. Although he affectionately patted my back immediately, I turned around to glare at him. "Do you have to sneak up on me like that?"

"I wasn't sneaking," he said indignantly before he arched a quizzical brow at the table. "Sunbathing, Raven?"

"Oh well, now that you caught me at it, I could as well admit that I'm trying to help you write all the books you should have written long ago. You know, the ones that feature your advanced approach on traditional potions."

"I see... but is there any specific reason you have to do that half naked?"

I guessed he was referring to my new bikini. Although it was still spring, the sun was already warm enough to wear a bikini... provided that you knew how to cast the appropriate wind-shielding charms.

"Yeah, I thought we could start with a book on love potions- you know, sex sells."

"Raven! I never wasted my time with something as superfluous as love potions!"

That was true indeed. He had never resorted to the easiest approach of wooing Lily by slipping a good dose of Amortentia in her pumpkin juice. Instead, he had watched her falling for Potter and had suffered. Of course, even the strongest love potion wouldn't have made her love Severus, because the love it created was merely an illusion.

With a sigh I reached out for him, grabbing his collar and pulling him down to me so I could give him a searing kiss. "I know, my love. I was just kidding."

Severus grunted something unintelligible and took a seat opposite of me, flickering through his old notes. They ranged from his school days to recent stages of research.

"On the other hand..." I pondered aloud since a thought had crossed my mind and wouldn't leave me alone, "...why not write a book on love potions and aphrodisiacs- in combination with cooking recipes and erotic tales based on the fine arts of brewing and cooking? Both can be quite sensuous- the beauty of simmering fumes rising from a cauldron and the heavenly smell of a home cooked meal, and I could think of many erotic encounters on the kitchen table..."

"You are a wanton, insatiable witch."

"Um-hm." I smiled brightly at him, knowing he didn't really bother about that.

"And I don't want my good name besmirched by such... trash."

"Understood. I could use a pseudonym for that and make it a project of mine."

"I might have underestimated your desire to become Witch Weekly's favourite author of the month."

I laughed out loud- I loved his dark humour even if he didn't actually mean to amuse me. Leaning closer to him I brushed his lips with mine. "I love you, Sev. Now, pray tell, what brought you home so pleasantly early today?"

"Bad news," he grumbled as he fumbled in the pockets of his robes for a piece of parchment he unfolded and smoothed out before placing it on the table so I could read it.

It was an invitation.

Sirius Black and Harry Potter had chosen the second of May, the seventh anniversary of Voldemort's final downfall, to give a big christening party for their newly born sons. At the Burrow of all places.

Bad news indeed, since we were invited.

"Bugger!" I said. "I don't have anything to wear."

Severus groaned.

*

There was simply no way to decline that invitation, to say, 'thanks a lot but we're busy otherwise,' without making it sound like a lame excuse. Angel would know; she'd figure me out. And for Angel's sake we _had_ to partake in that dubious festivity. She was my friend, after all. She would want me to be there- even if that meant spending tedious hours in the presence of the Weasley clan.

Well, I didn't mind Bill. He was a pleasant fellow we occasionally met for dinner, once a year or so. But Molly Weasley would be there, too, most definitely- and I had successfully managed to avoid her like hell ever since that disastrous Christmas 1997. I hadn't forgiven her yet. Although... her actions that night had driven me- not straight, but on a somehow bumpy road- in the arms of the man who was my life now. Who had always been the love of my life, even if I had been too scared to admit it,not even to myself. Telling him about my love, my jealousy, had definitely been a turning point in our relationship.

That, however, didn't change the fact that I had absolutely nothing to wear for the occasion, and I wanted to look stunning. Not only because I was vain, but also because I wanted to show the wizarding world that I was proud to be Severus Snape's wife. I wanted to be beautiful because he deserved no less than a stunning beauty in his life. Because _he_ was beautiful in his very own, unique way.

In the end I chose a black dress that hugged the oversized ball my abdomen was. Since there was no way of hiding it, I could as well show off with it. And Severus was proud. He caressed my belly and told me I was beautiful. Every witch liked to hear that, especially when her waist was gone and her ankles looked as though they belonged to an elephant. Painting my toenails had become a barely manageable challenge.

We arrived at the Burrow by Floo. I whisked the soot from my dress and looked around, feeling uncomfortable at once. The house reminded me of the Weasley matriarch and Lupin trying to drug me with Veratiserum. Shuddering I reached for Severus' hand. He scowled at me.

"Get a grip on yourself. It's not as though you were invited to a Death Eater revel."

"'Twas easier to deal with them than with a mother dragon, since mother dragons are untouchable and it's considered an affront to hex them."

"Then don't hex her."

"Easier said than done," I grumbled as I smiled politely at the lovely garden scene in front of me. Sometimes smiling was the nicest way to bare one's teeth. Oh, this was a nightmare in full daylight and sunshine. The garden was decorated in Gryffindor splendour, scarlet and golden banners with prancing lions. In the trees hung paper lanterns, shaped like magical animal- pink and turquoise unicorns, red-golden phoenixes, green dragons, bright orange kneazels. Colourful clouds showered equally colourful confetti and magically sparkling stars on innocent bystanders. Statues of toads and owls and cats spilled never-ending rivers of pumpkin juice. Petrified, bright electric blue pixies held bowls filled with sweets. An escaping chocolate frog was being pursued by two red-haired kids on toy brooms. One of them very nearly crashed in my husband's knees but his Shielding Charm prevented a collision. The broom bounced off and rocketed upwards with the screaming tyke on in, then it spiralled downwards again and exploded in a firework of sparks while its rider landed headlong in a large chocolate fountain. A big grin was plastered all over his face when he emerged, covered from head to toe in liquid chocolate. He licked his lips and sucked at his fingers.

"FRED!" Angelina Weasley shouted as she ran to save her boy who apparently was reluctant to being saved.

"Kids are wonderful- ain't they, Sev?" I commented the scene, my voice dripping with sarcasm

He grunted something unintelligible.

The other little rascal on toy broom started crying because he wanted a chocolate bath, too. In his anger that he wasn't allowed one, his hair turned acid green.

"Oh, that's Teddy Lupin. Who would've guessed? He looked just like a Weasley... Actually, nearly everyone looks like a weasel."

The red hair-colour was indeed quite prominent today. There were Weasleys everywhere, and even if they weren't born a Weasley that didn't change the fact that almost everyone was a Weasley here.

"And Riddle feared that Muggleborns might dominate the Wizarding World one day." Severus said dryly.

"Well, I don't foresee _that_ danger as long as the Weasleys are mating and procreating like bunnies."

"I won't allow my daughter near them."

"She will be at Hogwarts with them," I reminded him, but then I spotted Angel with her little maggot in her arm and waved at her. Now it was to grin and bear it.

"Good day, Angela," Severus greeted her politely, "I do hope the pups are all well?"

"They are- thank you very much." It was typically Angel to take his taunt of calling her children pups as a friendly jest. She smiled at my husband. "It's so good to see you, Severus. I'm glad you could make it- Raven, pregnancy suits you so well. You look lovely today."

"Thanks."

Someone did not seem to agree, I noticed as Molly Weasley approached, hiding her disapproval of me behind a fake smile.

"Let me hold Corvus for a moment, dear," she said to Angel and took the baby, cooing at him.

I could tell she wanted to protect him from my bad influence, because it was crystal clear that I hadn't passed her test for decent, expectant mothers. I wasn't rapt at the sight of Angela's baby, I wasn't radiating silent bliss at the prospect of motherhood. I didn't even look like- in Molly's eyes- a good soon-to-be mother should. Instead, I was dressed in sexy black and was wearing blood-red lipstick. My finger- and toenails were painted in the same shade.

Molly Weasley was the most prominent matriarch of the Wizard World and quite possessive about her family- or whom she considered family. Angel was one of them. Molly had taken my friend to her heart because of her cordial, cheerful nature- because she was so different than I- or simply because she had a heart for werewolves in general. She had liked Lupin a lot. And apparently she had changed her attitude towards Sirius, now that he was a married man. Married to a decent witch-it didn't matter that he was still the same old lazy, mischievous scoundrel who had never worked a single day in his life. He was a father of three charming kids, and he was Harry Potter's dogfather. But most of all, he wasn't with me.

Of course, she knew that she had been wrong about me, regarding my choice of friends, and that she had judged Severus wrong. He wasn't the murderous traitor she had believed him to be. After the war, Molly had actually made a point and apologized for thinking ill of him. She would have even enveloped him in her maternal embrace and mollycoddled him, just like she loved to do with all motherless young wizards- Remus, Harry... even Sirius- if not for me. I was still like a red rag to her. I was too bold, too vain, too argumentative, too critical, too loud for her.

And I couldn't have cared less about what Molly Weasly thought of me.

A floating tray loaded with glasses of Firewhisky, champagne, elf-made wine and butterbeer was hovering in the air in front of me, so I picked myself a glass of red wine and held it to Severus for him to de-alcoholise it. Downing it in one deep gulp, I wished I could get drunk in order to endure this... this _festivity_.

"And I thought pregnant women aren't allowed to drink," I heard Kingsley's dark voice behind me.

I turned around to scowl at him. I hadn't seen him in months, not since I had quit my job. It was no surprise that he was here, though. After all, the Golden Boy had invited him, and everyone was at the beck and call of the saviour of the wizarding world.

"Kings," I acknowledged with a curt nod.

"How do you do, Raven? So good to see you- um, you're not going to puke on my shoes again, are you?"

"Only if you ask me nicely."

"No, thank you."

I left him standing there and joined my husband, who arched a brow at me, then pointed his head in

the direction of Sirius, dressed as a clown.

"Look- canine madness."

I almost cracked with laughter, and even more when Percy Weasley's daughter Lucy started crying and hid behind her father at the sight of Clown-Sirius. His painted, wide grinning mouth looked rather grotesque.

Sirius was accompanied by his two eldest, Regulus and Cassiopeia. The boy seemed to be a bit sullen, an expression that only intensified when Molly got hold of him. Apparently he didn't like big, wet kisses or the way she smoothed his hair out of his face. If I were a boy, I wouldn't like it either. Immediately he wiped his mouth and cheeks, ready to flee when she turned her attention to his little sister, who enjoyed being fussed over by her wanna-be grandmother a lot more.

I just _knew_ she would be Sorted into Gryffindor.

"Uncle Sev'us!" Regulus exclaimed excited upon spotting my husband. No matter how many times Severus had already explained to him that he wasn't his uncle- biologically- it didn't change the fact that to Regulus he was _Uncle Sev'us._

For a moment it appeared as though the boy wanted to fling his outstretched arms around Severus legs and hug him. Fortunately, he was a bright lad who decided otherwise. Knowing that a public display of affection wasn't always preferable- his experience with Molly Weasley had just proved that- he merely extended his little hand in greeting.

"Hullo, Uncle Sev'us."

"Hello, Regulus." Severus' tone was unusually gentle. He did like his godson a lot- probably because he wasn't like Sirius at all. And although the two wizards had come to terms with each other, there was still an underlying current of animosity coming from Severus' side. He couldn't forget. In that point we were very much alike, clinging to old grudges.

I had wanted to leave that sorry attitude behind when I had returned to wizarding Britain almost ten years ago. However, certain circumstances had made me fail.

After stealing a cantankerous glance at the harridan who caused me such discomfort, it almost hurt my face to smile at the little boy, chatting amicable with my husband.

Regulus looked just like a miniature version of Sirius, and just like Cassiopeia he had inherited the good looks of the Blacks. He possessed the same casual handsomeness that was typical for them, the same slightly haughty attitude that showed in his way of holding his head up high. His eyes were as grey as Sirius' and yet they made the difference. In Regulus' eyes was the spark of serious eagerness, the hunger for knowledge, to learn and expand his horizon that Sirius lacked. All he had ever cared about was mischief and pranks- even though that had changed slightly due to his stint in Azkaban. And yet- what had he achieved ever since then? All right, he had married a wonderful witch and had fathered three children. But, unlike Severus, he had never used his full potential for anything more expedient than joining the Order of the Phoenix when he was still half a child, a teen soldier for Dumbledore's greater good. Now, he was still a kid, playing the clown...

"I have a present for you," Severus said, and Regulus turned big eyes on him. It was easy to see that the little tyke adored my husband.

"A present?" He asked expectantly, trying hard to hide his enthusiasm. "But it's not Christmas or birthday."

That fact didn't hinder my husband from producing the shrunken version of a book from the pockets of his robes. With a non-verbal _Engorgio_ he enlarged it for Regulus, who beamed happily at him; reverent fingers caressing the cover. He loved books, and most of all he loved the books his _Uncle Sev'us _presentedhim with.

He really was an engaging child.

Regulus thanked his godfather politely, then he was off to some quiet corner of the garden in order to engross himself in his new book.

"He's not like his mutt-father at all," Severus observed.

"Yeah, Sirius is scandalized that his firstborn likes books better than Quidditch, and he fears Regulus might end up in Ravenclaw. Of course, he blames that on your bad influence."

"Bad influence, indeed. He should be grateful that not all of his pups will turn into reckless pranksters."

"Oh, I'm certain Angel is already grateful. Reggie is a good boy. Cassie, she's a little princess. She reminds me a bit of Narcissa at a young age- not that I've known the Black sisters as kids but there seem to be certain similar character traits."

"I'd love to see Black's face if she's Sorted into Slytherin."

"Hm," I mulled that over, "Sev, what if our son won't meet our expectations?"

He cocked a brow at me. "Do you actually believe I could father a Gryffindor?"

"Let's see, well, you're definitely brave... and very heroic because you married me..."

Severus wrapped me in his embrace, his hands protectively over my middle. And for once, he didn't give a damn about this public display of affection as he gently kissed my shoulder. "I believe we will handle it. I... it is my very intention to be a better father than Tobias Snape, and we will raise our daughter with love- even if she is Sorted into Gryffindor. I do hope, though, that she will love her parents and spare them the shame."

I turned around in his arms and brushed his lips with mine. "I love you, Severus Snape, and I know that you'll be a wonderful father to our wonderful little boy."

"You know there are simple spells that can tell the gender, do you?"

Of course, I knew that but- oh wait, had he secretly cast a spell on me already or why was he so definite we would have a girl? Or had Doc Bellamy told him while I hadn't listened? Why was I so averse to finding out anyway? Was it merely my wish to postpone any argument about the name to the latest possible opportunity? I heaved a sigh, feeling utterly asinine. We couldn't avoid that discussion forever, and maybe it would be nice to call my little demon by a proper name the next time her kicks kept me from sleeping .

There! His persistence on a baby girl was already rubbing off on me- _her_ kicks. Mayhap I should get used to that way of thinking and erase the picture of a cute little Severus look-alike from my mind. Mayhap I should start considering girls names instead of focussing only on boys' names. But- to be honest, I hadn't contemplated any name at all yet.

Fortunately we still had a couple of weeks before we'd be a family. The very idea was just as frightening as it was fascinating, and I still wasn't certain whether I was ready to share him yet. Everything would change when the little demon was born. Sometimes she- there, again, _she_- felt like an intruder to our life of cosy togetherness, sometimes like a blessing of our love, but most of the time I deemed the birth of our child a challenge like we had never experienced before. It filled me with anticipation mingled with awe. And fear. There was still a lot of fear.

But now it was time for the ceremony to start. The very same old, tufty-haired wizard, who had not only wed us but also Bill and Fleur- later I learned he had presided at Dumbledore's funeral as well, so perhaps he was the Ministry's only man responsible for the Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages- named Sirius the godfather of Harry Potter's firstborn in a spectacle of showering stars and magical lights. The same honour was bestowed upon Molly and Arthur Weasley for little Corvus Remus Black. More magical stars sparkled, and Angela beamed happily.

That's what I had come here for- to see my friend happy.

"Soon you'll have your own party for your own child," she promised me, smiling brightly.

I glanced around and thought it sounded like a threat. So many red-haired Weasley children, and no way to avoid them if I didn't want to deprive my little demon the dubious joy of playing with other wizarding kids. Would the next generation still harbour the same old prejudices?

Harry approached us, little James in his arms. It was obvious to see he was glad that Severus had followed his invitation. Although they would never have a heartfelt relationship such as that of a mentor and his protégé, some unspoken, grumble understanding had developed over the years.

Severus smiled wanly as he glanced at the little bundle in Potter's arms. It was hard to hate such a tiny human being only because he carried the same name as his tormentor and childhood bully- it was merely an ill-advised choice of name. The boy could still grow up and become a more decent, more modest young man than his grandfather had been. But that was up to Harry Potter now.

And then Severus searched the baby's face for something- anything- that reminded him of Lily. He found none. Little James Sirius Potter looked just like the spitting image of the late James Potter, minus the glasses.

"Look on the bright side, Sev," I tried to cheer him up and take his mind of Lily Evans, "if you had married Lily, you'd be a grandpa now."

That thought didn't startle him as much as I would have liked- nevertheless he managed to smirk slightly at me. And then he forgot for the second time today that he was supposed to be an uncaring git who didn't engage in public displays of affection.

"I do regret many choices I made, but never marrying you," he purred in my hair before he pressed his mouth to my temple.

My arms came around his waist, hugging him briefly. I would show him later just how much his words meant to me.

After the tedious ceremony, it was finally time for dinner. I was already hungry. Pregnancy could make one quite ravenous since you literally had to eat for two, but- typically for Molly- there was food in abundance, and it smelled lovely. Everybody loved her cooking. No one would starve. Therefore I didn't understand why Ronald Weasley had to tuck in as though there was no tomorrow, while at the same time talking about the Chudley Cannons' latest game lost. Well, the Chudley Cannons would still be at the bottom of the league (that much I knew about Quidditch) even if he decided to shut up and be just a glutton instead. Was he really sporting a paunch already? Ah, the joys of Muggle brewed beer and television.

I glanced at his wife, Hermione, who was seated next to my husband and apparently determined to talk his ear off by commenting on an unrequested essay she had written about the side effects of his Anti-Cruciatus potion. Although there weren't any, she had filed in a lengthy report of what had not happened to her in her typical, know-it-all way, showing off with her pseudo-scientific knowledge of potions and antidotes.

Of course, it was eloquently written and well-researched- but nevertheless unrequested. She, however, didn't seem to care about that unimportant fact as she kept on babbling, moving closer and closer to Severus in excitement. I could imagine how she was in class, an eager student raising her hand, waving it in order to gain his attention. He, however, wasn't pleased with the situation. In an effort of being polite instead of scowling and snarling at her, he tried to make an unobtrusive retreat until he was very nearly sitting on my lap.

It would have been hilarious if not for the fact that Mrs Hermione Weasley, nee Granger, looked quite pretty today. Her bushy hair was tamed into sleek curls that accentuated her delicate cheekbones, and she was clad in robes of an autumnal colour that flattered her eyes very nicely.

I felt a pang of probably unreasonable jealousy because of her slender curves. I despised her for the high- well, moderate- heels she wore, while my swollen ankles forbid any such a show of vanity. Alright, my sandals looked stylish... but it wasn't just the same.

Next to her, I looked like a stranded whale.

And- as unbelievably as it was- my husband seemed to prefer stranded whales over the soft flesh of youthful curves in full bloom. Severus made a point to wrap a quite possessive arm around my shoulders. She pouted ever so slightly.

It dawned upon me, then, that she wasn't only interested in my husband in a purely intellectual way. No, she actually possessed the nerve to _fancy_ him- _**my **_husband. She was flirting so obviously, so shamelessly with him, begging for his attention. And I... I wanted to scratch her eyes out and hex her into oblivion!

"Would you please remove your fingers off me?" His voice sounded waspish as he gave her a cold glare of disapproval. "I do not take kindly to being pawed at."

Gods, I loved him- I loved him so! The only thing that was more entertaining than watching Hermione paling in embarrassment, was the latest invention of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes- a metamorphosis powder that, if dissolved in any liquid, turned the hair of the drinker an absurd shade or made them sport a piggy's nose. The kids seemed to love it.

"I want to leave. Now."

Needless to say I agreed, willingly, since his words held the prospect of privacy once we were back home and I very much supported that. Although I wasn't an antisocial person in general, I could do quite well without the disapproving glances of Molly Weasley.

* * *

_Thanks to for beta reading._

_Next chapter we'll meet the little demon.  
_

_P.S. I love reviews (hint, hint)_


	70. The Little Demon

70- The Little Demon

"You alright, love?" Severus mumbled sleepily as he reached out to caress my abdomen.

"Can't sleep..." Perhaps he found the kicks of his kung-fu-fighting _daughter_ adorable, but they kept me from sleeping. Why did _she_ always have to become active when I wanted to sleep? Hell, I couldn't even toss and turn in bed because my belly was constantly in the way. Also, it still bugged me that Hermione had flirted with my husband.

"Would you like a glass of hot milk, perhaps? Or a calming herbal tea?"

Oh, he was sweet- no doubt about that. He'd get up in the middle of the night to fetch me whatever I desired. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood to appreciate his kindness.

"It might be calming if I hexed you," I snarled and added, sarcastically, "_darling_."

Herbal tea- bah! He almost sounded like dear Agnes. What I'd love was to have a glass of wine instead. No, that was a lie. A whole bottle would be more agreeable. Preferable a Chianti or Rioja, pure and undiluted of de-alcoholise spells. I sighed with frustration.

Facing me, he kissed me gently. "Pray tell what bothers you."

There was a hint of insecurity in his voice as if he'd done something wrong, when, in fact, he was the most caring husband a pregnant witch could wish for. It wasn't his fault that the hormones were having a party inside me to which I wasn't invited. I could have cried.

"Kiss me again."

He obeyed assiduously. Usually that would have led to eager hands going on an expedition for pleasure, but I wasn't quite in the right mood to engage in that sort of activities now. So I merely snuggled up closer to him, enjoying the warmth his lean body radiated.

"I want it to be over. I want this little demon out of me and to hold it in my arms. I want to see my feet again and say hello to them, and I want to have my waist back. I don't want to look like a stranded whale when I'm surrounded by pretty young witches with flat tummies, slender waists and delicate ankles- damned, Hermione was flirting with you!"

"Why would she do that?" Severus wondered.

"Because she fancies you. She... she didn't even seem to notice me, my presence, the fact that I was sitting right next to you. She wasn't taking me serious at all- at least not as a woman. People look at me and see a pregnant mother cow, and mother cows are neither attractive nor sexy. They aren't even real women anymore."

"Don't be absurd, Raven. You cannot possibly be jealous of an insufferable know-it-all, who is stubbornly ignorant of the most important thing- not for the dear life of her does she know when to shut her gob. Instead, she kept boring me to tears with her superficial knowledge she learned from books, although I might willingly agree that she was merely hoping for a halfway intelligent conversation which- no doubt about that- her prodigious husband cannot provide her with."

I snorted. "Well, to me it seemed that there were also some other things she was hoping for, like a certain _willingness_ to please you in more ways than just intellectually."

Severus propped himself up on one elbow to give me an incredulous glance, his brows knitted.

"Witch," he said, grumbling, "even if she did dream of things totally inappropriate for a former student of mine- don't you think I might be insusceptible to her most primitive way of wooing? Because no little chit is fit to hold a candle to you. And now I don't want to hear any more of that nonsense."

Then, his mouth- all hot lips, teasing teeth and lavishing tongue- his clever fingers showed me just how precious, how beautiful I was to him. And I quickly forgot that I had felt like a stranded whale, a pathetic, unattractive mother cow only moments ago.

This was real magic.

*

The third trimester was the worst and most exhausting. I wanted it to be over, and that even more every day the closer the estimated due date approached, sometime at the end of June. Pregnancy wasn't fun- it was torture.

In the weeks that followed the party at the Burrow we kept to ourselves, enjoying our cosy togetherness since that would end soon. I wasn't deluding myself in that matter. Moments of privacy would be replaced by sleepless nights, penetrated by the cries of our little demon. And all pleasure I could hope finding was when the little one would be sucking my breasts, relieving my of their heavy weight for a short while. I was to become an asexual being. A mother. A Molly Weasley- and yet, if motherhood came in combination with asexuality, why were there so many Weasleys? Also, didn't Angel still look attractive after her third child? That thought gave me new hope, sort of a silver lining lingering behind dark clouds.

But what did I fear anyway? Severus seemed to cherish every ounce I gained, and he didn't tire of showing me that with never dwindling ardour. He was as solid as a rock when I needed reassurance in moments of anxiety.

Nevertheless, those last weeks of pregnancy weren't totally unproductive either, for I managed to finish writing Severus' potions book. In the daytime I copied his notes to my laptop, in the evenings we talked it over and he made corrections. It was a deeply satisfying work, especially when I found a publisher for his book.

*

We still had to decide upon a name for our daughter. Yes- Doc Bellamy had confirmed that the last time we went to see him. Severus tried to hide his smug smile, it said: I told you so. But most of all he was excited.

"We will not name her Lily," was my first reaction, and then I quickly added, "nor any other flowery name like Petunia, Pansy, Daisy, Narcissa, Violet or... or Buttercup."

"Agreed. I would also ask you to not insist on naming our daughter after a fictional heroine from that book you like so much."

"No Arwen, Galadriel, Éowyn or Lúthien?"

Grumbling, he rolled his eyes. "People might think we were influenced by the movies."

"And that would be horrible, I see. Especially since so many wizards and witches go to the movies nowadays."

"Insufferable witch, leave the sarcasm to me. Our daughter will attend Muggle primary school, and I don't want her classmates to laugh about her because of her unusual name."

"Well, except there are many little Galadriels in her class... ah, don't give me that look, Sev. I promise, I do not insist on an Elfish name- alright?" But I knew that was not what bothered him. "Did your classmates laugh about you because of your name?"

For a long time he didn't speak. His face took on an inscrutable expression and there were harsh lines around his mouth. Of course, the Marauders had mocked him, had called him _Snivellus- _but bloody James Potter had had a thing for nicknames anyway; he had called me 'the fatcrow'. I thought about it a lot these days, although I wasn't actually fat- I was merely very pregnant.

"That was my least problem," he whispered, finally, almost inaudible.

My heart ached for him and I made a point to smooth out all those harsh lines with gentle kisses. The miss-matched clothes, visible signs of poverty, must have been more likely to cause mockery, additional to the fact that occasional outbursts of accidental magic were considered... _weird,_ to put it mildly. People feared what they didn't understand, and when they didn't fear it they ridiculed it.

I hadn't suffered much of that in primary school, but I understood what it must have been like for Severus. And although he knew most of it already, I told him stories of my school days before Hogwarts. I had had friends then, I got invited to the houses of my schoolmates, and all went well. No suspicious outbursts of accidental magic- I guessed it was possible for a half-blood child to live in both worlds, as long as the child was well loved and cared for.

It wasn't my intention to rub his nose in what his childhood had lacked of, because it was so obvious that no words were needed. Instead, I assured him that our child would have a very happy childhood, that she would be loved and doted upon, and probably spoiled rotten. He gave me a quizzical glance then, so I laughed, and kissed him again to dispel his worries that our daughter might become as spoiled a brat as James Potter had been, haughty and arrogant. No, our little demon would not be like that. She would be generous and compassionate, she would make friends and not be an outsider. She would... whatever she was going to be like, whether she'd be sorted into Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or even Hufflepuff- she would be perfect. Our child, our daughter. We could talk about her for hours, but coming up with a name for her was probably the hardest part. All we knew was what we didn't want to name her. Mayhap that was already a huge step in the right direction.

"I don't like all those Greek tragedy or goddesses' names either," I said, though they were quite popular amongst the wizarding folk.

"So no Persephone, Ophelia, Hecate, Eurydice or Circe?" Severus couldn't hide the mocking tone in his voice, and he smirked when I shook my head almost violently. He reached out to teasingly ruffle my hair- it was one of the things he only did when we were in private, when the eyes of the wizarding society didn't watch and then tried to analyse his every gesture.

"Dear Merlin- no. The poor child! And no absurd wizarding names like Musidora, Dementrica, Xanthippia or Nymphadora..." I fell silent, remembering Tonks.

"She always hated her name," Severus said quietly, although that had never stopped him from calling her Nymphadora. Just because it galled her.

I heaved a sigh, a vision of bubblegum pink flashing in my mind's eye. So cool... she had very nearly been a friend before she married that werewolf. Yeah, you shouldn't badmouth dead people- or wolves- but since that was hard for me I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"He wasn't the worst of the Marauders," Severus gave to consider- and, of course, he was right with that. I wished I could come to some sort of postmortem truce with Lupin, like my husband seemed to have over the years, but there was still too much that bugged me. I remembered his prefect button and how much he had failed at meeting the expectations. Instead, he had looked away whenever his cronies bullied Severus or me. And later... but, no- I didn't want to talk or even think about Lupin now. So I quickly changed the topic back to our little demon.

"You know, we could name her after our mothers," I suggested, since that was a tradition amongst wizarding folk.

"Nigella- that sounds nice," Severus agreed, "although we're treading forbidden grounds herewith, since it is actually a botanical name. _Nigella damascena_, for example, is an annual garden plant belonging to the buttercup family, while the related _Nigella sativa_ is the source of the spice commonly known as Black Cumin or Kalonji, which is used in quite a few potions."

Typical him for giving me a lecture.

"Oh will you please stop being such an incorrigible smart-arse, Sev," I huffed, sounding slightly more exasperated than necessary because I was feeling uncomfortable. I tried to shift into a more comfortable position though there seemed to be none. My back ached.

"Raven?" He noticed me wincing and hurried to rub my back like he had done so many times during the past few weeks. His hands were skilled, but today it didn't help much. I tensed when a little cramp caused me even more unease. Now Severus was worried. "Darling, I didn't mean to upset you. Tell me what's wrong."

It was pure instinct- since it was certainly not experience, but just a distinct _feeling_- that made me tell him, "I guess our daughter wants to have a word concerning her name... and join in to our conversation..."

"You mean...?"

"Um-hm. Could you please call Doc Bellamy?"

Never before had I seen him so nervous. With trembling fingers he dialed the number, his eyes focused on me all the time. His expression changed as he described my symptoms, switching from slightly panicked to a mien of cool rationalism.

"Are you quite sure you really want to go to that Muggle surgery? Doc Bellamy is certainly a capable gynaecologist- but St Mungo's is only a Floo call away," he gave to consider, nevertheless.

"I think _now_ is not the right time to argue about that. Sev, I don't trust the midwives at St Mungo's- they're stupid old witches."

"Alright, love, alright." His voice was like smooth velvet, soothing me.

I must admit, I didn't envy the poor cab driver who took us to Doc Bellamy's surgery. The contractions weren't that close together, yet, to warrant my husband's sharp tone or his calling the driver a good-for-nothing dunderhead who seemed to be incapable of finding the fastest way through London even if the GPS navigation system was nailed into his brain. The driver, however, didn't like to be insulted, and there came a point when he actually stopped the car and offered Severus to take over and drive himself. Needless to say that he politely declined that offer.

Fortunately, the cab driver was not keen on me giving birth in his car either, so he drove on when I stifled a moan as another contraction set my entire body in painful discomfort. That's how we managed to make it to Doc Bellamy's surgery in Kensington.

*

When all was said and done, Doc Bellamy asserted that it was a surprisingly easy birth (for a woman of my age and it being my first- he didn't know about the extended lifespan of witches) and I wanted to hex him. He could talk!

Despite my lack of experience, I begged to differ. Fighting a horde of Death Eaters was easy. Giving birth was- definitely- not. It was like- hell, there weren't even words to describe labour pain. I had expected it to be no worse than suffering from a Cruciatus Curse... but it was different, totally different. Not the amount of pain, per se. Just the feeling. It was an unique pain, not comparable at all- as if my body was suddenly at war with me and I was sort of an alien trapped inside my own body. With no memories left of all the years I had pampered it, had applied rich body lotions and all that, fussing around... so very vain...

It all started with a moment of total embarrassment when I walked into Doc Bellamy's surgery, and a cramp later, something warm and wet was running down my legs.

"Oh shit," I gasped, standing stock-still.

"Ah," the doc smiled maddeningly at me, "I see your amniotic fluid is breaking. That's wonderful– it will be done soon."

Whatever anticipations he connected with _soon_, they didn't meet my expectations, for it seemed to take endless. Endless hours or labour pain.

Alright, to be honest, these were only four hours. And that was quite short from what I've been told. It just felt like an eternity.

My dear husband had the nerve to remind me of my breathing exercises that would have come in quite handy now- if I had taken them serious enough. I called him an insufferable know-it-all with no idea of what he was taking about, and he accused me of being ignorant to well-meant advises. Oh, how we bickered throughout labour! But maybe that kept me sane.

Poppy Pomfrey arrived only minutes after us, having Apparated from Hogwarts to a dark and quiet alley nearby. I introduced her as my midwife before she could say she was a medi-witch from a school for wizarding and witchcraft.

Fortunately, her help wasn't needed. There were no complications that required magic, and I daresay that my dear husband was overtaxed enough without having to Obliviate the good doctor.

And the doc was good- very good, indeed, for he didn't only rely on the benefits of modern medicine, but had also a vast knowledge of traditional Chinese medicine. We had discussed it before, and I had agreed to using acupuncture as a means to ease my pain and speed up the process.

Poppy watched with interest though I could tell she didn't quite understand the way of Muggles when there were potions or spells. I, however, preferred to not have a wand pointed at me while suffering through labour pain. I would have preferred to not look like a porcupine either, with needles sticking out on my back, my hands and above my ankles. But since I was all sweaty and exhausted anyway, I decided to give a damn on vanity.

"Well, actually a porcupine has spines or quills formed of keratin, that protect them from predators. They don't sport metallic needles," was Severus lecturing comment on my allusion to porcupines.

I slapped at him, but when he made a point to retreat- even if only slightly- I grabbed his arm and made him stay. "Oh no... _darling_... you won't leave! You got me in this mess, now you'll have to stick with me."

I was sorry for that the very same instant those words left my mouth. It wasn't his fault. Of course not. Although we hadn't planned this, the birth of our daughter was nevertheless an experience we anticipated. He had been accused of many things in the past and I surely didn't want to jump on that train...

"Harpy!" He rolled his eyes, but bent over to breathe a gentle kiss on my temple. "I do not intend to leave you. I wouldn't mind, though, if you could please remove your claws from my flesh- I'd be very much obliged. We don't want you whining over broken fingernails later, do we?"

"Oops," I glanced down the length of my arm, along my fingers to my nails that were indeed buried deep in his skin, leaving angry red marks. Merlin, what did that poor, wonderful man have to endure with me? Always so strong, so caring... so worried.

"Love ya, Sev," I managed, panting, when another wave of pain rolled over me, taking me away like a ship lost on the ocean. Trying to breathe, I registered that this pain was different. Something was happening. I felt the urge to push.

"Hold on, dear," Doc Bellamy told me, "hold on for just a little moment longer."

"Aylin."

"I beg your pardon?" Severus arched a quizzical brow at me

"Aylin!" I cried out. "Our daughter..."

Oh, I had thought about it a lot, ever since coming up with the idea of naming her after our mothers, and I just knew he wouldn't like Eileen because it reminded him of his useless mother- who hadn't been that useless at all since she had given birth to him, my husband, the love of my life. True, she hadn't been a good mother. She hadn't protected him from his abusive father, hadn't taken her little boy and run away from Tobias Snape. She had been weak, and her weakness had caused him pain and sorrow- and yet, without her there would be no Severus. No love as amazing as ours, no little demon that was just about to slip out of my womb....

I had searched the Internet. Aylin was an old Gaelic, English, Irish and even French variation of Eileen, which had its origin in the old Greek name Helen, derived from the element _helios_, meaning sun, bright and shining. But it was also a popular Turkish girls name that could be translated as halo of the moon, or moonlight. I liked the meaning of both of them, yin and yang, night and day, sun and moon, light and shadow... I would explain all that to Severus later.

"Alright," he agreed nonetheless, and I figured he would have agreed to anything right now, even Willibalda. "Just remember your breathing, love."

My poor, adorable husband- he was almost as sweaty as I was, suffering with me. Occasionally, he shot an annoyed glance at Doc Bellamy, a silent question why it took so long. Poppy patted his shoulder.

"All is going fine, my dear boy, don't worry."

At any other time, he would have hexed her for that audacity. He wasn't her dear boy and he didn't worry- he was just slightly frantic but trying hard not to show it.

Doc Bellamy gave me instructions to push, then. It was an excruciating, exhausting affair. I took a deep breath- I never felt anything like that before. But the pressure, the pain were soon forgotten when, at long last, the doc handed me this tiny human bundle that was our daughter.

Merlin- she was beautiful. Absolutely perfect. I held her in my arms, so astonished, so in a state of awe and wonder. Such a midget but yet so very, very perfect.

Severus was clearly at a loss for words, something that rarely happened. He stared at her with dangerously moist eyes. And he didn't seem to give a damn that others were seeing him all teary-eyed, all emotional. The joy was simply too overwhelming. A tear-drop ran over the bridge of his large nose- I caught it with my little finger, not knowing whether _I_ should laugh or cry. It was so... so... I mean, I was holding this diminutive person in my arms, someone _we_ had created.

"May I?" Severus asked almost shyly, and so I handed him his daughter. He took her with great care, holding her as though she was something very precious, very fragile.

Aylin opened her eyes and yawned adorably, and I noticed in rapture that she had inherited her father's beautiful obsidian eyes. A fluff of soft black hair crowned her head.

The moment he took her, I knew he was lost. Totally smitten. This tiny little person had already managed to wind the usually strict, severe Potions Master around her little finger, ensuring that she'd be spoiled rotten.

He barely glanced at me. "So it's Aylin, then?" Without waiting for my response he addressed his daughter. "Hello, Aylin."

I chuckled, giddily, admiring our daughter's tiny little fingers, all ten of them so absolutely perfect with tiny little fingernails, and I counted her toes, also tiny and little and perfect. There were no words- nevertheless we suddenly found many. Bubbling with delight and- what I had never expected of myself, least at all of Severus- cooing over our newborn daughter. How silly we were. Counting fingers and toes all over again, lost in admiration of how cute she was.

And we were a family now.

* * *

_thanks to hypnotic. ink for beta reading and Rose of the West for useful information._


	71. Snapshots

71- Snap(e)shots

Severus Snape had the potency to become the most powerful wizard of the postwar years. He had vast knowledge of the Dark Arts, he excelled at the creation of potions- and he could fly without a broom. He could have become a new Dumbledore, or a new Dark Lord.

He wasn't interested in any of that, though.

Now, that didn't mean he wasn't ambitious. Oh no- Severus Snape was a Slytherin, therefore he was naturally ambitious. It was just that his priorities had shifted. Instead of performing and perfecting foolish wand-waving, or studying dusty old tomes of dubious wisdom, he contended himself with learning lullabies, reading children's stories and fairy tales. It seemed to be his first and foremost ambition to become the world's greatest dad. I daresay he succeeded.

He adored his daughter, and his daughter adored him. It was as plain as that. Daddy was the best, and I... well, I was merely the mother cow with big udders, providing milk. The source of food. She craved for that and when daddy wasn't around, she turned into a little banshee- how could someone so tiny produce such an infernal noise? Of course, her endless crying would stop the very moment daddy picked her up, cradling her in his arms, while all the cradling in the world never worked for me.

The first time she smiled, she smiled at him. The first word she spoke was _dada_. Daddy.

The first weeks and months with a newborn weren't easy. Sleep was a flimsy thing, always fleeting, rarely undisturbed. I didn't get accustomed to my new role- as if the presentiment that I wouldn't be a good mother proved right in the end.

Mind, I wasn't a horrible mother either. I loved my daughter to pieces, but those first few weeks after she was born, it was like falling into a deep, dark hole, and it seemed to swallow me. I got testy when my husband touched me, no matter how gently. Even more so when he touched my breasts. They reminded me of breast-feeding and were therefore asexual to me- milk-producing udders. I was a mother-cow, now.

Any yet, I shouldn't complain. Not about the lack of sleep or all the other little inconveniences that being a mother came along with, because there was also the heartfelt joy and pride of seeing my daughter growing up, learning new things every day.

We were fortunate to have house-elves that took care of a lot of things and even spared us the use of a baby phone, since one of them was always with Aylin. Dear old Quintin had cried tears of joy for being granted the privilege to witness another, new generation of Princes growing up.

The ancient house-elf died a few weeks after Aylin's second birthday, a look of utter peace and bliss on his face when we found him in the morning. We buried him in the graveyard at Princes Hall where none but pureblood wizards and witches were buried before. He deserved that honour and besides, we felt a malicious joy at the notion of pureblood supremacists turning in their graves because such a lowly creature was lying next to them.

But I'm forestalling, now. Back to the course of events as they transpired.

*

_"Hello, _grandmother,_" Severus beamed into my mobile phone. Doc Bellamy had just taken Aylin away to weigh her and give her a thorough examination, and I- exhausted as I was from the exertion of giving birth- was slowly drifting off to the realm of dreams, missing my little girl already. But hearing him talking to my mother on the phone made me blink open my eyes again._

_My mother was a stubborn person, just like me. She refused to receive Floo calls any more because she said that kneeling in front of a fireplace was too uncomfortable for one of her age- it hurt her knees- and she wasn't getting any younger. And although Severus had brewed a wonderful tonic to ease her ailment, she nevertheless seemed to prefer Muggle ways of communication._

_"_Grandmother_? How dare you, young man- oh! OH! Merlin's hairy bollocks- is it true then? Am I a granny now? Hang up, son, I'll be there in just a minute."_

_It took her five minutes- at least- to take the Floo to our house and Apparate from there to Doc Bellamy's surgery. Although she objected to using the Floo network as means of communication, she wasn't averse to using it for travel. That's my Mum._

_She almost stormed into the room, so eager to take a first glance at her grandchild. She squealed, clapping her hands together, exclaiming, "Aw... isn't she cute? Such a perfect little girl! Looking just like her father."_

_"Fortunately she hasn't inherited my nose," Severus commented dryly._

_"Ah, that can still grow," my mother said casually as she picked up her granddaughter from the crib, cooing. "Aww... aren't you cute? What's your name, sweetie?"_

_"We named her Aylin Nigella."_

_Oh, did we? I glanced at my husband and managed a wry smile. Well, so it will be. Aylin Nigella Snape. It had a nice ring._

_My Mum sniffed audibly, apparently moved. Then she reached for my husband, caressed his cheek and kissed it. "Thank you, my dear boy, that's so very kind and considerate of you."_

_I guessed my dear old Mum was the only person in the world who'd always get away unhexed for calling him 'my dear boy', probably because she really meant it. She had always been fond of him. _

_*_

News spread quickly in the wizarding world, and people were curious whether Snape's wife had given birth to a dungeon bat or a little slime ball. But my daughter was no oddity and this wasn't a freak show to entertain the wizarding world, so of course we declined all interview requests, and there wouldn't be a touching home story in _Witch Weekly_ either.

We received many visitors during those first days after my release from hospital, and many more wanted to come, but we left them standing at the threshold in front of a closed door. Only close friends were allowed in. Angel squealed in delight at the sight of our cute little daughter even if Aylin responded with a wailing that sounded like a banshee. Definitely cute.

Severus complained that we weren't a charity case when we got showered with gifts, mainly cuddly toys- as if we couldn't buy our own ones, he said. I told him that they were _presents_ and not charitable donations, and that there was a big difference. He accepted it, then.

So the nursery filled and soon looked like a bestiary. Wizarding cuddly toys were so much more inventive than the odd Muggle teddy bear. There were unicorns, phoenixes, owls and kneazles. Sirius presented Aylin with a plush Hippogriff while Harry thought a fluffy Griffin would make sense in a Slytherin household-

"Do you intend to corrupt my daughter?" Severus snarled.

Then Lucius came along with a big dragon, a Ukrainian Ironbelly to be more precise, metallic grey with deep red eyes, and daddy showed his little girl how the good dragon devoured the stupid Griffin. Aylin giggled and chuckled, and daddy had to show it all over again. Oh, she really loved that. She also loved her Bundimun- in 'real life' a greenish fungus with eyes, a household plague, but in the form of a cuddly toy it was apparently adorable. She refused to sleep without it and even had hysterical crying fits when she woke in the night and couldn't find her Bundimun.

*

On our seventh wedding anniversary we visited my mother in Majorca, and although we had been there many times before, this time it was different- a premiere, because we were a family now instead of just the two of us.

My dear old Mum loved to fuss over her granddaughter, which was a great thing since that granted us some moments of much needed privacy and proximity. For the first time in two months we could care about ourselves a little more, nourishing our relationship. Remembering once more that we were still a man and a woman, a wizard and a witch still very much in love with each other- and we ought to not forget that only because we were parents now. It was essential that we recalled we were lovers so that the sexual aspect of our relationship wouldn't be neglected or missed out. I knew that could happen, and it often started with parents calling each other _mummy_ and _daddy_ instead of using their first names. The first step to becoming asexual beings. I didn't want to end like that.

Was it possible to be a good mother and nevertheless remain attractive, sexy, vain and wanton? Damn, for most of my life I had managed to walk the tightrope of living in two worlds, juggling Muggle madness and wizarding weirdness- it couldn't be so hard to do the splits now.

I must admit, I lacked a bit of wanton because the voice of vanity told me that stretch marks were neither attractive nor sexy, and besides, I hadn't reached my old shape yet. I was still too flabby for my own liking but- apparently- Severus begged to differ. He kissed me as though I was the most beautiful witch in the world. His kiss made me beautiful. And with that returned a certain wantonness, a new level of sexiness... I could have drowned in his kiss, in his eyes, in his voice. The most sensual purr, as soft as velvet and as smooth as steel. It made me melt with love and a newly ignited spark of desire.

No, I wasn't merely _Mummy_- I was still Raven. I was still pretty and vain and desirable. I was still myself. And he made a point to remind me of that.

Lying in bed, kissing and cuddling, feeling close again- talking. We talked about ourselves and all the changes that came along with having a child now, a tiny human being that needed our attention, our love, our care.

And no matter how pleasurable it was to spend some quality time together, we soon got a little edgy because we suddenly missed our daughter. So we dressed quite quickly, shared another smoldering kiss, before we scampered to release Granny Nigella of her duties.

Aylin gurgled happily.

Majorca was always a wonderful place to restore energy- I loved being there, at my Mum's finca. Therefore, Severus insisted that I stayed a little longer when our precious seventh honeymoon week was over, while he would take the Floo to get to work and back. I thought that was a very nice idea, but then he surprised me even more when he produced a miniature motorbike from the pocket of his robe. He set it down in the front yard and- a flick of his wand later- there stood my beloved Harley in full size, sparkling temptingly in the early morning sun.

I let out a shrill shriek of bliss and flung my arms around him to reward him with a kiss. "Oh Sev..."

"I believe you might rejoice in a ride on that infernal bike and clear your mind."

I very much loved to do that! Letting go of Severus, I ran affectionate fingers over the handlebars.

My dear husband snorted, casting his eyes heavenwards as if looking for divine support. "Merlin help me- my wife will never become a decent witch," he said in a voice that didn't lack a certain amount of mirth, since there was clearly more than just a hint of amused affection in it. And then he smirked at me. "I see that your pretty little fingers seem to be more comfortable with handling that monstrous machine than with pushing the pram."

"It's not monstrous- don't you see the beauty of the glittering chrome, or hear the marvellous purr of the V engine?"

"The _purr_ of a hellcat."

"Oh, you wouldn't say that if only you'd join me once." Encouragingly, I patted at the buddy seat.

Severus scowled at me. "I'm inconsolable, but I have to go to work."

"Liar!"

He gave me a gentle kiss. "Have fun."

_Have fun- _just that. Wasn't he the most wonderful husband a witch could ask for? He didn't remind me that our daughter would always have to come first, that I shouldn't neglect her over the joys of riding my bike, or that I oughtn't be too reckless. I knew all that, and he trusted me. True, I might not be the most perfect mother, and I definitely needed an occasional break from my motherly duties, but he knew I loved our little one just as much as he did.

As weeks went by, my days in Majorca became a pleasant routine that started with breakfast on the terrace, under the pergola of blooming bougainvillea. Then I'd kiss my husband goodbye for the rest of the day, and while he was dabbling with cauldrons full of potions, I went swimming in the pool, trying to gain back my shape. Often, I jogged- pushing Aylin's pram- to the town Andratx, in order to buy some food at the grocery or at the weekly market. But between my exercises and waiting for my husband to return in the evenings, in between breast-feeding my darling daughter, the thing I enjoyed most these days was riding my Harley. It gave me a feeling of freedom.

Not that I minded being attached- no, not at all. I was very happy with having a family, a husband and a daughter to dote upon. And yet I loved the freedom of the road. Riding along the narrow, winded roads of the Sierra Tramuntana, feeling the wind in my face.

I would never be a perfect mother hen like Molly Weasley, but I couldn't have cared less, since that had never been my intention- if only I was a halfway decent mother to Aylin. My Mum was a great help these days, giving me all the support I needed. She said I did well, and that being a good mother didn't mean to negate your own personality, because babies could sense if their mummy is happy, and happy parents were the best way to ensure a happy childhood.

*

I suspected Severus might find my efforts in gaining back my former shape amusing, since he didn't seem to care about a pound or two more on my hips. He was above those things- but I wasn't. Nevertheless, as I found out later, he actually admired the discipline I mustered. That was something he understood and appreciated.

I was finally back in form just in time for the wedding of the year. In December 2005, only a few days after a new law consented homosexual couples to form civil partnerships for all practical purposes, the Muggleborn wizard Samuel Blair wedded the Squib Sebastian St John.

It was a small, private ceremony with only a few hand-picked guests and most of them were family. Sebastian's parents as well as his newly found family, namely his dear cousin Lucius Malfoy, who had insisted on being Sebastian's best man- probably without having the slightest clue what would come up to him. And so poor Lucius had been dragged from one designer boutique to the next, all in Muggle London.

Strangely, he hadn't died from cultural shock yet, but he just didn't look quite comfortable in his Armani suit either. Although it suited him quite well. And Narcissa looked very elegant in her Dior dress, though she seemed to feel equally uncomfortable in modern Muggle robes.

Then George waltzed in as his alter ego Marie-Antoinette, all shimmering sequins, baby blue feathers, and peroxide blonde hair piled up to a piece of the most absurd hairdresser's art.

"DARLING!" S/he shrieked at the sight of me, and a staccato of clattering murder high-heels later, s/he pressed me to his bosom, now magically enlarged to double D. "You look terrific! Abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous! It's almost impossible to imagine you're a mummy now- so where's that adorable husband of yours and the little one? Oooh, there they are, there they are..."

And off s/he pranced to a slightly startled Severus, who made a futile attempt to have the ground open up and swallow him, but Marie-Antoinette was faster than my husband could dissolve into thin air. A moment later s/he cooed over Aylin.

"Awww... coochy, coochy, coochy, coo- who are you? Coochy, coochy, coo- is that the ickle Linniekins?"

Aylin scowled. She really was daddy's girl.

"Stop acting like a brain amputated imbecile," Severus snarled, "my daughter Aylin is perfectly capable of understanding the English language."

"Coochy, coochy..." Marie-Antoinette fell silent when Aylin broke out into a loud wail. Before Severus could hex her, s/he had already found herself a new victim. Her head shot up, blinking auspicious lashes at Lucius. "Ah, so youuu are the newly found cousin of our dear Sebastian? Charming- absolutely charming. I really love the silky gloss of your silvery hair!"

Poor, poor Luci. He probably wished he'd drop dead this very instant, and I could tell from the expression on his face that rotting in Azkaban for using an Unforgivable against that _person_ became a very tempting idea. His fingers twitched as they fumbled for his wand- something that didn't go unnoticed by Marie-Antoinette. Totally unaware of the danger s/he was in for flirting with a Death Eater, a traditionalist and pureblood supremacist, s/he reached out to ran metallic-blue fingernails over Lucius' chest, purring, "Oh, I adore wizards who are quick with their wand."

Lucius stood stiff as a poker, eyes wide. Eyes, that were involuntarily drawn to the enormous cleavage in front of him. Although it was only a magically enlarged one and not the real thing, the swelling of Marie-Antoinette's breasts was decidedly impressive.

"Lucius!" Narcissa shrieked.

We could hardly hide our amusement. Draco rolled his eyes. His parents were so embarrassing, he wished someone would adopt him.

"He's a grandfather now- why can't he simply behave like one?"

Only a few days ago, Astoria had given birth to the newest Malfoy, a baby boy named Scorpio Hyperion. What a big name for such an ugly, little maggot! Anyway, there seemed to be some kind of baby boom in the wizarding world, since Ginny Weasley was pregnant- again- and Hermione Weasley was also expecting.

The wedding was an agreeable event in the end, simply because Sam and Sebastian were such an adorable couple. Despite all the hindrances on their way to finding perfect bliss- including torture and a newly found cousin- they were so very much in love with each other. When they exchanged rings, I stole a glance at my husband, clasping his hand tightly in mine, and he gave my fingers a reassuring squeeze.

Love was a wonderful thing.

***

Seeing Aylin growing up was my greatest pleasure. I had never expected that being a mother would be so much fun, would fill me with so much pride. She simply was an engaging child and the most important person in my life- next to Severus, who would always be my life.

We took pictures to document all the different stages she went through, from a baby to an ankle-biter to a young girl. Pages in a photo album filled with memories. No stupid waving and smiling like in wizarding pictures, but moments captured to last forever.

And so I sat on the sofa, flickering through the pages. It was a Saturday in June, 2016.

Merlin, how time had flown. Wasn't it only yesterday that I held her in my arms for the first time? I couldn't believe how small she was, a tiny human bundle, my little baby...

"Getting sentimental already?" My husband purred in my ear- he still was very good at sneaking up from behind, making me jump. I pulled him in for a kiss.

"I was..." I shrugged, looking at the pictures again.

"I know- I just had the same idea." He sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder so that we could watch the pictures together. There was a hint of sentimentality in his voice, too.

The reason for that was Aylin's eleventh birthday next week. Soon, she would receive her Hogwarts letter and that would be a dramatic change for all of us. The thought of her leaving us, only coming home during the holidays, was a startling one. I already missed her laughter ringing through the house, so I snuggled up closer to Severus.

"She was so small," I whispered, running a reverend finger over one of the first pictures taken of her. It showed the three of us just a few days after her birth.

"She was... and she grew up much too fast." Severus sighed.

But the mood didn't stay melancholic. It didn't take long and we were both laughing out loud.

Aylin at the age of two, sitting in her baby's high chair in the kitchen, chuckling happily while trashing her spoon in the mashed carrots. And Severus, sporting blots of carrots in his black hair, on his black robes. I still remembered that day vividly...

_Carrots were good for kids- unfortunately, Aylin didn't like them much. So I left it to Severus to feed her, because he usually had more luck in actually succeeding. But that day our darling daughter was absolutely not in the mood for carrots and spat them out, all over daddy. Quickly, he spelled the mess away- and Aylin thought that so amazing, she wanted to see it again. Daddy was so cool when he used magic. So she ended up trashing at her carrots with abandon, gurgling with joy._

_Just in time I Summoned the camera to capture that scene..._

"Insufferable witch," Severus hissed, though he sounded amused. He clearly didn't mind being embarrassed by his little darling daughter. The stone cold teacher, once so easily annoyed by the antics of dunderheads that were his students, had turned into the most wonderful dad the moment he held Aylin in his arms for the first time. The little witch had thoroughly wound him around her little finger.

Aylin at the age of three, climbing all over her daddy in the living room, engaged in a tickling match. Needless to say who had won. Severus always surrendered to his little witch.

He read bedtime stories to her, but on the next picture it was I who was sleeping, curled up at his side, while Aylin listened to him with big eyes.

Her fifth birthday, when we went to the London Zoo and she got all exited about the many strange animals. Rhinoceroses and hippopotamuses, big cats and monkeys, dragon-like iguanas and snakes- but most fascinating she found the giraffes with their long necks.

_"Daddy, I want a giraffe. Can we take that one home with us?" And she pointed to the biggest of them, a stately giraffe bull- by far the largest of the herd. _

_"Linnie, don't you think the giraffe might feel uncomfortably in our house? It would always have to keep its head low."_

_She stared at him, eyes widened with admiration because daddy was always so very smart; he knew everything._

_"You right, daddy. We leave my giraffe here at zoo but come to visit, okay?"_

_Severus bent down to place a gentle kiss atop her head. "Okay. That's a very wise decision."_

She loved animals. I couldn't count how many times she wanted a specific one, like the giraffe, and a month later she had suddenly developed a fondness for unicorns. Or hippopotamuses, or hippogriffs. Then she wanted a dog.

_"Perhaps we could borrow one for a while," Severus said silkily, his eyes darting over to where Sirius stood, talking to Arthur Weasley._

_There was simply no chance to avoid the Weasley clan when you had a child who wanted to play with other wizarding children._

_"No." I said sternly, noticing the suspicious glittering in his eyes. "We will not _borrow_ Sirius and trap him in his Animagnus form only to please our daughter. Angel will worry when her husband disappears in a mysterious way."_

_Severus shrugged nonchalantly. "He's a stray."_

_"Oh, but he never strayed from her or I would have long hexed his balls off. And besides, you don't want your daughter to be the victim of flea bites, do you?"_

_He always gave in to the voice of reason. Kneeling down to Aylin he mumbled, "I'm sorry, Lin, but Mummy doesn't want a dog in her house."_

"You made me the evil monster mum that day," I complained.

"I apologize," he said, years later. "That was never my intention. You _are_ a wonderful mother, never doubt that. I was just... well, sorely tempted then."

Severus changed the topic by turning the page to a series of snapshots taken in Majorca. Aylin with her grandma at the finca; Aylin at the beach, playing with Muggle children; Aylin and her daddy, building castles in the sand. There was a picture of one that looked suspiciously like Hogwarts.

I still remembered the envious glances of other mothers. While they had to deal with wailing brats and spouses that were more interested in drinking beer than playing with their children, my husband was a doting father. Instead of hiding in the shadows with a book like he used to do, he had developed a special sunblock potion so he wouldn't turn lobster when he chased her through the shallow surf. Laughing. The times when Severus Snape went to the deepest dungeon if he felt the urge to laugh were definitely over, though that didn't mean he had turned into an exceptionally funny or even goofy man. No, he could still scowl virtuously, especially when confronted with morons, imbeciles and dunderheads. It was just- he was a happier man now, and happy people laughed and smiled, at least occasionally.

It still made my heart swell with pride that I was part of his happiness.

"Oh, look at this, Sev!" I cried out, pointing at a picture of Aylin in pink swimmies adorned with stupid comic cats, standing knee-deep in the sea, smiling brightly. "All for the Statute of Secrecy!"

_"But _Mummy_, I want them!" Aylin was close to starting her banshee wail. Fortunately, she was too well behaved to stamp her feet or throw herself on the floor in a hysteric fit, thus making innocent bystanders believe we were uncaring parents who mistreated their child. _

_"Lin, you can't always get what you want," I said because she didn't really need swimmies with a stupid comic cat on. I always made a point to not spoil her rotten, no matter how hard that was sometimes. And it was even harder when I saw Severus' eyes growing soft. Mind, he would never oppose to me in front of Aylin, not openly- it were his glances that undid me. I huffed. "Sev, there are spells to prevent her from drowning, and you know that."_

_"Indeed," he purred silkily, "but wouldn't it look _suspicious_ if she were the only four-year-old girl at the beach not wearing swimmies? After all, there is the Statute of Secrecy to be considered."_

_Now that was typical him! He would give her everything she wanted, because _he_ had never gotten anything he wanted. By spoiling her rotten he tried to compensate for the truly miserable childhood he'd had- and I couldn't even blame him for that. _

_"Statute of Secrecy, Sev?"_

_"Um-hm." He gathered me in his arms and breathed a tender kiss on my temple, whispering in my ear, "the Ministry is quite obsessive about that, as you should know."_

_I heaved a sigh. So, _Hello Kitty- _all for the Statute of Secrecy..._

As ridiculous as these swimmies were, of course they _did_ look cute on her. Standing knee-deep in the surf, little waves curling around her legs, smiling ever so happily. Such a pretty girl. With her dark hair and eyes, nicely tanned (at least in that aspect she resembled me, everything else about her was unquestionably Severus) she could have passed for a local, and she seemed to have a knack for languages. Sometimes she babbled in a wild mixture of all the different tongues she picked up while playing with other kids- I believe kids have a very own, very special language anyway.

Her obsession for Kitty came and went by just as fast as that for giraffes, hippogriffs, hippopotamuses, unicorns and dogs. The year after that she had already learned to swim quite well and didn't need her swimmies anymore.

Severus growled at the picture that showed him and Aylin in a Muggle public swimming bath. He had agreed to take her to the swimming lessons- anything to please his little girl, and besides, he would be more relaxed if he knew she could swim the next time we went on holiday at the seaside. What he hadn't considered was that the stupid Muggles would not let him enter the bath dressed in robes, and so he scowled at the camera, looking quite _tasty_ in his black boxers.

"Evil witch," he huffed.

"Why? If I remember correctly you agreed on me going back to work." I had accepted Kingsley's offer and was giving lessons in... drumroll... Advanced Crime Scene Investigations: doing it the Wizarding Way, or what Wizards could learn from Muggles- New Techniques by Courtesy of the MI6 Special Squad, in Cooperation with the FBI. Wow! Mightily impressive, wasn't it? I was a bloody teacher now, and Severus' cutting back on his work schedule had made it possible. He had taken a sabbatical and become a stay-at-home dad for two years to write even more potion books while watching over his daughter until she went to primary school.

"I agreed on you going back to work- not on tracking me down at a Muggle swimming bath, taking compromising pictures."

"I daresay I saw you in even more compromising situations than that one, my dear husband." I kissed him and turned the page.

Aylin at the playground around the corner, swinging and laughing, her pigtails flying. Aylin at her first school day in the Muggle primary school, looking excited. She did well there, very well. She wasn't the most popular kid but she had a few friends that even came to visit (we had to lock Pinkie in the the basement laboratory then, and that door was always heavily warded)

She also had wizarding friends she played with, like Angela and Sirius' children. The whelps, as Severus called them. And since the Blacks and the Potters lived together, Aylin was chummy with Harry Potter's children, too. He had three now; James, Al and Lily. We were really living in peaceful times if the head of Auror department had so much time to father children.

Severus was torn between throttling Harry and hexing him into oblivion when he had called his second son Albus _Severus._ It was meant as a gesture of acceptance as well as expressing gratitude for all that his former teacher had done for him. Needless to say, Severus wasn't touched at all.

_"Insolent brat! What is he thinking? Ah, I forget, the ability to use his brain was never very distinctive in him. He should have asked me first- but no, not Potter. As a notorious lawbreaker he is above the rules of propriety, and when did he ever show a trace of decent behaviour?"_

_"Well, I think it's quite sweet, actually," I dared to interrupt his rant. _

_"_Sweet_?" He spat the word as if it had a foul taste and stared at me._

_"Yep. Sweet- as in the opposite of sour." Ignoring his scowl I breathed a soothing kiss on his cheek. "Ah, don't give me that look, my love. You two do have a history, there's no denying, and without you the boy would be long dead. So allow him the pleasure of honouring you the way he feels appropriate."_

_He scowled even more, and I figured that he didn't deem it right if the memory of Albus Dumbledore was tainted by naming an innocent baby boy after one of the greatest wizard- and his murderer._

This one horrible deed he had had to commit for the Greater Good was still a sore point on his soul,

and would probably remain just that, forever. All I could do was to ease his mind, to keep him from brooding when the anniversary of the death of Dumbledore came and went by, and I could hold him in my arms throughout his nightmares. They didn't trouble him as frequently as in the first years after the war, and they occurred even less after Aylin was born, but they would never cease.

I wasn't a fool; I knew I had married a difficult man. A wizard with a dark past that would stay dark- and on the other hand he was a wonderful husband, and doting father of a daughter who doted on her daddy with abandon. No one was allowed to speak ill of him.

I still remembered the very first time our little witch proved she was indeed a magical child, surprising us with incidental outbursts of underage magic. It showed in the way her mobile started to move, suddenly, casting flickering lights in the shape of unicorns on the walls, and Aylin- she lay in her crib, gurgling happily. Or her musical box went on without any of us touching it.

Fortunately, nothing like that ever happened at school, or when she was with Muggle kids. I suspected Severus of somehow _refraining_ or _binding_ her magic the moment she left the house for school- it was in the way he always kissed the top of her head as he bid her goodbye.

It was alright to me- as long as my Linnie wasn't frowned upon by other kids due to inexplicable moments of weirdness. After all, she wasn't a freak. She was just... magical.

"We did everything right, didn't we?" I asked Severus.

"Indeed," he agreed, glancing at a picture of Aylin scowling at the camera. She was wearing a pink skirt, pink ribbons in her black hair, and a black T-shirt from an underground fashion store. It showed a funny little hair-ball monster, only eyes and feet in pointed shoes. Tiny Terror, it read, and it was her favourite shirt.

"Ah yes, our tiny terror- I will always remember the day she hexed Molly Weasley."

"She's such a sweet girl," the proud daddy said and produced a picture of Molly Weasley with a very strange nose for it was unusually long and... wooden. Muggle literature was very inspiring for young witches...

Since Aylin was chummy with the kids of the Blacks and the Potters, she was also hanging around with the Weasley crowd on a regular basis. It seemed that sooner or later all the children ended up at the Burrow where Molly loved to tend a large flock of grandchildren and their friends.

For the kids it was perfect; they could play in the garden or ride their toy brooms without running the risk of being spotted by Muggles. It was also very convenient for the parents to drop their children at the Burrow when they both had to work, although that was my least favourite choice.

The old grudge was still there. We always argued over educational methods, and Molly strongly disapproved of the way Aylin entertained her friends when they were at our house. She was suspicious of computers and television, of Lego bricks and Barbie dolls- to cut it short, of all things Muggle. And when one of her precious grandchildren bruised her knees while trying to ride a bicycle, she blamed me for putting that daft weasel in danger.

George, however, the unfortunate girl's father, thought it the ultimate of cool that his daughter had been riding a bicycle (though with little success) and he encouraged Dominique to try it again. Molly was furious.

Then Alice told me she had heard from Angel that Molly thought I was a bad mother because Aylin was much too thin- as if I was starving my daughter! Whereas good grandma Molly always tried to batten all the kids in her care. But it wasn't my bloody fault that Aylin preferred aubergines over carrots, and hell- not even her beloved daddy had ever managed to successfully feed carrots to her. She simply hated them. It wasn't that I had told Aylin to not eat anything Molly had cooked, she just didn't like the traditional good fare particularly.

So well, perhaps we had spoiled her by taking her all around the world with us, getting her accustomed to different tastes and spices, but I thought that a benefit for a young person.

And then came the day- Linnie had just turned nine- when Molly stepped out of our fireplace, fuming and huffing...

_"RAVEN!" _

_She sounded positively infuriated, so I reached for my wand- but then I almost cracked with laughter because there was something strangely... _odd_... in her face._

_"Molly. Well met! To what do I owe this... um, pleasure?"_

_"Ask that spawn of hell of yours!" She shrieked as she dragged Aylin through the Floo by her ear._

_"Would you please let go of my daughter." My voice was as cold as ice now. No one was to manhandle my girl, no matter what she had done. And I was very curious to find out exactly that. Had my little sunshine actually managed to hex Molly Weasley? _

_"Mummy!" Aylin cried out and, escaping Molly's grip, she came running towards me, her pretty eyes all puffy from crying. _

_Immediately I gathered her in my arms and breathed a gentle kiss on top of her head. "What's wrong, my little darling?"_

_"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? LOOK AT MY NOSE!" Molly screeched at the top of her lungs._

_I scarcely paid attention to her because my little witch was clinging to me, sobbing heart-rendering._

_"Mummy... I _hate_ her. Missus Molly.... she... she's so... evil," Aylin hiccupped, hiding her face in the crook of my shoulder, while I soothingly patted her back. _

_"Ungrateful child!" Molly spat reproachfully._

_"Oh shut it, you meddlesome old hag," I growled before I softly asked Aylin what had upset her so._

_"Your daughter is disobedient, rebellious and disrespectful- like mother, like daughter as it seems."_

_"Thank you, Molly." Ah, that was a heart-warming compliment... alas, it wasn't meant as one and I knew it._

_"You are incapable of raising a child if you approve to someone so young using the Dark Arts against me. Just look at me! Look at my nose!"_

_"Is there anything wrong with it, Molly?" I asked sweetly._

_"But Mummy, Missus Molly's nose started to grow because she was telling lies," Aylin informed me in all sincerity, "you know, just like Pinocchio..."_

_Oh my sweet, clever little witch! I hugged her to hide my amusement. "What did Molly say, my sunshine?"_

_"RAVEN SNAPE, THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"_

Isn't it? _I ignored her since I wanted to hear Aylin's side of the story. She wasn't the kind of girl who'd lash out with uncontrolled outbursts of magic- unless, of course, someone provoked her badly. _

_"She... she said Daddy is a murderer... and you... you are a harlot..." Aylin sniffed, wiping her nose- I quickly Summoned a handkerchief for her. She looked at me with big, teary eyes. "Mummy, what does harlot mean? I know it's a bad word and I told her to not call you so, and that my Daddy isn't a murderer, because a murderer is an evil man and my Daddy isn't evil- he's the best daddy in the whole wide world- but Missus Molly told me to shut up because I'm too small to understand, and I shouldn't eavesdrop on grown-ups talking anyway... well, actually I wasn't eavesdropping in the meaning of the word- I mean, they spoke loud enough for even a deaf to hear what they had to say about you and Daddy- and Mummy, you never tell me I'm too small when I want you to explain something to me but Missus Molly refused to explain, and therefore I called her a liar, and then she yelled at me and... and I got angry, and then her nose started to grow, and I just _knew_ she was lying..."_

_"Shhh, hush my sweetheart." Soothingly I rubbed her back. "I will explain everything to you later, okay? Just let me deal with that redheaded menace first, will you?"_

_"Is there any problem?" I heard Severus say as he entered the room with long strides, his robes billowing behind me._

_"Not at all. Apparently dear Molly grew a Pinocchio nose and now she tries to blame that on our daughter..."_

_"But that's just ridiculous," Severus huffed, glaring at Molly in such a threatening way as though he was challenging her to repeat her silly accusations to his face. _

_She didn't. Instead she pressed her hands to her hips and asked in a shrill tone, "Pinocchio? Is he a Dark Wizard? Does he know the countercurse?"_

_Aylin glanced from me to her daddy and started to snicker. I wanted to join in but managed to keep my composure for a little longer- although it was hard, very hard, when Severus said dryly,_

_"A countercurse to what precisely, dear Molly?"_

_As if that wasn't obvious! The nose she was sporting was almost eight inches long and decidedly wooden. A very Pinocchio-like nose... well, that happened to people who were lying..._

Of course, Molly Weasley regained her normal features eventually, although it took some time since nobody seemed to be capable of lifting that hex. In the end it was Hermione who succeeded, probably because she was familiar with The Adventures of Pinocchio.

The next time Aylin had some friends visiting, I let them watch the Disney movie on DVD. I was certain they would tell Molly...

After the Pinocchio incident, Molly refused to welcome my daughter at the Burrow for quite a while, but then her crowd of grandchildren began to whine that they wanted to play with Aylin again, and if Aylin wasn't allowed to come to the Burrow anymore, they would all go to play at the Snapes' house, even though they couldn't play Quidditch there (my husband didn't approve of indoor flying). In face of such an almost Slytherin worthy emotional blackmail, Molly had to give in and our little _Spawn of Hell_ was allowed to visit the Burrow again. Or perhaps she believed I would only deprave and corrupt her precious future Gryffindors if they spent too much time in the presence of a Slytherin harlot who let them watch Disney movies and eat pizza.

It was harder to explain the meaning of Molly's spiteful words to our little witch. Nevertheless, she deserved an explanation. Severus' heart sank into his boots in fear that his darling daughter might think ill of him once she knew the whole truth about his role in the war, that he was a Death Eater, but I told her the story from _my_ point of view, and although I didn't sugarcoat the facts, Aylin seemed to understand what I was about. After all was said and done she hugged her daddy and told him she loved him, that he was the best and bravest daddy in the world, and that she was right about Missus Molly lying to her. Well then, the Pinocchio nose had proved that already...

Turning over the page, we glanced at a couple of pictures showing Aylin with her gang of friends- the Potter kids, the Black whelps, the various Weasley offspring... even little Scorpio Malfoy- and I suddenly wondered if these friendships would last... or fail due to the interference of an old rag of a hat that Sorted them into different houses. Would erstwhile friends turn into rivals because of the long established house politics at Hogwarts, that all Gryffindors are good while all Slytherins are evil?

I realized that I didn't want to let Aylin go there if she would probably have to suffer through the same misery I had experienced at Hogwarts- or Severus had. I couldn't stand the idea of her being alienated from her friends like it had happened to Severus and Lily... not that I could complain about that now, when she was long dead while I was married to the love of my life for nearly eighteen years already...

Hogwarts might be the best school for Wizardry and Witchcraft in the wizarding world, and it gave lost kids a home- but it also destroyed hopes and friendships. It had praised people like the Marauders to the skies, turning two blind eyes on their bullying because Gryffindors couldn't possibly do wrong- and it had also been kind of blind, too, when it came to young Tom Riddle and his ambitions. It employed a big oaf called Hagrid as a teacher although he wasn't even allowed a wand.... at least not officially. But such a banality didn't matter to a Gryffindor headmaster or headmistress when it came to making excuses for fellow Gryffindors....

"Why don't we send her to Beauxbatons?" I asked my husband, all of a sudden.

"To the frog-eaters and half-giants? No, I don't think so. Their standards are lax compared to Hogwarts, and we do want the best education possible for our daughter, don't we?"

I glanced at him with furrowed brows.

"Don't look at me like that, witch- it will only give you wrinkles."

"Idiot man," I slapped slightly at his hand when he reached out to smooth some invisible wrinkles between my eyes. "Don't you get that I'm worried?"

He heaved a sigh. "I do. Believe me, Raven, I do. But things have changed at Hogwarts- there are more inter-house activities now, or so I've been told."

"Well, that may be, but why has there to be a Sorting at all? I mean, most of the other wizarding schools don't Sort... and I believe that the Sorting is an old-fashioned thing, one that's actually counterproductive to the intellectual and social development of a young person."

"Hm," Severus thought about that for a moment, "and yet, it still remains the fact that Hogwarts is the most renowned institute for young wizards and witches. There is no real alternative."

"Yeah, I know..."

"I sincerely hope you do not actually consider to send my daughter to that freak school of yours?"

"The Buena Vista NEWT Academy is **not** a freak school," I said firmly, "and- as the name says- it's only for NEWT students. So don't worry, I won't suggest it as an alternative to Hogwarts."

He seemed relieved about my lack of insistence for it spared us an argument, but he should have known that I couldn't stand the idea of my daughter being on the other side of the world either- even if in the wizarding world San Francisco was just a Portkey travel away.

"All of her friends will attend Hogwarts," Severus gave to consider.

_I __**know**__- but will they stay friends after their Sorting? _I didn't want to separate Aylin from her friends but I still feared that history might repeat itself.

"There are new teachers," he continued, "and not all of them are former Hogwarts students, so they are likely not as prejudiced as the old ones when it comes to little Slytherin snakes. Besides, my dear, these are different times. The wizarding world is at peace now."

Of course, he was right. Perhaps I worried too much- I merely wanted the best for Lin, and probably it was the best to let her go to where all of her friends were going.

"I suggest a visit to Hogwarts in order to get an actual picture of how things have improved there throughout the years- or not- and only then we will be able to continue a sensible discussion upon that topic."

Wasn't he simply adorable? I guessed that was just the reassurance I needed, so I snuggled up closer to my wonderful husband and kissed him gently- a gentle kiss that, due to the unusual tranquillity of the house on a Saturday morning, soon became more passionate. Even after all those years he could still undo me with a kiss.

Naturally, the tranquillity didn't last for long when there was an almost eleven year old girl living under the same roof.

"Mum? Dad?" Aylin's voice rang through the house and a moment later she was standing in the living room, "Can I go see Scorpio and see his-" She nearly dropped her glass of pumpkin juice. "Mum! Dad! You're _snogging_ again! Eww... that's gross! Why do you always have to be all over each other? None of my friends' parents do that- why can't you behave like them?"

"I beg your pardon?"

With an exhilarated sigh she dropped herself right in between us dunderheads, thinking that snogging was just... _eww_. Well, one day she would understand. One day, I hoped, she would also find someone worth snogging senseless, and she would enjoy it. Hopefully not too soon, though.

Severus and I exchanged a quick glance, smirking. We waited until she had drunken a large gulp of pumpkin juice and set her glass on the table, before we attacked her with a tickling bout. Lin shrieked and giggled, fidgeted and squealed, tears of laughter streaming down her cheeks.

"Mum... Dad... you're impossible..." She wiped her rosy cheeks after we both, simultaneously, had planted a big smack on either side. "Honestly, I'm not a baby anymore."

Nevertheless, Aylin didn't deem herself too old to cuddle with us as she graciously seemed to enjoy being the main focus of our attention, feeling quite comfortable in our middle.

"I know, Lin. You're our big girl," I agreed, kissing the top of her head. Her hair smelled of the fruity shampoo she so loved, but also slightly of soot- long talks on the Floo network, chatting with her friends, were her favourite pastime. It was one of the very few benefits of the wizarding world that mobile phones weren't popular among little witches and wizards- the bill would be horrendous while the Floo was still for free.

"So can I go and see Scorpio? He said his grandpa bought some black flamingos because he thinks they look good with the white peacocks and Cissa's roses, and I've never seen black flamingos...."

"They are very rare, indeed." Severus rolled his eyes and snorted. "Black flamingos- and I had almost thought white peacocks were the height of snobbishness. Typical Lucius."

And typical Narcissa for refusing to be addressed as grandmother, although she loved little Scorpio to pieces. But she preferred to be called Cissa instead of grandma or granny- she was probably even more vain than I was.

I glanced at my husband. With Aylin gone to Malfoy Manor for the afternoon, we'd have a few precious hours for ourselves, and although some thoughts of a more frivolous nature on how we could spend that time crossed my mind, it was decidedly the perfect opportunity to go and visit Hogwarts just like Severus had suggested- provided, of course, that he could arrange a meeting with the Headmistress at short notice.

* * *

_Thanks to hypnotic. ink for beta-reading and the tiny terror t-shirt... the Ukrainian Ironbelly is for you_


	72. Revisiting Hogwarts

72- Revisiting Hogwarts

"Do I understand you quite correct, young man?" Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft, shot Severus a stern glance over the rims of her spectacles. "You have the nerve to come and visit in order to ascertain whether _this_ school is suitable in giving your daughter an adequate academical education?"

"Basically, yes indeed," Severus drawled.

We were in the headmistress' office, sitting on tartan armchairs, and Minerva had offered us a glass of her finest scotch. Now, however, she appeared as though she considered that a waste.

"You have some nerve! For how many years have you been professor in this fine institution?"

_For too many,_ his expression said, but before he could voice something that would piss off the Headmistress even more, I interjected.

"Minerva..." Even after all those years it still felt strange to address her by her given name; McGonagall had been my Transfiguration professor, and one to command respect of her students. "It wasn't our intention to question the reputation of Hogwarts in regards to the academical education. We are aware that it is still the most renowned institute for the wizarding arts.

"What we, or rather I, worry about is the social aspect. Quite frankly, I have a problem with the Sorting and the House system. I fail in looking back at my Hogwarts years with fond memories because I experienced a lot of prejudice, as well as a clear favouritism for one House in particular. I do not want Aylin having to make the same experience."

She glanced at Severus when I spoke of _clear favouritism for one House, _a silent accusation in her eyes, blaming him for having done exactly that during his teaching career.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Someone had to support the Slytherins since no one else did."

"Severus!" Minerva exclaimed, but then she fell silent. Oh, how she wanted to argue that neither she nor Dumbledore had favoured their little lions- the truth was, they had indeed. And she remembered all the times she had believed the word of a Gryffindor more than that of a Slytherin, and she looked slightly abashed. She also remembered how easily she had lost faith in Severus, although Dumbledore had always pointed out that he trusted him implicitly. With a sigh she gulped down her scotch, refilled his glass- although he had barely sipped at the amber liquid- before she helped herself once more. "I'm sorry. I wished I had trusted you more..."

My husband watched her with a mien that betrayed none of his feelings. His eyes were dispassionate, his jaws set tight- a true master at hiding his emotions. And although they had long settled their discrepancies, had resumed their friendship or friendly rivalry, our visit today seemed to open up old wounds.

For a moment she looked a bit weary. Not like the formidable witch she was but like a ninety year old woman with silver streaks in her black hair, as usually tied back in a tight bun.

"Things have changed, Severus. Of course, in the beginning- right after the war- Slytherin House was still frowned upon, and I have to admit that Horace did very little to improve the situation- too focused on his precious little Slug Club to even care. You were a much better Head of House. It's actually because of you that the attitude towards Slytherin House began to change."

He merely arched a surprised brow at her, and Minerva reached out to give his hand a gentle pat.

"You are a war hero, my dear Severus. You have received the Order of the Merlin, First Class- and before you give me that infamous scowl of yours, please do consider that there are worse role models for young snakes than your person."

Severus scowled nonetheless while I smiled encouragingly.

McGonagall continued. "It is also due to the new Head of Slytherin House that their reputation has improved..."

"The new Head of Slytherin House?"

"Yes, my Deputy Headmistress."

We were really not up to date, I realized, when Severus asked, "What happened to the midget?"

"_Professor_ Filius Flitwick is in the best of health," Minerva said pointedly, "although he isn't getting any younger, and that is the reason he asked me to relieve him of his duties as Deputy Headmaster in exchange for someone younger. It was a wise decision."

And we weren't any wiser yet.

"Pray tell me it isn't Trelawney. I will voluntarily send my daughter to that freak school Raven went to."

"It's not a freak school, darling."

McGonagall actually chuckled, and for a instant I almost thought her eyes were twinkling just as maddeningly as Dumbledore's- perhaps it was the office, stuffed with all his memorabilia. I took a quick glance at his portrait. He hadn't interfered in this conversation yet, but I could tell he was listening with interest as his blue eyes were... well, _twinkling..._

_Obnoxious old coot._

She stood and walked to the fireplace, throwing some Floo powder into it. I didn't hear what she said before she turned to us again. "My deputy will be here in a moment to give you a guided tour of the castle, so that you can see for yourself whether Hogwarts is an adequate institution for your daughter. I hope that will suffice."

My eyes widened- and so did Severus'- when a moment later a pretty witch stepped out of the fireplace, brushed some soot off her robes, shook out her long, dark curls, and beamed brightly at us.

"_Ciao a tutti_! _Maestro_, what a pleasant surprise!"

"Miss Zabini!" My husband was slightly flabbergasted. "Minerva, you must be joking! That chit of a girl cannot possibly-"

"Professor." Raffaella Zabini cut him off.

He made an impatient gesture as if he was shooing away an annoying insect.

"No, no, _maestro_- it's **Professor** Zabini and not Miss Zabini- _per favore, prego_."

"Indeed," Minerva chimed in, "_Professor_ Zabini is not only the most popular teacher at Hogwarts but also my trusted deputy. Many of the changes and improvements are due to her and her refreshing way of thinking."

Raffaella Zabini had studied potions under the tutelage of some of the best Potions Masters in Europe, and was considered quite a talent- until she had met Severus Snape, who was less impressed by her skills, during the half a year of training her in preparation for the teaching job at Hogwarts, that had been offered to her, then. Nevertheless, after a great deal of ranting and complaining about his impertinent trainee who dared to smile a lot, he had had to agree (gnashing his teeth) that she might probably be halfway suitable for teaching the subtle art of Potions... if she stopped that insufferable smiling.

Apparently she hadn't changed that habit of hers because she still smiled at Severus. He growled silently, cursing her uncle Enzo, his home-made Grappa and _pasta speciale, _under his breath. Typical Italian bribery, wrapped in the coat of hospitality to coax his benevolence for the Squib's impudent niece.

And so she had made quite a career at Hogwarts. Mind, it wasn't that Raffaella Zabini was inapt just because she was a bonnie witch- quite the contrary; she was a very talented Potions Mistress indeed. My husband's standards were just so extremely high, nearly insurmountable, that anyone would have failed in getting his praise.

But talented or not, I daresay that none of us would have expected her rise from Potions Mistress to Deputy Headmistress- although it came as no surprise to me that Raffaella was (probably in lack of better candidate) appointed Head of Slytherin.

It was in her name, and in its reputation in the wizarding world. The Zabinis were a really old pureblood family, Slytherins, but- remarkably- they had never been followers of Tommy the Megalomaniac. Perhaps that was because they always had too many family issues to deal with, like Blaise Zabini's mother and her number of husbands, none of them having died a natural death. Or Blaise himself, taking after his mother and following in her footsteps- except for the fact that he never bothered to marry, sleeping around with no conscience to call his own. Momentarily, he was on the run, hiding his sorry arse or other parts of his anatomy from an infuriated, very wealthy clan of competitive Genoese wizards because he got one of their daughters with child. The last time I saw Blaise was about two years ago, in Thailand. He had fled to Asia and we were there for holidays...

McGonagall interrupted my thought by telling Raffaella what she liked her to do, giving us a guided tour of the castle and showing us all the improvements that had been made. The Italian witch smiled at the Headmistress- it seemed the two women were quite fond of each other, despite the fact they belonged to competitive Houses. On the other hand, Raffaella had not attended Hogwarts as a student (her parents had sent her to the _Scuola_ _di_ _Magia_ in Venice) so she wasn't the typical Slytherin.

According to Minerva, she was the most popular professor at Hogwarts, and it was easy to see why. She was pretty, and she was cheerful. She was the exact opposite of Severus in his teaching days.

"_Naturalmente_, Minerva," the younger witch chirped before she beamed brightly at us. "It's a pleasure and an honour to me, _maestro_ and _signora_ Snape. So come on now, let me show you what's new at Hogwarts!"

The corridors we walked were mostly empty, because at that time of the year the older students were still revising for their last OWL or NEWT exams, and the younger ones had been told to not make much noise. The heels of my shoes clattered on the old stones, echoed by Raffaella's. To my surprise I noticed that although the Italian witch was wearing traditional teaching robes, her feet were adorned with a pair of quite adorable designer high heels. In purple.

I arched a brow at her, glancing at her feet. "Manolo Blahnik?"

"Si!" She stopped, lifting and wiggling one foot so that I could adequately admire the gem of a shoe she was wearing, and her smile broadened even more, now that she had found a like-minded fashion junkie in me. For a while, we chatted amiably about shoes and our favourite designers.

Severus rolled his eyes- sneering at the antics of witches in general- as he was striding a few steps ahead of us, his black robes billowing. Apparently he didn't want to get caught in the company of two witches that were discussing the pros and cons of shoe designers. But it surely did improve his mood to find out he hadn't lost his touch, because just as we were about to enter the Great Hall, he made a group of innocent little second years scurry away in all directions, scared by his scowl.

"Hufflepuffs," he growled.

I laughed out loud and took his arm. Being a father had not mellowed his snarky attitude towards young dunderheads, and he still bore no tolerance for their behaviour- except for Aylin, of course, but then again his daughter was not a dunderhead; she was daddy's darling. There were two sides of him, the one that he showed in public, the sarcastic git (although I loved his sarcasm, it was refreshing in an amusing way) and the doting husband and father. And since he had managed to scare everyone but Raffaella away, I felt bold enough to breathe a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Still the feared bat of the dungeons, I see."

"Insufferable witch." Severus replied in a low voice, giving my hand a brief squeeze. Then he stared in- shock? Bewilderment? Awe?- at the remarkably changed Great Hall. My eyes went wide, too.

The ceiling was still the same, the way I remembered it, showing a magical version of the sky outside. Azure blue today, with only a very few white fair-weather clouds. But where once had been four long tables, each for one House, there were now many more, and smaller ones.

"We still have House tables here at the Welcoming Feast and other festivities," Raffaella explained, "but most of the time the students can chose where to sit. There was too much unnecessary rivalry between Houses, so it was time to change that, and the Headmistress agreed to it. You like it?"

Well, I did. The Great Hall had the atmosphere of a quite cosy cafeteria now, where students from all Houses could sit together and enjoy a cup of tea, or a glass of pumpkin juice. Severus however, appeared to be a tad sceptical; his brows were still furrowed.

"It's a good thing, Sev," I told him quietly, "the kids can meet their friends from other Houses without having to go out to the grounds in winter."

And I remembered him as a boy, shivering in the cold due to his threadbare scarf and gloves, but nevertheless not wanting to miss any opportunity to be with Lily...

"Oh, we also have new common rooms," Raffaella told us excitedly, chatting on with a smile that seemed to be glued to her face. She was really thrilled to show us the _new_ Hogwarts, "_naturalmente,_ the old common rooms are still the same for all the four Houses- but with so many empty classrooms in this dear old castle, why not make proper use of them for inter-houses activities? Now the students of all different house can revise together, not only at the library. And they can play games together- Exploding Snap, wizarding chess, Gobstones- or they can listen to the Wizarding Wireless Network..."

Another good innovation- oh how I had missed music in my days at Hogwarts! Admittedly, not the kind that the Wizarding Wireless played (Celestina Warbeck still makes me gag) and I recalled in fond memory how I had once misused the Room of Requirement because I so desperately wanted to listen to the 'Peel session' on BBC Radio 1...

"We also offer more outdoor activities than just Quidditch, nowadays," she chirped on, still smiling, as she- after a tour through the castle- led us to the grounds. "Alas, the Thestral-riding lessons had to be cancelled because the _bambini_ couldn't see the dear beasties- which is actually a good thing. Hagrid is currently looking for an alternative."

"Hmpf," Severus grumbled. He wasn't the greatest fan of Hagrid- the 'big oaf' he called him-although the Keeper of the Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts had given us a warm welcome earlier. Or maybe that was the reason, as my husband preferred to not being crushed to death of have his shoulder dislocated by the half-giant's over-enthusiastic handshake. Also, he didn't share Hagrid's fondness for 'interesting creatures'- dangerous, fearsome monsters- and he wouldn't like his daughter to come near them. "Here's to hoping that acromantula-riding is not on next term's curriculum."

Raffaella laughed as if he had made a very funny joke, but Severus knew Hagrid better and wasn't joking. Certainly not when he was concerned about his daughter's welfare in the company of that often very careless man. He sighed, then glanced over to the greenhouses.

"I perceive that Mr Longbottom has not managed to blow up the greenhouses yet."

"Neville? Oh, he is such a wonderful teacher! The _bambini_ love him."

"Yes, I almost thought so. Most young wizards and witches tend to like docile teachers best, therefore I reckon his standards as a teacher are just as lax as they were when he was a student."

And yet Severus bought most of the herbs and plants he used in potions from Neville Longbottom, due to their high quality. Nonetheless, poor Neville would always be the idiot boy, the dunderhead par excellence, to him. Even though he had almost come to like him ever since the young wizard had stopped wincing at the very sight of my dear husband- I'd say that having saved Neville's mum from the clutches of insanity had definitely improved their relationship, especially because Alice (not that anyone considered her certifiably sane, despite being healed) adored Severus. On the other hand, she would have his butt if he really meant ill or dared to badmouth her beloved baby boy.

"What about the other teachers?" I chimed in, knowing that there had been some changes on the teacher's body in recent years. Professor Flitwick was still in office, teaching Charms, as were Aurora Sinistra (Astronomy), Septima Vector (Arithmancy), Rolanda Hooch (Flying instructor and Quidditch referee) and Firenze (Divination); the only centaur teacher and a more than suitable replacement for Sybill Trelawney, who was still living at Hogwarts' North Tower, but had sort of 'clouded her inner ear' in one of too many bottles of Sherry. Poor Charity Burbage had to quit teaching Muggle Studies due to her being eaten by Nagini in 1997, and we all remember what had happened to her substitute, Alecto Carrow. Well, she had clearly not been the most qualified candidate for that position anyway, given that she knew nothing but disgust and hatred for Muggles. Teaching the kids how to kill Muggles was decidedly counterproductive, and considerably missing the point of that subject.

"Oh, we have wonderful new teachers now!" Raffaella exclaimed, listing the new entrants. "Alan was already there when I started at Hogwarts- have you met Alan Halliwell yet? A wonderful man, and a great teacher! He's teaching Muggle Studies, by the way. Have I told you already that Muggle Studies is mandatory now? _Ecco_! I mean, for all Purebloods and other bambini who were home-schooled and never visited Elementary School- it's so important to not stay behind when Muggle technology, Muggle knowledge is concerned, given that their world is so much bigger than ours. And, I have to admit, also more advanced."

I wholly agreed to that- why bother sending an owl when it was so much faster (and easier) to write an email? And that was only one of many examples considering the advantages of the modern Muggle world in comparison to the old-fashioned, slightly medieval-appearing ways of the wizarding world.

"I am also proud to announce that we found a way to replace Cuthbert Binns as History of Magic teacher," Raffaella continued, sounding cheerful- I would be too, had I managed to find a way to get rid of that nuisance of a ghost with the annoying habit of reciting historical events in the most soporific drawl, thus rendering an actually interesting subject a total bore. However, I wouldn't have wanted to miss the extra hours of sleep in his class...

Of course, I did not want my daughter to sleep in any of her classes, and was glad that she was going to have living teachers. All of them. It was also good to know that a very capable wizard was teaching Defence against the Dark Arts now, a former Auror by the name of Dartagnan Dubiouse. He joined the staff two years after the war and was still alive- for the first time since Voldemort cursed the post, Hogwarts had a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher who didn't leave or die after his first year. The curse was finally lifted.

Raffaella babbled on about all the wonderful teachers, the charming students, and how grateful she was for the chance she had been given, teaching at Hogwarts. It was obvious that she really enjoyed it and thought Hogwarts the best wizarding school in the world. So if everything was so wonderful, how could I ever consider not letting my daughter attend? After all, it was what Aylin wanted. She was already counting the days to her eleventh birthday, excitedly awaiting her Hogwarts letter. And, of course, she couldn't wait to get her own wand. Mayhap that was what she longed for the most.

Raffaella was called away to settle an argument between two students, and we took that chance to escape her endless chatter for a walk around the lake. We strolled in silence for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts, until I linked arms with Severus.

"Do you have any idea how much I longed for this when I was young?" I asked quietly.

"Walking around the lake?" He arched a quizzical brow at me. "If I remember correctly, we did that quite often."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but never like this, you know. Never like lovers." I stopped and glanced around, surveying our vicinity. The castle was looming in the distance, a beautiful sight. Since we were out of the visual range of any student, I boldly moved closer to Severus and brushed his lips with mine.

"Am I right to assume that your younger self had not only the pleasure of taking a stroll in mind, sharing the beauty of the landscape with me," he purred, not backing away in discomfort of someone possibly watching us- instead, his arms came snaking around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest, "but that you would have liked to _snog_?"

"I marvel at your cleverness, oh brightest wizard of our age."

"Alas, I wasn't very bright when I was young- or I would have done that a long time ago." Severus grabbed me with determination and kissed me thoroughly.

We were both slightly breathless when he finally let go of me, my lips pleasurably swollen. It was then we heard someone clearing his throat.

"Um, hello... er... Uncle Severus...."

There was only one kid in the world allowed to call Severus this, and that was his godson, Regulus Black. Of course we knew he was attending Hogwarts in his fourth year now, therefore we shouldn't have been so surprised to actually see him on the grounds- we just hadn't expected him to be lurking at a far corner of the lake, a book in his hands.

Much to Sirius' dismay, his firstborn wasn't a prankster like him. With shame he had watched Regulus growing into a bookworm, and he blamed that on Severus' bad influence, since my husband had presented the boy with books at every opportunity. The scandalising result was that little Regulus had been Sorted into Ravenclaw House...

"Hello Reg," I said, smiling stupidly, and I could just refrain from asking _What are you doing here?_ But that would have been even more stupid than my smile, given how obvious it was that he'd been reading. The book in his hands was a broad hint, after all. So I settled for a blithe, "enjoying your book, I see?"

"Yes, it is very inspiring." He blushed a little because the author of _Potions of the Twenty-First Century- A Modernized Approach to Traditional Ways _was standing right in front of him- no other but his dear godfather. The boy adored him. Even as a wee lad he had been interested in potions, and it was his favourite subject at Hogwarts. He was an outstanding student. Alas, his intelligence didn't keep him from blurting out quite daftly, "What are you doing here? I mean... please don't bother with the obvious, because... I saw that..."

Regulus blushed even more while at the same time he grimaced as if he wanted to say, '_eww, icky_.' It seemed to be the standard reaction of young people upon witnessing adults snogging, and teenagers were even worse. Kids trapped in a hormone contaminated body too big for them. Aliens. And although their minds were usually oversexed, they seemed to believe that sex- or, in particular, snogging- was something they had just invented to be performed in stuffy broom closets. All sweaty and sticky-handed. Nevertheless, it was 'their thing', and theirs alone. They just didn't want to see their parents or other adults in any intimate situation because that came close to taking away a child's favourite toy. Only that teenagers didn't wail as a result. They reacted embarrassed.

However, Regulus hid his embarrassment quite well and soon focussed on something else. His favourite topic. Potions.

"Anyway, sir- now that you are here, I have a question that Professor Zabini couldn't quite answer to my satisfaction."

Severus smirked smugly. "Alright, Regulus, go ahead."

And so they talked about the complexity of a specific potion that wasn't even on the curriculum, while we were heading back towards the castle, where Raffaella was already expecting us at the steps to the front door. Regulus slowed down when he saw her.

"Of course you didn't come all the way to Hogwarts only to answer my questions," he remarked quite correctly. "May I require the reason for your visit?"

I noticed that Severus was tempted to chide the boy for being insufferably nosy so I beat him to it."As you might know, Aylin will be receiving her Hogwarts letter soon. We just wanted to... well, just take a look around."

"Ah," Regulus nodded. "Please send my best regards to Aylin. She is such an engaging young witch; I am certain she will be a benefit to whatever House she is Sorted into."

"Indeed," Severus drawled.

Then we said goodbye to Regulus, who suddenly seemed to be in a hurry to get inside. Teenagers! They wanted to be seen as grown-ups and felt superior to younger kids, but at the same time they didn't want to be seen with grown-ups, and even less in the company of their professors. That was considered mightily uncool.

Being a teenager was so very fucking _difficult_. For nothing in the world I would fancy to be that young again. Alright, the skin was like peaches and cream at the age of fifteen- if you weren't prone to acne, that is- and I had less wrinkles around my eyes, but nevertheless, I wasn't as happy then as I was now. It was definitely a bliss to be at peace with myself instead of constantly having to fight inner demons, and it was so much more beneficial to my social environment as well.

"He is such a gifted student," Raffaella chimed in cheerfully, smiling after the boy as he entered the castle through its double oak doors, and as though we hadn't gotten about whom she was talking, she added, "Regulus Black."

"Not like his father at all," Severus muttered almost inaudible.

I begged to differ, though. At least in visual nature there was no denying that the boy was a Black; Regulus had certainly inherited the good looks of the Blacks. He reminded me a bit of Sirius at that age, the same casual elegance, the same dark hair. Only his eyes were different. Not the stormy grey, sparkling with mischief; his eyes had a warm chocolate brown tone, just like Angel's.

And, apparently, the young witches found him quite attractive. They turned to steal glances at him, giggling suspiciously. Regulus, however- so very unlike Sirius- seemed to be completely ignorant of the attention he caused.

"Your future apprentice, I reckon," I quipped.

To my surprise, Severus nodded thoughtfully. "He is a bright lad, and if it is indeed his wish to consider a career in the fine arts of potions, I might find myself willing to teach him. The useless mutt that his father is will probably be scandalized and go barking at the moon."

We declined Raffaella's offer to dine in the Great Hall with all of Severus' former colleagues; we wanted to go home and have dinner with Aylin- just the three of us and a large pizza. And she would tell us all about her day, the black flamingos at the Malfoy's, and we would listen to her endless chatter. It wouldn't take long before those cosy evenings together were a rare thing.

*

"Mummy! Daddy!" Aylin shouted a few days later, excitedly waving her Hogwarts letter in the air.

Had we ever considered to **not** sending her there? It was so obvious that she really wanted to go to Hogwarts; she was literally bouncing with joy. Then she bumped her petite form on the sofa, right between Severus and I.

"Now that I got an invitation to attend Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft, can we _**finally**_ go and buy myself a wand? _**Now**_?"

Ah, so that was what she wanted most- I should have known. A wand. Our darling daughter wanted to be able to practice magic. Finally. It had always deemed her mightily unfair that we were allowed to perform spells while she wasn't.

I chuckled at her excitement and she glanced at Severus, "Daddy?" Giving him her most pleading look- the one that inevitably wound him around her little finger- pouting slightly. "Can we go now, Daddy?"

"Yes, Linnie, we will go and buy you a wand," he kissed the top of her head before adding, "tomorrow."

"But Daddy..."

"No, Aylin- you are perfectly capable of reading the clock; so please use that skill, check the time, and you will see that all the shops are closing in a few minutes. We will go tomorrow, I promise."

Severus' strict but gentle voice told her to not press matters, and she was a clever enough girl to know when it was time to give in. Still pouting slightly she nestled up against her daddy to read the list of things she required. Her book-list was almost the same as ours, way back then. It seemed that some things never changed at Hogwarts.

"Bugger!" Aylin exclaimed all of a sudden, pulling a face.

"Language, young lady," Severus reprimanded her, but she just bristled.

"Mummy says that all the time, and she even says worse things."

I rolled my eyes.

"Your mother, my dear Linnie, is a grown-up witch, and although I do not delight in the choice of words she uses, I am afraid she is incorrigible. You do not have to follow her example in that aspect."

"But the other kids are impressed by all the words I know..."

"I agree with you that an extensive vocabulary is desirable. Nevertheless, it won't render your ability to eloquent speech incompetent if you don't spice it with an overuse of swearwords."

Aylin sighed. "Yeah, but Daddy, it does suck that I'm not allowed my own broomstick, and I can't think of a more appropriate term for that bullshit of a regulation than... well, bugger."

Now it was Severus' turn to roll his eyes heavenwards, probably thanking all the deities of heaven, hell and in-between, that _my_ daughter couldn't think of more any more riotous terms than _bugger_ to express the fact that she was positively pissed off about not being allowed her own broomstick.

She was a good flyer- dunno from who she had inherited that, given that we were both abysmal on broomsticks in our youth (although Severus had developed the rare gift of flying _without_ a broom later)- and she loved her Nimbus 2020 we had given her for her tenth birthday. Unlike us, Aylin was also an avid Quidditch player. Blame that on the influence of all the Weasleys and Potters she grew up with. So, of course she wasn't pleased that her first year at Hogwarts would have to go without the pleasure of playing that stupid game.

*

The next morning we took the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron, and soon after, we stepped into the bustling activity of Diagon Alley.

It was still quite early- much too early for my liking, but Severus had bribed me, and lured me out of bed with a double espresso, covered with a generous mountain of foamed milk (just the way I loved it). Even after all our years of marriage, he had never given up that daily routine that would always coerce a smile on my face. No matter how much I was not a morning person.

Our first stop was at Gringotts, where we drew a good amount of galleons from our vault. Then we headed over to Flourish and Blotts to buy all the books Aylin would need. Needless to say we spent more time in there than necessary for just purchasing some textbooks, but we all loved books, and therefore we walked out of Flourish and Blotts with heavy bags, which- once we were outside- were quickly reduced to a more handy package that fitted nicely into the pocket of Severus' robes.

Next we went to Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, but Aylin was slowly losing patience with the poor witch that tried to pin her long black robe to the right length. She wanted a wand.

"Lin, if you could stand still for a moment- instead of fidgeting around- it wouldn't take quite as long," I chided her softly.

"I don't like robes, Mum."

Like mother, like daughter, I thought with pride. However, the witch pinning up Aylin's robes paused in her task for a moment to cast an odd glance at her young customer.

"You don't like robes?" Then she looked at me and noticed that I wasn't dressed like a decent witch either. "Are you Muggles?"

Severus- standing in a quiet, remote corner of the shop- harrumphed indignantly. "Just because my witches don't fancy wearing robes does not mean they are Muggles."

The eyes of the seamstress witch went wide as she recognized my husband, and she quickly mumbled an apology before she focussed on her task again.

Since Aylin was a tad morose, we decided it was wiser to skip Eeylops Owl Emporium, and make a beeline to _Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 BC _instead_._

The window was still as dusty as ever, even the display had not changed in ages. A single wand on a cushion that once might have been purple but was now of a soft lavender tone.

A tinkling bell rang as we entered, and almost instantly I felt cast back in time... until Aylin sneezed. Then she blinked in awe at the thousands of narrow boxes that were piled neatly up to the ceiling in this tiny, cramped place. Just like I had stared around in awe, way back in 1971, when I got my wand. Nothing had changed since then- except that the rickety old chair had been replaced by a more comfortable sofa.

There was a strange _tingling_ of magical energy in this room. Every wall, every corner seemed to radiate it- like silent whispers, or arcane murmurs...

"Hello," said a soft voice, making me almost jump because it was so much of a déjà-vu... only that the Ollivander of my reminiscence had greeted me with a polite 'good afternoon'. But it was decidedly the same face, the same hair, the same eyes- shining wide and pale, silvery, like the light of the moon. "I reckon the young missy here needs a wand, her first wand?"

Aylin was almost bouncing with excitement. "Yes. Yes. Yes."

Severus scowled at little because of that stupid question- you don't go to a wandmaker to buy asphodel, so of course we were here to purchase a wand- while I frowned at Ollivander. There was something amiss. The Ollivander I remembered knew every wand he had ever sold and used to greet people by rattling off the specifications of theirs. But _this_ Ollivander merely gazed at Aylin, all measuring eyes before he Summoned a narrow box from one of the piles that lined the room. The gap it caused was immediately closed by an array of boxes magically reshuffling themselves.

"Well... try this one, young miss. Hazel is a nice wood for witches. Unicorn hair. Eight inches. Nice and whippy."

Aylin took the wand and gave it a wave but nothing happened. She knew what she had to do because it wasn't the first time she held a wand in her hand; she already had a little practice. Naturally, always under her daddy's supervision.

"Holly, eleven and a half inches, dragon heartstring?"

"No," Aylin pouted seven boxes later, when willow, ten and a quarter inches, phoenix feathers, didn't show any favourable result either. She was growing a tad frustrated.

"Don't give up, young miss, don't give up," Ollivander smiled encouragingly at our daughter. "So far, every wizard and witch in history have found their wand- or rather, their wand found them, for it is the wand that chooses the witch. Try this one. Elder and unicorn hair, seven inches..."

"Why do I have to try each and every wand?" She complained. "I mean, if the wand chooses the witch, why doesn't it know I'm there and just... come to me?"

That was our daughter. Her train of thoughts did make sense, but Mr Ollivander shook his head. "It doesn't work this way..."

"Why not?"

"Because the wand only recognizes its owner when they are connected; it has to feel your touch before it can react to it."

"Ah," Aylin contemplated his answer, heaved a sigh, and seemed to accept it. "Alright, then- but are you quite certain that the wand that will recognize me as its owner is in _this_ shop, and not in some wandmaker's shop in... um, _Nepal_?"

I had to stifle a chuckle, and even Severus appeared to be amused by his clever little witch, who gave Mr Ollivander such a hard time.

"I am certain," the wandmaker exclaimed sincerely. "I do have a lot of experience, missy, and I can assure you that no wizard or witch has ever left _Ollivanders_ without his or her rightful wand.

Aylin glanced sceptically at the thousands of boxes still on the shelves, her initial enthusiasm dwindling slightly. "Well, let's try the next one."

Ollivander beamed benevolently. "Good girl, good girl. Now, how about hawthorn and dragon heartstring, twelve inches?"

"No. NO. **NO**!" A very ancient looking wizard hollered as he came limping in the store from a back room, waving his cane in an exhilarated manner. He was balding; his few, wiry snow white hair stuck out from his skull in a fuzzy array- like kind of a messy halo- and his eyes were pale. Clouded and milky. Blind man's eyes. These eyes were focussed on us now, oddly shrewd.

"I remember you," he stated debonair, "the only time I ever sold two ebony wands in one day. A very tricky wood, indeed. Difficult to carve because it is so firm. Nice to polish, though. Favoured by Dark Wizards since it is a magically powerful wood... and yet it holds the power to change, to balance the energies..." His blind eyes turned to Severus, "....especially with a unicorn hair core. A wand made of contradictions- black and white, light and darkness. Just like you. Twelve inches."

Then he glanced at me. "Ten and a half inches. Phoenix feather. A fickle combination, made for an eccentric witch. Swishy."

By now, I had already figured out that the first Ollivander we've met was the son of the ancient Mr Ollivander, who had sold our wands to us. Of course, I knew that junior was running the shop now, but the younger was decidedly a spitting image of his father, Ollivander senior- the very same Mr Ollivander that had been abducted and held captive at Malfoy Manor during the second war, under Lord Voldemort's reign of terror. I also knew that Severus had played a crucial part in that abduction. Not because he had enjoyed manhandling an old man but because he'd had to do it- all for the Greater Good! Now I sensed his distress- it was radiating off him in waves, discomfort mingled with anxiety and... anger, boiling deep within him. I placed a gentle hand on his arm, soothing him before he could lash out in frustration. A pair of black eyes, apparently indifferent, even emotionless, gazed down at me. I met his gaze with a reassuring smile, rubbing his arm.

However, Ollivander senior didn't seem to bear grudges against my husband. Instead, he chided his son. "Olivius, you travelled the world, and brought home many exotic woods. You learned the mystery of wandlore from the best masters in the world- surely you can come up with a more _suitable_ suggestion for the daughter of two ebony wand bearers than hawthorn."

And so we went to another round of wand-testing, this time with the most exotic woods available. Ollivander senior himself picked the boxes, showing not a single sign of mistrust or animosity towards Severus, and even less towards our daughter. My dear husband, however, felt mightily awkward in the presence of the old man he had once helped to abduct, surrendering him to an unknown future that would have likely ended with his death- Nagini had been nearly insatiable these days...

But it was about Aylin, about his daughter getting her first wand, and so he stayed. Endured the procedure for her sake, even though he would have loved to dissolve into thin air while she tried out the most exotic woods. African Blackwood, pink ivory, poplar and sagebrush, tulipwood, mahogany or purpleheart didn't work for Aylin. In the end it was Italian olivewood, ten inches, dragon heartstring, that made her smile as it emitted a merry spray of sparks and light, feeling warm in her fingers

My daughter had found herself a wand now. She had grown from a little baby girl to a soon-to-be Hogwarts student in almost no time, and it wouldn't take long for her to be a graduate, an adult witch with a life to call her own.

It was... scary. I had just got used to having a child and already she was about to leave us. It was also an exciting experience to see her growing up, developing her own personality, and yet seeing so much of us in her. The elegant bow she quirked in perfect imitation of her daddy's scowl, that rebellious streak she clearly had inherited from me, her nevertheless indulgent nature, due to her Hufflepuff grandmother... she was our child, our daughter, but just as much she was an individual. Strong, and caring, and wonderful...

* * *

_Merry Christmas to everyone!_

_Only one more chapter to go- although there might be epilogue... depending on reviews..._

_Anyway, drop me a line if you're interested in another story about Severus Snape and Raven Lestrange. I'm planning to do sort of a prequel, Marauders age, including Lily, lots of glam rock, friendship and love. If you are interested and also a brit-picker, please let me know._

_I'd like to thank hypnotic .ink for beta reading and moral support, as well as to online dictionaries. I hope I haven't butchered the Italian language too much? If there are any Italian readers, please don't hesitate to point out my mistakes._

_Cheers,_

_peace and love_

_Istani_


	73. Departure

73- Departure

I woke in the early hours of the morning, when a green plush fungus landed in my face and my daughter squeezed her small form between Severus and I. He hissed slightly as her cold feet make contact with his legs, but he didn't complain. Instead, he simply warmed her feet.

"What's up, Linnie? Had a bad dream?" He mumbled sleepily.

"Can't sleep- I'm so _excited_, Daddy! I'm going to Hogwarts... but I already miss you, Daddy. Mummy."

"Hmphmissmhmyahmphtoo."

"What did you say, Mummy?"

"Linnie, it would be so much easier for your mother to utter coherent words if you could kindly remove your Bundimun off her face."

"Oh!" She gathered her cuddly toy in her arms and leaned over to give me a big wet smacker. "Sorry, Mum...."

And then she yawned. It's been a while since Aylin came crawling to our bed, nestling herself right between us- after all, she was a big girl now. But the night before her departure to Hogwarts, she was just a tiny little witch, just as excited as she was apprehensive.. It made my heart ache to hear she would miss us. Hugging her, I wished I would never have to let her go.

We were wide awake now, gazing admiringly at our darling daughter- who soon fell asleep in our middle, snoring lightly. Her cold feet stuck between Severus' knees, one arm casually stretched out over my belly, the other one clutching her Bundimun close to her chest. Merlin, how young she looked! Silky black hair spread all over our pillows, tickling in her daddy's nose. He brushed it aside, ever so gently. An expression of utmost innocence on her face.

I locked eyes with Severus. My mind was suddenly so full of things I wanted to say, but couldn't in fear of waking her- and Aylin needed her sleep.

_'Shhh, I know...'_ he soothed me mentally, _'believe me, I feel the same.'_

Not wanting to let her go, feeling the very same urge to protect her, although we both knew that it was time for her to make her own way. Why did I feel so anxious then? I wasn't an overprotective mother hen.

Severus popped himself up on one elbow- carefully, so he wouldn't wake his daughter- and bent over to give me a kiss.

_'You __**are**__ a wonderful mother,' _his eyes said when he withdrew again, the corners of his lips twitching, '_not a mother hen. I assume that most mothers feel the same on that last night of August...'_

I sensed his sigh more than I heard it, knowing he wondered whether his mother had felt anything similar on that last night of August back in 1971- or if she had just been glad that the little nuisance was finally out of the house.

_'You are no nuisance, Sev.' _Now it was my turn to give him reassurance. '_It's nor your fault your parents didn't get on with each other. And most definitely did you never make your father's mistakes...'_

Another kiss later found us both back staring at Aylin's sleeping form, big stupid smiles on our faces. If it were possible to light a room with all the love between us, it would be bright as day in here- or, at least, sparkling with candles.

*

Morning dawned all too soon, and it found me in the same grumpy mood as every morning- before I had my first mug of coffee. Today, however, I downed it bitter and black. Just to get the kick, while Severus and Aylin were already up, packing the last things in her trunk.

"Daddy," I heard her complaining, "don't you think it's mightily _unpractical_ having a wooden trunk when there are so much more modern and lighter materials available?"

Aw, that's my daughter! Always questioning the traditional ways. Unfortunately, I didn't hear his reply- I reckoned it must have made sense to her.

An hour later, we were in the car and off we drove, through the usually mad London traffic to King's Cross station. Looking in the rear view mirror, I saw Aylin petting her new owl through the bars of its cage.

Of course, we already had owls- actually, quite a representable Owlery of these winged beasts- because Severus needed them for sending messages to wizards who preferred to stick to traditions (most of his colleagues at work) and refused to open up to more modern ways of communication, like the Internet. And knowing that despite all the changes being made, Hogwarts was _still_ a very traditional School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, they did expect students to bring a traditional wizarding pet. An owl, a cat, a rat, bat, or a toad, and not- **decidedly** not- a modern laptop.

So, naturally, we had bought Aylin her very own owl.

She had chosen a Pygmy Owl with sooty dark feathers, finely spotted in white on its head and even more sparsely on the belly. It had big black eyes set in round face, a bad temper, and a facial expression that somehow resembled her dad's on a very bad day, scowling all the time. Aylin thought it cute. She had decided to call the bloody bird Rosalie.

We arrived at King's Cross station at a quarter past ten. Enough time to get Aylin's trunk on a trolley, and to make it to platform nine and three-quarters. Her eyes went wide as we crossed the barrier.

"Wicked," she exclaimed because it was her first time she had walked through what looked like a solid brick wall. For a moment she stared in awe at the scarlet steam engine, emitting clouds of smoke over the heads of the crowd assembled here; wizards and witches seeing off their kids for another year at Hogwarts. Then she frowned, tugging at my arm, as she pointed to the locomotive. "Mum, do you think that's wise- I mean, all the smoke? Can't be good for the environment...."

Typically Aylin. We had given her the precious gift of growing up in both worlds, the magical and the Muggle, and therefore she knew the problem of global warming. It was on the news and they had discussed it in primary school, so her concern came as no surprise to me.

I ruffled her hair. "It's magical smoke, Lin. It goes up and vanishes without causing any harm to the environment."

"So the train is not run by charcoal?"

"No, and there isn't a poor, mistreated goblin slaving away with shovelling coals, either. The train is run by magic."

"That's good, ain't it?" Aylin smiled brightly at me.

"It is," said her father, "and I'd strongly recommend you to read _Hogwarts: A History,_ because it gives you a profound insight in how Hogwarts functions."

"I already read half of it, Daddy. I know all about the four founders, and the houses, and the Sorting. I also know that you can influence the Sorting Hat, though that isn't in the book- Mum told me. I just didn't have time to read all of it, or I would certainly know about the not-real-steam-engine. However, I thought it more important to get a general overview on what I am excepted to learn this year- and Daddy, can you imagine that they start with a boil cure in Potions? I mean, I helped you brewing that when I was five. I just hope that Potions won't be too boring..."

"Sweetie, not everyone has a true genius of a Potions Master as a father," I interjected, "so please have mercy on your classmates- even if they are dunderheads- if they don't understand the beauty of this subtle art. Try to not show off with your knowledge, be modest and help others without being an insufferable know-it-all..." I glanced at Severus, who frowned at me.

"I was never like that Granger girl, almost dislocating my arm in overeagerness to prove everyone I am capable of reading and reciting common knowledge from books."

No, he truly hadn't been like that. Instead, Severus had offered answers in the most bored way, thus making everyone in class feel they were hopeless idiots for they couldn't come up with such a simple solution themselves. In his own way he was just as insufferable a know-it-all as Hermione- but decidedly more adorable. Although, I must confess, my opinion on him was rather clouded with love...

Meanwhile, Aylin had spotted some of her friends, and ran off to greet them. Severus scowled darkly at the sight of the Potters and the Blacks, especially when the appearance of the former was followed by a flurry of flashbulbs. The wizarding media seemed to be keen on portraying every step the eldest Potter offspring made on his way to Hogwarts, and- undoubtedly- to fame. Harry, however, wasn't very pleased by all the attention he caused, and he tried to shoo away the annoying reporters.

"Another celebrity that will enter Hogwarts and make his educational career based on fame alone," Severus sneered, almost colliding with a frightened-looking little first year that nearly bumped into him on his way to protect Aylin from the clutches of the media. He scowled at the little boy, who immediately looked even more frightened as he ran to clutch onto his mother's robes, whimpering, _'Mammaa...'_

Oh, my husband had clearly not lost his touch! Although he was the most doting of all fathers I knew, he still raised fear in kids that weren't familiar to him.

"Hufflepuff," he casually commented that scene.

"Ah, are we playing Sorting Hat, my love?"

"Well, isn't it obvious?" He grumbled. "Most of the first years are easy to Sort. The Potter boy will be in Gryffindor, just like his father and and his ruddy grandfather, whose name he carries. And all that redheaded menace," now he made a sweeping gesture with his arm to point out that there were indeed quite a lot of red-haired weasels at the platform today, "will be proud Gryffindors as well."

"Alright, Mr Sorting Hat, but how about them?" Playing along, I pointed to an Indian looking witch and her twin boys. Interestingly, she was accompanied by the spitting image of herself but with a pair of twin daughters.

"The Patil twins and their offspring- interesting indeed," Severus acknowledged, before he was greeted politely by a handsome young wizard with a shining badge pinned to his robes. He arched a brow at his godson. "Regulus, well met. I see you made it prefect this year?"

"Yes, sir..." The boy was positively beaming until his father intervened.

"Oh, Reg, please.... why don't you just hide that awful badge? Must you show the whole wizarding world that you're so clearly not following in my footsteps, son?"

"Don't dare to discourage this promising young wizard, mutt," Severus drawled, moving closer to Sirius in a slightly threatening manner. "I consider it highly appreciable that he is not always up to mischief and rule-breaking."

"Thank you, Severus," Angel chimed in with what sounded like heartfelt relief. "I'm telling him that all the time but he simply won't listen. Apparently he believes that being a Black means you have to be the centre of fun at Hogwarts, while I'm just proud that our Reggie does so well at school."

Regulus rolled his eyes when Angel hugged and kissed him. As a studious young man he wasn't the most social person, but he did have a few friends- and it was probably the height of uncool if any of them saw him being slobbered over by his mother.

"The black sheep of the family," Sirius sighed before he turned to his youngest son. "Now it's all up to you, Corvus. If you're not in Gryffindor we'll disinherit you."

"Sirius!" Angel shrieked, batting at him. Then she addressed Corvus. "Don't worry, my darling, your father doesn't know what he's saying. Of course we won't disinherit you. We love you all the same, no matter which house you are in."

"Yeah, 'course we do. But here's to hoping that at least one of my children is a bit like me, a true Gryffindor at heart."

We all grimaced at that, but the fact was that Sirius' hopes had been shattered twice already. Regulus was perhaps the first Black in history that got Sorted into Ravenclaw, while Cassiopeia was so typically Black that she had ended up in Slytherin. It had been a very hard blow for Sirius, and he kept asking himself what he had done wrong.

"I am certain young Corvus will fulfil your silly hopes, given that he is neigh inseparable with the Potter boy," Severus sneered. "Minerva will be thrilled to welcome a new pair of troublemakers at Hogwarts, and I reckon dear old Argus' eyes are filled with tears of joy in sweet prospect of having suitable candidates for scrubbing the whole castle on their hands and knees. I foresee booming years of Slytherin winning the House Cup due to a dramatic loss of House points for Gryffindor. And I doubt Minerva is as sentimental a fool as Albus was, rewarding the troublemakers with extra points for bravery at the end of the year."

"Pha! You're still the same spoilsport you were when you were young, Snape." Sirius glanced at me. "How can a pretty, fun-loving witch like you live with such a grinch?"

"Because he isn't," I said calmly, taking my husband's arm and leaning closer into him. Although they were getting on quite decently in recent years, the bickering between them had never stopped- nor would it ever. Just the tone had become less hostile.

Aylin came running with Cassie and Corvus in tow. "Dad, we really have to get on the train now!"

Her voice sounded a tad strained, as though she was torn between excitement and anxiety. After all, it was the first time she left for Hogwarts, leaving us- no matter how much she was looking forward to a new adventure, a new chapter in her life.

"Just one more thing," Severus said, glancing at the Potters. James seemed to be very eager to heave his trunk on the train without his father's help. "Mr Potter!"

Harry stared at him but he wasn't the one Severus wanted. "Mr _James_ Potter."

The boy turned around, blushing as if caught at already breaking the first rule before he even arrived at Hogwarts, and he actually looked a tad sheepish. But his expression change into haughty stubbornness soon after.

"Yes, sir?" He asked, feigning sweet innocence.

"Open your trunk, please, Mr Potter."

James sought the eyes of his father. Clearly he would tell Professor Snape off- after all, the dark wizard had no right ordering him around; he wasn't even a Hogwarts professor anymore. To his big surprise, however, Harry insinuated with a nod that he was to do as told.

The boy thought he had hidden it well, his smug smile showed. What he hadn't estimated, though, was that a simple Accio charm would reveal what he had hidden so well. Something silvery grey went slithering from the trunk and appeared in Severus' hand only a moment later, gleaming folds, fluid like water woven in material, between his long and slender fingers. Now he was the one looking smug.

"James!" Harry exclaimed, obviously startled, and he snatched the Invisibility Cloak from Severus' hand to stow it in the pocket of his robes.

From a safe distance, Corvus heaved a frustrated sigh. I saw something golden flash up as a Galleon changed its owner, disappearing in Aylin's sneaky little fingers. Very interesting.

"Clearly your prodigious son will make a proud Gryffindor," Severus drawled, scowling at Harry who flinched like a schoolboy under the glare. He looked almost apologetic at my husband while I tried not to laugh out loud.

"I really had no idea, sir..."

Severus sneered and arched a sardonic brow at the boy-who-lived-to-annoy-him. "Oh, really? What else did you expect from the offspring of a family of notorious troublemakers and rule-breakers, I'm wondering, oh golden boy?"

He never heard what Harry had to say to his defence because Aylin plucked at his robes, sounding urgent. "Daddy, I have to get on the train!"

Harry Potter and his rascal of a son were soon forgotten, and with a much gentler expression on his face he leaned towards his daughter. Tears welled up in my eyes- it was time to say goodbye now, and I hated saying goodbye, even though it wasn't for long. Only a few months, until Christmas, and Aylin was back already. And yet it felt like an eternity. I had never expected it would be like that, that I would miss her so... before she was even gone...

I hugged her and held her tightly wrapped in my arms for as long as I deemed it appropriate without it becoming embarrassing for a young witch, who insisted she wasn't a baby anymore. She surprised me by snuggling up to me, kissing me soundly.

"I'll miss you, Mummy."

"Miss you, too, my little sunshine," I whispered in her ear. "But I'll write to you, okay?"

"Promised?" She sounded as small as she actually was, a wee little witch of only eleven years, still half a child. On the other hand, she was also a devious little witch who had just won a Galleon

"'Course I'll do. Every day, if you want."

Aylin mulled it over, probably considering what it would do to her reputation at school if she received an owl from home each day- although she liked the very idea of it, she was worrying that that might appear uncool. Ah, little girls and their quirks!

"Well, every day isn't really necessary..."

"Anyway, you let us know if there's anything you need- and if anyone bothers you, just tell them who your father is."

_What's that supposed to mean? _Severus arched a quizzical brow at me. I smiled sweetly, reminding him of his reputation.

_'You do not give yourself enough credit, darling,_' I told him non-verbally, '_or have you forgotten already that your name and achievements made it to the illustrious circle of famous persons on Chocolate Frog cards?'_

He shuddered at that, wishing he could have avoided that dubious honour. Then he, too, hugged Aylin goodbye, and she kissed him just like she had kissed me- big smackers all over his face.

"Take good care of yourself, my little witch," he said solemnly, and couldn't restrain himself from giving her some last, well-meant advise. "Please try to stay out of trouble, especially when you're with James and Corvus. Do remember that Gryffindors are reckless and don't follow their example- use your brain before you do anything rash..."

"I know, Dad. They're naught but stupid boys." Fortunately, Aylin wasn't interested in boys- yet- and anything romantic was just totally sappy to her. For Severus' sake I hoped that wouldn't change too soon... or should I say I hoped that for the ill-starred boy who might break her heart one day? Because Severus was a possessive father, one that would first castrate the unlucky guy and then ask questions. Leaving it to me to guide her through her first heartbreak... well, at least I had plenty of experience with that, and I had survived them all.

"Study hard and don't break the rules..."

"...unless it is absolutely necessary," I chimed in, which earned me a stern gaze from my husband, who hadn't finished yet.

"They were made for a reason. Don't use your wand to foolishly hex others just because you can, and principally, try not to hex young Molly Weasley or her sister Lucy, for they are- unfortunately- the daughters of the Minister for Magic..."

Shockingly but true, Percy Weasley was indeed Minister for Magic now. He had been elected two years ago in a landslide victory, supported by traditionalists, after Kingsley Shacklebolt had resigned to finally marry the woman of his heart, MI6 special agent Laura Foster, a Muggle.

Surprisingly, he has been doing quite a good job so far.

"Be careful when you're around Hagrid- he's a big oaf, especially when it comes to dangerous magical creatures, which he considers _cute_. Do keep in mind that they are dangerous, nevertheless. And be cautious around _Professor_ Longbottom as well- he has the tendency to blow up things he barely touches..."

"Dad, I can take care of myself," Aylin interjected, already about to board the train, "don't worry."

She was right. Lin had spent most of her summer learning defensive spells from her father- and no, I saw no fault in that. Naturally, I knew about the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Magic- but what was reasonable? Since the Trace didn't work quite as efficiently in a wizarding household as it did in a Muggle one, I thought it only fair to ignore this idiotic rule. After all, _we_ were responsible for monitoring the magic our child used, and we hadn't wanted to let her go to Hogwarts totally unprepared. As Severus Snape's daughter she would have quite a reputation given that he had known more curses when he first came to Hogwarts than half the kids in seventh year...

"Sev, you seem to be forgetting the most important thing," I said before he could continue with his code of conduct, and he arched a quizzical brow at me.

"Have fun!"

Yes, Hogwarts was all about learning magical things, but having fun was also important- especially when I thought about how little fun I had had at Hogwarts. Here's to hoping our daughter would have a much better time there.

It was almost eleven o'clock, and the seconds were ticking by rapidly now. One last kiss and she was off- surreptitiously I dabbed the tears from my eyes, feeling sentimental.

The train whistled, emitting more smoke, before it finally got going. Taking on speed as it left King's Cross station, heading northwards. We saw Aylin's arm reaching through an open window, waving goodbye... then the train turned corner, and was gone from sight.

All of a sudden I felt strangely... bereft. My daughter was gone, but we were still standing there, motionless, at this damned platform nine and three-quarters. It was clearing slowly now as people around us walked away, moving to Apparition points, the Knight Bus, or to the subway.

"Sev," I whispered, surreptitiously wiping away the tears that threatened to overflow my eyes, and I reached for his hand. Sniffing stubbornly, I turned to face him.

"She'll be back soon," he said, sounding stiffly; his face had taken on a deadpan expression. A mask to hide his own emotions, which didn't differ from mine. Taking my hand in his, he gave it a reassuring squeeze. Then we walked to the car park.

"Yeah," I sniffed again, tears tickling down my cheeks, and I managed in a feeble attempt to sound cheerful, "and look on the bright side- at least we can now make love all over the house again."

He stared at me for a long time before he muttered, "Insatiable witch!", but there was no reproach in his voice.

"I need you now," I said matter-of-factly, as I fumbled for the car keys.

Severus took them from my hands and crushed me to his chest. Then he kissed me, in the middle of the car park. Not giving a damn about this public display of affection. Of need... and I knew he felt just as lost as I with Aylin gone. But at least we still had us.

*

"Have you ever regretted we only had one... that our Linnie is the only child?" I asked hours later, relaxing in his arms, slippery wet in the bathtub.

"Hmm," he purred in my ear, his fingers ghosting over my skin, "another small one? Perhaps- on the other hand I am quite certain that I wouldn't have survived another pregnancy of yours."

"Ha! Says the man who faced the Dark Lord on a regular basis."

Kissing my throat he said, "well, that was less scary."

I made an attempt to elbow him, but our bathroom was a wonderful place with a large tub made for seduction, and I was a sucker for his kisses, the subtle way his fingers moved over my skin... I could never get enough of him, and so his last statement was soon forgotten in a fountain of water that splashed over the edge of the tub, as we found comfort in each other's arms once again.

There was no nicer way to ease the pain of loss we both felt after having seen off our daughter to Hogwarts, and we knew she would make her way; she was a self-confident little witch.

Some more hours later, a dark-feathered Pygmy Owl came flying in through our bedroom window. It carried a short note from Aylin, informing us that she had _chosen_ to get Sorted into Slytherin House. Apparently the poor Sorting Hat hadn't had much say in that, but it really came as no surprise to us.

Fin

* * *

_Thanks to hypnotic ink for moral support and beta reading._

_All you lurkers, please review!_


End file.
